Original subtitles

[barking]

[Jacqueline] Great excitement at convent San Tanco.

C. Everett prynne, the late sportsman and world traveler

had named our convent sole heir to his estate.

Well, now, sisters, Mr. Bragen is here this evening

to give us the details of Mr. Prynne's legacy.

But, uh, first of all, I would like to say a word of appreciation

to one of the members of our order

who made Mr. Prynne feel so kindly

toward the convent San Tanco.

Sister Bertrille.

Mr. Prynne was always interested

in what was happening at the convent

in what we were doing and trying to do.

But I had no idea he was gonna make us his heirs.

[Reverend Mother] His generosity is...

Well, it's--it's like an answer to our prayers.

Uh,

we have so many pressing needs.

[Bertrille] Like the electrical wiring.

[banging on wall]

Um, well, now,

we must not take up any more of Mr. Bragen's time.

[clears throat]

[Bragen] Uh, Reverend Mother, sisters,

the convent is heir to the prynne estate.

However, Mr. Prynne was a sportsman

in every sense of that word

and unfortunately, left a great many, uh, ahem, gambling debts.

Now, those debts in addition to

federal estate tax, death tax, probate

and, uh, ahem, general administrative expenses

have greatly reduced the estate.

Oh.

I see.

In fact, the--the only thing that's left is this.

The contract on the Buffalo Buzzsaw.

What is a Buffalo Buzzsaw?

Uh, not "what," Reverend Mother, but "who."

Mike Sevre, the Buffalo Buzzsaw.

Hi.

He's a prizefighter.

[Mike] That's right, sister.

You'll see in those attached clippings

that Mike has every qualification

to be a--a leading contender for the championship.

A prizefighter?

Uh, we cannot own a prizefighter.

Oh, but, Reverend Mother, you do.

[Jacqueline] After the initial shock

of inheriting a pugilist had worn off

it quickly became clear there was only one solution.

We obviously couldn't have a prizefighter at convent San Tanco.

It was out of the question.

Mike Sevre must go.

That was apparent to everyone

except the Buffalo Buzzsaw.

Go? Go where?

Home.

Oh, this is my home.

You just can't stay here, Mr. Sevre.

Call me Mike.

Uh, what's your name?

[Bertrille] Sister Bertrille.

But, Mr. Sevre... Uh, Mike,

it's impossible for us to own you.

Oh, well, everything is legal. I'm yours.

But there's no place for you to stay here.

Oh, well, hey, I'm not hard to please.

Besides, I ain't got no place else to go.

Oh, there are, uh, lots of nice hotels.

See that?

53 cents.

Those are my worldly goods.

Perhaps if you telegraphed a friend--

well, there's nobody else, except you ladies.

Uh, sisters.

[sighing] I, uh...

Tsk.

Well, I guess I could sleep outside.

I mean, it don't get cold like it does in buffalo.

And out there in the jungle, I--I suppose I could get by on wild fruit.

Berries, stuff like that.

Oh, there's a wild banana grove about 10 miles from here.

Uh, north.

Thanks.

Reverend Mother, the gardener's cottage is empty.

Sister Bertrille--

we do own him, temporarily.

Mr. Sevre.

Welcome to San Tanco.

[chuckling] Thank you.

[Jacqueline] So, our prizefighter moved into the gardener's cottage

temporarily.

As he said, he wasn't hard to please.

And he was charming.

Industrious.

Wonderful with the children.

And a great cook.

We were all skeptical at first.

He insisted on preparing a special meal and sharing it with us.

50 percent for us, 50 percent for him.

But after a few days of entertaining

and being entertained by the Buffalo Buzzsaw,

Reverend Mother called a meeting of the board of directors.

Sister Bertrille, h-how long is temporarily?

He's a very hard worker, Reverend Mother.

All sorts of odd jobs. No one has to ask him.

He's a real eager badger.

The children love him.

He's depending on us. We can't just turn him out.

Oh, dear.

I had hoped that the inheritance would mean

a few assets for the convent,

not an additional liability.

Mike is an asset.

An unemployed pugilist?

Suppose someone could get him a job.

Someone?

Cookie?

You--you inherited a prizefighter?

Ooh.

It might be a great idea.

If anybody ever needed a fulltime bodyguard, it's you.

Maybe now I don't have to spend all my time

trying to get you out of trouble.

[sighing]

What's his name?

Mike Sevre, the Buffalo Buzzsaw.

Oh, the Buffalo Buzzsaw?

I never heard of him. Let me see.

Maybe he's not even here in this book.

Oh, it's got to be there.

He must be a good fighter.

Mr. Prynne never bought anything but the best.

Serrano, seton, sevres.

What's it say?

Uh, "3 wins in 17 starts."

And he hasn't had a bout in almost 2 years.

Well, I'd guess he's lucky to end up as your bodyguard.

We can't afford to keep him as a bodyguard.

He has a very hearty appetite.

Why don't you sell him?

Sell him?

If you can find somebody dumb enough who wants to buy him.

We can't sell him. We couldn't sell anybody.

Well, give him his freedom.

Like Abraham Lincoln.

I don't want my freedom.

[children chattering] But you could get a manager who knows boxing.

But I like it here.

I like the kids, and I like you

and Sister Jacqueline, and Sister Sixto, and Reverend Mother.

And I promised sister Anna I-I-I'd bake

a Dutch chocolate cake for her birthday.

Are you a fighter or aren't you?

Sure, I'm--I'm a fighter.

Then what are you doing playing follow the leader

and baking Dutch chocolate cakes?

A prizefighter's place is in the ring.

[sighing] You're right about that, sister.

Uh, but first, a fighter's got to get in shape.

You'll have to excuse me now, sister,

I promised the kids I'd teach them how to play red rover.

[inaudible]

I am not assuming any responsibility.

We're prepared to give you 25% of Mike's contract.

Sister Bertrille, in school I got my best grades in arithmetic.

25% of nothing is nothing.

33-and-a-third.

No.

Even 100% of nothing is still nothing.

You are caught in your Buffalo Buzzsaw

and you are not dragging me in with you.

And that is my last word.

Ok. Thanks anyway.

Bye.

Hey! You're giving up?

I didn't really expect you to help us out this time, Carlos.

But you never give up.

Mike's our responsibility. I'll train him and set up his fights.

What do you know about training a boxer?

Nothing, but I'll learn.

Oh, you'll learn? Just like that, huh? Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

Well, boxing is a science.

Not something you learn overnight. I know.

I used to be a pretty classy amateur boxer myself.

Well, I'll just do the best I can.

[sighing] You think you can do anything, huh?

Well, let me tell you this is a time

you better let somebody with experience take over.

Maybe you're right. Of course, I'm right.

Yeah. You've convinced me.

So let's go to the convent and meet our new fighter.

25%.

33-and-a-third.

Wait till you see Mike. You'll be really impressed.

Well, I hope so, after all the money I spent on this equipment.

He's got a great physique.

And probably the only reason he hasn't won more fights

is that he never had a good manager and trainer.

Hi, where's Mike?

He's in the kitchen.

In the kitchen?

Yes, food's his thing.

Well, I'm gonna put him on a very strict diet.

[crashing]

Mike?

[Mike] Shh.

I got a cheese souffle in the oven.

Well, I'm impressed.

[Jacqueline] While Señor Ramirez occupied himself

with the more difficult job of trying to set up a fight for Mike,

he deputized Sister Bertrille to launch the training program.

[children chattering] Ok, Mike, left, right.

Right, left. Left, right.

Keep that right up there going!

Ok, it feels a little slow in your punches.

Ok, Mike, take 1-2.

[girls chanting] He sang and he sang and he sang so sweet.

Along came a pretty girl and kissed him on the cheek.

How many kisses did she give him?

1, 2, 3, 4.

[children giggling] Son of a gun.

[Bertrille] Circle, dodge. Dodge, circle. Round.

That's wonderful. Uh-huh. Up, yeah.

Where are you going?

I've got to check my bouillabaisse.

[Bertrille yelling]

Come on, Mike, you're dogging it.

I'm doing my best.

Come on, get those legs up higher. Higher!

It's impossible.

Nothing is impossible. Nothing!

You, uh...

You-- right.

Which goes to show that nothing's impossible

if you really try. Right?

So I want you to really try and get those legs up higher. Ok?

Ok, sister. Ok.

[Jacqueline] Sister Bertrille's training program paid off.

[exclaiming]

Well, doesn't he look great?

[Carlos] Oh, yeah. He's shaping up.

Yes, well, I think he's gone as far as he can

with shadowboxing and punching bag.

What he needs now is a sparring partner.

Sparring partner?

Look, sister, I'm not spending any more money

to hire a sparring partner.

You can't train a fighter without a sparring partner,

everyone knows that.

Especially you of all people,

a man who was a pretty classy boxer himself.

Why you look at me like that?

Carlos, you don't need to hire a sparring partner.

You can go a few rounds with him yourself.

Me? Spar with Mike?

Sometimes I think you have a death wish for me.

Well, you did say you were a classy boxer.

I talk too much.

Well, Mike certainly moves well.

He moves, but always in the wrong direction, away.

Yeah, it looks more like a waltzing contest than a boxing match.

Move in there, Mike! Lay a little leather on him!

Don't hold back. I can look out for myself.

[Mike] You're, uh, you're too fast for me.

Come on, try to hit me. Even when I open up, you don't hit me.

Yeah. I'm saving myself.

For Christmas?

Come on hit me!

[Mike] Do I have to? Yes.

That's an order from your manager.

Hit me!

[Bertrille] Oh, that was wonderful!

Carlos, are you all right?

Oh, Mike, that was so wonderful. Oh.

Carlos, I'm so sorry.

Man, what a punch. Boy, 1-2.

Carlos, wasn't that great?

[panting] Just great. I didn't feel a thing.

Just one suggestion.

Yes, Señor Ramirez?

When you are in the ring,

don't wait until the other guy begs you to hit him.

Huh?

You got us a fight?

One of the guys who was scheduled

for the semi-finals Friday night, canceled out.

They needed a quick replacement,

so I talked them into trying Mike.

The contracts are already signed

and the weigh-in will be tomorrow morning.

Oh, who does he fight? El Carnicero.

Is he any good?

Uh, he's good, but not too good.

I think Mike can handle him.

I also let the word leak out

that we have a sensational new boy

who's going to surprise everybody.

We can expect at least a couple of top promoters from Miami.

With a little luck, we might be able to unload Mike's contract.

Oh, Carlos, I don't know how I can thank you for everything.

Oh, it's nothing.

You just have Mike here tomorrow morning at 10:30.

I'm going to take him to the weigh-in.

Oh, yeah, Ok. He'll be here.

By the way, I--I forgot, what does El Carnicero mean?

Oh, the butcher.

[inaudible]

Does Michael know who he is going to fight?

A man by the name of El Carnicero.

El Carnicero? But that means...

[Bertrille] What's in a name, Reverend Mother?

Carlos says he isn't too good.

Have you told Michael?

No. I haven't seen him yet. I'll tell him at lunch.

Carlos says there ought to be a couple of top promoters at the fight

and we'll be able to sell his contract to one of them.

That's lovely.

You know, I must admit, Sister Bertrille,

that I was quite skeptical at first.

Oh, it'll turn out great for everyone, Reverend Mother.

Mike'll have a good manager and a good home

and we should end up with enough money

to take care of the electrical wiring

and maybe replace some of the plumbing.

Marvelous.

Excuse me, Reverend Mother, but he's gone.

We look low and high. Yes.

Well, maybe he just went into San Juan.

His suitcase is gone.

Maybe he took some powders.

Took a powder.

Uh, had you told him about the fight, Sister Bertrille?

[Bertrille] Uh, no, I expected to tell him today at lunch.

Oh, this is terrible. He's supposed to weigh-in tomorrow.

Señor Ramirez has gone to so much trouble to set up everything

and men coming in from Miami.

What are we gonna do?

Well, we'll have to find Mike.

But we have no idea where he might have gone.

We have till 10:30 tomorrow morning.

Excuse me.

[Jacqueline] While Sister Sixto and I

used the conventional methods of search,

Sister Bertrille turned to aerial reconnaissance.

Sister Bertrille knew that Mike had no friends

in Puerto Rico except us.

He had no money, and he hadn't eaten since breakfast.

Remembering the size of Mike's appetite,

she finally got a fix on where she might find him.

Uh, Mike, why did you run out on us?

Now, look, sister...

Gee, Mike, we took you in and we worked with you, we believed in you

and when you finally had a chance to prove we were right,

you disappear.

Mike, we have a fight for you.

I heard you telling the Reverend Mother.

You knew and you still walked out?

That's why I walked out.

You know, I thought you people were different.

I mean, I felt like we were good friends, almost like family.

But you was just building me up

so as you could peddle me for a few bucks.

Unload me.

No, Mike. That's not true at all.

What did I expect?

Anytime anybody ever treated me nice...

I found out sooner or later

it was just so as they could get a better price for me.

You know, I-I've been sold and traded so many times

I can't even remember how many managers I had.

One time, they even traded me as down payment on a horse.

A down payment.

Honestly, Mike, I only wanted to help you.

We all did.

The only reason we set up this fight

was to try and interest the right manager.

Somebody to take care of you, build you up.

Maybe even give you a chance at that big title some day,

like in the clipping, you know?

If we got enough money to take care

of that old electrical wiring system, fine.

But our main concern was just to do

what we thought would be best for you.

Yeah. That wiring is dangerous.

I-It ought to be fixed.

But, sister, fighting isn't what's best for me.

I never wanted to fight.

You don't want to fight?

I hate it. I'm scared.

Oh, not of getting hurt myself, but--but of hurting the other guy.

Well, that's why you didn't want to hit Carlos.

I feel rotten when I hit anybody.

No wonder you only won 3 out of 17 fights.

Well, if you don't hit back, what do you do?

I just stand there and I take it.

Sometimes it gets pretty bad, like when Rinty Rose did this to my nose.

And Vic Delaney did that to my eye

but it's still a lot better than hitting them.

Couldn't you give them that old 1-2 punch?

I mean, Carlos said he didn't feel anything

and it seems like a more merciful way out, just 1-2.

Sister, please. Let's not talk about it, huh?

Mike, if you feel that way about it

why didn't you quit fighting a long time ago?

Get some other kind of a job?

[sighing] Like what?

I never even finished high school.

I'm big and I'm dumb, so I end up in a ring.

And even there I'm no good.

I'm sorry about the wiring.

Oh, don't worry about it.

The convent San Tanco's been around for about 200 years.

It'll survive for another 2 or 3.

Yeah, but the Reverend Mother's gonna be disappointed,

and Señor Ramirez.

Don't worry. Things will work out. Ok?

Ok.

[Jacqueline] It was almost noon the next day

before Sister Bertrille was able to get through to Señor Ramirez.

Carlos, he can't fight.

Of course, he's going to fight.

He doesn't want to. He hates it. He explained it all to me.

You'll just have to cancel him out or something.

He weighed in 30 minutes ago and he looks great.

Mike weighed in? Yes.

I wondered where he went so early this morning.

But we can't let him go through with it.

He wants to.

Where is he now?

I promised not to tell you.

Carlos, he won't hit back.

He'll just stand there and let El Carnicero

beat him to a pulp, and what for?

Well, he wants to do it for you and the other sisters.

Oh.

You want me to get tickets for you?

No.

Well, you can watch on the television set I gave to the convent.

Poor Mike.

[male announcer on TV] Certainly, there's been action for this crowd

with one knockout so far in the 3 bouts we've seen.

But now, we're ready for the semi-windup of the evening

and this brings on El Carnicero...

Aren't you even going to watch?

I can't bear it.

Mmm. There's Mike.

I'm praying for him.

Oh, no.

Of all the times.

[Reverend Mother] Oh, dear.

[Jacqueline] I'll fix it. I'll fix it.

There! Oh.

Oh.

[Sixto] Come on. Come on.

[crowd cheering] Did you see that?

No, we didn't. No, we didn't. What happened?

1-2. Just 1-2 and El Carnicero was down for the count.

[all exclaiming]

Mike won!

This has to be the shortest fight on record

and I actually believe that when Mike Sevre, the Buffalo Buzzsaw

delivered that 1-2 punch, I actually thought he had his eyes closed.

[all cheering]

Yeah. I never could have done it

except for thinking about all of you back here.

I talked to El Carnicero afterwards, sister.

He said he never felt a thing.

Oh, here's your share of the purse, Reverend Mother.

[Reverend Mother] Thank you, Señor.

Also, we have 3 firm offers for Mike's contract.

We can play them off against each other.

I, uh, I want you to have my share of the purse, too.

Uh, use it to fix the wiring.

[Reverend Mother] Thank you, Michael.

Oh, Mike, that's so nice of you.

Isn't that nice of him, Carlos?

Very nice. Oh, here's my share, too.

[chuckling] Well, thank you, Señor.

Thank you.

Then maybe the next time Mike fights our TV set won't go...

Oh, I promised these 3 parties.

How much you're asking for Mike's contract?

Uh, Señor Ramirez, we have decided

not to sell Michael's contract.

But the whole purpose of the fight was--

we're giving Mike his contract.

He can negotiate for himself.

Thank you.

All of you.

Ok, what's your price?

I want to work for you.

For me? Huh. But I'm not interested in handling a fighter.

Oh, he doesn't want to be a fighter. He's retiring from the ring.

Yeah. I want to be a chef in your restaurant.

A chef?

He's the greatest.

Souffles, bouillabaisse, the crepes suzettes.

My father was French.

And he whips up a great Irish stew. At least, give him a chance.

Well, I don't know.

Carlos, you can trade in the punching bag and the gloves

for a chef's outfit and some souffle dishes.

Carlos, have I ever asked you to do anything

you ever had any reason to regret?

Let's go, or she'll talk you out of the job, even before I hire you.

Bye. Thanks.

Bye.

[end credits]

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