Original subtitles

[ "Valse de l'Empereur"\Nby Johann Strauss playing]

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

"The President could sense

the arrival\Nof his Chief of Staff

from the slight breeze\Nthe door makes when opened,

and the President\Nwished he would knock,

and the Chief of Staff thought,

"I'm not the kind of guy\Nwho knocks and waits,"

and the President thinks,\N"I wish he would wait,"

but the Chief of Staff\Nignores this...

[Hank, thinking]\NCheese...

American and feta.

Tuna.

Vodka for my office.

Olives.

Dried berries...

Uh, let's stop you there.

Any comments?

I loved it.

[Hank]\NThat's one "I loved it."

How about\Nany constructive criticisms?

Going once, twice...

Moving on.

I mean, you could--\Nyou could say something.

I've given you\Nmy thoughts before.

Just have a glance\Nat your last story

or the one before that, okay?

Jen, do you want to read?

It might spark some discussion

if you offered something\Nout loud.

I don't think so.

It could.

[grumbles]

Could you, please,\Njust for once, say something?

Workshops like this are based\Non the idea of peer review.

Guided review.

I'm trying to guide.

Jen?

Professor, I don't mean\Nto gang up on you,

but you should know,

besides calling our names\Nto read,

you've barely said anything\Nin an hour and a half.

Well, I couldn't help\Nbut notice

a wandering point of view

within, basically,\Nstructureless sentences.

No, my point of view\Ndoesn't wander.

Well, it switches mid-sentence

from the President\Nto the Chief of Staff,

then back, then back--

Yeah, on purpose.

Well, you risk\Ndistancing the reader.

I happen to think\Nthat risk is worth the reward.

What's the reward?

Okay, um...

the reward is I'm--

I'm exposing the flow

of different\Ncollected consciousness.

You know?

I'm calling it\Nultra-omniscience.

That's a cool word.

Did anyone else care

that the President\Nand Chief of Staff

seem to be responding\Nto each other's thoughts

without speaking,

in a way that isn't...

possible?

I mean,\NI'm just gonna say it again,

I loved it,

and you made my shortlist\Nfor the Pulitzer.

You don't get to make\Na short list

for someone else's award.

Yeah, look, okay,

responding\Nto each other's thoughts,

it's not a mistake.

[Hank] It certainly was.

Let's put aside\Nthe multiple points of view

and the wandering tense

and the conversations

that seem to happen\Nvia telepathy.

Even put aside

the Chief of Staff's\Nnecrophilia.

Okay, well,\Nthen there's no story.

Do you know what I mean

when I say\N"distance the reader"?

Of course I do,

but that's my choice to make,

as it is every writer's,

as it was, um, Chaucer's choice,\Nyou know,

whose writing I actually find\Nreally distancing.

Yeah, well, less so

because he was writing\Nin Middle English,

and it's a tricky thing,\Ncomparing yourself to Chaucer.

Yeah, but we don't know\Nthat I'm not the next Chaucer.

We do know.

All due respect,

you would not know.

All due respect,\Na cat would know.

Your only novel

isn't even available\Nat your own campus bookstore.

You-- you're here.

You're here.

The main piece of evidence\Nis that you are here.

The fact that you're here

means you didn't try very hard\Nin high school,

or, for whatever reason,\Nyou showed very little promise.

Did that sound harsh?

I'll tell you what.

I'll smile\Nthrough the rest of this.

You are here,

and even if your presence\Nat this middling college

in this sad, forgotten town

was some bizarre anomaly,

and you do have\Nthe promise of genius,

which I'll bet a kidney\Nthat you don't,

it will never surface.

I am not a good enough writer\Nor writing teacher

to bring it out of you.

And how do I know that? How?

Because I, too, am here,

at Railton College,

mediocrity's capital.

Well, you wanted me\Nto talk more.

[♪♪]

[phone buzzing]

[Lily] Who is it?

Work.

[Lily] Turn it off.

[phone buzzing]

Hmm.

I put that in the recycling\Nthree days ago.

I didn't realize\Nyou want to save it.

Save it?

Oh, no, there's other articles\NI want to read in here.

Um...

you were working\Nlate last night?

I mean,\Nit isn't really working late

just because it's after\Nyou've gone to sleep.

Yeah, well,\NI'm a college professor,

so working after 4:00 p.m.\Nis late.

Who are you saving now?

