Original subtitles

♪♪

[barking]

[Jacqueline] They say all roads lead to Rome.

That is, all except the ones used

by our illustrious captain of police, Gaspar Fomento.

Those roads lead to trouble.

If the driveway is not repaired in 2 days,

I shall be forced to issue a citation.

Because of a crack or two, Captain?

Oh, they give a driveway character.

Yes, they're time's little beauty marks.

Beauty marks?

Do you see this gold filling, huh?

No, I--I don't see a gold filling.

Of course you don't.

It was knocked loose when I went over that beauty mark.

Oh, now, Captain.

Aren't you exaggerating just a little bit?

Oh, you think so? Sister, would you mind coming with me

just for one moment, please?

Not that a police captain has to prove anything,

but I will prove to you that that is a rut.

You will see that I do not indulge in idle,

uh, accusations.

Now, honestly, Sister, did you ever...

Well, Captain, when you're right, you're right.

That was a rut.

Captain Fomento, I agree.

The driveway should be repaired.

But in two days?

The rut has been there for three weeks

and no one has been hurt so far.

Would you like to look at a cavity

that was not there yesterday?

I beg your pardon?

Right...

He lost a filling when he hit the rut.

I'm sorry, Reverend Mother.

I do not make the laws. I just enforce them.

However, when I issue an order,

not even the President himself, uh, can change my mind.

I said two days, and two days it is.

Captain, you're lighting the wrong end.

On purpose.

Every diet should include a little charcoal.

[police officer] Fomento?

Oh,

Reverend Mother, Sister, is something the matter?

Well, um, it is their driveway, Chief Galindo.

I had to invoke, um, article 36, paragraph four.

However, I gave them two days to have the rut repaired.

Why so short a time? Hmm?

[Galindo] What harm does a little crack do, anyway?

Sisters, take all the time you need.

Thank you, Chief Galindo.

I assure you that we will try to

have the rut repaired as soon as possible.

Good day.

Will the Chief give me one good reason

why he countermanded my order?

It was rigid, arbitrary and foolish.

I only asked for one reason.

If the Chief doesn't need me, I will retire.

I do need you.

At your service, sir.

Go to the bakery store

and get me half-a-dozen kaiser rolls.

Oh, well, the boy will be so disappointed, Señor Ortiz.

Uh, are you sure you can't make it?

San Marcos is only an hour flight, huh.

[Señor Ortiz] Tell little Gaspar I see him soon.

Yeah, I see.

Well, maybe you can make up for his 11th birthday.

Okay. Bye. Bye.

Oh, wow, little Gaspar's uncle can't come.

Oh, it's no big tragedy, Sister Bertrille.

An uncle at a surprise party

is like a square pig in a round hole.

That's peg.

Pig, peg, a children's party is for children.

I remember my own parties. All those games.

Um, Red Rover, Hide and Seek,

Paste the Tail on the Donkey...

That's Pin the Tail on the Donkey.

No, paste.

We did not wish to hurt our donkey.

Half-a-dozen kaiser rolls.

Anything else, Capitan?

No, Dyquisto, that is all.

Oh, eclairs in this warm weather?

Um, are they safe?

From what?

Well, shouldn't they be under refrigeration?

Highly perishable merchandise, Dyquisto.

Si,I can see one perishing now.

Mm.

[paper ruffling]

"Happy birthday, dear Gaspar?"

Dyquisto, who-- who ordered that cake?

Oh, Sister Bertrille of the convent.

It's for a surprise party tomorrow.

It cannot be. I took the order myself.

[mumbling]

Of course. My 40th birthday.

Dyquisto, that cake is for me.

So if you are getting a whole cake,

why are you inspecting my eclairs?

Imagine those nuns giving me a surprise party.

Me. But why me?

That's a good question.

I tell you why, hmm.

Because these are the true Sisters of Mercy.

That'll be 60 cents for the rolls, Capitan.

Oh, Dyquisto, I have learned a lesson today.

A lesson of humility.

I have been permitted to stand in the presence

of true beauty,

but not only the beauty of the heart,

but of the soul.

Dyquisto?

Yes?

I insist on paying for that eclair.

Good morning, SeñorRamirez.

[laughing]

Good morning, Captain Fomento. What can I do for you?

Uh, for me? Nothing. Oh?

But as long as I'm here,

I would like to ask you a question.

Um, you are, um, quite close

with the sisters of the convent, is that not so?

What do you think they have done this time?

Nothing.

That's a pretty package. This is a gift.

Sister Bertrille is coming to pick it up.

Is that right? Mmm-hmm.

It's for a celebration they're having at the convent tomorrow.

A celebration? Mmm-hmm.

Oh, how wonderful.

And you bought the present, huh? Yes.

You're a very generous man.

Thank you. Thank you.

What for?

Uh, may I show you a card trick, huh? Please?

Please. Uh, thank you.

[mumbling]

[exclaiming]

You will pick a card, any card.

And put it anywhere in the deck. Okay.

Now, with good luck, your card should be coming up face up.

[Bertrille] This is a raid.

Sister Bertrille, how nice to see you.

I know. You're going to arrest me for breaking and entering.

Oh, what a sense of humor. Ha, ha, ha.

Oh, in regard to the driveway, take all the time you need.

Well, it might take at least a week.

So what? Two weeks, three... A month.

Well, goodbye, SeñorRamirez, and goodbye, dear Sister.

I imagine we will be seeing each other

in the near future, huh? Huh, huh?

Until we meet again.

What's with him?

I don't know. Maybe he has a tick in his eye.

Here, the present for little Gaspar.

Oh, thank you, Carlos.

I don't know how we'd get along without you.

Just because of a child's present?

Why, when a little boy needs a bathrobe,

you buy it for him. Why not?

When a party needs entertainment, you volunteer.

Oh, I try my best to...

Wait a minute. To entertain? What can I do?

I know a few amusing stories

but I don't think they're fit for children.

Wait a minute.

I have the right person and he's available.

Who? Captain Fomento.

[sighs] Oh, I don't think

a lecture on the great criminals of the world is my...

He does card tricks.

Now the question is,

how are they going to get me to my party?

How many guesses do I have?

That was just a rhetorical question, Salazar.

I think I know how the simple mind works.

They will probably first come here and ask me for a favor,

for the children, of course.

Then they will ask me over to lecture for the children

on, uh, um, great criminals of the world, or...

[knocking on door]

Sister Bertrille. What can I do for you?

A small favor. Oh, a small favor?

Yes. It's for a little boy at the convent.

A little boy?

Yes. We're giving him a birthday party tomorrow,

but we don't want him to know anything about it.

Oh, believe me. Your secret is safe with me.

[Bertrille] He's the cutest little fellow.

He is? Yes. I was wondering

if you could come to the convent

and do a few card tricks for the children.

For the children?

[Fomento] Anything for the children. Yes.

Oh, swell. Then I'll see you at 6:00 tomorrow.

Okay, goodbye, Salazar. Bye, Captain.

They are as transparent as this window,

if you should ever get around to washing it.

Now, I figure with the children, the sisters and the guests,

we'll need about five plum pies.

Oh. How many plums have you picked so far?

[Jacqueline chuckling]

Would you settle for two plum tarts?

Well, there's the problem.

All the good plums are on the top of the branches.

[exclaiming]

[sisters exclaiming]

[groaning]

Show me another airline

that ships fruit right from the trees.

[chuckling]

Sister.

Why, Captain, aren't you a little bit early?

The party's not until tomorrow. Well, Sister,

I found an extra bag of cement in my garage.

So I said to myself, "Fomento,

"why don't you take it up to the convent

"and help to repair the driveway?"

Oh, well, that's very nice, Captain,

but we couldn't pay you for it and...

Pay me? Pay me?

It is the least I can do for you.

Ooh! Plums. Yes.

We just picked them, for the pies for tomorrow.

Plum pie? That's my favorite pie.

You have been talking to my mother, huh?

What do you mean?

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

[gaspar] Hi, Sister Bertrille. Do you like it?

