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*THE SIMPSONS*
Season 03 Episode 09
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00:00:06,714 --> 00:00:09,496
*THE SIMPSONS*
Episode Title: "Dadicus Finch"
3
00:00:24,033 --> 00:00:25,502
Aaah!
4
00:00:29,783 --> 00:00:30,978
D'oh!
5
00:00:32,445 --> 00:00:33,744
D'oh!
6
00:00:53,549 --> 00:00:55,404
Sorry, no room.
7
00:01:05,053 --> 00:01:06,488
I am a broccoli,
8
00:01:06,553 --> 00:01:08,089
I help
keep you lean.
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00:01:08,197 --> 00:01:09,562
My head's on a stalk,
10
00:01:09,627 --> 00:01:11,412
and my color is...
11
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is...
12
00:01:16,330 --> 00:01:19,162
Uh, is... uh...
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00:01:19,260 --> 00:01:20,851
Oh, come on,
you little nitwit.
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It's the color of your costume,
for God's sake.
15
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Purple.
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00:01:24,353 --> 00:01:26,570
Get off my stage,
out of my sight,
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- and into your parents' car.
- Okay.
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00:01:28,775 --> 00:01:31,451
You'll never work in
second grade theater again.
19
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Hooray!
20
00:01:32,955 --> 00:01:35,341
Up next,
the heartwarming story
21
00:01:35,416 --> 00:01:38,287
of the origin of
veal.
22
00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:45,344
Hello, friend-o.
23
00:01:49,215 --> 00:01:52,551
No, no! You promised
you would cut this scene.
24
00:01:52,658 --> 00:01:54,951
No, no, I cut your scene
25
00:01:55,017 --> 00:01:57,052
because you were
such a noodge.
26
00:01:57,424 --> 00:01:59,795
- Forget it. Show's over!
- Woo-hoo!
27
00:02:02,158 --> 00:02:03,682
Ugh, fine.
28
00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:07,185
Can I please get back
my after-show cupcakes?
29
00:02:07,267 --> 00:02:10,638
- We already ate them.
- No!
30
00:02:10,814 --> 00:02:13,011
Oh, I broke
the cardinal rule,
31
00:02:13,076 --> 00:02:14,960
never invest
in your own production.
32
00:02:15,352 --> 00:02:17,718
But I'm gonna take back
my duct tape!
33
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And my bulbs.
34
00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:22,974
Ow, ow, ow.
Hot, hot, hot.
35
00:02:23,048 --> 00:02:25,849
Am I acting?
No.
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00:02:28,321 --> 00:02:31,895
I'm stuck
in my pork chop suit.
37
00:02:32,091 --> 00:02:34,208
I've become everything
I hate.
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00:02:34,962 --> 00:02:36,913
- Huh?
- Oh. Uh,
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00:02:36,978 --> 00:02:39,114
you were the best one,
sweetie.
40
00:02:39,198 --> 00:02:42,122
Wha...?
I didn't even get to do my line.
41
00:02:42,302 --> 00:02:45,091
Oh, I think
I'm gonna cry.
42
00:02:45,180 --> 00:02:46,376
Oh, no.
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00:02:46,532 --> 00:02:49,621
I hate to see a pork chop
cry.
44
00:02:59,868 --> 00:03:00,901
Ooh!
45
00:03:00,979 --> 00:03:03,190
Green! Green.
46
00:03:03,255 --> 00:03:05,994
Green. Green.
47
00:03:06,101 --> 00:03:09,204
Too late now, boy.
Just, uh, play with the siren.
48
00:03:15,034 --> 00:03:18,582
76. 82. 79.
49
00:03:18,805 --> 00:03:20,910
Homer,
that's the weather.
50
00:03:21,750 --> 00:03:23,055
D'oh!
51
00:03:23,742 --> 00:03:26,535
Homer, I want you
to do something with Lisa.
52
00:03:26,703 --> 00:03:28,110
I am.
53
00:03:28,617 --> 00:03:31,020
Isn't that right, honey?
Oops.
54
00:03:31,317 --> 00:03:34,420
You're not speaking to her
or even making eye contact.
55
00:03:34,578 --> 00:03:36,552
Oh, you'd be surprised at
the things
56
00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:38,224
my eyes are
in contact with.
