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1
00:00:04,353 --> 00:00:07,372
( theme music playing )
2
00:00:58,257 --> 00:00:59,391
Excuse me.
3
00:00:59,425 --> 00:01:02,160
We're looking for
Louie De Palma.
4
00:01:02,194 --> 00:01:04,629
Well, we got one, but ours
is in the men's room.
5
00:01:04,663 --> 00:01:06,031
( chuckles )
Can I help you?
6
00:01:06,065 --> 00:01:08,533
Yeah. We're with
the Immigration
Department.
7
00:01:08,567 --> 00:01:09,801
Oh?
8
00:01:09,835 --> 00:01:11,369
We're trying to find
a Latka Gravas.
9
00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:13,238
A Latka Gravas?
10
00:01:13,272 --> 00:01:16,808
Do you mind if I see
your identification?
11
00:01:16,842 --> 00:01:18,143
Thank you.
12
00:01:18,177 --> 00:01:21,379
I never heard of him.
13
00:01:21,413 --> 00:01:23,481
Gentlemen, we're going
to grab a cup of coffee.
14
00:01:23,515 --> 00:01:25,784
We'll be back in a few
minutes to see Mr. De Palma.
15
00:01:25,818 --> 00:01:27,185
Fine.
16
00:01:28,888 --> 00:01:30,454
Latka.
17
00:01:30,489 --> 00:01:31,472
Get out of there.
18
00:01:31,506 --> 00:01:33,607
Latka.
19
00:01:33,642 --> 00:01:37,328
What do those men from
the Immigration Department
want to see you for?
20
00:01:37,363 --> 00:01:38,062
They send letter.
21
00:01:38,097 --> 00:01:39,146
Let me see.
22
00:01:39,181 --> 00:01:40,331
Yeah, it's from
23
00:01:40,365 --> 00:01:41,532
the Immigration Department.
24
00:01:41,566 --> 00:01:44,402
Latka, how long ago
did you get this?
25
00:01:44,436 --> 00:01:45,153
Two weeks.
26
00:01:45,187 --> 00:01:46,471
How come you
27
00:01:46,505 --> 00:01:49,006
didn't have any of us
translate it for you?
28
00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:50,041
Did it myself.
29
00:01:50,076 --> 00:01:51,826
How far did
you get?
30
00:01:51,860 --> 00:01:52,960
"Dear Allen."
31
00:01:52,995 --> 00:01:54,346
That's "Alien."
32
00:01:57,116 --> 00:01:59,817
Latka's Student Visa
ran out a month ago.
33
00:01:59,852 --> 00:02:02,253
Listen to this. "If you do not
contact this office by"--
34
00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:03,755
that's four days ago--
35
00:02:03,789 --> 00:02:06,791
"a warrant will be issued
for your arrest."
36
00:02:06,825 --> 00:02:08,192
Uh-oh.
37
00:02:08,226 --> 00:02:10,528
Latka, those men were here
today to arrest you.
38
00:02:10,562 --> 00:02:12,180
What means "arrest"?
39
00:02:12,214 --> 00:02:13,031
Prison.
40
00:02:13,065 --> 00:02:15,350
Uh... behind bars.
41
00:02:16,585 --> 00:02:17,018
Jail.
42
00:02:18,237 --> 00:02:19,404
Police.
43
00:02:19,438 --> 00:02:21,255
Oh, no. I...
( speaks native language )
44
00:02:21,290 --> 00:02:22,791
Latka, Latka,
Latka, sit down.
45
00:02:22,825 --> 00:02:23,875
Just sit down.
46
00:02:23,909 --> 00:02:25,509
Latka, La...
Do you have your papers?
47
00:02:25,544 --> 00:02:26,510
Papers?
48
00:02:26,545 --> 00:02:27,511
Papers.
49
00:02:27,546 --> 00:02:30,131
Zigzags?
50
00:02:30,165 --> 00:02:32,500
No.
51
00:02:32,535 --> 00:02:35,220
You know, Latka,
you're in real trouble.
52
00:02:35,254 --> 00:02:37,004
Hey, hey, hey,
what's the big deal?
53
00:02:37,038 --> 00:02:38,573
The worst thing that can happen
54
00:02:38,607 --> 00:02:40,908
is they send you back
where you came from.
55
00:02:40,942 --> 00:02:43,894
You ever see any of the letters
Latka gets from his homeland?
56
00:02:43,929 --> 00:02:46,631
They have postage stamps
that honor barbed wire.
57
00:02:47,867 --> 00:02:48,950
Okay, you bozos.
58
00:02:48,984 --> 00:02:51,353
I cleaned all
your filthy graffiti
59
00:02:51,387 --> 00:02:53,855
off the walls of the can.
60
00:02:53,889 --> 00:02:55,423
And I want you to know
61
00:02:55,457 --> 00:02:58,626
what you wrote about me
in there was disgusting.
62
00:02:58,661 --> 00:03:00,528
Some of it ain't even true.
