Original subtitles

- So let's talk about the 2011

White House Correspondents' dinner.

Do you think maybe you trolled Donald Trump

into running for president?

honestly,

the most memorable part

of that night for me was--

was knowing that the president had just authorized

a secret raid to take out bin Laden.

And watching all these people

who are gonna have to report on it,

at the break of dawn,

just get wasted.

- I actually remember that night very, very well.

Um, do you have any plans on going back to D.C.?

- No, I'm happy doing the podcast and consulting.

You know, I'm definitely hoping to find some time

later this year to write a memoir.

- Kelsey. Lorraine. Peters.

- Lauren, you gotta knock. - You got onto Yara.

- You got onto Yara!

Dude, it's the dating app you have to apply for.

- Okay, I--I did not apply.

- Oh, my God, know me better, please.

Come on. I applied for you.

Okay, look, we have Wall Street,

Wall Street, ooh DJ? - Oh, my God.

This looks like every other terrible dating app.

- Yo, some of us need to shower.

- Kelsey got onto Yara. - Wow.

Wait, wait, this is like Tinder for the Illuminati, right?

- Yes, and she's acting like she's too cool for it.

- I am not. I need ten more minutes to get ready.

- Wait, wait, wait, will you just swipe a little bit?

Ah. - Okay, no.

Look at those eyes. Oh, hi there.

- Uh. Thi--this is Anna.

Kelsey just got onto Yara, the dating app.

- Yeah. - That's so cool.

- Okay, okay, I need to finish getting ready.

- This is going to be so much fun.

- Oh, it already is! It's so fun.

- Oh, can I pee, like, really quick?

♪ ♪

- Big news. "People" magazine wants to do a feature

on "Marriage Vacation."

- Oh, that's so great!

- About Charles and Pauline

getting back together.

- Wow. - They even want to pay

for a vow renewal ceremony in Hawaii.

- Oh. My gosh, that's amazing.

- Don't think you'll be going. - Hm.

- I just heard about "People" magazine.

- Oh. We are so excited.

- That's not happening.

Pauline and I are

getting a divorce.

- Oh, Charles.

I am so sorry.

Uh, what are we going to do about the book tour?

It starts tomorrow.

- Everything goes forward as planned.

I was never part of the publicity.

- Not officially, but the book

has been gaining momentum because people thought

it resulted in the author and her husband

getting back together.

- I don't know what to say, Diana.

I'm not going to live my life to fit the novel.

- ♪ They say I'm no good ♪

♪ But I've never been better ♪

♪ No, I've never been better ♪

♪ I don't ever want to waste my time ♪

♪ Again ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Don't you know how hard ♪

♪ I try ♪

- So Obama's former speechwriter, Jake Devereux,

is making the rounds with a memoir,

and I think it would be great "get" for Millennial.

- Or Empirical. Now, I've been planning on going

after Devereux for weeks.

- Who doesn't love a planner, but I actually

have a meeting set with him tomorrow in D.C.

- So do I. Maybe you should think about cancelling yours.

- Work together.

Jake Devereux's book will be big.

So whoever gets him,

it'll be a win for the company.

♪ ♪

- And I mean, can you believe this timing?

Just as the book about our marriage comes out,

he wants a divorce.

- I don't know. I guess.

I'm mostly just focused on how everyone else

is going to react to the news.

The girls, you two,

everyone who's gonna come hear me read.

- It's none of their business.

- I made it their business.

People are gonna want to know

how's the real life Kate and Karl?

- Say they're doing great. Never been better.

- Postpone the truth.

At least until you make

the "New York Times" Best Seller List.

♪ ♪

- I, uh...

I think, once you've created a story,

other people want to believe it as much as you do.

- So true. Honesty can be very self-indulgent.

- I don't know. I'm a terrible liar.

- Just talk about your relationship when it was good.

It's really just a lie of verb tenses.

We could practice.

- Okay.

