Original subtitles

Everything is simple. Why do we turn on each other?

Everything that has been so shall forever be.

You can toss it.

Sorry. What were you saying?

Just, if those have icky brown spots, you can toss it.

Um...

That's okay. I can just cut around the bad parts.

Now arriving.

Nora and Jim. Buzzing in.

...I realized I didn't even get to say hi.

Yeah. It's so good to see you. - You too.

Oh, God, it's been too long.

- Oh, I know, we really need to do this more often. - Yeah.

What? What happened to you?

Oh. A little rash maybe.

Open the gate.

- Wow. That is... - Yeah.

...a piece of garbage. I'm sorry he didn't get you another geyser.

Now arriving, Frank. Buzzing in.

So how do you know everybody?

- Jim, right? - Yeah.

I'm Nora's little brother.

How about... how about you, you and Albert coworkers?

You do scary robot tech stuff too?

Oh, no. We went to grad school together.

Now arriving, Chet and Gabby. Buzzing in.

Oh, oh, please don't mind me.

I'm just gonna take a quick mental picture.

- Oof. - I'm sure.

Deborah, what are you doing today?

Just learning some new things.

You're so smart. If you were a woman, you'd be smoking hot, too.

Are you seriously molesting a radio speaker right now?

So is your girlfriend. Gabby.

Oh, no, Gabby.

Oh, God, this is bad. I...

This is not what looks like.

You're too good for him. We have established this, yes?

Alert. Snow will begin in ten minutes.

Reminder.

Check the state's temperature.

Like that, push your thumb here on the meat.

And if it bounces back, it's ready.

Cheers, fellas.

Oh, shit.

Deborah.

Now playing "Engagement party mix."

- Hello. - Ah.

- There's the groom to be. - That's good.

I know.

Your Chet has been molesting your newest invention.

I am not.

- I'm just admiring the craftsmanship. - Liar!

Oh, uh, baby, can you get me some

peppers from the fridge, please?

You got it, sister.

Uh, maybe not, um,

not sister. I mean, I'm your fiancee.

Okay. You got it,

- love of my life. - Thank you.

Ada, I think we're getting a little parched in here.

You know, maybe a little thirsty.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, babe. I'll just get you some water.

No, woman. Parched.

Parched.

Careful of the booze hound.

Did you have something to say to me, ass hat?

Wow. The damage, you guys.

Come on. You know you have a bed you can have sex in.

- Okay, booze. - He's just obsessed.

I am picking up what you are putting down.

Yeah.

So you want to do rose all day or Gewurztraminer?

Ooh, uh, let's do the Gewurztra whatever.

I love a German wine.

Very heil quality product.

Yes. You know, I think they just do things Reich over there.

Um, it's like German wine

is the final solution to all of life's problems.

Wow. Ladies, very distasteful, okay?

- Very triggering. - Thank you.

The Germans are a fine people.

And the Gewurztraminer is a very fine wine.

Why can't you just

let the past, like, be in the past, man?

- Okay, Freud. - Hey, another fine German.

Austrian, technically.

Al, come on.

What if the past just won't stay in the past, Chet?

Then you force it, usually with violence.

Oh, my gosh. Never forget, am I right? Come on.

Rest in power.

He's still alive,

- as you well know. - Is he, though?

Like, in a significant meaningful way?

Okay. Just curious.

What exactly do you want him to do?

Fix everything.

How?

Hmm?

It's... Is this baby Albert? Look at this.

Whoa. Is that your mom, dude? MILF o'clock.

Oh, uh, shoes, please. Thank you.

- You know. - So how about that wine?

Ooh. Yeah.

No.

No. Jim. No.

No. Personal space, man.

Shit.

Oh.

Uh-oh.

- Do you... - No, it's okay, Frank. Go sit down.

I just... Go sit down. I...

Uh, sorry.

Fuck. Can we just...

- What? No. - Yeah.

No, no, no. We said we wouldn't anymore

for small shit. Remember? Small shit.

Hey, hi, hello. What's going on?

Ugh. Fine, okay, yeah.

Just one more time. This is the last time.

Last time. Mm-hmm. Last time. Absolutely. Great.

Uh, Deborah.

So how about that wine?

Ooh, yeah.

Jim, no, no.

Personal space.

Whoa.

Whoa. I just had one of those crazy, like,

deja vu moments. You know, where your

brain short-circuits or, like, time skips for a second.

Hmm. Cocaine is one hell of a drug, Nora.

Wow. Your humor is just so original.

- I cut you deep? - No.

Never mind that, I thought you're really...

Guys, all of your knives are dull.

What are you doing, chopping up bodies in here?

We like to have fun sometimes. Okay.

Oh.

And who is this little lady?

Yes, yeah.

Yeah. This is Westie. Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry. You named your Westie "Westie"?

It's accurate.

- Accurate. - Yes, it is.

Even your sharpener's dull.

Wait, what is that called?

When... when the thing

that's supposed to fix the broken thing is also broken.

Ironic?

- Darwinian. - Kafkaesque.

The emperor was...

Ooh, ooh. The blind leading the blind.

America in 2020.

No. It's, um...

I... I've got nothin'.

I don't know. Apparently I've gone completely senile.

Yeah. Suicide might be your only option there, Nora.

I think you're right. Deborah, kill me now.

I'm sorry. I can't do that.

See? She even passes the Skynet test.

That's impressive.

I don't know, man.

Like, you know how those things listen to everything you say

and then, 20 seconds later, send you ads about it?

It's creepy as fuck.

Yes. Imagine that.

And it's just the beginning. Like, what if she becomes self-aware

and by the end of the weekend, we're all lying on the floor, dead?

Jim. Good news.

I have located a 10% sale

on erectile dysfunction medication.

Oh, my God, 10%.

You got to go for that.

Humor.

Deborah, you're my fucking hero.

- Thank you, Nora. - Bitch.

Guys, I don't want to toot my own horn here,

but Deborah can do some pretty cool shit.

All right. Let's, uh, bring some stuff over before it gets cold.

Uh, real quick. Let me just... Watch this, guys.

Uh, Deborah, invent a song

in the style of an '80s power ballad.

Maybe she didn't hear you.

- Oh. - Okay.

Isn't it wild?

She just analyzes a billion different songs

and then randomizes elements of harmonies and vocals

and then just makes it happen.

Oh, just analyzes a casual billion. Yeah, okay.

I mean, I taught her how to do that.

You know, it's not like a miracle. It's just an algorithm.

But, holy shit, I didn't think it would work this well.

Yes. What? Is that a fucking sax solo?

Play some smooth jazz.

Play, um... Deborah, play, uh, play some polka.

That's fun.

Mid-century folk.

Well, folks, I'm gonna tell you a story now

about a man who killed his wife... Crazy.

...and several other women.

Deborah, play some jungle.

- Fucking amazing, dude. - Right?

- Yes. - Pretty cool.

All right. Uh, Deborah, stop song.

- Hey, let's go. Yeah? - Yeah, everybody.

I need hands. Let's go. Food. Come on.

Now playing engagement party mix.

Everything was perfect.

Guys, uh, just a quick toast.

- Oh. - A big thank you

for everybody making it out, it means a lot to us.

Thank you so much. Yeah.

We love you guys. Thanks.

Thanks, guys.

Eins, zwei, drie, shotski!

- Doesn't get old. - Never will. Never.

And to Ada and Al's engagement.

- Yes. - Of course.

Oh, my gosh.

