Original subtitles

- Hey you! - I swear it wasn't me.

- What? - I didn't find it.

Someone else walked by before I did,

- and he took it. - Are you crazy?

- No. Are you? - What about me?

Darn it, I've no idea what you're talking about.

You should've told me that before.

You idiot! You should watch where you're going.

If I hadn't, someone else would've lifted it.

Excuse me, I have some business to attend to.

- Ready? - Yes. - Great!

Cantinflas, Cantinflas.

- What's the matter? - Don't shout.

- What do you want? - You can't come in yet.

- I'm already inside. - For God's sake, get out.

But I love you and I love chicken.

I'll get out if the chicken goes with me.

The boss is home. If he sees you, he'll shoot you.

- You said it was ready. - I didn't mean this.

- But I did. - I meant something else.

- Something else? What? - The time has come.

- For what? - For this!

- Is it loaded? - Of course.

Don't pay with it. Guns are loaded by the devil,

and the hell with everyone else.

- Take it. - What for?

- You have to kill him. - What?

- Me? In cold blood? - Yes. Right now.

He had a good night, but he's mad again.

He attacked the Mrs. and he won't let her husband go out.

I saw him.

When Mr. Cayetano tries to leave, he lunges at him.

Why didn't you all try to catch him?

No one dared and now it's too late.

The boss is taking a train soon and he can't get out.

You have to kill him, there's no other way.

Why me? I have never harmed anyone.

Never shot anyone. Why should I shoot him?

Sure, I've been in many scraps, but

they always got the best of me.

- Do it for me. I can't do it. - Let the boss do it.

No, he'd regret it for the rest of his life.

Who says that I won't regret it myself?

He ordered me to do it and he'll get angry if I don't.

- Why should I do it? - Do it for his sake.

But he's always been quiet.

He's calm for a while, but goes wild when he sees them.

I just stepped on him and he didn't react.

You were lucky. Kill him!

No, Pacita. Never!

No matter what, I've always had a clear conscience.

If I try to kill him, he might get me first...

It always happens to me.

You scoundrel! I don't ever want to see you again.

No more Paz, no more free dinners, no more boss' brandy.

Can't you see how sick I am? I'm shaking because my stomach is empty.

And that's how it'll stay: Kill or go hungry!

No way... I won't kill, but I might eat.

Just remember what you said, Pacita.

Cantinflas!

What is it? I forgive you. Pass the chicken.

I'm warning you, you're risking your life.

- How come? - In order to get out you must

walk past him, and he's raving mad.

Jeez! I hadn't thought of that.

The sooner you kill him, the sooner Mr. Cayetano leaves

the sooner you'll get dinner: Chicken, enchiladas

prickly pears, mole, cognac and a cigar.

- Give it to me. - Here.

No, I meant the food, to gather my strength.

First the gun and then the dinner.

But... alright, if there is no other way, give it here.

- I always knew you were brave. - Not really.

I'm not doing it for the cognac, that's not it.

I'm doing it for you... I'm doing it for both of us.

Alright.

Let's eat first. It'll just take a minute.

- Kill him first. - He's dead already.

Be strong. I wish you good luck.

- Don't be scared. - I'm not afraid.

I'm just being careful.

- Get in there! - Sure.

- Turn around! - What for? Why walk that way, Pacita?

You have to kill him!

- What? - You have to kill him!

Alright. I'm always ready to do a good deed.

Dolores!

Cayetano! You gave me a scare.

I scared you, did I?

Why so scared? Are you expecting someone?

Are you expecting visitors now that I'm leaving?

- Why so nervous? - What do I answer first?

Just this: Have you a lover?

You and your ridiculous jealousy!

Ridiculous? Why were you looking out the window?

Who are you expecting? Why are you so nervous?

It's only natural that I'd be nervous!

- No! - You ordered him to be killed.

Are you saying you're upset because of that?

Naturally. I do love him, you know.

Why were you looking out?

I was seeing if the maid dared shoot him.

You have an answer for everything.

It's useless. I won't get a word out of you.

Not knowing is killing me, that's the worst.

I'd rather know for a fact you have a lover.

Alright, I'll find me one.

Good thinking! No, I didn't mean that.

You offend me, Dolores!

- -I'm sick of your unjustified jealousy. - I can't seem to justify it.

The day will come when I justify my unjustified jealousy,

and I'll punish you and your lover.

I'll shoot you both to death... even if I have to go to jail.

Go ahead, kill me now, if that'll make you happy.

What do you accuse me of? You're torturing me.

You're right. I went a little overboard.

I'm sorry, Lolita. I just can't help it.

Just thinking about you cheating I get in a homicidal rage...

How can you be thinking about that when

he's about to die?

Don't you have a heart or a conscience?

You know full well he must die.

- Sure, but... - There is no other way.

Besides, he's danger. He won't even let me out.

By the way, my train will be leaving soon.

And that woman won't shoot him! She'll ruin my plans.

- Your plans? - I meant she'll ruin my trip.

Did I say plan? I'm confused.

I'm sorry, brother.

She finally got up the courage!

Good God!

I hope she kills him before she kills us.

- It's done. - It is?

Yes, it's over.

Consummatum est.

- Did you say consomme? - Dog's consomme.

I shot him in the head. He didn't feel a thing.

- Is he dead? - Quite.

The poor little dog!

Yeah, poor little Bobby.

He was such a good dog! Such a noble dog!

So intelligent!

Not really. He didn't notice I was going to shoot him.

Why are you getting so upset for?

You're safe now. Like they say

kill the hydrophobia and the dog is gone.

Or is it the other way around?

Bobby was such a good dog.

It was vile killing him that way.

He had a good death, really.

Stop crying, Pacita. You're hurting my heart.

Let me go! Don't touch me! Murderer!

- Who's a murderer? - You are.

You're ruthless. How could you kill the poor dog?

So now, I am to blame.

I came in here, innocent and hungry.

I got a dog instead of dinner. I was pressured into killing him,

and now I am to blame.

I killed him and now you call me murderer.

- You're a gutless murderer. Get out! - But, Pacita...

- Come on, Pacita! - What you did sickens me.

It sickens me too.

He was such a good police dog. The only police

I ever got along with.

You ignorant man, you know nothing about dogs.

- And you do? - Of course.

What do you know about dogs?

- Bobby wasn't a police dog. - What was he then?

- He was a Fox-terrier. - A what?

A Fox-terrier.

A fox-trotter if you like, but he was a police dog too.

If he was, I couldn't tell.

Of course not, he was from the secret police.

Just shut up! You disgust me.

- Let's change the subject. - No, we won't.

Does it bother you? You disgust me.

It doesn't bother me. Where's my dinner?

- It disgusts me too. - Not me.

The sorrow wouldn't let me eat.

I feel the sorrow too. I even feel regret, Pacita.

But I also feel the hunger.

- The boss! - I'll shoot him too.

- He's calling for me. - How about my dinner?

Wait until the boss leaves. I'll call for you.

Let the boss wait. I'm a fast eater, as you know.

Don't be stupid. Don't let Mr. Cayetano see you as he leaves.

Murderer!

My dinner!

And she calls me a murderer? I didn't want to do it, as you know.

Just give me my dinner even if I disgust you.

Sorry to keep you waiting but I was with the murderer.

- The murderer? - With the murdered dog.

That was not murder, woman. It was a good deed.

Yes, I was checking if the good deed worked.

- So, did you kill Bobby? - Yes, sir.

Good! Tell the gardener to bury him

far from the apple tree or the apples will taste like dog.

- Yes, sir. - I'll have to take out

from your wages two window panes, a lamp and a jar you shot.

- Yes, sir. - Yes, sir?

You'll miss the train, Cayetano.

Would you mind it very much if I missed it?

I'd mind for you.

Am I cramping your style?

For God's sake, Cayetano. Paz is here.

- She's right, sir. - Leave, Paz.

Yes, sir.

Hello?

Hello? You are talking to me!

Sorry. Yes, Cayetano Lastre.

Yes, there were shots fired here, but it was nothing.

The dog had to kill

a rabid maid.

No, the other way around.

No, he didn't kill her on her head. The maid

had to kill a rabid dog.

Yes, sure. It's no problem.

I asked the police permission to shoot. Thank you.

Thank you. So long, now.

Gossip! I never meddle when her husband beats her up.

- Who was it? - The neighbor.

Who else could it have been on the phone?

I don't know.

Were you afraid it might be someone

I shouldn't know about?

Not again, Cayetano.

Why did you try to answer it before I did?

- You'll miss your train. - It may be best!

But no... It's better to continue with my plan.

I'm leaving.

- What do you mean? - I need to close that deal.

Yes, I know. I hope I get my inheritance soon,

so you'll stop worrying.

You won't get it unless we find your brother.

He might show up at any time.

I doubt it. I've looked for him all over.

He ran away when he was a child and turned into a bum.

It's hard to locate a bum.

He'll show up one of these days.

I really hope so. But I wonder why your father

may he rest in peace

demanded in his will to have all of his heirs present.

Who knows, but you're going to miss your train.

Don't worry. You can rest assured that even if I miss it

I won't come home tonight.

- What are you suggesting? - Nothing really.

I meant that I'll drive if I miss the train.

Good. You must take care of that seizure.

You're right. I must take care of this

as soon as possible. Good-bye.

Cayetano.

- What is it? - Aren't you going to kiss me?

Are your lips pure enough

to kiss your husband's lips before God?

