Original subtitles

I don't know, I just never learned cursive.

What? How?

What does your signature look like?

- All caps. - Wild.

[groans] Come on, get out of there.

[groans]

[panting]

[tense music]

♪ ♪

Was I supposed to leave it up there forever?

[chuckles]

I mean, I will, you know, if you just tell me to.

I'm an ally.

♪ Whoop, whoop ♪

♪ Cabernet and sauvignon ♪

♪ Team is here and now it's on ♪

♪ Carry on and Carignan, sippin' on Perignon ♪

♪ Fine wine, got notes like a cello ♪

♪ Pull up in the spot like hello ♪

♪ If you got me, then I got you ♪

♪ This is the vibe, this is the crew ♪

♪ Grand crew, grand crew, uh ♪

♪ Grand crew, grand crew, grand crew, uh ♪

♪ Grand crew ♪

♪ ♪

Noah's back in these streets. Tony's back in these streets.

The whole single squad is back, baby.

Whoa.

But also, I am sorry for y'all recent heartbreaks.

No need to apologize.

The past couple weeks have been a little rough at home,

but I recently realized something.

You can't be sad at home

if you're never at home to get sad.

So you're what? Just out all day?

Yeah, I'm not going back home until I'm over Simone.

What does your therapist think about all of this?

I'll catch him up next week when I'm all better, bro.

Okay, Noah. Do your thing.

Anthony, how are you doing since things ended with Talia?

- [phone chimes] - Oh, I'm good.

He hasn't said a word about the breakup to anyone.

Look, Anthony and I, we built different.

We move on.

I've seen him deal with breakups before.

If he says he's good, he's good.

Actual and factual.

And you know who you need to move on with?

- Neighbor bae. - Okay, who's neighbor bae?

Oh, this hot girl who lives in their building.

They've never talked to her. They know nothing about her.

That's a lie. We know her and Anthony

have undeniable chemistry.

[elevator bell rings]

[clears throat]

That's all that happened? She waved?

You had to be there. It was a very sexual wave.

♪ ♪

So Fay, you're single, and Anthony's single.

Yeah, so?

So you think you two gonna ever, you know?

Nicky, this is unlike you. Let me take it from here.

Y'all gonna [bleep]?

[laughs] Thanks, Wyatt.

You guys need to chill.

Being Anthony's rebound would be way too messy.

Plus, I'm still looking for a rebound myself.

[laughs] Rebound?

Are you telling me

that you haven't had sex since your divorce?

Shh, keep it down.

That is not that big of a deal.

How long you been divorced?

- 18 months. - Oh, my God!

- Calm down. - Calm down?

With all the batteries you been wasting? Damn.

I know. It's terrible, but... [sighs]

I don't know. All the guys I dated, they're just too nice.

- I had a really great time. - I did, too,

which is why I'm not gonna kiss you or touch you

or make any moves because I respect you.

[sighs]

You're not gonna like this,

but you need the opposite of a nice guy.

[groans] You don't mean...

Oh, yes. I mean a jerk.

[French accent] Le douchebag.

A purebred dog.

[groans] I think you might be right.

- Damn. - Yeah.

Let's get you a big dog. [dog barks]

♪ ♪

Yo, Anthony, what's wrong with you, man?

Did you hear my question?

Sorry. I was just responding to a work email.

- What'd you ask? - I said,

you think LeBron James is happy?

Like truly happy?

I do, actually.

Cool. Me too.

[gasps] [whispers] Neighbor bae, neighbor bae,

- neighbor bae, neighbor bae. - Chill. I see her.

- Another sexual wave. - Chill.

- Hey. - Hey.

What's up?

I don't think we've officially met.

- I'm Lanice. - I'm Anthony.

I'm Big Sherm.

My roommate and I are actually having a party

at our place tonight. You should come through.

Uh, that sounds awesome, but, um, I can't make it.

I have work.

Well, if you get done with your work,

maybe I'll see you.

