Original subtitles

♪♪

[Jacqueline] This is the Convent San Tanco,

built in 1572

on land granted by King Philip of Spain

to the De Cordova family, who rented it to us.

The rent was only one dollar a year,

and at those prices, nobody was complaining.

There was only one catch.

Every 99 years, the lease had to be renewed.

Now, another 99 years had passed,

and while we waited for the bank

to bring us the new lease,

we decided to commemorate the occasion

with a group picture. After all,

we weren't sure we'd be around next time.

Okay, everybody say cheese it.

Just plain cheese, Sister.

Plain cheese, fancy cheese,

what's the difference? Smile.

Well, I guess I stuck my foot in it again.

♪♪

Whenseñor Moreno arrived from the bank that afternoon,

he brought some shocking news.

He will not renew the lease?

But there is a bright side to the picture.

There is?

Yes. SeñorDe Cordova

is willing to give you a reasonable time to get out.

And what is his idea of a reasonable time?

Say, three weeks.

Boy, I'd sure like to meet that señorDe Cordova.

I'd like to tell him a thing or two.

And when you finish, Sister,

I'll give him a piece of my mouth.

Mind, Sister.

No, I don't mind at all.

Sisters, Sisters,

our charity must extend to everyone,

even señorDe Cordova.

You know, the sad thing is that to him,

we're probably just another piece of real estate.

I'm sure he's not familiar

with the work we do, or how we...

Sister, I think you've got something there.

He probably doesn't even know about our convent.

The work we do with the children,

helping the poor,

the-the clothes drives,

the food baskets, all the work we do.

We've got to bring him and let him know

what wonderful people we are.

And how humble.

Our invitation

toseñor De Cordova

went out that very afternoon.

Reverend Mother,

you have the sympathies of Gaspar Fomento

to console you in this, your great loss.

I insist on-on replacing it.

I am afraid that that will be impossible, Captain.

It was over 200 years old.

Thank heavens it was not new.

It's here, Reverend Mother.

The letter from señorDe Cordova.

Here you are. Hello, Captain Fomento.

[Bertrille] Is he coming?

Yes. Yes, he is.

He-he will be here on Friday.

Does it not seem strange to you, Sister,

that suddenly, after 400 years,

a member of the De Cordova family

should appear and claim this property?

Why, yes, it does seem a bit weird to me.

Well, I have a theory in this case,

which leads me to believe

that this so-called De Cordova

calls himself De Cordova,

but is actually really only De Cordova, so-called.

Do you follow me?

You mean he's a fraud?

I prefer the word imposter.

Captain, I doubt that that is the case here.

Doubt. The magic word.

If there is room for doubt, there is room for suspicion.

I beg your pardon.

I assure you, Reverend Mother,

that I will do everything in my power to see

that the convent remains undisturbed.

Well, lucky you are moving.

Finally, Friday came,

and we gathered to await our landlord's arrival.

Sir, do you mind pulling up your cart a bit?

We're expecting a large car.

I'm beginning to think

señorDe Cordova has stood us up.

Sister, I want to...

Sir, I think there should be someone

out here in a minute to accept the delivery.

Sister, I am señorDe Cordova.

I usually accept the delivery, but I...

You're what?

But it was our understanding

that the De Cordova fortune was considerable.

[De Cordova] Oh, it was.

It was until my-my grandfather

invested heavily in a new invention of his,

the incandescent bulb.

Why, I thought Thomas Edison invented that.

You know that, and I know that,

but my grandfather, he did not know that.

And what was left of the money,

my father put into a ship of his own design,

a ship that would not sink.

Unfortunately, it would not float either.

Someone beat him to the submarine, huh?

By the time of my inheritance,

all that was left was my father's debts

and this convent.

A sad story.

Yeah, I could cry.

Well, I think I will look around

and see what I have left in this world.

About a carload of cobblestones

to patch up the courtyard.

Some new tiles for the roof.

It has to be painted, of course.

Well, other than that, I think

the convent's in pretty good shape, don't you think?

Oh, I couldn't ask for better tenants.

And believe me, Sister, wherever you go,

I give you the best of references.

