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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,740 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:00:57,693 --> 00:01:00,128 What do you say when there are no words 3 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:02,363 Feel it 4 00:01:04,637 --> 00:01:07,697 Feel a song that's never been heard 5 00:01:08,307 --> 00:01:09,829 Sing it 6 00:01:11,910 --> 00:01:13,674 How do you know when you hear the call 7 00:01:15,547 --> 00:01:16,879 Answer 8 00:01:18,952 --> 00:01:21,216 What do you do when you've done it all 9 00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:24,382 Ball 10 00:01:24,458 --> 00:01:28,656 THE CANNONBALL RUN Cannonball 11 00:01:29,765 --> 00:01:32,529 It's not what you do it's how you do it 12 00:01:33,869 --> 00:01:36,736 Be anything you want to be 13 00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:41,106 It's not what you got it's how you use it 14 00:01:41,175 --> 00:01:43,111 You be you and I'll be me 15 00:01:43,179 --> 00:01:46,809 It's just a matter of style 16 00:01:46,883 --> 00:01:48,545 You can't fake it 17 00:01:48,620 --> 00:01:50,678 Mile after mile, feeling free 18 00:01:50,755 --> 00:01:53,884 If you've got the soul 19 00:01:53,959 --> 00:01:56,118 You can make it 20 00:01:56,193 --> 00:01:59,560 Move 'em out, let 'em roll 21 00:01:59,632 --> 00:02:04,200 From sea to shining sea 22 00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:08,566 Ball 23 00:02:09,976 --> 00:02:12,377 Cannonball 24 00:02:13,682 --> 00:02:16,776 What do you do when the mountain is there 25 00:02:17,350 --> 00:02:18,944 Move it 26 00:02:21,230 --> 00:02:24,490 How do you answer the challenging dare 27 00:02:24,125 --> 00:02:25,719 Take it 28 00:02:28,990 --> 00:02:30,291 When your back's against the wall 29 00:02:31,702 --> 00:02:33,694 Feel it 30 00:02:35,340 --> 00:02:37,741 What do you do when you've done it all 31 00:02:40,945 --> 00:02:41,912 Cannonball 32 00:02:46,387 --> 00:02:50,480 It's not what you do it's how you do it 33 00:02:50,124 --> 00:02:53,583 Be anything you want to be 34 00:02:53,659 --> 00:02:57,688 It's not what you've got it's how you use it 35 00:02:57,765 --> 00:02:59,700 You be you and I'll be me 36 00:02:59,767 --> 00:03:03,260 It's just a matter of style 37 00:03:03,338 --> 00:03:07,105 You can't fake it Mile after mile, feeling free 38 00:03:07,177 --> 00:03:10,575 If you've got the soul 39 00:03:10,645 --> 00:03:12,409 You can make it 40 00:03:12,482 --> 00:03:15,781 Move 'em out Let 'em roll 41 00:03:16,352 --> 00:03:21,722 From sea to shining sea 42 00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:24,760 Ball 43 00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:31,261 Headquarters, we are still in pursuit of the black Lamborghini. 44 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:34,567 Car 42, you've been in pursuit for two hours. 45 00:03:34,638 --> 00:03:37,165 Another five minutes, and you'll be in Arizona. 46 00:03:37,242 --> 00:03:40,805 Yeah, and we're gonna stay in pursuit until we catch him. 47 00:03:40,878 --> 00:03:44,112 It didn't take us that long to catch Dillinger. 48 00:04:07,579 --> 00:04:08,511 Hi, guys. 49 00:04:18,656 --> 00:04:21,250 - You're two hours late. - I'm sorry. 50 00:04:21,326 --> 00:04:24,297 Where the hell you been? 51 00:04:24,361 --> 00:04:26,333 I'm sorry. 52 00:04:27,998 --> 00:04:30,868 Fuel-injection system... It's driving me crazy. 53 00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:34,429 I'm really sorry I'm late, but one of my hamsters had an anxiety attack. 54 00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:36,500 I couldn't leave him until he was settled down. 55 00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:39,671 He was acting so crazy. He ate a piece of tail. 56 00:04:39,747 --> 00:04:42,341 And Henrietta wasn't even bothering him. 57 00:04:42,417 --> 00:04:44,817 Then he ate his treadmill. 58 00:04:48,459 --> 00:04:51,518 They got vets for that. We got other things to worry about. 59 00:04:51,594 --> 00:04:54,894 Hamsters are a big responsibility. 60 00:04:54,964 --> 00:04:57,728 Let me paint you a mental picture, all right, Victor? 61 00:04:57,801 --> 00:05:01,101 I want you to think of your hamsters as a little army... 62 00:05:01,171 --> 00:05:03,198 marching along on a treadmill... 63 00:05:03,276 --> 00:05:06,767 running their little legs off, running as fast as they can... 64 00:05:06,847 --> 00:05:09,973 making that engine just purr right along the road. 65 00:05:10,490 --> 00:05:14,818 Oh, J.J. What a wonderful way to put it. 66 00:05:17,256 --> 00:05:21,627 Wouldn't it be great if we could share winning the Cannonball with them? 67 00:05:21,695 --> 00:05:26,565 That would be a real team effort... you, me, the hamsters and him. 68 00:05:41,484 --> 00:05:45,476 Don't start with him. I don't want to talk about him. 69 00:05:45,557 --> 00:05:49,287 - If you need any help... - I don't want to talk about him. 70 00:05:55,867 --> 00:05:59,200 - Sir james! - Oh, my God. You again? 71 00:05:59,272 --> 00:06:01,263 Fenderbaum, do me a favor. 72 00:06:01,340 --> 00:06:03,501 You're drawing flies. Get the hell out of here. 73 00:06:03,574 --> 00:06:06,450 Wait a minute, Greek. Only thing I want to know is... 74 00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:09,706 how are you figuring the odds on this Cannonball cockamamie? 75 00:06:09,781 --> 00:06:12,549 It takes brilliance and years of hard work... 76 00:06:12,619 --> 00:06:14,522 and you wouldn't understand any part of that. 77 00:06:14,588 --> 00:06:17,558 Do me a favor. A race is a race, right? 78 00:06:17,625 --> 00:06:20,528 The only thing you gotta do in the Cannonball is drive steady... 79 00:06:20,595 --> 00:06:22,529 stay out of trouble and have a good cover. 80 00:06:22,597 --> 00:06:25,795 3,000 miles averaging 85 miles an hour. 81 00:06:25,869 --> 00:06:27,666 Do you know what that is? 82 00:06:27,737 --> 00:06:30,603 You want to talk or do you want to bet? 83 00:06:30,675 --> 00:06:34,270 Anti- radar paint, turbocharged,j.j. 84 00:06:34,343 --> 00:06:37,542 Nobody can stop us now. Nobody. 85 00:06:53,650 --> 00:06:57,260 What are you, some kind of nut? Who do you think you are? 86 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:02,750 I am Captain Chaos. 87 00:07:03,980 --> 00:07:08,438 And this... This is my faithful companion, Cato. 88 00:07:08,517 --> 00:07:10,612 Say hello, Cato. 89 00:07:12,356 --> 00:07:14,481 Been a cop long? 90 00:07:17,396 --> 00:07:20,550 Funny! You wanna talk or you wanna bet? 91 00:07:20,129 --> 00:07:23,300 - You got 50 to 1. - And you know what you got? 92 00:07:23,101 --> 00:07:25,294 You got yourself a bet. 93 00:07:25,370 --> 00:07:28,601 Twenty big large ones. 94 00:07:28,672 --> 00:07:30,380 That's a million dollars. 95 00:07:31,209 --> 00:07:32,869 If you win. 96 00:07:32,944 --> 00:07:37,210 I don't know if you know my partner. Jamie, you remember jimmy the Greek. 97 00:07:38,819 --> 00:07:40,308 Jamie Blake. 98 00:07:40,387 --> 00:07:43,830 You used to drive that Formula One... 99 00:07:43,156 --> 00:07:45,316 when high- button shoes were in style. 