All language subtitles for Velma.S01E09.WEBRip.x265-ION265

Previously on Velma...

Brains, where's my mom?

Indian woman. Lots of opinions
on weight and personal hygiene.

The only person we've seen
is that freak in the welder's mask.

Leave the brains. They
wouldn't save you. Trust me!

The police
found my mom's car

abandoned and empty,
except for her glasses,

and a single
wrapped gift for me.

In that case, I will
happily go with you, Fred.

- Yes!
- But, Daphne!

Are Fred and Daphne
back together?

Maybe it's time we
tried being girlfriends.

Girlfriends? Seriously?

Mom, you still haven't
told me who did this.

Who took you?

I...

I can't remember.

My butt looks amazing.
Hopefully, this time,

nothing causes my
implants to come out...

So, after two
years of searching,

I had finally found my mom.

They didn't come out. Nice!

There was
just one tiny problem.

Mom, you don't remember who
took you and the hot girls

because you have amnesia?

Oh, is that what
the doctor said?

Kidding.

Amnesia joke, which I can
make because I have it.

But amnesia's
curable, right Doc?

All we need is a
ladder and a coconut.

99% of the time, yes.

Hey, no offense, but can we just
let the actual doctor explain?

Just being a white guy with a
clipboard doesn't cut it anymore.

Sorry, your insurance
only covered the diagnosis

and the applesauce.

Now, according to
your mother's chart,

she's constructed a
sort of mental wall

to block out the past two years.

If Diya's memories do return,
it will be within 72 hours.

After that, they're
gone forever.

- Gone forever?
- Gone forever?

Oh, sorry. Can we
try that again?

Now, the good news is, if
you can keep Diya happy,

her memory should come back
within that time frame.

So my mom can't get upset
for the next 72 hours?

That's a lot of lying, but thankfully,
I'm damn good at it.

Great. Now, have there
been any changes at home

your mother might
find upsetting?

Uh, hmm. Changes at home?

Nah, their marriage
is strong as ever.

Aman, why is the
Spooner's waitress,

who used to flirt
with you, here?

You didn't tell her?

Oh, uh, we just found
someone no one likes

in case you needed an organ.

- But you don't, so...
- Ahhh.

Bye.

Okay. My
mom has 71 hours

to restore her memory and
identify the serial killer.

So we need to turn this spotless
and well-loved dream home

back into the normal person
dump she remembers ASAP.

Fine. Thank God, I have
my inspirational pillows

to keep me sane
during all of this.

"Breathe. Keep calm
and carry wine.

You're not an alcoholic.
You're a mom."

Ah, there's no time for this.

My mom is almost home.

♪ Yeah, here we go again
Making up an evil plan ♪

♪ Wiping my dirty hands clean ♪

- You're taking too long!
- Ahhh!

♪ Everything is going great ♪

So long, stupid child proofing.

Ahhh!

Ow!

Perfect.

Daphne, what are you doing?

You have to put
your back into it,

if we're gonna make this
place smell like my mom.

Sorry, it's just... Look.

I know now is not about me,

but it's just been
hard to concentrate

since you said we should try
being girlfriends in the caves.

- Were you serious?
- Uh, yes!

Unless you don't want to. In
which case... As if, bitch.

No, I do!

In fact, the Brains
are throwing themselves

a welcome home
party this weekend,

and I was thinking we could
dramatically upstage them

by going as a couple.

That sounds amazing, but
will I even be invited?

Since being rescued
from the caves,

the Brains are more
popular than ever.

Okay, fam. Today's
Steal Her Style

is Brenda, Krista and Lola.

So, for this, you're
gonna need a jar,

some goo, and a saw.

Velma, it's fine. I'm popular
enough for both of us.

You just relax and heavily
medicated trophy-wife it.

Ahhh! My mom is home!

Ahhh!

It's so weird, you remember Sophie,
the flirty Spooner's waitress,

but not who kidnapped you.

