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1
00:00:01,834 --> 00:00:04,836
( theme music playing )
2
00:01:13,138 --> 00:01:16,124
It's okay, I guess.
3
00:01:16,158 --> 00:01:17,542
Why am I being modest?
4
00:01:17,576 --> 00:01:18,893
I'm alone.
5
00:01:18,927 --> 00:01:20,812
It's perfect.
6
00:01:23,816 --> 00:01:25,349
Metropolitan Museum.
7
00:01:25,384 --> 00:01:26,851
I bet you're wondering
8
00:01:26,886 --> 00:01:29,487
how you got a cab
so fast in this rain.
9
00:01:29,521 --> 00:01:31,589
Well, it's because I've been
sitting here admiring
10
00:01:31,623 --> 00:01:32,957
this window display.
11
00:01:32,992 --> 00:01:35,693
You see, I work
here part-time at
this art gallery.
12
00:01:35,727 --> 00:01:36,494
Uh, excuse me,
if you don't mind,
13
00:01:36,528 --> 00:01:37,428
I really don't
feel much like talking.
14
00:01:37,462 --> 00:01:39,597
Just take me
to the Metropolitan, okay?
15
00:01:39,631 --> 00:01:41,399
Oh, I wasn't talking,
I was just...
16
00:01:41,433 --> 00:01:42,733
Hey!
17
00:01:42,768 --> 00:01:44,869
I don't know how to make it
any clearer than that.
18
00:01:44,903 --> 00:01:46,421
Please take me
to the Metropolitan.
19
00:01:46,455 --> 00:01:49,991
Okay. You charmed me into it.
20
00:01:53,178 --> 00:01:54,695
Where you going?
21
00:01:54,730 --> 00:01:56,898
You said
the Metropolitan Museum.
22
00:01:56,932 --> 00:01:59,500
I meant the one in New York.
Why didn't you stay on Madison?
23
00:01:59,534 --> 00:02:02,103
It's shorter this way.
You said you were in a hurry.
24
00:02:02,137 --> 00:02:05,940
You are taking a longer
route than you need to.
25
00:02:05,975 --> 00:02:07,275
It's not any longer.
You know, wait a minute.
26
00:02:07,309 --> 00:02:10,245
Are you accusing me
of jacking up the fare?
27
00:02:10,279 --> 00:02:11,645
No. I'm accusing you of trying.
28
00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:13,114
Unfortunately, I caught you.
29
00:02:13,148 --> 00:02:15,149
Hey, look, Mister. I swear
I'm not trying to cheat you.
30
00:02:15,183 --> 00:02:17,385
Now if you want, I can take you
back where I picked you up,
31
00:02:17,419 --> 00:02:19,420
and we can start over
and I'll take a different route.
32
00:02:19,455 --> 00:02:22,590
Thanks, but I've
seen Jersey.
33
00:02:24,627 --> 00:02:26,761
Okay, out of the cab.
34
00:02:26,795 --> 00:02:28,830
It's pouring rain out there.
35
00:02:28,864 --> 00:02:32,417
The law says you have to take me
wherever I want to go.
36
00:02:32,451 --> 00:02:35,553
There's no way
you can make me leave this cab.
37
00:02:35,587 --> 00:02:40,524
Rape... rape... rape!
38
00:02:40,559 --> 00:02:43,228
You may have a little trouble
getting that story to stick
39
00:02:43,262 --> 00:02:44,379
when the police find out
40
00:02:44,413 --> 00:02:47,065
I'm the National Secretary
for the Gay Liberation Force.
41
00:02:51,370 --> 00:02:54,805
We'll be there
in a few minutes.
42
00:03:05,584 --> 00:03:07,452
Next time be
a little more careful
43
00:03:07,486 --> 00:03:08,819
who you try and rip off.
44
00:03:08,854 --> 00:03:11,622
Look, Mister, I realize
we've had our differences
45
00:03:11,657 --> 00:03:13,358
but you owe me $2.85.
46
00:03:13,392 --> 00:03:17,062
Here's a dollar. I'm not paying
for the scenic route.
47
00:03:17,096 --> 00:03:19,030
Hey, wait a minute, Mister!
48
00:03:19,065 --> 00:03:21,566
Mister, you forgot
your briefcase.
49
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,135
Oh.
50
00:03:24,170 --> 00:03:26,438
Hey, come back here!
51
00:03:28,941 --> 00:03:31,309
He's faster than he looks.
52
00:03:37,349 --> 00:03:38,950
Come on, come on.
53
00:03:38,984 --> 00:03:40,552
Jacks or better.
54
00:03:40,586 --> 00:03:43,154
All right, give me
something good.
55
00:03:43,189 --> 00:03:45,723
Not if I can help it.
56
00:03:45,757 --> 00:03:47,858
Oh, sweet heaven.
57
00:03:49,895 --> 00:03:51,379
Did I tip my hand again?
58
00:03:51,413 --> 00:03:53,715
Only to the trained eye.
59
00:03:53,749 --> 00:03:55,500
Why do I do that
all the time?
60
00:03:55,534 --> 00:03:56,667
Hi, guys.
61
00:03:56,702 --> 00:03:58,803
Hey, Elaine.
What do you say?
62
00:03:58,837 --> 00:03:59,604
I'm not sure.
63
00:03:59,638 --> 00:04:01,989
I just had
a really bad fare today.
64
00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:04,692
Hey, Bobby, she thinks
she had a bad fare.
65
00:04:04,726 --> 00:04:06,060
What happened?
66
00:04:06,095 --> 00:04:09,763
I had the QANTAS koala bear
get carsick in my cab.
