Original subtitles

[barking]

[Jacqueline] Carlos Ramirez was one of the best friends

the Convent San Tanco had.

So when he asked us to care

for a little boy named Pepe for a few days,

we readily agreed.

Sister Bertrille, I thought that you said

that Se�orRamirez wanted us to care

for a little boy named Pepe?

I believe he said a cute little fellow named Pepe.

That's a cute little fellow?

Well, isn't he?

Se�orRamirez, why did you not tell us

that you were talking about a monkey?

Oh, didn't I mention it?

No. But on the other hand,

he didn't say it wasn't a monkey.

The fact remains that this is an orphanage and not a zoo.

But Pepe is an orphan, Reverend Mother.

Can't you stretch things a little,

and take care of Pepe until Dolores comes back?

The children would go ape for him.

Oh, please, Reverend Mother.

We could take care of him for practically nothing.

Peanuts, in fact.

I really do not know what to say.

Well, I would take care of him, Reverend Mother.

I know all about monkeys.

I saw King Kong six times.

[Reverend Mother] Very well, Sister Bertrille.

But he will be your responsibility.

Thank you, Reverend Mother.

[Carlos] He's not gonna give you any troubles at all.

Ooh...

[honking]

[whimpering]

[chattering]

Come down here at once. Do you hear me?

That's no way to handle a monkey, Sister.

Well, if you're such an expert, let's see you get him down.

Okay.

Look at that. How you like that, jellybean?

Oh...

[chattering]

That's amazing.

How did you get him to come to you like that?

Oh, it was easy. I just used my charm,

my knowledge of animal psychology

and a couple of jellybeans.

[Jacqueline] It was a little too late in the semester

to enroll Pepe in school.

So he had to wait until recess to enjoy

the companionship of children his own age.

He was fair at jump rope.

In skating, he wasn't Olympic caliber.

But in football, he was all-American.

It was a pleasure to have him around.

And his visit would have been a pleasure

if it weren't for Captain Fomento.

In the company of his trusted Sergeant Salazar,

the Captain came to pay us a call.

Or, as Sister Bertrille might say, he fell in.

Oh, Captain Fomento. Are you all right?

Yes. But I would prefer to roller skate

during my leisure hours.

Excuse me.

I do not wish to alarm you, Sisters,

but in the last few days,

there have been a series

of burglaries in this neighborhood.

Burglaries?

Sergeant Salazar, will you read to the ladies

the list of stolen items?

"Three pairs of socks,

four pair of under-shorts, six t-shirts..."

That's my laundry list.

I will read the list.

"Gold and crystal perfume bottle from Se�oritaDiaz.

"A man's gold cigarette case from Se�orArruza.

"White gold ladies' zircon ring from Se�oraBelmonte.

"A gold keychain from Se�orPerez."

Dear me. You seem to have

a genuine crime wave on your hands.

Yes. That's why I've come here to find out

if anything has been stolen from you.

Oh, no, no, nothing.

We have nothing of value here.

What about this sterling silver candlestick?

It's only silver-plated, Captain.

But the average thief does not know the difference.

Well, no, I suppose not,

but I'm sure no one would steal anything from a convent.

Might I remind you of the famous story of a man who stole

just such a candlestick from a church?

War and Peace, I believe.

That was Les Miserables.

Exactly.

[Bertrille] Pepe.

You naughty boy.

Oh, look, he's offering me a...

Thank you very much.

That's not funny. No.

Come on. You can come with me

and help me set the table for lunch.

Come on.

Will you gentlemen join us?

We will be eating in a few moments.

Why, thank you, Reverend Mother.

I'd love to.

I'm sorry, Reverend Mother, but we cannot accept.

Why not?

[buzzing] What was that?

It's my alarm wristwatch. Would you mind...

Oh. Yes.

It is reminding us that we have an appointment

to catch a thief.

Oh, well,

might I wash my hands before I go, please?

Yes, of course, Captain.

Just go down the hall and turn to the right.

To the right. Salazar, come along.

I still don't understand why we have to pass up a free lunch.

Because we have no time.

While we dilly and dally here, the thief may strike again.

But we have to eat, don't we?

Salazar, when you have been in police work as long as I have,

you will learn that the only way to solve

a case is through diligence and application.

We must find him, Salazar.

How?

How else is a thief caught?

By studying his modus operandi.

Now listen carefully.

In quick succession, he strikes at the houses

of Arruza, Belmonte, Diaz and Perez.

Now, what does this tell us?

It tells us he likes to steal from Puerto Ricans.

What else, hombre, what else?

He is stupid because he steals worthless objects.

Now, I intend to have this stupid thief

in my custody before nightfall.

We have exactly...

My watch!

It's gone.

Well, maybe you left it in the washroom.

Let us hope so, Salazar. Let us hope so!

Sister Bertrille?

[watch alarm buzzing]

I know you took off your watch to wash your hands

and you put it down there...