As weird as you
remembering her name,

but not where you put
your wedding ring?

- Uh...
- Welcome home, Mom.

I'm home.

Hmm.

What's the matter? Did
you forget we're poor?

No, I can't really see anything.

Of course, because
I have your glasses.

They fell off in your car
the night you were taken.

Here are your old ones to wear.

Uh...

Oh, I thought I'd keep the nice
ones. Kind of my thing now.

I just
remembered something!

Hmm.

It was while I was deciding
to buy these frames

that I first learned
about Dr. Edna Perdue.

Oh, my God, it's working.

Your memory is coming back.

Does that mean you
remember this too?

Yes.

Oh, that's the present you forced me to
buy you because you ruined Christmas,

solving one of your
mysteries, right?

Wait. Were you
annoying back then?

Uh, no, false memory.

Still, I swore I wouldn't
open it until I found you.

Which means... Please
don't be a puppy.

Oh. Red Mary Janes. Perfect.

I'm glad I waited this long and
put so much expectation on it.

Stop. You were a little
girl when I bought those.

You grew up while I was
kidnapped, and I missed it all.

Everything has changed.

Wait, why did I buy
those glasses again?

Velma! She's getting upset,
and losing her memories.

Quick! Make her feel good

by telling her she's more
attractive than her sister.

Mom, it's okay.

I may be older, but I'm
still the same old Velma.

I didn't offer to load the
dishwasher once while you were gone.

So I haven't ruined your life?

Your grades didn't suffer?
You're still valedictorian?

Uh...

- Yep.
- Oh, good.

Bring me your report cards.

I'm sure the happiness I feel
will help me remember everything,

and we'll finally catch
the serial killer.

Hey, is anyone else gonna
contour their cerebellum for our party?

Hey, girlies.

I'm excited for the party.

What's going on? Why
are you icing me out?

Uh, because you tried to
leave us for dead in the mines.

Your popularity is
officially revoked, Daphne.

Please update your status to
"loser" across all social platforms.

What? You can't be serious.

Update your status to "loser"
across all social platforms.

This is so stupid.

Oh, my God. Daphne's out.

Welcome to exile.

I'm out for two timing
the Brains in the caves.

Even the girl who pretends to be
a cat won't talk to me anymore.

Please. Those girls
don't decide if I'm popular.

Society's obsession
with looks does.

Not cool, Muffin.

Whoa!

Norville! I need your help.

Not now, Velma! This
is for the state championship.

Really? It's not the entertainment
at a Virgin Convention?

That's tomorrow.

Just tell me what you need.

I'm running out of time for my mom
to remember who the serial killer is.

So I need you to break
in to your mom's office,

change my grades and print
me a new report card.

Wait, what?

So, are you done now?

Can you do it?

Phew, they
saved me my seat.

I knew those bitches needed me.

Keep walking.

Aw!

Whatever. Watch this.

Hi, boys. Mind if I...

Oh, God! But the only seat is
at the table by the garbage.

Daphne, stop!

Any movement will
upset the garbage bees.

My only hope is to be
accepted as their queen.

But the only other place to sit
is out in the sun! I'll freckle!

Ahhh!

The Brains can't do this to us!

They already have.

Incoming, losers.

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

Ahhh! Ooh, ooh! Ahhh!

Here's your fake report card.

I can't believe I'm defying
my parents like this.

Norville, thank you.

Sincerely. You're an
incredible friend.

Oh, no! The serial killer
is here to finish the job!

And it's all your fault because you took
too long to get me my new report card!

Sophie? What are
you doing here?

In your rush to throw us out,

Amanda's blanket got left behind
and she can't sleep without it.

Throw you out?

Wait, you lived here?

Aman, did you have an affair
and a baby while I was...

While I was... Wait, what
happened to me again?

She's freaking out and
forgetting everything.

Like when Al Pacino tries
to return to the stage.

Mom, it's okay. Dad, uh, didn't
have an affair and a baby.

Then whose baby is that?
And why is she here?