- Yes, they are. - Well, just in case.

He finally left...

Jesus! Paz, you gave me a terrible fright.

You get frightened too easily,

and all because that mad man and his jealousy.

- He's my husband. - Sorry, ma'am.

Even if you excuse him, it's the truth.

Yes, it's true. But this time, he's right.

- What do you mean? - He noticed how nervous I am.

I blamed it on the dog but he's suspicious.

- About what? - Oh, Paz.

I couldn't help it. He's coming tonight.

- He? - Yes, he.

- Who is he? - Bobby.

The dog? The poor dog is dead, ma'am.

I mean Bobby Fox Terrier Lechuga, my ex boyfriend.

Dear Mother of God! The dog was your boyfriend?

Don't be silly. My ex boyfriend's name is Roberto.

- People call him Bobby. - Like the dog.

Yes, and Fox Terrier too, like the dog.

- That's funny. - No, it's disgraceful.

Bobby took the wrong path.

Gangsters call him Fox Terrier because he always takes a bite. He's a con man.

- Is he coming? - He's here already.

- Where? - Waiting for my signal across the street.

Don't give it.

It's useless. He'll give Cayetano the letters I wrote to him.

- What a heel! - I have to pay him off.

Scoundrel!

- Did the chambermaid leave? - She left early.

- I told her to go. - Or she might get the wrong idea.

- As for you... - You want me to leave?

- What if he tries to hurt you? - No, I don't want you to go,

but he doesn't want to be seen.

- Well, I'll be in the kitchen. - Cayetano might come back.

- I thought he'd gone away. - He was acting strange.

- I'll be on the lookout. - Don't come out unless I call you.

Sure, ma'am.

I have lots to do in the kitchen.

Yell for me if you need me. I'll bring the gun.

I will. Thanks.

- What a nice touch! - In life, these

nice little touches make all the difference.

You're right. In your life, me being stupid makes

all the difference. You didn't hear me, did you?

- What? - You scoundrel.

I don't know why I care you so much.

You don't care for me, you only care about food.

- Not only food. - No, drink too.

- As long as it is a meal. - Just for a moment.

Moments go by, minutes go by, seconds go by,

and I feel like having seconds right now.

You are so sweet, Pacita.

- I'm so in love. - And I'm such an idiot.

- What would you do without me? - The pain would kill me.

- The hunger. - The pain and hunger would kill me.

Time flies and we can't still get married

- because you're unemployed. - But I got a call from an office.

- To offer you a job? - No, a typewriter was missing.

- So? - I cleared it all up.

- Did they find it on you? - No: I sold it immediately.

It's no use.

You will never get a job.

- Why should I? - So we can get married.

I don't need to get a job to marry you.

How will we support ourselves?

- There's Mr. Cayetano. - You have no shame.

You offend me. Listen... You keep your job

I'll come by every night, we'll sleep upstairs,

and you'll give me half of your wages.

You're so cynical! Scoundrel!

Rascal! Glutton!

Stop insulting my pride.

If you had any pride, you'd get a job.

There is nothing nobler or more dignifying than work.

You're wrong, sweetie pie. Listen to me.

Do rich people work? No, they don't.

If work was good, the rich would've hoarded it,

and only they would work.

- Can it be possible? - What?

- Never, ever... - Are you going to sing?

Let me finish. Tell me the truth.

Have you never ever felt like working?

Sure I've felt like it, but I am man enough.

- You are? - Man enough to resist the urge.

- It's no use. - I can't go to work

because my religious beliefs forbid it.

- Your beliefs? - Did you ever read the Bible?

- No. - Me neither.

But in it there's an exclusion clause.

I'll tell you what it says.

Here's Eden, but there are no movie theaters.

Eden, beyond infinity and glory

of the unknowable.

So, there's Adam in Eden.

When the serpent, who was already there, arrived,

so the apple, and the three of them

that was when God got mad.

So, He said, "I really don't like that."

Then, He sent a big angel with fire to throw them out.

- Guess what God said? - What?

God bid them good-bye, and as he did, he said to them:

"You will have to toil and to sweat to survive".

- Good for him! - You're wrong.

There's the rub with going to work. Only stupid people eat bread with sweat.

That's pretty gross. It's unsanitary.

So, as long as there's not hygiene involved, I will never work.

You don't work because I am an idiot.

- No, honey... - You're an incurable bum.

That's just what the doctor said.

He said I should never work, I should only eat.

And now, if you'll excuse me, the chicken is getting cold.

I must eat it. Doctor's orders.

Please, be reasonable. I'm offering you a good sum.

It isn't bad, but money isn't everything.

- For you, it is. - Not even for me.

You know how much I love you, Lola.

- I'd give anything for a kiss. - You swine!

Don't waste your time talking.

Let's go upstairs or I'll give him the letters.

Alright. You have me in your hands.

I'd better warn you. I'm armed.

- Are you afraid? - Just cautious.

I heard shots fired before your husband left.

- It was nothing. - What happened?

- Bobby had to be killed. - I?

- No, the dog. - What dog?

A rabid dog, also named Bobby.

Isn't that an amazing coincidence?

As amazing as my presence here. Let's go upstairs.

- It's useless. I just' can't. - Don't worry. I'll hep you.

- You can't deny me. - That's the worst part.

- There's the rub. - That's what I say.

I know I can't expect anything from you,

- but still, I care. - Is that a yes?

- No, not that. - Why not?

- Because. - Just for a second,

and we'll get to Heaven.

- I already said no. - But it feels wonderful.

- No, no. - Don't play hard to get.

All you have to do is close your eyes. I'll do the rest.

- I already said no. - But I already said yes.

- Come on. Why not? - Don't waste time talking.

You should've told me that before.

- That's enough for today. - You're too inciting.

This is too much, sweetie pie.

You're quite right. You are too much.

No, you are too much.

- Me? - Yes. You do the same thing

every night you give me one tiny little kiss.

That's all you'll get until we get married.

Can't you see you only make me want more?

That's too bad.

A kiss per day is not even minimum wage.

- That's all! - You still owe me weekends and overtime.

- I won't fall for it. - Yes, you will.

- Come here, baby. - Stop it.

I'm tired of this. You owe me back wages,

and even a severance payment.

You're drunk! You drank too much.

I haven't drank enough from your sweet lips.

- Don't be that way. - I'll kick you out.

Did you think I'd leave? You're not getting away this time.

Ever since you turned me into a murderer

I've been wanting to kill you softly with my kisses.

Yes, I am going to kill you.

Pacita!

Don't you dare to follow me into the house!

I'd follow you into Hell, I swear!

Don't be silly... you are drunk!

Drunk of jealousy and feeling.

- Pacita! - What do you want?

- Come on, Pacita. - Leave me alone!

- I won't. - The Mrs. will hear us!

- So what? - She'll fire me.

She'll give you a severance payment.

Cantinflas, for God's sake, just stop it!

- Make me stop. - Let me go!

- Don't you dare come after me. - Sure I will!

- Wait there, wait there. - What?

- Be careful with the lamp! - Get candles instead.

Oh, Lord! The Mrs. will hear you.

- Get back into the kitchen. - You rascal!

If you won't give up, I'll just tire you out.

- Wait for me. - Leave me alone!

Good. This is the house, no doubt about it.

That's why I brought you here.

Very good. Write it down, clerk.

I'll record everything, inspector.

Please lower your voices.

We must find them in fraganti, committing adultery.

- Where? - In fraganti.

- And where is that? - The usual place

is these cases, inspector: The husband's bedroom.

- Good, good. Open the door. - Excuse me.

- Lolita. - Don't touch me!

I hate to use violence in love affairs.

I will not fight with you.

Either you surrender or

your husband will get the letters.

Here are all the letters, I've just added a different date.

You can have them if you want them.

- You tire my patience. - My husband!

- No, my patience. - No, my husband's here!

Am I supposed to be scared of him?

He's here with the police.

You traitor! You set me up!

No, Cayetano suspected something, he must not find you here.

- OK, tell me where to hide. - Give me the letters.

No, I'll give them to you when we meet

some other time. Tell me where to hide.

Follow me.

- I finally got you. - Did you hear that?

- What? - The door.

- I don't hear a thing. - I hear voices.

I won't let you go.

Keep quiet and look. Look!

- Open it, open the door. - Wait, wait.

Wait. Meanwhile, make the policemen surround the place.

They're after me because of the typewriter.

- You see? - It's all your fault.

We were better off in the kitchen, but you insisted we come here.

- Shut up. - I'll call the police.

Oh, no. They're after me. I'll go to the kitchen.

Be quiet. Come with me, I'll find you a place to hide.

- Be quiet. - But, Pacita...

- Get in there. - Is there a dog?

Be quiet!

- Get in here with me, Pacita. - Come on!

- Is it already open? - I can't find the right key.

By the time we get in, we won't find any action.

You insolent man! Be quiet!

Mr. Brave! Now, what are you doing?

I'll take him down the service ladder, and hide him until the police leave,

and then I will throw him out!

- What if they find him? - God forbid!

I'll put him in the fridge if need be.

- Get moving! - Hey!

There it is! That's the first clue!

Do you see this? Do you see the evidence?

No, I only see the butt.

- This is a proof! - That you're a smoker?

No, sir. I only smoke cigars.

- You're a fancy man. - You're a funny man.

Silence!

Wait for me here. Come up when I tell you.

We should go with you. I love surprising people.

- Me too. - Yes, of course.

