Original subtitles

[dog barking]

[window smashing]

[Jacqueline] The convent San Tanco has stood on a cliff

overlooking San Juan, Puerto Rico,

for more than 200 years.

It has survived earthquakes, bombardments,

and the near-cyclonic winds that frequently beat against its walls.

The convent's survival only became a matter of doubt recently,

with the arrival of Sister Bertrille,

a 90-pound nun from Chicago, with a unique ability to fly.

To fly emotionally...

And when the wind was right, to fly literally.

[birds chirping]

Hi!

[whispering] Sister Bertrille.

Oh!

Uh, it's all the matter of the wind, really.

It's very simple. It all has to do with

lift plus thrust being greater than load plus drag.

We think...

That is, Sister Bertrille says

that it's a matter of more lift than drag.

But miracles do happen.

We know it's a matter of more lift than drag.

Doubters.

[Jacqueline] The morning that Sister Bertrille and I

set off to make home visits in the waterfront area,

I had a feeling that it was going to be no ordinary day.

[Rose] I warned you, Junior. Now you're gonna get it.

[Junior] Please don't hit me. You're mean.

That sounds like a child. [Junior] You're mean. Mean!

[Rose] I'm gonna tear you apart with my bare hands!

[Junior] I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Cross my heart.

[squawking] Oh no. I've taken all the lip

I'm gonna take from you, you, you-- I'm talkin' to you,

you ungrateful little monster, you. I'm sick of you.

[squawking] Help! Help!

You ain't seen nothin' yet. Help. Help.

You little rotten bird! Don't be mean.

You're a rotten bird! You stay!

[banging] You're gonna hurt him.

Oh, no I'm not. I'm gonna kill him!

[squawking]

Oh, please. Don't do that.

Look, it's none of your b-b-b...

[laughs] Oh,

uh... uh...

Hello, sisters. Uh, look.

Wait a minute, this is just a family matter, you know. That's all.

He is one of god's creatures.

Him? [Junior] Amen. Save my soul.

Oh, no, no, no. He belongs to the other fella.

Hey, look, you don't know.

You feed 'em, you keep 'em warm, you worry about 'em night and day,

and what do you get for all your trouble?

You get backtalk, that's what you get!

[Junior] Don't hit me, don't hit me. Oh... um, what's his name?

It's--it's, uh,

Patrick Dolan Junior.

I named him after my late husband,

god rest his soul.

[Junior] Amen.

But you don't hold a candle to Patrick Dolan!

[grunting] Let me--

[Junior] I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Mrs. Dolan!

[all screaming]

Look, there must be another way.

Yeah?

Yes. Yeah, I got it.

I got it Ok.

You want him, you take him.

Otherwise...

Otherwise, he's going to be the special on tonight's menu.

[Junior squawks]

Sister, you know pets aren't permitted at the convent.

I know.

Hello, Junior.

Hi, sweetie.

He likes you.

No, he don't know how to like.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Cross my heart. Cross my heart.

[squawks]

We could find him a home before we go back this evening.

I wonder... I know we could.

Look, he's so sweet and helpless.

Sister.

You've got yourself a deal, sister.

Uh, thank you, Mrs. Dolan.

It's nothing. My pleasure.

Bye.

So long.

And--and this time, Junior,

try to make something of yourself.

[Junior] Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

[sighs]

Poor thing. He's all shaken up.

Yeah. Let's let him rest for a minute.

There, there, Junior.

Get your lunch hooks off me, baby. I'll spit in your eye.

[squawks] I'll spit in your eye.

Sweet.

Helpless.

[Jacqueline] Sister Bertrille was certain

that a nice home for Junior could be found.

In her first pitch, she tended to oversell.

That's just the saddest story I ever heard.

Heartbreaking.

Uh, how much can I give you, sister?

Oh, no, no. This--this isn't a touch.

We're not always collecting money.

But we just want to find a good home for him.

It'd make a great souvenir to take back to the states.

Oh, uh, look, we couldn't take him.

We--we'd like to help.

Oh, but you see our house, it's so small.

Small? It's tiny. So's he.

But, we're never home.

He'd get lonely. Depressed.

Oh, I couldn't take that. That bird needs--

tender, loving care.

Please, sister, how much can I give you?

[Junior squawking] No. No, thanks, really.

Don't worry about it.

[Junior] Who needs 'em? Who needs 'em?

[woman] That's the saddest story I ever heard.

Perhaps we should have taken their money, sister.

That wouldn't have solved our problem.

No. But it would have solved theirs.

[Jacqueline] Sister Bertrille was still convinced

that we'd find a place for Junior on one of our home visits.

Junior's small talk was not for polite society.

His etiquette left something to be desired.

By nightfall we found ourselves left holding the cage.

Rules or not,

Junior was to be a guest of the convent San Tanco.

[crickets chirping]

Sorry we're late, reverend mother.

We were detained.

Yes, by a needy soul.

I see.

[plates clinking]

We were concerned about you, sisters.

The waterfront can be frightening after dark.

Yes.

Only now we're saying how it is filled with roughraff and riffniks.

Riffraff and roughnecks, sister.

Sister sixto,

perhaps you are trying to learn American slang too quickly.

Sister Bertrille,

are you expecting a long winter?

Uh, Sister Ana,

are you expecting a long winter?

I had not really thought about it.

Uh, would you pass me the potatoes, please, reverend mother?

Just dying for potatoes.

[Junior] ♪ whiskey is the life of man ♪

♪ whiskey Johnny ♪

♪ oh, I'll drink whiskey while I can ♪

♪ whiskey for my Johnny ♪

♪ oh, whiskey straight and whiskey strong ♪

♪ whiskey Johnny. Give me some whiskey ♪

It's a house cracker.

Housebreaker, sister.

But I do not think so.

Unless he's new to his trade.

[Ana] Perhaps it is one of the children.

♪[Junior singing]

And where would one of our children have learned a song like that?

Sister sixto, would you please go and see what the trouble is?

[thudding] I'll go.

Uh, sister sixto hasn't finished her dinner yet.

[Reverend Mother] You have not begun yours.

Well I'm not hungry.

Really, this is an unusual evening, Sister Bertrille.

♪ Whiskey is the life of man ♪

♪whiskey Johnny so I'll drink whiskey while I can ♪

♪ whiskey for my Johnny ♪

♪ oh whiskey straight and whiskey strong ♪

Are you expecting a long winter?

♪ Whiskey for my Johnny ♪

♪ whiskey killed my poor old dad ♪

Sister sixto, perhaps you'd best go with her.

♪ Whiskey drove my mother mad ♪

♪ whiskey for my Johnny ♪

♪ whiskey makes me wear old clothes ♪

♪ whiskey Johnny ♪

♪ whiskey gave me a broken nose ♪

♪ whiskey for my Johnny ♪

[squawks] Junior, shh!

Hi, sweetie. Everybody sing!

♪ If whiskey comes too near my nose ♪

♪ whiskey Johnny ♪

Junior, you're gonna queer the whole deal.

[squawks] It's a raid. It's a raid.

[squawking]

Any luck, sister? What?

[Junior] Take off, honey. I just came in for a short beer.

You say something? Me? No.

[Junior] Get lost, baby. You're not my type.

You some kind of ventriloquist?

Tu sabes, you know, like, the one with the dummy.

No. Did you hear something?

I must be flapping my lid.

[Junior] Relax. Relax.

Madre mia, I got stones in my head.

No, sister, you don't have stones in your head.

Meet Junior.

[Junior] Hello, chickie baby.

Sisters, follow me.

[Jacqueline] When sister sixto didn't return,

mother superior began to think something dreadful had happened.

She organized a search party.

Sister Teresa picked up some reinforcements along the way.

Sister Teresa's squad won.

What's cookin'? What's cookin', baby?

He's a real chatterbox. Right? Right.

[Theresa] Right, sister.

[exclaims]

[children chattering in Spanish]

And who is the new little postulant, sister?

This is turning out to be the worst-kept secret of the war.

Um , kids, this is Junior.

[speaking Spanish]

[Junior speaking Spanish]

He's ambilinguous. 2-tongued.

And both of them should be washed out with soap.

[speaking in Spanish]

[kids laughing]

[Junior continues in Spanish]

Hi, sweetie.

[whistles]

[squawks]

He likes you.

You know, when you think about it, reverend mother,

he's really kind of a lost soul.

I mean, the potential's there.

He's just never had the proper environment.

We cannot keep a parrot in the convent, Sister Bertrille.

He may stay temporarily, but you must find a home for him tomorrow.

Come, children.

[Junior] Oh, poor Junior.

Nobody loves Junior.

[squawks]

Here we go again.

Oh, dear.

I wish the reverend mother could see the good side of Junior.

Does he have a good side?

Yes. His better instincts just need cultivating, that's all.

Well, we'd better start by teaching him not to call the reverend mother "sweetie".

What would happen if tomorrow morning

the reverend mother found Junior praying for forgiveness?

Well, I don't know, sister.

I suppose first she'd wire Rome,

then they'd send a bishop.

Then it might, um, take her 25 years--

no. No.

Well, you yourself said you could teach a parrot.

What about that prayer we teach the children?

What about it, sister?

[Jacqueline] Sister sixto and I found ourselves

dragooned into a crash program.

To regenerate Junior by morning.

I ask forgiveness of the Lord.

[squawks]

Oh, Sister Bertrille.

I think he's gonna say something.

I ask forgiveness of the Lord.

♪ When whiskey comes too near my nose ♪

♪ I tip it up and down it goes ♪

[squawks]

"I ask forgiveness of the Lord."

[squawks]

"For all my foolish ways."

[screeches] Raw deal, raw deal.

Junior, this is for your own good.

[sighing]

All right, Junior. One more time.

When whiskey comes too near my--

[gasps]

"I ask forgiveness for my pride."

Oh, I had such a bad dream.

I dreamed we had a new bishop,

and it was Junior.

Well, it's only a dream, sister.

All right, Junior. Hop to.

"I ask forgiveness of the Lord,

"for all my foolish ways."

[squawking]

"I pray for--"

[all shouting]

[Jacqueline] Sister Bertrille felt that Junior's regeneration

would be displayed to best advantage in front of the children.

My mission was to deliver reverend mother to the scene, without her knowledge.

I signaled for the countdown.

J-day had begun.

"...foolish ways.

"I pray for guidance from the saints,

"to help me all my days.

"I ask forgiveness for my pride,

"and seek to know my place.

"I pray that by humility I may yet..."

Hi, sweetie. Give us a kiss.

[whistles]

[children laughing]

[screeches]

He revolted to type. He sure did.

[speaking Spanish]

[children all laughing]

Silencio.

Sister Bertrille, enough is enough.

You must find a home for this bird immediately.

[Jacqueline] Sister Bertrille had one last hope.

Her friend, Señor Ramirez.

The island's most successful discotheque owner

and playboy.

[Junior] Pay up. Pay up. No drinks on credit.

Sorry. He--he was raised in a saloon.

[Junior] Deadbeats.

[squawking]

Just a minute.

[knocking on door]

Coming.

[Carlos] Just a minute.

Darling.

Oh.

I was expecting someone else.

Obviously.

I came to ask you a favor. No.

but Carlos-- no.

No. Whatever it is, no.

Well, I-- with you, it's always trouble.

How much trouble can one little bird be?

I raised him from a mere fledgling.

He depends on me completely.

Really. Oh, yes.

When he leaves my side, he just molts.

That is so touching, Carlos.

I never knew this side of you.

Oh, few people do, Cecelia.

You see, I always felt I had to hide it.

Always.

Until I met you.

How sad. Yeah.

We are all strangers.

Come a little closer, honey. Come a little closer.

[Junior screeching]

Where'd he learn that? Well, he, um...

Heard me teaching a little girl how to swim.

I teach the children at the orphanage.

You have a great heart, Carlos.

Have a little drinkie-pie. Have a little drinkie-pie.

I own a bar, remember?

Now you trust me.

You are the first woman I ever loved.

I trust you.

[whistling]

Why don't we slip into something more comfortable?

He said it.

You take him everywhere.

Oh, please, Cecelia.

There is an explanation.

I don't want to hear it, great heart.

[Junior] Yeah, great heart. Oh, Sister Bertrille.

She's trying to sabotage me.

[squawking]

How much trouble can one little bird be?

What a life. What a life. Let me out of here.

[Junior squawking]

Well, I--I--I--I...

I got to thinking and--and really, he's not such a rotten bird after all.

To tell you the truth, it's...

It's too darn quiet without him.

So I thought maybe, b-look,

what I'm trying to say is, uh,

I want him back.

He's gone, Mrs. Dolan.

He's gone?

He flew away.

Oh! Look, sisters, I, oh...

I know that, uh,

well, I know that I was kind of rough on him the other day,

but every family has its fights.

Oh, come on.

Give him back to me.

I haven't got him, honestly.

I--I found a home for him,

but, well, he didn't make a very good adjustment.

As far as we know, he's gone back to the jungle.

He's...

He's really gone, huh?

Well...

Well, I...

Hey, it, uh...

It doesn't really matter.

He's just a bird.

The trees are full of them.

Uh...

Hey, listen, I got it, it's one less worry

that I have to be concerned with, that's it.

I'm so sorry, Mrs. Dolan.

Oh, hey, don't be sorry.

Don't be silly.

Oh, thank you very much, sisters. Thank you.

Look, Lord, uh...

You probably don't even remember my face.

It's been so long.

But...

Do me a favor, will you?

Take care of the little monster, wherever he is.

You see,

he's not much of an outdoors type.

I've got to find him for her.

How, sister?

Sister, this is an awfully big island to look for one little bird.

Yes, I know, but Carlos said Junior was headed southeast.

Wish me luck. Oh, yes.

Thanks.

Wait. Thanks.

[squawking] Oh, what a night.

Pity the poor city bird.

[squawking]

Dont panic. Who can I turn to? How do I get out of this?

[birds squawking]

[birds chirping]

Oh.

Elecanus erythrorhynchos?

Oh, I wonder.

Oh, wait, it's coming closer.

With those big black rings around the eyes,

it seems more like a eudyptes spheniscidae.

Amazing! And in this climate!

Don't give up hope, Junior. A little humility.

Okay, now hop to.

[Junior squawking] "I ask forgiveness of the Lord for all my foolish ways."

Shh.

"I pray for guidance from the saints to help me all my days."

"I ask forgiveness for my pride and seek to know my place."

[squawking]

"I pray that by humility I may yet earn his grace."

[squawking]

Psittacus erithacus.

I always thought they were non-sectarian.

Oh, what a prize.

Fantastic.

We must wire the Smithsonian. Instant.

[squawking]

Who goes there? Friend or foe? Friend or foe?

Well, young fellow.

Oh. Let's you and us get acquainted.

[Junior squawking] We are good friends now, aren't we?

Now, look. We're all in the same line of work. Right?

Birds business?

I wouldn't touch that bird if I were you.

Hi, sister.

Sister?

Well, I'm Sister Bertrille.

Nice to make your acquaintance.

Hello, Junior. Aw, sister.

Yes. I've been looking all over the jungle for you.

Yes. Well, it's all over now. We're going home. Yes.

[Junior squawking] If you'll excuse me, gentlemen.

Oh, b-b-but tell me, sister.

Do--do you know this bird?

Oh, yes. We're old friends.

This bird has a most extraordinary vocabulary.

Where was he raised?

In a saloon.

[Junior] How about another, lady?

Everybody sing!

[Sister Bertrille murmuring] ♪ whiskey is the life of man ♪

♪ whiskey Johnny ♪

[church bell tolling]

Hi.

Hi. Hi, sister.

Say, do you have room for one more?

Always. Oh, thank you.

You know, since the Lord saw fit to bring Junior back to me,

I thought I better go back to mass again.

[children] "I ask forgiveness of the Lord

"for all my foolish ways."

[Junior] "I pray for guidance from the saints,

"to help me all my days.

"I ask forgiveness for my pride--"

he must have known that I was coming here, because

he made such a fuss that I...

I just thought I'd bring him along.

"I ask forgiveness of the Lord

"for all my foolish ways.

"I pray for guidance from the saints to help me--"

hi, sweetie.

Hi, sweetie.

[end credits]

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