Original subtitles

- Fuck, I fancy my flatmate.

- And we're gonna find the Johnny White

and reunite him with Mr. Prior.

- Nice article.

Don't think the flatshare is gonna work.

- Leon's practically asked me to move out.

- I don't think you understand.

This article could ruin

everything Richie has going.

- Which is what?

- I can't do this anymore.

- I edited your article.

- Justin, how did you know where I live?

I never gave you my address.

- You were doing it wrong.

- Good morning.

- Morning.

Are we gonna talk about it?

- Talk about what?

Your powers of seduction?

- Are you and Ariella--

Look...

Tiffy, last night was amazing.

But, look, I need to have a think.

Oh, and, um--

And you need to find yourself a new flatmate.

- Nice article.

Don't think the flatshare is going to work.

- Wow. What a spread.

Come here. Let me look at you.

It's been a while.

Mm-mmm.

- What?

- You've not been looking after yourself,

that's what.

You need to fix your hair.

Looks like a grizzly bear ate you whole and stole your face.

- And a good morning to you, too, Mum.

- Are you feeding yourself properly, hm?

'Cause you can't live on cornflakes.

- I broke up with Kay.

- Um... you want to talk about it?

- No.

I thought she was it.

You know?

Like, marriage and kids.

Did you want marriage and kids with her?

- I don't know. I just assumed.

- Well, they're both a pain in the butt, let me tell you.

- Actually, the thing that broke it--

- Mm. Someone else, yeah?

- What? No.

No one else.

She never believed Richie was innocent.

She thought I was wasting my time.

- Wow.

Sounds like your flatmate thought otherwise.

- You read the article? - Mm.

She's a good little writer, isn't she?

Are you serious, Mum?

I told her to move out.

Okay.

Mmm.

- Single room in Watford, no windows.

- Ugh. - Charming box room--

Would suit someone 5'3" or under.

- Fun-loving single girls only.

- Converted crypt in Croydon.

- Bills don't include gas or Netflix.

- 17-minute walk from High Barnet.

- Deposit is £1,970. - Must like cats--

Lots of cats. - Small double in Cockfosters.

- Subletting my room while I find myself

in Bali. - My houseshare, no doors.

- Looking for a chilled housemate...

- Homey home... - Who's up for cooking,

watching movies, and the occasional orgy.

- Share my bunk bed for £350 a month.

- Looking for a housemate who can also

look after my baby.

I'll be gone by the end of the week.

PS, you can keep the coffee machine.

Sell it, if you like.

- "My fucked-up flatshare."

- Language, Leon.

- Ain't my language, it's her headline.

She never even asked.

- Well, that's journalists for you.

- It isn't her story to tell.

And him, going behind my back--

- Look, Leon, I know you're angry, yeah,

but what you got-- Oh, here comes trouble.

- Leon. - Hey.

Right on time, bro.

- Cómo estás, amigo?

- What? Ow.

Wha--what's this? You're beating me up now.

- All right, can we-- - Está bien?

- Can we sit down now, please?

- Good to see you. - Can we get started?

- All right, Leon.

- All right, Frank.

- This is nice, isn't it?

- Thanks.

Hello. I'm calling about the flat

to let in Dagenham.

Hi, I'm calling about the flat to let in Edmonton.

Sorry.

Uh, one--one sec.

Hello?

- Hello, darling.

Could you-- - What are you doing here?

- I mean, darling, why didn't you tell us?

- Tell you what?

- Well, the flat.

I mean, it's just dreadful.

- It's actually a pretty good flat.

- I need to sit down.

- You should see some of the other places.

- Really, Tiffy, we would have helped you.

You didn't have to move in with a criminal.

- What are you talking about? Leon isn't a criminal.

I mean, he works in a hospice. He helps people.

It's actually the opposite of a criminal.

- Why would you leave Justin for this?

- Justin broke up with me.

- That article you wrote was very disturbing.

- Could I have a glass of water, please?

- You never actually normally read my articles.

- I'm feeling a bit crummy.

- Get your mother a glass of water.

Right, well--

Thanks,

Dad, Mum, but there's really no need to worry about me

because as you can tell, I'm moving out.

