Original subtitles

Wake up.

Wake up.

Damn.

AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT

A kiss for all you clowns out there.

- That's right. - For all you clowns.

I'd love to work in a circus.

- That doesn't match. - What, the tie?

Where's the shirt I bought you?

I wore it to the Red House interview.

I haven't ironed it.

Any calls while I was in the shower?

- No. - Good.

Why?

No reason. Mckenzie might cancel.

Nobody's going to cancel.

Or reschedule. It's happened before.

Sara called last night. They sold their apartment.

Already? They put it up for sale last month.

They cut the price in half to sell faster.

Luisa, our kids were born in this house.

Where would we live?

We could live with my parents in Mexico.

With your parents?

You want me to move to Mexico and live with your parents?

You could get a good job with your resume.

And the kids?

They can go to college there.

College.

That's another thing.

How will we afford it? Unemployment won't cover it.

I'm a failure.

You're not a failure.

Why?

Look how hot your wife is.

Remember the hotel we stayed in on our honeymoon?

The Hotel Paraiso.

We sure were happy then.

We still are. This is just a bad streak.

I'll tell you what.

You're going to put on this shirt you look so great in,

which I gave you with all my love,

and you're going to cheer up.

I can't.

Why are you so depressed today?

I'm not depressed.

Yes, you are.

But I love you anyway.

Name one original thing I've ever done.

"Coca-Cola. Life's little spark."

That wasn't bad.

Wasn't bad?

They still use it on commercials.

- That was ages ago. - Look.

I know you're having a hard time,

but plenty of people are worse off

than we are. You'll get that job

and we'll take a trip with the money.

Our anniversary is the 14th.

That's right.

Our anniversary.

But I still have two weeks.

We can go to that hotel.

We'll stay in the same room.

What if it's gone?

We're not that old. Why would it be gone?

How do I look?

You look

totally handsome.

Tom Cruise is finished.

You'd blow people away in Hollywood. Come here.

I got to go, I got to 90-

I don't want to be late.

- I'd like to teach the world to sing… - Silly.

…in perfect harmony…

Luisa, please, I have to go,

or late is what I'll be…

Good luck. Got everything?

Wallet, phone, keys?

I think so.

Want me to come with you?

I'm a big boy now.

- Good morning. - One moment.

McKenzie Emerson Spain, may I help you?

I'll connect you.

Good morning.

I'm here to see the president, Javier Gandara. We're friends.

I think I'm a little early.

- Name? - Javier Gandara.

No, yours.

Roberto Gomez.

Roberto Gomez is here. He says he's early.

What should I do with him?

Teri says Mr. Gandara can't see you yet. You can wait here.

Sure.

Thanks.

Excuse me, can I get some coffee somewhere?

Yes, downstairs on the right.

Hey, David.

Where are you going?

I'm a friend of David's. I was saying hi.

One moment, please.

I'm here to see the president and I'm a little early…

Mr. Solar is very busy. He mustn't be disturbed.

- Wait there. - Right.

Okay.

Hey, Sole!

Hi, Martin.

Let's get lunch. I reserved at a Chinese place.

I'm almost done with this screen!

You've been at it all morning.

That's the easiest level.

I ate the magic mushroom!

Forget the mushroom, you're on the easy level.

I'll go and get a cup of coffee. Thank you.

Shut up!

Hello?

Hey, I missed you on Saturday.

You were right not to go. We lost, as usual.

Finally.

Roberto Gomez.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Don't worry about it.

The president is waiting.

Okay, see you later. Bye.

Everybody out.

- How is everything, Roberto? - Javier.

What happened to you?

In the cafeteria, a disaster. Never mind.

- How are you? - Couldn't be better.

Hey, nice office, huh?

Yeah. How are Luisa and the kids?

Great. Luisa's doing great.

Chasing kids around all day… Anyway, we're fine.

- Is she still teaching? - Not at the moment.

She substitutes sometimes, stuff like that.

My daughter's in New York, at N.Y.U.

50 grand a year and another 50 grand for the apartment in Tribeca.

- Those are big numbers. - But you know what?

I don't care.

Your kids' future is worth it, don't you think?

Nothing better to spend it on. Of course.

What can I do for you?

Well, Javier, look.

I'll fill you in. I've been working

freelance these last few years. No attachments, right?

Taking my time, charging my battery…

And I feel like I'm ready

to settle down. You came to mind and I thought

I'd be perfect for your new project. So here I am.

Javier, the truth is I'm having a hard time.

I need a job.

A job. A job, a job.

I can't offer you a job, Roberto.

You know things aren't that simple.

Tell me about it. I've been jobless for two years with a mortgage to pay

and Luisa has no idea we'll be broke in two months.

It doesn't have to be full time.

I could come in a couple times a week. How about it?

Impossible.

I could easily swing it

but you know I can't because you're my friend.

But I'm good.

I'm good, Javier.

Okay, maybe not as good as before.

But remember, the Coca-Cola campaign was my idea.

"Life's little spark."

It made you guys millions.

Hold on a second.

That was a team effort.

A team effort? You're kidding, right?

We both know that was my slogan.

It was 2 A.M., I was 17 years old.

I brought you guys coffee and you were exhausted.

And I said, "Hey, where's the spark? Life's little spark.“

You loved it, Javier.

You loved it. If you don't remember,

please, go and ask David.

I swear on my kids that was mine.

I swear.

I'm sorry to put you on the spot like this.

Thanks, Javier.

Roberto.

Maybe we could get your kid a scholarship.

Sure.

Excuse me, can you spare any change for a sandwich?

Sorry, I haven't got anything.

What do you mean? You have a car

and a briefcase and a house.

You guys in ties are all bastards!

You're listening to Migma Radio.

This song is dedicated to all those assholes out there

who tried to fuck up my day but failed.

The song is called: "You can all go to hell."

What? What?

What are you looking at? What?

What's your problem, you clown?

What?

Move it or I'll smash you.

You, you and you. All three of you. Fucking kiss asses!

You want me to say it in English? I'll say it in English.

Clown.

Can you give me the number for the Hotel Paraiso in Cartagena?

What?

It's not listed? It has to be.

No, I don't want another hotel. It has to be that one.

Okay, never mind.

Thanks anyway.

Goodbye.

- Excuse me. - Yes?

- Where's the hotel that was here? - It's not here anymore.

It's gone.

These walls are over two thousand years old.

