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1
00:00:04,137 --> 00:00:07,139
( theme music playing )
2
00:01:02,595 --> 00:01:05,563
So you think you can
chug-a-lug, huh?
3
00:01:05,598 --> 00:01:06,964
Uh-huh.
4
00:01:06,999 --> 00:01:08,933
Okay, come on.
5
00:01:11,236 --> 00:01:13,188
And he says, "If I could do it
in my living room,
6
00:01:13,222 --> 00:01:15,256
I wouldn't have to do it
in the back of your cab."
7
00:01:15,291 --> 00:01:18,059
( laughter )
8
00:01:18,093 --> 00:01:21,629
Hey, Tony, this guy wants
to chug-a-lug against you.
9
00:01:21,663 --> 00:01:23,615
Oh, yeah? What's the bet?
10
00:01:23,649 --> 00:01:24,849
Fifty.
11
00:01:24,883 --> 00:01:25,700
Fifty dollars?!
12
00:01:25,734 --> 00:01:26,985
( murmuring )
13
00:01:27,019 --> 00:01:28,152
Hey, we'll all chip in.
14
00:01:28,187 --> 00:01:28,953
Come on, ante up,
you guys.
Ten each?
15
00:01:28,988 --> 00:01:31,756
A pitcher of beer
and two mugs!
16
00:01:31,790 --> 00:01:32,824
Okay, here's my ten.
17
00:01:32,858 --> 00:01:33,958
Alex?
18
00:01:33,992 --> 00:01:35,460
How do you feel, Tony?
19
00:01:35,494 --> 00:01:36,027
Thirsty.
20
00:01:36,061 --> 00:01:37,879
I'm in for ten.
That's good enough for me.
21
00:01:37,913 --> 00:01:39,297
All right.
Here we go.
22
00:01:39,332 --> 00:01:41,499
Okay, we got our bet.
23
00:01:41,534 --> 00:01:43,301
There's my 50.
24
00:01:43,336 --> 00:01:44,636
Excuse me, Alex.
25
00:01:44,670 --> 00:01:46,104
Oh, sure.
26
00:01:46,138 --> 00:01:49,207
So, they say after divorce
your life is empty
27
00:01:49,241 --> 00:01:53,144
and here I am watching
a chug-a-lug contest.
28
00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:55,947
Ready?
29
00:01:55,981 --> 00:01:59,250
One... two... three...
start.
30
00:02:03,906 --> 00:02:06,540
Any time, gentlemen.
31
00:02:15,233 --> 00:02:17,152
Let's get out of here.
32
00:02:17,186 --> 00:02:20,455
I don't want to be around
when he belches.
33
00:02:21,957 --> 00:02:23,525
Oh, come on, let's
forget it-- I'm buying.
34
00:02:23,559 --> 00:02:24,559
Same ol' rounds.
Okay.
35
00:02:24,593 --> 00:02:26,694
What'll you have, John?
36
00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:29,747
John?
37
00:02:29,782 --> 00:02:30,515
Hmm?
38
00:02:30,549 --> 00:02:32,067
What is it?
39
00:02:32,101 --> 00:02:33,434
It's that girl.
40
00:02:35,237 --> 00:02:36,905
ELAINE:
Which one?
41
00:02:36,939 --> 00:02:38,773
You don't have to ask, do you?
42
00:02:38,807 --> 00:02:40,508
No, I guess not.
43
00:02:40,542 --> 00:02:42,210
The blonde.
44
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:43,561
No.
45
00:02:43,595 --> 00:02:45,530
ELAINE:
The one with
the white blouse?
46
00:02:45,564 --> 00:02:46,865
JOHN:
No.
47
00:02:46,899 --> 00:02:48,800
ELAINE:
Oh, the other one.
48
00:02:48,834 --> 00:02:50,435
See? You picked her out.
49
00:02:50,469 --> 00:02:52,437
It's just that
I've never felt this way before.
50
00:02:52,471 --> 00:02:54,238
I mean, this is the first time
51
00:02:54,272 --> 00:02:57,241
a girl sitting
across from me in a bar
52
00:02:57,275 --> 00:02:58,909
has gotten me all excited.
53
00:02:58,944 --> 00:03:01,045
What do you think, Alex?
54
00:03:01,079 --> 00:03:02,130
I don't think
you have to announce
55
00:03:02,164 --> 00:03:04,599
everything that's
happening in your body.
56
00:03:04,633 --> 00:03:06,834
You like her,
go over and talk to her.
57
00:03:06,868 --> 00:03:07,519
Just like that?
58
00:03:07,553 --> 00:03:08,452
Sure.
59
00:03:08,487 --> 00:03:11,172
What would I say if I did?
60
00:03:11,207 --> 00:03:13,574
Say hello.
61
00:03:13,609 --> 00:03:16,044
No, I couldn't say that.
62
00:03:16,078 --> 00:03:17,378
I mean
63
00:03:17,412 --> 00:03:19,915
I never know what
to say to girls.
64
00:03:19,949 --> 00:03:22,017
I don't know, I just can't seem
to get started.
65
00:03:22,051 --> 00:03:23,518
Ah, just forget it.
66
00:03:23,552 --> 00:03:25,169
Okay.
67
00:03:25,203 --> 00:03:28,406
Okay, I'm going to do you
a big favor
68
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:31,009
and I hope you appreciate it.
