Original subtitles

Ava, have you seen a--

Is this you?

Oh. That must have fell in there by mistake.

Mind your business.

What you looking for?

Uh, I lost something.

What? Your sense of style? Ha ha! Up top!

No.

You a hater.

What'd you lose?

Uh, it was a shawl that was in my classroom.

It was my warmest one. I am so cold.

- You think someone took it? - Who would just take a shawl?

Why would I, Ava Coleman, take something from Janine?

Look, I am not accusing anyone, but--

Mr. Johnson took my shawl!

Why does the lost and found have a five-day waiting period

if we're not gonna enforce it?

Aah!

It's called functional fashion.

Yeah! That shawl chose him.

I hope all the kids aren't here today.

Yesterday, everybody was in attendance,

and it almost broke me.

That's what happens when you enforce

a "no nose picking" policy.

I'm behind on lesson plans,

but it's too early in the year to show movies.

I'm doing LEGO day to catch up. The kids love it.

I always end up with LEGO toe.

Exactly. I've bought so many packs,

LEGO owes me a sponsorship already.

Man, this double class is kicking my ass.

I need my extra-large coffee mug.

Did you read that article the other day

about how matcha-- actually more efficient

at awakening the nervous system than coffee?

Oh, yeah? Was that in Who Gives A Crap Weekly?

It was in The New Yorker.

Oh, so Who Gives A Crap Biweekly.

Damn. It's more intense in here than my at-home float tank.

What y'all doing? Prepping.

Mm. Working before work? Couldn't be me.

Anyway, here's a reminder that some goofy group

is coming through to do camp songs or something,

so check the schedule to see when your class is up.

Holy Shakespeare!

Jacob, we can't afford for you to have a seizure

during school hours.

Guys! These are the Story Samurai, okay?

They're a storytelling group that goes all up and down

the East Coast improvising plays based on the kids' ideas.

I used to be in it.

Of course you were, sweetheart.

The Story Samurai are like a book come to life, okay?

But the pages are the performance

and the illustrations are, like, the lyrics.

We help the kids see that everyone is a story, okay?

Look, I don't condone violence, but it slaps.

I think it sounds amazing, Jacob.

I love it when they come.

You get to drop your kids off at the auditorium for an hour

- and just catch up on work. - That part.

Oh, well, then I may be a really big fan

of these Samurai-sitters.

You're gonna want to see this.

It's-- It's not like some wack puppet show.

Plus, this is like a whole new tour.

It's gonna be brand-new material.

It's very subversive, you know?

And really cool. Like me.

Janine, Gregory, y'all pulling up?

Yeah. I'll walk over.

Yeah.

Alex and Jordan.

Oh, Natalie. I'm sorry, honey.

You are in my third grade now.

You were in my second grade last year,

and now you're in third grade, which I also teach. Okay.

I told you, we got an aide if you need it.

She's got this. She's a veteran.

Veterans don't need that help. Exactly.

You save those aides for the young'ns.

Alright, well, don't say I didn't try to help.

Everybody say young Ava is unreliable,

but even a broken clock is right once a day.

- Twice a day. - Whatever!

Um, you know, it's a little tough.

But you know what? Barbara's right. I'm tougher.

I'm so tough, brass knuckles wear me to a fight.

- Ooh! - Oh. Excuse me.

What? What?!

Keyon! Quit huffing the Wite-Out, dude!

Samurai. Ha!

May we have a suggestion for a character?

Meek Mill!

Ah. Nice one, Clarence.

What if Meek Mill... was a meerkat?

Why?

I'm just a meerkat, strolling through Western Philly.

But it's not a story

unless there's some...

Conflict!

What's Meerkat Meek Mills' conflict?

His ATV broke down in the wrong hood!

Wrong hood, Meerkat! Wrong hood!

This is too corny, even for me.

But Jacob loves it, so thank goodness

it's in his past and he isn't up there.

I get it, though.

If my "Degrassi" reenactment group

showed up and performed here, I'd be excited, too.

Shout-out to the guy who played the original Jimmy.

Wonder what he's up to. Heh. He is-- He's Drake.

I'm aware that he is Drake. Yeah.

I expected it to be corny, but that was beyond anything

I thought was theoretically possible.

I know. It was peak Jacob.

Oh, Melissa, I bet that you would love the Story Samurai.

Oh, yeah, I just dropped my kids,

and I got, like, two lesson plans to do.

And that beep means I got an hour left

and I still didn't go to the bathroom! Okay.

My class in here, please. Thank you.

Y'all see that corny show?

I was in the back crying while bootlegging it

for barbershop distribution.

Guys, it wasn't that bad.

I can't wait until it's my class's turn.

