Original subtitles

Transcript by sub.Trader & Clarity

Based on a true story.

Will the defendant please stand?

Kempton Bunton,

you are charged set on the 21st March 1961,

you stole from the National Gallery,

the Portrait of the Duke of Wellington by the artist, Francisco Goya,

to the value of one hundred and forty thousand pounds.

How do you plead, guilty or not guilty?

Not guilty.

And that you created a public nuisance

by depriving members of the public of the opportunity to view the portrait.

Do you plead guilty or not guilty?

Same again, luv, not guilty.

Mr. Cussen.

Thank you, My Lord.

Six months earlier

Newcastle, 1961

BBC TV

The Duke

At this rate, you'll be giving that Shakespeare

a run for his money.

Imagine if Jesus had been born a woman.

- What's it called? - The adventures of "Susan Christ".

Not my cup of tea then.

Oh, well, you never know.

Recorded delivery?

Aye. Good idea.

That'll be two shillings, Mr. Bunton.

Come on, Mr. Singh, I know you're in there.

I know he's in.

- Harry. - Alright.

We'll come back.

- I know he's in. - Right.

He's cooking.

All right, cup of tea and then we're gonna go.

"Evening Chronicle," how can I help you?

Is Barry Spence there, pet?

- Just putting through. - Thank you.

Dorothy.

I'm in here.

Dorothy, would you be a sweetie, and just clean the heads for me?

Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

Will I finish the fire place first?

It's entirely up to you, but I'm playing this afternoon.

Busy, busy.

Dorothy, as I was passing Phoenix the other day

I noticed that they had a sign of

Storeman.

Just in case your husband...

I just mention it...

- Mr. Bunton. - The curtain's raised.

Dad.

- Post office, in the street? - I know.

- Buy me five minutes. - Mr. Bunton.

Come with the hour, Jackie lad.

Mr. Bunton.

- Can I help? - We're here to inspect

your television license.

Look at that.

- What? - Fox.

Big fella.

Any house with a television is required to have a license.

Our radar van detected a line output transformer signal from this address.

Coming from a cathode-ray tube this time last week.

- I haven't got one of them. - That's a telly.

Oh, we got one of them.

And do you have a license?

- In what sense? - In a sense of having one,

or not having one.

Gentlemen, join me, "Robin Hood" after the adverts.

- Can we see your license, sir? - Don't need one.

We only watch ITV, which is paid for by this.

This is a mistake.

I can go to the post office in the morning.

This is not a mistake, that is a political act.

Witness, I cannot receive the BBC.

To the left, ITV.

I've taken the band-1 coil from the turret tuner.

Here we go again.

My wife always supports me in private.

It is thus physically impossible,

for this set to receive a televisual signal

from the British Broadcasting Corporation.

That negates the imperative on me to pay the license.

I've only got 16 bob here. Jackie, fetch the

- kit keys from the-- - Don't you move.

It's an unfair tax

on ordinary people,

especially the oldies that can't afford it.

Television, gentlemen,

is the modern cure for loneliness.

- We are a movement. - I'm not.

Our aim is to persuade our government

that all people should have free televisual viewing.

Well, the law is the law, and no one is above it.

Especially a nobody like you.

Oi! You can't talk to my dad like that in his own house.

- Or what? - You all right, Kempton?

Don't know, Barry, Never think about it.

You, back again, stirring it?

- Who are you? - "Evening Chronicle."

- By statute... - Free TV for the OAP.

I like it.

I was pleased.

Not a lot range with TV.

I don't want this in the papers.

He does, that's why I'm here.

By statute, anyone owning a television needs a license.

But I have modified this set,

by removing the BBC coil.

So I owe the government nothing.

That is an unarguable proposition, and certainly sound in law.

Hold it.

HM PRISON, DURHAM

Thank you.

Sorry, dad.

Where to? Home?

To Marian's.

Sorry, love.

Porridge.

Thirteen days.

Broke the law,

upset your mother,

again.

Marian Bunton 1930-1948

Why doesn't mum ever come?

I don't know, Jackie, you have to ask her that yourself.

When England faces the Waterloo one man stood firm,

this man,

Arthur Wellesley, the Duke of Wellington.

And when last week,

this historic portrait was in danger of leaving the country forever

we also stood firm.

Raising a hundred and forty thousand pounds required to secure it for us all.

Was it really worth it?

I mean, looking at it, it's not very big, is it?

Sir Philip?

Well,

Um...

It's an outstanding example of late period Goya.

It really is.

Outstanding.

An Interview With THE RT. HON. RAB BUTLER M.P.

This is chubby, love.

A bit of mustard?

You had servants in prison, did you?

You know I don't like getting up.

- I'll get it, Dad. - No, you won't.

Jackie.

Not the Duke of bloody of Wellington.

I sold one of my boats.

So you didn't go at the night class?

I thought you'd be happy for us.

I 'd be happier if you were getting yourself qualified.

What's the armada down till then?

Just the one left.

Are there any price, sir?

We're not in the place of putting a price on the Nations heritage.

They don't have to.

It's the taxpayers, you and me, Jackie that paid for that painting.

Since when have you paid any tax?

Welcome home, Kempton.

Do you know what's going off here, Jackie?

Tuffs looking after their own,

spending our hard-earned money,

on a half baked portrait by some Spanish drunk

of a Duke who was a bastard to his men

- and who voted against universal suffrage. - Against what?

The vote.

The Duke of Wellington didn't want you to have a say

on how this country was run when he was a Prime Minister.

Think what they could have done with all of that money?

Give us thousands and thousands of free TV licenses

to war veterans and pensioners, that's what.

Are these speeches of yours gonna put food on the table?

You can stop that, Dolly. I'm back on the taxies tomorrow.

No decision has yet been taken by the British government,

on the question of the common mass.

One who hopes,

translated from what I couldn't say, Esperanto, presumably.

I'm not paying for conversation.

I'll keep my trap shut then.

In fact, he was a Polish eye doctor, L.L. Zamenhof,

his dream was to bring humanity together,

by means of a universal language....

Beecham Pills Make life worth living

Fuckin' hell.

- What are you doing, kiddo? - Putting a cabin on it.

Boat building, eh?

The Swan Hunter will be shitting themselves.

You're gonna live on it?

Get out of the house?

I sell them on, as working boats.

- What are you doing home? - Keeping my head down.

Are you in trouble?

Not in Newcastle.

Got a little job for you.