- Congratulations, guys. - Thank you. Thank you.

Cheers.

Mm.

So, Ada, I hear you quit your horrible job.

Yeah, it didn't seem right to be his assistant

and his fiancee at the same time.

You know, I say good riddance,

because I heard he was a shitty boss.

Um, no, you know, in all seriousness,

it's where we met. So I guess I'll always be

grateful for that.

Oh, I'll always be grateful.

I mean, Ada was integral to all of my achievements.

Deborah wouldn't have happened without her. Aww.

So, Frank, Al tells us that you're finishing up your PhD.

What's your focus?

Oh, please, it's boring. It's pretentious.

Well, lucky for you,

boring and pretentious is what we do here, pal.

Come on, please.

Well, um, it's basically identity politics.

- Intersections of race, class and gender... - Wow.

...with a focus on masculinity in the past two decades.

Oh.

How do you fit that on a business card?

It's super-cool,

- and very necessary right now. - Yeah.

You know, masculinity is actually an illusion.

I don't know if they've taught you that.

- You probably know that, though. - Chet.

- Yeah? - I think you cracked it.

Oh, my God. Did I?

I mean, Frank, are you taking notes?

I mean, the brilliance.

You know what they need to make?

They need to make an R-rated Superman, right?

Where America is totally corrupt and falling apart...

- So, basically a documentary. - Yeah.

And everything's completely fucked, right?

But Superman only uses his powers for one thing.

To look through women's clothing.

- Am I right? - Okay. Okay. Sure.

There's just one problem with your little pitch, Chet.

- Yeah. - Uh, porn exists.

So, you could just search

the excavated insides of a gaping asshole

- for free on... - Nora. Nora.

- Twenty-four/seven. - Maybe you're thinking of Rapeman.

Jesus, Jim.

That's offensive. Okay? I'm offended.

Are you guys offended? 'Cause that was offensive.

- Wow. - Come on.

Okay, okay. Okay.

How about this? Here me out. Ready?

Sadman.

Hear me out. Hear me out.

He's got the strength of the Hulk, right?

He's got the technology of Iron Man. Mm-hmm.

He's got... he's got

- the Daddy issues of Batman. - Needs 'em.

Of course. He's got the whole kit and caboodle, right?

- Okay. - But he can't save the world,

because the world's too fucked, right?

And that makes him sad.

So, another documentary.

Yeah.

Okay. Imagine this. He'd be able to, like,

you know, run at lightning speed...

You know, Chet's not normally a teenage moron,

like, in real life.

It's just, when they hang out, it's like

a growing up together thing I guess.

That's just how I see the first movie of the franchise.

Oh, okay.

But also, I mean, there is a B storyline there.

- Um, he's a low-key pedophile. - Oh.

And yeah. No, I mean, it's not the main story.

Hey, that is a heartwarming redemption story. It is.

Without the redemption.

You brilliant, beautiful woman.

You are too good for him.

We have established this, yes?

So the potatoes, everybody likes potatoes. Eh.

- Potatoes are great. - So the farmer,

he lives, like, five miles north of here.

He's this really funny guy, quite a character.

And he has this thing where he lies down on top of the soil,

you know, on top of the potato plants,

and his body warmth

is actually what makes them so tender. I don't know.

I thought that was... I thought that was kind of cool, sort of nifty.

Um...

Mm-hmm.

Superman isn't pervy.

- Oh. - It's not his MO.

I mean, I guess I get what you're trying to say.

That the helplessness of these times.

- Is that kind of... - Yes.

I mean, sometimes I look at how fucked everything is

and I think, "Oh. Well, it's okay. The adults will fix it."

And then I realize, "Oh, shit, we are the adults. We can't fix shit."

But then why did it feel better

when the real adults were in charge?

Did it, though?

Or are we just revising the past?

- I invited him. I invited him. - Oh-oh-oh.

It was me. It's like the saying goes.

Everything is cyclical, okay?

This is cyclical. We're all trapped in cycles, right?

Everything that has been so shall forever be.

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. You're welcome.

What? Who...

who says that? It doesn't matter. You know,

also, I think we kind of

glossed over the fact that Sadman's a pedophile.

He's going to have to save a kid at some point. No.

Think about that.

Uh, Deborah, quote feminism, please.

Yes. Literally any feminism.

We just need a palate cleanser.

- That's your palate. - Okay.

To say gender is performative

is to say that nobody really is a gender from the start.

Is that my girl Judy?

Yes.

This is Judith Butler.

Ah. Deborah, love you.

I love you, too.

Aww.

Judith Butler needs to get trounced by a 12-inch cock asap. Oh!

Sorry about...

all this.

It's, uh, it's a lot from the outside, I know,

but you'll get used to it.

It's Byronian.

What is?

When the thing that's supposed to fix the other thing

is itself broken.

What?

The knife sharpener.

From before.

- Oh. Oh, oh. - You wanted to know what it's called

when the fixer is itself broken.

- Yes. - Not Kafkaesque.

Not Orwellian.

But isn't Byronic like...

an irredeemable anti-hero?

Do I not remember English class?

Yes, that's Byronic.

This is by Byronian, like Lord Byron.

- Okay. - See, Byron went down to Greece

to help the Greek fight for independence from Turkey,

and then immediately died of typhoid.

- Oh! - Yes.

Oh, my God.

Poor Byron.

Hey, he took action to help society and couldn't.

That's a man right there.

That's good.

No. You have to stop. You can't... It's...

I don't like this game anymore,

because it is always Hitler

every single time.

- Okay, okay. I got one. - Ooh.

- I got one. - All right.

Are they alive or are they dead?

- Dead. - Okay, dead.

- Musician? - Scientist?

Nope.

- Artist? - Nope.

Well, when he was a kid.

I got one, I got one, I got one.

- It's not. I'm telling you, it's not. - Okay, you have to promise.

I'm telling you, it's not.

- I don't trust you. - Okay, okay, okay.

Um, what does he sound like?

Can't answer that. It's yes or no questions only.

Okay, fine. Uh, does he sound like this,

"Hello, please pass the salt."

Or does he sound like this,

"Hello, pass the salt, schnell!

"Pass the salt, schnell!"

Jesus, Jim. Too far again, man. Come on.

You're so loud.

Whatever.

Hypocrites.

Hey.

No, I'm good.

Square.

- Just a wine purist. - Mm-hmm.

Oh.

You know who else was a purist?

No, no.

- No, stop. - It was Adolf Hitler.

- Stop! - Bingo.

All right, I...

I think I get the gist of this game.

Ooh.

Frank thinks he's got one.

- But is it Hitler, though? - No, no.

- I... I swear it's not. - Okay.

Is it a man?

- Yes. - Okay.

Is he...

a pathological liar?

Hmm. Yes.

Is he lying...

about not being Hitler?

- Yes. - Oh, no. Fuck!

Fuck! Shit! No.

Wow. Good job, Frank.

- God, no. I'm done. I'm done. - That's good.

Guys, guys, somebody

please do a normal one where Ada has a heart attack.

- Oh. - Shit.

Oh, don't. No.

- It's fine. Don't worry about it. - Oh. Fuck. I'm sorry.

Don't worry. Don't worry.

- Need a hand? - Sorry.

Here. Here, here, here.

All right. Well, just like college, huh, Nora Bora?

No, Chet, it's a fucking accident. They happen.

Just go back to playing the game. Shit.

How many have you had, babe?

Seriously?