Mr. Johnson just told me that they've got

some white boy doing the Malcolm X Games.

- Oh, my God. - He did an ollie and said,

"Plymouth Rock didn't land on me, dude."

Guys, just-- Guys.

Tschoo! Story Samurais, we slice down barriers.

If you need a story, we're in your area-er.

Hey. Huh?

What did everyone think?

Did you see how excited the kids were?!

- It was great. - It was incredible.

I honestly cannot wait to see it.

I told you it was gonna be bomb!

You really think I would be a part

of something that wasn't bomb?

Well, it was something.

Something that you can be

very, very proud you did in the past.

Well, the past has become the present,

because the Samurai have asked me, Jacob Hill,

to join the afternoon show.

- Wait. - And you said yes, right?

- Yeah, of course I did. - Oh, no.

- Fantastic! - Yes.

Hey, and if you guys thought the Malcolm X Games was cool,

just wait till you see Rosa Parks and Rec.

Hey, Siri.

Clear my afternoon and set a reminder

to watch this boy embarrass himself.

Janine, let me borrow your phone so I can go live

on IG and TikTok at the same time. Uh--

It's our duty to spread this joy to the world, y'all.

It's tough times out here. People need the laughs.

The people need the laughs.

Hey. I got your Slack.

By the way, thanks for being the first one

to use the Slack channel I set up two months ago.

Anyway, what's up?

Um, I just wanted to talk to you

a little bit more about this Samurai business.

It's exciting, right?

Oh, 100%.

I'm sure back when you were performing,

you were riveting, blowing tiny minds left and right.

Guilty. Yeah.

Off that, though, my concern is,

what if you kill it too much?

Kill it too much? What? I'm not sure I follow.

Well, it's just you were so good at it, you said,

and this is a new generation of Samurai.

They need to feel good about themselves,

and they probably can't compare.

You don't want to upstage them, do you?

Wow. Janine, I didn't even think of that.

See, this is why we're friends.

Thank you... for seeing me.

You got it, bud.

Alright, well, Slack me if you got anything else, okay?

You know, you can customize the emojis.

Mm-hmm.

Second graders, who can tell me which clock says 3:30?

- Thank you. - Ooh! I know!

We learned this last year!

Okay, thank you, Jameel, but you gotta do your worksheet, okay?

- They gotta answer. - I have a question.

Yeah. Honey, hang on one second.

- I can help you! - That's a preparation--

No, no, no, no, sweetheart.

You stay on the third-grade side, okay?

You just let them do their thing.

- Ms. Schemmenti? - Yes?

Bul tied his shoe to the desk.

He did what? Oh! Oh, no.

Ms. Schemmenti, can I borrow you?

Oh. Let me see this.

Okay. Second graders only,

can you tell me

which clock is saying 3:30?

What the heck did you do here?

- Look. Are-- Are you okay? - I know, I know, I know!

Jameel, what are you doing on this side?

Go back to the third-graders side.

But I knew the answer, so I came to the second-grade side.

Okay, well, go back to the third-graders side.

Okay. Are you good?

Oh, me? I'm... fine.

I got this.

Okay. Okay.

Desiree. Where are you going?

Third graders get to go to the library by themselves.

You're not in the third grade.

Depends where you sit.

Okay, anybody else in the class sitting on the wrong side,

switch.

What?

Um, I will be right back. Please stay quiet. Thank you.

Quiet.

Hey! What's up?

Just saying hi.

Oh. That's nice.

Hi. How's your day?

Surprisingly smooth.

I got through 90% of animal habitats,

even though it's been a bigger bathroom day than usual.

Mm.

For-- For the kids, not for me.

- Oh, okay. - Yeah. How's your day going?

Uh, my day is good.

Um, taught - the two times table. - Oh.

But I did convince Jacob not to perform.

Thank goodness.

That girl isn't ruining this for me.

She can be so selfish.

Like last week, when she wouldn't pretend

to be my daughter at McDonald's so I could get a Happy Meal.

So you just told him that it's corny

and that eventually we will all end up making fun of him?

No. Better. I told a fib.

To protect his feelings. Ah.

Jacob just puts so much thought into how he's perceived.

And it doesn't hurt anyone,

so I figured, why burst his bubble?

For one, it could stop him from inviting us

to his "Living Single" rewatch parties.

It's like, dude, you're in a relationship.

I don't-- I don't get it.

But he does get some good guest speakers.

He got the guy who played Kyle--

Oh. Melissa? Are you okay?

Yes.

Okay.

Good.

You like that cheesesteak?

We got it from the corner store.

People write off this area as a food desert,

but the culinary scene here is so slept on.

It really is.