57
00:03:38,328 --> 00:03:41,043
Okay. Well,
what is she doing right now?
58
00:03:41,184 --> 00:03:43,615
Uh, uh...
she's riding her pony?
59
00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,177
Uh, uh...
blowing her clarinet?
60
00:03:46,242 --> 00:03:48,701
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Protesting a whale.
61
00:03:48,766 --> 00:03:51,152
I'm reading
"To Kill a Mockingbird".
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00:03:51,237 --> 00:03:53,349
Now just remember,
it's set
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00:03:53,414 --> 00:03:55,871
in the South
a long time ago.
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00:03:55,992 --> 00:03:58,395
The terrible racism
you're reading about
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00:03:58,649 --> 00:04:00,895
is now everywhere.
66
00:04:02,477 --> 00:04:04,802
We're gonna shop at all
the stores you like
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00:04:04,867 --> 00:04:07,746
that have a chair I can sit in,
except the chair store.
68
00:04:07,844 --> 00:04:09,192
I'm not allowed back
there.
69
00:04:09,297 --> 00:04:10,584
Kent Brockman here
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00:04:10,649 --> 00:04:12,318
interviewing
three blue-collar men
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00:04:12,383 --> 00:04:14,855
who voted for Trump.
How do you feel now?
72
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:17,670
- Please stop interviewing us.
- Never.
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00:04:17,735 --> 00:04:18,818
Here's the store.
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00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:21,185
Let's get something sweet
for my little girl.
75
00:04:21,250 --> 00:04:23,131
Sugar and spice and everything...
76
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:25,934
What the?!
"Twerking Girl"?
77
00:04:26,105 --> 00:04:28,857
"Ho, Sweet Ho"?
"Baby's First Thong"?
78
00:04:28,922 --> 00:04:31,112
Those are just a few
of our high-end brands.
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00:04:31,177 --> 00:04:34,029
We also have "Call of Booty,"
"Raggedy Anorexic,"
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00:04:34,094 --> 00:04:37,082
"The Edge of 13," and, for boys,
"Jack the Stripper."
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00:04:37,149 --> 00:04:38,545
Oh, for crying out loud.
82
00:04:38,610 --> 00:04:39,818
Okay, that's it.
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00:04:39,883 --> 00:04:41,996
I've heard enough
and three past that.
84
00:04:42,061 --> 00:04:44,856
My daughter is still
a sweet little girl.
85
00:04:45,336 --> 00:04:48,340
What the?
Oh, come on!
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00:04:49,128 --> 00:04:51,301
My daughter's not a sex object.
87
00:04:51,366 --> 00:04:53,142
She's a respect object.
88
00:04:56,319 --> 00:04:58,205
Innocent girls.
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00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:02,377
Knee socks.
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00:05:04,343 --> 00:05:06,512
Grow up too fast.
91
00:05:10,042 --> 00:05:13,635
I will see you
all, in court.
92
00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:17,701
Hmm? Mm.
93
00:05:17,779 --> 00:05:20,378
Dad, I'm seeing you
through new eyes.
94
00:05:20,443 --> 00:05:22,582
You've become
the hero of my book.
95
00:05:22,647 --> 00:05:24,103
The guy
who kills the mockingbird?
96
00:05:24,197 --> 00:05:25,572
No one kills
a mockingbird.
97
00:05:25,670 --> 00:05:27,244
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
spoiler alert.
98
00:05:27,309 --> 00:05:28,760
You're like Atticus Finch,
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00:05:28,881 --> 00:05:30,613
a modest,
heroic man
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00:05:30,678 --> 00:05:32,486
who stands up
for what's right.
101
00:05:32,584 --> 00:05:33,955
Uh, yeah, sure.
102
00:05:34,140 --> 00:05:35,338
And I love the way
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00:05:35,420 --> 00:05:37,307
you just made me
feel safer.
104
00:05:37,475 --> 00:05:39,378
She respects me.
105
00:05:39,467 --> 00:05:41,566
This is even better
than the time the Milk Duds
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00:05:41,631 --> 00:05:45,010
in the vending machine knocked
down a 3 Musketeers bar, too.
