Original subtitles

[RUMBLING]

AAAH!

AAAH!

AAAH!

AAAAAAH!

[CAR ALARM WAILS, DOG BARKING]

I HATE THOSE THINGS.

* OOH OOH OOH OOH

* OOH OOH OOH OOH

* REALITY USED TO BE A FRIEND OF MINE *

* REALITY USED TO BE A FRIEND OF MINE *

* MAYBE WHY IS THE QUESTION THAT'S ON YOUR MIND *

* BUT REALITY USED TO BE A FRIEND OF MINE *

* REALITY USED TO BE A FRIEND OF MINE *

* REALITY USED TO BE A FRIEND OF MINE *

* PLEASE DON'T ASK ME BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHY *

* BUT REALITY USED TO BE A FRIEND OF MINE *

* I USED TO BE FRIENDS WITH REALITY *

* SHE USED TO BE A PAL REAL CLOSE TO ME *

* WHEN SHE TRIED TO HIDE FROM ME WHAT WAS IN STORE... *

[HOWLING]

Woman: WILL YOU PUT THAT BACK?

PUT THAT BACK.

HEY.

I JUST WASHED ALL THIS STUFF.

IT'S MY GEAR.

SORRY, MAN.

WHAT'S MY MOM SCREAMING ABOUT?

SHE'S BUMMED BECAUSE I SNAKED HER LAST BAGEL.

GRAB A SHOVEL, MAN.

NO. I JUST WANT TO MUNCH.

FINE. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HELP,

THAT'S JUST FINE.

YOU KNOW, THIS IS A TOTAL WASTE OF TIME.

DAVE, BE MORE OF A GEEK.

THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE GOING TO THE PROM.

YOU'RE A DISEASE,

AND NO ONE WILL EVER SWIM IN THIS STUPID POOL.

LATER.

LOOK, DAVID, PLEASE DO ME A FAVOR AND STRESS LESS, BRO.

HIGH SCHOOL IS OVER, BUDDY. GET INTO IT.

WE'RE LOSERS.

I'VE DECIDED SOMETHING, STONEY.

I WANT TO LOOK BACK ON MY HIGH SCHOOL CAREER

AND THINK THAT I STARTED SLOWLY, BUT I FINISHED STRONG.

I MEAN, HIGH SCHOOL'S ALMOST OVER, AND I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SHOW FOR IT.

I KNOW. ME NEITHER.

DUDE, YOU SHOULD BE STOKED, THOUGH,

'CAUSE YOU GOT THROUGH THE LAST 4 YEARS

WITHOUT THE FULL-ON MELON TWEAKAGE.

IT'S NOT ENOUGH.

I MEAN, I WANT MY OWN PAGE IN THE YEARBOOK.

JUMP OFF THE GYM, SPLATTER ON THE STREET,

AND GO FOR THE COVER.

IT'S NOT FUNNY.

I'M NOT GOING DOWN AS THIS GEEK KID FROM ENCINO.

WHEN I FINISH THIS POOL,

I'M GONNA HAVE THE KILLER PARTY AFTER THE PROM.

I'M GONNA BE THE PROM KING,

AND I'M GONNA GRADUATE A LEGEND.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT ME?

OH. WELL, YOU'LL BE THERE, TOO.

THANKS. BUT ROBYN SWEENEY, BRO,

SHE'S NOT GOING TO THE PROM WITH YOU.

I WISH SHE WOULD, BUT SHE'S REALLY NOT.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

ROBYN SWEENEY IS MINE.

SHE'S BECOME A MAJOR BABE AND SHE LOVES ME.

SHE FINDS YOU CRUSTY, DAVE.

I'LL CONVINCE HER. SHE'LL SEE THE TRUTH.

TRUTH IS, BRO, LIFE'S ABOUT GREASIN' THE 'DO BACK, BUDDY,

AND WEAZIN' ON THE BUFFEST, MAN.

HIGH SCHOOL WAS INTERESTING, ALL RIGHT?

BUT IT WAS KIND OF LIKE A HARSH RIDE.

WE'RE GOING ON TO BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS, BUDDY.

STONEY, I AM ON TO BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS.

COUNT ON IT.

* WON'T TAKE A MINUTE

* WON'T TAKE LONG

* SO GET ON IN IT...

Stoney: AAY! OWWW!

AAY!

WHOA. HEY, WHAT'S UP?

I'M THE STONEY CRUSTY DUDE.

DID YOU KNOW THAT?

I GOT A MOP ON TOP.

EXCUSE ME. CAN YOU PLEASE MOVE?

ME AND MY FRIEND DAVID ARE COMING THROUGH.

HEY, THERE'S ROBYN.

OH, HEY, ROBYN! OWW-WOO!

FOUR-WHEELIN' OVER THE BERMS.

LOOK, DAVE, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO JUST MELLOW OUT, BRO,

ON THIS WHOLE ROBYN THING.

SHE ALWAYS SHINES YOU, BRO.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. WE HAVE HISTORY.

YOU HAD PRE-FRESHMAN HISTORY. YOU COULD HAVE HAD HER BACK THEN, MAN.

SHE HADN'T HIT BABEHOOD YET.

MILK DOES A BODY GOOD, HUH? CHECK HER.

SHE'S CLEAN, BUDDY, AND HE'S GOT HER.

MATT WILSON?

I MEAN, WHAT A JERK.

WHAT DOES SHE SEE IN HIM ANYWAY?

WELL, HE'S GOT THE BUFF SPIKES CHILLIN' ON TOP OF HIS MELON, OBVIOUSLY, RIGHT?

DUDE, HE'S CHECKING HER CHEEKS. OH!

HE'S GOT THE SERIOUS BEAK AND HIS OWN PERSONAL...

HOLDING COMPANY,

FULL OF FUNDAGE, BRO, THAT HE WEAZES OFF OF MA...

JOR.

18-INCH BIs.

MINE ARE ONLY 4.

BUT BESIDES THAT.

HE WALKS LIKE THIS, RIGHT?

JUST LIKE THIS, RIGHT?

[BELL RINGS]

[KIDS TALKING]

HEY, MATT.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, QUIET, PLEASE.

SETTLE DOWN. QUIET.

WE'RE GOING TO START THIS WEEK'S CLASS

SAME PLACE WE ENDED LAST WEEK'S CLASS,

AND THAT'S TALKING ABOUT PREHISTORIC MAN IN THE WHAT?

PREHISTORIC MAN IN THE...?

OH, STONEY.

ICE AGE?

YES, ICE AGE. THAT'S RIGHT.

NOW, WHY DO WE CALL IT THE ICE AGE?

BECAUSE THERE WAS A LOT OF ICE AROUND.

WHAT DO WE CALL THESE BIG CHUNKS OF ICE?

DO YOU REMEMBER? THOSE HUGE SLABS OF ICE?

WHAT DO WE CALL THEM?

GLACIERS.

RIGHT. YOU ARE PAYING ATTENTION. THAT'S GOOD.

NOW, THESE GLACIERS, AS THEY MOVED DOWN OUR WAY,

YOU GOT TO UNDERSTAND, THEY'RE SO HEAVY AND SO COLD AND SO THICK

THAT THEY FREEZE THE GROUNDWATER UNDERNEATH THEM

AND THEY FORM UNDERGROUND...

GLACIERS.

RIGHT. NOW, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

SOME SCIENTISTS BELIEVE THAT THERE ARE ACTUAL UNDERGROUND GLACIAL MOVEMENTS

STILL IN THIS PART OF THE WORLD.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK THAT IS, CLASS?

Students: LAME!

EXACTLY.

LISTEN. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT MOST OF THIS HEMISPHERE--

INCLUDING THE GROUND THAT I'M WALKING ON--

ALL OF THIS WAS UNDER ICE AT SOME POINT,

SO, I GUESS FINDING SOMETHING FROZEN, DUG UP HERE OR THERE,

WOULDN'T BE THAT UNCOMMON IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

SO, MOVING RIGHT ALONG ON YOUR JOURNEY OF KNOWLEDGE,

LET ME SHOW YOU CRO-MAGNON MAN, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

HE'S DOPE. I'D GO OUT WITH HIM.

[LAUGHTER]

I DON'T THINK SO, ELLA.

YOU SEE, CRO-MAGNON MAN, EVEN THOUGH HE'S NOT BAD-LOOKING--

YOU KNOW, HE'S STANDING UPRIGHT AND ALL--

HE WAS EXTREMELY BRUTAL,

SO HE JUST TOOK WHATEVER HE WANTED,

AND THAT INCLUDED HIS WOMEN.

