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Back in the '80s,
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my mom was obsessed with Thanksgiving.
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When it came to her cooking,
everything had to be perfect.
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00:00:05,336 --> 00:00:08,120
She even made practice
turkeys fore the big day.
5
00:00:08,171 --> 00:00:09,704
- Mmm!
- I need feedback.
6
00:00:09,773 --> 00:00:10,672
That's good!
7
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- But not great.
- What?
8
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I'm going again.
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To my mom, it was a time for family.
10
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For my dad, it was a hassle.
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Why do we got to schlep all
the way here to go shopping
12
00:00:20,016 --> 00:00:21,582
when we got a perfectly good market
13
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a minute away from our house?
14
00:00:23,086 --> 00:00:24,585
Well, I thought this time of year,
15
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a change of scenery would...
16
00:00:26,022 --> 00:00:27,722
Oh, look! Murray, there's your father!
17
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What are the odds we'd run into him
18
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in a totally random grocery store?
19
00:00:32,195 --> 00:00:34,395
You got a bag boy to
tip you off, didn't you?
20
00:00:34,464 --> 00:00:35,697
So, I have eyes everywhere.
21
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What? Does that make
me some kind of villain?
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Bevy, every year you ask me to invite
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that spiteful, miserable
man to Thanksgiving.
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You got to give it up.
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You're right.
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00:00:45,475 --> 00:00:46,974
He's your father, and I have no right to...
27
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Hi! Ben, look! It's your son... Murray!
28
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You remember Murray.
29
00:00:51,781 --> 00:00:53,715
Hi, Dad. How you doing?
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My foot's still got that
thing. And I need eye surgery.
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Yeah, good stuff.
32
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So, any plans for the holiday, Ben?
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Yeah, I got it right here.
34
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This compartment is the stuffing.
35
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That's the sweet potatoes.
36
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That gray circle... that's the turkey.
37
00:01:05,628 --> 00:01:07,095
Come on, wouldn't a home-cooked meal
38
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be much better than that?
39
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That depends. You know what happened
the last time I ate your cooking.
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That was right after we got married.
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That was ages ago.
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Your turkey was drier than the sun.
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It was like eating the
inside of a vacuum bag
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filled with pencil shavings.
45
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I did not enjoy the meal.
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You? No.
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It was the first time I'd ever
cooked Thanksgiving by myself.
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My kids were little. They
were hanging all over me.
49
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I didn't even have a
baster. I was baster-less!
50
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No baster could fix your food crimes.
51
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Sorry, pal. You deserve better.
52
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Nice seeing you, Dad.
53
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Eh, it was okay.
54
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This is not over.
55
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You invite that callous, hurtful
man to Thanksgiving right now!
56
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See, I see why you're hocking
me all the time to invite him.
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You just want to show my
dad that you're a good cook.
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The best cook.
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00:01:53,476 --> 00:01:55,443
And family is important and... stuff.
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00:01:55,512 --> 00:01:56,744
Well, it's not gonna happen.
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It's bad enough you invite
my moron brother every year.
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Oh, stop. Marvin's not that bad.
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Gobble, gobble! Hide your turkeys, ladies!
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You little muskrat!
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Pfb-pfb-pfb-pfb!
Oh!
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Looking good, Uncle Marvin.
67
00:02:10,426 --> 00:02:11,659
I'm feeling good. I lost 10 pounds.
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00:02:11,728 --> 00:02:13,795
I gained 6, lost 4, gained 2.
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Also, your voice is weird.
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It is. I... I'm hoping
this isn't where it lands.
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That's the spirit.
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Mur-man!
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Ahh!
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Hey!
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What's with the, uh, pajamas?
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00:02:26,075 --> 00:02:28,476
You mean these certified medical scrubs?
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00:02:28,545 --> 00:02:31,179
As you know, I'm almost a
fully licensed chiropractor.
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00:02:31,247 --> 00:02:33,748
Ah. Good. Another one of
your half-baked schemes.
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00:02:33,817 --> 00:02:34,816
Schemes? What schemes?
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First, you were breeding alpacas.
81
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Then you were selling alpaca wool.
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Then came alpaca burgers.
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What the hell was I supposed to
do with a dozen dead alpacas?!
84
00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:45,059
Regardless...
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00:02:45,128 --> 00:02:47,628
Those were all obvious
steps to chiropractology.
86
00:02:47,697 --> 00:02:49,497
I don't know if that's the official title.
87
00:02:49,566 --> 00:02:51,165
They reveal that to us at graduation.
88
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That's something to look forward to.
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See that? Negativity.
90
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I could take away all of your stress
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just with a single... "Tktk!"...
crack of your cervical spine.
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No.
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00:02:59,709 --> 00:03:01,442
- Come on. Come on! Come on!
- Aah! No!
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I'm serious. Stay away from me.
95
00:03:03,179 --> 00:03:04,412
- Hey, come over here. Come on.
- No, no, no, no.
96
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- Don't struggle. Come on.
- No. No!
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I don't want to break anything.
98
00:03:06,216 --> 00:03:07,181
- Unh!
- Get off me!
99
00:03:07,250 --> 00:03:08,883
This feels dangerous and unsafe!
100
00:03:08,952 --> 00:03:10,218
It is if you fight it!
101
00:03:10,286 --> 00:03:12,653
Oh, I hate Thanksgiving! I hate it so much!
102
00:03:12,722 --> 00:03:15,022
- I'm a healer! Let me heal you!
- Make it stop!
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It was November 20th, 1980-something,
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and pops was ready to pass
down a Thanksgiving tradition.
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00:03:33,142 --> 00:03:35,743
Erica, guess what. I got something for you.
106
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- A car?
- No.
107
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- Did you get me a car?
- No.
108
00:03:39,082 --> 00:03:40,715
Did anyone get a car?
109
00:03:40,783 --> 00:03:43,251
No. What is it with you
kids and wanting a car?
110
00:03:43,319 --> 00:03:45,853
It's kind of like, we don't have a car,
111
00:03:45,922 --> 00:03:46,988
but we want one.
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Like a car.
113
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Look, this is even better.
114
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I want you to take over
the Thanksgiving toast.
115
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My grandfather passed it down
to me, and now I pick you.
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Ha! You have to keep a
lame-ass family tradition alive.
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00:03:59,802 --> 00:04:02,169
You see, that's why I'm
picking your sister...
118
00:04:02,238 --> 00:04:04,605
'cause she's the heart
and soul of this family,
119
00:04:04,674 --> 00:04:06,574
who'll keep this tradition alive.
120
00:04:06,643 --> 00:04:07,742
Lies!
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I'm the heart, soul,
122
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and deadly fists of this family, not her!
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00:04:11,114 --> 00:04:12,580
- I want to do it!
- You're right, kiddo.
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00:04:12,649 --> 00:04:14,749
If you really want to
be toastmaster general,
125
00:04:14,817 --> 00:04:16,284
then you deserve a fair shot.
126
00:04:16,352 --> 00:04:17,985
You're so dead.
127
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Saying words good is my specialness.
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To life!
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You're clearly picking me.
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I'm picking you.
131
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To life.
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Dad, I... I know you're swamped
133
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watching your big football contest.
134
00:04:31,067 --> 00:04:32,066
Go, blue team.
135
00:04:32,135 --> 00:04:33,567
I actually like the green team.
136
00:04:33,636 --> 00:04:34,702
Fun stuff.
137
00:04:34,771 --> 00:04:36,504
Listen, I don't want to waste your time,
138
00:04:36,572 --> 00:04:37,939
but I thought you should know
139
00:04:38,007 --> 00:04:42,043
that I might be working on
my best video project yet.
140
00:04:42,111 --> 00:04:43,611
W... what's happening?
141
00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:45,880
I just need six more hours
of therapeutic massage
142
00:04:45,949 --> 00:04:47,815
under my belt before I'm board-certified.
143
00:04:47,884 --> 00:04:49,617
This isn't a good time.
144
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Gotcha.
145
00:04:51,821 --> 00:04:53,988
Anyway, now that I'm getting older
146
00:04:54,057 --> 00:04:55,189
and growing as an artist,
147
00:04:55,258 --> 00:04:57,992
I'm venturing away from robot movies
148
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and fart-based comedy
skits to more serious work,
149
00:05:01,864 --> 00:05:04,131
with real emotional impact.
150
00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:05,633
This still isn't a good time.
151
00:05:05,702 --> 00:05:06,634
The moment felt right.
152
00:05:06,703 --> 00:05:08,002
It's not.
153
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Roger that.
154
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♪ Beep, bap, bee-bap, boop ♪
155
00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:12,707
Point is, I need a better wide-angle lens
156
00:05:12,775 --> 00:05:15,609
to fully realize my vision,
but they're quite pricy.
157
00:05:15,678 --> 00:05:18,379
My vision is I won't have any
children asking me for money.
158
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Go away!
159
00:05:21,117 --> 00:05:22,783
Okay, okay, but this counts as an hour.
160
00:05:22,852 --> 00:05:24,785
I'm gonna go get the
paperwork for you to sign.
161
00:05:24,854 --> 00:05:27,989
Look, all I want you to do
is watch what I have already.
162
00:05:28,057 --> 00:05:29,390
I think you'll see what I mean.
163
00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:32,093
That year, I discovered the
song "Cat's in the Cradle."
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Like any teenage kid, the catchy chorus
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and "my dad is a jerk" lyrics spoke to me.
166
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♪ and the cat's in the
cradle and the silver spoon ♪
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What I didn't realize... it
spoke to my dad even more.
168
00:05:46,676 --> 00:05:49,510
♪ But we'll get together then ♪
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00:05:49,579 --> 00:05:52,279
♪ you know we'll have
a good time then ♪
170
00:05:52,348 --> 00:05:54,281
Oh. That song.
171
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Always manages to hit you hard, you know?
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I guess. I... it's only halfway done.
173
00:06:03,359 --> 00:06:04,392
You finish it.
174
00:06:05,661 --> 00:06:06,794
Wait. For real?
175
00:06:06,863 --> 00:06:08,529
Yeah. Before I change my mind.
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00:06:08,598 --> 00:06:11,198
Turns out "Cat's in the
Cradle" made my dad feel things,
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00:06:11,267 --> 00:06:14,235
and like any good son, I'd
use this to manipulate him.
178
00:06:14,303 --> 00:06:17,772
Hey, Dad, they just released a
new Dungeons & Dragons module.
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00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:19,173
Can you drive me to the hobby shop tonight?
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00:06:19,242 --> 00:06:21,342
I understand none of that,
but I feel good saying no.
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00:06:21,411 --> 00:06:22,676
I'm off to work.
182
00:06:22,745 --> 00:06:25,579
Okay, but when you coming
home, Dad? I don't know when.
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00:06:25,648 --> 00:06:28,916
All I did was subliminally
remind him of the song.
184
00:06:28,985 --> 00:06:30,317
We'll get together then.
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Damn.
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00:06:32,188 --> 00:06:33,621
Let's just go now.
187
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As I was working over my old man,
188
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Barry was working out new toast.
189
00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:38,793
"F" is for family.
190
00:06:38,861 --> 00:06:40,995
"A" is for how awesome this family is.
191
00:06:41,064 --> 00:06:42,430
"M" is for "mmm, turkey."
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00:06:42,498 --> 00:06:44,665
"I" is for my eyes that get to see you all.
193
00:06:44,734 --> 00:06:46,400
"L" is for LL Cool J,
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00:06:46,469 --> 00:06:48,702
who probably also celebrates Thanksgiving.
195
00:06:48,771 --> 00:06:49,870
"Y"?
196
00:06:49,939 --> 00:06:52,506
Because he's American, like us.
197
00:06:52,575 --> 00:06:53,340
Family!
198
00:06:54,710 --> 00:06:56,744
I mean, you got charm.
199
00:06:56,813 --> 00:06:58,512
Uh, but what you don't
have is a good speech,
200
00:06:58,581 --> 00:07:00,514
or charm. I just said
that to cushion the blow.
201
00:07:00,583 --> 00:07:02,683
Damn it. What am I supposed to do?
202
00:07:02,752 --> 00:07:04,485
Erica's so smart and emotional
203
00:07:04,554 --> 00:07:07,521
and has these female hormones
that make her feel stuff.
204
00:07:07,590 --> 00:07:09,056
How do I compete with that?
205
00:07:09,125 --> 00:07:11,158
Well the first thing you got to do
206
00:07:11,227 --> 00:07:12,793
is lie down and let your Uncle Marvin
207
00:07:12,862 --> 00:07:14,728
crackle your spine bones
and your neck tendons
208
00:07:14,797 --> 00:07:15,696
to release toxins.
209
00:07:15,765 --> 00:07:16,864
- Okay.
- Okay?
210
00:07:16,933 --> 00:07:18,199
- Okay!
- Okay!
211
00:07:20,169 --> 00:07:21,068
Right there?
212
00:07:21,137 --> 00:07:22,670
Yeah. Facedown. There you go.
213
00:07:22,738 --> 00:07:24,472
Got to get a good stretch on here.
214
00:07:24,540 --> 00:07:26,006
This flank.
215
00:07:26,075 --> 00:07:26,974
Hey!
216
00:07:27,043 --> 00:07:28,142
Aah! Ohh!
217
00:07:28,211 --> 00:07:29,610
That... that hurts my body.
218
00:07:29,679 --> 00:07:30,644
That means it's working.
219
00:07:30,713 --> 00:07:31,979
As for your speech,
220
00:07:32,048 --> 00:07:33,447
there's one thing that I
learned in back-cracking school,
221
00:07:33,516 --> 00:07:35,249
- and that's how to captivate a client.
- Go on.
222
00:07:35,318 --> 00:07:36,650
You see, in the manual, it says
223
00:07:36,719 --> 00:07:39,053
that constant talk and
distraction helps them ignore
224
00:07:39,122 --> 00:07:41,989
the searing pain that is spinal alignment.
225
00:07:42,058 --> 00:07:43,090
That makes sense.
226
00:07:43,159 --> 00:07:45,526
It's not just about using your words.
227
00:07:45,595 --> 00:07:47,294
It's also... about flash!
228
00:07:47,363 --> 00:07:49,563
Ah!
229
00:07:49,632 --> 00:07:51,599
Flash! You're right.
230
00:07:51,667 --> 00:07:53,601
That's what I need to add to my toast!
231
00:07:53,669 --> 00:07:54,668
Exactly.
232
00:07:54,737 --> 00:07:56,670
Now, just get up there
233
00:07:56,739 --> 00:07:57,738
and show them what you got, kid.
234
00:07:59,909 --> 00:08:00,908
I'm good.
235
00:08:02,979 --> 00:08:04,545
You look good.
236
00:08:04,614 --> 00:08:07,915
... get away with murder... so to speak.
237
00:08:07,984 --> 00:08:10,518
Right now, I could walk over...
238
00:08:10,586 --> 00:08:12,253
Well, what's going on in here?
239
00:08:12,321 --> 00:08:14,655
Just watching "Alf" and
playing "Cat's Cradle"...
240
00:08:14,724 --> 00:08:16,123
No relation to the song.
241
00:08:16,192 --> 00:08:17,525
You know the song, right, Dad?
242
00:08:17,593 --> 00:08:19,193
Oof. That song.
243
00:08:19,262 --> 00:08:22,196
You know what would push this
father/son moment over the top?
244
00:08:22,265 --> 00:08:23,797
You whip us up a malt to share.
245
00:08:23,866 --> 00:08:26,200
That's a great idea, pal.
246
00:08:28,070 --> 00:08:29,036
What's going on?
247
00:08:29,105 --> 00:08:31,438
Just some father/son bonding time.
248
00:08:31,507 --> 00:08:32,840
Tell me what you've done to him,
249
00:08:32,909 --> 00:08:34,942
or I'll make you go outside
and play catch with your dad
250
00:08:35,011 --> 00:08:37,611
- on the lawn in front of the entire neighborhood.
- No.
251
00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:39,880
And not with one of those
soft Nerf balls, either.
252
00:08:39,949 --> 00:08:41,815
Not the hard, white ones
with the sewing on them.
253
00:08:41,884 --> 00:08:43,884
That's right... baseballs.
254
00:08:43,953 --> 00:08:45,252
Okay, okay!
255
00:08:45,321 --> 00:08:47,655
Truth is, "Cat's in the Cradle"
makes Dad bend to my will
256
00:08:47,723 --> 00:08:49,123
'cause the words make him sad.
257
00:08:49,192 --> 00:08:51,358
How selfish can you be?!
258
00:08:51,427 --> 00:08:53,027
I'm sorry. I'll stop.
259
00:08:53,095 --> 00:08:54,562
You most certainly will.
260
00:08:55,865 --> 00:08:57,831
After you use your evil to help me.
261
00:08:57,900 --> 00:08:59,200
- Seriously?
- Play the song.
262
00:08:59,268 --> 00:09:01,202
Get him to invite Pop-Pop to Thanksgiving
263
00:09:01,270 --> 00:09:03,504
so he can finally see
what an amazing cook I am.
264
00:09:03,573 --> 00:09:06,674
Isn't your thing, like,
way more selfish than mine?
265
00:09:06,742 --> 00:09:08,475
Oh, yes.
266
00:09:08,544 --> 00:09:11,378
Now that man will eat
my food and his words.
267
00:09:12,682 --> 00:09:15,182
And also... family's important and stuff.
268
00:09:15,251 --> 00:09:16,850
There's a lesson in there. Figure it out.
269
00:09:16,919 --> 00:09:18,619
Gobble, gobble.
270
00:09:21,232 --> 00:09:22,562
It was almost dinnertime,
271
00:09:22,701 --> 00:09:25,260
and even though I manipulated
Dad into inviting Pop-Pop,
272
00:09:25,309 --> 00:09:27,295
the old grouch was a no-show.
273
00:09:27,304 --> 00:09:30,005
Do we have to wait for
Pop-Pop? I'm starving.
274
00:09:30,073 --> 00:09:31,206
Just give me a scoop.
275
00:09:31,275 --> 00:09:33,475
Hey! Don't ruin the presentation.
276
00:09:33,543 --> 00:09:35,944
Half of eating is done with the eyes.
277
00:09:36,013 --> 00:09:37,212
Murray, where's your father?
278
00:09:37,281 --> 00:09:38,747
He'll be here any minute.
279
00:09:38,815 --> 00:09:40,849
Still waiting on Dad, eh?
280
00:09:41,885 --> 00:09:43,118
That's weird.
281
00:09:43,186 --> 00:09:45,053
I thought you called him, Murray.
282
00:09:46,423 --> 00:09:48,590
Okay, you're really laughing it up,
283
00:09:48,659 --> 00:09:50,525
which tells me you've
done something idiotic
284
00:09:50,594 --> 00:09:51,926
and you want me to hear about it.
285
00:09:51,995 --> 00:09:52,894
Go ahead.
286
00:09:52,963 --> 00:09:54,229
After you called our father
287
00:09:54,298 --> 00:09:56,765
to invite him to Thanksgiving,
I called him back,
288
00:09:56,833 --> 00:09:59,167
and I said that I was going to pick him up,
289
00:09:59,236 --> 00:10:00,735
but I never did.
290
00:10:00,804 --> 00:10:03,805
You know, even for you,
this is incredibly stupid.
291
00:10:03,874 --> 00:10:05,206
Uh, it's brilliant,
292
00:10:05,275 --> 00:10:07,075
and you have your son Adam to thank for it,
293
00:10:07,144 --> 00:10:09,778
'cause he keeps on playing
that "Cat's in the Cradle" song.
294
00:10:09,846 --> 00:10:11,146
And, uh, everyone knows
295
00:10:11,214 --> 00:10:12,881
that it's the greatest
revenge song ever written.
296
00:10:12,949 --> 00:10:14,683
How do you get revenge from that song?
297
00:10:14,751 --> 00:10:15,884
Hello?
298
00:10:15,952 --> 00:10:17,786
It's about a boy who
gets shafted by his dad,
299
00:10:17,854 --> 00:10:19,054
just like we were.
300
00:10:19,122 --> 00:10:20,488
And then he grows up,
301
00:10:20,557 --> 00:10:22,324
and his dad calls him to hang out,
302
00:10:22,392 --> 00:10:23,658
and then the boy is just like
303
00:10:23,727 --> 00:10:25,727
"ha! I've been waiting for this moment.
304
00:10:25,796 --> 00:10:27,762
I have my own life now.
305
00:10:27,831 --> 00:10:29,364
So suck it, old man!" Click!
306
00:10:29,433 --> 00:10:30,699
That's not what it's about!
307
00:10:30,767 --> 00:10:33,368
It's about spending time with your kid.
308
00:10:33,437 --> 00:10:34,803
Pfft! What you talkin' 'bout, Murray?
309
00:10:34,871 --> 00:10:36,538
It's right there in the lyrics.
310
00:10:36,606 --> 00:10:38,973
♪ The cat eats the baby
with the silver spoon ♪
311
00:10:39,042 --> 00:10:40,408
Those aren't the words!
312
00:10:40,477 --> 00:10:42,811
It didn't eat a baby. No baby got eaten.
313
00:10:42,879 --> 00:10:44,979
- The cat eats the baby...
- No baby gets eaten.
314
00:10:45,048 --> 00:10:46,948
... with the silver
spoo... would you wake up?
315
00:10:47,017 --> 00:10:49,451
A cat cannot use a spoon.
316
00:10:49,519 --> 00:10:50,752
It's got paws.
317
00:10:50,821 --> 00:10:55,590
A cat can very easily just
pick up a spoon like so
318
00:10:55,659 --> 00:10:56,725
and... pthf!
319
00:10:57,794 --> 00:10:59,227
Hey. Whoa! Stop!
320
00:10:59,296 --> 00:11:01,429
Wh... i... it's dinnertime.
Where are you going?!
321
00:11:01,498 --> 00:11:02,831
To get my father.
322
00:11:02,899 --> 00:11:04,933
You're gonna ruin my ruthless
revenge plot against Dad!
323
00:11:05,001 --> 00:11:06,768
- What kind of Thanksgiving is this?!
- Hey...
324
00:11:06,837 --> 00:11:08,470
What we didn't know...
325
00:11:08,538 --> 00:11:10,805
... was Thanksgiving
was about to get awesome.
326
00:11:10,874 --> 00:11:13,408
Why don't we just hear a
toast while we're waiting?
327
00:11:13,477 --> 00:11:15,110
Erica, show us what you got.
328
00:11:15,178 --> 00:11:17,045
Thank you, Pops.
329
00:11:18,615 --> 00:11:21,883
Well, I'm just gonna speak
from the heart and say...
330
00:11:21,952 --> 00:11:24,686
Ladies and gentlemen-men-men-men,
331
00:11:24,755 --> 00:11:26,588
are you prepared for the ultimate
332
00:11:26,656 --> 00:11:30,291
Thanksgiving extravaganza
of love-love-love-love?
333
00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,527
And with that, Barry
appeared from the smoke
334
00:11:32,596 --> 00:11:34,162
to take Thanksgiving to a new level.
335
00:11:34,231 --> 00:11:35,897
What the heck is this?
336
00:11:35,966 --> 00:11:38,199
An idiot giving a Thanksgiving toast.
337
00:11:38,268 --> 00:11:41,202
Y'all's about to get
touched, ninja pilgrim-style.
338
00:11:41,271 --> 00:11:42,871
Turkeyyy-yah!
339
00:11:42,939 --> 00:11:44,172
It was educational.
340
00:11:44,241 --> 00:11:47,542
And so that's when Chris
Colombo married Pocahontas
341
00:11:47,611 --> 00:11:50,779
and they feasted upon corn, or maize,
342
00:11:50,847 --> 00:11:53,381
named after its "a-maize-ing"
taste when buttered.
343
00:11:53,450 --> 00:11:55,116
It had music.
344
00:11:56,620 --> 00:11:58,583
- It was packed with metaphors and symbolism.
- _
345
00:11:58,584 --> 00:12:01,061
_
346
00:12:01,157 --> 00:12:02,891
It had pyrotechnics...
347
00:12:02,959 --> 00:12:05,326
and breaks for hydration.
348
00:12:05,395 --> 00:12:07,328
It had emotional pandering...
349
00:12:07,397 --> 00:12:09,230
Look at us... love.
350
00:12:09,299 --> 00:12:10,331
He leaps from half-court!
351
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,534
... and a cinematic climax.
352
00:12:12,602 --> 00:12:14,202
3 points for family!
353
00:12:14,271 --> 00:12:16,037
The nuclear weapons are disarmed!
354
00:12:16,106 --> 00:12:18,740
The Goldbergs saved the world!
355
00:12:18,809 --> 00:12:20,675
In conclusion, Thanksgiving!
356
00:12:20,744 --> 00:12:23,812
And it... was... awesome!
357
00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:27,048
Wait! You actually enjoyed
that confusing pile of garbage?
358
00:12:27,117 --> 00:12:29,250
It was a real experience.
359
00:12:29,319 --> 00:12:31,119
I feel like I just went to Atlantic City.
360
00:12:31,188 --> 00:12:33,455
I liked the part where you
showed the baby pictures.
361
00:12:33,523 --> 00:12:34,823
But it made no sense!
362
00:12:34,891 --> 00:12:37,292
How can a slam dunk disarm nuclear weapons?
363
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,894
Can't wait to hear what
you got in store, Erica.
364
00:12:39,963 --> 00:12:41,029
Uh...
365
00:12:41,097 --> 00:12:42,564
I think we should space them out a bit.
366
00:12:42,632 --> 00:12:44,599
No! Please.
367
00:12:44,668 --> 00:12:45,633
Talk from the heart.
368
00:12:45,702 --> 00:12:47,235
Uh... we should wait on Pop-Pop
369
00:12:47,304 --> 00:12:50,205
because that is the right thing to do.
370
00:12:50,273 --> 00:12:51,706
So I'll be upstairs.
371
00:12:51,775 --> 00:12:53,041
Not writing a speech.
372
00:12:53,109 --> 00:12:55,343
Just, uh, waiting for them to
show up, so I'll be g... gone.
373
00:12:55,412 --> 00:12:58,279
As Erica retreated,
Pop-Pop was on the warpath.
374
00:12:58,348 --> 00:12:59,981
I can't believe you people...
375
00:13:00,050 --> 00:13:02,083
making me wait outside nearly seven minutes
376
00:13:02,152 --> 00:13:03,318
in the dead of Fall.
377
00:13:03,386 --> 00:13:05,019
It was just a little mix-up, Dad.
378
00:13:05,088 --> 00:13:06,321
Marvin will apologize.
379
00:13:06,389 --> 00:13:07,755
You want me to apologize to him,
380
00:13:07,824 --> 00:13:09,624
the man who picked me up from
soccer practice at midnight?
381
00:13:09,693 --> 00:13:11,092
- I had a thing.
- That's it!
382
00:13:11,161 --> 00:13:12,961
I'm not stepping one foot in
that house as long as he's here!
383
00:13:13,029 --> 00:13:14,829
Good. Now I got something
to be thankful for.
384
00:13:14,898 --> 00:13:16,197
Mnyh!
385
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,701
Hey! What are you doing dropping the pants?
386
00:13:19,769 --> 00:13:20,668
That's my thing.
387
00:13:20,737 --> 00:13:21,836
I'm the one that invented
388
00:13:21,905 --> 00:13:23,404
dropping your slacks at the door.
389
00:13:23,473 --> 00:13:25,073
It's Thanksgiving. Pull up your pants.
390
00:13:25,141 --> 00:13:26,241
How you doing, Ben?
391
00:13:26,309 --> 00:13:27,375
You think you're better than me?
392
00:13:28,778 --> 00:13:30,645
Speaking of better, try
my turkey, Ben. Taste.
393
00:13:30,714 --> 00:13:32,614
No, no, no. I learned my
lesson a long time ago.
394
00:13:32,682 --> 00:13:34,782
Here. Heat this up. I'm starving.
395
00:13:34,851 --> 00:13:37,318
Come on. You can't have
Thanksgiving from a box.
396
00:13:37,387 --> 00:13:38,386
Just take a taste, Ben.
397
00:13:38,455 --> 00:13:39,621
I'm not kidding you.
398
00:13:39,689 --> 00:13:41,289
Take a damn taste.
399
00:13:41,358 --> 00:13:43,258
I'll take a taste! I'm eating out here!
400
00:13:43,326 --> 00:13:45,159
Everyone, just calm down.
401
00:13:45,228 --> 00:13:46,628
Adam, uh, why don't you
402
00:13:46,696 --> 00:13:48,796
just play your "Cat's in the Cradle" video?
403
00:13:48,865 --> 00:13:51,466
Oh, hey! Son of a bitch. I love that song.
404
00:13:51,535 --> 00:13:53,501
- That's got that nice message in it.
- That right?
405
00:13:53,570 --> 00:13:55,203
Yeah, there's this needy brat
406
00:13:55,272 --> 00:13:57,372
who's been pestering his dad for years.
407
00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:59,374
His dad just wants to be left alone.
408
00:13:59,442 --> 00:14:01,943
All right, so, now, years
later, they're on the phone,
409
00:14:02,012 --> 00:14:05,079
but his son now... oh, he's
finally into his own crap.
410
00:14:05,148 --> 00:14:06,581
So his father hangs up the phone
411
00:14:06,650 --> 00:14:08,616
because now he's got
what he's always wanted...
412
00:14:08,685 --> 00:14:09,851
to be left the hell alone.
413
00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:11,886
It's a revenge song!
414
00:14:11,955 --> 00:14:13,555
The son wins in the end!
415
00:14:13,623 --> 00:14:14,989
No one wins!
416
00:14:15,058 --> 00:14:17,258
It's about the struggle
to not let time slip away.
417
00:14:17,327 --> 00:14:18,526
No one thinks that!
418
00:14:18,595 --> 00:14:20,695
Adam. Do your Jedi mind trick.
419
00:14:20,764 --> 00:14:22,597
Play the video and make
people listen to you.
420
00:14:22,666 --> 00:14:25,633
That's why you've been playing
that damn song all the time?!
421
00:14:25,702 --> 00:14:26,701
Oh, balls.
422
00:14:26,770 --> 00:14:28,069
You were screwing with my mind?!
423
00:14:28,138 --> 00:14:30,271
Mom was the one that tricked
you into inviting Pop-Pop
424
00:14:30,340 --> 00:14:31,940
so she could force-feed him turkey.
425
00:14:32,008 --> 00:14:32,874
- What?!
- What?!
426
00:14:32,943 --> 00:14:34,275
What?! I can't hear!
427
00:14:34,344 --> 00:14:36,544
I'm outside here! Speak louder!
428
00:14:36,613 --> 00:14:39,026
Who's ready for a high-octane,
429
00:14:39,027 --> 00:14:41,122
tear-jerkin' Thanksgiving toast?
430
00:14:41,384 --> 00:14:42,650
Oh, boy. This is real bad timing.
431
00:14:42,719 --> 00:14:43,851
Watch out, Russia.
432
00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:45,420
It's the American baseball team,
433
00:14:45,488 --> 00:14:46,955
and they're hitting home runs for family.
434
00:14:47,924 --> 00:14:49,657
Oh! My decorative gourds!
435
00:14:49,726 --> 00:14:51,926
Dude! You're stealing my whole speech!
436
00:14:51,995 --> 00:14:52,994
No, it's different!
437
00:14:53,063 --> 00:14:54,462
You did basketball. I'm doing baseball.
438
00:14:54,531 --> 00:14:55,263
What?!
439
00:14:55,332 --> 00:14:56,664
Doesn't matter. I win.
440
00:14:56,733 --> 00:14:58,766
I forgot what it was for, but I beat you.
441
00:14:58,835 --> 00:15:01,135
You don't even know what this is about?!
442
00:15:01,204 --> 00:15:03,338
I dislike you so much!
443
00:15:03,406 --> 00:15:04,572
Stop it! Stop it!
444
00:15:04,641 --> 00:15:05,640
- Everybody stop it!
- Barry!
445
00:15:05,709 --> 00:15:07,909
Stop it! It's thanks-[Bleep]-giving!
446
00:15:07,978 --> 00:15:10,678
I don't care what it is! I want
these crazy people out of my house!
447
00:15:10,747 --> 00:15:12,380
No! I'm so close!
448
00:15:12,449 --> 00:15:13,982
Ben, try my yams.
449
00:15:14,050 --> 00:15:14,983
I learned my lesson. No.
450
00:15:15,051 --> 00:15:16,784
No yams! I'm taking out the leaf!
451
00:15:16,853 --> 00:15:18,152
No! Not the leaf!
452
00:15:18,221 --> 00:15:19,287
What's happening?!
453
00:15:20,223 --> 00:15:21,789
Aaaaah!
454
00:15:21,858 --> 00:15:23,257
I feel so left out!
455
00:15:24,223 --> 00:15:25,858
Oh, my back!
456
00:15:26,627 --> 00:15:27,592
It was a Thanksgiving stalemate.
457
00:15:27,661 --> 00:15:28,927
Dad wanted everyone out,
458
00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:30,896
and Marvin was refusing to come in.
459
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:32,864
What are you still doing here?
460
00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:34,599
Thanksgiving's over. Go home.
461
00:15:34,668 --> 00:15:36,201
No. We can still save this thing.
462
00:15:36,270 --> 00:15:38,236
Barry, help me set the
table around your father.
463
00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:39,337
I can't move!
464
00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:41,106
I sold 80-pound vacuums door to door
465
00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:42,240
with a shattered pelvis.
466
00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:43,241
Suck it up!
467
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:44,709
Marvin, get inside.
468
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,711
Murray threw his back out,
and we need your magic hands.
469
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:48,780
Yes, I can see how you might think,
470
00:15:48,849 --> 00:15:51,650
based on my consistent claim
that I'm a chiropractor,
471
00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:54,886
how I might be of some service
in this particular situation.
472
00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:55,954
You can't help?
473
00:15:56,023 --> 00:15:57,355
What kind of a male nurse are you?
474
00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:58,957
I am a chiropractor, damn it.
475
00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:00,158
At least, I will be
476
00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:01,826
once the school is recognized by the state.
477
00:16:01,895 --> 00:16:03,795
There's no way that man's touching me!
478
00:16:03,864 --> 00:16:05,730
Okay, that's enough. I
have something to say.
479
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:08,099
Again, it's very bad timing.
480
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:11,369
Look, maybe we're a garbage family,
481
00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:13,905
and maybe we don't always get along.
482
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:17,208
But, you know, maybe that's okay.
483
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,878
Maybe that's a good thing.
484
00:16:19,947 --> 00:16:22,747
I mean, Barry's one of the
biggest idiots of all time,
485
00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:25,250
but he gave the best toast
this family's ever seen.
486
00:16:25,319 --> 00:16:26,051
Yes!
487
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:27,319
Ignoring the first part.
488
00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:30,255
And if this utter dope can pull that off,
489
00:16:30,324 --> 00:16:31,957
well, then I'm sure my dopey uncle
490
00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:33,692
has learned enough at back school
491
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,026
that he can fix my dad.
492
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,397
No! Do not get inspired by her speech!
493
00:16:39,466 --> 00:16:42,067
'Cause the fact is it's Thanksgiving!
494
00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:44,235
And if a family can't believe in each other
495
00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:46,738
on a day like today...
496
00:16:46,807 --> 00:16:48,139
Well, then, when can we?
497
00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:51,543
Sure, it was insulting,
but also deeply moving.
498
00:16:51,612 --> 00:16:54,412
That night, Erica proved that she
could toast with the best of them.
499
00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:55,814
What is happening?
500
00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:00,685
Your faith in me is
all the training I need.
501
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:02,387
No!
502
00:17:02,456 --> 00:17:03,588
You can do it, Marvy.
503
00:17:03,657 --> 00:17:04,356
No!
504
00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:05,624
It's all you, Uncle Marv.
505
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:06,391
No!
506
00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:08,493
Give it a shot, Marv!
507
00:17:08,562 --> 00:17:09,694
I'm a little drunk.
508
00:17:09,763 --> 00:17:10,729
I'm going in!
509
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:11,596
Don't go in!
510
00:17:11,665 --> 00:17:13,698
What are you doing?!
511
00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:15,634
Flash!
512
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:26,678
How you feel?
513
00:17:29,650 --> 00:17:31,650
- I actually feel better.
- Yeah?
514
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,284
Look... he's standing straighter!
515
00:17:33,353 --> 00:17:35,987
I told you I'm a god!
516
00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:37,622
Marvin saved Thanksgiving!
517
00:17:37,691 --> 00:17:39,891
Marvin. Marvin!
518
00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:42,713
Even though Marvin took all the credit,
519
00:17:42,730 --> 00:17:45,263
my mom still got the moment
she always dreamed of.
520
00:17:45,332 --> 00:17:47,265
Damn it, Marvin! You're...
you're hogging the yams!
521
00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:48,533
Ah, buh, buh, buh!
522
00:17:48,682 --> 00:17:52,016
Look at my old man loving your food.
523
00:17:52,085 --> 00:17:53,685
Guess you finally got what you wanted.
524
00:17:53,754 --> 00:17:54,886
Raised a moron.
525
00:17:54,955 --> 00:17:56,287
Yeah. It's great.
526
00:17:56,356 --> 00:17:58,757
But look at them all there.
527
00:18:00,794 --> 00:18:02,527
Family and stuff.
528
00:18:02,596 --> 00:18:04,763
Yeah. Family and stuff.
529
00:18:04,831 --> 00:18:07,031
It turned out to be our
best Thanksgiving ever.
530
00:18:07,100 --> 00:18:09,534
And even though Barry and Erica
battled over the best speech,
531
00:18:09,603 --> 00:18:13,238
in the end, Pops reclaimed the crown.
532
00:18:13,306 --> 00:18:15,206
I'd like to make a little toast.
533
00:18:15,275 --> 00:18:19,844
Normally, this holiday makes me
think of the love of my life...
534
00:18:19,913 --> 00:18:21,780
my wife, Irene.
535
00:18:21,848 --> 00:18:24,949
But as I look around this table tonight,
536
00:18:25,018 --> 00:18:29,320
I realize we shouldn't dwell
on the loves we've lost.
537
00:18:29,389 --> 00:18:32,357
'Cause there's more than
enough love right here.
538
00:18:35,195 --> 00:18:36,294
Cheers.
539
00:18:36,363 --> 00:18:37,328
Hear, hear.
540
00:18:38,632 --> 00:18:39,931
Thinks he's better than us, that bastard.
541
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,634
If anyone would like a spinal adjustment,
542
00:18:42,702 --> 00:18:44,369
meet me on the couch when this is over.
543
00:18:44,437 --> 00:18:46,638
♪ I said, "not today, I got a lot to do" ♪
544
00:18:46,706 --> 00:18:48,606
♪ he said, "that's okay" ♪
545
00:18:48,675 --> 00:18:51,509
♪ and then he walked away,
but his smile never dimmed ♪
546
00:18:51,578 --> 00:18:53,044
I don't get it.
547
00:18:53,113 --> 00:18:54,245
How on earth can you think
548
00:18:54,314 --> 00:18:56,047
this song's about being a lousy father?
549
00:18:56,116 --> 00:18:57,882
Just a theory.
550
00:18:57,951 --> 00:18:59,751
Well...
551
00:18:59,820 --> 00:19:01,152
I watch you with your kids.
552
00:19:01,221 --> 00:19:02,720
You're, um...
553
00:19:02,789 --> 00:19:03,922
not like me.
554
00:19:05,525 --> 00:19:07,826
You're a good father to them.
555
00:19:07,894 --> 00:19:08,860
Even to the weird one.
556
00:19:11,731 --> 00:19:14,098
I don't know which one
that is, but thank you.
557
00:19:22,108 --> 00:19:25,009
♪ Well, he came from
college just the other day ♪
558
00:19:25,078 --> 00:19:26,644
♪ so much like a man, I just... ♪
559
00:19:26,713 --> 00:19:28,346
Hey. The... the video over?
560
00:19:28,415 --> 00:19:29,914
I... I got nervous, so I left.
561
00:19:29,983 --> 00:19:33,117
Yeah. I... it, uh, played well.
562
00:19:33,186 --> 00:19:37,021
Noticed my name on the end there.
563
00:19:37,090 --> 00:19:38,323
Since when am I your producer?
564
00:19:38,391 --> 00:19:39,924
Since you paid for the lens.
565
00:19:39,993 --> 00:19:42,794
I couldn't have done it without you.
566
00:19:42,863 --> 00:19:44,596
Any of it.
567
00:19:44,664 --> 00:19:46,464
♪ Little boy blue and the man in the moon ♪
568
00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:48,700
So...
569
00:19:48,768 --> 00:19:49,567
Yeah.
570
00:19:49,636 --> 00:19:51,135
Yeah.
571
00:19:51,204 --> 00:19:53,471
♪ But we'll get together then, Dad ♪
572
00:19:53,540 --> 00:19:54,539
You okay?
573
00:19:54,608 --> 00:19:57,208
Yeah. I'm good.
574
00:20:02,349 --> 00:20:05,617
♪ And the cat's in the
cradle and the silver spoon ♪
575
00:20:08,855 --> 00:20:12,223
♪ and the cat's in the
cradle and the silver spoon ♪
576
00:20:12,292 --> 00:20:15,326
♪ little boy blue and the man in the moon ♪
577
00:20:15,395 --> 00:20:18,329
♪ when you comin' home,
Son? I don't know when ♪
578
00:20:18,398 --> 00:20:20,832
♪ but we'll get together then, Dad ♪
579
00:20:21,526 --> 00:20:24,024
A few guys from the water polo team
580
00:20:24,093 --> 00:20:25,292
- invited me on a ski trip.
- No.
581
00:20:25,361 --> 00:20:27,128
Would you just hear me
out before you say no?
582
00:20:27,196 --> 00:20:28,262
I already said no.
583
00:20:28,331 --> 00:20:29,330
Well, I wrote a little song
584
00:20:29,399 --> 00:20:30,765
about father/daughter relationships
585
00:20:30,833 --> 00:20:32,099
that just may make you realize
586
00:20:32,168 --> 00:20:33,968
that our time together is fleeting.
587
00:20:35,338 --> 00:20:38,272
♪ A butterfly emerges from a cocoon ♪
588
00:20:39,909 --> 00:20:43,411
♪ a dad and daughter gaze at the moon ♪
589
00:20:45,081 --> 00:20:47,081
♪ fathers and daughters
and fathers of daughters ♪
590
00:20:47,150 --> 00:20:50,251
♪ and the man in the moon is
neglecting his daughter... ♪
591
00:20:50,319 --> 00:20:51,552
Wow!
592
00:20:51,621 --> 00:20:55,222
That song made me realize
how precious our time is.
593
00:20:55,291 --> 00:20:56,457
So I can go on the ski trip?
594
00:20:56,526 --> 00:20:59,126
No. I want you by my side all weekend.
595
00:20:59,195 --> 00:21:00,661
This really backfired on me, huh?
596
00:21:00,662 --> 00:21:03,680
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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