There's this boy named Calvin\Nwho's been acting out.

Herb thinks\Nhe should be expelled,

so, anyway,

we're meeting with his mother\Nand a teacher--

[phone buzzing]

You are very popular\Nthis morning.

I am.

Why did you buy\Nso many bananas?

They're going to go bad,\Nyou know.

Just to piss you off.

[phone buzzing]

I think you should just keep up\Nwith the solitary misery,

and, like, don't change a thing.

Who isn't miserable, huh?

Being an adult is 80% misery.

No, I think you're at 80.

The rest of us\Nhover around 30 to 40.

Thirty?

Nobody is at 30.

I'm at 30.

Really?

Thirty?

Well, then,\Nyou're unusually happy.

I don't think that's true.

[Hank, thinking]\NI think we've become

a bit obsessed with happiness.

It's a little much.

What happened to just\Ngetting through the day?

I wonder\Nwhat percentage of misery

this dude was at.

It better have been at least 90.

I need a cushion.

If people wanted\Nto be happy so much,

why does all the evidence\Npoint to the opposite?

I mean, newspapers, the courts,

social media...

The misery industry--\Nthat's huge.

Billions.

The happy industry?\N[chuckles]

That's, like, one guy,\Nwho probably lives in Canada,

breeding unicorns

and filming them for porn\Non the side.

[students whispering]

[chuckles]

Mediocrity's capital?\NReally?

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

I decided to face you as a man.

Man to man.

We're one short.

I always wanted to be a writer.

When I was six,\NI wrote my first story...

about Wall Street.

That tracks.

When I was 12,

I wrote my first novel.

Whenever I get down on myself,\NI read it.

It helps me remember\Nwhat I'm meant to do.

And that I can't do\Nanything else.

Bartow?

I don't think you understand\Nhow hurtful what you said was.

I was uncareful with my words.

I'm sorry, Bartow.

We cool?

Yeah, we cool.

I'm just gonna\Nneed that in writing.

What?

Your apology,

I'm just gonna need that

to be posted to\Nthe school newspaper's website.

With a signature.

Uh, an e-signature\Nis fine, too.

Would you accept\Nan e-middle finger?

Dean Rose called for you?

- Okay.\N- Six times.

Uh-huh.

Should I try him for you?

No.

Did you get me yogurt?

It's not your yogurt day.

Yeah.

[ "Jumping Strings"\Nby Paolo Andriotti playing]

[♪♪]

[Gracie] Damnit, Rourke,\Ndon't hide behind humor,

as if you could...

[Hank, thinking]\NWhy do grown-ups bother arguing?

[Paul] Well, I'm smiling.

I have been working...

[Hank, thinking]\NHaven't we learned

what the advertising world\Nfigured out long ago,

that, after age 49,

we're not changing our minds\Nabout anything?

So, what's in it for people?

A sexual charge?

Actually, that sounds nice.

...that it only finds oxygen\Nwhen it's hurting a woman.

It should be\Npainfully clear to you by now,

your time, sir, it's up.

[Emma]\NOh, boy, we're doing this.

All right,\Nlet's all be careful here.

I'll say anything I want.

I can't be canceled,\NI have tenure.

[Gracie] You're an ass.

This is because of you

and your childish outburst\Nin class.

[Paul] No, no, no, no, no.

It was inspired by him.

It was my idea.

I want recognition.

[speaking in French]\N"A partir du moment

ouù l'absurdité est reconnue,

elle devient une passion."

Camus.\NIt means--

Did you not get my email?

I got a lot of emails\Nthis morning.

I'll bet you did, Peckerhead.

- [Gracie] Read your email.\N- [Hank] Why?

Rourke submitted\Na new course request

to the school website\Nfor public evaluation--

"The Accidental Wisdom\Nof Mediocre Regional Writers".

He put me on the syllabus!

Are you not regional?

Your choice to insult us all,

especially in an open forum,

it's simply incorrect.

We have no shortage\Nof worthy scholars

and published authors.

[Hank] Name one.

I'll name two--

myself...

and perhaps Billie.

My book of sonnets\Non Jonathan Swift

has become the benchmark

in early-feminist,\N18th-century response poetry.

You are deliberately trying

to invalidate\Nthe last decade of my career.

[Paul] Decade?

