Original subtitles

My new project tells the true story of Serge de la Croix.

There's been some protests over casting an able-bodied actor

as de la Croix - James Norton, no less.

Oh, my God! He's my favourite Spider-Man.

James, nice to meet you.

Rise up, to freedom!

CHEERING I've lost control of the extras!

Get off my set!

Save me, Spider-Man!

Disgraceful!

So, we're OK to cast an able-bodied actor as disabled,

but not a disabled actor as able-bodied?

Cut!

Everyone's talking about the film.

Do you think I'll win a Bafta?

This programme contains strong language and adult humour

MUSIC: Metal Guru by T. Rex

Metal guru, is it you?

Metal guru, is it you...

Hey, buddy!

Do you need some spare change?

There, mate.

I thought I looked good today.

I'm a movie star!

Metal guru, is it you?

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey.

Oh...

Why won't this work?

Shit.

Tim. How many times have I told you not to spill my weed,

sweep it into a dustpan,

and set it on fire?

Never. It's sort of covered by the instructions -

"Don't touch my shit".

Why are you stressing?

SMOKE ALARM BLARES

THEY LAUGH

ALARM CONTINUES

What's going on in here? Oh, my God!

Just don't move. I've got this.

The fuck! What are you doing?

Is that...is that marijuana? It was!

You can't smoke that in the flat. What about the neighbours?

It's for my glaucoma.

Do I look stupid? I know you don't have glaucoma...

..I don't think.

Does he have...?

Oh, my God, Tim, I'm sorry.

I would never have done that if I'd know it was medicinal.

I-I'll get you some more. OK.

Let's go and see my dealer.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Oh, God, that'll be the neighbours.

Oh, my God, it's the police.

Well, how do they know we're about to buy drugs?

Oh, for fuck's sake.

I'm so sorry, officer. I admit we were about to buy drugs,

but i-it's for my friend Tim, he's got glaucoma. Please.

Please don't send us to prison. I-I'll do anything.

Look, this shirt's really baggy. I can wear a wire under here...

Whoa, brother, chill. Put down the shirt, bruv.

I'm just here to deliver this dog to Tim.

That's me! But I didn't order a dog.

Hey, man, I just do deliveries.

By the way, if you're going to buy any stuff,

make sure you don't go with him - he's a snitch. Yeah.

Hey, what am I supposed to do with a dog?

Well, will you look at that?

Someone is finally doing the laundry.

PHONE RINGS

Hey, Mum!

Hey, has that dog arrived?

Oh, the dog's from you, Mum.

I sent you Snuffles because I'm in the hospital.

I'm finally getting my boobs fixed - after you destroyed them.

Stop talking.

I figured if I go kaput on the operating table,

you would have a dog to take care of you.

And when you have to go pick up his shit every day,

it'll be a reminder that it's your fault.

You got me a care dog?

But, Mum, I don't need...

Why didn't you get me one?

Snuffles is a very special dog.

He can pick up on the smallest of signals.

You don't even have to say a command.

Try it out.

THINKING: Snuffles, lie down.

Ooh.

THINKING: Snuffles, attack the snitch.

THEY GIGGLE

Cool! Thanks, Mum.

Let's buy some drugs!

MUSIC: Witness (1 Hope) by Roots Manuva

Well, well, well

Well, well...

Oi, Idris, don't look at her thumbs.

Oi, Mirza, how are you?

Safe, man. Same old, same old.

The fucking fed is doing my vag in, y'know?

Hello, bro, long time. How you been?

I'm a movie star now.

Yeah, course you are, with them creepy hands. Oh...

Who's this guy, huh? He's magnificent.

Hey, hey.

Hi. I'm Idris.

The fuck do you think you're doing, bruv?

Trying to see my thumbs? Did you tell him?

Yeah, I told him.

Oh, so we've got a problem, yeah? No, no, no, I-I'm...

I'm just here to buy...

Oh, you're a narc, ain't ya?

Let me see the wire.

You better fuck off before something happens. Fuck off.

I'm just going to see if they've got that

Frederick Douglass book in this shop.

SHE LAUGHS

Fucking pussy.

Seriously, what the fuck do you want, then? Hurry up.

Erm... Erm...drugs. Drugs. Drugs.

Oh...this VAT is killing me.

Jeez, man.

Yeah. Shit! These VATs are always up in everyone's business,

aren't they? What is that about...dawg?

Sorry. We don't get many customers these days.

Oh, goodness. There's no need to call me "sir".

Far as I'm concerned, we're all equal.

I didn't.

What can I help you with? Er, well...I'm not the feds.

No need to worry.

Quite the opposite, actually.

A Mormon?

No, I-I just meant I'm an ally.

I'd like to buy this book, please.

That'll be 19.99.

I love Nelson Mandela.

That's my dad.

Is it?

Ah, shoot.

I forgot I'm a bit light.

I really want that book, though.

Mm. Well, you can always buy it on Amazon.

Everyone else does. No, no, no. I wouldn't dream of it.

I want to support this wonderful book shop.

Have you been here long?

Dad opened it up when he first came here. Ah.

The amazing Windrush generation.

No. We came up from Brighton. Did you?

But then, last year, Dad died and I got lumbered with the place.

Right on, brother.

Yeah, the beating heart of the community.

All these bloody coffee shops - they may feed the body,

but what feeds the soul?

Hey, you've gotta let me be part of this passion.

I've got nothing else to do. I can help out!

No, no, it's fine. Thank you. No, no, no, no, no.

I've actually got some... I won't accept a penny.

If anything, we should be paying you.

You know, reparations.

It'd be my pleasure...

..bat.

There you go, brother. Don't take it all at once.

Oh, shit. Fuck.

Here you go, mate, here's your bag. There you go, darling.

Here, come here!

Come here, darling.

Yeah. Take care of yourself.

Be good, yeah?

Afternoon, Mirza. Fancy seeing you here.

Again. What, standing in the street near where I live?

I ain't done nothing wrong.

You won't mind me searching you for drugs, then.

Sorry, you are?

I am...not a number.

I'm a free man!

Maiden! Nice.

Sorry, if you wouldn't mind moving on, sir.

This might take quite some time -

and sorry for any inconvenience, mate.

We really must stop meeting like this.

Arms down. Arms up.

HIGH-PITCHED: Tickly under there.

The fuck you doing, bruv? Just having a laugh, innit?

Stop judging! I don't like him.

He's like Carlton from The Fresh Prince.

You need to take that rod out your arse.

Hey, guys.

How are my taxes doing, are we operating at a loss?

What? What? I don't really know.

Something Murry says. Sounds cool, though.

Oh, I just had the best day.

I think I'm going to go back tomorrow and volunteer.

You didn't need to do that. The door was open.

Where's my stuff?

Ah! Why did you do that?

They're the ones with your marijuana. Yeah, I know.

But look at him. I can't punch him and feel good about myself.

It's fair dos.

When I punched you, did you see my thumbs?

I didn't see any... Are you sure?

No, they looked fine.

Oh, so you think you can gaslight me to get your way out of it?

Hey, calm down, everyone. Your stuff's here.

And here. SNUFFLES BARKS

Thanks, Snuffles.

And there.

SNUFFLES WHINES

How does she know where we live? Cos you probably told her.

You big snitch.

Get out of here now!

I like you two.

But you messed up.

You made me look weak.

So for that, I've got to fuck you up just to make a point.

Oh, wait a minute! Wait, no, no, no, no.

I've got a plan.

Did you notice how that copper never even asked Timmy's name,

let alone search him?

Yeah. So?

So, why don't you use Tim for your deliveries and...shit?

I mean, no-one's going to check him.

What are you doing?

I'm saving our arses.

OK.

OK. OK, OK. I like this.

We're going to try this, Tim. It's going to be fun.

I'm going to see you tomorrow.

I like to foster a healthy working environment.

Ooh!

But if you fuck this up... I'll kill you.

DOOR SLAMS

I like her.

We should hang out with her more.

Totally.

You're going to have to take Snuffles when I'm out.

What?! No, no, no, no, no, no.

It'll be dangerous out there, you've seen Breaking Bad.

The other cartels, they're going to be shooting like, pew, pew, pew!

And then, I'm going to be like, "I am the Godfather.

"I'm doing this for my family."

Boom! Pow, pow!

And I just don't want Snuffles to get hurt.

Oh, for fuck's sake!

Thank you.

He'll be so much safer with you.

SNUFFLES WHINES

No.

How the fuck did you do that?

Right! I've had enough of this, you wee Lassie bastard.

You didn't think I'd abandon you when you most required

my help, did you? Oh... Absolutely no need to thank me.

Listen, I don't need your help, absolutely, I... No, no, no, no, no.

Brother, with your passion and my business experience, we could

really make this thing a success. I-I honestly think that.

Business experience? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I used to work in a Jobcentre.

Now let's get stuck in, shall we?

What can we do?

Someone call the doctor

There's a fever going round

Write me a prescription for the cure that can't be found

Doctor can't prescribe a medicine

To pull you through... Thank you.

It just don't exist cos it's the lovebug catching you

This ailment don't need healing

It won't leave you feeling blue

It's a feeling so contagious... Hey, man.

It's the lovebug catching you

So contagious

Lovebug catching you...

Are you Jacob? Yeah.

Yeah, sweet.

Cool wheels.

Hey, you looking to earn extra money?

Sure. Sweet.

OK, Snuffles.

I don't know what you've been told,

but I need to educate you on what being a carer is really about.

You are what we in the profession call a busy little prick.

You see that laundry?

You could pick it up, and that's great.

Or you could see your job as enabling your clients to do stuff

for themselves, promote self-sufficiency.

The most important part of our job as carers is what we don't do.

Right.

Get up here.

OK.

So, we'll watch a bit of DIY SOS,

then we'll have a couple of cans,

and then, we'll head out.

That man is Nick Knowles.

SNUFFLES GROWLS

Yes!

Good dog!

Actually, that's nonfiction.

I think all these tales of oppression and police brutality,

isn't it fair to say all of these books are nonfiction?

Oh, wow.

What a book.

Yeah, I did actually buy this off Amazon when it came out.

I can't wait to read it.

Listen, I've got to make a call to my accountant, OK?

DISTANT SHOUTING

Yeah, er...don't worry, I'll guard the shop.

Man, I can't believe, what is you wearing?

Is it a statement?

LAUGHTER

Hey, yo!

Hey. Hey, guys.

Can I rap with you a second?

Look, look, I'm not the feds.

I just work at the crib over there.

The...the book crib.

You know, the...

You know, the wicky-wack book shack.

Thing is...know what I'm saying, blud?

THEY LAUGH

Anyway, I just want to try and create the right vibe.

I want to make sure it's, you know -

I don't want to stop it feeling real, but equally want to make sure

it's a nice book shop...shack.

What's that got to do with us?

Well, you're making quite a lot of noise. I just...

I wondered if you'd like to maybe move?

Well, I don't want to stay on this corner

if there's paedos setting up shop anyways.

THEY LAUGH

What are you doing?

They come here every term for their school books.

They're the only customers that actually buy anything.

No, I-I thought they looked like trouble.

I'm sure we can find some better clientele.

Come here, boy.

Help me take my shoes off.

Oh, goddamn it.

Oh... Sorry.

I think I broke your care dog.

Come on.

I needed help today.

I am beat.

Drug dealing is so much less sexy than I thought it'd be.

But I have a plan.

I'm going to take on more staff tomorrow.

That's great.

But you're going to have to take Snuffles with you.

To be honest, I've turned him into an arsehole.

Hey, what's wrong with him?

Oh, I think he's re-evaluating his life choices.

That's deep, man.

Right, so we've got double the orders today,

so we're going to be very busy.

Yeah, about that.

I can barely keep up with the work.

Hey, hey, hey, you owe me.

You ain't done until I say so.

I was wondering if maybe I could bring in Jacob here,

to cut down on the workload.