100 00:07:45,392 --> 00:07:47,657 Let me tell you something, Greek. 101 00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:49,698 We got a secret weapon. 102 00:07:49,764 --> 00:07:53,462 - God is our copilot. - You'll need him. 103 00:07:57,539 --> 00:08:00,564 "God is our copilot"? 104 00:08:00,641 --> 00:08:02,872 - Remember our car? - Yeah. 105 00:08:02,947 --> 00:08:05,744 - Two seats? - Two seats. 106 00:08:05,815 --> 00:08:09,411 Where's he gonna sit? Where? 107 00:08:11,188 --> 00:08:13,180 Listen to me, El Porko. 108 00:08:13,257 --> 00:08:17,421 We're not in the Indianapolis 500. We can't have a car with numbers on it. 109 00:08:17,496 --> 00:08:21,127 - We have to camouflage the car somehow. - Like what,j.j.? 110 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,897 How about a limousine with diplomatic plates? 111 00:08:25,874 --> 00:08:28,397 I know. A bloodmobile. 112 00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:31,340 They'd never stop a bloodmobile, would they? 113 00:08:31,112 --> 00:08:34,120 Ice cream truck! An ice cream truck! 114 00:08:34,810 --> 00:08:36,106 You know. They got to get there before it melts. 115 00:08:40,123 --> 00:08:41,714 Terrific. 116 00:08:41,790 --> 00:08:43,851 - We're out of beer, Victor. - Sorry. 117 00:08:45,930 --> 00:08:47,789 Take it easy! You're acting crazy since this Cannonball thing! 118 00:08:47,863 --> 00:08:50,128 I'm gonna pull in here and get some beer, all right? 119 00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:57,335 How about an armored personnel carrier? They wouldn't stop that, would they? 120 00:09:12,392 --> 00:09:15,518 Hey, don't bother to park. I'll be right out. 121 00:09:27,876 --> 00:09:29,100 Thank you. 122 00:09:29,750 --> 00:09:32,700 We could get a black Trans Am. No, that's been done. 123 00:09:56,576 --> 00:09:59,635 Hello, Mother. I trust you've had a pleasant day. 124 00:09:59,713 --> 00:10:02,911 A nightmare. A living nightmare. 125 00:10:02,984 --> 00:10:05,750 You are killing me, Seymour... 126 00:10:05,150 --> 00:10:09,747 killing me a slow death with this idiot spy business. 127 00:10:09,825 --> 00:10:13,624 - Mother, you don't understand. - What is there to understand? 128 00:10:13,695 --> 00:10:17,426 I'm looking at my son, Seymour Goldfarb,jr... 129 00:10:17,497 --> 00:10:20,591 son of Seymour Goldfarb, God rest his soul... 130 00:10:20,668 --> 00:10:23,763 and heir to the Goldfarb Girdles fortune. 131 00:10:23,838 --> 00:10:25,774 And what is he doing? 132 00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:27,833 Walking around, acting... 133 00:10:27,912 --> 00:10:31,314 like he was some goy movie star named Roger Moore. 134 00:10:31,383 --> 00:10:34,249 And for this I sent you to the best schools? 135 00:10:34,318 --> 00:10:37,756 For this I'm spending 8,000 on orthodontia work? 136 00:10:37,820 --> 00:10:41,279 For this I'm going broke paying that Beverly Hills analyst? 137 00:10:41,361 --> 00:10:42,917 And now... 138 00:10:42,994 --> 00:10:44,518 this. 139 00:10:45,432 --> 00:10:48,991 The sleep-in maid found it under your pillow this morning. 140 00:10:49,660 --> 00:10:51,263 What is the meaning of this? 141 00:10:51,337 --> 00:10:54,680 The meaning, Mother dear, is a quick death. 142 00:10:54,143 --> 00:10:56,975 I warned you not to interfere in my affairs. 143 00:10:57,460 --> 00:11:00,536 Seymour, put that away. It's liable to go off. 144 00:11:00,616 --> 00:11:02,777 I'm terribly sorry, Mother... 145 00:11:02,850 --> 00:11:05,182 but you know too much. 146 00:11:05,253 --> 00:11:07,187 You see, in my business... 147 00:11:07,256 --> 00:11:11,351 even the deepest family relationships aren't worth a farthing. 148 00:11:11,425 --> 00:11:12,793 Farthing, schmarthing. 149 00:11:17,101 --> 00:11:18,694 Zie gezunt, Mama. 150 00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:23,599 Where did I go wrong? 151 00:11:23,674 --> 00:11:26,142 You know something, Mama? You're too jewish. 152 00:11:27,647 --> 00:11:30,548 Of course, we could always go with a nice, plain- jane Chevy... 153 00:11:30,651 --> 00:11:33,117 with a truckload of Sidewinder missiles. 154 00:11:33,184 --> 00:11:35,847 J. J., maybe you should slow this down just a little bit. 155 00:11:35,921 --> 00:11:39,380 - I can't hear you. - I said, you're making waves. 156 00:11:39,458 --> 00:11:42,552 - You're bothering the people. - What the hell does going too fast... 157 00:11:42,627 --> 00:11:45,563 got to do with being in the Cannonball? 158 00:11:45,634 --> 00:11:48,758 J. J., you're making very big waves. 159 00:11:48,836 --> 00:11:51,361 How are ya? 160 00:12:02,951 --> 00:12:07,119 You guys are lucky. You tore the heck out of that boat. 161 00:12:07,190 --> 00:12:09,954 - You all right, Victor? - Oh, I'm fine,j.j. 162 00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:13,860 It only hurts when I point. 163 00:12:13,163 --> 00:12:15,222 You know, maybe it would've been better... 164 00:12:15,298 --> 00:12:18,235 if you didn't pay so much attention to those girls. 165 00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:20,327 - Nobody's perfect. - That's true. 166 00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,339 Nobody's perfect... 167 00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:23,932 but him. 168 00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,270 Sorry. 169 00:12:27,349 --> 00:12:28,973 How far is it to the hospital? 170 00:12:29,490 --> 00:12:30,982 - About ten miles. - Oh, yeah? 171 00:12:31,510 --> 00:12:33,180 How long will it take us to get there? 172 00:12:33,870 --> 00:12:34,451 About four or five minutes. 173 00:12:34,522 --> 00:12:37,489 You can smoke through traffic like shot through a gun in this thing. 174 00:14:32,988 --> 00:14:34,288 Camel. 175 00:14:34,490 --> 00:14:36,891 Not the Camel, schmuck. Winston. 176 00:15:09,198 --> 00:15:12,660 Starting tomorrow, you and George will be riding in the car with me. 177 00:15:12,133 --> 00:15:13,650 Yes, sir. 178 00:15:21,979 --> 00:15:24,710 How goes your driving, my brother? 179 00:15:24,148 --> 00:15:26,444 Allah be praised, dear sister. 180 00:15:26,517 --> 00:15:30,544 My speed is rivaled only by the lightning bolts from the heavens. 181 00:15:35,729 --> 00:15:38,721 And I suppose you still intend to go through that race... 182 00:15:38,798 --> 00:15:40,628 with the infidel Americans. 183 00:15:40,701 --> 00:15:42,827 Cannonball will fall... 184 00:15:42,901 --> 00:15:45,640 to the forces of Islam! 185 00:15:45,139 --> 00:15:48,437 My dear sister, I pledge it! 186 00:15:48,510 --> 00:15:50,978 Drink! Drink! 187 00:15:51,460 --> 00:15:53,379 - The car will be there, correct? - Yes, Mr. Compton. 188 00:15:53,447 --> 00:15:55,608 Don't forget to cancel the board meeting on Monday. 189 00:15:55,752 --> 00:15:59,500 I'm going to spend a week in Spain at the castle. 190 00:15:59,121 --> 00:16:02,319 - Yes, Mr. Compton. - I want you to find an old friend... 191 00:16:02,394 --> 00:16:04,383 a Mr. Shakey Finch. 192 00:16:04,460 --> 00:16:08,550 He is the finest long- distance motorcycle rider in this nation. 193 00:16:08,130 --> 00:16:10,660 - You got it? - Yes, Mr. Compton. 