67
00:04:09,798 --> 00:04:13,451
And you don't want to know
what a koala bear does
68
00:04:13,485 --> 00:04:15,954
when he gets carsick.
69
00:04:15,988 --> 00:04:18,156
Hey, Alex, could I talk
to you for a moment?
70
00:04:18,190 --> 00:04:19,240
Huh? Yeah, sure.
71
00:04:19,275 --> 00:04:20,241
Deal me out.
72
00:04:20,276 --> 00:04:21,976
I'll sit in for you.
73
00:04:22,010 --> 00:04:23,311
What's wrong?
74
00:04:23,345 --> 00:04:24,979
I feel really strange.
75
00:04:25,013 --> 00:04:26,314
Why? What is it?
76
00:04:26,348 --> 00:04:29,116
Well, you know that art gallery
where I work part-time?
77
00:04:29,151 --> 00:04:32,820
And where they treat me like I
was some sort of receptionist?
78
00:04:32,854 --> 00:04:36,073
Yeah. You mean the place where
you work as a receptionist.
79
00:04:36,108 --> 00:04:38,159
Yeah. Well, they let me design
80
00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:41,262
their new window display
for their new exhibit
81
00:04:41,296 --> 00:04:43,431
and everybody loved what I did.
82
00:04:43,465 --> 00:04:46,467
Now, it's just staring out
on Madison Avenue.
83
00:04:46,501 --> 00:04:48,870
People are even
congratulating me.
84
00:04:48,904 --> 00:04:50,104
No wonder you're down.
85
00:04:50,138 --> 00:04:52,490
You realized
your lifelong ambition.
86
00:04:52,525 --> 00:04:56,244
I know, but it just
doesn't seem like
my life, you know.
87
00:04:56,278 --> 00:04:58,847
Things like this
never happen to me.
88
00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:01,883
That's why I got a little crazy
and I pushed.
89
00:05:01,917 --> 00:05:05,520
I invited them all to a party,
and they accepted.
90
00:05:05,554 --> 00:05:07,087
Oh, hey, sounds
like you're on a roll.
91
00:05:07,122 --> 00:05:08,923
Let me know how it turns out.
92
00:05:08,957 --> 00:05:11,826
I was kind of hoping
that maybe you'd come.
93
00:05:11,860 --> 00:05:13,961
See, I'd really like
to have one person there
94
00:05:13,995 --> 00:05:15,663
that I don't care
about impressing.
95
00:05:17,082 --> 00:05:20,584
How can I turn down
an invitation like that?
96
00:05:20,619 --> 00:05:23,738
Yeah, and one more thing--
when you're at the party
97
00:05:23,772 --> 00:05:27,875
can you remember that nobody
knows that I'm a cab driver?
98
00:05:27,909 --> 00:05:29,660
See, if they knew I
drove a cab at night
99
00:05:29,695 --> 00:05:31,629
they'd find it
a little unusual.
100
00:05:31,663 --> 00:05:34,482
I can't afford
to be unusual yet.
101
00:05:34,516 --> 00:05:36,801
So you actually lie
about your job?
102
00:05:36,835 --> 00:05:39,770
I don't lie.
I fudge.
103
00:05:39,805 --> 00:05:42,207
I'm kind of hoping that
maybe you won't tell them
104
00:05:42,241 --> 00:05:43,808
that you're a cab
driver, either.
105
00:05:43,842 --> 00:05:45,410
Oh, no.
I won't do that, Elaine.
106
00:05:45,444 --> 00:05:46,411
Oh, come on...
107
00:05:46,445 --> 00:05:47,412
Nope!
108
00:05:47,446 --> 00:05:48,879
It's one little thing.
109
00:05:48,914 --> 00:05:50,782
No, it's not
just one little thing.
110
00:05:50,816 --> 00:05:53,585
Hey, sure it is.
Ask anybody.
111
00:05:53,619 --> 00:05:54,819
Hey, guys, can you believe him?
112
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:56,254
He won't tell
one little lie for me.
113
00:05:56,288 --> 00:05:59,591
The only guy I know that
never told a lie was my dad.
114
00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:00,741
Come on. Never?
115
00:06:00,776 --> 00:06:02,243
Nope. He once told me
116
00:06:02,278 --> 00:06:05,045
"John, remember
your father's words.
117
00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:09,183
"The liar's punishment is not
that he is not believed
118
00:06:09,217 --> 00:06:12,453
but that he cannot believe
anyone else."
119
00:06:12,488 --> 00:06:16,624
John, George Bernard Shaw
said that.
120
00:06:16,659 --> 00:06:18,326
He did?
121
00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,377
Your father was
George Bernard Shaw?
122
00:06:20,412 --> 00:06:21,579
Alex, Can we talk
123
00:06:21,614 --> 00:06:22,613
about this?
124
00:06:22,647 --> 00:06:24,748
What do you want him
to lie about?
125
00:06:24,783 --> 00:06:25,950
Maybe I can do it for you.
126
00:06:25,984 --> 00:06:27,818
I'm throwing a party
Friday night.
127
00:06:27,852 --> 00:06:30,604
Hey, it's a little short notice,
but I can make it.
128
00:06:30,639 --> 00:06:32,173
Why are you having
a party on Friday night?
129
00:06:32,207 --> 00:06:33,974
We're all going
to miss a lot of business.
130
00:06:34,009 --> 00:06:35,409
Well, actually guys,
this is a party I'm throwing
131
00:06:35,444 --> 00:06:37,812
for the people
at my art gallery.
132
00:06:37,847 --> 00:06:39,597
Who cares, the more,
the merrier. Right?
