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1
00:02:20,250 --> 00:02:22,552
Well, gentlemen, here we are just
2
00:02:22,553 --> 00:02:25,203
about to set sail
on another cruise.
3
00:02:25,292 --> 00:02:28,076
For ten years we've run
this ship together,
4
00:02:28,167 --> 00:02:32,207
steadily increasing our reputation
as the most efficient crew afloat.
5
00:02:32,292 --> 00:02:34,697
Together, that's the word.
6
00:02:34,792 --> 00:02:36,332
We know each other.
7
00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:38,690
Ten solid years of
mutual knowledge, and
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00:02:38,691 --> 00:02:40,742
that in itself makes
for efficiency.
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00:02:40,833 --> 00:02:42,989
And enables me, as I look
at all your familiar
10
00:02:42,991 --> 00:02:44,779
faces, to come to the
point and say...
11
00:02:44,875 --> 00:02:47,659
- Who are you?
- Your First Officer, sir.
12
00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:51,281
You're not. Foxton is. What's
happened to Foxton? Is he ill?
13
00:02:51,375 --> 00:02:53,828
- What's he got?
- Eight draws, sir.
14
00:02:53,917 --> 00:02:55,374
I should be so sick.
15
00:02:55,458 --> 00:02:57,532
I'm your emergency
replacement, sir.
16
00:02:59,833 --> 00:03:01,492
Marjoribanks.
17
00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:04,573
On transfer from the Wrens?
18
00:03:05,708 --> 00:03:07,532
They told me you
were a pretty wit,
19
00:03:07,533 --> 00:03:09,204
sir. It's pronounced Marchbanks.
20
00:03:09,291 --> 00:03:10,665
At your service, sir.
21
00:03:10,750 --> 00:03:12,906
What are you laughing at?
22
00:03:14,166 --> 00:03:17,117
Nothing.
23
00:03:17,208 --> 00:03:21,533
- Who are you?
- Marjori... The ship's doctor.
24
00:03:21,625 --> 00:03:23,948
- Impossible.
- It's not impossible at all.
25
00:03:24,041 --> 00:03:26,246
I have certificates to
prove it. Have I not?
26
00:03:26,333 --> 00:03:28,205
- I'm certified, I am.
- You look it.
27
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,993
- Thank you.
- A wit. They were right.
28
00:03:31,083 --> 00:03:34,365
- Shut up.
- Sir.
29
00:03:36,708 --> 00:03:38,994
- Binn?
- No, that's the trouble.
30
00:03:39,083 --> 00:03:42,662
Well, I haven't been
regular, lately, you see.
31
00:03:42,750 --> 00:03:46,080
So, therefore, I prescribed myself
a sea voyage and the exercise.
32
00:03:46,166 --> 00:03:47,789
That's why I'm here, actually.
33
00:03:47,875 --> 00:03:49,747
- Say "sir".
- You say "ah".
34
00:03:49,833 --> 00:03:52,701
Good gracious me. I do not like
that green fleck in the eye.
35
00:03:52,791 --> 00:03:55,706
Never mind about his eye.
Where have you sprung from?
36
00:03:55,791 --> 00:03:57,581
Oh, er... Consolidated Marmalade.
37
00:03:57,666 --> 00:04:01,411
I was the factory's
Medical Officer, you see.
38
00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:04,202
- Where's Dr Jepson?
- Consolidated Marmalade.
39
00:04:04,291 --> 00:04:06,496
This eye? Is it this
eye? Are you sure?
40
00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:07,704
Yes, that's the one.
41
00:04:07,791 --> 00:04:10,078
You see this here, sir?
Green as grass in there.
42
00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:12,478
Too much chlorophyll
in the toothpaste.
43
00:04:12,479 --> 00:04:13,520
Watch it.
44
00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:15,619
- Sir.
- It's all very unsettling, this.
45
00:04:15,708 --> 00:04:18,143
All these changes
made behind my back.
46
00:04:18,144 --> 00:04:19,186
Pardon?
47
00:04:19,187 --> 00:04:22,537
- My back. My back.
- Probably overdoing it?
48
00:04:22,625 --> 00:04:24,911
- I'll massage your clavicles.
- You will not.
49
00:04:25,814 --> 00:04:26,856
Now, where was I?
50
00:04:26,857 --> 00:04:28,784
You were getting
to the point, sir.
51
00:04:28,874 --> 00:04:30,533
Oh, yes, yes.
52
00:04:30,624 --> 00:04:32,579
Now, if this voyage
turns out to be
53
00:04:32,580 --> 00:04:34,369
as successful as all the others,
54
00:04:34,458 --> 00:04:37,456
don't be surprised if, after our
return, I ask each of you to...
55
00:04:37,541 --> 00:04:40,077
Excuse me. Could you
direct me to the kitchen?
56
00:04:40,166 --> 00:04:41,990
I'm new, you see.
Sorry to interrupt
57
00:04:41,991 --> 00:04:43,863
you, but I've been
all over the boat.
58
00:04:43,958 --> 00:04:46,079
- Ship.
- Who cares, as long as it floats?
59
00:04:47,541 --> 00:04:49,828
I've been down the sharp
end and the blunt end,
60
00:04:49,916 --> 00:04:52,203
and I've been down as far
as it's possible to go.
61
00:04:52,291 --> 00:04:55,242
But I keep on finishing up
ankle-deep in mucky water.
62
00:04:55,333 --> 00:04:58,082
- Bilge.
- Ooh. No need to be rude.
63
00:04:59,416 --> 00:05:01,739
- Who are you?
- Well, make a wild guess.
64
00:05:03,916 --> 00:05:06,535
Wilfred Haines, Captain.
You'll find me on the list.
65
00:05:06,624 --> 00:05:08,695
What happened to our
regular ship's cook?
66
00:05:08,696 --> 00:05:09,871
Perhaps he got fed up.
67
00:05:09,958 --> 00:05:12,790
- Fed up. That's good.
- Belt up.
68
00:05:14,041 --> 00:05:16,530
- What's your story?
- I'm the son of a sea cook.
69
00:05:16,624 --> 00:05:18,584
The original one, to look at you.
70
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:19,626
Thank you.
71
00:05:19,627 --> 00:05:22,408
No, I've always
wanted to go to sea.
72
00:05:22,499 --> 00:05:25,699
Thought I'd follow my father's
wake, as it were. See?
73
00:05:25,791 --> 00:05:28,070
All I want to see is
that this crew finishes
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00:05:28,071 --> 00:05:30,247
up the most efficient
that we've ever had.
75
00:05:30,333 --> 00:05:32,863
If it is, when we return,
I expect to be given
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00:05:32,864 --> 00:05:35,286
command of the company's
new Atlantic liner.
77
00:05:35,374 --> 00:05:37,395
Which means I will
have to select my own
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00:05:37,396 --> 00:05:39,415
crew, and that could
be you. All of you.
79
00:05:39,499 --> 00:05:41,289
- All right, dismissed.
- Oh, good.
80
00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:44,905
Except you, you and you.
81
00:05:44,999 --> 00:05:47,155
Now, then. I am going to be blunt
82
00:05:47,156 --> 00:05:49,573
and make some very
cutting remarks.
83
00:05:49,666 --> 00:05:51,741
On the face of it, that's
a contradiction in
84
00:05:51,742 --> 00:05:53,909
terms. But English is a
very curious language.
85
00:05:53,999 --> 00:05:57,692
If you interrupt me
once more, Mr... Mr...
86
00:05:57,693 --> 00:05:59,415
Marjoribanks, sir.
87
00:05:59,499 --> 00:06:01,850
Thank you. If you interrupt
me once more, mate,
88
00:06:01,851 --> 00:06:03,907
you'll hear some really
curious language.
89
00:06:03,999 --> 00:06:06,207
Now, then. I have
slugged my way up
90
00:06:06,208 --> 00:06:08,538
from nothing to get
where I am today.
91
00:06:08,624 --> 00:06:11,575
But there are some copper-bottomed
gentlemen on the board
92
00:06:11,666 --> 00:06:13,748
who still think it's
dead wrong for an
93
00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:15,991
H-dropper like me to
be a ship's captain.
94
00:06:16,082 --> 00:06:18,618
And they would scuttle me
if they had half a chance.
95
00:06:18,707 --> 00:06:20,753
And that is why I have
built this whole crew
96
00:06:20,754 --> 00:06:22,571
round me, so they
don't get the chance.
97
00:06:22,666 --> 00:06:26,245
That is also why I get nervous
when I see new faces.
98
00:06:26,332 --> 00:06:30,029
Your faces are new.
So I'm nervous.
99
00:06:30,124 --> 00:06:33,205
To me, you look like
disaster on six legs.
100
00:06:33,291 --> 00:06:36,075
Prove I'm wrong. That's all I ask.
101
00:06:36,166 --> 00:06:38,203
- Clear?
- As day.
102
00:06:38,291 --> 00:06:40,328
- As an X-ray.
- As soup.
103
00:06:50,603 --> 00:06:53,387
- Who are you?
- Me, sir? Turner, sir.
104
00:06:53,478 --> 00:06:55,268
- Turner?
- Turner, sir.
105
00:06:55,353 --> 00:06:57,593
- What are you doing here?
- Head barman, sir.
106
00:06:57,686 --> 00:07:00,056
You can't be head barman.
Angus is my head barman.
107
00:07:00,145 --> 00:07:02,182
- Not any more, sir.
- Not any more?
108
00:07:02,270 --> 00:07:04,296
They can't do this
to me. Changing the
109
00:07:04,297 --> 00:07:06,477
barman? It's like
ripping out the engine.
110
00:07:06,561 --> 00:07:08,564
What has happened to
Angus? Don't tell me
111
00:07:08,566 --> 00:07:10,472
he got married and
swore off the booze?
112
00:07:10,561 --> 00:07:13,050
- How did you guess, sir?
- Oh, no. Not Angus.
113
00:07:13,145 --> 00:07:16,261
He's the only one... Do you know
how to mix my favourite drink?
114
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:18,344
- What's that, sir?
- The Aberdeen Angus.
115
00:07:18,436 --> 00:07:20,229
No, but you've only
got to tell me...
116
00:07:20,230 --> 00:07:21,304
But I can't tell you.
117
00:07:21,395 --> 00:07:23,930
Only Angus knows it. Didn't
he tell you the secret?
118
00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:25,827
Didn't he give you
the recipe for the
119
00:07:25,828 --> 00:07:27,634
drink that's got a
kick like a steer?
120
00:07:27,728 --> 00:07:29,351
No.
121
00:07:29,436 --> 00:07:32,130
The whole cruise...
without an Aberdeen Angus
122
00:07:32,131 --> 00:07:34,473
kicking about inside
me. I'll go barmy.
123
00:07:38,603 --> 00:07:41,471
Hello, hello. Well, this
ain't the kitchen, is it?
124
00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:44,459
I should say not. It's the
Captain's night cabin.
125
00:07:44,460 --> 00:07:45,502
Oh. Cosy.
126
00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:47,557
Distinctly cosy, yes.
127
00:07:47,645 --> 00:07:50,133
Er... Do you know
where the kitchen is?
128
00:07:50,228 --> 00:07:52,681
Afraid not, sir. I'm a
stranger round here myself.
129
00:07:52,770 --> 00:07:56,633
Another new face? Poor
fella. You'll cop the lot.
130
00:07:56,728 --> 00:07:58,469
♪ Tiddly-pom-pom
131
00:08:03,978 --> 00:08:06,015
Oh. Morning, sir.
132
00:08:08,353 --> 00:08:11,185
Don't tell me. You're
my new steward?
133
00:08:12,311 --> 00:08:14,349
Lovell has broken his leg?
134
00:08:14,436 --> 00:08:16,474
You've only done three trips.
135
00:08:16,561 --> 00:08:19,014
All from Tower Bridge to Margate.
136
00:08:19,103 --> 00:08:21,277
You're dead right,
sir. How did you know?
137
00:08:21,278 --> 00:08:22,319
I'm psychic.
138
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:25,058
- Tom Tree, right?
- That's right, sir.
139
00:08:25,144 --> 00:08:27,182
Branches everywhere.
140
00:08:27,269 --> 00:08:29,307
I twig.
141
00:08:44,769 --> 00:08:46,179
We're moving.
142
00:08:46,269 --> 00:08:50,263
- Oh, Glad.
- Oh, Flo. We're moving.
143
00:09:00,978 --> 00:09:02,684
- Bye.
- Bye.
144
00:09:02,769 --> 00:09:04,890
- Who are we waving to?
- I don't know.
145
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:07,264
- Oh, Flo.
- Oh, Glad.
146
00:09:07,353 --> 00:09:10,101
- Let's go up the other end.
- Right. Oh.
147
00:09:10,186 --> 00:09:13,219
Sorry, ladies. I didn't
look where you were going.
148
00:09:13,311 --> 00:09:14,962
Do you think he drives the boat?
149
00:09:14,963 --> 00:09:16,807
He looked more like the conductor.
150
00:09:27,644 --> 00:09:29,800
- Ooh.
- There, ma'am. Is that better?
151
00:09:29,894 --> 00:09:32,543
Yes, thank you. What
is it I'm standing on?
152
00:09:32,544 --> 00:09:33,586
A bollard.
153
00:09:33,587 --> 00:09:34,928
Oh. Fancy.
154
00:09:35,019 --> 00:09:38,183
- Hey. Are we moving?
- That's right, chief.
155
00:09:38,269 --> 00:09:39,975
Yeah, you know I
thought I felt so...
156
00:10:13,811 --> 00:10:17,176
Here, is something up, chief?
Surely you're not seasick?
157
00:10:17,269 --> 00:10:19,059
But, chief, we've
hardly left shore.
158
00:10:31,519 --> 00:10:33,261
Yes, yes, yes.
159
00:10:33,352 --> 00:10:36,137
Ah. Now that looks very comfy.
160
00:10:36,227 --> 00:10:39,095
Yes, just the sort of thing
I need for the exercise.
161
00:10:39,186 --> 00:10:41,223
Right. Never too early to start.
162
00:10:45,977 --> 00:10:47,055
Argh.
163
00:10:48,185 --> 00:10:50,472
Help. Help. Doctor.
I want a doctor.
164
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,598
I could use one myself.
165
00:10:53,894 --> 00:10:55,968
What's the trouble?
166
00:10:56,060 --> 00:10:57,885
- Seasick?
- Terrible.
167
00:10:57,977 --> 00:11:00,548
- You don't look seasick.
- Well, I'm not up here.
168
00:11:00,644 --> 00:11:03,310
- Where are you seasick?
- Down below.
169
00:11:03,394 --> 00:11:06,676
- What do you mean?
- Out of sight of sea and sky.
170
00:11:06,769 --> 00:11:09,340
Doctor, could you look at
my green eye? I'm worried.
171
00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:11,260
- No, don't. Please.
- Don't be silly.
172
00:11:11,352 --> 00:11:15,393
Don't shut the door. As long as I
can see the sea, I'm all right.
173
00:11:15,477 --> 00:11:19,056
It's only when I go down below
my tummy starts doing the twist.
174
00:11:19,144 --> 00:11:21,348
For Mrs Beeton's
sake, please help.
175
00:11:21,435 --> 00:11:23,675
Marjoribanks, shut
the door, will you?
176
00:11:23,769 --> 00:11:26,767
- No. No.
- Be quiet, you gastronomic goon.
177
00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:29,257
Do you want the whole ship
to know you're seasick?
178
00:11:29,352 --> 00:11:32,184
Doctor, you must do something.
I mean, what a start,
179
00:11:32,269 --> 00:11:34,674
if the cook can't cook cos
the quack can't cure him.
180
00:11:34,769 --> 00:11:36,925
I'll cure him or kill him. Ooh.
181
00:11:37,019 --> 00:11:39,056
All right, come here.
182
00:11:39,144 --> 00:11:40,657
No, let me see the sea, please.
183
00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:42,675
All right, have a look
at the sea, then.
184
00:11:46,644 --> 00:11:49,179
- I hesitate to interfere...
- Go on hesitating.
185
00:11:49,269 --> 00:11:52,883
I was going to suggest a
traditional cure for mal de mer.
186
00:11:52,977 --> 00:11:55,014
I don't happen to
be treating a mare.
187
00:11:56,477 --> 00:11:58,384
Excuse me.
188
00:11:58,477 --> 00:12:00,716
- Here, cooky.
- Thanks, cocky. I mean docky.
189
00:12:00,810 --> 00:12:02,267
That'll soothe your nerves.
190
00:12:02,352 --> 00:12:05,184
Water, nurse. I mean Marjoribanks.
191
00:12:05,268 --> 00:12:08,716
Was that the kill or the cure?
192
00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:12,176
This happens to be the
first of three stages.
193
00:12:12,268 --> 00:12:13,845
Three stages?
194
00:12:13,935 --> 00:12:15,973
I'm all right now. Ooph.
195
00:12:17,060 --> 00:12:19,625
These tablets will
counteract the somnolent
196
00:12:19,626 --> 00:12:22,132
effect of the mixture
and give you energy.
197
00:12:26,018 --> 00:12:29,177
Now er... just a little
shot er... to...