194 00:16:11,501 --> 00:16:15,769 Mr. Compton, the board has asked me to express their concern one more time. 195 00:16:15,841 --> 00:16:18,741 - Please reconsider. - Not possible, Arthur. 196 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:21,779 The board will have to permit me this one indulgence... 197 00:16:21,846 --> 00:16:23,370 to my ego. 198 00:16:28,923 --> 00:16:32,490 I've gotta be free 199 00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:35,392 I've gotta be me 200 00:16:35,463 --> 00:16:37,550 To live 201 00:16:45,809 --> 00:16:48,276 Got to be free 202 00:16:48,343 --> 00:16:51,575 - Boy, ain't he something? - Are you kidding? 203 00:16:51,648 --> 00:16:53,912 That is the dumbest thing I've seen since that dimwit... 204 00:16:53,983 --> 00:16:55,885 tried to jump the Grand Canyon. 205 00:17:00,659 --> 00:17:02,717 He's still on our ass. 206 00:17:02,792 --> 00:17:04,259 I don't think... I don't think... 207 00:17:04,327 --> 00:17:06,590 I don't think he's a brother either. 208 00:17:06,131 --> 00:17:09,965 Don't you worry, son. I'm gonna lose him up here at the motel. 209 00:17:10,350 --> 00:17:13,620 Hey, I remember. There's a spot... 210 00:17:13,140 --> 00:17:16,233 There's a spot right in back... 211 00:17:16,308 --> 00:17:18,245 and it's a perfect spot to hide. 212 00:17:18,310 --> 00:17:20,677 All right. Wonderful, wonderful. 213 00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,409 - Take... Take... - Left. 214 00:17:22,484 --> 00:17:24,417 Oh, hell. Take a left. 215 00:17:27,122 --> 00:17:29,682 I can't see shit, can you? 216 00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:32,560 No problem, son. No problem. 217 00:17:34,661 --> 00:17:35,822 What was that? 218 00:17:47,913 --> 00:17:50,539 That's... That's... That's... 219 00:17:52,283 --> 00:17:53,876 perfect. 220 00:17:53,952 --> 00:17:55,977 That's better than hiding... 221 00:17:56,530 --> 00:17:58,489 - That's better than hiding it out back. - I know. 222 00:17:58,558 --> 00:18:00,492 But the only problem we got now... 223 00:18:00,559 --> 00:18:02,994 is we have to go and retune it. 224 00:18:03,610 --> 00:18:05,462 All right? Let's go get a beer first. 225 00:18:05,531 --> 00:18:08,127 Yeah, let's go get... Let's... Beer. 226 00:18:09,569 --> 00:18:13,130 I'd like to thank Mona Carson of Westport... 227 00:18:13,207 --> 00:18:15,368 for that wonderful combination of hemp sandwiches... 228 00:18:15,443 --> 00:18:18,277 and wood chip consomme. 229 00:18:18,346 --> 00:18:22,373 And now, the moment you've all been waiting for. 230 00:18:22,453 --> 00:18:24,419 This is a titty turn... 231 00:18:24,486 --> 00:18:26,614 terrific turnout for the meeting. 232 00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:28,954 - Yes, terrific. - He led the campaign... 233 00:18:29,250 --> 00:18:33,429 to ban the use of electric toothbrushes during peak load hours. 234 00:18:35,340 --> 00:18:37,364 I suppose you... 235 00:18:37,435 --> 00:18:39,368 came here to hear me speak. 236 00:18:39,437 --> 00:18:43,167 No, not really. I'm into trees. 237 00:18:44,944 --> 00:18:46,377 Trees. 238 00:18:47,879 --> 00:18:49,813 Friends of Nature love trees, you know... 239 00:18:49,881 --> 00:18:51,873 so I come to the meetings. 240 00:18:51,951 --> 00:18:54,386 That's very interesting. 241 00:18:54,454 --> 00:18:56,979 I love anybody who loves trees. 242 00:18:57,570 --> 00:19:00,586 They happen to be a great passion of mine. 243 00:19:00,661 --> 00:19:03,610 You know what I like best about trees? 244 00:19:03,130 --> 00:19:05,860 - No, what? - That you can lie under them... 245 00:19:05,934 --> 00:19:08,801 on a moonlit night with the breeze blowing... 246 00:19:08,871 --> 00:19:11,339 ball your brains out. 247 00:19:11,407 --> 00:19:13,806 Mr. Arthur j. Foyt. 248 00:19:16,279 --> 00:19:17,747 Mr. Foyt. 249 00:19:24,321 --> 00:19:26,552 Give that sucker some juice. 250 00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:31,290 The only thing hiding it... hiding it... hiding it in the pool... 251 00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:34,361 did was make it pretty. 252 00:19:34,432 --> 00:19:36,730 It ain't running worth a shit. And it's wet! 253 00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:39,363 I know that. Just hit it one more time, all right? 254 00:19:41,107 --> 00:19:44,474 Hold it! Hold it! I know what's wrong. 255 00:19:44,545 --> 00:19:46,479 Don't think for a minute... 256 00:19:46,549 --> 00:19:49,950 that we in Washington... 257 00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:52,715 don't appreciate your Mothers' March... 258 00:19:52,788 --> 00:19:56,153 to ban the sale of colored toilet paper... 259 00:19:56,226 --> 00:19:59,218 to help reduce irritation... 260 00:19:59,296 --> 00:20:01,695 of the rectum. 261 00:20:04,803 --> 00:20:05,996 But today... 262 00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:09,231 I want to direct my remarks... 263 00:20:09,307 --> 00:20:10,830 to an old... 264 00:20:10,908 --> 00:20:13,876 and familiar enemy... 265 00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:16,312 the automobile. 266 00:20:16,983 --> 00:20:18,914 One more time. Let me hear it. 267 00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:28,428 It reminds me of a poem... 268 00:20:28,494 --> 00:20:30,430 I wrote. 269 00:20:30,498 --> 00:20:33,330 "The automobile, the automobile..." 270 00:20:48,284 --> 00:20:49,979 Are you all right? 271 00:20:50,510 --> 00:20:52,681 They picked on the wrong one this time! 272 00:20:52,757 --> 00:20:55,486 I guarantee they're gonna pay for this... 273 00:20:55,557 --> 00:20:58,186 because when the going gets tough, the tough get going. 274 00:21:01,367 --> 00:21:03,892 She's running good now, buddy. 275 00:21:03,967 --> 00:21:06,131 I still think we ought to paint it. 276 00:21:06,205 --> 00:21:09,504 If we're gonna paint it, let's go ahead and Midasize it, all right? 277 00:21:13,945 --> 00:21:15,345 There's the motel. 278 00:21:15,414 --> 00:21:18,385 The Cannonballers have the parking lot all jammed up. 279 00:21:18,450 --> 00:21:21,460 Man, I can't handle this traffic. 280 00:21:21,123 --> 00:21:23,885 Hold on to your lunch pail. This may get a little weird. 281 00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,153 Wait a minute. 282 00:21:27,228 --> 00:21:28,160 Slow down! 283 00:21:36,472 --> 00:21:38,566 You the one running this flea bag? 284 00:21:38,643 --> 00:21:40,632 - Where are the hookers? - What? 285 00:21:40,709 --> 00:21:43,376 Hookers, man. Where are the hookers? 286 00:21:43,446 --> 00:21:45,382 Excuse me. 287 00:21:47,118 --> 00:21:49,347 - Hello, Mad Dog. - Hey,j.j. 288 00:21:49,421 --> 00:21:51,614 You probably didn't realize this, but the parking lot's outside. 289 00:21:51,688 --> 00:21:53,850 Yeah, I know. Brakes went out. 290 00:21:53,926 --> 00:21:56,223 - You think you're the president? - Well... 291 00:21:56,292 --> 00:21:58,924 let me make one thing perfectly clear. 292 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:02,264 We feel terrible about it. And if they can't take a joke... 293 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:07,597 Thank goodness. We just had a terrible accident. 