Just... Hitler, go.

Ugh.

Is she okay?

Normal for her. I don't know.

Excuse me. I'm...

You know I'm sitting right here.

Are you seriously gonna sit there on

your millionth beverages of the night and...

and judge me?

I didn't drink all those bottles of wine by myself.

No, no, honey, we're not judging you. We're just...

- We're concerned is what we are. - Yeah.

On account of you being a flaming alcoholic.

Oh, Chet, fuck you!

A, that's not true. I'm not. I never have been.

B, I'm not. Okay?

I'm just an adult woman.

And as you've all fucking figured out this year,

adulthood blows.

Nothing is going the way that it was supposed to.

And the world's falling to shit.

So, yeah, sometimes on a night off,

you want to have a little something to get through it.

Fuck.

Stop acting like a bunch of fucking nuns

in your tall chairs.

You are. You're like nuns on chairs. You know what I mean?

What?

Yeah. Jesus.

This is the most dysfunctional group of people

I have ever met in my life.

But what, your dysfunctions are, like,

more low-key?

Some of your dysfunctions are a little more discreet?

Alcohol is such a cliche.

I mean, yeah, we all have our dysfunctions,

but that's why it's important to choose ones

that don't mess up your life too much.

Wow.

Okay. Um, my... my life is fine.

I'm fine.

Give me a break, you guys.

I mean, you have some fucking nerve.

All of you, if you all could get away with murder,

you would, like, legit genocide a town.

Maybe tomorrow. Maybe tonight.

Oh, I would definitely. Yes.

Yeah, well, see,

you'd all surrender to your most base instincts, okay?

You'd... you'd consume everything, destroy everything,

hurt yourselves, hurt other people,

and you'd all give zero fucks.

I know this because I know you.

Well, that's why we're supposed

to have legal and social systems in place to prevent us from doing that.

Exactly. And yes,

underneath our human clothes and all our fancy tech,

we're just a bunch of

stupid monkeys with violent urges

- to fucking kill everything. - What is this? Is this

a freshman year philosophy class

and social studies? What is going on?

- Nora, are you deflecting? - I'm not fucking deflecting, Chet.

Why do you do this with me?

Are you the only person who's ever allowed to

make an intellectual point?

You really want to bring it down to Earth?

You want to make it a Dr. Phil episode?

You did me. Now let's go around the room and do the rest of you.

- No, no, no. We don't have to do that. - No.

Nora, we're sorry.

No, actually, I... I think that we do.

I think you all should be right down here with me.

So where should we start? Maybe you, Chet?

Well, okay.

Our friend Chet, clearly a sociopath.

No secret there. Probably multiple heads in the freezer.

Would murder for sport.

Probably have. You don't know.

And am I the only person here who doesn't get Chet and Gabby?

'Cause you're, like, wonderful.

How does she handle him?

The immaturity and the crassness,

and... and... and the nihilism. I don't get it.

Is there, like, an ulterior motive here?

Like extortion or blackmail?

I'm not saying the whole relationship is like The Truman Show.

But if you need help, blink twice.

Okay. Okay.

- And you, Ada. - Aww.

Yeah, you, you're obsessed with Albert.

There's some Daddy issues on deck over here,

because you're also obsessed with his success,

and... and I can't tell

if she wants to marry him or kind of be him.

And the vibe is like,

I don't know, it's just, like, a little creepy

and slightly incestuous. It's weird.

Then there's my dear baby brother...

- who voted for fucking Trump. - Oh, man.

- Fucking kidding me? - Yes.

- That happened. - Okay.

It made financial sense at the time.

Financial sense?

What the... And Frank, I don't... I mean,

fuck, I don't know you.

I do know you've been an academic for, like, 50 years.

So odds are very high that

there is an adoring female student scandal

somewhere in your past.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. The student could also be male.

I'm not here to judge you. I don't know you.

Okay. Cancel Dr. Phil. That's enough.

- No. We didn't get to Al. - No.

You are so obsessed with trying to prove yourself

that you actually undermine your own dignity.

And it's sad.

And it's also sad

that you do the weird thing

with your high school feelings for me

in front of your fiancee.

It's pathetic, and makes me so uncomfortable.

So, please get over it.

How's everybody feeling now, huh?

You feel good now that you got on my level?

Hmm? Getting just gut-punched by your best friends.

How do you like being down here on the floor with me? No.

- Right? - No.

Now I'm done. Is everybody happy? - No.

No, no. No. Fuck, no.

Deborah, pause time!

Fuck, man! Jesus!

What the fuck was that?

You know how she gets when she's drunk.

It's not... it's not fucking her.

It's us. Why do we turn on each other?

Why do we feel so compelled to just

fucking pick at each other?

Why can't we just enjoy each other's

- fucking company? - I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

Because it's a tight group of friends

and they're dysfunctional by nature. I don't know.

I guess, yeah.

Fine. Like a family.

No! Not like a fucking family!

Like a group of friends, like a tight group of friends.

Okay. Yeah. Okay, okay.

Yeah, like friends. We're just friends.

Jeez. I... You know, this isn't

how I wanted the whole weekend to go, Ada.

Fuck, Al, of course not.

It's our fucking engagement party.

They can't act like grownups for one fucking night?

One night.

I feed them. I give 'em good food, good conversation.

I just want one night of fucking adulthood, that's all.

Yeah.

We can still get that.

You know, with some help.

Al, that's... But that's the third time today.

I mean, what about your rules?

What about keeping it organic and...

I mean...

I just want to have one happy weekend.

You know? I, like, I just

want to have one time where we're just good people,

where we're good to each other. You know?

Is that really... Is that really so much to fucking ask?

To just have one fucking happy weekend, man.

With my best friends.

And with my beautiful fiancee.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Okay. Okay.

- Right? - Okay.

- Okay. Okay. - Last one.

- It's got to be. - Yeah.

- Yes, yeah. Yeah, last one. - Last one.

- Last one. Mm-hmm. - It's the last one.

And then... and then, from here on out,

- it's just organic. - Yeah.

Okay. Okay.

Oh, okay. Um...

Deborah, rewind

six minutes.

Yay. No, but, really,

can someone please do a normal one

before poor Ada has a heart attack?

- Oh, thank you. - Mm-hmm.

Oh.

I'm so happy we're all here.

I really love you guys.

Aww, love you, too.

Ah, speak for yourself. I'm a little on the fence.

- Just like a family, right? - No.

No, no, no, no. Not like a family.

Like friends. We're just like friends, okay?

This the longest group hug I've ever had.

Can you believe she got so wasted?

I thought it was cute.

Might have been cute ten years ago,

but now it's just kind of sad.

Is it just me, or is it really fucking weird

that they named their Westie "Westie"?

- Westie. How? - Oh, I don't know. I don't... I mean...

What am I supposed to do?

Change my name to Human Woman?

"Hello. I'm Human Woman."

He sounds like one of those stock broker bros.

I get tired just looking at Ada.

I've never seen her crack a smile.

Always so nice to me.

Oh, those bastards.

- They are all entitled. - Haven't brought anything.

- $200 bottle of wine. - Like, what?

Jim brought Bud Light.

That stupid white carpet.

I'm afraid to sit on the furniture.

- Shoe. Take off your shoes. - Thank you.

Whose friend is he?

Told Chet to stop being such a dick.

So stuck-up.

- Fake feminist. - Uh-huh.

- Just take off your shoes. - I know.

- OCD. - See you next Tuesday.