I don't understand.

That is why you are a sergeant and I am a captain.

Let me get to the point.

Now, there has been a rash of robberies

in the area of the convent,

yet nothing has been stolen from the convent itself,

except my watch.

What are you saying, Captain?

I am saying nothing.

Except this. That I believe

that your instincts may have been correct.

Why should we pass up a free lunch?

Would you like another piece, Captain Fomento?

Yes, please. I find that when I'm working on a case,

my deductive powers are always in need of

a constant refueling.

Yes, I guess your brain does get pooped.

Indeed. My mind is always ticking.

Tell me, Captain, do you have any suspects in the case?

Naturally.

Well, could you give us some guess who the suspects are?

When you have been in police work as long as I have,

you will learn that most of the times,

the people who you least suspect are the most suspicious.

In most cases, when you are tracking down a thief,

it is not so important as to look into the suspect's face,

but rather to examine their habits.

I think we've taken up enough of Se�orFomento's time.

[chuckling]

Perhaps.

But I must say that never before

has my time been stolen so delightfully.

Oh, and speaking about time,

do any of you ladies know what time it is?

Why, Captain, whatever happened

to that lovely alarm watch that you have?

I must have misplaced it someplace in the convent.

Well, can we help you look for it?

Oh, no. No, no, no, no.

I would much rather that you Sisters remain here

and allow me to make my own search.

Salazar, let's go.

One moment, Captain Fomento.

With all due respect, I'm familiar with the law

and I don't believe you can search the convent

without a warrant.

Sister Jacqueline!

Say no more! A search warrant is necessary.

Although I have found that when people ask for a search warrant,

generally they have something to hide.

Come, Salazar!

[chatters]

Why would she steal Captain Fomento's watch?

She has a watch.

Two watches. And all the clocks she can use.

Not to mention the bell which strikes out the hour.

Exactly. And why this?

Why, she's never smoked a single cigarette in her whole life.

Exactly. The whole idea is preposterous.

Why, Pepe, I'm surprised at you.

Taking things from the Reverend Mother's desk.

Well, don't you know if you take one thing

it may lead to another and another?

[chattering]

Oh.

Empty already?

Well, I'll get you some more jellybeans

if you promise me you won't take anything else.

Deal?

Deal.

Don't forget to take your nap.

Reverend Mother, I'm going into town

to do some shopping, and I was wondering

if I could borrow a quarter from the children's candy fund

to buy Pepe some more jellybeans.

I'm afraid he's run out.

You mean he's finished that jar already?

Yeah. I'm afraid he's a jellybean freak.

[stutters]

Yes. I see. Well, of course,

you may borrow a quarter, Sister Bertrille.

Why, thank you very much, Reverend.

I'll just put it right...

[exclaims]

Oh! I... Oh!

I forgot. Your letter opener.

You see, when I came into the room...

Yes, Sister Bertrille.

Just run along.

Yeah.

Thank you, Reverend Mother.

She borrowed it, of course.

Of course.

Of course.

We often borrow things from one another.

Oh, it happens all the time.

All the time.

And there is a difference between borrowing and stealing.

Oh, all the difference in the world.

Oh, Reverend Mother, what do you think we should do?

Follow her.

[speaking in Spanish]

I'd like a quarter's worth of jellybeans.

Yes, of course.

Assorted colors, and go heavy on the blacks.

Anything else?

No.

The children at our convent need so many things,

I could buy up half the store, but I only have one quarter.

I see.

You know, Sister, I have been meaning

to make a contribution to your order.

So, why not just take everything you need, eh?

Oh, that's so nice of you.

Hello, Sister.

Sister Jacqueline.

I was just picking out a book.

[chuckling] Oh.

How To Win At Poker.

Oh, yes, I want to send it to my nephew in high school.

He's looking for summer work.

Why don't we go along to the convent, my dear?

Well, Sisters, did you get everything you need?

Well, yes, thank you so much.

And here are your jellybeans.

That's a quarter's worth?

Who's counting, Sister?

Oh...

There's something funny going on around here.

Well, never mind about that, dear. Now, just come along.

Now wait a minute, Sister Jacqueline.

Someone's been stealing stuff out of my basket.

Well, maybe it's someone who needs special attention.

Who? Who?

Thank you. Se�or, this is all we'll need.

You accused the Sisters of stealing

from parking meters and you were wrong.

You accused them of being art forgers and you were wrong.

You also accused them of running a crooked charity bazaar

and you were wrong.

What makes you think you're right this time?

The law of averages is on my side.

She's not a criminal, Reverend Mother.

She's... She's ill.

Yes, that's... That's true. She is.

And what I must do

is call Dr. Martinez,

and after she has had some psychiatric care,

then I'll notify Captain Fomento.

[knocking on door]

Come in.

Reverend Mother, Sister Jacqueline,

you wanted to see me?

