All language subtitles for Last Man Standing - 03x09 - Thanksgiving.WEB-DL.English.HI.C.updated.Addic7ed.com

"Last man standing" is recorded

in front of a live
studio audience.

Football on.
Women setting the table.

Why can't every day
be Thanksgiving?

So Sundays, mondays,
Thursdays aren't enough?

Halftime's almost over.

You got any husband or father
questions, lay them on me.

Well, actually,
we need someone to bring up

some extra chairs
from the basement.

Right. So nothing, right?
Good, good.

Grandpa, wait!

Ha! Yeah. Almost made it.

I'm doing a class project
on what we're thankful for.

Yeah, he wants to do a video
like your vlogs for outdoor man.

Everybody's thankful for those.

I liked the one
where the president

needs to pull his head
out of putin's butt.

Um, okay, why are there
two chairs at the kids' table?

Please tell me
he's bringing a date.

Sorry, Eve, but there's no room
at the boring, grown-up table,

so you get to sit with Boyd
at the special table.

You know "special" doesn't mean
the same thing it used to?

Sorry, honey, but we're full.

We got grandpa, Bud, Kyle, Ryan.

Mike, shake a leg.

The football intermission
is almost over.

There's someone who should be
at the special table.

So I guess someone
is just gonna have to die

before I can sit
at the big table?

Ryan's in the den by himself.

How bad do you want it?

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Come on, Eve. What are you thankful for?
[Beep]

I'm thankful that if
I strangled you right now,

I wouldn't be tried as an adult.

I'm thankful there is
a lot of people in the room.

All right, can you pace
somewhere else, Sally?

You're making me nervous.

Uh, can I confess something
to you, Eve?

All right, if you're coming out,
let me go get my dad,

'cause he's been
expecting this for years.

Please don't tell Kristin.

She probably has her suspicions.

Eve, look... I've made a significant
wager on this game with a guy at work.

- When did you start betting on football?
- Yesterday.

My neighbor told me
the lions couldn't lose,

and he must know
because he's a huge lions fan.

- Whayeah, what isd?
- Yeah, what is The spread?

'Cause he tried to explain it
to me, but it's very confusing.

You know the lions have lost nine
straight games on Thanksgiving?

So they're due.

Kyle, what do you mean
you're not coming?!

So what if your
grandmother's missing?

She'll turn up, yeah.

And, babe, if she wanders
in the wrong house, who cares?

Everybody's having
the same meal anyway.

- Wait, wait. So no Kyle?
- No.

[Scoffs] Maybe I should wander
the streets in my bathrobe,

see if he comes looking for me.

What am I thankful for?

Uh, well, I guess
I'm thankful for science,

specifically the fermentation process
that helps me get through the holidays.

You know, uh,
his teacher's gonna see this.

She'll probably send you
a pamphloh, honey, stop.

Hey, guys, guess what.

Kyle's out.
I'm back in the bigs.

Sorry, squirt.
You're on your own.

You know you do only get to eat the food
that falls off the big table, right?

Hey, the game started?

Yeah, but Ryan's still in there.

Since when did he like football?

What? Did they run out
of Ted talks on bees?

Honey, your dad
will be here soon.

You can watch football with him.

Thanksgiving... my favorite time
of the year with my dad.

You know, football, Turkey,
eat, sleep, repeat.

If I time it right, we'll never
have to say a word to each other.

Well, might as well
get this party started.

Hey! What do you think
you're doing?

- Mnh-mnh.
- Mom, I need to take the edge off.

As if anyone's ever accused you
of being sharp.

You know the rule in this house.

Mom, don't worry.
I'll leave you some.

All right, you know what?
Maybe one glass with dinokay.

As long as you're pouring, 'cause
I know you have a heavy hand.

Oh, stop! [Chuckles]

Oh, yes!

Nice football catch.
[Whistle blows]

It was a nice catch,
but it wasn't made by a lion.

He threw it to the wrong team.

He gets a do-over, right?

This is what I love about football.
Explaining it to somebody else.

[Knock on door]

Oh, Mike, will you grab that?
[Stutters]

- Hey, grandpa Bud.
- Kristin!

- Hi!
- Oh, wow.

Look at you.

You're like an entirely
different person.

- Grandpa!
- Hey! Look at you!

What a great, big guy.

[Grunts] Actually, uh, he is
your great-grandpa, sweetie.

That's right.

You got a good grandpa
and a great grandpa.

Here's a butterscotch.
Go play in a tree.

[Sighs]

Pop.

Son.

[Laughs] Uh...

Yeah.

Um... How... how was the,
uh, car ride?

Same as always.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, this conversation ran out
of steam quick, didn't it?