Oh, yeah. Wow, that's fantastic.

Isn't that cute?

His uncle bought him a... A new outfit for his birthday

and he couldn't wait till tomorrow to put it on.

His birthday is tomorrow? Yes.

That's the little boy

we're giving the surprise party for.

[stuttering] What is the cute little fellow's name?

Gaspar, just like yours.

[sighing] This is... Surprise party.

[stuttering] That's very, very nice, especially for an orphan boy.

Good day, Sister.

[twig snapping]

[thudding]

Hey, Sister. According to article 21,

paragraph seven of the health code,

it is a violation to serve unwashed fruit.

Be careful.

[car engine starting]

[bell tinkling]

Good morning.

Ah. Good morning, Sisters.

Oh, I'm so sorry, but your cake isn't quite ready yet.

What with all the extra decorations...

What extra decorations?

We just had the name and the border of roses.

Ah! But under "Happy birthday, dear Gaspar",

Capitan Fomento wanted a police badge under crossed...

"Captain Fomento wanted"?

Yeah, of course, it was supposed to be my idea.

I think you're a little mixed up.

I sure am mixed up.

And instead of the roses

he wanted a spray of white violets.

And since the party's for him...

Captain Fomento?

Thought the surprise party... Was for him?

What a bummer.

Why don't we just invite Captain Fomento

and make it a party for both Gaspars?

Well, wouldn't the Captain feel he was just an afterthought?

But he's coming anyway. No.

He knows that we know that he thought the party was for him.

And since we know he knows what we know,

how can we possibly ask him?

Isn't that what you meant, Sister Jacqueline?

Oh. It is?

Y-yes, you're right, Sisters. With all of his faults,

Captain Fomento is a man of, uh, deep pride and sensitivity.

I don't think we're talking about the same Captain Fomento.

[telephone ringing]

Hello? Yes, Captain Fomento.

Oh, I-- I'm sorry

that you won't be able to make it.

Well, we'll regret it even more than you.

Yes, good day.

[sighing]See?

We are dealing with a man of sensitivity and pride.

Apparently.

[Reverend Mother] And as I see it, the only chance

that we have of not crushing the poor man's spirit,

is to make him think

that the party was for him all along.

What about little Gaspar?

Well, I think he's less of a child than Captain Fomento.

Sisters, we have had dilemmas before

and we've always gotten an answer.

[telephone ringing]

Hello? Yes.

Oh... Wha--

Why, SeñorOrtiz, that is a marvelous idea.

Oh, you have no idea what it means to us.

Yes. Just as soon as possible. Yes.

Good day, senor.

That was our solution.

Gaspar's uncle wants him to fly to San Marcos

to see him today.

And as he owns an amusement park,

I hardly think that it's too much of a sacrifice.

Oh, that's terrific.

It's like having our own private hotline.

Hello, Captain. Good morning.

For some it is a lovely morning,

but for others it is always blue Monday.

Ooh, well, why don't you tell the Captain

what you're doing for your birthday, Gaspar.

I'm visiting my uncle in San Marcos.

I suppose it is important for someone

to enjoy a celebration every now and then,

and even if...

You are going to visit your uncle in San Marcos?

Flight 120. Gate three.

Oh, um, well,

could you watch Gaspar for a second?

I have to, uh, pick up some shoes.

Uh, so you are flying to San Marcos, young man?

Tha-that is quite a trip.

About one hour each way.

One hour each way.

Does not leave you much time to spend with your own uncle,

not if you have to get back the same night.

Who is getting back tonight?

Why, I figured, well, because of your birthday...

And for my birthday

my uncle bought me a ticket to San Marcos.

On an airplane, as a present.

And I also get to go on all the rides in the amusement park,

free, because he is the boss.

Congratulations. You're a very lucky man.

I know.

Yes.

Okay, Gaspar. Let's go.

See, that didn't take very long, did it?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, I see, uh, you got your shoes.

[Fomento] [chuckling]

Oh, you have a very smart young man.

So smart, so brilliant. He's going to go far.