198
00:12:29,178 --> 00:12:32,181
increase the value
of both treatments.
199
00:12:32,268 --> 00:12:34,473
- Roll up the sleeves.
- No, thanks.
200
00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:36,432
I can't bear to see
the needle going in.
201
00:12:36,518 --> 00:12:40,299
Oh. Well, there's only one other
place available. Drop 'em.
202
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:42,948
I'm not holding 'em,
whatever they are.
203
00:12:42,949 --> 00:12:45,928
I rather fancy the Doctor
means your trousers.
204
00:12:46,018 --> 00:12:48,969
Oh, my trousers... My what? Never.
205
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:53,061
If you want promotion
to this new liner...
206
00:12:53,062 --> 00:12:54,104
Say no more.
207
00:12:54,143 --> 00:12:55,933
Argh.
208
00:13:15,685 --> 00:13:17,971
What's the matter,
Steward, not feeling well?
209
00:13:18,060 --> 00:13:21,425
Oh, no, sir. No, I'm all
right. It's just, well...
210
00:13:21,518 --> 00:13:23,615
I'm new to this sort of thing and
211
00:13:23,616 --> 00:13:26,092
er... I'm afraid of
making a mistake.
212
00:13:26,185 --> 00:13:27,843
Well, you don't want to be afraid.
213
00:13:27,935 --> 00:13:31,182
All you need to be a good steward
is tact. I'll give you an example.
214
00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:34,219
A steward I knew walked in on
a lady standing in her bath.
215
00:13:34,310 --> 00:13:37,059
Took one look at her, he said,
"Excuse me, sir" and left.
216
00:13:37,143 --> 00:13:39,181
Tact, see?
217
00:13:39,268 --> 00:13:41,306
Hey, that's dead clever, innit?
218
00:13:41,393 --> 00:13:42,969
I'll remember that.
219
00:13:43,060 --> 00:13:45,015
- Thank you, sir.
- Right, go on, then.
220
00:13:52,643 --> 00:13:56,423
Hello, hello. And which of
you two fellas takes sugar?
221
00:13:57,768 --> 00:13:58,810
Get out.
222
00:13:59,935 --> 00:14:02,470
Morning. Hope you slept well.
223
00:14:08,643 --> 00:14:09,757
Clot.
224
00:14:30,226 --> 00:14:34,090
Quite an energetic game, what?
225
00:14:38,643 --> 00:14:39,804
Bye.
226
00:14:41,268 --> 00:14:42,974
Ooh. Ooh, my knee.
227
00:14:43,060 --> 00:14:45,299
Bye. See you again.
228
00:14:51,684 --> 00:14:53,474
Bye.
229
00:14:57,309 --> 00:15:00,391
- That's it, Flo, you've clicked.
- With that? Thank you.
230
00:15:00,476 --> 00:15:03,474
Oh, don't be like that. I
think he's rather nice.
231
00:15:03,559 --> 00:15:05,052
Then you have him.
232
00:15:05,143 --> 00:15:07,267
I'm on this cruise to
get a rest from men.
233
00:15:07,268 --> 00:15:08,309
Bighead.
234
00:15:08,310 --> 00:15:09,635
Bighead?
235
00:15:09,726 --> 00:15:12,393
Oh, no, really, I think you
ought to give him a chance.
236
00:15:12,476 --> 00:15:14,716
He seems kind of... helpless.
237
00:15:14,809 --> 00:15:17,926
Helplessness is the last
thing I am looking for.
238
00:15:34,643 --> 00:15:36,882
Mad, impulsive fool.
239
00:15:38,809 --> 00:15:42,222
- Er... working on the omelette?
- Something wrong, chief?
240
00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:44,462
Oh, no, no, no. I've
never seen eggs
241
00:15:44,463 --> 00:15:46,848
cracked more
conscientiously. Or slowly.
242
00:15:46,934 --> 00:15:49,767
Speed, man. Speed is the
essence. Do it the Haines way.
243
00:15:49,851 --> 00:15:51,676
Lift... and drop.
244
00:15:52,851 --> 00:15:55,386
Now you just strain
through with a sieve.
245
00:15:58,351 --> 00:16:00,057
Get me the First Officer.
246
00:16:00,143 --> 00:16:01,256
Come in.
247
00:16:02,726 --> 00:16:05,012
- What delayed you?
- I'm terribly sorry, sir.
248
00:16:05,101 --> 00:16:07,138
Overslept, Mr er... Mr er...
249
00:16:07,226 --> 00:16:09,057
Sea air, sir. I
always find the first
250
00:16:09,058 --> 00:16:10,840
few days makes me
feel quite drowsy.
251
00:16:10,910 --> 00:16:11,952
Shut your porthole.
252
00:16:11,953 --> 00:16:14,181
Begging your pardon,
sir, one must have...
253
00:16:14,267 --> 00:16:16,305
And your cakehole. Stop fidgeting.
254
00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:18,765
Paperwork. Not my
favourite occupation.
255
00:16:18,766 --> 00:16:19,808
Nor mine.
256
00:16:19,809 --> 00:16:21,929
- It's going to be, from now on.
- Oh, charming.
257
00:16:22,017 --> 00:16:24,808
Health report, doc
report, crew report,
258
00:16:24,809 --> 00:16:27,599
food report, log
report, sports report,
259
00:16:27,684 --> 00:16:29,307
diesel, oil and fuel report.
260
00:16:29,392 --> 00:16:32,390
♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪
261
00:16:36,309 --> 00:16:38,632
- Omelettes all prepared, chief.
- Excellent.
262
00:16:38,726 --> 00:16:41,392
That was a timesaver. In a
matter of minutes, 1200 eggs.
263
00:16:41,476 --> 00:16:42,517
1200 e...
264
00:16:42,601 --> 00:16:44,724
You should have seen
'em sliding through
265
00:16:44,725 --> 00:16:46,381
the sieve, slurp, slurp, slurp.
266
00:16:46,476 --> 00:16:48,513
- Slurp.
- What can I do now, chief?
267
00:16:48,601 --> 00:16:50,835
Out of my way.
They're wearing off.
268
00:16:50,836 --> 00:16:52,760
My pills. They're wearing off.
269
00:16:52,851 --> 00:16:56,299
Heels together. Hands
extended above the head.
270
00:16:57,767 --> 00:17:00,090
And... bend.
271
00:17:01,392 --> 00:17:04,556
Three.
272
00:17:04,642 --> 00:17:08,174
And lower. Heels
together. Hips firm.
273
00:17:08,267 --> 00:17:10,305
Doctor. Doctor. Doc...
274
00:17:12,351 --> 00:17:14,388
The mixture. Where...
275
00:17:21,767 --> 00:17:23,509
Urgh.
276
00:17:30,892 --> 00:17:32,302
That's better.
277
00:17:32,392 --> 00:17:34,182
The pills.
278
00:17:34,267 --> 00:17:36,305
Pills...
279
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:42,556
Different colour. Same shape.
280
00:17:53,267 --> 00:17:57,308
One... two...
281
00:17:57,392 --> 00:17:59,513
It's all right, I
left it in the cabin.
282
00:18:02,975 --> 00:18:05,013
Wow.
283
00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:08,051
Her-Cu-Les.
284
00:18:08,142 --> 00:18:10,097
I saw him first.
285
00:18:11,184 --> 00:18:13,140
I thought you wanted
a rest from men.
286
00:18:13,141 --> 00:18:15,047
In his case, I'll
make an exception.
287
00:18:15,142 --> 00:18:18,424
You promised you'd help me
find a husband on this cruise.
288
00:18:18,517 --> 00:18:20,757
From now on, my motto
is: help yourself.
289
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,509
You could do the same.
290
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,724
Dr Binn's obviously
interested in you.
291
00:18:24,725 --> 00:18:25,767
Hmph.
292
00:18:25,768 --> 00:18:27,840
That's all for today,
girls. Dismissed.
293
00:18:30,559 --> 00:18:32,707
I will follow my heart,
Florence Castle.
294
00:18:32,708 --> 00:18:34,504
Then this is war, Gladys Trimble.
295
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:35,927
- Right.
- Right.
296
00:18:36,017 --> 00:18:38,054
Excuse me, ladies.
297
00:18:39,434 --> 00:18:41,508
I shall be taking coffee
alone, Miss Castle.
298
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,535
I do not say I hope
it chokes you, Miss
299
00:18:43,536 --> 00:18:45,760
Trimble, I merely gloat
over the possibility.
300
00:18:50,934 --> 00:18:52,971
Ho-ho-ho and a bottle of rum.
301
00:18:53,059 --> 00:18:55,263
We meet again, what?
302
00:18:56,517 --> 00:18:59,219
Would you like to er... poop
up on the pop deck with me?
303
00:18:59,309 --> 00:19:02,508
Doctor, do me a favour.
Operate somewhere else.
304
00:19:08,683 --> 00:19:10,674
- How many have you taken?
- Three.
305
00:19:10,767 --> 00:19:12,722
- Three?
- Yeah, why not?
306
00:19:12,808 --> 00:19:16,174
They're my last-resort pills. For
bringing people out of a coma.
307
00:19:16,267 --> 00:19:18,802
Yeah, well, I wish I could
come to a full stop.
308
00:19:20,850 --> 00:19:23,049
I'll have to give
you an injection.
309
00:19:23,050 --> 00:19:24,092
Not again.
310
00:19:26,183 --> 00:19:27,380
Come back.
311
00:20:10,558 --> 00:20:11,636
Ooh.
312
00:20:13,933 --> 00:20:16,256
Well? What's this
conference all about, then?
313
00:20:16,350 --> 00:20:19,431
Now, gentlemen, to this
captain, we are new faces.
314
00:20:19,517 --> 00:20:22,072
And as such, our every
word, our every action,
315
00:20:22,073 --> 00:20:24,138
is subject to
infinitesimal scrutiny.
316
00:20:24,225 --> 00:20:27,223
He means the Captain's
got his beady eye on us.
317
00:20:27,308 --> 00:20:29,180
- Oh, yes.
- Precisely.
318
00:20:29,266 --> 00:20:31,638
Now, gentlemen, I
take it we all yearn
319
00:20:31,639 --> 00:20:33,888
to serve on this new
Atlantic liner?
320
00:20:33,975 --> 00:20:36,131
- Oh, yes. Of course.
- Good. Good.
321
00:20:36,225 --> 00:20:38,678
The mind of the Captain
works in a strange way.
322
00:20:38,766 --> 00:20:43,803
Let one newcomer make an error,
or commit an indiscretion, or...
323
00:20:43,891 --> 00:20:45,681
Drop a clanger, lads.
324
00:20:47,808 --> 00:20:51,174
And all newcomers are
tarred with the same brush.
325
00:20:51,266 --> 00:20:54,714
And prejudiced this may be,
but fact it undoubtedly is.
326
00:20:54,808 --> 00:20:56,052
Have I your agreement
327
00:20:56,141 --> 00:20:58,348
for a policy of unremitting
quasi-Teutonic
328
00:20:58,349 --> 00:20:59,886
organisational perfectionism?
329
00:20:59,975 --> 00:21:01,681
He means fingers out.
330
00:21:01,766 --> 00:21:03,804
So, heave-to, gentlemen.
331
00:21:03,891 --> 00:21:08,134
Our first major opportunity
to impress is now. Tonight.
332
00:21:13,975 --> 00:21:16,298
- Good evening, Captain.
- Hello, Miss Castle.
333
00:21:16,391 --> 00:21:18,299
- Enjoying yourself?
- Yes, thank you.
334
00:21:27,850 --> 00:21:31,890
Ah, Mr Jenkins, I'd like
you to meet Mrs Lewis.
335
00:21:31,975 --> 00:21:34,012
Hello, Miss Castle.
336
00:21:36,225 --> 00:21:38,630
Good evening, Miss Trimble.
Enjoying yourself?
337
00:21:38,725 --> 00:21:41,011
Very much, thank you.
338
00:21:42,141 --> 00:21:44,179
- He's over there.
- Thank you.
339
00:21:59,933 --> 00:22:02,931
Have one with me, old
chap. It's all free.
340
00:22:03,016 --> 00:22:05,054
Yeah. I think I could do with it.
341
00:22:06,808 --> 00:22:09,131
- Love?
- Yeah.
342
00:22:10,224 --> 00:22:13,222
- Well, how did you know?
- That's why I drink.
343
00:22:13,308 --> 00:22:15,345
To forget her.
344
00:22:16,433 --> 00:22:20,261
- Forget who?
- Blessed if I can remember.
345
00:22:21,724 --> 00:22:23,762
Good evening.
346
00:22:26,933 --> 00:22:29,302
- Miss Madderley, good evening.
- Good evening.
347
00:22:29,391 --> 00:22:31,428
Good evening, Miss er...
348
00:22:34,891 --> 00:22:36,965
- Good evening, sir.
- Good evening.
349
00:22:38,058 --> 00:22:39,929
What's my steward
doing serving here?
350
00:22:40,016 --> 00:22:43,298
Begged for permission to lend
a volunteering hand, sir.
351
00:22:43,391 --> 00:22:45,761
Anything to help the smooth
running of the ship.
352
00:22:45,849 --> 00:22:47,472
- Good for him.
- Isn't it, sir?
353
00:22:47,558 --> 00:22:49,797
All we newcomers feel
the same way, sir.
354
00:22:49,891 --> 00:22:53,303
Just keep your beady...
your eyes on us.
355
00:22:53,391 --> 00:22:55,428
I will.
356
00:22:55,516 --> 00:22:58,597
Fine conditions in the
Atlantic tonight, I hear, sir.
357
00:22:58,683 --> 00:23:02,048
Well, that's great. We don't
happen to be on the Atlantic.
358
00:23:02,141 --> 00:23:04,216
Just thought I'd
let you know, sir.
359
00:23:04,217 --> 00:23:05,259
Thank you.
360
00:23:05,260 --> 00:23:08,464
Must circulate. The
social touch, you know.
361
00:23:39,807 --> 00:23:41,845
May I have the next dance?
362
00:23:41,932 --> 00:23:43,804
I didn't know this was a dance.
363
00:23:43,891 --> 00:23:46,426
Oh er... Ooh.
364
00:23:46,516 --> 00:23:48,672
No, it isn't, is it?
365
00:23:49,807 --> 00:23:51,763
But every time I look
at you I hear music.
366
00:23:51,849 --> 00:23:54,089
Every time I look at
you I think of music.
367
00:23:54,182 --> 00:23:55,379
- Do you?
- Mm.
368
00:23:55,474 --> 00:23:57,678
- Colonel Bogey. Excuse me.
- Oh, wait.
369
00:23:57,766 --> 00:23:59,632
Yes, the tropical
night sky always...
370
00:23:59,633 --> 00:24:00,675
Please.
371
00:24:04,932 --> 00:24:07,717
Captain. Don't panic.
Keep quite calm. Captain.
372
00:24:07,807 --> 00:24:10,592
Water. Water. Ah. Here's water.
373
00:24:14,641 --> 00:24:16,098
Captain. Cap...
374
00:24:16,182 --> 00:24:19,180
Doctor. Where's the Doctor?
Doctor. Doctor. Ooh.
375
00:24:22,641 --> 00:24:25,343
Very nice.
376
00:24:25,432 --> 00:24:27,588
Come on. Everything
will be all right.
377
00:24:27,682 --> 00:24:31,297
Come along, now. I'll soon have
you on the table. That's right.
378
00:24:31,391 --> 00:24:32,634
This way.
379
00:24:32,724 --> 00:24:35,177
Come on, Captain. You'll
soon be all right.
380
00:24:35,265 --> 00:24:37,303
Now keep taking the tablets.
381
00:24:37,390 --> 00:24:38,670
Thank you, doc.
382
00:24:44,265 --> 00:24:46,339
Fool.
383
00:24:49,599 --> 00:24:51,938
During the war, I did
Arctic runs that would have
384
00:24:51,939 --> 00:24:54,137
made HMS Ulysses look
like a trip to Brighton.
385
00:24:54,224 --> 00:24:55,681
Without getting a scratch.
386
00:24:55,765 --> 00:24:59,427
Two days on a simple cruise
with you lot, and look at me.
387
00:24:59,515 --> 00:25:01,553
Come in.
388
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:05,634
Good morning, sir. Some coffee to
soothe your nerves, calm you down.
389
00:25:05,724 --> 00:25:08,426
There, there. I always say
worse things happen at sea.
390
00:25:08,515 --> 00:25:10,174
We are at sea, you landlocked nit.
391
00:25:10,265 --> 00:25:13,299
Well, you'd never know it. These
stabilisers are marvellous.
392
00:25:13,390 --> 00:25:14,432
You're late.
393
00:25:14,433 --> 00:25:16,139
Sorry, sir. A lot of
work to clear up.
394
00:25:16,224 --> 00:25:18,124
What with his face
and his wrist and
395
00:25:18,125 --> 00:25:19,921
your nut... erm... your head, sir.
396
00:25:20,015 --> 00:25:22,219
Well, well, well, how
are we all feeling now?
397
00:25:22,307 --> 00:25:24,463
Shut up.
398
00:25:25,807 --> 00:25:28,722
I usually penalise defaulters
by stopping 'em a day's pay.
