All language subtitles for The Goldbergs (2013) - 03x08 - In Conclusion, Thanksgiving.

Back in the '80s,

my mom was obsessed with Thanksgiving.

When it came to her cooking,
everything had to be perfect.

She even made practice
turkeys fore the big day.

- Mmm!
- I need feedback.

That's good!

- But not great.
- What?

I'm going again.

To my mom, it was a time for family.

For my dad, it was a hassle.

Why do we got to schlep all
the way here to go shopping

when we got a perfectly good market

a minute away from our house?

Well, I thought this time of year,

a change of scenery would...

Oh, look! Murray, there's your father!

What are the odds we'd run into him

in a totally random grocery store?

You got a bag boy to
tip you off, didn't you?

So, I have eyes everywhere.

What? Does that make
me some kind of villain?

Bevy, every year you ask me to invite

that spiteful, miserable
man to Thanksgiving.

You got to give it up.

You're right.

He's your father, and I have no right to...

Hi! Ben, look! It's your son... Murray!

You remember Murray.

Hi, Dad. How you doing?

My foot's still got that
thing. And I need eye surgery.

Yeah, good stuff.

So, any plans for the holiday, Ben?

Yeah, I got it right here.

This compartment is the stuffing.

That's the sweet potatoes.

That gray circle... that's the turkey.

Come on, wouldn't a home-cooked meal

be much better than that?

That depends. You know what happened
the last time I ate your cooking.

That was right after we got married.

That was ages ago.

Your turkey was drier than the sun.

It was like eating the
inside of a vacuum bag

filled with pencil shavings.

I did not enjoy the meal.

You? No.

It was the first time I'd ever
cooked Thanksgiving by myself.

My kids were little. They
were hanging all over me.

I didn't even have a
baster. I was baster-less!

No baster could fix your food crimes.

Sorry, pal. You deserve better.

Nice seeing you, Dad.

Eh, it was okay.

This is not over.

You invite that callous, hurtful
man to Thanksgiving right now!

See, I see why you're hocking
me all the time to invite him.

You just want to show my
dad that you're a good cook.

The best cook.

And family is important and... stuff.

Well, it's not gonna happen.

It's bad enough you invite
my moron brother every year.

Oh, stop. Marvin's not that bad.

Gobble, gobble! Hide your turkeys, ladies!

You little muskrat!

Pfb-pfb-pfb-pfb!
Oh!

Looking good, Uncle Marvin.

I'm feeling good. I lost 10 pounds.

I gained 6, lost 4, gained 2.

Also, your voice is weird.

It is. I... I'm hoping
this isn't where it lands.

That's the spirit.

Mur-man!

Ahh!

Hey!

What's with the, uh, pajamas?

You mean these certified medical scrubs?

As you know, I'm almost a
fully licensed chiropractor.

Ah. Good. Another one of
your half-baked schemes.

Schemes? What schemes?

First, you were breeding alpacas.

Then you were selling alpaca wool.

Then came alpaca burgers.

What the hell was I supposed to
do with a dozen dead alpacas?!

Regardless...

Those were all obvious
steps to chiropractology.

I don't know if that's the official title.

They reveal that to us at graduation.

That's something to look forward to.

See that? Negativity.

I could take away all of your stress

just with a single... "Tktk!"...
crack of your cervical spine.

No.

- Come on. Come on! Come on!
- Aah! No!

I'm serious. Stay away from me.

- Hey, come over here. Come on.
- No, no, no, no.

- Don't struggle. Come on.
- No. No!

I don't want to break anything.

- Unh!
- Get off me!

This feels dangerous and unsafe!

It is if you fight it!

Oh, I hate Thanksgiving! I hate it so much!

- I'm a healer! Let me heal you!
- Make it stop!

It was November 20th, 1980-something,

and pops was ready to pass
down a Thanksgiving tradition.

Erica, guess what. I got something for you.

- A car?
- No.

- Did you get me a car?
- No.

Did anyone get a car?

No. What is it with you
kids and wanting a car?