294 00:22:07,673 --> 00:22:09,642 We'd like to help you, but we're off duty. 295 00:22:09,710 --> 00:22:12,236 This man looks bad. Maybe he's dead. 296 00:22:12,314 --> 00:22:15,646 Then you should call the coroner. J. J., he don't look too good. 297 00:22:18,888 --> 00:22:21,411 - I think he just had his bell rung. - Can't you do something? 298 00:22:21,491 --> 00:22:23,686 You're professionals. 299 00:22:23,761 --> 00:22:25,420 This is our day off. 300 00:22:25,494 --> 00:22:29,328 Will you guys do something? This man's life is hanging by a thread. 301 00:22:38,308 --> 00:22:41,437 You have to be scientific. It could go up the nostrils, affect the sinuses. 302 00:22:41,512 --> 00:22:43,447 That's true. 303 00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:56,280 There. Don't bother about the bill. 304 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:58,656 Just give him a couple of enemas... 305 00:22:58,734 --> 00:23:00,791 and call me in the morning. 306 00:23:02,438 --> 00:23:04,302 - Hi. How's it going? - Perfect. 307 00:23:04,371 --> 00:23:07,364 We'd like two singles. J.j. McClure, Victor Prinzim. 308 00:23:07,442 --> 00:23:09,707 I'll be in the bar. 309 00:23:09,777 --> 00:23:12,111 I always like a couple drinks right after surgery. 310 00:23:19,255 --> 00:23:21,416 I wonder why that guy parked his truck in the lobby. 311 00:23:21,491 --> 00:23:23,925 Only in America. Get me 12 suites. 312 00:23:23,994 --> 00:23:26,396 - Better yet, the entire floor. - Yes, sir. 313 00:23:28,434 --> 00:23:30,992 Too much couscous. 314 00:23:31,700 --> 00:23:33,163 I would sure as H like to get my hands... 315 00:23:33,239 --> 00:23:36,172 on those Hell's Angels who were driving that truck. 316 00:23:37,443 --> 00:23:39,376 But you know, it's probably just as well... 317 00:23:39,446 --> 00:23:42,812 because I am a wild bull when I lose my temper. 318 00:23:44,685 --> 00:23:46,618 I love wild bulls. 319 00:23:50,559 --> 00:23:53,461 It's really funny that you should... Oh, my God. It's them. 320 00:23:53,662 --> 00:23:55,187 - "Them" who? - Those Hell's Angels. 321 00:23:55,263 --> 00:23:57,754 They could be part of a terrorist group. 322 00:23:57,834 --> 00:23:59,461 I don't know. 323 00:24:01,102 --> 00:24:03,833 This place is filling up... 324 00:24:03,907 --> 00:24:06,431 with some real hoodlums. 325 00:24:06,508 --> 00:24:09,501 Do you see anything weird back there? 326 00:24:10,681 --> 00:24:12,239 I'm gonna find out. 327 00:24:23,697 --> 00:24:26,857 I don't understand why it's so difficult for you to find a doctor. 328 00:24:26,932 --> 00:24:31,131 It's very, very hard. It's not easy finding a doctor to take off like that. 329 00:24:31,204 --> 00:24:33,467 - Dr. Gay doesn't even leave his house. - You don't understand. 330 00:24:33,541 --> 00:24:37,340 If you're going to win and you're driving an ambulance, you need a doctor. 331 00:24:38,579 --> 00:24:41,572 - What does Dr. Gay do? - He's my shrink. 332 00:24:41,651 --> 00:24:43,582 - He was committed yesterday. - Why? 333 00:24:43,652 --> 00:24:46,450 He was smoking bananas. 334 00:24:46,522 --> 00:24:49,491 He gets very upset when he talks to him. 335 00:24:49,561 --> 00:24:51,493 So do I. 336 00:24:52,663 --> 00:24:56,293 Sorry. I don't want fruit in my drink. 337 00:24:59,703 --> 00:25:01,138 Congratulations. 338 00:25:01,206 --> 00:25:03,731 Here's to you. Good luck. 339 00:25:06,578 --> 00:25:07,978 You dumb shits. 340 00:25:08,470 --> 00:25:10,311 They haven't got a chance. 341 00:25:10,383 --> 00:25:11,940 You know what? 342 00:25:12,180 --> 00:25:15,545 I think I'm gonna call the Greek and put another 10,000 on us. 343 00:25:19,259 --> 00:25:21,692 What about those two? 344 00:25:21,762 --> 00:25:24,231 Maybe one of those beauties could be our patient. 345 00:25:24,299 --> 00:25:26,823 Both of them could be. 346 00:25:26,901 --> 00:25:29,233 I could be very patient with those patients. 347 00:25:30,874 --> 00:25:32,805 They're very lick... very likeable. 348 00:25:32,874 --> 00:25:36,403 Tell you what. Let's go over there and talk to them. 349 00:25:36,478 --> 00:25:38,207 - Okay. - I'll do all the talking. 350 00:25:39,748 --> 00:25:42,470 You just think about the doctor. 351 00:25:52,397 --> 00:25:54,195 - Good evening, ladies. - Hello. 352 00:25:54,267 --> 00:25:57,895 My name is j.j. McClure, and this is Victor Prinzim, my executive assistant. 353 00:25:57,970 --> 00:25:59,960 - Hi. - I'll do the talking, Victor. 354 00:26:00,380 --> 00:26:02,235 Terrorists, my dimpled ass. 355 00:26:02,306 --> 00:26:06,835 These people make terrorists look like the Sisters of Charity. 356 00:26:06,914 --> 00:26:10,406 These guys are Cannonballers. 357 00:26:12,987 --> 00:26:14,921 What is that, a bowling team? 358 00:26:14,991 --> 00:26:17,516 As you probably know, we're the favorites to win the Cannonball... 359 00:26:17,592 --> 00:26:19,527 and I was wondering if one of you or both of you... 360 00:26:19,594 --> 00:26:21,529 might like to ride in the winning vehicle. 361 00:26:21,595 --> 00:26:24,630 That would be very exciting. 362 00:26:24,132 --> 00:26:25,692 Exciting. 363 00:26:25,769 --> 00:26:27,929 But we're Cannonballers ourselves, thank you. 364 00:26:28,500 --> 00:26:30,164 They're Cannonballers. 365 00:26:30,241 --> 00:26:31,971 As for the winning vehicle... 366 00:26:32,430 --> 00:26:34,238 we'll just have to wait and see. 367 00:26:34,311 --> 00:26:35,711 You haven't seen our equipment. 368 00:26:38,216 --> 00:26:39,205 Equipment? 369 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:15,820 Don't tell me your name. 370 00:27:15,893 --> 00:27:17,825 Let me guess. 371 00:27:32,876 --> 00:27:34,847 I'll just call you Beauty, okay? 372 00:27:34,915 --> 00:27:36,779 That's nice. 373 00:27:36,850 --> 00:27:38,475 Thank you. 374 00:27:38,551 --> 00:27:40,109 Sit down. 375 00:27:44,325 --> 00:27:46,120 Are you one of those volleyballers? 376 00:27:46,193 --> 00:27:48,593 Cannonballers. No. 377 00:27:48,662 --> 00:27:50,130 Why are you dressed like that? 378 00:27:51,330 --> 00:27:53,193 Humanitarian reasons. 379 00:27:53,268 --> 00:27:56,396 I'm a wealthy philanthropist. 380 00:27:56,473 --> 00:27:58,599 Me and my partner ride around in an ambulance... 381 00:27:58,673 --> 00:28:02,800 Looking for accidents, trying to help people. 382 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:05,377 I don't think we were put on this earth to hurt people. 383 00:28:05,449 --> 00:28:07,381 I think we were put on this earth to... 384 00:28:07,452 --> 00:28:08,975 help people. 385 00:28:09,530 --> 00:28:11,545 - That's beautiful. - Thank you. 386 00:28:11,622 --> 00:28:14,421 You must be a sensitive person. 387 00:28:14,492 --> 00:28:15,722 I try to be. 388 00:28:15,795 --> 00:28:18,388 I bet you're a fan of Rod McKuen. 389 00:28:18,466 --> 00:28:20,159 I listen to him every night. 390 00:28:20,233 --> 00:28:25,635 I'm into trees. Have you ever heard of joyce Kilmer? 391 00:28:25,706 --> 00:28:27,832 She wrote a terrific poem about a tree. 392 00:28:27,907 --> 00:28:29,375 He. 393 00:28:29,445 --> 00:28:30,637 Who? 394 00:28:30,712 --> 00:28:33,177 - He. - He's a she? 395 00:28:33,247 --> 00:28:34,508 She's a he. 396 00:28:35,950 --> 00:28:39,680 Well, he wrote a really terrific poem about a tree. 397 00:28:40,986 --> 00:28:43,890 - You know what I like best about trees? - No, what? 398 00:28:43,959 --> 00:28:46,722 That you can lie under them on a moonlit night... 399 00:28:46,795 --> 00:28:48,990 the leaves gently blowing in the trees... 400 00:28:51,401 --> 00:28:52,527 Sorry. 401 00:28:52,601 --> 00:28:56,470 It's all right. What were you saying about trees? 402 00:28:56,539 --> 00:29:00,568 I was saying, what I like best about trees... 403 00:29:00,645 --> 00:29:04,672 is that, on a moonlit night you can lie under them... 404 00:29:04,750 --> 00:29:06,878 with the leaves gently blowing... 405 00:29:06,953 --> 00:29:10,481 Hey,j. J., you'll never believe what just happened to him. 406 00:29:10,558 --> 00:29:12,888 - I don't want to talk about it. - He had the most wonderful time... 407 00:29:12,957 --> 00:29:16,190 I don't want to talk about him. Victor, Beauty. Beauty, Victor. 408 00:29:16,940 --> 00:29:19,223 - Hello, Victor. - You really are. 409 00:29:19,300 --> 00:29:21,789 - Do you want to hear about the doc? - He's telling me about the doctor. 410 00:29:21,868 --> 00:29:23,835 - Oh, it's about the doctor. - It's really important. 411 00:29:23,904 --> 00:29:26,600 - We need a doc for the ambulance. - It'll keep. 412 00:29:26,675 --> 00:29:28,368 I'll leave you two alone. 413 00:29:28,443 --> 00:29:32,107 - But listen, I think you should hear... - It'll keep! 414 00:29:32,182 --> 00:29:34,240 - It's really important. - I want to talk to her. 415 00:29:35,586 --> 00:29:37,518 Who? 416 00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:40,512 Now do you want to hear about the doc? 417 00:29:40,591 --> 00:29:43,800 - No! - It'll keep. 418 00:29:45,597 --> 00:29:48,462 Hey, Brad, old buddy! How the hell are you? 419 00:29:50,100 --> 00:29:52,626 My God, it is you. Hello, Shakey! 420 00:29:55,371 --> 00:29:57,898 Shakey, it's kind of tough to get close to you. 421 00:29:57,975 --> 00:30:00,447 Last time I saw you, you were a bit more svelte. 422 00:30:00,513 --> 00:30:03,174 Yeah, well, what can I tell you? In the pizza business, when it's slow... 423 00:30:03,250 --> 00:30:06,185 you tend to eat the inventory. 424 00:30:06,253 --> 00:30:08,653 But that's not good for the Cannonball. You know that. 425 00:30:08,721 --> 00:30:10,987 You don't need a motorcycle. You need the Super Chief. 426 00:30:12,627 --> 00:30:15,322 Even with the extra tonnage, I'm still the best there is. 427 00:30:15,398 --> 00:30:17,627 Yeah? Well, I'll tell you what. 428 00:30:17,699 --> 00:30:20,999 I got a throttle that's been sticking. Why don't you fix that? 429 00:30:21,690 --> 00:30:24,165 Boss, this is the biggest coup... 430 00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:26,870 in the history of the safety enforcement unit. 431 00:30:28,100 --> 00:30:30,377 We're gonna blow this Cannonball thing wide open... 432 00:30:30,447 --> 00:30:32,915 and then we're gonna hit congress for a real budget... 433 00:30:32,982 --> 00:30:35,510 that will allow us to play some real hardball. 434 00:30:35,585 --> 00:30:37,680 I mean, this is our Three Mile Island... 435 00:30:37,756 --> 00:30:40,220 and Love Canal combined. 436 00:30:43,290 --> 00:30:46,624 - What's wrong? - Look at the chicks. 437 00:30:47,899 --> 00:30:49,527 - What is it? - Look at the chicks! 438 00:30:51,370 --> 00:30:53,965 If we were Methodists... 439 00:30:54,410 --> 00:30:57,501 what a shot we could have had of getting laid right here. 440 00:30:59,810 --> 00:31:02,241 Listen, I want to get up there. I don't want to miss a thing. 441 00:31:04,153 --> 00:31:07,520 All right. There you go. Just as good as new. Give her a try. 442 00:31:07,589 --> 00:31:09,487 - That's it? - That's it. 443 00:31:09,557 --> 00:31:12,117 All right. 444 00:31:12,193 --> 00:31:13,891 We'll see. 445 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:18,000 Hey, I don't think it's the throttle. I think it's the clutch! 446 00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:20,333 Good-bye. 447 00:31:20,404 --> 00:31:22,769 Look out! Hey, watch out! 448 00:31:22,839 --> 00:31:24,499 Watch out! 449 00:31:26,111 --> 00:31:28,773 Coming through! 450 00:31:35,689 --> 00:31:38,123 What in the hell was that? 451 00:31:38,192 --> 00:31:41,217 That must be the entry of the National Safety Council. 452 00:32:13,598 --> 00:32:14,892 Good day. 453 00:32:14,966 --> 00:32:18,131 I am here to participate in your little jaunt to California. 454 00:32:18,204 --> 00:32:20,899 Well, of course. If you would sign in here, please. 455 00:32:25,346 --> 00:32:27,778 Hold still, Petey. Say cheese. 456 00:32:29,249 --> 00:32:32,378 I realize the novelty of a major celebrity... 457 00:32:32,453 --> 00:32:34,386 entering your little race... 458 00:32:34,455 --> 00:32:38,840 but kindly resist the temptation and keep the media coverage to a minimum. 459 00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:40,252 - Thank you. - Will you hurry the hell up? 460 00:32:57,140 --> 00:32:58,606 Hurry up! 461 00:33:12,432 --> 00:33:16,458 Man does not live on... on bread alone. 462 00:33:16,536 --> 00:33:19,665 What concerns me is, do we have enough ice for all this beer? 463 00:33:21,209 --> 00:33:22,869 Plenty. 464 00:33:22,945 --> 00:33:25,970 Yeah, well, how about food, son. Did you bring enough food? 465 00:33:27,113 --> 00:33:28,470 Plenty. 466 00:33:28,116 --> 00:33:30,175 Will you get serious? Give me the rest of that beer. 467 00:33:40,996 --> 00:33:42,932 Excuse me, good sisters, if you will. 468 00:33:43,100 --> 00:33:46,198 Father, we do have a race to run, and we're running a little late. 469 00:33:46,270 --> 00:33:48,761 So will you come on? Will you excuse him, good sisters? 470 00:33:50,739 --> 00:33:53,574 - Bye- bye. - Don't run off. Tonight's the night. 471 00:33:55,817 --> 00:33:57,750 I'd like to welcome you all... 472 00:33:57,818 --> 00:34:00,684 to an event that's sometimes been called the automotive counterpart... 473 00:34:00,754 --> 00:34:03,221 to the Bay of Pigs. 474 00:34:03,289 --> 00:34:06,157 You all are certainly the most distinguished group... 475 00:34:06,224 --> 00:34:09,250 of highway scofflaws and degenerates... 476 00:34:09,329 --> 00:34:11,388 ever gathered together in one place. 477 00:34:11,467 --> 00:34:12,900 We're gonna have fun. 478 00:34:12,966 --> 00:34:16,493 Of course you know certain skeptics note that perhaps 10,000... 479 00:34:16,571 --> 00:34:18,970 of the nation's most elite highway patrolmen... 480 00:34:19,390 --> 00:34:22,601 are out there waiting for us after we start, but let's think positively. 481 00:34:22,677 --> 00:34:25,876 Think of the fact that there is not one state in the 50... 482 00:34:25,949 --> 00:34:28,315 that has the death penalty for speeding. 483 00:34:28,386 --> 00:34:30,217 Although I'm not sure about Ohio. 484 00:34:31,422 --> 00:34:34,254 Everybody is gonna get a card like this. 485 00:34:34,323 --> 00:34:37,886 When you leave, you're gonna punch out here at this time clock. 