63
00:03:00,562 --> 00:03:01,629
You should see
64
00:03:01,664 --> 00:03:03,130
what's written
about you
65
00:03:03,165 --> 00:03:05,466
on the walls of
the ladies' room.
66
00:03:05,501 --> 00:03:07,435
I know what it says in there.
67
00:03:07,469 --> 00:03:09,170
I wrote it.
68
00:03:11,090 --> 00:03:12,807
Hey, Louie, Louie,
a couple of guys...
69
00:03:12,841 --> 00:03:14,975
a couple of guys came in here
looking for Latka.
70
00:03:15,010 --> 00:03:17,378
They said they're going to come
back and talk to you.
71
00:03:17,413 --> 00:03:19,480
What do they
want Latka for?
72
00:03:19,515 --> 00:03:21,665
They want to arrest him
as an illegal alien.
73
00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:23,068
So, why didn't you
just give him to them?
74
00:03:23,102 --> 00:03:24,535
Do I have to do everything
around here?
75
00:03:24,570 --> 00:03:25,904
What?
76
00:03:25,938 --> 00:03:27,238
Louie, we've got to help Latka.
77
00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:28,739
This is very serious.
78
00:03:28,774 --> 00:03:30,392
Serious? What's serious?
ALEX:
Hey, Louie!
79
00:03:30,426 --> 00:03:32,043
You're not going to
turn him in, are you?
80
00:03:32,077 --> 00:03:33,661
Well, I ain't lying to no feds.
81
00:03:33,695 --> 00:03:34,795
I can't do it.
82
00:03:34,830 --> 00:03:36,730
I won't do it.
83
00:03:36,765 --> 00:03:38,799
You can get into too much
trouble doing that.
84
00:03:38,834 --> 00:03:40,335
Those guys scare me.
85
00:03:40,369 --> 00:03:42,670
Louie, this is Latka's life
we're talking about here.
86
00:03:42,704 --> 00:03:44,272
If we don't
help the guy,
87
00:03:44,306 --> 00:03:45,473
we may lose him.
88
00:03:45,507 --> 00:03:46,740
So?
89
00:03:46,775 --> 00:03:47,992
Oh, come on, Louie.
90
00:03:48,026 --> 00:03:49,994
I don't want to embarrass you,
91
00:03:50,028 --> 00:03:53,565
but if it's anybody you
sort of love, it's Latka.
92
00:03:53,599 --> 00:03:55,233
Hey, John,
it's not going to work.
93
00:03:55,267 --> 00:03:57,235
You're laying it on
a little thick.
94
00:03:57,269 --> 00:03:58,869
No, he's not.
95
00:04:00,839 --> 00:04:03,741
Latka's the poodle
I never had.
96
00:04:03,775 --> 00:04:05,910
Bring on those cops!
97
00:04:05,944 --> 00:04:07,245
Hey!
( cheering )
98
00:04:07,279 --> 00:04:08,647
ALEX:
Get Latka outside.
99
00:04:08,681 --> 00:04:10,148
Come on, Latka.
Under the cab.
100
00:04:10,182 --> 00:04:11,182
Pretend like...
101
00:04:11,216 --> 00:04:12,216
Hey! They're coming.
102
00:04:12,251 --> 00:04:13,251
All right, all right.
103
00:04:13,286 --> 00:04:14,886
Just be normal.
Just be normal.
104
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:16,220
JOHN:
I don't think
this is a full deck.
105
00:04:16,254 --> 00:04:18,589
BOBBY:
Doesn't make any difference.
They'll never know.
106
00:04:18,624 --> 00:04:20,458
They'll never know.
Officer!
107
00:04:20,492 --> 00:04:21,559
What are you doing?
108
00:04:21,593 --> 00:04:24,762
They like
to be called officers.
109
00:04:24,796 --> 00:04:26,097
Did Mr. De Palma
come back?
110
00:04:26,131 --> 00:04:27,698
Ah, yes, sir.
Right there.
111
00:04:27,732 --> 00:04:29,633
Are you Louie De Palma?
112
00:04:29,668 --> 00:04:31,202
Yes, I am.
113
00:04:31,236 --> 00:04:33,371
We're investigators
from the Department
114
00:04:33,405 --> 00:04:35,306
of Immigration
and Naturalization.
115
00:04:35,341 --> 00:04:36,774
He's under that cab.
116
00:04:36,808 --> 00:04:37,558
Louie!
117
00:04:37,593 --> 00:04:38,643
You swine!
118
00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:39,811
( shouting )
119
00:04:41,146 --> 00:04:42,781
Mr. Gravas?
120
00:04:42,815 --> 00:04:45,216
Come out, please.
121
00:05:00,849 --> 00:05:02,550
WOMAN:
Taxi!
122
00:05:09,291 --> 00:05:10,758
Fifth Avenue and...
123
00:05:10,793 --> 00:05:12,259
( screaming )
124
00:05:12,294 --> 00:05:15,029
I don't know that
intersection.