- Yes. Justin told us.

We're here to take you home.

- You spoke to him? When?

- We've made up the futon in the study.

- I'm an adult, and I make my own decisions.

And I don't want to go back to Surrey.

- Darling, you're homeless.

- No, I'm not. - If you think my daughter

is moving in with another stranger off the Internet--

- I found a place. It's all sorted.

I'm moving in with...

Maia and Mo.

- Ooh. - Can we come live with you?

- Listen. - My place is a bit

small, Archie. - La comida en España

es mejor que la de Mamá?

I told you, Finn, I don't speak Spanish.

- Then how do you understand anyone?

- Um, I think the boys are getting a bit confused.

- Mm.

I'll go load the dishwasher.

- All mod cons now, innit?

- Because Richie lives in Spain...

- But Richie doesn't live in--

- They thought you were there, too.

Okay.

Yeah, Richie lives in Spain.

And sometimes, I go to visit him.

- Is he all on his own?

- Yeah, sort of.

But he won't be in Spain forever.

I'm trying to get him out-- Back.

I'm trying to get him back home.

- I want to go to Spain.

- No, you don't. - Mm-mm, no way. Mm-mm.

I--I'm sorry about the Spain thing.

But they're kids.

- I shouldn't have come.

- Well, what am I supposed to tell them?

- If you believed Richie, you wouldn't lie about him.

- All right, let me stop you right there--

- Or maybe you want to keep things the way they are.

Hm? Nice house,

nice garden, nice dishwasher.

- What's gotten into you? - That's the reason

you wouldn't pay bail last year.

It's not because you couldn't afford it.

It's because you didn't want him coming back

from "Spain" and ruining your nice little life.

- Bail would have bought us a couple of weeks.

And if I'd had to pay the surety,

we would have lost the house.

I've got to do what's best for everyone, not just Richie.

I know things were different for you and your brother.

Yeah, we struggled.

Your dad wasn't well--

Ooh.

I don't want to talk about that.

- Yeah, well, maybe we should.

- It's too late, Mum.

- Where you gonna go?

- There's no space for me here.

- It's like musical houses with your generation, isn't it?

- If only I could buy somewhere.

- When we lived in Earl's Court in the '70s--

- Oh, my God.

Okay, well, thanks for the lift.

- We could do another run, Tiffy.

Couldn't we, darling? - Honestly, I'm fine.

I have a man with a van.

- A what?

- I've got it from here. Okay?

You can get back in the car now.

- Actually, now's not the best time--

- Ugh. They're so manipulative.

- Can we do this later?

- Barging into my life-- I can't stand it.

Ugh. Honestly, if you ever see me turning into my mother--

- Do you want some tea or something?

Darling, you're homeless.

- I think we've got rooibos--

- I mean-- - And I never ask for any money.

And they'd never give me any money.

Fucking Earl's Court in the '70s.

Fucking fuck off.

I had to tell them I was moving in with you guys

just to get them to leave.

What's up with you two?

- Actually-- - Nothing.

- Are those new pans?

- Yo, boy. - Hey, bro.

- Looking sharp.

- Yo!

Is that Leon, yeah?

Man-like Leon!

Come on, bro.

- Hey, bro. - Good, bro.

- Good to see you, man.

- You're my 11 o'clock appointment, right?

Yeah? You ready, yeah? - Oh, yeah.

- Yeah? - Yeah, sure.

- Cool. Calm. - Come on, man.

- Nah, man, it'll just be five minutes, man.

It's calm, it's chill. It's calm.

Yo, it's been a long time, brother.

- Ugh. I know, right?

- What's going on here, bro?

What's this?

You been cheating on me with another barber?

Is that it?

- Nah, I can't lie, I just been cutting it myself.

- Bruh. What, times that bad, yeah?

- Yo, listen, I heard about Richie and all that.

That's tough times, for real, man.

- Thanks, bro.

- A'ight. Let's fix you up.

- So obviously, you guys are fucking.

So why don't you just say it.

- We were gonna tell you-- - No, it--

It's actually not your business.

- It actually is my business

because you're supposed to be my friends.

I introduced you.

I set you up as flatmates.

And you know, it turns out I could have been

renting a bedroom off you guys

'cause you clearly don't need two.

- I mean, you--you can. - No, no, no.

How dare you barge in here and try to tell us how to live

and where to sleep and who we're allowed to fuck.

- No. I didn't barge.

- It's always about you.

You treat us like supporting characters

in the shit indie film of your life.

- Is that what you really think?

- You're always calling and texting for advice.

But the minute I need something, it's silence.

- Are you serious?

You literally never reply to my messages.

- All you do is talk about Justin.

- I sent you my article.

You haven't even read it.

- Do you know what it's like

to watch your best friend repeatedly harm themselves?

We've been here before.

You'll be back with him by next week,

and then we'll start the whole cycle again.

- Mm-mm. No.

- And you're going.

- Tiff, why don't we--

- No, no, no, no.

- Why are we a secret?

- I don't have room for a relationship.

- I'm not asking for a relationship.

I'm asking to be acknowledged.

I love what we have.

That's it.

- Things are getting hot, yeah?

- Yeah. - And she ask me

to go down south.

- How you mean? Like Croydon?

- Nah, he means Brixton.

- Dirty south. - Whoa.

- You got to trust your woman, man.

No, man. Nasty.

- Look, maybe some of these old dogs

need to learn some new tricks.

- Ooh. - Ooh. Go on, bro.

- Nah. - No, no, no.

You know he's allowed, yeah?

Yeah, listen to this man.

He's been with his girl for time, you understand?

- Uh, actually, we broke up.

- Oh.

My bad, bro. You should've said.

- It is what it is.

So um...

any plans this weekend?

- It's Friday night with the boys, innit?

- Yeah?

- Yeah. - I'll come with.

- You're for real? - For real.

It's time to live a little.

- Jeez!

That you, yeah, Leon, yeah?

But trust me, with this trim,

the single ladies of South London

won't know what's hitting 'em.

I'm telling you, bruv.

- Hello. You've reached Justin.

Please leave a message.

- Hey.

Can we talk?

Um, last night--

Look, it's all-- It's all totally cool.

I just think that maybe we should, you know,

talk about it.

Oh, and did you tell my parents I'm homeless?

Anyway, can you just--

Just call me back.

Please.

- Hey, Tiffy. Doing a voice note 'cause--

Uh, yeah.

Uh, yes, I called your parents

because I'm-- Well, I'm worried about you.

Maybe you should think about moving

back in there for a bit.

Look, I--I'll call you in the week.

Uh, a big presentation tomorrow--

We're designing a new rainbow flag for Pride.

It's pretty cool.

I mean, how empowering is that?

- Hello. You've reached Justin.

Please leave a message.

- Leon?

Did you spend the night here?

- No? - You know that's

against the rules. - Yeah,

which is why I didn't.

- You could get suspended--

Struck off, even.

You might never work in palliative care again.

- Thanks, Al.

- Are you homeless?

- No, it's just,

Tiffany has the flat weekends, and...

Kay and I broke up.

- Oh.

Sorry.

Next time, crash at my place.

I have a camp bed and a sleeping bag.

And my room doesn't have any windows,

so it's perfect for night shifts.

I mean it.

- I appreciate it.

- I'm sorry, Tiffany, but you're fired.

I'm joking.

Thanks to your fucked-up flatshare getting a shitload

of clicks, you and Bother have been nominated

for Breakthrough Digital Talent of the Year.

Rach, check this out. Look.

- Oh, my God. - Huh?

- Yeah, congratulations.

- Well, come on, group hug.

Actually, no.

Um, inappropriate. Step back, please.

Step back.

- Tiffany, come on.

This is great news for you and Bother.

- Right, yeah. I mean,

I've been kicked out my flatshare,

but at least I've been nominated for a Nommy Award.

- Oh, my God, congrats.

- Is this about cultural appropriation?

- I'll be gone by the end of the week.

- Notice accepted.

Please find bill breakdown below.

You owe me £168.46 for gas, electricity, and council tax.

- PS, you can keep the coffee machine.

Sell it, if you like.

- PS, I don't drink coffee.

Yeah--3:00 p.m.?

Great, yes.