Uh, let's see. When it was good...

Ah, this is gonna make me sad.

Well...

He used to write me these--

He...writes me

these little love poems on sticky notes

and puts them in the book I'm reading.

- That's a good one.

Yeah.

And when we go to the country

in the summer

we always make love outside.

Aw.

- And now we're never going to make love again.

- That's enough. Very, very good.

- You probably don't need to get that detailed.

- The bottle.

♪ ♪

- Hi.

How are you?

- Um. I'm, uh--I'm fine.

- I was, um, surprised to hear about you and Pauline.

I guess maybe I thought it was working out.

This must be really tough on you and the girls.

- Actually, it has been tough.

- Anytime you need me, I'm here.

Uh, I mean, not here here. I know this isn't a good place.

- Uh, yeah. Yeah, it's not.

How about we get together after Pauline's book tour?

There is a lot that I want to talk to you about.

- Of course.

I look forward to it.

♪ ♪

- "And that night at the dinner table

"in front of the kids,

"he took my hand,

"and for the second time in our relationship,

he proposed."

- Thank you, Pauline.

What a special treat for us

having you hear at Temple Israel.

- Well, thank you so much for having me.

- Ooh, I see a lot of familiar faces in the crowd

who can't wait to get up and ask questions.

Please, queue up at the microphone.

- Ooh.

- Goodness.

- Hi, Pauline. Fern Hirsch. - Hi, Fern.

- Can you talk a little bit about the process?

- No.

The process of getting back together with your husband.

- Oh, um.

- Smile. - I am.

- Um.

Um.

You know,

working together brought us closer.

I think we were able to really

rediscover ourselves as partners.

- You didn't seem like strangers

after all of that time apart?

I know I would.

- Suddenly it's the Fern show.

- You know, sometimes sex is better with a stranger.

- I think she'll be better one-on-one.

- She has to be.

- Pauline Turner Brooks,

thank you for being on Bookworm.

- Thank you, Michael, and I'm so sorry

I couldn't join you in LA. - As am I.

Well let's jump right in. What a story.

It's like fiction meets memoir.

- Yes. Yes, but mostly fiction.

- Well, the way you talk about your husband

and your life together

they say that God is in the details.

- Or the devil, depending on who you ask.

- Well may I ask, how is your real

- You just did. - We knew he would.

- Oh.

It's...

Um.

It's, uh--

- Land the plane, land the plane.

- It's...good.

It's really good.

- Okay, I think she's got this.

- You wrote in your book

that your sex life had become

routine but serviceable

like the many Italian bistros on the Upper East Side.

What kind of restaurant would you say your sex life

is like now since the "vacation"?

- Well...

It's hot.

So...

Thai, I guess?

Or, um, Korean barbecue?

We have a hot

Korean barbecue sex and it's just so...

So...

Spicy.

♪ ♪

- So there's so many people-- Brad Pitt, George Clooney,

Leonardo DiCaprio--

and these guys, they are really good at basketball.

But none of them have the guts to guard the president.

So I have to.

- And I'm...

you know, terrible.

They called me "All-Day" because that's how long

the president could score on me.

- Aw, that still had to be fun though.

- Imagine all your heroes laughing at you.

- Come on, it didn't bruise your reputation too bad.

I've seen the pictures of you hanging out with movie stars.

- Yeah, even dating a couple.

- Definitely not putting that in the book.

- Well, even if you don't, though I think you should,

your book is gonna be a best seller.

- Yes.

You just have to publish with the right place.

And, of course, that's Empirical.

- Or Millennial.

We have a great track record.

Our goal is to publish authors with original voices.

We also just signed a first-look deal

with Reese Witherspoon's production company,

which puts us in a very unique position.

- And one of the benefits of going with Empirical

there is no big, splashy,

female-focused production company attached.

So you can shop your book around anywhere you want.

And you can keep all the money for yourself.

- Either way you go,

you'll make a great choice.