Because... Because...

The baby is mine. He's mine.

- She.
- She's mine.

Yours? What? Who's the father?

And the only acceptable answer is
you sat on a public toilet seat,

which we've talked about.

I didn't. But you'll
like the father.

It's, uh...

It's, uh...

It's a tale as old
as time, really.

See, the Archangel Gabriel appeared
before Velma and announced...

Norville!

The father is Norville.

Why would you tell your
mom the baby is yours?

She's already had an
unwanted baby in her life.

Because we have to
protect her memory,

and anything's better than learning
your husband cheated on you

the instant you were kidnapped.

It wasn't the instant
she was kidnapped.

It was six weeks.

But why would you
say I'm the father?

Or am I just having my
favorite recurring dream?

No, it's because moms love you.

You're like if Michael B.
Jordan had a baby with leggings.

- Velma?
- She's waking up.

Mom, what's my name?
How old are you?

And how old do you
tell people you are?

Velma, I'm okay.

And we're gonna talk about
your baby in a second,

but that's not why I passed out.

It's because I was overcome
by another huge memory.

Was it where you
put the TV remote?

It's been two years
of living hell.

No. I was in the basement of
Fred's house before they moved in.

But the lab entrance
was bricked up.

Fortunately, Dr Perdue's
journals showed a secret way in.

So I tore its wings off with my
teeth as a warning to the other bats.

And that's
all I remember.

But still, you had a memory.
Which means I'm right.

You like that I had a baby,
and that Norville's the father.

I don't like that
you had a baby.

But, even though Aman
and I had our problems,

it's better than him
having cheated on me.

And Norville does seem
like a great father.

I'm a teddy bear.

I'm named after Theodore
Roosevelt, a wealthy demagogue

who massacred indigenous people
in the name of imperialism.

But if Amanda is my
gorgeous granddaughter,

then why is that
waitress in my house?

Oh. Sophie's my
boss at Spooner's.

So we asked her to watch Amanda
while you recovered your memory.

And I said, "Hell,
no! This is insane!

Are you people out of
your goddamn minds?"

So, Dad offered her money.

So much money.

Thank you. But now
that the truth is out,

Velma and Norville can look
after their daughter themselves.

Like hell we can.

I mean, of course. How hard can
watching it be? Right, Norville?

Norville?

Hey! You said this
was your dream!

Will you at least
chip in for college?

Ahhh!

I was also
offered a vacation to Bali.

Well, Sophie's got this.
Wanna see my report card?

I know I should be more upset
about this, but I'm not.

Well, there is a lot of opportunity
for fugly babies these days.

Amanda could grow
up to be a meme.

No, it's just, there's nothing
better than having a daughter.

You never stopped
looking for me.

I'm only alive because of you.

I love you, Mom.

I love you so much,

I'm gonna let Amanda
sleep in your room.

Nice try.

Just make sure Amanda
doesn't fall off the bed

the way you always
did at that age.

- What?
- Nothing.

Good night, girls.

Okay. This
isn't that bad.

Huh?

Oh, God!

Norville!

Where did you go?
You know I legally

can't be alone with a child after
I ate my health class egg baby.

Sorry. Had to go tell my
parents what we're doing.

My dad is very excited.

My mom, however, wants me to transfer
schools and find better friends.

Can you believe that? Velma?

- Velma, she's hungry.
- She's not hungry.

When I showed her my
boobs, she fainted.

She's just being a pill.

Daphne?

Hey. I might be on the
outs with the Brains,

so I don't think we
can go to that party.

Oh. I don't care about that.
I just wanna be with you.

Mmm. Same.

Though in the ideal world I'd
have both popularity and you.

Daphne! Velma told me
you're Amanda's godmother.

And to think, I always assumed

you'd be the one to get
knocked up first.

- What?
- Hey!

Save those judgment
nuggets for your grandbaby.

Now give me a second.

