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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,834 --> 00:00:04,836 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:01:13,138 --> 00:01:16,124 It's okay, I guess. 3 00:01:16,158 --> 00:01:17,542 Why am I being modest? 4 00:01:17,576 --> 00:01:18,893 I'm alone. 5 00:01:18,927 --> 00:01:20,812 It's perfect. 6 00:01:23,816 --> 00:01:25,349 Metropolitan Museum. 7 00:01:25,384 --> 00:01:26,851 I bet you're wondering 8 00:01:26,886 --> 00:01:29,487 how you got a cab so fast in this rain. 9 00:01:29,521 --> 00:01:31,589 Well, it's because I've been sitting here admiring 10 00:01:31,623 --> 00:01:32,957 this window display. 11 00:01:32,992 --> 00:01:35,693 You see, I work here part-time at this art gallery. 12 00:01:35,727 --> 00:01:36,494 Uh, excuse me, if you don't mind, 13 00:01:36,528 --> 00:01:37,428 I really don't feel much like talking. 14 00:01:37,462 --> 00:01:39,597 Just take me to the Metropolitan, okay? 15 00:01:39,631 --> 00:01:41,399 Oh, I wasn't talking, I was just... 16 00:01:41,433 --> 00:01:42,733 Hey! 17 00:01:42,768 --> 00:01:44,869 I don't know how to make it any clearer than that. 18 00:01:44,903 --> 00:01:46,421 Please take me to the Metropolitan. 19 00:01:46,455 --> 00:01:49,991 Okay. You charmed me into it. 20 00:01:53,178 --> 00:01:54,695 Where you going? 21 00:01:54,730 --> 00:01:56,898 You said the Metropolitan Museum. 22 00:01:56,932 --> 00:01:59,500 I meant the one in New York. Why didn't you stay on Madison? 23 00:01:59,534 --> 00:02:02,103 It's shorter this way. You said you were in a hurry. 24 00:02:02,137 --> 00:02:05,940 You are taking a longer route than you need to. 25 00:02:05,975 --> 00:02:07,275 It's not any longer. You know, wait a minute. 26 00:02:07,309 --> 00:02:10,245 Are you accusing me of jacking up the fare? 27 00:02:10,279 --> 00:02:11,645 No. I'm accusing you of trying. 28 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:13,114 Unfortunately, I caught you. 29 00:02:13,148 --> 00:02:15,149 Hey, look, Mister. I swear I'm not trying to cheat you. 30 00:02:15,183 --> 00:02:17,385 Now if you want, I can take you back where I picked you up, 31 00:02:17,419 --> 00:02:19,420 and we can start over and I'll take a different route. 32 00:02:19,455 --> 00:02:22,590 Thanks, but I've seen Jersey. 33 00:02:24,627 --> 00:02:26,761 Okay, out of the cab. 34 00:02:26,795 --> 00:02:28,830 It's pouring rain out there. 35 00:02:28,864 --> 00:02:32,417 The law says you have to take me wherever I want to go. 36 00:02:32,451 --> 00:02:35,553 There's no way you can make me leave this cab. 37 00:02:35,587 --> 00:02:40,524 Rape... rape... rape! 38 00:02:40,559 --> 00:02:43,228 You may have a little trouble getting that story to stick 39 00:02:43,262 --> 00:02:44,379 when the police find out 40 00:02:44,413 --> 00:02:47,065 I'm the National Secretary for the Gay Liberation Force. 41 00:02:51,370 --> 00:02:54,805 We'll be there in a few minutes. 42 00:03:05,584 --> 00:03:07,452 Next time be a little more careful 43 00:03:07,486 --> 00:03:08,819 who you try and rip off. 44 00:03:08,854 --> 00:03:11,622 Look, Mister, I realize we've had our differences 45 00:03:11,657 --> 00:03:13,358 but you owe me $2.85. 46 00:03:13,392 --> 00:03:17,062 Here's a dollar. I'm not paying for the scenic route. 47 00:03:17,096 --> 00:03:19,030 Hey, wait a minute, Mister! 48 00:03:19,065 --> 00:03:21,566 Mister, you forgot your briefcase. 49 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,135 Oh. 50 00:03:24,170 --> 00:03:26,438 Hey, come back here! 51 00:03:28,941 --> 00:03:31,309 He's faster than he looks. 52 00:03:37,349 --> 00:03:38,950 Come on, come on. 53 00:03:38,984 --> 00:03:40,552 Jacks or better. 54 00:03:40,586 --> 00:03:43,154 All right, give me something good. 55 00:03:43,189 --> 00:03:45,723 Not if I can help it. 56 00:03:45,757 --> 00:03:47,858 Oh, sweet heaven. 57 00:03:49,895 --> 00:03:51,379 Did I tip my hand again? 58 00:03:51,413 --> 00:03:53,715 Only to the trained eye. 59 00:03:53,749 --> 00:03:55,500 Why do I do that all the time? 60 00:03:55,534 --> 00:03:56,667 Hi, guys. 61 00:03:56,702 --> 00:03:58,803 Hey, Elaine. What do you say? 62 00:03:58,837 --> 00:03:59,604 I'm not sure. 63 00:03:59,638 --> 00:04:01,989 I just had a really bad fare today. 64 00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:04,692 Hey, Bobby, she thinks she had a bad fare. 65 00:04:04,726 --> 00:04:06,060 What happened? 66 00:04:06,095 --> 00:04:09,763 I had the QANTAS koala bear get carsick in my cab. 67 00:04:09,798 --> 00:04:13,451 And you don't want to know what a koala bear does 68 00:04:13,485 --> 00:04:15,954 when he gets carsick. 