69
00:03:31,043 --> 00:03:32,843
What's the favor?
70
00:03:32,878 --> 00:03:37,415
I'm going to give you
the perfect line.
71
00:03:37,449 --> 00:03:39,650
Works every time, instantly
72
00:03:39,685 --> 00:03:42,687
and with devastating results.
73
00:03:45,056 --> 00:03:47,242
Here's what you do.
74
00:03:47,276 --> 00:03:50,478
You walk up to her,
tap her on the shoulder,
75
00:03:50,512 --> 00:03:54,532
and when she turns around,
you say: "Why waste time?
76
00:03:54,566 --> 00:03:56,667
Let's get married."
77
00:03:58,537 --> 00:04:00,738
I think that
should do it.
78
00:04:00,772 --> 00:04:04,492
It's witty, it's entertaining,
and it's got "married" in it.
79
00:04:04,526 --> 00:04:07,228
( all chuckling )
80
00:04:07,263 --> 00:04:08,897
The line has everything.
81
00:04:08,931 --> 00:04:11,682
Hey, you know,
I got a better one.
82
00:04:11,717 --> 00:04:12,466
What?
83
00:04:12,501 --> 00:04:14,552
You go up and you say:
84
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:16,954
"Let's cut the
preliminaries--
85
00:04:16,988 --> 00:04:18,956
you want to get married?"
86
00:04:18,990 --> 00:04:21,275
Hey, you know,
that is better.
87
00:04:21,309 --> 00:04:23,044
Shorter anyway.
88
00:04:23,078 --> 00:04:26,431
We just improved
on the wheel, man.
89
00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:29,850
A good line
really helps a lot.
90
00:04:29,885 --> 00:04:31,469
So?
91
00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:32,686
Nah...
92
00:04:32,721 --> 00:04:35,890
John, there's a time when you
either do it or you forget it.
93
00:04:35,924 --> 00:04:37,074
You're absolutely right, Alex.
94
00:04:37,109 --> 00:04:38,610
Let's forget it.
95
00:04:39,979 --> 00:04:40,611
I can't forget it.
96
00:04:40,646 --> 00:04:41,529
BOBBY:
Just do it.
97
00:04:41,564 --> 00:04:42,630
ELAINE:
Just be sweet.
98
00:04:42,665 --> 00:04:43,798
Real nice.
99
00:04:43,832 --> 00:04:45,132
Get it right.
100
00:04:45,167 --> 00:04:46,867
Just smooth. Smooth.
101
00:05:03,418 --> 00:05:04,819
Yes?
102
00:05:04,853 --> 00:05:07,388
Let's cut the preliminaries.
103
00:05:07,422 --> 00:05:09,958
You want to get married?
104
00:05:14,179 --> 00:05:15,680
Sure.
105
00:05:15,714 --> 00:05:17,332
What?!
106
00:05:19,101 --> 00:05:21,385
I was sitting over there and
I wanted to talk to you, and...
107
00:05:21,419 --> 00:05:24,522
I think there's a couple
of places at the bar.
108
00:05:24,556 --> 00:05:26,657
Do you want to take them?
109
00:05:26,692 --> 00:05:28,475
I thought we
were getting married.
110
00:05:28,510 --> 00:05:30,528
Oh, sure, but not right away.
111
00:05:30,562 --> 00:05:31,862
I mean marriage is important.
112
00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:33,864
It can't just be jumped into.
113
00:05:33,898 --> 00:05:35,850
Oh, I agree; yes.
114
00:05:35,884 --> 00:05:37,185
So, we'll get married
in an hour.
115
00:05:37,219 --> 00:05:38,319
Oh, perfect.
116
00:05:38,353 --> 00:05:40,888
Can I buy you that drink now?
117
00:05:40,922 --> 00:05:41,872
Sure.
118
00:05:45,093 --> 00:05:46,845
Author, author.
119
00:05:48,747 --> 00:05:50,097
Preliminaries--
that's the word.
120
00:05:57,356 --> 00:05:59,958
He said, "If I didn't
have to do it...
121
00:05:59,992 --> 00:06:01,209
"If I could do it
in my living room,
122
00:06:01,243 --> 00:06:04,279
I wouldn't have to do it in
the backseat of your cab."
123
00:06:04,313 --> 00:06:06,915
( both laughing )
124
00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:08,416
WOMAN:
I liked that, too.
125
00:06:08,450 --> 00:06:10,451
( laughter continues )
126
00:06:12,754 --> 00:06:15,623
Is it ever going
to happen for me...
127
00:06:15,657 --> 00:06:20,094
or am I just going to spend
the rest of my life alone?
128
00:06:22,731 --> 00:06:27,134
Alone... alone...
129
00:06:27,169 --> 00:06:28,385
alone...
130
00:06:28,420 --> 00:06:31,522
How did I get into this?
All I said was,
131
00:06:31,556 --> 00:06:35,392
"I'm going for a beer.
Does anyone want to come?"
132
00:06:35,427 --> 00:06:36,861
Alone.
133
00:06:36,895 --> 00:06:39,396
When I came over,
did you get the feeling
134
00:06:39,431 --> 00:06:41,065
something special
was gonna happen?
135
00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:43,500
Yeah.
