Original subtitles

Master.

Oh, master, someone is at the front door.

Tony! Anybody home?

- Good morning, Major Healey. - Oh, hi, Jeannie.

- Where's Tony? - Oh, Major Nelson is getting dressed.

- Would you like some breakfast? - No, I'm too excited to eat.

- Has something happened? - Oh, I'll say.

I got a call from a friend who handles the Miss Universe beauty contest.

He's gonna fix Tony and me up with a date with two of the contestants.

How about that?

You want Major Nelson to go out with a beautiful girl tonight?

Yeah, I gotta let him know by 6:00.

Oh, but Major Nelson is taking me out to dinner.

Well, no offence, Jeannie...

...but Nelson can go out with you any night.

These girls are pretty special.

Am I not special?

Let's let Major Nelson decide who he's gonna take to dinner tonight.

Oh, I do not think so.

Jeannie, is that somebody at the door?

- No, master. - No? Hey, Tony, have I got news-

Come on, Major Healey, you are going for a little walk.

- Jeannie, is that a dog? - Go away, Major Healey. Go away.

Are you going to take me out to dinner tonight, master?

Sure, of course. We have a date, remember?

Well, I was not sure whether you remembered.

Yeah, I could've sworn I heard a dog barking in here.

Shall I wear this tonight, master?

- Hey, that's lovely. - I am glad that it pleases you, master.

Yeah. Where's Roger?

- Roger? - Yeah, Major Healey.

- Major Healey? - What's going on around here?

What's going on around here?

Will you stop repeating everything I say?

I heard Roger's voice, and then I heard a dog bark-

- Have you done something with him? - Where should we go for dinner?

- Where's Major Healey? - We can go dancing.

Now, answer my question, Jeannie. Where's Major Healey? Come on.

Well, I do not know where Major Healey is, master.

But he was here though, wasn't he?

Yes, master.

- Who barked? - Major Healey.

Jeannie, you turned Roger into a dog? Why did you do a thing like that?

- I thought you liked Major Healey. - Yes, master, I am very fond of him.

What made you do that?

Well, I will tell you after 6:00.

You're gonna tell me now. I want you to change him back...

- ... into Roger. Come on. - Oh, but I told you, master...

- ... I do not know where he is. - Jeannie, what's the matter?

He ran out the front door.

Well, he hasn't had a chance to go very far.

Honestly, sometimes I can't understand you. Hey, Roge!

Roge.

Here, boy! Come here!

- Good morning, Major Nelson. - Morning.

- Did you lose somebody? - Oh, yes. I just lost my dog.

- " Roger"? - Yes, have you seen him?

Well, I don't know. What kind of a dog is he?

Oh, he's a...

- You don't know what kind of dog? - He's new.

- Well, did he have a license? - I doubt it. Why?

If he didn't, you better get another dog.

The truck from the dog pound was just here.

- The dog pound? - Oh, yes.

They're very strict about dogs roaming around Cocoa Beach.

- Well, what'll they do to him? - Don't ask.

Roger. Roger. Roger, come on. Roger Healey?

- Can I help you? - Yeah, I lost my dog.

- Is he in here? - Well, I'll tell you in a minute.

Roger, now, come on. Come on. Don't be scared, it's me.

Roge? Come on, now. Come here, fella.

- What kind of a dog is he? - He's not any special kind of dog.

He's a- Roge? Come on. Come on-

It's kind of a dog's dog, you know?

Roge? Roge? Now, come on, stop fooling around.

Mister, if you don't know what kind of a dog you got...

...I can't help you.

Come on, Roger.

Look, I don't blame you for being angry...

...but I had nothing to do with this.

Whichever one of you is Roger, will you speak up?

Yeah, I might've known it was you.

Sir, I found my dog.

- Which one is he? - That one.

- The Great Dane? - Yeah.

And you couldn't pick him out?

Would you mind just letting him out?

- Are you sure he's yours? - Absolutely.

- Joe, the Great Dane. - He's been in the family for years.

Cute little fella, huh? Hey, you're a cute little fella. Hi there.

You'll have to sign for him. And that'll be $5.

