Original subtitles

[barking]

[Jacqueline] The sirens of summer

had sung sweetly to Sister Bertrille,

who had gone aloft for a brief flight.

But she had ventured perhaps too far from San Tanco.

And when the winds fell, very suddenly...

[branches cracking]

[groaning]

[birds squawking]

Anybody here?

Nice island you've got here.

Maybe it's livelier on Saturday night.

Signal fire.

[blowing]

It'll never happen.

[Jacqueline] In situations like this, there are only 2 thoughts.

Do the natives still make hero sandwiches out of missionaries?

And, are the natives restless tonight?

[birds chirping]

[rustling]

Carlos!

Carlos!

Sister Bertrille! Oh, Carlos.

I've never been so glad to see anybody in my whole life.

Oh, same for me. What are you doing here, anyway?

Well, that's a long story.

You know, I was just about to ask you the same thing.

You were? Well, I was just cruising around, but the wind died.

Oh, that's great. Yeah.

We are stranded.

Oh, no, we're not. We can just take your yacht, right?

Wrong. Wrong?

Right. Why?

I've been marooned.

Oh, I see.

No, I don't see. Who marooned you?

April chance. She cast you adrift?

She threw me overboard. She's bigger than you?

She moved faster than me.

Well, I--I met her at a club

and I suggested we could, uh...

Know each other better on a little sail, out here alone.

We had a picnic planned.

And when we got here

I tried to, well, you might say

solidify our friendship.

And she pushed me over the side

and took off with the yacht.

Well, Carlos, it looks like you were outmaneuvered this time.

Ah, yeah, maneuvered.

You have never seen maneuvering

like I'll maneuver if I ever get my hands on her again.

Oh, Carlos, you can't really blame her.

Oh, I can't, huh? No.

You just watch me.

I'm going to have her keelhauled.

If I knew how it is done.

Calm down.

I am not calming down.

I'm going to stay just the way I am.

Swell. But I can't really feel sorry for you.

I have a hunch you got yourself into this, old boy.

What gave you that idea?

I am as innocent as the day is long.

A victim of circumstances.

Oh, sure.

What about that little episode with bobbye star?

Or have you forgotten that one?

How can I forget with you around?

Welcome to the caprice, Mr. Vicious.

I'll welcome you, playboy.

Oh, there's been a tragic misunderstanding.

Is that why the door was locked?

Yes. Uh, no!

There was a draft.

[Bobbie] Don't lie, Carlos.

We're not ashamed.

We love each other.

We what? You what?

I'm not just a decoration to him.

He thinks I have a beautiful soul.

For that line alone, you ought to be shot.

Miss star, m-maybe we--we should reconsider.

But, Carlos--

after all, we just met this morning.

Playboy, by the time I'm finished with your face,

your own mother won't recognize you.

Listen, you got me into that mess.

All I did was introduce you.

The trouble with you is every time you go to work,

you toss out more lines than a fishing pier on Sunday afternoon.

No wonder you get tangled up.

Oh, sister, please, don't start with the sermons.

Where's your cornet? You can fly out for help.

Oh. No, I can't fly.

See, it got all wet and torn, and...

There isn't any wind, anyway. Thank you.

I wonder how many years I'm going to get for killing a pirate.

That's not important now, Carlos.

The important thing is survival.

Survival!

Yes.

Why, it'll be tooth and nail

if we expect to live out the years until someone stumbles on us here.

What are you talking about?

As soon as that pirate feels enough remorse

she'll turn around and come back.

And I'm going to stay here waiting for her

and then I'm going to kill her.

Swell. But, in the meantime, you'd better make preparation for a stay.

No telling how long we'll be here.

Preparations.

The only preparations I'm making are

to make that girl sorry she--she ever ran off with my yacht.

Carlos,

there's no telling what we might face here,

like, uh, like wild beasts,

or exposure, or dying of thirst,

or rinderpest, or beri-beri, or hoof and mouth disease,

or--or an unexpected monsoon.

Monsoon?

They don't occur on these latitudes.

See? See how unexpected it would be?

Oh, boy.

Can it be fixed? What?

The cornet. Oh, I don't know.

I hung it to dry back there.

But it's ripped and I need to get it stiff enough to lift me properly.

It might be the only way to get out of here.

