Original subtitles

I, for one, loathe that we live in a surveillance state,

but is there any chance there is a security camera

pointed towards the bike rack?

No. Our camera is pointed at the drop-off line

so I can see which dads have nice cars.

Why? A bike has gone missing.

Who would steal a child's bike?

Well, maybe not a child's, but an adult's.

Your bike got stolen?

I saw an unfamiliar man milling about the rack this morning.

Okay, well, what did he look like?

U-Uh, I would say he had a, you know,

somewhat curly and spherical haircut.

An afro?

It was-- Some might call it--

You know what, this feels reductive.

No, no, no! No, let's get to the bottom of this.

Would you describe this person

as someone who might have difficulty getting a loan?

You know what? It's fine.

Was it really ever my bike, anyways?

You know, does anyone really own anything?

I will, uh, leave you to ponder that query,

and, uh, adieu.

I suppose I won't be needing this.

After reading the material and looking at the data

from the past five years,

I have to agree with the nutritional board of Missouri

that small changes like a beverage

can lead to seismic shifts.

Guys, this juice is the future.

You don't need to stand when you talk.

You don't need to talk, period.

Once a year, the lunch crew has a meeting

to discuss new menu options from the school district.

This year it was about juice.

Now, the meeting is technically open to all staff,

but most teachers take the hint

and leave it to the professionals.

One teacher wouldn't know a hint if it closed a door in her face.

Twice.

You guys missed a great lunch committee meeting.

They don't want teachers there.

Oh, so they just say "all are welcome" as a formality?

Yeah, right.

Oh, God. Anyway, someone had to get the scoop

on this hot new juice.

It's two more ounces than the juice the kids are drinking now

and five percent more real juice.

That's 10 percent more juice.

Okay, math! Yes, it's less sugar.

It's better all around.

It's a really easy low-lift win for our kids.

So what do you guys think?

- Less sugar is compelling. - Mm-hmm.

I'm not really a big fan of juice.

I prefer nature's juice--

water.

What do you think, Barbara?

I say no. The kids aren't complaining.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

I'm with Barbara.

Okay, well, I'm for it,

but I would love to discuss further.

I have been here a long time, Janine.

Trust me.

New projects mean new problems.

Mm-hmm.

What problems could there possibly be?

"Oh, no, help me. I'm hurting...

from getting too much of my daily recommended

fruit servings.

There's no downside here.

It seems like you have made up your mind.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go teach my children

what happens if you give a moose a muffin.

It does not end well.

New juice it is.

Okay, so if you have a dollar, and your brother,

who already owes you 10 grand

'cause he keeps backing the Jets,

wants to borrow 75 cents...

Where are my quarters?

Whoo!

Ashley Garcia, Frankford, Philly.

Old enough to know better, young enough to sheesh.

And I'm here at Abbott as an aide

'cause I'm helpful as hell.

That's why I've been at four schools in four months.

'Cause everyone wants a piece.

Hey, are those mine?

Hey, you want your own quarters,

date your own vending machine guy.

I'm using them for my science lesson on momentum.

Oh! If it's heads, I get to keep it.

It's tails.

Would you look at this? The kids love it,

and the juice is flying off the trays.

Yeah, maybe next year we could get real meat.

Mmm.

Mm. What's that I taste?

Is that the nectar of sweet victory?

Yeah, the kids are having more juice,

but less sugar, and they seem very happy.

That's nice, dear.

You gotta admit this was a good idea.

You know, your kids are probably loving it.

Well, I guess we'll never know

because I did not opt in for this juice.

Why not?

Because my class will be sticking with the juice

that has been working for the past 20 years.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

All right, you know what? I think they should change

that phrase to "If it ain't broke,

do fix it sometimes

because it might make it better."

So you want to fix an unbroken phrase

that has been used effectively for generations?

If it makes it better, then yes.

Ugh.

Don't worry. Chapter books will be a breeze.

Most books are based off movies anyway,

so you can watch instead of--

No, no! No.

Ashley is more easily distracted than my second graders.

But I got a plan.

I figure if we organize her work, it'd help,

so I made her a to-do list,

which is different from my to-do list,

which includes Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

Or Jon "The Rock" Bon Jovi.

Yeah, so where are youse on that checklist?

Oh.

Ashley. Checklist.

Oh, you meant me?

Right. Good! Great.

I mean, I lost it. Of course.

Okay, so you're supposed to be working on words

with H's after P's. 'Kay?