Me, too.
136
00:06:43,535 --> 00:06:45,919
Wait-- before or
after you saw me?
137
00:06:45,954 --> 00:06:48,756
Both, but more after.
138
00:06:48,791 --> 00:06:49,857
Oh, me, too! Me, too.
139
00:06:49,891 --> 00:06:50,925
That's so amazing.
140
00:06:50,959 --> 00:06:53,994
Ah, Suzanne, is this the
best time you've ever had?
141
00:06:54,029 --> 00:06:56,097
Absolutely.
142
00:06:56,131 --> 00:06:57,798
You're not just
saying that, are you?
143
00:06:57,832 --> 00:06:59,500
Or have you really
had a lousy life?
144
00:06:59,535 --> 00:07:02,136
Oh, no.
145
00:07:02,171 --> 00:07:04,238
No, I've had a great life.
146
00:07:04,273 --> 00:07:05,506
And this is your best time?
147
00:07:05,540 --> 00:07:07,141
Yeah.
Wow! Me, too.
148
00:07:08,477 --> 00:07:11,095
Okay, I want you to take
your time with this next one,
149
00:07:11,129 --> 00:07:12,396
'cause it's real
important to me.
150
00:07:12,430 --> 00:07:13,397
Oh.
151
00:07:13,431 --> 00:07:15,232
How do you stand
on bowling?
152
00:07:17,819 --> 00:07:20,388
Feet together,
knees slightly bent.
153
00:07:20,422 --> 00:07:21,956
I use a four...
154
00:07:21,990 --> 00:07:23,207
She bowls.
155
00:07:23,241 --> 00:07:25,476
She bowls!
156
00:07:27,746 --> 00:07:29,780
So what do you
want to do first,
157
00:07:29,814 --> 00:07:32,049
get married,
or go bowling?
158
00:07:32,083 --> 00:07:32,950
Bowling first.
159
00:07:32,984 --> 00:07:34,285
That way, if the
marriage doesn't work,
160
00:07:34,319 --> 00:07:35,819
it won't screw up my game.
161
00:07:38,724 --> 00:07:40,057
Well, so long,
you guys.
162
00:07:40,091 --> 00:07:41,259
We're going to go
get married now.
163
00:07:41,293 --> 00:07:42,593
Oh, that's nice.
164
00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:43,927
Oh-- after bowling.
Good night.
165
00:07:43,962 --> 00:07:45,263
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, good luck.
166
00:07:45,297 --> 00:07:46,597
Good bowling.
167
00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:47,965
We're going bowling?
168
00:07:47,999 --> 00:07:51,035
No, we're not
going bowling.
169
00:07:51,069 --> 00:07:54,438
Would you mind if I joined you
and had a drink?
170
00:07:54,472 --> 00:07:56,273
No. Sit down.
171
00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:03,498
Thank you.
Good night.
172
00:08:14,810 --> 00:08:17,044
LOUIE:
Hey, Wheeler!
173
00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:18,913
Hey, Wheeler,
come over here.
174
00:08:18,947 --> 00:08:20,247
Do I have to?
175
00:08:20,282 --> 00:08:22,550
Yeah.
176
00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:24,285
We got a complaint...
177
00:08:24,319 --> 00:08:27,138
that one of our drivers
got fresh with a passenger.
178
00:08:27,172 --> 00:08:28,472
Was it you?
179
00:08:28,506 --> 00:08:31,675
Of course not.
I don't do that kind of stuff.
180
00:08:31,710 --> 00:08:32,893
Too bad.
181
00:08:32,928 --> 00:08:35,230
I wanted to find out
who it was
182
00:08:35,264 --> 00:08:38,533
so I can give him some tips
from the old expert.
183
00:08:38,567 --> 00:08:40,751
You mean you used to get fresh
with the passengers
184
00:08:40,786 --> 00:08:41,886
when you were a driver?
185
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:44,872
Only the women.
186
00:08:44,907 --> 00:08:47,608
I used to pull over,
turn around, and ask them
187
00:08:47,643 --> 00:08:51,712
if they'd like to come
to my place for drinks and sex.
188
00:08:51,747 --> 00:08:53,847
Oh, yeah, the subtle approach.
189
00:08:53,882 --> 00:08:55,949
Did it work?
190
00:08:55,984 --> 00:08:56,517
Yeah.
191
00:08:56,551 --> 00:08:58,319
I don't believe you, Louie.
192
00:08:58,353 --> 00:09:00,171
Well, not every time.
193
00:09:00,205 --> 00:09:02,339
Exactly how many times?
194
00:09:02,373 --> 00:09:05,642
Once in 2,312 times.
195
00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:11,031
Oh, hi, John.
196
00:09:11,065 --> 00:09:12,266
Hey, John!
Look who's here.
197
00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:15,303
What have you been doing
the past few days, John?
198
00:09:15,337 --> 00:09:17,271
As if we didn't know.
199
00:09:18,590 --> 00:09:19,957
Hey, stop it!
Come on!
200
00:09:19,992 --> 00:09:21,826
You shouldn't be
doing this.
201
00:09:21,860 --> 00:09:23,494
Why not?
'Cause I could
pulverize you.
202
00:09:23,528 --> 00:09:25,830
Oh, yeah.
203
00:09:25,864 --> 00:09:27,865
I'm sorry.