THAT'S BARBARIC.

INDEED.

STONE.

STONEY!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

HEY!

COME ON, CHECK THIS OUT.

FEEL THE GROUND, MAN.

WHOA. BUDDY, IT'S CHILLIN'.

IT'S NOT LIKE CHILLIN' CHILLIN'.

BRO, IT IS CHILLIN'.

I KNOW. IT'S COLD.

[BLOWS]

HELP ME.

CHECK IT, BUDDY.

OH, BUDDY.

I KNOW WHAT THIS IS, BRO.

WHAT IS IT?

IT'S A MUSTERIAN BOWL.

NO WAY!

HEY. COME ON, DAVID. BE CAREFUL WITH THAT.

WHAT'S A MUSTERIAN BOWL?

A MUSTERIAN BOWL FROM THE MUSTERIAN ERA.

PREHISTORIC ARTIFACTS FOR 500, ALEX.

DON'T YOU EVER WATCH JEOPARDY!?

HEY, THIS IS KIND OF LIKE PREHISTORIC TUPPERWARE, BRO.

IT'S STILL PRESERVED.

LIKE SMUCKER'S.

AAAAH!

[BARKING]

EARTHQUAKE. EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE!

AAH!

OH, GOD. OH, GOD.

NICE SAVE, DAVE-AGE!

STONE?

YEAH.

THERE'S A GUY BURIED IN MY POOL.

AAH! AAH!

HELLO, FRED? OH, I'M GLAD I CAUGHT YOU.

ARE YOU AVAILABLE FOR A MEETING SOMETIME THIS WEEK?

MRS. MORGAN!

MOM! MOM!

[BOTH YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

WELL, WE'RE THINKING ABOUT STARTING A CENTER FOR THE HOMELESS,

AND, UH...EXCUSE ME.

MOM, HELP!

I'M WORKING.

SO, ANYWAY, CAROL...

YOU KNOW, THEY NEVER FOUND JOE LARSEN.

YEAH, OR JIMMY HOFFA.

OR JIMMY MAHONEY.

HE WAS A KID I KNEW IN CUB SCOUTS.

COME ON, LET'S GO.

THEY NEVER FOUND THEM.

DUDE, I KNOW WHAT THIS IS.

WHAT?

IT'S A CAVE MAN.

PLEASE.

I'M SERIOUS.

NO WAY.

WHOA.

A CAVE MAN.

THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS COULD MEAN FOR US?

THIS COULD MEAN FAME OR MONEY...

OR POPULARITY.

FAR TOO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY FOR ME.

ANYWAYS, I'M ALREADY POPULAR.

YEAH. YOU TRAVEL IN LARGE GROUPS OF ONE, STONEY.

BESIDES, THIS IS MY ONE CHANCE TO MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF MYSELF.

YOU GOT TO HELP ME DIG HIM OUT.

YOU WERE HERE. YOU'RE PART OF IT.

I DON'T WANT TO BE PART OF ANYTHING, DAVE.

I'M HAPPY JUST TO BE ME.

IT COULD MEAN MONEY.

YOU TELLING ME YOU COULDN'T USE A NEW SCOOTER?

SOME NEW BELL-BOTTOMS?

A LITTLE FUN-DAGE?

WEAZE SOME OLDER NUGS WITH A MANSION AND A POOL?

SOAKING UP THE RAYS...

WATCHING ALL THE JEOPARDY! YOU CAN HANDLE?

THAT WAS THE CLINCHER, BRO.

EVERYBODY'S GOT A PRICE. COME ON.

[MOTOR RUNNING]

[DOG BARKING]

STEADY IT!

MORE GAS! MORE GAS!

HOLD!

THIS THING WEIGHS A TON.

AHH...

HEY, THERE'S HIS PITS, BRO.

THAT'S HIS HEAD.

THAT'S HIS SKULL.

[SNORES]

AH! GET OFF ME.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I DON'T LIKE MORNINGS.

OW. COME ON, LET'S GET UP.

HE'S STILL IN HERE.

NO KIDDING, DAVE. HE'S AN ICE CUBE.

WE GOT TO THAW HIM OUT.

OK.

[EXHALING]

THIS HAS GOT TO BE OUR SECRET, OK, STONE?

YOU CAN'T TELL ANYBODY. NOBODY.

CAN I TELL STEVE KOOZER?

NO ONE, ALL RIGHT? NOBODY.

OK.

YOU UNDERSTAND? NO ONE.

YEAH. ZIP.

THANK YOU.

A DEE DOO DAH.

Robyn: THIS IS KIND OF NICE.

HI, ROB.

HI, DAVE.

GUESS WHAT I FOUND.

A LIFE?

NO. COME HERE.

GUESS WHAT I FOUND.

I DON'T KNOW.

GUESS, GUESS. I HAVE NO IDEA.

[WHISPERING] I FOUND A CAVE MAN.

A CAVE MAN?

SHH! YEAH.

OH, DAVE. YOU'RE DROWNING.

IT'S COOL, RIGHT? I FOUND A CAVE MAN.

ALL BY MYSELF.

I DUG HIM OUT OF MY BACK YARD.

YOU WANT TO COME CHECK HIM OUT AFTER SCHOOL?

WELL, UH...

I'M ONLY INVITING A FEW PEOPLE.

I GOT THAT PROM THING, YOU KNOW.

10 MINUTES. PLEASE?

DAVE, I JUST...

DON'T THINK I'M READY TO HANDLE A...

A CAVE MAN.

YOU'RE NOT?

ALL RIGHT.

I UNDERSTAND.

BYE, DAVID.

[SIGHS]

I LOVE IT WHEN SHE CALLS ME DAVID.

HELLO, DAVID.

UGH.

GOING SOMEWHERE?

YEAH. I GOT A DATE WITH YOUR MOM.

THAT'S NOT NICE.

IT WAS A JOKE. I'M SORRY. JUST KIDDING.

AAH!

AAH!

YOU'VE BEEN A HEADACHE EVER SINCE THE THIRD GRADE.

I KNOW ABOUT YOUR STUPID PROM-KING BULLSHIT.

FORGET IT.

ROBYN WOULDN'T PISS ON YOUR GUMS

IF YOUR TEETH WERE ON FIRE.

YES, SHE WOULD.

HA HA. SHUSH! HUSH, PLEASE.

SHOWING YOUR IGNORANCE AGAIN, MORGAN.

SOME OF US PUMP...

AND SOME OF US SLUMP.

YOU SHOULD TRY SOME PUMP, MORGAN.

MIGHT CLEAR UP YOUR ACNE.

YOU'RE SO--

AM I?

NO. STOP.

STOP IT.

WHY DO YOU MAKE ME DO THIS?

WHAT ARE YOU WRITING? HEY, WHAT DID YOU WRITE?

MATT-- NOT THE FIRE ALARM!

MATT! MATT!

MATT! OH, GOD.

[FIRE ALARM RINGING]

HEY, COME HERE.

OH, HA HA HA.

[KIDS LAUGHING]

[CRASH]

AAAH!

[WOOF WOOF]

WOOF WOOF!

[HELICOPTER]

AAH!

HAH!

AAH!

[GLASS SHATTERS]

HMM.

[SPITTING]

[CAR APPROACHING]

[COUGHING]

[MOTOR REVVING]

AAH! AAH!

[SCREAMING]

[HORN HONKS]

AAH!

WHOA. OHH.

UHH.

I'LL BE BACK.

[HEAVY METAL PLAYING]

[SONG ENDS]

[DANCE SONG BEGINS]

HE MELTED.

DAVE, IT JUST WASN'T MEANT TO HAPPEN,

ALL RIGHT?

COME ON. I'LL GO BUY YOU SOME HO-HOs.

COME ON. IT'S ALL RIGHT.

HE MELTED.

BORIS!

[ALARM BUZZING]

AAH! AAH!

[CRASHING]

WHAT THE--

[THUMP]

[GASPS]

[GRUNTS]

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. HE'S ALIVE!

HE WAS PRACTICALLY AN ICE CUBE...PRACTICALLY.

I SAY WE JUST WALK.

NO. NO WAY. HE IS OURS.

HE IS OURS. WE FOUND HIM.

WHAT?

BE HOSPITABLE.

[CREAKING]

[SNIFFING]

UHH. AAH!

AAH!

[GRUNTS]

HOW YOU DOING? HI.

MY NAME IS DAVE.

AAH!

COME HERE. COME HERE.

COME HERE. INTRODUCE YOURSELF.

THIS IS STONEY. STONEY--HE'S MY FRIEND.