So, listen, I am honored

by the invitation to perform with you all,

but, uh, I think I gotta sit this one out.

Man. Are you serious? We were so stoked, Sensei.

Yeah, we still talk about your legendary performances.

- You are our dopest alumnus. - Other than Josh Gad.

-- Oh. Josh Gad. -Josh Gad. - Yeah. Olaf.

I am flattered, truly, but I got to keep

my Story Kimono up in the rafters, okay?

What's up, Mr. C?

Hey, Clarence. Meet the Story Samurai.

Nah. I'm good. Yep.

You catch "Last Week Tonight"?

You know it.

Yeah. I bet you did.

I'll see you in history, Mr. C.

That's what it's all about, dawg.

Connecting with the kids. That's why we story.

That's why we samurai.

It's true.

You guys should consider working in a school,

you know, full-time, when you're out.

I don't know. I was planning on auditioning for "SNL,"

or if not that, a YouTube channel.

Yeah, I'm gonna work at my dad's hedge fund.

In a school like this,

you're kind of like a firefighter for joy.

You want to get in, spray as much joy as possible,

and then get out.

Big news, Abbott Elementarians!

I am calling an all-school assembly

so that we can watch our own Mr. Hill

perform with the Story Samurai.

It'll be like watching The Game

perform one night only with G-Unit.

You got this, Mr. C!

- Yeah, you do. - Heh.

I'm so excited about your performance.

I'm stretching so I don't throw my back out laughing--

I mean, learning.

Are you ready to swing your story sword?

Yes.

And, uh, you're gonna be live streaming the whole thing?

Oh, yeah! It's gonna open

a whole new corner of TikTok for me.

Well, I so appreciate you using your platform

to amplify our message.

Hey, Jacob. You aren't performing, are you?

Because we already talked about it.

And remember? No upstaging the Samurai.

Yeah, but it's a whole school assembly now,

and, you know, the kids are gonna be expecting to see me, so, uh...

Yeah, he don't want to let all those kids down, Janine.

I know what you're doing!

Good, 'cause I worry about your awareness.

Hey, Jacob, can I see you for a second in the hall?

Just real quick.

Don't listen to her! We believe in you, Jacob!

Hey, what's, uh-- what's going on?

Um, I'm not sure--

I don't think you should perform.

Look. I get it. You think I'm rusty.

But don't worry.

It's-- It's muscle memory. You know?

It's like when I ride a unicycle--That's enough.

Jacob, Ava just wants you to perform

so that everyone can laugh at you.

What?

Yeah, they're gonna laugh. They're gonna laugh with us.

It's a pretty biting satire. It's--

No, no. They're going to laugh at you,

because, Jacob, the Story Samurai

are corny as hell.

How could the Samurai be corny? I was in it.

I'm c-corny?

Jacob, you are...

corny sometimes... yes.

Wha--

Wait. Uh-- No.

I have Kendrick Lamar on vinyl. Okay? Is that corny?

Look, and the Samurai are not corny, okay?

They performed at a Bernie Sanders rally.

Without his permission.

And those things can be corny.

Look, Jacob, at the end of the day, I'm corny,

and at the beginning of the day, too, but I don't care as much.

Okay, but that is different, because you are

- African-American. - Dit-dit-dit!

See, when you said "African," that's corny. It just is.

Look, you are a white teacher in a Black school.

I am not Hilary Swank in "Freedom Writers."

You are Hilary Swank in "Freedom Writers."

You are Michelle Pfeiffer in "Dangerous Minds."

You are Sandra Bullock in--

In "Bird Box"?

In "The Blind Side."

Too far. Too far, I know.

I'm sorry about that. I know.

But my point is...

you cannot do this performance.

You will never live it down.

I'm just trying to help.

You don't want to be a corny legend.

Jacob, hair and makeup are ready for you.

You know what, Ava?

I don't think I'm going to do the performance,

and, um...

By the way, would a "corny" person

stage a one-man show called "The Color Urkel"?

Did you do that? Then yeah.

Damn it, Janine! Pop-Tarts was sponsoring the stream!

Oh. Melissa?

Is this your handiwork?

Ooooh!

He looked at me funny.

Oh, you have been dealt an impossible situation.

Aw, come on.

Nothing's impossible for us.

I have known you a long time,

and you are an amazing teacher.

This is no reflection of your teaching ability.

Yeah, but, you know, you said it yourself.

I got this.

I believe in you, so I know that you could,

but just because you could doesn't mean you should,

and I shouldn't have made you feel that way.

Huh! Give me two classes, girl, I'd be in Jamaica. Mm!

Yeah, there was a moment when I mentally transported

to Capt'n Chucky's Crab Cakes in Ocean City.

Aww.