204
00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:31,468
I'm just kind of sensitive
about what happened.
205
00:09:31,503 --> 00:09:32,803
BOBBY:
Well, what happened?
206
00:09:32,838 --> 00:09:35,055
Remember that girl
I met in the bar?
207
00:09:35,090 --> 00:09:36,891
BOBBY:
Yeah?
I married her.
208
00:09:36,925 --> 00:09:38,225
You what?
Oh, my...!
What?!
209
00:09:38,259 --> 00:09:39,226
How could
you do that?
210
00:09:39,260 --> 00:09:40,661
How could you do
something like that?
211
00:09:40,696 --> 00:09:41,779
John, that was
just a line.
212
00:09:41,814 --> 00:09:43,347
You weren't
supposed to do it.
213
00:09:43,381 --> 00:09:44,482
John, what's the
matter with you?
214
00:09:44,516 --> 00:09:45,883
How could you do
a thing like that?
215
00:09:45,917 --> 00:09:47,284
I don't know.
216
00:09:47,318 --> 00:09:49,286
There we were,
bowling and joking
217
00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:52,189
about whoever lost paid
for the marriage license.
218
00:09:52,223 --> 00:09:53,991
The next thing I knew,
219
00:09:54,025 --> 00:09:57,461
we were eloping to Maryland
in her best friend's Volvo.
220
00:09:57,496 --> 00:09:58,746
John, how...
John, did you think?
221
00:09:58,780 --> 00:10:01,749
Did you say to yourself,
"What am I doing?
222
00:10:01,783 --> 00:10:03,317
This has to stop!"
223
00:10:03,351 --> 00:10:06,320
Yeah. Unfortunately,
I didn't say it to her.
224
00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:08,422
It was like
some game of chicken.
225
00:10:08,457 --> 00:10:11,558
Each one of us thinking
the other would call it off.
226
00:10:11,593 --> 00:10:14,028
I kept thinking she'd brake
any minute
227
00:10:14,062 --> 00:10:17,999
as we drove through New York,
then through Lincoln Tunnel,
228
00:10:18,033 --> 00:10:19,166
then to New Jersey...
229
00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:20,201
John, do me a favor.
230
00:10:20,235 --> 00:10:22,970
Don't say every landmark
from here to Maryland, okay?
231
00:10:23,005 --> 00:10:25,423
It's all so weird!
232
00:10:25,457 --> 00:10:26,991
It was so terrific
being with her
233
00:10:27,025 --> 00:10:28,859
that we were in Maryland
before we knew it.
234
00:10:28,893 --> 00:10:31,879
Yeah, them Volvos
are great.
235
00:10:31,914 --> 00:10:37,384
Anyhow, this morning,
we applied for the
license and...
236
00:10:37,419 --> 00:10:38,853
even bought
a couple of rings.
237
00:10:38,887 --> 00:10:41,321
You know, still treating
the whole thing like a joke,
238
00:10:41,356 --> 00:10:42,590
you know...
239
00:10:42,624 --> 00:10:43,858
and then we had dinner
240
00:10:43,892 --> 00:10:48,245
at this really neat
Maryland McDonalds.
241
00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:49,413
The food's the same
242
00:10:49,447 --> 00:10:51,849
but it's served by people
from Maryland.
243
00:10:51,883 --> 00:10:55,552
Then we checked into this
really nice six-dollar
244
00:10:55,586 --> 00:10:57,105
motel...
245
00:10:57,139 --> 00:10:59,941
Hey, John, I hate
to be indelicate,
246
00:10:59,975 --> 00:11:02,159
but, uh... did you?
247
00:11:02,194 --> 00:11:03,510
Oh, no, no.
248
00:11:03,545 --> 00:11:05,512
We were too excited
for that.
249
00:11:05,547 --> 00:11:09,283
Anyhow, this morning,
we picked up the license,
250
00:11:09,317 --> 00:11:11,085
and found the Justice
of the Peace--
251
00:11:11,119 --> 00:11:13,854
even then, I still felt
we'd never go through with it.
252
00:11:13,889 --> 00:11:16,307
When the Justice
of the Peace said,
253
00:11:16,341 --> 00:11:19,409
"Do you take this man
to be your husband?"
254
00:11:19,444 --> 00:11:22,412
I was sure that we'd both
laugh like crazy,
255
00:11:22,447 --> 00:11:25,649
or she'd say no,
but she didn't.
256
00:11:25,683 --> 00:11:30,121
She said, "I will if he will."
257
00:11:30,155 --> 00:11:31,522
The Justice of the Peace
asked me
258
00:11:31,556 --> 00:11:33,191
if I'd take her as my wife.
259
00:11:33,225 --> 00:11:35,759
I said no!
260
00:11:35,794 --> 00:11:38,462
But somehow it came out yes!
261
00:11:41,265 --> 00:11:43,450
And just like that,
we were married.
262
00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:44,786
I mean, married.
263
00:11:44,820 --> 00:11:46,453
I mean, right away, we both knew
264
00:11:46,488 --> 00:11:48,156
it was the biggest mistake
of our lives.
265
00:11:48,190 --> 00:11:50,724
All the way back,
we only said three words.
266
00:11:50,759 --> 00:11:52,260
She said, "Need gas?"