It's kind of like, we don't have a car,

but we want one.

Like a car.

Look, this is even better.

I want you to take over
the Thanksgiving toast.

My grandfather passed it down
to me, and now I pick you.

Ha! You have to keep a
lame-ass family tradition alive.

You see, that's why I'm
picking your sister...

'cause she's the heart
and soul of this family,

who'll keep this tradition alive.

Lies!

I'm the heart, soul,

and deadly fists of this family, not her!

- I want to do it!
- You're right, kiddo.

If you really want to
be toastmaster general,

then you deserve a fair shot.

You're so dead.

Saying words good is my specialness.

To life!

You're clearly picking me.

I'm picking you.

To life.

Dad, I... I know you're swamped

watching your big football contest.

Go, blue team.

I actually like the green team.

Fun stuff.

Listen, I don't want to waste your time,

but I thought you should know

that I might be working on
my best video project yet.

W... what's happening?

I just need six more hours
of therapeutic massage

under my belt before I'm board-certified.

This isn't a good time.

Gotcha.

Anyway, now that I'm getting older

and growing as an artist,

I'm venturing away from robot movies

and fart-based comedy
skits to more serious work,

with real emotional impact.

This still isn't a good time.

The moment felt right.

It's not.

Roger that.

♪ Beep, bap, bee-bap, boop ♪

Point is, I need a better wide-angle lens

to fully realize my vision,
but they're quite pricy.

My vision is I won't have any
children asking me for money.

Go away!

Okay, okay, but this counts as an hour.

I'm gonna go get the
paperwork for you to sign.

Look, all I want you to do
is watch what I have already.

I think you'll see what I mean.

That year, I discovered the
song "Cat's in the Cradle."

Like any teenage kid, the catchy chorus

and "my dad is a jerk" lyrics spoke to me.

♪ and the cat's in the
cradle and the silver spoon ♪

What I didn't realize... it
spoke to my dad even more.

♪ But we'll get together then ♪

♪ you know we'll have
a good time then ♪

Oh. That song.

Always manages to hit you hard, you know?

I guess. I... it's only halfway done.

You finish it.

Wait. For real?

Yeah. Before I change my mind.

Turns out "Cat's in the
Cradle" made my dad feel things,

and like any good son, I'd
use this to manipulate him.

Hey, Dad, they just released a
new Dungeons & Dragons module.

Can you drive me to the hobby shop tonight?

I understand none of that,
but I feel good saying no.

I'm off to work.

Okay, but when you coming
home, Dad? I don't know when.

All I did was subliminally
remind him of the song.

We'll get together then.

Damn.

Let's just go now.

As I was working over my old man,

Barry was working out new toast.

"F" is for family.

"A" is for how awesome this family is.

"M" is for "mmm, turkey."

"I" is for my eyes that get to see you all.

"L" is for LL Cool J,

who probably also celebrates Thanksgiving.

"Y"?

Because he's American, like us.

Family!

I mean, you got charm.

Uh, but what you don't
have is a good speech,

or charm. I just said
that to cushion the blow.

Damn it. What am I supposed to do?

Erica's so smart and emotional

and has these female hormones
that make her feel stuff.

How do I compete with that?

Well the first thing you got to do

is lie down and let your Uncle Marvin

crackle your spine bones
and your neck tendons

to release toxins.

- Okay.
- Okay?

- Okay!
- Okay!

Right there?

Yeah. Facedown. There you go.

Got to get a good stretch on here.

This flank.

Hey!

Aah! Ohh!

That... that hurts my body.

That means it's working.

As for your speech,

there's one thing that I
learned in back-cracking school,

- and that's how to captivate a client.
- Go on.

You see, in the manual, it says

that constant talk and
distraction helps them ignore

the searing pain that is spinal alignment.

That makes sense.

It's not just about using your words.

It's also... about flash!

Ah!

Flash! You're right.

That's what I need to add to my toast!

Exactly.

Now, just get up there

and show them what you got, kid.

I'm good.

You look good.

... get away with murder... so to speak.