That book came out\N25 years ago,

and I remember it distinctly,

because the first email\NI ever got

was a bill mistakenly sent\Nfrom your self-publisher.

Nobody was brave enough\Nto publish that book.

It was ahead of its time.

Maybe you should have waited.

- You--\N- Ow!

Oh, shit! Shit.

Let go of the notebook.

But it has original work in it.

Not if it's yours.

- You--\N- Ow!

Oh!

- Ew!\N- [Gracie] Oh, god, I'm sorry.

I...

I-I...

I-I didn't--\NI didn't mean to.

I... Are you...?

Going to sue?

Yes! I want every penny\Nfrom the sale of those poems.

You can put all of them\Nin this tiny pocket.

[ "Yulelé"\Nby Eduardo Mateo playing]

Jill from Jacob Rose's office\Ncalled again?

Dean Rose would like\Nto see you right away?

Tell them I have a class.

I said that?

She said right after class?

Oh. Then I have another class.

Then I said that?

Then she said

that it better not be\Nracquetball with Tony?

And then I said,

"Have you ever been asked\Nto cover for your boss

when he was doing something

he didn't want\Npeople to know about?"

Then she got real quiet.

Hey, Daniel.

I hope you brought\Nenough vape pens for everyone.

[rapid footsteps approaching]

Did you just run?

[exhales]

Are you ready to handle\Nthis Calvin situation?

You shouldn't be so excited\Nabout expelling a kid.

He disrupts my class,\Nhe throws things--

Don't talk about\Nhow disruptive my son is

when it's your job\Nto control your class.

No. It's my job to teach,

and I can't do my job

if I'm spending 80% of my energy\Ntrying to control her kid--

Do you know that most chocolate\Nhas vegetable oil in it?

Or even animal fat?

Lily, please.

Look, we're here\Nto talk about Calvin

and what to do

at this important juncture\Nin his life,

but first, just hear me out.

France regulates chocolate.

They don't allow anything\Nbut pure cocoa liquor,

which is what gives chocolate\Nits rich, delicious flavor.

France, by law,

says that there must be\Nat least 40%,

but that's not nearly\Ngood enough

for La Maison du Chocolat.

This was flown in\Nfrom France last week,

and I'd like to share\Nsome of it with you.

Before you eat it,

I want you to, um,\Nfeel it in your hand.

Just, like,\Nfeel the weight of it.

And then,\Nplace it on your tongue,

and keep it there.

Let it melt in your mouth.

It's amazing, right?

Michelle,\Nyou're an excellent teacher.

And you are clearly\Na loving and caring mother.

Look, you want Calvin\Nexpelled from school,

that's not feasible,

but he doesn't have to take\Nbiology this year.

He could make it up\Nin summer school.

I feel a little manipulated\Nby this delicious chocolate.

Yeah, I feel the same.

There's common ground.

I liked what you said.

This place sucks.

It should be shut down.

Hey, Jill.

He said he'd like you\Nto read this,

and then go right in.

Polite note.

May I keep this\Nfor my collection of memorabilia

of times when people\Nwere being polite to me,

only to be setting\Na trap of some sort?

I don't think it matters.

Well, nothing matters.

That can't be our standard.

It tells me a lot\Nthat you drove all this way.

I appreciate that.

You take it seriously.

Because, guess what?

I take it seriously,\Nand we should take it seriously.

Are we upset?\NYou betcha.

But what you have to understand

is that Hank is going through

a rough patch\Nwith his diverticulitis.

Infected and inflamed pouches\Nbulging from his colon.

Complete bowel Armageddon.

Is it an excuse?\NNo, of course not.

Of course it isn't.

He may not take that out\Non your son,

and everyone agrees with that,

especially Hank.

So we're on the same page.

Bowel Armageddon?\NReally?

Hank, this article,\Nthis is bad.

I'm sure\Nthey twisted my words.

Oh.

No, that's\Npretty much verbatim.

Well, they were\Nganging up on me.

They don't mention that.

Every phone call\NI've had today?

Board members demanding that\NI kick your butt off campus.

Maybe you explain to them

just how powerless\Nyour position really is?

I think they'll understand.

I wish I could.

It would make my life\Na whole lot easier.

Well, I think\Nit's a good thing.

I put it out there.

Maybe Railton\Ncan become a beacon,

a refuge now for\Nreally, really lazy students.

Just apologize\Nto the kid and his parents,

make this go away.\NI don't need this today.

No, I am not apologizing.

I mean, unless you name\Na building after me--

and not a dorm.

I don't want any of these idiots\Nsleeping in my building.

[Jill] Jacob?

The President's on.

You tell him I'm not sorry.

Hank!

This is not about\Nyou and your little situation.

I'll take it\Nin the conference room.

Please tell\Nthe William-Stevenses

that I'll be back momentarily.

Did Gracie really deserve\Nall that teasing?

[Hank] "Deserve".

You don't still believe\Nin "deserve", do you?

It's an unfair world,

I'm not going to even things up\Nwith a few kind acts.

You know...

tenure doesn't mean

you can't get smacked\Nin the face.

No, it just means\NI can never, ever be fired.

It doesn't mean that, either.

It kinda feels like it.

So you're trying to get fired\Nwith no hope of success?

You think I'm trying\Nto get fired?

Did you apologize to the kid?

For what?

You don't think\Nthis has anything to do

with that article

you're pretending\Nnot to carry around?

I'm not carrying\Nanything around.

No?

So if I just--

No, no!

It might be there.

I don't know.

My father retires.

It's a major thing.

Big enough

for the biggest newspaper\Nin the country

to put it on the cover\Nof the arts section.

Good for him.

Also, I find out about it

from the cover\Nof the arts section.

Good for me.

And this makes you feel...?

Nothing.

And that outburst in class?

Was unrelated.

In fact, it felt good.

I told the truth.

I think I inspired myself.

To tell the truth more?

That's not good.

To work on my novel.

Oh, great!

Well, I love it when you start\Nyour second novel.

It's usually a wonderful time\Nin our marriage.

How was your day?

[Lily] Julie's coming over.

I don't know why.

[ "Jumping Strings"\Nby Paolo Andriotti playing]

[Hank, thinking] I know why.

It's these damn kids.

They don't hate their parents--

at least not enough

to never ask them\Nfor anything again.

Yeah, I got it.

The trouble is,

my generation of parents--

we can't let our kids feel\Nany pain in any way.

It's a sick cycle,

but to stop,

that would take\Ncourage and conviction.

No. No way.\NIt's your turn.

I can't ask my mother for money\Ntwice in six months.

I can't do that.

Why not?

She just became\Na general manager.

Yeah, of a Circle K!

- It's not fair!\N- Fine!

I know my dad.

He's gonna hold this against me.

Well, your mom's the one

who handles\Nall the finances, right?

He's probably\Nnot even going to notice

that she lent us the money.

That's true.

He doesn't notice anything.

When she gave me\Nour Cancun money,

she said\Nif I borrowed money again,

she'd make me sit down\Nand learn Quicken.

Which isn't me, you know?

I know...

I know.

It's gotta be my dad.

It's about respect.

Gracie, why does this stuff\Nstill bother you?

You know who he is.

Why something is wrong

isn't relevant\Nto making it right.

I can't do anything about it.

Of course not.

Hank's chair of the department.

Course review\Nfalls under his purview.

As long as he's chair,

there can't be\Nany serious action

taken against him\Nor anyone else.

"As long as he's chair"?

Seriously?

Hank's your problem, too.

I mean,\Nthere is a person there.

There was a time\Nyou couldn't resist me.

No one could.

Excuse the interruption.

The president's office\Nsaid to let you know

that he explained the urgency\Nof the situation

to the board chair,

and the trustees\Nwill convene next week.

When you find out when it is,

please clear that day.

[Jill] Will do.

This isn't about\Nhitting Hank with the notebook?

Because he--

he walked into it a bit.

One day, I'm going to meet\Nan English professor

who understands that the world

is full of lots of people\Nand ideas...

You could just say yes or no.

There's no need to be insulting.

Is it about\NRourke's new course?

Oh, my god.

[Gracie] I'm telling you guys,

this is the best thing\Nfor our department.

Gracie, this is very serious,

and I have to say,

we don't feel comfortable\Nplotting behind Hank's back.

This is a good idea.

Okay. Let's see\Nwhat we can get.

This isn't something\Nwe should take lightly,

and it is the best thing\Nfor the students, too.

Gosh, Gracie,

it seems like a lot of risk\Nfor not a lot of reward.

Okay, if you support\NHank's de-chairing,

I'll switch places with you\Non the sabbatical waitlist.