125
00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:17,198
( door slams )
126
00:05:19,351 --> 00:05:20,518
Hello.
Oh, hi, Latka.
127
00:05:20,552 --> 00:05:22,186
We've been looking
all over town for you.
128
00:05:22,221 --> 00:05:24,655
Have you been back there
the whole time?
129
00:05:24,689 --> 00:05:26,257
( speaking native language )
130
00:05:27,659 --> 00:05:28,893
Latka, now listen to me good,
131
00:05:28,927 --> 00:05:30,528
because I've been thinking
about this.
132
00:05:30,562 --> 00:05:32,747
I think you're just making
things worse by running.
133
00:05:32,782 --> 00:05:34,449
( speaking native language )
134
00:05:34,483 --> 00:05:35,784
Who told you that?
135
00:05:35,818 --> 00:05:37,202
( speakingnative language )
136
00:05:37,236 --> 00:05:39,070
No, I think it's
best that you
turn yourself in.
137
00:05:39,104 --> 00:05:40,238
( speakingnative language )
138
00:05:40,272 --> 00:05:42,006
Well, we'll try to
find a good lawyer
139
00:05:42,041 --> 00:05:43,124
for you that can help.
140
00:05:43,158 --> 00:05:44,626
( speakingnative language )
141
00:05:44,660 --> 00:05:46,377
I know, I wish there
was some other way,
142
00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:47,445
but I can't
think of any.
143
00:05:47,479 --> 00:05:48,546
Well, Latka need...
144
00:05:49,882 --> 00:05:51,682
"Woman."
145
00:05:51,717 --> 00:05:53,401
Yeah, sure, that'll take
your mind off
146
00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:55,069
your troubles
for a while, but, uh...
147
00:05:55,103 --> 00:05:57,906
No, no.
Latka need woman to...
148
00:05:57,940 --> 00:05:59,307
eh...
149
00:05:59,341 --> 00:06:01,242
to... "marry."
150
00:06:01,276 --> 00:06:03,495
To marry.
151
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:04,863
Oh, I see.
152
00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:07,098
Yeah, if you marry
an American woman
153
00:06:07,132 --> 00:06:08,533
they won't deport you.
154
00:06:08,567 --> 00:06:11,636
You take tongue
right out of my mouth.
155
00:06:11,670 --> 00:06:15,573
So, all we have to do
is find a woman, right?
156
00:06:15,607 --> 00:06:17,007
Got any ideas?
157
00:06:17,042 --> 00:06:18,493
Phyllis George.
158
00:06:22,047 --> 00:06:24,098
Right. Phyllis George.
159
00:06:40,465 --> 00:06:42,566
Good morning, everybody.
160
00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:48,039
Hey, it's my pal, Latka!
161
00:06:48,073 --> 00:06:50,174
Hey, I knew you'd
get away, buddy!
162
00:06:50,209 --> 00:06:53,711
That's why I was buying you time
when the feds came in.
163
00:06:53,745 --> 00:06:55,980
We really put one
over on them,
164
00:06:56,015 --> 00:06:58,666
didn't we, pal?
165
00:06:58,700 --> 00:07:00,217
Hey, Latka...
166
00:07:00,251 --> 00:07:03,320
when's the last time
I gave you money?
167
00:07:03,354 --> 00:07:04,989
A long time, huh?
168
00:07:05,023 --> 00:07:06,657
How about if I...
169
00:07:06,692 --> 00:07:08,759
if I give you a buck, huh?
170
00:07:08,794 --> 00:07:11,228
You like that?
171
00:07:11,262 --> 00:07:14,232
You want to play hard ball, huh?
172
00:07:14,266 --> 00:07:17,001
Well, how about two bucks?
173
00:07:17,035 --> 00:07:18,886
How did you like that?
174
00:07:18,921 --> 00:07:20,320
Money talks, boys...
175
00:07:20,355 --> 00:07:21,455
( yells )
176
00:07:21,489 --> 00:07:23,991
What, are you crazy?
177
00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:25,225
Kind of wonderful, isn't it?
178
00:07:25,260 --> 00:07:27,028
It never occurred to him
to just drop it.
179
00:07:28,897 --> 00:07:30,197
Hi, guys.
180
00:07:30,232 --> 00:07:32,133
Hi, Elaine.
Hey, Elaine.
181
00:07:32,167 --> 00:07:33,500
How you doing?
How you doing?
182
00:07:33,535 --> 00:07:35,636
Elaine?
183
00:07:36,421 --> 00:07:37,955
Elaine?
184
00:07:40,792 --> 00:07:42,259
Elaine?
185
00:07:42,293 --> 00:07:43,460
Yeah?
186
00:07:52,303 --> 00:07:54,204
Oh, Elaine...
187
00:07:55,557 --> 00:07:57,491
Oh, Elaine...
188
00:07:57,525 --> 00:08:00,527
( speaking native language )
189
00:08:12,607 --> 00:08:14,475
Oh...
190
00:08:14,509 --> 00:08:17,745
That's the sweetest thing
anybody ever said to me.