And it's Colindale?

Between Colindale and Edgware?

- Hey, you.

- Hey.

Thanks.

- Nice haircut.

- Uh, I needed it.

That for me?

- Yeah.

- Anyway, I just finished work, so--

- Oh, no. Yeah, of course.

- Gonna... - Yeah.

- Get some sleep.

- Look, about the other night--

- Let's not go back over it.

I'm gonna miss you.

- Yeah.

- A lot.

- Gonna miss you, too.

I really thought we were it.

- You know, maybe, uh... once we've had some time--

- Oh, please don't say "let's be friends."

Bye, Leon.

- Here we are.

As you can see, fully furnished.

- Mm. - Comes with

all the appliances.

It's a good price for the area.

- Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah, I really like the price.

- Yeah. And only 18 stops to Central London.

- Is that a shower in the kitchen?

- It's compact. - Mm-hmm.

- Uh, you know, there is quite a lot of interest in this one.

- Right, yeah. - Mm-hmm.

- Yeah, I'm gonna think about it.

- Yeah.

- An inmate from Her Majesty's Prison Handsworth

is trying to contact you.

Press 1.

- Richie, thank God. I'm so sorry.

Look, I--I know how it looks.

But I--I did not write that headline, okay?

- Tiffany-- - I wanted to draw attention

to the injustice. I wanted to give you--

- It's cool. - Some--

What?

- I got your emails.

I know what happened.

It's kind of funny, to be honest.

- So you're not pissed off?

- Look, all due respect, it's not like

you writing an article's gonna get me out of prison, so--

Leon came out of it quite well, though.

He should be thanking you for making him sound

like some kind of Adonis.

- He's actually asked me to move out.

- You serious? - Mm.

Yeah, by the end of the week.

- No, no, wait. Hold on.

That's--that's bullshit.

- I mean, you know, I get it. - No.

He's doing that stupid Leon thing

where he starts hiding from everyone.

Look, when you see him, yeah, you--

- Uh, I'm not gonna see him.

- Well, you need to see him

'cause he hasn't booked a visit,

and he won't answer the phone to me.

I even tried his mobile.

- I can write him a Post-it.

- Yous two and these stupid Post-its.

- What's the message?

- The message is he needs to step up.

Yeah, be a man, stop wallowing.

- I mean, I think defining masculinity in that way is,

you know, problematic. - And the Post-its

are not gonna cut it.

- Well, then, what do you want me to do?

- Come in.

- Hey, Holly.

Want to play Scrabble?

- Too busy for Scrabble.

I've been working on my list of potential Johnny Whites.

- Right. - I showed Mr. Prior

the short list, and now he's freaking out

and saying he doesn't want to find him.

- Well, then, maybe you should leave it.

Maybe he's unsure about--

Did Mr. Prior give you this letter?

Holly, it's not okay to take people's personal belongings.

- But they're meant to be together.

- Don't be so naive.

You need to give this back--

Immediately.

- Hi. Um, my name is Tiffany.

I'm here to see my, uh-- To see someone.

- Surname? - It's Leon Campbell?

I'm his flatmate. - Sorry,

but unless you're here to see a patient, then--

- It's okay, Janice.

She's here to see me.

Tiffany and I are good friends.

- Mm. All right, young lady.

But don't stay up too late.

- How did you-- - Leon talks about you

all the time.

- I'm Holly.

- Tiffany.

- Come with me. I'll show you where to find Leon.

Can you--

Between you and me, he's being a bit of a dick tonight.

- Is that booze?

- The police bring confiscated alcohol

to help the grown-ups get their appetites up.

That's Mr. Prior.

I'm looking for his long-lost love, Johnny White.

Did you know, 50 years ago, you weren't allowed to be gay?

- Yeah.

How are you gonna find him?

- Well, in his last letter,

Johnny said he was moving to Brighton.

- Mm-hmm. - But I've searched

"Johnny White Brighton,"

and I keep hitting dead ends.

- Have you tried the electoral roll?

- What's that? - Eh, it's a very long list.

I tell you what.

I'll let you use my login details

if you find Leon for me.

- Deal.

Leon never said you were pretty and clever.