486 00:34:37,961 --> 00:34:40,297 Three thousand miles away from here... 487 00:34:40,365 --> 00:34:43,300 is another time clock just like that at the Portofino Inn. 488 00:34:43,366 --> 00:34:47,204 The difference between the two times is your time across the country. 489 00:34:47,273 --> 00:34:51,730 The record stands at 32 hours and 51 minutes. 490 00:34:51,145 --> 00:34:55,579 Believe it or not, those guys did break the 55 mile an hour speed limit. 491 00:34:58,484 --> 00:35:01,978 Let's get that first car up here. We're gonna get this thing underway. 492 00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:18,336 Go! 493 00:35:23,749 --> 00:35:26,130 - I know. - All right. Where's the doctor? 494 00:35:26,830 --> 00:35:28,110 - I got everything else. - Where's the doctor? 495 00:35:28,186 --> 00:35:30,486 - I got 60 gallons of gas... - Can you read my lips? 496 00:35:30,554 --> 00:35:32,750 - Where is the doctor? - The auxiliary tanks... 497 00:35:32,824 --> 00:35:35,316 Goddamn it, I gave you one responsibility... to get a doctor. 498 00:35:35,394 --> 00:35:37,521 You give me no doctor. Where is he? 499 00:35:37,597 --> 00:35:39,963 He got sick. 500 00:35:40,330 --> 00:35:42,661 Listen to what I'm telling you. You go find a doctor. 501 00:35:42,735 --> 00:35:44,932 Get me Dr. Kildare. Get me Dr. Livingston. 502 00:35:45,500 --> 00:35:46,938 Get me Dr. Frankenstein. Just get me a doctor. 503 00:35:47,700 --> 00:35:49,477 - Go where the doctors hang out. - Where is that? 504 00:35:49,541 --> 00:35:50,909 Bars, golf courses. 505 00:35:50,979 --> 00:35:53,505 Golf course, bar. All right. Where else? Hospital! 506 00:35:53,583 --> 00:35:54,842 Try that too. 507 00:35:54,915 --> 00:35:57,714 My jet will take you to California. 508 00:35:57,786 --> 00:36:00,255 It's time for you to punch out. 509 00:36:03,893 --> 00:36:06,522 I'll see you in California! I love you! 510 00:36:12,971 --> 00:36:14,905 A toast to us, you and me. 511 00:36:14,974 --> 00:36:17,238 - We're gonna win the whole thing. - It's a cinch. 512 00:36:17,308 --> 00:36:20,608 The more I look around and see these turkeys... 513 00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:22,374 I have... 514 00:36:24,784 --> 00:36:27,983 While you're drinking, that truck to the left... 515 00:36:28,550 --> 00:36:30,581 Isn't that j.j. McClure? 516 00:36:30,657 --> 00:36:32,956 He's nothing. 517 00:36:33,270 --> 00:36:37,158 Don't worry about him. It's the blimp next to him. The blimp. 518 00:36:37,234 --> 00:36:42,310 When he puts on that mask, he'll blow your goddamn doors off. 519 00:36:42,103 --> 00:36:44,731 You understand that? The blimp! 520 00:36:53,916 --> 00:36:55,852 Was that weird? 521 00:37:01,494 --> 00:37:03,754 It's a Nevada license plate... 522 00:37:03,828 --> 00:37:05,820 and that's... 523 00:37:05,898 --> 00:37:08,127 whiskey, zebra, alpha... 524 00:37:08,201 --> 00:37:10,635 niner, fiver, zero. 525 00:37:10,703 --> 00:37:12,603 - You got that? - What? 526 00:37:13,772 --> 00:37:16,800 Just write W-Z-A... No, here. 527 00:37:16,877 --> 00:37:21,577 Will you let me do it? W-Z-A-9-5-0. 528 00:37:21,648 --> 00:37:25,779 See? Whiskey, zebra, alpha, niner, fiver, zero. 529 00:37:31,492 --> 00:37:35,260 Okay, so it's Interstate 80 through Pennsylvania. 530 00:37:35,331 --> 00:37:39,325 Oh, that's a good looking piece. 531 00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:43,306 And cunningly disguised so it won't look like a racing car. 532 00:37:43,373 --> 00:37:46,830 You know, the cops would never give that a second glance. 533 00:37:46,910 --> 00:37:50,439 Two hundred and twenty miles an hour, and they won't get a second glance. 534 00:37:50,515 --> 00:37:52,450 Hey, when we get to California... 535 00:37:52,517 --> 00:37:55,384 I got a place out at Palos Verdes... 536 00:37:55,455 --> 00:37:58,720 You boys gonna start this thing or just sit and wait for that paint to dry? 537 00:38:00,358 --> 00:38:01,851 Yes, sir. 538 00:38:04,230 --> 00:38:06,791 - How long till we stop? - Eight hours. 539 00:38:06,867 --> 00:38:09,838 Damn, I gotta go to the john. 540 00:38:17,813 --> 00:38:19,770 Go. 541 00:38:23,418 --> 00:38:26,911 Mad Dog, you are gonna take the shortcut to the interstate, aren't you? 542 00:38:26,989 --> 00:38:29,151 We're here to win, ain't we? 543 00:38:29,225 --> 00:38:33,920 If you're gonna be a bear, be a grizzly. 544 00:38:39,638 --> 00:38:41,571 My God, Pamela. 545 00:38:41,639 --> 00:38:43,575 Did you see that? 546 00:38:43,642 --> 00:38:48,306 They drove right through those trees. I love trees. Did I tell you... 547 00:38:48,380 --> 00:38:51,508 We are going right down there and bring this thing to a screeching halt... 548 00:38:51,583 --> 00:38:52,951 right now. 549 00:38:53,190 --> 00:38:55,352 Buckle up. We're going into action. 550 00:38:57,725 --> 00:39:00,194 Would you mind? 551 00:39:00,261 --> 00:39:03,288 - Very civil. - Might be easier with your lights on. 552 00:39:03,366 --> 00:39:05,300 Why advertise? 553 00:39:06,701 --> 00:39:08,898 - Wait a minute, Father. - What? 554 00:39:08,970 --> 00:39:12,702 That's a no-no. Haven't you heard? They haven't allowed that for 2,000 years. 555 00:39:12,774 --> 00:39:15,299 No, look. I'm a liberal wing. 556 00:39:15,377 --> 00:39:17,208 Way out on the other part of the church. 557 00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:19,874 - It's nothing at all. - Keep flying, Father. 558 00:39:25,191 --> 00:39:27,591 How about just one of you? 559 00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:32,328 Who says cops won't stop honeymooners? 560 00:39:32,397 --> 00:39:34,764 Anyhow, why do I have to be the bride? 561 00:39:34,833 --> 00:39:36,770 Shut up, sweetie, and punch the clock. 562 00:39:38,370 --> 00:39:41,667 - Okay, go slow until I get my wig on. - Yes, dear. 563 00:39:44,976 --> 00:39:47,847 Well, old pal of mine, are we all set for California? 564 00:39:49,250 --> 00:39:53,310 - Next time, Methodist. Methodist! - All right, pal of mine. 565 00:39:53,388 --> 00:39:55,415 Okay, okay. You're all right. 566 00:39:55,492 --> 00:39:57,856 Okay, now, who's driving? 567 00:39:57,928 --> 00:39:59,416 - You are. - You're driving. 568 00:39:59,494 --> 00:40:02,259 - I can't drive. - Then I'm driving. 569 00:40:02,330 --> 00:40:03,925 Yeah, I think you are. 570 00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:05,864 All right. Put me down. 571 00:40:07,505 --> 00:40:09,871 You hold this. I'll get in the car. 572 00:40:16,814 --> 00:40:19,750 - Come on. - I'm coming. 573 00:40:19,818 --> 00:40:21,719 Somebody's hat! 574 00:40:27,393 --> 00:40:29,327 Hold my drink. 575 00:40:41,609 --> 00:40:42,871 Hit it! 576 00:40:49,619 --> 00:40:52,520 Thank you, good sisters. 577 00:40:52,589 --> 00:40:56,820 May the good Lord take a liking to you, but not too soon. 578 00:40:56,158 --> 00:40:58,930 Bless you, my children. 579 00:40:58,162 --> 00:41:01,640 Those guys are more juiced up than that Ferrari. 580 00:41:15,749 --> 00:41:18,183 - J. J., wait. I got the doc. - Terrific. 581 00:41:18,253 --> 00:41:20,719 No, wait. He's in the ambulance. This way. 582 00:41:22,957 --> 00:41:25,424 Before I open this, don't get your hopes up too high. 583 00:41:25,494 --> 00:41:27,554 - I was pressed for time. - No problem. 