Original subtitles

♪ upbeat theme playing ♪

♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba ♪

♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da da-da-da ♪

♪

[kissing, heavy breathing]

- You know, Churchill once said,

"There are only three traditions in the Royal Navy."

We've already covered two of them.

[both laugh]

Now, all we need is some rum.

[sighs]

Or we could just revisit tradition number two again.

[both giggle, murmur]

- Captain!

[Captain grunts] WOMAN: Whoa!

- In our bed?!

- Permission to explain myself.

- Denied!

[whistling]

SOPHIE'S SON [on video]: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Why are you telling me about this cheating couple

and their weird boat kinks?

We left off on a cliffhanger kiss!

- Look who wants to hear about his mom hooking up now?

This affair will be important later,

but fine. Back to me.

So, the morning after we kissed,

I went to get my tooth fixed.

♪

[sighs]

- The sun is out! Birds are singing! [drops keys on table]

My new tooth is ready to chomp!

Hit me with one of those Twizzlers.

I got to test drive this baby.

- Why are you so happy?

- I'm happy because I dropped off my photo with Naomi

at the gallery.

- Mm... That's not it.

[gasps] You kissed someone!

You kissed Jesse!

- Oh my god! How do you do that?

Okay. I kissed Jesse.

[shrieks]

And it was... amazing.

I feel terrible because I'm with Drew, and he's wonderful,

but Jesse is... Jesse.

- Enough feelings! Tell me about the kiss.

Is he a tongue swirler? Lip biter?

Oh, did you do that creepy thing where you keep your eyes open?

- I like to see if my partners are enjoying themselves.

Is that so bad?

- Yes! It's like kissing an American Girl Doll.

And I would know. Felicity and I got down. Now, dish.

- Okay. Drew and I got into a fight at his fundraiser,

and then I ran into Jesse outside of the bar.

[street noise]

- [soft whistle, laugh] Wow.

[Sophie giggling] Uh...

Look, I-I know you're probably, um,

emotional from what happened with Drew, so...

- No, no, no. That's not what that was. I just...

I wanted to kiss you.

- Yeah? [laughs]

Me, too. For a long time now, actually.

Although, in my head, uh, when this happened,

we both had all our teeth.

But, this is somehow better.

- Oh my god, that's romantic!

And your kids would be so cute.

I've always wanted to be someone's hot aunt,

AKA... "haunt."

- Bro, I have always wanted to be someone's huncle!

- Okay. Alright, dude. Slow your roll. It was just a kiss.

- Dude, I've been shipping you guys since day one, okay?

So, for this romance to blossom outside my bar?

[kiss]

[laughs]

What about Drew?

- Uh, after the kiss, I had the exact same question.

What about Drew?

- He's the sweetest guy.

But, Jesse and I see the world the same way,

and there's been something between us since the day we met.

So... - Sophie decided to break up with Drew

today. - Oh, thank God.

- Before you go through with this, I have to ask.

You sure Jesse feels the same way?

Because if he hurts you, I will kill him,

and I have a feeling Jesse's ghost would be super annoying.

- He feels the same way. JESSE: Hey,

would you wanna get dinner with me tomorrow night?

That, uh, the pita place on Delancey is now,

like, a punny Thai restaurant?

- Thai Tanic! - Yes.

- I've been wanting to try that place.

VALENTINA: Okay, Jesse.

I see you.

Following things up with a concrete plan.

This has my blessing.

God, I love when two hot dorks get together.

[groans]

Today's the day we promised Charlie we'd finally watch soccer with him.

Remember?

He's been harassing us about it for weeks...

- Two weeks till Friends Soccer Day!

[unenthusiastic murmuring] Eh? And yes,

I will be referring to it as,

[forced]: "soccer,"

so that your American brains can understand it.

- I can't keep that plan in my head because it sounds so boring.

[sighs]

I think I got to skip it and go talk to Drew.

Tell Charlie that I'm sorry.

Oh, and promise me...

- You won't tell the gang what happened until after our date.

Sophie and I don't need everyone gossiping.

- Thumb promise.

'Cause thumbs are stronger than pinkies.

- Dude, I feel so good about this!

Like, literally nothing could bring me down.

- Okay, I love hearing that 'cause I do have something to tell you.

Uh... [clears throat], super no big deal.

Boring even. - Yeah?

- But, just so you know,

Meredith dropped by yesterday.

- Oh... Chill...

- She's dropping a new single today. It's about your relationship.

Like I said, no big thang.

Let's not even listen to it 'cause who cares?

So, let's just go to the bar, okay?

Hannah's coming straight from the airport, and...

You're opening Spotify.

HANNAH [singing]: I shoulda gotten off the train at Jay Street...

♪ 'Cause I wanna be where the tracks and the pavement meet ♪

♪ Sometimes, I still think ♪

♪ I can hear your heartbeat ♪

♪ Then, I realize ♪

♪ I'm just missing Jay Street ♪

- What?! Is this song about

how she regrets dumping me? Am I Jay Street?

- Not necessarily. She coulda just missed her stop.

Okay, fine. Yes, of course, you're Jay Street, dude.

This is not a subtle metaphor.

Just don't spin out about this.

[knocking] [sighs]

- Jesse... - Meredith, hi. Uh,

congrats on the new single.

Uh, quick question about it. What the--

[knocking]

- Sophie. Hi.

- Drew. Hey.

I'm sorry to just stop by like this, but we really need to talk.

- Agreed. Look, I'm so sorry about last night.

I was pissed you were late, and I let it get the best of me.

[sighs] Man, apologizing feels good.

Fighting gives me stress hives.

Under this sweater, I'm a mess.

OLDER WOMAN: Drew! Is that the voice

of the fabulous Sophie we're hearing?

- Who is that? - [gasps] It is.

Lou, look. Look at her.

- I'm looking, Sue.

She's even prettier than her Instagram photos.

We're having brunch. Come! Join us.

- That is such a kind offer. I was just stopping by--

- Nonsense! You're staying for bagels.

Drew and his father were just about to go pick them up.

- Uh, I'll be fast! I promise! Okay--

[slam]

- I hope my son does not say that in the bedroom. [giggles]

♪

- It is time for my beloved Blues

to take us on a roller coaster of emotions.

So, get ready for some thrills, chills...

and a likely final score of nil-nil.

Sorry, w-what's all this?

- Charlie, we got 48 hours together

to knock out as much wedding planning as possible, okay? So...

- Well, I think you mean weddings, plural,

since we also decided to do an Indian wedding.

Which means choosing two venues, two cakes,

and two places to cry when I get overwhelmed.

- Hannah. We'll get it done, okay?

I promise. - Okay.

- You see, soccer isn't really a sort of "plan your weddings

and give each other supportive smooches" kind of sport.

You know, it really does require undivided attention.

- Hope everybody's ready for a fashion show!

- What?

- I got an interview later to be an associate produce buyer

for Goliath Market corporate office,

so I need to put together an interview look...

Jasper, what do you think?

- Looks like Beetlejuice costume.

- Okay...

Uh...

Where's Jesse?

- I told him about Meredith's song.

- Twist! - Yeah, so he's spinning out.

- Predictable! - What's predictable?

- [sighs] Meredith wrote a song about missing Jesse,

and now he's totally spiraling.

- Oh no...

- Why "oh no?" What do you know?

- Nothing.

What do you know?

- Do you both know something I don't?

[soccer playing on TV]

SID/VALENTINA: Sophie and Jesse kissed last night!

[all cheering]

- See? I knew you guys would get into it!

No one was watching, were they?

[squealing]

- Okay. [clears throat]

Meredith, what do the lyrics of Jay Street mean?

Do you regret breaking up with me?

- Okay, look, I know I owe you a lot of answers,

but can we just sit and talk over food?

- No, no, no. You can't derail my confrontation

by tempting me with French fries. Okay, I'm not the Hamburglar.

- Come on. We can play the game where you close your eyes and...

guess which hot sauce is which.

- Oh, damn it. [puts down cloche]

You know I can't resist Hot Sauce Surprise.

- Feels like you've been part of our family forever. Oh!

Let's post a selfie with the caption, "two peas in a pod."

- Oh, maybe later.

Do you know Drew and I have only been dating for two months?

- That's when Lou proposed to me.

We met at a Mets game back in '89,

when I spilled an entire Coors Light down his shirt.

[laughs]

Lou slapped me on the ass. I looked at him, and he said, "Sue me."

[laughing] - Ha...

- My name is Sue! - Yeah.

[laughing]

- I laughed so hard that my dress basically flew off.

- What a... beautiful story.

- Yeah. We got married, and we had Drew,

and we've had a timeshare in Aruba ever since.

[gasps] Sophie, you got to come down and see it.

Our place has this beautiful wall-to-wall carpet--

- Oh, thanks.

I-I don't think I can make it.

- I'm booking you a ticket. Are you a window or an aisle person?

- No, do not book me a ticket to Aruba! Okay?

I... I'm breaking up with Drew.

- Oh, that's not going to be possible, sweetheart.

- What?

- Lou and I have a little bit of bad news of our own to tell Drew,

so you are not breaking up with him today.

- I have to.

I am trying to do the right thing here.

- Rock, paper, scissors for it?

- [scoffs] I don't think so.

- Fist up, kiddo. Let's do this.

- Who do you guys think went in for the kiss first?

- Sophie! Right? My girl is a modern woman.

She sees what she wants, and she goes for it.

- Uh-uh. There is no way my guy didn't go in for that kiss first, okay?

His lean game is strong.

- Oh my god! I just realized something.

If Sophie and Jesse get married,

then Sophie will get my Goliath Market family discount!

- Not in that outfit she won't.

- Guys, two hot dorks hooked up.

Okay, it is very exciting, but I do think we are losing sight

of what's really important here.

- Yeah. You guys are kind of burying the lede here.

Sophie cheated on Drew.

- Oh. I mean...

yeah, but she's gonna end things today.

And besides, this is the good kind of cheating.

[nervous groaning] [slams laptop]

And I'm guessing that was not the right thing to say.

- Drew's our friend, Sid.

And I didn't know there was a "good" kind of cheating.

- I mean, of course there is.

It's cheating that leads to something good,

like finding your person or Beyoncé's Lemonade.

- Yeah. Great. Amazing to know

that I'm planning a wedding with a man

who is so supportive of cheating.

Oh, two weddings! - Hannah, don't worry.

Sophie's doing the right thing and breaking up with Drew as we speak.

- Rock-Paper-Scissors, shoot! - Ha!

- Ah, that one doesn't count, either.

Your paper looked a lot like scissors.

- I am doing the best I can.

I told you I have early onset arthritis.

- Look at the two of you.

We're gone 30 minutes, and you're practically sister-wives.

- A joke that implies Sophie's married to you

or I'm married to Mom, both of which are disgusting and illegal.

- Hey, Drew, why don't I help you toast the bagels in the kitchen?

- Uh, speaking of toast,

remember that guy Bernie Madoff?

Your father committed similar crimes,

and he lost a tremendous amount of his clients' money,

and he very possibly is going to jail.

- What does that have to do with toast? - Sweetheart,

you're toast.

- What? B-b-but,

you won the Long Island Gazette's

"Favorite Financial Advisor" the last five years!

Your portrait's up at the dry cleaner.

I need a bagel.

- Look on the bright side, sweetheart.

You still have your wonderful girlfriend by your side,

so you don't have to go through this alone.

- You're right. I... I do have Sophie.

SUE: Boop.

- What if we put your aunt at table four?

- [sighs] No, we can't.

My uncle's at table four, and he cheated on her.

- Oh. - But wait.

According to you, it was good cheating

because he and his paralegal are still together.

- Someone didn't sleep on the plane.

- I got plenty of sleep on the plane.

[phone buzzing]

- Is that Jesse? - Nah, it's--

- She has your phone. - What?!

- "Went to see Meredith. Needed answers."

- Drew...

I'm breaking up with you.

Sue, Lou, good luck with the trial. [laughs]

[phone buzzing]

- What's up? - Jesse's with Meredith right now.

She's got a new song out about regretting their breakup.

And he went to see her.

- Oh.

- I'm sorry, Soph, but I wanted you to have all the facts

before breaking up with Drew.

What are you going to do?

- I don't know.

I got to go.

[sighs]

MEREDITH [singing]: I shoulda gotten off the train at Jay Street...

♪ 'Cause I wanna be where the tracks and the pavement meet ♪

♪ Sometimes I still think ♪

[humming along] I can hear your heartbeat...

♪ Then, I realize ♪

♪ I'm just missing Jay Street ♪

How is this song about Jesse?

[singing continues]

"J" Street. "J" is for Jesse.

Clever, Meredith.

[soccer playing on TV] - Yes!

Oh, Val, tell me you caught a glimpse of that goal.

- I'm...

sorry, but I'll catch the next one.

Hashtag "next goal's the best goal," am I right?

- You can't because the game's over.

[clap]

Sorry.

- Thanks for watching.

- Charlie... - Look,

I realize that it's just a silly game, okay?

But, that game...

is the only connection that I have to home right now.

And yes, I was hoping that I could share it with everyone

and that, for just one day, I would forget

that I'm thousands of miles away from everything that I've ever known.

- Charlie, I had no idea you were homesick.

- I am.

I miss the...

the terrible weather and-and the bland food

and the bars that close at 11:00, and fine.

I realize I'm not doing a very good job of selling England right now,

but I miss it because it's my home.

[sighs] I'm gonna go take a walk.

- Charlie!

- So... What do we think of this look?

- That was 1986. They said, "Don't make the same mistakes I did."

- Oh, that was 1994. They said they want their joke back.

- Oh, that was Ellen. She said, "This isn't helping!"

Yeah, I called myself.

- There you are. Hey, are you okay?

I-I know this is a lot.

I'm sorry you walked into all this craziness.

- Seriously. Drew,

your dad could be going to jail, and you're worried about me?

- Of course.

I mean, you kind of mean a lot to me,

Sophie, in case you didn't know.

- [sighs] Drew...

We need to break up.

- What? - I know the timing sucks.

- It's definitely not ideal.

Today's also my half birthday. - Oh god...

You deserve to be with a woman

who is 100% sure

that you're the guy for her

because you are just incredible.

- And you're not that woman.

♪

- I'm not that woman.

- Iguana Gold Island Pepper Sauce. - Oh my god.

[laughing] Seven for seven! It's a new record!

- Yes! I don't have many skills,

but the ones I do have are all useless. [laughs]

- Yes, Jesse, I...

I did write Jay Street about you,

and I do regret breaking up with you.

[sighs]

- So, then why did you turn down my proposal?

- [scoffs] Uh...

Because before we met, I had had boyfriends,

since I was 14 years old.

And then I met you, and...

[sighs] Well, you're the kind of guy

I could spend hours with just playing Hot Sauce Surprise on a rainy day.

I loved being with you. I loved playing in our band.

But, I had no voice.

- What are you talking about?

Of course, you had a voice. You were the lead singer.

- N-- Sure. Yeah, I was singing your words to your melody.

- That's not true. We wrote all our songs together.

- Yeah, but you always had final say,

and you know it. Look, it's not... [sighs]

It's not your fault, okay?

I let you be in charge. But then,

when you proposed, I finally realized I can't say yes.

I needed to figure out who I was.

As an artist and as a woman, and now I have.

And...

I miss having you in my life.

[Jesse sighs]

♪

I need a piano player for my tour next month, and...

I really want it to be you.

We can figure things out on the road.

[sighs]

[sighs]

- Save your jokes. I know I look like Diane Keaton got drunk

and gave me a makeover.

[sighs] I'm canceling the interview.

- Lose the hat.

Unbutton the vast. [clicking]

Use this jacket, and turn that tie into a belt.

Oh, and give me your keys. - Oh. What are we doing with my keys?

- Nothing. I'm taking them to make things right with Charlie.

- Wait, did she say turn the tie into a belt,

or a belt into a tie?

Come back!

- Airplane cookie peace offering?

I've been overreacting about the whole "good cheating" thing.

I trust you more than anyone in this world, but...

this long distance thing is super hard.

Sometimes, I worry how much our relationship can stand.

- I get that.

Hannah, sometimes...

I miss you so much...

I sit on my own hand until it goes numb, and then--

- Ew! Sid, I don't need to know about that.

- No. [scoffs] Then,

I hold it and pretend it's yours, okay?

And look, good news is your residency is almost done.

You'll be back in New York in no time.

- [sighs] Something came up.

There's an opportunity for me to stay in LA

and do a cardiothoracic fellowship once my program ends.

In which case,

long distance might go a little longer.

Like a year longer.

- Oh.

My hand is gonna be so numb.

[sniffles]

♪ God Save The Queen playing ♪

- Yeah.

- Charlie, I am sorry for missing the game.

I get that you miss watching it with your family, and...

who knows? Maybe one day, we'll have a bunch of rug rats of our own

to watch soccer with.

- Oh... - I know, I know!

I never say anything that corny, but you were gone for a while,

so I spiked the tea. And I drank most of it.

[both laugh]

- I mean, I-I know that you're supposed to be a Spice Girl, but, um...

♪ music continues ♪

but which one are you exactly?

- All of them!

Shoes of Baby, pants of Sporty,

top of Scary, makeup of Posh,

[British accent]: and accent of Ginger!

[both laugh]

- Thank you.

[kiss]

♪ music continues ♪

♪ soft music ♪

[phone buzzing]

- Hello? - Sophie, it's Naomi.

You really ran down the clock on getting me your submission.

- I know.

I-I couldn't decide which photo was the right one...

- Well, you made the right choice. I love it.

So much that I'm putting it into our New Voices exhibition.

It opens tomorrow night.

- Holy shit!

[gasps] Uh, I mean...

I am honored. Thank you so much.

I'm going to remember this moment forever.

- The gallery takes 40% commission. See you tomorrow.

- Way to kill a mood.

Uh, sorry. Walker, party of two.

I-I'm a little bit late, so my date's probably already here.

- Nope, first to arrive.

- Oh. - Right this way.

Can I start you off with anything to drink?

- Uh...

I'll just wait for him to get here.

Thank you.

♪ I wish I could get over it ♪

♪ But I wouldn't know where to start ♪

♪ Try to find my footing on this ground ♪

♪ But I tripped in the dark ♪

♪

FUTURE SOPHIE: I need a snack. SOPHIE'S SON: Now?

Yes, now! I've been talking forever. I'm starving.

SOPHIE'S SON: But, we're right in the middle! D-does he show up or not?

- [sighs] Just sit tight. Go pee or something.

♪ To patch up all the holes ♪

♪ That's what falling in love is for ♪

♪

♪ That's what falling in love is for ♪

♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ That's what falling in love is for ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ That's what falling in love is for ♪

♪