191
00:08:17,779 --> 00:08:19,079
I think.
192
00:08:19,114 --> 00:08:22,049
Hey, you want to tell me
what's going on here?
193
00:08:22,083 --> 00:08:23,201
Well, Elaine...
194
00:08:23,235 --> 00:08:25,503
you were just proposed to.
195
00:08:25,537 --> 00:08:26,937
Aw...
196
00:08:26,972 --> 00:08:29,339
No, really. They won't send
Latka out of the country
197
00:08:29,374 --> 00:08:30,941
if he marries
an American citizen.
198
00:08:30,976 --> 00:08:32,727
Yeah, Elaine, what do you think?
199
00:08:32,761 --> 00:08:34,896
Are you guys serious? Ooh!
200
00:08:34,930 --> 00:08:36,764
Hey, come on, we know how you
feel, but look at it this way--
201
00:08:36,798 --> 00:08:39,533
it wouldn't have to be
like a real marriage.
202
00:08:39,568 --> 00:08:40,602
Just a paper marriage.
203
00:08:40,636 --> 00:08:41,970
Right.
204
00:08:42,004 --> 00:08:43,838
You could get
divorced soon after.
Right.
205
00:08:43,872 --> 00:08:45,622
I mean, you don't have
to sleep with him
206
00:08:45,657 --> 00:08:47,491
or anything
like that.
Who asked you?
207
00:08:50,662 --> 00:08:53,097
Latka, believe me, I am
very, very flattered,
208
00:08:53,131 --> 00:08:55,032
but I'm sorry.
209
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:56,100
I can't marry you.
210
00:08:56,134 --> 00:08:57,434
Please?
211
00:08:57,469 --> 00:08:58,635
I'm sorry.
212
00:08:58,670 --> 00:08:59,904
Please, please?
213
00:08:59,938 --> 00:09:01,105
N-o.
214
00:09:01,139 --> 00:09:03,607
Oh, boy,
we will be so happy.
215
00:09:03,641 --> 00:09:05,576
No. N-o spells "no."
216
00:09:05,610 --> 00:09:07,245
Aw, shup.
217
00:09:09,248 --> 00:09:10,481
Hey, everybody!
218
00:09:10,515 --> 00:09:12,984
I'd like you to meet
a new friend of mine,
219
00:09:13,018 --> 00:09:14,085
Vivian Harrow.
220
00:09:14,119 --> 00:09:15,152
( murmuring )
221
00:09:15,187 --> 00:09:16,720
Vivian has agreed
to marry Latka.
222
00:09:16,755 --> 00:09:17,788
JOHN:
Hey, that's great!
223
00:09:17,822 --> 00:09:18,789
This one...
224
00:09:18,823 --> 00:09:20,057
I found her...
225
00:09:20,092 --> 00:09:20,858
Alex!
What?
226
00:09:20,976 --> 00:09:23,811
You can't let Latka
just marry this hooker.
227
00:09:23,846 --> 00:09:26,146
She's not a hooker.
She's a call girl.
228
00:09:26,181 --> 00:09:28,983
Look, I don't like it,
either, but it might
be our only hope.
229
00:09:29,017 --> 00:09:30,317
Look, it's temporary.
230
00:09:30,352 --> 00:09:32,520
What day is good
for you, Vivian?
231
00:09:32,554 --> 00:09:35,322
Well, I got part
of Thursday afternoon open.
232
00:09:35,357 --> 00:09:36,824
Okay, Thursday it is.
Thursday.
233
00:09:36,859 --> 00:09:37,741
Okay, Thursday.
234
00:09:37,776 --> 00:09:38,776
Okay, but remember.
235
00:09:38,810 --> 00:09:40,495
You said 15 minutes, I'm gone
236
00:09:40,529 --> 00:09:42,897
I never have to see
the guy again
237
00:09:42,931 --> 00:09:44,298
and no strings attached.
238
00:09:44,332 --> 00:09:46,834
Right. No strings.
Come here. Latka?
239
00:09:46,869 --> 00:09:48,335
I want you to meet Vivian.
240
00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:50,605
She's agreed
to be your bride.
241
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:53,825
How do you do?
242
00:09:53,859 --> 00:09:56,126
I love you.
243
00:10:16,631 --> 00:10:19,300
Latka, talk to me.
244
00:10:19,334 --> 00:10:21,568
Latka?
245
00:10:24,656 --> 00:10:27,258
Latka, I'll make
you talk to me.
246
00:10:27,292 --> 00:10:30,294
I'll keep saying your name
until you talk to me.
247
00:10:30,328 --> 00:10:33,130
Latka, Latka...
Latka! Latka! Latka!
248
00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:34,331
Latka! Latka!
Latka! Latka...
249
00:10:34,365 --> 00:10:35,866
Louie! Louie! Louie,
Louie! Louie...
250
00:10:35,901 --> 00:10:37,434
Latka, Latka...
Louie, Louie!
