Original subtitles

[barking]

[Jacqueline] In Puerto Rico, the condorillo hawk

is a beautiful but ravenous bird

with an unfortunate sweet tooth for sugarcane.

As a result, authorities declared open season

on the condorillo hawk

for eating into the profits.

They and even their blue-speckled eggs

were now outlaws, which presented a problem.

Any resemblance between the condorillo hawk

and Sister Bertrille

was purely coincidental and extremely dangerous.

[gun firing]

Uh-oh.

[gun firing]

[chirping]

Hey, don't go out there! It's no man's land.

[gun firing]

Oh, you poor little things, you're orphans now.

Well, the least I can do is take care of you.

[muttering]

[tires squealing]

What's the matter?

[muttering]

Look!

What? A nun. It's a nun.

She flew out of that tree.

That does it, Fred.

No more Rum Swizzles for breakfast.

Okay, Mil. All right, Mil. I'll prove it to you.

Boy, I don't have to tell you the trouble we're in

if we're caught here together.

Well? What'd you find?

I saw her, all right. Who?

The nun, the nun!

And she was talking to two eggs.

You know something? You've flipped.

Shh!

Millie, don't you get the picture? No.

A thing that looks like a nun who flies and talks to eggs.

They're here.

Invaders from outer space.

[Jacqueline] Sister Bertrille had decided to hatch

the illegal eggs of the condorillo hawk

and bought whatever equipment was necessary.

Little did we realize that two more orphans

were on their way to the refuge of the Convent San Tanco.

Don't you realize what a clever plan it is?

Now they come down dressed like nuns,

then they plant their eggs.

And when those eggs hatch...

Millie, there she is.

[exclaiming]

Now maybe you'll believe me.

Would a real nun go into a gambling casino?

Why not? They're very big with bingo.

But you won't laugh when those eggs hatch,

and we find ourselves surrounded

by nun-like creatures from outer space.

Carlos, you are behaving like a child.

What is there about this woman that terrifies you?

I promised to marry her!

But you promise to marry all of them.

That is no reason for you to hide.

Oh, no? You know who she is?

Margo Richmond, the Olympic champion.

She has two gold medals.

One for karate and the other for sharpshooting.

Now, what do you say to that?

I say you have two excellent reasons to hide.

And quickly. Her plane arrives in one hour.

But where can I go?

With her money, she can bribe the whole island

into becoming informers.

Ramon, Carlos, I have this little problem.

I'm sorry. Today, I'm only handling big problems.

All I wanted you to do was drive me back to the convent.

And this is probably

the biggest problem I've ever had.

And I simply don't have the time

to drive you back to the convent.

The convent?

Sister, how would you like me

to drive you back to the convent?

How come?

I do you a favor, you do me a favor.

We shall discuss it in the car.

Going my way, Sister?

As soon as Margo leaves town, you let me know.

Until then, not a word to anybody.

Besides, who would believe it?

What's your problem, Carlos?

You say this girl is beautiful, charming and rich.

So why don't you wanna marry her?

Sister, you don't understand.

I ask many women to marry me, but they always know I'm joking.

Apparently, this one doesn't think it's very funny.

Exactly.

And I refuse to marry anyone without a sense of humor.

No doubt about it, Carlos.

You're the world's most ineligible bachelor.

Oh, Sister, you forgot this.

Oh! Take it easy.

You haven't answered my question yet.

What question?

Whether or not the Reverend Mother

will allow me to stay in the convent.

Stay in the convent? Why would you wanna do that?

Sister, haven't you been listening?

Sister Jacqueline, may I see the Reverend Mother, please?

She's inspecting a hospital in Cantano,

but she'll be back in about an hour.

I'll wait.

You've been doing a little shopping.

Here, let me help you. Watch it. Watch it.

What's in it?

Uh, I'll tell you later.

Thank you for the ride, Carlos.

Sister, what's in that bag

that requires so much of your protection?

Just a couple of eggs.

Don't you know if you buy them by the dozen,

they put them in a box?