H's after D's? That's weird.

No. H's after P.

P.

You said pee-pee.

Hot, right? So this is vintage 2019 Zara,

previously loved. I'm gonna start this listing at $20.

Okay, I see you @moolahbaybee.

Can I get $25?

Ava, it's urgent.

Okay, sold to @moolahbaybee.

You better count your blessings, fan, 'cause this is a steal.

Okay, y'all, I gotta run.

Remember, my live pop-up sales only happen

Monday through Friday, 9:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m...

Otherwise, I'm pretty busy.

Peace.

Administrative business. What's going on?

Ashley's gotta go. Who?

My new aide. I want her gone.

Oh, what exactly is the problem?

She's giving me agita.

We can't fire people for that.

I tried to get Jacob fired his first year

for buying me a reusable water bottle for Christmas.

I found it passive aggressive.

And yet he's still here.

You gotta have a paper trail of bad behavior.

This is a bureaucracy.

Yeah, but she's a huge pain in my ass.

I'm actually getting less work done with her here.

Okay, damn. I'll come to your class

and monitor her myself.

- You will? - Yes!

Why does everybody get so surprised when I say I'll help?

I'm a professional.

No, that's-- that's great.

Thank you.

Now, what does one wear to monitor?

Three-ninths is complicated.

A little full of itself.

It's not my favorite, but some people--

Oh. Kalan, Armonni, welcome back.

You took so long I thought you fell in the toilet,

but now it's time to fall

into the wonderful world of fractions.

I have to go to the bathroom, too, Miss Teagues.

Okay, um, who else needs to go to the bathroom?

Well, looks like I need to go, too,

so I guess it's time to take a little field trip.

Dang, this line is longer than Saweetie's nails.

Is there some kind of free-before-ten special

going on that I don't know about?

We've been in line for 15 minutes.

It's been like this all day.

Has it? That's wild.

'Cause I've been so busy working, you know,

I didn't notice.

Whoa, I thought it was just my class.

What is going on?

It's this new juice.

It's busting their bladders.

Oh, but that can't be it.

I mean, it's only two more ounces.

Well, I guess two more ounces adds up to 200 more trips

to the bathroom.

Well, this is a good thing

because more trips to the bathroom

means more liquid flushing through their tiny bodies

and cleansing their tiny little cells.

Hydration.

This is good. Mm.

Uh-oh. I think the bathroom broke.

All the first floor bathrooms are broken.

Until reinforcements arrive,

everyone has to use the upstairs bathroom.

And I pray to the Mario Brothers they hold.

If I didn't have so much class, I'd say "I told you so."

Ugh! You did not tell me that changing juices

would make the kids drink so much

that they peed the bathrooms out of commission.

I told you that there was no need

to fix something that wasn't broken.

But no, that wasn't enough for Janine.

You should have just listened to me.

How are we even supposed to teach?

My first graders have never even been to the second floor before.

And it takes me 45 seconds

at a brisk pace to get all the way up there.

It will take the kids forever.

You time yourself going to the second floor?

- You don't? - Uh, while I admit

this is an unfortunate circumstance,

it will be nice to have some extra pairs of feet

up in the penthouses.

That's what we non-ground floor teachers call it.

Wait, Barbara, is your kindergarten bathroom

still working?

Yes, my private facilities are intact,

due to my responsible juice decision.

Can our kids use it, Barbara?

Please? It's a close call getting them

to the first floor bathroom as it is.

And first graders have

the second most combustible - bladders. - Okay, fine.

The kindergarten bathroom may be used in emergencies.

Oh, thank goodness.

I meant the kids.

I'm a kid at heart.

You--

Thank you. Thank you.

- Your lipstick... pretty. - Those pants are creased real well.

Okay, kids. How many yards are in one Manute Bol?

Jessica.

Three?

Not quite. Anybody else?

I'm Meg Thee Skeleton and it's time to learn about our bones.

Eh!

Good news is, now that I have Ashley helping out in my class,

I can teach two lessons at once.

Bad news is, I now have Ashley in my class.

How y'all doing? Don't worry about me.

I'm not even here.

Alright. So, um--I'm here to teach you about the human...

♪ Body-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody

♪ Bones, blood, meat, you! Okay.

Hey. Hi, my class.

You guys would know this if you did your homework.

Hello. Right up here, guys. Right up here.

- Girl, is that my shirt? - Oh, this?