69 00:04:15,988 --> 00:04:18,156 Hey, Alex, could I talk to you for a moment? 70 00:04:18,190 --> 00:04:19,240 Huh? Yeah, sure. 71 00:04:19,275 --> 00:04:20,241 Deal me out. 72 00:04:20,276 --> 00:04:21,976 I'll sit in for you. 73 00:04:22,010 --> 00:04:23,311 What's wrong? 74 00:04:23,345 --> 00:04:24,979 I feel really strange. 75 00:04:25,013 --> 00:04:26,314 Why? What is it? 76 00:04:26,348 --> 00:04:29,116 Well, you know that art gallery where I work part-time? 77 00:04:29,151 --> 00:04:32,820 And where they treat me like I was some sort of receptionist? 78 00:04:32,854 --> 00:04:36,073 Yeah. You mean the place where you work as a receptionist. 79 00:04:36,108 --> 00:04:38,159 Yeah. Well, they let me design 80 00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:41,262 their new window display for their new exhibit 81 00:04:41,296 --> 00:04:43,431 and everybody loved what I did. 82 00:04:43,465 --> 00:04:46,467 Now, it's just staring out on Madison Avenue. 83 00:04:46,501 --> 00:04:48,870 People are even congratulating me. 84 00:04:48,904 --> 00:04:50,104 No wonder you're down. 85 00:04:50,138 --> 00:04:52,490 You realized your lifelong ambition. 86 00:04:52,525 --> 00:04:56,244 I know, but it just doesn't seem like my life, you know. 87 00:04:56,278 --> 00:04:58,847 Things like this never happen to me. 88 00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:01,883 That's why I got a little crazy and I pushed. 89 00:05:01,917 --> 00:05:05,520 I invited them all to a party, and they accepted. 90 00:05:05,554 --> 00:05:07,087 Oh, hey, sounds like you're on a roll. 91 00:05:07,122 --> 00:05:08,923 Let me know how it turns out. 92 00:05:08,957 --> 00:05:11,826 I was kind of hoping that maybe you'd come. 93 00:05:11,860 --> 00:05:13,961 See, I'd really like to have one person there 94 00:05:13,995 --> 00:05:15,663 that I don't care about impressing. 95 00:05:17,082 --> 00:05:20,584 How can I turn down an invitation like that? 96 00:05:20,619 --> 00:05:23,738 Yeah, and one more thing-- when you're at the party 97 00:05:23,772 --> 00:05:27,875 can you remember that nobody knows that I'm a cab driver? 98 00:05:27,909 --> 00:05:29,660 See, if they knew I drove a cab at night 99 00:05:29,695 --> 00:05:31,629 they'd find it a little unusual. 100 00:05:31,663 --> 00:05:34,482 I can't afford to be unusual yet. 101 00:05:34,516 --> 00:05:36,801 So you actually lie about your job? 102 00:05:36,835 --> 00:05:39,770 I don't lie. I fudge. 103 00:05:39,805 --> 00:05:42,207 I'm kind of hoping that maybe you won't tell them 104 00:05:42,241 --> 00:05:43,808 that you're a cab driver, either. 105 00:05:43,842 --> 00:05:45,410 Oh, no. I won't do that, Elaine. 106 00:05:45,444 --> 00:05:46,411 Oh, come on... 107 00:05:46,445 --> 00:05:47,412 Nope! 108 00:05:47,446 --> 00:05:48,879 It's one little thing. 109 00:05:48,914 --> 00:05:50,782 No, it's not just one little thing. 110 00:05:50,816 --> 00:05:53,585 Hey, sure it is. Ask anybody. 111 00:05:53,619 --> 00:05:54,819 Hey, guys, can you believe him? 112 00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:56,254 He won't tell one little lie for me. 113 00:05:56,288 --> 00:05:59,591 The only guy I know that never told a lie was my dad. 114 00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:00,741 Come on. Never? 115 00:06:00,776 --> 00:06:02,243 Nope. He once told me 116 00:06:02,278 --> 00:06:05,045 "John, remember your father's words. 117 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:09,183 "The liar's punishment is not that he is not believed 118 00:06:09,217 --> 00:06:12,453 but that he cannot believe anyone else." 119 00:06:12,488 --> 00:06:16,624 John, George Bernard Shaw said that. 120 00:06:16,659 --> 00:06:18,326 He did? 121 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,377 Your father was George Bernard Shaw? 122 00:06:20,412 --> 00:06:21,579 Alex, Can we talk 123 00:06:21,614 --> 00:06:22,613 about this? 124 00:06:22,647 --> 00:06:24,748 What do you want him to lie about? 125 00:06:24,783 --> 00:06:25,950 Maybe I can do it for you. 126 00:06:25,984 --> 00:06:27,818 I'm throwing a party Friday night. 127 00:06:27,852 --> 00:06:30,604 Hey, it's a little short notice, but I can make it. 128 00:06:30,639 --> 00:06:32,173 Why are you having a party on Friday night? 129 00:06:32,207 --> 00:06:33,974 We're all going to miss a lot of business. 130 00:06:34,009 --> 00:06:35,409 Well, actually guys, this is a party I'm throwing 131 00:06:35,444 --> 00:06:37,812 for the people at my art gallery. 