399
00:25:28,807 --> 00:25:31,295
If I did that with you, you'd
owe the company money.
400
00:25:31,390 --> 00:25:33,795
So I'll have to be content
with a few words.
401
00:25:33,890 --> 00:25:35,851
You, for a start, Marjoribanks.
402
00:25:35,852 --> 00:25:38,464
Oh, sir, you got my
name right, at last.
403
00:25:38,557 --> 00:25:41,010
I'm in the mood for
using the right words.
404
00:25:41,099 --> 00:25:44,013
You, Marjoribanks, are a...
405
00:25:48,682 --> 00:25:50,139
I tell you, my ears are burning.
406
00:25:50,224 --> 00:25:53,008
I shouldn't wonder. Someone's
been talking about you.
407
00:25:53,099 --> 00:25:55,313
Do you think he's ever
studied medicine?
408
00:25:55,314 --> 00:25:56,962
I wouldn't think so, no. Why?
409
00:25:57,057 --> 00:25:58,981
In describing us,
he employed a great
410
00:25:58,982 --> 00:26:00,754
deal of physiological terminology.
411
00:26:00,848 --> 00:26:04,889
Well, he was medically incorrect
in what he called you. Come on.
412
00:26:05,473 --> 00:26:08,590
On the toes... and bend.
413
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:16,546
And... stretch. And... lower.
414
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:18,512
Well done, ladies. Keep it up.
415
00:26:18,598 --> 00:26:20,388
I'll try.
416
00:26:21,515 --> 00:26:23,506
That's all for today,
ladies. Dismissed.
417
00:26:39,307 --> 00:26:40,420
Come on in, miss.
418
00:26:43,515 --> 00:26:44,743
I don't want to intrude.
419
00:26:44,744 --> 00:26:46,963
You won't, if you join
one of my PT groups.
420
00:26:47,057 --> 00:26:49,971
Well, I was thinking
more of your...
421
00:26:50,057 --> 00:26:52,012
individual attention.
422
00:26:52,098 --> 00:26:54,006
You must be very advanced.
423
00:26:54,098 --> 00:26:56,053
Well, you know.
424
00:26:56,140 --> 00:26:59,055
No, really, are you? It'd be
such a kick for me if you are.
425
00:26:59,140 --> 00:27:01,095
Most of these people
haven't a clue.
426
00:27:01,182 --> 00:27:02,988
Want to make up for
50 weeks' lack of
427
00:27:02,989 --> 00:27:05,175
exercise with two weeks'
puffing and blowing.
428
00:27:05,265 --> 00:27:07,137
Well, I...
429
00:27:08,223 --> 00:27:11,671
Yes, I suppose I am
a bit of a body-builder.
430
00:27:11,765 --> 00:27:13,419
Have you got a gym at your office?
431
00:27:13,420 --> 00:27:14,716
Why bring him up? Oh, gym.
432
00:27:14,807 --> 00:27:16,949
Yes. Oh, yes. It's a
very progressive firm.
433
00:27:16,950 --> 00:27:18,800
They provide everything
for us girls.
434
00:27:18,890 --> 00:27:21,888
We've got a gymnasium, rest
rooms, midget bowling alley...
435
00:27:21,973 --> 00:27:23,631
Terrible typewriters, though.
436
00:27:23,723 --> 00:27:27,669
Marvellous. I'm all for the modern
girl taking care of her body.
437
00:27:27,765 --> 00:27:30,431
Provided it's not
carried to extremes?
438
00:27:30,515 --> 00:27:32,221
Well er... let's see
what you can do.
439
00:27:32,306 --> 00:27:34,593
Right. After you.
440
00:27:39,348 --> 00:27:41,386
Look, Mum, no hands.
441
00:27:41,473 --> 00:27:43,962
Just to warm up. Come
on. Over you go.
442
00:27:48,973 --> 00:27:50,596
Who moved the ship?
443
00:27:50,681 --> 00:27:53,596
- What about the bars now?
- Oh, I'd love a drink.
444
00:28:06,181 --> 00:28:08,006
That should really loosen you up.
445
00:28:08,098 --> 00:28:10,551
- You reckon?
- Come on. Over you go.
446
00:28:14,681 --> 00:28:16,921
- Fabulous.
- Argh.
447
00:28:19,056 --> 00:28:21,924
- Are you all right?
- Nearly burnt my boats there.
448
00:28:22,015 --> 00:28:24,633
- Well, what's next?
- No, you show me.
449
00:28:24,723 --> 00:28:27,804
You're an expert on rope
work. It's my weakest point.
450
00:28:27,890 --> 00:28:31,586
Mine too. My one failing. I've
a terrible head for heights.
451
00:28:31,681 --> 00:28:34,170
But... you were just up there.
452
00:28:35,265 --> 00:28:37,883
Me? Me up there?
453
00:28:37,973 --> 00:28:39,549
Oh, blimey.
454
00:28:45,139 --> 00:28:46,887
Miss Castle. It's
Miss Castle. What
455
00:28:46,888 --> 00:28:48,635
have you been doing
to Miss Castle?
456
00:28:48,723 --> 00:28:51,886
We were exercising together. I had
no idea she wasn't used to it.
457
00:28:51,973 --> 00:28:55,089
Well, luckily for you, I'm used
to an emergency and you're not.
458
00:28:55,181 --> 00:28:57,670
Would you mind leaving me
with my patient, please?
459
00:28:59,973 --> 00:29:01,798
All right.
460
00:29:07,598 --> 00:29:10,133
For what I'm thinking,
I could be struck off.
461
00:29:11,514 --> 00:29:13,090
Breathing very well.
462
00:29:13,181 --> 00:29:16,547
In... out. In... out.
463
00:29:16,639 --> 00:29:20,301
In... Oh, stop it, Arthur
Binn. Be professional.
464
00:29:20,389 --> 00:29:22,427
The pulse. Of course, the pulse.
465
00:29:25,931 --> 00:29:27,128
Oh.
466
00:29:27,223 --> 00:29:29,260
I'm fingers and thumbs today.
467
00:29:29,348 --> 00:29:30,971
Oh, dear.
468
00:29:31,056 --> 00:29:33,840
Well, I'll go straight to
the heart of the matter.
469
00:29:36,014 --> 00:29:38,633
Bom-bom-bom-bom-bom
bom-cha-cha-cha.
470
00:29:38,723 --> 00:29:41,211
Argh. Oh. Ah.
471
00:29:41,306 --> 00:29:43,343
Wait. Madam.
472
00:29:43,431 --> 00:29:47,092
I must have a witness. The BMA
will never believe this. Argh.
473
00:29:48,514 --> 00:29:51,263
- What are you doing?
- I was just resuscitating you.
474
00:29:51,348 --> 00:29:53,385
Oh.
475
00:29:53,473 --> 00:29:55,795
- Look, you don't understand.
- Don't I?
476
00:29:55,889 --> 00:29:58,638
- It was just a doctor's dilemma.
- I was on the ceiling.
477
00:29:58,723 --> 00:30:00,843
What am I doing here? Let go.
478
00:30:00,931 --> 00:30:02,968
The ceiling. Delirious.
479
00:30:03,056 --> 00:30:04,773
Well, get back on
the ceiling if you
480
00:30:04,774 --> 00:30:06,303
want to. There's a nice ceiling.
481
00:30:06,389 --> 00:30:08,214
A special ceiling you
can lie down on.
482
00:30:08,306 --> 00:30:09,929
He's bonkers.
483
00:30:10,014 --> 00:30:13,012
- That is a nice ceiling, yes.
- Oh, it's a beautiful ceiling.
484
00:30:13,097 --> 00:30:14,940
Get on it like a good
girl. It's quite
485
00:30:14,941 --> 00:30:16,593
safe, you won't fall off. You see?
486
00:30:16,681 --> 00:30:17,722
Come on, then.
487
00:30:17,724 --> 00:30:19,383
Now, you relax and
tell me all about it.
488
00:30:19,472 --> 00:30:21,162
Yes, I might just
as well get it all
489
00:30:21,163 --> 00:30:23,217
straight. I was just
checking on your heart.
490
00:30:23,306 --> 00:30:26,422
I had my head here like that.
Then your arm came up like that.
491
00:30:26,514 --> 00:30:28,457
Then the other one
came up like that.
492
00:30:28,458 --> 00:30:29,499
He's at it again.
493
00:30:29,514 --> 00:30:31,469
- We'll visit Dr Binn next.
- Yes, sir.
494
00:30:31,556 --> 00:30:35,170
You kept squeezing and wouldn't
let go. And suddenly, down we...
495
00:30:36,431 --> 00:30:39,115
It's... not a good moment
for your inspection,
496
00:30:39,116 --> 00:30:41,171
sir. The Doctor is
treating a lady.
497
00:30:41,264 --> 00:30:43,302
What's he treating her to?
498
00:30:46,764 --> 00:30:48,802
Oh. Oh. Oh.
499
00:30:51,472 --> 00:30:53,510
Do you know Miss Castle, Captain?
500
00:30:53,597 --> 00:30:55,505
Not as well as you do, Doctor.
501
00:31:18,556 --> 00:31:20,520
Good morning, sir.
One for the road?
502
00:31:20,521 --> 00:31:21,563
What road?
503
00:31:21,564 --> 00:31:23,835
Everybody's going ashore,
sir. This is sunny Spain.
504
00:31:23,931 --> 00:31:26,845
So that's why they're charging
around like a load of bulls.
505
00:31:26,931 --> 00:31:28,901
Bullfights, flamencos,
ladies, olé.
506
00:31:28,902 --> 00:31:29,944
Oh, lay off.
507
00:31:29,945 --> 00:31:31,603
Surely, sir, you're
not stopping here?
508
00:31:31,604 --> 00:31:32,646
Why not?
509
00:31:32,647 --> 00:31:34,241
Spain's got nothing
for me that I can't
510
00:31:34,242 --> 00:31:35,837
get right here. Open the sherry.
511
00:31:46,430 --> 00:31:48,468
Now, let's try it again.
512
00:31:49,555 --> 00:31:50,835
Ooh.
513
00:31:53,139 --> 00:31:54,762
Oh, my eye.
514
00:31:54,847 --> 00:31:56,174
Watch.
515
00:31:58,139 --> 00:32:00,295
Very good. If it
were full of snuff.
516
00:32:00,389 --> 00:32:02,130
It's made wrong.
517
00:32:02,222 --> 00:32:05,339
You're doing it wrong.
Let me do it on you.
518
00:32:05,430 --> 00:32:08,263
You've done it on me already,
bringing me on this cruise.
519
00:32:08,347 --> 00:32:11,511
First port done, not a glimmer
of a husband in sight.
520
00:32:11,597 --> 00:32:12,639
Aw.
521
00:32:14,055 --> 00:32:16,093
- Shove your head back.
- Glad.
522
00:32:16,180 --> 00:32:18,629
Oh, keep still. I nearly
shampooed you with it.
523
00:32:18,630 --> 00:32:19,672
Get on with it.
524
00:32:19,673 --> 00:32:21,054
Open your mouth.
525
00:32:22,139 --> 00:32:25,587
Glad, you are awful.
526
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:30,384
Girls. Girls. Olé. Olé. Oh.
527
00:32:38,514 --> 00:32:40,551
- Olé, señor.
- Oh, hello, Binn.
528
00:32:40,639 --> 00:32:44,051
No, señor, I am the famous
toreador from Madrid.
529
00:32:44,139 --> 00:32:46,841
You look exactly like our
Medical Officer, Dr Binn.
530
00:32:46,930 --> 00:32:51,006
Well, señor, this afternoon
I fight 15 bulls.
531
00:32:51,097 --> 00:32:52,839
That's an awful lot of bull.
532
00:32:52,930 --> 00:32:57,220
Well, my father, he breeds the
famous fighting bulls, you know.
533
00:32:57,305 --> 00:33:01,085
Every year, 50,000 bulls he sends
off by ship to South America.
534
00:33:01,180 --> 00:33:02,886
50,000 bulls?
535
00:33:02,972 --> 00:33:04,908
Yes-yes. And also, every year,
536
00:33:04,909 --> 00:33:07,297
20,000 more he ships
off to France.
537
00:33:07,388 --> 00:33:09,047
That's 70,000 bulls.
538
00:33:09,138 --> 00:33:12,883
Yes-yes. He's one of the biggest
bull-shippers in the business. Ha.
539
00:33:12,972 --> 00:33:16,384
Well, watch it, mate. I
am Ferdinand the bull.
540
00:33:16,472 --> 00:33:18,261
Oho.
541
00:33:22,805 --> 00:33:24,843
Hey. Back, mate. Come on.
542
00:33:24,930 --> 00:33:26,672
Hey. Ah.
543
00:33:26,763 --> 00:33:29,596
Olé. Olé. Olé. Hey-hey.
544
00:33:34,930 --> 00:33:36,720
Olé. Ow.
545
00:33:42,763 --> 00:33:44,754
You. You...
546
00:33:44,847 --> 00:33:46,754
Get out of here.
547
00:33:47,763 --> 00:33:49,671
Yours is the best.
548
00:33:52,305 --> 00:33:54,710
Yes.
549
00:33:54,805 --> 00:33:57,175
- Excuse me, sir. Very sorry.
- Thank you.
550
00:34:05,805 --> 00:34:07,969
Having a little party
in your cabin, sir?
551
00:34:07,970 --> 00:34:09,052
With one guest. Me.
552
00:34:09,138 --> 00:34:10,335
Sir?
553
00:34:10,430 --> 00:34:13,298
Turner, the Aberdeen Angus has
a most distinctive aroma.
554
00:34:13,388 --> 00:34:15,011
- Sir?
- A niff all its own.
555
00:34:15,097 --> 00:34:17,200
And that's why you want
to find the recipe?
556
00:34:17,201 --> 00:34:18,343
I like the taste, too.
557
00:34:18,430 --> 00:34:20,685
Now, then. If I mix this
lot in a few different
558
00:34:20,686 --> 00:34:22,470
permutations, by the
law of averages,
559
00:34:22,555 --> 00:34:25,506
sooner or later, I must
stumble across the recipe.
560
00:34:25,596 --> 00:34:27,969
It's not the only thing
you'll stumble on, sir.
561
00:34:27,970 --> 00:34:29,012
Very comical.
562
00:34:29,013 --> 00:34:30,385
Would you like me to help, sir?
563
00:34:30,386 --> 00:34:32,342
No, your place is
with the passengers.
564
00:34:32,430 --> 00:34:34,088
Sir.
565
00:34:34,180 --> 00:34:36,851
I've just got time to do
a bit of mixing before
566
00:34:36,852 --> 00:34:39,133
the daily officers'
meeting. Here we go.
567
00:34:41,471 --> 00:34:43,178
Gin, mother's ruin.
568
00:34:44,388 --> 00:34:47,055
Some Benedictine,
merriment in a monastery.
569
00:34:48,805 --> 00:34:51,886
Some sherry, toreador's
transfusion.
570
00:34:53,096 --> 00:34:56,462
And one for his nob, créme
de menthe with the hole.
571
00:35:00,346 --> 00:35:02,848
I'd rather not be
disturbed, Marjoribanks.
572
00:35:02,849 --> 00:35:03,891
I can imagine.
573
00:35:03,892 --> 00:35:05,849
Unless it's something
very important.
574
00:35:05,850 --> 00:35:07,467
Oh, no, no, sir. It's nothing.
575
00:35:07,555 --> 00:35:10,985
That's all right, then.
What are you gawping at?
576
00:35:10,986 --> 00:35:12,129
That mixture.
577
00:35:12,221 --> 00:35:14,259
I haven't even started yet.
578
00:35:14,346 --> 00:35:16,882
Now, then. Beaujolais.
579
00:35:18,346 --> 00:35:22,257
With some egg flip. A dash of
bitters. That should do for me.
580
00:35:22,346 --> 00:35:24,751
I don't doubt that for a minute.
581
00:35:39,471 --> 00:35:41,509
Blimey.
582
00:35:43,263 --> 00:35:44,672
- Binn. Binn.
- What is it?
583
00:35:44,763 --> 00:35:46,884
- The Captain.
- Has he fallen in the drink?
584
00:35:46,971 --> 00:35:48,619
The drink's fallen into him. He's
585
00:35:48,620 --> 00:35:50,467
in his cabin
surrounded by bottles.
586
00:35:50,554 --> 00:35:53,257
- It smells like a brewery.
- I knew it. A secret drinker.
587
00:35:53,346 --> 00:35:54,543
He's blatant.
588
00:35:54,638 --> 00:35:56,240
You'll have to take over the...
589
00:35:56,241 --> 00:35:58,086
Ship. I can't. Can't you cure him?
590
00:36:13,679 --> 00:36:16,962
Captain. Oh, Captain.
591
00:36:18,429 --> 00:36:20,136
Hear that? He's incoherent.
592
00:36:20,221 --> 00:36:22,212
- You'll have to take over the...
- Ship.
593
00:36:22,304 --> 00:36:24,342
- Summon the officers.
- What have they done?
594
00:36:34,513 --> 00:36:35,922
Gentlemen.
595
00:36:36,013 --> 00:36:38,679
Gentlemen. Gentlemen, please.
