Original subtitles

♪ Kiff ♪

♪ Kiff, Kiff ♪

♪ Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪

♪ Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪

♪ Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪

♪ Kiff, Kiff, Kiff Kiff, Kiff ♪

♪ Kiff ♪

♪ Kiff! ♪

(giggles)

(both laugh)

ANNOUNCER: Brought to you by Foxhole Productions.

Ooh, don't you collect these?

Eh, I already have the whole set.

(gasps) How about these?

Eh, I don't collect those anymore.

Oh.

Anything?

Eh. Nah.

Heh, look at this.

(chuckling)

Who would buy that?

Trust me, let sleeping pigeons lie.

Ugh! Can't today. I'm having a garage sale.

My shows took a dip in the ratings last month,

so I decided to play it safe and sell a bunch of junk.

The phone isn't for sale.

(chuckles) So dumb.

Oh. Find anything?

(laughs) What?

There's just something about it.

I mean, where did it come from?

Why's he wearing this little hat?

And what are these? Loafers?

(gasp) Wait, there's a number 4 on his necklace.

Does that mean there's more of them?

Is this a part of a set?

Are you asking me? Because--

To the collectorium!

Oh!

(gasps)

KIFF: No manufacturer, no date.

(sniffs, gasps)

- Smell that? - (sniffs)

Oh. Smells like birthday cake.

This was made out of a material called Hennepin,

which was only produced between 1908 and 1911.

Barry, we got a lead. To the library!

(Kiff gasps)

There's five of them, Barry.

Each one, a personality of their own.

This one must be Mystery Lad.

(giggling)

- Kiff? - We got to get all five!

(both laughing)

Ooh, we're only missing number one.

And then the collection will be complete.

And that's why I never get distracted.

(cell phone rings)

Hello?

It's my manager!

(gasps)

(gasps)

HELEN: And did they guarantee me a trailer?

I have...

(gasps)

Barry! It's number one!

We got them all!

What now?

This is it. This is collecting.

(thunder crashing)

I can play 16.

(explosions)

Oh, no. Mom, I'll call you back.

(gasps)

(both whimpering)

- (electricity crackles) - (gasps)

♪ Thank you for freeing us ♪

♪ Thank you for freeing us Thanks ♪

- (all laugh) - (dance music blares)

(excited chatter)

(laughing)

- (air horn blows) - Whoo-hoo!

You fools. You've brought back

the Five Pigeons of the Acapella-pocalypse.

The what?

(dance music blaring)

(screaming)

(screaming)

Yeah! Whoo-hoo!

(snickering)

(laughing)

Whoa!

- (music stops) - Excuse me.

No, wait.

What is all of this about?

(dance music blaring)

(laughing)

Help!

We got to help him!

(all laughing)

Hey, hey, hey!

(music stops)

(scatting)

♪ We flip the tables ♪

♪ Oh, we flip the tables So good ♪

- Ha-ha! - (screams)

(dance music blaring)

(all screaming)

(strumming)

(police sirens blaring distantly)

(Helen groans)

Helen, wait.

(whimpering)

What is going on?

Those five pigeons are ancient

cosmic crumb bags from an unknown time.

My great-great-great- grandmother

helped curse them into toy form.

They were then scattered to the far corners of Table Town

for good reason.

KIFF: Then why would they put out an ad for them?

It's not an ad.

It's a PSA seeking five secure locations

to keep these cursed toys separate.

See? There's my great-great-great granny.

The only way to reverse the curse

is to separate the pigeons before sunset.

Simple enough.

Come on. Let's go separate them.

Are you nuts? No.

The pigeons are way too powerful.

- You're stealing a car? - What? No, this is my car.

Bye.

Why couldn't I leave that pigeon toy alone?

Why did I need to collect them all?

There's got to be something we can do.

(Kiff gasps)

I have an idea.

(distant screams)

(moaning)

We are the ghost of your great-great-great-grandmother.

We command you to help us stop the pigeons.

You're not the ghost of my great-great-great-grandmother.

How do you know?

Because she's over there.

- Hello. - (both scream)

The five pigeons are back?

Helen, why aren't you helping these two?

Your mom and gran and great-great-gran

would be ashamed of you.

The daddies too.

Okay, okay.

I guess I am kind of the chosen one.

(snaps fingers)

Let's separate those pigeons.

Yeah!

- (distant police sirens) - This is good.

They're tired.

Let's go.

(giggling)

(exclaims and laughs)

♪ If something That seems hard to do ♪

♪ We got a shot If it's one plus two ♪

♪ It's a team-up ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ The fate of the world Is on the line ♪

♪ Combine our skills ♪

♪ As we align ♪

♪ We'll split 'em up ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ Because these birds Are the worst ♪

♪ They're so annoying ♪

♪ The Five Pigeons Of the Acapella-pocalypse ♪

♪ Is one worth destroying ♪

♪ Well, that was a mouthful ♪

♪ So many syllables ♪

♪ If we can stuff all that In these lyrics ♪

♪ Then we can do anything ♪

♪ Including destroy them! ♪

(distant police sirens wailing)

- (giggling) - We did it!

(helicopter flying overhead)

HELEN: And just in time too.

(all sigh)

(car horn honks)

♪ Wah, wah ♪

- (honking horn rhythmically) - ♪ Wah, wah ♪

He's so lonely.

♪ Boo-hoo ♪

Oh, jeez.

(beatboxing)

They all are.

(wailing)

(all crooning)

This is the saddest thing I've ever seen.

This is wrong.

We got to reunite them.

What? No. Are you insane?

But you were crying.

Uh, I think I'll get over it.

Those pigeons are the worst.

(groans)

Got to get back on top.

(gasps)

Helen! Please! I have an idea!

If you do it...

I'll give you this candy.

Okay.

(high-pitched howl)

(pigeons crooning)

♪ Wah-wah ♪

♪ Wah-wah, wah-wah ♪

♪ Wah-wah ♪

♪ Wah ♪

(all singing angelically)

- (dance music blaring) - (all cheer)

This idea better be really good.

- Oh, it's reality good. - What?

ANNOUNCER: Fox Hole Productions proudly presents,

the newest hit show from visionary producer Roy Fox.

It's The 5 Jerks.

If you thought you hated them in real life,

you're gonna love them in their new reality show.

BOTH: Whoo! Yeah!

So at first I was thinking I was more of a Nice Guy,

but now I think I'm more of a Mystery Lad.

...safely sealed off from the outside world

in their own deluxe mansion.

(beatboxing)

♪ Oh, we're not annoying ♪

♪ No, we are not annoying On TV ♪

(explosion)

BOTH: (stammering) How do they--

BARRY: Oh, I don't know.