132 00:06:37,847 --> 00:06:39,597 Who cares, the more, the merrier. Right? 133 00:06:39,632 --> 00:06:41,399 They don't understand. 134 00:06:41,433 --> 00:06:42,633 Oh, I get it. 135 00:06:42,667 --> 00:06:45,003 We're not invited. 136 00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:48,322 How come we can't go to the party too? 137 00:06:48,357 --> 00:06:49,791 'Cause we're nobodies. 138 00:06:49,825 --> 00:06:53,227 We're stupid, ignorant, low-life cabbies. 139 00:06:53,261 --> 00:06:55,296 Oh. 140 00:06:55,330 --> 00:06:57,282 What do you think, Latka? 141 00:06:57,316 --> 00:07:01,119 ( speaking native tongue ) 142 00:07:01,153 --> 00:07:03,921 Latka, in English. 143 00:07:03,955 --> 00:07:08,592 If they don't come, I don't come. 144 00:07:08,627 --> 00:07:10,761 I'm sorry. They can't come. 145 00:07:10,796 --> 00:07:13,998 All right, then I come without them. 146 00:07:14,032 --> 00:07:15,683 All right! All right! 147 00:07:15,718 --> 00:07:16,851 You can come. 148 00:07:16,886 --> 00:07:19,003 If it means that much to you. 149 00:07:19,037 --> 00:07:20,905 If it doesn't matter to you that you screw me up 150 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,674 with my bosses or ruin the one chance I have 151 00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:24,843 to send my kids to a decent school 152 00:07:24,877 --> 00:07:27,311 then, by all means, just come to my party. 153 00:07:27,346 --> 00:07:29,247 What's the address? 154 00:07:29,281 --> 00:07:31,032 Hey, you come with me. 155 00:07:31,066 --> 00:07:32,666 I know where it is. 156 00:07:32,701 --> 00:07:34,502 Thank you very much. 157 00:07:34,536 --> 00:07:35,987 Let's go get something to eat, 158 00:07:36,021 --> 00:07:37,889 and I'll tell you about my outfit. 159 00:07:37,923 --> 00:07:40,525 Hey, Elaine, hey, don't worry about us. 160 00:07:40,559 --> 00:07:43,461 Nobody's gonna know we're taxicab drivers. 161 00:07:43,496 --> 00:07:45,062 Come on. We'll cover it up. All right? 162 00:07:45,097 --> 00:07:46,063 Okay. 163 00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:47,431 All right. 164 00:07:47,466 --> 00:07:49,233 See you later, Alex. 165 00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:50,768 Ahem! 166 00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:52,020 You're in luck. 167 00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:54,722 Looks like you got a chance to nab Louie for your guest list. 168 00:07:54,756 --> 00:07:56,958 Yeah, I might give your party a tumble. 169 00:07:56,992 --> 00:07:58,893 Perhaps some of those art-world cuties 170 00:07:58,927 --> 00:08:03,631 might want me to pose for them au naturel. 171 00:08:03,665 --> 00:08:05,683 Louie, you're not invited. 172 00:08:05,718 --> 00:08:06,884 What do you mean? 173 00:08:06,918 --> 00:08:08,169 I mean if you're even seen 174 00:08:08,203 --> 00:08:10,738 in the vicinity of my apartment Friday night 175 00:08:10,773 --> 00:08:12,506 I'll have you arrested. 176 00:08:12,540 --> 00:08:14,258 Oh, really not invited. 177 00:08:14,292 --> 00:08:16,711 Okay. Who needs you? 178 00:08:16,745 --> 00:08:20,415 Come on let's get this garage back to normal! 179 00:08:20,449 --> 00:08:24,118 Hey, Latka! You finish cleaning that cab yet? 180 00:08:26,538 --> 00:08:27,905 Phew! 181 00:08:27,939 --> 00:08:32,243 Who drive a sick koala bear? 182 00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:40,184 ( doorbell ringing ) 183 00:08:40,218 --> 00:08:41,218 Alex? 184 00:08:41,252 --> 00:08:42,286 Yeah. 185 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:43,453 ( Sighs ) 186 00:08:43,488 --> 00:08:44,755 Hi. 187 00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:45,756 Hi. 188 00:08:45,791 --> 00:08:47,758 Did I get the wrong night? 189 00:08:47,793 --> 00:08:49,259 No, this is the night. 190 00:08:49,294 --> 00:08:51,361 Well, don't bother to introduce me. 191 00:08:51,396 --> 00:08:52,730 I'll just mingle. 192 00:08:52,764 --> 00:08:54,198 How are you? 193 00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:55,299 I played a little trick on you, Alex. Oh? 194 00:08:55,333 --> 00:08:58,069 I told you the wrong time so that you'd get here early. 195 00:08:58,103 --> 00:08:59,469 Great trick. Why? 196 00:08:59,504 --> 00:09:01,305 Well, see, you're doing me a favor. 197 00:09:01,339 --> 00:09:03,757 Now that you're here, no one has to go through 198 00:09:03,792 --> 00:09:05,793 the embarrassment of arriving first. 199 00:09:05,828 --> 00:09:08,329 You know how uncomfortable that can be. 200 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,934 I can only imagine. 