This school district offers you absolutely nothing,

and the mere fact that they are offering you something

is all the proof that you need.

Yeah, maybe having an aide wouldn't be so bad.

And in the meantime, I know exactly what you need.

A bathtub full of Prosecco.

A laugh.

Okay.

So, wait. - Jacob isn't performing now? - No.

Y'all gotta stop playing God with that boy's life.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I truly convinced him this time to let it go.

I told him the truth, which I feel good about,

but I also feel kinda bad about.

Well, did he really want to do it?

Uh, yeah.

He was over the moon and back,

but I'm just trying to save him from embarrassment.

He was gonna look like a fool

in front of the entire school and the Internet.

But he does that weekly anyway. It's who he is.

I mean, if we like him for it and he really wanted to do it,

I don't see why you would stop him from being him.

Stay in the line, y'all.

I'm Megan!

I'm Harold! And I'm Tyrone!

He just ruined my favorite Erykah Badu song.

And we are the Story Samurai!

Hi-ya!

I thought you were gonna go up there, Mr. C.

Well, Clarence, I-I didn't want to steal their thunder.

Ohh.

It would've been mad funny to see you up there.

Cut the corners of the bread.

Can we get a suggestion? Anyone?

We call him Mr. C because he's corny.

But I like his class. It's fun.

He showed us that movie, "Summer of Soul."

That was good. He's cool.

- Tapenade! - Ooh! Dijon!

I have a suggestion!

Who thinks Mr. Hill should get up there?!

Yes, yes!

Okay. Can I get a suggestion?

- A tiger. - I heard "tiger."

Okay, because I'm a tiger with stripes and big teeth,

people are conditioned to think I'm scary.

The villagers judge and harass me

based on how I look.

What is my conflict?

Your dad thinks you're a bum!

Bum, bum, bum, bum.

Okay, okay. Yeah, I want to sell cereal,

but my tiger dad wants me to stay in the forest.

Is he using a cereal mascot to describe racial discrimination?

Mm-hmm. - That's what he's doing. - Okay.

I was born to help make a balanced breakfast.

These stripes are feeling like prison bars!

I'm sorry. I've just never been so inspired.

Son, I support anything you do.

I just think you need one thing

so people know you're a friendly tiger.

This red handkerchief.

Thank you, fam, for helping me be who I am.

Who I am.

Who I am!

Whoo!

Nice! Nice! Nice!

I know who I am. I see it.

I am Jacob Hill, and it turns out...

I'm corny.

Corny isn't bad.

It just is.

- Yayyy. - Aww.

Jacob, that was actually incredible.

Actually, it was corny.

But the kids loved it.

I do think the trust fall to represent

our own appropriation was a bit much.

I mean, I would have dropped me.

That was so corny, I gained 2,000 new followers

during the stream, including Josh Gad, whoever that is.

When you guys Voltron'd yourselves

into a Black Shaun King, I-- I died. I did.

- And the singing. - And those outfits.

Your curly-ass hair.

That's-- That's just my hair.

- Bravo, Jacob. Bravo. - Good job, man.

- Yes, yes. - Nailed it.

- You got it. - You did that.

Made my day.

You think they'll ever get how corny they are?

Not a chance. They'll never stay in one place long enough

to connect with someone who will tell them the truth.

They're missing out on the best part--

connection.

Hey.

Can you get your corny asses out of here so I can clean?

Go on and get.

- Okay. - So your request for a teacher's aide has been filled,

and they're sending one over today.

Ohh!

A Ashley Garcia from Frankford.

Eh. Frankford. That's a toss-up.

Gotta admit, never thought I'd see

the Melissa Schemmenti asking for help.

Okay, Ava, I'm not in the mood, right?

I'm just in the mood to get some help.

When-- When's she getting here?

Well, it look like she's here now.

Okay. Why are you making the face?

♪ Waiting for Ashley

♪ Ohh-ohh-ohh

♪ I'll be the aide of your dreams ♪

♪ Waiting for Ashley

♪ Ohh-ohh-ohh

♪ You'll get help with your class needs ♪

♪ Waiting for Ashley

What's up, Melissa? I'm Ashley.

Oh, wait.

The boombox wasn't on,

so the song probably didn't make sense!

That was Jennifer.

Lopez. Lopez. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Let me come back in.

♪ Homework is the jam, homework is the jaaaam ♪

What are you doing?

Oh. Just waiting out their cool down.

Not in the mood to be improv-ed at.

You don't think--

I mean, they have to be virgins, right?

Stop it.

I'm serious. Oh, no.

Can we get a suggestion?

Yeah. Beat it!

Oh, you might be right.

Hey! I'm calling the police!

Whoo-hoo!