Right now, I could walk over...

Well, what's going on in here?

Just watching "Alf" and
playing "Cat's Cradle"...

No relation to the song.

You know the song, right, Dad?

Oof. That song.

You know what would push this
father/son moment over the top?

You whip us up a malt to share.

That's a great idea, pal.

What's going on?

Just some father/son bonding time.

Tell me what you've done to him,

or I'll make you go outside
and play catch with your dad

- on the lawn in front of the entire neighborhood.
- No.

And not with one of those
soft Nerf balls, either.

Not the hard, white ones
with the sewing on them.

That's right... baseballs.

Okay, okay!

Truth is, "Cat's in the Cradle"
makes Dad bend to my will

'cause the words make him sad.

How selfish can you be?!

I'm sorry. I'll stop.

You most certainly will.

After you use your evil to help me.

- Seriously?
- Play the song.

Get him to invite Pop-Pop to Thanksgiving

so he can finally see
what an amazing cook I am.

Isn't your thing, like,
way more selfish than mine?

Oh, yes.

Now that man will eat
my food and his words.

And also... family's important and stuff.

There's a lesson in there. Figure it out.

Gobble, gobble.

It was almost dinnertime,

and even though I manipulated
Dad into inviting Pop-Pop,

the old grouch was a no-show.

Do we have to wait for
Pop-Pop? I'm starving.

Just give me a scoop.

Hey! Don't ruin the presentation.

Half of eating is done with the eyes.

Murray, where's your father?

He'll be here any minute.

Still waiting on Dad, eh?

That's weird.

I thought you called him, Murray.

Okay, you're really laughing it up,

which tells me you've
done something idiotic

and you want me to hear about it.

Go ahead.

After you called our father

to invite him to Thanksgiving,
I called him back,

and I said that I was going to pick him up,

but I never did.

You know, even for you,
this is incredibly stupid.

Uh, it's brilliant,

and you have your son Adam to thank for it,

'cause he keeps on playing
that "Cat's in the Cradle" song.

And, uh, everyone knows

that it's the greatest
revenge song ever written.

How do you get revenge from that song?

Hello?

It's about a boy who
gets shafted by his dad,

just like we were.

And then he grows up,

and his dad calls him to hang out,

and then the boy is just like

"ha! I've been waiting for this moment.

I have my own life now.

So suck it, old man!" Click!

That's not what it's about!

It's about spending time with your kid.

Pfft! What you talkin' 'bout, Murray?

It's right there in the lyrics.

♪ The cat eats the baby
with the silver spoon ♪

Those aren't the words!

It didn't eat a baby. No baby got eaten.

- The cat eats the baby...
- No baby gets eaten.

... with the silver
spoo... would you wake up?

A cat cannot use a spoon.

It's got paws.

A cat can very easily just
pick up a spoon like so

and... pthf!

Hey. Whoa! Stop!

Wh... i... it's dinnertime.
Where are you going?!

To get my father.

You're gonna ruin my ruthless
revenge plot against Dad!

- What kind of Thanksgiving is this?!
- Hey...

What we didn't know...

... was Thanksgiving
was about to get awesome.

Why don't we just hear a
toast while we're waiting?

Erica, show us what you got.

Thank you, Pops.

Well, I'm just gonna speak
from the heart and say...

Ladies and gentlemen-men-men-men,

are you prepared for the ultimate

Thanksgiving extravaganza
of love-love-love-love?

And with that, Barry
appeared from the smoke

to take Thanksgiving to a new level.

What the heck is this?

An idiot giving a Thanksgiving toast.

Y'all's about to get
touched, ninja pilgrim-style.

Turkeyyy-yah!

It was educational.

And so that's when Chris
Colombo married Pocahontas

and they feasted upon corn, or maize,

named after its "a-maize-ing"
taste when buttered.

It had music.

- It was packed with metaphors and symbolism.
- _

_

It had pyrotechnics...

and breaks for hydration.

It had emotional pandering...

Look at us... love.

He leaps from half-court!

... and a cinematic climax.