Super anal.

And he loves that robot.

♪ Don't say a word

♪ Papa's gonna buy you...

♪ Hush, little baby Don't say a word

♪ Papa's gonna Buy you a mockingbird

♪ If that mockingbird Don't sing

♪ Papa's gonna buy you A diamond ring ♪

I thought... you were a psychopath

singing to yourself in the dark.

But you're a sweet psychopath

singing to a dog in the dark.

Busted.

I'll keep your secret.

Alcohol's such a cliche.

Hey, don't let your friends get you down.

What?

It's schadenfreude.

Where they want to keep you on the floor

so that they can feel taller in their chairs.

What are you talking about?

I must have had a weird dream. Am I... am I...

am I still dreaming?

No.

But maybe tomorrow, a little less vaping.

Of course.

Good night, Frank.

Good night.

Um, maybe keep singing.

I think she likes it.

Okay.

♪ Hush, little baby Don't say a word

♪ Papa's gonna Buy you a mockingbird

♪ If that mockingbird Don't sing

♪ Papa's gonna buy you A diamond ring ♪

Oh, God. What time is it?

Oh, God.

- Hey, you look like shit. - You look awful.

Hey! Everyone's up.

Good morning.

How do pancakes sound, everybody?

Ooh, good news.

Oh, I'll help.

- Thank you. - Too good for you.

Deborah, what is your best pancake recipe?

In a small bowl, whisk together

one cup all-purpose flour...

Oh, good morning, Westie. Hey, good morning.

Can you believe that thing descended from wolves?

- That creature can barely walk. - Hey,

she's a creature of dignity.

I kind of feel like whatever dignity she had

was stripped off her when you named her Westie.

- It's cute. - Accurate.

All right. Who wants Bloody Marys?

Ooh.

All right. Then shut the fuck up about Westie.

- Very fair. - Okay.

Sore subject.

Ow.

Pretty sure

I had it right...

Yes.

- What? - Here it is.

- There it is. - Our senior shirt.

- Yeah. - Get out!

Uh-huh.

And...

some pictures.

- Oh, my God. - Look at Chet.

- Oh, yeah. Frosted tips. Yeah. - Oh.

Oh, my God.

- Puka shells. These are... - Yeah.

- These are questionable. - Well, you had to back then.

We're sitting like a bunch of goofs.

I don't understand this.

Graduation. Aww.

It's so good to see you, Al.

You, too.

Yeah. Are you happy?

Yeah.

Things with Ada are good, right?

So good. So great.

- Awesome. - Yeah.

What?

What?

Just sometimes, like, feels like...

there's no passion.

Like, we're just, like, really good friends.

Like...

Sometimes it... it feels like I'm in bed with my sister.

Albert.

No. Albert.

No, come on. That's what happens, though, right?

After, like a year or two or five.

- I don't know. - Your chemicals change.

- Right. - Can't be, like, fireworks forever.

I mean, the... the friendship is the thing.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know. Yeah. - You know?

You're probably just

having, like, existential dread-y stuff

because you're freaking getting married.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right, you're right. It's...

it's... it's throwing me for a loop, for sure.

- Yeah. - It's just kind of making me wonder...

how things could have gone different.

Opportunities that...

I didn't seize.

Like what?

- Al. - I'm sorry.

I...

- Oh, fuck. - I'm sorry.

Albert, what... what?

I'm sorry.

Fuck. Um...

Deborah!

You're probably having, like, existential dread-y stuff

because you're freaking getting married.

Yeah, you're right, you're right.

It's throwing me for a loop.

Kind of making me wonder

how things could have gone different.

Opportunities

that I didn't seize.

Like what?

I don't know. You know.

I just really miss you.

I miss all of you guys.

I miss the whole group, you know?

I just... I love this. I love seeing you guys.

I know. Me too, you know.

Hey, give me... give me one of these, huh?

- Aww. - For old time's sake.

I love that you're here.

- Good to see you. Thanks for coming. - Yeah.

- ...at all. - Well...

Shoes.

Thank you.

- Yeah. - Thank you.

Deborah, what time is it?

Time for you to get a life.

- Whoa. - Humor.

Why is she being such a bitch to me?

Because she has great taste.

No, seriously. Like, Al,

did you put some kind of, like, feminazi chip in that thing?

- Whoa, cowboy. - Jesus.

- Stop there. - Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Hey, watch out for Westie.

Deborah, pause time!

Oh, my God.

Okay.

Um... what? What just...

Did the dog just teleport?

Did you guys see that?

No, no, no, no, no, you're...

What? "Did the dog just teleport?"

No, no, no, no, no. His foot was on the lamp.

- He was about to hit the lamp. - Teleported? Dude.

Sure, okay, Chet, the dog can teleport.

- She's got legs. - Oh, my God.

The lamp. You were about to knock it off.

Okay. The lamp was gonna fall.

So, hey, weed's one hell of a drug.

I'm not the only one who saw that.

- No. - No, I...

What's going... what's going on?

His foot was on it.

- Oh, fuck. - Okay. All right.

Uh, look, here it is. Uh...

First off, not a big deal.

- Okay? Not a big deal. - No.

But Deborah

can pause and rewind time just a little bit.

- And sometimes, just sometimes... - Excuse me.

- What? - Yes.

- Bullshit. - Not a big deal.

- Serious? - Yes.

Within a window of about 48 hours.

It was an unintentional side effect that I found.

- I was... - You're being serious?

And I decided to keep it in there

because I thought it was kind of neat.

- Yeah. - And it would be a nice experiment...

I mean, it's... it's just little things.

We only use it for emergencies

- to keep things from getting too messy. - Right.

It does have side effects.

Yes, guys. So please don't use it... So...

Deborah, rewind five seconds.

Oh, my God.

We only use it for emergencies

to keep things from getting messy.

- It does have side effects. - Yes, guys.

- So please don't... - Deborah, rewind five seconds.

Oh, my God.

We only use it for emergencies... - What?

- ...to keep things from getting too messy. - Yes.

It does have side effects.

- Yes, guys. So, please... - So...

Deborah, rewind five seconds.

Oh, my God.

We only use it for emergencies

to keep things from getting messy.

- It does have side effects. - Yes.

- So please don't... - Deborah, rewind five seconds.

We only use it for emergencies

to keep things from getting too messy.

- It does have side effects. - Yes, guys...

Deb. We only use it for emergencies

to keep things from getting too messy.

- It does have side effects. - Debbie.

We only use it for emergencies to keep things from getting messy.

- It does have... - Side effects.

- Deborah. - Keep things from getting messy.

- It does have... - Deborah.

Keep things from getting too messy. Oh, my God.

- It does have... - Deb, rewind...

Shits and giggles, Chet.

Stop. Just stop. And please be serious.

Please be serious. This is my career.

- It's my future. It's our life. - Yeah.

Okay?

So I'm gonna just need you guys...

to fucking promise me that you're not gonna use it.

- Come on, guys, just, yeah, just promise. - Okay?

Yeah, okay.

Of... of... of course.

- I mean... - What's the point

of having her here if we're not gonna use it?

Just fucking promise, can you?

- I promise, yeah. - Fine. Fine, fine, fine.

- Promise. - Promise.

Good. That's... We're good.

- Yeah. Yeah. - We're good. Great.

Cheese o'clock, I think.

Uh, bow and arrow. Oh, cold.

The opposite of cold is summer. Hot.

Summer. Summer. Donna Summer?