267
00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:54,996
I said, "Yes."
268
00:11:57,382 --> 00:11:58,382
When we got back to town,
269
00:11:58,416 --> 00:12:02,652
I let her off at my apart--
our apartment...
270
00:12:02,687 --> 00:12:03,487
and there she sits,
271
00:12:03,521 --> 00:12:07,358
the woman Maryland
considers my wife.
272
00:12:13,698 --> 00:12:16,366
I'm married!
273
00:12:16,401 --> 00:12:17,618
I really am!
274
00:12:17,653 --> 00:12:19,987
Alex, what am I
going to do?
275
00:12:20,021 --> 00:12:21,455
I'm half crazy.
276
00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:22,990
A conservative estimate.
277
00:12:23,024 --> 00:12:24,324
Just relax.
278
00:12:24,359 --> 00:12:27,361
I know it looks very bad
right now,
279
00:12:27,395 --> 00:12:29,129
but somehow we're going
to figure out a way...
280
00:12:29,163 --> 00:12:31,481
Oh, Burns...
281
00:12:31,516 --> 00:12:35,419
you decided to grace us
with your presence.
282
00:12:35,453 --> 00:12:38,055
Well, listen here--
283
00:12:38,089 --> 00:12:41,525
the next time you don't show
up for work for two days,
284
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:42,426
you're fired.
285
00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:44,695
Hey, hey, Louie,
the kid just got married.
286
00:12:44,729 --> 00:12:47,698
Don't yell at him.
287
00:12:47,732 --> 00:12:49,399
Oh, I'm sorry.
288
00:12:52,554 --> 00:12:57,608
( sweetly ):
The next time you don't
show up for work for two days,
289
00:12:57,643 --> 00:12:59,076
you're fired.
290
00:13:11,606 --> 00:13:15,058
John, you got
to go home sometime.
291
00:13:15,093 --> 00:13:17,794
I can't.
She's there.
292
00:13:17,829 --> 00:13:21,081
Mrs. Me.
293
00:13:23,301 --> 00:13:25,319
I don't want to be married,
Alex.
294
00:13:25,353 --> 00:13:26,687
I don't know--
295
00:13:26,721 --> 00:13:30,090
it sounds crazy, but in my mind,
it's all connected.
296
00:13:30,124 --> 00:13:33,827
You get married, you have kids,
you grow old, and then you die.
297
00:13:33,861 --> 00:13:35,095
Somehow, to me,
298
00:13:35,129 --> 00:13:38,832
if you didn't get married,
you wouldn't die.
299
00:13:41,703 --> 00:13:43,821
Hey, Fitz, how you doing?
300
00:13:43,855 --> 00:13:45,122
Ellen... Rudy!
301
00:13:45,156 --> 00:13:46,190
Hey, how you doin'?
302
00:13:46,224 --> 00:13:48,158
Hey, Champ,
how's it going?
303
00:13:48,193 --> 00:13:49,627
Fine.
304
00:13:49,661 --> 00:13:51,828
You want to risk your title
against me?
305
00:13:51,863 --> 00:13:53,113
How much?
306
00:13:53,147 --> 00:13:56,233
Let's see here...
307
00:13:56,267 --> 00:13:57,968
How about 20 bucks?
308
00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,837
You're on.
309
00:13:59,871 --> 00:14:01,922
All right.
310
00:14:01,956 --> 00:14:03,724
Two beers, Rudy.
311
00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:04,958
( panting )
312
00:14:04,993 --> 00:14:06,560
Hey, Louie.
313
00:14:06,595 --> 00:14:08,712
You still owe me money
on your tab.
314
00:14:08,746 --> 00:14:10,731
Oh, yeah, yeah, all right.
315
00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:14,468
Well, come by the garage this
week and I'll give you a tire.
316
00:14:17,422 --> 00:14:18,722
Let's go.
317
00:14:18,756 --> 00:14:19,723
All right, now...
318
00:14:19,757 --> 00:14:22,410
I'll say, "one-two-three, go."
319
00:14:22,444 --> 00:14:23,411
All right?
320
00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:24,578
Sure.
321
00:14:24,613 --> 00:14:25,746
One...
322
00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:27,147
two...
323
00:14:27,181 --> 00:14:27,982
three.
324
00:14:28,016 --> 00:14:29,366
Hey, Rudy, did they find
325
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,402
the rest of that rat
that died in the beer keg?
326
00:14:32,436 --> 00:14:33,436
Go.
327
00:14:40,078 --> 00:14:43,297
The new champeen.
328
00:14:45,450 --> 00:14:48,785
Better luck next time,
Champ.
329
00:14:52,123 --> 00:14:53,590
Excuse me.
330
00:14:53,624 --> 00:14:55,759
Is this the
wedding party?
331
00:14:55,793 --> 00:14:57,427
Louie!
332
00:14:57,462 --> 00:15:00,364
Louie, I never thought I'd say
this, but would you join us?
333
00:15:00,398 --> 00:15:01,631
No, thank you.
334
00:15:01,666 --> 00:15:06,386
John, the little woman
came by the garage tonight.
335
00:15:06,421 --> 00:15:09,023
She left a letter for you.
336
00:15:09,057 --> 00:15:10,207
Well, let's have it.
337
00:15:10,241 --> 00:15:12,543
For a buck.