Gentlemen, this is not a show we're talking about.

- Not for you. - Of course not.

And neither for you!

Wait for me here! Be quiet!

This is so humiliating!

I never thought you'd stoop so low.

Tomorrow, I'm going to my mother's.

You may be going to your mother's or into

an early grave with your lover.

Where is he?

I refuse to answer to your insults!

You are insulting my honor.

What about the cigarette butts?

I found one in the living room and one here

still smoking

moistened by the swollen lips of some stranger

who pressed his lips against yours

your lips that used to be pure, touched only by me.

- What is that? - Just a coincidence.

Yes, you coincided here with another man

under the same roof of the reviled home.

Where are you hiding your lover?

Where's my honor's executioner?

Do you smell it?

I do. I definitely smell a rat.

- It smells good to me. - What do you mean?

What did you say?

It smells like a good cigar to me.

- Where? - Someone's smoking close by.

In here.

It's dark. That's suspicious.

- Did you hear that? - What?

- In there. - It's probably a mouse.

- A mouse that smokes. - That's strange, isn't it?

She won't confess and I can't find him.

Can I be wrong? What is it?

- In there. - In there?

- Behind the door. - In the closet?

- Whatever it is. - What?

- You'll scare it off. - The closet?

- No. A mouse that smokes. - A mouse that smokes?

- Are you out of your mind? - No.

I think the action man is in there.

OK. Leave me alone. This is a matter of honor.

Just don't go too far. Keep a prudent distance.

- One never knows. - Yes, of course.

Good evening. Would you like some?

Thank you. Come out of there!

No, thanks. I'm fine in here.

Won't you come in? There are cookies, cognac and cigars.

Thank you. I just finished dinner.

- Me too, but you know... - Sure, I know.

Come out right now!

Now that you put it so nicely

sure, I'll come out. Excuse me.

And if you'll excuse me, I really have to go.

- Sure. - I'll come back soon.

- Sure. - Excuse me.

Go ahead.

Stop right there!

- Where? - There!

- There? - Here!

- Make up your mind. - What?

- Here or there? - Here and answer me quickly!

- I can't. - Why not?

You didn't ask a question.

You're right. What are you doing here?

You told me to stop here.

I'm asking your what are you doing in my home.

I ask myself the same question.

So I guess I'll leave now.

- Stop there! - Not again. Are you joking?

Don't mock me. Answer me or I'll shoot you!

- I'll answer. - What are you doing here?

- What about you? - None of your business!

I don't understand.

Why is it your business?

- Because I am the husband? - What husband?

- The husband! - My husband? Gee!

Don't say that. People might hear you.

Don't conceal! I am my wife's husband!

- Hers too? - Yes!

So? Why should I care?

- I never meddle. - You don't?

I'll tell you what you're doing in my house.

- I'd appreciate that. - I will!

Don't grab the lapels! Let go off the raincoat!

- Where can I grab you? - Better don't!

You're a swine who is destroying my honor!

You're destroying my feet.

- I'd better shut up! - What's your shoe size?

26, but you're impossible to talk to.

I feel the same way. I'd better leave!

Not before I shoot you!

Swine, you deserve to die!

I'll shoot you right now!

- Can't it wait till tomorrow? - No!

You're going to die right now! Let go of me, I'll kill him!

- Don't let him go! - Let me go!

Let me go! I am going to kill him!

- Calm down! - Let me go!

Calm down. We can't allow a crime to be committed.

- What about his crime? - There's no proof.

What about the butts and he being here?

Suspicious, but that doesn't prove a thing.

Nothing. They were not caught in fraganti.

Since there's no proof of adultery, we must...

- What? - We must convince them

to commit adultery before our very own eyes.

- That'll prove it. - What a great idea!

Are you stupid?

Do you mean that in a friendly way?

- No. - Good.

I thought you were insulting me.

Fine. Since you don't like my ideas...

- Of course I don't. - Then I guess

we need the guilty parties' confession.

You'll get it. I'll fetch the dame,

so you can confront her with this swine.

Yes, please fetch her so we can confront them.

Is a confrontation called for, clerk?

Yes, inspector. A confrontation is called for.

No need to call anyone. I'll just leave now.

Hold it, my friend.

That's different. If you start calling me friend

I'm game. I like you.

It's useless to go on lying!

- Did you find him? - Yes, ma'am.

- We have found him. - Oh, God.

- Do you confess? - What can I say?

- Is that man your lover? - What man?

The one we found violating the sanctity of my home!

Destroying my honor.

Staining the sacred whiteness of my nuptial bed,

and drinking my cognac.

- So, you've found him. - That's what I said!

- Drinking your cognac? - Yes.

My five-letter cognac, he drank all five.

- All five letters? - No, the five bottles.

Stop trying to distract me! Confess at once!

But, Cayetano, you underestimate yourself.

No, you underestimate me.

Do you really believe I'd exchange you for someone like him?

Well... I don't know. You have the answer to that question.

Did you not see him well?

Haven't you looked at yourself in the mirror?

There is no comparison.

Yeah... you're right.

Even if I say so myself, there is no comparison.

No, there isn't. With a husband like yourself

who could fall for such a bum?

So, who is he then? What is he doing here?

- Who is he? - Yes.

Could you please explain?

Naturally. It's all very simple.

Is it? Start explaining fast.

- He's my brother. - Your brother Leonardo?

I have no other brother.

The brother we need... sorry, you need to inherit?

That one. Just now, that your business is doing badly.

Such great timing, right?

Wait a second.

I have an adviser for these critical moments... my heart.

My hunches are never wrong.

Why did you hide him? Why did you let me

humiliate you and myself this way?

I have three reasons: First, I was ashamed of him

since he has turned into such a bum.

Such is life. We'll save him.

Second, because I wanted to give you a surprise.

Oh, honey!

And third, to punish your unjustified jealousy.

I deserve that!

Will you ever be able to forgive me?

Swear you won't act jealous again.

I will swear it once again. This time is for real.

Now, we need to talk to your brother.

So the police can laugh at me?

You're right. I'll dismiss them and make

very clear that you're an honorable lady and I'm an idiot.

That's great, isn't it? So glad your brother showed up

now, when we needed him most.

- So, what did you come here for? - I didn't come here, sir.

How do you find yourself here?

He found me, I didn't find me.

- Why? - He was looking for me.

What is it to you anyway? Let me take care of him.

- Don't move. - The madman is coming.

- What madman? - My husband.

- Your husband? - He thinks he's my husband.

Gentlemen, I am very happy,

but I am also very embarrassed.

Tonight, I've hit a new low of embarrassment,

but also a new high of happiness.

- You were right. He's a madman. - He's lost his marbles.

Very well. Could you please explain yourself?

He won't be able to.

My embarrassment is threefold,

but my joy is unison.

He's totally gone.

Wait. What was that about your embarrassment?

It's threefold, meaning it has three entities.

I'm embarrassed with the police

with my wife for accusing her unfairly,

and with this gentleman...

Don't insult, there are no gentlemen here.

Speak for yourself!

There is no other way, I'm no ventriloquist.

In sum, I am making a public apology.

I have offended my blameless wife,

and wasted the authorities' time.

That man... is the brother.

- Are you talking about me? - Yes, you.

Come into my arms, brother.

Now I'm his brother. Stop him! He's crazy!

No, no. It's just that my eyes have been opened.

- Hug me, brother. - Wait.

Would you shoot me if I wasn't your brother?

That, or I'd send you to jail.

Well then, hug me, brother.

It's been a long time, hasn't it?

I've been around.

- You never change. - Yes, I never do.

Come on!

You're so funny.

I'm telling you.

Hold it! Do you think, my esteemed sir

that the police is satisfied?

Naturally. No crime was committed.

No, sir. We came here to witness adultery...

Adultery you say? Look for it in the kitchen.

The fridge's to the left; The milk's in there,

and the milk has been adulterated.

Stop this mockery!

If there's no adultery we'll have to fine you.

- I'll pay the fine. - First thing tomorrow!

- Yes, sir. - A heavy fine.

No problem. My finances have taken a turn for the better.

What were you thinking?

You promised an exciting spectacle... We want our money back!

And you, give me back my gun! And now, it's over!

I'll pay the fine tomorrow, but now go!

- We'll go gladly. - Let's go.

Out! Get out of here!

Get out! Now! Out!

- We are getting out. - Quickly.

Did your wife tell you that that guy is her brother?

And my heart told me so too.

My heart has never failed me.

I'm not sure about your wife.

Right... Get out!

Alright, brother. Everything's cleared up,

and we really love each other

I must leave now.

Of course not, brother-in-law.

Brother-in-law? I don't even have one...

And if I did, I wouldn't let you...

- You mean you and my sister...? - Yes.

I've been her husband for 3 years.

- Again with the husband thing. - Of course.

The way you're going, you'll be my father soon.

- I was going to say just that. - I'm telling you!

You can think of me as you would of a father.

I think you should go to bed.

My status gives me the right to speak this way.

- You don't say. - I do. This home is yours.

My table is yours, everything I have is yours.

- Everything you have? - Everything.

Stop kidding me or I might start believing it, brother.

You have a very beautiful wife.

Speaking of her, I'll fetch her.

Sure, but if you do, don't go back on your word.

The police's gone. You can scram now.

Tell your mistress I'm not giving up.

Remember: I'll call her tomorrow.

Praise the Lord!

Cantinflas! Jesus, Mary and Joseph!

- Why are you here? - You too?