So I decided the least I can do

is bring them here and hatch them.

But the eggs of the condorillo hawk, they are immoral.

Illegal, Sister. That means they have to be destroyed.

Oh, boy, we're all accidents after the facts.

Not accidents, Sister, accessories.

Whatever you call it. We could all end up in the goose house.

This one's on you. Hoosegow.

I may be in the wrong technically,

but morally, I know I'm doing the right thing.

Do you suppose the Reverend Mother can object?

No. I didn't think so.

Unless she finds out. I thought so.

What I'm wondering is, are you sure the eggs will hatch?

Well, I got all the necessary equipment.

I got a heated fish tank

to put the eggs in while they're incubating,

straw, and a book entitled

The Care and Feeding of Pigeons.

Pigeons? A bird's a bird.

What I meant was,

how do you know the eggs are fertile?

Fertile? Gosh, I don't. Then the whole thing

could be a wash-in. Washout.

There's one way to tell. How?

I wasn't a nurse in the maternity ward for nothing.

Well, if these eggs aren't fertile,

something in there is making quite a racket.

I wish I could tell you whether they'll be boys or girls, but...

Who cares, as long as they're healthy.

The Reverend Mother.

Good afternoon, Sisters.

[all] Good afternoon, Reverend Mother.

Am I interrupting something?

[all] No!

Well, in that case, then I would like

to speak to Sister Bertrille privately.

Sister Bertrille,

I have just seen Se�orRamirez.

There is no reason to stand at attention.

Please sit down.

No! No. I--I mean, I'd much rather stand.

Very well.

Se�orRamirez tells me

that you gave him permission to stay here.

I did? You did not?

Not exactly.

I gave him permission to ask your permission.

I think. I see.

Sister Bertrille, Se�orRamirez has been very generous to us.

However, it would be well to remember

that this is the Convent San Tanco,

not the Convent San Hilton.

Oh, you're so right. I couldn't agree with you more.

Very well, Sister Bertrille.

There is no need to be quite so emphatic.

Apparently, it was all a misunderstanding.

Yes, I guess that's what it was,

so I'll race down there right now

and tell him it's the Convent San Tanco

and not the Convent San Hilton, as you so well put it.

Sister Bertrille, that will not be necessary.

I have just told Se�orRamirez that he may stay.

Now, may I please sit down?

I believe I have a pebble in my shoe.

[exhaling]

Oh.

Thank you.

Se�orRamirez feels that the convent atmosphere

will help him resolve some... That'll be fine, thank you.

Help him resolve some moral dilemma that he faces.

Yes, he faces a lot of them.

So I told him that he may stay

temporarily in the gardener's cottage,

providing that he is willing to do

a little gardening while he's here.

Good thinking. That'll teach him a lesson.

Thank you. I was not trying to teach him a lesson.

I was merely trying to get my rose bushes pruned.

Uh... Good day, Sister Bertrille.

Sister Sixto, why are you trembling?

Oh, I'm not trembling. It's the cup who is trembling.

Sister Sixto?

Yes, Reverend Mother? Something is troubling you.

Me?

Reverend Mother, I can look you

right in the eye and tell you positively

that something is troubling me.

Would you care to tell me about it?

Oh, it's nothing. Just a little guilty conscious.

Conscience?

Well, perhaps you should go to confession.

Oh, it's not important enough for that.

And besides, when I go to confession,

I like to make a good impression.

I see.

Well, if you would rather not talk about it...

I think I would rather talk about it.

Well?

Reverend Mother, there are two bad eggs

hiding out in the convent.

Bad eggs? What do you mean?

You know eggs like you eat,

except these you don't. You follow me?

I am trying. Sister Sixto,

have some tea and begin at the beginning.

[rattling]

Now, we have a seven and a four, that makes?

Eleven.

And if I give you another card and it's a 10,

that will make?

Twenty-one.

Now I give you another card. Ten. Blackjack!

[Bertrille] Carlos.

Oh, hello, Sister.

Just trying to earn my keep.