584 00:41:31,700 --> 00:41:33,257 Holy shit! 585 00:41:33,335 --> 00:41:35,394 I'm honored, sir. 586 00:41:35,471 --> 00:41:37,667 I'm Doctor Nicholas... 587 00:41:37,741 --> 00:41:40,733 Nickolas Van Helsing, professor of proctology... 588 00:41:40,811 --> 00:41:42,745 and other related tendencies. 589 00:41:42,812 --> 00:41:45,281 Graduate of the University of Rangoon... 590 00:41:45,349 --> 00:41:46,943 and assorted night classes... 591 00:41:47,170 --> 00:41:50,454 at the Knoxville, Tennessee, College of Faith Healing. 592 00:41:50,521 --> 00:41:53,356 You may be a little overqualified for this job. 593 00:41:53,423 --> 00:41:55,392 You got your equipment with you? 594 00:41:55,460 --> 00:41:57,792 I never go anywhere without it. 595 00:41:57,863 --> 00:42:01,321 However, in my particular line of work, I seldom need more than this. 596 00:42:04,872 --> 00:42:05,838 Or this. 597 00:42:12,679 --> 00:42:14,409 We'll talk about this later. 598 00:42:14,483 --> 00:42:17,883 Now, sir, before we commence this odyssey... 599 00:42:17,955 --> 00:42:20,923 which I understand will carry us across this grand nation... 600 00:42:20,989 --> 00:42:22,957 from sea to shining sea... 601 00:42:23,260 --> 00:42:25,962 there's the matter of my compensation. 602 00:42:26,290 --> 00:42:28,519 I've determined that my services will require... 603 00:42:28,598 --> 00:42:30,531 the payment of $2,000. 604 00:42:34,304 --> 00:42:37,274 I was thinking more along the lines of $200. 605 00:42:37,342 --> 00:42:39,537 Fortunately... 606 00:42:39,611 --> 00:42:43,637 my practice allows me a certain flexibility. 607 00:42:44,550 --> 00:42:48,700 After checking my schedule, I find I'll be able to make the journey. 608 00:42:48,870 --> 00:42:50,680 As far as the money's concerned, you've got a deal. 609 00:42:54,428 --> 00:42:56,200 We're off! 610 00:42:58,865 --> 00:43:00,165 Here we go. 611 00:43:00,234 --> 00:43:03,397 Three thousand carefree, madcap miles to California. 612 00:43:03,471 --> 00:43:05,406 California, here we come 613 00:43:05,473 --> 00:43:07,997 Right back where we started from 614 00:43:08,750 --> 00:43:11,206 Thanks to you, Victor, we do not have a female patient in the back... 615 00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:13,339 thanks to your wonderful Cousin Tessie. 616 00:43:13,416 --> 00:43:17,319 It's not my fault that she didn't fit in the stretcher. 617 00:43:17,386 --> 00:43:18,876 Doesn't fit in the ambulance. 618 00:43:18,955 --> 00:43:21,150 I got the doc here, didn't I? 619 00:43:22,928 --> 00:43:27,728 Don't ever tell me where you got him. I don't want to know where you got him. 620 00:43:27,797 --> 00:43:30,640 I was just surprised that all the animals there were... 621 00:43:30,136 --> 00:43:32,228 I don't want to know where you got him! 622 00:43:33,774 --> 00:43:35,831 Hey, maybe I could be the patient. 623 00:43:35,908 --> 00:43:38,709 That's a good idea. Everybody would believe you were sick. 624 00:43:38,778 --> 00:43:41,679 - Don't you believe he's sick? - Want me to examine him? 625 00:43:44,180 --> 00:43:46,487 Him doesn't like it when you say bad things about me. 626 00:43:46,555 --> 00:43:48,819 And you know that. 627 00:43:48,890 --> 00:43:51,790 Thanks to you, though, we don't have a female patient. 628 00:43:51,859 --> 00:43:54,954 And we've got to find a female... 629 00:43:56,631 --> 00:43:58,121 Damn Cannonballers. 630 00:44:03,410 --> 00:44:04,767 I'm so happy you're here. 631 00:44:04,839 --> 00:44:07,639 - Can you help me with Mr... - Foyt. 632 00:44:07,711 --> 00:44:10,736 - Foyt. - Sure. That's what I'm here for. 633 00:44:10,815 --> 00:44:13,683 Mr. Foyt. Go around and get in the emergency entrance. 634 00:44:14,985 --> 00:44:18,319 Come on right here. There we go. Hit it! 635 00:44:18,390 --> 00:44:20,552 Wait, I'm not... 636 00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:24,963 This is really terrific... 637 00:44:25,310 --> 00:44:27,590 the way you guys go around helping people. 638 00:44:27,665 --> 00:44:29,692 Next year we're going for the Nobel Prize. 639 00:44:29,768 --> 00:44:31,737 That's where the big bucks are. 640 00:44:35,108 --> 00:44:38,136 You forgot Mr... Mr... 641 00:44:40,382 --> 00:44:44,579 Well, we got you. We're batting.500. Nobody's perfect. 642 00:44:44,653 --> 00:44:46,680 Well, I think you have to go back and pick him up. 643 00:44:49,250 --> 00:44:51,857 We'd really like to, but we're on kind a tight schedule. 644 00:44:51,928 --> 00:44:53,861 We're on our way to California. 645 00:44:53,931 --> 00:44:56,991 You'd be amazed how many sick people there are out there. 646 00:44:57,670 --> 00:45:00,300 They need our help. We could pick him up on the way back. 647 00:45:03,673 --> 00:45:05,938 Victor, can you help me? 648 00:45:06,100 --> 00:45:08,742 No, I can't. I can't do anything. 649 00:45:08,812 --> 00:45:11,213 But he can. 650 00:45:11,286 --> 00:45:13,149 Who can? 651 00:45:13,219 --> 00:45:14,518 Him. 652 00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:26,535 Excuse me. 653 00:45:30,106 --> 00:45:31,505 Doctor... 654 00:45:36,812 --> 00:45:39,576 My God, the perfect specimen. 655 00:45:39,651 --> 00:45:43,105 J. J., you want me to start the examination right away? 656 00:45:43,185 --> 00:45:46,120 I'm gonna like this job. Right here, honey. 657 00:45:46,188 --> 00:45:48,124 No, thank you. Not right now. 658 00:45:56,300 --> 00:45:58,395 Of course, man. This took 30 years. 659 00:46:06,914 --> 00:46:08,711 They won't be able to see us... 660 00:46:08,781 --> 00:46:10,250 the son of a guns. 661 00:46:32,209 --> 00:46:33,904 I'm really sorry about that... 662 00:46:33,977 --> 00:46:35,741 little lapse, Officer. 663 00:46:35,814 --> 00:46:37,781 Normally I drive right around the speed limit. 664 00:46:37,849 --> 00:46:42,149 We all make mistakes, miss, but 160? That's a little more than a lapse. 665 00:46:51,664 --> 00:46:54,964 What the hell is going on here? Everybody's driving like maniacs. 666 00:46:55,350 --> 00:46:56,502 I don't know, Officer. 667 00:46:56,570 --> 00:46:59,199 Let me see your driver's license, please. 668 00:47:11,754 --> 00:47:14,987 What the hell. I can't penalize nice girls like you... 669 00:47:15,590 --> 00:47:17,753 for a little indiscretion... 670 00:47:17,828 --> 00:47:20,295 with the whole road packed with speed-crazy lunatics. 671 00:47:21,966 --> 00:47:24,399 Here. You girls have a nice trip. 672 00:47:24,470 --> 00:47:26,561 - Drive carefully and take it easy. - Thank you. 673 00:47:26,638 --> 00:47:29,836 - Come back and see us next year. - Bye. 674 00:47:31,542 --> 00:47:34,104 Take care. Keep it in the road. 675 00:47:38,184 --> 00:47:40,153 I don't know why you're pouting. 676 00:47:40,220 --> 00:47:43,554 I mean, look. We're taking a nice, leisurely trip to California. 677 00:47:43,623 --> 00:47:45,818 And we're picking up all the bills. This could be fun. 678 00:47:45,891 --> 00:47:48,530 I can't believe this is happening to me. 679 00:47:48,128 --> 00:47:50,153 This is not a joke anymore. I'm being kidnapped. 680 00:47:50,228 --> 00:47:52,223 You can call it kidnapping if you want to be rude. 681 00:47:52,301 --> 00:47:55,270 Just think. We have a professional physician on board... 