596
00:36:38,763 --> 00:36:40,967
It's my painful duty to inform you
597
00:36:41,054 --> 00:36:44,669
that Captain Crowther is guilty of
being drunk in charge of a liner.
598
00:36:44,763 --> 00:36:46,746
As to his future, well, obviously
599
00:36:46,747 --> 00:36:48,970
that lies in hands
other than mine.
600
00:36:49,054 --> 00:36:51,752
All I can say for the
moment is that, by the law
601
00:36:51,753 --> 00:36:54,505
of the sea, I hereby take
command of this vessel.
602
00:36:56,429 --> 00:36:59,096
In a climate like this,
this ought to be buried.
603
00:37:01,596 --> 00:37:03,633
Oh, well. One more go.
604
00:37:04,762 --> 00:37:06,883
After the meeting.
605
00:37:07,971 --> 00:37:09,843
That one I should have drunk.
606
00:37:10,971 --> 00:37:13,175
There's very little I can
do at this juncture,
607
00:37:13,262 --> 00:37:16,236
but as soon as
Captain Crowther, or
608
00:37:16,237 --> 00:37:19,046
should I say ex-Captain Crowther,
609
00:37:19,137 --> 00:37:22,550
has drunk himself into a state
of complete insensibility,
610
00:37:22,637 --> 00:37:24,603
I will confine him
to sick quarters
611
00:37:24,604 --> 00:37:26,678
and then I'll do the
best I can to...
612
00:37:26,762 --> 00:37:29,677
salvage what I can from this
sozzled wreck of a man.
613
00:37:29,762 --> 00:37:31,421
Gentlemen. Everybody here?
614
00:37:31,512 --> 00:37:33,633
Right, let's get down to business.
615
00:37:34,762 --> 00:37:36,967
What's the matter with
you, Marjoribanks?
616
00:37:37,887 --> 00:37:39,131
Drunk?
617
00:38:22,179 --> 00:38:24,216
Oh, no. Perhaps not.
618
00:38:33,970 --> 00:38:36,008
Oh.
619
00:38:39,762 --> 00:38:41,800
Oh. Ooh.
620
00:38:47,179 --> 00:38:50,342
Hello there, madam. It's the first
time we've seen you in here.
621
00:38:50,429 --> 00:38:52,466
Oh, I don't really
drink as a rule.
622
00:38:52,554 --> 00:38:55,386
But I've just been through
such a shocking experience.
623
00:38:55,470 --> 00:38:58,338
Oh? And what do you think
you'd like to get over it?
624
00:38:58,429 --> 00:39:01,841
That. Such an enigmatic label.
625
00:39:01,929 --> 00:39:04,003
Vodka? Neat?
626
00:39:04,095 --> 00:39:07,295
Oh, yes. I do like things tidy.
627
00:39:17,804 --> 00:39:20,090
- Cheers.
- Hooray.
628
00:39:24,637 --> 00:39:26,674
Central heating all to myself.
629
00:39:26,762 --> 00:39:28,219
I'll have some more.
630
00:39:31,637 --> 00:39:34,256
- Are you sure, madam?
- Oh, yes, yes.
631
00:39:34,345 --> 00:39:37,509
Fill her up again, and
two shots of Redex.
632
00:39:41,845 --> 00:39:44,250
- Oh, hello, girls.
- Hello, Miss Madderley.
633
00:39:44,345 --> 00:39:46,834
- Champagne, please.
- Certainly, madam.
634
00:39:46,929 --> 00:39:49,761
Oh, I say, Flo, steady on.
You're not used to champagne.
635
00:39:49,845 --> 00:39:52,547
Nonsense. It's just like
cider with a French accent.
636
00:39:52,637 --> 00:39:55,386
Besides, I can drink anything.
At our office party...
637
00:39:57,803 --> 00:39:59,510
Will you have one, Miss Madderley?
638
00:39:59,511 --> 00:40:00,801
She's just been on vodka.
639
00:40:00,887 --> 00:40:03,838
Ooh, yes. I'm well in
practise. Thank you, my dear.
640
00:40:03,928 --> 00:40:05,966
- Call me Bridget.
- Florence.
641
00:40:06,053 --> 00:40:07,760
No, dear. Bridget.
642
00:40:07,845 --> 00:40:09,254
I'm Florence.
643
00:40:09,345 --> 00:40:11,880
- Oh, yes. Florence.
- I'm Glad.
644
00:40:11,970 --> 00:40:15,087
So am I. Well, now,
that's all sorted out.
645
00:40:15,178 --> 00:40:17,216
- Mud in your eye.
- Really?
646
00:40:17,303 --> 00:40:20,385
Oh, well, never mind. They
say it's good for the skin.
647
00:40:23,156 --> 00:40:24,198
Tame. Tame.
648
00:40:24,199 --> 00:40:26,758
I could put brandy and
brown sugar in it.
649
00:40:26,845 --> 00:40:28,883
That sounds good.
650
00:40:28,970 --> 00:40:31,921
- Skip the brown sugar.
- Good idea.
651
00:40:41,470 --> 00:40:43,093
- That's better.
- Much better.
652
00:40:43,178 --> 00:40:44,719
Flo.
653
00:40:44,803 --> 00:40:47,636
- Let's have something different.
- Mix it?
654
00:40:47,720 --> 00:40:50,967
Some of us can...
some of us can't.
655
00:40:51,053 --> 00:40:52,843
Cor.
656
00:40:52,928 --> 00:40:56,376
- I'll buy this one.
- My pal Bridget.
657
00:40:56,470 --> 00:40:59,421
That. Ooh, lovely colour.
658
00:40:59,512 --> 00:41:02,545
- Green chartreuse, madam?
- To match my friend's complexion.
659
00:41:02,637 --> 00:41:05,090
- Doubles.
- Flo.
660
00:41:05,178 --> 00:41:07,845
- Down the hatch.
- Ooh, not likely.
661
00:41:07,928 --> 00:41:10,796
I know a much better place.
662
00:41:10,887 --> 00:41:14,133
- Oh, come on, Flo.
- My round. My round.
663
00:41:15,261 --> 00:41:16,838
Name it, Bridget.
664
00:41:16,928 --> 00:41:20,424
- Flo, dear...
- Two Flo Dears, neat.
665
00:41:21,678 --> 00:41:23,834
I thought you meant
the name of a drink.
666
00:41:23,928 --> 00:41:26,879
Two Flo Dears.
667
00:41:26,970 --> 00:41:29,754
Ooh.
668
00:41:29,845 --> 00:41:31,385
Ooh, lummy.
669
00:41:31,470 --> 00:41:35,250
Flo, dear, do you think I
could possibly have that?
670
00:41:35,345 --> 00:41:37,833
- Whiskey?
- Flo.
671
00:41:37,928 --> 00:41:39,883
Scotland forever.
672
00:41:39,970 --> 00:41:41,842
- It's Irish.
- Up the Irish.
673
00:41:41,928 --> 00:41:44,595
- We'll have both.
- No prejudice.
674
00:41:49,095 --> 00:41:51,583
- Macbeth.
- Macfisheries.
675
00:41:56,470 --> 00:41:58,377
- Begorra.
- And a...
676
00:41:58,470 --> 00:42:00,875
And a shillelagh under your arm.
677
00:42:03,636 --> 00:42:04,880
What a woman.
678
00:42:06,303 --> 00:42:09,384
Come on, Flo. Let's go home now.
679
00:42:09,470 --> 00:42:12,752
What? Swim all the way?
680
00:42:12,845 --> 00:42:15,843
No, I mean give in. Let's leave.
681
00:42:15,928 --> 00:42:20,171
Never. Anything she can
booze, I can booze better.
682
00:42:20,261 --> 00:42:22,051
Who did that? Who did it?
683
00:42:22,136 --> 00:42:24,885
I'll go ten rounds with
anyone in this bar.
684
00:42:24,970 --> 00:42:26,546
Put 'em up.
685
00:42:26,636 --> 00:42:30,464
I'll be back. As soon as I've had
a bit of fresh air, I'll be back.
686
00:42:30,553 --> 00:42:33,511
Line 'em up, Bridget, old
girl, and I'll match
687
00:42:33,512 --> 00:42:36,217
you tit for tat and...
and... tot for tot.
688
00:42:39,553 --> 00:42:41,923
I can walk... you know.
689
00:42:48,261 --> 00:42:51,259
Face to face with Dr Crippen.
690
00:42:51,344 --> 00:42:53,382
Yes, Miss Castle.
Are you all right?
691
00:42:53,469 --> 00:42:57,794
You seem to think so. You asked me
to dance with you a say or do ago.
692
00:42:57,886 --> 00:42:59,924
I've thought it over.
693
00:43:00,011 --> 00:43:01,753
I'd be charmed.
694
00:43:01,844 --> 00:43:03,634
♪ I belong to Glasgow ♪
695
00:43:03,719 --> 00:43:05,378
♪ Dear old Glasgow town ♪
696
00:43:05,469 --> 00:43:08,088
♪ Dee-da-dee-da-dee-da,
a-dee-da-dee-da-dee ♪
697
00:43:08,178 --> 00:43:11,045
♪ Dee-da-dee-da-dee ♪
698
00:43:17,969 --> 00:43:19,628
Oops.
699
00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:21,757
You're lovely.
700
00:43:21,844 --> 00:43:24,415
How come you haven't
got a better job?
701
00:43:24,511 --> 00:43:27,046
- Miss Castle, please.
- Well, I mean to say.
702
00:43:27,136 --> 00:43:30,916
He's so dis... dis...
so dis... elegant.
703
00:43:31,011 --> 00:43:33,048
And only a bus inspector.
704
00:43:33,136 --> 00:43:36,833
- Madam, this is the Captain.
- And I'm Zsa Zsa Gabor.
705
00:43:36,928 --> 00:43:40,589
Here, you... you... you
get off the buses, mate.
706
00:43:40,678 --> 00:43:42,715
Go to sea.
707
00:43:42,803 --> 00:43:46,713
You've got that naughty
nautical look, you have.
708
00:43:46,803 --> 00:43:48,710
Lovely.
709
00:43:49,803 --> 00:43:51,840
You're just lovely.
710
00:43:51,928 --> 00:43:53,965
There you are.
711
00:43:54,053 --> 00:43:56,090
Oh.
712
00:43:57,511 --> 00:44:00,628
Ooh... Ooh, the ship's growing.
713
00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:04,670
- Tell the Captain.
- I am the Captain.
714
00:44:04,761 --> 00:44:06,965
And I'm Toulouse-Lautrec.
715
00:44:08,052 --> 00:44:09,593
Anchors aweigh.
716
00:44:09,677 --> 00:44:12,426
- Come on, Flo.
- Lovely.
717
00:44:12,511 --> 00:44:15,213
Wait for me, Bridget.
718
00:44:16,302 --> 00:44:17,499
- Well?
- Well...
719
00:44:17,594 --> 00:44:19,419
None of us can be
blamed for that, sir.
720
00:44:19,511 --> 00:44:21,535
It's just a couple
of ladies having a
721
00:44:21,536 --> 00:44:23,504
tidge too much of
the old duty free.
722
00:44:23,594 --> 00:44:25,135
Yes, that's all it's...
723
00:44:25,219 --> 00:44:28,834
Served by Mr Turner.
One of your quintet.
724
00:44:31,927 --> 00:44:35,838
Marjoribanks... she...
she danced with me.
725
00:44:35,927 --> 00:44:39,423
Well, don't preen yourself, Binn.
She had to be drunk first.
726
00:44:39,511 --> 00:44:40,920
Oh, yes, she di...
727
00:44:41,011 --> 00:44:42,208
You.
728
00:44:50,677 --> 00:44:52,668
I thought so.
729
00:45:05,886 --> 00:45:08,042
- Where are we?
- Italy, sir.
730
00:45:08,136 --> 00:45:10,968
Italy. Ah, it's good to be back.
731
00:45:11,052 --> 00:45:13,208
- Open the chianti.
- Certainly, sir.
732
00:45:13,302 --> 00:45:18,339
♪ Beautiful Marie ♪
733
00:45:18,427 --> 00:45:23,215
♪ Please come to me ♪
734
00:45:23,302 --> 00:45:28,006
♪ Beautiful Marie ♪
735
00:45:29,094 --> 00:45:34,628
♪ Beautiful Marie ♪
736
00:45:34,719 --> 00:45:36,958
♪ Na-dee-dee-dee ♪
737
00:45:37,052 --> 00:45:39,090
♪ Mm.mmm ♪
738
00:45:39,177 --> 00:45:41,215
♪ Dee-dee-dee ♪
739
00:45:41,302 --> 00:45:42,711
♪ Da-dee-dee ♪
740
00:45:42,802 --> 00:45:45,469
Ah. This'll slay 'em in Streatham.
741
00:45:49,344 --> 00:45:51,381
The Captain's on his bridge.
742
00:45:51,469 --> 00:45:53,708
All's right with the world.
743
00:45:54,844 --> 00:45:56,881
Good.
744
00:45:56,969 --> 00:45:59,308
What a secure feeling
to be able to sleep
745
00:45:59,309 --> 00:46:01,425
soundly with the
Captain at the helm.
746
00:46:03,260 --> 00:46:05,298
- Glad.
- Oh.
747
00:46:05,385 --> 00:46:08,134
Oh, Flo. What a shock.
748
00:46:08,219 --> 00:46:09,925
To me, too.
749
00:46:10,010 --> 00:46:12,048
Glad, I've just realised.
750
00:46:12,135 --> 00:46:13,758
I'm a woman.
751
00:46:13,844 --> 00:46:18,300
You always were observant.
Now can we get some sleep?
752
00:46:18,385 --> 00:46:21,668
A woman who needs
a man, not a boy.
753
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:25,256
A mature, responsible,
dominant man.
754
00:46:27,135 --> 00:46:29,375
- Like him.
- The Captain?
755
00:46:29,469 --> 00:46:33,000
Oh, Glad, if only he'd show
some interest in me, I'd...
756
00:46:34,844 --> 00:46:36,799
Aye aye, sir.
757
00:46:37,885 --> 00:46:41,215
Aye aye, aye aye, aye.
758
00:47:02,302 --> 00:47:04,008
Ooh.
759
00:47:05,010 --> 00:47:07,048
Sir.
760
00:47:10,177 --> 00:47:11,800
Ooh.
761
00:47:18,218 --> 00:47:20,423
Be serious. He's old
enough to be your father.
762
00:47:20,510 --> 00:47:22,608
I need a mature man.
Don't you understand?
763
00:47:22,609 --> 00:47:24,006
Yeah, you've got a dad fad.
764
00:47:24,093 --> 00:47:26,712
Here he is. Oh, if he so
much as looks at me, I'll...
765
00:47:26,802 --> 00:47:28,294
- Let's go back, then.
- Oh, no.
766
00:47:28,385 --> 00:47:30,341
Oh, Flo, for heaven's
sake, don't make
767
00:47:30,342 --> 00:47:32,046
a spectacle of yourself. Come on.
768
00:47:32,135 --> 00:47:34,670
I can't move. In either direction.
769
00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:36,466
My knees have gone.
770
00:47:36,552 --> 00:47:39,384
My heart. My head. I feel awful.
771
00:47:39,468 --> 00:47:40,585
It must be love.
772
00:47:40,586 --> 00:47:42,881
Sounds more like a shallow sleep.
773
00:47:42,968 --> 00:47:44,710
- Morning, ladies.
- Good morning.
774
00:47:47,927 --> 00:47:50,001
What's the matter?
Did I startle you?
775
00:47:50,093 --> 00:47:52,131
No. No, it's quite all right.
776
00:47:52,218 --> 00:47:54,244
I... Excuse me, I
think I'd better go
777
00:47:54,245 --> 00:47:56,378
and have a look at
the propeller shaft.
778
00:47:56,468 --> 00:47:59,087
Why? Are we flying
the rest of the way?
779
00:47:59,177 --> 00:48:01,048
Excuse me.
780
00:48:03,302 --> 00:48:06,714
Glad... Oh, Glad, did you see him?
781
00:48:06,802 --> 00:48:09,634
My eyes weren't shut,
I'm sorry to say.
782
00:48:27,176 --> 00:48:29,214
Don't do that.
783
00:48:32,593 --> 00:48:34,880
Do you mind?
784
00:48:40,593 --> 00:48:42,002
Where are you going?
785
00:48:42,093 --> 00:48:45,293
I thought I'd go off er...
leave you alone... come later.
786
00:48:45,385 --> 00:48:47,838
What's the matter? Have you
got water on the knee?
787
00:48:47,926 --> 00:48:49,970
No. Never mind my knee,
sir, that'll mend.
788
00:48:49,971 --> 00:48:51,872
But you seem worried.
Maybe I can help.
789
00:48:51,968 --> 00:48:53,959
- Mind you, I'm not prying.
- Then don't.
790
00:48:54,051 --> 00:48:56,162
It's just that I do
have a certain capacity
791
00:48:56,163 --> 00:48:58,127
for sorting out other
people's problems.
792
00:48:58,218 --> 00:49:00,266
On my last ship, I
was known as the...
793
00:49:00,267 --> 00:49:01,714
Freud of the Frozen North.