Uh. That's it, kids. This is a raid.

Back to the classroom. Yeah, that's it. Keep going.

Just what do you think you're doing?

Well, teaching them some practical arithmetic.

I believe you have some work to do.

I ask you, Sister, do I look like a gardener?

Well, you don't look much like a math teacher.

Carlos, can't you do anything right?

Sister Bertrille.

The Reverend Mother would like to see you.

Well, thank you very much, Sister Sixto.

Tell her I'll come to her office

as soon as recess is over.

Not in her office. In your room.

And not when recess is over. Right now.

Oh, boy.

Sister, can't you do anything right?

I want a direct answer to a direct question.

Are you or are you not hiding contraband eggs in your room?

Uh, uh. Eggs? Yes.

No.

Would you care to reconsider your answer?

Well, when you say eggs, Reverend Mother,

do you mean that literally?

I beg your pardon?

[chicks chirping]

They arrived a few minutes ago.

Sister Bertrille, congratulations.

[chicks chirping]

Sisters, while I do not wish to appear inhumane,

the fact of the matter is there is a bounty on these birds.

On the other hand, they are God's creatures.

Right, Reverend Mother?

I have not gotten to the other hand as yet,

Sister Bertrille.

[chicks chirping]

And we do have an obligation to provide sanctuary

to all who ask.

Is that what they are asking for, Sister Jacqueline?

After all, it wasn't their fault they were born

with a sweet tooth for sugarcane.

[sighing]

Very well, Sister Bertrille.

Until they can be taken to a sugar-free island,

I will place them in your custody.

Oh, thank you, Reverend Mother.

A-And in my opinion,

what these young ones are asking for is food.

And as their foster mother, you will see to it

that they are fed, Sister Bertrille.

And in the meantime, let us just pray

that Captain Fomento's hobby is not bird watching.

I do not doubt your word at all, Se�or,that you saw a nun.

But there is no such thing as a flying nun.

They move around fast enough as it is.

Wait, wait, Captain, Captain. You don't follow me at all.

It wasn't a real nun.

Here it comes, Captain. You'd better sit down.

What do you mean not a real nun?

It was an invader, sent from another planet,

and they're gonna take over the Earth.

[Fomento] You've been watching too much television, huh, Se�or?

Exactly what I said. Look, will you knock it off?

I'm telling you, I saw her.

And she was holding these blue-speckled eggs,

and she was talking to them.

Now, how do you explain that?

Simple. Sometimes, our tropical sun

does some very strange things with

blue-speckled eggs.

Blue-speckled eggs!

You saw the--the--the blue-speckled eggs?

You bet your life I saw them.

And you better grab them

before they start multiplying and take over.

[Fomento] T-T-This nun, what did she look like?

Oh, very pretty little thing, pretty little thing.

Bangs on her head, but she didn't fool me.

Not for one second did she fool me.

Sister Bertrille. Oh, yes. These nuns have gone too far.

[stuttering] The blue-speckled eggs.

The condorillo hawk. Oh, no!

You must follow me to convent

and make the identification immediately!

Sister, I found 20 ants for you,

not to count four worms and seven potato bugs.

That's enough to feed an army of chicks.

You're forgetting they're growing children.

Okay.

Carlos, why are you afraid of getting married?

I'm not afraid, and I will, some day.

But I don't believe in shotgun marriages,

especially when, like in this case,

it is the girl herself who might be carrying the shotgun.

That's it.

Okay. Din-din time.

Thank you, Carlos. You can go back to pruning your roses.

May I help you?

Oh, yes. There was no one here, so I thought that...

Oh, well, my name is Margo Richmond,

and I was told I might find Carlos Ramirez here.

Yes, he should be in the garden.

Oh, well, this is just a little gift for Carlos.

A rifle he once admired.

Well, uh, will you come with me?

That's strange. He was here a few moments ago

with Sister Bertrille.

Perhaps they stepped inside.

[chicks chirping]

All right, you guys.

Okay, take it easy. One at a time.