338
00:15:12,577 --> 00:15:15,179
Hey, the post office
only charges 15 cents.
339
00:15:15,213 --> 00:15:18,381
Yeah, and they're going broke.
340
00:15:18,416 --> 00:15:19,717
Thank you.
341
00:15:19,751 --> 00:15:23,887
Not bad-- I've been here
two minutes, had a beer,
and won $21.
342
00:15:24,839 --> 00:15:26,056
Bye-bye.
343
00:15:26,090 --> 00:15:30,394
Oh, by the way,
should I change your W-2 now,
344
00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:34,565
or do you want to see
if you have kids by tonight?
345
00:15:43,124 --> 00:15:45,092
We didn't
order drinks.
346
00:15:45,126 --> 00:15:46,627
It's on the house.
347
00:15:46,661 --> 00:15:48,462
You know, I got a "Dear John"
once.
348
00:15:48,496 --> 00:15:50,614
Oh, that isn't what this is.
349
00:15:53,284 --> 00:15:54,851
"Dear John..."
350
00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:02,693
You want me to read the letter?
351
00:16:02,727 --> 00:16:03,694
Would you?
352
00:16:03,728 --> 00:16:05,229
"Dear John,
353
00:16:05,263 --> 00:16:08,332
"I'm leaving you this letter
because I'm ashamed to face you.
354
00:16:08,366 --> 00:16:10,468
"I hate to think
of what you think of a girl
355
00:16:10,502 --> 00:16:13,304
"who runs off and
marries a total stranger.
356
00:16:13,338 --> 00:16:15,606
"I don't know why
357
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:16,557
"I do crazy things
358
00:16:16,591 --> 00:16:18,792
"but I do know you're too nice
a guy
359
00:16:18,827 --> 00:16:21,378
"to be stuck
with an immature nut like me.
360
00:16:21,413 --> 00:16:24,431
Naturally, we'll have
the marriage annulled..."
361
00:16:24,465 --> 00:16:26,066
Oh.
Oh.
362
00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:30,337
"Looking back, it seems
like some bizarre dream.
363
00:16:30,371 --> 00:16:31,705
"Any minute,
364
00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:34,457
"I kept expecting
you would wake me up
365
00:16:34,492 --> 00:16:36,710
"but you didn't and I didn't.
366
00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:38,145
"So we did.
367
00:16:38,180 --> 00:16:41,949
"We sure did.
368
00:16:41,983 --> 00:16:44,768
"Right away, I knew it was
a terrible mistake
369
00:16:44,802 --> 00:16:46,553
"and I sensed you did, too.
370
00:16:46,588 --> 00:16:49,973
"I've decided to move back
with my folks for awhile,
371
00:16:50,007 --> 00:16:51,892
"try and get my head together.
372
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:54,695
"I hope what happened
wasn't too hard on you.
373
00:16:54,729 --> 00:16:55,963
"I'm sure someday
374
00:16:55,997 --> 00:16:58,899
"you'll meet someone
you really want to marry
375
00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:01,201
"and whoever she is,
I envy her.
376
00:17:01,235 --> 00:17:03,771
"Anyway, thanks
for a special weekend.
377
00:17:03,805 --> 00:17:05,488
"I'll never forget it.
378
00:17:05,523 --> 00:17:07,658
Or you."
379
00:17:07,692 --> 00:17:10,227
And it's signed,
"Your future ex-wife, Suzanne."
380
00:17:12,747 --> 00:17:14,214
It's a nice letter.
381
00:17:14,248 --> 00:17:16,249
I read it nicely.
382
00:17:21,589 --> 00:17:24,190
And now, it looks like
your problems are solved, kid.
383
00:17:24,225 --> 00:17:26,243
Yeah.
384
00:17:26,277 --> 00:17:27,544
You know, Alex,
385
00:17:27,578 --> 00:17:30,547
that's the classiest letter
I ever heard.
386
00:17:30,581 --> 00:17:33,383
Open, honest, sensitive.
387
00:17:33,417 --> 00:17:35,552
Just like she is.
388
00:17:35,586 --> 00:17:38,355
I got to get her back.
389
00:17:38,389 --> 00:17:39,623
Help me get her back.
390
00:17:39,657 --> 00:17:42,760
I never wanted anybody back
so bad in my life.
391
00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:46,179
Why do I come here so often?
392
00:17:46,214 --> 00:17:48,148
I almost never have a good time.
393
00:17:58,192 --> 00:17:59,526
( buzzer sounds )
394
00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:07,234
Yes?
395
00:18:07,268 --> 00:18:08,335
Mr. Caruthers?
396
00:18:08,370 --> 00:18:09,686
Yes.
397
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:11,388
We're the ones who phoned you.
398
00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:12,889
On the phone.
399
00:18:12,924 --> 00:18:15,943
I've been wondering
what that was all about.
400
00:18:15,977 --> 00:18:17,711
Um, can we come in?
401
00:18:17,745 --> 00:18:20,414
I guess so.
402
00:18:20,448 --> 00:18:22,649
I think you'll have to open the
door a little more than that.
403
00:18:22,683 --> 00:18:25,852
I'm sorry, but how do I know
I can trust you?
404
00:18:25,887 --> 00:18:26,887
Come here.
405
00:18:26,921 --> 00:18:28,255
Look at him.