I got it off a popular Depop page.

@AvaFlaaaaaaaaaav with 10 A's?

Oh, my God. That's you?

I love your clothes.

Thank you.

I closed that account down for tax reasons,

but I do live auctions now.

Here, scan this QR code and hit follow,

and make sure you turn on the notifications

so you don't miss anything.

The good stuff goes fast.

Oh, my gosh. That's so smart.

You know, way better than some piece of paper I'd lose.

Business cards are for gum, girl.

This is the future. Yes.

Okay, how many feet are in a yard?

Melissa, do you mind?

We talking business back here.

Okay, here's another one.

If I were to break this yard stick in half

out of anger, how long would each piece be?

The human... ♪ Body-ody-ody-ody-ody

♪ Bones, blood, meat, you

What clothes do we wear in the winter time?

- Coat! - Mittens! - Pajamas!

Very good.

Hi, Keta. Hi, Hayley. Hi, Fred.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Howard. We'll be quick.

Come on.

All right, now.

And in what seasons do we wear--

Sorry, Mrs. Howard.

In what seasons do we wear pajamas?

My pajamas have racecars on them!

Yes.

Bathroom's over there.

Oh, thanks, girl.

Buddy system.

Pajamas are actually year-round attire.

Mrs. Howard, I have to go potty.

All right. Get in line.

But it's a memergency.

Well, come on. Come on.

Let's go.

Hey! No cutting!

Excuse me. My children are kindergartners

and they need the bathroom more than anyone.

Not more than me. I had 10 juices.

You know what?

From now on, you all need to use the bathroom

on the second floor.

But, Mrs. Howard, that's not fair.

You know what's not fair?

My children having to pay for your juice mistakes.

Now, please get out.

- That way! - Okay.

C-Come on. Sorry.

You trippin'. Ashley is a star.

I'm trying to run a classroom,

and she's actively working against that.

I can't even hear myself think over the kids

singing body-wody-whatever.

See, that's not even how the song goes.

I thought you was one of them spicy Whites.

I hate being wrong.

Ava, she is a menace.

She painted eyeballs on her lids so she could nap during class.

Ava!

She's supposed to be prepping right now during lunch.

I don't even know where she is.

No. She's perfect. Like a little mini-me.

Hold on.

Ashley, make a note in my Halloween costumes ideas folder

for a Mini-Me and a sexy Dr. Evil.

-Copy. - Ashley.

Where are you?

Getting water for Ava's clothes steamer.

She wanted to steam them.

Can you go back to prepping in my classroom, please?

Okay, you're kinda throwing a lot at me here.

Ashley, go back to my classroom.

What? I already did my prep.

I do it while I'm teaching.

I call it preaching.

- Single file. - Just line up right here.

All right? Bathroom?

Yeah. This is so inconvenient,

I can barely find a silver lining.

You found one?

We're getting good exercise.

It don't count if I don't got my FitBit on.

We cannot be expected to keep hauling our entire classes

up the stairs every five seconds.

We would help Barbara if she needed it, right?

Yeah. Absolutely.

Because it is her free period right now.

And it's not like we'd be disrupting her class.

Right? And I bet if I asked her,

she'd want us to use her bathroom.

Come on kids. Yeah, right.

- Let's be quiet. - Everyone, shhh.

Get low. Well, really, just Mr. Eddie get low.

Get low. Get low. Okay, come on.

What's taking that kid so long?

Who's even in there?

Um, everything okay?

You know, Gregory, you try it.

I've been told I knock like a ghost.

Could y-- I know. Just--

Hi, Mrs. Howard.

I distinctly remember telling both of you

that my bathroom was off limits.

Yes. Yes. But then I remembered

how if you needed help, I would give it to you.

And that's lovely, but I said no.

Barbara, look, it's your free period.

Your kids are at the gym.

I don't care what period it is.

I said no, and I do not need to explain my reasoning to you.

When I say something, that is the end of the discussion.

There is a period at the end of each of my sentences.

That felt like an exclamation point. Mnh-mnh.

I'm sorry.

Barbara, we are sorry, but we will be done in a minute.

The kids will be out, and it will be like

we were ever here.

I think it's broken.

Man, this is messier than Temple Homecoming '74.

The kindergarten toilet somehow took out

all the second floor toilets with it.

Third floor bathroom is all we got now.

And I just got off the phone with the city.

They said they can't do anything until next week.