Yes. Well, he's not going to get to San Marcos

unless we hurry. Come on. Have a nice trip.

What was he talking about?

All I said to him was that I'm not coming back tonight.

That sounds so smart?

Well, maybe not to you, but to him

it sounds like sheer genius.

It's already 5:30, Captain.

Maybe you made a mistake after all.

I have seen the cake, Salazar.

I have seen the preparation.

I know there is a party for me.

And they know that there is a party for me.

But even though that I know that they know that I know...

Captain, my wife is waiting dinner.

She's called three times. Can we finish this tomorrow?

We will finish it today!

Tomorrow will be too late.

Tomorrow I may not have a wife.

Please. They will find a way to get me there.

If they are so smart

as to make my life so miserable,

I am sure they are smart enough to get me to my own party.

[telephone ringing]

Captain Gaspar Fomento at your service.

Fomento, would you get over here at once?

I've been robbed.

Robbed? SeñorRamirez, I will be right over.

SeñorRamirez has been robbed.

You stay here.

[banging drawer]

May I tell you something, Salazar?

You are a fool. I am?

There is no robbery. No?

Don't you understand?

That is how they are going to get me to the party.

What a fool I am. Yes.

[both laughing]

But I called 20 minutes ago. Where the devil is...

Never mind.

Where have you been?

I had to shave.

You had to what?

A man is robbed and he stops to shave?

That shave could cost me $5,000.

Señor,don't you think you are overdoing it a little bit?

That's exactly what they took.

My, my, my.

Is that all you're going to say?

[tsking]

Aren't you going to ask me for a description?

Very well. Give me the description.

[sighing]

One is blonde, thin, six feet tall.

And the other is 5'8", and dark.

One tall... Very well, let's go. Where?

I haven't even told you which way they went.

All right, tell me. Which way did they go?

[sighing] South.

Naturally.

What do you mean by "naturally"?

That's in the direction of the convent.

What does the convent have to do with anything?

Who said anything has got to do with anything?

What are we standing here for? Let's go.

It is not quite 6:00 yet. And I think that...

What are we pulling up here for?

I appreciate what you are doing for me,

but don't you think you are going a little bit too far?

Are you mad, Fomento? No, I am mad.

I should have asked for Galindo, or even Salazar.

I expect you will be seeing both of them soon enough.

Sisters?

Sister Bertrille?

Reverend Mother?

Sisters?

What is it? What's the matter?

You see, I thought...

What?

Nothing. I just made a fool of myself, that is all.

What are you talking about?

I don't know.

On the occasion of his 40th birthday,

a man should begin to have some common sense.

Today is your birthday?

Oh, only a fool would believe

that the sisters would even be aware of it.

Let alone throw him a surprise party.

Oh, I'm sorry, Captain.

SeñorRamirez, why are we standing here?

There are two cutthroats on the loose.

Uh, Captain. Captain, why don't we forget about it, huh?

Let me buy you a drink.

I never drink on duty.

Well, maybe a good steak dinner then.

Those guys are halfway to Brazil by now.

Anyway, my insurance will cover it.

You are insured?

Oh, why didn't you tell me this before?

Well, it was very inconsiderate of me, I...

Yes. It was most inconsiderate.

You think I have nothing else to do

but to spend my evenings to run around like a fool?

Oh, yes. It was most inconsiderate.

Yes, I have many things to do. I am very...

If only I had not gone to the bakery in the first place.

Are you sure that you don't want me

to drive you back to your casino?

No, I'm in no hurry to get there.

What are you going to do now?

Lock up, go home,

and have a nice hot frozen dinner

just like any other man would on his birthday.

Wait. We're having a great show at the casino tonight.

Why don't you come, as my guest?

Celebrate my birthday with tourists?

Thank you.

Would you mind if I come up

and have a cup of coffee with you?

[sisters cheering]

Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!

[sisters cheering]

Thank you.

Sisters,

how can I find words to tell you what is truly in my heart?

Today your overpowering love shown to me

has shown me what I have worked for.

And it is for this, my most cherished moment. Thank you.

Now, who will have the second piece?

♪♪

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