107
00:05:45,117 --> 00:05:47,635
Woo-hoo!
Man beats machine!
108
00:05:48,793 --> 00:05:49,959
Oh!
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00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:52,433
Well, I think
that's all the reading
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00:05:52,498 --> 00:05:54,260
for tonight, honey.
It's getting late.
111
00:05:54,357 --> 00:05:55,689
What time is it?
112
00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:57,592
8:30.
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00:05:58,173 --> 00:05:59,744
May I see your watch?
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00:06:07,473 --> 00:06:10,385
"To Atticus,
My Beloved Husband."
115
00:06:11,358 --> 00:06:14,603
Oh, black and white?
The TV's broken.
116
00:06:17,283 --> 00:06:19,174
Hey, we were watching that.
117
00:06:19,252 --> 00:06:21,753
Why, look,
it's Bart Simpson
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00:06:21,818 --> 00:06:24,557
in his short pants
on the davenport.
119
00:06:24,654 --> 00:06:26,050
Are you nuts?
120
00:06:26,115 --> 00:06:28,040
Homer is my hero.
121
00:06:28,105 --> 00:06:29,753
Say it in American.
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He stood up for me.
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00:06:31,053 --> 00:06:32,455
It was magnificent.
124
00:06:32,891 --> 00:06:37,019
- I wish my dad was a hero.
- Wish granted, son!
125
00:06:37,084 --> 00:06:38,172
Now let's move it.
126
00:06:38,237 --> 00:06:40,410
If I hand out 5,000 flyers,
127
00:06:40,475 --> 00:06:41,941
I get all the turkey shreds
128
00:06:42,006 --> 00:06:43,996
I can dig out of
the slicer trap.
129
00:06:44,061 --> 00:06:46,142
And dig I will.
130
00:06:46,225 --> 00:06:47,363
Ah, ha!
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00:06:47,528 --> 00:06:49,050
Well, I don't care
if Dad's your hero.
132
00:06:49,115 --> 00:06:52,150
You know whose hero I am?
Maggie's. Come here, girl.
133
00:06:55,163 --> 00:06:58,322
Okay, the dog's your hero,
but I'm your human hero.
134
00:06:58,912 --> 00:07:00,094
Fine.
135
00:07:00,192 --> 00:07:01,642
But I'm your living
human hero.
136
00:07:01,756 --> 00:07:04,517
Are you saying I'm dead?
Put up your dukes.
137
00:07:04,881 --> 00:07:06,799
Now put up my dukes.
138
00:07:07,918 --> 00:07:10,189
Now take down your dukes.
139
00:07:10,941 --> 00:07:12,892
I'm the greatest!
140
00:07:13,647 --> 00:07:16,658
Oh...
someone put down my dukes.
141
00:07:32,564 --> 00:07:34,066
I'd always liked my dad,
142
00:07:34,131 --> 00:07:36,635
but this was something new
and wonderful.
143
00:07:36,850 --> 00:07:38,111
I admired him.
144
00:07:38,201 --> 00:07:41,728
The way he'd take me to
the science museum once a year.
145
00:07:43,348 --> 00:07:44,420
D'oh!
146
00:07:46,225 --> 00:07:47,397
D'oh!
147
00:07:51,756 --> 00:07:54,090
And now
we get ice cream.
148
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,892
- Hmm.
- Mmm.
149
00:07:57,037 --> 00:07:59,353
Oh, sweetie,
it's starting to melt.
150
00:07:59,436 --> 00:08:01,728
Daddy will give you a little help.
151
00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:03,721
A little more help.
152
00:08:04,174 --> 00:08:06,425
A little more. A little more.
153
00:08:06,490 --> 00:08:09,830
Oops. Oh, Daddy ate yours.
You can have mine.
154
00:08:09,943 --> 00:08:11,746
- Thank you.
- Now let Daddy...
155
00:08:11,811 --> 00:08:13,108
I got it.
156
00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:18,541
And he inspired me in school.
157
00:08:18,670 --> 00:08:20,238
The second grade was grim,
158
00:08:20,303 --> 00:08:22,449
but Jem assured me
that the older I get,
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00:08:22,514 --> 00:08:23,994
the better school would be.