Thank you, Janine.

I was hoping I could take my entire class

up and down the stairs all day long.

And since one of my students can't use the stairs,

I'll have to drop Johnny off with another teacher.

Thank you.

Ah! Yeah.

You know, when you think about it, "Grindin'" by Clipse

was kind of the original Cup Song.

Mm. Oh, my God.

I never thought about it like that.

Anna Kendrick is such a fraud!

Oh, hi, Ashley.

Glad to see you hard at not-work.

I'm sure you finished that to-do list I gave you?

Nar.

But I did write it all down in my Notes app this time.

I'll get right on it.

Jacob, more on Anna Kendrick later.

Ava, status update.

All orders have been packaged for shipping.

Oh, never thought the district would send someone

so enterprising.

Thank you.

I haven't seen you this mad since the bartender cut you off

at the batting cages.

I can't get this girl to put caps back on markers,

and here she is helping Ava run an entire pyramid scheme.

Just tossing it out there, feel free to toss it right back,

but maybe it's because Ava actually engages with her.

This is a job. It's not a meet and greet.

I'm just saying, it might help if you got to know her.

Or-- Or, you know, carry on as is.

Whatever you-- whatever you like.

Let's get in line. Thank you.

Air is thin up here on the third floor.

Mm-hmm.

Barbara, I owe you an apology

just as s-soon as I catch my breath.

Mm-hmm.

Thank you.

I know you didn't mean to ruin my day, Janine.

But I did.

You did.

I tried to tell you no, but you wouldn't listen.

All day long I have 5-year-olds asking me why this, why that.

I do not have the time for a bunch of 20-somethings

doing the same thing.

I hear you. I do.

But, Barbara, we need to know the why.

If you just tell us the answer,

we'll never learn how to solve the problems.

We need you to show your work, too.

Look, when you were first starting out,

didn't you have someone who, like,

walked you through everything

and showed you the tricks of the trade?

I did not.

Oh. Okay.

I can't believe that they won't come out for a week

just because we have one working bathroom left.

Phew.

Janine, now is when you fix something.

When it's broken.

You see how that works?

I mean [chuckles] yeah, unless you're the city.

I will be right back. Watch my class. Thank you.

Excuse me.

So, uh, what's this little number called?

Oh, the "Grindin'" beat. My older sister taught it to me.

Kids love it.

It's kinda like the Cup Song.

Oh, we have so much to discuss.

♪ Signing

Wanna try?

Yeah, you know what, I'm good for now.

But how about this? How about we make time

for you to teach something cool like this

to the kids every week? 'Cause they're loving it.

Really? Absolutely.

And for now, why don't you start grindin' away

on that math test?

Can do, boss. All right.

Melissa, I need your baseball bat.

- Taped under my desk. - Mm-hmm.

Oh, wipe it down - when you're done. - Got it.

Wait, can I get a baseball bat?

When you're older.

Come on, guys. Good job washing your hands.

Go sit down on the stairs.

Who else has to go? Come on up--

Whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa!

- We're sorry. We're sorry. - Barbara, what?!

Did everyone get a chance to use the bathroom?

I pooped.

That's great, sweetheart.

Um, okay... Come on, y'all. Let's take a step back.

Everybody step behind me. Just stand behind me.

- Just... behind us. - Come on.

Oh, my God.

Whew.

Well, this bathroom is out of commission.

We will have to inform the district that our situation

is now officially an emergency.

Barbara! This is why I always want to meet up

with you and talk things out,

because you know how to handle every situation.

And clearly, I do not.

Well, I didn't have anybody to show me the ropes.

You were right. It would have been a big help.

Why don't I set aside some time

so anyone wanting to know how I handled a situation

and why can come--Build community.

Talk to me.

- Like office hours. - Office hour.

- Got it. Once a week. - Once a month.

Deal.

I have one thing to ask in return.

Yeah?

Get rid of this for me.

Oh, um... Thank you.

I don't wanna... Come on.

- ...be a part of... this. - Come on. Let's go, class.

I had to go over to the corner store

and they wouldn't give me the bathroom code

without a purchase, so I panic-bought some scratchers.

Come on, early retirement.

Yeah, same. So terrible.

Couldn't pee anywhere all day.

It was bananas.

I know y'all didn't think I was using them

little kiddie toilets up there.

Unh-unh. No cameras in the bathroom.

But if you're wondering if I have a bidet,

you bet I bi-do.