I don't think I could remain sane on an island

with you for very long.

Oh. Thank you very much.

You know, I might be able to make some struts for it.

For what? The cornet!

There's no need to holler, we're the only ones on the island.

But I need to get some starch for it.

You're not going to find starch on an island.

Don't be too sure.

Now, the first thing to do is to make a big signal fire, Ok?

So you go that way and I'll go this way.

And try to gather as much as you can.

Ok. Gather what?

Firewood! Fine.

[Bertrille] See? We eat.

Fish? Mmm!

All you need to do now is go dig us up some worms.

Yeah. Worms?

Dig worms?

Well, what do you think fish eat, barbecued beef sandwiches?

Well, I'm not going to dig worms.

Carlos, if you want to eat fish, you have to dig worms.

I will not dig worms. It is demeaning.

It is beneath the dignity of a gentleman of Puerto Rico to dig worms.

Look, Carlos, in this operation,

if anyone wants to eat, they have to help.

Now, I'm not going to work my fingers to the bone

while you sit around and get a suntan.

All right, all right, I'll dig worms,

snakes, cobras, pythons.

Thank you, Carlos. Worms are enough.

[sighs]

Here you are.

Carlos?

Thank you, lord, for the bounty of the sea,

and for making us comfortable in such harrowing conditions. Amen.

You don't know the trouble I went to to get that, Ma'am.

You know, Carlos, you're the grouchiest companion

I've ever been stranded on an island with.

I'm a paragon of joy compared to what I'd be

if that April chance was here.

You're not really that angry at her, are you?

No, no, I'm not angry.

I'm livid with rage.

Well, it's your own fault.

Nevertheless, I'm going to wring her lovely neck,

slowly, with great care and great joy.

Carlos, you've got no one to blame but yourself.

Luring girls out on your yacht

and sailing out where they can't even walk home.

I didn't lure her, I just--

just what?

Just nothing.

Uh-huh, just as I thought. It's your own fault.

What are you, anyway, the voice of my conscience?

Don't be silly. Silly?

From the very first day we met,

everywhere I go, anything I do, you pop up,

like a gloomy danger sign,

like a heavenly ounce of prevention.

Nonsense.

I wish it was.

Remember that trip I was making to St. Thomas?

With that sweet, sweet girl.

Do you know this is the first time I've been to St. Thomas?

Does it have beautiful scenery?

Not compared to you, Louise

oh, Carlos.

[inaudible]

I understand St. Thomas is a free port.

What can I buy there?

Carlos!

We are not going to St. Thomas.

You're kidding!

Pedro, turn back to San Juan.

Turn back!

What for?

To donate my land to the convent.

Do you have to do it right now?

Yeah.

But why?

I just had a religious experience.

That was purely accidental. I just happened to be in the neighborhood.

Sister, you are always in the neighborhood.

And as much as I appreciate your concern,

there are times when I wish you'd do me a favor and get lost.

So many times.

We should drink to the fate that made our paths cross.

Or to the travel folders that enticed me

to come to Puerto Rico for my vacation.

We'll drink to them, too. Then we will lunch

and then... And then?

Then we'll spend the hours blissfully, just the 2 of us,

alone.

Carlos, you won't believe it,

but when I was a little girl in Wisconsin, well, I,

I just hated to go on picnics because

something always happened to spoil them.

Nothing can spoil the bliss of this moment, my darling.

Carlos, there's someone here, standing right behind you.

Oh, no. No, it can't be.

Not here. Not now--

Carlos, hi.

I didn't expect to find you here.

That's exactly why we're different, Sister Bertrille.

I've come to expect you to find me here and everywhere.

[Carlos] And to make matters even worse,

unlike lightning, you struck twice

at the same place and on the same date.

Oh, foolish girl,

how can I forget a sublime moment like this?

Hi, I'm back.

Oh, why me? Why me? What have I done?

Gee, I'm sorry to bust in on you two like this again, but I couldn't help it.

Of course you couldn't help it, Sister Bertrille.

It is preordained that we meet in strange, out-of-the-way places.

Carlos, I needed another favor. What now?

Well, I took your advice, and I got rid of that no-good heap that I bought.

Oh, I'm overjoyed.

And now I wondered if I could borrow your station wagon.

My station wagon? Yeah, just for a second.

You see, the kids are waiting to be taken to the carnival.

I promise I'll be back in a jiffy.

Of course you will be back, Sister Bertrille,

it is inevitable.

Please, take the car.

Oh, thank you, Carlos.

You're a real good egg. Bless you.

Have fun, you two.

[thunder rumbling]

Carlos, I want to go back to my hotel room now.

Ok.

If you wish.

How?

What other way is there?

I'm going to walk you back.

Come on.

[screaming]

[Carlos] Sometimes I think you were put on earth

to punish me for every stray thought that ever entered my mind.

Don't try and crawl out from under all that guilt, Carlos,

by blaming your troubles on me.

To quote a famous sage.

"Live by the sword, die by the sword."

Oh, sister, I'm a desolate figure of a man.

Would you just, please stop bugging me?

Carlos, there's an old saying.

"The truth bugs."

"The truth hurts."

I bet it does!

[sighs]

How about your cornet?

Well, it's dry, but that's about all I can say for it.

Let me get it. Ok.

You know, I might be able to make a frame of struts for it.

Yeah? Yeah.

I'm beginning to think that she took the yacht all the way back to San Juan.

Might be our only chance.

But, Carlos, there isn't enough wind.

We have to hope.

Now you're starting to sound like me.

Well, now that the problem of food is settled,

there's only one other problem to face, Friday.

Don't call me Friday. Call me Robinson.

Ok, Robinson.

We have to find some fresh drinking water.

How about all that?

Salt.

Oh. Yeah.

So, you go that way and I'll go this way

round the other side of the island

and look where the foliage is the greenest

because that's where there's most likely to be fresh water.

Ok.

I'm only going because I'm thirsty.

Right.

[groaning]

[gasping]

[softly] Hello.

Who are you?

I--I--I'm Sister Bertrille, uh, convent San Tanco.

I'm April. Oh, what a swill!

April?

From the yacht, April?

Oh, hooray! Hooray! We're saved!

When do we leave?

As soon as we can get to your boat.

My boat? I thought we'd use your boat.

That would be difficult.

I sank it, and it wasn't even mine.

Oh, wait till he hears that.

Wait till who hears that?

Uh,

whomever it belongs to.

Y-Y-You said you didn't own it.

Say, what are you doing here?

Thinking as hard as I can.

Meditating?

Oh, yes, I guess you could call it that.

But how did you get here?

Oh, I just dropped in, but I didn't plan on staying.

So we're both in the same boat.

[tittering] I hope not.

Sister, talking to you is like coming in

in the middle of a conversation.

Really?

That's what they say at the convent.

That's why I have to get away every once in a while, to meditate.

Right!

Right. Uh,

are we alone on this island?

Well, no one is ever really alone.

But isn't there a big fire on the other side of the island?

I mean, I saw it as I was swimming in.

Uh, yes, it's a signal fire that I built,

but you don't want to go over there.

It's the best I can do.

It might work.

Looks pretty awful.

Well, esthetics were my last consideration, sister.

I'll try it. Ok.

Come on, go ahead.

Well, I--I'll go round to the other side of the island.

There's more wind over there.

If there's no wind here, why should there be wind over there?

Oh, just a fluke of topography, I guess.

You're acting very peculiar now.

[tittering] I am?

W-Well, it must be the privation.

You'd act peculiar, too, if you were washed up on an island.

I am washed up on an island! Right.

None of this is happening. I'm not trapped here making struts for a cornet,

and my yacht is not out there somewhere with that p-pirate!

No, it isn't.

What? What?

I mean, she's probably made it to San Juan by now.

Yeah, probably. Yeah, probably.

But when I find her...

When I find her, I'm-- you will find her.

Will you watch the fire? I gotta go.

[birds twittering]

Have to keep exercising.

You never know when fitness will count.

Sister Bertrille, I still can't understand

why we spend so much time repairing your cornet.

Well, it's just that I feel funny with my habit incomplete.

Oh, darn it!

Oh, these binds are tough and my hands are getting all cut up.

If we're going to starch the cornet, the binds won't hold.

We need something more like thread.

Yeah. Hold this. Thank you.

There.

If I ever see that Carlos Ramirez again,

I'll sew him up like that cornet. I swear I will.

Maybe you're judging him too harshly.

[chuckling] Harshly?

Listen, if anyone knows how to judge a playboy like that, it's me.

You must have found something in him attractive.

Well, I'll admit he had a certain amount of dash.

[both laughing]

And a persuasive charm, yeah.

And a darling smile.

Besides, to quote my mother,

"it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man

as a poor one."

Oh.

But, boy, have I got news for mother.

Something tells me you two weren't meant for each other.

Here. Oh, thank you.

I don't think I'll need it, though.

This is almost as good as new.

All I needed to do was soak it in coconut milk and let it dry,

and it's all starched.

Coconut milk is 90% starch.

I'll have to make a note of that.

Yeah, write it down and keep it in your wallet.

Say, how do you know all these things?

Oh, I don't know. I guess you know a lot of things

without knowing you know 'em until you need them.

I just remember, that's all.

Like for instance, tubers and roots and sago palm are 90% starch.

Gee, I wish I knew things that were useful like that.

You know, I have decided that I am just not very bright, sister.

Well, you know,

otherwise, I wouldn't keep making the same mistakes over and over and over.

Mistakes? Mmm. Men.

Why, you know, I keep picking the kind

that leave me stranded on islands.

But April, you were the one that...

I mean, uh, don't you think that, uh, what's his name?

Carlos... Carlos

Ramirez Ramirez.

Right. Maybe he's not like all the others.

I mean, it might have been an honest misunderstanding.

Oh, please, sister.

[laughing]

Well, I mean the arrangement

might have been a little bit different,

[April] But he was playing the same old tune.

Yeah, right.

Take it from me. All is not gold that glitters.

But maybe--maybe it was partly your fault.

Well, like they say, "it takes two to tango."

But just the same, here I am, stuck,

stranded in the middle of nowhere. And it's because of him.

Boy, you know, sinking his yacht was an accident,

but if I ever get a hold of him again--

sinking my yacht!

You! Carlos, what are you doing here?

I was lonely!

Well, here's something to keep you company!

[exclaiming]

Carlos, don't do anything you'll be sorry for.

I'm not going to be sorry about anything!

[Carlos] I'm gonna...

April, a lady never uses her fist.

All right, I'll use a rock! Good!

No!

Now, you guys, wait. Now, wait.

Now wait a minute!

[exclaiming in Spanish]

Just because you're rich, you think you can run faster than I...

[Bertrille] Stop! Come back!

[panting] All right, you guys, now cut it out.

It's-- it's not nice to hit people with bricks!

Carlos! April!

I think we can talk this thing out sensibly.

[squelching]

[exclaims]

[Bertrille] Help! Somebody help me!

Sister Bertrille, where are you?

Help! Carlos! I'm sinking! I'm sinking!

[Bertrille] Carlos!

Sister Bertrille! Sister Bertrille!

Carlos, I'm down here. Sister!

Now, Carlos, don't panic.

I'm not panicking.

Can you say any prayers?

Carlos, praying isn't enough right now.

[April] Sister, you're going under.

You're telling me.

Carlos, do something!

As soon as I save her, I'm going to finish with you.

[grunting]

[April laughing]

You know, Carlos, now that we've cleared the air,

I forgive you everything.

And I forgive you.

And after all, the insurance will take care of the yacht.

Carlos, the wind is rising!

Yes! It is rising!

What? What is it?

[Carlos] Come on hurry up, be on your way.

Well, where are you going?

And the updraft will take you straight to San Juan. We are lucky.

Oh, Ok, I'm ready.

But, Carlos, I'm leaving you and April here alone.

I know. I know. You just fly safely home. And hurry,

because the wind might die down.

Yes, but I'm leaving you here alone on your honor.

Oh, sister, how can you think--

Carlos, promise.

...I'd be anything but a gentleman in the circumstances?

Carlos, promise, else I can't go.

[sighs]

Ok, I promise.

Oh, good. Good.

Wish me luck. Ok.

I'll send help as soon as I can.

[Carlos] Good luck.

April?

April!

Carlos.

At last we are alone.

Oh, alone! Come on, where's Sister Bertrille?

She left us for the moment.

I don't see how...

Oh, come on, don't say a word.

[Bertrille] Carlos, you promised!

What was that?

[groaning] The voice of my conscience!

But...

But...

[end credits]

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