We've been through that already.

- The boss might see you. - He's seen me.

- And what happened? - We're getting along fine.

But...

He turned out

to be my husband

my brother-in-law, my brother and my father.

I knew I had a family somewhere.

- What are you saying? - I own this home now.

God, it's the cognac talking! Get in the kitchen!

The kitchen is only fit for the servants.

- I'll have to drag you. - Be careful how you speak to me.

You've been putting me down for a long time.

Don't bother me. I'm waiting for my sister.

Sweetness, Dolores... Sweetness.

- It's happened! - I think so.

It's plain to see that life has been very hard on him.

We must be kind to him.

- Paz? - Yes, sir.

- What are you doing here? - Sir, I found this man in here.

It's alright, he belongs in here.

- In here? - Tell her, Dad.

Of course! Your brother is so funny, Lolita.

Sure. But is that him?

What do you mean?

I meant is he ready for your jokes.

Of course. What's past is past. We hold no grudges.

- Come on, hug your brother! - But...

Go on, hug him and forgive him as you have forgiven me.

From now on, there will be only harmony.

I was going to say just that. Hug me, honey.

- You brazen swine. - Quiet, monkey.

Don't meddle in the family's affairs, Paz.

- What are you doing here? - Good question.

- What are you doing here? - Me? Nothing, sir.

Then, go do nothing in the kitchen.

- Go to the kitchen. - Right. To the kitchen.

She's so greasy... and then stuff gets lost, you know.

Yes, of course. Paz...

- Yes, sir? - You must obey him

- as you obey me. - Did you hear that?

Obey me.

- Alright, sir. - And get the guest room ready.

Thanks, old man.

- That too? - That too.

Alright, sir.

Where's that hug? You need to make up.

- Did we have a fight? - Your sister was upset

because you turned into a bum.

I didn't turn into one; I've always been a bum.

This is a great beginning. He's honest about himself.

- Go on, hug your brother. - But...

No buts! Hug her, Leonardo.

- Leonardo who? - You!

- Oh, me. - Did you forget your name?

How could I? It's such a nice name.

- Go on, hug your sister. - Well...

- If you insist, brother. - Of course I insist.

- It won't bother me. - Or her. Right, Dolores?

- Hug him. - Come into my arms, sister.

- Brother. - Sweet sister.

- Brother... - Sister, you've grown so much.

Oh, little sister.

The vision of such chaste love moves me.

That's enough, Leonardo.

- Leonardo! - Leave Leonardo alone.

Let me go! That's enough.

After all the years we didn't see each other?

He's right, honey. Let him hug you.

He hasn't seen you in a long time. Let him hug you.

That's what I said. Let's make the most of it.

Lolita. Come to my arms.

- Little Leonardo. - Come here, Lolita.

I can't believe my eyes!

The guest room is ready.

- The room can wait. - No.

It's very late and I am very tired. It's time to go to bed.

Yes, it's time to go to bed.

I'm not very tired. I can keep going.

No, you must get some sleep.

- There will be time later. - I'd rather do it now.

I understand. I can tell you'll make a great brother.

Paz, show Mr. Leonardo his rooms.

I'll be glad to, sir.

- I'll go too, Leonardo. - Sure, darling.

- You understand. - You must have many questions.

- Of course I do. - Don't stay up talking too late.

No, we won't talk, brother,

but you understand, after this, we need more time.

Go then. Don't take too long, Lolita. I'll be waiting for you.

- Shall we go, Leonardo? - Anything you say.

See you tomorrow, old man.

I thought you were told to stay in the kitchen.

- No, Paz, come with us. - Sure, ma'am.

What for? You are more than enough company.

- Paz will give you clothes. - My clothes are clean.

- Your sleep wear. - I never undress.

Alright, if you must, do it quickly and then leave.

And that's all, miss.

So he's your boyfriend and you let him in.

I won't let him in the house again.

He's in already. Now, the thing is how to get him out.

- That'll be hard. - What?

And stop bragging, I'm not your boyfriend.

I'm just your special friend.

- Don't be jealous. - Shut up!

I'm so ashamed, ma'am.

No use crying over spilt milk... and he did help me out for now.

I'd sacrifice myself my whole life through.

Don't you wish! Get out now!

You'd love that, but my friend Cayetano

wants me to stay and I wouldn't give up

this comfort for nothing.

Yes, he has to stay until we find a good solution.

Hope you don't find it soon.

Maybe tomorrow. Paz, let's go or Cayetano will get suspicious.

Yes, ma'am.

Aren't you going to say thanks and good night?

He's right. Thanks and good night.

- Just like that? - Like what?

Wait. Be more loving.

Give me a brotherly kiss.

A while ago, you were very loving but now you hit me.

- You're so cynical! - What did you imagine?

Just that.

What kind of a woman do you think I am?

- What the doctor ordered. - Rascal!

- Be very careful with me. - I know.

I have to put up with you only when my husband's present.

- It's better to be alone. - What?

Isn't it immoral for you to hug me

in your husband's presence?

Don't try to take advantage of the situation.

I'll only do it with your husband present.

- Who does she think she is? - Idiot!

You too? Don't you see things have changed?

- How? - You just hit the boss.

- Oh, really? - Don't you believe it?

If I tell daddy Cayetano, he'll put you in the street.

Oh, so are you laughing?

- Cayetano! - Don't yell.

Changed your mind? Get out of here.

- What if I won't? - That's easy.

- Cayetano! - Alright. You win.

And you lose. Uppity maid.

- Wait a minute. - What do you want?

Tomorrow, at 11, I want breakfast in bed.

And make sure you have the bath drawn by 12

although I won't use it. I bathed a month ago.

Anything else, sir?

That's all for now. Leave, you uppity maid!

Stop it or I won't be able to control myself.

You won't? Cayetano!

Be quiet!

You can control yourself after all, right?

Alright... You will pay for this.

Here. Take these straight to the notary.

- Yes. - Now, for the important part.

- Yes, sir? - Write an announcement,

- for the newspapers. - An announcement?

To the heirs of my late father-in-law, Leonardo Del Paso...

- May he rest in peace. - Luckily.

- What? - Never mind. The announcement should say

that Leonardo Del Paso has come back.

- He has come back to life? - No.

The one who came back to life

I mean, simply came back, is my brother-in-law, Leonardo Del Paso.

I thought he was your father-in-law.

- My brother-in-law. - Both?

I'm talking about two people with the same name.

- Father and son. - What else?

That's all, just father and son.

What else do you want in the announcement?

Now that my brother-in-law is home

we'll come into the inheritance.

- Your father-in-law's. - The heirs

must go to notary Ramirez,

and register, the way the will calls for.

- Is that all? - Yes. You may go now.

- See you at the office. - See you, Don Cayetano.

See you later.

Leonardo! Leonardo!

For God's sake, Leonardo!

- Are you talking to me? - Sure.

- What is it? - Aren't you ashamed of lying there all day?

No. It makes me sleepy.

- Can it be possible? - What?

Are you planning to spend your life there?

No. I'll spend some time in bed too.

- For God's sake, Leonardo! - What's wrong?

It pains me very much to see you like this.

- You're impossible. - Don't worry.

- Maybe I'll get better. - If at least

you'd change your garments.

- Leonardo... my bathrobe! - What bathrobe?

Where did you get the bathrobe?

- From the closet. - It's my best bathrobe!

That's why I took it.

Why haven't you changed your clothes?

Changing clothes doesn't sit well with me.

I've given you all the money you asked for clothes.

Money sits well with me but another suit doesn't suit me.

- Where's my money? - What money?

Let's not talk about money anymore... I don't like it.

Why aren't you wearing my two suits you took?

- You took two... - What?

- of my best suits. - Right.

- One brown, one gray. - Exactly.

- And the black one too. - The black one!

- The green one. - Oh, no!

And one with shiny lapels.

- My tuxedo! - Your what?

My tuxedo! Why don't you wear them?

I didn't mean to wear them.

- What then? - I pawned them.

Mother of God!

Don't worry about it. They didn't fit me anyway.

Give me some money or they'll be lost.

- This is not possible! - Yes, I think the same

I can't sleep in here. If it isn't the suits, it's the job.

What do I care about money?

I'm leaving for good and forever.

No, don't leave. I won't let you leave.

You can stay, keep the suit and sleep as much as you want.

Alright, that sounds better. A tuxedo, what's with that?

You abuse me because of the way I look.

- You're right. - And I'll need more money.

- I'll need money. - More?

- Yes. - But, man...

If you insist, you can leave it on the table.

You're so funny.

If anyone comes looking for me, I'm not home.

Are you sure he hasn't called?

- I'm sure, I've been waiting for the call. - That is so strange.

Maybe he's given up on his threats.

- You don't know Bobby. - Or something happened to him.

- Or he's planning some evil. - Your husband.

Fine, ma'am. I'll fix the turkey and some soup.

- Is that alright? - You may go now.

Excuse me.

- What is it, Cayetano? - Nothing.

Your brother is an incurable bum.

I've told you so myself.

As soon as we get the inheritance, I'll fix him.

And that'll be soon, if the announcement works.

Having come back from a long trip

Mr. Leonardo Del Paso

Junior

who is now residing

at his brother-in-law Cayetano Lastre's home...

- He's a rich entrepreneur. - Is he?

Very rich. Go on, the address is in there.

- Yes, I've seen it. - You must go.

Of course I will. Can you believe it?