Emperor Augustus would be proud of the colossal undertaking

initiated by City Hall

to rescue this jewel of Imperial Rome from the clutches of obscurity.

Buried for centuries, it remained hidden

from human sight. A coincidence, however,

some boys playing with a Roman coin,

caused the history of this city to take

a 360-degree turn.

180. If you turn 360 degrees, you end up in the same place.

Okay, then.

But a picture is worth

a thousand words. Let's begin the guided tour.

Here is our wonderful archeologist,

Mercedes San Roman.

She knows more than I do about practically everything.

The first discoveries

were made under the Plaza de Condesa de Peralta

when they started building the Center for Arts and Crafts.

- What about the coin? - The mayor made that up.

The first digs uncovered a complex alignment

of structures and rich architectural elements

which were a prelude to the amazing archeological find

which took place shortly thereafter.

Please follow me.

RESTRICTED ACCESS WORKERS ONLY

Hey, who's there?

Hey!

Stay there! It's dangerous!

Don't move! It's dangerous!

Don't move!

- Hold on! - Help!

Take my hand!

Here! Hey! No!

- I can't! - God!

Please, help me!

Give me your hand.

Help!

I've got you!

- Jump! - Don't let go!

Jump, for God's sake!

I'll get help! Hold on!

Help!

Help!

Help!

Help me, please!

Help!

I'm slipping, I can't hold on!

Good lord!

- No! - Where is he?

Get help and call an ambulance. Quickly!

Enough introductions.

Let us enjoy the efforts of the last few years.

An archeological discovery of global importance.

That's impossible.

What's wrong now?

- We can't go out there. - What?

There's been an accident. Make something up.

Sir.

Sir.

Are you all right?

- Sir. - I don't know.

I think so.

Can you get UP-7

Is it your back?

No, I can't move my head.

I can't.

What's wrong?

Nothing, don't worry.

,What are you guys doing? - What's up?

- He needs an ambulance. - It's on the way.

Now, damn it!

We had a hard time finding it, because at first we thought

- one of the neighbors… - Excuse me.

Can we go outside already?

I need to send the article to the paper before it closes.

Why can't I move my head?

Stay still.

- It's okay. - What's going on?

You see those rods over there?

You have one stuck in your head.

What?

It's okay, the ambulance is on the way.

I need to call my wife.

Hey! Where are you going?

- What's going on here? - Please! Listen for a second.

It took centuries to discover this ancient marvel.

I want to be the one who turns on the lights.

Is that too much to ask?

What hospital will they take me to?

Perpetuo Socorro. It's five minutes away.

Perpetuo Socorro.

Relax.

Hi, honey. Why haven't you called? How was the meeting?

Fine. Listen…

Something absurd happened, you'll laugh.

I had a little accident and I have an iron rod stuck in my head.

You have what?

I had a little accident.

Hello? Roberto? I can't hear you.

I said I have an iron rod stuck in my head.

You slipped on an iron bed?

You don't understand!

Hello? Roberto?

Roberto? Listen, are you okay?

I'm fine. I'm waiting for the ambulance.

The ambulance?

They're taking me to Perpetuo Socorro. I'm in Cartagena.

Okay. Socorro, Cartagena, ambulance.

I'm leaving rig ht now. Why Carta…? Never mind, I'm on my way.

Are you calmer now?

Yeah.

I'm better.

Is there a lot of blood?

I don't see any blood.

Careful, damn it!

- Where's the ambulance? - It's almost here.

Take it easy, okay?

The ambulance is almost here.

What's he doing with his cell phone?

Stop that!

- Better? - Yeah, better.

Feeling any calmer?

By the way, my name is Roberto.

Claudio.

Sorry.

Sorry we met like this, Roberto.

Damn.

I was only looking for the Hotel Paraiso.

They closed it a couple years ago to build the theater museum.

Theater? What theater?

It's grandiose, Merche.

Grandiose.

There's a man down there!

- What? - You're rig ht.

It looks like an accident.

Jose! Jose, listen to me.

- Don't close, there was an accident. - No, you're mistaken.

That still hasn't been established.

- We're ruined! - This is no time to joke,

- Mayor. - I'm not joking.

This is horrendous.

Everything was so grandiose…

All the photographers… Everybody out!

Get out of here!

Please, step back!

Please! He fell.

He fell. Please!

Everyone step back! Coming through!

- Over here. - Everyone step back.

Hi.

How's it going? I'm Carlos, Toni and Paco, okay?

Roberto. Nice to meet you.

Toni's going to check your vitals and I'll take a look under there.

- Let's see.

Roberto, any trouble breathing? Any chest pain?

No, not my chest. But my head hurts.

Well, that's normal.

Don't worry. Can you move your arms and legs at the same time?

Of course he can. He just did.

- Let him say it. - Yeah, I think so.

Blood pressure 130 over 85.

Isn't that high?

- You should see mine. - would you be quiet?

Roberto, it's perfect, okay?

What happened to your face?

Nothing, a drunk guy punched me. Who's in charge here?

I'm the museum director.

Can I have a word with you? Come with me.

Please, step back. Step back!

Quit moaning!

I can't move that man.

Take him away in the ambulance right now.

Will you take responsibility? I won't.

I didn't say that.

He doesn't work here.

I know.

What were you doing, shithead?

Why can't you move him?

That rod in his head may have reached the brain.

He could bleed to death before we get to the hospital.

Oh, my God.

Are you a doctor? No, right? Let the doctors make conclusions.

Take your ambulance and get him out of here.

I'm not touching him.

I told you it was too soon to open to the public.

I saw something like this once.

A guy with a knife stuck in his head.

Are you retarded?

And?

He died.

What a schmuck.

How could this happen?

He grabbed the statue and the crane spun around.

I tried to stop him, but…

What the hell are we paying you for?

It's not his fault.

I shouldn't be here.

Did the floor fall in?

I only wanted to come back the hotel

where I spent my honeymoon.

Roberto, the fire department will be here any minute.

Make way, please!

Let's go, let's go!

Don't step there!

Careful, damn it!

If I cut the bar it'll shake too much. We have to make a hole.

Let's get this straight.

You're standing on national heritage.

You know what that means?

You need an expert to dig here.

Saving that man is the priority.

That's yours, mine is the museum.

If you don't let me work…

Everybody settle down. Don't be stupid.

Can't we just raise him a little bit?