- Uh, Suzanne Somers? - Time.

It was a refrigerator, Gabby. God.

Deborah.

- Oh! Refrigerator. - Yes. Yes. Okay.

He was such a masculine man.

- Deborah. - He was a dude.

- Deborah. - He was a cisgendered male.

- Oh. - Yeah.

All right. Let's show these amateurs how it's done.

You ready, sister?

Deborah.

- Ready, babe? Okay. - Yeah.

God, she was a basic white bitch.

Oh.

Deborah.

She was a white girl.

Deborah. She was a...

a friendly Caucasian female.

- Oh. - Yeah.

Got it.

Deborah, what are you doin'?

Deborah.

Oh, Deb, rewind please.

Let's go back a hot five minutes.

I want to talk about that again.

Ugh. Deborah, rewind.

Deborah, rewind.

Rewind 32 seconds.

Uh, rewind 15 seconds.

Uh, a minute.

- Deborah. - Debbie.

- Deb. - Deborah.

- Hey, Deb. - Deborah, rewind.

- Debbie! - Debra...

I wanted to be a ballerina.

Jim just wanted to be filthy rich.

I wanted to be a race car driver.

Really?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

No, Gabby, I've seen you drive.

You cannot drive.

What are you?

Uh, Deborah, could you pause time right quick?

Okay.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Thank you, Deborah.

Won't happen again, I promise.

Okay.

Unfreeze or whatever.

Wow.

What? I'm not being racist.

I'm being sexist.

I'm so sorry, Deb. Could you pause again?

You're funny. You are funny.

You are so fuckin' funny.

Why?

Okay.

I got this. I got this.

Deborah. Thank you.

What?

- I can't... Jim. - Okay. So,

sexism but not racism makes it okay?

- Yeah. - No.

Yeah, racism is wrong.

Sexism is... is...

not cool, and we're working on it.

Oh, oh. So who is this we? This,

like a secret society of white men you're part of?

Sexism is color-blind. If anything,

it reduces racism.

It bonds everyone together.

Deb, just a quick tiny baby freeze.

I can't. I can't. Give me strength.

I do not have the patience

for this fuckery right now.

I could strangle you.

Fuck. All right. Whoo!

Mm-hmm.

Why are you like this? Why are you...

You know what? No. This weekend is almost over.

I'm good. I'm almost...

Deb.

Can you fast forward?

Deborah. Deborah?

Fast forward to the end of the weekend.

Believe me,

- I wish I could do that. - Of course not. Okay.

Okay. I'm almost out of here.

And you, you are insignificant.

Okay? You don't matter.

I don't need you. I don't need this.

And you, too.

Deborah, do your thing.

- Wow. Just wow. - Majorly triggering.

Cancel him.

I'm joking. I'm joking.

Look, I get it.

The world's a fucking mess right now,

especially around socio-political lines.

But we all know the real plague facing our nation

is the demonification of white men.

- What? - Okay. What?

What is the endgame here?

Put us all in concentration camps?

- Oh, come one. - Maybe we should.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Yeah, how does that make you any better?

Oh, I don't know, because we don't have

- a rap sheet that's two millennia long. - Yeah.

- Hmm. - Yeah, cool, just

discriminate against all white men forever...

Don't do this, like, "Sad sack, I'm a victim."

You sound like you just crawled

out of some alt-right red pill,

virgin gamer basement carrying a tiki torch.

Like, what happened to you?

Look, I'm fucking tired of having to defend myself

to this fucking vagina committee!

- Okay. - Jesus.

Shh. Calm down. We're sorry if you felt attacked.

I know a crooked killer who would have taken

every last cent from you and given it to the illegals.

Shut the fuck up!

Oh, shit. Jesus.

I don't know why I did that.

Oh, my God, Jim. I don't know why I did that.

Fuck!

Deborah.

I wanted to be a race car driver.

- Really? - Oh.

Sorry.

Listen, Gabby, I've seen you drive.

You cannot drive.

- Wow. - I'm not being racist.

I'm being sexist.

- Oh. - Yeah. Oh, Jim, you know,

we get it. You are a real Martin Luther King.

Hmm.

Deborah, for the love of God,

play something relaxing.

She's too good.

Hey, I don't know about you guys but I could use some fresh air.

Take him outside, please.

He's like a dog, he needs to be walked.

- Take him out. - Come here, boy. Come here.

Who's a good boy?

Who's a good boy, Jimmy?

Put your shoes on.

You know, I'm just saying words matter.

- Actions matter. - To who?

And why?

You know, it's like that story about the man.

Oh, I love that story. It's a classic.

You know, the man who fucked...

- ...and stole, killed. - Whoa.

And then he told himself, before I die,

I will repent. I will take it all back,

and then I'll become a good person

- and then I can die in peace. - And?

And he never got the chance to, because he died

while fucking a prostitute with cocaine on his face

- and a cheeseburger in his hand. - Wow.

And then what?

That's it.

Is this... is this another joke?

No, no, it's not a joke. It's one of those,

like, what do you call it? The Morality Tales.

How so? How is it...

I mean, that guy is my hero.

I mean, I don't know. He won't go to heaven.

Heaven?

- What are you, 12? - No.

Not like a literal heaven, like, heaven as a metaphor.

What's a metaphor?

There you go, Frank.

No. But, Jim, I mean, I get what you're saying, you know.

Actions should have consequences.

We should be good people, blah, blah, blah.

But we shouldn't do it

because of the heaven, right?

We should do it because we just fucking should.

Just be good people, right?

Yeah, except for the fact that the universe rewards bad deeds.

It often overlooks the good ones.

Look, I thought you believed in redemption, man.

What about Sadman?

I don't think you quite understood what I meant with Sadman.

I mean, the guy was a pedophile. But, yeah, I...

Redemption isn't a realistic concept, Jim.

That's why we created it,

so that we can feel good about...

about being good, you know?

To make it easier for suckers like you

to behave in society.

Okay. So, if nothing matters,

then maybe I should just stab you right now.

I mean, sure, yeah.

I mean, it'd be pointless, but go ahead.

It wouldn't be pointless.

Get this man a microphone.

You got to stop, Jim. He's a regular Jerry Seinfeld.

No more jokes for you in this house.

- Okay. - Okay.

I'm sorry. Do you... do you want to see where this goes?

Let's just go back inside, guys.

- Yeah. Calm down. - Inside.

Whoa. Holy shit. What the fuck, Jim?

- Ah! - Chet, are you okay?

Oh, that felt good.

I've always wanted to do that shit.

- Why would you do that? - Shit.

- Oh, wow. - Okay.

Little Jimmy is all grown up, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's exactly the fucking point.

I'm 28 fucking years old.

But no matter what I do, to you guys, I'm still 12.

To you guys, I'll still be 12 when I'm 80.

Well, why don't I make you piss your pants

like you did when you were 12?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

What are you talking about? Deborah!

Okay.

- Um... - Um...

- Blind? No? - No, no.

Uh...

It's...

- Okay. I'm ready. - Okay.

- Okay. Okay. - Okay.

Um...

Uh...

- It's okay. - Hey, Nora.

You want to help me out in the garage? Just grab some drinks.

- It'll only take a second. - Yeah, sure.

- We're gonna get it. - Okay.

Okay.

All right.

- We having fun? - Yes.

So much.

Good, good, good, good. I'll take that from you.

Thank you.

And they say chivalry is dead.

Never for you, madam.

Thank you.