But the game's on in the den.
I'll get you a beer.

Hey. Uh, oh, hang on.

- I haven't said hello to your beautiful bride.
- Bud! Hi!

How are you?

- And to my smart granddaughter.
- Grandpa. Oh.

And to my...

Even smarter,
more beautiful granddaughter?

Sure.

Yay!

You're in a good mood, Bud.

I got a lot to be thankful for
this Thanksgiving.

Oh, really? Oh, quick.
Hurry, Boyd.

Someone's actually thankful
for something.

I got an announcement.
I got my license.

I'm gonna start selling grass.

Bud, please tell me you're
going into the sod business.

No. Pot, weed, marijuana.
It... it...

- All right, let's... let's clip this on, yeah.
- Yeah, that's not a...

uh, come here. Come here, Boyd.

Let's, uh...

It's gonna be legal here
in Colorado as of January 1.

Are we gonna get like a family
discount, like at outdoor man?

No, no, no! Hey, hey!

And you want to know
what the best part is?

I'm making you my partner.

Store's gonna be called
Baxter and son.

Yeah, that, uh, teacher's gonna be sending
me a whole bunch of pamphlets now.

Mike, why... why didn't you tell me
about your dad's pot-store scheme?

'Cause I never thought
he'd go through with this.

It's hard to get the license.

- It's almost frightening Colorado gave him one.
- No. I...

it's almost impressive.

You know, we have always taught
our kids to stay away from pot.

- Yeah.
- And now suddenly it's the family business?

I can't tell this guy anything.

If I say no, he says yes.

He ate a wax apple once just because
I said, "dad, that's a wax apple."

To this day, he'll say, "that's
the best apple I've ever eaten."

- Baxter and son?
- No, I never said that...

yeah, I'm not gonna do that.

I mean, Baxter... Baxter... - it's not
just his name. I'm not gonna say...

it's your name. It's my name.
I know. I know.

It's our... it's our kids' name,
our grandson.

It's like we're all getting
rolled up in the same doobie.

Uh, I guess you two
are discussing my proposal.

Just help me out here.

I-I-I thought you were looking
into raising alpacas.

Yeah.

Turns out they're just tall,
mean goats.

So the next logical step
was pot?

You got there, too.

I got my permit, my store lease.

- All I need is your marketing genius.
- No.

Son, this is a gold mine.

I missed out on polaroid
and hip-hugger jeans.

I'm not missing out on this one.

Call me old-fashioned.

I don't want people scoring
grass from my kids' grandpa.

Yeah. You sell guns.

- Oh, don't start with this.
- Oh, God. No, no.

Don't start with the...

I don't mind, but a lot of
people have trouble with that.

It's the second amendment, dad.
It's in the constitution.

So is my thing. What thing?!

Pursuit of happiness.

That's in the declaration
of independence, by the way.

Oh, you're always a nerd.

- I don't want to be part of this.
- Fine. I get it.

- You don't have any faith in your old man.
- It's not that.

- Yes, it is!
- No... no, it's not that!

Yes, you and your brother both.

What does he have to do with this?
He worked for you 25 years.

- He just wanted to move out on his own.
- Unh-unh.

- He was looking for any little excuse...
- No, he wasn't.

You come up with this... to push me
out of the business that I started.

I shot him through the foot
with a nail gun

- one time, and he pushed me out.
- Yeah.

You nailed his foot to a board.

I'm going out for a smoke.
Don't worry.

It's just the boring kind
where you get cancer.

[Sighs] Uh, honey, this is,
uh, probably the wrong time,

but did you tell him
not to smoke around the kids?

But what I'm most thankful for
is this driver's license,

which allows me
to drink anywhere...

Except this house.

And for Clarissa wheaton,
who was too drunk to notice

the night it fell out
of her bra.

Mom? Nope. Erase that one, too.

It is so not fair that
you get to drink and I don't.

Aw. I'd say I care, but this
is my second glass, so pbht!

[Scoffs]

No wine, no Kyle.

Seriously,
I'm getting a real sense

of the hardship suffered
by the amish at pilgrim rock.

[Doorbell rings]

Oh, I hope that's either
Kyle or his grandma.

Please, please,
please, please, please!

- Hmm.
- Oh, it's just you.

Aha.

All right, I'm getting
a mixed message here.

The mat says "welcome."

Ah.

Happy Turkey day.
Where should I put this?

It's from my vineyard.
I'll take that.

I'll take that.

Welcome, Ed. What?
Did you forget where you lived?

[Laughs]
Dementia humor. Hilarious.

"Raving lunatic red"?

Yeah. It's named
after my second ex-wife.

And like her, it's rich,
playful, and has a nutty finish.

This is why I do all
the marketing at the store.

You know, Ed,
why don't you stay for dinner?

We always have room
for one more at our table.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, we don't.

Uh, d-don't you have plans,
Mr. alzate?

Yes, yes. Yeah.

Uh, I'm going up
to the veterans hall

and have Thanksgiving dinner
with the guys.

American holiday
with American heroes.

What a night. [Laughs]

Actually, it's pretty grim
unless Barney brings his niece.

Then everybody gets to dance.

Now, Ed, come on. Yeah.

- You're gonna have dinner with us.
- Come on. Come on.

- Let's go. Let's go.
- All right, all right, all right.

Sorry, Eve.
You're back to the kids' table.

Too bad, squirt.

I'm gonna pretend I can't cut my
own meat so you have to do it.

Dad, dad, come on! Come on!

I'm going downstairs, get away
from all these grumpy, old men.

But you're a grumpy, old man.

Well, the wax apple
doesn't fall far from the tree.

Who's winning?

Those... Other guys
who aren't the lions.

I've made a significant wager
on the lions.

They haven't won on Thanksgiving
in nine years.

They're due. That's my system.

Horrible system.

Who are you?

I'm, uh, Ryan, Boyd's father.

Didn't you run out on Kristin?

I did, but I'm back now, and I'm trying
to do my best for Kristin and Boyd.

I promised myself that if
I ever saw you, I'd kill you.

But... but you're not
going to, right?

I'll see how it goes.

- I'm Bud.
- It's nice to meet you.

You're a builder, right?

Was. Getting
into the marijuana trade.

Oh, oh, that's gonna be huge
for Colorado,

and the doughnut stores
that open next to them.

Why is that?

'Cause when you smoke pot,
you get the munchies.

You... you get hungry.

Good tip.

Better than the one you got
on the lions.

Lucky for you,
you're getting four points.

Yeah, okay, from who?

Who is giving them these points?

Who bets on football without
knowing what The Spread is?

Who opens a pot store without
knowing what the munchies are?

Got me there.

So, uh, now that you've gotten to know
me, do you still want to kill me?

Honestly... Yes.

What you doing, grandpa?

I'm down in my basement, watching
a football game on a radio.

Now can we do
what we're thankful for?

In a minute. Come on in here.
I want to show you something.

[Static] Look at this. Ready?

All right.

Mike, k-a-0-x-t-t.

Just a little shout-out.

Anybody having a good time
here on Thanksgiving?

[Static]

Anybody hiding in their basement
to avoid their relatives?

[All talking]

Now, the thing I like about these guys,
if I don't want to listen to them,

I just turn them down like this.

Grandpa, this is due on Monday.

All right. Calm down.
Let's do your little report.

[Beep]
Um, what am I thankful for?

I'm thankful for radio,
specifically ham radio.

Ham radio is heavily regulated
by the FCC, the same people

who censor network television,
but not cable,

so drug dealers and murderers
become our heroes.

They not only censor,
but they regulate my ham radio.

They require me
to have a license, tests,

and if they don't like what I have to
say, they can fine me or lock me up.

What a great way to treat
the last line of communication

during the coming apocalypse.

Why does the government choose
to regulate free speech

and ham radio,
but anybody can operate...

oh, I don't know...
a hemp outlet?

So this Thanksgiving,
while the rest of you

are enjoying your Turkey,
I'm savoring my ham.

Happy Thanksgiving, FCC,
'cause I know you're listening.

I should have
just done a book report.

It's so great that you found
your grandma, Kyle.

Yeah, now just prop her up
in front of the TV

and stick a real heavy book in her
lap so she can't wander off again.

- Hey, dad.
- Michael.

Uh, Mike, the Detroit lions were
just given a two-minute warning.

Is this bad.

Yeah.

It means I've, like, missed
58 minutes of the damn game.

You know, dad, you're gonna
have to eventually talk to me.

Otherwise, I'm not gonna
give you a dinner roll.

You're off the hook.

The bearded kid is gonna partner
with me on the pot store.

Ryan?

Not that bearded kid. This one.

What do you want me to say?
He calls me "kid."

Ooh. [Laughs]

Oh, that's a nice bird, Mike.

Some people fry it, but I say
smoking is the way to go.

I'm sure you do, cheech.

You're not really going in business
with Chong in there, are you?

Of course I am.
He has a great business plan.

What's his plan, Ed?

Sell pot.

You just can't get
in the business of selling pot.

[Sighs] It's not good for us.

It's really not good
for our business.

We run a store called
outdoor man, not burning man.

I understand, but I feel bad for Bud,
being put out to pasture at his age.

A man needs someplace
to go in the morning.

Why doesn't he just lift the seat
and go where the rest of us go,

and then head out
and go fishing?

That's the fantasy
we sell at our stores, Mike.

Every time an... an old guy
comes in and buys a boat,

what he's really doing
is buying his own coffin.

Another reason why I do all
the marketing for our stores.

Well, maybe dad does need this,
but you shouldn't do it with him.

You're right. I shouldn't.

You should.

He just doesn't
want to go into business.

He wants to go into business
with you.

That's why he called
the pot store Baxter and son.

He calls every business
Baxter and son.

He has no imagination.

The guy's had six dogs,
all of them named dusty.

He's scared, Mike,
just like I was scared

when I started with my store
and a certain younger man

came in to help, and he made
outdoor man what it is today.

Thanks, Ed.

All right.

Almost makes up for me
not having half the business.

Ryan: Oh, no, no, no!

Oh, wait. What... what happened?

I'm so sorry. What?

I know we don't have a lot of money,
but I just lost a bet on football.

You what?!
How... how could you do that?

I am such an idiot.

Yeah, I know you want some pushback
on that, but I think you nailed it.

You don't know anything
about football.

You have no idea
how much he doesn't know.

But in the spirit
of the holiday,

I guess I should tell you
that you actually won.

What?

No. The lions lost.

No. You get to add four points
to the lions' score.

That's The Spread.

That's The Spread?

I won? Oh, I love The Spread.

You won?! Yeah, you won!
Yeah, I won!

Yes! How much?! $20!

That's it?!

Boyd, get out your camera.

[Beep] Daddy is thankful for
illegal sports betting and...

I give up.

Hot, hot, hot.

Hey! The Turkey's ready!

- It's time for dinner!
- Yeah.

I've been thinking
about my dad's business,

and I want to help him
a little bit.

What kind of message does
that send to the kids? It's...

look, that's... get out. No!

You know, it's just a bit
hypocritical.

Alcohol's just as bad.
It's addictive.

It causes liver disease. Well...

If they invented booze today,

the FDA would
never even allow it,

and... and the Irish would
probably rule the world.

[Sighs]

And we wouldn't have had Mandy.

Uh, dad, are you saying
that pot is okay?

[Scoffs]

No, it's not okay...

not okay for you
and nobody in this house.

Just because they voted for
something stupid in Colorado

doesn't mean we
got to jump on that train.

All right, Mike,
so... so you're against it,

but you're gonna go
into business with your dad.

I'm not going
into business with dad.

I just... I just
want to be his son.

I mean, yeah. Come on, man.

You know, if it's not hurting
anyone, why get the law involved?

Like sports betting, which
it turns out I'm awesome at.

Hey, hey.

What do you say we parlay your winnings
on the money line to the late game?

Mike, I don't even know
what that means. But yes.

Okay, baxters.

Thank you for the invitation, but
I've got to meet my pals at the VFW.

Vanessa: Ohh, man.
I'm feeling a little guilty,

and Barney's niece
is a definite go.

[Indistinct conversation]

Hey. See you later.

Yes!

Back at the big table.

You can cut your own meat, meat.

It ain't over
till it's over, meat.

Dad, we're ready to eat.

Late game's starting.

Oh, perfect!

Football game starts,
and we got to eat.

Kid from one
of those talent shows

just made a meal
out of the national anthem.

"Home of the brave" alone
took a minute and 40 seconds.

I want to talk about
your marijuana business.

Ed's out.

Why? You talked him out of it?

Because you don't need him.
You've done all the hard work yourself.

You got the licensing.
That's the big deal.

What you need is a marketing
genius, and I happen to know one.

What changed your mind?

I was thinking about Jimmy.

You know, he put up
with you for 25 years.

Now I guess it's my turn.

Just promise me you're not gonna
nail my foot to a board.

Well, I am delighted to know that we
are finally gonna become partners.

Um... We're
not gonna be partners.

The truth is I don't want to
be part of the business,

and I do not want
my family part of this.

I'm just a son
helping out his dad.

Not seen, not paid, and,
knowing you, not listened to.

All right,
what's our first step?

First step, dad,
is I want to change the name.

I don't want Baxter and son.

Oh, come on! I like that name.

And so it begins right away.

All right, look.
How about I call it dusty's.

Bud's Buds.

Bud's Buds.

There you go.

I don't get it.

You will. Come on.

All right. Dinner's served.

Time for us to eat the munchies.

Yeah, you're not
using that right.

[Doorbell rings]
Kyle's here! He made it! [Laughs]

- Yay.
- Oh, crap.

I'm thankful I get to share the
little table with my aunt Eve.

See? Was that so hard?

All right, all right.

To all my... Winos, gamblers, and
drug dealers, happy Thanksgiving.

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