I'm afraid to move him. We need a doctor.

Roberto, right hand.

Left hand.

Roberto, I'm going to insert an IV. You'll feel a prick.

Don't cry, it doesn't hurt.

You won't believe it, but that hurt more than this.

Please, let me through.

Roberto, we called a doctor to examine you.

We don't want to move you until he's seen the rod.

I feel perfectly fine. I don't know why we can't leave.

It's not that simple. We have to wait for the doctor.

I need to call my wife.

I told her you were taking me to the hospital.

Yes?

Hi, sweetie.

I'm almost there. What's wrong?

I'm not going to the hospital.

Then where?

Nowhere.

Why? What's going on?

They're waiting for the doctor.

Where are you?

At the hotel.

Our hotel?

Well, it's a museum now. It's incredible.

They found a Roman theater underneath it.

What are you doing there?

I was upset. I wanted to get out of Madrid.

I put the music on full blast and I wanted to surprise you.

It would have been nice to spend our anniversary together.

I'm almost there, my love.

Drive slowly, okay? I don't want you to have an accident.

I'll be there very soon.

She's a teacher.

She loves working with kids. That's why she puts up with me.

I had a girlfriend who dumped me because I snore.

- I never got to sleep with her. - How did she know you snore?

You're right.

A friend must have told her.

Roberto!

Roberto!

Yeah, I'm okay.

- My God. - It's on the internet.

They'll destroy the theater.

Years numbering every rock, wrecked in minutes.

They'll sink my career in politics. What do we do, Merche?

Don't let them in!

It's complicated.

I'm listening, sorry.

I can't talk right now!

This way, doctor.

Please!

- Good evening. - Good evening.

- I'm Doctor Andres Velasco. - Nice to meet you. Roberto.

- Having a rough day, are we? - Awful.

Has he been conscious the whole time?

- Yes. - Blood pressure 130 over 85.

Doctor, tell us what's happening! What's his name?

Can we put up a screen or something?

It's on the way.

- Thank you, doctor. - Roberto.

I'm going to perform a neurological exam.

Okay. Is this covered by Social Security?

Don't think about that now. Relax, this won't hurt.

I feel perfectly fine, except for the rod.

Roberto, can you feel my hand?

Yes.

- Can you squeeze it? - Sure.

A little more.

Very good.

Stick out your tongue.

Very good, Roberto. Let's see.

Follow the light with your eyes.

A little more.

Very good.

- Everything is fine. - Thank God.

That's a relief.

No questions, please!

The patient is stable,

but he can't be moved until we see the X-rays.

Would you blame the accident on the poor conditions

of the facility?

He can't say any more. He doesn't know.

Thank you.

- Claudio. - What is it, Roberto?

- You think I'll be okay? - Of course you will.

I've seen much worse cases.

My grandfather had a bullet in his head from the war

and he died old and happy.

- I need you to hold your breath. - Sorry.

One moment.

Okay, thanks.

It's funny.

This morning nobody wanted to talk to me

- and now suddenly… - It's everywhere on TV.

You're going to be a star.

Hey, where are you going?

I'm Luisa Gomez. I need to see my husband, he had an accident.

I'm the museum director. Please, come with me.

What happened?

I'm very sorry. My heart goes out to you,

but I assure you, your husband is in very good hands.

What happened?

Your husband illegally entered a restricted area.

We're not responsible for what happened.

If he tries to sue us, he hasn't got a chance!

Let us through! She has to see her husband!

- You can't come through! - Stay back!

Hi, Luisa.

- Roberto… - Luisa, my love.

Sweetheart! Oh, my God!

What happened? What happened, darling?

Why is everyone staring at him?

Why is he lying there? Pick him up.

Take him to the hospital. Do something!

- I told you, they can't move me. - Why not?

Because I have an iron rod stuck in my head.

It's okay, Luisa.

An iron rod?

Oh, I get it.

Luisa.

Would you stop calling me already?

I can't talk, I'm in a meeting.

- Alfonso. - Chairman, sir.

You have one minute to explain.

First of all, I want you to know

the man entered the area illegally.

I have to give a press conference to explain.

The facilities are in strict compliance with the law. Make sure that's clear.

I'll tell you what's clear.

Get him out of there right now or don't come to work tomorrow.

Luisa, are you okay?

I'm okay. I'm okay, honey.

You're the one who isn't okay. Does it hurt?

Not at all. I don't even feel it.

Thank God.

Did they give you any medicine?

Yeah, don't worry. I'll be fine, okay?

Is that blood?

This?

It's coffee.

Could I please have a moment alone with my husband?

Of course. You heard the lady. Let's go.

Come on, everybody out.

Roberto…

Sorry, sorry,

Sorry.

Luisa…

I'm sorry.

I didn't get the job.

Don't worry about that now.

We'll find something…

I don't know.

Anything.

What matters is getting you out of here.

Why isn't there a doctor with you?

- You just told him to leave. - Right.

What did he say?

Listen, honey.

I have an idea. I'm going to talk to Kiko Segura.

Kiko Segura?

What does he know about this?

No.

No.

- Roberto Gomez on line two. - Have him call back.

It's urgent.

- Roberto. - Hi, Kiko.

- How's it going? - Turn on the TV.

- What channel? - Take your pick.

I see Roman ruins.

- What is this, a concert? - No.

There's an ambulance. Was there an accident?

See the guy trapped down there?

Yeah.

That's me.

The rod bisected the midline of the brain,

so it hasn't damaged any crucial nerves.

So it hasn't damaged any crucial nerves.

The problem is it's pressing against the sagittal sinus.

What's the sagittal sinus?

It's a vein canal situated in the upper dura mater

which drains blood flowing from the brain to the jugular.

Which drains blood flowing from the brain to the jugular.

In English, doctor.

If we remove the bar, we don't know if we'll be able

to stop the bleeding before we can operate.

Well, then? What are you going to do?

Just cut the bar and that's that.

Wait, it's not that simple. The vibration could damage his brain.

Wait, it's not that simple. The vibration could damage his brain.

Damage his brain?

In that case what we have to do

is dig it out. Mercedes was there when the theater

was rebuilt. She knows every rock. Isn't that rig ht?

Was rebuilt. She knows every rock. Isn't that rig ht?

She knows exactly how to handle this.

I don't know anything.

Look, this might sound cruel,

but we have to take everything into account.

We could destroy the pieces down there.

The rocks?