[door opens and closes]

- Man, what--what was that for? - You know what it was for.

♪ ♪

[doorbell rings]

- Hey, hey, hey. - Hey, boo.

Aw, hey, babe.

Thank you so much for letting me crash at your place.

My apartment's plumbing will be fixed in about a week,

but I just can't stay any longer with this fool.

Call me fool one more time and see what happens.

Ain't nothing gonna happen,

or it already would've happened.

Then say it again.

Say fool one more time.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

Whatever. I'ma get my bags.

Holy [bleep]. That was wild.

Yeah, you really saved me by taking him in.

Speaking of which, are you sure that you want to take him in?

Yeah, it's only for a week, and he's my boyfriend.

Well, living together forces you to compromise,

and you two, I'm sorry to say, are very uncompromising people.

Do you want me to take him or not?

I do. I do. Forget everything I just said.

Thank you.

Michael, get your ass down here! Damn!

♪ ♪

All settled in, my boo. [chuckles]

Is it cool if I play some video games?

Oh, yeah, sure. I'm just knocking out some work.

- Go play your little Nintendo. - You're the best.

[laughs] No, you're the best.

- No, you're the best. - [laughs]

[deep voice] No, you're the best.

[laughs] [metal scraping]

- Uh-oh. What are you doing? - Huh?

Oh, it's a VR system, so I just some space to play.

- Is that a problem? - Oh, um...

[chuckles] Of course not.

[laughter]

[metal scraping]

[sighs]

Let's go!

Flank him!

♪ ♪

I can't believe you turned down Neighbor Bae

after we finally learned her real name.

Yet you still call her "Neighbor Bae."

I don't use anybody's real name

the first year I meet them.

I used to call you "Veggie Burger."

And I really didn't like that.

Look, I'm sorry, but you can still go tonight.

And be known as the weird neighbor

that shows up to a party by himself?

You'd really do that to me?

[groans] [phone chimes]

Look, I can help you with your work.

I'm a quick study, and I know numbers.

- 5, 12, 3.1415926-- - You know what?

- I'm in. - Really?

- Yes. - Hey, let's get it, Veggie B.

- Hey. - Veggie B, Veggie B, Veggie B.

That's me. both: Veggie B, Veggie B,

[phone rings]

- Yo. - Yo.

I'm done with work. You still want to party?

- Definitely. - Cool.

- Let me call Noah and Wyatt. - Word.

- Yo. - Yo.

Party tonight at Neighbor Bae's.

- Want to come? - I'm in.

As long as it's out, you know I'm in.

Can you pick me up at Calabasas?

You walked all the way to Calabasas?

You know it. [laughs]

♪ Situations ♪

♪ Will arise ♪

♪ In our lives ♪

♪ But you got to be smart about it ♪

♪ Celebrations ♪

♪ With the guys ♪

♪ I sacrifice ♪

♪ 'Cause I knew you could not sleep without it ♪

♪ Meanwhile I ♪

♪ I loved you ♪

♪ You were my girl ♪

♪ You don't have to call ♪

♪ It's okay, girl ♪

♪ 'Cause I'ma be all right tonight ♪

♪ ♪

[screams] Hi-yah!

My brother in arms,

together, we will save Nebulon!

Michael, please.

Damn, wow. How'd I get all the way over here?

This really is an immersive experience.

Hey, do you mind being just a little bit more quiet

while you defend Newbulars?

It's Nebulon, and the game is

"Nebulon Nine: The Last Nebuli."

- And it's awesome. - Cool.

Oh, I see. You're annoyed.

No, I'm not annoyed.

Um, I think I'm trying to say that the game is dumb,

- loud, and... - Wow.

I hate this part of your personality.

All right, well, you know what?

The only way to resolve this

is for you to enter "Nebulon Nine."

Oh, no. I don't have time.

- But, Nicole. - What?

The entire unified intergalactic

tribunal diaspora depends on you.

- They definitely don't. - [scoffs]

Just play the game, and if you don't like it,

I won't play it for as long as I'm here.

- Mm. - Come on.

Prepare for intergalactic battle!

Babe, you just united the entire Rack-Nack Galaxy.

- That's so freakin' hot. - Yeah?

- Oh, yeah. - [moans]

- Oh, come here. - Oh, ooh.

- I want to pick up your leg. - Oh, yeah.

- Oh, oh. - Oh, yeah.

Thanks for meeting me at such a late hour at the last second

around the corner from our spot.

I'm sorry I didn't respond to your text

until, like, 30 minutes ago.

Oh, it's fine. You're perfect.

[laughter]

Nice and you're, like... cool body.

Thanks.

Um, would you want to get out of here, actually?

For real? Just like that?

- Yeah. Is that weird? - No, it's great.

Almost too great. Who put you up to this?

What?

It was my girlfriend, wasn't it?

You have a girlfriend?

Uh-uh, you're not fooling me.

You can tell Monica I passed the test this time.

What?

♪ ♪

I'm just gonna say it. There are not enough chairs

for the amount of people in this party.

Are you really already complaining about a party

that you begged me to go to?

I'm just saying, people need to have a place to sit.

Okay, who wants a drink?

- Noah. - [gasps]

What's up? Y'all sleeping?

No, you were sleeping, standing up.

- Maybe you should go home. - No.

Home is where the heart is, and right now, heart hurts.

I'm out, baby. I'ma take a nap.

I mean, a lap. I'ma take a lap.

Should we be worried about him?

No. We worry about Noah all the damn time.

Let him figure this one out.

So you guys just gonna be weird

and stand in the corner all night?

Well, we ain't got a place to sit.

I was actually about to grab a drink.

- Can I get you one? - I'll come with.

It's happening. It's actually happening, Wyatt.

Why are you so surprised?

I thought you said that there was a vibe.

I lied. There was no vibe at all,

but now, it's real.

What's wrong?

I was cleaning my wedding ring earlier,

and I forgot to put it back on.

Okay, so what's the big deal?

The big deal is that all these single women

are gonna think that I'm back on the market.

I have married swag, and without the ring,

it's just swag.

You dramatic. That ain't a thing.

Hey. I'm Alexis. What your name?

♪ ♪

- Rosé for the lady. - Oh, thanks.

Oh, what's this?

One of those fake-ass reality shows?

"Immediately Married" is not fake.

They really get married immediately.

- Mm. Sounds horrible. - [laughs]

I seem to remember someone saying,

"You can't make fun of it until you try it."

You talking about the man in the mirror, huh?

Yeah. I'm asking for him to make a change.

To immediately have and hold

through immediate sickness and immediate health

till death do you immediately part.

- I immediately do. - I immediately do.

- I love this show. - Immediately.

I can't believe Pauline wants five kids.

Really? I think five is,

like, the perfect amount of kids.

You can have a band. You can have a basketball team.

The Jackson Five, that's five kids.

- How many kids you want? - Two.

I like things in twos, like shoes, boobs,

the Olsen Twins,

- the "Sister Act" movies. - I guess that means

we're on kind of different pages here, huh?

Yeah.

[gasps] How about this?

- Four kids. - Four kids?

All right, that's two sets of two, okay?

And if we want to do the band or the basketball team,

I can just hop in. I can play hoop.

- I can play bass. - Yeah.

- I can be the fifth member. - Two kids, two spare kids.

I'm in. [laughs]

Can I get your number?

I'm sorry, I'm married.

Hey, what's your story? [chuckles]

Look at my man, using a tiny-ass table as a chair.

- It's a tragedy. - Yo, Sherm.

This is Lanice's roommate, CJ, and her girlfriend Gabby.

Hey. Nice to meet you, Sherm.

CJ, nice to meet you. So this is your place, huh?

And you've never thrown a party before.

- What? - Nothing.

- You need more chairs. - A group of us

are gonna hit up this karaoke spot that's open 24/7

'cause, you know, I ain't going home.

- You want to roll? - No, man.

I'ma go home and sit down.

All right, bet. Peace, dude.

Good night, y'all.

I'm getting too much attention without my ring.

- I got to get out of here. - Hey. Hey.

All right, man. I'm down to roll.

- Okay, I'll get Anthony. - No. Whoa, whoa, whoa, man.

Why y'all always got to act so damn married?

You don't interrupt a man when he's in his element.

I got this.

♪ Boy, are you trippin' ♪

They gonna hook up. We're good to go.

Yo, can you believe Noah is in Reno?

Seven! Yeah, this is way better than being home!

[laughs]

Man, stop using Noah's crazy ass

to distract from telling me what happened with Neighbor Bae

last night. Give me the juice.

Oh, no, no, no. I'd rather not talk about it.

Oh, come on, man. I don't need a full cup.

[British accent] Just give me one little

- spot of tea please. - Fine.

So things started out good.

Party was winding down and then she asked me to go to her room.

- Then it was on. - My man.

I just told you it doesn't end well.

I'm sorry. I'm just invested in

the ups and downs of the story. Now, what went wrong?

Well, eventually as we were hooking up,

the music switched to a very particular song.

* Never thought that we would ever be ♪

♪ More than friends ♪

Oh, no. That's a breakup anthem.

Well, I tried to push through,

but eventually the song just got the best of me,

and my emotions just came out.

Oh, damn. So you cried in front of her.

No, no, I cried,

but I didn't cry in front of her.

I--I don't understand.

Okay. Um... ah.

You know how when you go to the bakery,

you typically order your pastries

at the front counter?

- Absolutely. - Yeah, yeah, I know,

but if the baker really likes you,

then sometimes, they'll invite you to the kitchen.

Hmm.

To taste some special pastries in the back.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. [laughs]

So you was eating in the back of the bakery.

Yes. I was eating in the back of the bakery.

Yeah.

Wait a second.

Does that mean...

You cried in the back of the bakery?

You told everybody?

You couldn't expect me to keep this a secret.

- It's too good. - [sighs] Whatever.

Can we please stop talking about this now?

No. I have so many more follow-up questions.

- Yeah. - Same.

Like what did she say and how did this whole situation end?

Well, I didn't technically end it.

- How? - What?

If I left the kitchen,

she would have known something was up.

So you stayed in the back of the bakery?

Yes, I stayed in the back of the bakery.

And she didn't notice?

I mean, I don't think I would notice.

There's no way to see what's going on back there.

You know what? I'm actually surprised.

I never took you for a "back of the bakery" type of dude.

- You guys aren't? - Ooh, I only visit

the back of the bakery on special occasions,

like birthdays, the Queen's funeral...

I don't want to get too deep into

my relationship with Kristen,

but I will say I have never cried while eating [bleep].

Okay, we're done here.

♪ ♪

So Fay, how was your date last night with the dog?

Did you get some?

Nope, he thought it was a trap.

Hey, just wanted to tell you that the cab you recommended?

- Fantastic. - Oh, the Argentinian?

Yeah, it was delicious. Full body.

Excuse me.

How would feel about going on a date with my friend?

- Nicky. - What?

- Sorry about her. - No, it's cool.

- I would love to, but... - You're married.

No. I'm very single, but I'm not from here.

And I leave town tomorrow,

and I don't think I'll ever be coming back.

- Really? - Perfect.

Just breathe. Listen to me.

Take the next flight out.

Call me when you land, okay? Yup. Bye.

Oh, fun story.

My brother had a nervous breakdown

at the Grand Canyon.

It be like that sometimes.

Yo, this cheesesteak is about to be banging.

I ain't had a Steak-umm in a minute.

I know. It's a classic, right?

Chop up the meat, babe.

Oh, no, you don't have to chop up a Steak-umm.

What? That's what makes a cheesesteak a cheesesteak.

You chop up the meat.

No. What makes a cheesesteak a cheesesteak

is the cheese on the steak, okay?

Who doesn't chop up a Steak-umm?

Okay, well, now it's about to get silly,

and we don't wanna have a fight here.

- No. - And we know how to deal

with it, so we're just gonna do it my way.

Absolutely not. We'll do it my way.

I would rather die.

Okay.

Compromise here.

We'll just bust open another pack.

Make one your way, make one my way.

No, that's a waste of food and money.

- Money's meant to be spent. - Do you not have savings?

What? Absolutely not.

We could all die tomorrow.

Cash is worthless in the casket.

Look it up.

I can't marry someone without savings.

Marry? Who said anything about marriage?

I am never getting married.

We just had a conversation about having four kids.

You can have four kids and not be married.

Just ask my buddy Pookie.

Just chop up the damn Steak-umm.

Oh, now, we yellin', huh?

We been yellin'. You wanna know what else?

- "Nebulon Nine" sucks. - [gasps]

Say that again, and it's immediately over.

"Nebulon Nine"...

- sucks! - [gasps]

Wow.

Man, I'm sorry for encouraging you

and Neighbor Bae. I feel like everything

that's happened has been my fault.

No. None of it was your fault.

To be honest, the breakup with Talia and I

was a bit more complicated than I let on.

How so?

Well, uh...

she found out that Fay had feelings for me,

and then I admitted that at a certain point,

I had feelings for Fay too.

Wow.

Okay, so what's up? You still got feelings for Fay?

I think she's great,

but my feelings were before Talia and I got together,

and honestly, going through this situation, man,

made me realize that

getting involved with a friend is just a bad idea.

That's real.

Well, hey, man,

you know, you can always come and talk to me.

I appreciate that. Thanks.

Oh, and just as a heads up,

I'm gonna give this about two weeks,

but after that,

I'm gonna roast you nonstop.

Bro, you've already roasted me so much.

I know.

♪ ♪

- This was fun. - It really was.

So if I'm being honest, I really want to hook up,

but I'm not looking for a commitment.

I leave the city tonight, so that sounds good to me.

Great.

♪ ♪

- You're so sexy. - You're so sexy.

So...

can I eat a little piece of your skin?

- What? - I mean, not important skin.

You know, just the extra stuff.

- Let me exfoliate you. - Oh.

- [laughter] - Wait. He really said that?

He really did. [laughter]

Oh, man. People be cannibals out here.

So how are you doing?

Mm.

You know, I actually wanna talk to you about that.

I've been holding in a lot.

And then I talked to Sherm, and it made me realize

how much better it felt to talk things out.

So I thought I should let you know

that Talia and I broke up because of you.

What?

She found out that you had feelings for me,

and then she asked me if I had feelings for you.

And I didn't want to lie, so I told her that I used to.

Then she ended things.

Why would you tell me that?

I thought it would be better to be open and honest.

For who?

What, am I supposed to feel bad now?

No, no.

Are you telling me that you like me?

I just didn't want things to be weird.

Well, they're weird now.

♪ ♪

[sighs]

♪ ♪

Nicky, what you doing here?

Michael and I broke up.

Oh, no. I'm sorry. Are you okay?

Yeah. You were right.

Neither of us was willing to compromise.

We're two very hardheaded people,

but we're both better off.

Well, I'm glad then, but why'd you come all the way

over here to tell me that? Oh, my God, no.

Hey, what's up, bro?

I'm just gonna set up in the same room.

I am so sorry, Wyatt.

I just really wanted it to work.

I loved him living with you.

I know, but you...

you're gonna make it through this.

See you later.

- Nicky, don't leave. - Sorry.

Oh. Hi.

Hey. [clears throat]

Did you cry in my...

Yeah.

Not a doctor. Shh.

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