251
00:10:38,570 --> 00:10:40,538
Louie, pull
yourself together.
252
00:10:40,572 --> 00:10:43,290
I don't understand
why he won't forgive me.
253
00:10:43,325 --> 00:10:45,827
All I did was turn him in.
254
00:10:48,296 --> 00:10:51,999
Hey, Latka,
the big day, huh?
255
00:10:52,033 --> 00:10:53,400
Hey, John, you're
a married man.
256
00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:54,769
Why don't you give
Latka some tips?
257
00:10:54,803 --> 00:10:55,770
Yeah, yeah...
258
00:10:55,804 --> 00:10:57,772
Well, uh... Latka,
259
00:10:57,806 --> 00:11:01,208
I think the most important
thing in any marriage
is communication.
260
00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:03,544
( speakingnative language )
261
00:11:05,447 --> 00:11:07,815
But it's not
absolutely
necessary.
262
00:11:07,849 --> 00:11:09,099
( chuckles )
263
00:11:09,133 --> 00:11:11,369
Hey, this is going to
be a weird wedding.
264
00:11:11,403 --> 00:11:13,937
The line to kiss the bride
could take a while.
265
00:11:13,972 --> 00:11:17,107
I hear they asked the vice squad
to give the bride away.
266
00:11:17,141 --> 00:11:18,909
Would you guys
just cut it out?
267
00:11:18,943 --> 00:11:21,044
I mean just
kindly cut it out.
268
00:11:21,079 --> 00:11:23,164
I mean, we could try
269
00:11:23,198 --> 00:11:25,399
to treat this like
a wedding, couldn't we?
270
00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:28,202
You know, instead
of all these locker room jokes,
271
00:11:28,236 --> 00:11:30,737
I think we should consider
Latka's feelings.
272
00:11:30,772 --> 00:11:32,139
It's not a joke to him.
273
00:11:32,174 --> 00:11:34,175
I love her.
274
00:11:34,209 --> 00:11:36,627
ELAINE:
See?
275
00:11:36,661 --> 00:11:38,295
So I don't know
about the rest of you,
276
00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:40,698
but believe me, I'm going
to try to do the most I can
277
00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:43,101
to make this the best wedding
two kids have ever had.
278
00:11:43,135 --> 00:11:45,369
She's real interesting,
this one.
279
00:11:48,157 --> 00:11:49,957
Hi, Latka.
280
00:11:49,992 --> 00:11:51,625
Hello, Vivian.
281
00:11:57,032 --> 00:11:58,799
Vivian!
282
00:11:58,833 --> 00:12:01,235
Um, how about dressing
up for the wedding?
283
00:12:01,270 --> 00:12:02,637
What do you think?
I plan to.
284
00:12:02,671 --> 00:12:04,405
Oh, you're going to
wear a white dress?
285
00:12:04,439 --> 00:12:05,773
A white halter.
286
00:12:05,807 --> 00:12:09,093
How about wearing
my wedding gown?
287
00:12:09,127 --> 00:12:10,628
Oh, sure, honey.
288
00:12:10,662 --> 00:12:14,799
I've dressed up as everything
from Pocahontas to Darth Vader.
289
00:12:14,833 --> 00:12:16,834
You want me in a bridal gown?
290
00:12:16,869 --> 00:12:17,969
You got it.
291
00:12:18,003 --> 00:12:19,186
Okay, great.
292
00:12:19,221 --> 00:12:21,622
Now all we need
is a minister.
293
00:12:21,656 --> 00:12:22,573
Hey, there's a minister
294
00:12:22,691 --> 00:12:24,292
that hangs around
down at Mario's.
295
00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:27,461
I'll go and see if he'll perform
the ceremony for us, all right?
296
00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:28,596
ELAINE:
Hey, Bobby, thanks.
297
00:12:28,630 --> 00:12:29,630
ALEX:
Good, Bobby, good.
298
00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:30,631
We could get flowers...
299
00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:32,166
Oh! Excuse me,
Immigration Officer.
300
00:12:32,201 --> 00:12:33,634
I'm trying to get
out of your way,
301
00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:34,868
Immigration Officers.
302
00:12:34,903 --> 00:12:36,187
Hey, Bobby. Bobby.
That's all right.
303
00:12:36,221 --> 00:12:37,321
You don't have
to do that.
304
00:12:37,355 --> 00:12:38,790
No?
Latka's going
to be okay now.
305
00:12:38,824 --> 00:12:40,724
Latka here is marrying
an American citizen.
306
00:12:40,759 --> 00:12:43,394
It's not okay if he's only doing
it to stay in this country.
307
00:12:43,428 --> 00:12:44,762
It's got to be
a real marriage.
308
00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:46,330
Oh, of course,
it's a real marriage
309
00:12:46,364 --> 00:12:48,699
I'm afraid we'll have
to check that out.
310
00:12:48,733 --> 00:12:50,902
Mr. Gravas, we're going to have
to question you.
311
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:53,104
How long ago did you meet
312
00:12:53,138 --> 00:12:55,106
this woman
you're going to marry?
