Original subtitles

[barking]

You're being very foolish, Sister Bertrille.

We've been taking the children to Dr. Paredes for years,

and not one of them has ever complained

about being hurt.

That's because they have baby teeth,

and adult teeth hurt like--like the dickens.

A shot of Novocain and you won't feel a thing.

Of course, I've never been to him personally,

but from what I hear he's very skillful.

See, what they do is they swab the gum

with some solution that freezes the area,

so even the needle doesn't hurt.

From then on there's nothing to it.

Your jaw freezes and he can hack away

while you relax.

Oh, do you want something, Sister Ana?

I would like to ask you a question.

Mmm-hmm.

Who are you talking to?

Oh, Sister...

Sister Bertrille.

I'm up here.

What are you doing up there?

Just trying something out and it works.

When I'm up here, my tooth doesn't hurt.

See, doesn't hurt.

Well, you can't spend

your whole life up there, can you?

Well, can you?

I'm thinking it over.

Just give it a try, Reverend Mother. It's drip-dry,

and it's the rage now in the States.

We call it the minihabit.

No, thank you, Se�orQuesada.

I will leave it with you on consignment.

You can think about it

until I come back this afternoon

with the rest of your order.

You would be wasting your time, senor.

[knock on door] [Reverend Mother] Come in.

You wanted to see me, Reverend Mother?

Yes, Sister Bertrille.

That will be all, thank you, senor.

What do you think of this little number, huh, Sister?

Oh, wow, that's really cool.

Sister Bertrille. I mean, it seems

that it would be very cool in the warm weather.

There, you see?

Good day, Se�orQuesada.

Well, until this afternoon, Reverend Mother.

[sighing]

If persistence is a virtue, then Se�orQuesada

must be the most virtuous salesman in all of Puerto Rico.

Uh, is there something

you wanted to see me about, Reverend Mother? Auch.

That is what I wanted to see you about.

Our morning prayers were regularly punctuated

by the sound you just made.

I'll try to pray more quietly in the future. Mm.

You have a toothache.

Well, a little pain never hurt anybody.

Hmm. I want you to see Dr. Paredes as soon as possible.

[Jacqueline] While Sister Bertrille was making

[honking]

her painful journey to the dentist,

an old friend of ours arrived at Convent San Tanco.

Father Lundigan is a professional psychologist.

His last visit with us was rather traumatic for him.

He came to the conclusion

that he had landed in a convent full of demented nuns,

because we believed Sister Bertrille could fly.

Until he saw her fly,

and then came to the conclusion that he was demented.

After a year's therapy, he returned.

He couldn't have picked a worse day.

What happened at the dentist's office

would send him back to therapy for another year.

Oh, Reverend Mother. Sister Bertrille.

How are you? Carlos.

Se�orRamirez. What are you doing here?

Waiting for the dentist. What do you think?

Well, if-- if the doctor's busy,

I'll come back next month.

Next week?

What about tomorrow?

We'll wait till he's free.

What's the matter, Sister? You got a little toothache?

You wouldn't call it a little toothache

if it were in your head. Mhm.

Aren't you the one that always tells me,

"Give until it hurts"?

Good morning, Reverend Mother, Sister, Carlos.

How are you doctor? How is your wife?

Oh, I'm expecting word from the hospital any minute.

Dr. Paredes, is your wife ill?

She's fine.

I'm the one who's not feeling so good.

We're having a baby.

Your wife is having a baby and you're not at the hospital?

Oh, well, that's terrible.

Listen, I'll come back some other time.

No, no, Mrs. Paredes insists I take care of my patients

until the last possible moment.

Come, Carlos, I believe you're next.

Oh, no, no, no. I believe that Sister Bertrille's

need is greater than mine. She can go first.

Oh, well, I know what a busy man you are, I...

This is my day off. You go first.

You can even have my lollipop. Here.

Thanks a lot.

Doctor, she needs reassurance.

She's--She's really very frightened.

Perhaps you'd like to come in with her?

Oh, thank you. Yes.

Just sit down, please.

What are you doing?

This is just to protect your clothing.

Protect it? From what?

Now you must relax.

Mmm.

Now, which tooth is it?

[mumbling]

Open wide, please.

You're not gonna touch it, are you?

It's very sensitive.

How am I going to examine it without touching it?

Isn't there some other way?

I'll try.

Sister Bertrille, you must stop acting like a child.

Yes, ma'am.

[groans]

Now, open wide.

Yeah. That's a nasty cavity. I'll have to fill it.

Oh! Then we'd better make an appointment...