Yes. Please sit down, Sister Bertrille.

We have something we think you ought to see.

You found the loot that Captain Fomento was looking for.

Sister Jacqueline found it.

Well, you must know who the thief is then.

Well, yes, dear.

But we're not dealing with a thief.

We're dealing with a kleptomaniac.

How awful.

Well, where did you find it?

In the convent.

A kleptomaniac in the convent.

Do you know who it is?

We have a pretty good idea.

Well, I don't know what to say.

You don't have to say anything.

Why, I mean, I guess it could happen to anyone.

Anyone.

Yes.

Well, may I make a suggestion?

Yes, Sister Bertrille.

Why don't you return what's been stolen?

Why, yes, of course, that--that is an excellent suggestion.

Don't you think so, Sister Jacqueline?

It's wonderful.

And I'm so glad it came from you.

Well, it's only right.

Why don't I take care of it for you?

Uh, no, no. We--We will take care of it. Thank you.

Well, why don't you just stay here and keep busy?

Uh, polish the silver.

No! The silver's already polished.

Why don't you go and help Sister Sixto with the dinner?

Why, yes. Yes, of course.

[speaking in Spanish]

Isn't that interesting?

The last of the stolen items has been returned.

Now, what do you say to that, Salazar?

Now we can drop the case.

Does it not matter to you that in each case,

just before the stolen item was returned,

the victim was visited by a Sister

of the Convent of San Tanco?

Captain, are you saying that the Sisters are thieves?

Of course not.

That is for the judge and jury to decide.

I can't believe it.

I won't believe it unless I see one of them with the goods.

[knocking on door]

Come in.

Excuse me, Captain.

[Fomento] How do you do?

I just stopped by to drop off your watch.

We found it on the premises.

Oh, so I see.

Do you see, Salazar?

Aren't you going to take it?

Of course.

Well, I have to be going. Adios, Se�ores.

Adios.

[exclaims]

I have my watch, her fingerprints.

[laughing]

I have the case.

[crunching]

Hello? Oh, hi, Carlos.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

He's naughty, but nice.

Yeah. Okay. Bye.

Oh, that was your Uncle Carlos.

Dolores is coming home today and he's coming over to pick you up.

Pepe, bring that back here!

Uh, Captain Fomento,

before you jump to any conclusions about the thief,

I--I think that there are

certain things that you ought to know

and perhaps y-you might feel differently about things

if I could just explain...

Well, Reverend Mother, please.

Do not play upon my sympathies.

Because once I have cornered the guilty person,

it is very hard to trip me.

Sister Bertrille is gone and she's taken the candlestick.

Sister Jacqueline...

So, we meet again, Sister Jacqueline!

Captain Fomento.

Salazar! Yes, my Captain?

Sister Bertrille is somewhere out there

with a hot candlestick.

You throw a dragnet.

I will...

[whistle blowing]

[Bertrille] Pepe.

Pepe, you come down from there this instant

or you've eaten your last jellybean.

All right, if that's the way you want it.

[Pepe chattering]

[Bertrille] Now listen to me. You listen to me.

You want me to lose my temper?

I want you to give me back my candlestick.

The game is over, Sister Bertrille!

Captain Fomento.

I would suggest you come down immediately

and come along quietly.

[exclaims]

Reverend Mother. Sisters.

Oh, Chief Galindo, I am so glad to see you.

Thank you.

And what are they doing here?

That is why I have invited you to my office, Chief Galindo.

I have wrapped up the case.

What?

Who did you arrest?

I want to make it clear though, eh?

That the evidence was incontrovertible.

Items were stolen, items were returned.

But I have fingerprints, eyewitnesses...

Who did you arrest?

I was forced to arrest...

You see, Dolores, I told you he was all right.

Pepe. Oh, you naughty, naughty boy.

Kiss. Mmm...

What is the meaning of this?

Oh, Carlos told me all about what happened.

About the perfume bottle and the candlesticks.

Se�orita,are you sure... Do you mean...

That's right, Captain. He steals.

Well, well, well, a klepto-monkey-ac.

You mean you weren't... You didn't...

[Fomento] As I was saying, Chief Galindo,

in the face of the clear-cut evidence,

I was forced to

arrest this monkey.

Captain, I've finished the arrest report

on Sister Bertrille, and once we get her fingerprints...

No, Salazar.

I'll take that.

Your badge, Fomento.

It's gone!

Pepe, now you give the Captain's badge back right this minute.

[Galindo] Let him keep it, Sister.

That monkey may do a better job than this one.

Captain, I-- I'm sorry.

I know you were just doing your duty as you saw it.

Well, then, you forgive me?

She does, Captain.

Forgiving is our business.

Well, I don't want to seem to appear too presumptuous,

but if the name of Chief Galindo

should come up into one of your prayers,

could you make a request that he return my badge?

[Pepe chattering]

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