406
00:18:28,290 --> 00:18:29,489
Hi.
407
00:18:29,524 --> 00:18:31,125
Okay.
408
00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:39,066
Now, what's this
all about?
409
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:41,468
Mr. Caruthers,
my name is John Burns
410
00:18:41,502 --> 00:18:43,904
and this is my friend,
Alex Rieger.
411
00:18:45,189 --> 00:18:48,409
Alex will take over from here.
412
00:18:48,443 --> 00:18:51,912
Oh, Mr. Caruthers, um,
has your daughter told you?
413
00:18:51,946 --> 00:18:53,063
Told me about what?
414
00:18:53,097 --> 00:18:54,615
I guess she hasn't told you.
415
00:18:54,649 --> 00:18:56,616
If you tell me what it is
you want to know
416
00:18:56,651 --> 00:18:57,884
whether or not she has told me
417
00:18:57,919 --> 00:19:00,203
then I'll tell you
whether or not she has told me.
418
00:19:00,237 --> 00:19:03,540
I can tell
she hasn't told you.
419
00:19:03,574 --> 00:19:04,725
WOMAN:
Oh, Mark, I...
420
00:19:04,759 --> 00:19:05,826
Oh, Lillian,
421
00:19:05,860 --> 00:19:07,361
this is Mr. Burns.
Rieger.
422
00:19:07,395 --> 00:19:09,363
And this is Mr. Rieger.
Burns.
423
00:19:09,397 --> 00:19:11,064
This is my wife, Mrs...
Caruthers.
424
00:19:11,099 --> 00:19:12,032
Yes.
425
00:19:12,066 --> 00:19:13,033
How are you?
426
00:19:13,067 --> 00:19:14,868
LILLIAN:
Won't you sit down?
Thank you.
427
00:19:14,902 --> 00:19:16,520
They're friends of Suzanne.
428
00:19:16,554 --> 00:19:18,689
Oh, yes, well,
Suzanne's in her room.
429
00:19:18,723 --> 00:19:21,358
Oh, could you tell her that
I'm here and maybe I love her?
430
00:19:21,393 --> 00:19:22,859
Sit down.
431
00:19:22,894 --> 00:19:25,078
First, I want to know
what's going on.
432
00:19:27,398 --> 00:19:29,033
Mr. Caruthers...
433
00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:32,036
Mr. Caruthers, do you
like to hear things
with the lily gilded,
434
00:19:32,070 --> 00:19:33,871
or straight
between the eyes?
435
00:19:33,905 --> 00:19:35,873
Gilded.
436
00:19:35,907 --> 00:19:39,659
You see, we've always tried
to instill in our daughter
437
00:19:39,693 --> 00:19:43,696
the good grace to conceal
virtually everything from us.
438
00:19:43,731 --> 00:19:46,049
She hasn't told
you anything?
439
00:19:46,083 --> 00:19:50,387
Not since 1971.
440
00:19:50,421 --> 00:19:51,655
Well, Mr. and
Mrs. Caruthers,
441
00:19:51,689 --> 00:19:52,389
I think you better
brace yourself,
442
00:19:52,423 --> 00:19:54,123
because what I have
to tell you...
443
00:19:54,158 --> 00:19:55,059
Someone come in?
444
00:19:55,093 --> 00:19:56,610
I heard the...
445
00:19:56,645 --> 00:19:58,111
Oh, John.
446
00:19:58,146 --> 00:19:59,480
Suzanne.
447
00:19:59,514 --> 00:20:00,213
Hold it.
448
00:20:00,248 --> 00:20:01,332
Sit down.
449
00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:03,734
This man is about
to tell us something.
450
00:20:03,768 --> 00:20:05,869
Well, go on, sir.
We're listening.
451
00:20:05,903 --> 00:20:07,671
Oh, uh, yes, um...
452
00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:09,673
You sure you don't
want it straight?
453
00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:10,674
Absolutely.
454
00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:11,675
Right.
455
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:14,578
Okay, now,
let's see, um...
456
00:20:14,612 --> 00:20:15,979
( clears throat )
457
00:20:16,013 --> 00:20:17,681
Well, how's this:
do you believe
458
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:19,483
in love at first sight?
459
00:20:19,517 --> 00:20:22,151
I believe the notion
of love at first sight
460
00:20:22,186 --> 00:20:26,222
is a debasement of every moral,
spiritual, and ethical value
461
00:20:26,257 --> 00:20:28,458
that I and my family hold dear.
462
00:20:33,464 --> 00:20:36,099
This is no snap.
463
00:20:36,133 --> 00:20:37,601
Well, I have to give it
to you straight then.
464
00:20:37,635 --> 00:20:38,968
This is what happened:
465
00:20:39,003 --> 00:20:40,604
Three nights ago,
John met your daughter in a bar,
466
00:20:40,638 --> 00:20:41,872
they fell in love,
467
00:20:41,906 --> 00:20:43,407
and after looking at each other
countless times,
468
00:20:43,441 --> 00:20:45,174
drove to Maryland
and got married.
469
00:20:46,377 --> 00:20:48,946
You were in a bar?
470
00:20:53,167 --> 00:20:55,802
Mark, don't you
understand?
471
00:20:55,836 --> 00:20:58,271
Our daughter is married.