I thought my Leonardo was dead,

but the heel is living the good life among the rich.

- The very rich. - He obviously doesn't think

- of me and his children. - Right.

Leonardo always was forgetful.

Forgetful? Tell me about it!

He promised to marry me before our first child was born.

We have several children now and he forgot to marry me.

That's awful.

And he's forgotten to support them.

The rascal!

But I've found a clue.

A very substantial clue.

I have a feeling that for me and my children

the time has come for recovery... and for food!

Look after this place for me.

I'll gather the children,

and we'll go straight to Mr. Cayetano's.

- You can't come in here. - Of course I can!

I tell you he doesn't live here.

- The paper says he does. - What is it?

This woman thinks that this is her home.

It will be my home soon, you'll see.

- What do you want? - To see Leonardo.

- See Leonardo? - I didn't get a chance

to tell her that he went on a trip.

He just left on a very long trip.

Did he? The porter told me he's here.

Don't listen to him. He's always joking.

Don't try to fool me. That heel is here.

I won't leave until I see him.

Or maybe not even after I see him.

- Why do you need to see him? - Oh, ma'am.

It's embarrassing.

You are Cayetano's wife, right?

- Yes. How about you? - I'm not.

I am Clotilde Regalado, the mother of his children.

- Cayetano's children? - No, your nephews' mother.

- What nephews? - Your brother's children.

- God help me! - God help me too.

The heel made several children with me and abandoned me.

- This is just what we needed. - Yes, ma'am.

Since he lives here, we were needed here.

And that's why we came.

Stop crying and come in so we can talk.

- Let me know if Cayetano arrives. - Yes, ma'am.

- Please sit down. - Thank you.

- Have you any proof? - I have plenty.

This is the most recent.

But I mean a different kind of proof.

I understand.

Here's a picture of Leonardo when we first met.

- It's him. - Ln here, he mentions

- our children. - Let me see it.

- Milk: 50 pesos. - I'm sorry.

Those are my debts.

Maybe now I'll be able to pay them off.

- Yes, it is his writing. - You see?

- So, this is my niece. - Just one of many.

- She is so pretty. - She looks like you.

- Thank you. - So, can I see him now?

I shouldn't tell you but I have no choice.

Feel free to tell me anything. We're family, aren't we?

I don't know if you'll understand.

But I really have no choice.

The truth is the Leonardo who is here isn't the real Leonardo.

- There is a Leonardo here. - Not the real one.

It's a Leonardo anyway, just what we all need.

- What do you mean? - You and your husband

did not shy away from taking him for the real one

my children and I won't either.

- Ma'am! - I'm being frank too.

After everything Leonardo has done to me

I don't care who he is

as long as it is profitable.

- What are you trying to say? - My children,

and I really need a good home like this one.

We need to eat enough every single day.

- But... - No buts or ifs.

I accept that man as the father of my children.

I'll move my children in here immediately.

- What if I said no? - You'd be forcing me

to ask your husband for help.

- But, ma'am... - It's no use.

Either we go hungry or the whole family moves in here.

Oh, Lord.

- What should I do? - Come on, don't be selfish.

After all, they are your nephews.

- But... - I won't admit any objections.

- I'll go fetch them. - Are they here?

Sure! They're waiting for me in the garden.

You'll like them very much.

Get ready to meet your other nephews.

- Seven? - Plus this one.

- Eight. - And one on the way.

- From where? - From Paris.

- Jesus! - Children!

Introduce yourselves to your aunt.

- Chucho, Chicho. - Chente, Chinto.

- Pancho, Poncho. - Lencho.

At your service, ma'am.

- Aren't they adorable? - Yes, so adorable.

- Where's their father? - Who? - The children's father!

- Is that him? - Yes, that.

If he is as lazy as he looks

he could very well belong to the family.

Children... are you hungry?

Very hungry!

I thought so. If you want to have

three meals a day

you must call "dad" the man in the living room.

Dad! Daddy!

Dad! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!

Wait!

Be quiet! What is this?

- Dad? - What is this mess?

- Hey! - Dad!

The poor children. Aren't you moved?

It'd been so long since they'd seen their father.

Ma'am, Mr. Cayetano's home. Where shall I hide her.

No need to hide. I've agreed to move in here.

- What? - Yes, Paz. This woman

is taking your boyfriend to be her Leonardo.

- Oh, Lord! - Good afternoon.

Good afternoon. Good afternoon, ma'am.

- Hi, husband of my husband's sister. - What?

- I'll explain later. - What did she call me?

- Husband of my husband's sister. - What?

What is all that noise?

Let go of the cookies!

You dirty brats!

Give me back the bottle!

What noisy disturbance is that?

Your brother-in-law's children

- hadn't seen him in a while. - His children?

Yes, Leonardo's children, our nephews.

- They're cute, aren't they? - Yes. Very cute.

They're nice.

- I'll explain everything. - Sure.

Let go of that bottle. Give me back that bottle.

- Be respectful. - Come on, dad!

Me, your dad? Do I look like an orphanage?

- Just one drink. - To toast meeting you, Dad.

Shut up or... Give me back that bottle!

There's enough for everyone.

Give me back the bottle. You must respect your elders...

Give me the bottle!

Is that how you treat me? Listen you, sons of...

Gee! This is quite a scene... So nice!

I'm glad you're home. Maybe you can help me.

- What is this, Leonardo? - A mess.

The Fifth Column or maybe just squatters.

- You heel! - Who is a heel?

- You! - Why?

- Heartless father. - Father?

You! How could you abandon your children that way?

My children? What children?

- Those children! - My children?

What? I don't get it. The children?

- The children... - Don't you dare deny them!

- There's nothing to deny. - I saw you.

When I came in, you were calling them sons.

I meant sons of a gun.

- They're your children! - Don't say that.

Do you dare deny them?

Will you deny their mother too?

- Is there a mother? - Yes, sir. There she is.

Look at her and try to deny her too!

- You say that's my mother? - Stop trying to cover up.

She's the mother of your children.

Leonardo.

My little Leonardo!

I'll forgive you, Leonardo, in the name

of this innocent we brought into the world.

I forgive you...

Go on, hug her.

- Hug me, baby. - I'm telling you to hug her.

- But, Cayetano... - Hug her!

If I have no other choice, I'll hug her.

But stop calling me baby.

- Kiss me, baby. - I won't do that.

I have forgiven you.

You know something? This joke has gone far enough.

- Do you call this a joke? - A joke, all your children?

Wait a minute. This mess is Leonardo's.

- Yours. - No, I meant Leonardo.

Aren't' you Leonardo?

Seeing how the past went, the present moment,

and remembering the future... no, I am not Leonardo.

You even deny yourself?

I am not. I am telling you the truth.

I'd better tell you everything. Do you remember Bobby?

I do. What about Bobby?

Go on. I do remember the dog.

As it turns out...

- Yes, I'm listening. - No, I can't do it.

I want to do it, but they look at me with

those eyes and I get confused.

I knew deep down that you were a good man.

God works with the penitents. It's all past now.

Everything's fine and everybody is happy.

- Everyone but one. - What's past is past.

- You must be a good father. - I don't have any practice.

I'll help you out any way I can.

For now, we'll have your family move in here.

- What family? - Your family.

We'll talk later. Paz.

- Yes, sir. - Take Mrs. Clotilde

to her husband's room; Which they'll share from now on.

Wait! Find her another room. I sleep by myself.

That's all in the past now. From now on, always together.

Take the boys to play in the garden before meal.

We'll find room for them later.

Yes, sir. Please follow me, ma'am.

Hey!

Children, go to the garden or you won't eat.

It's a joy to see they are so well-educated.

Yes, of course it is.

Either I let them stay or she takes Leonardo.

Then, Leonardo would run away,

and we'd have to kiss your inheritance good-bye.

- But, Cayetano... - We need the inheritance,

so we'll put up with anything until we have it.

- Leonardo. - Are you talking to me?

Of course. Tell me, how is it possible...?

I'm asking myself the same question.

How is it possible for you to have grown-up children?

There's the rub, sometimes

our children are someone else's, but it's hard to know...

- But, Leonardo! - I know what I'm talking about.

- Me too. What about the baby? - Who?

How long since you last saw her?

- Saw who? - Clotilde. How long?

- That woman? - Yes.

Let's see... the first time was...

I didn't see her. She saw me first.

We haven't seen each other.

So, how can the baby be your son?

- Why not? - Because of the laws of nature.

They keep changing the laws all the time.

Are you in agreement? Tell me, are you?

- What else can I do? - That's your problem.

Yes, it is my problem,

and mine alone, though I wish...

I just hope I get drafted by the Army.

Leonardo!

Leonardo!

- Cantinflas! - Are you calling me?

- Are you bathing the baby like I told you? - Yes.

I'm not sure if I'm bathing him or he's bathing me.

- Maybe we are both bathing. - Why doesn't he cry?

- He's taking a German bath. - What? - I just grab his head and...

- You idiot! - The baby might drown.

- You vile infanticide! - That's the thanks I get.

Now you're calling me an insecticide.

Be quiet, you monster!

You could have drowned him,

and what would I tell the baby's mother?

I'm really confused. I thought you were the mom.

Me? Thanks for believing it,

but I can't have anymore children.

I'm too old for that.

So, yours is an infernal machination.

It was a trick to soften Cayetano and Dolores.

Aren't you ashamed using innocent children?

You're a shameless woman.

I did it out of need, Leonardo. Out of need.

Don't look at me that way.

