Original subtitles

- You're literally sharing a bed with a man

you've never met.

- What side of the bed does she sleep on?

The contract says strictly no crossover,

so he has it 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m.

and I have it 8:00 p.m. to 8:00 a.m.

Justin has a new girlfriend.

- This even legal?

- Bad news, little bro. - My appeal was denied.

- I don't know what you did, but--

- Armed robbery and I didn't do it.

That's the whole point.

- Sex, drugs, and armed robbery.

- There isn't any sex.

- I want you to write the article.

- No.

- If it's as good as the pitch,

then it's going on the home page.

"Dear Tiffany, who is Justin?

And what do you want to do with this?"

He's always known exactly what I want.

Has he, though?

You didn't want him to cheat on you.

Or break up with you.

- Oh, why is this so complicated?

- Because you are dealing with conflicting emotions.

- "Insert hot water spout."

- Right. Well, the answer is no.

Don't call him.

- I want to say thank you.

- It's starting a dialogue.

And you don't want a dialogue.

- Problem is, I kind of do want to start dialogue,

even though I know I shouldn't.

Well, you asked my advice.

Oof.

- What are you doing? - Yoga.

What are you doing?

- Trying to make a coffee.

- Look, I know it's hard,

but maybe it's time to start meeting other people.

- Uh, yeah. Okay. Maybe.

You ready?

- Oh, yes. Yep.

I'm sorry, I got to go.

We're rewatching "The Wire" from the beginning.

- Oh, yeah. No, of course. Sorry.

- All right. Bye, bye, bye, bye.

"Dear Leon, Justin is..."

Love of my life.

"My ex-boyfriend."

Oh!

How?

"Dear Leon, Justin is my ex-boyfriend.

"I was hoping we could find a way to make it work.

"The coffee machine-- not my ex!

"PS, How's Richie?

I was serious about wanting to help..."

- What kind of radiator was it?

- Morning. - Morning.

- Oh, good. I'm glad the burns are healing.

Thank you so much for talking with me.

I think it's really important that we

share your story with the world.

So...

how much ketamine are we talking?

- Oh, I'm excited.

- Hey, Phillip. Can I have a minute?

- Not now, Rach.

- Right, right.

- And why did you think another bump might help?

- Hello.

I'd like to speak to Richard Campbell, please.

Which department?

- Oh, do you mean like which block?

Which department is he in?

- Um, the prison? - Is this a prank call?

- No. I'm a journalist.

My name is Tiffany Moore and I'd like to speak

to inmate Richard Campbell, please.

Right, you can't call reception

and be put through to an inmate.

- Then can you please tell me how I can speak to him?

He'll need to register your number

and put you on his call list.

- But how can I get him to do that if I can't--

MessageAnInmate.com.

Okay--

- What?

- Oh, nothing.

So does your flatmate know

you're interviewing his brother?

- I don't have an interview yet.

- Right.

- I'll tell him when there's something to tell.

Yeah.

- Why do you ask?

- No, I'm just confused.

Is this an article about

your unconventional living arrangements

or racial disparities in the justice system?

- I'm trying to write something that matters.

Speak of the devil.

- You gotta stop talking about me all the time, man.

It's embarrassing.

- What's up with your voice, man?

- It's nothing. Just some dickheads trying it.

- Did you get into a fight?

- Bro, I just called to have a chat, man.

- I'm going to sort it, okay?

I'm going to get you out of there.

- Leon, we lost. Okay?

You've done everything you could, bro, but we lost.

I'm all right.

- It's Mum who's not doing so well.

- Really?

- You never called her, did you?

How long are you going to stay angry?

- I don't understand how you're not angry.

- Because posting bail wouldn't have made the difference

and you know that.

So how's your sexy, new flatmate, huh?

- I don't know, man. I never see her.

- She sleeps in your bed, bro.

- We have an arrangement, yeah. There are rules.

- She sleeps in your bed.

- She asked after you, actually.

- Yeah? - Not like that.

Although I found out she's single.

Now that's interesting, man.

- Right, right. Love you too, bro.

Were you listening in on my call?

- No.

How do you know she's single?

- So you were listening. - A bit.

- This ain't about Tiffany or her love life.

- Then why are you talking about her?

- I've got to go to work.

- What about breakfast-dinner? - Next time.

- Why have you said she can keep it?

- What? - That thing.

There isn't room in your flat.

- Technically, it's her flat, too.

- No. Technically, it's your flat.

- You coming?