Sister Bertrille! She is a rather

difficult patient, isn't she?

Not difficult. Impossible.

May I suggest a technique

that is very effective for this type of patient?

[Carlos] You hypnotized her?

Amazing!

I've never seen her so quiet for so long.

You are a miracle-worker, Doctor.

Reverend Mother, isn't he just...

Doctor?

She's under, too.

Oh, no. How come?

She must be very suggestible. It happens sometimes.

I'd better bring them both out of it.

No, no, no. Wait a minute.

Can you do a post-hypnotic suggestion?

Carlos, I'm a dentist, not a nightclub performer.

Too bad.

It would be great if you can make Sister Bertrille

behave more like a nun.

But if you cannot do it, you cannot do it.

I didn't say I couldn't.

If I wanted to,

I could make her act like the Reverend Mother.

No. Yes.

And I could make the Reverend Mother

act like Sister Bertrille.

That I don't believe. Oh? Wait.

Just to humor you,

I'll do just one trick and then take them out of it.

Watch this.

Sister Bertrille, you will awake and feel fine

until you hear the word "red."

When you do, you will act like the Reverend Mother.

And, Reverend Mother, when you hear the word "red,"

you will behave like Sister Bertrille.

You will awaken at the count of three.

One, two, three.

[moans]

Carlos, who let you in? Well, I...

Doctor, I-- I'm terribly sorry.

I'm afraid I dozed off.

Oh, that's quite all right, Reverend Mother.

Uh, you did look a bit weary.

In fact, your eyes are quite red.

[exclaiming]

Hey, Carlos, that's a crazy suit you're wearing.

Isn't it, Sister Bertrille?

I find it a bit garish myself.

Do you not have something a bit more conservative

in your wardrobe, Se�orRamirez?

Incredible.

How long could this last?

Until the post-hypnotic suggestion is removed.

Well, enough of this. Sleep. Sleep.

When you awake, you will feel fine and then...

[phone ringing]

Oh, boy, that must be the hospital.

Dr. Paredes here. Yeah?

Yeah.

Yes, I'll be right over.

My wife is in labor!

Please forgive me, but I must go.

Dr. Paredes, the Reverend Mother

and Sister Bertrille, they are still under.

Yes, yes, of course.

Madre Mia, I'm losing my mind.

When I snap my finger,

you will awaken feeling refreshed.

One, two, three. Awaken.

Is it all over? It's all over.

Well, there, you see. There was nothing to fear.

Forgive me for not visiting, ladies,

but I must drive over to the hospital.

My wife is in labor.

I can't drive to the hospital.

Why not? I don't have a car.

I'll drive you.

So, how have things

been going with you, Father Lundigan?

Well, if you recall, after I visited here last year

I was a little rocky.

So were we.

But after nine months with Dr. Cooper, my analyst,

I think my id

has finally come to basic grips with my ego,

thus controlling my disorientation.

And how are things at San Tanco?

Oh, because of Sister Bertrille,

they're a bit up in the air right now.

How--How do you mean that exactly?

Reverend Mother has had to take her to the dentist.

I'm afraid Sister Bertrille is a bit of a scaredy-cat.

Yes. A common phobia,

sometimes atavistic in its origin.

Her anxiety reactions feed upon themselves

and in so doing,

heighten her internal conflict.

What does that mean?

She's a scaredy-cat.

Well, what brings you here, Father Lundigan?

Actually, I'm on a tour of various convents

to report on mental health.

Whose?

Pardon?

Last time, my wife was in labor for 24 hours.

If you are so good,

why don't you hypnotize her

and make her believe it is tomorrow?

Her I could hypnotize,

but an unborn baby is a very difficult subject.

Good heavens.

What is it? In the excitement,

I forgot to remove the post-hypnotic suggestion.

You are not talking about

the Reverend Mother and Sister Bertrille?

Yes. But you did

bring them out of their trance.

I know, but the post-hypnotic suggestion,

it will still operate.

You are not serious? I am serious.

Every time they hear the word "red,"

Sister Bertrille will assume

the personality of the Reverend Mother.

Oh, that's nothing to worry about.

And the Reverend Mother will assume

the personality of Sister Bertrille.

That's something to worry about.

Oh, Sister Jacqueline, that dentist is really the end.

An hour in his office is like a week in the country.

You've just got to go to him.

Well, he sounds divine,

but I haven't got a cavity in my mouth.

Well, then eat more candy.

Am I exaggerating, Reverend Mother?

Well, Dr. Paredes certainly does have a great talent

for inspiring confidence in people.