794
00:49:01,801 --> 00:49:03,828
Very well, if you don't
wish to confide in me.
795
00:49:03,829 --> 00:49:04,871
No, no.
796
00:49:04,872 --> 00:49:06,558
They do say two heads
are better than one.
797
00:49:06,559 --> 00:49:07,600
Very true.
798
00:49:07,601 --> 00:49:09,671
- Even if one of them's yours.
- Charming.
799
00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:11,880
Marjoribanks, I'm
going to tell you.
800
00:49:11,968 --> 00:49:14,587
I have just done something
I have never done before.
801
00:49:14,676 --> 00:49:16,584
I made a lady scream.
802
00:49:16,676 --> 00:49:18,963
Very interesting. How?
803
00:49:19,051 --> 00:49:20,509
I said good morning.
804
00:49:20,593 --> 00:49:22,916
Should that have frightened her?
805
00:49:23,010 --> 00:49:25,877
Come on. You look as if
ladies often scream at you.
806
00:49:25,968 --> 00:49:27,544
Flatterer.
807
00:49:27,635 --> 00:49:30,408
You must have an
electric sex appeal.
808
00:49:30,410 --> 00:49:31,451
I have not.
809
00:49:31,468 --> 00:49:34,217
- There's another explanation.
- What's that?
810
00:49:34,301 --> 00:49:36,339
- No, I can't say.
- Come on, tell me.
811
00:49:36,426 --> 00:49:38,132
- No.
- Why?
812
00:49:38,218 --> 00:49:40,255
- You'll be cross.
- I will not be cross.
813
00:49:40,343 --> 00:49:42,499
- You promise?
- Of course. Scout's honour.
814
00:49:42,593 --> 00:49:44,557
Why did she scream
when I looked at her?
815
00:49:44,558 --> 00:49:45,600
That's it.
816
00:49:45,601 --> 00:49:47,505
- What's it?
- Your face.
817
00:49:47,593 --> 00:49:49,169
My what?
818
00:49:49,259 --> 00:49:51,464
Scout's honour. You said it.
819
00:49:51,551 --> 00:49:53,092
My face?
820
00:49:53,176 --> 00:49:56,624
Your face, suddenly
zooming up at her...
821
00:49:57,926 --> 00:49:59,300
That's it.
822
00:49:59,384 --> 00:50:01,873
This is terrifying. This
could drive a man to drink.
823
00:50:01,968 --> 00:50:05,547
No. Just don't come upon any
women very suddenly, that's all.
824
00:50:06,634 --> 00:50:09,123
Drink. That's it.
Drink, Marjoribanks.
825
00:50:09,218 --> 00:50:10,556
A little one, if you insist.
826
00:50:10,557 --> 00:50:12,251
No, no, no. Now I know what to do.
827
00:50:12,343 --> 00:50:14,417
- Is Tree outside?
- No, but there's a palm.
828
00:50:14,509 --> 00:50:16,713
- That's the answer.
- You'll give her a palm?
829
00:50:16,801 --> 00:50:19,290
Oh, shut up. Tree.
Tree. Come here, Tree.
830
00:50:26,634 --> 00:50:30,082
- I could never do that.
- Oh, it's easy. Watch.
831
00:50:35,134 --> 00:50:37,272
Miss Castle. The Captain's
compliments. Can
832
00:50:37,273 --> 00:50:39,507
you spare him a few
moments in his day cabin?
833
00:50:39,593 --> 00:50:42,377
- At once?
- Yes, miss. If you could.
834
00:50:47,759 --> 00:50:51,338
- Are you going to have a dive?
- Yes. Head-first into his arms.
835
00:50:51,426 --> 00:50:53,582
Glad, it's the Captain.
He sent for me.
836
00:50:53,676 --> 00:50:55,797
I must have shaken him.
837
00:50:55,884 --> 00:50:57,756
I tell you, Marjoribanks,
I shook her.
838
00:50:57,843 --> 00:51:00,757
I frightened her because I was
rude when she was plastered.
839
00:51:00,842 --> 00:51:02,465
- Poor girl.
- I wish she'd hurry.
840
00:51:02,551 --> 00:51:04,663
I've got to convince
her that the Captain
841
00:51:04,664 --> 00:51:06,876
is everybody's friend,
not a horrible ogre.
842
00:51:06,967 --> 00:51:08,460
Quite so, sir.
843
00:51:13,009 --> 00:51:15,100
Oh, go straight
through, miss. Your
844
00:51:15,101 --> 00:51:17,133
fairy godfather's waiting for you.
845
00:51:19,342 --> 00:51:21,380
Come in.
846
00:51:22,509 --> 00:51:25,080
Ah, Miss Castle. I'm sorry
I interrupted your swim.
847
00:51:25,176 --> 00:51:27,711
What's a swim compared
with the tide of life?
848
00:51:28,801 --> 00:51:30,838
Yes, er... Will you sit down?
849
00:51:32,342 --> 00:51:34,795
You'll forgive me if I'm
very brief, Miss Castle.
850
00:51:34,884 --> 00:51:37,373
To save time, why not call me Flo?
851
00:51:37,467 --> 00:51:39,269
And why not? It's
more friendly, isn't
852
00:51:39,270 --> 00:51:41,164
it? And that's what I
intend to be, Flo.
853
00:51:41,259 --> 00:51:44,257
- More friendly with me?
- Certainly er... Flo.
854
00:51:44,342 --> 00:51:46,831
- What's your first name?
- Er... mine?
855
00:51:46,926 --> 00:51:47,967
Mm.
856
00:51:49,342 --> 00:51:52,542
- Wellington.
- Mother frightened by a boot?
857
00:51:52,634 --> 00:51:55,336
Well, no. I think they
expected me to be a soldier.
858
00:51:55,426 --> 00:51:57,002
Oh, I'm glad you're not.
859
00:51:57,092 --> 00:51:58,633
Give me a sailor every time.
860
00:51:58,717 --> 00:52:02,165
A man can be more proud of
his craft than his barracks.
861
00:52:02,259 --> 00:52:04,333
Quite. Yes, quite.
862
00:52:04,426 --> 00:52:06,520
It all boils down to
this, Miss Castle. I
863
00:52:06,521 --> 00:52:08,466
don't want you to be
frightened of me.
864
00:52:08,551 --> 00:52:10,920
Oh, how sweet you are.
865
00:52:11,009 --> 00:52:13,676
- Then you do understand?
- Perfectly, Wellington.
866
00:52:13,759 --> 00:52:14,956
Good.
867
00:52:15,051 --> 00:52:16,840
- But you're quite wrong.
- I am?
868
00:52:16,926 --> 00:52:18,122
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
869
00:52:18,217 --> 00:52:21,334
I want to be just that little
bit ever so scared of you.
870
00:52:21,425 --> 00:52:23,463
- What for?
- It's what I need.
871
00:52:23,550 --> 00:52:25,340
A sort of father figure.
872
00:52:26,925 --> 00:52:29,414
Do go on... Dad.
873
00:52:30,550 --> 00:52:32,417
I've forgotten what
I was going to say.
874
00:52:32,418 --> 00:52:33,750
Then let me say it for you.
875
00:52:33,842 --> 00:52:35,880
All right, then.
876
00:52:35,967 --> 00:52:39,498
That look between us, that was
enough, more than enough.
877
00:52:39,592 --> 00:52:42,543
In that flash of time, you saw
my need and I saw the supplier.
878
00:52:42,634 --> 00:52:45,169
- Now wait a minute.
- A pure and perfect transaction
879
00:52:45,259 --> 00:52:47,048
across the shop
counter of existence.
880
00:52:47,134 --> 00:52:49,504
- And yet you're worried.
- You can say that again.
881
00:52:49,592 --> 00:52:52,341
Worried about the difference
in our ages. Well, I'm not.
882
00:52:52,425 --> 00:52:53,705
- You're not?
- No, no, no.
883
00:52:53,800 --> 00:52:57,711
I don't care if you're old, lined,
going grey. I prefer you that way.
884
00:52:57,800 --> 00:52:59,762
Yes, Wellington. I want to do my
885
00:52:59,763 --> 00:53:02,090
packing in the bags
under your eyes.
886
00:53:02,175 --> 00:53:04,213
My dear little Wellington bags.
887
00:53:04,300 --> 00:53:06,871
Miss Fokstle. Er, Castle.
Now look here, Flo.
888
00:53:06,967 --> 00:53:09,004
- You're blushing.
- I'm melting.
889
00:53:09,092 --> 00:53:12,256
It's wonderful. You're so human.
890
00:53:12,342 --> 00:53:15,624
Mature... and yet modest.
891
00:53:15,717 --> 00:53:17,867
Oh, why have I wasted
my time with mere
892
00:53:17,868 --> 00:53:20,125
boys? Wellington,
you... are my Waterloo.
893
00:53:21,076 --> 00:53:22,118
Flo, ebb a little.
894
00:53:22,119 --> 00:53:23,919
We've got to get to
know each other.
895
00:53:24,009 --> 00:53:26,462
- Stand back.
- Oh. Anything you say.
896
00:53:26,550 --> 00:53:28,588
So masterful.
897
00:53:28,675 --> 00:53:31,164
But relent... for a moment.
898
00:53:32,884 --> 00:53:35,550
- Kiss me.
- You naughty girl.
899
00:53:36,634 --> 00:53:38,043
Am I?
900
00:53:38,134 --> 00:53:41,001
Well, if you catch me,
you can spank me.
901
00:53:51,925 --> 00:53:53,335
Who is it?
902
00:53:53,425 --> 00:53:54,622
Marjoribanks, sir.
903
00:53:54,717 --> 00:53:56,754
- Has she gone?
- Yes, sir.
904
00:53:58,592 --> 00:54:01,163
There seemed to be some
crossing of purposes, sir.
905
00:54:01,258 --> 00:54:02,906
I explained to Miss Castle and,
906
00:54:02,907 --> 00:54:04,873
somewhat red-faced,
she's departed.
907
00:54:04,967 --> 00:54:06,756
Well done. Ooh.
908
00:54:07,883 --> 00:54:10,965
Who did you say was
frightened of whom, sir?
909
00:54:22,717 --> 00:54:24,340
Good morning, madam.
910
00:54:24,425 --> 00:54:27,209
I see by your hat
you've been to Mecca.
911
00:54:29,383 --> 00:54:30,793
Your tea, madam.
912
00:54:30,883 --> 00:54:33,206
Why don't you feed the
camel? He looks hungry.
913
00:54:33,300 --> 00:54:34,627
Aye.
914
00:54:35,758 --> 00:54:37,168
Yes, I will. Certainly.
915
00:54:37,258 --> 00:54:40,076
I'd rather not discuss
the Suez Canal.
916
00:54:40,077 --> 00:54:41,119
Me neither.
917
00:54:42,133 --> 00:54:45,167
Very well. I'd love to
meet your four wives.
918
00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:48,837
Yes.
919
00:54:52,425 --> 00:54:54,462
Oh, tea.
920
00:54:54,550 --> 00:54:57,832
Hoo-hoo. Or should
I say er... chai?
921
00:54:57,925 --> 00:55:00,295
Chai.
922
00:55:03,717 --> 00:55:05,257
Come in.
923
00:55:05,342 --> 00:55:07,405
Good morning, sir.
Nice new day, nice new
924
00:55:07,406 --> 00:55:09,714
start. You watch me zip
through the paperwork.
925
00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:10,997
Lie down.
926
00:55:11,091 --> 00:55:12,994
I'm gonna find out
what makes you tick.
927
00:55:12,995 --> 00:55:14,036
Tick, sir?
928
00:55:14,037 --> 00:55:16,419
- Psychologically speaking.
- I don't understand you.
929
00:55:16,508 --> 00:55:18,748
That makes us even, cos
I don't understand you.
930
00:55:18,841 --> 00:55:20,299
You mogadore me.
931
00:55:20,383 --> 00:55:22,775
Inside you, Marjoribanks,
you must be a writhing
932
00:55:22,776 --> 00:55:24,922
mass of complexes, egos,
and all that gear.
933
00:55:25,008 --> 00:55:27,004
A captain has to
understand his men. And
934
00:55:27,005 --> 00:55:29,049
that is why I am gonna
psychoanalyse you.
935
00:55:29,133 --> 00:55:30,958
Freud knew what he
was talking about.
936
00:55:31,050 --> 00:55:32,923
On the other hand,
I'm not a Jung man.
937
00:55:32,924 --> 00:55:34,795
Well, as long as
you're Jung at heart.
938
00:55:34,883 --> 00:55:36,703
What are you talking
about? There you
939
00:55:36,704 --> 00:55:38,379
go again, flying off on a tangent.
940
00:55:38,466 --> 00:55:39,544
Couch.
941
00:55:39,633 --> 00:55:42,126
Couch, not crouch, you
fool. Get over there.
942
00:55:42,127 --> 00:55:43,168
Terribly sorry.
943
00:55:43,175 --> 00:55:45,296
- Right, now then, talk.
- Talk what?
944
00:55:45,383 --> 00:55:48,132
Anything. That's how they
do this psycho malarkey.
945
00:55:48,216 --> 00:55:50,041
- I feel silly.
- You don't look silly.
946
00:55:50,133 --> 00:55:51,377
- I do.
- You don't.
947
00:55:51,466 --> 00:55:53,007
- I know I do.
- I swear you don't.
948
00:55:53,091 --> 00:55:54,397
What do I look like, then?
949
00:55:54,398 --> 00:55:56,587
Lovely. Languid like a
lily. Come on, talk.
950
00:55:57,675 --> 00:56:00,875
- That's very vivid.
- What is?
951
00:56:00,966 --> 00:56:03,900
That phrase you used,
languid as a lily.
952
00:56:03,901 --> 00:56:04,942
Is it?
953
00:56:04,966 --> 00:56:07,739
Yes. Are you
interested in flowers?
954
00:56:07,740 --> 00:56:08,782
Oh, yes.
955
00:56:08,783 --> 00:56:10,997
- Do you enjoy gardening?
- Very much.
956
00:56:11,091 --> 00:56:12,470
Got a nice garden at home?
957
00:56:12,471 --> 00:56:14,539
The envy of the
Horticultural Society.
958
00:56:14,633 --> 00:56:17,465
- Do you belong to many societies?
- Quite a few.
959
00:56:17,550 --> 00:56:20,216
- Gregarious?
- No, Taurus.
960
00:56:20,300 --> 00:56:22,753
Ooh. Interested in astrology, too.
961
00:56:22,841 --> 00:56:25,543
- Yes, sit down.
- Oh, thanks.
962
00:56:25,633 --> 00:56:28,003
Now, quickly, what does
this make you think of?
963
00:56:28,091 --> 00:56:29,667
- The bull.
- Horns.
964
00:56:29,758 --> 00:56:31,464
- Horns.
- No, hang on a minute.
965
00:56:31,549 --> 00:56:35,081
- Horns of a dilemma, for example?
- How did you know?
966
00:56:35,174 --> 00:56:38,291
Yes. Put your feet up. We
are getting somewhere.
967
00:56:38,383 --> 00:56:40,495
We are not. I'm supposed
to be doing you.
968
00:56:40,496 --> 00:56:42,128
Captain, don't quibble, please.
969
00:56:42,216 --> 00:56:44,918
Horns of a dilemma, that's
it. That's your analysis.
970
00:56:45,008 --> 00:56:47,579
You see everything as a dilemma.
971
00:56:47,674 --> 00:56:49,961
- You see everything as a problem.
- Very true.
972
00:56:50,049 --> 00:56:52,538
Because of your deep-rooted
inferiority complex.
973
00:56:52,633 --> 00:56:53,730
I don't feel inferior.
974
00:56:53,731 --> 00:56:55,833
Of course you don't.
It's all in your UCS.
975
00:56:55,924 --> 00:56:57,168
- My what?
- Your UCS.
976
00:56:57,258 --> 00:56:59,628
- So are you.
- No, UCS, your unconscious.
977
00:56:59,716 --> 00:57:03,247
Look here, Marjoribanks, you are
supposed to be the idiot, not me.
978
00:57:03,341 --> 00:57:04,750
How did I get down here?
979
00:57:04,841 --> 00:57:07,330
It's always a shock when
illusions disperse.
980
00:57:07,424 --> 00:57:09,545
Don't worry. Now you
know your own problems,
981
00:57:09,633 --> 00:57:12,547
you'll get rid of this idea that
everyone's persecuting you.
982
00:57:12,633 --> 00:57:14,209
- I will?
- Yes. Of course.
983
00:57:14,299 --> 00:57:16,337
And forget this fear of new faces.
984
00:57:16,424 --> 00:57:18,920
New faces can be just as efficient
985
00:57:18,921 --> 00:57:21,710
as the old faces,
just as efficient.
986
00:57:24,174 --> 00:57:27,125
Well done, Marjoribanks. You've
made me feel much better.
987
00:57:27,216 --> 00:57:30,084
- I feel much better already.
- That's the spirit.
988
00:57:30,174 --> 00:57:31,548
Highly successful.
989
00:57:32,841 --> 00:57:34,997
- Oh. Morning, Captain.
- Morning, Dr Binn.