313
00:12:58,176 --> 00:13:00,177
"How...
314
00:13:00,211 --> 00:13:02,513
"How...
315
00:13:02,547 --> 00:13:03,764
How..."
316
00:13:03,798 --> 00:13:05,732
Can anybody else
answer for him?
How..."
317
00:13:05,767 --> 00:13:07,734
I'm up for retirement
in two years.
318
00:13:07,769 --> 00:13:09,820
Yeah, I can.
319
00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:10,804
No, let me.
320
00:13:10,839 --> 00:13:11,489
No, I will.
321
00:13:11,523 --> 00:13:12,906
No, I want to do it.
"How..."
322
00:13:12,941 --> 00:13:15,042
Louie, I think
it's best that I do.
No. Mr. Richards?
323
00:13:15,076 --> 00:13:16,343
All right, Mr. De Palma
324
00:13:16,377 --> 00:13:17,678
Let's have it straight.
325
00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:20,414
If you're lying to me,
you're committing a crime.
326
00:13:20,448 --> 00:13:22,183
Is this a legitimate marriage?
327
00:13:29,290 --> 00:13:32,042
Of course it's legitimate.
328
00:13:32,076 --> 00:13:34,344
It's love, I tell you.
329
00:13:34,379 --> 00:13:36,714
Latka's in love
with this girl,
330
00:13:36,748 --> 00:13:39,182
and nothing can
change his mind.
331
00:13:39,217 --> 00:13:41,418
Nobody could talk
to the guy.
332
00:13:41,452 --> 00:13:43,086
I tried to talk him out of it.
333
00:13:43,121 --> 00:13:47,224
I said, "Latka, she's from
the other side of the tracks.
334
00:13:47,258 --> 00:13:49,777
"She's classy,
and you're just a grease monkey.
335
00:13:49,811 --> 00:13:51,112
It'll never work out."
336
00:13:51,146 --> 00:13:53,347
But he doesn't care,
337
00:13:53,382 --> 00:13:55,749
because it's love.
338
00:13:57,519 --> 00:13:59,453
Her family is
totally against it.
339
00:13:59,487 --> 00:14:01,255
They threatened
to disown her.
340
00:14:01,290 --> 00:14:05,626
In fact, they even went so far
as to offer Latka $1,000
341
00:14:05,660 --> 00:14:10,197
to leave their daughter alone,
but he wouldn't take it.
342
00:14:12,050 --> 00:14:15,052
And if that isn't love,
343
00:14:15,087 --> 00:14:17,888
then I don't know
what is, Officer.
344
00:14:19,841 --> 00:14:21,842
Thanks for your
time, gentlemen.
345
00:14:21,876 --> 00:14:23,710
Not at all.
346
00:14:23,745 --> 00:14:25,529
Whoa!
347
00:14:25,563 --> 00:14:29,033
( shouting )
348
00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:31,868
I want none of that stuff!
349
00:14:31,903 --> 00:14:33,537
Oh, good...
No!
350
00:14:33,572 --> 00:14:35,573
Drivers touching me?
351
00:14:37,809 --> 00:14:40,777
I don't want
nobody touching me,
352
00:14:40,812 --> 00:14:42,346
except...
353
00:14:42,380 --> 00:14:44,548
him.
354
00:14:44,583 --> 00:14:46,334
Aw...
355
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:53,207
Hey, Louie,
356
00:14:53,241 --> 00:14:55,409
that was a very nice story
you made up.
357
00:14:55,444 --> 00:14:56,677
You know that?
358
00:14:56,711 --> 00:14:57,878
You mean about the family
359
00:14:57,912 --> 00:14:59,580
offering money
to give up the girl?
360
00:14:59,614 --> 00:15:00,347
Yes.
361
00:15:00,381 --> 00:15:02,049
I didn't make that up.
362
00:15:02,084 --> 00:15:05,086
That happened to me
five years ago.
363
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:06,753
Really?
That surprises me, Louie.
364
00:15:06,787 --> 00:15:08,755
Except I changed two things.
365
00:15:08,790 --> 00:15:13,093
The parents only offered me
a lousy 50 bucks.
366
00:15:13,128 --> 00:15:14,244
What was the other thing?
367
00:15:14,278 --> 00:15:16,329
I took it.
368
00:15:16,364 --> 00:15:19,132
( murmuring )
369
00:15:29,978 --> 00:15:31,278
ALEX:
Okay, everybody
370
00:15:31,312 --> 00:15:32,946
let's take
our seats now.
371
00:15:32,981 --> 00:15:35,282
Come on, just find
a seat anywhere.
372
00:15:35,316 --> 00:15:36,684
Look, the bride's people
on one side,
373
00:15:36,718 --> 00:15:37,918
the groom's people
on the other.
374
00:15:37,952 --> 00:15:39,687
I know, it makes no difference.
Just sit down.
375
00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:41,555
Okay, and stay there.
I think I'm
going to go...