160
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:27,023
Who says my class is grim?
Who's Jem?
161
00:08:27,092 --> 00:08:28,472
What are you talking about?
162
00:08:28,537 --> 00:08:30,152
That's from
"To Kill a Mockingbird".
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00:08:30,217 --> 00:08:33,291
Page 67. The book
you assigned us to read.
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00:08:33,389 --> 00:08:36,181
I assigned you to read
the Wikipedia article.
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00:08:38,135 --> 00:08:40,370
But my brother was
not so happy.
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00:08:42,943 --> 00:08:45,140
Mom, why can't we be like that?
167
00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:49,261
Well...
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00:08:52,964 --> 00:08:54,429
I taste blue.
169
00:08:54,550 --> 00:08:56,561
Yeah, okay.
170
00:08:59,911 --> 00:09:02,477
I tell you, guys,
having a kid that likes you
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00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,688
is the greatest feeling
in the world.
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00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:06,672
I never got along with
my old man.
173
00:09:06,737 --> 00:09:08,758
He was always disappointed
I didn't follow him
174
00:09:08,823 --> 00:09:09,954
in the family business.
175
00:09:10,019 --> 00:09:12,382
- What did he do?
- He was editor of Life magazine.
176
00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:13,852
I thought that was defunct.
177
00:09:13,917 --> 00:09:15,469
Eh, he keeps saying a real son
178
00:09:15,534 --> 00:09:16,975
would've bought it
out of bankruptcy
179
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:18,890
and launched it
as a digital platform.
180
00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:21,968
Well, angel funders
want too much equity.
181
00:09:22,058 --> 00:09:23,718
Sorry, Dad.
182
00:09:25,183 --> 00:09:28,100
Yeah, my dad left
when I was most vulnerable,
183
00:09:28,261 --> 00:09:31,819
the day after Mom left.
That was a tough week there.
184
00:09:36,394 --> 00:09:39,129
Not a good time
to film a commercial.
185
00:09:39,237 --> 00:09:40,966
Don't worry,
we'll take these cameras
186
00:09:41,031 --> 00:09:43,788
and we'll make
a Netflix documentary.
187
00:09:43,967 --> 00:09:46,694
They will buy anything!
188
00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:08,655
For dessert,
I made blackberry pie.
189
00:10:08,721 --> 00:10:11,584
Oh, I made Dad
a blueberry pie.
190
00:10:11,721 --> 00:10:14,366
Oh, what to do,
what to do?
191
00:10:14,471 --> 00:10:18,225
In the words of King Solomon,
I shall eat two pies.
192
00:10:18,370 --> 00:10:20,764
I don't think
King Solomon said that.
193
00:10:20,838 --> 00:10:22,889
Maybe it was
a king salmon.
194
00:10:22,973 --> 00:10:26,576
The point is,
pies are good.
195
00:10:28,541 --> 00:10:31,701
Homer, I think Bart could use
a little attention.
196
00:10:32,338 --> 00:10:34,687
Give attention to Lisa,
give attention to Bart.
197
00:10:34,752 --> 00:10:36,467
What am I,
made of attention?
198
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:43,663
Okay, because of budget cutbacks,
199
00:10:43,728 --> 00:10:44,703
you got 45 seconds each.
200
00:10:44,768 --> 00:10:46,608
40 after the explanation.
You, get in!
201
00:10:46,686 --> 00:10:47,991
What you're experiencing
is a phenomenon
202
00:10:48,056 --> 00:10:49,742
known as transference,
where you project your feelings
203
00:10:49,807 --> 00:10:51,038
towards your mother
onto your art teacher.
204
00:10:51,103 --> 00:10:53,280
Anytime you find yourself
wanting to hug Mrs. Hakamuchi,
205
00:10:53,345 --> 00:10:54,787
snap this rubber
band on your wrist.
206
00:10:54,924 --> 00:10:55,979
Ow.
207
00:10:56,057 --> 00:10:57,244
Next!
208
00:10:58,994 --> 00:11:00,445
What are you waiting for?
I'm here for an hour,
209
00:11:00,510 --> 00:11:01,741
then I'm off
to 14 other schools.