I wanna keep my nose clean.

- I'll source the car. - No.

- You have to drive it and get rid off it. - No, I said no.

- You did it before. - Yeah, and I regret it.

Well, think about it.

A business opportunity.

How's hostilities?

He's writing away, and mum's scrubbing the world clean.

Bloody Marian.

Aye.

Bloody Marian.

She normally sleeps through.

You'll be fine, don't worry she knows you, she likes you.

Oh, Dorothy, would you mind?

Sorry.

I have always liked this dress.

It's taffeta and I hate it, it's so uncomfortable.

Dolly, it's 7:30 to 8:00, not 8:30 to 10:00.

Oh God, Bennet. Thank you, Dorothy.

So,

what is it tonight?

Golf club gala.

The only time they let the ladies in.

Don't you play there?

Oh God, no.

The end of civilization.

So, is your...

is your husband out?

I mean, back. I saw the paper.

- Do you want me to stop coming? - No.

No, it's...

It's fine, Dorothy.

We are very happy with you, really.

I don't want to cause your husband any embarrassment.

No, we couldn't possibly have that.

My husband's a counselor.

It's a real conundrum there, isn't it?

I mean...

If you can't receive the BBC.

Why should you pay the tax?

I'll see you later.

Any time this week?

It doesn't take 5 minutes to look like this.

Let's just get going.

- Where's my bag? - On the **.

- Have you got keys? - I don't need keys.

Susan, I'm not going down.

HOW TO WRITE A PLAY

You will like this one, love.

Get yourself in there.

Just take it easy, would you?

The return of the prodigal son. Don't give him any money.

I haven't got any.

Where have you two been?

To the "Green Tree."

Traitors.

I know you're still barred from there.

Pint in there isn't a pint.

You could start a fight in a ploughed field.

They accused me of nicking their toilet rolls.

You were.

I was, aye, but he had no evidence. Habeas corpus.

You're an idiot.

Leave him alone, mum.

Fish pie, Kenny? You look thin.

What are you fussing around him for?

For a change from fussing around you.

Babycham for the lady. Dad, yours.

- Thank you. - Bubble Brown.

Be sure to use the coasters, you're not in Leeds now.

Yes, civilization here...

- Put the news on, Dolly. - We haven't got a license.

- Who's side are you on? - My side.

I'm not turning that goggle box on.

A toast,

to the Buntons.

Happy families.

Happy families.

Not that sodden painting again.

National treasure is the poor bloody foot soldiers

that won his battles for him. We should be celebrating.

- Kick down every door. - Quiet.

- That's what doors are around for. - Quiet!

I hope you are proud of yourselves.

They don't swallow up what the establishment tells them.

I'm proud of that.

- Am I making a bed up for you? - Aye, a couple of nights, mum.

She'll miss you, your Dolly bird.

Who are we talking about? I heard that she's married. Pammy.

She's separated, mum.

If she is not divorced, she is still a married woman.

She was only married two months.

Don't you go down that road, Jackie Bunton.

I'm the devil incarnate, eh?

We don't know anything about your life in Leeds.

Plenty of cash,

never in work.

I'm in construction, it's seasonal.

You are always welcome here. Back room's yours.

I wouldn't be surprised to hear she's in the family way.

Fuck it! I've had enough.

I'm not gonna have language in this house!

See you, dad, it's been lovely.

No, I said you're welcome.

I'm welcome, yeah? I heard you.

- I'm never welcome in this house. - I don't want any swearing in here.

You wonder why I take months away...

I'll go and be United Nations.

All I asked of you was just not to swear.

The Portrait of the 1st Duke of Wellington

set a record price for Goya

...it was knocked down to American after 90 seconds, for 140,000 pounds.

♪ What do you want if you don't want money ♪

♪ What do you want if you don't want gold ♪

♪ Say what you want and I'll give it you darling ♪

♪ Wish you wanted my love baby ♪

♪ What do you want if you don't want money ♪

I might have the body of a weak and feeble woman.

Elizabeth I.

But I've got the testicles of Henry VIII.

You are 3.10 pound short on yesterday, Bunton.

Aye, an old fella, skint.

- Why is he taking taxies then? - He's a war veteran. Can't walk.

I am running a taxi farm.

Not a charity.

- Dig it out my wages. - I've had complaints.

One, you talk too much,

and two, it's utter bollocks.

You are sacked with immediate effect.

I haven't been paid.

Sue me then.

But fuck off first.

Hello.

Yes.

I'll just take the address please, thank you.

Thank you very much, will be there in a tick.

There is nothing more powerful

then when a community discovers what it cares about.

And when a man,

accepts our essential interdependence.

FREE TV FOR THE OAP

In that moment, he...

or she...

becomes a woman.

Or a man.

As the case may be.

How many have you got?

The petition's only one part of the campaign.

- Three? - We have just set off.

Kempton Bunton? That's not even a real name.

Rome wasn't built in a day, Jackie.

But, again, I wasn't on that particular job.

Oh, hello.

Didn't know you were political, Jackie Bunton.

Yeah, it's my dad.

His latest campaign.

My nan would love a telly

Why don't you sign my petition then, love?

I don't know about that.

The hat suits you.

I'd like to sign, Mr Bunton.

Unless you have any objection.

Au contraire, Mrs. Gowling, au contraire.

Thank you.

Now, where do I put my paw print?

Just there please.

SEEDS

FREE TV FOR THE OAP

If Jackie goes to the bad I'm holding you responsible.

It will be the straw, I promise you.

You can do your petitions, write your plays in prison.

They will do your cooking and your washing for you and all.

But I've had enough,

Had it up to here.

A peace offering.

- Good dunkers, them ginger-- - What do you want?

A pact.

Two days in London.

Give me two days, then I'll be back for good,

get a job, keep my head down.

I didn't come down in the last shower, you know.

I promise, two days.

To change anything, you have to go to Parliament.

You are wasting your life.

How do you eat an elephant?

Who eats elephants?

One bite at a time.

Stop this.

Please, Kempton, please, love, please.

I'm beggin' you,

stop all your agitations.

Two days, that's all.

If I hit a brick wall down there, that would be the end of it.

Two days, that's all I need

then I swear to God it'll be the last of it.

The plays, the politics, the Lott.

Two days.

One last chance.

LONDON BRIDGE

WATER LANE

PUDDING LANE

SUGAR LOAF COURT THREADNEEDLE ST.