133
00:06:39,632 --> 00:06:41,399
They don't understand.
134
00:06:41,433 --> 00:06:42,633
Oh, I get it.
135
00:06:42,667 --> 00:06:45,003
We're not invited.
136
00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:48,322
How come we can't go
to the party too?
137
00:06:48,357 --> 00:06:49,791
'Cause we're
nobodies.
138
00:06:49,825 --> 00:06:53,227
We're stupid, ignorant,
low-life cabbies.
139
00:06:53,261 --> 00:06:55,296
Oh.
140
00:06:55,330 --> 00:06:57,282
What do you think, Latka?
141
00:06:57,316 --> 00:07:01,119
( speaking native tongue )
142
00:07:01,153 --> 00:07:03,921
Latka, in English.
143
00:07:03,955 --> 00:07:08,592
If they don't come,
I don't come.
144
00:07:08,627 --> 00:07:10,761
I'm sorry.
They can't come.
145
00:07:10,796 --> 00:07:13,998
All right,
then I come without them.
146
00:07:14,032 --> 00:07:15,683
All right! All right!
147
00:07:15,718 --> 00:07:16,851
You can come.
148
00:07:16,886 --> 00:07:19,003
If it means
that much to you.
149
00:07:19,037 --> 00:07:20,905
If it doesn't matter to you
that you screw me up
150
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,674
with my bosses or ruin
the one chance I have
151
00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:24,843
to send my kids
to a decent school
152
00:07:24,877 --> 00:07:27,311
then, by all means,
just come to my party.
153
00:07:27,346 --> 00:07:29,247
What's the address?
154
00:07:29,281 --> 00:07:31,032
Hey, you come
with me.
155
00:07:31,066 --> 00:07:32,666
I know where it is.
156
00:07:32,701 --> 00:07:34,502
Thank you very much.
157
00:07:34,536 --> 00:07:35,987
Let's go get
something to eat,
158
00:07:36,021 --> 00:07:37,889
and I'll tell you
about my outfit.
159
00:07:37,923 --> 00:07:40,525
Hey, Elaine,
hey, don't worry about us.
160
00:07:40,559 --> 00:07:43,461
Nobody's gonna know
we're taxicab drivers.
161
00:07:43,496 --> 00:07:45,062
Come on. We'll cover it up.
All right?
162
00:07:45,097 --> 00:07:46,063
Okay.
163
00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:47,431
All right.
164
00:07:47,466 --> 00:07:49,233
See you later, Alex.
165
00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:50,768
Ahem!
166
00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:52,020
You're in luck.
167
00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:54,722
Looks like you got a chance to
nab Louie for your guest list.
168
00:07:54,756 --> 00:07:56,958
Yeah, I might give your party
a tumble.
169
00:07:56,992 --> 00:07:58,893
Perhaps some of those
art-world cuties
170
00:07:58,927 --> 00:08:03,631
might want me to pose for them
au naturel.
171
00:08:03,665 --> 00:08:05,683
Louie, you're not invited.
172
00:08:05,718 --> 00:08:06,884
What do you mean?
173
00:08:06,918 --> 00:08:08,169
I mean if you're even seen
174
00:08:08,203 --> 00:08:10,738
in the vicinity
of my apartment Friday night
175
00:08:10,773 --> 00:08:12,506
I'll have you arrested.
176
00:08:12,540 --> 00:08:14,258
Oh, really not invited.
177
00:08:14,292 --> 00:08:16,711
Okay. Who needs you?
178
00:08:16,745 --> 00:08:20,415
Come on let's get this garage
back to normal!
179
00:08:20,449 --> 00:08:24,118
Hey, Latka! You finish cleaning
that cab yet?
180
00:08:26,538 --> 00:08:27,905
Phew!
181
00:08:27,939 --> 00:08:32,243
Who drive a sick koala bear?
182
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:40,184
( doorbell ringing )
183
00:08:40,218 --> 00:08:41,218
Alex?
184
00:08:41,252 --> 00:08:42,286
Yeah.
185
00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:43,453
( Sighs )
186
00:08:43,488 --> 00:08:44,755
Hi.
187
00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:45,756
Hi.
188
00:08:45,791 --> 00:08:47,758
Did I get the wrong night?
189
00:08:47,793 --> 00:08:49,259
No, this is the night.
190
00:08:49,294 --> 00:08:51,361
Well, don't bother
to introduce me.
191
00:08:51,396 --> 00:08:52,730
I'll just mingle.
192
00:08:52,764 --> 00:08:54,198
How are you?
193
00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:55,299
I played a little
trick on you, Alex.
Oh?
194
00:08:55,333 --> 00:08:58,069
I told you the wrong time
so that you'd get here early.
195
00:08:58,103 --> 00:08:59,469
Great trick. Why?
196
00:08:59,504 --> 00:09:01,305
Well, see,
you're doing me a favor.
197
00:09:01,339 --> 00:09:03,757
Now that you're here,
no one has to go through
198
00:09:03,792 --> 00:09:05,793
the embarrassment
of arriving first.
199
00:09:05,828 --> 00:09:08,329
You know how
uncomfortable
that can be.
200
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,934
I can only imagine.
201
00:09:12,968 --> 00:09:16,003
Besides, I'm a little
insecure about this party
202
00:09:16,038 --> 00:09:17,371
and I wanted someone
203
00:09:17,405 --> 00:09:20,007
to tell me
how nice the place looks.
204
00:09:23,495 --> 00:09:24,445
Well, you can start anytime.
205
00:09:24,479 --> 00:09:25,680
Oh, yes.
