Original subtitles

[main theme playing]

[whistling noise]

[barking]

[Jacqueline] It is said that life expectancy

on our little island is very high.

Unfortunately, this does not apply to our old station wagon.

[engine backfiring]

Sister Bertrille and I agreed this was an emergency.

And in emergency, Sister Bertrille's thoughts

fly to Se�or Carlos Ramirez.

Where her thoughts go, she follows.

On this particular occasion, however,

asking Carlos for help was one of the biggest mistakes

Sister Bertrille ever made.

Carlos, listen, the station wagon broke...

Now you try.

[clears throat]

Carlos, what are you doing?

Uh, I'm looking for a wife.

Temporary, for 24 hours.

This is no way to look for a wife.

I know, but I'm in a hurry.

Thank you, girls. I appreciate your trying. You can go.

Ramon will give each of you a check for $20. Thank you.

Oh. Bye-bye.

Bye.

Bye-bye. Bye.

What am I going to do?

You see, I'm so desperate I'm asking you for advice.

Why do you want to marry someone for 24 hours?

I don't want to, I have to. Oh.

You don't want to know why?

Sure, but I'm afraid to ask.

Because of my grandmother.

She's coming from Argentina.

Oh, and you want to give her a party.

So why waste a party? Might as well get married.

If you are not going to get serious,

I'm not going to discuss it with you.

Now, do you want to hear about it or not?

It's up to you.

Okay. Since you insist, I'm going to tell you.

Three years ago, I got word that my grandmother was dying.

So I went down to Argentina.

The doctors gave her a few hours to live.

So, to make her last hours happy,

I stretched the truth a little.

What do you mean, he "stretched the truth"?

He told his grandmother he was married and had two children.

That's quite a stretch.

It made the old woman very happy,

and he thought that'd be the end of it.

And the truth has snapped back?

What I'm asking is, what's the ethical thing to do?

The ethical thing?

Well, that's obvious.

The ethical thing to do

is ask the Reverend Mother.

I--I really hardly know what to say.

Neither does Carlos.

When his grandmother arrives tomorrow,

he's gonna be in terrible trouble.

You say that his grandmother has a weak heart?

The least shock can bring on another attack.

She's on her way to Rome to see the Pope.

She'll only be in San Juan 24 hours.

And, uh, Se�orRamirez wants to know

what is the ethical thing to do?

Ah... Well, Sister Bertrille,

in my opinion,

there is only one thing to tell him.

There's no substitute for the truth.

Even if it kills my grandmother?

Well, you asked for our opinion.

Well, the only thing I wanted was a loophole.

What time does your grandmother's plane get in?

It landed 20 minutes ago.

You didn't meet her at the airport?

How could I meet her?

I knew the first thing she'd say would be,

"Carlitos, where's your wife and darling children?"

So I sent Ramon. What good is that gonna do?

The minute she comes in,

she's gonna say the same exact thing.

Among all these girls, there should be one temporary wife.

[Carlos] Your sister.

If I hadn't let Jennifer slip through my hands,

I wouldn't be in this trouble today.

She was terrific.

For her, I would have done anything.

Even marry her.

How is she doing? Is she still in Brazil?

No. I got a letter from her the other day.

She was asked to read a paper on obstetrics

at a medical convention in Miami this week.

Miami, huh?

I better go back to the convent. Oh, Sister, no.

My--my grandmother will be here any minute.

You don't want to leave me alone with her.

I should think it would be easier

for you to tell her the truth.

How can I tell her the truth?

Suppose it shocks her into another heart attack.

[knocking on door]

Yes?

Carlitos! Abuela!

How wonderful to see you.

You look so well.

You look younger and younger every year.

Carlos, why did no you and your wife

come to meet me at the airport?

[stammering] Well, we didn't... They...

And when do I see the children?

Oh, the children and my wife...

[Carlos] Well...

Ah! That blessed woman and those angel children.

Believe me, Sister, if it had not been

for the wife of Carlos and his children,

I would not be alive today.

Only the thought of seeing them has kept me breathing.

So where are they?

Well, you can't see them.

Qué?Can't see them? No.

There has been an accident. No, no, no.

Disaster. All three of them.

That is why the nun is here.

And the padre is on his way.

Good. He can give me the last rites.

No, abuela,they are on vacation. On vacation.

Vacation? Truly?

Sister, a nun would not lie to a dying woman.

Are they on vacation?

Well, put it this way, there's been no accident.

Oh, bless you. Bless you.

When are they coming back?