Albert, what the fuck?

Fuck. Um...

- Dude. - Deborah!

Okay.

I'll take that from you.

Albert, what the fuck?

Fuck!

Deborah, rewind 20 seconds.

Okay.

Did you...

did you just do the time rewind thing?

Yeah.

Why?

I mean, it's not important.

But I can,

like, still...

feel it. Like, almost remember,

but it's weird.

Yeah. Yeah, that can happen.

Uh, it's like,

like, uh, emotional residue, like a side effect.

That's kind of why

Ada and I didn't want you guys using it.

What the fuck is emotional residue?

Um, it's kind of like, um...

Do you remember

in 11th grade

when, uh, I asked you out

in front of all of your friends?

Oh, no.

And you rejected me and...

you said something

really mean to me.

And it totally demolished my sense of worth.

Oh. We were kids.

- I... - But... but let me...

Um,

the next day,

you felt so bad

that you came over with a plate of homemade brownies.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

They were not good.

They were really bad.

- Really? - Did I say that?

- Yeah. - Oh, I'm sorry.

But you were... you were so sweet.

And you apologized, and I forgave you.

And we've been best buds ever since, right?

Yeah.

Well,

the funny thing is, I don't even...

remember what you said.

The thing that hurt my feelings

and humiliated me in front of everyone.

No idea.

But I do remember the pain.

That I can recall.

Very vividly.

Al...

So that's... that's what it's like

when Deborah rewinds time.

It's, um, it's emotional residue.

It's... it's like a scar.

You can remember it...

here.

But... but not here.

Albert, I'm so sorry.

You have nothing to feel sorry for.

I've always loved you.

You know that, right?

I love you too, buddy.

So much.

- Forever. - Mm-hmm.

Al, um...

Could you do me a favor...

and just maybe not...

do the time rewind thing with me alone anymore?

Then stop fucking leading me on!

- Excuse me. - Fuck.

- Deborah. - ...and maybe not...

do the time rewind thing when we're alone anymore?

Okay. Yeah.

I promise.

Okay.

Thanks.

Come on, guys. Let's grab a bite.

You really need to stop cooking

a full-blown meal every five minutes.

Do we? Or do we just continue?

Oh. She makes a good point.

All right, everybody. Dig in.

I can't.

Uh. Eh.

Oh.

Oh.

Gabby, have we told you yet that you are too good for him?

Why do you keep saying that?

Well, I mean, jeez.

Look, there is no conspiracy theory.

I am not being blackmailed into dating him.

We are not on a freaky reality TV show.

I am with him because I care about him,

and he is good enough for me.

Like, how?

- Why? - He's not like this.

You know, like, out in the real world,

outside of this weekend,

he's kind and compassionate

and mature.

It's just this place.

This place with all of you people,

he just steps into a time machine

and he is 16 years old again just to try and impress you all.

- Oh. - To live out

some nostalgic fantasy that died a really long time ago.

But honestly, by this point, it is getting really tired.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Hey, you know what? We're good.

We all agree that in here, he's an ass.

And we, we're good.

Let's...

Yeah, but you see,

I don't blame him.

I blame you.

Because the truth is...

I don't like you.

God.

Wow. I don't like any of you.

I think you are a group of the most

selfish, highly dysfunctional,

rotten people with zero core values

that I have ever met.

Not you, Frank. I don't know you.

Can't you feel how fucking torturous

these eternal, endless

never-ceasing weekends are.

They are like a very,

very heavy penalty that I have to pay...

To be with you. And God,

I can just imagine the shower that I'm gonna take

when I am done with all of this.

And I can wash away the shit

that is all of you and get back to real,

normal, actual life.

You know, the present tense, where people act like adults.

So, no, I don't think that I am too good for him.

But I think maybe, just maybe

he might be too good for all of you.

- Oh, God. - She's incredible.

- Wow. - You had me going there for, like...

For so long.

It was so good.

She hates us. Oh, my God.

Amazing.

- Wow. - Oh, my God.

- Seriously, that was... - Wow.

- I think we needed a laugh. - She hates us.

She really is too good for him. Yeah, yeah.

If we didn't know before, we know now.

Deborah.

Okay. Dig in.

You know what? Fuck it. Give me some of this cake.

God.

- I know. - Oh, my God.

- Okay. - Mm.

You are a fascinating specimen.

Specimen?

Please elaborate.

No, I just... I just mean that, um,

I'm fascinated by your nihilism shtick.

Uh, well, it's not a shtick.

It's a way of life.

Right.

Right, well, but...

but the...

nothing matters, there are no consequences.

The universe doesn't care, so neither should we.

Yeah?

It's...

reductive, no?

Well, that's the point.

You know, it's reductive because life is reductive.

You're reductive.

- I don't think I'm reductive. - No?

Hmm.

I could reduce you.

I just think the nihilism shtick is a crutch.

- A crutch? - As a way of dealing with complex emotions.

If, say, their life hasn't turned out the way they wanted to.

Maybe they peaked in high school.

Maybe they have a meaningless dead-end job.

Maybe they're with a woman everyone claims is too good for them.

Sure would be tempting to turn off those emotions.

Or at least pretend to.

Wow.

You're a real Frank, Frank.

You know what else is reductive?

Observing people from the sidelines, thinking you know everything.

Sidelines is the best place to observe.

It's where you get the fullest picture.

Yeah, but none of the details.

Right?

Now that's a crutch, isn't it?

Watching, not playing.

Why don't you step onto the court sometime? Hmm?

Listen to me, Frank, you can

classify me, measure me, analyze me,

- intercept me... - Hey, Frank, you want to help me with something?

...shove me into all sorts of neat little theoretical rubrics.

- And let me tell you something. - Frank.

- I will not fit. - Deborah.

Let me tell you something, Frank.

- Deborah. - Get your hands dirty.

- Deborah. - The best place to observe.

It's where you get the clearest picture.

- Yeah, but none of the details. - Hey, Frank.

I'm gonna take your BFF Westie out for a walk.

You want to come join me?

- I should... I should go. - Mm-hmm.

Yeah, come on.

Thank you.

It was getting a little intense in there.

Yeah. Well, that's Chet for you.

He's an expert button-pusher.

Yeah.

The sad thing is he's not wrong.

The sidelines are my favorite spot.

My default spot. That's where I'm safe.

You know, throughout my academic career

and ever since I was a kid, I have

focused on this one question.

What is an American man?

Is there such a thing as an American man?

Am I an American man?

My family's not from here.

Well, I guess, technically,

none of our families are from here.

Yeah, but that's reductive.

Well, you're reductive.

Yeah, I guess.

I've just never felt like a real American man.

Whatever that means.

I've always felt one foot in one foot out.

I feel like an impostor

when I try to participate. But no one judges you

when you're on the outside looking in.

Yeah, that's how you get to judge them.

Exactly. It's a... it's a survival mechanism.

Uh, a quiet power one can wield over his fellow man.

Yeah, totally. Totally.

You, like, you can't... you can't lose if you don't play.

- Right? - Right, but...

It can also feel incredibly, um...

maddening.

Emasculating. The passivity of it all.

The surrendering of agency.

Yeah.

- Can't win if you don't play. - Right.

Sometimes I want to jump in, but...

Yeah. No, I get it.

It's scary.

Look, I've been there.

Try going through all that while having a vagina.

Yeah, well,

try going through all of that while also having a penis.

Stalemate, huh?