206
00:09:25,714 --> 00:09:26,597
It looks great.
207
00:09:26,631 --> 00:09:27,932
No, it really does.
208
00:09:27,966 --> 00:09:28,933
I like that.
209
00:09:28,967 --> 00:09:30,401
Oh, and I like that.
210
00:09:30,436 --> 00:09:32,270
And I really like this.
211
00:09:32,304 --> 00:09:33,804
Thanks.
212
00:09:33,838 --> 00:09:34,822
You know, this was hard.
213
00:09:34,856 --> 00:09:36,256
I had to borrow some furniture
214
00:09:36,291 --> 00:09:37,825
and move the kids' beds
upstairs.
215
00:09:37,859 --> 00:09:40,761
I'm really knocking myself out
for this party.
216
00:09:40,796 --> 00:09:42,530
But I think I'm going to be okay
217
00:09:42,564 --> 00:09:44,565
as long as my cheese puffs
are a hit.
218
00:09:44,599 --> 00:09:46,600
Oh...
219
00:09:48,603 --> 00:09:49,587
Delicious.
220
00:09:49,705 --> 00:09:51,906
Take it from a puff man.
221
00:09:53,859 --> 00:09:57,912
So, is there anything
I've overlooked?
222
00:09:57,946 --> 00:10:01,315
Oh, uh... persons.
223
00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:03,534
They're coming. Anything else?
224
00:10:03,568 --> 00:10:05,819
Something for persons to drink.
225
00:10:05,854 --> 00:10:07,405
That's a little
bit of a problem.
226
00:10:07,439 --> 00:10:09,407
You see, I used
a discount liquor store.
227
00:10:09,441 --> 00:10:11,976
I don't want anyone
to see the labels.
228
00:10:12,010 --> 00:10:13,811
They're kind
of off-brands.
229
00:10:13,845 --> 00:10:14,745
Like what?
230
00:10:14,779 --> 00:10:17,731
Ever heard of Betty's vodka?
231
00:10:20,935 --> 00:10:22,670
Gentlemen never tell.
232
00:10:22,704 --> 00:10:24,521
Can I make a suggestion?
233
00:10:24,555 --> 00:10:26,891
Why don't you put the stuff
in a punch bowl
234
00:10:26,925 --> 00:10:28,558
and add ginger ale
and juices.
235
00:10:28,593 --> 00:10:29,726
Oh, that's a great idea.
236
00:10:29,761 --> 00:10:30,627
There you go.
237
00:10:30,662 --> 00:10:34,398
You know, I never
even thought about mixing.
238
00:10:34,432 --> 00:10:37,334
Oh... I just hope I got
enough champagne.
239
00:10:37,368 --> 00:10:39,336
How much did you get?
240
00:10:39,370 --> 00:10:41,105
12 Cans.
241
00:10:41,139 --> 00:10:43,774
Canned champagne?
242
00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:45,642
I guess for those macho gourmets
243
00:10:45,677 --> 00:10:48,679
who like to crush
something after a sip.
244
00:10:48,713 --> 00:10:50,014
( doorbell ringing )
245
00:10:50,048 --> 00:10:52,016
Oh, Alex, this is it!
246
00:10:52,050 --> 00:10:54,584
Now, now,
just relax. Relax.
247
00:10:54,619 --> 00:10:56,637
They're just people.
248
00:11:06,115 --> 00:11:08,783
There's always the exception
to the rule.
249
00:11:08,817 --> 00:11:10,417
Party time for Latka?
250
00:11:10,451 --> 00:11:12,586
Not until you
take off those overalls.
251
00:11:12,620 --> 00:11:14,722
Oh, this is good party.
252
00:11:14,756 --> 00:11:16,424
No! No! Latka!
253
00:11:16,458 --> 00:11:19,911
You've got to change
into nicer clothes.
254
00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:22,246
Oh...
255
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,582
( speaking native tongue )
256
00:11:24,616 --> 00:11:25,616
...in truck...
257
00:11:25,651 --> 00:11:26,851
( speaking native tongue )
258
00:11:30,021 --> 00:11:32,189
You think
it's all right
259
00:11:32,223 --> 00:11:33,891
to have him here?
260
00:11:33,925 --> 00:11:36,594
Are you kidding? He's my pick
for the life of the party.
261
00:11:36,628 --> 00:11:40,314
Oh, Alex, are you sure
everything looks okay?
262
00:11:40,349 --> 00:11:42,249
Elaine, believe me.
The apartment looks wonderful.
263
00:11:42,283 --> 00:11:43,717
Now will you just relax.
264
00:11:43,752 --> 00:11:44,935
Okay. Okay.
265
00:11:44,969 --> 00:11:47,572
Hey, you know, you may not
believe this, but I've really
266
00:11:47,606 --> 00:11:49,473
calmed down a lot
since you got here.
267
00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:51,258
Yeah, I can see that.
268
00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:55,496
Oh, um, but could I just ask you
one more little favor?
269
00:11:55,530 --> 00:11:56,680
Yep.
270
00:11:56,714 --> 00:11:58,365
If you tell these people
that you're a cab driver
271
00:11:58,399 --> 00:12:01,936
they'll ask how you know me,
and you'll give everything away.
272
00:12:01,970 --> 00:12:06,173
Elaine, is that the real reason
you got me over here early? Huh?
273
00:12:06,207 --> 00:12:07,508
Oh, come on.
How could you do that?
274
00:12:07,543 --> 00:12:08,976
How could you do
a thing like that?
275
00:12:09,010 --> 00:12:10,811
Come on, Alex.