3 points for family!

The nuclear weapons are disarmed!

The Goldbergs saved the world!

In conclusion, Thanksgiving!

And it... was... awesome!

Wait! You actually enjoyed
that confusing pile of garbage?

It was a real experience.

I feel like I just went to Atlantic City.

I liked the part where you
showed the baby pictures.

But it made no sense!

How can a slam dunk disarm nuclear weapons?

Can't wait to hear what
you got in store, Erica.

Uh...

I think we should space them out a bit.

No! Please.

Talk from the heart.

Uh... we should wait on Pop-Pop

because that is the right thing to do.

So I'll be upstairs.

Not writing a speech.

Just, uh, waiting for them to
show up, so I'll be g... gone.

As Erica retreated,
Pop-Pop was on the warpath.

I can't believe you people...

making me wait outside nearly seven minutes

in the dead of Fall.

It was just a little mix-up, Dad.

Marvin will apologize.

You want me to apologize to him,

the man who picked me up from
soccer practice at midnight?

- I had a thing.
- That's it!

I'm not stepping one foot in
that house as long as he's here!

Good. Now I got something
to be thankful for.

Mnyh!

Hey! What are you doing dropping the pants?

That's my thing.

I'm the one that invented

dropping your slacks at the door.

It's Thanksgiving. Pull up your pants.

How you doing, Ben?

You think you're better than me?

Speaking of better, try
my turkey, Ben. Taste.

No, no, no. I learned my
lesson a long time ago.

Here. Heat this up. I'm starving.

Come on. You can't have
Thanksgiving from a box.

Just take a taste, Ben.

I'm not kidding you.

Take a damn taste.

I'll take a taste! I'm eating out here!

Everyone, just calm down.

Adam, uh, why don't you

just play your "Cat's in the Cradle" video?

Oh, hey! Son of a bitch. I love that song.

- That's got that nice message in it.
- That right?

Yeah, there's this needy brat

who's been pestering his dad for years.

His dad just wants to be left alone.

All right, so, now, years
later, they're on the phone,

but his son now... oh, he's
finally into his own crap.

So his father hangs up the phone

because now he's got
what he's always wanted...

to be left the hell alone.

It's a revenge song!

The son wins in the end!

No one wins!

It's about the struggle
to not let time slip away.

No one thinks that!

Adam. Do your Jedi mind trick.

Play the video and make
people listen to you.

That's why you've been playing
that damn song all the time?!

Oh, balls.

You were screwing with my mind?!

Mom was the one that tricked
you into inviting Pop-Pop

so she could force-feed him turkey.

- What?!
- What?!

What?! I can't hear!

I'm outside here! Speak louder!

Who's ready for a high-octane,

tear-jerkin' Thanksgiving toast?

Oh, boy. This is real bad timing.

Watch out, Russia.

It's the American baseball team,

and they're hitting home runs for family.

Oh! My decorative gourds!

Dude! You're stealing my whole speech!

No, it's different!

You did basketball. I'm doing baseball.

What?!

Doesn't matter. I win.

I forgot what it was for, but I beat you.

You don't even know what this is about?!

I dislike you so much!

Stop it! Stop it!

- Everybody stop it!
- Barry!

Stop it! It's thanks-[Bleep]-giving!

I don't care what it is! I want
these crazy people out of my house!

No! I'm so close!

Ben, try my yams.

I learned my lesson. No.

No yams! I'm taking out the leaf!

No! Not the leaf!

What's happening?!

Aaaaah!

I feel so left out!

Oh, my back!

It was a Thanksgiving stalemate.

Dad wanted everyone out,

and Marvin was refusing to come in.

What are you still doing here?

Thanksgiving's over. Go home.

No. We can still save this thing.

Barry, help me set the
table around your father.

I can't move!

I sold 80-pound vacuums door to door

with a shattered pelvis.

Suck it up!

Marvin, get inside.

Murray threw his back out,
and we need your magic hands.

Yes, I can see how you might think,

based on my consistent claim
that I'm a chiropractor,

how I might be of some service
in this particular situation.