- No. I'll let myself out.

"Sorry about your break-up.

I'm sure we can find a way to make the coffee machine work."

"The coffee machine isn't going to work.

It's too big and Leon doesn't drink caffeine."

"What we fear most is what we most need to do."

Okay.

- So you can appeal an appeal, but it looks complicated.

I'm going to need a good lawyer.

Al. - Hmm?

- What are you doing?

- Trading. You ever tried it?

- If I was only good at stocks and shares,

you think I'd be sitting here

eating a reduced-to-clear chicken sandwich for lunch?

- There's this dip-buy opportunity.

- What's a dip-buy?

- Buying the dip.

You invest during a temporary decline

and sell when the market rebounds.

What's wrong?

- Think this mayonnaise might actually be off.

- Mm.

Last time, I made nearly 200 pounds.

I'm a bull.

- Excuse me?

- I'd say you're more of a bear.

- What are you doing, Mr. Prior?

- Okay, let's write you a profile.

- So you're on? - I am.

- I don't think I'd get onto that.

- No, I don't think you would either.

- You never go on any dates.

- I'm too busy to go on dates.

- She prefers to stay in with me

and rewatch new golden age TV dramas.

- Okay, but I actually want to meet somebody.

Like, in person.

- Okay, how about this?

"ENFJ--

- What?

- It means extrovert, intuitive...

both: Feeling, judging.

- I'm not judgy. - It doesn't mean that.

- Okay, listen. "ENFJ looking to meet--"

- Someone to take my mind off my ex?

- Tiffany.

Sorry.

- Mr. Prior?

Mr. Prior?

- Who's there?

- It's me, Leon.

- Where am I? - You're back at Saint Brioc's.

But don't worry, it's just an infection.

- Johnny? Where are you?

- Mr. Prior?

- Johnny, it's me, Reggie.

- Who's Johnny?

- That's Mr. White to you.

- I don't think Mr. White is here right now,

but how about I ask around?

All right?

Let's get you back to bed

and I'll see if I can find him.

- You're doing that fishy thing with your lips.

- Oh, you mean a pout? - Look.

This is the one that gets me the most likes on Raya.

- Oh, yeah. It's really beautiful.

- Mm. Mo took it.

Mo?

- Oh, really? - Yes! Come on.

Just-- I need the male gaze.

Just take a couple of shots where I look sexy and cute.

But also clever and funny.

You know, natural-looking, not too posed.

But also have a sort of self-awareness about them

that show my personality.

Oh, and not heartbroken.

But with the capacity to feel deeply,

just not in a psycho way.

Yeah, sure.

- No probs. - Okay.

- You look like a fish.

- Mr. Campbell?

You can go through now.

- From what you've told me,

I'd be willing to take the case.

- Really?

- But I need to be straight with you.

Appeals like this can take a very long time.

And realistically, there's little hope

unless we can find substantial new evidence.

- Right.

- To put it in perspective, this year,

there have been more than 1,300 appeals...

and just ten were successful.

- But those ten--

- We can put a quote together for you.

But it really depends on the complexity of the case.

- Mm-hmm.

- My hourly rate is £450, excluding VAT.

And we would ask for a retainer of ten hours before proceeding.

My team will prepare

at a rate of £300-- The hourly rate, 400--

Reviewing prosecution evidence

will be an additional £400 for every ten days.

- Thank you for your time.

I'll get back to you, if that's okay.

- Of course.

"Sorry about your break up.

I'm sure we can find a way to make the coffee machine work."

"Thanks. It's fine.

"I've downloaded a dating app.

"Taking a risk, doing the thing I fear the most,

"et cetera, et cetera.

"PS, I didn't mean to pry about Richie.

Better to try and fail than fail to try."

- How's the article going?

- Fine, yeah. Yeah, no.

I'm just doing background research.

- Great.

Did Richie get your email? - I don't know.

- I bet he'll be really grateful.

- Excuse me?

- For the exposure.

- Or he won't.

And then I won't have an article.

- It must be hard to focus with all those men messaging you.

How many matches did you get?

- 56.

- Wow.

- I have a date with Martin after work.

- Well, I met Emily on a dating app.

- Well, I mean, hopefully Martin will be the one.

- I just joined Raya.

- "Writer, thinker, feminist."

Oh, my God.

- Another match? - No, it's Richie.

Um...

he says I can interview him.

- Great.

- Better to try and fail than fail to try, right?

- So you want to raise 5 and 1/2 grand this weekend?

- That's just for the retainer, okay?

I need your maths here. How much have I got to invest?

- Well, I mean, theoretically,

if you invested £370 now

and sold when the stock was at its peak--

but you never know with cryptocurrency.

It's an extremely volatile market.

There might be a limit on the app.

- You did it. - I invested a tenner.

It's important to manage your risk.

- Risk. Yeah.

Look, fuck it. I'm going all in.

- I was wrong. You are not a bear.

You are a bull.

- Why are you working here and not for some city bank?

- It doesn't match my politics.

- Oh, God. Watch out for that.

Mrs. Roberts tricked us into giving her two double whiskeys

from the drinks trolley before lunch.

Have a good shift, boys.

- Night, Tania.

- Did you know that the majority of humans,

when blindfolded, cannot distinguish

between the smell of vomit and the smell of Parmesan cheese?

- I work in asset management and insurance

for corporate enterprise,

mostly in markets for the Far East.

I enjoy it. I'm a people person.

I--I enjoy the work--

Well, it means I've been able to delve

a little deeper into risk assessments and fiscal--

- Is your flatmate still being a dick?

Don't say "dick."

- What's her job?

- She writes for some online magazine.

How have I got all vowels again?

- I want to write for an online magazine when I grow up.

- Yeah? - If I'm not dead by then.

- Holly.

- What are you looking at on your phone?

- Nothing.

- Tell me or I'm telling Tania.

You're not allowed to use phones while you're on shift.

- Aioli.

- All right, I'll tell you.

I'm about to start trading in cryptocurrency.

- You going long or short?

- Um, long. I think.

- My mom's a hedge fund manager.

- Wow. - I know.

I'm very lucky to have a strong female role model.

Thank you.

- Thank you.

- Look, Tiffany.

I think you're lovely,

but I just don't feel there's that spark.

He didn't feel a spark?

Martin didn't feel a spark?

- I'm prepping for court, Tiff. Are you okay?

- Uh, yeah, sorry.

- Wait. One sec.

Oh, thank you.

Do you still have my hoodie?

Yeah, I put it back in your room.

- I'll leave you to it. - No, no, no. Wait.

Listen, if you want to filter out the incompatibles,

you have to treat dating like a job.

The men are applicants, the dates are interviews.

Don't waste time, don't be sentimental,

and nothing that's going to trigger any Justin memories.

- Great advice. Thanks.

Tiff? Are you okay?

- Fuck it.

"It's cool to ask about Richie.

"Says he's okay, but...

"instructing solicitor to appeal his appeal.

Mad expensive, but..."

"Better to try and fail than fail to try."

"Downloaded an app.

"I'm now a cryptocurrency trader."

"Good luck with dating.

What are you looking for in a man?"

- Right.

Mike.

- Five.

- Recruitment.

- Badminton.

- Tiffany.

- Who are you and how'd you get into my flat?

- I'm Kay, Leon's girlfriend.

I have a key.

What are you doing with that?

- Sun salutations.

- Right. Well, anyway--

- You could have buzzed.

- I did, but you must have been asleep.

- Well, it's Saturday, so--

Uh, Leon said we could make it work.

- Yeah, it's too big.

And Leon doesn't even drink-- - Caffeine, I know. But please.

It's a present from my ex-boyfriend, you know.

I'm--

I really miss his espresso maker.

I'm trying to get over him.

I set up nine dates for tomorrow, so.

- Well, you can't bring any of them back here.

- Presumably Leon's brought you back here before.

- Well, that's different. We're together.

- Are you preemptively slut-shaming me?

- No.

What if they steal something?

- The only thing worth stealing here

is that coffee machine and you want me to get rid of it.

- Look, I actually don't care about the coffee machine.

- So then why?

- I wanted to see what kind of woman

my boyfriend was sharing a bed with.

All I had to go by was your...

art and your lingerie.

- So it was you who went through my underwear drawer?

- No, I didn't go through it.

You left it open.

- Oh, my God.

Um, okay.

Well, it was really nice meeting you.

I'd offer you a cup of coffee,

but I can't get the fucking thing to work.

So if you can just go.

- Oh, um, don't tell Leon about this, okay?

- Okay.

- Hey. Where you been?

- Shopping.

- Babe, do you want to see something amazing?

Wow.

- Hey, you.

Get off the phone.

- Seriously? - Oh, no! No, no, no, no.

- Fuck this.

- No. - Come on, come on.

No!