This is a cocktail party.
276
00:12:10,845 --> 00:12:12,412
Oh, for crying out loud.
277
00:12:12,447 --> 00:12:13,714
Why do you have to come on
278
00:12:13,748 --> 00:12:15,782
so super-ethical anyway?
279
00:12:15,817 --> 00:12:17,818
I am not ethical,
Elaine.
280
00:12:17,853 --> 00:12:19,019
I am... chicken.
281
00:12:19,054 --> 00:12:20,454
I don't lie for
the simple reason
282
00:12:20,488 --> 00:12:21,755
I am afraid
of getting caught.
283
00:12:21,789 --> 00:12:23,224
There's nothing
more embarrassing
284
00:12:23,258 --> 00:12:24,491
than getting caught
in a lie.
285
00:12:24,525 --> 00:12:26,060
Besides, if you don't lie
286
00:12:26,094 --> 00:12:28,628
you don't have to try to
remember what you said.
287
00:12:28,663 --> 00:12:30,214
Okay. Okay.
288
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:33,451
If it happens,
it happens.
289
00:12:33,485 --> 00:12:34,852
All right. All right.
290
00:12:34,886 --> 00:12:36,687
I'm not going to lie
291
00:12:36,721 --> 00:12:40,223
but I won't say anything
if I'm not asked. Okay?
292
00:12:40,258 --> 00:12:41,792
Okay. Thanks.
293
00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:43,160
Mm-hmm.
294
00:12:43,194 --> 00:12:45,112
( doorbell ringing )
295
00:12:52,854 --> 00:12:55,022
Party overalls.
296
00:12:55,057 --> 00:12:56,206
Now you're talking.
297
00:12:56,241 --> 00:12:57,474
Neat.
298
00:12:57,509 --> 00:12:59,676
Latka learn
299
00:12:59,711 --> 00:13:01,812
party talk.
300
00:13:01,846 --> 00:13:03,447
Yeah.
301
00:13:03,482 --> 00:13:05,782
"What are you drinking?
302
00:13:05,817 --> 00:13:10,087
"Aren't there a lot
of phonies here?
303
00:13:10,121 --> 00:13:14,624
"Let's go to my place.
304
00:13:14,659 --> 00:13:17,727
Was it good
for you?"
305
00:13:20,482 --> 00:13:22,183
You've been teaching him.
306
00:13:22,217 --> 00:13:25,269
Not me. I was going to ask
for a copy myself.
307
00:13:48,426 --> 00:13:49,343
Looks like your
party's a hit, Elaine.
308
00:13:49,378 --> 00:13:51,011
Yeah, so far, so good.
309
00:13:51,045 --> 00:13:53,213
I'm a little worried
about the guys.
310
00:13:53,248 --> 00:13:55,215
They don't seem
to be mingling.
311
00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:57,151
Yeah, only
with each other.
312
00:13:57,185 --> 00:13:59,953
Hey, it's your turn, Tony.
How did your parents meet?
313
00:13:59,988 --> 00:14:01,054
It was in Italy...
314
00:14:01,089 --> 00:14:02,606
Come on, you guys.
315
00:14:02,641 --> 00:14:04,941
I want you to meet
some people.
316
00:14:04,976 --> 00:14:06,743
That's okay,
we already have.
317
00:14:06,778 --> 00:14:09,746
Yeah, I think we're
just going to shove off.
318
00:14:09,781 --> 00:14:10,947
Ah, why?
319
00:14:10,982 --> 00:14:12,349
Because, we don't fit in.
320
00:14:12,384 --> 00:14:13,950
We're the kind of guys who
like to have fun.
321
00:14:13,985 --> 00:14:15,553
Thanks a lot, Elaine.
322
00:14:15,587 --> 00:14:16,753
Bye-bye.
323
00:14:16,788 --> 00:14:18,155
Take it easy, Alex.
324
00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:19,356
Great punch.
325
00:14:19,391 --> 00:14:20,591
Bye.
326
00:14:24,796 --> 00:14:26,263
Stop envying them.
327
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,584
Mrs. Hazeltine?
328
00:14:30,618 --> 00:14:31,986
Oh. Thank you, Elaine.
329
00:14:32,020 --> 00:14:33,187
These are delicious.
330
00:14:33,221 --> 00:14:34,754
Thank you.
331
00:14:34,789 --> 00:14:36,190
I love your paintings.
332
00:14:36,224 --> 00:14:37,258
Really?
333
00:14:37,292 --> 00:14:39,126
But I don't
recognize the artist.
334
00:14:39,161 --> 00:14:41,846
As a matter of fact,
I live with the artist.
335
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:43,047
You what?
336
00:14:43,081 --> 00:14:43,830
It's my daughter.
337
00:14:43,865 --> 00:14:44,915
Oh.
338
00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:46,116
Except the one
339
00:14:46,151 --> 00:14:47,518
of the bunny rabbit.
340
00:14:47,552 --> 00:14:49,719
That was done
by my ex-husband.
341
00:14:49,754 --> 00:14:52,523
We've been talking
about the new exhibit
342
00:14:52,557 --> 00:14:54,525
at the Museum of Modern Art.
343
00:14:54,559 --> 00:14:56,226
Have you seen it?
344
00:14:56,261 --> 00:14:57,427
Oh, yes, I have. Twice.
345
00:14:57,462 --> 00:14:59,296
Did you like
the Magritte drawings?
346
00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:00,280
Oh. Um...
347
00:15:00,315 --> 00:15:02,466
would you excuse me
for a moment?
348
00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:04,668
There's something I've
got to take care of.