[train whistle blowing]

[phone buzzing]

Hank, your phone.

Yeah?

[Billie] Hello, Spanky.

Billie.

How drunk are you?

Plenty, but it's none of\Nyour damn business,

you son of a bitch.

Hey, did you write

that recommendation\Nfor my daughter?

I will.

You will not.

I don't want Meg living

this damn life

in this damn town.

Ugh. What do you know\Nabout raising a kid?

You didn't even have a dad.

I did.

You were in diapers\Nwhen that shithead left.

I was 14.

You didn't even send\Nyour daughter to college.

What the hell is her name?

I'd prefer you didn't\Nbring up my daughter.

Billie?

You there?

How come you always\Nlet me talk to you like this?

Look, just don't write\Nthe recommendation,

even though who knows

what it's gonna be worth\Nafter tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

What happens tomorrow?

So you're gonna be de-chaired?

And then what does that mean?

[Hank] De-chaired.

I think

it's an outpatient procedure\Nthese days.

Well, if I'm no longer chair,

it's easier to fire me,

and if I get fired,

that's the end\Nof my academic career.

You're smiling.

Am I?

Is that, um, opportunity

for you to be

assistant head of school\Nat Arlyle still possible?

Seriously?

Um...

I mean, that was months ago,\Nso I don't...

I don't know.

I mean...

Yeah, I could ask.

New York.

God.

Could it finally be time?

MOMA, instead of Roger's Art.

Peter Luger's\Ninstead of Outback.

Mm...

I mean, we'd be a little close\Nto your father.

It's a city\Nof eight million people.

I think I can avoid him.

I don't know.

We saw Catherine Keener twice.

Do you know you make a move

every time I say\N"Catherine Keener"?

Keep saying it,\Nsee what it gets you.

[phone buzzing]

Yes?

[woman] Hi. Am I speaking\Nwith Professor Devereaux Jr.?

Just Professor Devereaux.

I've never had any confusion.

Yes. Hello,\NProfessor Devereaux.

This is Marnie Cole\Nfrom your father's office.

Um, I hate to bother you\Nlike this, but...

Yeah?

Stephanie asked me to call

and let you know\Nthat she has left your father.

Stephanie?\NIs that the maid?

She's his wife.

Uh, okay, well, I guess\Nhe'll have to get a third wife.

Well, that was his third wife.

Well, I wish her well then.

So, it's not an ideal time\Nfor him to be alone.

I think\Nmaybe he could use some help.

Marnie, um, I'm sorry.

In the future,

could you leave\Nmessages like this

with my assistant\Nin my office, okay?

'Cause this is\Nmy personal cell.

This is only for friends\Nand work and family

and marketing calls.

Okay? You have\Nthat other number?

I do, but he is your family.

Well, then he can call me.

That would be\Nthe first time in 15 years.

I'm submitting\Nan alternate budget.

Good.

The first one was so boring.

Could you run\Nthe freshman requirements

and service a major\Nwith five professors, or...

or four professors\Nand add a few more adjuncts?

I need an answer\Nor I'm just gonna guess.

Oh...

this is fun.

I like that we do this\Nevery year.

You know,\Nwe could skip the stage

where you threaten cuts

and jump right to the part

where you give me\Nmy full budget.

I've got\Na fantasy pickleball league

that's heating up.

I don't have time for this.

What?

Jacob, what is it?

You may have noticed

that half the schools\Nin the country are broke.

I noticed they're going out\Nto dinner less often.

Well, think about

what you can pull off\Nwith three fewer professors.

If I'm still chair in an hour,\NI'll do that.

Uh, first of all,

I'd like to, um,

I'd like to point out that,

although I am\Ncompletely agnostic

as to the outcome of the vote\Nthat's about to take place--

Paul, can you join us?

Thank you. Thank you.

Um, I was asked...

by Dean Rose--

Yeah, right.

...to call this meeting\Nand motion for a vote.

I heard that there was a vote\Nto remove me as chair.

I just--\NI didn't want to miss it.

Jesus, Billie.

Oh, what's\Nthe goddamned difference?

So, um,\NProfessor Wheemer has agreed

to run the proceedings.

I didn't really.

[Billie] Weiner?

She's not a professor.

She shows movies.

How is that teaching?

She's a projectionist.

Okay, it's "Wheemer"\Nwith an "M",

and I don't want to be running\Nthese proceedings.