Thank you. Five dollars.

All right, here you are.

And here's your $5, and thanks a million.

Yeah, you better get him a license.

Jeannie, where are you? Jeannie!

Hey, will you stop that?

I'll get you straightened out as soon as I can find Jeannie.

Now, look, pull yourself together, will you?

We have to have that input computer report...

...on General Peterson's desk by 6:00.

I can't do it myself. I don't have the sufficient data.

Don't get mad at me.

I asked you to work last night, but no, you were too busy.

And now look at the shape- Just look at the shape you're in.

If it's not one thing with you, it's another. If it's not-

- Good morning. Good morning, sir. - Good morning.

That Great Dane is gonna help you with your input computer report?

Oh, no, of course not, sir.

- Rover's just a dog. - You called him Roger.

Roger Rover, I named him after Major Healey.

Interesting.

- Where is Major Healey? - I have a feeling he's not too far away.

When you see him, tell him that General Peterson...

...is very anxious that that report be on his desk by 6:00.

I told him. I mean, I'll tell him.

I'll see you at the base.

Oh, and by the way, don't bring Rover.

Go ahead. Go ahead, enjoy yourself.

I want you to turn this dog right back into Roger, right now. Go on.

I'm afraid I cannot do that, master.

- Why not? - Because this is not Major Healey.

You have the wrong dog.

- Are you sure? - Oh, yes, master.

Major Healey is a teeny-weeny French poodle.

- Come on, let's go. - Where are we going, master?

We're going back to the pound before it's too late.

Oh, you go, master. I have some ironing to do.

Come on.

Jeannie! Come back here, Jeannie.

Come on, Roger's a friend of yours, and he's in trouble.

And if we don't get that report on General Peterson's desk by 6:00...

...we're all gonna be in trouble. Come on, Jeannie.

Come on, boy.

- Something the matter? - Yeah, this isn't my dog.

- It isn't? - No, it just looks like my dog.

Joe.

Hey, there's my dog. There's Roger.

- You couldn't tell that from that? - I'm nearsighted.

Hi, Roge, how are you? Come here, boy.

- Hey, what do you think you're doing? - Oh, this is my dog.

No, it ain't. I just bought it for my kid.

Well, I'm afraid you're gonna have to un-buy him because it's my dog.

Does this dog belong to me, or don't he?

He does now.

Why don't you pick another one? They all look alike to you anyway.

I don't want another one. I want this one. I want Roger.

- It's all right, Roger. I'm here. - Let's go.

- Just a minute, please. - You heard what he said.

- It's my dog. - Yeah, look...

...the dog's been in my family for over 10 years.

- He looks like a puppy. - Oh, no, no. He's old.

Old and sick. Boy, is he sick.

- I want him. - What my son wants, he gets.

I tell you what, I'll give you $10 for him.

- Let's go. - Twenty dollars?

- Nope, money don't interest me. - Fifty dollars?

- You're getting warmer. - There you are.

- Four-hundred and fifty dollars. - You must be crazy about that dog.

Yeah, believe me, you have no idea. Come on, boy. There we are.

Come on, Roge, knock it off. Everybody's watching.

- I want him, Papa. - Well, if you'll excuse me.

Thank you. Thanks again. Roger and I have a lot to do.

The first thing he should do is get his eyes examined.

I'm sorry about this, Roger, but I think it's just as well...

...that nobody knows you're here except me, huh?

Listen, I'll have Jeannie turn you back to your normal self...

...just as soon as we get through with this report.

Now, here's the problem.

I'm having a little difficulty with the solid fuel ratios.

Well, actually, it's the convertible fuel ratios that are giving me the trouble.

Now, if they're right, I want you to bark once. Here. Okay?

Now, take a look at this. Would you concentrate?

Now, how about that? I was afraid of that.

All right, now, how about this one?

Yeah. Look, look, look. Hey, look.

Oh, good. Good. That narrows it down.

Now, the only thing we really have to worry about is Dr. Bellows.

- What happened to your Great Dane? - My Great Dane?

- Yes. You're computing with him now? - Computing?

Oh, no, sir. No, I was just thinking out loud.