349
00:15:04,702 --> 00:15:05,986
All right.
350
00:15:07,322 --> 00:15:10,157
Alex... one of the biggest art
dealers in New York
351
00:15:10,192 --> 00:15:12,526
just asked my opinion
of an exhibit.
352
00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:13,411
Oh, terrific.
353
00:15:13,445 --> 00:15:14,445
Give it.
354
00:15:14,479 --> 00:15:15,546
Oh.
355
00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:17,031
Thank you very much.
356
00:15:17,065 --> 00:15:18,432
Going to go now.
357
00:15:18,466 --> 00:15:20,967
Well, I'm glad
you could come, Latka.
358
00:15:21,002 --> 00:15:22,169
Bye-bye.
359
00:15:22,203 --> 00:15:23,370
Bye.
360
00:15:23,405 --> 00:15:26,773
Eh, aren't there
a lot of phonies here?
361
00:15:26,807 --> 00:15:28,208
Let's go to my place.
362
00:15:31,012 --> 00:15:33,013
For you.
363
00:15:35,350 --> 00:15:37,684
Come on. Come on.
364
00:15:42,607 --> 00:15:46,043
It must be the way he says it.
365
00:15:46,878 --> 00:15:48,995
Boy, this champagne
is terrific, huh?
366
00:15:49,030 --> 00:15:50,730
I wonder what kind it is.
367
00:15:52,216 --> 00:15:54,951
Del Monte.
368
00:15:54,986 --> 00:15:56,821
My name is Paul.
369
00:15:56,855 --> 00:15:58,656
I write for Art News.
370
00:15:58,690 --> 00:16:00,791
Oh, I'm Alex.
371
00:16:00,826 --> 00:16:02,192
What do you do, Alex?
372
00:16:02,226 --> 00:16:05,062
Oh, this and that.
373
00:16:05,096 --> 00:16:06,463
Sounds interesting.
374
00:16:06,497 --> 00:16:08,598
This and that what?
375
00:16:08,633 --> 00:16:10,267
I, uh...
376
00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:12,536
sort of free-lance.
377
00:16:12,570 --> 00:16:14,922
Oh, you're a free-lance painter.
378
00:16:14,956 --> 00:16:16,123
No.
379
00:16:16,158 --> 00:16:17,324
Alex.
380
00:16:17,359 --> 00:16:20,627
Okay, Elaine, you win.
381
00:16:20,662 --> 00:16:22,829
I put out oil fires.
382
00:16:24,516 --> 00:16:25,683
I beg your pardon?
383
00:16:25,717 --> 00:16:27,685
When an oil well
catches on fire
384
00:16:27,719 --> 00:16:28,885
they call me in to put it out.
385
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,086
Sounds dangerous.
386
00:16:30,121 --> 00:16:32,505
Yeah, well, I only get
the easy ones.
387
00:16:32,540 --> 00:16:35,375
You see, the main thing that got
me into this line of work...
388
00:16:35,409 --> 00:16:38,112
Oh, I'm sorry.
Just reflex.
389
00:16:38,146 --> 00:16:40,380
You see, uh...
390
00:16:40,414 --> 00:16:41,631
Actually, the thing that
pulled me
391
00:16:41,666 --> 00:16:44,551
into being
an oil-fire putter-outer
392
00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:46,487
is that it never gets boring.
393
00:16:46,521 --> 00:16:48,888
Nope. All holocausts
may look alike
394
00:16:48,923 --> 00:16:52,092
but each one has
a personality all its own.
395
00:16:52,127 --> 00:16:55,529
If you'll excuse me, I'd like to
freshen my drink for a moment,
396
00:16:55,563 --> 00:16:56,863
I'll be right back.
397
00:16:59,017 --> 00:17:00,117
Thanks, Alex.
398
00:17:00,151 --> 00:17:02,253
I know that wasn't
easy for you.
399
00:17:02,287 --> 00:17:04,121
Easier than I thought.
400
00:17:04,155 --> 00:17:06,407
It's just your luck for
this party I watched
401
00:17:06,441 --> 00:17:07,641
Search for Adventure.
402
00:17:07,675 --> 00:17:10,811
I've never been the life of a
party before like this.
403
00:17:10,845 --> 00:17:13,029
I sort of like fudging.
404
00:17:13,631 --> 00:17:15,131
Do you really fight fires?
405
00:17:15,166 --> 00:17:16,333
Oh, yes, yes.
406
00:17:16,367 --> 00:17:17,568
Yes, yes.
407
00:17:18,503 --> 00:17:22,306
What is the biggest
fire you ever put out?
408
00:17:22,340 --> 00:17:26,327
Well, actually, I had
12 wells go up at one time.
409
00:17:26,361 --> 00:17:28,629
I'm Rita.
410
00:17:28,663 --> 00:17:30,197
I'm Alex.
411
00:17:32,066 --> 00:17:35,001
Aren't there a lot
of phonies here?
412
00:17:41,042 --> 00:17:42,209
I know.
413
00:17:42,243 --> 00:17:45,145
Do you mind if I say
something candid?
414
00:17:45,179 --> 00:17:47,548
If it's about the champagne,
I had nothing to do with it.
415
00:17:47,582 --> 00:17:49,850
I find you very attractive.
416
00:17:49,884 --> 00:17:51,885
I appreciate your candor.
417
00:17:51,919 --> 00:17:54,788
I don't usually say
things like that to guys.
418
00:17:54,823 --> 00:17:56,289
I hope you don't mind.
419
00:17:56,324 --> 00:17:58,492
Well, I'll forgive you
if you'll forgive
420
00:17:58,526 --> 00:18:01,261
the cheer I'm about
to deafen you with.