I shouldn't.

It's not fair.

People around the world

don't have access\Nto free speech,

and I should just feel free

to go on about calls\Nand recounts and whatnot?

It's obscene.

Okay, thanks, we got it.\NGo, now.

Okay, we're here\Nfor a no-confidence vote

for the chair of the department,

for certain events

that have transpired\Nover the past few days,

and how he's conducted himself\Nin regards to those events.

Would the accused

like to say anything\Nin his defense before the vote?

The accused?

It was a good flick.

Jodie Foster.\NShe won an Oscar for that film.

We watch it in\Nmy gender-analysis film class.

New Bedford Chamber of Commerce\Nhated that movie.

It killed\Nthe Moby Dick tours.

Okay, can we please--?

Yes, the accused\Nwould like to make a statement.

The kid that I yelled at...

okay...

he killed my governess.

This is many years ago,

and I vowed revenge,\Nand now I have it,

and it feels empty\Nin the way that novels predict.

The question at hand\Nis a simple aye or nay.

Should Hank be removed\Nfrom the chair?

"Aye" means "yes".

Can you just say yes?

[Emma] Short answer,\Nyes with caveats.

It requires a vote.

You can make that motion,

but not until\Na call for new business.

And I assume\Nyou can get it seconded.

I second the motion\Nthat "aye" means "yes".

Well, there hasn't been\Na call for new business.

I literally just explained that.

Jesus Christ, guys.

"Aye" it is!

So an aye for an aye then?

[laughs]

[Hank, thinking]\NThe firing squad.

They never sent one person--\Nit's a squad.

The group effort makes it\Nmore of a bonding event--

like lions ripping apart\Na scared gazelle.

A pride.

Good times.

Okay, that's one aye,

a nay,

another aye...

another aye,

and that's it.

That's three ayes, a nay,\Nand the rest abstain.

Well, the ayes have it.

Hank is officially removed\Nas the chair.

[June] Wait.

Who is the next chair?

[Gracie] Why...

so why don't we take\Nsome time to discuss,

and meet again tomorrow,\Nsame time?

[ "Love Is Like The Sea"\Nby Peter Neri playing]

[♪♪]

♪ Love is like the sea

♪ It carries you back\Nwhere you came from ♪

♪ Love is like the cloud

♪ Fading away\Nbut it comes again ♪

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

[Hank] I guess I finally sunk\Nmy own battleship.

That's the first time I made\Nthe whole department happy.

[Lily] Well, I wouldn't\Nbeat yourself up too hard.

[Hank] Done.

Because...

I called Tom Leska...

and they have not filled\Nthe position at Arlyle.

He didn't exactly\Noffer me the job,

but he sure seemed to imply\Nthat I have a shot.

Whoa.

Yeah, I know.

It's just...

logistics.

I mean, our--

our daughter's here,

and my mom.

There's a few things\Nthat we need--

we need to talk through,

we need to work out.

Don't. Don't.\NDon't do that.

Don't do that.

Actually, it's my fault.

Where are you going?

I'm going for a run.

What? It's 11:00 p.m..

You already ran today.

There's raccoons out there!

Did you just make a joke?

Uh-uh.

I forgot

that you aren't capable\Nof leaving this town

for reasons that will only\Nbe fully understood

by your future therapist.

I learned it years ago,

I just forgot it.

So shame on me.

[Julie] Good morning.

Hey.

Um, I made coffee.

Thanks.

You came over here\Nearly in the morning

to make me coffee?

I just wanted to have breakfast\Nwith you guys.

I was also going to tell you,

um, I saw Stacey Rose\Nat the supermarket yesterday.

I don't know if Dean Rose\Nmentioned that to you?

[Hank] He didn't.

[Julie] Well, she says hi.

She wants everyone to come over\Nfor dinner some time.

The whole gang.

Do you want to play\NBananagrams?

Do you remember when we used\Nto do this before school?

Yeah, sure.

Oh, um...

I was also going to tell you,

Russell actually has

a pretty interesting\Nopportunity.

Oh?

Yeah, yeah,\Nit's pretty exciting stuff,

and it's really next level,

and he can get in\Non the ground floor.

Ground floor, that sounds--

that sounds a little low\Nfor next level.

Are you sure he's got\Nthe right entrance?

That is hilarious.

Um...

yeah, no,

it would just require him

not getting\Na paycheck for a while,

is the thing.