UH...THIS IS MY ROOM.

AAH!

IT'S OK. IT'S OK.

[GRUNTING]

UH...

WE'RE FROM ENCINO.

IT'S A PLEASURE TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.

AND WE HOPE YOU DON'T GNAW ON OUR BEAKS.

SHH! I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING, STONE.

[GRUNTING SOFTLY]

WE GO TO HIGH SCHOOL. HIGH SCHOOL?

HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HIGH SCHOOL IS.

I KNOW. HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT A ROOM IS.

HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT ANYTHING IS.

LOOK, JUST BE CALM AND EASY.

CALM...

AND EASY.

YEAH.

HI.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

AAH!

AAH!

AAH!

[RING]

AAH! AAH!

GET THE PHONE!

OK. OK.

[GRUNTING]

IT'S OK. IT'S OK.

SEE? I THINK HE'S CALMING DOWN.

CALMING...DOWN.

[TELEPHONE BEEPING]

AAH!

AAH!

AAH!

HUH?

FIRE.

HA HA.

FLAME-AGE.

BUDDY, HE'S INTO IT.

THAT WAS KILL, STONE.

LOOK AT HIS EYES.

BUDDY, HE LIKES THE BLUE PART.

HE'S GLOSSY EYED.

LOOK. FREAK HIM OUT.

OW!

OW! OH!

UHH!

OK. AH..AH...AH!

HA HA HA!

GIVE IT TO HIM. GIVE IT TO HIM.

[GRUNTING]

HERE. HERE. HERE.

YOU GOT TO TEACH HIM.

AHH! OHH!

[GRUNTING]

AH. OHH.

HA HA HA!

HEY!

NO.

NO?

WHAT? DID YOU JUST--

I THINK HE JUST SAID "NO."

NO.

NO?

NO. NO.

NO.

NO.

COOL, BUDDY. HE IS SO GREASY.

GREASY? HE'S A PREHISTORIC PYROMANIAC.

WE GOT TO TEACH HIM STUFF.

WE'LL TEACH HIM HOW TO WEAZE.

NO.

NO.

NO!

NO!

OH, GOD.

WE GOT TO TEACH HIM HOW TO BE NORMAL.

NO. UH-UH.

WE'RE GOING PSYCHO WITH HIM, BRO.

THAT'S BORING, DUDE-- NORMAL.

STONEY, COME ON, MAN, HANG WITH ME.

WE GOT TO JUST PLAY THIS THING OUT, ALL RIGHT?

IF WE TELL ANYONE, IF ANYONE SEES HIM,

THEY'LL TAKE HIM AWAY FROM US, ALL RIGHT?

AND THEN THEY'LL CUT HIM UP INTO LITTLE PIECES,

AND THEY'LL TAKE ALL THE CREDIT,

AND WE'LL STILL BE GEEKS.

I'M NOT A GEEK.

I'M A UNIQUE WEASEL, DAVID.

[CLICKING TONGUE]

I'M JUST UNDERRATED BECAUSE I LIVE HERE IN ENCINO.

BUD...

BUDDY...

OWWW!

OK? HE NEEDS A BATH...BIG TIME.

* I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY LOVE *

* TOO SEXY FOR MY LOVE

* LOVE'S GOING TO LEAVE ME

* I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT *

* TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT

* SO SEXY, IT HURTS

* AND I'M TOO SEXY FOR MILAN *

* TOO SEXY FOR MILAN, NEW YORK, AND JAPAN *

[GRUNTING]

* I'M TOO SEXY FOR YOUR PARTY *

* TOO SEXY FOR YOUR PARTY

* THE WAY I'M DISCO DANCING *

* I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY LOVE *

* TOO SEXY FOR MY LOVE

* LOVE'S GOING TO LEAVE ME

* AND I'M TOO SEXY FOR THIS SONG *

STANDING "O"!

[WHISTLES]

DUDE, IF I HAD A BIC, BRO, RIGHT HERE.

DON'T FREAK HIM OUT.

OK. LET'S SHOW HIM HIMSELF.

OK. HERE, LOOK. YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR MUG, BUD?

CHECK IT.

AAH!

DUDE. BUDDY, YOU SHOULD BE WITH YOUR MUG, BRO.

YOU LOOK BUFF.

RIGHT?

HEY, CAN YOU SAY BU...

UFF?

BU...UFF?

HA HA HA!

I LIKE THAT.

YOU KNOW, YOU PAUSED, TOO.

WE GOT TO GIVE HIM A COOL NAME.

AXL. YEAH, BUDDY.

NO. COME ON. NOT AXL. THIS IS SERIOUS.

I MEAN, WE'VE GOT THE MISSING LINK

STANDING IN MY BEDROOM.

LINK!

LINK! WE'LL CALL HIM LINK!

OK, COOL. LOOK, DAVID, I WAS THINKING

MAYBE WE COULD CALL HIM STONEY NUMBER 2

BECAUSE HE'S GOT MY SAME 'DO

AND HE'S FROM THE STONE AGE.

I LIKE LINK BETTER.

OK. WE'LL CALL HIM LINK,

BUT CAN I CALL HIM LINKAGE?

COOL.

COOL.

LET'S SEE HOW SMART HE IS.

WHOA!

OK.

OK.

YOU OK? OK.

UH...UH...

LOOK.

SEE?

HUH? AHH...

WHOA!

WHOA!

AAH! AAH!

OHH. AHH.

OK. OK.

UM...LINK.

LINK.

NO.

YOU'RE LINK.

I'M DAVE. DAVE.

DAVE. DAVE.

NO. DAVE. DAVE.

DAVE. DAVE. DAVE.

DAVE.

YES!

HA HA HA!

OK. AND THAT'S... THAT'S...

STONEY.

MM-HMM.

STONEY.

NO. NO. STONEY.

STONEY.

YES!

HA HA HA!

OK. OK. OK.

NOW...

YOU...ARE...

DAVE. HA!

NO, NO, NO. I'M DAVE.

YOU ARE...

BUFF.

OH...

NO.

[HORN HONKING]

IT'S ALL RIGHT. YOU'VE HAD A HARD DAY.

IT'S OK.

YOUR PARENTS!

MY PARENTS!

AAH!

OK. UH...UH... TAKE HIM OUT BACK

AND RING THE DOORBELL 3 TIMES, OK?

BUT, DAVE--

NO BUTS. JUST DO IT!

LOOK. FOLLOW THE WEASEL, LINKAGE.

COME ON. COME ON, BUD.

COME ON. COME ON. LINK, QUICK.

[CRASH]

MY KITCHEN!

AAH!

BUSTED.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M COOKING DINNER.

YOU'RE WHAT? BUSTED.

I'M COOKING DINNER FOR YOU GUYS.

I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE A NICE SURPRISE.

THEY'RE SURPRISED, ALL RIGHT.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

ALL RIGHT. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

WHERE'S THE FLOUR? I CAN'T FIND THE FLOUR.

HELLO, STANLEY. WHO IS THIS STRANGE BOY,

AND WHY IS HE RINGING MY DOORBELL?

IT GOT STUCK, SIR.

COME IN. MEET YOUR NEW FAMILY.

WHAT? WHAT? WHOSE FAMILY?

[BARKING]

BORIS, GET DOWN.

BORIS. BORIS, GET DOWN.

[BORIS BARKING]

AAH!

BORIS, GO OUTSIDE.

HEY, DAD.

DAVID, WHO IS THAT?

THAT? WHO'S THAT?

THAT WAS LINKAVITCH... CHOMOFSKY, MOM.

WHAT?

LINK...LINKAVITCH.

DOESN'T ANYBODY IN THIS HOUSE

LISTEN TO ANYTHING I SAY?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING-- WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT?

DAD. LINKAVITCH CHOMOFSKY.

OUR EXCHANGE STUDENT? HE'S HERE.

YEAH. HE'S GOING TO HELP US DIG THE POOL.

YEAH.

WHY DOES NONE OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR TO ME?

I TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS MONTHS AGO. DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

ABOUT SCHOOL GIVING US EXTRA CREDIT FOR COLLEGE

FOR HOUSING EXCHANGE STUDENTS

AND LEARNING ABOUT THEIR CULTURE AND JUNK,

AND YOU SAID IT WAS OK.

NOW YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE IT BACK?

NO, NO, NO. I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT BACK.

THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME. THIS IS MY LIFE.

BESIDES, IT'S EMBARRASSING. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL THE GUY?

HE TRAVELED HERE ALL THE WAY FROM...

I DON'T KNOW. ESTONIA?