421
00:18:03,297 --> 00:18:05,866
Have dinner with me
after the party.
422
00:18:05,900 --> 00:18:07,368
At least.
423
00:18:07,402 --> 00:18:09,370
A brief dinner.
424
00:18:09,404 --> 00:18:11,638
( doorbell ringing )
425
00:18:22,550 --> 00:18:24,502
Alex...
that guy is the same guy
426
00:18:24,536 --> 00:18:26,103
I had the fight with in front of
the gallery the other night.
427
00:18:26,138 --> 00:18:27,371
Really? That's nice.
428
00:18:27,405 --> 00:18:28,688
In my cab.
429
00:18:28,723 --> 00:18:30,757
Elaine, please.
430
00:18:30,792 --> 00:18:33,960
He must be a friend
of Mrs. Hazeltine's.
431
00:18:33,995 --> 00:18:35,629
Oh, no. No.
432
00:18:35,664 --> 00:18:37,498
Elaine, I'd like you
433
00:18:37,532 --> 00:18:40,150
to meet my very dear friend,
James Broderick.
434
00:18:40,185 --> 00:18:41,718
How do you do?
435
00:18:41,752 --> 00:18:43,670
We've met.
436
00:18:43,704 --> 00:18:44,304
We have?
437
00:18:44,338 --> 00:18:45,672
Haven't we?
438
00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:47,658
I'm sorry, I
don't place you.
439
00:18:47,692 --> 00:18:48,958
Oh.
440
00:18:48,993 --> 00:18:50,260
My mistake.
441
00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:51,528
Well, I'm so glad
that you've come.
442
00:18:51,562 --> 00:18:54,598
Would you help yourself
to some refreshments?
443
00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:55,832
Thank you.
444
00:18:57,569 --> 00:18:59,036
He didn't recognize me.
445
00:18:59,070 --> 00:19:00,304
That's terrific.
446
00:19:00,338 --> 00:19:02,105
He looked right
into my face
447
00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:03,840
and there was
no sign of recognition.
448
00:19:03,875 --> 00:19:05,108
He didn't know me.
He didn't know me?
449
00:19:05,143 --> 00:19:07,477
Elaine, what
are you doing?
450
00:19:07,511 --> 00:19:08,712
I'll never
forget him. Never.
451
00:19:08,746 --> 00:19:10,213
I mean, we really had a fight.
452
00:19:10,247 --> 00:19:12,516
I can't believe
he looked through me like that.
453
00:19:12,550 --> 00:19:15,185
I was nothing to him,
just a faceless cab driver.
454
00:19:15,219 --> 00:19:16,070
Elaine, please.
455
00:19:16,104 --> 00:19:17,271
He needs a reminder.
456
00:19:17,305 --> 00:19:18,939
Elaine, now, a lot of people
aren't happy
457
00:19:18,973 --> 00:19:20,740
unless they screw things up
that are really going well.
458
00:19:20,775 --> 00:19:22,476
Now, this is a very nice party.
459
00:19:22,510 --> 00:19:24,878
I mean, these people are
very important to you.
460
00:19:24,912 --> 00:19:26,930
I'm even trying to enjoy myself.
461
00:19:26,965 --> 00:19:30,233
Elaine, why don't you
just forget it, hmm?
462
00:19:30,267 --> 00:19:32,635
Elaine. Take a deep breath.
463
00:19:34,505 --> 00:19:35,705
Take a deeper one.
464
00:19:37,726 --> 00:19:38,959
That's my girl.
465
00:19:38,993 --> 00:19:40,160
Thanks.
466
00:19:40,194 --> 00:19:43,597
So you don't
remember me, huh?!
467
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:46,967
Sure, I do.
468
00:19:47,001 --> 00:19:49,136
I just met you
30 seconds ago.
469
00:19:49,170 --> 00:19:51,972
I picked you up in my taxi
470
00:19:52,006 --> 00:19:54,141
four nights ago
on Madison Avenue.
471
00:19:54,175 --> 00:19:56,176
She's a taxi driver.
472
00:20:03,268 --> 00:20:05,102
And you accused me
of trying
473
00:20:05,136 --> 00:20:06,837
to cheat you on a fare.
474
00:20:06,871 --> 00:20:08,071
That was you?
475
00:20:08,106 --> 00:20:09,173
That was me.
476
00:20:09,207 --> 00:20:12,443
How can you yell into a face
for 15 minutes
477
00:20:12,477 --> 00:20:14,344
and then forget the face you
yelled into?
478
00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:15,996
Do you really mean it?
479
00:20:16,030 --> 00:20:17,698
You're a cab driver?
480
00:20:17,732 --> 00:20:18,916
Yes, I am.
481
00:20:18,950 --> 00:20:21,151
I was right.
482
00:20:21,185 --> 00:20:24,605
I find that rather
hard to believe.
483
00:20:24,639 --> 00:20:26,223
Well, I am.
484
00:20:26,257 --> 00:20:27,958
Alex and I are
both cab drivers.
485
00:20:32,713 --> 00:20:35,548
What do you do
for a living?
486
00:20:35,583 --> 00:20:36,816
Excuse me.
487
00:20:42,723 --> 00:20:43,890
Alex?
488
00:20:43,924 --> 00:20:45,825
Don't talk
to me, Elaine.
489
00:20:45,860 --> 00:20:49,296
You're going to stay here
till we're friends again.
490
00:20:49,330 --> 00:20:52,449
Then we'll both
grow old together.