We can adopt the baby once we get married.

- What? - After we get married.

- Didn't you talk to Cayetano? - No.

- He'll talk to you soon. - Don't even dream about it.

- I'd rather be a mute. - We'll see.

Go to bed. It's very late and I'm exhausted.

Do you really believe I'll continue sleeping outside?

What's the matter with you?

I get your drift. You want to stay in here.

Do you really think I'll sleep in here?

What if you walk in your sleep?

No way. I'll sleep outside.

If you start mentioning marriage I'll sing.

- Does it make you that happy? - What?

You said you were going to sing.

I meant I am going to tell everything I know.

- Oh, really? - Really.

Even if they look at me tenderly,

and my heart breaks, I'm going to tell the truth.

I will break your face if you talk.

Don't say a thing! It would be terrible.

I really like living the good life in this home.

We have a great deal here.

If you talk, I'll kill you.

Alright. You've convinced me.

And there's even one more reason not to talk.

Cayetano would find out you're not Dolores brother.

So? That would fix everything.

Although in a pretty deadly way.

- Why? - Cayetano would kill you both.

- Both? - Dolores.

- And who else? - You.

So now you want me dead!

- No, Cayetano wants you dead. - Why would he kill me?

For the cognac? The suits?

I stole money from him yesterday.

And I've been pretty fresh with his wife.

God! He has a tendency to crime.

- You're right. - He might want to kill me.

- Don't you dare talk. - Me?

- I'm warning you. - Don't worry.

- And now, go to sleep. - I am warning you.

- Good night. - I can't sleep.

Good God.

Cleotilde. Little Cleotilde.

Little, little Cleotilde.

Get back to bed. Don't be so impatient.

- You're dissolute. - I'm not absolute.

- What do you want? - Where did you put the bottle?

- What bottle? - The cognac bottle.

Don't drink it all. You'll give the baby the hiccups.

- You are so rude! - The bottle.

Maybe Cayetano took it.

- I know where to look. - For him?

For the bottle. I'll show you.

Cayetano, Cayetano.

I know where it is: With those darned brats.

They drink the cognac and sell the empty bottle.

But I'll show them.

- Hey, give us some! - I was going to.

So you're having a meeting.

Darned kids! You're always spying on me.

Give me back that bottle.

Do you really think we will?

Show more respect for your father.

Our father? No way.

I am my own father.

Come here, you.

Stop talking back to me or I'll poison you.

Oh, really? Let's defend ourselves, boys.

Bunch of cowards!

What the hell is going on here?

These kids organized an uprising against me.

Sure. They have their motives,

but a good father must be tough with his children.

Well, if it's okay with you.

Quiet. Quiet.

Come here.

You'll pay, son of Snow White.

Sorry, but they were driving me crazy.

- Good. They're ready now. - No.

They need some more. Wait.

Take this, and you, take this.

Show some respect for your father!

They'll be fine while I sleep for a while.

Well done. However, they don't respect you

because you haven't behaved well with them.

- Me? - Yes, you. Leonardo

this incident forces me to talk to you

- before I had planned to. - What about?

- About a very serious matter. - You don't say.

- Yes, I do say. - Alright. Go ahead and say it.

- Come with me. - Let's go.

I'm glad you didn't hit the fat kid.

- Why? - I like the fat kid

because I used to look just like him.

I bet you were a fun kid.

- But then you changed. - Yes, a bit.

- Go to the garden. - To the garden?

- Yes, right now! - At this time of night?

- What if we get pneumonia? - I hope so.

Don't come back until I tell you or you won't eat.

Let's go!

I learned that trick from their mother.

- Sending them to the pneumonia? - No, threatening

- to take away their food. - I like the pneumonia better

- it's more definitive. - Well. Sit down. We need to talk.

- I have nothing to tell you. - But I do. Sit down.

- Can we do this later? - Sit down.

Look me in the eye.

Look me in the eye!

- You didn't sleep well. - What?

Look at me.

Do I have spots on my face?

Not on your face, on your conscience!

- Where? - On your conscience.

Stop joking around, Cayetano.

Go to the garden or you won't eat tomorrow.

Are you trying to hypnotize me?

Stop joking and just tell me one thing.

- What? - Ls something bothering you?

- Yes. - I knew it!

- It's your conscience. - No. It's my stomach.

- What? - I have a tummy ache.

I guess I'm not used to eating

more than once a day. And then there's

the cognac and the cookies. Even good things can harm you.

- They're harming me. - Me too.

You'll put me in the street.

I would never abandon you.

Forget about that and tell me:

Is there really nothing bothering you about

- your wife and children? - About they?

- A lot bothers me! - What is it?

- Their presence here. - Is that possible?

- Doesn't it bother you? - A bit.

It bothers me a lot. Before, I was the only heel here.

Now I have to compete with them.

Stop it! You are shameless. Let's finish this.

As far as I'm concerned, we have.

- Leonardo! - What do you want now?

I thought we had finished.

I won't beat around the bush: I know it all!

So what? I know it too. Good night.

- Wait! What do you know? - Everything.

- Everything? - Everything!

- And I'm going to fix it. - Calm down.

- I've made up my mind. - Just don't shoot.

- No need to shoot anyone. - I agree, it's not a big deal.

As long as you marry Clotilde,

and register your children.

- Is that all? - Of course.

- I thought you knew. - That you never married her?

She told me so herself.

- Is that all you know? - Yes.

Brother, you don't know a thing.

- Do you think that's minor? - Hey, I love it.

Good. I'm sure you understand that a moral man

like myself cannot tolerate in his home

an illegitimate family such as yours.

I'll help you get rid of them.

First the marriage. Each one of your children

outside of a legitimate marriage is an insult to morality.

- Let them get married. - You're getting married!

I am? Who am I marrying?

- Clotilde. - I can't do that.

- Why not? - I'm already engaged.

- What? - Yes, I am.

But you will marry her! And very soon!

Sorry, but I can't leave my girl. She's asked for my hand.

You are going to marry Clotilde.

I have everything fixed for Monday the 7th.

- How about another, Your Honor? - Another hour?

You've already made us wait for hours and hours.

He's asking you if you'd like another drink.

Another drink? Don't mind if I do.

You only have to wait for a few minutes.

You know how women are. We are going to church after this.

- She's getting dressed up. - I'm getting drunk?

Only because you insisted!

I said that the lady is getting dolled up.

So, you think I'm dull.

- Who do you think you are? - I didn't say that!

Don't shout, he hears better if you lower your voice.

The lady will be down soon.

Why are you screaming? I am not deaf!

- He really can't hear a thing. - Not a thing.

- Are you sure? - Sure I am sure.

You are a real idiot, Your Honor.

Good. That's much better. As long as you're kind to me.

What's wrong, ma'am?

How can I allow this marriage to take place?

- How can we stop it? - We could tell the truth.

After so many sacrifices? Mr. Cayetano would go mad.

- Hurray for the bride and groom! - Hurray!

- You're grabbing me too hard. - You're not getting away.

I've roped you with the marriage bond.

Mom.

No, darling. That's the wrong way.

- What's the right way? - This way.

- I'd rather go the other way. - Let's get going.

Don't push me.

- Heavens, the telephone! - I'll answer it.

Or your husband will get angry.

Hello?

Yes?

What? Not again!

Alright, if there's no choice.

You may come anytime you want.

- Was it Bobby? - No, ma'am.

The store owner says Cantinflas ran up another bill.

- Why is he so quiet? - Cantinflas?

No, Bobby. I wish he'd go ahead and do it.

I'm sure something must have happened to him.

- Come, they're starting. - You're right.

At such and such date, in such and such city

etcetera, etcetera...

I'm so moved, Leonardo.

I always dreamed of getting married all dressed in white.

- Didn't it make you sick? - What?

- The nightmare. - You are so rude!

Pay attention. We'll proceed.

Are you Mrs. Regalado?

Yes, sir. Clotilde Regalado

soon to be Mrs. Del Paso, at your service.

- What was that? - She said yes.

- Are you Mr. Del Paso? - No, I come from Tepito, etc. Etc. Etc.

Perfect. Do you, Mrs. Clotilde Regalado

take Leonardo Del Paso as your husband?

I do, of course I do. I don't care who he is. I do.

- What was that? - She said yes.

- Is that all? - That's all.

Mr. Leonardo Del Paso, do you take Clotilde Regalado as your wife?

- In your dreams. - What was that?

- You dream of her? - When I have nightmares.

Leonardo, be serious.

Nothing could be more serious than this.

Just say yes, you idiot.

What's your answer? Do you take her or not?

I could take a stand, I could take to the streets.

I could even take a drink.

Do you take this woman to be your wife?

- Just say yes, rascal. - Say yes, you idiot.

Hold your horses. First of all, don't insult me.

Now, if I say yes, do I have to sign?

- Of course. - I won't do that.

- What do you mean? - Sure not.

First, you sign, then there's an arrest warrant for you.

It's happened to me before. And I can't sign.

He can't sing? Why would he want to sing now?

No, Your Honor. He says he can't sign his name.

- That's not important. - I thought so.

- Of course not. - It's better if he can't sign.

Some men marry under false names,

but they don't sign with their fingerprints.

This man will sign with his fingerprints.

- What are those? - The prints made of ink

by your fingers on paper.

No two are alike.

So, I guess this vegetalprints thing makes it better.

Just like the Judge said:

Even if you had given a false name, you and only you

will be married and will be the children's legitimate father.

