All language subtitles for How.I.Met.Your.Father.S01E02.720p.WEB.x265-MiNX_track3_[eng]

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional) Download
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,043 --> 00:00:04,046 ♪ upbeat theme playing ♪ 2 00:00:05,257 --> 00:00:08,969 ♪ Ba‐ba‐ba‐ba, ba‐ba‐ba‐ba ♪ 3 00:00:08,969 --> 00:00:12,430 ♪ Ba‐ba, da‐da‐da‐da‐da‐da da‐da‐da ♪ 4 00:00:15,475 --> 00:00:17,185 SON [on video call]: Okay, so you walked Brooklyn Bridge, 5 00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:19,229 and that was the night you met Dad. 6 00:00:19,229 --> 00:00:21,481 And then how long until you guys got together? 7 00:00:22,107 --> 00:00:25,735 ‐ This story is about the journey, not the destination. 8 00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:27,904 I'm going to get with a whole bunch of dudes 9 00:00:27,904 --> 00:00:29,489 before I wind up with Dad. 10 00:00:30,490 --> 00:00:33,702 SON: You know, I'm okay with skipping to the destination. 11 00:00:33,702 --> 00:00:36,496 ‐ I'm going to need you to live in the moment here. 12 00:00:37,122 --> 00:00:39,416 Which, back in the day, I was terrible at. 13 00:00:39,416 --> 00:00:40,750 ♪ 14 00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:43,962 After my super triumphant Brooklyn Bridge Walk, 15 00:00:43,962 --> 00:00:46,047 I backslid. 16 00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:49,759 Instead of living in the moment, I decided to live in my phone. 17 00:00:49,759 --> 00:00:51,803 ‐ Morning! ‐ Can you knock? 18 00:00:51,803 --> 00:00:54,598 ‐ Nope! Were you looking at your old texts with Ian? 19 00:00:54,598 --> 00:00:55,807 ‐ No. 20 00:00:55,807 --> 00:00:58,018 I was looking at porn. 21 00:00:58,018 --> 00:00:59,686 ‐ Liar! You're scared of porn. 22 00:00:59,686 --> 00:01:01,646 ‐ I'm not scared of porn. 23 00:01:01,646 --> 00:01:04,608 I'm scared of the government tracking my search history. 24 00:01:04,608 --> 00:01:06,902 ‐ Stop wallowing. Put these on. 25 00:01:06,902 --> 00:01:08,945 It's Fonda time! 26 00:01:08,945 --> 00:01:11,072 Up! [exhales] 27 00:01:11,740 --> 00:01:14,034 So, what are we thinking for tonight? ‐ Uh, 28 00:01:14,034 --> 00:01:16,870 probably just going to stay in and organize my darkroom closet. 29 00:01:16,870 --> 00:01:19,372 ‐ [sighs] You mean look at pictures of Ian 30 00:01:19,372 --> 00:01:21,166 while listening to Drops of Jupiter on loop 31 00:01:21,166 --> 00:01:24,169 like you do every time things don't work out with a guy? 32 00:01:24,169 --> 00:01:25,462 ‐ [singing along to song]: Tell me... 33 00:01:25,462 --> 00:01:28,757 ♪ Did the wind sweep you off your feet? Did you... ♪ 34 00:01:28,757 --> 00:01:32,260 It's my comfort song. It works for everything. 35 00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:34,512 You remember when the dry cleaner shrunk my favorite sweater? 36 00:01:34,512 --> 00:01:37,766 ♪ Tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet? ♪ 37 00:01:37,766 --> 00:01:40,769 ‐ You think Queen Jane stays in on a Saturday night? No! 38 00:01:40,769 --> 00:01:42,938 She's out on the town, crushing dick. 39 00:01:42,938 --> 00:01:46,399 ‐ Alright. I wish you'd stop saying "crushing dick" 40 00:01:46,399 --> 00:01:49,194 about feminist icons, but you're right. 41 00:01:49,194 --> 00:01:50,904 [both sigh] 42 00:01:50,904 --> 00:01:53,740 ‐ Good! [panting] 43 00:01:53,740 --> 00:01:56,868 ' Cause I got us into FOMO tonight. 44 00:01:57,619 --> 00:01:59,079 ‐ What's FOMO? 45 00:01:59,079 --> 00:02:00,747 ‐ It stands for "fear of missing out." 46 00:02:00,747 --> 00:02:02,999 ‐ Yeah, I know what it stands for. Thanks. 47 00:02:02,999 --> 00:02:04,292 How do we go to it? 48 00:02:04,292 --> 00:02:06,044 ‐ Oh. [laughs] 49 00:02:06,044 --> 00:02:08,046 FOMO is the name of this new club, 50 00:02:08,046 --> 00:02:10,006 which is a total sensory overload. 51 00:02:10,006 --> 00:02:12,551 There are a million different rooms. 52 00:02:12,551 --> 00:02:14,844 A rave room, a foam party room, 53 00:02:14,844 --> 00:02:16,888 a topless room, a tapas room, 54 00:02:16,888 --> 00:02:19,099 a topless tapas room. 55 00:02:19,099 --> 00:02:22,978 They say there's no such thing as having FOMO inside of FOMO. 56 00:02:22,978 --> 00:02:25,397 This will be perfect for you. Plus, 57 00:02:25,397 --> 00:02:27,899 I'm going to need a big night out after I end things with Charlie. 58 00:02:27,899 --> 00:02:30,527 ‐ Wait, you're ending things with Charlie? 59 00:02:30,527 --> 00:02:32,988 ‐ I gotta. He's smothering me. 60 00:02:32,988 --> 00:02:35,240 [inhales, groans] 61 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:35,907 [gasps] 62 00:02:35,907 --> 00:02:37,284 ‐ Morning, Valentina! 63 00:02:37,284 --> 00:02:41,121 ‐ I got us coffees from a real New York bod‐ega 64 00:02:41,121 --> 00:02:43,331 and this chicken for dinner. I opened the package, 65 00:02:43,331 --> 00:02:46,126 but I have no idea what happens next. 66 00:02:46,126 --> 00:02:47,961 ‐ This morning, 67 00:02:47,961 --> 00:02:49,504 I told him the best New York bagels 68 00:02:49,504 --> 00:02:52,674 are in Jersey just to have a little time to myself. 69 00:02:53,550 --> 00:02:55,594 Anyway, I already drafted up a text. 70 00:02:55,594 --> 00:02:57,846 ‐ You cannot text break up with Charlie. 71 00:02:57,846 --> 00:03:00,265 You are crazy into the guy. You just told me yesterday 72 00:03:00,265 --> 00:03:01,391 you were obsessed with him. 73 00:03:01,391 --> 00:03:03,351 ‐ I did not. 74 00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:05,437 [panting] I'm obsessed with him! 75 00:03:07,105 --> 00:03:09,774 Fine, I'm conflicted, okay? 76 00:03:09,774 --> 00:03:11,318 [Sophie sighs] I mean, 77 00:03:12,027 --> 00:03:14,070 he is fun... 78 00:03:14,070 --> 00:03:15,322 and sweet 79 00:03:15,322 --> 00:03:17,198 and hot. 80 00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:19,451 Plus, he does this thing in bed with his tongue 81 00:03:19,451 --> 00:03:22,245 where he folds it into a cloverleaf. 82 00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:23,997 We call it lucky charming. 83 00:03:23,997 --> 00:03:26,458 ‐ Uh, breakfast! 84 00:03:26,458 --> 00:03:29,294 Most important meal of the day! ‐ Girl... 85 00:03:29,294 --> 00:03:31,504 But he's always around. 86 00:03:31,504 --> 00:03:33,840 ‐ Valentina. Of course you think he's smothering you 87 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:36,009 because you're the only person he knows 88 00:03:36,009 --> 00:03:37,802 in the entire city. 89 00:03:37,802 --> 00:03:39,679 You just have to help him make some friends. 90 00:03:39,679 --> 00:03:41,848 ‐ Ew. Sounds hard. 91 00:03:41,848 --> 00:03:44,643 ‐ Yeah, well, if I have to be mature and stop dwelling on Ian, 92 00:03:44,643 --> 00:03:46,186 then you need to be mature 93 00:03:46,186 --> 00:03:48,730 and try a little harder with Charlie. 94 00:03:48,730 --> 00:03:49,731 [scoffs] 95 00:03:50,482 --> 00:03:51,858 ‐ Fine! 96 00:03:51,858 --> 00:03:53,360 Wow. 97 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:56,905 I can totally feel us growing right now. I think I finally even made good coffee. 98 00:03:56,905 --> 00:03:58,073 [clink] 99 00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:05,330 BOTH: Mm‐hmm! 100 00:04:06,373 --> 00:04:09,125 ‐ So, how do I make Charlie friends? 101 00:04:09,918 --> 00:04:11,920 Oh! I've got it. 102 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,798 Step one, I make him a Grindr account. 103 00:04:14,798 --> 00:04:16,341 Step two, the guy shows up. 104 00:04:16,341 --> 00:04:18,343 Step three, I lock the door... 105 00:04:18,343 --> 00:04:21,429 ‐ Or we could invite those guys we hung out with last weekend 106 00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:24,307 to come out with us. I feel like Charlie really hit it off with them 107 00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:25,850 playing Drunk Face Jenga. 108 00:04:25,850 --> 00:04:28,061 JESSE: You have to have this. You have this. 109 00:04:28,061 --> 00:04:30,522 [cheering] 110 00:04:30,522 --> 00:04:33,233 ‐ Oh my god! This is the best night of my life! 111 00:04:33,233 --> 00:04:34,484 [cheering] 112 00:04:34,484 --> 00:04:37,112 ‐ Soph, I don't think either of those guys are on Grindr. 113 00:04:37,112 --> 00:04:39,322 ‐ No! No Grindr! 114 00:04:39,322 --> 00:04:41,283 I'm DM‐ing Jesse. 115 00:04:41,283 --> 00:04:42,576 ‐ Yeah. I think White Dove 116 00:04:42,576 --> 00:04:44,786 is going to pop way more than Moonlight White. 117 00:04:44,786 --> 00:04:47,747 ‐ Yeah. This will definitely be what packs them into your bar. 118 00:04:47,747 --> 00:04:50,625 Everyone's going to be like, "Hey, you got to check out Pemberton's. 119 00:04:50,625 --> 00:04:53,628 The upper walls are crisp AF!" 120 00:04:53,628 --> 00:04:57,257 ‐ All I want is some regulars coming in and ordering the usual, you know? 121 00:04:57,257 --> 00:04:59,885 Like when I bought this place, I really thought I could spruce it up, 122 00:04:59,885 --> 00:05:02,137 make it the perfect blend of classic New York 123 00:05:02,137 --> 00:05:03,179 and little titty! 124 00:05:03,179 --> 00:05:04,389 ‐ What? SID: Oh, 125 00:05:04,389 --> 00:05:07,517 Jasper taught me some cool new slang the NYU kids are saying. 126 00:05:07,517 --> 00:05:09,811 ‐ Yeah, it's, uh, "litty titty," boss. 127 00:05:10,353 --> 00:05:12,856 ‐ God, he's cool! [text chimes] 128 00:05:13,815 --> 00:05:17,235 ‐ Oh. I just got a DM from Sophie from last weekend. 129 00:05:17,235 --> 00:05:19,613 ALL: Ooh! 130 00:05:19,613 --> 00:05:22,824 ‐ Sophie likes Jesse! ‐ Does not. 131 00:05:22,824 --> 00:05:25,535 She's asking if we all want to go to some club tonight. 132 00:05:25,535 --> 00:05:28,413 I'll just tell her that we always spend Saturdays here, 133 00:05:28,413 --> 00:05:30,206 and that I hate clubs. ‐ Huh? Hey... 134 00:05:30,916 --> 00:05:33,043 ‐ What? ‐ What are you doing? 135 00:05:33,043 --> 00:05:34,753 A hot, cool woman just asked you on a date. 136 00:05:34,753 --> 00:05:37,088 You're really going to respond with "I hate clubs"? 137 00:05:37,088 --> 00:05:38,506 ‐ She didn't ask me on a date. 138 00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:40,300 She asked if we wanted to hang out. 139 00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:41,927 And just last week, I drove her to the airport, 140 00:05:41,927 --> 00:05:44,471 so she could tell another guy that she loved him. 141 00:05:44,471 --> 00:05:46,473 ‐ Yeah, that was last week. And this is this week, 142 00:05:46,473 --> 00:05:48,892 and, clearly, she's looking for a hot rebound thang. 143 00:05:49,935 --> 00:05:51,519 Ellen, you're a woman. Tell your brother what's up. 144 00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:54,481 ‐ I don't know if being a woman qualifies me 145 00:05:54,481 --> 00:05:57,484 to decipher the DMs of an erratic straight lady, 146 00:05:57,484 --> 00:05:59,319 but if I had to, 147 00:05:59,319 --> 00:06:01,321 yeah. She's simping. 148 00:06:02,364 --> 00:06:03,907 Jasper. Huh? 149 00:06:03,907 --> 00:06:04,908 ‐ Bet. 150 00:06:06,243 --> 00:06:07,202 ‐ You really think so? 151 00:06:07,202 --> 00:06:09,663 ‐ I do. And I'm not just saying that 152 00:06:09,663 --> 00:06:12,457 because I'm dying for my first big New York night out. 153 00:06:12,457 --> 00:06:15,168 [Jesse groans] [sighs] Come on, Jesse! 154 00:06:15,168 --> 00:06:17,754 I want to get dressed up in a cool jumpsuit 155 00:06:17,754 --> 00:06:19,923 and pay too much for a cocktail, 156 00:06:19,923 --> 00:06:23,218 and then spill the overpriced cocktail all over my cool jumpsuit 157 00:06:23,218 --> 00:06:26,388 because some club asshole didn't look where he was going. 158 00:06:26,388 --> 00:06:27,764 Then be like, "Watch it!" 159 00:06:27,764 --> 00:06:30,058 But, he doesn't hear me because I mumble, 160 00:06:30,058 --> 00:06:32,060 and the sick beats are too loud. 161 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:36,565 ‐ Wow. That was a very specific, 162 00:06:36,565 --> 00:06:38,483 very realistic fantasy. 163 00:06:38,483 --> 00:06:40,694 ‐ And maybe, just maybe... 164 00:06:42,237 --> 00:06:45,156 I'd like to flirt with a cute girl who isn't my ex‐wife. 165 00:06:45,699 --> 00:06:47,617 Come on. Tell her yes. 166 00:06:47,617 --> 00:06:49,828 You got to get back out there sometime. 167 00:06:49,828 --> 00:06:51,830 ‐ Yeah, seriously, man. Ever since Meredith dumped you, 168 00:06:51,830 --> 00:06:53,999 I've been spending 50 bucks a week on Kleenex. 169 00:06:53,999 --> 00:06:56,293 ‐ Wait, because you're crying 170 00:06:56,293 --> 00:06:57,878 or because you're going to town on yourself? 171 00:06:57,878 --> 00:06:59,629 ‐ What? Ew! Crying! 172 00:06:59,629 --> 00:07:00,714 ‐ Bro... 173 00:07:00,714 --> 00:07:02,340 ‐ Crying! ‐ Bro... 174 00:07:02,841 --> 00:07:03,884 ‐ Both. 175 00:07:04,551 --> 00:07:07,345 ♪ 176 00:07:07,345 --> 00:07:08,805 CHARLIE: Ooh! So exciting. 177 00:07:08,805 --> 00:07:11,349 My first traditional American friend setup. 178 00:07:11,349 --> 00:07:14,311 ‐ Your what? ‐ I told him that was a thing. Be cool. 179 00:07:14,311 --> 00:07:16,354 ‐ Ooh! Almost forgot to put my cufflinks in. 180 00:07:16,354 --> 00:07:18,648 Busted out the rubies to impress the boys. 181 00:07:18,648 --> 00:07:21,902 ‐ Oh! Charlie, come here. Look at me. 182 00:07:22,986 --> 00:07:25,572 Sid and Jesse don't wear cufflinks. 183 00:07:25,572 --> 00:07:28,408 They're just two regular New York guys. 184 00:07:28,408 --> 00:07:30,285 And if you want them to like you, 185 00:07:30,285 --> 00:07:33,038 you're just going to have to be a little more... 186 00:07:33,038 --> 00:07:35,248 of the people. Okay? 187 00:07:35,248 --> 00:07:37,584 ‐ Of course. No problem. [quiet laugh] 188 00:07:37,584 --> 00:07:39,920 I totally know how to do that. 189 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:40,921 ‐ Great. 190 00:07:42,088 --> 00:07:44,883 ‐ My cuffs are going to be flapping all over the place. 191 00:07:44,883 --> 00:07:46,509 ‐ Oh! Hey! ‐ Hey! 192 00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:47,844 [nervous laugh] 193 00:07:47,844 --> 00:07:48,929 ‐ Cool shirt. 194 00:07:48,929 --> 00:07:51,389 ‐ Oh, this old thing? Thanks. 195 00:07:51,389 --> 00:07:52,933 ‐ Alright! 196 00:07:52,933 --> 00:07:55,936 FUTURE SOPHIE: But just when I was ready for a night of living in the moment... 197 00:07:55,936 --> 00:07:58,521 ♪ 198 00:07:58,521 --> 00:08:00,315 ‐ Son of a bitch. 199 00:08:04,277 --> 00:08:07,489 ‐ "My ship's deckhand has strong Momoa vibes." 200 00:08:07,489 --> 00:08:09,282 ‐ Ian texted you that? 201 00:08:09,282 --> 00:08:10,742 ‐ Son of a bitch! SOPHIE: Right? 202 00:08:11,409 --> 00:08:14,496 Ian and I have this inside joke where we sneak selfies 203 00:08:14,496 --> 00:08:16,248 and text them to each other when we see someone 204 00:08:16,248 --> 00:08:17,999 who looks like Jason Momoa. 205 00:08:17,999 --> 00:08:20,168 There was Jason Mimosa, 206 00:08:20,794 --> 00:08:22,837 Jason Somosa, 207 00:08:23,380 --> 00:08:25,674 Jason with Boa. 208 00:08:25,674 --> 00:08:27,676 The last one was a stretch, but I felt the pressure to text 209 00:08:27,676 --> 00:08:29,886 because he'd sent, like, three in a row. 210 00:08:29,886 --> 00:08:31,888 ‐ Yeah, I'm so glad I'm engaged. 211 00:08:32,597 --> 00:08:36,142 ‐ Ian should know that the moment he rejected an LDR with Sophie, 212 00:08:36,142 --> 00:08:39,271 he lost inside joke texting privileges. Sending this pic? 213 00:08:39,271 --> 00:08:42,274 Classic "have your cake and eat it, too." 214 00:08:42,274 --> 00:08:43,984 ‐ I actually hate cake. 215 00:08:45,318 --> 00:08:47,404 Too hoity‐toity. 216 00:08:47,404 --> 00:08:49,155 I'm more of a bread guy. 217 00:08:49,155 --> 00:08:51,366 Plain old bread that I rip up 218 00:08:51,366 --> 00:08:54,995 with my rough... calloused hands. 219 00:08:56,121 --> 00:08:58,248 ‐ Oh yeah. Yeah, b‐bread's cool. 220 00:08:59,165 --> 00:09:00,709 SOPHIE: This is so messed up. 221 00:09:00,709 --> 00:09:03,879 I refuse to spend another second thinking about Ian. 222 00:09:03,879 --> 00:09:05,422 [overlapping agreement] 223 00:09:06,089 --> 00:09:08,508 I'm just going to write back something super witty and charming, 224 00:09:08,508 --> 00:09:10,385 just so he realizes what he's missing. 225 00:09:10,385 --> 00:09:11,636 [overlapping disagreement] 226 00:09:11,636 --> 00:09:13,638 Okay! Okay, fine. 227 00:09:13,638 --> 00:09:15,223 ‐ Next! 228 00:09:15,223 --> 00:09:18,143 No photos allowed inside of FOMO. 229 00:09:18,143 --> 00:09:20,020 Please put these stickers on your cameras. 230 00:09:20,770 --> 00:09:22,147 ‐ I really don't think Sophie's into me. 231 00:09:22,147 --> 00:09:24,065 She's clearly still hung up on that Ian guy. 232 00:09:24,065 --> 00:09:25,734 ‐ Nah, I don't think so. 233 00:09:25,734 --> 00:09:27,986 She just got a little rattled by his text is all. 234 00:09:28,570 --> 00:09:31,114 ‐ Give me the best table you got, okay? Tonight's a setup, 235 00:09:31,114 --> 00:09:34,242 and I'm gonna need it to be as fun as humanly possible. 236 00:09:35,035 --> 00:09:38,246 ‐ This is a trial‐size vitamin C brightening serum. 237 00:09:38,705 --> 00:09:42,250 ‐ Take care of us, and mama's got more where that came from, daddio. 238 00:09:43,293 --> 00:09:45,629 ‐ Did you hear that? Tonight's a setup. 239 00:09:45,629 --> 00:09:47,756 Valentina's trying to help her girl 240 00:09:47,756 --> 00:09:49,007 get with my boy. 241 00:09:49,591 --> 00:09:51,301 ‐ Sophie did say my shirt was cool. 242 00:09:51,301 --> 00:09:53,511 ‐ She compliments the shirt to get into the pants. 243 00:09:53,511 --> 00:09:56,598 [nervous laugh, clears throat] This is going to be the worst place ever. 244 00:09:56,598 --> 00:09:58,225 This is the best place ever! 245 00:09:58,225 --> 00:10:00,477 I wanted to hate the nostalgic candy room. 246 00:10:00,477 --> 00:10:02,395 Mm‐mmm! Look at me now! 247 00:10:02,395 --> 00:10:05,148 ♪ club music ♪ 248 00:10:05,148 --> 00:10:07,359 ‐ Is that girl making eyes at me, 249 00:10:07,359 --> 00:10:09,277 or is she trying to blink something out of her eye? 250 00:10:09,277 --> 00:10:13,281 ‐ Woo‐woo! To a night of bonding with new friends! 251 00:10:13,281 --> 00:10:15,659 And being in the moment. 252 00:10:15,659 --> 00:10:17,869 Especially you guys, the three musketeers. 253 00:10:18,411 --> 00:10:19,955 ‐ The three who? 254 00:10:19,955 --> 00:10:23,541 What is that, some sort of fancy pants literary reference? 255 00:10:23,541 --> 00:10:24,834 I'm not much of a reader, you know. 256 00:10:24,834 --> 00:10:28,630 Just give me the big game and a cold can of "puh‐buh‐ruh." 257 00:10:28,630 --> 00:10:30,757 ‐ What? What's "puh‐buh‐ruh"? 258 00:10:32,259 --> 00:10:34,135 ‐ Oh, it's that cheap beer 259 00:10:34,135 --> 00:10:36,930 that we regular men... love. 260 00:10:36,930 --> 00:10:38,181 ‐ Do you mean PBR? 261 00:10:39,724 --> 00:10:41,810 ‐ Is that how it's pronounced? As PBR? 262 00:10:41,810 --> 00:10:43,812 ‐ [fake cheerfulness]: Oh, this is a disaster. 263 00:10:44,688 --> 00:10:46,731 ‐ [gasps] We just locked eyes again. 264 00:10:46,731 --> 00:10:48,525 Okay, I'm going to go ask to buy her a drink. 265 00:10:51,403 --> 00:10:52,696 [thud] ‐ Oh! 266 00:10:52,696 --> 00:10:53,947 ‐ I'm good! 267 00:10:55,574 --> 00:10:57,576 ♪ club music continues ♪ 268 00:10:59,828 --> 00:11:00,704 [gags] 269 00:11:04,583 --> 00:11:06,501 ‐ So this is pretty great, huh? 270 00:11:06,501 --> 00:11:08,503 If you told 8‐year‐old me that I'd be at a club 271 00:11:08,503 --> 00:11:11,131 with a hula hoop room, I'd have totally lost my shit. 272 00:11:11,965 --> 00:11:13,008 ‐ Really? ‐ Yeah. 273 00:11:13,008 --> 00:11:14,843 No, I was really into hula hooping growing up. 274 00:11:14,843 --> 00:11:17,262 My mom said I had the loosest hips in Cincinnati. 275 00:11:17,888 --> 00:11:19,681 Which I'm now realizing is a very disturbing thing 276 00:11:19,681 --> 00:11:21,266 to say to a young child. 277 00:11:22,976 --> 00:11:24,477 Um... 278 00:11:24,477 --> 00:11:27,564 Do‐do you want to go to the, uh, candle room for a drink? 279 00:11:27,564 --> 00:11:30,400 ‐ And that's when I realized that there was 280 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,944 a totally sweet, interested guy 281 00:11:32,944 --> 00:11:34,613 right in front of me. 282 00:11:35,322 --> 00:11:36,865 ‐ Yeah. 283 00:11:36,865 --> 00:11:38,700 Yeah. I do. 284 00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:41,244 ‐ Cool. Uh, okay, I'll get drinks. I'll meet you there. 285 00:11:46,333 --> 00:11:49,336 FUTURE SOPHIE: But then, I spotted him, right there, 286 00:11:49,336 --> 00:11:50,921 in the middle of FOMO. 287 00:11:50,921 --> 00:11:53,048 The ultimate Momoa‐lookalike. 288 00:11:54,382 --> 00:11:56,635 ‐ FOMO‐Moa. 289 00:11:56,635 --> 00:12:00,096 ♪ classical music ♪ 290 00:12:00,096 --> 00:12:02,057 ‐ Hey! H‐how's it going with Eye Contact Girl? 291 00:12:02,057 --> 00:12:04,267 ‐ Oh, I moved on to No Bra Bethany! 292 00:12:06,019 --> 00:12:07,270 She's really nice. 293 00:12:09,522 --> 00:12:10,857 FUTURE SOPHIE: It was like the universe 294 00:12:10,857 --> 00:12:13,818 was testing my willpower to stay in the moment, 295 00:12:13,818 --> 00:12:16,613 and I was immediately failing that test. 296 00:12:16,613 --> 00:12:17,989 I had to get a picture. 297 00:12:17,989 --> 00:12:19,699 ‐ Hey! 298 00:12:19,699 --> 00:12:22,619 [gasps] You're taking a picture of that Momoa for Ian. 299 00:12:22,619 --> 00:12:25,080 ‐ I wanna send him a stupid text to make him laugh. 300 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:26,706 So then, he'll write me back and make me laugh. 301 00:12:26,706 --> 00:12:28,333 And if that's immature, I just don't care! 302 00:12:28,333 --> 00:12:31,628 ‐ Well, if you get to text Ian, then I get to break up with Charlie. 303 00:12:31,628 --> 00:12:33,880 ‐ Fine! I say, do it. 304 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:36,341 Screw being mature. Alright? We're young! 305 00:12:36,341 --> 00:12:38,635 We can still make bad choices for a few more years. 306 00:12:38,635 --> 00:12:41,721 ‐ Yes! That's how we'll learn the lessons we need to become 307 00:12:41,721 --> 00:12:44,558 super‐wise dick‐crushing old people like Jane Fonda. 308 00:12:44,558 --> 00:12:45,725 ‐ Exactly! 309 00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:48,103 Good talk. ‐ Yep. Love you. 310 00:12:48,103 --> 00:12:49,354 ‐ Love you. ‐ Bye. 311 00:12:50,772 --> 00:12:51,898 ‐ Alright. 312 00:12:53,692 --> 00:12:54,776 I got ya. 313 00:12:55,694 --> 00:12:57,445 [shutter snaps] ‐ Hey! 314 00:12:57,445 --> 00:12:59,197 No photos at FOMO! 315 00:12:59,197 --> 00:13:02,242 Especially here at FOMO Soho. At FOMO Noho, 316 00:13:02,242 --> 00:13:04,452 you want a photo? Sure! YOLO! 317 00:13:04,452 --> 00:13:08,123 But at Soho FOMO, photos are no‐no. You gotta go, yo! 318 00:13:12,627 --> 00:13:14,129 ♪ club music ♪ 319 00:13:14,129 --> 00:13:16,798 ‐ So, what's your favorite entry‐level sedan? 320 00:13:17,924 --> 00:13:21,386 ‐ Have you guys seen Sophie anywhere? ‐ Uh, no. 321 00:13:21,386 --> 00:13:24,639 ‐ Well, if this is a setup, it's the worst setup I've ever been on. 322 00:13:24,639 --> 00:13:27,100 ‐ This is a setup between Jesse and Sophie, too? 323 00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:29,019 ‐ Uh, what do you mean "too"? 324 00:13:29,019 --> 00:13:31,980 ‐ Well, Valentina's setting the three of us up tonight, 325 00:13:31,980 --> 00:13:34,274 on a traditional American friends setup. 326 00:13:35,233 --> 00:13:36,443 ‐ Charlie! 327 00:13:36,443 --> 00:13:39,237 We need to talk. ‐ Hey, uh, quick Q. 328 00:13:39,237 --> 00:13:42,490 Is tonight a setup between Charlie and us or Jesse and Sophie? 329 00:13:42,490 --> 00:13:44,743 ‐ Charlie and you guys. Sophie isn't ready for a setup. 330 00:13:44,743 --> 00:13:46,244 She's still totally obsessed with Ian. 331 00:13:46,244 --> 00:13:48,038 Oh no. 332 00:13:48,914 --> 00:13:51,041 Did you think tonight was about you and Sophie? 333 00:13:51,041 --> 00:13:53,418 ‐ You know, I really, really didn't, but... 334 00:13:54,336 --> 00:13:56,254 someone convinced me it was. 335 00:13:57,797 --> 00:13:59,174 ‐ I'm sorry, man. 336 00:13:59,174 --> 00:14:01,218 Let's just go back to my bar, okay? 337 00:14:01,218 --> 00:14:03,720 With its lackluster drinks and zero activities. 338 00:14:04,721 --> 00:14:06,223 Hey! Maybe Jasper will hang out with us. 339 00:14:06,223 --> 00:14:08,767 ♪ club music ♪ 340 00:14:09,267 --> 00:14:10,769 Your sister's got game. 341 00:14:12,562 --> 00:14:13,813 ‐ Be honest with me. 342 00:14:14,397 --> 00:14:17,025 Is a traditional American friend setup even a thing? 343 00:14:17,776 --> 00:14:19,319 ‐ No, it's not. 344 00:14:19,903 --> 00:14:22,155 I thought maybe if you had your own crew to hang out with, 345 00:14:22,155 --> 00:14:23,865 I would feel less smothered. 346 00:14:24,741 --> 00:14:26,117 ‐ You feel smothered? 347 00:14:26,868 --> 00:14:29,204 But I'm always the little spoon. 348 00:14:29,204 --> 00:14:32,290 ‐ You're great, Charlie, but you're just... 349 00:14:32,290 --> 00:14:34,709 always there, and it‐it's just too much for me. 350 00:14:34,709 --> 00:14:36,711 I think we should go our separate ways. 351 00:14:36,711 --> 00:14:39,047 ‐ Well, why didn't you just tell me that you needed space? 352 00:14:39,047 --> 00:14:41,258 That's why you sent me to Jersey for the bagels. Okay. 353 00:14:41,883 --> 00:14:42,884 Wow. 354 00:14:42,884 --> 00:14:45,262 If this is how you deal with the tiniest little wrinkle, 355 00:14:45,262 --> 00:14:46,513 then I agree. 356 00:14:47,180 --> 00:14:48,431 We should end things. 357 00:14:54,563 --> 00:14:57,566 Can't believe I lucky charmed you twice this morning. 358 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:02,237 ‐ I crunched your captain twice, too! It was an even trade! 359 00:15:04,030 --> 00:15:05,574 ‐ [singing]: ♪ Tell me... ♪ 360 00:15:05,574 --> 00:15:08,952 ♪ Did you sail across the sun? ♪ 361 00:15:08,952 --> 00:15:11,830 ♪ Did you make it to the Milky Way ♪ 362 00:15:11,830 --> 00:15:14,916 ‐ [singing]: ♪ To see the lights all faded ♪ 363 00:15:14,916 --> 00:15:18,086 ♪ And that Heaven is overrated ♪ 364 00:15:18,086 --> 00:15:19,838 ♪ muffled club music ♪ 365 00:15:20,338 --> 00:15:23,341 ‐ I got kicked out of FOMO. ‐ I broke up with Charlie. 366 00:15:24,426 --> 00:15:25,635 ‐ How did he take it? 367 00:15:25,635 --> 00:15:28,555 ‐ He said I should have just told him I needed some space. 368 00:15:29,723 --> 00:15:31,892 ‐ Funny. I never thought of that. 369 00:15:31,892 --> 00:15:34,185 ‐ I thought of it. I just didn't wanna do it 370 00:15:34,185 --> 00:15:37,063 'cause if you tell a guy what you need, and he does it, 371 00:15:37,063 --> 00:15:39,566 then when he tells you what he needs, you have to do it. 372 00:15:40,358 --> 00:15:43,695 And I don't want to do that. I only want to do exactly what I want 373 00:15:43,695 --> 00:15:45,947 when I want, how I want. 374 00:15:47,032 --> 00:15:49,034 ‐ And now, you can. 375 00:15:49,826 --> 00:15:52,245 ‐ Did Ian like your Momoa pic? 376 00:15:52,245 --> 00:15:54,205 ‐ I haven't sent it. 377 00:15:54,205 --> 00:15:57,083 I can't decide if I'm going to. ‐ Mm. 378 00:15:57,667 --> 00:15:59,169 [laughs] You know, 379 00:15:59,169 --> 00:16:02,047 Jesse thought you invited everyone out tonight because you were into him. 380 00:16:02,047 --> 00:16:04,716 ‐ Oh my god, I left him waiting for me in the candle room! 381 00:16:05,258 --> 00:16:07,010 And his shirt looked very flammable. 382 00:16:07,010 --> 00:16:08,428 ‐ Don't worry, he got out. 383 00:16:08,428 --> 00:16:10,764 [Sophie sighs] All the guys left. 384 00:16:11,348 --> 00:16:13,767 ‐ Looks like you two are having a good night. 385 00:16:13,767 --> 00:16:15,393 ‐ Who hurt you!? 386 00:16:15,393 --> 00:16:16,728 ♪ 387 00:16:20,774 --> 00:16:23,109 ‐ Gin martini with a twist. ‐ Thanks. 388 00:16:23,109 --> 00:16:25,570 ♪ quiet music ♪ 389 00:16:25,570 --> 00:16:27,155 Mm. 390 00:16:27,155 --> 00:16:29,449 And thanks for giving me another chance. 391 00:16:29,449 --> 00:16:30,659 Mates. 392 00:16:30,659 --> 00:16:32,994 I swear when I'm allowed to be my normal fancy self, 393 00:16:32,994 --> 00:16:34,579 I'm an absolute bloody delight. 394 00:16:35,914 --> 00:16:38,041 ‐ Those cufflinks are gorgeous. 395 00:16:41,836 --> 00:16:43,171 ‐ [emotional]: Thank you. 396 00:16:44,756 --> 00:16:47,467 By the way, I noticed how crisp your upper walls look. 397 00:16:48,176 --> 00:16:49,594 Is it White Dove? 398 00:16:50,387 --> 00:16:53,390 ‐ Yeah. Yeah, it is. 399 00:16:54,307 --> 00:16:55,725 ‐ Hey. 400 00:16:55,725 --> 00:16:57,143 Come here, we need to talk. 401 00:17:01,940 --> 00:17:03,233 SID: Ooh... 402 00:17:03,233 --> 00:17:05,694 ‐ Here. It's from Essa Bagel. 403 00:17:05,694 --> 00:17:07,320 Best bagels in the city. 404 00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:09,573 It's where I should have sent you instead of Jersey. 405 00:17:10,574 --> 00:17:12,742 ‐ Well, I mean, how different can they be? 406 00:17:15,245 --> 00:17:18,498 Oh my god, those Jersey bagels are just little shit circles, aren't they? 407 00:17:19,374 --> 00:17:20,667 ‐ You were right. 408 00:17:20,667 --> 00:17:22,627 I should have just told you that I needed some space. 409 00:17:22,627 --> 00:17:24,921 I'm... really sorry. 410 00:17:28,008 --> 00:17:29,843 ‐ This isn't going to work. 411 00:17:31,011 --> 00:17:32,387 ‐ Oh. 412 00:17:32,387 --> 00:17:35,015 ‐ You know, living together, it's... it's too much. 413 00:17:36,224 --> 00:17:37,976 So, I am going to move out. 414 00:17:38,727 --> 00:17:40,061 ‐ Oh. 415 00:17:40,770 --> 00:17:44,065 ‐ Then, I would like to take you on a first date. 416 00:17:45,609 --> 00:17:46,902 ‐ Oh? 417 00:17:46,902 --> 00:17:49,112 ‐ We never really had one of those. 418 00:17:49,112 --> 00:17:51,531 We do need to take a step back and... 419 00:17:52,198 --> 00:17:53,867 start at the beginning. 420 00:17:54,576 --> 00:17:55,869 ‐ I'd love that. 421 00:17:58,204 --> 00:17:59,706 ‐ So, seeing as how we're easing into things, 422 00:17:59,706 --> 00:18:01,750 we probably shouldn't go and have sex in the storage closet. 423 00:18:01,750 --> 00:18:03,793 ‐ [laughs] Bring the bagel. 424 00:18:08,590 --> 00:18:11,218 ‐ Hey! How you guys doing? Don't care! 425 00:18:12,219 --> 00:18:15,722 I just had the best night of my life! 426 00:18:15,722 --> 00:18:17,557 ‐ Somebody get lucky at Club FOMO? 427 00:18:17,557 --> 00:18:18,934 ‐ No! 428 00:18:19,476 --> 00:18:22,187 ‐ I was rejected constantly. ‐ Hi! I'm Ellen... 429 00:18:23,355 --> 00:18:26,066 I got way too drunk way too fast, 430 00:18:26,066 --> 00:18:28,985 and struck out many, many times. 431 00:18:28,985 --> 00:18:30,695 [clink] Cheers. 432 00:18:33,031 --> 00:18:34,532 ‐ So, why are you so happy? 433 00:18:34,532 --> 00:18:37,869 ‐ Because even though five... No, wait. 434 00:18:37,869 --> 00:18:39,496 [mumbling] Six! 435 00:18:39,496 --> 00:18:42,165 Six women didn't want to give me their numbers, 436 00:18:42,165 --> 00:18:45,335 there are so many more out there waiting for me. 437 00:18:45,335 --> 00:18:48,129 New York rules! SID: Woo! 438 00:18:48,129 --> 00:18:49,589 ‐ I'll drink to that! 439 00:18:50,757 --> 00:18:53,093 [click] ‐ Just play, damn it. 440 00:18:53,093 --> 00:18:55,345 Really need this right now. 441 00:18:55,345 --> 00:18:57,055 Why does everything in the world hate me? 442 00:18:57,681 --> 00:18:58,682 ‐ Hey. ‐ Hey. 443 00:18:58,682 --> 00:19:00,016 Hey! 444 00:19:00,016 --> 00:19:02,143 [laughs] Just... playing a song. 445 00:19:02,143 --> 00:19:04,521 No big thang. 446 00:19:06,106 --> 00:19:07,357 [sighs] 447 00:19:07,357 --> 00:19:09,609 ‐ I hope this doesn't make you feel too uncomfortable, 448 00:19:09,609 --> 00:19:11,987 but I know that you thought tonight was a setup. 449 00:19:12,654 --> 00:19:16,074 ‐ I'm extremely uncomfortable, but go ahead. [clears throat] 450 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,786 ‐ I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. 451 00:19:19,786 --> 00:19:22,122 And for standing you up in the candle room earlier. 452 00:19:22,122 --> 00:19:25,584 ‐ It's fine. I mean, it stung for a sec, but nothing a quick spin 453 00:19:25,584 --> 00:19:28,503 in the old hula hoop room couldn't fix. [laughs] 454 00:19:33,049 --> 00:19:34,467 ‐ Jesse... 455 00:19:35,719 --> 00:19:37,137 I'm a mess right now. 456 00:19:38,096 --> 00:19:40,599 And I know that you've been through a lot with your ex, 457 00:19:41,725 --> 00:19:44,394 and that dating in the city can make you feel... 458 00:19:44,394 --> 00:19:47,063 hopeless and alone and like you will never find someone 459 00:19:47,063 --> 00:19:50,191 who realizes how amazing you are. 460 00:19:50,191 --> 00:19:53,904 And... I don't want to be one of those people who make you feel like that. 461 00:19:55,864 --> 00:19:57,365 Because I actually can see it. 462 00:20:00,577 --> 00:20:02,579 ‐ I'm a mess, too. [scoffs] 463 00:20:02,579 --> 00:20:04,289 I mean, it literally took all of my energy 464 00:20:04,289 --> 00:20:06,666 just to put this stupid shirt on and leave the house tonight, 465 00:20:06,666 --> 00:20:08,668 and being in that... 466 00:20:08,668 --> 00:20:11,421 horrible club just made me miss staying home 467 00:20:11,421 --> 00:20:13,131 and watching Love Island with Meredith. 468 00:20:13,131 --> 00:20:15,342 Even though Meredith is a terrible person 469 00:20:15,342 --> 00:20:17,010 who publicly rejected my proposal 470 00:20:17,010 --> 00:20:18,678 and took my cat in our breakup. 471 00:20:18,678 --> 00:20:20,597 ‐ Oh! She got the cat? 472 00:20:20,597 --> 00:20:22,766 ‐ No, not the cat. My cat. 473 00:20:22,766 --> 00:20:25,227 My 11‐year‐old cat that I rescued from a shelter, 474 00:20:25,227 --> 00:20:28,230 and named Girl so that I could call her Jesse's Girl. 475 00:20:29,439 --> 00:20:30,815 ‐ Oh my god... 476 00:20:33,401 --> 00:20:35,612 And now you wish that you had Jesse's Girl. 477 00:20:37,113 --> 00:20:39,616 ‐ Like I said, I'm a mess, too. 478 00:20:41,243 --> 00:20:43,787 ‐ Well, maybe we could be friends that are messes 479 00:20:43,787 --> 00:20:45,872 instead of two messes who try to date 480 00:20:45,872 --> 00:20:49,417 because that would just inevitably be... a mess. 481 00:20:50,752 --> 00:20:53,463 ‐ Yeah, that sounds like a really good plan. 482 00:20:55,382 --> 00:20:57,842 [door opens] VALENTINA: Oh! Hello, everyone. 483 00:21:00,136 --> 00:21:01,221 [laughs] 484 00:21:01,972 --> 00:21:03,640 ‐ Why are you covered in poppy seeds? 485 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:05,016 ‐ Don't worry about it. 486 00:21:06,476 --> 00:21:09,187 ‐ I'll have another drink, please. Just the usual. 487 00:21:09,187 --> 00:21:11,523 ‐ Gin martini with a twist coming right up. 488 00:21:13,733 --> 00:21:16,027 He has a usual! Jasper. 489 00:21:16,027 --> 00:21:18,446 Jasper... He has a usual. 490 00:21:18,446 --> 00:21:20,240 ‐ Yo, that's fire, man. 491 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,409 Yo, I need, uh, next Saturday off. 492 00:21:23,076 --> 00:21:25,370 Um, also, right now, I'm leaving early. 493 00:21:25,370 --> 00:21:27,872 ‐ Hey, buh‐buh‐buh! You got it, buddy. Get out of here. 494 00:21:27,872 --> 00:21:30,041 ♪ Drops of Jupiter playing ♪ 495 00:21:30,041 --> 00:21:31,501 ‐ Is this... JESSE: Yes. 496 00:21:31,501 --> 00:21:34,421 Drops of Jupiter. I‐I know it's kind of cheesy, 497 00:21:34,421 --> 00:21:37,424 but it's just... sort of my comfort song. 498 00:21:37,424 --> 00:21:41,094 ♪ With drops of Jupiter in her hair ♪ 499 00:21:42,929 --> 00:21:46,016 FUTURE SOPHIE: It was hard to live in the moment in 2022. 500 00:21:46,016 --> 00:21:49,102 There was always someplace else you could be, 501 00:21:49,102 --> 00:21:50,854 someone else you could be with. 502 00:21:50,854 --> 00:21:53,023 But every once in a while, 503 00:21:53,023 --> 00:21:55,692 you found yourself in the exact right spot. 504 00:21:56,860 --> 00:21:59,738 And you had that rarest of moments 505 00:21:59,738 --> 00:22:03,617 where you had absolutely no FOMO, 506 00:22:03,617 --> 00:22:07,203 and you could just... be. 507 00:22:07,203 --> 00:22:09,623 ♪ Hey... yeah ♪ 508 00:22:10,790 --> 00:22:11,875 ♪ But tell me ♪ 509 00:22:11,875 --> 00:22:14,836 ♪ Did you sail across the sun? ♪ 510 00:22:14,836 --> 00:22:17,297 ♪ Did you make it to the Milky Way ♪ 511 00:22:17,297 --> 00:22:20,008 ♪ To see the lights are faded ♪ 512 00:22:20,008 --> 00:22:22,719 ♪ And that Heaven is overrated? ♪ 513 00:22:22,719 --> 00:22:26,431 ♪ Tell me, did you fall from a shooting star? ♪ 514 00:22:27,182 --> 00:22:29,309 ♪ One without a permanent scar ♪ 515 00:22:29,309 --> 00:22:30,894 ♪ And did you miss me ♪ 516 00:22:30,894 --> 00:22:33,939 ♪ While you looking for yourself ♪ 517 00:22:33,939 --> 00:22:35,857 ♪ Out there? ♪ 518 00:22:35,857 --> 00:22:38,860 ♪ 39366

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.