- Darn it.\N- Yeah.

So we're just figuring out

how to get from here to there\Nin the meantime.

You know what?

I think I could help.

Really?

Yeah. I mean, my thought is

what if Russell were to take\Na less interesting job,

but one that paid right away?

Dad!

See, I'm doing the math,

and I think that actually,\Nthat works great.

You're not doing the math,\Nyou're being an asshole.

Now is not a good time, okay,

because I have to save\Nfor retirement.

It's never a good time!

I owe that to you,

otherwise I become\Nyour dependent

and live in your home.

"Michael experienced 4:00 a.m.\Ndifferently as an adult.

The alarm clock used to mean\Nhockey practice and friends,

and now it means cows

and the start\Nof another shift on the ranch--"

Okay, let's talk.

You mean us, or--?

Yeah, what do we all think\Nof this letter from Bartow?

Are you asking us?

'Cause I think he made\Nsome pretty good points.

Okay, name one.

That we deserve a teacher\Nwho believes in us.

That does sound nice.

I mean, it's all\Nin the letter, Professor.

"I, Bartow Williams-Stevens,

am compelled to write\Nthis open letter

because you have humiliated me\Nand I feel terrible."

Okay, you don't have to say\Nyou feel terrible.

That's a natural result\Nof being humiliated, so...

repetitive.

"I believe we deserve teachers\Nwho believe in us."

That's a lot of believing.

Overuse of a word\Ndiminishes its power.

Well, it's terribly written,

which is too bad because\Nhe makes some good points.

[knocking on door]

Calvin just broke a window\Nin the east hallway.

What?

I told you.\NI said it.

I said the kid\Nneeded to be expelled,

and then you charmed us.

The situation\Ndidn't need pacifying,

it needed a hard action.

You solved nothing.

Can we make this quick

because I lose my court\Nin 15 minutes?

"Hell is empty\Nand all the devils are here."

[Emma] Okay.

Rules are\Na simple plurality wins.

You may vote for anyone,\Nincluding yourself.

Once the votes are filled out\Nand collected,

there is no adjustment\Nof the vote.

It's final.

Write along the line\Nwith words--

no doodles, Paul--

and fold it one time.

No quarter folds.

Okay, does everyone understand?

Goddamnit, I need to hear\Na plurality of voices.

[group, in unison] Aye.

Hey! Look, you did it!

All right, go ahead.

All right.

And here we go.

One vote for June.

One vote for Teddy.

You voted for yourself?

We agreed last night that--

Yes, we agreed to vote for me.

Why would we agree\Nto vote for you?

- That makes no sense.\N- There are complications.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Can you do your evil scheming\Nin your underground lair

and not at work?

One vote for me?

One vote for "Hank.\NHa ha, damn you all to hell."

Damn you all to hell.

One vote for a new iPad.

These go to Santa\Neventually, right?

One vote for Rourke.

Don't mind if I do.

[Emma] Yikes.

And another vote for Hank.

[Paul] Hank?

Wait, what the hell\Njust happened?

I...

I thought that\NI was throwing away my vote,

um, as a form of abstaining,

which, as you know

from my essay,\N"The Art of Abstention"--

And that's it.

[Teddy] Wait, what?

Yeah, the only person\Nwith more than one vote is...

Hank.

Hank's our new chair.

[Emma] A fresh term\Nof three years begins...

now.

Sorry.

[ "Free Love Sequence"\Nby Danielle Luppi playing]

- My point.\N- What?

- Meniscus Rules.\N- But you could've got that!

Not without taking a step.

You could have tilted\Nlike a teapot.

You're stepping now.

To serve!\NIt's different.

Just once,\NI'd like to play fair.

My point.

I'm wondering

if it's the forbidden nature\Nof all the sexual politics

that's making the sex better.

There's more at risk.

Maybe the sex is...

exactly the same...

and you're losing touch\Nwith your partner

as a human being

due to your advanced age\Nand growing callousness.

Yeah, I thought of that,

but multiple women have told me

I'm becoming\Na better fornicator.

Multiple women.

And there's nothing\Nin it for them.

They didn't have to say that.

Why can't racquetball\Nbe most of the day,

and then everything else\Nis just one hour?

Picture your perfect life.

Put it on a tableau for me.

Paint it on that wall.

What do you see?

[♪♪]