- Go ahead, say yes. - Come on, do it.

- Do it. - But...

- We're getting tired of this. - Cayetano...

- Did he say yes yet? - No.

Write down that he said yes. Let's not waste any more time.

Hey, you're wasting my life here.

- He took her as his wife. - That's not true.

- The children are his. - That's not true!

He said yes to everything.

- Don't... - And now, to the signing.

- Me, sign? - Press your fingers here.

Who, me? I'm not that stupid.

Yes, sir!

But, Cayetano, I'm neither the father,

- nor the son. - Where's the register?

- Open up! It's the police! - What's that?

I had never been so glad to see the police.

- Open up or we'll break the door! - The police!

- I wonder why. - It's about Bobby.

Open up.

- What do you want? - You, come with me.

The rest of you, watch the exits.

- Don't let anyone get away. - What do you want?

- To come in. - What for?

You'll soon see.

- What is the meaning of this? - Who are you?

I own this house. What is this?

- We want Leonardo Del Paso. - Del Paso?

You can't pass through here.

They're looking for me. Excuse me, the police needs me.

But you're not Leonardo Del Paso.

Of course I am! This time, I really am Leonardo Del Paso.

- What's the charge? - Just wait.

- Who is Leonardo Del Paso? - I am.

- So you are, uh? - Sure.

- You won't get away this time. - I got away from her.

You got here just in time. Just look at her.

Stop playing dumb. You are going to jail.

To jail? I'd rather go to jail.

Dear Lord! He'd rather go to jail.

Mother!

- Frisk him up. - Wait a minute, sir.

I cannot allow that man to leave my home without being charged first.

Sure you can allow it, it's just that you won't.

- Please, Leonardo. - Don't you read the papers?

- I do. - Did you read it today?

I didn't get the chance.

- Read all about it. - What is it?

Here it is.

WELL-KNOWN CON MAN BOBBY FOX-TERRIER MURDERED.

LEONARDO DEL PASO IS SUSPECTED IN THE KILLING

POLICE KNOWS WHERE HE'S HIDING

- He only has this wallet. - Let me see it.

It belonged to the victim. It's more evidence.

It can't be. There must be some mistake.

No, sir. Everything's crystal clear. Now you will see it.

Tell the truth. Did you kill Bobby?

- The fox-trotter? - Fox-terrier.

- Same thing. - You killed him!

- Of course I killed him. - You?

That's impossible. You killed him?

- Somebody had to. - You see?

Get him out and watch him. He's very daring.

Not really. Sorry about the wedding. Some other day.

I doubt it. The firing squad is awaiting you.

You've saved me from a certain death.

Go ahead, sir. Are you coming?

What is this? Take him away. Let's go!

THE FIERCE KILLER'S TRIAL CONTINUES

LEONARDO DEL PASO IS RESPONSIBLE

VERDICT TO BE ANNOUNCED

- When will the judge be here? - I don't know.

- Where is he? - None of your business.

Show some respect. I'm the defendant here.

If he judge isn't coming, I could've sent someone else

in my place. I have other things to do with my time.

This isn't right. I should be somewhere else.

I don't like it at all... Alright, I'll go fetch him.

Sit down and keep quiet.

- I'll see you outside. - Look at his face.

As a journalist, I never saw anything like it.

- He's a regular criminal. - Natural born killer.

- He's so cynical. - He deserves to be shot.

We can't let this go on, Paz.

- What can we do? - Tell the truth.

No, ma'am. That would be terrible.

We can't let him be sentenced.

- They won't convict him. - Why not?

- You got him a great lawyer. - Still, they will.

In that case, we'll do something.

Oh, ma'am. Mr. Cayetano is here.

He strictly forbade me from coming.

Excuse me.

- Cayetano. - Clotilde.

I thought you said you didn't care what happened to him.

I don't care, but still I'm curious...

I just can't believe he's guilty. And you?

I'm enjoying it.

- Enjoying it? - Intensely.

- Please! - Don't you remember

what he said to the police?

He said he'd rather be in jail than marry me.

- Oh, yes. So what? - I'm glad they granted his wish

because I will not say a word until I'm satisfied.

Say a word?

I have nothing to say. Nothing.

And I won't say it until he looks desperate.

Excuse me?

- The judge. - Have him come in.

Rise! The judge is here.

This court is back in session.

Does the prosecutor wish to question the defendant again?

Certainly, Your Honor.

The defense attorney has made much of the fact

that some of the witnesses

have not been able to identify the defendant.

He's trying to make us doubt his identity.

I would like to show that identifying him

may be difficult only because this man

has been able to hide out for a long time

under a false name.

Swear him in again.

The defendant please rise.

- Thanks. I'm fine. - Stand up!

Alright, but don't get angry. What is it now?

For the hundredth time, please keep quiet.

I can't keep anything in here.

My money and coat were stolen.

Silence!

May I remind the public that they must keep quiet.

- Swear him in now! - Yes, Your Honor.

Do you protest?

Of course I do. How could I not protest?

All this and only because I killed a dog?

Members of the jury, please note that the defendant

continues to call his victim a dog.

What else can I call him? He was a dog.

Silence!

I protest.

Alright.

The prosecution may proceed with the examination.

Very good.

I am going to prove my theory about a false name.

Let's see, my little friend.

- What is your talent? - I'm good at talking.

Quiet!

His cynicism is not funny at all.

Actually, it is outrageous. Quiet!

- You are an idiot. - Don't insult me.

Your Honor, I protest... I'll see you outside.

It makes me angry, Your Honor. Don't let him insult me.

You're the big shot here. Ask him to behave correctly.

- Let me meet him outside. - No, sir.

Unfortunately, the defendant is right.

Apologize, Mr. prosecutor.

Alright, Your Honor.

- I'm sorry. Excuse me. - You are a sorry excuse.

- Answer my questions. - I already did.

- What is your name? - Be more specific, sir.

- What is your name? - Don't yell at me.

My old name or my new name?

- That's the crux of the matter. - There's the rub, sir.

Let the record show that he had an old name,

and he has a new one.

Members of the jury, you must know that this man

whose real name is Leonardo Del Paso

has been impersonating someone named Cantinflas.

You're wrong. First, I was Cantinflas.

And after that, well, you know

they gave me that look, and since I am

a caring man, I became Leonardo.

- That's what I said. - Alright. Sorry, old man.

Why did this man hide his name?

Because he was up to no good... No good.

In order to paint a clearer picture of his moral context

let's see what he used to do while using Cantinflas' name.

- Let's see, friend. - I'm not your friend.

Anyway, while you called yourself Cantinflas

you always broke the law.

I knew that. What law?

- Every law there is. - I didn't have enough time.

You found the time. What about

the moonshine factory you had some years ago?

- I inherited it from my father. - He confesses!

- About the factory. - A clandestine factory.

Sure, but it was all very legal.

Legal? Here's proof that you were fined...

- Does it say that? - Yes, sir.

Please, lawyer. Excuse me, engineer.

Are you through?

- Are you through with it? - I can't read.

This is proof that you were fined,

for not declaring it, for not having the authorized

distilleries, not keeping books,

and not receiving the inspectors.

- A great injustice was done. - Why?

How could I declare it, see the inspectors,

and keep books? It was a clandestine operation!

The idea was to keep it secret.

Plus, I never paid the fine. I couldn't afford it.

- I was going there. - I never saw you there.

You should've been there. I made wonderful moonshine liquor.

- You'd love it. - Stop it!

It's been completely proven

that the defendant worked outside the law.

You heard him, members of the jury.

Keep listening.

Now I intend to prove beyond any doubt

that this man had a second illegal business.

- You'll see. - Not again!

You had a clandestine stable.

- A stable? - Yes, sir.

- A stable outside the law. - It was indoors.

- You hid it well. - It wasn't a stable.

It was a small corral with only my dog and I in it.

- What else was in there? - Sebastian.

Who is Sebastian? A servant?

No, sir. An animal. It was only him, me and my dog.

What kind of animal is he?

The only kind with horns. It's a bull, sir.

Ever since my uncle... well, he was dying

not my uncle, mind you, the bull, so I saw him,

and I thought that maybe, you know.

So anyway, I brought him with me. He's fat now.

Like I said, there's only a bull in there. I can't milk him.

Even if I tried, the bull would kill me.

For God's sake, Your Honor!

This man's cynicism isn't funny at all.

- It is outrageous. - Why should you care?

I don't, Your Honor.

Silence!

Listen, Mr. prosecutor, going through his past

activities isn't getting you anywhere.

You'd better drop it.

Yes, stop bothering me with your questions.

- I don't meddle in your affairs. - Yes, Judge.

I was trying to destroy the defense's theory

that this man is just a bum.

This man knows very well which side is up,

and he didn't kill blindly.

- I'm finished. - It was about time.

Your Honor, please include in the transcript

the fact that I've never liked that man.

Does the defense wish to examine the defendant?

Yes, Your Honor.

I intend to prove to the members of the jury

that this poor man only killed

while trying to save his life.

Please note that this is the third time

the defense changes theories,

and he'll have to change it again

because this theory just won't cut it either.

Please refrain yourself from warning him.

The defense may proceed with his examination.

Thank you. Tell me something, Mr. Del Paso.

- Are you talking to me? - Yes.

Tell me, when you required the gun...

What did I do with the gun?

When you took the gun to kill the deceased.

Only because of the disease.

You know he was diseased?

He is deceased now.