What's more important here,

some rocks or my husband?

She's absolutely right.

Thinking about rocks at a time like this?

Merche, for God's sake!

Merche, for God's sake!

A man's life is at stake. Hello?

Okay, we can try it.

If it works, we'll take Roberto to the hospital and remove the bar.

The man's identity remains unknown.

Apparently he doesn't work for the company restoring the ruins.

Sources say he might have been trying to kill himself

because he lost his job.

How do you know him?

Old friends. Who wants to go?

Old friends. Who wants to go?

- I'll go. - Easy, Johnny.

First I want to remind everybody

that a man's life is at stake.

He's asked us to represent him and that's a responsibility.

We could send a ghost writer for memoirs.

Nobody cares about books anymore. Anything else?

Nobody cares about books anymore. Anything else?

We could send a crew to make a documentary…

Spare us your stupid ideas, thank you.

I have some awesome ideas for product placement.

Typical stuff like Schweppes, Fanta, Colacao, Actimel…

But I can get other things.

But I can get other things.

Good lord.

Somebody has to get down there.

Right now.

Luisa, I'll be okay.

Everything will be fine.

Some guy here says he's your agent.

His what?

Yeah, let him through.

How are you, Mr. Gomez?

Don't worry.

I'm all right.

Juan Gutierrez, Celebrities in Action. My friends call me Johnny.

This is a huge opportunity, Mr. Gomez.

I wish everyone had a head for business like you.

I wish everyone had a head for business like you.

Actually, my head has seen better days.

But I work in advertising, so I know what I'm talking about.

Yeah? Imanol Salas came in the other day. Do you represent him?

I wish.

Too bad. He's a sweet guy. He said he signed for big bucks.

He's buying a house in Ibiza.

He's buying a house in Ibiza.

- How much does he make? - A million per episode.

Damn! I wish I made that per operation.

You're not on TV.

No, I save lives.

Nobody should make that much for being on TV.

What you want is a house in Ibiza.

What you want is a house in Ibiza.

Who are you and what are you talking about?

- Doctor! - I'll be right back.

All right.

You must be Mrs. Gomez.

Sorry! Sorry, Roberto.

- Are you okay? - Take this.

- Are you okay? - Take this.

What is this?

I don't drink.

No, you don't have to.

Just hold it up so people can see it. It's product placement.

Thanks.

Doctor, one moment, please!

Doctor, one moment, please!

Please, step back.

Doctor.

From professional to professional. How is he? Will he die?

From professional to professional, I hope not.

How long can he stay like that?

How long can he stay like that?

With an open brain wound? The infection could appear in 24 hours.

Then in the worst case scenario, he has 24 hours?

If his sagittal sinus tears, he'll die in seconds.

Right. Doing a TV interview wouldn't hurt him, would it?

Right. Doing a TV interview wouldn't hurt him, would it?

Doctor!

Just a few questions!

Let me through, damn it!

Get out of the way.

Get out of the way.

Excuse me, who are you? You were in the restricted area.

I'm the victim's agent.

His agent? Already? You guys don't waste any time.

I'm sorry but we can't comment rig ht now.

Sure, I imagine that would cost us.

I'm here to protect him and his family.

You think I could interview him?

Frankly, no.

- At least tell me why he did it. - Who knows why?

It's a cold, cruel world.

People will do anything. That's why he needs me.

People will do anything. That's why he needs me.

You can't hire an agent and turn this into a circus!

Luisa, it's a great opportunity!

Listen to me, Roberto. I'm begging you.

We need to focus, this is hard enough as it is.

We need to focus, this is hard enough as it is.

I'll be fine. Nothing will happen to me.

Nothing will happen to you?

I don't want to scare you, but the doctor mentioned brain damage.

Please, look at all the expectation I'm creating.

We could make big money off this accident!

Are you listening to yourself?

How can you think such a thing?

We're talking about your life, not making money!

Luisa, making money is what life is all about.

All the time I've wasted wouldn't even cover our kids' tuition!

What about my time?

What is my time worth if life is only about making money?

Aren't me and the kids worth anything to you?

Aren't me and the kids worth anything to you?

This morning I was humiliated like a schmuck. I practically had to beg.

These are difficult times for everyone.

Don't you realize?

I'll never find a job, Luisa! Never!

Even if you never find one,

Even if you never find one,

I won't let them use you like a dummy.

Who cares?

What about your dignity?

Dignity, Luisa? What dignity? What are you talking about?

Have I had any these last few years?

Running from interview to interview like a fucking idiot?

Running from interview to interview like a fucking idiot?

Where's my dignity?

Where can I find it, Luisa? Tell me.

Luisa…

Where are you going?

Roberto.

Johnny.

I have a contract for you to sign. To avoid any misunderstandings.

You take ten percent?

That's right. Kiko Segura got you ten grand for the mojitos.

If the bottles appear on TV, of course.

If the bottles appear on TV, of course.

Ten grand? I already made ten grand!

Wait till Luisa hears. I knew it! I knew Kiko was good at this.

I can't leave until this is over, damn it!

I'm wasting my time here.

What do you want me to say?

Ma'am…

Can I help you? You broke that drawer.

Hey! Hey!

That's enough.

Can I help you, ma'am?

Can I help you, ma'am?

A little advice, Roberto. Free of charge.

You need to sue the museum.

These bastards have no idea how much trouble they're in.

This was all their fault.

This was all their fault.

It was my fault.

No, no. This isn't over.

The facilities were defective.

There's a lot of cash here.

Imagine what it cost to expropriate all the homes

and build all this.

I'll tell you one thing.

From now on let me handle the media.

It's showtime.

This will be more comfortable.

Okay.

Much better, honey.

Gently, gently…

Gently…

Luisa, who are you calling?

Barbara.

Barbara has exams next week. She can visit me

at the hospital.

- She needs to be here. - You'll scare her.

Just let me call her, Roberto. Relax, honey.

Just let me call her, Roberto. Relax, honey.

Claudio.

Claudio, can you move that screen?

There are hundreds of photographers out there.

I know. I'm going to be a TV star.

Roberto, my friend, you picked a hell of a way to earn a living.

Roberto, my friend, you picked a hell of a way to earn a living.

How do you feel, Mr. Gomez?

How do you think I feel?

Not too bad, under the circumstances.

Does it hurt? Can you feel the rod inside your head?

Does it hurt? Can you feel the rod inside your head?