Not for two weeks. Two weeks?

Well, if you'll excuse me.

Uh, Sister...

[Amalia screams]

You don't have to tell me.

The wife of Carlos.

I would know her anywhere.

That picture doesn't... Doesn't do her any justice.

Jennifer is much prettier.

Carlitos, how long has Rome been standing?

Rome? Thousands of years. Why?

Rome can get along without Amalia Ramirez for two weeks.

Two weeks more? Sí.

I am staying with you

until your dear wife and angel children come home.

[cheerful music]

[in Spanish] Thank you very much.

Oh, Sister, thank you very much

for helping me get settled in the hotel.

Oh, well, since Carlos was so suddenly busy...

He's too thin and he's working too hard.

After the painters are finished at his house,

I will move in.

Swell. I better be getting back to the convent.

Oh, no, Sister. One more minute, please.

We will sit down here and we will talk...

as two women together.

Tell me about Carlos' wife.

What is there to tell? She's pretty, I know,

but a pretty face does not make a marriage.

Is she a good wife for my Carlos?

Well...

Se�ora,I-- I really can't answer that.

You don't like this Jennifer at all?

Oh, no, I do. I love her.

I mean, she's a marvelous person.

Any man would be lucky if she married him.

[Amalia sighs]

How sweet to hear.

You and Jennifer are close?

Like sisters.

That's nice.

And the children?

Sister, your face.

Every time you talk about the children,

you look so worried.

You are keeping something from me.

Uh, now, now, don't get excited.

An incurable disease.

The boy? The girl? Both of them?

Se�ora,Carlos' children have never been sick.

Is true?Yeah.

They are healthy. Both of them.

Just like Carlos.

The boy especially.

The girl as sweet as her mother.

That's the way I see them in my dreams.

Am I not right, Sister?

Yes. Those children are exactly

the way you see them in your dreams.

Carlos. Oh, you are just in time.

She's your grandmother, not mine.

You play 20 Questions with her.

Just in time for what? To meet Jennifer at the airport.

Jennifer's coming to San Juan?

Her plane left Miami an hour ago.

Well, why is she coming?

After you left with my grandmother,

I was sitting there looking at Jennifer's picture,

and all of a sudden I wanted to hear her voice.

Just like that? Just like that.

I called Miami, and, I called the Chamber of Commerce,

and they traced her down to the medical convention.

She was so surprised. I bet.

Why is she coming?

Well, we were just sitting, talking, reminiscing,

and she said, uh, "I wish I could see her,"

you know, meaning you,

and I said, "Why don't you fly down as my guest?"

And Jennifer said yes?

She left for the airport

before I had the chance to say goodbye.

As simple as that?

As simple as that.

Then why don't I believe you?

Come on, let's go. Let's go.

Oh, Jennifer!

Jennifer, it's so nice to see you.

Jen. Elsie.

What are you doing here?

You're supposed to be in the hospital.

The hospital? Carlos said it was an emergency.

A matter of life and death.

Sister, please.

Jennifer, it is an emergency.

It is a matter of life and death.

My grandmother's. His grandmother?

Jennifer, I want you to be my wife.

Now, Carlos... Just for one or two days.

Well, I'm terribly flattered,

but there are certain complications.

I'd like you to meet Dr. Paul Martinson, my fiance.

How do you do? Her fiance.

Very nice to meet you.

Should we get the bags? Excuse us.

This web tangled enough for you, spider, old boy?

Fiance...

I don't know how you can just sit there like that

after what Carlos did,

telling you I was practically dying.

Well, I should be angry, but I'm so relieved

you aren't practically dying, that I'm not.

Well, I'm burned up enough for both of us.

I don't know why you didn't give him a quick left, a hard right,

and take the next plane back to Miami.

Well, you and I haven't seen each other in too long, Elsie.

And since I'm here compliments of Se�orRamirez,

we might as well enjoy a little time together.

Yeah.

It is good seeing you again, Jen.

I know.

I'm awfully glad you've had a chance to meet Paul.

He must think he's just landed in Cuckoo City.

Well, he is a little confused,

but I explained that Carlos is a practical joker

with a warped sense of humor.

Warped? The word is "cracked."

I wish you had let me call room service.

I have enough room service in hospitals.

Jennifer!

Oh, no.

Jennifer.

Jennifer.

You did this on purpose.

Oh, Sister Bertrille, on my honor...

On your what?

I can't believe it.

You told me she was away on vacation.

Well, I--I called her,

and she decided to come home immediately.