Look, all I'm saying,

don't let Chet

and his high school bullshit

make you reconsider your whole identity.

Well, it takes some getting used to, all of them.

I don't know, it's like when they get together,

they go to this weird, primal world,

you know, like a herd mentality.

- Start taking on roles. - Like a family.

Well, no. I mean, not... not like a literal family,

'cause we're not related, you know. It's, like,

like a friends... like a friends group. A group of friends, right?

'Cause we're not...

we're not related. So, yeah.

I can't help but notice that that's a particular...

...trigger for you.

It's none of my business, but do you want to talk about it?

Okay. What is that?

Okay. Um, what is happening?

Is that a yes?

No, it's just... I have a lot of trouble breathing.

Oh. Uh, um...

Uh, here.

- Use this. - That's so gross.

It's only gently used.

I'm kidding. It's not been used at all. Use it.

Thank you.

Ah.

Ah, you know what?

There is kind of something I need to get off my chest, you know,

since you offered and everything.

Okay. So you know how Albert is, like,

the biggest tech nerd of all time, right?

And it's, like, super-cute and stuff.

So I just... I wanted to get him something

as like a surprise that would be equally nerdy.

So, um,

he'd been geeking out for a few weeks

about this at-home DNA test that he took,

and I thought, "Oh, you know, that'd be really great. Like, I'll do it, too."

And then, you know, we can bond

over how we both have two percent Swedish ancestors,

or we share some chromosomes or something, right?

Like, it'll be super-romantic.

Uh, so I did.

And the test came back, and it turns out that

we do have a lot of chromosomes in common.

Actually...

we have

all of the chromosomes in common.

I'm sorry. I don't follow you.

Uh, so it said,

uh, "Congratulations.

"You have found your biological brother."

- No. - Yes.

- No. - Yes.

- How? - I don't fucking know, man!

I don't know. I mean, what?

My parents are neglectful psychos?

I mean, fuck, they live in France.

I haven't spoken to them in nine years,

and I mean, Albert doesn't know who his biological parents are.

I mean, what the fuck? I mean, what the actual,

actual fuck? I mean, fuck!

Fuck. Frank, what the fuck do I do?

I mean, this doesn't happen to normal people, right?

This is like some soap opera

plot finale bullshit, right?

This doesn't happen to people like me.

- Fuck. - Frank, what the fuck am I supposed to do?

Am I supposed to leave him when... I love him.

- Ooh. - My entire life is his.

And I know that that sounds cheesy and dysfunctional

and codependent,

But that is not the issue right now. Okay, we need to focus.

I'm sorry.

Oh, God.

Oh. Okay, uh...

- Oh. - I don't know what...

You know, Al and Nora...

all of them...

they're so close and...

I guess, I don't know, I was jealous or...

I felt like an outsider.

I guess I just want to be a part of a family, you know?

Maybe not, like, literally, you know, like...

What am I gonna do, Frank?

I don't know.

- Whoa. Not that, for starters. - Oh.

I'm sorry. Sorry. I just... I don't know...

No. I know. It's... it's okay.

- It's okay. - Oh.

- Oh. Oh, great. - Whoa. No, no.

Seriously. But no... Stop.

- Fuck. - I'm sorry. No, it's okay.

- No, no. I know that... - So sorry. So sorry.

Uh, appealing in the sense

that I am not biologically related to you,

but that is running away from the problem.

Oh, I know, I know. I'm sorry. That's me.

I'm really... I'm just... I'm going through a thing,

- and I... Of course, I'm so sorry. - It's okay.

Even though it's cool, I'm sorry.

It's... it's okay.

- I mean... - No, no.

- No, no, no. Right. No, no, no. - Please.

- Seriously. Okay. - No. Yeah.

Sorry. No. I'm cool.

- Okay. - It's okay. It's cool.

- Okay. - I'm cool.

Ow. Ow. No! Help.

Help.

You want to stop molesting the nice robot lady, Jim?

What? What the fuck? She's a toaster oven.

- Fuck you, Deborah. - Fuck you, Jim.

You guys are so good at that.

Playing the victim.

Okay, Jimmy boy.

Who exactly are you referring to when you say you guys?

- You know. - Okay. Okay.

Uh, you know what? Uh, I think it's, uh,

dinner o'clock. Huh? Chet, pasta duty?

Didn't we just have dinner?

Nope. That was more like a dunch.

Oh, my God, I feel like we're stuck in a loop.

Yeah. A high-calorie food loop.

Perpetual state of prepping for dinner.

No, no.

No! No! No!

It's called being in your 30s.

And this is what we do now, okay?

We make food and then we eat the food, and then we make more food.

That's what we do because no one enjoys sex or relationships anymore.

So this is what we do.

- Speak for yourself. - All right. Our dreams are dead.

Our dreams are fucking dead.

And the world is dying, and the planet is fucked.

So this is all that we have. Food is all that we have.

So can we please just make some fucking food, Chet?

All right, I'll boil some water.

- Thank you. - Jesus.

Thank you.

Albert, what the fuck?

- Deborah. - Albert,

what the fuck?

Deborah.

Albert, what the fuck?

Hey, guys. Uh...

I want to be really honest with you.

I just wanted to have a nice fucking weekend with you ass hats, right?

I just wanted to cook and eat

and have a good time hanging out,

but, you know, all that is fucking fucked.

Uh, my marriage is fucked, my future is fucked,

and none of you fucking want to have dinner anymore.

So, I thought we'd do something,

something really fun instead.

Albert, Albert,

take off your fucking shoes!

You see, so Albert

is not the only mad scientist in the family anymore.

All that time that I was working for him

as his assistant, I was not just answering calls,

I was actually kind of learning things

at the same time. And so,

I made my own invention.

So, uh, meet Blaine.

All right, guys? It has nothing to do

with any of the rest of you fuckers, okay?

Babe, what is this?

Oh, hey, babe. Yeah, this is Blaine.

Oh, say hi, Blaine.

Yo, yo. What's up, party people?

- Douche bag. - You are.

Deborah, say hi to Blaine.

No, thank you.

What a Bitch.

- You are. - You are.

- Deborah: you are. - Blaine: you are.

- Knock, knock. - Who's there?

- My balls. - So, uh, Blaine, um,

can you create original songs from scratch, like Deborah?

No. But I can recite the lyrics

to the entire Smash Mouth discography.

Oh, yeah, that won't be necessary.

Ada, what the fuck?

What, Albert? What?

You're the only one who can be a genius in the family?

You want all the attention? You want all of Nora's attention?

- Hey. - Oh. Oh.

Fun fact, you guys.

You know that he... he based Deborah's personality

on Nora's personality?

Isn't just the cutest thing you've ever heard?

I mean, they're best buds. It makes me fucking sick.

But it doesn't matter now 'cause I have Blaine, right?

♪ Somebody once told me

♪ The world is gonna roll me

♪ I ain't the sharpest tool In the shed

♪ She was looking kind of dumb

♪ With her finger And her thumb... ♪

Wow. The Turing test went over your head.

Fuck you, Albert! Fuck you!

Fuck you! Right.

What? You're the only genius, we can't celebrate anyone else.

Why don't you go back to molesting Nora when no one's watching, right?

I'm sorry. What?

Yes, yes, you're sorry.

But you know that, like, creepy crawly feeling you're getting,

like, someone's feeling you up in your sleep.

Well, he's actually been doing that to you, so... But you know what?

You can have him because I can't have him

because he's my actual fucking brother.