210
00:11:01,806 --> 00:11:03,241
I eat lunch in my car
'cause they won't let me
211
00:11:03,306 --> 00:11:04,695
counsel kids
with food in my mouth.
212
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:06,695
Well, I always thought
my dad was a big fat loser
213
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:08,702
until he started giving
attention to my lame-o sister.
214
00:11:08,767 --> 00:11:10,226
So why do I want
his attention now?
215
00:11:10,291 --> 00:11:11,366
Why does this hurt?
216
00:11:11,431 --> 00:11:13,749
Family members are locked into roles.
Change that, and what do you get?
217
00:11:13,814 --> 00:11:16,069
Resentment and acting out.
Acting out can take many forms,
218
00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:17,295
from pouting to armed robbery.
219
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:18,678
- Time's almost up.
- So, what do I do?
220
00:11:18,743 --> 00:11:19,538
You have no choice.
221
00:11:19,603 --> 00:11:21,459
Act out until somebody
pays attention to you.
222
00:11:21,524 --> 00:11:22,728
Next!
223
00:11:23,033 --> 00:11:25,061
Okay, couples therapy.
You got 90 seconds.
224
00:11:25,126 --> 00:11:27,591
I'm the oldest,
and she won't admit it.
225
00:11:30,307 --> 00:11:32,178
Milhouse, I'm about to act out.
226
00:11:32,243 --> 00:11:35,078
After we leave an envelope
full of guilt.
227
00:11:35,446 --> 00:11:37,709
Also, we're stopping
by the photo booth
228
00:11:37,774 --> 00:11:39,192
and the perfume room.
229
00:11:39,301 --> 00:11:40,469
Enough.
230
00:11:49,493 --> 00:11:51,920
Come on, sweetie,
pick up the pace.
231
00:11:51,985 --> 00:11:54,184
The sushi's been sitting out
for an hour.
232
00:11:54,274 --> 00:11:57,779
When Willie turned 13,
it was time to work in the mines.
233
00:11:57,844 --> 00:11:59,258
It's go time.
234
00:12:01,371 --> 00:12:04,042
Help. My friend's having
an asthma attack.
235
00:12:04,107 --> 00:12:07,622
Not yet, Bart.
This is a real one.
236
00:12:08,188 --> 00:12:09,601
Even better.
237
00:12:11,665 --> 00:12:14,114
Please, we've got to get him
to the hospital.
238
00:12:14,189 --> 00:12:17,208
Wow.
I'm gonna meet a nurse.
239
00:12:25,485 --> 00:12:29,098
And now we're gonna party
like it's 5799.
240
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:30,764
Wait, wait, wait.
241
00:12:30,829 --> 00:12:33,755
Before you leave,
I am going to talk.
242
00:12:34,204 --> 00:12:38,007
And I'm going to tell you
a very long joke.
243
00:12:38,087 --> 00:12:39,645
Please stand.
244
00:12:40,892 --> 00:12:44,880
So, an old rabbi was
confronted with squirrels
245
00:12:44,985 --> 00:12:46,139
in the attic.
246
00:12:46,204 --> 00:12:48,780
Get to the punch line
or your son flunks geometry.
247
00:12:48,845 --> 00:12:50,139
He gave
the squirrels a bar mitzvah
248
00:12:50,204 --> 00:12:51,401
and never saw them
in temple again.
249
00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:52,720
Amen.
250
00:12:57,127 --> 00:12:59,005
I don't drive a minivan.
251
00:12:59,095 --> 00:13:02,278
Do I look like a suburban
soccer mom from Phoenix?
252
00:13:02,368 --> 00:13:04,795
Well, sometimes,
when you're tired.
253
00:13:04,860 --> 00:13:06,522
- Shut up!
- I should be first.
254
00:13:06,587 --> 00:13:07,577
I own a Tesla.
255
00:13:07,642 --> 00:13:09,029
Those are my keys.
256
00:13:09,149 --> 00:13:11,536
Prepare for
the boning of your life.
257
00:13:16,540 --> 00:13:20,317
To repeat, I own a Tesla,
and I'm going to use "summon."
258
00:13:24,652 --> 00:13:26,095
Who is responsible
259
00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:28,478
for this
meshugana behavior?