YEAH. ESTONIA.

MOM, COME ON. YOU'RE NOT BUYING THIS.

DAD!

WELL...

ACTUALLY...

I--I THINK NOW THAT--

I--I DO RECALL SOMETHING... SOMETHING ABOUT...

YOU SEE?

SEE? IT'S ABOUT FOCUSING.

YOU'RE BOGUS.

LARRY.

HOW COULD I FORGET SOMETHING LIKE THIS?

THERE'S AN EXCHANGE STUDENT

WHO'S GOING TO BE STAYING IN OUR HOUSE...

HOW COULD YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME IN THE THIRD GRADE?

I SPENT THE ENTIRE NIGHT AFTER THE PLAY IN THE PARKING LOT.

IN THE SIXTH GRADE, DO YOU REMEMBER, THE SOCCER DUES--

OK. WHERE IS HE GOING TO STAY, AND...

AND WHY IS HE... WHY IS HE ATTACKING THE DOG?

HE'S GOING TO STAY IN MY ROOM,

AND HE'S NOT ATTACKING THE DOG. HE'S BONDING.

AS IF.

SHUT UP! YOU SHUT UP.

NO. EVERYBODY SHUT UP.

LARRY, LARRY.

I'M FINE. I'M TIRED. I'M A LITTLE HUNGRY.

I THINK IT'S TIME WE DECIDE WHAT WE'RE GOING TO MAKE FOR DINNER.

STANLEY, I ASSUME YOU'LL BE JOINING US?

YOU ASSUME CORRECTLY, MR. M.

WELL, WE PRACTICALLY FEED THE ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD.

WHY NOT PART OF ESTONIA AS WELL, HUH?

I ALWAYS EAT HERE, AND I LIKE YOUR FOOD.

GREAT.

[RINGING DOORBELL]

STOP IT. STOP IT.

NO. NO.

NO.

[DING DONG]

Dave: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TOLD MY PARENTS

HE'S FROM ESTONIA.

Stoney: COW PAJAMAS, BUDDY.

THOSE ARE KIND OF FLAMING.

OHH.

SOME BETTY, HUH?

BETTY.

MMM.

GONZAGAS.

GONZAGAS.

BUDDY, CONES.

[MOANING]

I KNOW YOU'VE HAD A BIG DAY, PAL,

BUT TOMORROW, I AM GOING TO TAKE YOU

SOMEPLACE REALLY SPECIAL.

TACO BELL.

BETTER. GET THE CAMERA, STONE.

HA HA.

CONGRATULATIONS, LINK.

YOU'RE GOING TO BE A SENIOR.

SMILE.

AAH!

UHH!

* WILD THING

* YOU MAKE MY HEART SING

* YOU MAKE EVERYTHING GROOVY *

* WILD THING

UHH!

NO. HE DOESN'T LIKE THAT.

THAT'S GLASS. THAT HURTS YOUR BEAK, RIGHT?

STAND UP STRAIGHT.

POOR STONE-AGER.

HE SPENT A MILLION YEARS

CHILLIN' IN A BLOCK OF ICE.

NOW HE'S GOT TO GO TO HIGH SCHOOL. UCK!

WHO'S THAT GUY WITH THE DORK SQUAD?

OH, MY GOD. HE IS TOTALLY RUDE.

TOTALLY.

WE HAVE GOT A MAJOR FIND HERE.

THIS GUY IS OUR TICKET TO FAME AND POPULARITY.

ALL WE GOT TO DO IS GET HIM ENROLLED IN SCHOOL,

AND HE'LL HELP US BECOME POPULAR.

HEY, THAT'S HARSH.

WE'LL MAKE HIM FAMOUS.

WE'LL TEACH HIM SOME STUPID PET TRICKS

AND GET HIM ON LETTERMAN.

YOU'RE WEAZIN' OFF HIS GIG.

OH, PLEASE. HE'S A CAVE MAN, FOR GOD'S SAKES.

I MEAN, LOOK AT HIM.

HE'S PRACTICALLY A MONKEY.

COME HERE.

AHH.

WE FOUND HIM.

WE CAN DO WHATEVER WE WANT WITH HIM.

WE, WE, WE. NO, NO, NO.

YOU, YOU, YOU. I JUST WANT TO BE HIS FRIEND.

FINE.

HELLO, MRS. MACKEY.

FINE.

AND WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?

HI, STEVE KOOZER.

OK. GOT HIM COVERED UP TO FOURTH PERIOD.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH HIM AFTER THAT.

I CAN TAKE HIM TO SPANISH, IF YOU WANT.

I'LL BE COOL, MAN. I PROMISE.

OK.

WHAT'S HE DOING?

I DON'T KNOW.

LINK, BE CAREFUL!

UH...UH...

HEY, LINK, HOW'S YOUR MELON, BUD?

[SNIFFING]

WHOA.

EXCUSE ME. HEY, HEY, HEY.

[GRUNTING]

WHOA. HA HA HA!

LINK.

IS THIS DUDE TOTALLY FUNDAMENTAL OR WHAT?

DID YOU MISS ME?

ALWAYS. WHO IS THIS?

THIS IS MY FRIEND LINK.

HE'S STAYING WITH US FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

HE'S FROM ESTONIA.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

THIS GUY... IS STAYING WITH YOU GUYS?

MM-HMM.

AHH...

YEAH. HE'S THINKING OF BECOMING A HAIRDRESSER, ACTUALLY.

DESIGNING CRUSTY MOPS

FOR THE RICH AND THE FAMOUS, LITTLE ONE.

UHH. GONZAGAS.

NO!

HEY, HEY, HEY.

BYE, ROB.

I THINK HE WAS SAYING HE LIKES YOUR CONES.

I'M THRILLED. GET OUT OF MY FACE.

OW!

ROBYN, THAT IMPORT IS MINE.

THIS IS JUST IN TIME FOR PROM.

IS HE FINE OR WHAT?

I'M NOT SURE.

HE'S A LOOKER. HA HA.

LINK. LINK!

LINK, PLEASE. COME SIT DOWN.

[GRUNTING]

WHO IS THIS DIPSHIT, ANYWAY?

HIS NAME'S LINK.

HE'S FROM ESTONIA, AND I THINK HE'S JIVE.

JIVE. YEAH. YOU DO?

HELL, YEAH.

AND I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE.

HEY...LINK!

[COUGHING]

[BELL RINGS]

Dave: FIFTH PERIOD. WATCH HIM.

ALL RIGHT, DAVE-AGE.

BUDDY, WE GOT SPANISH NOW.

SPANISH IS LIKE GUACAMOLE, CHIPS AND SALSA.

LA DÃ

THE DAY IS BEAUTIFUL.

[RAP MUSIC PLAYING]

SORRY, YOU GUYS.

WHOA, MAN!

[LAUGHING]

REPITAN EN ESPAÑOL.

THE CHEESE IS OLD AND MOLDY.

[CLASS SPEAKING SPANISH]

WHERE IS THE BATHROOM?

¿DONDE ESTA EL SANITARIO?

[CLASS SPEAKING SPANISH]

Teacher: GOOD. GOOD. ONCE AGAIN.

YOU'RE CUTE.

CUTE.

MEET ME AT BLADES TONIGHT.

BLADES TONIGHT.

YES?

YOU CAN DROP HIM OFF IN FRONT OF BLADES TONIGHT, RIGHT?

OH, UM, CAN DAVID AND I GO, TOO, PLEASE?

UCK. YOU SMELL.

HE-HEY, SEÑORITA!

THAT HURT MY LOBES!

I DIDN'T DO IT. THEY STARTED IT.

KASHMIR, RAJNISH,

HOW MANY MINUTES FOR THE BURRITO AGAIN?

Kashmir: 2 MINUTES.

Rajnish: ONE MINUTE. ONE AND A HALF.

AHH! MAKE UP YOUR MELONS!

AHH.

IS IT ONE OR 2?

ONE AND A HALF MINUTES.

OK.

OK, MY FRIEND. TRY AND EXPERIENCE

WHAT I'M ABOUT TO CHIRP IN YOUR LOBES. OK, COOL?

UHH.

TODAY, BUDDY, WE'RE GOING TO DISCUSS GRINDAGE--

HOW TO FILL THE FURNACE,

PACK THE CHEEKS, AND STUFF THE GILLS. OK?

YOU'RE PROBABLY USED TO EATING TWIGS, RIGHT?

BUT OUT HERE IN THE U.S. OF A., BUDDY,

WE GOT SOMETHING CALLED THE 4 BASIC FOOD GROUPS.