Thanks a lot.

Oh, truly, Sister, I'm-I'm sorry.

I'm a pious man.

It breaks my heart to make you leave,

but what else can I do? Yeah.

Well, I suppose after you sell the convent,

you'll be a rich man again. Oh, no, Sister.

I-I don't want to be rich again or ever.

At my age, what do I need with wealth?

I'm 68 years old.

Yeah, well, these days

that's just a junior senior citizen.

No. No, Sister.

A warm bed, some good food,

peace, quiet, a place for my donkey,

that's all I ask. That's all I need.

That's all? Really?

At my age, what else is there?

What I'm saying is

why couldn't Fabio live here,

and then he could have just what he wants,

we wouldn't have to move? A man in the convent,

Sister Bertrille? Impossible.

We could fix up the cottage. That isn't exactly the convent.

No, but still...

It would be very nice

having a live-in landlord.

I mean, if anything went wrong,

like the plumbing, which it always does,

he'd be right there to complain to.

Yes, but how do we know that señorDe Cordova

would agree to such an arrangement?

I've already asked him. He already has.

SeñorDe Cordova, we shall do everything in our power

to see that you are happy here.

How can I not be happy here?

For 30 years, I live alone in a little fishing village.

While he waited for our lease to expire.

Now I have all of this and a wonderful family, too.

Although, I always wanted boys.

Oh, before I forget, señor.

The new lease.

Oh, yes. Of course. Of course.

Is-Is something wrong?

Perhaps I-I should wait.

Wait? For what?

Well, you see, Sister,

in case this arrangement between us

does not work out,

I cannot wait another 99 years

to-to get my property.

Good morning, Fabio.

Good morning, Sister Bertrille.

Did you sleep well? Like a baby.

Good. For about one hour.

What was the matter?

It takes a little while to get used to a new bed.

Is there something wrong with it?

Oh, no, no, no.

It-it's not the mattress fault that it don't fit me.

Oh, well, we'll try and get you a new mattress.

Oh, no, no, Sister. I would not like to...

But if you're going to get another mattress,

a little longer, medium firm.

Right.

I brought you your breakfast.

Oh, Sister, I don't like you to go to all the trouble

of bringing breakfast to me in...

Poached eggs?

You don't like poached eggs?

Oh, what's the difference,

as long as it's nourishing?

What kind of eggs do you like?

No, Sister, I don't want you to bother.

Listen, what's a family for

if not to bother every now and then?

Well, if you insist.

Make it a Spanish omelet with onions.

No peppers.

[mumbles]

One Spanish omelet.

Heavy on the onions. Kill the peppers.

Coming right up.

Sister Bertrille. What do I hear?

This so-called De Cordova

is living in a gardener's cottage?

Now don't rock the boat. He just loves it.

A De Cordova loves a gardener's cottage?

How quaint. I certainly would like

to meet this so-called De Cordova.

Well, you're just in time.

SeñorDe Cordova, Captain Fomento.

Captain Fomento, señorDe Cordova.

Captain, it is always a pleasure

to meet a member of the armed forces.

San Tanco Police.

It is still a pleasure.

I must be on my way.

Just one moment, señor.

Do you play chess?

I have no knowledge of the game, Captain.

Good day, Sister.

Captain. Mmm-hmm.

It's very interesting, Sister Bertrille.

But according to my research,

all of the De Cordovas,

outside of one or two exceptions,

were masters of chess.

Well, maybe he's one of the exceptions.

Or maybe he's an imposter and-and up to no good.

Oh, Captain, everything is going just fine.

Please don't upset things.

Oh, do not worry, Sister Bertrille.

Captain Fomento is like a shadow.

He walks with the lightest of steps.

You see. You see.

If he can do this to me,

can you imagine what he can do to you?

So, this is the kitchen.

Oh, señorLandlord. Come in.

Thank you, Sister.

What-What are you making?

Arroz con pollo. Ah.

Oregano?

Oregano in arroz con pollo?

I shouldn't? Oh, of course.

If you like your chicken over-seasoned.

Well, if you don't like it, I won't use it.

Oh, no, no. What is the difference?

If everybody likes it, use it.