990
00:57:35,091 --> 00:57:37,959
- You're a new face, aren't you?
- No, it's the same one, sir.
991
00:57:38,049 --> 00:57:40,773
But you've got to remember,
a new face is just as
992
00:57:40,774 --> 00:57:43,335
efficient as an old one.
Well done. Very good.
993
00:57:56,466 --> 00:57:59,085
Nil return?
994
00:57:59,174 --> 00:58:01,129
I've never known
such healthy people.
995
00:58:01,216 --> 00:58:03,539
- What do you want, an epidemic?
- Of course not.
996
00:58:03,632 --> 00:58:05,537
I just don't know what
to do with myself.
997
00:58:05,538 --> 00:58:06,749
You could help with this.
998
00:58:06,841 --> 00:58:08,298
- I'm too tense.
- Well, relax.
999
00:58:08,382 --> 00:58:09,875
- I can't.
- Run round the deck.
1000
00:58:09,966 --> 00:58:12,040
- Right off exercise.
- Well, so lie down.
1001
00:58:12,132 --> 00:58:14,040
- I'm too restless.
- Well, read a book.
1002
00:58:14,132 --> 00:58:16,337
- I can't concentrate.
- Well, write a book.
1003
00:58:16,424 --> 00:58:19,505
Oh, please. You've got to live
before you can write a book.
1004
00:58:19,591 --> 00:58:21,877
And no one can say he's
lived until he's loved.
1005
00:58:21,966 --> 00:58:24,087
- Well, go out and love someone.
- I do. Her.
1006
00:58:24,174 --> 00:58:26,709
- Who her?
- What do you mean, "who her"?
1007
00:58:26,799 --> 00:58:28,837
Miss Castle.
1008
00:58:28,924 --> 00:58:31,875
- Miss Castle?
- Oh, Miss Castle, yeah.
1009
00:58:31,966 --> 00:58:35,166
- Have you told her?
- No, you know me, I'm too shy.
1010
00:58:35,257 --> 00:58:38,006
- Here, I could cable her.
- Why not semaphore?
1011
00:58:38,091 --> 00:58:39,938
You have to declare
yourself openly.
1012
00:58:39,939 --> 00:58:42,084
Otherwise you'll stay
right where you are.
1013
00:58:42,174 --> 00:58:43,880
Right up an impasse.
1014
00:58:43,966 --> 00:58:45,993
Oh. Oh, I see. You
mean speak to her.
1015
00:58:45,994 --> 00:58:47,035
Yes.
1016
00:58:47,036 --> 00:58:49,506
Straight from the shoulder
to the point of dislocation.
1017
00:58:49,591 --> 00:58:50,885
Ooh. I'd die if I did that.
1018
00:58:50,886 --> 00:58:52,672
It would put you out
of your misery.
1019
00:58:52,757 --> 00:58:53,801
You've no sympathy.
1020
00:58:53,802 --> 00:58:55,839
Do you expect me to
tell her for you?
1021
00:58:55,924 --> 00:58:58,329
- Oh, would you?
- What, am I Cyrano de Bergerac?
1022
00:58:58,424 --> 00:59:01,375
Who's he? Would he tell her?
What cabin's he in? What deck?
1023
00:59:01,466 --> 00:59:04,298
Arthur, Arthur, Arthur. Keep calm.
1024
00:59:04,382 --> 00:59:06,665
No, no, please. You've
got me all worked up.
1025
00:59:06,666 --> 00:59:07,878
I'm frightfully sorry.
1026
00:59:07,966 --> 00:59:11,378
Don't apologise. I'm not angry,
you've done me a good turn.
1027
00:59:11,466 --> 00:59:13,006
Yes.
1028
00:59:13,091 --> 00:59:17,131
In this mood of self-realisation,
of merciless self-determination,
1029
00:59:17,216 --> 00:59:19,372
- I think I could do it, you know.
- You could?
1030
00:59:19,465 --> 00:59:21,465
Yes, I think I could
overcome my timodity.
1031
00:59:21,467 --> 00:59:22,508
Your what?
1032
00:59:22,509 --> 00:59:24,704
Time... Overcome my
timidity, I mean.
1033
00:59:24,799 --> 00:59:26,256
I could. Yes.
1034
00:59:26,340 --> 00:59:28,710
I could go right up to
her now and I could...
1035
00:59:28,799 --> 00:59:31,713
- Ooh, I could speak to her.
- Bravo.
1036
00:59:31,799 --> 00:59:33,836
- Thank you.
- Not at all.
1037
00:59:34,924 --> 00:59:37,762
I'll be indebted to you
for the rest of my life.
1038
00:59:37,763 --> 00:59:39,877
Now is the time.
Think only of now.
1039
00:59:39,965 --> 00:59:42,501
- Oh, you're right. Good luck.
- Thank you.
1040
00:59:42,590 --> 00:59:44,166
- Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.
1041
00:59:44,257 --> 00:59:46,295
- Ooh.
- Here.
1042
00:59:46,382 --> 00:59:48,005
Fool.
1043
00:59:48,090 --> 00:59:50,128
Oh.
1044
00:59:54,882 --> 00:59:56,764
You're always leaving
that thing lying
1045
00:59:56,765 --> 00:59:58,792
around. It's worse
than a pair of gloves.
1046
00:59:58,882 --> 01:00:01,963
- Why not leave it in the cabin?
- Somebody might have kicked it.
1047
01:00:02,049 --> 01:00:03,541
Let's see if it's still working.
1048
01:00:04,715 --> 01:00:07,204
It's simple. Of course.
There's nothing to it.
1049
01:00:07,205 --> 01:00:09,586
All these years of
shyness. It's ridiculous.
1050
01:00:09,674 --> 01:00:11,995
Just go right up to
her and say, "Miss
1051
01:00:11,997 --> 01:00:14,378
Castle... I have
something to tell you.
1052
01:00:15,465 --> 01:00:17,255
I am a plain, simple
man, Miss Castle.
1053
01:00:17,340 --> 01:00:20,374
I have plain, simple feelings,
and I use plain, simple words.
1054
01:00:20,465 --> 01:00:24,708
And I simply have to let you know,
plainly, that I... that I...
1055
01:00:25,924 --> 01:00:27,961
that I slainly and pimply want...
1056
01:00:28,049 --> 01:00:29,625
Cooo.
1057
01:00:30,757 --> 01:00:33,210
Point it towards Italy.
1058
01:00:33,299 --> 01:00:35,336
Well, which way is that?
1059
01:00:35,424 --> 01:00:37,461
I don't know. Wave it about a bit.
1060
01:00:40,799 --> 01:00:45,539
♪ Beautiful Marie...
1061
01:00:45,632 --> 01:00:47,669
Oh, Flo.
1062
01:00:47,757 --> 01:00:49,794
Isn't that romantic?
1063
01:00:49,882 --> 01:00:52,086
Just dishy.
1064
01:00:54,090 --> 01:00:56,844
Why can't Englishmen
sing to us about love
1065
01:00:56,845 --> 01:00:59,790
instead of dragging us
off to rugger matches?
1066
01:01:03,548 --> 01:01:06,996
I couldn't resist any man
who'd sing to me like that.
1067
01:01:26,340 --> 01:01:28,163
Good day, madam.
Care for a knock-up
1068
01:01:28,164 --> 01:01:30,085
while you're waiting
for your partner?
1069
01:01:30,173 --> 01:01:31,832
Ooh, I haven't got a...
1070
01:01:31,923 --> 01:01:35,371
Well, yes, Officer. Thank you. But
I'm not very good at the game.
1071
01:01:35,465 --> 01:01:37,936
Oh, it's quite easy.
Just be careful
1072
01:01:37,937 --> 01:01:39,873
not to pong instead of ping.
1073
01:01:43,465 --> 01:01:46,628
- Gently to begin?
- If you please.
1074
01:01:48,173 --> 01:01:49,215
Ow.
1075
01:01:49,216 --> 01:01:51,463
I'm terribly sorry.
Most unfortunate.
1076
01:01:53,965 --> 01:01:55,955
Beginner's luck.
1077
01:01:56,048 --> 01:01:57,671
Try your luck on this.
1078
01:02:05,048 --> 01:02:07,501
Clever. Do it again.
1079
01:02:09,048 --> 01:02:13,208
I'm terribly sorry, Captain...
sir... dear. I mean...
1080
01:02:15,340 --> 01:02:17,377
It's not my day.
1081
01:02:39,965 --> 01:02:43,330
♪ Reason I must live ♪
1082
01:02:43,423 --> 01:02:45,994
♪ Only for you ♪
1083
01:02:47,090 --> 01:02:48,464
And this is it.
1084
01:02:50,590 --> 01:02:52,959
- North Africa tomorrow.
- Yes.
1085
01:02:54,048 --> 01:02:56,999
Maybe I'll get my name on
the shortlist for a harem.
1086
01:02:57,090 --> 01:03:00,041
You're not still worrying
about romance, are you?
1087
01:03:00,131 --> 01:03:02,169
Frankly, I'm past worrying.
1088
01:03:02,256 --> 01:03:04,294
Too tired, for one thing.
1089
01:03:05,423 --> 01:03:08,090
- Let's go to bed?
- Ok.
1090
01:03:08,173 --> 01:03:10,075
Want to be fresh for
North Africa tomorrow.
1091
01:03:10,076 --> 01:03:11,118
Yes.
1092
01:03:11,119 --> 01:03:12,919
But will North Africa
be fresh for us?
1093
01:03:41,631 --> 01:03:43,669
Ah, perfect.
1094
01:03:43,756 --> 01:03:46,789
Just right for some soft
serenading outside her cabin.
1095
01:03:47,881 --> 01:03:49,587
Here we go.
1096
01:03:49,673 --> 01:03:52,208
Much better. I'll do it here.
1097
01:03:57,214 --> 01:04:02,334
♪ Beautiful Marie ♪
1098
01:04:03,089 --> 01:04:07,213
♪ Beautiful Marie ♪
1099
01:04:08,006 --> 01:04:11,621
♪ Beautiful Marie ♪
1100
01:04:13,089 --> 01:04:17,581
♪ Please come to me ♪
1101
01:04:18,714 --> 01:04:24,048
♪ How can words explain to you ♪
1102
01:04:24,131 --> 01:04:29,914
♪ The love I try to give? ♪
1103
01:04:30,006 --> 01:04:35,339
♪ You're the sun, the
wind, the rain ♪
1104
01:04:35,423 --> 01:04:39,914
♪ The reason I must live ♪
1105
01:04:40,006 --> 01:04:43,834
♪ Only for you ♪
1106
01:04:44,964 --> 01:04:49,171
♪ Oh, please love me too ♪
1107
01:04:49,256 --> 01:04:53,463
♪ Oh, beautiful Flo ♪
1108
01:04:54,756 --> 01:04:58,963
♪ Oh, beautiful Flo ♪
1109
01:04:59,922 --> 01:05:03,833
♪ I need you so ♪
1110
01:05:05,006 --> 01:05:07,329
♪ Please let's have a ♪
1111
01:05:07,422 --> 01:05:10,918
♪ I love you so ♪
1112
01:05:11,006 --> 01:05:15,663
♪ Oh, beautiful Flo ♪
1113
01:05:16,464 --> 01:05:20,789
♪ My beautiful Flo ♪
1114
01:05:20,881 --> 01:05:26,036
♪ I love you so ♪
1115
01:05:26,964 --> 01:05:30,164
♪ Please don't say no ♪
1116
01:05:31,506 --> 01:05:35,369
♪ Please don't say no ♪
1117
01:05:36,464 --> 01:05:44,797
♪ Please don't say no ♪
1118
01:06:12,881 --> 01:06:14,918
I'm wasting time.
1119
01:06:33,255 --> 01:06:37,084
North Africa at last. I thought
we'd never get here. Shop.
1120
01:06:41,714 --> 01:06:43,724
Sam, old chap, what have I been
1121
01:06:43,725 --> 01:06:46,252
drinking for the
last couple of days?
1122
01:06:46,339 --> 01:06:47,793
Well, you asked for something
1123
01:06:47,794 --> 01:06:50,249
characteristically Arabic,
sir, and this is it.
1124
01:06:50,339 --> 01:06:52,307
Drunk by everybody
round these parts and
1125
01:06:52,308 --> 01:06:54,036
distilled on the
banks of the Nile.
1126
01:07:05,047 --> 01:07:06,670
Cook?
1127
01:07:06,755 --> 01:07:08,916
He must be dreadfully
ill. I wouldn't think
1128
01:07:08,917 --> 01:07:10,831
he'd that much stomach
to gurgle with.
1129
01:07:10,922 --> 01:07:12,983
You get the Doctor,
I'll see what's wrong.
1130
01:07:12,984 --> 01:07:14,026
Yes, sir.
1131
01:07:14,839 --> 01:07:17,790
Here, cop this for a
souvenir, Captain?
1132
01:07:19,464 --> 01:07:22,130
- What are you trying to do?
- Do you mind?
1133
01:07:22,214 --> 01:07:24,250
It's much better than
filter tips. You
1134
01:07:24,251 --> 01:07:26,077
can hardly taste the smoke at all.
1135
01:07:26,172 --> 01:07:28,495
I'm not surprised. You're
not supposed to blow it.
1136
01:07:28,589 --> 01:07:31,421
- What, then?
- Suck it and see.
1137
01:07:35,505 --> 01:07:37,377
Urgh. No, much better
the other way.
1138
01:07:38,338 --> 01:07:40,909
I beg your pardon?
1139
01:07:44,297 --> 01:07:46,086
Perhaps it's a sheikh you seek.
1140
01:07:46,172 --> 01:07:47,581
I'm not shaken, sheikh.
1141
01:07:47,672 --> 01:07:52,080
Oh.
1142
01:08:10,505 --> 01:08:11,702
Oh.
1143
01:08:22,463 --> 01:08:24,501
- Madam.
- Thank you very much.
1144
01:08:30,630 --> 01:08:32,502
Oh, show me.
1145
01:08:35,338 --> 01:08:38,621
All we need here is a couple
of sheikhs and a camel.
1146
01:08:38,713 --> 01:08:40,751
Thank you.
1147
01:08:42,963 --> 01:08:45,001
- Flo.
- What, dear?
1148
01:08:45,088 --> 01:08:47,493
- We're on our way home.
- I know.
1149
01:08:47,588 --> 01:08:51,416
Pity, isn't it? Just getting
warmed up to this cruise lark.
1150
01:08:51,505 --> 01:08:52,914
Thank you.
1151
01:08:53,005 --> 01:08:55,493
- You don't hold it against me?
- Hold what, dear?
1152
01:08:55,588 --> 01:08:58,870
- Not finding a husband.
- Oh, that.
1153
01:08:58,963 --> 01:09:02,578
Your idea was ok, lovey. It was
me that put the mockers on it.
1154
01:09:02,671 --> 01:09:05,314
Anyway, I've forgotten
all about men for a
1155
01:09:05,315 --> 01:09:07,957
while. They are completely
out of my mind.
1156
01:09:08,046 --> 01:09:12,087
Ooh. Dear. Shall have to
take it to the Doctor now.
1157
01:09:12,171 --> 01:09:15,418
- Cleaner, I mean.
- Oh, yes?
1158
01:09:19,630 --> 01:09:21,667
Gentlemen,
1159
01:09:21,755 --> 01:09:23,792
every since you joined me,
1160
01:09:23,880 --> 01:09:27,043
there are times when I wished that
I was running a holiday camp.
1161
01:09:27,130 --> 01:09:29,037
Because in that kind
of establishment,
1162
01:09:29,130 --> 01:09:31,139
I could at least
occasionally escape from
1163
01:09:31,140 --> 01:09:32,910
you lot, by walking
out of the gate.
1164
01:09:33,005 --> 01:09:34,746
Here, I can only jump overboard.
1165
01:09:34,838 --> 01:09:37,505
And, believe me, there are
times when I felt like it.
1166
01:09:39,796 --> 01:09:41,419
But not now, gentlemen.
1167
01:09:41,505 --> 01:09:43,412
Praise where praise is due.
1168
01:09:44,546 --> 01:09:46,371
Praise? For us, sir?
1169
01:09:46,463 --> 01:09:50,291
Surprised? That's exactly how
praise should strike you.
1170
01:09:50,380 --> 01:09:52,625
Ever since our last
meeting, you've all stopped
1171
01:09:52,627 --> 01:09:54,871
trying to impress me and
got on with your jobs.
1172
01:09:54,963 --> 01:09:57,119
Result? You have impressed me.
1173
01:09:57,213 --> 01:10:00,294
- I have impressed you, sir?
- Certainly.
1174
01:10:00,380 --> 01:10:02,431
When you played table
tennis with that
1175
01:10:02,432 --> 01:10:04,587
mad pixie, the er...
lonely little lady.
1176
01:10:04,671 --> 01:10:09,293
Of course, you did
muck it up a bit.
1177
01:10:09,380 --> 01:10:11,179
That's the spirit,
you see. Concern
1178
01:10:11,180 --> 01:10:12,827
about the passengers' happiness.
1179
01:10:12,921 --> 01:10:15,042
And you, Turner. Don't
think I didn't notice
1180
01:10:15,130 --> 01:10:16,985
you gave up your
shore leave to serve
1181
01:10:16,986 --> 01:10:18,791
a gentleman. That's
also the spirit.