Actually, not really.

Why did you try to commit suicide?

Wait a second. I didn't try to commit suicide.

What made you do it?

I wasn't trying to kill myself!

Is that your wife?

Yes, my Luisa. Come here, my little hot tamale.

Yes, my Luisa. Come here, my little hot tamale.

Shut up.

She's Mexican, I met her in Cancun.

Don't tell them things about us.

You'll get the rest later.

Have you got children?

Claudio.

Show's over. Get back.

Show's over. Get back.

Hey, what is your problem?

Why did you call me a hot tamale?

You're acting strange.

- That's not how you talk. - I'm in character.

Look at my hair!

Why didn't you clear up the suicide rumor?

Why didn't you clear up the suicide rumor?

Everybody is watching this. Your parents, mine, the kids…

What will they think?

We're a happy family!

Luisa, please.

Nobody will believe any of it. Tomorrow

they'll save me and next month everyone will forget.

They'll save me and next month everyone will forget.

So just take it easy and let the story build.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're making a killing.

You have 20 minutes of commercials per hour,

you're making millions and you want to pay my client 150 grand.

You're making millions and you want to pay my client 150 grand.

You woke me up to tell me how much I'm making?

I didn't wake you up.

You're watching TV and you can't turn it off. Why?

There's a guy dying on live TV and you wanna see it.

There's a guy dying on live TV and you wanna see it.

You're a morbid son of a bitch just like the rest of us.

You know what you're into?

Suffering and death.

But it's expensive, Alvaro. Very expensive.

Hey, jerk-off. Who do you think you are?

I can't take anything less than

I can't take anything less than

350 thousand.

Stop being a putz and put your boss on.

My boss turned off his cell because his wife had triplets.

I'm representing him, I'm offering you an exclusive.

I'll go down to 300 thousand.

I'll go down to 300 thousand.

300 thousand? For a guy with a rod stuck in his head? Are you nuts?

If I didn't have company over, I swear I'd…

I'll give you 150.

I have to talk to my client.

You'd better hurry up. Some pinhead might stick a rod up his ass

and beat you to Rumore Rumore.

Shit for brains!

- I'm watching the material. - What's he doing with his cell phone?

It's cell footage. No, you can see fine.

Nobody has any better close-ups.

Nobody has any better close-ups.

Did you see him fall?

No, he'd already fallen when we got there.

Okay.

600 euros.

- Video Plus pays a grand. - Then take it to them.

- Video Plus pays a grand. - Then take it to them.

If you're interested, I have footage of a bum getting beat up.

What?

I didn't record it myself.

I walked by and they took off and dropped their cell phone.

Please.

Thanks a lot.

Listen, honey. Did you see me? How do I look?

Don't worry, they'll show it again later.

Of course. It'll be on the evening news.

- I have to go. - Let me through.

Make way!

How are you feeling? I'm getting you out of there.

I'm okay.

Merche, darling. What's the plan?

This. We use it to drill through marble. It has to work.

Isn't it heavy? Maybe somebody else should…

- Should what? - Don't mind me.

We might only have one chance.

I've been down there for months. Nobody knows it better than me.

How long will it take?

If the bit doesn't break, five minutes.

- Where's my agent? - What?

Don't mind him, he's delirious.

He called me his little hot tamale. Let's just get him out of there.

Please, the sooner the better.

Hello?

Hello?

It's Barbara!

Yes?

I just talked to Antenacinco.

They'll give us 150 thousand for an interview.

But we can get more. I wanna put you

- on every channel. - They're gonna free me.

No! When?

Right now.

They can't do that, we have a contract.

Honey, it's Barbara.

Wait a second. We can do the interview

- at the hospital. - Roberto,

hospitals are full of patients. Nobody cares.

Talk to your daughter!

Sorry, Johnny.

Hi, sweetheart.

Did you see Dad on TV?

Listen, don't leave the house, okay? Stay home and study.

- Think about your future. - Don't hang up.

I know, but you can come to the hospital after.

Me too, darling. I love you very much.

How can you tell her that?

If you weren't out of your mind, I'd be angry.

Make way.

Coming through.

It's Johnny, Juan Gutierrez,

Celebrities in Action.

That's rig ht, the guy with the rod in his head.

The drill.

Tell him I accept the 150 grand for the interview with Roberto Gomez.

Have him call me back ASAP.

You hear that, honey? 150 thousand euros

for a 20 minute interview.

It's like making 450 thousand an hour.

It was 150 when you were trapped there.

This won't work.

Roberto.

Yeah?

The rod won't budge. We have to cut it.

Cut it?

It's a bad angle, but I'll try.

Come with me, please.

I can't go anywhere.

Luisa.

Just give me a second. That woman doesn't know what she's doing.

She's crazy.

Roberto, they can't move you yet.

We need time.

Cutting iron with that saw will heat the rod

until it glows bright red.

What?

Give me the saw.

Imagine a burning hot iron rod in your brain.

I don't mean to upset you.

I wanted you to know I think it's a bad idea.

Please, be careful not to move his head.

Doctor, is there any way we can postpone this a couple hours?

No, sweetie. They can't.

Whatever they do, they need to get it over with.

As long as you're sure.

We'll try it.

- There's no danger, right? - we'll try it.

Okay, let's get this over with.

Roberto, if there's anything wrong,

- let me know rig ht away. - Okay.

Here we go.

Shit, Roberto. This is a total disaster.

We can lower the price. Tell them I'll do it for half.

Okay. Let me make a call.

Okay. Let me make a call.

Merche, darling.

You're doing great. You're earning your salary.

Leave me alone already.

- And move, you're in my light. - Please, move.

Here we go.

Stop, stop, stop!

Stop, stop!

It's vibrating too much.

Of course it's vibrating. It's iron.

Are you okay?

- Keep going. - The rod will heat up.

Why don't you do something?

Let's try to pick him up.

Can we do that?

Please, be careful.

Try to lift him slowly.

So his body doesn't touch the wire netting.

Gently, please.

Stop!

That's enough. Stop moving him.

We could try using a blowtorch.

No, that's enough!

Stop touching him!

You're right, ma'am.

What did you expect?

You could try using a handsaw. We have one in the truck.

It would take at least an hour.

No, that's impossible.

What do we do now, doctor?

I don't know, ma'am. I don't know.

If I had a second to think about it…

- Doctor! - Give me a second, for God's sake!