Oh, what a beautiful surprise.

[inaudible] And these are the children.

No, Abuela! No, no, no!

[both chattering in Spanish]

Abuela, these are not my children!

I'm sorry.

Oh, Jennifer,

what a moment is this for me.

Here I am at last, face to face

with the wife of Carlos.

Se�oraRamirez...

No "Se�oraRamirez,"

Abuela or call me Grandmother.

Please listen. Carlos and I, we're-- we're not...

Not what? Tell me. Tell me.

There is something wrong between you two? Is that it?

No. No. There's nothing wrong between us.

Oh, no?

[in Spanish] Thank God.

Oh, please, let me take your arm.

We have so much to talk about.

I have 1 000 questions to ask you.

Come. Elsie...

Yeah, yeah. I'll be along in a minute.

Oh, I cannot believe this is really happening.

Neither can I.

Where's Jen going?

Dr. Martinson... Uh, Paul, won't you have a seat?

What about Jen?

Well, I'm afraid you've joined us

on the horns of a moral dilemma.

And two iced teas. Thank you.

And how many wonderful years

have you two been married together?

Eight. Ten.

Well, actually Jennifer is right.

Uh, it just seems longer.

I mean, when you are so happy together

it's difficult to remember when you weren't married.

I can remember.

She can remember.

So, lying is wrong, but if Se�oraRamirez hears the truth

she may have a heart attack.

And that's the horns of our dilemma.

You know, Sister, in this kind of a situation,

I always remember the words of my old philosophy teacher,

Professor Mergenthaler. He always said,

"When you find yourself on the horns of a dilemma,

"there's only one thing to do...

"Get off." How?

Tell her the truth.

And if you don't, I will.

Who am I to argue with your old Professor Mergenthaler?

Such happiness.

Only one thing I miss.

When will I see the children?

When does she see the children?

Uh, the children? After lunch.

And, uh, which one is the older?

The girl. The boy.

The boy. The girl.

The boy's older but the girl looks older.

That's right.

The girl is older but the boy is taller.

You didn't tell me where they are.

Where are they?

This one's on you.

Sister. I've got to talk to you.

I wanna talk to your grandmother.

Later, later.

She wants to see the children at the convent.

The visiting hours are between...

Not those children. My children.

Your children?

I beg you. For her sake, for an old woman's sake,

you've got to find me two children at the convent.

Now, wait a minute... I told my grandmother

that my wife brought them right back

to the school from the airport.

Now, the boy should be older.

Or is it the girl? Maybe twins.

I will not bring two children

into this charade. Repeat, will not.

Furthermore, I think you're a selfish,

heartless, double-dealing rat,

and I'm sorry I ever said I'd help you.

Sister, wait.

You're right. You're absolutely right.

And I hope you can forgive me.

I think the truth is best. Yes.

And I will tell my grandmother.

Well, it's about time.

Now, you have to do me a favor. What?

Don't make any plans for the next few days.

I will need your help for the funeral.

Paul, now, be reasonable. Reasonable?

My fiancee is masquerading as the wife of another man,

pretending to be the mother of two children

she's never even seen.

And you ask me to be reasonable.

Just until tomorrow morning.

Then you can be as unreasonable as you like.

[easy listening music]

Is that our great-grandmother?

Yeah. Come on. Over here. All right, kids.

Right over here. Over here.

Okay. Now, uh, don't say any more than you have to.

Just listen and smile.

Remember, we're only doing this to make an old lady happy.

Are we too early?

[Bertrille] No. Come on in.

Oh! My little darlings.

Carlitos.

[Amalia] Theresa.

Se�ora. Se�ora.

This is Sister Jacqueline.

[in Spanish] A pleasure.

Ah! You lucky man.

Two angels.

Let me look at you.

Carlos, he is your son, you could not deny it.

He has your smile.

And Theresa, her mother all over.

Have you nothing to say to your great-grandmother, my angels?

We're just supposed to listen.

And smile.

[Carlos] What respect for their elders.

That's the training they get here.

Well, uh, the children have to go back to the classroom.

But I have just got here.

Rules are rules, aren't they, Sister Jacqueline?

Oh, yes. Rules are rules.

[scoffing] What is a rule without exception?

Niños, would you like to go

shopping with me for toys, niños?

No, Abuela, you can't do that.

[in Spanish] Why not?

Of course I can.

You will excuse them, Sister Bertrille?

Actually, it's-- it's out of my hands.

Sister Jacqueline is in charge,

and the children are not allowed off the school grounds,

are they, Sister Jacqueline?