- Ugh, I have no clothes.

- Babe, I'm really sorry.

It was...bad timing.

You looked amazing.

I didn't sell in time and... I lost a lot of money.

And I know that shouldn't be important, but...

it is.

- I don't know what you're talking about,

and I actually don't care.

- Babe, can we make up?

- Stop calling me babe.

- Hey. - Hi, do you have a booking?

- Yes, Tiffany Moore. - Tiffany Moore.

Just to let you know,

we ask for the table back after two hours.

Oh, I think there's been a mistake.

You appeared to have booked three consecutive tables.

- Yeah, that's right. Six hours.

- That's a lot of small plates.

- Tiffany?

- Mike.

- Hi. - Hi. Please take a seat.

- Can I get you any drinks? - Oh, yes please.

What's weird is that

I've never met a man in real life

who's into rock climbing, yet everyone on this app?

Really into rock climbing.

- Well, I'm actually genuinely into the whole outdoorsy thing.

Last week, a couple of mates of mine, we--

- Oh, sorry. Ed.

- Uh?

- I'm afraid that's all we have time for today.

- It's Tom.

- Are you sure?

- All right, thank you.

- Oh, you're a dog person? - Yup.

- No, that's fine.

Just one of my non-negotiable deal breakers.

You're not a racist, sexist, homophobic,

or transphobic though, are you?

- Mm...

- Never mind.

These plates are very small, aren't they?

So I know you're not meant to talk about an ex

on a first date, but--

- I'm interviewing a few people,

but I will be in touch.

- All right. Okay.

Oh, my God. - I know.

Sorry.

- Tiffany.

Hi.

- What are you doing here?

I was on a--a date.

On some dates.

They were awful.

I was worse.

- Right.

- Uh, did you-- did you get my text?

About the coffee machine?

- Um, yes. Yes, I did.

You're welcome.

- I mean, it was a bit of a shock

to find out you were straight into another man's bed.

- Oh, no. No, it's not like that.

- It's none of my business.

And you and Ariella--

Tiffany.

- Mm-hmm?

- It's good you're moving on.

- Justin--

- Are you ready, Justy?

- Yeah, let's go.

I just, uh, bumped into my friend, Tiffany.

Tiffany, Ariella.

Ariella, Tiffany. - Lovely to meet you, Tiffany.

You too.

- Take care. - Okay.

- Hello, it's Mo. - Um, leave me a message.

Hello, you've reached Maia Constantine.

Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.

Characters are kind of angry.

I'm not saying I need to like them, I just--

- The point is they're good people who do bad things.

What?

- Sorry.

- No.

I, um--

It's Tiff again.

Should I answer it, or--

- Dinner-breakfast.

- Cryptocurrency trader?

- Yeah.

All right.

From now on,

the only thing I'm invested in is our relationship.

- That's lovely. Thank you.

Did you know

the majority of people, when blindfolded,

can't tell the difference between the smell

of Parmesan cheese and the smell of vomit?

- Why would you say that to me when I'm just about to eat?

- Tiffany. - Richie!

Sorry.

- Don't worry.

No one's going to jump you here.

No, it's not--

I had a rough night last night, that's all.

I just-- I had nine dates in a row

and then I, uh, ran into my ex-boyfriend.

- Ah. - Sorry. Enough about me.

- It's nothing, just--yeah.

- I didn't mean to stare.

It's just it's so strange meeting you

when I haven't met Leon.

Well I'm definitely the more handsome of the two of us, so.

- Right.

- And bigger muscles, than him, innit?

- Yeah?

- You should put it in your article.

- Your muscles?

- He said you wanted to talk about me

like I was a celebrity, right?

- Well, yeah. But I want to be...

respectful.

- I'm just happy you're getting it out there.

- But I want to be, like, respecting your experience.

Look, I get that you're trying to be woke and that.

But if you're worried about getting canceled

before you've even written it,

then you're not really thinking about the story, are you?

- So tell me this story.

- How long you got?

So I leave the club at what, 2:30, kick out time.

And I'm with this extremely beautiful woman

who's now saying I'm too drunk to go home with,

which is--

well, it's a big shame,

'cause aside from the amazing sex we would have had,

it meant I didn't have an alibi, right?

So the bouncers, they overhear me trying to convince her,

"Come, we'll go shop.

I'll get that prosecco in the black bottle."

And imagine, this is the same corner shop

where the robbery happens, right?

But I never go inside.