I'd like a second opinion.

You don't trust me?

Look, Doctor Velazquez, or whatever your name is.

I don't want my husband to suffer. The next step we take

we have to be absolutely sure.

I'm not stupid!

- We're running out of time. - Luisa.

Luisa.

Yes, my love?

Maybe you should call the kids.

I already did, they're on their way.

Good, Roberto. Good.

We're back in business.

Okay, recording.

We're here at the Roman theater in Cartagena,

where a man trying to take his own life

has an iron rod stuck in his head.

Doctors are working feverishly to save him.

We still don't know exactly what happened,

but what we do know is the victim's name is Roberto Gomez

and that he's an unemployed advertising executive.

Tomorrow's headlines lead with Roberto Gomez,

who might have tried to kill himself because he's out of work.

Yousto Mafeo, an awful crisis-related story.

Yes, shock and concern across the media.

It's on the cover of every paper.

El Pais begins with: "Fatal accident at Roman theater in Cartagena"

and a photo of Roberto Gomez.

The Vanguardia also has a photo:

"Roberto Gomez suffers terrible accident at Roman theater in Cartagena."

A large photo in the ABC: "Accident or suicide?"

Also international news…

We're screwed.

Wild, isn't it?

- He was here this morning. - I know.

He came to my office, but I was busy with the expense account…

The bastard tried to kill himself.

- Fucking hell. - You can't blame him.

What did he say?

You know I'm up to my ears with the Citroen campaign.

This could cause irreparable damage. The news has gone global.

If headquarters hears about this

we're screwed.

We have nothing to do with it.

Are you lame or what? What will they say when they hear his story?

"I went to see my friends at McKenzie and decided to kill myself."

They can't blame us for him trying to kill himself.

If we can't control our own media image, what will our clients think?

- Hire him right now. - We have no openings.

Yes, we do.

His.

Okay. I'm on my way.

Sorry.

If you wanted the deal,

you should have taken my call and talked to me.

Look, kid.

You said you accepted our offer.

Alvaro, I have a moral obligation to my client.

Give me 300 thousand or I'll play the market.

I told you it's not worth that.

It isn't?

What if he dies?

What do you mean?

Think about it.

Why doesn't anybody remember the Chilean miners?

Because they lived.

If this guy dies,

he'll be eternal.

Like Bruce Lee, or James Dean,

or like John Lennon.

He'll be a myth.

A legend.

His last words will be the New Testament.

You think so?

Tomorrow every channel in the world will kill for that interview.

All right.

I'll give you two million if he dies.

I'm afraid I can't promise that.

Then you have nothing, kid.

You said it yourself. If he lives, it's worth nothing.

Consider it an investment.

An investment? We're talking business, you bozo!

Alvaro?

Alvaro!

Roberto, sweetie. Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Where's Johnny? When's the TV crew coming?

Not Johnny again!

Will you stop thinking about him? He's all you talk about.

My boy!

How was rehearsal?

You were playing with the group, rig ht?

Dad, what happened?

Nothing.

- It's not as bad as it looks. - What were you doing here?

I wanted your mother to see it. Isn't it amazing?

It's so well-conserved.

I'm on Rumore, Rumore tonight. How about that!

What do the doctors say? Why are you still lying there?

They say I'll be fine. You shouldn't have come, son.

He shouldn't have come?

Lorenzo,

your father's situation is serious.

They haven't moved him because they don't know how.

Take your mother for a drink.

- Does Barbara know? - Yes, she's on her way.

- How is everything, Roberto? - I'm okay.

You must be Doctor Sanz.

I'm Luisa Gomez, Roberto's wife.

Mrs. Gomez, we'll do everything we can

to free your husband.

- Your son? - Yes.

Andres Velasco, chief surgeon.

Lorenzo, creepy goth.

Go get something to drink. If anything happens, Claudio will come find you.

There's a cafeteria by the museum. I have lunch there.

It took my husband a year and a half to find a job.

They should ban this stuff on TV. A man in agony…

Imagine his family watching him die on TV.

You think Dad will be okay?

Of course he will.

You know your father.

He fell off a crane and didn't break a single bone.

He's got a rod stuck in his head

and there he is, wheeling and dealing like nothing's wrong.

- Your dad's very strong. - Yeah.

Listen to me, Lorenzo.

Your dad will make it through this.

Everything will be fine.

Excuse me,

there's no smoking in here.

Sorry to insist.

There's no smoking in here.

Mom…

Check, please.

I want your interview on every channel.

- What about Rumore Rumore? - It's screwed.

You said they offered 150 thousand.

Yeah, but we can't accept just anything right now.

The news has gone global.

Like the Chilean miners. They lived and they're filthy rich.

Johnny, I'm only thinking of my family. Don't lower the price.

Don't worry, I set a minimum.

Warner Bros. called to ask about the movie rights.

- Yeah? - And the video game.

I don't know how they'll make this into a video game, but they're on it.

How much will they pay?

I'll ask them.

Johnny speaking.

Hi, Kiko.

Yeah.

A movie. Wouldn't that be nice?

It sure would, Claudio.

I wonder how much they'd pay for something like that.

Hey, who could play me?

Brad Pitt?

How about George Clooney?

Isn't he too old?

Yes, sir. He'll be out within an hour. I guarantee it.

You don't get it. We don't want him to leave now. There's no hurry.

But earlier you said…

Forget what I said.

Our theater is on every international news channel.

Do you realize how much money that could mean for tourism?

I can't stop it.

You're not stupid, you'll find a way.

Roberto, how are you?

Great, David. What brings you here?

Hey, sorry I couldn't see you this morning.

Gandara has us all on the Citroen project. You know what that's like.

That's okay, I understand.

It was my secretary's fault. I'll fire her if you want.

No, no, please.

Listen, we're in a bind.

Javier was wondering

if you want to come work for us. When you get out of here, of course.

That's funny, this morning he said just the opposite.

Right.

The thing is, this just came up.

Martin, the kid I had lunch with, is leaving.

Yeah? Where to?

I don't know. Like I said, it was sudden.

How would it work? Would I take his spot or would I work for you?

No, no, you'd be on your own.

You created "Life's little spark."

No, that was a team effort.

A team effort, but…

Roberto…

Roberto, what's wrong? Hey! Hey!

- Hey… - Doctor!

Doctor!

Keep his head steady.

It's okay, Roberto.

You'll be fine.