No. Come on.

I really need help.

And he's almost as disabled as I am.

The police will never check him.

Watch, watch. Go on.

Mirza, Mirza, Mirza.

Ain't you got anything better to do?

Like a sexist police WhatsApp group to send abuse to?

Oh, yeah. Hold on.

CAMERA CLICKS

HE CHUCKLES

The lads will like that.

Right. There we go. You know the drill. Arms up.

Sorry, sir. Just doing my job.

You're free to go about your day. Thank you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Where you rolling off to, Lewis Hamilton?

Wheel your precious sore arse back here right now,

before I arrest you, too.

Arms.

Oh, no.

It's a bag of weed.

Oh, no! It's another bag of weed.

You've been a very naughty boy.

Put your arms out for the cuffs.

Only joking, you don't need cuffs.

But... You're not going anywhere.

HE LAUGHS

It's for my glaucoma. Yeah.

And this night stick was a present from my nan.

Wow.

I guess the reason the police don't pick on me

is not because I'm disabled.

Course not, dickhead. Its cos you're white.

It must be because... I'm a criminal mastermind!

In which case, not only have I paid my debt,

you owe me more money.

Fuck off, bruv!

You just lost me half my weed.

You should be recompensing me.

I'm serious!

Pay me money!

I ain't kidding!

Snuffles, get her!

Who you talking to, bruv, like that?

Fucking care dog! You're my care dog!

Bruv, you did not get your fucking dog on me.

You're Snuffles, you're supposed to be taking care of me!

You see this area, yeah? This is my land!

No... Oh, you think you're bad?! Oh, step to me, bruv!

MUFFLED SHOUTING That's enough now, yeah?!

Yeah, police, please.

GUNSHOT Yeah, I'm at Yearwood Books.

I think there's a drug deal going on outside.

Yeah, I just heard a gunshot.

Yeah. Please come, quick as you can.

Thank you.

SIRENS BLARING

Armed police! Just be cool.

Armed police!

I am the Teflon Don!

We might not have found drugs,

but, son, you did a real good job calling us.

Thank you for being invested in the community.

Oh! What the hell happened?

Erm...

Fuck you, Dad.

I'm going to take all this shit, and I'm going to put it online.

No, no, no, no, no. You can't do that.

It's such a pillar of the community. The community love it so much.

You've gotta think about the community. No.

I'm done.

I'm off to the beautiful land of no overheads.

I'll buy it.

Why? Well, I...

I genuinely believe that with stronger, better leadership,

you could really exploit a small, independent place like this.

Oh, all right, then, mate.

You can fucking have it. Hmm?

Oh, and by the way...

..Aaliyah comes with it. Who?

Jesus Christ! Where did you come from?

I've been working here the whole time.

To you, I'm invisible.

Well, I don't want to say...

Sorry, are you Murry's daughter?

No.

Well, what do you say? Do you fancy staying on?

Joining me on this adventure?

Fine.

But you do know this book shop is haemorrhaging money? What?

A catastrophic, unstoppable, fatal outpouring...

All right, yeah, thanks. I know what haemorrhaging means.

But don't you think that some things are more important than money?

Like freedom? And soul?

The rent is 50,000 a year.

It's how much?!

Jesus Christ.

Shut that fucking dog up.

Snuffles, we go.

Snuffles?

Snuffles!

I thought we'd retired you!

Whaddya see, boy?

How dare you.

Trying to hide your drugs on a white...

..erm...disabled man? That's shameless.

Shameless! All right!

Take it easy, brother.

Yeah, not the thumbs.

N-Not...not the thumbs!

Snuffles. Yeah? Come here.

Come here, boy.

That's it. Good boy.

Good boy!

It's good to see you.

At least Snuffles got his mojo back.

I've just spent my entire life savings rescuing this beacon

of community culture.

How are you?

I'm a criminal mastermind!

MUSIC: Caught By The Fuzz by Supergrass

Caught by the fuzz

Well, I was still on a buzz

In the back of the van

With my head in my hands

Just like a bad dream

I was only 15...

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0