260
00:13:28,543 --> 00:13:30,358
He did it.
261
00:13:47,983 --> 00:13:49,049
Oh...
262
00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:52,758
Hey, Mr. Cunningham.
263
00:13:53,122 --> 00:13:54,984
I said hey, Mr. Cunningham.
264
00:13:55,083 --> 00:13:56,502
I didn't do it.
Nobody saw me do it.
265
00:13:56,567 --> 00:13:58,274
They know I did it.
Protect me, Dad.
266
00:13:58,378 --> 00:14:00,711
Don't you
remember me, Mr. Cunningham?
267
00:14:01,852 --> 00:14:03,828
I'm Jean Louise Finch.
268
00:14:11,134 --> 00:14:12,428
Where's your boy?
269
00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:14,137
What's your hurry, friend?
270
00:14:14,268 --> 00:14:17,766
Now, Homer,
don't you try to disarm us
271
00:14:17,831 --> 00:14:21,639
with your genteel mannerisms
of a bygone era there.
272
00:14:21,729 --> 00:14:27,194
Why, I haven't a notion as to what
you are importuning, good sir.
273
00:14:39,431 --> 00:14:41,349
Excuse me, Mr. Szyslak.
274
00:14:41,439 --> 00:14:44,100
Mr. Szyslak,
we know you.
275
00:14:44,212 --> 00:14:47,003
My father likes to drink
at your bar.
276
00:14:47,103 --> 00:14:49,302
You can't say
hi to me?
277
00:14:51,041 --> 00:14:53,054
And how 'bout you,
Chief Wiggum?
278
00:14:53,119 --> 00:14:55,244
I go to school
with your boy, Ralph.
279
00:14:55,357 --> 00:14:58,702
Give my regards to Ralph,
would you, please?
280
00:14:58,767 --> 00:15:01,161
All right, let's go, people.
They've defused us.
281
00:15:01,259 --> 00:15:03,740
Everyone get, uh,
get one last mutter in.
282
00:15:08,024 --> 00:15:10,804
Oh, Lisa, sweetie,
you saved me.
283
00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:13,381
No, Dad,
you saved us all
284
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,146
with your calmness
and bravery.
285
00:15:15,283 --> 00:15:17,934
- Thanks. Just one thing.
- Yes, Dad?
286
00:15:18,048 --> 00:15:19,694
Don't tell your mother
about the mob
287
00:15:19,759 --> 00:15:21,154
that almost
killed your brother.
288
00:15:21,275 --> 00:15:22,851
She's taken a liking to him.
289
00:15:22,916 --> 00:15:24,005
The what?
290
00:15:24,095 --> 00:15:26,663
You're hearing things
in the shower again, Marge.
291
00:15:26,728 --> 00:15:28,548
Oh, okay.
292
00:15:30,775 --> 00:15:31,884
Sorry.
293
00:15:37,819 --> 00:15:40,762
Okay, Maggie,
you give me your binky,
294
00:15:40,827 --> 00:15:45,380
and I'll give you this
substitution bear doll.
295
00:15:48,459 --> 00:15:50,630
You can't beat addiction,
Marge.
296
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:53,175
I got addicted to
Agatha Christie books.
297
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,897
I always thought the murderer
was that know-it-all Belgian.
298
00:15:56,962 --> 00:15:59,336
Turns out,
he was the detective.
299
00:15:59,455 --> 00:16:02,646
41 books,
and I never saw it coming.
300
00:16:03,787 --> 00:16:07,168
- Oh! What happened?
- Got in a fight.
301
00:16:07,298 --> 00:16:09,246
Why? What did
the other kid do?
302
00:16:09,330 --> 00:16:11,685
Said Dad was
lazy and incompetent.
303
00:16:11,798 --> 00:16:13,350
And where is this other kid?
304
00:16:13,457 --> 00:16:14,556
Yo.
305
00:16:14,634 --> 00:16:16,513
You got in a fight
with your brother?
306
00:16:16,595 --> 00:16:18,483
I won a fight
with my brother.
307
00:16:18,548 --> 00:16:20,052
- Liar.
- Let's go again.
308
00:16:20,137 --> 00:16:21,429
Stop her, Mom.