Twenty milligrams of Dilantin.

Okay, let's go.

What's wrong?

Twenty more!

Coming!

- Is that better? - I'm better. I'll be okay.

I was shaking a little but…

What happened?

Nothing. He had a small seizure and lost some spinal fluid.

- What? - Only a little.

Luisa.

Luisa.

David offered me a job.

Roberto,

Dr. Sanz and I have talked it over

and we'd like to bring in a mobile operating room.

We've decided we can't risk cutting the rod without

damaging your brain.

Like bringing the hospital to him?

That's right.

And that works?

We think it's the best option.

It certainly is. You can stay as long as you like.

We're here at the Roman theater in Cartagena

where Roberto Gomez, an unemployed advertising executive,

got his head stuck on an iron rod after jumping from a crane.

Doctors have called in a mobile operating room

so they can free Mr.Gomez from the iron rod

and move him immediately to the O.R. in hopes of saving him.

Lorenzo, go find David and tell him

I want to talk to him.

I'll make more money today than in my whole lifetime.

And I'll put it in a college trust fund for the kids.

And with what's left over,

we'll take the trip of our lives. How about it?

Paris.

Paris, that's right. Wishing we could all our lives

and we never got to go. But now…

There! I'll get revenge on the banks.

You bounce one check and those bastards

look at you like you're a criminal.

I've had my bank account with the same bank for 18 years

and when I missed two mortgage payments

they treated me like a fucking thief.

Bleeding me with commissions, lying to me…

Sons of bitches!

You weren't like this before.

It's not fair, damn it.

Dad, David says he'll stick around, but he doesn't want to disturb you.

Go tell him we'll sign when this is over, okay?

Go tell him we'll sign when this is over, okay?

Here.

Go pick up Barbara, she should be at the station by now.

Be careful.

Honey, those boots…

How are we doing?

Johnny.

Got any news?

- We're a little stuck with Antena 5. - What do you mean?

I can't get them on the phone. They want to talk to my boss.

Then have your boss talk to them.

This is my deal. If I let them go above me, I lose authority.

They'll never take me seriously.

What about the 150 thousand minimum?

I want more. 150 thousand ain't shit.

Then no more Rumore Rumore?

No, no. That's a game they love to play.

They're trying to scare us.

You know what Alvaro Aguirre said?

- Who? - The head of Antena 5, darling.

What's going on?

He said he'd pay two million if I can guarantee your husband's death.

How about that!

- What's wrong? - Nothing, sweetie.

Roberto, right now you just need to get well, okay?

Okay, anything you say.

But Rumore Rumore is about to start and I don't see any movement.

Let me handle that, all right?

Mrs. Gomez, you shouldn't be here.

How are you, Luisa?

I'm not well.

I want you to tell me the truth about what to expect.

It's okay.

Roberto will be fine, really.

Trust us. We have the city's best medical team. Everything will be okay.

Don't tell me everything will be okay!

I've been telling my husband that for years.

Sometimes things go wrong.

If I hadn't supported him the whole time,

pretending I knew everything would be all right,

ironing his shirts

like nothing was wrong,

he would have come home.

But no. He came here.

Because the only thing more painful than looking for a job

is coming home without one.

So tell me the truth, doctor. Whatever it is.

The truth?

We don't know what we'll find when we pull that rod out of him.

Thank you.

People have gathered to show their solidarity.

We're here with the Mayor of Cartagena

and the museum's director, Mercedes San Roman.

Mayor, what can you tell us?

First of all, I'd like to clarify that it wasn't an accident.

He himself never denied the suicide theory.

And the facilities are in perfect condition…

The people of Cartagena have rallied behind Roberto.

They're great people.

We tried,

but cutting the rod was very dangerous and I…

I did what I could.

We'd like to invite our citizens and cameras

to enter the theater.

This improvised temple of prayer.

For the time being,

all we can do is pray.

Okay, all set.

Yeah?

Of course I'm going to. Of course.

What are you doing? Are you crazy?

I have to. Who else will if I don't?

I'm the Chairman of the Board!

Make it clear that photo rights are separate.

And we still have to talk about merchandising…

May I get struck by lightning if I'm lying.

I would never make a profit off your husband's death. Never.

Then who were you talking to?

Aguirre.

I was telling him off.

He offered two million again, but I said no way. That's not an option.

Shut your mouth!

Okay, but you should know he offered 20 grand if he survives…

- Give me the phone! - No!

- Give me the phone! - No!

This is Roberto Gomez' wife.

Yeah, the guy with the rod in his head.

There will be no interview!

Nothing. My husband's pain isn't for sale.

Ma'am, I understand your pain.

But you have to understand, your husband's misfortune

has transcended family boundaries.

And it's our moral obligation to give people what they want.

You know what people want, is that it?

I'll tell you what I want. Go to hell!

Not the phone!

No, don't!

Hey! Stop hitting me.

You're fired.

If you come within ten yards of my husband,

I'll kill you!

What time is it?

Eleven.

Rumore Rumore must be about to start. Where's Johnny?

Why are you asking me?

How should I know? I haven't seen him.

Probably talking on his cell phone as usual.

And Lorenzo?

Lorenzo went to pick up Barbara,

- remember? - That's right.

Darling.

You have to talk to your children before the operation.

Rumore Rumore isn't gonna happen, is it?

The operating room is ready.

I knew it. Why did they have to send a rookie?

That guy is clueless. We're talking about my life.

150 grand would solve everything.

Hey! Have you had dinner?

Who is that? I can't turn my head.

A lady on a balcony.

Want me to send down a omelet?

No, thanks! I'm not hungry!

You sure? I just made it!

My son can bring it down!

Excuse me, has Rumore Rumore started yet?

They're showing commercials.

Damn it, it's too late. We're out of time.

Couldn't this at least have worked out for me?

Luisa, I'm sorry I let you down.

You didn't let me down.

You made me happy.

You're already successful.

You've been a wonderful father and a wonderful husband.

- The kids adore you. - Bullshit.

Roberto!

My kids are ashamed of me

because I can't find a job. I'm no good, Luisa.

I'm a fucking insect stuck to a needle.

Stop moving your head.

How much could I ask Gandara for? I'm thinking 100 thousand.

100 thousand is perfect.

Those bastards think I was born yesterday.

All they care about is cleaning their image

and looking good in front of clients. They wanna trick me but they won't.

I know what I'm worth, damn it.