- Did he say I was one of those?

- No, sorry.

He didn't say you were either.

Okay.

Stanley, yes.

Time for a few checks.

- But I've already had my checks tonight.

- If you could just roll onto your side--

- He should be this way.

Everyone said Leon could never tolerate a flatmate.

But he's much happier and smilier since you moved in.

- Hm.

Holly, are you sure you know where you're going?

Leon?

Leon!

I think I should probably go. But thanks for helping me.

- Can I still get your login details?

- Of course.

- There you are.

- Aren't you tired, all this gallivanting around?

- I just came here to give you this.

- Dear Leon, Richie says, stop hiding from everyone.

PS, I really am sorry.

- Kiss, kiss, kiss.

- Fresh trim, yeah?

- What were you thinking?

- Yeah, I'm not doing too bad, as it goes.

I mean, the food could do with a bit of pepper sauce--

- My flatmate and my big brother.

- She wanted to tell you.

- The whole world finds out before I do.

- It's a little magazine.

It's hardly the whole world, bro.

- "How sharing a bed with the brother

of a convicted criminal made me question my own life choices."

- She didn't write the headline.

- She sent me her version before it even came out.

It was good, you know?

She does this thing where she set it up like I was a celeb--

- You really believe that?

- She told me the moment it dropped.

Her boss got some other writer to edit it.

- That's convenient.

- Why would she lie about that, hm?

Why do you think everyone's out to get you?

- She came to the hospice last night.

- Good.

- Good?

That's my place of work.

It was highly inappropriate.

You like her, innit?

Ah.

- You play too much, you know.

Actually, I can't stay long.

Going out with Asher and the boys.

- Ah.

So that's why you got the fresh trim, yeah?

You're a proper dickhead, you know that?

Richie...

I've got to be honest.

And this isn't me giving up.

I would never do that.

But I don't think I can get you out, bro.

- Hey, look at me.

Look at me, melonhead.

I know.

I've known for a while, but--

Listen.

I'm a big boy.

Yeah? I'll be okay.

Hm.

- Hey, Justin. - Tiffy.

- Yeah, look. - I sent you a message.

- I got your voice note. Um...

- Great. Did you--

- I really need to talk to you.

- Yeah, absolutely. Of course.

You're right. I want us to talk.

How about dinner tonight?

- Tonight?

- Yo! Leon!

Ah.

- Hey.

Good to see you, man.

- Yes, brother. - What's up?

- Looking fresh, like a Black Justin Bieber.

- Where'd you get that T-shirt from, Baby Gap?

Shut up.

- Ah, good to see you, man. - You, too, man.

What is the name?

- Um, Justin?

- Follow me. - Okay.

- He's waiting for you in here.

- Thank you.

- Do you like it?

- Uh, yes.

I didn't realize you'd hired a private dining room.

Oh.

- Remember Sardinia?

- It's, like, the only holiday I've been on

in the last five years.

- Uh, Vermentino from that little vineyard we went to.

- Ah, yes, the wine tasting.

- The wine tasting.

- I didn't realize you were meant to spit it out.

- And I had to carry you back to the car.

- Cheers.

- Mm.

- The nose is really mirrored in the palette,

wouldn't you say?

- Yep.

- Oh.

God, I love how unpretentious you are.

Why were you ignoring my calls?

- You ordered it.

- Three, two, one.

- Whoo.

- What are you doing?

- What?

- Go talk to her, man.

- What do I say?

Oh, shit.

- You're laughing.

- I'd forgot how bad you are at this.

- Nah, it's just been a while since--

- Oh, a while?

When have you ever asked a girl out?

- There was-- No, there was that--

- There be no time.

Yeah, the time is now.

- Whoa, hold up. Hold up.

You're gonna wingman me, yeah?

- We got this, bro.

- Our house-made bread.

- Thank you.

- Mm.

That's lovely.

- Have you been avoiding me?

- I said I needed to think.

- I know.

And I know I said it was cool,

but maybe it's not cool.

Like, maybe I'm not the cool girl after all.

You know, maybe I-- - I ended it with Ariella.

I made a mistake.

I can see that now.

I realize it.