201 00:09:12,968 --> 00:09:16,003 Besides, I'm a little insecure about this party 202 00:09:16,038 --> 00:09:17,371 and I wanted someone 203 00:09:17,405 --> 00:09:20,007 to tell me how nice the place looks. 204 00:09:23,495 --> 00:09:24,445 Well, you can start anytime. 205 00:09:24,479 --> 00:09:25,680 Oh, yes. 206 00:09:25,714 --> 00:09:26,597 It looks great. 207 00:09:26,631 --> 00:09:27,932 No, it really does. 208 00:09:27,966 --> 00:09:28,933 I like that. 209 00:09:28,967 --> 00:09:30,401 Oh, and I like that. 210 00:09:30,436 --> 00:09:32,270 And I really like this. 211 00:09:32,304 --> 00:09:33,804 Thanks. 212 00:09:33,838 --> 00:09:34,822 You know, this was hard. 213 00:09:34,856 --> 00:09:36,256 I had to borrow some furniture 214 00:09:36,291 --> 00:09:37,825 and move the kids' beds upstairs. 215 00:09:37,859 --> 00:09:40,761 I'm really knocking myself out for this party. 216 00:09:40,796 --> 00:09:42,530 But I think I'm going to be okay 217 00:09:42,564 --> 00:09:44,565 as long as my cheese puffs are a hit. 218 00:09:44,599 --> 00:09:46,600 Oh... 219 00:09:48,603 --> 00:09:49,587 Delicious. 220 00:09:49,705 --> 00:09:51,906 Take it from a puff man. 221 00:09:53,859 --> 00:09:57,912 So, is there anything I've overlooked? 222 00:09:57,946 --> 00:10:01,315 Oh, uh... persons. 223 00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:03,534 They're coming. Anything else? 224 00:10:03,568 --> 00:10:05,819 Something for persons to drink. 225 00:10:05,854 --> 00:10:07,405 That's a little bit of a problem. 226 00:10:07,439 --> 00:10:09,407 You see, I used a discount liquor store. 227 00:10:09,441 --> 00:10:11,976 I don't want anyone to see the labels. 228 00:10:12,010 --> 00:10:13,811 They're kind of off-brands. 229 00:10:13,845 --> 00:10:14,745 Like what? 230 00:10:14,779 --> 00:10:17,731 Ever heard of Betty's vodka? 231 00:10:20,935 --> 00:10:22,670 Gentlemen never tell. 232 00:10:22,704 --> 00:10:24,521 Can I make a suggestion? 233 00:10:24,555 --> 00:10:26,891 Why don't you put the stuff in a punch bowl 234 00:10:26,925 --> 00:10:28,558 and add ginger ale and juices. 235 00:10:28,593 --> 00:10:29,726 Oh, that's a great idea. 236 00:10:29,761 --> 00:10:30,627 There you go. 237 00:10:30,662 --> 00:10:34,398 You know, I never even thought about mixing. 238 00:10:34,432 --> 00:10:37,334 Oh... I just hope I got enough champagne. 239 00:10:37,368 --> 00:10:39,336 How much did you get? 240 00:10:39,370 --> 00:10:41,105 12 Cans. 241 00:10:41,139 --> 00:10:43,774 Canned champagne? 242 00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:45,642 I guess for those macho gourmets 243 00:10:45,677 --> 00:10:48,679 who like to crush something after a sip. 244 00:10:48,713 --> 00:10:50,014 ( doorbell ringing ) 245 00:10:50,048 --> 00:10:52,016 Oh, Alex, this is it! 246 00:10:52,050 --> 00:10:54,584 Now, now, just relax. Relax. 247 00:10:54,619 --> 00:10:56,637 They're just people. 248 00:11:06,115 --> 00:11:08,783 There's always the exception to the rule. 249 00:11:08,817 --> 00:11:10,417 Party time for Latka? 250 00:11:10,451 --> 00:11:12,586 Not until you take off those overalls. 251 00:11:12,620 --> 00:11:14,722 Oh, this is good party. 252 00:11:14,756 --> 00:11:16,424 No! No! Latka! 253 00:11:16,458 --> 00:11:19,911 You've got to change into nicer clothes. 254 00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:22,246 Oh... 255 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,582 ( speaking native tongue ) 256 00:11:24,616 --> 00:11:25,616 ...in truck... 257 00:11:25,651 --> 00:11:26,851 ( speaking native tongue ) 258 00:11:30,021 --> 00:11:32,189 You think it's all right 259 00:11:32,223 --> 00:11:33,891 to have him here? 260 00:11:33,925 --> 00:11:36,594 Are you kidding? He's my pick for the life of the party. 261 00:11:36,628 --> 00:11:40,314 Oh, Alex, are you sure everything looks okay? 262 00:11:40,349 --> 00:11:42,249 Elaine, believe me. The apartment looks wonderful. 263 00:11:42,283 --> 00:11:43,717 Now will you just relax. 264 00:11:43,752 --> 00:11:44,935 Okay. Okay. 265 00:11:44,969 --> 00:11:47,572 Hey, you know, you may not believe this, but I've really 266 00:11:47,606 --> 00:11:49,473 calmed down a lot since you got here. 267 00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:51,258 Yeah, I can see that. 268 00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:55,496 Oh, um, but could I just ask you one more little favor? 