[tsking]

So much?

Señor,I'm cooking for 28 people.

You expect to serve so little to so many?

Well, of course, if you run out of food...

Chili sauce. Very good.

If you are making a hot tamale pie.

Señor,would you like to cook the dinner?

Oh, Sister, I would not dream of interfering.

So, that night we had chicken a la landlord.

And if that wasn't bad enough, we also had the landlord.

Please, Sisters, go on with your dinner.

Don't let me disturb you.

So this is where you eat.

Nice. Cozy.

I-I left your dinner in your cottage, Fabio.

Didn't you see it?

Oh, yes, Sister. Thank you.

I'm going to have it later.

After all, cold food cannot get any colder.

It wasn't cold when I put it there.

Don't let me disturb you. And hearty appetite.

[Reverend Mother] SeñorDe Cordova,

would you like to come in and join us?

Oh, thank you, Reverend Mother,

but I wouldn't dream of intruding.

[music on TV]

Oh, hello, Fabio.

Just taking a little stroll, Sister.

Don't let me disturb you.

Well, it's almost 8:00.

What happens at 8:00?

8:00, the Masked Marvel meets El Diablo,

three falls to a finish, on Channel 8.

You want us to turn to that?

Oh, no, Sisters. You are enjoying the music.

Well, if you'd rather watch the wrestling match...

[De Cordova] No, it's not important.

I can read in-in-in the newspaper tomorrow

who is the world champion.

My money is on the Masked Marvel.

[men shouting on TV]

But I don't understand, Sister.

There's plenty for me to do around here.

Watching the Sisters,

advising them on this and that.

The Reverend Mother thought it would be better

if you had something of your own to keep busy.

Like what?

You said you used to have a fishing boat.

This is the same ocean, with barrels of fish in it.

But, on my fishing boat, I did not fish.

I used to take out the tourists

so they could fish.

Well, that's even a better idea.

Why don't you bring your boat to San Tanco

and do the same thing here?

Well, Sister, I would like to, but...

You would? Terrific. Except...

Except my boat sank last year.

Terrific.

I hope you didn't say anything

to offend señorDe Cordova.

No, he just said I'd given him an idea,

and he'd gone away for a few days to work on it.

And you have no inkling of what he had in mind?

No, except it didn't have anything to do with fishing.

DE CORDOVA [on loudspeaker] Ladies and gentlemen,

you are on the grounds

of the famous Convento San Tanco.

And you are standing on the very spot

where the pirate, Jean Laffite,

buried a fortune in gold!

But we have no time to dig for it now!

Sister Bertrille,

you-you gave him this idea?

No. Maybe indirectly, but I...

We must put a stop to this.

...how the nuns they live,

they work, they play, and they pray.

Come on, folks!

Fabio, if this is your idea of an idea,

it's not much of an idea.

[whispering] It's perfect.

It gives me something to do

and we earn money besides,

which we will divide 50-50.

SeñorDe Cordova, I wish to speak to you at once.

After the tour is over, Reverend Mother.

Come on, folks!

I've never seen anything like it.

Every time you walk, there's somebody.

I've never seen anything like it. They're all over.

Every single time I've gone into the yard,

they're there. Sisters, Sisters, Sisters,

one at a time, please. Reverend Mother,

we must do something.

How can we carry out our duties

with tourists swarming all over?

This morning, I got shot four times.

Shot, Sister?

Uh. with a camera. You know. Smile.

And one tour a day isn't enough.

Now he's bringing them mornings and afternoons.

When daylight-saving time's comes, maybe at night.

And he says if this business keeps up,

he's going to start selling candy prayer beads.

We're not going to let him open

a soft-drink stand, are we?

Sisters, I know that this is very distressing,

but we must remain calm.

We must keep our cool,

as Sister Bertrille would say.

[De Cordova] We will visit the nuns' sleeping quarters.

[gasping]

That is the end of my cool.

Sisters, we are going to tell señorDe Cordova

that we are vacating the premises.

[knocking on door]

Come in.

Pardon me, señor.

I was looking for Sister Bertrille.

I believe Sister Bertrille is in the convent,

where she always is.