AND, LINK, THIS IS NOT ONE OF THEM.

OH.

LOOK AT WHAT WE HAVE HERE.

DAIRY GROUP.

MILK DUDS.

YOU HIDE THESE UNDER YOUR PILLOW, BRO,

SO YOUR MOM DOESN'T FIND THEM.

IF SHE DOES, YOU'RE TWEAKED, BUDDY.

KEEP ON CRUISIN'.

FRUIT GROUP. SWEETTARTS.

THESE ARE KILLER, BUDDY.

SO CITRUSY, DUDE, YOU'LL FREAK.

KEEP ON CRUISIN'.

UH-HUH.

RIGHT. THIS IS THE VEGETABLE GROUP.

VEGETABLE GROUP.

CORN NUTS. PUT THEM ON A PEDESTAL, BRO.

LOOK AT THAT. YEAH. THOSE ARE KILL, HUH?

[MICROWAVE DINGS]

MEAT GROUP!

COME ON, LINK. THE MEAT GROUP.

THESE ARE MY FAVORITE. AHH.

HEY--HEY!

YOU GOT TO BE EQUAL. EQUAL.

SO 50-50. HERE.

MMM.

MMM.

[SPITTING]

EW!

FIGURES. HOT ON THE OUTSIDE,

ICICLE IN THE MIDDLE.

Kashmir: 2 MINUTES.

BUT YOU LIKE THAT, RIGHT, BECAUSE YOU'RE A CAVE MAN.

COOL, BUDDY.

THE BEVERAGE. ICEE, BRO.

THIS IS WHAT PUT THIS PLACE ON THE MAP.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MR. STONEY? NO. YOU CAN'T DO THIS.

YOU CAN'T DO THIS HERE.

LEAVE NOW. NOW. YOU MUST LEAVE NOW. PLEASE.

LOOK, KASHMIR, RAJNISH, WHY DON'T YOU JUST CHILL?

NO BUDS CHILL.

LINK AND I ARE CRUISIN' THE MOUNTAIN, BRO,

AND WE FIGURED WE'D WEAZE A LITTLE JU-ICE.

NO WEAZING THE JU-ICE.

WEAZE THE JUICE.

NO, NO, NO WEAZING THE JUICE!

NO WEAZING THE JUICE!

HEY! HEY!

DUDE. CHILL, BUDS.

NO BUDS CHILL.

NO, NO, NO.

IT'S OK. JUST CHILL.

I'LL BE BACK.

NO BUDS CHILL.

AAH! AAH!

AAH! AAH!

OH, MY GOD, NO! WAIT, STOP!

AAH! AAH!

AAH!

AAH!

OWWW!

HERE WE GO!

WHOO!

WHOO!

WAS THAT THE HOTTEST OR WHAT, BRO?

ARE YOU INTO IT?

* JOY TO THE FISHES IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA *

* JOY TO YOU AND ME

STOP! STOP! WHERE DID YOU GO?

YOU JUST TOOK OFF AFTER SCHOOL.

DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED I'VE BEEN?

YOU SOUND LIKE MY MOM.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME.

WHAT'S ON HIS NOSE?

JUST CHILL, BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHY?

LINK AND I HAD A STONEY TIME AT THE MOUNTAIN.

YOU TOOK HIM TO MEGAMOUNTAIN? ARE YOU CRAZY?

THEY'RE RIDING THE VAPOR IN REVERSE.

THEY ARE? OH, COOL.

CHECK OUT THE FRESH NUGS, WEAZIN' THE JUICE.

OWWW! OWWW!

BUDDY. BUDDY.

CHECK OUT MY CAT. OWWW!

OH, MY GOD.

YOU GOT HIM TALKING LIKE YOU NOW.

OWWW! OWWW!

GEE, LINK, THAT IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

IS IT OLD?

[GAGS]

YOU KNOW, MR. M., THE WAY I LOOK AT IT,

SOMEDAY YOUR DAUGHTER AND I COULD BE MARRIED,

AND WE COULD BE RELATED.

I COUNT THE DAYS.

SO, STANLEY, HOW'S YOUR MOTHER?

SHE'S REALLY BUMMED.

CAN YOU PASS THE PEAS?

SURE.

THANKS.

MR. MORGAN, IF YOU'RE EDGED

BECAUSE I'M WEAZIN' ON YOUR GRINDAGE,

JUST CHILL BECAUSE IF I HAD

THE WHOLE BRADY BUNCH THING HAPPENING AT MY PAD,

I'D GO GRIND OVER THERE,

SO DON'T TAX MY GIG SO HARD-CORE, CRUSTER.

ENGLISH, STANLEY. SPEAK ENGLISH.

DAD!

LINK, HONEY, HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

HOW ARE YOU ADJUSTING?

HE'S DOING JUST GREAT.

WE GOT HIM ENROLLED IN ALL HIS CLASSES.

DIDN'T WE, PAL? YEAH.

A SUCCESS.

[FLY BUZZING]

WHAT'S UP?

HOW WAS YOUR DAY, MOM?

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

WHAT'S HE DOING?

I THINK HE'S TRACKING A FLY.

* SHOO, FLY

* DON'T BOTHER ME

* SHOO, FLY

* DON'T BOTHER ME

* SHOO, FLY

* DON'T BOTHER ME

* 'CAUSE YOU BELONG TO MY FRIEND LINK *

GOOD CATCH.

[BUZZING]

[GULP]

MEAT GROUP.

[SNIFFING]

HE'S INTO MUNCHING, TOO, YOU KNOW?

BLADES--FINALLY PART OF THE ELITE.

HOW COOL ARE WE?

WE'RE COOL.

DAVID, I EVEN SHOWERED, BRO.

CHECK OUT MY--

DUDE, I GOT THE RADDEST DEODORANT ON, BUDDY.

TAKE A WHIFF, BUD.

DUDE, SMELL.

* OH, NO

* YOU'RE INVITED, BUT YOUR FRIEND CAN'T COME *

LINK. HEY.

I AM SO GLAD TO SEE YOU.

HON, LOSE THE GEEK SQUAD.

THEY'RE BAD FOR YOUR DEAL.

BLADES.

HIGHWAY PATROL, BARNEYS INCOMING.

GET 'EM. GOT 'EM.

HEY, ROB--

OH!

GOOD. GOOD.

THAT WAS NOT COOL AT ALL.

YOU KNOW, YOU COULD HURT HIS PANCREAS.

I LIKE THE KETCHUP AND MUSTARD.

VERY AVANT-GARDE.

WHOA.

IS THAT ME?

BETTY.

BETTY.

BETTY?

BETTY NUGS.

BETTY NUGS.

ROBYN, DON'T FORGET.

WE'VE BEEN NAKED TOGETHER.

NICE BODY.

REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER?

DID YOU SHOW THIS TO ANYONE?

NO. THAT'S YOUR COPY.

YOU CAN SHOW ANYONE YOU WANT.

THANKS, DAVE.

OH, I GET IT.

THIS IS YOUR OLD GIRLFRIEND

IN ESTONIA OR SOMETHING.

DO YOU MISS HER?

BECAUSE I CAN TELL YOU FROM EXPERIENCE,

LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS NEVER WORK OUT.

OH.

ESTONIA IS A LONG WAYS AWAY, LINK...

AND I'M RIGHT HERE.

SO LET'S WORK ON CHANGING YOUR MIND...

RAD MOBILE.

RAD MOBILE.

WHOA.

RAD MOBILE.

OR NOT.

YOU JUST THINK I'M BAD FOR YOUR ACT. THAT'S ALL.

RIGHT. AND YOU THINK I'M GOOD FOR YOURS.

WHAT?

MATT!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED IN HERE.

HA HA! WHOA!

WHOA!

OH! AAH!

WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!

ARE YOU DEAF, DORK?

DIDN'T I FORBID YOU TO SPEAK TO HER?

AAH!

THAT'S ALL, LINK. IT'S OVER.

Robyn: MATT!

Stoney: END OF STORY.

I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.

AAH!

Link: WEAZE THE JUICE!

HEY!

YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?

OH, GOD!

Man: FIGHT! FIGHT!

I DON'T KNOW YOU.

I DON'T LIKE YOU.

AS OF NOW,

I'M ALL OVER YOU.

DID YOU SEE THAT?

THE NEW KID, HE TOOK IT.

WHOA. WHOA.

DON'T JUST STAND THERE.

DO SOMETHING. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.

HIT HIM BACK.

LINK, HIT HIM BACK.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

WHAT DO YOU THINK

OF YOUR BULGARIAN DORK-BUD, NOW, HMM?