269 00:11:55,530 --> 00:11:56,680 Yep. 270 00:11:56,714 --> 00:11:58,365 If you tell these people that you're a cab driver 271 00:11:58,399 --> 00:12:01,936 they'll ask how you know me, and you'll give everything away. 272 00:12:01,970 --> 00:12:06,173 Elaine, is that the real reason you got me over here early? Huh? 273 00:12:06,207 --> 00:12:07,508 Oh, come on. How could you do that? 274 00:12:07,543 --> 00:12:08,976 How could you do a thing like that? 275 00:12:09,010 --> 00:12:10,811 Come on, Alex. This is a cocktail party. 276 00:12:10,845 --> 00:12:12,412 Oh, for crying out loud. 277 00:12:12,447 --> 00:12:13,714 Why do you have to come on 278 00:12:13,748 --> 00:12:15,782 so super-ethical anyway? 279 00:12:15,817 --> 00:12:17,818 I am not ethical, Elaine. 280 00:12:17,853 --> 00:12:19,019 I am... chicken. 281 00:12:19,054 --> 00:12:20,454 I don't lie for the simple reason 282 00:12:20,488 --> 00:12:21,755 I am afraid of getting caught. 283 00:12:21,789 --> 00:12:23,224 There's nothing more embarrassing 284 00:12:23,258 --> 00:12:24,491 than getting caught in a lie. 285 00:12:24,525 --> 00:12:26,060 Besides, if you don't lie 286 00:12:26,094 --> 00:12:28,628 you don't have to try to remember what you said. 287 00:12:28,663 --> 00:12:30,214 Okay. Okay. 288 00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:33,451 If it happens, it happens. 289 00:12:33,485 --> 00:12:34,852 All right. All right. 290 00:12:34,886 --> 00:12:36,687 I'm not going to lie 291 00:12:36,721 --> 00:12:40,223 but I won't say anything if I'm not asked. Okay? 292 00:12:40,258 --> 00:12:41,792 Okay. Thanks. 293 00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:43,160 Mm-hmm. 294 00:12:43,194 --> 00:12:45,112 ( doorbell ringing ) 295 00:12:52,854 --> 00:12:55,022 Party overalls. 296 00:12:55,057 --> 00:12:56,206 Now you're talking. 297 00:12:56,241 --> 00:12:57,474 Neat. 298 00:12:57,509 --> 00:12:59,676 Latka learn 299 00:12:59,711 --> 00:13:01,812 party talk. 300 00:13:01,846 --> 00:13:03,447 Yeah. 301 00:13:03,482 --> 00:13:05,782 "What are you drinking? 302 00:13:05,817 --> 00:13:10,087 "Aren't there a lot of phonies here? 303 00:13:10,121 --> 00:13:14,624 "Let's go to my place. 304 00:13:14,659 --> 00:13:17,727 Was it good for you?" 305 00:13:20,482 --> 00:13:22,183 You've been teaching him. 306 00:13:22,217 --> 00:13:25,269 Not me. I was going to ask for a copy myself. 307 00:13:48,426 --> 00:13:49,343 Looks like your party's a hit, Elaine. 308 00:13:49,378 --> 00:13:51,011 Yeah, so far, so good. 309 00:13:51,045 --> 00:13:53,213 I'm a little worried about the guys. 310 00:13:53,248 --> 00:13:55,215 They don't seem to be mingling. 311 00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:57,151 Yeah, only with each other. 312 00:13:57,185 --> 00:13:59,953 Hey, it's your turn, Tony. How did your parents meet? 313 00:13:59,988 --> 00:14:01,054 It was in Italy... 314 00:14:01,089 --> 00:14:02,606 Come on, you guys. 315 00:14:02,641 --> 00:14:04,941 I want you to meet some people. 316 00:14:04,976 --> 00:14:06,743 That's okay, we already have. 317 00:14:06,778 --> 00:14:09,746 Yeah, I think we're just going to shove off. 318 00:14:09,781 --> 00:14:10,947 Ah, why? 319 00:14:10,982 --> 00:14:12,349 Because, we don't fit in. 320 00:14:12,384 --> 00:14:13,950 We're the kind of guys who like to have fun. 321 00:14:13,985 --> 00:14:15,553 Thanks a lot, Elaine. 322 00:14:15,587 --> 00:14:16,753 Bye-bye. 323 00:14:16,788 --> 00:14:18,155 Take it easy, Alex. 324 00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:19,356 Great punch. 325 00:14:19,391 --> 00:14:20,591 Bye. 326 00:14:24,796 --> 00:14:26,263 Stop envying them. 327 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,584 Mrs. Hazeltine? 328 00:14:30,618 --> 00:14:31,986 Oh. Thank you, Elaine. 329 00:14:32,020 --> 00:14:33,187 These are delicious. 330 00:14:33,221 --> 00:14:34,754 Thank you. 331 00:14:34,789 --> 00:14:36,190 I love your paintings. 332 00:14:36,224 --> 00:14:37,258 Really? 333 00:14:37,292 --> 00:14:39,126 But I don't recognize the artist. 334 00:14:39,161 --> 00:14:41,846 As a matter of fact, I live with the artist. 335 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:43,047 You what? 336 00:14:43,081 --> 00:14:43,830 It's my daughter. 337 00:14:43,865 --> 00:14:44,915 Oh. 338 00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:46,116 Except the one 339 00:14:46,151 --> 00:14:47,518 of the bunny rabbit. 340 00:14:47,552 --> 00:14:49,719 That was done by my ex-husband. 341 00:14:49,754 --> 00:14:52,523 We've been talking about the new exhibit 342 00:14:52,557 --> 00:14:54,525 at the Museum of Modern Art. 343 00:14:54,559 --> 00:14:56,226 Have you seen it? 344 00:14:56,261 --> 00:14:57,427 Oh, yes, I have. Twice. 345 00:14:57,462 --> 00:14:59,296 Did you like the Magritte drawings? 