"Wish you had a chauffeur? Next time..."

Do you have an appointment?

He will want to see me.

I'm sorry.

I sent him my trilogy of plays,

each one tackling a different aspect of social injustice.

He is not here.

Not here?

He's gone to Granada.

Granada TV?

No, Granada in Spain.

I could wait.

Right.

BBC

Fleet Street.

The Daily Telegraph. Sunday Telegraph.

The Daily Telegraph, The Daily Express, The Daily Mail.

Daily Express.

I need to speak to the boss, love. It's urgent.

He's over there.

- Sir, I have a story. Is that right?

- It's a campaign... - I don't do campaigns.

- It's about social injustice. - I don't do social injustice.

- Shall I buy you.. - I don't do lunch.

Another time.

Friends, members and citizens of this great Mother of Parliament...

Members, representatives...

Friends...

Fellow citizens...

Elected representatives of this noble house.

Lend me your ears.

Let's just move on quietly, sir.

I come not to bring a protest, but to demand this government

Alright.

Line up to meet the Duke.

The National Gallery.

The portrait was missing when the first shift of attendants reported to duty

there at seven this morning.

When the gallery closed last night,

The Goya was still in its usual place.

The National Gallery is appealing to anybody who was here yesterday

and who saw anything or anybody they think was suspicious

to get in touch with the police.

Will it be out of the country, Sir?

Well, looking at the degree of planning and expertise involved

we are convinced that the Goya has been stolen to order

by a well-funded, highly professional international criminal gang.

Any suspects yet?

Not very good, is it?

What about the police?

No one's looking for the Duke of Wellington in Benwell.

- Christ! - Christ!

Don't touch it!

Jesus Christ!

Christ is the man we need right now.

- How come? - Carpenter.

Someone who knows how to put a false back on that wardrobe.

- I can do that. - Get on with it then.

The next step, communication.

Cut letters out of the paper?

No, do that, and you'd be telling them what paper you read,

what glue you've got in the house,

whether you use right- or left-handed scissors.

That's three cords, and that's when they've got you.

That's why this letter cannot be posted to Newcastle.

Query note that I have the Goya.

The act is an attempt to pick the pockets of those who love art more than charity.

A bit of "Robin Hood". Like that?

- Mum. - Christ!

- How was Aunt Betty? - Why are you wearing rubber gloves?

Varnish.

Been on the boat.

Hello, pet.

Oh, you're back.

Didn't bring down the government then?

I exercised my democratic right, now it's up to them.

What matters is, I'm back.

So, you'll be going to the labor exchange?

Tomorrow, first thing.

Shall I put the kettle, love?

If you think it will go with your outfit.

So...

Gonna keep your name out of the papers?

Aye, well...

There's no reason for me to be of any interest to the press, ever again.

Why are you wearing rubber gloves?

That blocked drain.

We don't have a blocked drain.

Next doors'.

We don't talk to next door.

You've gotta build bridges.

Paris, Vienna, and London.

- I'm off. - Where to?

Rainbow Rooms.

Why in God's name would you wanna go to a club

with music and drinking and girls,

when you could stop and watch telly with me and your mum.

Don't drink too much if you are on that bike.

- I'll be careful, see you later, dad. - And wear your helmet.

We show our great appreciation to the Government of Australia,

Now then.

Oh no, what have I done?

Kempton Bunton.

I want you to swear to me,

that you have given up all your nonsense.

I swear.

I swear.

Promise me.

Dolly, love,

I've learned my lesson.

No more secrets.

Nothing, haria nada. I promise.

Meanwhile the hunt for the missing Goya portrait continues.

I feel I can trace out the thief pretty well.

He's most likely highly physically tuned.

Almost certainly a trained "commando",

or ex Special Forces.

And in cases like this

You alright?

do you expect the criminals to eventually make contact?

It's the biscuit.

We are expecting some communication from the thieves.

When it comes, we will respond.

Do you remember Fat Stan?

- Track marshal at the docks. - What?

Well, his brother in law

Geert, nice fella, dutch.

He's the foreman at this plastics injection molding plant.

And he said to Fat Stan that there is a job going.

But it's ten o'clock at night.

He is on night.

Who? Geert or Stan?

Stan.

I mean Geert.

He is night-shift foreman.

At night.

I wouldn't expect I'll be long but don't wait up.

Ta da.

The National Gallery announced

a 5000 pound reward for anyone who provides any information.

FIRESTONE TYRE SERVICE ACE SERVICE STATION

- How far are you going? - Morecambe.

Morecambe will be just champion.

Would you like a wine gum?

THE GIRL ON THE BICYCLE

What are you doing?

Have you read this one?

What's it called? The girl on the bicycle.

No.

- I don't think you should either. - So, you have read it.

He's told me what's it's about.

Making money out of our grief.

- It's just writing. - Well, it's wrong.

What else can he do?

- You will never talk about it. - What's there to talk about?

It's done, isn't it?

She's dead.

I'm back.

Where did you find that?

In the wardrobe in the back room.

What were you doing in there?

I live here.

They've got that West Side Story out on the ABC Percy Street.

You fancy, tomorrow?

We can't afford to waste money going to the pictures.

It's "Romeo and Juliet," but with singing and dancing.

And it's set in New York, not Stratford-upon-Avon.

How far have you got?

Far enough.

It's not Marian.

There is a girl who dies in a bicycle crash.

That girl's knocked off her bike by a bus in town.

Our Marian came off her bike going downhill in the country.

- Who's read this? Nobody, I should...

thinking of only sending one copy out.

Who to?

Telly.

So, the world and his wives gonna know.

- You've never let me talk about it. - Grief is private.

I bought her that bike, if I got her anything else she'd still be alive.

Well, she isn't.

He is not a writer.

He has potentials, but he can't write.

- Where was it posted? - Morecambe.

He is not an educated man.

Could it be... Italian?

No, British.

Northern, this comma here tells us a lot.

What do you mean?

It's gratuitous.

It evidents his poor education, he's an autodidactic.

A car mechanic?

He's self taught over a lifetime.

I'd put him somewhere in his late fifties.

So, what is his mental state then?

The act is an attempt to pick the pockets of those who love art more than charity.

He is an fantasist, who believes he's an idealist.

A kind of Don Quixote.

The windmill fella.

He'll be active in his community.

Known for his local campaigns.

Parking, litter, pub hours, that sort of thing.

Thank you, it was very helpful.

My pleasure.

Can someone show me out?