491
00:20:52,484 --> 00:20:54,401
Well, if it means
anything to you
492
00:20:54,436 --> 00:20:55,436
I just want you to know
493
00:20:55,470 --> 00:20:57,204
that I will always be grateful
that you taught me
494
00:20:57,238 --> 00:20:59,606
to simply tell the truth.
Elaine.
495
00:20:59,641 --> 00:21:01,858
I only wish the truth
worked for you too.
496
00:21:01,893 --> 00:21:05,345
I'm not going
to talk to you about it.
497
00:21:05,380 --> 00:21:07,597
At least yell at me.
498
00:21:07,631 --> 00:21:09,432
That will make
you feel better.
499
00:21:10,868 --> 00:21:13,403
You're not going
to talk about it.
500
00:21:13,437 --> 00:21:15,822
Nope. I'm just
going to sit here
501
00:21:15,857 --> 00:21:17,558
and drink your champagne.
502
00:21:24,015 --> 00:21:25,648
What I don't
understand is--
503
00:21:25,683 --> 00:21:27,750
what's the big deal
about it?
504
00:21:27,785 --> 00:21:29,252
I'll tell you what's the big
deal about it.
505
00:21:29,287 --> 00:21:32,822
A man waits all his life
for a woman like that.
506
00:21:32,857 --> 00:21:34,591
What's so great about her?
507
00:21:34,626 --> 00:21:36,409
What's so great about her?
508
00:21:36,444 --> 00:21:40,347
She's the kind of woman
only firefighters get.
509
00:21:40,381 --> 00:21:42,332
She just walks up to you
510
00:21:42,367 --> 00:21:45,536
looks you straight
in the eye and says--
511
00:21:45,570 --> 00:21:47,988
"Do you mind
if I say something candid?
512
00:21:48,022 --> 00:21:49,622
"I find you
very attractive.
513
00:21:49,657 --> 00:21:52,025
"I don't usually
say things like that.
514
00:21:52,059 --> 00:21:54,928
I hope you don't mind."
515
00:21:54,962 --> 00:21:57,280
It sounded better
when she said it.
516
00:21:57,315 --> 00:21:59,282
It sounded like
once in a lifetime
517
00:21:59,317 --> 00:22:00,683
when she said it.
518
00:22:00,718 --> 00:22:03,853
It sounded terrible
when she stopped saying it.
519
00:22:03,888 --> 00:22:05,121
You know, I have a feeling
520
00:22:05,155 --> 00:22:07,123
you're gonna hear
from her again.
521
00:22:07,157 --> 00:22:10,861
Yeah, I could sort of tell
from the way she acted
towards the end.
522
00:22:10,895 --> 00:22:14,731
She called me garbage.
523
00:22:14,765 --> 00:22:15,966
There you go.
524
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:19,169
Hey, you know how women
feel about garbage.
525
00:22:19,203 --> 00:22:20,436
Always wondering if what
526
00:22:20,471 --> 00:22:22,456
you've thrown out was important
527
00:22:22,490 --> 00:22:24,374
so you start digging through it
until you find it again.
528
00:22:24,408 --> 00:22:26,776
Elaine, don't try to make me
feel better, okay?
529
00:22:26,811 --> 00:22:28,879
Let's just go back
to my sitting here
530
00:22:28,913 --> 00:22:31,280
and you looking at me...
feeling awful.
531
00:22:33,501 --> 00:22:38,505
She spit on my shoes.
532
00:22:38,539 --> 00:22:40,440
What I really feel bad about
533
00:22:40,474 --> 00:22:43,576
is how great everything
turned out for me...
534
00:22:43,611 --> 00:22:46,613
people admiring the way
I hold down two jobs
535
00:22:46,648 --> 00:22:47,915
to support my family.
536
00:22:47,949 --> 00:22:50,433
They're saying how great I am,
you know
537
00:22:50,468 --> 00:22:53,303
and how terrific
and open and honest I am
538
00:22:53,338 --> 00:22:55,371
for telling people
I'm a cab driver.
539
00:22:55,406 --> 00:22:58,458
Even that fare turned out
to be a great guy
540
00:22:58,492 --> 00:23:00,009
forcing that tip on me?
541
00:23:00,044 --> 00:23:02,779
This is going
to pay for the party.
542
00:23:02,813 --> 00:23:04,598
I'm leaving.
543
00:23:04,632 --> 00:23:05,982
Alex, please forgive me.
544
00:23:06,017 --> 00:23:10,420
I can't believe
you won't forgive me.
545
00:23:10,454 --> 00:23:12,322
I'll die if you don't
forgive me.
546
00:23:14,692 --> 00:23:16,126
Oh, Alex.
547
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,144
You're maybe my best friend.
548
00:23:24,835 --> 00:23:25,835
I forgive you.
549
00:23:33,327 --> 00:23:34,544
You mean it?
550
00:23:34,578 --> 00:23:36,496
I don't know with
those wild stories
551
00:23:36,530 --> 00:23:38,498
you're telling,
you know?
552
00:23:38,533 --> 00:23:39,699
Yes, I mean it.
553
00:23:39,733 --> 00:23:42,101
From now on, I'm going
to have to go back
554
00:23:42,136 --> 00:23:44,337
to telling the truth,
only the truth.
555
00:23:46,207 --> 00:23:49,176
Thank you for inviting me
to your party, Elaine.
556
00:23:49,210 --> 00:23:50,410
I had a wonderful time.
557
00:24:00,354 --> 00:24:03,306
( theme music playing )
558
00:24:27,531 --> 00:24:29,032
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
559
00:24:29,066 --> 00:24:30,166
( grunts )
41797
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