Original subtitles

- Ah, good morning, Kelsey.

Good morning, Liza. - Morning.

Good morning, Charles. - Nice weather we're having.

Did you enjoy your walk to work?

- I did.

I mean, I took a train.

But the walking part was, uh, really nice.

Sunny, but cold. I had a hat.

- Uh, okay, then. See you in there.

- Okay. - Oh, my God.

Ever since you two pressed "pause,"

you're so damn polite to each other.

It's like watching two butlers in love.

- The Frankfurt Book Fair is next week,

and this year I've decided on a show of strength.

So Kelsey, Zane, Diana,

and Liza, get your passports in order.

- Surely you don't need me to go.

I'll stay here and hold down the fort.

Liza can help me.

- Nope. This is a full court press.

After the hit we took with the L.L. Moore scandal,

we have to be more visible than ever.

So Millennial, you got plenty to brag about this year.

But Zane, this is a chance for Empirical to close the gap,

so work your contacts, set up some meetings.

A little, uh, in-house competition

is good for everyone.

- Why do I suddenly feel like I'm in the minors?

"Millennial, you're great. Empirical, don't give up hope."

- I'm sure he didn't mean it-- - Save it.

Wow, so I'm going to Frankfurt.

It's kind of exciting, right? - Don't get too excited.

They found the most charmless city in Europe to host it.

It's like Buffalo, with dumplings.

Lovely language, German.

Like a thousand cats coughing.

- So much for keeping your distance from Charles.

[Nena's "99 Luftballons" playing]

♪ ♪

Really guarding that thing with your life, huh?

- Oh, yeah. I got a money belt too for my traveler's checks.

- They make me feel jet-setty.

You got your hat box and your steamer trunk too?

- Diana.

Meine Babypuppe. Aw.

Are we ready to rock this town?

- Cheryl Sussman, my liebchen.

- My BFFF. Best Frankfurt Friend Forever.

Drinks later in the beer garden?

- Oh, I have had such a day.

My pod in first class wouldn't... pod,

so I think I'm just gonna lay low tonight.

- Nonsense, wingwoman.

We're gonna party like it's 1999.

Remember 1999?

You tried to take your pantyhose off over your head

at the Simon and Schuster party .

- We were a lot younger.

- Oh, come on, it's not how old you are,

it's how old you feel.

Or how old you say you are.

Hello, ladies. Cheryl Sussman.

Plaza Publishing.

- Yeah, we've met.

- Oh, uh, you remember my assistant, Liza?

- Of course I remember. I remember everything.

Hi. - Hi.

- Frankfurt, baby.

- Forgot you'd met Cheryl Sussman.

- Uh, yeah, from my old life, back at Random House.

- Oh, my God. She knows?

She plays dirty, Liza. - I know.

Don't worry about it. It's handled.

What's been handled?

Never mind. I don't wanna know.

♪ ♪

- Yes.

- I just-- I can't believe I'm here.

Besides Ireland last year--

I mean, I've only been to Europe once,

and that was 20 years ago for my honey...

Suckle. Honeysuckle birthday.

You know, the thing where every, uh, birthday

is a flo

Y--you... Seven is honeysuckle.

Eight is Daisy.

Ten is Tiger lily.

- Yeah, I've hear of that.

It's a New Jersey thing, right? - Yep.

- Can we try to be more cosmopolitan?

We're in Frankfurt, not Trenton.

- We're gut.

Wow. Light on leder, heavy on hosen.

- Oh, eh-- elchknochel.

- Elchknochel. - Moose knuckle.

- Moose knuckle.

- Elchknochel. - Elchknochel.

- Um, you know wha-- uh, excuse me.

I'm gonna use the little fraulein's room.

♪ ♪

Schnapps?

- Already on my second.

- I wouldn't want anybody in the company to know about this,

but our trip here, it's a Hail Mary pass.

- Wait, did Quinn Tyler say no to investing?

Uh--she seems so happy with the editing we're doing.

I was hoping that-- - No--no word yet.

But I--I can't put all my eggs in one basket,

so I booked back-to-back meetings

with international investors, and three just cancelled.

And I have four more tomorrow, but...

- I'm so sorry. I didn't know.

- Been a tough year.

You're the one bright spot.

Except that you're two feet away from me, and I can't...

- I know.

And it's--it's worse over here.

Am I crazy? But I think that Frankfurt's romantic.

Paris should look out.

- I would love to take you there.

Right now.

Go to the train station, book a sleeper car,

and wake up in a different world.

I miss you.

- I miss you too.

- You're the only person I wanna talk to.

But the more we talk, the more I wanna hold you

or kiss you, and if we do that,

then you'll be going back on your decision.

And you'll hate me.

- I could never hate you, Charles.

This is temporary.

You'll get the company back on its feet.

I know you will.

- And I hope so.

Wish me luck tomorrow.

- You don't need it.

- I do.

We have three months of operating expenses left.

If we don't get an investor,

Empirical, Millennial,

everything that we have all worked for

will just...

disappear.

- ♪ 'Cause you've got that something ♪

♪ ♪

♪ 'Cause you've got that something ♪

♪ ♪

- Hello, fraud-lein.

Did you hear the D? 'Cause I put it in there.

- Great.

- I've just heard from Karl Teuscher.

It's ours, the title.

- Oh, my God.

Okay, every year a book makes such a splash in Frankfurt,

that they call it the Book of the Fair.

- This year there are two. Both of them ours.

"Marriage Vacation," and "Capital Letters."

It has never happened before. - Oh, my gosh!

- Oh, stretching. That's--that's better.

Yeah, no, I set up an impromptu press panel.

You know, I thought it'd be nice to have sort of a--

a sales--oh, my God. - Oh, wow. Word must be out.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, uh, Diana, can you get me a pen?

- I need a pen. Can you just...

- Go on.

- Um, can you, uh, just excuse me while I go get myself a pen?

- I'll get you a pen, Liza.

Just remember this moment well.

I certainly will.

- Hey, Trout.

So Millennial's the talk of the Fair.

What do those young girls have that we old gals don't?

- Oh, I don't know. Of course, I have been

grooming Kelsey for years, but it wasn't till I loaned her

my assistant that things really took off.

- Oh.

- You can't work for me for long without absorbing

some wisdom. - Right.

That Lisa girl. - Liza. Yes.

- Mm. - I mentored her pretty hard.

God love her. She's so green.

She's basically doing it for the assistant salary I pay her.

- Interesting. What are those?

- Oh, just the souvenirs. - Mm-hmm.

Oh, please.

It's not what we remember of Frankfurt, DiDi.

It's what Frankfurt remembers of us.

And it remembers 1999.

- Standing ovation, I seem to recall.

- I am afraid those days are over.

- I've spoken to the band leader.

She's game if we are.

- You cannot be serious. - Oh, I'm dead serious.

I'll see you tonight.

Unless you're, like your company,

past your prime.

♪ ♪

♪ - ♪ Hey, hey ♪

I like it ♪

- Josh. - Hey.

- Marlowe and Daughters had crown roast.

So you're coming over, and bring Lauren.

- All right. - I wanna make up

for the last one that I ruined.

So it's just the four of us, and it'll be fun, I promise.

- No drama. We have meet, wine, and weed.

- Okay. The Maggie Amato Trifecta.

I am in. - Yes, all right.

See you later. - Bye.

♪ ♪

Uh, the paperback release of "Marriage Vacation," of course.

And a new nonfiction book that we are just editing now,

by world-renowned finance expert Quinn Tyler.

A provocative examination

of women helping women in business.

Next question?

- Yeah, you keep mentioning young people,

but tell me, how old is this tall one?

- Um, old enough to know an appropriate question

when I hear it, and that wasn't it.

Next. - Uh, follow up.

Maybe it's the light. If you move a little--

No, it doesn't help.

So does the young one do the young books

and you do the old ones?

- Believe me, we are both millennials.

- Yeah. - Next question.

From somebody else. - You look young, though.

So you should tell her your face cream.

That is women helping women. And you do what she tells you.

Push up, always up.

- Oh, we're out of time. Thank you very much.

Uh, thank you. No, we're good.

Gosh, Kelsey, I am so sorry. I...

I know I look tired. It's the jetlag and--

- It's fine, don't worry about it.

It's part of the deal.

- I just--I hate that you have to keep covering for me.

- I don't wanna talk about it anymore.

You know what I wanna do? I wanna go get drunk.

You in?

♪ ♪

Oh, yeah ♪

♪ ♪

- Ooh! I am gonna get us drinks.

- Okay. Wow.

- Hello, youngster. - Mm.

- Did they card you at the door?

Cheryl, I'm not here to get blackmailed.

- Look, what I wanna say is, congratulations.

You're a hit.

Empirical's on the ropes, but you guys, wow.

- Thank you, but Empirical's gonna be--

- So I wanna offer you a job.

I'm pretty sure you're not making what you deserve,

and I can fix that, so come to Plaza.

- You're joking. - No.

You're killing it for a company that's going underwater,

and I'm throwing you a life preserver.

And the great part is I know your age.

So you wouldn't have to lie anymore.

Or put your employer or your colleagues at risk.

You can't keep this a secret much longer.

- And if I say no, you'll expose me?

- No. Look, Liza, you're a mother, I'm a mother.

I swear on my children's lives.