You can't help?

What kind of a male nurse are you?

I am a chiropractor, damn it.

At least, I will be

once the school is recognized by the state.

There's no way that man's touching me!

Okay, that's enough. I
have something to say.

Again, it's very bad timing.

Look, maybe we're a garbage family,

and maybe we don't always get along.

But, you know, maybe that's okay.

Maybe that's a good thing.

I mean, Barry's one of the
biggest idiots of all time,

but he gave the best toast
this family's ever seen.

Yes!

Ignoring the first part.

And if this utter dope can pull that off,

well, then I'm sure my dopey uncle

has learned enough at back school

that he can fix my dad.

No! Do not get inspired by her speech!

'Cause the fact is it's Thanksgiving!

And if a family can't believe in each other

on a day like today...

Well, then, when can we?

Sure, it was insulting,
but also deeply moving.

That night, Erica proved that she
could toast with the best of them.

What is happening?

Your faith in me is
all the training I need.

No!

You can do it, Marvy.

No!

It's all you, Uncle Marv.

No!

Give it a shot, Marv!

I'm a little drunk.

I'm going in!

Don't go in!

What are you doing?!

Flash!

How you feel?

- I actually feel better.
- Yeah?

Look... he's standing straighter!

I told you I'm a god!

Marvin saved Thanksgiving!

Marvin. Marvin!

Even though Marvin took all the credit,

my mom still got the moment
she always dreamed of.

Damn it, Marvin! You're...
you're hogging the yams!

Ah, buh, buh, buh!

Look at my old man loving your food.

Guess you finally got what you wanted.

Raised a moron.

Yeah. It's great.

But look at them all there.

Family and stuff.

Yeah. Family and stuff.

It turned out to be our
best Thanksgiving ever.

And even though Barry and Erica
battled over the best speech,

in the end, Pops reclaimed the crown.

I'd like to make a little toast.

Normally, this holiday makes me
think of the love of my life...

my wife, Irene.

But as I look around this table tonight,

I realize we shouldn't dwell
on the loves we've lost.

'Cause there's more than
enough love right here.

Cheers.

Hear, hear.

Thinks he's better than us, that bastard.

If anyone would like a spinal adjustment,

meet me on the couch when this is over.

♪ I said, "not today, I got a lot to do" ♪

♪ he said, "that's okay" ♪

♪ and then he walked away,
but his smile never dimmed ♪

I don't get it.

How on earth can you think

this song's about being a lousy father?

Just a theory.

Well...

I watch you with your kids.

You're, um...

not like me.

You're a good father to them.

Even to the weird one.

I don't know which one
that is, but thank you.

♪ Well, he came from
college just the other day ♪

♪ so much like a man, I just... ♪

Hey. The... the video over?

I... I got nervous, so I left.

Yeah. I... it, uh, played well.

Noticed my name on the end there.

Since when am I your producer?

Since you paid for the lens.

I couldn't have done it without you.

Any of it.

♪ Little boy blue and the man in the moon ♪

So...

Yeah.

Yeah.

♪ But we'll get together then, Dad ♪

You okay?

Yeah. I'm good.

♪ And the cat's in the
cradle and the silver spoon ♪

♪ and the cat's in the
cradle and the silver spoon ♪

♪ little boy blue and the man in the moon ♪

♪ when you comin' home,
Son? I don't know when ♪

♪ but we'll get together then, Dad ♪

A few guys from the water polo team

- invited me on a ski trip.
- No.

Would you just hear me
out before you say no?

I already said no.

Well, I wrote a little song

about father/daughter relationships

that just may make you realize

that our time together is fleeting.

♪ A butterfly emerges from a cocoon ♪

♪ a dad and daughter gaze at the moon ♪

♪ fathers and daughters
and fathers of daughters ♪

♪ and the man in the moon is
neglecting his daughter... ♪

Wow!

That song made me realize
how precious our time is.

So I can go on the ski trip?

No. I want you by my side all weekend.

This really backfired on me, huh?

- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -