Original subtitles

"My dear Lady Disdain! Are you yet still awake?"

"Is it possible disdain should die

"while she hath such meet food to feed it as Signor Benedick?

"Disdain should..."

Erm...

Ah, disdain would...

Erm, disdain should fall...

"Courtesy itself must convert to disdain."

Off book already?

Nice understudying, Isabel.

Don't worry, darling. Yes, don't worry, darling,

you'll get there in the end.

I'm being put off by boozy breath, Patrick.

Ah, yes, well, at least I'm capturing the essence.

Hmm?

80-proof essence I'd say.

Perhaps ban your friend's hip flask from rehearsals?

OK, can we... can we just get on,

cos we're short on cast, technical help

and we're up against it for time... And now a prima donna, too.

Because do you know what?

Maybe if your wife had a little peppy-uppy,

everyone would be better off.

Jeremy.

Unbelievable! I cannot work like this, Patrick.

Darling... Let's just finish...

No. I need a break. Oh!

CLATTERING Oh! Argh!

Charlie?

Oh, my goodness. Charlie!

I fell.

My leg... I think it's broken.

I think this means you're up, Isabel.

Or should I say, Beatrice?

Don't you think you're getting me on that stage.

You know I'm no good at learning lines.

There are many other ways that we can help

the Kembleford Players reach opening night.

It's very kind of you to offer to help out, Father.

You know, there's a friar

in the play, perhaps you could be technical adviser.

As a matter of fact, I have already offered my services to Patrick.

Ah. And I will be playing the friar.

You're going to be acting?

Yes. He insisted I'd be too busy,

I insisted back and convinced him.

Anything for the Players, I said.

Oh, gosh.

It's very real when it's in black and white, isn't it?

You will be splendid.

Oh, I hope so.

Father.

If this was regular clothes, I wonder what they wore to parties...

Right, let's try that scene change one more time, please.

OK, and cue.

Patrick. Hmm?

The cavalry has arrived!

Oh, yes...

Our friar. How wonderful.

Well, it's the least I can do.

I understand that Sergeant Goodfellow

is straddling several minor roles.

I am, Father, but they haven't asked to wear a dress this year,

so that's good!

And this is all in memory of Rose?

A worthy cause.

Thank you, Father.

Millie, this is Brenda,

she's going to be your new props assistant.

How lovely. Hi, Brenda.

Nice to meet you. I didn't know it was going to be props.

I thought she were going to put me in a stupid dress.

Props are much more fun. Catch!

Wait!

Eh? That's brilliant.

It's papier mache.

Don't worry, I'll teach you everything you need to know.

Can you grab some paints and things?

My darling, Beatrice!

You have returned.

Good morning, Benedick.

OK, so Act 1, Scene 1.

Beatrice and Benedick, please.

And the props people, one more time.

All right and cue, please.

This is an investment.

Call this number.

Coming!

Terribly sorry.

How are you coping?

Well, it is a literal pain,

but we move on, don't we?

She wouldn't even let me wait with her at the hospital.

Insisted I come right back here to continue rehearsals.

Well, Godspeed with your recovery.

Thank you.

You're up now, Father.

Oh.

That's very good. You're very talented.

FATHER BROWN CLEARS HIS THROAT

"But if all aim but this be levelled false,

"the supposition of the lady's death

"will quench the wonder of her infamy."

"Friar, I must entreat your pains, I think."

Oh, yes! I know this...

"To do what, Signior?"

"To bind me, or undo me, one of them..."

OK, scene change, scene change, please!

Patrick. Yep.

Oh. Well.

Oh, Father...

Marvellous.

Marvellous.

It's extravagant. I can't ask him to do that.

It's not that extravagant.

It is for flowers that are going to be dead two days later.

And the food's going to be eaten

and the confetti's going to be in the bin.

Shall we just go to a registry office instead?!

I'm not saying that...

Excuse me, Father.

Sorry about that.

We have slightly different ideas about how much a wedding

should cost.

It's a stressful time,

but your joyful union will make it all seem worthwhile.

I hope so, Father.

Are you all right?

Mm? Your hand?

Oh, yes, thank you.

It passes...

My hand seems to know when I'm stressed!

Ah, I was just giving Penny the name of a wonderful florist in town.

Positions, please, Jeremy.

Thank you. Thank you.

Right, are we ready? And...

Excuse me.

Sorry to interrupt. Mr Sandford, would you kindly accompany me

to the station to answer a few questions?

Ah, yes, of course, Chief Inspector. Of course.

Ah... I'm...

I'm so sorry, everyone. So sorry.

Well, your past has caught up with you at last.

Oh, I think it's about a stolen motor vehicle

I reported a few months ago, actually,

but very witty.

You know, it's such a shame you're not playing Beatrice any more.

Isabel, I've got an investor's meeting in town about seven,

but why don't you come by this afternoon, say four?

We can get a few hours' of rehearsal in.

Oh. Right. Jolly idea.

Yes, yes.

Well, let me get my jacket...

..Inspector.

Erm, do you need me to come along, Chief Inspector?

Uh, no, you carry on, Sergeant.

Right you are, sir.

Mrs Devine, perhaps you would consider taking a chaperone

this afternoon?

Just a thought.

Don't look at me, I'm working on props with Millie.

I'm sure there's no need.

I would be delighted to prompt.

Fine. If that makes everyone happy!

"Here comes Beatrice.

"By this day, she's a fair lady.

"I do spy marks of love in her."

Yes, this way, Mr Sandford.

"Or I must say she is dead,

"and, so, I say...

"..farewell."

Gosh.

Thank you. Thank you.

That's marvellous! Thank you.

Ah, hmm. Dear friar, dear lady,

investors await at the Astwood Hotel!

I must bid you farewell in earnest.

I'm curious, Jeremy.

What do you help people invest in?

Ah, well, mm-hm!

It's a company... Oh, no, thanks.

..in New York that offers a very encouraging return on their money.

NEW YORK ACCENT: Now, there is opportunity everywhere!

Sounds wonderfully exciting.

It is.

You know, when Patrick and I, we first joined the Players,

there was this mesmerising old thesp who would anoint himself with

a touch of the Napoleon for courage before rehearsals.

Well, Patrick and I, we were...

..we were so taken by him that we had matching flasks made.

Just a shame that Charlie won't let him use his.

Shall we?

Right.

Well, I can give you a lift home on my way into town, if you like?

Actually, it's such a nice evening.

Father, if you don't mind, I'd prefer to walk.

Oh, blast, I've left my playbook.

I shall need it.

We can stroll back tomorrow.

Did you see who that was?

No, I didn't get a proper look.

I could have sworn it was Thomas.

Hello? Thomas?

How very odd.

POP! Oh!

So clever.

And Millie's got really good at it. She's a fast learner.

Enjoy, you two.

And, Brenda, thank you so much for offering to help out.

Don't worry about it!

They're so kind to let me use it. My landlady hates mess.

Well, you did well for yourself, knowing the Maidlands.

Mrs D says you've only just moved here, too.

A couple of months ago now.

They sort of took me in.

I, erm, lived with my aunt before.

She raised me and then... she died.

Oh.

Sorry.

No. It's not easy without a mum.

No.

Anyway, Kembleford looked nice.

I checked out the Players and the Maidlands were there

and that was that.

They were so kind and after everything they'd been through

with their little girl.

Sorry, what happened?

Oh.

It's not a secret.

They erm...

..they had a baby.

Rose.

She was a few months old and she died in her cot.

That's awful.

That's got to be the worst thing ever.

It really is.

I think that's why this show is so important to them -

raising money for the children's ward.

Anyway, we should get started.

I'll just clear up my mess.

KNOCKS ON DOOR

KNOCKS ON DOOR

Jeremy?

Oh, my goodness.

Father?

He's dead.

Mrs Devine and I witnessed Mr Sandford drinking

from the flask yesterday afternoon,

with only the anticipated effect,

so the killer must have poured the poison into the flask

while he was out.

Looks like weed-killer.

The manufacturers put purple dye in it to stop accidents,

but you're never going to see that in a hip flask.

Hmm. I'll check which farmers use it locally, sir.

Oh!

Mrs Devine?

Last night, when we were leaving,

I saw a figure disappear into the hedge.

Father Brown didn't see him as clearly,

but I felt sure it was Thomas.

Thomas Church?

He couldn't do such a thing.

"Men were deceivers ever."

Perhaps overly cynical, Chief Inspector.

Sadly not in my line of work.

Let's interview Mr Church.

"Men were deceivers..."

That's from Much Ado, isn't it?

It is.

Ever since my school days, Shakespeare was always a favourite.

Did you know that Thomas Church had a farming accident

and his hand shakes?

Yes.

No signs of any spills.

Well, could have just wiped it up.

It's still dusty.

Thank you so much, Father. Mrs Devine.

Must get on.

Chief Inspector...

Chief Inspector! Chief Inspector.

I wonder if the motive for murder

may lie with Mr Sandford's "occupation".

He was talking about a company in New York.

I don't believe there is one.

I think he was a snake-oil salesman,

a peddler in false investments.

I was thinking he was a lot of flash

and not much substance, Father.

I wonder, is that why you wished to question him yesterday?

Come along, Sergeant.

What was the name of that hotel in town

where Mr Sandford was meeting his investor?

The Astwood.

Hmm.

Oh, the Chief Inspector received an anonymous letter

and a newspaper article about a conman

who fleeced a widow out of all her money in Oxford six years ago.

That man used an alias by the name of Jonathan Spicer.

Sergeant!

An anonymous letter?

Thank you, Sergeant.

Coming, sir.

I don't know what to tell you.

Jeremy was my dear friend since we were boys.

I'll never understand how people who are larger than life can ever die.

But there we are.

He would have insisted that the show must go on.

Battered playbook in one hand and hip flask in the other.

We must somehow replace him, but for now,

we must continue...

..as our dear Benedick would have wanted.

And with that in mind,

Act 3, Scene 4, please.

That's Hero and Beatrice.

Sir, Thomas's farm is actually supplied with that

type of weed-killer.

So we have the method, but no motive.

Well, sir, I just got back from the Astwood Hotel.

I took along a photograph of the Kembleford Players

to show the manager.

He identified Mr Sandford,

but he also identified his associate.

Help to dress me, good coz, good Meg, good Ursula.

Very nice. Very nice.

And scene change, please.

Father, Penny's magazine...

..look what's been written...

"Astwood Hotel, 6.30pm tonight."

I saw Jeremy writing that.

Should we talk to Penny?

No.

Thomas first.

May I have a word?

Thomas! Your hand!

Excuse us, Father. We, er... we need to talk to Thomas.

I think you know why.

It's not what it looks like.

Thomas Church, I am arresting you on suspicion

of the murder of Jeremy Sandford.

You are not obliged to say anything,

but anything you do say may be given in evidence.

I love you.

Wait.

My supplier said he'd had a visit from the police,

so I went to check the weed-killer that I keep in the shed

and the lid hadn't been put back on properly.

It spilled on my hand.

How convenient.

And the fact that Mrs Devine saw you last night about 50 yards

from Jeremy's cottage?

You had a motive for wanting Sandford dead.

You knew Penny was seeing him.

So you're admitting you knew your fiancee was meeting Jeremy

in a hotel in town?

Yes...

..but not to be unfaithful.

Then why?

"..and partly to save your life,

"for I was told you were in a consumption."

"Peace. I will stop your mouth".

Right. Right.

Yeah, OK. Lovely. Lovely.

Thanks, Isabel, that's lovely.

Yeah, no, it's, er, it's good.

Lots... Lots to work with there, Sergeant.

We open in a week and Sergeant Goodfellow doesn't seem entirely

comfortable in the role of Benedick.

I know. It's not ideal.

Oh! Splendid work, you two.

Erm, Father, if you don't think Thomas did it,

do you think maybe Penny did?

She could easily get her hands on the poison.

So could anyone passing through the farm.

And Penny was with Jeremy when the flask was being poisoned.

Well, what do you think?

I can't imagine Penny would let her own fiance hang.

I completely agree.

Excuse me.

Allow me.

Oh! Thank you, Father.

This is all I'm good for at the moment, organising the programme.

Hmm.

For the tribute to Jeremy.

Very fitting.

Such good friends.

I hope you're proud of your work for the children's ward.

Poor Patrick was looking after Rose that night.

My mother was sick.

I was torn, but Patrick insisted I went.

He had to telephone me,

to tell me.

Even the shortest life has a purpose, doesn't it?

It does.

Hmm. Rose Maidland.

Born 12th of May 1948...

..and died November 1st 1948.

You show such strength.

I hope you can find solace in God.

Hmm.

Right. Let's try that one more time.

Father, Isabel, please.

Actually, Patrick, I need to go and see Thomas.

If you're going to the police station, I shall come along.

Oh, excellent.

Well, excuse us.

What... Er...

Won't be long.

Chief Inspector Sullivan thinks that your motive for murder was jealousy,

that Penny was having an affair with Jeremy.

Yes.

But I don't believe that is the case.

Penny was meeting Jeremy at the hotel

and Jeremy was meeting a client.

I wonder if Penny was involved in Jeremy's business

and if Jeremy's business was illegal?

Why else would you keep silent, if not to protect her?

Penny didn't know it was illegal.

Not at first.

She just wanted to help out with the cost of the wedding.

He needed her acting skills,

she had to play a satisfied client to attract future investors.

Then we were sent a letter in cut-out newspaper print,

saying "beware Benedick",

that he was a conman.

Penny dismissed it, but then when Chief Inspector Sullivan

showed up at rehearsal to talk to Jeremy...

She thought she might be next.

She told Jeremy she wanted out,

but he said walking away wasn't an option,

he needed her at the final meeting.

Is there any evidence against her?

He'd had her sign fake investment documents.

I understand that Penny confessing to fraud

might mean a prison sentence for her,

but your life is at stake.

And telling them about Penny won't take away my motive for killing him.

It will look like I did it to protect her,

and even worse, they might think Penny was my accomplice.

Ah.

Yes, I see.

It could appear that Penny kept Jeremy away from the cottage

so you could poison the flask.

I did go to the cottage,

but I went to get the papers back that incriminated her.

Do you still have the papers? Or the letter?

I burned them.

I didn't want Chief Inspector Sullivan finding them.

And now I'm going to hang for something I didn't do.

Thomas, I will do my best to ensure that that does not happen.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Oh, Isabel.

"Do you not love me?"

Uh...

Excuse me?

"Do you not love me?"

Oh, er...

Erm...

"Troth no, no more than reason."

Ah. That was easy.

The part's yours.

So if you have any problem with your costume,

Millie and Brenda have kindly offered to help out

now the props are nearly done.

Penny, I've spoken to Thomas.

I'm doing all I can for him.

Thank you, Father.

Hello, everyone.

Chief Inspector Sullivan has kindly offered to play Benedick.

Oh, that's wonderful news!

Clearly not to everyone's taste.

Very decent of you.

Can you learn all that Shakespeare in a week?

I have one of those memories.

It's what makes me such a fine policeman.

You do know you've arrested the wrong person?

Tell me who did it, then, Father.

Miss Palmer.

May I?

"Masters, it is proved already that you are little better than

"false knaves, and it will go near to be thought shortly.

"How answer you for yourselves?"

Not guilty!

Oh, Father. Caught me at it.

Must be a relief, not having to learn all of Benedick's lines?

Yes. Yes.

Huge relief, Father.

You are still invaluable, Sergeant.

Might I trouble you to show me the newspaper article

that arrived with the anonymous letter?

It being in the public domain, of course.

And I must say, you delivered those lines with gusto!

Ladies.

May I have a word with Millie?

Yeah. No problem.

I need you to be honest with me,

because Thomas's life may depend upon it.

Was it you that sent the anonymous letters about Jeremy?

You knew about his criminal dealings?

Yes.

You wanted to warn people.

Yes.

Brenda said that you were raised by your aunt.

Was she one of his victims?

He said he'd help her invest her life savings.

She never got over the shock.

I'm sorry.

He worked with another man to make it look legitimate.

The newspaper article said that he called himself Jonathan Spicer.

My aunt said that he was always swigging from a hip flask

with those initials on it,

talking about his days in amateur dramatics in the Cotswolds.

I'd read that conmen quite often talk about things

from their actual lives

and I found Kembleford Players

and I saw the name Jeremy Sandford, so...

The same initials.

So, you approached him about investments?

I was going to draw him out.

I told him I had money to invest

and I thought he might lead me to his accomplice.

But you found out he was using Penny.

She seemed so decent.

Hmm.

I sent a letter to Thomas to warn him

and one to the police to make sure no-one else got hurt

and the third... A third?

..to the Maidlands.

I thought they should know.

Where's my friar?

Father Brown.

I must return.

Thank you, Millie.

"Holy rites" speech, please, Father.

Oh, yes.

All this amazement, can I qualify,

when that the holy rites are ended,

I'll tell you largely of fair Hero's death...

Could we just bring it down a little bit?

ELECTRICAL CRACKLING

SMASHING

Oh. Can anything else go wrong?

Can we fix that, please?

Let's take two minutes, everyone.

Brenda said you spoke to Millie.

I did.

She is responsible for the anonymous letters warning about Jeremy.

Her aunt was a victim of his.

Poor girl.

She also sent one to Patrick and Charlie.

Why would they not say anything?

I was thinking exactly the same thing myself.

I could understand Patrick not saying anything -

keeping quiet to save his friend -

but if Charlie received a letter denouncing Jeremy,

she'd have told the world.

Mm-hm.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Oh, sir.

Sergeant?

All right, let's check the photographs at the crime scene,

just to be sure. Uh, sir, you might want to, erm...

Ah, yes. Good point.

Sorry, everyone, sorry, Patrick.

Urgent police business.

Back as soon as possible.

Sergeant Goodfellow, you're supposed to be with us this afternoon.

I'm really sorry, Patrick.

Millie, did you send another letter to the police station?

Another letter?

No, why would I?

No. I thought not.

Thank you.

This is going to be a disaster!

No, I wouldn't say that.

But there is a kiss.

Beatrice and Benedick. We haven't even rehearsed the scene!

Mrs Devine, we've just got the programme

and look at you!

Oh, my goodness.

Perhaps not the best time to see that.

Or this.

What a shame, now that we know what we know.

Well, what is it, Father?

How curious.

Ah, great! We have light.

If thou dost love,

my kindness shall incite thee to bind up our loves in a holy band.

For others say thou dost deserve,

and I believe it better than reportingly.

Very good. Very good.

OK, so, Hero, Prince Claudio, on stage, please.

Patrick, do you have a moment?

Father, I'm rather in the middle of it here.

Yes, I understand and I do apologise...

Sorry to interrupt.

Could we have a word, Mr Maidland? In private.

Right. Darling, can you take over?

Mm-hm.

You have a hip flask. Can I see it please?

My... my hip flask?

Can't this wait until after the run-through?

It's bad enough that you two aren't on stage.

It's a murder investigation, Mr Maidland.

From the crime scene.

The monogram.

It's on the wrong side of the flask.

I think Mr Sandford's flask was switched with yours

and yours contained the poison.

What is it?

It's fine. It's fine, darling.

Are you suggesting that I poisoned my best friend?

Why would I do that?

According to the Oxford constabulary,

Mr Sandford worked with an accomplice

for his fraudulent business dealings, a person he could trust.

And you were living in Oxford at that time with your wife and...

..and baby daughter.

Well, yes. And we've checked Mr Sandford's bank statements.

We know you've been depositing money into his account

since you returned to Kembleford, which could be seen as blackmail.

I played a role in Oxford

and, yes, I've been helping him out since he came back to Kembleford,

but I didn't kill him.

And I swear, I'd show you the damned flask if I knew where it was.

I haven't seen it for years.

I'm sorry.

I've seen it.

It's in the glove box of the car.

You've seen it?

With a lot of other junk.

If there's some ridiculous suggestion you're involved in this,

it will help clear your name, won't it?

If you wouldn't mind, Mr Maidland?

Sure. I'm parked round the back.

I can't believe this.

Let me help you.

Thank you, Father.

The idea that Patrick would be involved.

Indeed.

Although it is now going pretty much the way you'd planned it.

As it what?

It was you who sent the letter to the police implicating Patrick,

wasn't it, Charlie?

This is nonsense.

Did you know that it was Millie who sent you and Patrick

the anonymous letter with the newspaper cutting?

Because it was from the article that you learned

about Jeremy's scam in Oxford

and realised that Patrick was involved in it.

It was then, I think,

that you decided to kill Jeremy

and frame Patrick for his murder.

You have been doing this far too long, Father.

Is everyone a suspect to you?

You seem to be forgetting the crater in your argument -

I can barely sit down, ugh, without help.

Of course.

Do you think I somehow rolled myself

into Jeremy's cottage that night to poison him?

Not possible with a broken leg.

Thank you.

But your leg isn't broken, is it?

Father!

We only have your word for it.

You insisted Patrick returned to the rehearsal.

It's papier mache.

It's light.

Deceptive.

Perfect for theatrical props,

as you taught Millie...

..in your workshop...

..in your house.

You'd already obtained the weed-killer from Thomas's farm.

You went to the engravers and had the initials "JS"

inscribed on Patrick's previously blank identical flask.

I thought it was very clever of you

to make the deliberate mistake with the monogram placement.

Jeremy would have been too drunk to notice,

but sooner or later, it would have come to someone's attention,

especially as you were so careful

to place a photograph in the programme

showing Jeremy with the right flask.

You must have been increasingly frustrated with Thomas being blamed,

so you took a leaf out of Millie's book

and sent the police an anonymous letter...

..drawing their attention to the flask.

You know, it wasn't because of the fraud he got involved in.

Patrick was a fool to agree to that,

but it wasn't because of that.

No.

I know.

It was the day you were visiting your sick mother.

The day Jeremy needed Patrick's help in Oxford

to dupe an old lady out of her life savings,

the day Patrick left Rose asleep.

I knew Jeremy would have lied to him about how long it was going to take.

Patrick could never say no to him.

He was probably gone for hours.

You have constantly asked yourself

if there was anything you could have done to prevent it.

There wasn't.

It was out of your hands.

But what happens next to Patrick isn't.

Tell the truth, Charlie,

and God will forgive you.

Bag this as evidence, would you, Sergeant?

Mm-hm.

What's going on?

What's happened to your leg?

Darling?

I killed Jeremy.

What?

He took you away from Rose when she needed you

and she died.

You killed him?

And you wanted me blamed for it?

The accomplice in the newspaper article...

..I suddenly realised that must be you.

You weren't there when we lost her, were you?

No.

I was so angry, Patrick.

You left Rose alone to help him.

She might have needed you.

She might have been crying,

waiting for you to comfort her...

..to just pick her up.

I wasn't there for her.

You were meant to be.

You let that man manipulate you, like everyone else.

I'm sorry.

When I realised what you'd done,

I stopped having any feelings for you.

If you went to prison for killing Jeremy,

well, that was fair.

Charlie. But at least you cared.

He'd never shown one moment of regret about what happened to Rose.

And then he came back into our lives,

put himself in the middle of the show

we were putting on in her memory?

No.

He was a cancer, Patrick.

He brought pain to other people

and I had to make him pay.

If you only knew how much I wish I could go back.

I never should have left her.

My mother, she could have coped,

but Rose...

..Rose needed me.

My little girl... my little girl needed me!

They will be lenient with her, won't they, Father?

It would be a hard-hearted judge who would discount the anguish

of a mother grieving for her baby.

Patrick...

..I think it's time you showed what the Kembleford Players are made of.

And if all aim but this be levelled false,

the supposition of the lady's death

will quench the wonder of her infamy.

Signor Leonato, let the friar advise you.

LAUGHTER

Ah, a miracle!

Here's our own hands against our hearts.

Come, I will have thee, but by this light, I take thee for pity.

I would not deny you, but by this good day,

I yield upon great persuasion,

and partly to save your life,

for I was told you were in a consumption.

Peace! I will stop your mouth.

CROWD: Ooooh.

CHUCKLING

Ahem-hem.

APPLAUSE

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