Listen, I was too drunk to even speak properly,

let alone handle a firearm.

And as if all that wasn't mad enough,

walking home, I puke all over my new white trainers.

Yeah.

- New edition Reeboks.

Yeah, Leon knows I only wear Reeboks.

- I empathize.

I got drunk a few weeks ago

and I puked up in the smoking area.

What I wouldn't give to be freezing my balls off

in a smoking area.

- What I don't understand

is if there isn't any hard evidence against you,

how were you found guilty?

- Well, CCTV footage shows a Black man in a hoodie.

Shopkeeper identifies me,

even though the gunman was wearing a mask.

And the bouncers give a statement.

- And you didn't have any previous convictions?

- Nah.

- You weren't involved in any gangs?

- Gangs?

I'm a landscape gardener.

- Sorry, I didn't mean--

- Don't be sorry.

Any publicity is good publicity.

Okay.

So can we tell Leon about this now?

- I don't think that's a good idea.

Trust me, I know my brother.

He's a private guy. He don't like the fuss.

- Okay, well, I don't like lying to him.

- Yeah.

- Not now he's told me he's appealing your appeal.

- You can't appeal an appeal.

- What's he like?

Good heart.

Stubborn as fuck.

- Doesn't like change.

He never makes the first move.

You know,

my little brother has never asked a girl out before.

He's that shy. - Well, I don't blame him.

After this week, I'm never asking anyone out ever again.

That's time.

Hey, you believe me, right?

- Yeah.

- Here you go.

- Lower.

Now too low.

- That better, Mr. Prior?

- Get out of the way!

- Glad to see you're back to normal.

Holly, you're meant to be in bed.

- But I can't sleep.

And it's so boring in the children's unit.

- What am I going to tell your mom and dad?

- Please, can I just stay here for a little bit?

Please?

- Fine.

- Ten minutes and then it's bedtime.

So who's this Johnny, then?

Sorry, Mr. White.

You asked for him the other night

and I looked him up in the system.

But we don't have a patient named Johnny White.

- He won't be on your system.

- Who is Johnny White?

- We met in the army.

- Wow.

That must have been a very long time ago.

- Don't be rude, young lady.

- Did you stay in touch?

- Letters, for a while.

- Where is he now?

- How should I know?

- Did he die?

- Will you both be quiet?

I'm trying to watch my program!

- Mr. Prior used to write letters.

I wrote a love letter once to a boy in my class.

- Yeah?

Did he write you one back?

- Yeah.

But he wasn't very good at spelling.

Okay.

- I've never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend.

I don't even know what my sexuality is yet.

- There's time for all that.

- Have you ever written a letter?

- I don't think so.

Although Tiffany and I,

we communicate via Post-it note.

- That is so romantic.

- That is not romantic, it's just practical.

And you need to raise your expectations.

- There's no point.

I'm hardly going to get a love letter in here.

- You never know.

All right, lights out time.

Night, Holly.

- Night.

What are you looking for in a man?

- Good question.

I have no idea.

I've been on nine dates this weekend

and I'm starting to think that maybe

I'm not cut out for romantic relationships.

Maybe I'm just...

Filling a void with natural wines, small plates,

and conversations about rock climbing.

I've become so boringly predictable

with my car crash love life that my friends don't even

bother picking up the phone anymore.

Hence, the multiple Post-it notes.

- Write as many as you like.

I see you've found a place for the coffee machine.

I'm glad we could make it work.

I bumped into Justin and his...

beautiful new girlfriend last night.

She seems like a really nice person.

Nicer than me.

Maybe it was fate. You're lucky you have someone.

I know I'm lucky.

Feels weird telling you this,

but since we're never going to meet,

I don't think I'm being a very good boyfriend right now.

I fucked up this weekend and managed

to both upset her and lose the best part of a week's pay.

I was an idiot for thinking

I could raise enough money for a lawyer.

Maybe you and I should steer clear of the apps.

PS, I have something to confess.

I visited your brother.

PS, I borrowed your shirt.

I should have asked you, but I didn't.

And as a thank you/sorry,

I have washed and ironed it for you.

PS, If you want to borrow all my shirts

and then wash and iron them, please do.

I'm not making a sexist comment about women and ironing.

I just love the feel of a pressed shirt,

but hate ironing it myself.

PPS, the kitchen tap is dripping.

- PPS, will talk to landlord about the tap.

They never fix anything, but like charging for damages.

What happened to the wall?

Whoa!

Whoa! - Whoa!