376
00:15:41,590 --> 00:15:43,123
I'm going to
go check on
the bride, okay?
377
00:15:43,157 --> 00:15:44,558
Good, good.
378
00:15:44,593 --> 00:15:45,776
Latka, you ready?
All right, Latka?
Listen.
379
00:15:45,810 --> 00:15:48,145
You're each going to come down
from over there, all right?
380
00:15:52,333 --> 00:15:54,468
Hey, everybody.
381
00:15:54,502 --> 00:15:56,470
This is Reverend Jim, uh...
382
00:15:56,504 --> 00:15:58,172
Jim...?
383
00:16:03,595 --> 00:16:05,061
That's it.
384
00:16:05,096 --> 00:16:07,731
Just, uh...
Reverend Jim.
385
00:16:07,765 --> 00:16:10,800
Uh, uh, well, um...
386
00:16:10,835 --> 00:16:12,953
He's going to perform
the ceremony for us.
387
00:16:12,987 --> 00:16:16,423
Reverend Jim,
I'm Cabby Alex.
388
00:16:18,460 --> 00:16:19,759
Listen, I don't want
to be impolite
389
00:16:19,794 --> 00:16:21,195
but you are
a minister,
aren't you?
390
00:16:21,229 --> 00:16:22,596
Certainly.
391
00:16:22,631 --> 00:16:26,133
I was ordained in '68--
Church of the Peaceful.
392
00:16:26,167 --> 00:16:30,036
The church was investigated
and cleared completely.
393
00:16:30,071 --> 00:16:32,389
Cleared of what?
394
00:16:32,423 --> 00:16:34,742
Why go into it?
395
00:16:36,744 --> 00:16:39,213
It doesn't even exist anymore.
396
00:16:39,247 --> 00:16:44,118
But I assure you, I'm a minister
recognized by the state.
397
00:16:45,419 --> 00:16:48,756
Now, does anybody have a drink
around here?
398
00:16:52,043 --> 00:16:53,177
Reverend Jim...
399
00:16:53,211 --> 00:16:54,678
Reverend Jim, look
400
00:16:54,712 --> 00:16:58,682
we'd like the ceremony to be
just as brief as possible, okay?
401
00:16:58,716 --> 00:17:00,016
I'll do my best,
402
00:17:00,051 --> 00:17:02,419
but I'm kind of out of practice
at weddings.
403
00:17:02,453 --> 00:17:04,205
How long has it been
since you done one?
404
00:17:04,239 --> 00:17:07,057
Always. This is my first.
405
00:17:07,092 --> 00:17:10,060
Well, we'll try
to be gentle.
406
00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:12,395
Thank you.
407
00:17:12,430 --> 00:17:14,181
Okay, she's ready.
408
00:17:14,215 --> 00:17:16,050
Oh, good.
Latka, you ready?
409
00:17:16,084 --> 00:17:18,585
You know, it's too bad
we don't have any music.
410
00:17:18,619 --> 00:17:19,853
Well, we could always...
411
00:17:19,887 --> 00:17:22,506
( tuneless plucking )
412
00:17:22,540 --> 00:17:23,974
( groaning )
413
00:17:24,009 --> 00:17:25,309
BOBBY:
Hey, Louie...
414
00:17:25,343 --> 00:17:26,476
Hey, you know...
415
00:17:26,511 --> 00:17:28,645
Don't give me no guff.
416
00:17:28,679 --> 00:17:30,464
Geez!
417
00:17:30,498 --> 00:17:33,884
My mother paid good money
for these lessons,
418
00:17:33,918 --> 00:17:39,089
and I thought Latka should have
some music for his nuptials.
419
00:17:45,096 --> 00:17:47,848
( playing "Because" )
420
00:17:56,024 --> 00:17:57,858
( murmuring )
421
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:00,327
Wow!
422
00:18:00,362 --> 00:18:02,329
Oh, she's beautiful.
423
00:18:02,364 --> 00:18:04,898
Thank you.
424
00:18:38,099 --> 00:18:40,100
( playing off-key )
425
00:18:41,703 --> 00:18:43,187
Louie.
426
00:18:59,487 --> 00:19:01,722
You are very pretty.
427
00:19:01,756 --> 00:19:03,757
Thank you, Latka.
428
00:19:05,293 --> 00:19:07,060
Um...
429
00:19:07,094 --> 00:19:10,330
we're gathered here today
430
00:19:10,365 --> 00:19:14,101
to join these two
people in marriage.
431
00:19:16,003 --> 00:19:19,373
The question often asked
in our time is: Why marriage?
432
00:19:22,243 --> 00:19:26,212
The answer is hard to see,
433
00:19:26,247 --> 00:19:31,718
but as obvious
as a heartbeat to feel.
434
00:19:31,753 --> 00:19:36,623
We marry to have
a friend, a lover.
435
00:19:36,658 --> 00:19:39,426
We marry to deny
436
00:19:39,460 --> 00:19:44,848
solitude's cold hands on us.