472
00:20:58,306 --> 00:21:01,124
And this man
is our son.
473
00:21:01,158 --> 00:21:02,759
But they're going
to get divorced.
474
00:21:02,794 --> 00:21:04,160
Oh.
475
00:21:04,194 --> 00:21:06,062
But John wants
to stay married.
Oh.
476
00:21:06,096 --> 00:21:07,731
But your daughter
wants to get an annulment.
477
00:21:07,765 --> 00:21:09,933
Is this fun for you?
478
00:21:13,071 --> 00:21:15,138
Well, once you get into it.
479
00:21:15,173 --> 00:21:18,708
No, listen...
look, now that we all know,
480
00:21:18,742 --> 00:21:21,444
why don't we all just leave
them alone together,
481
00:21:21,479 --> 00:21:22,913
so they could, uh...
482
00:21:22,947 --> 00:21:27,784
Or we could stay
and stare at each other.
483
00:21:27,819 --> 00:21:30,103
That's not such a bad idea.
484
00:21:30,138 --> 00:21:34,958
I think I've spent too much time
ducking things like this.
485
00:21:34,992 --> 00:21:37,427
Maybe the time has come
to forget my fears
486
00:21:37,462 --> 00:21:40,096
and pay attention
to my daughter.
487
00:21:40,130 --> 00:21:43,166
Yes, this is it.
488
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,652
The time has come
to stay with her
489
00:21:45,687 --> 00:21:47,787
and face this
thing head-on.
490
00:21:47,822 --> 00:21:48,788
Mr. Rieger?
491
00:21:48,823 --> 00:21:49,823
Right.
492
00:22:02,420 --> 00:22:06,623
Suzanne, when we were in
that motel room in Maryland...
493
00:22:06,658 --> 00:22:09,309
Hup, that's it!
494
00:22:09,344 --> 00:22:10,377
Let's go, Lillian.
495
00:22:11,779 --> 00:22:12,746
Mr. Rieger.
496
00:22:12,780 --> 00:22:14,081
Right.
497
00:22:14,115 --> 00:22:16,783
Take your time, John.
Don't worry about me.
498
00:22:16,817 --> 00:22:18,718
I'll be having fun
standing in the kitchenette
499
00:22:18,753 --> 00:22:20,120
with Mr. and
Mrs. Caruthers.
500
00:22:24,441 --> 00:22:26,843
You want to stay married?
501
00:22:26,878 --> 00:22:27,961
I do.
502
00:22:29,464 --> 00:22:32,432
I figured you'd never want
to see me again.
503
00:22:32,467 --> 00:22:35,769
Oh... Look, Suzanne,
what happened
504
00:22:35,803 --> 00:22:38,272
was just as much my
fault as it was yours.
505
00:22:38,306 --> 00:22:39,640
You know, I think
that's what
506
00:22:39,674 --> 00:22:40,840
brought us
both together.
507
00:22:40,875 --> 00:22:42,376
We're both crazy.
508
00:22:44,094 --> 00:22:46,379
I just think that,
for some reason,
509
00:22:46,414 --> 00:22:49,483
we had the instinct
to be with each other.
510
00:22:49,517 --> 00:22:51,968
Now, I know it
doesn't make sense,
511
00:22:52,003 --> 00:22:54,037
'cause we hardly
know each other,
512
00:22:54,071 --> 00:22:57,240
but right now, I'd
rather follow my instinct
513
00:22:57,274 --> 00:22:58,742
and not make sense.
514
00:23:02,163 --> 00:23:07,401
Suzanne, will you not
get annulled with me?
515
00:23:08,586 --> 00:23:09,619
No.
516
00:23:09,654 --> 00:23:11,638
Oh, that's terrific.
517
00:23:11,673 --> 00:23:12,739
No! Wait a minute!
518
00:23:12,774 --> 00:23:13,973
No what?
519
00:23:14,008 --> 00:23:16,093
No, I won't get annulled.
520
00:23:16,127 --> 00:23:17,544
I can't believe it.
521
00:23:17,578 --> 00:23:18,911
She said, "no."
522
00:23:18,946 --> 00:23:20,080
Oh, oh.
523
00:23:20,114 --> 00:23:24,051
Oh, boy, you better be
as nice as you seem.
524
00:23:24,085 --> 00:23:25,986
I am.
525
00:23:26,020 --> 00:23:27,554
Hey, let's call
your folks.
526
00:23:27,589 --> 00:23:28,505
Oh, Dad, Mom!
527
00:23:28,623 --> 00:23:29,590
Alex!
528
00:23:29,624 --> 00:23:30,957
What's wrong?
529
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,195
Mr. and Mrs. Caruthers,
530
00:23:35,229 --> 00:23:37,797
I'd like your permission
to marry my wife.
531
00:23:50,945 --> 00:23:52,195
Hey, man, you
got rid of her.
532
00:23:52,229 --> 00:23:53,196
That's great.
533
00:23:53,230 --> 00:23:54,614
No, we're staying married.
534
00:23:54,649 --> 00:23:56,966
Congratulations,
she's a wonderful girl.
535
00:24:03,291 --> 00:24:05,992
( theme music playing )
536
00:24:30,234 --> 00:24:31,702
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
537
00:24:31,736 --> 00:24:33,069
( grunts )
39613
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