Norville
and I are pretending

to be Amanda's parents
for the next 32 hours,

to help my mom remember who took her
and the Brains, before he strikes again.

You're pretending to
be in a relationship?

Wait! That's it!

That's how I can
be popular again!

Huh?

Freddie? Sweetie!

Daphne, that poor girl you used
to date, is here to see you.

Oh, no! Fred!

What happened?

Don't tell me your father's kinks are genetic.

No, I was
practicing getting swirlied,

and I must have passed out.

I don't know how much
longer I can take being unpopular.

How do network
sitcoms handle it?

By maintaining an undying
faith in looking backwards,

which is exactly
what we're gonna do.

I was thinking, we always got more
attention as a couple than as individuals.

Like J.Lo and Ben,
or avocado and toast.

Or drinking and boats.

Exactly. So, I'm thinking that if
we faked a dramatic public reunion,

we could capture the hearts
and minds of the student body

and be popular again.

That is a very
good idea, Daphne.

I wish Fred were a
little more like you.

You mean poor? Gross.

Did Fred drive Daphne to school?

I know they're social pariahs
right now, but this is

huge.

Hmm.

Aw, she's so happy
with you guys.

And like they say, leave a baby
with whoever makes her smile.

- Bye.
- Mmm-mmm.

I love their love.

- Where's Amanda?
- Who?

Pack it up. Tables are done.

Ahhh!

Velma, I'm sorry, but this
video of your talent show

isn't making me happy enough
to remember anything else.

Oh, sorry, Howie
Mandel. But don't worry.

I'm working on something that
will definitely do the trick.

Just hold tight.

Velma, I changed your grades.

I agreed to be the fake
father of your fake baby.

But I will not compromise my
journalistic integrity for you.

I refuse to print this headline.

But my mom is so
close to remembering

who the serial killer is and only has
six hours left to regain her memory.

Too bad. My best
reporter, Woo Jin,

just accidentally named a
source in his life story,

and I fired his ass with
the harshest words I know.

Best of luck with all
your future endeavors.

Damn. From you, that's no joke.

But this headline
could be the difference

between making my mom
happy enough to remember

and the serial killer
taking a million more girls.

Me upstaging my cousins is an
intergenerational slap in the face

to my mom's sisters, and
that's her number one dream.

Fine, I'll do it.

But could you at least
change Amanda's diaper?

Wow. Way to take advantage
of someone at a low moment.

Classy.

Hello? Lamont?

Someone wants you to
change their diaper.

Hmm?

A welder's mask?

Hello, Velma.

Has your mother
regained her memory yet?

Norville,
what are you doing?

Your mother's about to
steal all of your green.

And if I do, will this stupid
land finally be settled?

Please say it will be settled.

Sorry. I'm worried about Velma.

I haven't heard from her
since this afternoon.

Huh. I wonder
where she could be.

- Ahhh!
- Oh, no!

- Freeze, Lamont!
- Dad, what's going on?

Wait. Is this a prank?

Like when
the seniors beat me up?

I wish, but no.

Care to explain

what this was
doing in your desk?

My welder's mask.

Dad, you didn't.

I did, son.

Guilty as charged.

I handcrafted you a
sword for your birthday.

Case closed. Wait, what?
Today's your birthday?

Yes. And my dad isn't
the serial killer.

He only has a welder's mask
because he made me a sword

like I've been begging him to.

Oh, please. That could
just be a cover story.

Oh, yeah. No, he
definitely made that.

Okay, well, this is starting
to look like a false alarm.

Thankfully, the
damage isn't too bad.

Wow, Daphne.

Disembodied brains are
attending your high school,

and the serial killer
is still out there,

but hashtag Fraphne is
the top trending story.

And listen to this text
I just got from Brenda.

"Hey, girlie.

Hope you and Fred can make
it to our party tonight.

No hard feelings. Remember,
I'm literally heartless."

Oh, it worked. We're
officially popular again.

I can't ever
repay you, so I won't.