1182
01:10:18,880 --> 01:10:22,292
But, Captain, how can I possibly
have merited your praise?
1183
01:10:22,380 --> 01:10:23,956
I've had nothing to do.
1184
01:10:24,046 --> 01:10:27,826
Ah, you, Dr Binn, you have
achieved self-effacement.
1185
01:10:27,921 --> 01:10:31,536
- Oh? I felt no pain, sir.
- You will in a minute.
1186
01:10:32,671 --> 01:10:35,173
On a cruise, the
passengers don't want the
1187
01:10:35,174 --> 01:10:37,909
doctor giving everybody
the undertaker's look.
1188
01:10:38,004 --> 01:10:39,711
Oh, no, no, no.
1189
01:10:39,796 --> 01:10:43,126
Well, you did the right thing.
You kept yourself to yourself.
1190
01:10:43,213 --> 01:10:45,250
Sir, that's just because I'm...
1191
01:10:45,338 --> 01:10:47,293
- Go on, go on.
- Shut up.
1192
01:10:47,379 --> 01:10:50,164
- What did I do, then?
- The lady in cabin 73.
1193
01:10:50,254 --> 01:10:51,795
It's a lie.
1194
01:10:51,879 --> 01:10:53,818
Don't be so modest,
Haines. I know all
1195
01:10:53,819 --> 01:10:55,708
about that diet you
fixed up for her.
1196
01:10:55,796 --> 01:10:57,920
And you've been cooking
her meals yourself.
1197
01:10:57,921 --> 01:10:58,963
Oh, that.
1198
01:10:58,964 --> 01:11:00,409
Oh, you mean Fanny Fusspot, the
1199
01:11:00,410 --> 01:11:02,541
calorie queen. Oh,
it was no trouble.
1200
01:11:02,629 --> 01:11:04,750
Stimulating, playing
with her proteins.
1201
01:11:04,838 --> 01:11:06,828
Yes. Well, none of
this means, of course,
1202
01:11:06,921 --> 01:11:09,705
that I can possibly consider
any of you for the new liner.
1203
01:11:09,796 --> 01:11:12,367
But you just continue
going on as you have been
1204
01:11:12,463 --> 01:11:15,377
and I might recommend you to my
successor at the Happy Wanderer.
1205
01:11:15,463 --> 01:11:17,405
Thank you, gentlemen, that's all.
1206
01:11:17,406 --> 01:11:18,448
Thank you, sir.
1207
01:11:18,463 --> 01:11:20,370
Aye aye, sir.
1208
01:11:21,316 --> 01:11:22,357
He's a fine man.
1209
01:11:22,358 --> 01:11:24,295
Oh, he's very fair,
I think, don't you?
1210
01:11:24,379 --> 01:11:27,377
Crisp on top, soft underneath.
A regular meringue.
1211
01:11:27,463 --> 01:11:29,951
Yeah. Best boss I ever
worked for, on land or sea.
1212
01:11:30,046 --> 01:11:32,960
I wish I could think of
something to do for him.
1213
01:11:33,046 --> 01:11:35,356
Don't do that. I'm all
of a quiver as it is.
1214
01:11:35,357 --> 01:11:37,371
I can do something
for him. Excuse me.
1215
01:11:37,463 --> 01:11:40,460
Let's think of something to
do to show our appreciation.
1216
01:11:40,546 --> 01:11:42,039
It wouldn't be like sucking up.
1217
01:11:42,129 --> 01:11:45,376
He did tell us we didn't stand an
earthly of getting on that liner.
1218
01:11:45,463 --> 01:11:47,749
- But he did give us praise.
- Where it was due.
1219
01:11:47,838 --> 01:11:48,879
Fine man.
1220
01:11:48,880 --> 01:11:50,326
Oh, he's a regular...
cream bun, was it?
1221
01:11:50,421 --> 01:11:52,542
- Meringue.
- That's right, meringue bun.
1222
01:11:52,629 --> 01:11:54,490
I wish we could do
something for him.
1223
01:11:54,491 --> 01:11:57,002
It'll have to be quick,
there's only two days left.
1224
01:11:57,087 --> 01:11:59,125
- Mr Marjoribanks.
- Yes, miss?
1225
01:12:00,254 --> 01:12:01,663
Where can we be alone?
1226
01:12:01,754 --> 01:12:03,558
Quick, there's only two days left.
1227
01:12:03,559 --> 01:12:04,601
For what?
1228
01:12:04,602 --> 01:12:05,877
- Come on.
- Here. No.
1229
01:12:18,754 --> 01:12:20,745
That's better. Nobody
can hear us here.
1230
01:12:20,746 --> 01:12:22,451
Why shouldn't they hear us, miss?
1231
01:12:22,546 --> 01:12:24,667
What I have to tell you
is rather delicate.
1232
01:12:24,754 --> 01:12:27,752
Oh. Well, naturally, if I
can help you in any way...
1233
01:12:27,837 --> 01:12:30,868
Well, the plain fact is,
my friend's in love.
1234
01:12:30,869 --> 01:12:31,910
Oh, how nice.
1235
01:12:31,962 --> 01:12:35,209
Well, it isn't. You see, she
doesn't really know she's in love.
1236
01:12:35,296 --> 01:12:37,555
But I know, and I want
to help her by getting
1237
01:12:37,556 --> 01:12:39,372
the man in question
to approach her.
1238
01:12:39,462 --> 01:12:42,377
- And how do I come into all this?
- You know him very well.
1239
01:12:42,462 --> 01:12:44,500
I do? I do?
1240
01:12:45,712 --> 01:12:48,414
Me? I can't believe it.
1241
01:12:48,504 --> 01:12:51,537
Well, that's life. That's love.
1242
01:12:51,629 --> 01:12:54,488
Women fall for the most
unlikely creatures.
1243
01:12:54,489 --> 01:12:55,918
Thank you very much.
1244
01:12:56,004 --> 01:12:57,808
To me, her choice is inexplicable.
1245
01:12:57,809 --> 01:12:58,851
Charming.
1246
01:12:58,852 --> 01:13:00,790
But there's no accounting
for taste, is there?
1247
01:13:00,879 --> 01:13:03,747
I appreciate your apprising
me of Miss Castle's feelings,
1248
01:13:03,837 --> 01:13:05,689
but I can do without
your expressions
1249
01:13:05,690 --> 01:13:07,250
of incredulity concerning them.
1250
01:13:07,337 --> 01:13:10,335
Why shouldn't Miss Castle fall
desperately in love with me?
1251
01:13:10,421 --> 01:13:13,039
- Did she tell you that?
- No, you did.
1252
01:13:13,129 --> 01:13:14,373
I did?
1253
01:13:14,462 --> 01:13:16,785
If you didn't, who have
we been discussing?
1254
01:13:16,879 --> 01:13:18,916
- Dr Binn.
- Dr B...
1255
01:13:19,004 --> 01:13:21,041
Dr Binn?
1256
01:13:21,129 --> 01:13:23,166
She's in love with him?
1257
01:13:23,254 --> 01:13:24,644
Didn't I just say that?
1258
01:13:24,645 --> 01:13:26,868
Oh, well, yes, in a
round about way.
1259
01:13:26,962 --> 01:13:28,958
We must think up some ruse, some
1260
01:13:28,959 --> 01:13:31,703
stratagem, whereby they
can come together.
1261
01:13:32,495 --> 01:13:33,537
I've got it.
1262
01:13:33,538 --> 01:13:35,497
Oh, you haven't, Mr Marjoribanks?
1263
01:13:35,587 --> 01:13:37,163
- You'll have to work it...
- Yes.
1264
01:13:39,879 --> 01:13:42,877
Surely we can think of something
nice to do for the Captain.
1265
01:13:42,962 --> 01:13:44,598
I know. I've got it. How about a
1266
01:13:44,600 --> 01:13:46,541
nice clock with a
brass plate on it?
1267
01:13:46,629 --> 01:13:48,335
We can't do that.
He's not retiring.
1268
01:13:49,420 --> 01:13:52,371
Anyway, where would you get a
clock in the middle of the ocean?
1269
01:13:52,462 --> 01:13:54,499
- Ship shop.
- Say that again.
1270
01:13:54,587 --> 01:13:55,996
Ship shop.
1271
01:13:56,087 --> 01:13:58,087
When we get back, you
want to see a dentist.
1272
01:13:58,088 --> 01:13:59,130
Oh, ta.
1273
01:14:08,337 --> 01:14:10,374
Well, here goes. All for Flo.
1274
01:14:20,129 --> 01:14:21,170
Doctor.
1275
01:14:22,254 --> 01:14:24,291
Doctor.
1276
01:14:29,920 --> 01:14:31,330
Don't worry.
1277
01:15:14,628 --> 01:15:16,666
No harm done. Thank goodness.
1278
01:15:23,462 --> 01:15:25,499
It is you.
1279
01:15:25,587 --> 01:15:27,624
Oh, it was you.
1280
01:15:27,712 --> 01:15:30,282
- What was me?
- I saw you.
1281
01:15:30,378 --> 01:15:32,582
I had to lean on the
rail for support.
1282
01:15:32,670 --> 01:15:34,127
Pardon?
1283
01:15:34,212 --> 01:15:37,577
I could feel your eyes
burning into my back.
1284
01:15:37,670 --> 01:15:40,917
Ooh. That... That scorching look.
1285
01:15:41,003 --> 01:15:43,041
It was like sunstroke.
1286
01:15:43,128 --> 01:15:45,996
And then I turned, saw you again,
1287
01:15:46,087 --> 01:15:48,291
and that was it, I went.
1288
01:15:48,378 --> 01:15:49,835
Where did you go?
1289
01:15:49,920 --> 01:15:51,927
Into a dead faint. Didn't you see?
1290
01:15:51,928 --> 01:15:53,120
Oh, yes, of course.
1291
01:15:53,212 --> 01:15:55,249
Very distressing.
1292
01:15:55,337 --> 01:15:57,872
And how long have you been
suffering these attacks?
1293
01:15:57,962 --> 01:15:59,999
Since I first saw you.
1294
01:16:00,086 --> 01:16:02,708
Come on, let's leave me
out of it, shall we?
1295
01:16:02,709 --> 01:16:03,751
I can't.
1296
01:16:03,752 --> 01:16:05,328
You are it.
1297
01:16:05,420 --> 01:16:06,877
You are all.
1298
01:16:06,961 --> 01:16:10,907
You're the germ. The
symptom. The sickness.
1299
01:16:12,003 --> 01:16:14,041
And the cure.
1300
01:16:14,128 --> 01:16:16,166
Oh, Doctor.
1301
01:16:16,253 --> 01:16:19,868
I'm afraid you must be a
little overwrought, miss.
1302
01:16:19,961 --> 01:16:22,082
No, I'm not, I'm underprivileged.
1303
01:16:23,170 --> 01:16:25,540
I'm afraid I-l don't
really follow you.
1304
01:16:27,211 --> 01:16:29,249
- Doctor...
- Mm?
1305
01:16:31,170 --> 01:16:33,207
You are aware of me, aren't you?
1306
01:16:33,295 --> 01:16:35,997
Very difficult to ignore you.
1307
01:16:37,128 --> 01:16:39,166
How do you find me?
1308
01:16:39,253 --> 01:16:44,159
I just look straight
ahead and there you are.
1309
01:16:45,253 --> 01:16:47,623
- Do I repel you?
- No, no, of course you don't, no.
1310
01:16:47,711 --> 01:16:49,667
Then all the rest
will come in time.
1311
01:16:49,668 --> 01:16:51,622
Of course it will.
What do you mean?
1312
01:16:51,711 --> 01:16:53,619
This.
1313
01:16:58,670 --> 01:17:00,707
Gladys Trimble, how do you do?
1314
01:17:00,795 --> 01:17:03,792
Arthur Do. How you Binn? I
mean Binn, how do you do?
1315
01:17:03,878 --> 01:17:06,627
- I confuse you.
- Yes, you don't.
1316
01:17:06,711 --> 01:17:08,287
I mean, do.
1317
01:17:08,378 --> 01:17:11,874
You didn't sound confused when
you sang to me the other night.
1318
01:17:13,003 --> 01:17:15,622
What? I Sa...
1319
01:17:15,711 --> 01:17:17,749
- I sang to you?
- Who else?
1320
01:17:17,813 --> 01:17:18,855
Well, I...
1321
01:17:18,856 --> 01:17:21,912
Come, come, Doctor.
It must have been me.
1322
01:17:22,003 --> 01:17:24,242
Look, I was not serenading you.
1323
01:17:25,586 --> 01:17:29,248
I say. I seem to have made
the most dreadful mistake.
1324
01:17:29,336 --> 01:17:31,374
Yes, I'm afraid you have.
1325
01:17:31,461 --> 01:17:34,110
I was only trying to help
you over your shyness.
1326
01:17:34,111 --> 01:17:35,153
I'm not shy.
1327
01:17:35,154 --> 01:17:38,831
- Prove it. Prove you're not shy.
- How?
1328
01:17:38,919 --> 01:17:42,332
I don't know. Do something.
1329
01:17:43,586 --> 01:17:46,667
Yes. All right. I will.
1330
01:17:47,753 --> 01:17:49,210
Where is she?
1331
01:17:55,878 --> 01:17:57,335
- Cigarette?
- No, thank you.
1332
01:17:57,419 --> 01:17:59,327
- Do you mind if I do?
- No, go ahead.
1333
01:17:59,419 --> 01:18:01,454
I must say, I enjoy these cruises.
1334
01:18:01,455 --> 01:18:02,496
Excuse me.
1335
01:18:02,497 --> 01:18:04,290
- Yes. Ah, yes. I thought so.
- Huh?
1336
01:18:04,378 --> 01:18:06,280
You're going a bit
blotchy around here.
1337
01:18:06,281 --> 01:18:07,322
Really?
1338
01:18:07,323 --> 01:18:09,054
I noticed this coming
on over the past few
1339
01:18:09,055 --> 01:18:10,913
days. It's probably
highly infectious.
1340
01:18:11,003 --> 01:18:13,573
It's just the change of food,
the change of climate.
1341
01:18:13,669 --> 01:18:16,039
Nothing to worry about,
of course. You'll live.
1342
01:18:16,128 --> 01:18:18,663
Providing I give you instant
treatment, of course.
1343
01:18:18,753 --> 01:18:20,992
Would you mind popping down to the
1344
01:18:20,993 --> 01:18:23,824
treatment cabin? And
don't touch anybody.
1345
01:18:26,378 --> 01:18:28,617
- May I...?
- What about that young man?
1346
01:18:28,711 --> 01:18:31,579
Oh, don't worry about him. Let
him get another deck chair.
1347
01:18:31,669 --> 01:18:33,375
- That young man, is he ill?
- No, no.
1348
01:18:33,461 --> 01:18:35,617
- Then why are you...
- Preventive medicine.
1349
01:18:35,711 --> 01:18:38,034
- I don't understand.
- You will, if you listen.
1350
01:18:38,128 --> 01:18:41,328
I'm not interested in preventive
medicine. What is this?
1351
01:18:41,419 --> 01:18:42,851
I have something to declare.
1352
01:18:42,853 --> 01:18:44,666
Well, wait till we get to Customs.
1353
01:18:44,753 --> 01:18:47,437
Now listen, please. I'm
not like that. I'm pure.
1354
01:18:47,438 --> 01:18:48,480
Pure what?
1355
01:18:49,586 --> 01:18:51,616
There's not many like
me left, you know.
1356
01:18:51,617 --> 01:18:52,702
I'm glad to hear it.
1357
01:18:53,836 --> 01:18:56,099
Please, if we're going
to spend the rest of our
1358
01:18:56,100 --> 01:18:58,410
lives together, you must
learn not to interrupt.
1359
01:18:58,502 --> 01:19:00,540
The rest of our lives?
1360
01:19:00,627 --> 01:19:02,665
Yes. For better or for worse.
1361
01:19:02,752 --> 01:19:04,328
And so on and so forth.
1362
01:19:04,419 --> 01:19:06,042
You mean marriage?
1363
01:19:06,127 --> 01:19:08,960
Of course. I know of no
respectable alternative.
1364
01:19:09,044 --> 01:19:11,035
You've got a nerve.
1365
01:19:11,127 --> 01:19:13,165
I've got several of them.
1366
01:19:14,252 --> 01:19:16,243
They're all functioning normally.
1367
01:19:16,336 --> 01:19:18,789
Do you realise what you've said?
1368
01:19:18,877 --> 01:19:21,000
I should do. It's
pounded in my brain
1369
01:19:21,001 --> 01:19:22,788
often enough, asleep and awake.
1370
01:19:22,877 --> 01:19:26,871
In the drowsy fantasy moment
of every lonely dawn...
1371
01:19:26,961 --> 01:19:29,269
Well, come on, what's your answer?
1372
01:19:29,270 --> 01:19:31,203
You've taken my breath away.
1373
01:19:31,294 --> 01:19:33,414
Oh, I'm terribly
sorry. Would you mind
1374
01:19:33,415 --> 01:19:35,750
standing up? Thank you.