346 00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:00,280 Oh. Um... 347 00:15:00,315 --> 00:15:02,466 would you excuse me for a moment? 348 00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:04,668 There's something I've got to take care of. 349 00:15:04,702 --> 00:15:05,986 All right. 350 00:15:07,322 --> 00:15:10,157 Alex... one of the biggest art dealers in New York 351 00:15:10,192 --> 00:15:12,526 just asked my opinion of an exhibit. 352 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:13,411 Oh, terrific. 353 00:15:13,445 --> 00:15:14,445 Give it. 354 00:15:14,479 --> 00:15:15,546 Oh. 355 00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:17,031 Thank you very much. 356 00:15:17,065 --> 00:15:18,432 Going to go now. 357 00:15:18,466 --> 00:15:20,967 Well, I'm glad you could come, Latka. 358 00:15:21,002 --> 00:15:22,169 Bye-bye. 359 00:15:22,203 --> 00:15:23,370 Bye. 360 00:15:23,405 --> 00:15:26,773 Eh, aren't there a lot of phonies here? 361 00:15:26,807 --> 00:15:28,208 Let's go to my place. 362 00:15:31,012 --> 00:15:33,013 For you. 363 00:15:35,350 --> 00:15:37,684 Come on. Come on. 364 00:15:42,607 --> 00:15:46,043 It must be the way he says it. 365 00:15:46,878 --> 00:15:48,995 Boy, this champagne is terrific, huh? 366 00:15:49,030 --> 00:15:50,730 I wonder what kind it is. 367 00:15:52,216 --> 00:15:54,951 Del Monte. 368 00:15:54,986 --> 00:15:56,821 My name is Paul. 369 00:15:56,855 --> 00:15:58,656 I write for Art News. 370 00:15:58,690 --> 00:16:00,791 Oh, I'm Alex. 371 00:16:00,826 --> 00:16:02,192 What do you do, Alex? 372 00:16:02,226 --> 00:16:05,062 Oh, this and that. 373 00:16:05,096 --> 00:16:06,463 Sounds interesting. 374 00:16:06,497 --> 00:16:08,598 This and that what? 375 00:16:08,633 --> 00:16:10,267 I, uh... 376 00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:12,536 sort of free-lance. 377 00:16:12,570 --> 00:16:14,922 Oh, you're a free-lance painter. 378 00:16:14,956 --> 00:16:16,123 No. 379 00:16:16,158 --> 00:16:17,324 Alex. 380 00:16:17,359 --> 00:16:20,627 Okay, Elaine, you win. 381 00:16:20,662 --> 00:16:22,829 I put out oil fires. 382 00:16:24,516 --> 00:16:25,683 I beg your pardon? 383 00:16:25,717 --> 00:16:27,685 When an oil well catches on fire 384 00:16:27,719 --> 00:16:28,885 they call me in to put it out. 385 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,086 Sounds dangerous. 386 00:16:30,121 --> 00:16:32,505 Yeah, well, I only get the easy ones. 387 00:16:32,540 --> 00:16:35,375 You see, the main thing that got me into this line of work... 388 00:16:35,409 --> 00:16:38,112 Oh, I'm sorry. Just reflex. 389 00:16:38,146 --> 00:16:40,380 You see, uh... 390 00:16:40,414 --> 00:16:41,631 Actually, the thing that pulled me 391 00:16:41,666 --> 00:16:44,551 into being an oil-fire putter-outer 392 00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:46,487 is that it never gets boring. 393 00:16:46,521 --> 00:16:48,888 Nope. All holocausts may look alike 394 00:16:48,923 --> 00:16:52,092 but each one has a personality all its own. 395 00:16:52,127 --> 00:16:55,529 If you'll excuse me, I'd like to freshen my drink for a moment, 396 00:16:55,563 --> 00:16:56,863 I'll be right back. 397 00:16:59,017 --> 00:17:00,117 Thanks, Alex. 398 00:17:00,151 --> 00:17:02,253 I know that wasn't easy for you. 399 00:17:02,287 --> 00:17:04,121 Easier than I thought. 400 00:17:04,155 --> 00:17:06,407 It's just your luck for this party I watched 401 00:17:06,441 --> 00:17:07,641 Search for Adventure. 402 00:17:07,675 --> 00:17:10,811 I've never been the life of a party before like this. 403 00:17:10,845 --> 00:17:13,029 I sort of like fudging. 404 00:17:13,631 --> 00:17:15,131 Do you really fight fires? 405 00:17:15,166 --> 00:17:16,333 Oh, yes, yes. 406 00:17:16,367 --> 00:17:17,568 Yes, yes. 407 00:17:18,503 --> 00:17:22,306 What is the biggest fire you ever put out? 408 00:17:22,340 --> 00:17:26,327 Well, actually, I had 12 wells go up at one time. 409 00:17:26,361 --> 00:17:28,629 I'm Rita. 410 00:17:28,663 --> 00:17:30,197 I'm Alex. 411 00:17:32,066 --> 00:17:35,001 Aren't there a lot of phonies here? 412 00:17:41,042 --> 00:17:42,209 I know. 413 00:17:42,243 --> 00:17:45,145 Do you mind if I say something candid? 414 00:17:45,179 --> 00:17:47,548 If it's about the champagne, I had nothing to do with it. 415 00:17:47,582 --> 00:17:49,850 I find you very attractive. 416 00:17:49,884 --> 00:17:51,885 I appreciate your candor. 417 00:17:51,919 --> 00:17:54,788 I don't usually say things like that to guys. 418 00:17:54,823 --> 00:17:56,289 I hope you don't mind. 419 00:17:56,324 --> 00:17:58,492 Well, I'll forgive you if you'll forgive 420 00:17:58,526 --> 00:18:01,261 the cheer I'm about to deafen you with. 421 00:18:03,297 --> 00:18:05,866 Have dinner with me after the party. 