Uh! You be careful.

Watch your table manners

or else you're not getting your share of mosquito for dessert.

[pounding on door]

Uh. Just a second.

Carlos, what are you doing here? Shh!

If the Reverend Mother comes... She's here.

The girl I told you about.

I have to hide somewhere.

Well, you can't hide up here. They are coming upstairs.

Well, why don't you tell her you've changed your mind?

Maybe she'll understand. She has a gun with her.

A gun?

[knocking on door] [Reverend Mother] Sister Bertrille?

I'll be right with you, Reverend Mother.

I have to get a way to get out of here.

Well, listen, I'll get rid of her somehow.

You don't know Margo.

You'll never get rid of her. Stall her.

Stall her. Yeah.

Sister Bertrille, this is Miss Richmond.

Uh, uh. We were looking for Se�orRamirez.

Well, did you look in the garden?

Yes, but he is not there. He isn't?

No. If you should happen to see him,

would you please ask him to come to my office?

We will wait for him there.

[Margo] Oh, I'm afraid I don't have the time.

You see, I have to catch a plane to Philadelphia,

unless, of course, I wanna miss my own wedding.

You're getting married? You know,

Ramon had the same look on his face

when I told him I couldn't marry Carlos.

Then he laughed and told me where he was.

[muttering]

That's very nice, but what's the gun for?

Oh, just a little parting gift.

I thought he might like it. He admired it once.

[objects clattering]

What was that? Uh...

Well, it sounded like one of the baby hawks

fooling around, didn't it?

No, not to me, it didn't.

Sister Delfina?

Sister M-M-Marguerita?

Uh, Sister Teresa?

Try Sister Carlos.

Se�orRamirez!

Carlos! Carlos!

[Reverend Mother] Se�orRamirez!

No, no!

[all shouting]

Sister Bertrille!

Carlos, wait! You don't understand.

Carlos, I've got something for you!

I'm too young to die!

Poor Carlos.

Do the doctors know what caused this?

I think it's a slight case of shotgun fever.

[tires screeching]

[car honking]

Get out of my way!

Get it out of my way!

I demand to see your driver's license.

You just stay right there.

[Fomento] License, Sister.

Stay away, she's very dangerous.

Stop!

Hey, I want to say something. It's very important...

[whistle blowing]

You are all under arrest!

[tires screeching]

Millie, Millie, they're after us.

The invaders are after us.

[chirping]

Sister Bertrille, Fomento knows about the eggs.

Oh, no. That's all I need.

Do something quickly. He mustn't find the little birds.

If only they were old enough to fly.

What's the difference? You're old enough to fly.

Yeah. Come on, kids, we're going bye-bye.

You may not believe this, but someday,

you'll be better at this than I am.

Hold on.

[tires squealing]

Oh, God! Look!

W-What is it?

Oh, it's another one just like it.

We're surrounded, Millie.

Don't stop!

Look, what difference does it make, Millie?

No matter where we run, they're gonna find us.

We're only earthlings.

[animals chattering]

Hi, I--I--I hate to bother you,

but you keep birds here, don't you?

All kinds of birds?

Even the condorillo hawk?

Good.

Because I've got in here two new tenants for you.

Now I want you to find them a good mother,

but a firm one.

I, I kind of spoiled them.

I'll come back and visit them soon.

Well, okay, I've got to get back now.

[chicks chirping]

Take good care of them!

Please, do not ask me where they came from.

Because if you ask me, I will tell you.

And if I tell you, then we will both have a nervous breakdown.

And if that happens, who will run the zoo?

How are the little birds, Sister?

Can we go see them at the zoo after math?

Oh, you bet.

The Captain is not going to send you to jail?

Well, if he can't find the evidence,

he can't pin the rap on me now, can he?

I think the Captain was right. The heat just got to me.

Oh, sure it did, honey.

But how do you explain that nun who needed the shave?

Lights. Shadows. Forget it, Fred.

Millie, look.

It's too late, Millie. They're multiplying.

She hatched the eggs.

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