THAT WAS HARSH, MATT.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

THE STENCH OF LOSERS

IS DOING DAMAGE TO MY SINUSES.

JUST STOP IT, MATT.

JUST DON'T EVEN COME NEAR ME.

HEY, WATCH IT.

YOU KNOW, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THIS?

BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I NEED IT ANYMORE.

HEY!

CAN'T BELIEVE HE GOT NAILED.

HE'S A PACIFIST.

A PACIFIST CAVE MAN?

YOU'RE MENTAL.

CAVE MANS AREN'T LIKE US, DAVE.

THEY FOUGHT FOR FOOD AND SURVIVAL.

THEY DID NOT FIGHT FOR POPULARITY.

WHAT WOULD HE BE FIGHTING FOR?

FOR FACE. FOR US.

TO BE COOL.

COOL, HUH?

HE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT COOL IS, DAVE.

HE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.

HE KNOWS NOTHING.

HE'S GOT TO LEARN HOW TO DEFEND HIMSELF.

AGAINST WHAT?

AGAINST BUTTHOLES LIKE MATT.

COME ON. COME ON.

* I'M GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT

* MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT

* I'M GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT

* MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT

TV: OH, AIRPLANE SPIN.

GOING ROUND AND ROUND.

Dave: LINK, STOP!

HEY, STOP!

* KNOCK YOU OUT

* I'M GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT

* MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT

* KNOCK YOU OUT, MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT *

HEY! HEY! HEY!

HEY, LINK! AAH!

PUT ME DOWN, LINK!

AAH!

* KNOCK YOU OUT

Stoney: OW. MY PANCREAS.

[BELL RINGS]

HEY, LOOK.

HEY, DUDE, MAN.

YOU TOOK IT FROM WILSON.

NO ONE'S EVER DONE THAT BEFORE AND SURVIVED.

YE HEE HEE WHOO!

OH, MAN.

MMM.

WHOO!

LINK! GET BACK HERE!

OH, MY GOD. HE'S SO...

* MATTIE TOLD HATTIE

* ABOUT A THING SHE SAW

* HAD TWO BIG ARMS

* AND A WOOLLY JAW

* WOOLY BULLY

* WOOLY BULLY

* WOOLY BULLY

* WOOLY BULLY

* WOOLY BULLY *

HEY.

HOME SLICE.

WHAT'S UP, MAN?

WE'LL SEE YOU IN MR. ALBERT'S CLASS, HUH?

SLICEY.

HELLO, LITTLE ONE.

WE TOOK A VOTE,

AND THE COMPUTER CLUB FEELS

YOUR PRESENCE WILL BE A VALUABLE ASSET TO OUR ORGANIZATION.

COMPUTER CLUB. COMPUTER CLUB.

HOMEBOY.

WHY DOESN'T THAT HAPPEN WHEN MATT HITS ME?

GIVE YOURSELF A FEW MILLION YEARS, DAVID.

BEAUTIFUL ORANGE SKIRT YOU HAVE.

THAT'S A NICE BELL-BOTTOM OUTFIT YOU HAVE.

LINK. LINK. LINK.

GET DOWN. GET DOWN.

ALL RIGHT. HEY.

NO. I WAS JUST PLAYING. I WAS JUST PLAYING.

ALL RIGHT, CRO-MAGNON MAN--

WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING AT HERE, CLASS,

IS A REPRESENTATION OF WHAT CRO-MAGNON MAN'S EVERYDAY LIFE

MAY HAVE BEEN LIKE.

IF HE WAS HERE TODAY,

YOU COULD SIT NEXT TO HIM ON A BUS,

YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

WE'RE GOING TO LOOK AT THE GIANT SLOTH.

[ROARS]

[SCREECHES]

[GROWLS]

[GROWLS]

UHH!

[SCREECHES]

AAH!

CLASS, THIS IS SABERTOOTH CAT.

EVEN THOUGH HE'S BEEN EXTINCT

FOR WELL OVER 10,000 YEARS,

WHILE HE WAS ALIVE YOU CAN IMAGINE

THAT MANY A CAVEMAN WAS A TASTY MEAL

TO ONE OF THESE.

Link: AAH!

THERE'S ONE NOW.

LET'S GO LOOK AT THE MAMMOTH DISPLAY,

OUR SCHOOL MASCOT.

COME ON.

LOOK OUT!

WHOA!

[BLOWING]

LINK, GET OUT FROM THERE.

AAH!

LOOK AT HIM. HE'S FLIPPING OUT.

HE KNOWS, DAVE.

WHAT?

HE KNOWS.

HE KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM.

WE HAVE TO HELP HIM.

LINK.

LINK.

LINK.

OW.

LINK.

HEY.

STOP IT.

LOOK. HEY, I UNDERSTAND.

FAMILY.

FAMILY.

FAMILY.

YOU OK?

IT'S OK. LOOK, WE'RE YOUR NEW FAMILY, MAN.

WE'RE YOUR NEW FAMILY.

IT'S OK.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

HE'S BURNT FROM ALL THIS.

SEEING AS WE STARTED THE SCHOOL YEAR AS TOTAL LOSERS

AND NOW EVERYONE KNOWS WHO WE ARE,

I DON'T THINK ONE MISTAKE IS SUCH A BIG DEAL.

YOU'RE DOGGIN' HIM, DAVE.

JUST PROMISE ME JUST A LITTLE MORE MELLOW?

NOT SO MUCH?

STONEY.

DAVE.

ALL RIGHT.

IF IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER,

I'LL BE MORE MELLOW WITH HIM.

OK, ROBYN SWEENEY.

HERE.

AGAIN?

I JUST CAN'T QUITE GET THAT PARALLEL-PARKING THING.

WHOA. WHOA. PARALLEL PARKING IS NOT A THING.

UNDERSTAND? IT'S NOT A FEELING,

IT'S NOT A STATE OF MIND,

AND IT'S NOT ONE OF YOUR DISCO DANCES.

NOW GET IN THE CAR,

AND DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.

OK, MR. BEADY.

LINKAVITCH CHOMOFSKY.

OOH. OOH.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

GET INSIDE THE CAR.

I CAN SHOOT YOUR BARBER.

WITH HEMINGWAY'S THE SUN ALSO RISES

WHERE THE BLOOD SPORT OF BULLFIGHTING IS USED...

UH-OH.

OH, GOD!

RAD MOBILE! RAD MOBILE!

BOYS, WILL YOU SIT DOWN?

MELLOW, DAVE. THIS ISN'T MELLOW.

LINK! LINK!

DAVE.

WATCH THE PEOPLE! GRAB THE WHEEL!

HEY! COME ON!

TELL HIM TO STOP!

OK. STOP.

DIDN'T PHASE HIM, BRO.

ALL RIGHT, LINK, JOKE'S OVER. STOP.

HEY.

STOP THAT CAR, YOUNG MAN.

NO, LINK! BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL!

WHO WAS THAT? WHO WAS THAT?

A CAR! A CAR!

AAH!

CLOSE CALL, BUDDY.

HEY, BUDDY.

HI, ROB.

HI, DAVE.

RED LIGHT!

AAH!

BOOM! THERE HE WAS UP ON TWO WHEELS.

I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS.

I DON'T TEACH THAT.

I GOT THE LICENSE PLATE NUMBER.

IT'S E684257.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO WRITE

I LEFT THE KEYS IN THE IGNITION, DO YOU?

OW!

I THINK HE'S GOT THE HANG OF IT.

WELL, THAT CONCLUDES OUR PARALLEL PARKING FOR TODAY.

CLASS DISMISSED.

Robyn: LINK, I THINK YOU JUST FAILED DRIVER'S ED.

HEY, LINK, WAIT UP.

WHERE ARE WE?

GREAT.

* MOVE YOUR BODY

* MOVE YOUR BODY TO THE RHYTHM OF LOVE *

* MOVE YOUR BODY

* MOVE YOUR BODY TO THE RHYTHM OF LOVE *

HOLA, MI AMIGOS.

IS IT OK IF I JUST CHILL UPON HERE?

ODALé.

AMIGO, HUH?

YOU WANT TO BE A MAN, éSE?

UH, EVENTUALLY, YEAH,

BUT I'M ALMOST THERE. LOOK.

LOOK AT MY PATCH, BRO.

WHOA. WHOA.

MACHO.

THIS IS TEQUILA, RIGHT?

HMM.

WAIT, WHERE'S THE WORM?

THE WORM'S RIGHT THERE, éSE.

UH-UH. I'M A WEASEL.