682 00:47:55,338 --> 00:47:56,964 in case somebody gets swamp fever. 683 00:47:59,641 --> 00:48:01,667 You guys are strange. 684 00:48:07,283 --> 00:48:08,841 We got company. 685 00:48:08,918 --> 00:48:10,683 Yeah, I hear. 686 00:48:10,755 --> 00:48:13,746 Okay, Beauty, you lie down and be a patient for the police. 687 00:48:13,825 --> 00:48:15,848 - Come on. Why? - Don't! 688 00:48:15,927 --> 00:48:18,417 I'm not gonna help you. You didn't even help Mr... 689 00:48:21,701 --> 00:48:23,861 Maybe I can help. 690 00:48:24,671 --> 00:48:26,196 Dear God! 691 00:48:26,273 --> 00:48:30,200 It's all right, miss. It doesn't hurt. Give it to myself all the time. 692 00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:32,690 Yeah. He gives it to himself all the time. 693 00:48:33,847 --> 00:48:35,337 Show her. 694 00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:40,378 Come on, Doc. Show her. 695 00:48:42,157 --> 00:48:43,623 Show her. 696 00:48:57,309 --> 00:49:00,764 There. You see? That didn't hurt. 697 00:49:02,547 --> 00:49:04,447 - J.j.? - No, thanks. 698 00:49:31,313 --> 00:49:33,578 Hi, guys. What's up? 699 00:49:33,649 --> 00:49:34,912 What's up? 700 00:49:34,985 --> 00:49:38,680 You guys are running at 120. Your lights are flashing all over. 701 00:49:38,754 --> 00:49:41,418 - We've got a patient in there. - You were still speeding. 702 00:49:42,493 --> 00:49:44,652 She's very sick. 703 00:49:44,727 --> 00:49:46,959 There's not a hospital within 50 miles. Where are you headed? 704 00:49:47,310 --> 00:49:49,727 - UCLA. - UCLA? 705 00:49:49,801 --> 00:49:52,300 - UCLA Medical Center. - L.A. 706 00:49:52,103 --> 00:49:53,332 California? 707 00:49:54,673 --> 00:49:58,165 This is going to sound like a dumb question, but if she's that sick... 708 00:49:58,243 --> 00:49:59,732 why didn't you fly her? 709 00:49:59,812 --> 00:50:02,440 Why didn't we fly her? 710 00:50:04,285 --> 00:50:07,582 I'm just the driver. We have to ask the doc. 711 00:50:08,756 --> 00:50:10,553 That's a good idea. Why don't we ask the doc? 712 00:50:14,495 --> 00:50:15,861 I'm sorry. 713 00:50:17,966 --> 00:50:21,600 What's going on out here? What is this crude interruption? 714 00:50:26,740 --> 00:50:29,202 The patient... Why can't she be flown to California? 715 00:50:29,277 --> 00:50:32,420 Cysts on the walls of her lungs. 716 00:50:32,115 --> 00:50:33,549 Very rare. 717 00:50:33,617 --> 00:50:35,984 You see, airplanes are only pressurized at 10,000 feet. 718 00:50:36,530 --> 00:50:38,887 Anybody who knows anything about medicine knows... 719 00:50:38,958 --> 00:50:41,150 that she can't fly, she has to be driven. 720 00:50:41,227 --> 00:50:43,524 We couldn't even go through Denver, it's so high. 721 00:50:43,594 --> 00:50:47,430 Tell them to go back and pick up Mr... 722 00:50:49,702 --> 00:50:52,900 - Is that lady all right? - She's in great pain. 723 00:50:52,974 --> 00:50:56,533 Causes her to make certain delirious deliriums. 724 00:51:00,213 --> 00:51:01,771 Sounds like she's on something to me. 725 00:51:03,619 --> 00:51:06,917 Let me explain something to you. We have to get the senator's wife... 726 00:51:06,987 --> 00:51:09,355 to California in 72 hours. 727 00:51:09,426 --> 00:51:11,119 You understand what I'm saying? 728 00:51:12,861 --> 00:51:14,921 We have to get the senator's wife... 729 00:51:14,996 --> 00:51:17,866 to California in 72 hours. 730 00:51:18,736 --> 00:51:19,964 We're very close. 731 00:51:21,338 --> 00:51:25,468 As long as you're in New jersey, I want you fellows to take it easy. 732 00:51:25,545 --> 00:51:28,700 - You got that? - We sure do. 733 00:51:29,947 --> 00:51:32,542 - Thanks a lot. - Get this rig out of here. 734 00:51:35,555 --> 00:51:37,886 I'm glad there's no cupcakes like that in New jersey. 735 00:51:37,957 --> 00:51:40,324 You haven't met my brother-in- law Ralph. 736 00:51:49,604 --> 00:51:51,729 I thought that cop was gonna have a cardiac arrest... 737 00:51:51,804 --> 00:51:54,370 when we said we were going to California. 738 00:51:55,878 --> 00:51:57,606 Wasn't Beauty terrific? 739 00:51:57,680 --> 00:51:59,545 The lady was splendid. 740 00:51:59,615 --> 00:52:03,109 She should have her picture on the cover of the AMAJournal. 741 00:52:08,592 --> 00:52:11,260 I'm sure that doctor's a very sweet man, basically. 742 00:52:11,950 --> 00:52:12,188 Ah, thanks. 743 00:52:12,264 --> 00:52:14,858 But don't you ever tell me where you found him. 744 00:52:14,933 --> 00:52:16,764 Ever. 745 00:52:16,834 --> 00:52:19,430 It's the Cannonball. It's the damn Cannonball for sure. 746 00:52:19,506 --> 00:52:21,869 They blasted away right in front of my eyes. 747 00:52:21,940 --> 00:52:24,773 And they kidnapped a girl named Pamela Glover... 748 00:52:24,842 --> 00:52:27,677 just like it was the goddamn Red Brigade or something. 749 00:52:29,150 --> 00:52:32,109 No, I've got them. This time I've got them. 750 00:52:32,187 --> 00:52:34,916 Ohio? Yes. Ohio has been notified. 751 00:52:36,289 --> 00:52:38,725 Ohio has been notified. 752 00:52:38,795 --> 00:52:41,558 And Missouri. And California. 753 00:52:41,630 --> 00:52:44,690 We'll get them, and I'm gonna be there to handle it. 754 00:52:45,835 --> 00:52:47,769 You can count on it. 755 00:52:49,872 --> 00:52:51,932 I've got two minutes to catch my flight. 756 00:52:52,800 --> 00:52:52,941 Bye. 757 00:52:59,683 --> 00:53:01,549 - Madam. Madam. - Madam? 758 00:53:01,618 --> 00:53:04,349 I'm no madam. I'm a decent, respectable woman. 759 00:53:04,422 --> 00:53:06,617 I don't even own a house. I live in an apartment. 760 00:53:06,692 --> 00:53:08,989 Now get off my case. I'm late for my plane. 761 00:53:23,243 --> 00:53:26,611 - After my career in the RAF... - The what? 762 00:53:26,681 --> 00:53:29,470 The Royal Air Force. 763 00:53:29,116 --> 00:53:32,745 - Do you mind if I have a cigarette? - Please, go ahead. They're your lungs. 764 00:53:32,822 --> 00:53:36,180 Well, I had a chestful of citations... medals, that sort of thing... 765 00:53:36,910 --> 00:53:37,890 and then I drifted in playing a rather popular... 766 00:53:37,961 --> 00:53:40,256 Not that one, darling, please. 767 00:53:40,328 --> 00:53:43,926 We don't want you leaving so shortly after the trip has begun, do we? 768 00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:46,940 No, of course not. 769 00:53:46,168 --> 00:53:48,400 Then I drifted into playing... 770 00:53:48,472 --> 00:53:51,202 a rather popular character on a television series. 771 00:53:51,276 --> 00:53:53,369 It's still in syndication, you know. 772 00:53:54,647 --> 00:53:57,207 Puff away. 773 00:53:57,282 --> 00:54:00,720 Thanks a lot, ladies. But I would take it a little easier. 774 00:54:00,787 --> 00:54:04,315 Some of the officers up the road might not be as understanding. 775 00:54:04,390 --> 00:54:08,851 Thank you so much, Officer. We really do appreciate that warning. 776 00:54:08,928 --> 00:54:10,589 And if you're ever in Duluth... 777 00:54:10,664 --> 00:54:12,760 remember to look me up. 778 00:54:13,967 --> 00:54:17,495 I got the number. You can count on it. 779 00:54:28,885 --> 00:54:30,250 How's the patient? 780 00:54:34,691 --> 00:54:36,000 60084

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