He just wandered in. He's a cute little fella.

- Then that's not your dog? - No, no.

- You're quite sure of that? - Yes.

- Oh, good, then I'll take him. - Oh, what for, sir?

General Peterson and I are discussing sending a dog up into space.

I think we just found that dog.

Roger. Roger into space?

Jeannie. Jeannie.

- Hi. - Oh, hello, master.

They're sending Roger into orbit.

Is that not what an astronaut is supposed to do?

Not with his tail wagging. Why did you do this to him?

I cannot tell you.

Did he do anything to hurt your feelings?

No, master.

Well, I'm sure Roger would never do anything to hurt me.

- Oh, of course not, master. - Then what is it?

- Well, I will tell you after 6:00. - Six o'clock is gonna be too late.

- I wanna know right now. - May I have a minute to think?

Yes.

I am sorry, Major Healey.

Fine friend of a friend you turned out to be.

I had to do it.

Why? I was just trying to get him a date.

I mean, what's so terrible about that?

Well, I was afraid that he might think his date was prettier than I am.

Boy, I've heard of insecure genies in my life, but you're ridiculous.

Well, you do not know how much I love Major Nelson.

All right. We'll forget about it.

- Do you mean that? - Sure I mean it.

Who needs Miss Universe anyway? What is she, just another girl, right?

- Right. - She's probably very, very beautiful...

...and very talented, or she wouldn't win...

- ... or wouldn't be in the contest, right? - Right.

And she probably has a marvellous figure, right?

Right.

And you want me to turn down a date...

...with the most beautiful, talented girl in the whole world?

But you just said you did not care, and that you-

- Well, forget it. - Oh, please, Major Healey.

- I will do anything you want. I- - Forget it!

Master, I cannot do it.

Jeannie, you can't go around turning astronauts into French poodles.

- Oh, yes, I can. - Yeah, I know you can.

But I don't want you to. You wanna please me, don't you?

Oh, yes, master. I would do anything in the world for you.

- Then change- - Except that.

You can't let them send him up into orbit.

Not as a dog, not as a French poodle.

- Oh, dear. - Come on, now. What do you say?

Come on.

- May I have another minute to think? - Yes.

So did you bring any dog biscuits?

I'm truly sorry about this, Major Healey.

Well, then do me a favour:

Stop blinking your eyes and let me walk out of here on all twos.

I want to.

But first you must promise not to make any more dates for Major Nelson.

Well, Jeannie, I wasn't planning on getting him married.

I mean, what are you getting so excited about anyway?

All we're gonna do is go out and have a simple little dinner.

- Is there anything wrong with that? - Well, no.

Then I thought we'd go somewhere and, well, maybe go dancing.

- Is there anything wrong with that? - No.

Well, then I thought maybe we could- Well, we'd drive down to the beach...

...and park underneath the moon...

...and turn on the radio for a little soft music.

And then...?

Master, I'm sorry to have to tell you this.

- Sorry to have to tell me what? - Your best friend is a poodle.

- You're not gonna change him back? - Oh, I cannot, master.

- I don't wanna lose Roger. - And I do not want to lose you.

There's only one thing I can do.

I'm going to Dr. Bellows to tell him the truth.

Master, you cannot do that. You will get into trouble.

My best friend, the poodle, is already in trouble.

- How do I get him into these things? - How do you get me into these things?

Hello, Roger, or whatever your name is.

You have a secret, and we're going to find out what it is.

Yes, we're gonna find out what it is.

- Come in. - He's still here.

- You want to see me, Major Nelson? - I want to see the two of you, sir.

- The two of us? - Yes, sir.

You can't send this dog into orbit, sir.

- And why not, may I ask? - Because...

- ... this is Roger. - I know. Roger Rover.

No, sir. Roger Roger. I mean, Roger Healey.

Major, you're trying to do it to me again.

Oh, no, I'm not trying to do anything to you, sir.

You remember when you heard me telling him about the solid fuel ratios?

The only other person in the world...

...who knows that mathematical formula...

- ... is Major Healey. - Yes?

That's why you can't send this dog into orbit.