Actually, Sister Jacqueline,

I was so relaxed that I think I fell asleep.

[Lundigan] Reverend Mother.

Father Lundigan, I--I didn't know you were visiting us.

I was just going to let you know.

Uh, well, how nice to see you again.

It's good to be back, I hope.

How did it go at the dentist, Sister Bertrille?

Oh, it was a breeze.

Reverend Mother, I should like a chat with you

at your earliest convenience.

[bell ringing]

Well, I'll be late for class if I don't fly.

That is the reason I came back to San Tanco, Mother Superior.

To observe Sister Jacqueline's class?

Oh, no.

Don't you recall my visit about a year ago?

Do we? You ran out of here like gangbusters.

Oh, Sister Bertrille means

that your, uh, departure was, uh, somewhat precipitous.

That was part of the disorientation

to my hallucinations. I beg your pardon.

Actually, I'm paraphrasing Dr. Cooper's analysis

of why I thought I saw Sister Bertrille flying.

I have studied a good deal of related material since then

and I'm persuaded Cooper is correct.

Sister Bertrille cannot, of course, actually fly.

Well... I'm convinced of this,

from the case histories that I've read.

Doc Cooper must be a real ding-a-ling.

I--I beg your pardon.

She means his veracity is open to, uh, question.

What?

Look, I--I don't think I understand.

Uh, Father, you have got the right place,

but you got the wrong nun.

The wrong nun? Right.

I'm the one who does the flying around here.

[exhaling]

I find this conduct most unbecoming.

Oh, fiddle-de-dee!

Will you call up...

Se�orQuesada for me?

I wanna talk to him about, uh, those crazy minihabits.

T-T-Taxi! Taxi!

I have to call the auto club. Why would you want...

Won't it be faster if you change it yourself?

Yeah, it would be faster,

except that I have the same problem with my spare tire

that you had with your car.

What is it?

I don't have one.

I'm convinced, Your Excellency,

that things are even worse here now with the Sisters

than they were a year ago.

Then it was Sister Bertrille that thought she could fly.

But now, the Reverend Mother,

suffering from an over-developed

wish-fulfillment syndrome,

actually believes she can fly, too.

I feel the situation is an emergency and requires immediate attention

before the idea spreads to the whole convent.

And... Okay, toss it up.

[whooping]

Jump high. Move it around, all right?

Play, play! Let's go!

[whooping]

[Reverend Mother exclaiming]

Let's hustle it up a little, huh?

Hi, there.

Time out, team.

Hi, there, Se�orQuesada.

Uh, bring your order book?

You changed your mind? You wish to order something?

Mmm-hmm.

Minihabits. Those crazy minihabits.

Minihabits? But this morning you said...

Well, a girl's entitled to change her mind, isn't she?

Minihabits for everybody!

Yes--Yes, ma'am.

Sizes, please?

You gotta ask the girls.

Okay.

What size are you?

I hardly see how that concerns you.

The Reverend Mother is ordering

minihabits for everybody.

I find that hard to believe.

Oh, Sister Bertrille, they're real cool.

Personally, I find them in exceedingly poor taste.

Sister, please, don't ruin the sale for me.

I'm a poor man.

Quiet, young man.

Frankly, I am shocked at your choice.

We've worn these habits since the turn of the century

and I see no reason why we should not wear them

into the next century.

That's 'cause you're an old fuddy-duddy.

I shall pretend I never heard that remark.

Did you notice the Reverend Mother's

impression of Wilt Chamberlain?

It's like she found the fountain pen of youth.

Fountain is sufficient. More than sufficient.

If she acts any younger I'm really gonna get worried.

Oh, Sister Bertrille,

you're just the person I wanted to see.

Have you noticed how strange

the Reverend Mother is acting lately?

I certainly have.

And I find her behavior most unbecoming.

[laughing]

That amuses you?

Stop it, Sister Bertrille. She's liable to hear you.

Who is liable to hear me?

[laughs]

Now look, if you want to do imitations,

try Bette Davis. It's safer.

I should think you ought to have better things to do

then stand around like cackling hens.

Now if you will excuse me,

I'm going to the chapel for meditation and prayer.

Let's all say a little prayer.

I think we're in a lot of trouble.

That kid's ready for the laughing ranch.

Funny farm.

It's not so funny, anything about it.

I don't know what's going on,

but I think I'm going to try consulting an expert.

In my opinion, Your Excellency, there is only one person

who can be left in charge of this very sick convent

and that is Sister Jacqueline.

[knock on door]

Y-Yes?

May I speak to you, Father? Please.

Uh, Father Lundigan,

have you had an opportunity to observe

the Reverend Mother and Sister Bertrille

since you've arrived? I have.

Well, did you...

Uh, did they seem all right to you?

That depends.

By "all right," do you mean normal?

Yes. No.

Pardon?

I mean, the fact that the Reverend Mother

thinks she can fly doesn't strike me as normal.

You heard her say she can fly?

I not only heard her,

I saw her flapping her arms like an oversized seagull.

Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.

Well, I'm certainly glad to hear you say that, Sister.

Of course!

The only one who can fly is Sister Bertrille.

Strike that last paragraph.

Sister, for the past year

I've been undergoing

a thorough analysis with Dr. Cooper.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, Father.

Well, I certainly hope

that he's been of some help to you.

Oh, uh, some.

What I appear to be suffering from

is a post-hallucinatory suggestion

that's motivated by a wish-fantasy fulfillment.

What does that mean? I see things.

Oh.

Well, perhaps you should see a psychiatrist.

Dr. Cooper is a psychiatrist.

Oh.

Well...

What exactly is it that you see?

I see you.

Me? In your dreams?

I'm not sure if it's a dream or a nightmare.

When I left here last year, Sister,

when I looked out the window of the plane,

I--I thought I saw you

flying alongside the plane.

Oh, dear, dear, dear.

You do need help.

Hey, Sister Bertrille, I wanna talk to you.

Oh, hi, Father. Catch!

I wanna talk to you about our basketball team.

Now look, either we gotta get more height,

or you gotta lower the baskets.

Reverend Mother,

what is it that you are wearing?

Huh?

Oh, this is my new minihabit. It's real cool, huh?

As a matter of fact, it's such a nice day,

I think I'll just zoom over to San Juan

and see what's grooving over there.

Maybe I'd better drive over with you.

Oh, who's driving? I'm flying.

Oh, Dr. Cooper.

I'm convinced that the situation here

has completely disintegrated.

Sister Bertrille's flying frustration

appears to have infected the Reverend Mother.

And in a-- in a post-schizoid development,

Sister Bertrille is emulating the Reverend Mother.

And I'm also convinced

the only solution

is to turn this convent into a sanitarium,

and, finally,

before they regress to a violent phase, I'm leaving.

Father Lundigan, don't leave us, please.

Are you kidding?

Please, where is the Reverend Mother

and Sister Bertrille?

We must find them immediately.

Well, they're in no condition to see anyone.

Oh, please tell us. Are they acting strange?

Weird would be a better description.

Somebody must have said the word "red."

What? The key word.

I hypnotized them

and gave them a post-hypnotic suggestion

and forgot to remove it.

Oh.

Oh?

Oh!

Let's go.

Reverend Mother, come down from there immediately.

I just wanna fly once around the island.

Reverend Mother, enough of this nonsense.

Reverend Mother, get down.

Reverend Mother, please, I must have a word with you.

Later, Doc, I'm off into the wild blue yonder.

If you're going up in the wild blue yonder

[exclaiming]

you'll need a key to start your airplane.

Who needs an airplane?

Oh, it's a very important key.

Look at it very carefully, watch it, and sleep.

Sleep.

That's fine.

Now, when I count to three, you will awaken

and not recall anything

you have done in the last six hours.

You will be exactly as you were.

One, two, three.

Wake up!

[gasping]

What am I doing up here?

Let me help you, Reverend Mother.

It's my wife's fault.

She--She had a baby and...

Dr. Paredes, now, what are you doing here at the convent?

You can read about it in his memoirs.

[Jacqueline] Adios,Dr. Paredes.

And if I have to come to your office, I'll take Novocain.

Merciful Father.

[stuttering]

Why am I wearing this thing?

What--What happened was...

Here are the other habits, Reverend Mother.

What other habits?

How dare you take advantage

of the Reverend Mother in her condition.

Have you all gone mad?

May I make a suggestion?

Yes, Sister Jacqueline.

Why don't we all come inside and have a nice cup of tea.

It has? Oh, thank you.

His plane took off.

Oh, no.

It's bad enough he thinks I can't fly,

but now he thinks the Reverend Mother can fly.

Oh, what's the Bishop gonna think

when he gets Father Lundigan's report?

You know what I think?

I think you better do something about it,

if you know what I mean.

Right.

And my only regret is

Sigmund Freud wasn't alive to see it.

Bye.

Coffee, tea or milk?

No.

But could you force some brandy down my throat?

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