- Yeah. - And all of this

is to say that I am sorry

and to ask for you to take me back.

- What's your name?

- Leon.

- Is this okay, Leon?

- Yeah.

- So?

Can I call you my girlfriend again?

- No.

I mean, uh, I don't-- I don't know.

Oh, you don't know.

I'm getting very mixed signals here, Tiffy.

- Look, this is all gorgeous,

um, and so are you,

but I think--

I think I need... time.

- Time?

- Yes.

- Okay, how much...

Time?

- A few weeks?

Just a couple of weeks just to--

You know, just to sort my life out.

- Yes, but Tiffy, I can help you sort it.

Come on, you can move back in.

We can do couples therapy.

Do you still want to do couples therapy?

- Spaghetti with bottarga.

- Do you want to get out of here?

- Yeah.

- Shall we get an Uber?

- Uh, we can get a bus.

- Ugh, you're one of those.

- Yes, bro!

- So all of this, it means nothing to you?

- I-I'm--I'm sorry.

- You, me, the Vermentino.

- I mean, a nice white wine's

not gonna change my mind, Justin.

- You can be a real bitch sometimes, you know that?

I--I--

I'm sorry.

I'm--I'm just hurting.

I'm sorry.

- I should go.

Can I contribute?

Okay.

- Hey, uh, so you want a drink?

I have, um...

Californian rosé?

- Thanks.

Are you moving out?

- Uh, no.

Actually, she was my--

- Ohh. Right.

- I thought her stuff would've been gone by now.

- Are you gonna show me the bedroom, then?

- Uh, sorry.

- Are you not feeling this?

- I just, um--

- Made me get a night bus.

- I didn't make you.

- Uh, just to be clear,

I want sex and nothing else.

- Wait.

I don't want to have sex with you.

- Literally no one has ever said that to me before.

- Obviously, it's not you--

- Fuck off.

You're clearly not over your ex.

- Shall I get you an Uber?

- What are you doing here?

- What are you doing here? - It's Friday.

- You gave you your notice. You said you were moving out.

- I said I'd be out by the end of the week.

- Friday is the end of the week.

- No, it's the end of the working week,

not the Roman week.

- Well, I'm not Roman.

- Anyway, I thought you stayed at Kay's at the weekends.

Oh, right.

Are you--are you two--

- Yeah.

- I'm sorry.

- I'll go.

- Wait, no. I'll go.

- And what if you end up dead?

- What if you end up dead?

All right. I guess we move this shit off the sofa.

Or--

Um, I mean,

this might be the worst idea in the world...

but, um--

- Everything okay?

- Yeah.

No. Sorry, it's just--

It's your foot.

- Oh.

Sorry.

- Maybe we could just sleep on our own sides.

- Yeah.

Okay.

- That okay?

- Yeah.

Good night.

- Good night.

- Listen-- - Look--

I'm not very good at apologizing,

and to be honest, I'm sick of it...

but I'm sorry.

I should have told you about the article.

- I know you tried.

- What?

- I went to see Richie.

And maybe I was a bit too...

quick to judge.

But I know you tried to do a good thing.

Anyway...

it's nice to meet you.

- Likewise.

- Clothed.

- Leon.

Oh.

What's wrong?

- Whose are they?

- I don't know. Aren't they yours?

- Uh, no.

I don't have any red boxer shorts.

- Then, um--

They must be Justin's.

- I didn't realize you two were--

- Eh, well, it was Valentine's Day,

and I was on my own--

- You don't have to explain.

I suppose it was never gonna work,

the bedshare.

- Right

- Do you know where you're gonna live?

- No.

- Look...

if you want to stay a bit longer,

till you find somewhere--

- Thanks.

- But now Richie's appeal is over, I guess...

I don't need to do this anymore,

for the money.

- "When I moved into a new flatshare,

"the last thing I expected was to pick up the house phone

"to a convicted criminal.

"I was hungover and feeling sorry for myself.

"He was upbeat, despite just having received

"the news that his appeal had been denied.

"During our brief conversation,

I went from judging him to questioning myself."

- It's actually really good. - Yeah.

"Puked over his new white trainers."

- Hold on a sec.

Look at that.