- But how can that-? - I have to tell you the whole story.

- The whole story? - Yes, it started about a year ago.

Don't say another word. I'll be right back.

- I'm Dr. Alfred Bellows. - Yes, sir.

- And you're Major Nelson? - Yes, sir.

- And that's Major Healey? - Yes, sir.

I'll be right back.

Don't go away, Major Healey.

Master, do you know what you've done?

You'll be thrown out of the space program.

Well, I had no choice.

I told you I wasn't gonna let them put Major Healey into orbit.

General Peterson, Major Roger Healey is a poodle dog.

And then he'll say to me, "Come on, doctor. "

And then I'll say, "Sir, this time I've got the evidence.

The dog is in my office.

Nelson admits it's Major Healey, and Major Healey is missing.

No one has seen him all day. "

Then he'll look at me and he'll say, "A poodle dog?

How do you explain that, doctor?"

"Who can explain anything in the world of Major Nelson?

You've got to see this for yourself, general. "

"I'm warning you, doctor, if this is another one of your fantasies... "

"Fantasies don't bark, general. " Or do they?

- At my wits' end. - What are we going to do?

I think you've done quite enough already, young lady.

Now I'm just gonna have to tell him the truth and live with it.

- What happens will happen. - You are wonderful.

You know, of all the masters, I have ever had-

- Major Nelson. - Yes?

I came to take Major Poodle- Major Healey to see General Peterson.

- Where's the dog? - The dog? Oh, there's the dog, sir.

He knows who I am. We've been friends a long time.

- But you're a poodle. - I've been called a dog before, but-

- I mean a poodle. - A poodle?

- Where's that dog? - Where's the dog?

- Oh, the dog? Well, the dog is... - Yes, the dog.

- Well, it's- Oh, it's right there. - Oh, the dog.

- The dog. - The dog.

He's white. He was a grey poodle. Before that he was a Great Dane.

I saw them. The Great Dane, the grey poodle and now the white poodle.

And they're all Major Healey?

- Well- - Don't say another word.

I'm going home to lie down.

- I don't believe it. - You don't believe it?

I don't believe it.

- Oh, thank you, Jeannie. - I could not let you get into trouble.

You couldn't let me- You couldn't let me get into trouble?

- Why did you do this anyway? - Yeah.

Listen, would you tell me why she did this?

Do you know how much I have invested in you? $450.

Now, come on, clue me in.

Well, you see, there was this telephone call, see.

And then, we had...

Around the...

Go figure out a moody genie.

Jeannie, you ready?

Jeannie.

Coming, master.

- Yes, that's lovely. Absolutely lovely. - Oh, I am glad, master.

- I am looking forward to our date. - Me too. Let us go.

Just a minute.

Hello.

Major Nelson here.

No, Major Healey's not here.

Who?

Miss Universe?

He did?

She didn't?

She did.

Yes, yes, I would be- I would be honoured to take you out to dinner...

- ... both Major Healey and myself. - But-

Yeah, I'll pick you up in about a half an hour.

Well, if it's more convenient to meet here, it's fine.

I'll call Major Healey.

Yes, I'm terribly sorry about the mix-up.

Goodbye. Jeannie.

You are not going to take me out to dinner tonight?

I'm not gonna take you anywhere. I won't be blackmailed.

Well, I only wanted to go out this one time.

- Tonight was the- - I know what you wanted.

Now I know why you did that to Roger. I won't be pushed around.

- I'm still the master around here. - Yes, master.

Roger, how long would it take you to get a dinner jacket and get over here?

- Here you are. - Thank you.

You're sure this is all right with You-Know-Who?

Absolutely. It's my house. I'm the master of it.

- You're the master. - Isn't that right, Jeannie?

- Yes, master. - That's right.

Gee, I've never dated an astronaut before.

Well, neither have I. Hey, does this dress look okay?

Fine.

They're here.

Good night, Jeannie. Don't wait up for me.

- No, master. Have a good time. - Oh, I will.

I'm sorry to have to do this to you, but I feel you really needed a lesson.

- Yes, master. - You're really rough on her.

Sometimes you have to be.