Breathe in deeply.
1375
01:19:36,586 --> 01:19:38,623
Out again, please.
Thank you. In...
1376
01:19:38,711 --> 01:19:41,874
Try a bit further. Out. Thank you.
1377
01:19:41,961 --> 01:19:44,212
Marvellous. You'll feel
better in a moment.
1378
01:19:44,213 --> 01:19:45,254
I feel dizzy.
1379
01:19:45,255 --> 01:19:46,662
Oh. Sit down.
1380
01:19:46,752 --> 01:19:49,796
It's just the... sudden
realisation, you
1381
01:19:49,797 --> 01:19:52,915
see, of the fact that...
that I love you.
1382
01:19:53,002 --> 01:19:54,246
Do you?
1383
01:19:54,336 --> 01:19:57,287
Yes. Oh. Haven't I said so?
1384
01:19:57,377 --> 01:19:59,415
Not in so many words.
1385
01:19:59,502 --> 01:20:02,784
- Shall I?
- Yes, please.
1386
01:20:02,877 --> 01:20:04,915
All right.
1387
01:20:05,002 --> 01:20:06,329
I love you.
1388
01:20:08,461 --> 01:20:10,498
Ha-ha. What about that, then?
1389
01:20:10,585 --> 01:20:13,702
- And how about you?
- How about me?
1390
01:20:13,794 --> 01:20:16,413
Do you think that you
could come to love me?
1391
01:20:16,502 --> 01:20:18,540
Well, I...
1392
01:20:18,627 --> 01:20:21,116
I suppose I could do worse.
1393
01:20:21,877 --> 01:20:23,749
Ooh. Coo.
1394
01:20:23,835 --> 01:20:25,293
Ha-ha.
1395
01:20:35,044 --> 01:20:37,497
- Turned out nice again.
- Has it?
1396
01:20:37,585 --> 01:20:40,536
Mr Haines. Mr Haines.
Where is the idiot?
1397
01:20:40,627 --> 01:20:41,824
- Mr...
- Here.
1398
01:20:41,919 --> 01:20:43,162
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
1399
01:20:43,252 --> 01:20:44,882
Do you know what day it is today?
1400
01:20:44,883 --> 01:20:46,285
I'm not daft, it's Thursday.
1401
01:20:46,377 --> 01:20:48,498
- It's providential.
- No, it's Thursday.
1402
01:20:48,585 --> 01:20:51,252
No, listen. Exactly 10
years ago to this day,
1403
01:20:51,335 --> 01:20:54,037
Captain Crowther took command
of the Happy Wanderer.
1404
01:20:54,127 --> 01:20:57,160
I only found it out by accident. I
looked it up in an old log book.
1405
01:20:57,252 --> 01:20:59,289
- I'm not with you.
- Yes, you are.
1406
01:20:59,377 --> 01:21:02,789
Have you got some private little
place where you could make a cake?
1407
01:21:02,877 --> 01:21:04,868
- A cake?
- A cake.
1408
01:21:04,960 --> 01:21:07,911
- An anniversary cake?
- An anniversary cake.
1409
01:21:08,002 --> 01:21:10,359
Of course. I knew I'd
think of something.
1410
01:21:10,360 --> 01:21:11,912
You knew you'd think of...
1411
01:21:12,002 --> 01:21:14,151
Yes, all right. Well,
to work, then.
1412
01:21:14,152 --> 01:21:16,126
And remember, the utmost secrecy.
1413
01:21:16,210 --> 01:21:18,615
No one'll see me handle
as much as a nut.
1414
01:21:18,710 --> 01:21:21,035
The success of this
operation will depend
1415
01:21:21,036 --> 01:21:23,083
entirely on your
culinary expertise.
1416
01:21:23,169 --> 01:21:25,159
I don't know about
that. But I can cook.
1417
01:21:25,252 --> 01:21:27,048
We understand each
other. With some
1418
01:21:27,049 --> 01:21:29,292
difficulty, but we do
understand each other.
1419
01:21:29,377 --> 01:21:30,574
Till tonight.
1420
01:21:30,669 --> 01:21:34,200
Tonight. With a cake
to stagger humanity.
1421
01:21:34,293 --> 01:21:35,407
Thank you.
1422
01:21:52,627 --> 01:21:55,660
We're arranging a party
especially for the Captain.
1423
01:21:55,752 --> 01:21:56,913
- A party?
- Ssh.
1424
01:21:57,002 --> 01:21:58,803
Please, it's supposed
to be a secret.
1425
01:21:58,804 --> 01:22:00,367
What if the Captain should hear?
1426
01:22:00,460 --> 01:22:04,370
You shouldn't have told me. I get
so excited, I can't keep secrets.
1427
01:22:04,460 --> 01:22:08,667
What a lovely idea. So
thoughtful and tender.
1428
01:22:08,752 --> 01:22:12,698
Just the sort of thing that makes
me feel... really... happy.
1429
01:22:12,793 --> 01:22:14,831
Oh, I'm so happy.
1430
01:22:14,918 --> 01:22:16,564
Miss Madderley, pull yourself
1431
01:22:16,565 --> 01:22:18,663
together. It's only
a little party.
1432
01:22:18,752 --> 01:22:21,418
Ssh, ssh. Don't say
that. It's a secret.
1433
01:22:21,502 --> 01:22:23,539
Suppose the Captain...
1434
01:22:23,627 --> 01:22:25,203
Oh, the Captain.
1435
01:22:25,293 --> 01:22:27,331
The dear, devoted Captain.
1436
01:22:27,418 --> 01:22:30,866
Hello, hello. What is afoot?
1437
01:22:30,960 --> 01:22:33,495
That peculiar shaped thing
on the end of your leg.
1438
01:22:37,502 --> 01:22:39,539
Keep taking the tablets.
1439
01:22:39,627 --> 01:22:41,664
Excuse me.
1440
01:22:49,335 --> 01:22:51,372
Miss Madderley.
1441
01:22:52,460 --> 01:22:55,458
- What's wrong?
- You are. Er... nothing.
1442
01:22:55,543 --> 01:22:57,333
Hello. Goodbye.
1443
01:22:58,460 --> 01:23:01,956
Handmade. Nothing like it.
1444
01:23:06,585 --> 01:23:11,207
Mm... Well made...
but not yet created.
1445
01:23:11,293 --> 01:23:13,829
This needs the Haines touch.
1446
01:23:15,626 --> 01:23:17,831
We don't need that, I don't think.
1447
01:23:17,918 --> 01:23:19,327
Here we go.
1448
01:23:19,418 --> 01:23:20,959
Española sherry.
1449
01:23:22,043 --> 01:23:24,745
Gracia...
1450
01:23:24,835 --> 01:23:26,458
Blimey.
1451
01:23:26,543 --> 01:23:29,790
Smells like a Babylonian
boozer's bedroom. Phwoar.
1452
01:23:29,876 --> 01:23:31,914
Can't have put too much sherry in.
1453
01:23:32,001 --> 01:23:33,577
It's not like me at all.
1454
01:23:33,668 --> 01:23:35,706
Well, we'll soon see.
1455
01:23:38,710 --> 01:23:40,202
Too much sherry in.
1456
01:23:40,293 --> 01:23:42,698
Now what? Counteraction.
1457
01:23:43,376 --> 01:23:44,786
Yes. Cream. Of course.
1458
01:23:44,876 --> 01:23:48,206
Only glorious Devon
cream can save the day.
1459
01:23:48,293 --> 01:23:50,330
Glorious Dev...
1460
01:23:50,418 --> 01:23:52,741
What an idea.
1461
01:23:52,835 --> 01:23:54,742
An international cake.
1462
01:23:55,585 --> 01:23:57,741
Just the thing for a
mariner's anniversary.
1463
01:23:57,835 --> 01:23:59,756
And apart from that,
a good turmoil of
1464
01:23:59,757 --> 01:24:01,579
ingredients will
give it flavouring.
1465
01:24:01,668 --> 01:24:03,872
Yes. Flavouring.
1466
01:24:03,960 --> 01:24:05,369
Ha-ha.
1467
01:24:05,460 --> 01:24:09,536
Right, we'll start with the grated
coconut from the South Seas.
1468
01:24:09,626 --> 01:24:10,788
Grated coconut.
1469
01:24:10,876 --> 01:24:14,123
And then... Bombay duck,
all the way from Bombay.
1470
01:24:14,210 --> 01:24:16,663
A little bit of Bombay
duck. Thank you very much.
1471
01:24:16,751 --> 01:24:22,416
And Chinese chop suey. Chinese
chop... Chinese chop suey.
1472
01:24:22,501 --> 01:24:24,539
And a little Californian prunes.
1473
01:24:25,626 --> 01:24:26,953
Yes.
1474
01:24:27,043 --> 01:24:29,662
Last but not least,
viva spaghetti.
1475
01:24:30,918 --> 01:24:32,955
Viva voce per la tomato?
1476
01:24:33,043 --> 01:24:36,325
No wonder they say "Mr
Haines takes-a pains."
1477
01:24:41,293 --> 01:24:42,406
- Who?
- Me.
1478
01:24:42,501 --> 01:24:43,579
- You?
- Aye.
1479
01:24:43,668 --> 01:24:45,705
Come.
1480
01:24:45,793 --> 01:24:48,281
Haines. I'm thrilled.
1481
01:24:49,376 --> 01:24:51,414
Haines, I'm engaged.
1482
01:24:51,501 --> 01:24:53,871
No need to ask how you're
getting on, Mr Haines.
1483
01:24:53,959 --> 01:24:55,997
Or him. Congratulations.
1484
01:24:56,084 --> 01:24:59,284
Here, I hope you'll allow me to
cook the cake for your wedding.
1485
01:24:59,376 --> 01:25:01,497
What? Not if it's got
spaghetti in it.
1486
01:25:01,584 --> 01:25:03,622
Or chop suey.
1487
01:25:03,709 --> 01:25:07,703
- Hey. Or bicarbonate of soda.
- And why not?
1488
01:25:07,793 --> 01:25:09,830
My dear Wilfred.
1489
01:25:09,918 --> 01:25:13,283
You don't mean that all that stuff
is in the cake you're now baking?
1490
01:25:13,376 --> 01:25:15,864
I repeat, why not?
1491
01:25:15,959 --> 01:25:18,626
- It's incredible.
- It's inedible.
1492
01:25:18,709 --> 01:25:21,245
Out of my kitchen. Do I
tell you how to doctor?
1493
01:25:21,334 --> 01:25:24,451
Do I tell you how to run the ship?
Do I tell you how to get engaged?
1494
01:25:24,543 --> 01:25:26,332
Well, then don't
tell me how to cook.
1495
01:25:26,418 --> 01:25:28,740
You wait. You'll eat
it. Then you'll see.
1496
01:25:29,876 --> 01:25:32,543
This is an historic moment
for English cooking.
1497
01:25:32,626 --> 01:25:36,489
England expects this day
every man to have a nibble.
1498
01:25:41,626 --> 01:25:44,044
Sir. Sir. There's something
going on in the bar.
1499
01:25:44,045 --> 01:25:45,086
There usually is.
1500
01:25:45,087 --> 01:25:47,454
- Will you come at once, sir?
- What's the matter?
1501
01:25:47,542 --> 01:25:49,824
If it's anything medical,
you can deal with it.
1502
01:25:49,825 --> 01:25:51,867
If it's anything else,
I've got a staff...
1503
01:25:51,959 --> 01:25:54,115
Come quickly, sir. Only
you can deal with it.
1504
01:25:54,209 --> 01:25:55,251
Well, what is it?
1505
01:25:55,252 --> 01:25:57,077
Would you come with
me, sir, please?
1506
01:25:57,167 --> 01:25:58,660
All right. All right.
1507
01:26:17,376 --> 01:26:19,413
Mr Marjoribanks, sir.
1508
01:26:19,501 --> 01:26:21,538
For the Captain.
1509
01:26:30,167 --> 01:26:32,241
An Aberdeen Angus.
1510
01:26:32,334 --> 01:26:33,578
You clever boy.
1511
01:26:33,667 --> 01:26:36,191
That's right, sir. I cabled
Angus for the recipe.
1512
01:26:36,192 --> 01:26:37,234
Initiative.
1513
01:26:37,235 --> 01:26:39,200
12 days late, but initiative.
1514
01:26:39,292 --> 01:26:41,034
The cake, sir.
1515
01:26:41,126 --> 01:26:44,326
How beautiful. Looks
almost too good to eat.
1516
01:26:44,417 --> 01:26:45,459
Doesn't it?
1517
01:26:45,460 --> 01:26:47,498
Oh, yes. It's much
too good to eat.
1518
01:26:50,459 --> 01:26:52,496
Thank you, Haines.
1519
01:26:56,417 --> 01:26:57,696
It's great.
1520
01:26:59,459 --> 01:27:02,161
It reminds me of
everywhere I've ever been.
1521
01:27:02,251 --> 01:27:04,206
Including Port Said.
1522
01:27:05,834 --> 01:27:07,871
Thank you.
1523
01:27:13,959 --> 01:27:16,791
- Speech. Speech.
- Speech.
1524
01:27:17,875 --> 01:27:19,988
Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you very much
1525
01:27:19,989 --> 01:27:22,200
for this very gratifying
party. You seem...
1526
01:27:22,292 --> 01:27:23,998
Spaghetti?
1527
01:27:25,250 --> 01:27:27,376
You seem to like
travelling with me and I
1528
01:27:27,377 --> 01:27:29,908
certainly like travelling
with you. I'm afraid...
1529
01:27:30,000 --> 01:27:31,197
Prunes?
1530
01:27:32,625 --> 01:27:34,854
I'm afraid that this
speech really isn't very
1531
01:27:34,855 --> 01:27:37,082
much in response to your
generosity, but I...
1532
01:27:37,167 --> 01:27:39,074
Chop suey?
1533
01:27:40,500 --> 01:27:42,549
But there isn't
anything else I can
1534
01:27:42,550 --> 01:27:44,541
say except... thank you very much.
1535
01:27:44,625 --> 01:27:46,118
Well said.
1536
01:27:46,209 --> 01:27:48,246
Ssh. Quiet, everyone.
1537
01:27:48,334 --> 01:27:50,371
It's my turn.
1538
01:27:50,459 --> 01:27:52,912
Ladies and... gentlemen,
1539
01:27:53,000 --> 01:27:54,659
Captain,
1540
01:27:54,750 --> 01:27:58,614
on behalf of all us
happy... wanderers...
1541
01:27:58,709 --> 01:28:00,686
and crikey, I've done some happy
1542
01:28:00,687 --> 01:28:03,034
wandering on this
ship in my time...
1543
01:28:04,042 --> 01:28:05,239
jolly good luck,
1544
01:28:05,334 --> 01:28:08,021
and may we all have
the pleasure of
1545
01:28:08,022 --> 01:28:11,081
sailing with you for
many years to come.
1546
01:28:11,167 --> 01:28:12,825
- My condolences, sir.
- What for?
1547
01:28:12,917 --> 01:28:15,868
It appears you didn't get command
of the transatlantic run.
1548
01:28:15,959 --> 01:28:17,996
I did. But I don't want it.
1549
01:28:18,084 --> 01:28:21,081
Ladies and gentlemen, please.
1550
01:28:22,625 --> 01:28:25,742
I'm not very good at making
speeches, as you've already heard.
1551
01:28:25,834 --> 01:28:27,871
Hear hear, sir.
1552
01:28:27,959 --> 01:28:30,039
But I do know the
difference between just
1553
01:28:30,040 --> 01:28:32,118
ferrying passengers
and running a cruise.
1554
01:28:32,208 --> 01:28:34,320
There's a good feeling
about looking after
1555
01:28:34,321 --> 01:28:36,285
people who are out
to enjoy themselves.
1556
01:28:36,375 --> 01:28:38,043
After all, when we're
on a trip like
1557
01:28:38,044 --> 01:28:39,575
this, we're all in the same boat.
1558
01:28:42,083 --> 01:28:44,453
So what else can I do
but carry on cruising?
1559
01:28:44,542 --> 01:28:45,916
Any questions?
1560
01:28:46,000 --> 01:28:48,038
Oh, yes, sir. Will you marry me?
1561
01:28:49,500 --> 01:28:52,415
Oh, no. I didn't mean...
I mean us, sir.
1562
01:28:52,500 --> 01:28:55,202
- Oh, her. Congratulations.
- Thank you.
1563
01:28:55,292 --> 01:28:58,704
Congratulations.
Turner. Champagne.
1564
01:28:58,792 --> 01:29:01,327
- Doctor. Doctor.
- Haines. What is it?
1565
01:29:01,417 --> 01:29:02,744
- Seasick.
- What did that?
1566
01:29:02,833 --> 01:29:04,990
- The Captain's cake.
- Was it the chop suey?
1567
01:29:05,083 --> 01:29:06,576
The Bombay duck?
1568
01:29:06,667 --> 01:29:09,069
I know how you feel. I'll
give you an injection.
1569
01:29:09,070 --> 01:29:10,246
No, please. Not again.
1570
01:29:10,333 --> 01:29:13,664
I'll get you one of those
special tablets. Wait there.
116069
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