437
00:19:44,882 --> 00:19:50,354
We marry because
after all the other, uh...
438
00:19:50,388 --> 00:19:53,357
alternatives
have been explored,
439
00:19:53,391 --> 00:19:58,362
we still want to
and need to and must.
440
00:19:58,396 --> 00:20:01,732
I bet you all thought
I was going to screw up,
441
00:20:01,766 --> 00:20:03,099
didn't you?
442
00:20:13,444 --> 00:20:16,563
Does the couple have
anything to say?
443
00:20:18,165 --> 00:20:20,066
Oh, yeah, um...
444
00:20:20,101 --> 00:20:21,067
Latka wanted me
445
00:20:21,102 --> 00:20:22,669
to read you
something.
446
00:20:22,704 --> 00:20:24,722
He stayed up all night
going through his dictionary
447
00:20:24,756 --> 00:20:26,824
trying to translate what
he wanted to say to you.
448
00:20:26,858 --> 00:20:28,358
So, here it is.
449
00:20:30,595 --> 00:20:34,765
"Even though we just recently
have been formally introduced,
450
00:20:34,799 --> 00:20:36,566
"somehow my mind tells me
451
00:20:36,601 --> 00:20:39,402
that you will always be
a tart to me."
452
00:20:39,437 --> 00:20:41,305
"A part of me."
453
00:20:51,849 --> 00:20:53,517
"A part of me."
454
00:20:55,019 --> 00:20:59,506
"And I know, even though
we not speak same language
455
00:20:59,541 --> 00:21:03,477
we have the same language
of the heart."
456
00:21:15,289 --> 00:21:16,789
Latka...
457
00:21:19,677 --> 00:21:25,182
Do you take this woman
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
458
00:21:28,102 --> 00:21:30,437
( speakingin native language )
459
00:21:34,676 --> 00:21:36,176
He does...
460
00:21:36,210 --> 00:21:37,478
he does.
461
00:21:43,667 --> 00:21:46,636
And do you, Vivian,
take this man
462
00:21:46,670 --> 00:21:49,139
to be your lawfully
wedded husband?
463
00:21:49,173 --> 00:21:51,708
( repeatingLatka's response )
464
00:21:56,998 --> 00:21:59,766
Um... yep.
465
00:21:59,801 --> 00:22:02,486
This is heavy.
466
00:22:03,921 --> 00:22:07,106
If no man here
has any reason
467
00:22:07,141 --> 00:22:10,410
why these two
should not be married
468
00:22:10,445 --> 00:22:16,917
by the power invested in me,
I do pronounce you man and wife.
469
00:22:16,951 --> 00:22:19,018
You may kiss the bride.
470
00:22:19,053 --> 00:22:20,954
Thank you very much.
471
00:22:35,469 --> 00:22:38,605
( whistling )
472
00:22:47,898 --> 00:22:49,866
We will love forever.
473
00:22:49,900 --> 00:22:51,101
You bet, honey.
474
00:22:51,135 --> 00:22:52,936
Um, look,
I got to go.
475
00:22:52,970 --> 00:22:55,355
Um...
476
00:22:55,389 --> 00:22:58,308
I got an appointment
over at the Hilton
I'm late for.
477
00:22:59,610 --> 00:23:00,727
It was fun, huh?
478
00:23:02,296 --> 00:23:04,097
ALEX:
Yeah.
479
00:23:04,132 --> 00:23:05,966
Thanks, guys.
480
00:23:07,368 --> 00:23:09,236
Ah, you...
481
00:23:09,270 --> 00:23:10,787
Hey, Latka...
482
00:23:12,457 --> 00:23:15,075
Latka, don't take it
so bad, huh?
483
00:23:15,109 --> 00:23:16,543
JOHN:
Yeah, don't worry, Latka.
484
00:23:16,578 --> 00:23:19,145
There'll be somebody else.
You'll see.
485
00:23:19,180 --> 00:23:20,613
I said we shouldn't
have done this.
486
00:23:20,648 --> 00:23:22,215
Wait. Latka wants
to say something.
487
00:23:22,249 --> 00:23:23,383
What is it, Latka?
488
00:23:23,417 --> 00:23:25,302
No honeymoon?
489
00:23:27,972 --> 00:23:29,539
No honeymoon.
490
00:23:31,542 --> 00:23:35,278
Boy, America's a tough town.
491
00:23:45,389 --> 00:23:46,790
Hi, Latka.
492
00:23:46,825 --> 00:23:48,158
What did you do today?
493
00:23:48,192 --> 00:23:50,410
Oh, uh... meet girl.
494
00:23:50,444 --> 00:23:51,978
Marry her.
495
00:23:52,013 --> 00:23:53,747
Uh, she leave me.
496
00:23:53,781 --> 00:23:55,081
It was fun.
497
00:24:06,043 --> 00:24:08,678
( theme music playing )
498
00:24:32,921 --> 00:24:34,505
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
499
00:24:34,539 --> 00:24:35,839
( grunts )
37198
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