309
00:16:24,362 --> 00:16:26,147
To combat bed-wetting,
doctors recommend
310
00:16:26,212 --> 00:16:27,979
shifting times for drinking,
scheduling bathroom breaks,
311
00:16:28,044 --> 00:16:29,726
and being encouraging.
I'll deny having said this,
312
00:16:29,791 --> 00:16:31,444
but the next time you wet
your bed, have 'em spank you.
313
00:16:31,509 --> 00:16:32,709
Next.
314
00:16:34,237 --> 00:16:35,487
Wait, you're not a kid.
Doesn't matter.
315
00:16:35,552 --> 00:16:36,751
You've got 45 seconds. Go.
316
00:16:36,834 --> 00:16:39,595
I'm worried that my daughter
is ruining her family
317
00:16:39,662 --> 00:16:41,378
idolizing her father.
318
00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:43,566
I see. Wow.
Marge, it's totally normal
319
00:16:43,631 --> 00:16:45,534
for a little girl to be
infatuated with her father.
320
00:16:45,599 --> 00:16:46,870
It's safe and
comes from a good place,
321
00:16:46,935 --> 00:16:48,581
and when it ends, it's another
thing she'll blame you for.
322
00:16:48,646 --> 00:16:51,714
Yes, well, I'm afraid
my husband isn't always
323
00:16:51,779 --> 00:16:53,557
a perfect influence.
324
00:16:53,643 --> 00:16:56,283
Marge, I've got a legal matter
to deal with.
325
00:16:57,404 --> 00:16:59,063
I'll be outside.
326
00:17:00,826 --> 00:17:03,526
Also, I'm worried that my son
is feeling neglected.
327
00:17:03,591 --> 00:17:05,526
Your husband has to give your
daughter the perfect speech,
328
00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:07,526
which lets her down
but doesn't snap her in two.
329
00:17:07,591 --> 00:17:08,975
And make sure you don't
have any more kids.
330
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:10,884
Sounds like it'll be a disaster.
331
00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:14,072
Whoa, nice to meet you.
See you in three years.
332
00:17:14,237 --> 00:17:15,738
Now, good-bye.
333
00:17:18,912 --> 00:17:21,269
- Homer?
- Huh? What?
334
00:17:21,334 --> 00:17:24,261
Homer, it's sweet that
Lisa idolizes you,
335
00:17:24,326 --> 00:17:26,257
but I think it's gone too far.
336
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:27,658
You're right.
337
00:17:27,748 --> 00:17:29,087
Tell her she's right.
338
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:30,261
I just did.
339
00:17:30,334 --> 00:17:32,181
I'm on a five-second delay.
340
00:17:32,263 --> 00:17:34,595
The kids are
at each other's throats.
341
00:17:34,716 --> 00:17:37,455
Look, you can't be my dog
and hers; pick a side.
342
00:17:39,927 --> 00:17:41,762
You can't hide in there
forever.
343
00:17:43,795 --> 00:17:46,611
Okay, I'll talk to Bart,
you talk to Lisa.
344
00:17:46,709 --> 00:17:49,166
We've got to put this family
back in place.
345
00:17:49,295 --> 00:17:51,495
Okay.
Why do you always tell me
346
00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:54,783
the most important things just
when I'm about to fall asleep?
347
00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:58,558
Because I think the pillow talk
between a woman and her husband
348
00:17:58,623 --> 00:18:00,541
is the most important...
349
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,083
What? How did I wind up
in church?
350
00:18:06,841 --> 00:18:08,251
What's wrong, sweetie?
351
00:18:08,373 --> 00:18:10,869
I've got that terrible feeling
where I'm almost
352
00:18:10,943 --> 00:18:12,269
at the end of a great book,
353
00:18:12,357 --> 00:18:15,306
and once I finish,
it's over forever.
354
00:18:15,396 --> 00:18:18,087
Well, that's kind of what
I wanted to talk to you about.
355
00:18:18,175 --> 00:18:21,276
You and I have had a lot of fun
these past few weeks,
356
00:18:21,341 --> 00:18:23,644
but you aren't always gonna
look up to your dad
357
00:18:23,709 --> 00:18:25,017
as much as you do now.