Well, the younger one.

Look, your secret's safe with me, I promise.

And when it explodes,

your friends will be under the rubble.

Anyway, there's no pressure, just, you know, think about it.

♪ ♪

Guten Abend.

- You look happy. - Hmm.

- Excellent.

I think that Media-Italia is interested in investing in us.

Very interested. How was your day?

- Great. Except our press panel got a little off track.

- Um...

- Had to pull this one away from the bar.

Whoa.

- Easy.

How about something to eat?

I'm the hit of the Buchmesse.

- Yeah, if you don't slow down, you're gonna be the mess

of the Buchmesse.

mess of the Buchmesse.

- Und now, ladies und gentlemen,

back by popular demand, the Kit Kat Klub

is happy to introduce to you, fresh from New York,

those singing sensations, Fraulein ChiChi Sussman,

and Fraulein DiDi Trout.

all:

- Ah.

["Willkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome" playing]

- ♪ [singing in German, French] ♪

♪ Welcome ♪

- Huh.

- ♪ [singing in German, French] ♪

♪ Stranger ♪

- Ooh. - Yeah!

both: ♪ ♪

- Wow.

- ♪ Happy to see you ♪

both: ♪ ♪

♪ Stay ♪ - Whoo!

Yes.

both: ♪ Welcome ♪

♪ Im cabaret, au cabaret, to cabaret ♪

Ladies... and gentlemen.

Good evening.

- ♪ [singing in German, French] ♪

- I feel good, Cheryl, I do.

both: ♪ ♪

♪ We are your hosts ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Welcome ♪

♪ Im cabaret, au cabaret, to cabaret ♪

- Whoo! Whoo.

- Whoo!

Ah. Oh.

- Thank you. Thank you so much.

- Oh, we still got it, DiDi. Am I thirsty?

- Liza, shots, please. Doubles.

- You got it, boss.

- Hey, you wanna see a magic trick?

- I'm gonna drink this

and turn into a different person.

Watch this.

♪ ♪

Mmm.

- Okay. Okay, okay.

- That is a Frankfurt Freebie.

And there's more where that came from,

if you're interested. - A-ha.

- 'Cause I came to furt to frank.

No, that's not right.

I came to Frank to furt.

No.

- I, uh, think I ought to get back to the hotel.

- Yep. - You do that.

- Goodnight, Charles. - Will see you.

- I'm so sorry.

- Yeah. Now that the boss is gone we can really drink.

- Oh. - Wait, wait, wait, hold on.

That was you holding back? - All right, ladies.

Where's Charles? - He left.

- Hey, there, Scheisse Minnelli,

you wanna go on a pub crawl? - Ha! Hell, yeah.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- I think I found a way out for you and me.

For all of us. Can I come in?

- I can't promise I won't try to kiss you.

- Me first.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- Okay, so I wanted to get an erotic cake

from the kosher bakery on Driggs with four breasts,

you know, in honor of your new love,

but it's a Build-A-Bear now. - I know.

- I can top that. Okay, this hipster family

comes into the shop last night, and they wanna tattoo,

get ready, their seven-year-old son.

- Stop. - No.

- I swear. - Oh, my God.

- Unbelievable. - You know,

I haven't lived here for 20 years

to start dodging stroller traffic on the sidewalk.

I mean, junkies, yes. But strollers, no.

And you know, it's not just the straight hipsters.

I mean, now, it's lesbian couples now

that wanna have kids. - Oh, I know.

I'm so misguided. I mean, so many of those kids

are gonna turn out straight.

It's like mice having a litter of kittens.

You know, sure, they're gonna be cute

for the first couple of years, but then, you know,

they're gonna turn. They are gonna turn.

- But I--but you must know, you must know,

straight people are not the enemy.

- Thank you. Right back at ya. Right?

And second of all, I was hoping to be one of those clichés.

I tried really hard for a year, but, ugh, it's expensive.

So I had to just give it up.

- Yeah.

You don't think I'd be a good mom?

- No, you'd be amazing. - Thank you.

- Come on, just have a C-section.

You know, you don't wanna stretch out your good sweater.

- Oh, my God.

Seriously, Maggie,

you can relax, because, I mean,

forget the fertility treatments,

I can't even afford a sperm donor.

Unless Josh wants to pitch in. - Oh. Hey, now.

Friends and family discount.

- Mm-hmm. - Yes.

He would be amazing. Those shoulders.

Oy, that face. Yes, come on.

It'll look good on a boy or a girl.

You guys, we should do it lesbian old school.

I'm talking sporty mullets, turkey basters,

Dinah Shore Weekend.

- Wait, wait, wait. What is your family history?

- And also,

have you had work done? Because I really worry

about noses, and this one, it's been touched.

No, it's mine. It's mine.

You promise?

- Ho--ho--hold on, hold on.

First you spring in the baby thing on me,

and now you're asking my friend for sperm?

- Well, do you know how much sperm costs?

It's a lot.

So I have to follow up on any option.

- So, wait a second, even if you could afford

to do it, you still want a baby?

- Yeah.

- When were you planning on telling me this?

- I don't know, when we were on solid ground again.

- I thought we were.

- I guess I was just really worried

about how you were gonna react.

- Oh. I'm blindsided.

- Well, I'm disappointed.

- ♪ Doo do do do do Doo do do, yeah ♪

That's a lot to wrap my head around.

- It's not just about you and me, Charles.

It's what my lie is doing to Kelsey.

If I'm gone, she can breathe easy.

- But Millennial is our biggest asset.

Is it gonna be as strong without you?

- Kelsey's the star. You saw something in her

a year before I got here, and she delivered.

It's her imprint.

- I'm not so sure.

- Plus, not being together during working hours

allows us to be together after hours.

And we're pretty good after hours.

- Only one problem.

You have a contract with us.

- What can I do to get you release me?

- Um...

♪ ♪

Spend the night?

- If I do,

we both agree I'm working for Plaza.

- Consider yourself fired.

♪ ♪

- Two vodka sodas, please. Thanks so much.

- It's on me. - Oh, thank you.

- Say, you look very nice.

- Oh.

- Ah. Um...

- Hey, keep your hands off her.

- It's okay, it's okay. Leave us alone, man.

- Ah!

What's happening?

- All right, let's get out of here.

- Whoa-ho. This floor wobbles.

- Uh-huh. - They should fix that.

- Hey. Well, here we are.

Where's your key? - Uh, it's in my coat.

Where's my coat?

♪

- Ooh, Liza.

Liza, I need an answer about that job offer right away,

as soon as possible.

- Mm-hmm.

- Because the answer is yes.

- Hey.

- Sleep well.

- Phew. Smart girl.

♪ ♪

- Sorry. Wrong room.

- Ah, goodnight.

♪ ♪

- Mm.

No, no, no, no.

Why am I in your room?

- You lost your coat and your key, so I brought you here.

- Oh, my God. Okay, and what did we do?

- We did nothing. You passed out.

And I

Had to light a lot of matches.

- Oh, my God. Okay, but...

You--you just tucked me in, right?

- Mm-hmm, yep. "Ucked" with a T, not an F.

I slept on the couch. - Well, what a gentleman.

Who would've thought?

I feel like I should buy you breakfast or something.

- Not this morning. While you and Liza were busy

patting yourselves on the back yesterday,

Gerhardt Schmidt finally answered my email.

Yep, new agent with an unsigned author

who's just written book one of a series

about the Sicilian Mafia. Could be the next "Godfather."

- Wow. Well, you are due for a comeback.

- Uh-huh. And once I sign him,

I'll have my pick of breakfast offers.

Pick of everything.

- Mm, like you could do better than me.

Well, for one thing,

whoever she is, she won't snore.

Aw.

♪ ♪

Zane Anders.

So glad to finally...

meet you.

Yeah. Sorry about that.

♪ ♪

- I love Frankfurt. You realize we sold books

in every single territory.

It's gonna be such a good year for us.

- Yeah.

I gotta tell you,

I think Zane, I might've misjudged him.

You weren't there last night, but after you left,

there was this guy...

Hey, what is going on with you?

Do you sometimes hate me a little?

Why? Wh

- I've seen you this weekend, lying to cover up my lie.

And you smile and don't complain,

but, , you gotta hate me a little for it.

- It's okay, I--

- It's only okay because we've managed

to dodge the bullet so far.

But one day we're not gonna be able to,

and it's all gonna blow up, and Millennial will never recover.

And you'll hate me then.

- No. - Kelsey.

- No, it's not-- it's not gonna happen.

- I got a job offer.

Cheryl Sussman at Plaza Publishing,

and I'm gonna take it.

- No. - Kelsey.

I can never repay you

for what you have done for me,

but that day when you hate me,

I have gotta get out of here before that happens.

While the party's still happening,

and--and we're on a high, and...

It had to happen, Kels.

We've come to the end of this road.

It was a beautiful, beautiful road.

And I had so much fun, and I loved every minute of it.

♪ ♪

- No. There has to be another way, okay?

We need to just stop and take a second and breathe,

and think, and-- - It's okay. Kelsey, it's okay.

We both know it.

It's time for me to go.

- ♪ I love you ♪

♪ Hey, sister, I'm gonna be standing with you ♪

♪ Yeah, with you ♪

♪ Yeah, With you ♪

♪ ♪