Only on alternate Tuesdays.

But that is not for two weeks.

Ah, rules are rules. Yeah.

Then I am not leaving for two weeks.

Well, what's a rule without an exception?

Take them shopping.

[laughing]

Carlitos?

Carlitos?

Carlitos? Pepe.

Yes?

Why do you call him Pepe?

Well, it-- it just seems to suit him better than Carlitos.

You build so well.

What are you going to be when you grow up?

When I grow up?

I guess I'll be like Se�orRamirez.

Why does he call his father Se�orRamirez?

Why does...

I think it's because he has so much respect for Carlos.

I can't understand why he hasn't come

to take us back to the convent.

I better call him at the office.

Oh. Well, what time did he leave?

Thank you.

He's on his way, kids.

Let's go down in the lobby and wait for him.

Come on. Okay.

What a delightful surprise to run into you, Lisa.

I have to go upstairs.

But tomorrow we'll have the whole day.

Why don't you all wait in the lobby

and make yourselves comfortable?

I'll go out and make sure we don't miss Carlos.

Great-grandmother, look, there's Se�orRamirez.

[audience laughing]

Come little ones. Quickly.

What were you doing out here?

Uh, a little future planning.

Oh, swell.

While I'm trying to figure out how not to lie

without telling the truth, you're kidding around.

I wasn't kidding around. That's not the word for it.

I've got some good news.

It wasn't easy, but I persuaded Paul to cooperate.

Just don't overplay your hand.

You can trust me. I better go up and get the kids.

I left them down here in the lobby with Grandmother.

Left them right over... right...

"Dear Carlos, for an old lady I see too well.

"First I saw Jennifer and a strange man

kissing in the patio."Paul.

"Then you, with a woman at the bar.

"Ruin your own lives if you must,

"but the children will not suffer.

"I canceled my trip to Rome.

"Carlos Jr. and Theresa are flying back

"to Argentina with me immediately."

Argentina? Immediately.

Maybe I can catch them at the airport.

ANNOUNCER [on pa system] Attention. Attention.

Passengers for Flight Number 347 to Lima,

with connections for La Paz and Buenos Aires,

may now board at Gate Number five.

[in Spanish] Come, little angels.

Tomorrow you will be safe in Argentina.

Pepe, where's Argentina?

I think it's near New York.

Oh! Se�ora. Excuse me. Se�ora,wait!

Sister Bertrille. Hi.

Are you going to Argentina, too?

No. I have to explain something to you.

Explain Carlos with another woman?

Can you explain about Jennifer and another man?

Can a nun explain that? Now, wait...

Now, no, wait, don't get excited. Oh, my goodness!

Why don't we sit down over here in this nice little chair?

Would you make some room for a lady

who's about to have a heart attack?

Yes. Thank you.

Now, you better prepare yourself for a shock.

Go ahead. What's one more shock?

It doesn't matter.

Well...

[Jacqueline] Sister Bertrille unburdened herself of the truth.

She explained that Jennifer was not Carlos' wife.

That Jennifer was actually another man's fiancee.

And that the children were hers.

Yours?

[Jacqueline] She hastened to explain that by "hers,"

she meant the convent's.

She told her the whole story of Carlos' deceit

right from the very beginning.

Then she held her breath...

and stood by, ready to call an ambulance.

[sighing]Sister,

I am so filled with joy,

I could weep.

You--you are? You could?

Oh, what a blessed relief.

That Carlos, to go to such trouble

because he loves his grandmother

and wants to see her happy.

That wonderful man.

I ask you, Sister,

have you ever known another man like him?

One is enough.

My grandmother had an audience with the Pope.

She thinks he's too thin.

So she's giving his cook her secret recipes.

Oh, I got this letter from Jen.

I thought you might be interested.

Oh. I hope she's not mad at me anymore.

Well, judge for yourself.

Such language.

And from an obstetrician.

Well, I learned my lesson.

No more lies. Not even white ones.

[telephone ringing]

Hello? Oh, Maria.

A party tonight?

[stuttering] No. No, I have a splitting headache.

Anyway, I'm thinking about getting married,

so it wouldn't be fair to go out with you.

Yeah, that's right.

Okay, thank you. Bye-bye.

Uh, no more lies? Not even white ones?

I didn't lie. No?

You just told her you had a splitting headache

and were thinking about getting married.

I am thinking about getting married.

I'm thinking about getting married all the time.

And that's giving me a splitting headache.

[end theme playing]

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