358
00:18:25,116 --> 00:18:26,620
Bup, bup, bup. Great man,
359
00:18:26,685 --> 00:18:29,761
there is nothing you could do
to make me lose one iota
360
00:18:29,826 --> 00:18:31,564
of respect for you.
361
00:18:35,904 --> 00:18:38,416
When I was a kid,
I wanted to be that guy,
362
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,580
but now I can't fit behind
a door.
363
00:18:40,709 --> 00:18:43,712
You'll discover I'm not
the perfect man you think.
364
00:18:43,826 --> 00:18:45,736
Okay, I'll finish my book.
365
00:18:45,857 --> 00:18:48,339
But always remember
you're my dad,
366
00:18:48,435 --> 00:18:51,375
and I'll never forget
the way you and...
367
00:18:53,473 --> 00:18:54,670
Damn it.
368
00:18:56,717 --> 00:18:58,427
I'm home!
369
00:19:01,716 --> 00:19:03,001
She's moved on,
370
00:19:03,087 --> 00:19:05,509
which, let's face it,
is the way things should be.
371
00:19:05,615 --> 00:19:07,533
Kids grow up,
daddies die,
372
00:19:07,607 --> 00:19:09,806
and then the wind whispers,
"Why?"
373
00:19:12,009 --> 00:19:14,361
Oh, I don't know.
I've been hurt before.
374
00:19:14,443 --> 00:19:17,126
I don't want to mess you up
by getting close to you.
375
00:19:24,527 --> 00:19:25,959
Aw.
376
00:19:27,802 --> 00:19:29,413
No problem.
377
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,080
Marge, get in here.
378
00:19:33,821 --> 00:19:36,745
Okay Bart,
because we treasure you too,
379
00:19:36,810 --> 00:19:40,087
I'm gonna let you do one thing
just for yourself.
380
00:19:40,225 --> 00:19:41,580
Kick Homer in the butt?
381
00:19:41,709 --> 00:19:44,298
Uh, why don't you give it
some thought.
382
00:19:44,636 --> 00:19:47,501
Kick Lisa in the butt.
Have a birthday party every day?
383
00:19:47,607 --> 00:19:49,369
Never brush my teeth again.
384
00:19:49,508 --> 00:19:51,144
Be homeschooled by the dog.
385
00:19:51,209 --> 00:19:52,776
Drive a tank
through Skinner's house.
386
00:19:52,841 --> 00:19:54,579
Open a casino
in the basement.
387
00:19:54,709 --> 00:19:56,120
Have an affair?
388
00:19:56,185 --> 00:19:59,048
- You haven't decided yet?
- Don't rush me.
389
00:19:59,151 --> 00:20:01,320
Convert my Roth IRA
to a 401K?
390
00:20:01,487 --> 00:20:02,611
Have an affair?
391
00:20:02,709 --> 00:20:03,792
Take a mulligan?
392
00:20:03,857 --> 00:20:05,402
Okay, I've decided.
393
00:20:05,467 --> 00:20:07,142
I'll kick Homer in the butt.
394
00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:11,299
You can kick it
if you can find it.
395
00:20:11,955 --> 00:20:13,121
D'oh.
396
00:20:13,455 --> 00:20:15,338
♪ Well, they say ♪
397
00:20:15,795 --> 00:20:18,393
♪ Time loves a hero ♪
398
00:20:18,543 --> 00:20:20,754
♪ But only time will tell ♪
399
00:20:20,819 --> 00:20:22,543
♪ If he's real ♪
400
00:20:22,608 --> 00:20:24,948
♪ He's a legend from heaven ♪
401
00:20:25,144 --> 00:20:27,809
♪ If he ain't, he was
sent here from hell ♪
402
00:20:27,874 --> 00:20:29,784
♪ Hear me well ♪
403
00:20:30,178 --> 00:20:32,410
♪ Seein' ain't always believin' ♪
404
00:20:32,475 --> 00:20:36,002
♪ Just make sure it's the
truth that you're seein' ♪
405
00:20:36,124 --> 00:20:40,182
♪ Eyes sometimes lie,
eyes sometimes lie ♪
406
00:20:40,271 --> 00:20:43,471
♪ They can be real deceivin'. ♪
29322
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