Well, as long as I'm here,

do you mind if I sit down?

As you wish.

You know, señorDe Cordova,

I was reading about your family

in the public library.

My family would be very flattered, Captain.

Especially of your father, señor...

I forgot his first name.

Sebastian.

Correct.

I believe he was quite an epicure, huh?

His favorite dish was, if I recall, rather exotic.

Wild boar's head stuffed with rice.

Correct.

Señor,do you know what I think

was the most interesting thing about your father?

The strawberry birthmark on his left shoulder.

Right shoulder, Captain. Right again.

I see that we have been going to the same library.

Is there anything else?

Yes.

Momentarily, I am waiting for a communication

from a distant cousin of yours,

one Mercedes De Cordova, who now lives in San Juan.

And how does this concern me?

This may open the door, señorDe Cordova,

to something I have been most suspicious lately.

[speaking Spanish]

[Fomento] Sister Bertrille! Sister Bertrille!

I'm sorry, Captain. I can't talk to you now.

I have to go tell Fabio we're moving.

Oh, but momentarily I'm expecting evidence

that will make your moving unnecessary.

Really? Oh, I forgot.

This just came for you by messenger.

This is the proof I've been waiting for.

This will help me to unmask the imposter.

Here is the real señorFabio De Cordova.

Excuse me, Captain.

I have to go tell Fabio we're moving.

I would like to come along with you

and tell señorDe Cordova

that he is exonerated once and for all,

beyond any shadow of a doubt.

He's not here. All his things are gone.

What is this?

It's addressed to the Reverend Mother.

"I know that Captain Fomento is on to me

"and the fact that 30 years ago,

I committed a crime."

A criminal. I knew it all the time.

Five minutes ago, you were exonerating him.

Exactly. That's why we exonerate.

You see, in the course of exoneration,

we often find out that a crime has been committed. Yes.

"For my crime, I would get at least

20 years in jail.

"Since I will not live that long

"and do not want to cheat the government,

"I am leaving San Tanco forever. Fabio.

"P.S. I am deeding the convent to the church."

And here is the deed.

Oh, he signed it. I knew he'd sign it.

It was just a matter of...

He didn't sign it. Oh, dear.

Now it will never be signed.

Well, if he's traveling by donkey,

he couldn't have gotten very far by now.

Reverend Mother, if you'll excuse me,

I think I'll go out and buzz the area.

Buzz? Buzz.

Sister Bertrille, how did you get here?

I-I took a shortcut.

Thank you.

You-You found my note?

Yes, but you left in such a hurry

you forgot to sign the deed.

[exclaims] [speaks Spanish]

Give me. I-I sign it now.

Thank you.

You know, um, Fabio,

you don't look like a criminal.

Looks are deceiving.

Yeah. Well, if you don't want to tell me...

No, no, no. I want to tell you.

I want to tell you.

Many years ago,

a young woman fell in love with me.

She had money, but no family name.

I had a family name, but no money.

A perfect match.

But the night before the wedding,

I left San Tanco.

That's a crime?

When I left, I took

the young woman's dowry with me.

That's a crime.

Now, I am going to her,

and if she will have me, we will be married.

And then, I will no longer be a criminal.

Fabio, that's so nice.

Well, Fabio, thank you so much.

We'll never forget you.

Don't forget to get the deed over

to Reverend Mother right away.

Oh, I will, via air mail.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Sisters, it's here!

Hey, hey, hey.

Look, look, look. What?

We got a postcard from Fabio.

Oh, how wonderful. What does he say?

He says, "Dear Sisters,

"I thought you would like to know

that I have found my Sarita,

"and we will be married within the month.

"We are planning to visit San Tanco."

Oh, how nice.

Maybe we'll get to see them.

Yes, I think so, because he wants

to spend his honeymoon in our gardener's cottage.

Will it not be a little crowded with two?

Sure. It'll be just like two peas in a pad.

Pod, Sister.

"P.S. Please don't go to any trouble,

"even though Sarita is allergic to gas heat.

"Don't bother to remove the heater

"unless it's convenient.

"And if you happen to have

"a double bed around the place...

♪♪

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