- ♪ Oh, darling ♪

♪ Don't you see how it is ♪

- You killed that. - Thank you.

You didn't do so bad yourself.

- Mm, but you know he's gonna go with me, right?

You know what? I love your confidence.

Sometimes it's even sexy.

Sometimes.

♪ There's a sensation ♪

♪ In my bones ♪

Can I do half regular and half sweet potato?

Great. Thank you.

♪ It's a savage dream into ♪

♪ To which I fell ♪

♪ I catch my breath ♪

♪ As I lose my hold ♪

♪ Tumble down the well of no self-control ♪

♪ You stole my pulse yet it beats for you ♪

♪ My sanity escapes me ♪

♪ In this love so true ♪

♪ I love the way ♪

♪ You haunt me, darling ♪

♪ I want you, darling ♪

♪ I love the way ♪

♪ You haunt me, darling ♪

♪ I want you, darling ♪

- Yeah, later.

- Thanks, again. - Oh, you're welcome.

Bye.

- Yeah, Josh, y'girl was loose

in the house and asked to borrow some eyeliner.

Let me tell you something about the eyes.

They are the window to the soul.

They are also the doorway to disease and infection.

- You didn't have to let her use it.

- I shouldn't have been asked, dude.

We're all living in this tiny apartment.

Can we please just set some ground rules

about bringing people home? - Okay, okay, fine.

Yes. Can we do it over food though?

I'm starving. - Thought you'd never ask.

Let's go.

All right, you have to walk them

to and from the front door, okay?

No roamers, no moaners, no giving out the Wi-Fi code.

Oh, and they can have coffee, but they may not

have the cold brew. - Okay, calm down.

I just got out of a terrible break up.

- Mm-hmm. - I'm gonna be having

a lot of sex. That's just what you do.

- Some people journal furiously about how

they wish they're relationship had ended,

and then they find a surrogate relationship

where they can re-create the break-up on their terms.

You know, I'm just saying everybody's different.

- Okay, I ju--I need to break this pattern.

All right? I want to be the guy that's into random hook-ups,

not the guy who just keeps falling in love with everyone.

- Josh, that is like me saying I want to be athletic.

Okay? I'm serious. You're a born romantic, dude.

There's nothing you can do to change that.

I need to change it.

I just keep getting hurt.

Love just doesn't work for me.

- No, but it will. Okay, listen.

You are gonna meet that perfect person,

and it is all gonna click.

What if it's Liza?

- Listen, if you and Liza are meant to be together,

nothing can keep you apart.

- Yeah.

- Out of all the people I could have met on Yara--

- I know. I was surprised to see your profile.

And to learn you're interested in men and women.

My friend Lauren applied for me.

- Mm. - Clearly she's more interested

in meeting people for herself.

- Uh-huh, sure.

I'll be right back. - No rush.

♪ ♪

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

Um.

There are bagels in the lobby.

- Yeah, I'm good. I'm actually meeting somebody.

- Me too.

- Hey, guys.

- Hey. - Hi, Jake.

- Sorry, I can't stay for breakfast.

I'm doing HuffPo Live in an hour.

Um, so, look, I was really impressed

with what you guys had to say, and I know the importance

of surrounding yourself with smart people

so I decided that I would like to work with you.

- Both of you.

Can we do that?

- There are a few reasons.

But we can figure that out. - Okay, fantastic.

I feel really good about this.

- Good. - I'm glad.

- Great, so my lawyer will be in touch.

And I'm super excited, so I'll see ya.

- Hey, Jake.

Are you sure?

You know, sometimes three's a crowd.

- I mean one thing no other publishing house

is offering is two amazing editors.

I'm a first-time author.

I need all the help I can get.

- Okay.

Oh, um,

I saw you on Yara.

Yeah, I saw you too.

♪ ♪

Pauline is unhinged.

She cries every time

she's asked about your relationship.

- Ah.