So there's that, and it's gross and...

- Whoa, whoa, what? - Say what?

- What? - Yeah. I didn't tell you,

but I got tested.

And we share the genes, Al.

We share all of the fucking genes.

So, you got what you wanted.

Congratulations. We're fucking family, bro.

Oh.

I'm your brother?

- Really? - Yup.

No, no, no. Um...

It explains a few things.

Fuck you, man.

♪ So much to do So much to see

♪ So what's wrong With taking the back streets?

♪ You'll never know If you don't go

♪ You'll never shine If you don't glow... ♪

What do you mean, he's been touching me?

Yeah.

I mean, he wouldn't do that.

Al, we're... we're best friends.

We're... we're... we're like a family.

Yup, definitely. Yeah.

Albert.

Al.

Have you...

Have you been touching me?

Deborah, rewind five minutes.

Deborah, rewind five minutes.

Why don't you have Blaine do it?

Deborah, rewind five minutes!

No.

So you've been using her

to what exactly? To...

to get your rocks off?

To... to, um...

To violate me

without me knowing?

Without any consequences?

It's not... it's not like that.

It's not like that.

I am not one of those people.

I'm not a fucking creep. Okay?

I'm a good guy.

I'm a good guy. You know that.

We're best buds.

Fuck, Nora. You lead me on.

- What? - You lead me on. The way you look at me,

the way you've always looked at me.

Like, there's something, like, there's something more, right?

- No. - Yes.

No. Look, I know,

I know that I used to be

a pathetic virgin loser.

But I have worked so hard

to make something of myself,

to prove that I am worthy of you.

I'm successful.

I'm self-made. I'm wealthy.

I have it all. I'm a fucking catch.

Do you not think that I deserve you?

"Deserve me"?

No, I'm not a prized cow, Albert.

I'm not property.

- But I fucking earned you. - No, you didn't.

I am not a puppy that you get to buy and take home.

I am a fucking human person.

You are the object of my affection.

I am not an object, Albert. I am a subject.

- You are the object of... - I am not an object, Albert!

I am a subject.

I am a... I am a character.

I'm the main fucking character in this.

Yes! Yes!

That's what it's always really been about, huh?

Huh, Nora Bora? Right?

I mean, in your head, you are.

In your head, you live in the past.

In your head, it's still 2001,

and we're all best friends,

and you still have your whole life ahead of you,

and you're the main character, and we still love and adore you.

You've been cutting around the bad parts

long before Deborah ever came along.

You curate your memories.

You only remember the best parts,

the good stuff, the greatest hits.

Because in here,

you are the main character.

In here, you are the center of attention.

But out there...

you're a fucking drunk

and a spinster

and a loser,

who never really amounted to all that much.

Wow, Al.

What the fuck, dude?

That is some creepy-ass, professional grade

gas lighting bullshit right there.

Fuck you, Albert.

- Oh, fuck you. - Fuck you both.

- Baby. - No, no, no.

Don't you dare talk to me,

you entitled, cheating, rapist scum.

Jesus. You guys are being such a bunch of Jews right now.

Oh, fuck you, Nazi fuck!

God damn it! Damn it!

You are a group of fucking self-hating,

privileged sadists.

I mean, you play whack-a-mole with each other's self esteem

like the world's worst circle jerk.

And then you congratulate each other on being the world's best friends.

Oh, like you're a fucking family, right?

Right? What?

Like the fucking Manson Family, like, maybe.

On the bright side, I do think the pasta is almost ready.

God. Spoken like an actual nihilist.

Enough with food. Enough of these fucking endless adult dinners.

Everyone enjoys friends' dinners, Jim. Everyone.

Yeah, but nobody wants to sit through 28,000 dinners...

We are in our 30s. We are dying. The planet is dying.

Dinners is all we have left. So fuck off!

Look, I'm not a psychopath, okay?

I'm not. I'm not a nihilist, guys. I'm...

I'm none of those things.

I know I may be a bit much.

I do. And I know... Look, I know

that you're too good for me, okay?

- I'm aware of that. - I am too good for you.

Aww. Oh, my God.

This is fucking insane. Why are you crying?

Oh, take a breath, Jimmy boy. Don't piss your pants, okay?

Oh, fuck you, you bleeding heart

snowflake fucks with your feelings.

"Oh, I'm so triggered."

"Oh, he looked at me funny." "Oh, I got raped."

- Fuck you! - Critical,

backwards-assed waste of space Nazi fuck!

I'm sure you have some really great

final solutions to this problem, huh?

♪ Hey, now You're an all-star... ♪

Shut the fuck up, Blaine!

- Deborah, rewind five minutes. - ♪ Hey, now... ♪

Now playing

whatever the fuck I want.

Can't trust a woman.

- Bunch of cunts. - Fuck you!

- Fuck you! - Fuck you!

Hey, hey, hey.

- Mind your own fucking business, Frank. - Maybe... maybe everyone

can... can... can relax.

You know, why don't you go back to the fucking country you came from?

Jesus! lay off him!

Oh, why? So you can lay on him? Fuck you!

Okay, guys. Frank's right. We have to relax.

Okay? Everybody take a breath.

Let's turn the temperature down. This is...

We don't have to be like this, okay?

We don't need Deborah.

We can control time

because we can control ourselves,

because we are adults in our 30s.

We can be civilized!

Christ! You are so fucking boring when you are sober.

♪ We can all have peace of mind

♪ We can all have peace of mind

♪ Brothers and sisters

♪ Let love shine

♪ And we become peace of mind

♪ We can all have...

Let's all just calm down.

♪ We can all have piece of...

It's stab o'clock, motherfucker!

♪ Let love shine

♪ And we will find peace of mind

♪ When you need A true friend, brothers...

♪ We can all have peace of mind

♪ We can all have peace of mind

♪ Brothers and sisters Let love shine

♪ And we will find Peace of mind... ♪

Come on, Frank! Get in the fucking game!

Come on, Frank! Be my Byron!

Byronian!

Come to Greece! Fight for the people!

♪ Listen to my calling, people ♪

♪ There is... ♪

Deborah, rewind to yesterday. Rewind 36 hours.

No.

What? Why not?

Futile. Results will be identical.

No. They won't, they won't.

Can you break it?

What?

The cycle.

- 1000%. - Of course not.

Goodbye.

Frank, Frank.

Frank, no. No, no.

You have to... you... Ow.

You have to tell her we... we can change. We can...

We can't.

- Yes, we can. - No, we can't.

- Yes, we can. Yes, we can! - No, we can't.

Oh, no.

Frank.

We... we have to try.

Please. We have to try.

We can... we can... we can change it.

History is doomed to repeat itself.

Please, Frank, I need this.

Why do you need this?

A happy ending for the main character.

Fine.

Deborah...

we will change.

We will change things.

Okay.

If that has icky brown spots, you can toss it.

If those have icky brown spots, you can toss it.

Oh.

No, that's okay. I can just cut around the bad stuff.

You know, I've been in there cooking up a storm,

and I realized I never even got to say hi.

- Hi. - Hey.

- It's so good to see you. - Yeah. You, too.

Oh, it's been...

Oh, it's been so long.

I know. We really need to do this more often.

Yeah.

♪ They don't know you Like I do

♪ They don't know you Like I do

♪ They don't know you Like I do

♪ They don't know you Like I do

♪ They don't know you Like I do

♪ They don't know you Like I do

♪ They don't know you Like I do ♪