I killed Bobby, he was diseased.

When you took the gun that killed Bobby

your intention wasn't to kill him.

You just wanted to defend yourself.

No, sir. I meant to kill him.

Well... Naturally

because your intention...

My intention was to kill him as quickly as possible.

But man to man, face to face.

On the contrary. If he'd seen me first

he'd have attacked me. I had to sneak up on him.

That proves all the elements of a premeditated crime!

Mr. district attorney, please let the defense finish.

If the defense wants to help me.

Let's see, Mr. Del Paso. Please realize

that your answers will get you convicted or set you free.

- Is that clear? - All I did was kill a dog.

- You must realize! - Alright.

I realize. Just don't yell at me.

I'll tell you how it happened.

- You'll tell me? - I'll tell you.

You were very afraid of Bobby, and rightly so.

- A bit afraid. - Your life was in danger

- if he saw you. - He wagged his tail.

For God's sake, be quiet and let me talk.

- Don't tell lies, though. - Shut up, sir.

- As soon as he saw you, he lunged. - No, sir.

He attacked you! You were on your way

to pawn a gun, you needed the money.

- And I would've pawned it. - You intended to.

- Then, he fired first. - No.

He fired! He fired first.

You thought you were doomed,

and only because your life was in terrible danger

you fired too. Your rival fell to the floor.

You were devastated and went to the police.

Isn't that what happened?

If it isn't, you're doomed.

It didn't happen that way. He didn't attack me

he didn't see me, so I killed him.

And the police didn't get me... they got me later.

- I didn't turn myself in. - No!

It was the way I explained!

Your Honor, who knows better what happened?

This man telling lies or me, who killed him?

- Such cynicism. - It gives me chills.

It's awful.

No more questions, Your Honor.

It was about time.

I'll hear closing arguments.

The prosecution may explain its conclusions.

I'll be very brief. After all, the defendant

has been convicted and has confessed.

We've all heard the gory details

about how this person killed the victim.

To paraphrase him:

He killed him like one kills a rabid dog.

That's precisely what he was.

Silence! The defendant will keep quiet!

I can tell you're in a foul mood. I'll shut my trap.

We all heard the way he disrespects

all things fair and noble.

In order for the members of the jury to come to a verdict

I will sum up what he did on the day in question.

He got up early, the idea of the crime

having long been in his perverted mind.

He went to the armory, he bought the gun

he went to the victim's, waited for him to go out

followed him all day to his meetings, his business

to a restaurant, to a bar and to the movies.

The hours slowly rolled by and this person

was tirelessly following the victim.

Finally, at midnight, when the innocent victim

went into a hotel

he went after him and treacherously killed him!

What is wrong with you? Are you ill?

No, I just need a glass of water.

The prosecutor made me walk a long way.

I'll finish now, I can't stand his sight anymore.

I'm asking you to find him guilty and sentence him

to the death penalty!

You are joking, right?

Quiet! I said quiet!

It's the defense's turn.

What can I say, Your Honor?

Oh, I know.

Your Honor. Members of the jury.

Can it be possible that you all have not

realized this poor man's mental state?

This poor devil is no criminal.

This unfortunate man is only crazy.

Stop insulting me.

On his face, in his words, in his seeming cynicism

in his seeming lack of respect

can't you clearly see madness?

He has answered questions like a typical idiot.

Don't stop. You're doing great.

All his interruptions are typically of a mentally

retarded person. His whole demeanor is typical of

is typical of... is typical of...

I know a bar named Typical.

Do you see now? That's his typical answer.

In sum, this man

is asking for the mercy of the madhouse.

Stop defending me, my friend. Your Honor.

I'd like to speak. I really can't stand him anymore.

I'll take my time but that's all I'll take.

It's clear that his intentions aren't good.

Members of the jury, I don't want either...

Why? You know I know you very well, sir.

I won't stand to be insulted and humiliated like this.

I am a man and I can prove it.

I ask that you sentence to death that man, the other man,

but not you, because I'm very tired.

I mean it!

Order! Order in the room!

We're finished, Your Honor.

And it was about time.

The members of the jury may now deliberate,

and render a verdict.

We don't need to take any time, Your Honor.

This man's guilt is so evident

that we find him guilty of murder one

since all the elements have been proven.

Oh, Lord!

It's terrible! This is such a disgrace for the family!

I'm going to let him suffer a while longer.

Silence!

I, too, am ready to pass sentence.

I hereby sentence Leonardo Del Paso to death.

No, that's not fair! That man is innocent!

- That man isn't Leonardo. - Dolores is here?

- Repeat what you said. - He isn't my brother.

The Bobby he killed was our dog, a dog with rabies.

That's not him. I should know, I've had his children.

Let the ladies come in.

Do you think this Court will fall for your stories?

This is nothing but a trick by his lawyer.

Your Honor, I protest you I didn't...

Don't protest anything!

That childish operation is typical of your dimness.

- But, Your Honor... - Nothing!

Justice may be blind, but not this blind.

You are Leonardo's sister, aren't you?

Yes, Your Honor.

You are a maid at Leonardo's sister's home.

Yes, Your Honor.

And you are the mother of Leonardo's children.

Yes, sir. His many, many children.

The whole family is here. This is obviously a conspiracy.

A family conspiracy.

A silly trick thought up by the defense.

- But I swear... - Quiet!

You are hereby fined 500 pesos or 30 days in jail,

for trying to trick me.

You got your just desserts.

Enough! The sentence is death and it stands.

You can't do that, Your Honor.

- Silence! - Just a minute.

That man is innocent. That man isn't Leonardo.

I'll bet you are Leonardo's father.

No, Your Honor. I am Leonardo Del Paso.

The killer.

- Leonardo! - That's him.

That's a lie, I am Leon... or maybe he is Leonardo.

That's enough! Quiet!

Silence! You are fined one thousand more pesos,

or ten months in jail for this new lie.

Your Honor, I am not involved. Really!

One thousand pesos more!

I can identify myself and prove I killed him.

The heel had some letters and threatened my sister

with turning them over to Mr. Cayetano.

I confronted him, he tried to kill me,

and I killed him in self defense.

- And I can prove it. - Let me see that.

What infernal mess is this?

- Here are the letters. - Like I said:

There's the rub!

No wonder, all this for a dog that may have been a cat.

Everyone kept talking about him and now he's here.

Yes, he's here. I wouldn't just...

What about my reputation?

Then there's the dog and the cat.

Like I always said, there's the rub!

A bull was milked, who killed who?

Here's the real Leonardo.

He's innocent and so is the other Leonardo.

Like I always said, everything's clear, isn't it?

There's the rub, Your Honor.

So, the way I see it... you, I, us... no way.

Things always work out in the end.

Justice here, justice there.

You may be old, but you're always brave.

How can you say that?

That's not right. Just seizing him up.

Really, there's the rub!

What about the I.D.? Are they both Leonardo?

Why didn't he say so before?

If we'd only known that at the beginning.

From our point of view, we...

No wonder he kept talking about a dog, uh?

You see? Everything's been cleared up.

Words simplify everything.

Alright. Everything's righted.

Cantinflas is free to go,

and the real Leonardo Del Paso will have to stand trial.

Don't worry. Everything will be alright.

- Follow me. - Give me a minute.

I have witnesses who saw it was self-defense.

We'll settle down and raise our boys.

Why didn't you tell me the truth?

I would have forgiven you, I would have made him pay!

May he rest in peace, the swine.

- I was afraid of your jealousy. - You're right.

My jealousy is to blame.

I swear I will never bother you with my jealousy again.

- Do you mean that? - I swear.

I swear, I do. I really do...

Who are you smiling at? You are flirting with someone.

Who are you flirting with?

Who is threatening my domestic bliss?

- For God's sake, Cayetano! - You're right.

I think we'd better leave. Let's go.

- Cantinflas... - What do you want?

- Will you forgive me? - Forgive you

after all that's happened?

After everyone kept saying I was guilty,

and wanted to put me to death?

You asked me to kill the dog but you didn't tell them.

You kept trying to convince me

only to keep quiet later on.

You got me into a mess that almost killed me.

- Shall I see you for dinner? - I will never go back

to having dinner with you.

I'm only sorry for the chicken, who was so used to me.

- I'll never go back. - But...

I'll never go back to your kitchen.

Never!

Oh, Lord!

He will never come back.

Already?

- You? I thought you said never. - Never?

- That you'd never come back. - Did you believe me?

Careful what you say. We're not the same.

- No, we're not. - I'm a good girl,

and you are a criminal.

Be quiet, that's blasphemy.

Remember, the jury absorbed me.

- Acquitted you. - To each, his own.

- Still, don't talk to me. - I just want my dinner.

- Your dinner? - Of course.

- Will you go on not working? - Don't I work?

- What do you do? - I went through hell for you.

- I knew it. - Do you think

standing out there, waiting for Mr. Cayetano to leave

from dawn to "set" isn't work?

- What "set"? - When the sun goes down.

- You mean the sunset. - That's what I say

you should have the table set for my dinner.

Talking to you is useless.

But I do care for you.

Like Cayetano says, what's past is past.

Let's toast our reconciliation with a drink.

- Just one drink. - Yes, just one.

Only one drink. And when we finish it, we'll have another.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

I'll only come back to work if I keep my full rights.

Overtime pay, minimum wage and the right to strike.

- You scoundrel. - Drink up.

- Now close your eyes, Pacita. - What for?

You know what for. Keep them closed.