I knew that talking about

the break up would be hard, but this--

This, uh...

That is truly unexpected.

- Uh, she's actually telling people that, um,

that you're still together.

I thought it might be a bad idea, but

it's so hard to push back with such raw subject matter.

- It's not your fault. This is uncharted territory.

- Ugh, I had such high hopes.

- Well, this book

may not be what the company hoped it would be.

- It's definitely not what Pauline hoped it would be.

- Yeah.

I'm sorry, Diana, for making your job harder.

- Charles, maybe you should go tonight in my place.

- Wouldn't that just support this fallacy?

- You're not supporting her lie.

You're supporting her.

♪ ♪

- Liza, sorry I'm late. - Hi, it's okay.

How are you feeling? - Ah, nervous.

- All right, well I'm gonna talk to moderator

before the Q&A starts.

Hopefully I can get him to stick

to questions about the novel.

You know you'd think

the lying would get easier,

but the more it accumulates the harder it gets.

Yeah.

Believe what you're saying is true.

Keep your answers short, and remember, these people

are here because you gave them hope.

- Yep, false hope.

- Hope that they could have the lives they wanted.

It doesn't necessarily mean saving their marriage.

That can mean anything.

- Okay. Thanks, Liza.

"It was a Tuesday.

"Corina had piano lessons and Jamie had ballet.

"I was back in the routine, and it felt like I never left.

The one difference was..." - Hey.

No statements and no two-part questions.

And try not to pick someone who came here

for advice on their love life.

- How am I supposed to know that?

- Oh, you can tell.

- "And that night at the dinner table

"in front of the kids,

"he took my hand,

"and for the second time in our relationship,

he proposed."

Thank you.

- Thank you, Pauline.

Now we'll take some questions from the audience.

- Oh, no, too eager. Keep going.

- Yes, over here on the right.

- Mm-mm.

- Hi, Pauline.

Beth. - Hi, Beth.

- Love your book.

- Aw, thank you.

- I have a personal question.

- Oh, of course you do.

- How's it working between you

and the real

- Um, it's...

It's

Well, the truth is--

♪ ♪

The truth is

my marriage was over before I left.

And no matter what I did,

no matter what he did,

it wasn't gonna get fixed.

This story is a fantasy.

It's how I imagined it for the couple in the book

because I like happy endings.

But for me,

my story isn't over.

And my happy ending is still out there.

Thank you.

- Okay, next question.

- Charles, hi. - Hi.

- I didn't know you were going to be here tonight.

- I heard that Pauline was having a hard time.

And I assumed that lying was your idea?

- Charles.

Hi. - Hi.

- I'm glad you came. - Me too.

And I know that was hard, but...

being honest was the right thing to do.

Well, I mean, I wasn't truly honest.

If I had been, I would have said

that it was your career and your ambition

that ruined our marriage, not mine.

And that when we got married, I thought we'd be a team.

Right away it was all about you.

I was just there to be your rock.

And you never noticed how unhappy I was

because you didn't want to.

- I'm sorry, Pauline.

I really am.

And you're right.

Sometimes I am blind

to what's right in front of me.

- Charles.

- ♪ We were born ♪

♪ In summertime light ♪

- Charles.

Charles. Wait.

[Opus Orange's "Artificial Heart"]

- I think if you're asking, you probably know.

- I thought I did.

- I'm just a woman who lied about her age to get a job.

♪ ♪

How long have you-- - It doesn't matter.

What else did you lie about? - Let me explain.

- You betrayed me.

You looked me in the eyes for months and months,

and you pretended to be somebody else entirely.

You are not the kind of person that I want to have in my life.

Unfortunately this company will not survive another scandal.

So from now on

we have a professional, reporting relationship.

- Maybe it would be better if I just left.

- I thought you did all this to get a job.

♪ You took a hammer to my artificial heart ♪

♪ My walls fell down ♪

♪ You've broken through ♪