I wouldn't dare, you'd be telling everybody what I ate for breakfast.

Nice ass.

You are a married man, Reg.

I can look at the menu as long as I eat at home.

So this fella got the painting, yeah?

Time wasting bastard, he's just after the reward.

The Italians still favourite, then?

It's where the clever money is.

My first day.

Might be your last.

Watch these buns man, they're fast.

Get three like bricks, yeah?

In the future they'll have robots doing this.

Yeah, I can't wait.

The likes of me and you, will spend our day

developing our mind for the literature and orchestra concerts.

Please, just keep working.

Come on, mind your boomers.

It's his first day, Mr. Walker.

Well, you can watch it now.

I'm still getting used to your lot touching our white loafs, eh?

Yes, sir.

Come on.

Nothing.

Do you want them papers, Mister?

No, you have 'em, bonnie lad.

Good firelighters, but you wouldn't find any of them speaking truth.

What are you playing, lads? Tip and run?

- Can I have a ball? - No. You're alright.

Le Gallais & Sons "Duke of Wellington"

Christ.

You are Kempton Bunton and I claim my five thousand pound reward.

Jack, bugger, I nearly shit myself.

Why did you open it up for?

No reaction to my first communications,

so, I took the ticket off the back.

Proof positive that I've got it.

This to the working man's paper, the Daily Mirror.

- Mum! - Quick! Sort this lot out.

What?

♪ And round about 11 my idea of ​​heaven is a nice cup of tea ♪

- I'd like a nice cup of tea. - Stop it, you daft brush.

Anyhow, it's half three.

You are a beautiful dancer.

Graceful, fluid.

- I wasn't that good. - You were that good.

Ginger Rogers in Whitley Bay.

I always said we should have entered that competition.

We'd never have won.

Swept the board.

You are looking' at Hollisons new star baker.

"Hollisons"? I thought it was plastics.

No.

I'm Lord Bunton of the buffs. Number two oven man.

Much better, you can't eat plastic.

So, will it be regular?

I am sticking to it like a swan to water.

And a free loaf every day.

- Tomorrow, a pork pie. - Pork pie?

- Slightly damaged. - You're slightly damaged.

Today, 14 ounce of Danish.

Slightly damaged?

Light and airy, for ladies who are watching their figure.

I'm not the one.

You better off wobbling than **.

♪ I like a nice cup of tea in the morning ♪

♪ I like a nice cup of tea with my tea... ♪

♪ I like a nice cup of tea in the morning ♪

♪ For to start the day you see ♪

♪ And at half past eleven ♪

♪ Well my idea of heaven ♪

♪ Is a nice cup of tea ♪

♪ I like a nice cup of tea with my dinner ♪

Jackie Bunton.

Is this your idea of ​​a Saturday night out?

Just wait, would ya? Come on, follow me.

♪ And when it's getting late ♪

- Jackie. - ♪ Almost anything can wait ♪

- What are you doing? - ♪ For a nice cup of tea. ♪

Madam, care the view?

What do you think?

Yours are there?

One day, aye.

We'll gonna be millionaires.

That's what I wanna do.

Build boats like this.

On the Tyne?

Nah.

California, New Zealand,

Australia.

You just wanna get away.

Mum wants me to wear a shirt & tie. And dad wants me to punch the Pope.

What's the pope done to upset your dad?

The Pope,

Prime Minister...

Dolly love,

It's bad enough we have to get up.

It's a crack of a sparrow's fart. But you...

Don't mind.

A full English breakfast

served by an Irish rose.

Eat up, you're late.

That's the shipping ticket that was attached to the back of the Goya.

And he sent it to...

The Daily Mirror, Home Secretary.

So an arrest is imminent?

Not as such.

But we know where this note was posted?

Central Birmingham.

The Italians?

We are re-evaluating the aspect of the inquiry, sir.

But we can pinpoint precisely the whereabouts of this person.

Also we're pretty sure he resides between Morecambe and Birmingham and he's

traveled in that area at some time for work.

So, he could be one of about 23 million people?

If he's still in the area, yes, sir.

The Duke is safe, his temperature cared for, his future uncertain.

We ask that some known conformist type of person,

with the the sportitude of a Billy Butlin,

and the fearless fortitude of a Montgomery--

Sportitude, fortitude. The man's a bloody poet.

Perhaps we can lock W. H. Auden up at last.

What's he actually asking for?

One hundred and forty thousand pounds, Home Secretary.

Good grief, for what?

For charity.

As yet, unspecified.

Clearly a lunatic.

We will, of course, follow any credible...

Now be quiet, MacPherson.

Sir.

Gentlemen, I am fully prepared for martyrdom

but I would rather like it delayed.

And you chaps I believe need to keep your jobs.

So we'll meet again in 48 hours

when you will tell me of the very significant progress

you have made in solving this extremely serious crime.

Yes, Home Secretary.

BBC, Kempton Bunton

I'm back.

Where have you been?

Large white slice.

Slightly damaged.

This came for you.

BBC, the play.

The one that's not about the accident.

They really want me to go down to London,

supervise the production.

Thank you for giving the Drama Department

the opportunity of reading your intriguing play.

Unfortunately, it is difficult to find an audience

for plays about grief.

Whoever they get to replace, can't be writers. That's all I can say.

Whoever they are...

Or maybe it's best they've said no.

Aye.

What's for tea?

Sausage and mash.

Done.

Pair of kings.

**

**

- Three aces. - What? No!

There he is.

I might have known, Mr. Akram.

- You're still on parking time, are you? - No, sir.

- Had your 10 minutes. - Sorry, sir.

Let him finish the game.

What?

Me and Javid broke at the same time.

Kempton, please, it doesn't matter.

It does matter, we get a 15 minute break

and we've only had nine minutes of it.

You don't understand, it's different for me...

Are you accusing me of racialist discrimination?

- No, no, no. - Hey.

I like Pakis, mate.

I mean, if it wasn't for your lot,

I wouldn't be able to get a pint of milk on a Christmas morning, eh?

I'm going back up now, sir.

Sit down, Bunton.

You can finish your game.

I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.

Mahatma Gandhi.

Well.

That is brilliant, that is.

I tell you what, Bunton.

Get your card,

clock off and fuck off.

You can have as long a break as you want, man.

HEYBURYS BAKER & CONFECTIONER

Can I have one of them pork pies, please?

Yeah, one pork-pie, anything else?

No, thank you.

Can you just damage it a bit, please?

Damage it?

Just chip a bit of pastry of the side.

-I can. -Thank you.

Where were you?

What's your answer to that then?

What are you doing here?

Stopping over for a couple of night, dad.

This is Pammy.

Hiya, Mr. Bunton.

What do you want?

Talking to your lad.

In a bedroom?

Well, when we knocked on the front door,

Pamela here didn't seem to think your Kenny was at home.

Would you believe it?

We found him up here.

-Shall we all go downstairs? -Well... Alright.

Kenny should've given evidence yesterday at Leeds Crown Court

but he did a runner.

-What've you done, Kenneth? -Me? Nothing.

They want me to grass up a pal of mine.

You need a witness summons then.

Has everyone in this family got a law degree?

I'm not legally qualified as such, I'm more a talented amateur.

One witness summons.

Leeds Crown Court.

Thursday.

Thank you.

We'll see ourselves out.

Ta-ra, boys.

Ta-ra.

You can't stay in this room.

I'm writing here.

But mum said it'll be alright.

Where is she?

Shops, I gave her some money.

Not enough dinner now over here?

"Dinner" is what they have down south. Up here it's tea.

I'm against hanging on principle,

unless it's for something really serious.

-That doesn't even make sense. -Are you saying I'm thick?

You know you're thick.

Kenny's mate stole a car, Dolly. He won't be hung for that.

Hanged.

It's "hanged."

I love your toad in the hole, mum.

Thank you, Jackie.

So...

Pamela,

what is your current domestic situation?

Give it a rest, mum.

I work for Ms. Gowling.

That's the wife of counselor Gowling.

You may have heard of him.

And what's it got to do with him?

There's a difference between right and wrong.

Dad...

I agree with your mother.

It'd be wrong for you two to be living in sin under our roof.

What's happened to you?

You'll be voting Tory next?

"Play For Today" is on in five minutes.

Can't get BBC.

Why not?

Dad took it out the band-1 coil out.

If you can't get the BBC you don't have to have a license.

But you've got one still attached to this side of your television.

No, we haven't.

That's mine.

What did you do that for?

To be normal.

Just fit in the gizmo back in then.

Dad's lost the coil.

So you pay for a TV license and you still can't receive BBC?

We don't like "Play For Today."

It's just an excuse for a lot of bad behavior.

Did you set your alarm, luv?

What for?

Aren't you six to two tomorrow?

Ah, you're right.

Don't embrace this.

- Sandwich loaf tomorrow if you can manage. - No problem.

Will you piss off?

Language!

She's got a nerve.

Count your blessings they're only arguing.

Meet the Quality Street Gang, seizing up the works of art.

Bast, very smooth.

But inside he's a hard nut.

And Fingers, slim, elegant things. Everything he touches...

It was there for six weeks.

It must've been a big source of anxiety for the National Museum staff.

The evidence they put together...

Did he steal before? Never. Never.

Not since the gallery opened in 1824.

What have you been thinking about the thieves themselves?

Well, we don't think that they were professional criminals in a strict sense.

We think they...

-Doll. -What?

...more likely to have been misguided people.

What?

They spoke about charity in their note.

Nothing.

The best of charity they can do would be returning the portrait.

You like it. I wanna you to say.

I need to piss.

And I thought you were Cary Grant.

-You beauty. -Dad.

Three horse accumulator, twenty quid.

The Mirror, they're making you an offer.

THE MISSING GOYA AND THE MIRROR

OUR SPORTING OFFER TO THE MYSTERY LETTER-WRITER

I'll give 'em the painting,

they put it on the exhibition, charge the public to see the Duke

and give me the proceeds. Bingo!

How much will the exhibition raise?

Thirty thousand?

Fifty thousand? Who knows?

The painting has not been out in the news, has it?

I'll be able to pay for God knows how many TV licenses.

You're not really gonna use it all on telly licenses?

Why not?

Just saying, who couldn't make use of a couple of grand?

You think Robin Hood took a rake off?

Jackie, Robin Hood?

What if they are in it with the coppers?

You'll give them the painting.

They're doing cov-op, and they shut you.

"The Mirror"?

This is the workers' feed we're talking about.

How are you gonna get them the painting?

We'll worry about that tomorrow. Tonight, celebration.

Fish supper. Family outing.

No, but Dad, Irene is coming around.

The more the merrier. Bring her along.

So, Mrs. Bunton, How did you and Mr. Bunton meet?

At his mother's pub in Tynemouth.

He wiped my table four times.

It worked, you came back.

When she saw he was sweet of me, his mother said,

"Some of his faults are good faults."

Can't we go to the seaside? How far is Tynemouth?

You wouldn't wanna be dragged by your balls from here to Tynemouth.

Kenneth, language.

Irene is new to the family. And she hasn't been married.

No,

I'm still looking for my prince charming.

Good luck finding him in Benwell.

Benwell village.

You are so harsh, ​​mum.

Here, come here.

No, no, my God.

-Chariot for the Queen. -Stop it.

Make way for the queen. Here she is coming.

Four pie and chips, Two corn chips

mashed peas, three and two pots of tea, please.

Four pie and chips,

two corn chips, three mashed peas, and two pots of tea.

On second thought I prefer a lemonade.

And a lemonade, please.

And a lemonade.

Anything else?

-What are you gonna do with it? -With what?

The painting?

What painting?

I don't know, the painting of Duke of Wellington by Francisco Jose de Goya?

What are you suggesting?

I'm suggesting that if you were to move the painting somewhere neutral,

safe, out of the house,

I could tell the authorities where it is,

and we could split the five thousand reward.

-Or? -Or...

You can hang on to it.

And one day some very pop in mind assistant tells the police everything

and gets all the money.

But we wouldn't want that to happen, would we?

Because I like you.

And you would have to go to prison.

-Two and a half thousand? -Each.

-I can't do what I need to do with 2500. -What do you wanna do?

-Help people. -Or help yourself more like.

Are you short of money?

Who isn't?

She knows about it.

What?

The Duke.

-Who? Mum? -Pammy.

She's after the reward money, she wants to split it with me.

-But what about the "Mirror" affair? -I know.

But if she goes to the police now, we're done for.

So, take it back tonight, Maybe they'll go easy on me.

-What would you tell mum? -What can I tell her?

Here, I'm gonna slip back. Keep them entertained.

-What am I supposed to do? -I do not know.

Take them to the "green tree."

Kempton?

I can explain.

Oh my good God.

It was you?

You stole the painting?

It's not theft, for money,

it's for the campaign.

You're a madman.

I'm living with the madman.

But you swore to me, you promised.

If you involved our Jackie in this--

Jackie has nothing to do with it.

Why was he wearing rubber gloves half of the time then?

He helped me built the panel.

So he is involved.

He hasn't touched the painting. Not without rubber gloves on.

I'm shaking.

It's the shock.

Shock, yes, I'm shocked. There's a stolen masterpiece in my wardrobe.

I'm taking it back.

Anything else I need to know?

-I lost my job at the bakery. - There's a surprise.

I stood up against racial bigotry.

-Well done. -Someone had to say something.

Yes, and it's called Martin Luther bloody King. Not Kempton Bunton.

You swore you'd get a job.

We had an agreement.

You lied.

You lied. You lied when you said all of this would stop.

You don't care, do you?

No, no. It's just me, me, me, isn't it? No one else exists.

Pammy knows I've got it.

Oh Heavens.

There's a reward, five thousand. She's after the money, so if...

-She'll go to the police. -It's possible but...

-And they'll come here. -Yet only if it's...

In the street.

They'll drag you out in handcuffs.

-Listen, calm down. -I can't calm down. I'm at top pitch.

I'm taking the painting back to London tonight quietly.

That would be the best thing for us, for all of us.

I might have to do a bit of time.

It's a hundred and forty thousand pound painting. You'll do life.

No, luv, it's not like that. I was gonna use it...

you know, the greater good of mankind.

Mankind? What about your own kind?

You've broken this family.

You're disgusting.

Get out, you bastard. Just get out!

Dad.

Dad, I'm coming with you.

No, you're not. This is my thing. It has nothing to do with you.

Now stay and look after your mother.

Excuse me, sir.

Are you taking one of our paintings?

No sir, I'm bringing one back.

Meanwhile, in an unexpected development,

Goya's portrait of the Duke of Wellington has been returned by hand

to where it was stolen from London's National Gallery.

At a press conference an official described

how a member of the public has simply walked in off the streets

with the painting under his arm wrapped up in a bit of old brown paper.

And when our reporter tried it nobody batted an eyelid.

...looked up and said,

"Mr. Hutchinson, are you trying to show this court content?"

I said, "My Lord, no. I'm actually trying to hide it."

First rule of advocacy: don't be funnier than the judge.

Yes.

Mr. Bunton,

I'm your barrister, Jeremy Hutchinson.

That's a shame, I thought you were gonna offer me a gin and tonic.

While I'm out tonight

my wife is in a Cherry orchard.

Playing "Ranevskaya"?

Indeed.

Like life I can never decide if the cherry orchard,

is a tragedy or a farce.

Do you know the play?

It's one of my favorites.

I lost a child myself.

I'm sorry.

I'm a playwright.

As a matter of fact, I prefer Chekhov to Shakespeare.

For me, the Bard is overfond of his kings.

Eric Crowther, junior counselor.

Mr. Hutchinson's wife is the actress Dame Peggy Ashcroft.

Yes.

You are a lucky man.

Well...

Court number one, eh?

The old Bailey.

The crucible of British criminal justice.

-Dr. Crippen. -Derek Bentley.

Ruth Ellis.

They were all hung.

I mean hanged.

They didn't have Mr. Hutchinson defending them.

Who's prosecuting?

Neddie Cussen.

-Score is seven to two. -To you?

To him.

He was born prosecutor, Neddie.

Defendants are always guilty until proven innocent.

Can you get me off?

Mr. Bunton,

You've returned the Goya by hand, and confessed to the theft.

You gave the police a detailed explanation of how you stole it.

And you've explained your motive.

Can I get you off?

Almost certainly not.

Meanwhile, Kempton Bunton, a Newcastle man,

accused of stealing Goya's portrait of the Duke of Wellington,

arrived at the Old Bailey this morning for the first day of his trial.

And it was quite an entrance.

-Did you steal the Goya, Mr. Bunton? -No, I borrowed it.

-Why? -For the greater good.

We can still get there.

He's made his bed, he can lie in it.

The most of the day was taken of with empaneling the twelve citizens.

Twelve good men and women

who will tomorrow begin to hear what promises to be

one of the most eagerly awaited criminal trial since the war.

Another triumph for the Duke of Wellington.

And as the queues begin to gather for access to the public gallery,

there is no doubt that even by the Old Bailey standards

this one looks like being a very off ticket.

-Are you Kempton Bunton? -Aye.

But not named after Kempton Race track as some might have it.

Even though it is probable that I was conceived there.

It is a "yes" or "no" answer?

Yes, My Lord.

My mother named me after Kempton Cannon. The jockey who rode St. Amanat.

The winner of that year's derby.

Do you want me to explain Bunton?

I didn't want you to explain Kempton.

Charges.

Kempton Bunton, you are charged set on the 21st March, 1961.

You stole a picture frame to the value of 80 pounds,

property of the National Gallery.

How do you plead? Guilty or not guilty?

Not guilty.

In the second count, you are charged set on the same day,

you stole from the National Gallery,

the portrait of the Duke of Wellington by the artist Francesco Goya,

to the value of one hundred and forty thousand pounds.

-How do you plead? Guilty or not guilty? -Not guilty.

Yes!

To those unfamiliar with court proceedings,

that was the plea, not the verdict.

Kempton Bunton, you are further charged that following the theft of the portrait

you made demands with menaces for its return.

Do you plead guilty or not guilty?

Not guilty.

And that you created a public nuisance by depriving members of the public

of the opportunity to view the portrait.

Do you plead guilty or not guilty?

Same again, luv, not guilty.

Mr. Cussen.

Thank you, My Lord.

And at 5 a.m.

when you returned from your rest break, what did you see?

The painting was gone, sir. Clearly stolen.

Thank you.

Mr. Edbury, if you could remain there

my defense friend will have some questions for you.**

Mr. Hutchinson.

No questions, My Lord.

The conception, design, and execution of this act was solely,

singly and entirely my own.

And that statement is signed?

Kempton Bunton.

Thank you, detective inspector.

If you would stay there Mr. Hutchinson will have some questions for you.

Mr. Hutchinson.

The defense has no questions for this witness.

At this rate we'll be finished by tea.

And Dr. Unsworth, what is your professional opinion of the hand?

The child-like scrawl across all the ransom note is

when compared to his normal script

unequivocally the feebly disguised hand of the accused, Mr. Bunton.

I'm grateful, Dr. Unsworth. if you would remain on stand.

Any cross examination, Mr. Hutchinson? Or are you trying to give it up?

The defense has no questions for this witness.

What are you doing?

The dirt in this house.

Stop it.

Someone has got to keep this place clean,

Lord knows your father will drag us into the gutter.

That's not true.

And it's not dad's fault Marian died.

He bought her that bike, so as far as he's concerned he killed her.

Do you think I don't know that?

Tell him then, talk about it.

Why do you think he does his plays, and his leaflets and petitions?

-Defend him all you like. -I stole the painting.

Did you hear me? I stole the Goya.

What?

No.

No, you didn't take that painting. No, you did not.

Aye, it was me.

Not dad.

No, please, just please tell me it's all nonsense, Jackie Bunton.

-Oh my God, I'm shaking. -Mum?

I'm shaking.

Look at me, I'm shaking.

Stop it, you're just making yourself shake.

Sit down.

When did you go to London?

It was that week I took off work.

But you...

You said you went to Leeds.

You lied.

I'm sick of you skivvying for lady Mogue.**

Sick of 'em all laughing at dad.

I thought the painting might be...

I thought it might change everything.

So you are a liar

and a thief.

I just thought if he had something

them bloody tuffs wanted they'd have to listen...

You know, his TV crusade.

Crusade? Jesus Christ is he now?

But how?

I mean how did you take it?

I cased the gallery.

Goya was just out there on an easel.

Not even guard standing by it.

All I had to do

was find somewhere I could break in.

I went to the toilet,

and I opened the toilet window and leaned down.

There was a courtyard below

with all builder stuff and ladders.

Excuse me.

I went up to the security fella. And asked him how you get a job.

You can try the office.

Cleaners work early mornings.

Four thirty.

Get a night rate, son. Lucky buggers.

I was born lucky.

Then, I figured...

If the cleaners were half past four they'd have to turn the alarms off.

So I went back early morning.

Put a ladder up just below the toilet window.

Climbed up and...

I could hear one of them, automatic floor polishers.

So I waited until he passed and then...

NOW WASH YOUR HANDS

I just walked across the floor.

I don't suppose you've ever been to Newcastle.

What did your father say when you told him?

Fucking hell!

-What do you think? -I think...

Fucking hell!

A hundred and forty grand.

If you can sell it which you can't.

I know.

I'm not daft.

But for pictures the insurance will pay out 10 percent for safe return.

Have you got a screw loose?

-Are you angry with this? -Angry? No.

I'm furious, you stupid penis

you've nicked the best known painting on the planet.

Good lord.

Why can't we use it to get them free telly licenses?

Blackmail the bastards.

Or to bargain a ransom? To betterment of none other than common men?

One problem.

What's that?

Two words.

Mrs. Dorothy Bunton.

We have to hide it from her.

You can't hide anything from a woman in her own house.

No, if she finds it I stole it.

-I'm not having you take the blame. -I...

stole it.

On the telly it was in the frame.

Shit.

I took it off.

I must've left it under the bed in my digs. Sorry.

You'd lose your balls if they weren't in a bag.

It's not very good, is it?

THE GIRL ON THE BICYCLE.

I do solemnly, sincerely and truly declare

and affirm

that the evidence I shall give

shall be the truth,

the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Excuse me. Thank you.

How old are you, Mr. Bunton?

I don't know. I feel about 23.

You don't know your date of birth?

I never had a birth certificate.

1900 I think.

Do you know where you were born?

The back bedroom.

Or your mother's house in Newcastle?

Byker.

If a Newcastle was a dog,

you lifted its tail,

that hole there, that's Byker.

Your father...

fought in the first world war at Ypres.

Wipers, he wasn't an officer.

He came back in a wheelchair?

Aye.

A tank ran over his legs.

How did he feel about the Germans after that?

Never a bad word.

The Germans didn't have tanks.

You helped him to run his business.

Aye, he was a street bookie, and I did his running for him.

It was illegal. But you could bribe the beat bobby with 12 shillings.

I was as guilty as anybody.

And who hasn't been guilty of a youthful indiscretion?

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury... The past, as they say

is another country.

Your father died.

And you lived with your mother who ran pubs?

Aye.

It was a rough game, but she had a left hook like Henry Cooper's.

Luckily she didn't cut quite as easy.

In WWII you were refused service on medical grounds?

I've done my bit. I drove lorries.

You married young?

I have to marry.

Had to marry?

It was love.

The decision was made for me.

Did you intend to steal this painting in a sense of...

permanently depriving the gallery of it?

Never.

Did you ever demand money with menaces at any time from anyone?

No, sir.

In 1960,

did you communicate with the post office about your TV license?

Aye, I told them I had no intention of paying it because I couldn't receive BBC.

-You went to prison for not paying? -I did.

On your release,

you continued to campaign for free TV,

for pensioners and war veterans, is that correct?

I could afford a license myself,

it was about principle of the thing.

All my life I've looked out for other people and got into trouble for it.

When did that begin,

looking out for others?

I was about 14.

Summer holidays.

I've just finished reading Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness"

and I felt the need to explore Sunderland.

But I got distracted and found myself on a South Shields beach.

I chugged myself into sea to cool down.

A rip tide dragged me out.

I was on my own, exhausted,

about a mile out,

and I knew there was no way I'd get back in.

But I had faith,

not in God,

but in people.

I knew some nosy buggerer would see a pair of clothes on the beach

and put two and two together.

So I trusted in that

and waited.

Conserved my energy

by floating,

not swimming.

Looked at the sky...

Smile on my face.

You could call it trust.

An hour later

the light boat pulls up alongside and holds me in.

The skipper was a milkman from Blyth.

By all accounts a bit of a bastard.

Excuse my French.

You know, as a milkman I mean. But there's good and bad in all of us.

He saved my life that day.

It could've been anyone but I knew someone would.

I'm not me without you, do you get me?

We all need each other.

No, you are me.

It's you that makes me me and it's me that makes you you.

Humanity is a collective project.

Look, on my own I'm a single brick.

A bit useless.

What good is a brick on its tod?

But you put a lot of bricks together, you get a building,

you build a building, you create a shadow.

Already you've changed the world.

Your philosophy, I think it earns the appellation.

How did you apply this thinking to your own struggle?

You can't help the dead but you can be inspired by them.

Some of them kids that this country sent out to France and Belgium in 1914 came back.

They are over 65 now. Pension has been not two pennies to rub together.

And isolation

or not being connected to use the modern lingo is no kind of life.

So what you grandly call my philosophy, that "I'm you, you're me" thing

tells me that every time

someone gets cut off from the rest of us.

This nation, this country

becomes a foot shorter.

MARIAN BUNTON 1930-1946

Mr. Bunton,

I suspect the jury are asking themselves how any of this

applies to the theft of the Goya.

-I saw on the news. -The ITV news?

Very good.

I've seen that the government was paying out a 140 000 pounds for this painting.

That for me became about numbers.

If you put all that money into a bank account

earning 10 percent interest

you could pay for 3500 TV licenses a year,

and reconnect with all of them people.

No further questions, My Lord.

You saw the painting on the ITV news

and realizing it was worth 140 000 pounds

you decided to come down to London to steal it

for personal gain, didn't you?

I thought I'd kidnap it for a while, aye.

Where did you stay whilst you planned the heist?

I took digs near a bucket shop.

What's a bucket shop?

A shop that sells buckets.

Was that deliberate?

No, but it came in useful.

In what way?

This isn't my city, is it? I don't know my way around.

So I'd get to Camden and ask a local, "do you know where I can buy a bucket?"

And that way you'd get direction?

Everyone knows where you can buy a bucket.

Do you know the address of the shop?

Why? Do you need a bucket?

No, we need... Excuse me.

We need the address because you said that you removed the frame

and hid it under the bed in your lodgings.

So is the bucket shop still there?

I have no idea. I've not been back.

I'm not short of buckets myself.

Mr. Bunton, you are on trial.

This is not an audition for a music hall.

Sorry, My Lord.

What am I looking at?

Ten years?

I'll make my closing speech and then the judge will give his summing up.

Which I warn you may sound a bit like the second speech for the prosecution.

All the benches up there have this Latin phrase on them,

Domine, dirige nos.

Lord, direct us.

"God, help us" more like.

Well, I'll give you two some time.

Please.

Well, you are all over the papers.

Am I?

You could've told me.

We could've dealt with it together.

Could we?

I read the rest of your play.

I'm sorry you felt you're to blame. You're not.

I went to see her.

-Nice spot, isn't it? -Lovely.

Cleaned it up a bit.

I like the wildness.

She died in the country.

Any excuse to do nothing.

How long will you get?

I don't know.

Ten years?

You didn't take the painting.

Would you rather Jackie was in the dock?

I'm sorry, Dolly.

It's a mess.

It's a mess alright.

As the night follows day

Kempton Bunton stole the Goya.

So say the prosecution.

No.

That puzzled me.

Because nothing

is a crime in this country unless it is expressly forbidden

by law.

If you neighbor

borrows your lawn mower and doesn't return it for a month.

It is frustrating. It is annoying.

But it is not theft.

Because he had no intention of permanently depriving you of it.

Kempton Bunton

is your neighbor.

He is not

a thief.

He borrowed your Goya to...

try and do a bit of good in this world.

It a world where

I 'm you,

you are me.

To try and benefit

some of the most vulnerable people in society.

He returned it. Delivered it in person.

The Goya late? Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Who amongst us hasn't been late returning a lawn mower.

When all of this said and done,

he's a pretty good neighbor really.

Isn't he?

Thank you.

And in response to Mr. Bunton's confession, that he took the Goya,

you may consider it as a result of his defense

every gallery in the country would be powerless to prevent anyone from

borrowing the Rubens for the weekend.

To hang it on the hallway to impress the chair of the Rotary Club.

Can this country really allow

such behaviour to be placed outside our criminal law?

Now that is the question I urge you to focus on now

as you retire to consider your verdicts.

This is a good sandwich.

It is.

I felt cheese.

Will the foreman please stand.

And the defendant.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

have you reached a verdict upon which all twelve of you are agreed?

We have.

On the charge of the theft of a picture frame

to the value of 80 pounds, property of the National Gallery.

Do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty?

Guilty.

Establishment fix up!

- Establishment fix up! - There will be silence.

or I shall order the public gallery cleared?

On the charge of a theft of the Goya portrait of the Duke of Wellington

do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty?

Not guilty.

On the charge of demanding money with menaces for the return of the portrait

do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty?

Not guilty.

Silence!

Silence in court!

On the charge of creating a public nuisance

by depriving members of the public of the opportunity to view the portrait

-do you find the defendant-- -Not guilty.

Silence!

Silence in court!

I will have silence.

Silence in court!

Remove that woman.

I'm not going anywhere.

Kempton Bunton served three months...

for the theft of the frame...

which was never found.

Thank you.

H M PRISON DURHAM

Give us one of those bags.

-You're here? -Of course I'm here.

Where else do you think I'd be?

I hadn't been wasting my time, I've put up a couple of plays.

Shakespeare must be shivering in a hitch.

I suppose so.

And Chekhov.

Who's Chekhov?

Do you remember that play we went to see about the three sisters?

Here she is.

Welcome home, dad.

I'll put the kettle on.

Is one of those for me?

Wet your whistle.

-Cheers. -Cheers.

Four years later, keen to clear his conscience,

Jackie confessed to the theft.

-I needed that. -I'm glad you did.

DIRECTOR OF PUBLIC PROSECUTIONS

The director of public prosecutions and I have considered the evidence

in the case.

And your confession.

It goes without saying, it is an offense of the utmost gravity.

However...

In order to prosecute we would be compelled to call

the original defendant.

It puts us in a delicate position.

Given the public spectacle your father seems to create.

So it has been decided

that prosecuting you may not be in the public interest.

What? Do you mean Kempton would make you look stupid again?

Sorry, I didn't mean.

Of course, if a single word of this were ever to go beyond these walls

we could always change our minds.

-Clear? -Clear.

-Irene... -I will.

-Will you marry me? -I just said, "I will."

Just like you on this island, Dr. No.

It depends, Mr. Bond,

on which side of the glass you are.

A medium-dry martini, lemon peel. Shaken, not stirred.

-Vodka? -Of course.

It's that bloody picture again.

You should put that into the wardrobe.

You'd have to get Jackie to fix it.

Free TV licenses were eventually introduced in 2000

for the over 75s.

No play by Kempton Bunton has ever been produced.

Transcript by sub.Trader & Clarity