422 00:18:05,900 --> 00:18:07,368 At least. 423 00:18:07,402 --> 00:18:09,370 A brief dinner. 424 00:18:09,404 --> 00:18:11,638 ( doorbell ringing ) 425 00:18:22,550 --> 00:18:24,502 Alex... that guy is the same guy 426 00:18:24,536 --> 00:18:26,103 I had the fight with in front of the gallery the other night. 427 00:18:26,138 --> 00:18:27,371 Really? That's nice. 428 00:18:27,405 --> 00:18:28,688 In my cab. 429 00:18:28,723 --> 00:18:30,757 Elaine, please. 430 00:18:30,792 --> 00:18:33,960 He must be a friend of Mrs. Hazeltine's. 431 00:18:33,995 --> 00:18:35,629 Oh, no. No. 432 00:18:35,664 --> 00:18:37,498 Elaine, I'd like you 433 00:18:37,532 --> 00:18:40,150 to meet my very dear friend, James Broderick. 434 00:18:40,185 --> 00:18:41,718 How do you do? 435 00:18:41,752 --> 00:18:43,670 We've met. 436 00:18:43,704 --> 00:18:44,304 We have? 437 00:18:44,338 --> 00:18:45,672 Haven't we? 438 00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:47,658 I'm sorry, I don't place you. 439 00:18:47,692 --> 00:18:48,958 Oh. 440 00:18:48,993 --> 00:18:50,260 My mistake. 441 00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:51,528 Well, I'm so glad that you've come. 442 00:18:51,562 --> 00:18:54,598 Would you help yourself to some refreshments? 443 00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:55,832 Thank you. 444 00:18:57,569 --> 00:18:59,036 He didn't recognize me. 445 00:18:59,070 --> 00:19:00,304 That's terrific. 446 00:19:00,338 --> 00:19:02,105 He looked right into my face 447 00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:03,840 and there was no sign of recognition. 448 00:19:03,875 --> 00:19:05,108 He didn't know me. He didn't know me? 449 00:19:05,143 --> 00:19:07,477 Elaine, what are you doing? 450 00:19:07,511 --> 00:19:08,712 I'll never forget him. Never. 451 00:19:08,746 --> 00:19:10,213 I mean, we really had a fight. 452 00:19:10,247 --> 00:19:12,516 I can't believe he looked through me like that. 453 00:19:12,550 --> 00:19:15,185 I was nothing to him, just a faceless cab driver. 454 00:19:15,219 --> 00:19:16,070 Elaine, please. 455 00:19:16,104 --> 00:19:17,271 He needs a reminder. 456 00:19:17,305 --> 00:19:18,939 Elaine, now, a lot of people aren't happy 457 00:19:18,973 --> 00:19:20,740 unless they screw things up that are really going well. 458 00:19:20,775 --> 00:19:22,476 Now, this is a very nice party. 459 00:19:22,510 --> 00:19:24,878 I mean, these people are very important to you. 460 00:19:24,912 --> 00:19:26,930 I'm even trying to enjoy myself. 461 00:19:26,965 --> 00:19:30,233 Elaine, why don't you just forget it, hmm? 462 00:19:30,267 --> 00:19:32,635 Elaine. Take a deep breath. 463 00:19:34,505 --> 00:19:35,705 Take a deeper one. 464 00:19:37,726 --> 00:19:38,959 That's my girl. 465 00:19:38,993 --> 00:19:40,160 Thanks. 466 00:19:40,194 --> 00:19:43,597 So you don't remember me, huh?! 467 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:46,967 Sure, I do. 468 00:19:47,001 --> 00:19:49,136 I just met you 30 seconds ago. 469 00:19:49,170 --> 00:19:51,972 I picked you up in my taxi 470 00:19:52,006 --> 00:19:54,141 four nights ago on Madison Avenue. 471 00:19:54,175 --> 00:19:56,176 She's a taxi driver. 472 00:20:03,268 --> 00:20:05,102 And you accused me of trying 473 00:20:05,136 --> 00:20:06,837 to cheat you on a fare. 474 00:20:06,871 --> 00:20:08,071 That was you? 475 00:20:08,106 --> 00:20:09,173 That was me. 476 00:20:09,207 --> 00:20:12,443 How can you yell into a face for 15 minutes 477 00:20:12,477 --> 00:20:14,344 and then forget the face you yelled into? 478 00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:15,996 Do you really mean it? 479 00:20:16,030 --> 00:20:17,698 You're a cab driver? 480 00:20:17,732 --> 00:20:18,916 Yes, I am. 481 00:20:18,950 --> 00:20:21,151 I was right. 482 00:20:21,185 --> 00:20:24,605 I find that rather hard to believe. 483 00:20:24,639 --> 00:20:26,223 Well, I am. 484 00:20:26,257 --> 00:20:27,958 Alex and I are both cab drivers. 485 00:20:32,713 --> 00:20:35,548 What do you do for a living? 486 00:20:35,583 --> 00:20:36,816 Excuse me. 487 00:20:42,723 --> 00:20:43,890 Alex? 488 00:20:43,924 --> 00:20:45,825 Don't talk to me, Elaine. 489 00:20:45,860 --> 00:20:49,296 You're going to stay here till we're friends again. 490 00:20:49,330 --> 00:20:52,449 Then we'll both grow old together. 