[IMITATING WEASEL]

A WEASEL, EH?

YEAH.

YOU WANT TO BE A MAN, WEASEL?

YOU WANT TO BE A MAN, éSE?

THEN DRINK LIKE AN HOMBRE.

NO, I CAN'T. NO. I'M NOT GONNA.

WHAT?

AAH! YOU GUYS!

IT'S DISRESPECTFUL, WEASEL!

BE A MAN, éSE. COME ON.

DRINK IT UP. LET'S GO.

DRINK LIKE A MAN, éSE.

YOU CAN DO IT, éSE. YOU CAN DO IT.

ANDALE!

[HOWLING]

COME ON! OTRA! OTRA!

OTRA VEZ! OTRA VEZ! OTRA VEZ! OTRA!

OK, OK, OK. STOP.

5 MORE, MAN.

[CHANTING] WEASEL! WEASEL!

WEASEL! WEASEL! WEASEL!

WEASEL! WEASEL! WEASEL!

[HOWLING]

WEASEL! WEASEL! WEASEL!

WAIT, WAIT! STOP, STOP!

DUDE, DO I HAVE TO PAY FOR 'EM?

[HOWLING]

* MOVE YOUR BODY

* MOVE YOUR BODY

* MOVE YOUR BODY TO THE RHYTHM OF LOVE *

* MOVE YOUR BODY

HEY.

HEY, STONE.

WHERE'S LINK?

DANCING.

* MOVE YOUR BODY TO THE RHYTHM OF LOVE *

COOL. LET'S GO. LET'S GO DANCE.

NO. I'M NOT GOOD AT DANCING.

DAVE, YOU ARE TOO UPTIGHT.

I JUST DON'T LIKE TO DANCE.

HEY, WEASELS, WHAT'S HAPPENING?

HEY. ENRIQUE, DAVE. ENRIQUE.

HEY, MAN, YOU VATOS SEE THAT MUCHACHA OVER THERE?

YOU SEE HER?

YOU SEE HER?

DON'T BE LOOKING AT HER, MAN!

YOU SEE HER?

IF I SEE ANY MAN LOOKING AT MY MUCHACHA,

THAT MAN WILL NO LONGER BE RECOGNIZABLE AS A MAN.

NOW I WANT YOU VATOS

TO HAVE A GOOD TIME, ALL RIGHT?

SEE YOU LATER, WEASELS.

AHH.

* FEEL THE RHYTHM

* FEEL THE RHYTHM EVERYWHERE *

* FEEL THE RHYTHM

* FEEL-FEEL-FEEL-FEEL THE RHYTHM *

* MOVE YOUR BODY

* MOVE YOUR BODY TO THE RHYTHM OF LOVE *

* MOVE YOUR BODY *

CHOMOFSKY...CHOMOFSKY...

GOT IT.

CHOMOFSKY.

"RABIES, DISTEMPER, FLEA DIP."

WHAT IS THIS?

IT'S A DOG LICENSE, MAN.

WHOA.

ANIMAL SHELTER.

WHAT ARE THE TWO BIGGEST LOSERS IN SCHOOL HIDING?

A DOG?

IT'S NOT HIS LICENSE.

MM-HMM.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

* YEAH

* YOU KNOW YOU REALLY TURN ME ON *

* COME ON NOW, HON, YEAH

* YOU KNOW YOU REALLY TURN ME ON *

* YOU DO, YOU DO

* AND WHEN, WHEN, OH, WHEN YOU DO IT *

* UH, UH, UH, OH

* THAT'S MY SONG

* COME ON NOW, BABY, YEAH

* COME ON AND DO IT TO ME PLEASE *

AAH!

* DO IT, LET'S DO IT

* HIP, HIP, HIP, YOU DO IT *

* COME ON, UH, UH, UH, OH *

* THAT'S MY SONG

* LET'S DO IT, LET'S DO IT *

* YOU'RE TURNING ME ON

* LET'S DO IT, LET'S DO IT *

* COME ON NOW, LET'S DO A TWIRL *

* COME ON, AND DO IT TO ME *

* COME ON, LET'S DO A TWIRL *

YOU'RE RIGHT, éSE.

SHE'S NOT WORTH IT.

YEAH, THE VATO'S GOT A POINT.

HEY, SHE AIN'T WORTH IT, HOMES.

COME HERE, VATO.

* LET'S DO IT, LET'S DO IT **

POLICE.

INMIGRACIóN.

OH, GOD! LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!

OH, SHIT.

STONE, STONE, LOOK. TAKE ROBYN.

[BELCHES]

ROBYN, TAKE STONE.

GET HIM OUT OF HERE.

I'LL MEET UP WITH YOU GUYS LATER.

ALL RIGHT, GET OUT OF HERE.

LINK!

LINK!

LINK! LINK!

THE COPS ARE HERE. GET DOWN. GET DOWN.

COME ON. WE'RE GOING TO GET BUSTED.

YOU ARE BUSTED.

STONEY IS THE CRUSTIEST VATO

I'VE EVER WITNESSED.

SO DON'T HARSH HIS GIG, BUDDY.

OW! OW! OW!

BUDDY.

BYE, GUYS.

DRIVE SAFELY.

[HONKS HORN]

NICE ELEMENT YOU'RE HANGING OUT WITH.

WHO ARE YOUR FRIENDS IN THE LOWRIDER?

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, MATT. GO HOME.

HUH.

WHAT TIME DO YOU WANT ME

TO PICK YOU UP TOMORROW NIGHT?

IT'S THE PROM, REMEMBER?

YOU KNOW, YOU ARE JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS WHAT PEOPLE THINK.

OH, IT'S REALLY PATHETIC.

HEY, WATCH IT.

MATT, I'M NOT GOING TO THE PROM WITH YOU.

I WANT TO GO WITH SOMEBODY WHO'S REALLY COOL,

WHO'S NOT AFRAID OF BEING HIMSELF OR HAVING FUN.

GOOD NIGHT.

WHO'S COOLER THAN ME?

YOUR PHONE CALL.

YOU GOT ONE. MAKE IT QUICK.

THANKS.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

MATTHEW WILSON.

HELLO.

ROBYN.

DAVE, DID YOU GUYS GET AWAY OK?

WE'RE IN PRISON. IT'S BEEN GREAT.

LOOK, THIS IS MY ONE PHONE CALL,

AND I'M USING IT TO ASK YOU

TO GO TO THE PROM WITH ME.

SO JUST SAY YES.

NO.

WHY NOT?

I WANT TO GO WITH LINK.

WHAT?

LOOK, WILL YOU JUST ASK LINK

IF HE'LL GO WITH ME?

YOU WANT ME TO WHAT?

LOOK, I'M SORRY.

I TELL YOU WHAT.

WE'LL ALL GO TOGETHER.

WE'LL HAVE A GREAT TIME. HOW ABOUT THAT?

DAVE.

HEY, DAVID!

HEY.

¿CóMO ESTá USTED MUY BONITAS DE DIA?

HEY, WAIT. HOW WAS JAIL?

DID YOU MEET ANYONE?

HEY, WAIT! WAIT UP!

LOOK, THINGS JUST DIDN'T TURN OUT RIGHT.

I MEAN, I DON'T WANT THEM CUTTING YOU UP

INTO LITTLE PIECES OR ANYTHING.

THIS IS JUST WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU.

IT'S BEST FOR ME, TOO, ALL RIGHT.

HERE.

FOR RAD MOBILE.

FOR RAD MOBILE.

YEAH. PUT THEM IN YOUR POCKET.

DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.

THIS IS JUST THE WAY IT'S GOT TO BE.

GO ON. GET OUT OF HERE.

GO ON.

GO ON. LEAVE.

GO.

I'M SORRY.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

TALK TO ME, DAVE.

LET ME KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON, MAN.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M LETTING HIM GO.

WHAT?

LOOK, I CAN'T HANDLE HIM ANYMORE.

BESIDES, HE'LL BE BETTER OFF WITH SOMEBODY ELSE.

NO, HE'S NOT, DAVE.

LISTEN TO ME. CALL HIM BACK.

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

I'M NOT KIDDING. CALL HIM BACK.

IT'S DONE, MAN.

I'M SERIOUS. CALL HIM BACK. THAT'S HARSH.

HE'S NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY.

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WHEEZED OFF HIS GIG THE WHOLE TIME

BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT MAYBE IT'D GET YOU SOMEWHERE,

AND NOW THE GUY GETS A LITTLE CRUSTY,

AND YOU'RE JUST GOING TO BAG HIM.

I'M SORRY. THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS WITH FRIENDS, MAN.

YOU DON'T BAG YOUR FRIENDS

BECAUSE THEY GET IN YOUR WAY, NO MATTER WHAT.

YOU'VE ONLY CARED ABOUT NUGS, CHILLIN', AND GRINDAGE.

I HAPPEN TO CARE RIGHT NOW.

THAT'S CONVENIENT.

YOU CAME ALONG FOR THE RIDE,

AND YOU LET ME DO THE DIRTY WORK

BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT IT MIGHT WORK OUT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.

THOSE ARE DESPERATE WORDS OF A LOSER.

MAYBE MATT WILSON WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU.

TAKE THAT BACK, STONEY.

NO, YOU TAKE IT BACK.

TAKE IT BACK!

YOU'RE A LOSER.

ALL RIGHT.

I'M SORRY.

FAMILY.

YOU CAN LET GO, LINK.

I'M SORRY, MAN.

IT'S OK.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT GOT INTO ME.

I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T MEAN IT, STONE.

I'M SORRY ABOUT IT.

OW!

[RAP SONG PLAYING]

YOU LOOK GREAT.

HAVE A GOOD TIME.

YOU DESERVE IT.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[SNIFFING]

IF YOU TOUCH HER...

SO YOU THINK THEY'RE READY?

I DON'T KNOW.

DAVE!

DAVE, HEY.

HEY.

YOU'RE NOT READY.

I CAN'T GO.

OF COURSE YOU CAN.

JUST TURN AROUND AND GO UPSTAIRS,

PUT SOMETHING ON.

NO, REALLY, I CAN'T. I'M ON PROBATION.

I'M GROUNDED.

HI, LINK. YOU LOOK GREAT.

YOU GUYS GO. HAVE A GOOD TIME.

COME ON. LET GO.

OH, NO, NO, NO. COME ON.

DAVE, ARE YOU SURE?

GO. HAVE A GOOD TIME.

GO ON. GET OUT OF HERE.

HAVE A GOOD TIME.

DRIVE SAFELY.

GOD, SHE SMELLS GOOD.

TO LINK.

MAY HE HAVE A COOL TIME AT THE PROM.

TO LINKAGE.

THERE'S ALWAYS COLLEGE.

JUNIOR COLLEGE.

LINK, GET DOWN HERE.

GIVE ME A BOOST.

WHOA.

HA HA HA!

GOTCHA.

DAVE!

STONEY, COME ON.

UH-OH.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

GIVE ME BACK THOSE PICTURES.

NO.

HEY, COME BACK HERE.

THEY TOOK THE POLAROIDS.

COME ON.

COME ON. THOSE ARE OUR PICTURES.

AND IT'S UNANIMOUS.

THE VOTE FOR PROM KING GOES TO--

WAIT!

WAIT!

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, MATT?

COME ON. STOP IT.

THIS IS OUR SCHOOL, RIGHT?

YEAH. YEAH.

AND WE HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW

IF SOMETHING BOGUS IS GOING DOWN

IN OUR SCHOOL, RIGHT?

RIGHT. RIGHT.

THIS HUMMER RIGHT HERE IS TAKING YOU FOR A RIDE.

HIS NAME ISN'T LINKOVITCH CHOMOFSKY,

AND HE'S NOT FROM ESTONIA.

MATT, WILL YOU JUST STOP THIS ALREADY?

SHOOSH!

TRUST ME.

THEY'VE ALL BEEN LYING TO US,

BUT I FOUND OUT.

I KNOW THE TRUTH.

DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH?

YEAH. YEAH.

DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HE REALLY IS?

YEAH! YEAH!

Girl: WHAT'S THE SECRET?

HE'S A CAVEMAN.

NO. NO!

LOOK! HE'S A FREAK!

I GOT PICTURES.

NO!

LET ME SEE THOSE PICTURES.

GIVE ME BACK THOSE PICTURES.

GIVE ME THOSE.

NO.

DAVE!

HMM-MMM!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, FAG?

WHOA.

HEY.

HEY!

HEY!

WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!

HEY!

WATCH, WATCH, WATCH.

UH-HUH.

SHOOSH!

OW!

* SHE LIKES TO FEED THE MONKEY *

* SHE LIKES TO FEED THE MONKEY *

* SHE LIKES TO FEED THE MONKEY *

* SHE LIKES TO BOOGIE

* WELL, YOU GOT TO LET ME TELL YOU *

* ALL THE STORY

* OF A HOMETOWN BOY AND HIS MONKEY *

* HE'S GOT THAT KIND OF MONKEY *

* THAT THE GIRLS WANT TO KNOW *

* HE LIKES TO TAKE HIS MONKEY *

* EVERY PLACE THAT HE GOES

OW!

* TO FEED THE MONKEY

* DIDN'T YOU KNOW

WATCH THIS.

* A FUNKY MONKEY

* I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW

* HOW DID HE GET SO HUNGRY? *

* I'D LIKE TO KNOW

* WOULD YOU FEED MY MONKEY? *

* WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO THE WILD THING? *

* MY MONKEY DON'T SCRATCH, MY MONKEY DON'T BITE *

* MY MONKEY DON'T SWING IN NO TREE *

* MY MONKEY DON'T CHILL, MY MONKEY DON'T DROOL *

* MY MONKEY DON'T START A THING *

* MY MONKEY DON'T FREAK, MY MONKEY DON'T CARE *

* MY MONKEY GONNA BE OK *

* YOU TELL MY MONKEY YOU WANT TO EAT *

* THEN HE'LL TURN INTO A BIG OLD APE **

[TARZAN YELL]

[HONKING HORN]

HEY, PARTY!

WHAT YOU DID WAS PRETTY COOL.

WHO CARES ABOUT COOL ANYWAY, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

WELL, THERE WAS ONE REALLY COOL THING

I WANTED TO SHOW YOU.

WHAT?

THIS.

OH, DAVE.

HEY, BUDDY.

[ALARM SOUNDING]

AAH! AAH!

Stoney: IT'S YOUR CAVENUG.

AAH!

HA HA HA!

OW!

AAH!

YEAH!

OW! OW!

OH, YEAH.

YEAH, BUDDY. SHE IS SO GREASY.

DUH!

AAH. HEY.

OW!

I'LL BE BA-ACK.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY BUENA VISTA TELEVISION

OW! YEAH, STONERS!

WHAT'S UP, BRO?

WHOO!

PARTY FIESTA!

CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.

PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

* YOUR LITTLE WOMAN GOT THAT LOOK IN HER EYES *

* WANNA CUT ME DOWN TO SIZE *

* SHOW ME WHAT YOU GONNA DO *

* IT'S TRUE

* WHO'S THAT GORILLA STANDIN' BY YOUR SIDE? *

* OH, NO, THAT MUST BE A RIDE *

* YOU WOULDN'T BE WITH SUCH A FOOL *

* CALL YOUR MAMA, TOO

* THERE'S SOMETHIN' OVER HERE I WANT YOU TO SEE *

* THERE'S A PARTY

* BUT IT ISN'T FOR FREE

* GET SOMETHIN' STRAIGHT BETWEEN YOU AND ME *

* BECAUSE

* OH, NO!

* YOU'RE INVITED, BUT YOUR FRIEND CAN'T COME *

* WHOA, NO, NO

* COME ON, BABE, WE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN *

* WHOA!

* HEARTBREAKER, YEAH, YOU CAME FOR THE SHOW *

* BUT LITTLE DID YOU KNOW

* YOU'D END UP IN THE SPOTLIGHT *

* WELL, ALL RIGHT

* COME ON, BABE, WON'T YOU SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT *

* READY OR NOT

* I WANT TO

* HERE WE GO

* OH, NO!

* I'M MAKIN' PLANS FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT *

* SO TELL YOUR FATHER THAT HE BETTER NOT FIGHT *

* MY DOGS ARE BIGGER, AND THEY'RE READY TO BITE *

* SO COME ON, COME ON, COME ON *

* GIVE IT UP TONIGHT

* OH, NO!

* YOU'RE INVITED, BUT YOUR FRIEND CAN'T COME *

* WHOA, NO, NO!

* COME ON, BABE, WE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN *

* OH, NO!

* YOU'RE INVITED, BUT YOUR FRIEND CAN'T COME *

* YOUR FRIEND CAN'T COME

* WHOA, NO, NO!

* COME ON, BABE, WE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN *

* YEAH

* WE'RE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN *

* WE'RE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN *

* WE'RE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN, BABY *

* OH, BUT SHE CAN'T COME

* WHOA!