That's fine. It'll
be repayment enough

to see Brenda's amygdala shake

when Velma and I steal the
show by arriving as a couple.

What? You and Velma?

But everyone is expecting
us to go together.

But we can't pretend
to date forever.

I'm already one conversation about
affirmative action away from killing you.

I'm just saying, if
white people are now

the minorities on camp...

Whoa!

Daphne, as much as it shocks
me to say this, Fred is right.

People expect you
to go together,

and it's not forever.

Just until you're popular
enough to do whatever you want,

like a homophobic
chicken sandwich chain.

Smart girl.

Which reminds me,
would you ever consider

interning for me at Jones
Gentlemen's Accessories?

If you can make Fred popular,

I'd love to see what you
could do with a $90 headband.

Really? Oh, my God, yes.

And call me crazy, but
make the headband tiny.

Now it's for dogs.
You're welcome.

Brilliant. But keep
this between us for now.

Not everyone in the company is as
receptive to outside ideas as I am.

I am so sorry
about your house.

And you should absolutely place the
blame where it's due. The police.

I don't care about
my house, Velma!

I care that you accused my dad of being
a serial killer without even telling me.

I know, but I saw the
welder's mask and freaked out.

And I wanted you to finish the
headline about me for the paper.

Which, did you? 'Cause I
couldn't help but notice

you had time for a board game.

This is unbelievable.

I put you above
everything in my life.

But I draw the
line at my family.

If our situations were reversed,

you'd have left me for dead
after my first hallucination.

But I was worried my mom
wouldn't recover her memory.

She only has an hour before...

Yeah, I don't care!
You're a bad friend.

And you look terrible in orange.

Norville, please. You say that every
time I mistake dwarves and elves.

An elf is a luminous spirit,
and a dwarf is a hairy oaf.

But most importantly,
they are not friends.

And neither are we.

Best of luck in all your
future endeavors, Wilhelmina.

Amanda, I don't
think he's kidding.

Amanda?

Oh, God!

Amanda! Come back!

Seriously!

Stop, Amanda.

Watch out!

Hey, that's how

I got my baby to nap, too.

Amanda, please!

If you stop rolling,

I'll stop trying to sell
you on the dark web.

Oh, phew.

Ahhh!

Aw, look
at the happy couple.

- Aren't they so...
- Happy.

Exactly. Happy.

Or are you just faking
it to be popular?

Wait, what?

- Did you know?
- What?

No.
We're a happy couple.

- Tell 'em, Daph.
- Yeah, we love each other.

Great. Then prove it.

- Kiss.
- Whoo!

Kiss?

Or all your
popularity goes away forever.

Yeah, sure. Easy.

Mmm.

Aw!

What the actual hell?

Velma? What are you doing here?

Amanda rolled here
to find her mom.

Her mom?

Velma, what are
you talking about?

Mom? What are you doing here?

The Brains invited us when they learned
your mom was in the caves with them.

And T-B-H, we thought
she'd be cool and order us alcohol.

Velma, what's going on?

Uh, nothing. I just thought

taking a little spin on the dance
floor with your granddaughter,

might give you the happiness
nudge you needed to...

Sophie, what the hell?

Huh?

Velma,

the 72 hours are up.

She didn't remember who
took her and the Brains.

We have to tell her the truth.

No need. I think
I figured it out.

You did have an affair,
Aman, while I was kidnapped.

- And a child.
- Yes.

But for what it's worth,
both of those things

only happened after
Sophie and I fell in love.

I'll stop talking.

Mom, I'm sorry we lied,

but we had to try to
help you remember.

But... I do.

Oh, my God, I do remember
who the serial killer is.

What? How?

I don't know.

Maybe I'm relieved
to finally be freed

from my loveless and sexually
unfulfilling marriage.

- Rude.
- Stop!

I wasn't asking for
an actual explanation.

Just say who the
serial killer is.

Of course. It's...

It's...

It's...

It's me.

Okay, you are so
ordering us alcohol now.