491 00:20:52,484 --> 00:20:54,401 Well, if it means anything to you 492 00:20:54,436 --> 00:20:55,436 I just want you to know 493 00:20:55,470 --> 00:20:57,204 that I will always be grateful that you taught me 494 00:20:57,238 --> 00:20:59,606 to simply tell the truth. Elaine. 495 00:20:59,641 --> 00:21:01,858 I only wish the truth worked for you too. 496 00:21:01,893 --> 00:21:05,345 I'm not going to talk to you about it. 497 00:21:05,380 --> 00:21:07,597 At least yell at me. 498 00:21:07,631 --> 00:21:09,432 That will make you feel better. 499 00:21:10,868 --> 00:21:13,403 You're not going to talk about it. 500 00:21:13,437 --> 00:21:15,822 Nope. I'm just going to sit here 501 00:21:15,857 --> 00:21:17,558 and drink your champagne. 502 00:21:24,015 --> 00:21:25,648 What I don't understand is-- 503 00:21:25,683 --> 00:21:27,750 what's the big deal about it? 504 00:21:27,785 --> 00:21:29,252 I'll tell you what's the big deal about it. 505 00:21:29,287 --> 00:21:32,822 A man waits all his life for a woman like that. 506 00:21:32,857 --> 00:21:34,591 What's so great about her? 507 00:21:34,626 --> 00:21:36,409 What's so great about her? 508 00:21:36,444 --> 00:21:40,347 She's the kind of woman only firefighters get. 509 00:21:40,381 --> 00:21:42,332 She just walks up to you 510 00:21:42,367 --> 00:21:45,536 looks you straight in the eye and says-- 511 00:21:45,570 --> 00:21:47,988 "Do you mind if I say something candid? 512 00:21:48,022 --> 00:21:49,622 "I find you very attractive. 513 00:21:49,657 --> 00:21:52,025 "I don't usually say things like that. 514 00:21:52,059 --> 00:21:54,928 I hope you don't mind." 515 00:21:54,962 --> 00:21:57,280 It sounded better when she said it. 516 00:21:57,315 --> 00:21:59,282 It sounded like once in a lifetime 517 00:21:59,317 --> 00:22:00,683 when she said it. 518 00:22:00,718 --> 00:22:03,853 It sounded terrible when she stopped saying it. 519 00:22:03,888 --> 00:22:05,121 You know, I have a feeling 520 00:22:05,155 --> 00:22:07,123 you're gonna hear from her again. 521 00:22:07,157 --> 00:22:10,861 Yeah, I could sort of tell from the way she acted towards the end. 522 00:22:10,895 --> 00:22:14,731 She called me garbage. 523 00:22:14,765 --> 00:22:15,966 There you go. 524 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:19,169 Hey, you know how women feel about garbage. 525 00:22:19,203 --> 00:22:20,436 Always wondering if what 526 00:22:20,471 --> 00:22:22,456 you've thrown out was important 527 00:22:22,490 --> 00:22:24,374 so you start digging through it until you find it again. 528 00:22:24,408 --> 00:22:26,776 Elaine, don't try to make me feel better, okay? 529 00:22:26,811 --> 00:22:28,879 Let's just go back to my sitting here 530 00:22:28,913 --> 00:22:31,280 and you looking at me... feeling awful. 531 00:22:33,501 --> 00:22:38,505 She spit on my shoes. 532 00:22:38,539 --> 00:22:40,440 What I really feel bad about 533 00:22:40,474 --> 00:22:43,576 is how great everything turned out for me... 534 00:22:43,611 --> 00:22:46,613 people admiring the way I hold down two jobs 535 00:22:46,648 --> 00:22:47,915 to support my family. 536 00:22:47,949 --> 00:22:50,433 They're saying how great I am, you know 537 00:22:50,468 --> 00:22:53,303 and how terrific and open and honest I am 538 00:22:53,338 --> 00:22:55,371 for telling people I'm a cab driver. 539 00:22:55,406 --> 00:22:58,458 Even that fare turned out to be a great guy 540 00:22:58,492 --> 00:23:00,009 forcing that tip on me? 541 00:23:00,044 --> 00:23:02,779 This is going to pay for the party. 542 00:23:02,813 --> 00:23:04,598 I'm leaving. 543 00:23:04,632 --> 00:23:05,982 Alex, please forgive me. 544 00:23:06,017 --> 00:23:10,420 I can't believe you won't forgive me. 545 00:23:10,454 --> 00:23:12,322 I'll die if you don't forgive me. 546 00:23:14,692 --> 00:23:16,126 Oh, Alex. 547 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,144 You're maybe my best friend. 548 00:23:24,835 --> 00:23:25,835 I forgive you. 549 00:23:33,327 --> 00:23:34,544 You mean it? 550 00:23:34,578 --> 00:23:36,496 I don't know with those wild stories 551 00:23:36,530 --> 00:23:38,498 you're telling, you know? 552 00:23:38,533 --> 00:23:39,699 Yes, I mean it. 553 00:23:39,733 --> 00:23:42,101 From now on, I'm going to have to go back 554 00:23:42,136 --> 00:23:44,337 to telling the truth, only the truth. 555 00:23:46,207 --> 00:23:49,176 Thank you for inviting me to your party, Elaine. 556 00:23:49,210 --> 00:23:50,410 I had a wonderful time. 557 00:24:00,354 --> 00:24:03,306 ( theme music playing ) 558 00:24:27,531 --> 00:24:29,032 WOMAN: Night, Mr. Walters. 559 00:24:29,066 --> 00:24:30,166 ( grunts ) 41797

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