I know what I'm worth.

How much do you think I'm worth?

You're worth everything.

Will you talk to the kids?

Sure, honey. I'll talk to them, okay?

But I can't take the job. It's a scam.

I can see them coming. They'll fire me one month later.

Where's Johnny?

Luisa, please. I'm begging you. I need to be on TV.

Okay. I'll take care of it.

Coming through.

Please, make way. Step aside.

You want an exclusive?

Of course I do.

Look, I'll let you interview him.

But you can't put it on the air.

I want you to give me the tape.

Listen, I can't do that.

I work for a TV station. Small, but it pays the bills.

What's your name?

Pilar Alvarez.

Pilar.

I'll say this woman to woman.

That tape

maybe all I have left of my husband.

I only want to make him happy.

I need a camera and a reporter who will respect him.

Who'll see him as a human being.

Who'll bring out the best in him.

- Good news. - What?

- Good news. - What?

Johnny made the deal.

Really? With Rumore Rumore? For how much?

- 200 thousand. - 200 thousand? Really?

Congratulations, my love.

Wait till the kids hear about it.

They'll be very proud of you.

Yes, sir. Good job.

Johnny did a good job.

I was a little worried at first but I'll end up thanking him.

Did I tell you or didn't I? It was worth it, wasn't it?

You were so right.

I'm the happiest guy in the world.

Lorenzo, where's Barbara?

She's here, she's coming over.

How do I look?

Well…

Have we got any make-up?

I do. Should I put some on him, Mom?

Sure.

Not too much, not too much.

Roberto,

we'll take you straight to the O.R. If you feel weak or dizzy

- let me know, okay? - I feel good. I'm ready.

We should get started.

Roberto, I'll be asking the questions, all right?

Hey, one thing.

How do we know the other channels aren't recording this?

It's in the contract. Only this camera will record.

Luisa, I'm nervous.

You're look gorgeous.

Ready, Roberto?

I'm ready.

Are you rolling?

Rolling.

Okay, Roberto.

I suppose the first thing everyone wants to know is how are you.

Well, now I know what it feels like to be an olive.

Actually I have a wonderful team

of doctors. They're taking great care of me.

Roberto, I have to ask you a question.

There's a lot of speculation about whether you came here to kill yourself.

No, that's completely false. That's not true.

I came looking for the Hotel Paraiso, where I spent my honeymoon

with my wife. And when I got here it was gone. They'd torn it down

and I found these ruins, this theater,

and I shouldn't have come in, but…

the guard, Claudio, caught me playing a childish prank.

So you actually came here to remember your honeymoon?

That's right.

I had an awful morning.

I thought it might be nice to spend another honeymoon here with my wife.

And this is where you landed?

Yeah, right here.

I swung around on the crane

and fell on this piece of an iron rod.

Is it very painful?

I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

My head and neck, but…

they're giving me medication for that.

You work in advertising, isn't that right?

Yeah, it's been twenty years.

I heard you were the creator of "Life's little spark.“

- Yeah. - Is there a story there?

Yeah, well, back then

I was a kid and I hadn't had children yet.

Barbara, sweetie.

That's my daughter.

It'll be fine.

It'll be fine.

Dad…

It's okay. I'll be fine.

Come on, sit up and take off your glasses.

Isn't she gorgeous?

Barbara's going to study abroad.

So she won't struggle with English like her father.

And my son Lorenzo dresses like a character from "The Matrix" now…

He'll drown someday in those rain boots.

But we all did crazy things at that age, didn't we?

I had spiked hair.

He needs understanding, don't you think?

Don't, Barbara, sweetie.

Stop crying-

You're on TV.

Sorry.

You love your family very much, don't you, Roberto?

I don't know how I'd live without them.

I'm sure they feel the same way about you.

Why don't you join him?

You look very pretty.

Well, Roberto, you're a very lucky man to have such a wonderful family.

I know.

I'm very proud of it.

Thank you for speaking with us, Roberto.

Thank you.

Dummy.

You're a dummy, Barbara.

I'll be fine, silly.

Pilar.

Pilar, don't do it.

It's not your problem. You're just doing your job.

You'll regret it your whole life.

I need a phone.

What are you doing? How dare you! It's a man in agony.

- What? - What did I say?

How is everything? Okay, right?

I think so.

You were right.

What about?

Bringing Barbara and all of us being together.

After they take out this rod

we're going to Paris, don't forget.

I won't.

It's Johnny. You're gonna flip.

They recorded the interview.

I don't know, a local station.

She's playing with us. I think she wants to make a deal.

Are you sure?

Yeah. She has the interview.

I knew it, damn it.

I want that tape, you hear me?

I'm on my way.

Dad?

How are you feeling?

I'm okay, son.

Hey, we have money now.

You can study anything you want.

You getting well is all that matters.

I'm serious, son.

Do anything you want, okay?

What you think is what matters.

Not what other people think.

Dad, what's wrong?

Dad!

You're stepping on me!

Sorry.

Listen.

Promise me one thing.

If I don't make it…

- You will. - Yeah, but…

if I don't make it, take off those boots, will you?

I promise.

That's my boy.

I love you, sweetie.

Me too, Dad.

It's time, Roberto.

I'm ready.

We gave you a light sedative, but you'll be awake until we get you

in the tent. You'll see everybody in a couple hours.

All right.

On three, all right?

Roberto.

Relax and let us do all the work, okay?

Okay.

- Shoulders ready? - Yeah.

- Hips ready? - Yeah.

- Feet ready? - Yeah.

- Board ready? - Yeah.

On three.

One.

Two.

Three!

Can you smell that?

It smells like summer.

Are you with us?

It smells like peaches.

I'd like to teach the world to sing

in perfect harmony…

Ma'am, stay here with me.

Ma'am.

Have you eaten?

I'm okay, thanks. Don't worry.

You should eat something. You've been working all night.

Go and get some water. Go with your sister.

Okay, Mom.

Claudio.

What if he doesn't make it?

He will.

He will.

Your husband needed hope, and you gave it to him.

You think?

Everybody needs something. A little spark.

"Life's little spark."

I know you have the tape.

See that man with the scarf?

That's Aguirre.

He brought two million euros.

I'll say no more.

Thanks.

Dad!

Dad!

Roberto Gomez is dead

after surgery performed in the operating tent.

Time and the world were on his side, but…

he died in the end. His family…

AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT