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1
00:00:01,919 --> 00:00:04,379
[GENTLE MUSIC]
2
00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:23,857
[AL] Life is like a parody
of your favorite song.
3
00:00:23,941 --> 00:00:26,443
Just when you think
you know all the words,
4
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:30,739
surprise, you don't know anything.
5
00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:32,157
[SIREN BLARING]
6
00:00:32,241 --> 00:00:36,119
[SHOUTING]
7
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,038
[DOCTOR]
Clear the way, clear the way!
8
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:40,165
- [NURSE] Clear!
- [NURSE 2] Shut that door, please!
9
00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:44,127
[ELECTRIC SHOCK JOLTING]
10
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,090
[DOCTOR] Clear!
11
00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:50,425
[MONITOR FLAT LINING]
12
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:53,762
Dammit. Dammit!
13
00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:58,767
All right, nurse, let's call it.
14
00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:02,646
TIME OF DEATH: 7:30...
15
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:04,773
[SCREAMING]
16
00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:07,734
[PANTING] Quick!
17
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:10,445
I need some paper,
and a number two pencil.
18
00:01:10,529 --> 00:01:13,407
[AL] But... maybe
I'm getting a little ahead of myself.
19
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:16,201
[VIDEO REWINDING]
20
00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:21,123
Why don't we start
back at the beginning.
21
00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:23,500
[RADIO STATIC CRACKLING]
22
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:26,545
[RADIO ANNOUNCER]
All gabardine suits are now 30% off.
23
00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:28,255
[RADIO STATIC CRACKLING]
24
00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:30,549
[SPORTS COMMENTATOR]
Jenkins in to the windup,
25
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,467
and the three-two fastball is in the...
26
00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:33,886
[RADIO STATIC CRACKLING]
27
00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:35,929
[REPORTER]
President Nixon is on board Air...
28
00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,598
[RADIO STATIC CRACKLING]
29
00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:42,644
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC]
♪ Dr. Demento, Dr. Demento ♪
30
00:01:42,728 --> 00:01:47,441
[DR. DEMENTO]
Whoo-whoo-whoo wind up your radio!
31
00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:50,861
It's time for The Dr. Demento Show,
32
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:56,200
two hours of mad music
and crazy comedy
33
00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:59,203
- from out of the archives...
- Alfy!
34
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,663
What have we told you
about listening to that garbage?
35
00:02:01,747 --> 00:02:05,542
But Mom, it's Dr. Demento.
It's my favorite show in the whole world.
36
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,085
It's going to rot your brain.
37
00:02:07,169 --> 00:02:09,129
You're lucky your father
wasn't here to catch you, mister.
38
00:02:09,213 --> 00:02:11,507
You know how he feels
about that kind of music.
39
00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,258
Yes, I know.
40
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:20,599
All right. Now go on, go get washed up.
41
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:22,601
Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.
42
00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:25,729
[SOFT MUSIC]
43
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,359
[HUMMING]
44
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,080
[SIGHS]
45
00:03:03,976 --> 00:03:06,979
Alfy, aren't you going to ask
your father how his day was?
46
00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:09,773
Um, how was your day, Dad?
47
00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:13,652
What, how was my day?
48
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,447
We had another fatality
down at the factory.
49
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,575
Oh, God, real grisly one this time.
50
00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:22,160
It was that McKinley kid
that started last week.
51
00:03:22,244 --> 00:03:24,204
I kept telling him
to stop messing around
52
00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:28,125
by that industrial shredder,
but he just wouldn't listen.
53
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,835
I would've reached
out and grabbed him,
54
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:33,630
but I already lost one hand
to that cursed machine.
55
00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:38,719
Well, anyway, there's an opening
down on the factory floor.
56
00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:40,470
Maybe I could pull a few strings
57
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,431
and you could spend the summer
working with your old man.
58
00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:43,932
How's that sound?
59
00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:46,143
Um, no, thank you.
60
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,644
"No, thank you."
61
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,646
Well, you're gonna have to learn
sooner or later,
62
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:53,233
that factory, that factory
will make a man outta you.
63
00:03:53,317 --> 00:03:56,737
But I don't wanna work at the factory.
I wanna make songs.
64
00:03:56,820 --> 00:04:02,117
What? You wanna make songs?
Did you hear that, Mary?
65
00:04:02,201 --> 00:04:04,995
We got a regular Bing Crosby
on our hands, don't we?
66
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,705
Nick, you're embarrassing him.
67
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:10,042
Oh, am I? Why don't you
sing us a little ditty, Bing, huh?
68
00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:12,961
Such a little songbird.
Sing one for us.
69
00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:21,762
♪ Amazing grapes ♪
70
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:25,182
♪ How sweet the juice ♪
71
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:29,728
♪ It tastes so good to me ♪
72
00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:33,106
Stop, stop! What in God's name
are you doing?
73
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:34,942
Those aren't the right words.
74
00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:37,653
I know. I made 'em better.
75
00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:40,822
By changing the lyrics
to a well-known song?
76
00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:44,076
No, boy, what you're doing
is confusing and evil.
77
00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:45,577
My God, and I will not have
78
00:04:45,661 --> 00:04:48,163
that kind of blasphemy
in my own home.
79
00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:49,790
But Dad...
80
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:52,084
What has gotten
into you, Alfred?
81
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:54,545
Hmm? With the songs and
the crazy magazines?
82
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:57,506
That is all gonna stop now,
young man!
83
00:04:57,589 --> 00:04:59,383
Honey, I know it's hard to hear this,
84
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:03,095
but your dad and I had a long talk
85
00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:06,306
and we agreed it would be best
for all of us
86
00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:10,686
if you would just stop being who you are
and doing the things you love.
87
00:05:12,271 --> 00:05:14,231
You don't understand me!
88
00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:17,276
[DOOR SLAMS]
89
00:05:21,697 --> 00:05:23,323
[AL]
It was a few weeks later
90
00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:25,701
when a mysterious stranger
showed up at my door
91
00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:29,329
and changed my life forever.
92
00:05:30,289 --> 00:05:31,498
[DOORBELL RINGS]
93
00:05:31,582 --> 00:05:33,292
[NICK]
Alfy, get the door.
94
00:05:35,711 --> 00:05:38,755
Why, good afternoon, sir.
The gentleman of the house, I take it?
95
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,592
Well, congratulations.
Today is your lucky day.
96
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:45,095
How would you like to be
the envy of all of your friends
97
00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:47,014
and the most popular fellow in town?
98
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:49,558
Well, everything you
need to make that happen...
99
00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:51,560
is right here in this box.
100
00:05:54,897 --> 00:05:58,150
Um, my dad is actually...
101
00:05:58,233 --> 00:06:00,861
- Voila.
- [EPIC MUSIC]
102
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,362
Feast your eyes.
103
00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:09,995
Have you ever seen
such a gorgeous instrument?
104
00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:15,584
Better yet, try it on.
105
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:23,175
Son, when you play the accordion,
you are a one-man band.
106
00:06:23,258 --> 00:06:25,844
You are the life of every party.
107
00:06:25,928 --> 00:06:29,598
Go ahead, son, tickle those ivories.
108
00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:33,560
[HORRIBLE ACCORDION NOISE]
109
00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:37,064
A natural talent.
110
00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:40,859
Son, you cannot squander that.
111
00:06:40,943 --> 00:06:43,654
You have got to buy this beauty,
and I guarantee it,
112
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:46,156
you are gonna have girls
lined up around the corner.
113
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,699
You're gonna need a lifeguard
114
00:06:47,783 --> 00:06:49,368
because you're gonna be drowning
115
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:52,996
- in so much p...
- Hey! What's going on?
116
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,082
And hello to you, sir.
117
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:56,959
What are you doing in my house?
118
00:06:57,042 --> 00:07:00,879
And why is my innocent young child
wearing that devil's squeeze box?
119
00:07:00,963 --> 00:07:02,089
That's actually our newest...
120
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,924
I thought I told you to shut up!
121
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:06,218
[GLASS BREAKING]
122
00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,345
I don't remember you telling me
to shut up before,
123
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,472
but if you're telling me now,
I will gladly...
124
00:07:10,556 --> 00:07:12,349
[GRUNTING]
125
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:15,143
[GROANING]
126
00:07:15,227 --> 00:07:16,728
Dad!
127
00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:19,398
- [CHAIR BREAKING]
- Ah!
128
00:07:21,233 --> 00:07:23,443
[PUNCHES LANDING]
129
00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:25,487
Dad, stop! You're killing him!
130
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,115
Nick? Oh, Nick, oh, Nick!
131
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:31,493
No, Nick! Hey!
Nicky, stop it right now!
132
00:07:31,577 --> 00:07:33,453
You made me do this, boy.
133
00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:36,206
You brought this evil into the house.
And now look at you.
134
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:37,958
Look at you.
135
00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:42,421
Take that devilish monstrosity off
this very instant.
136
00:07:42,504 --> 00:07:44,673
I don't wanna see you
ever wearing it again!
137
00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:47,176
Nick, why don't you go
take a little walk?
138
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:49,136
I think you'd better cool off.
139
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:51,930
- Yeah. Yeah.
- [GURGLING]
140
00:07:52,014 --> 00:07:55,642
I could use some fresh air
because it stinks in here.
141
00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:59,646
[GROANING]
142
00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:08,739
I'll be right back.
Don't go anywhere.
143
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:13,243
I'll be right here. [COUGHS, SPUTTERS]
144
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,247
Mister, I'm so sorry about this.
145
00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:20,083
My husband, he just has
a little bit of a temper,
146
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:23,837
but he is a good man and
he means well, but anyway,
147
00:08:23,921 --> 00:08:25,964
if you're amenable to it,
148
00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:28,759
we'd like to buy that accordion.
149
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,719
Mom! You mean it?
150
00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:32,971
How do you feel about
an early Christmas present?
151
00:08:33,055 --> 00:08:37,476
Yes! This is the best thing ever!
Thank you so much!
152
00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:40,646
There's just one thing.
153
00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:50,155
No one can see you playing it,
especially your father.
154
00:08:50,239 --> 00:08:53,325
This is our secret.
Do you understand me?
155
00:08:55,661 --> 00:09:00,749
Mom... does Dad hate me?
156
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:04,962
No, of course not, sweetie.
157
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:08,215
Then why is he always
so hard on me?
158
00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:12,553
Listen, you're too young
to understand now,
159
00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:16,723
but just trust me,
your father has his reasons.
160
00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:20,644
[SPUTTERING] I think I have
a collapsed lung.
161
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:25,357
We're trying to have
a conversation here, sir.
162
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,860
[AL] For the next few years
I kept to myself,
163
00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:30,445
and tried my best
to please Mom and Dad,
164
00:09:30,529 --> 00:09:34,157
but deep down,
I felt like I was living a lie.
165
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:37,327
Sure. I was well-behaved,
I got good grades,
166
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:41,373
but I never let anyone know
the real me.
167
00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:45,419
Hey, Yankovic, you going to that party
at Hofstadter's tonight?
168
00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:48,922
- His parents are out of town.
- Ah, geez, guys, I don't know.
169
00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:51,049
I'm not really allowed to go to parties.
170
00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:53,927
You don't need to have
your parents' permission. Just sneak out.
171
00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:55,596
I-I don't think I can.
172
00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:57,973
My mom always tucks me in
in case I have night terrors.
173
00:09:58,056 --> 00:09:59,516
[SCOFFS] You have night terrors?
174
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,727
No, I... You know, just in case.
175
00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:04,646
Well, just use a hay boy, then.
176
00:10:04,730 --> 00:10:07,191
A hay boy? What's that?
177
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:09,484
- You don't know what a hay boy is?
- [SCOFFS]
178
00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:11,945
Oh, dude, you've got a lot to learn.
179
00:10:12,029 --> 00:10:15,365
Just let us handle everything.
We'll pick you up tonight.
180
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:18,327
Okay, yeah.
181
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:25,167
Night-night, Alfy. Don't let the bed bugs
give you night terrors.
182
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:33,008
[POLKA MUSIC]
183
00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:36,887
[INDISTINCT PARTY CHATTER]
184
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:47,064
I mean, Myron Floren is great and all,
Lawrence Welk sure likes him,
185
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,983
but he's way too overexposed.
186
00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:53,779
For my money,
it's Whoopee John Wilfahrt
187
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:56,490
that really gets me just
hoppin' and steppin'.
188
00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:59,493
I'm all about that Minnesota sound, man.
189
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,411
[GASPS] Look what I found!
190
00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:05,040
Hey, hey! Hey, you didn't tell me
that this was gonna be a polka party.
191
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:08,043
- What, do you not like polka?
- No, I like it, it's...
192
00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:11,046
My parents would kill me
if they knew I was here, okay?
193
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:14,258
I'm so, so sorry, guys. I-I-I gotta go.
I can't... I can't be here, man.
194
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:17,427
Come on, Al. Live a little!
What's the worse that could happen?
195
00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:21,181
You might actually let your guard down
and enjoy your life for once?
196
00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:23,433
[POLKA MUSIC CONTINUES]
197
00:11:26,562 --> 00:11:29,690
Yeah, yeah, I can...
let my guard down.
198
00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:31,108
[MUSIC STOPS]
199
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,318
[POLKA MUSIC RESUMES]
200
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:37,322
Hey... and sorry.
201
00:11:40,242 --> 00:11:43,912
Hey, everybody, look what I found!
202
00:11:43,996 --> 00:11:46,081
[LAUGHS]
203
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:48,458
Dude, pass it here. Pass it.
204
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:51,003
[PLAYING "CHOPSTICKS"]
205
00:11:54,423 --> 00:11:56,967
- Okay, dude. Okay.
- [LAUGHTER]
206
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,427
Al, here. You gotta try this.
207
00:11:58,510 --> 00:12:00,345
Oh, no. No, no, thanks. I'm good.
208
00:12:00,429 --> 00:12:01,930
Al's afraid his mommy and daddy
209
00:12:02,014 --> 00:12:03,849
are gonna find out
he tried an accordion.
210
00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:05,642
[LAUGHTER]
211
00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:08,228
I just don't wanna play, okay?
Just, just lay off me, man!
212
00:12:08,312 --> 00:12:10,689
[“THE CHICKEN DANCE” PLAYING]
213
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:13,066
No, guys...
214
00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:14,860
- [CLAPPING]
- I'm not gonna...
215
00:12:18,197 --> 00:12:19,781
[CLAPPING]
216
00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:22,492
I'm not... I'm not... I'm not...
217
00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:24,703
[CLAPPING]
218
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:28,582
Okay. Yeah, sure. I'll play, yeah.
219
00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:31,293
- [CLAPPING]
- [LAUGHTER]
220
00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:40,511
[FAST, PROFICIENT POLKA MUSIC]
221
00:13:02,074 --> 00:13:04,451
[CHEERING]
222
00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:14,503
- It's the cops! Everyone, run!
- [SIRENS]
223
00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:16,839
[OVERLAPPING SHOUTING]
224
00:13:21,260 --> 00:13:23,387
I'm sorry to disturb you, ma'am,
225
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:27,891
but I'm afraid we found your son
at a polka party.
226
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:29,893
He was playing an accordion.
227
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:32,521
That's impossible. Alfy's in...
228
00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:36,984
A hay boy?! Really?
229
00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:39,987
What did I do to deserve this,
huh? Huh?
230
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:42,155
It's like I don't even
know you anymore, Al.
231
00:13:42,239 --> 00:13:45,200
You want me to be like you.
Look at me, I'm nothing like you.
232
00:13:45,284 --> 00:13:46,743
You want me to work that factory.
233
00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:49,246
Okay, I don't even know
what you make down there.
234
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,747
You just call it the factory.
235
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:52,624
You will find out what we make
at the factory
236
00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:54,084
when you work at the factory!
237
00:13:54,168 --> 00:13:57,713
Well, it's my life,
and I wanna make music
238
00:13:57,796 --> 00:13:59,423
and I wanna play the accordion.
239
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:00,924
Ah, hogwash!
240
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:05,387
And I'm good. I'm really, really good!
241
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:08,473
How did you get good
at playing the accordion, huh? Huh?
242
00:14:08,557 --> 00:14:10,642
It certainly wasn't
under my roof, was it?
243
00:14:10,726 --> 00:14:13,395
What'd you do, sneak out
and practice in the woods
244
00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:14,855
in the middle of the night?
245
00:14:14,938 --> 00:14:19,026
No. I played it here, quietly.
246
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:22,571
Yeah, I play in the closet.
247
00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:27,701
But I'm not a closet accordion player
anymore.
248
00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:29,494
It feels good!
249
00:14:33,624 --> 00:14:35,375
The closet, you say?
250
00:14:38,754 --> 00:14:40,339
Hmm...
251
00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:42,716
No-no-no. Dad, Dad, hey.
Hey, hey, hey, Dad.
252
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:44,801
No-no-no. You're not going...
It's not in there.
253
00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:46,386
You're not gonna find anything in there.
254
00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:48,472
Dad, what are you doing?
No, no, Dad... No-no-no-no...
255
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,057
Dad, no. Dad, please.
256
00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:51,141
- Uh-huh?
- Stop, stop.
257
00:14:51,225 --> 00:14:52,684
- Boy.
- Stop. Stop it.
258
00:14:52,768 --> 00:14:55,479
- Boy, this...
- Please, Dad. Please! No-no-no!
259
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:56,980
This is for your own good, boy.
260
00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:58,899
No, I need this, I need this...
261
00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:01,735
[YELLS]
262
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,195
[CRASHING]
263
00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:04,947
Nooo!
264
00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:09,368
No, no, no, no, no!
265
00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:12,496
You... You think you're gonna stop me
from playing?
266
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,915
You'll see.
One day I'm gonna be the best...
267
00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:17,543
Well, perhaps not technically the best,
268
00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:20,879
but arguably the most
famous accordion player
269
00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:24,091
in an extremely specific genre of music.
270
00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:25,425
I'll show you.
271
00:15:26,677 --> 00:15:28,262
I'll show everybody!
272
00:15:29,346 --> 00:15:30,514
[NICK] Get out!
273
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,018
- Good riddance!
- [DOOR SLAMS]
274
00:15:40,274 --> 00:15:42,442
[SOFT MUSIC]
275
00:15:42,526 --> 00:15:46,196
[AL] Things at home
never got any better after that.
276
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,615
But within a few years, I graduated
277
00:15:48,699 --> 00:15:51,994
and I was able to move out
and live on my own.
278
00:15:52,077 --> 00:15:54,788
Well, with three other guys
in a dirt-cheap apartment,
279
00:15:54,872 --> 00:15:58,750
but the point is, I didn't
have to answer to anybody.
280
00:15:58,834 --> 00:16:00,836
- Hey, hey.
- Howdy.
281
00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:03,046
[AL] Now I'd have a chance
to find others
282
00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:05,757
who would truly understand me.
283
00:16:05,841 --> 00:16:08,760
I could find my people.
284
00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:13,724
[ACCORDION MUSIC]
285
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,559
♪ Beat on the brat
Beat on the brat ♪
286
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:17,895
♪ Beat on the brat
with a baseball bat ♪
287
00:16:17,978 --> 00:16:20,814
♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh-ho ♪
288
00:16:23,192 --> 00:16:25,944
♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh-ho ♪
289
00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:27,529
- Okay.
- ♪ Hey! ♪
290
00:16:27,613 --> 00:16:30,199
♪ Hey! Hey! Hey! ♪
291
00:16:30,282 --> 00:16:33,577
- Okay, that's enough. Thanks.
- Mm.
292
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:37,831
Yeah. Very... very interesting.
293
00:16:37,915 --> 00:16:40,792
So... we'll let you know, okay?
294
00:16:40,876 --> 00:16:45,339
Great. Um, when?
295
00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:47,382
Right now. You didn't make it.
296
00:16:48,342 --> 00:16:51,553
[MEN SNICKER]
297
00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,476
This sucks.
298
00:16:57,559 --> 00:17:00,687
It's the fifth audition
I've been kicked out of this week.
299
00:17:00,771 --> 00:17:04,316
It's almost like nobody wants
an accordion player in their band.
300
00:17:04,399 --> 00:17:06,109
That just doesn't make any sense.
301
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:07,986
Yeah. Accordions are cool.
302
00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:10,322
That's the problem
with being on the bleeding edge.
303
00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:12,574
You gotta wait for the rest of the world
to catch up with you.
304
00:17:12,658 --> 00:17:14,743
I don't have time to wait.
305
00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:16,870
If nobody wants to have me
in their group,
306
00:17:16,954 --> 00:17:18,872
I'm just gonna have
to go it in on my own.
307
00:17:18,956 --> 00:17:20,791
Don't worry,
it's gonna happen for you.
308
00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:22,960
You just gotta hang in there.
We got your back.
309
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:26,255
Thanks, Bermuda. All you guys.
You've just been so great.
310
00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:28,048
You really get me.
311
00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:30,342
It is such a difference after living
with my folks for so long.
312
00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:33,470
Yeah. And you know, the best part
of moving away from home
313
00:17:33,554 --> 00:17:36,849
is you can do anything you want.
Hook up with girls...
314
00:17:36,932 --> 00:17:38,475
Get high all the time.
315
00:17:38,559 --> 00:17:41,270
Yeah, I mean, literally anything.
There are no rules.
316
00:17:41,353 --> 00:17:42,938
Just last night, I was driving
317
00:17:43,021 --> 00:17:45,732
down the wrong side of the 101
with my eyes closed,
318
00:17:45,816 --> 00:17:48,443
not knowing whether I was
gonna live to see another day
319
00:17:48,527 --> 00:17:52,197
or die in a horrible, fiery wreck.
320
00:17:52,281 --> 00:17:53,615
Suck on that, Mom and Dad.
321
00:17:53,699 --> 00:17:55,576
- Yeah. You get it, Steve.
- You go, Steve.
322
00:17:55,659 --> 00:17:56,869
Oh, wow, Steve.
323
00:17:56,952 --> 00:17:58,328
What about you, Al?
324
00:17:58,412 --> 00:18:00,038
What's something you always
wanted to do,
325
00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:01,456
but you were never allowed to?
326
00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:11,383
Make up new words
to a song that already exists.
327
00:18:14,595 --> 00:18:17,973
- Oh, well, you should do that, then.
- [STEVE] Absolutely.
328
00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:21,560
Yeah. Why don't you do it right now?
Go on. Make up something brilliant.
329
00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:25,898
No, guys, it's not that easy.
I gotta wait for inspiration to strike,
330
00:18:25,981 --> 00:18:29,193
and I'm pretty sure that well dried up
a long time ago.
331
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:31,361
Oh, well, if you're not
gonna write us a song,
332
00:18:31,445 --> 00:18:33,197
why don't you make us
some sandwiches?
333
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,490
Oh, yeah, dude, I'm starving.
334
00:18:35,574 --> 00:18:38,869
[ALL CHANT]
Sandwich! Sandwich! Sandwich!
335
00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:42,623
Okay, okay, okay. Guys, I'm on it.
Jim, you wanna put on some tunes?
336
00:18:42,706 --> 00:18:43,707
Yeah.
337
00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:46,001
[STATIC CRACKLING]
338
00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:48,253
["MY SHARON A" BY THE KNACK ON RADIO]
339
00:18:56,470 --> 00:18:59,014
Oh, Steve?
This bologna has your name on it.
340
00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:00,474
- Can we?
- Uh, yeah, sure.
341
00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:02,809
Just open up a package of my bologna.
342
00:19:02,893 --> 00:19:06,271
♪ Ooh, you make my motor run
my motor run ♪
343
00:19:06,355 --> 00:19:09,399
♪ Gun it comin' off of the line, Sharon a ♪
344
00:19:09,483 --> 00:19:12,861
♪ Never gonna stop, give it up
Such a dirty mind ♪
345
00:19:12,945 --> 00:19:16,448
♪ I always get it up for the touch
of the younger kind ♪
346
00:19:16,532 --> 00:19:22,412
♪ My, my, my-yi-yi, whoo!
M-M-M-My Sharon a ♪
347
00:19:22,496 --> 00:19:25,832
♪ Whoo!
M-M-M-My Sharon a ♪
348
00:19:25,916 --> 00:19:29,670
♪ Whoo!
M-M-M-My Sharon a, whoo! ♪
349
00:19:29,753 --> 00:19:33,298
Is this DJ asleep?
The record keeps skipping.
350
00:19:33,382 --> 00:19:35,801
Hey! Wake up.
351
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:39,263
♪ Whoo!
M-M-M-My Sharon a, whoo! ♪
352
00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:42,432
- ♪ M-M-M-My Sharon a ♪
- [QUIETLY] ♪ M-M-M-My bologna ♪
353
00:19:42,516 --> 00:19:45,644
- ♪ M-M-M-My bologna ♪
- ♪ Whoo! M-M-M-My Sharon a ♪
354
00:19:48,397 --> 00:19:49,731
Al?
355
00:19:49,815 --> 00:19:52,192
[WHISPERS]
♪ M-M-M-My bologna ♪
356
00:19:55,279 --> 00:19:57,614
♪ M-M-M-My bologna ♪
357
00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:00,701
You okay?
358
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,880
♪ Ooh, my little hungry one, hungry one ♪
359
00:20:12,963 --> 00:20:16,842
♪ Open up a package of my bologna ♪
360
00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:23,056
[TOASTER DINGING]
361
00:20:23,140 --> 00:20:24,975
♪ Ooh, I think the toast is done
The toast is done ♪
362
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:28,562
♪ Top it with a little of my bologna ♪
363
00:20:32,608 --> 00:20:34,151
Where did that come from?
364
00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:35,569
Dude, I've got chills.
365
00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:37,446
I don't know, it just came out of me.
366
00:20:37,529 --> 00:20:40,199
I've never heard anything like that
before in my life.
367
00:20:40,282 --> 00:20:41,533
You have to record that.
368
00:20:41,617 --> 00:20:43,118
Record it? No, come on, guys.
369
00:20:43,202 --> 00:20:45,204
Al, you've got something here.
370
00:20:45,287 --> 00:20:48,999
I don't know if it comes
from God or the devil,
371
00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:52,211
but the world needs to hear it.
372
00:20:52,294 --> 00:20:55,130
No, forget it, guys. I don't have
the money for a recording studio.
373
00:20:55,214 --> 00:20:59,384
I think the bathroom at the bus station
has pretty good acoustics.
374
00:20:59,468 --> 00:21:02,095
["MY BOLOGNA" PLAYING]
375
00:21:02,179 --> 00:21:05,557
Yeah, sounds good in here.
376
00:21:05,641 --> 00:21:07,935
You can put it right there,
that works.
377
00:21:10,020 --> 00:21:12,940
♪ Ooh, my little hungry one, hungry one ♪
378
00:21:13,023 --> 00:21:15,526
♪ Open up a package of my bologna ♪
379
00:21:15,609 --> 00:21:18,320
♪ Ooh, I think the toast is done
The toast is done ♪
380
00:21:18,403 --> 00:21:21,198
♪ Top it with a little of my bologna ♪
381
00:21:21,281 --> 00:21:22,950
♪ Never gonna stop, eat it up ♪
382
00:21:23,033 --> 00:21:25,827
♪ Such a tasty snack
I always eat too much and throw up ♪
383
00:21:25,911 --> 00:21:30,165
♪ But I'll soon be back
For my my my-yi-yi, whoo! ♪
384
00:21:30,249 --> 00:21:35,295
♪ M-M-M-My bologna
M-M-M-My bologna, hey! ♪
385
00:21:37,798 --> 00:21:41,176
[ACCORDION MUSIC CONTINUES]
386
00:21:45,264 --> 00:21:47,349
[CHEERING]
387
00:21:49,476 --> 00:21:53,355
[ACCORDION MUSIC CONTINUES]
388
00:21:53,438 --> 00:21:56,316
[CHEERING]
389
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:57,985
[BELCHES]
390
00:21:58,068 --> 00:22:01,488
All right. Just mailed the tape off
to Captain Buffoon.
391
00:22:01,572 --> 00:22:05,993
Now, I guess, all I gotta do
is sit back and wait to become famous.
392
00:22:06,076 --> 00:22:09,246
[SCOFFS] Yeah, I don't think
that's quite how it works, Al.
393
00:22:09,329 --> 00:22:12,291
Nobody becomes famous overnight.
That's a myth.
394
00:22:12,374 --> 00:22:16,461
Sometimes it takes years,
decades of hard work to get noticed.
395
00:22:16,545 --> 00:22:18,630
- What?
- Look, I believe in you.
396
00:22:18,714 --> 00:22:20,799
I know it's gonna
happen for you someday,
397
00:22:20,883 --> 00:22:23,260
but you can't just mail your
tape off to some disc jockey
398
00:22:23,343 --> 00:22:25,304
and expect to instantly become
a sensation.
399
00:22:25,387 --> 00:22:27,639
Man, why can't I catch a break?
400
00:22:30,475 --> 00:22:32,769
[CAPTAIN BUFFOON]
Captain Buffoon on your radio dial.
401
00:22:32,853 --> 00:22:34,688
No, I'm not making this up...
402
00:22:34,771 --> 00:22:37,149
I just received this tape
in the mail a few minutes ago,
403
00:22:37,232 --> 00:22:40,527
and what can I say?
It's an instant sensation!
404
00:22:40,611 --> 00:22:43,530
It's already the number one
most-requested song of the week,
405
00:22:43,614 --> 00:22:45,490
and we're playing it all day long.
406
00:22:45,574 --> 00:22:49,953
So, here it is, once again,
Al Yankovic with "My Bologna!"
407
00:22:50,037 --> 00:22:53,373
[ALL YELLING]
408
00:22:55,209 --> 00:22:58,003
- [GRUNTING, SLAPPING]
- Again!
409
00:22:59,755 --> 00:23:02,299
♪ Ooh, my little hungry one, hungry one ♪
410
00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:03,967
♪ Open up a package... ♪
411
00:23:04,051 --> 00:23:05,594
You know what this means, right?
412
00:23:05,677 --> 00:23:08,013
You gotta get yourself a record deal.
413
00:23:08,096 --> 00:23:10,641
[BOTH SCREAMING]
414
00:23:10,724 --> 00:23:12,392
♪ Never gonna stop, eat it up ♪
415
00:23:12,476 --> 00:23:15,312
♪ Such a tasty snack
I always eat too much and throw up ♪
416
00:23:15,395 --> 00:23:19,733
♪ But I'll soon be back
For my, my, my-yi-yi, whoo! ♪
417
00:23:19,816 --> 00:23:22,319
♪ M-M-M-My bologna ♪
418
00:23:22,402 --> 00:23:24,780
♪ M-M-M-My bologna, hey! ♪
419
00:23:24,863 --> 00:23:28,325
[ACCORDION MUSIC CONTINUES]
420
00:23:40,337 --> 00:23:42,089
I've heard enough.
421
00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:47,803
And what did you think?
422
00:23:47,886 --> 00:23:51,181
Do you know why they call it
the "music business"?
423
00:23:51,265 --> 00:23:53,225
Uh, why?
424
00:23:53,308 --> 00:23:54,476
Because it's a business.
425
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:55,894
It's a business!
426
00:23:55,978 --> 00:23:57,437
Use your head, kid.
427
00:23:57,521 --> 00:23:59,773
Nobody wants to hear
a parody song
428
00:23:59,857 --> 00:24:02,776
when they can hear the real thing
for the same price.
429
00:24:02,860 --> 00:24:04,444
[STAMMERS] What's the point?
430
00:24:04,528 --> 00:24:06,613
Yeah, it makes
no financial sense, whatsoever.
431
00:24:06,697 --> 00:24:08,574
Uh, my-my-my song was actually
432
00:24:08,657 --> 00:24:10,576
a-a big hit on
The Captain Buffoon Show.
433
00:24:10,659 --> 00:24:12,536
- [LAUGHING] Oh!
- What?
434
00:24:12,619 --> 00:24:13,954
Captain Buffoon? Really?
435
00:24:14,037 --> 00:24:15,581
- Yeah.
- [TONY] Wait, wait.
436
00:24:15,664 --> 00:24:17,624
Captain Buffoon actually
played your song on the radio?
437
00:24:17,708 --> 00:24:19,126
Yeah.
438
00:24:19,209 --> 00:24:20,961
Why didn't you tell us?
This changes everything.
439
00:24:21,044 --> 00:24:24,047
Ben, get this young gentleman
a record contract this very instant.
440
00:24:24,131 --> 00:24:26,508
We are gonna sign him
to a 14-album deal.
441
00:24:26,592 --> 00:24:27,801
Wait, really?
442
00:24:27,885 --> 00:24:30,512
No! What do you think I am,
an idiot?
443
00:24:30,596 --> 00:24:32,806
- He's not an idiot!
- I'm not an idiot!
444
00:24:32,890 --> 00:24:35,184
- If I may interject here.
- Please.
445
00:24:35,267 --> 00:24:37,311
Look, I'd just like to say
446
00:24:37,394 --> 00:24:39,521
that you got some nerve
coming in here
447
00:24:39,605 --> 00:24:44,276
and wasting my time and
my brother Tony's time.
448
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:48,864
I'm gonna remember your name
because you, Al Yankovic,
449
00:24:48,947 --> 00:24:52,409
are the most untalented, pathetic loser
450
00:24:52,492 --> 00:24:55,454
that I've ever met in my entire life.
451
00:24:55,537 --> 00:24:57,164
Okay, um, maybe...
452
00:24:57,247 --> 00:25:02,419
You're nothing but a hack,
a stupid, useless parasite,
453
00:25:02,503 --> 00:25:05,714
- and you're so ugly.
- Okay...
454
00:25:05,797 --> 00:25:09,885
That ridiculous hair,
that horrible mustache,
455
00:25:09,968 --> 00:25:11,803
stupid glasses.
456
00:25:11,887 --> 00:25:13,180
You make me wanna throw up!
457
00:25:13,263 --> 00:25:14,890
All right, thank you.
Thank you, Ben.
458
00:25:14,973 --> 00:25:16,767
Thank you, Ben, for your,
for your thoughts.
459
00:25:16,850 --> 00:25:18,352
- Thank you.
- Jeez.
460
00:25:18,435 --> 00:25:20,145
- Ugh.
- Look, kid,
461
00:25:20,229 --> 00:25:24,441
if you really have your heart set
on doing this stupid music,
462
00:25:24,525 --> 00:25:26,652
maybe write more than one song.
463
00:25:26,735 --> 00:25:30,656
Yeah, all the biggest musical acts
have more than one song in their catalog.
464
00:25:30,739 --> 00:25:32,115
That's very true.
465
00:25:32,199 --> 00:25:34,076
And also, get out
in front of a live audience.
466
00:25:34,159 --> 00:25:35,786
Any audience, any stage,
467
00:25:35,869 --> 00:25:38,956
just get out there, build up your chops,
and who knows?
468
00:25:39,039 --> 00:25:42,584
Maybe someday... we'll talk again.
469
00:25:42,668 --> 00:25:45,671
But don't count on it
because you truly suck.
470
00:25:45,754 --> 00:25:46,713
Right.
471
00:25:46,797 --> 00:25:47,965
Okay.
472
00:25:48,048 --> 00:25:49,299
[MAN] ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪
473
00:25:49,383 --> 00:25:51,009
[FIGHTING GRUNTS]
474
00:25:52,970 --> 00:25:55,764
[LOUD ROCK MUSIC]
475
00:25:55,848 --> 00:25:59,852
♪ Bowling with the devil! ♪
476
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:04,565
Thank you! We are Skunk Barf!
477
00:26:04,648 --> 00:26:08,694
- You guys suck!
- [CROWD BOOING]
478
00:26:10,112 --> 00:26:13,240
[SHOUTING, JEERING]
479
00:26:15,784 --> 00:26:19,037
I can't do this. I can't do this.
480
00:26:19,121 --> 00:26:21,123
Just relax, you'll be great.
481
00:26:21,206 --> 00:26:22,916
Yeah, the new song's a bona fide hit.
482
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:24,751
It's about ice cream!
483
00:26:24,835 --> 00:26:26,461
Everybody likes ice cream.
484
00:26:26,545 --> 00:26:29,923
This seems like more of
a whiskey and... heroin crowd.
485
00:26:30,007 --> 00:26:33,218
Look, guys, I appreciate you being here
for moral support and everything,
486
00:26:33,302 --> 00:26:36,013
but they are literally gonna kill me.
We need to leave right now.
487
00:26:36,096 --> 00:26:38,223
Don't be silly, man.
They're gonna love you.
488
00:26:38,307 --> 00:26:39,850
All right, we got, uh, most of the blood
489
00:26:39,933 --> 00:26:44,354
cleaned off the stage,
so you're on, now.
490
00:26:44,438 --> 00:26:48,317
- Go start the car.
- Nah, you got this, Al.
491
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:50,903
This is your moment.
Go get 'em, champ.
492
00:26:50,986 --> 00:26:54,531
- [STRUGGLING]
- Go get 'em.
493
00:26:56,867 --> 00:26:58,702
[EXHALES]
494
00:26:58,785 --> 00:27:00,954
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
495
00:27:01,038 --> 00:27:04,750
All right, all right,
who's ready for some more music?
496
00:27:07,044 --> 00:27:09,296
Okay, uh, coming next to the stage,
497
00:27:09,379 --> 00:27:12,508
it's this guy's first time,
Al Yankovic.
498
00:27:17,387 --> 00:27:19,306
- [FEEDBACK SCREECHING]
- Hey. [CLEARS THROAT]
499
00:27:19,389 --> 00:27:20,390
Sorry.
500
00:27:22,100 --> 00:27:24,353
Sorry.
501
00:27:24,436 --> 00:27:27,147
Ah, nice Hawaiian shirt, Trapper John!
502
00:27:27,231 --> 00:27:29,691
[CROWD JEERING]
503
00:27:29,775 --> 00:27:31,235
[SNIFFS] Um...
504
00:27:36,532 --> 00:27:37,741
[MAN] Boo!
505
00:27:39,117 --> 00:27:42,579
["I LOVE ROCKY ROAD"]
506
00:27:53,173 --> 00:27:56,844
♪ I hear those ice cream bells
and I start to drool ♪
507
00:27:56,927 --> 00:27:58,637
This guy needs some help.
508
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:02,182
♪ Keep a couple quarts
in my locker at school ♪
509
00:28:02,266 --> 00:28:05,352
♪ Yeah, but chocolate's gettin' old ♪
510
00:28:05,435 --> 00:28:11,316
- ♪ Vanilla just leaves me cold ♪
- [DRUMMING JOINS]
511
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:15,988
♪ There's just one flavor good enough
for me, yeah me ♪
512
00:28:16,071 --> 00:28:20,325
♪ Don't gimme no crummy taste spoon
I know what I need ♪
513
00:28:20,409 --> 00:28:23,495
♪ Baby, I love rocky road ♪
514
00:28:23,579 --> 00:28:25,789
♪ So won't you go and buy
half a gallon, baby ♪
515
00:28:25,873 --> 00:28:27,708
♪ I love rocky road ♪
516
00:28:27,791 --> 00:28:31,295
♪ So have another triple scoop
with me ♪
517
00:28:31,378 --> 00:28:32,546
♪ Ow! ♪
518
00:28:34,590 --> 00:28:37,217
Gimme a shot of tequila
and two scoops of rum raisin.
519
00:28:37,301 --> 00:28:38,844
We don't sell ice cream here.
520
00:28:38,927 --> 00:28:41,221
You better start selling it
before this song's over
521
00:28:41,305 --> 00:28:44,057
or you're gonna have a riot
on your hands.
522
00:28:44,141 --> 00:28:49,188
♪ When I'm all alone
I just grab myself a cone ♪
523
00:28:49,271 --> 00:28:53,942
♪ And if I get fat and lose my teeth
that's fine with me ♪
524
00:28:54,026 --> 00:28:58,280
♪ Just lock me in the freezer
and throw away the key ♪
525
00:28:58,363 --> 00:29:01,074
♪ Singing
I love rocky road ♪
526
00:29:01,158 --> 00:29:03,827
♪ So won't you go and buy
half a gallon, baby ♪
527
00:29:03,911 --> 00:29:05,579
♪ I love rocky road ♪
528
00:29:05,662 --> 00:29:08,248
♪ So have another triple scoop with me ♪
529
00:29:08,332 --> 00:29:10,375
♪ I love rocky road ♪
530
00:29:10,459 --> 00:29:12,878
♪ So won't you go
and buy half a gallon, baby ♪
531
00:29:12,961 --> 00:29:15,547
♪ I love rocky road ♪
532
00:29:15,631 --> 00:29:17,424
♪ So have another triple scoop with ♪
533
00:29:17,508 --> 00:29:19,301
♪ I love rocky road ♪
534
00:29:19,384 --> 00:29:21,887
♪ So won't you go and buy
half a gallon, baby ♪
535
00:29:21,970 --> 00:29:24,306
♪ I love rocky road ♪
536
00:29:24,389 --> 00:29:26,892
♪ So have another triple scoop
with me ♪
537
00:29:26,975 --> 00:29:29,436
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
538
00:29:38,111 --> 00:29:40,989
Why didn't you guys tell me
you could play? You're great.
539
00:29:41,073 --> 00:29:43,033
I guess it didn't seem relevant 'til now.
540
00:29:43,116 --> 00:29:46,578
- [CHEERING]
- Thank you!
541
00:29:53,752 --> 00:29:55,045
Oh, hey.
542
00:29:56,255 --> 00:30:00,092
Oh! You're Dr. Demento.
543
00:30:00,175 --> 00:30:03,637
Oh, wow. I, I am such a huge fan.
I can't believe this.
544
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:05,931
I've been listening to your show
my entire life.
545
00:30:06,014 --> 00:30:08,934
Whoo-whoo-whoo,
wind up your radio...
546
00:30:09,017 --> 00:30:10,310
- Don't do that.
- Sorry.
547
00:30:10,394 --> 00:30:12,354
Um, did you see the show?
548
00:30:12,437 --> 00:30:16,024
I did. And let me
tell you something, kid.
549
00:30:16,108 --> 00:30:18,402
Every once in a great while,
I can spot a talent
550
00:30:18,485 --> 00:30:21,238
that I know is headed
straight to the top.
551
00:30:21,321 --> 00:30:23,073
Nervous Norvus,
552
00:30:23,156 --> 00:30:25,576
Wild Man Fischer,
553
00:30:25,659 --> 00:30:28,662
and now... you.
554
00:30:28,745 --> 00:30:32,457
What I saw you do on that stage
tonight blew my mind!
555
00:30:32,541 --> 00:30:36,086
I'm telling you, you've cracked the code.
You're onto something special.
556
00:30:36,170 --> 00:30:37,796
Wow, I mean, you, you,
you have no idea
557
00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:39,548
what it means
for me to hear you say that.
558
00:30:39,631 --> 00:30:42,593
- Thank you so much.
- Oh...
559
00:30:42,676 --> 00:30:45,554
I only wish the Scotti Brothers
felt the same way.
560
00:30:45,637 --> 00:30:48,015
Ah, those suits.
They couldn't recognize real talent
561
00:30:48,098 --> 00:30:52,060
if it slapped them in the face
with a dead fish. [LAUGHS]
562
00:30:52,144 --> 00:30:54,980
But I might be able to
get them to notice you.
563
00:30:55,063 --> 00:30:56,356
How?
564
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:59,151
Well, stick with me, huh?
565
00:30:59,234 --> 00:31:01,820
I know a little something
about the biz.
566
00:31:01,904 --> 00:31:05,657
Uh, wait, are-are you saying
you want to be my mentor?
567
00:31:05,741 --> 00:31:10,913
No, I'm saying I want to be your...
de-mentor!
568
00:31:10,996 --> 00:31:12,915
[LAUGHS]
569
00:31:19,254 --> 00:31:22,466
But first, we gotta find you
a stage name.
570
00:31:22,549 --> 00:31:26,053
I mean, Al Yankovic. Ugh, blech.
571
00:31:26,136 --> 00:31:28,138
Doesn't exactly trip off
the tongue now, does it?
572
00:31:28,222 --> 00:31:29,973
I guess not.
573
00:31:30,057 --> 00:31:32,059
It's so clunky. It's long.
It's ungainly. It's hard to pronounce.
574
00:31:32,142 --> 00:31:33,268
Sorry.
575
00:31:33,352 --> 00:31:35,771
Now, I'm just gonna throw this out there.
576
00:31:35,854 --> 00:31:38,357
Would you be willing
to change your name to...
577
00:31:40,234 --> 00:31:44,738
Weird... Al Yankovic?
578
00:31:46,281 --> 00:31:47,449
I love it.
579
00:31:47,533 --> 00:31:50,911
[LAUGHS] Great. Great!
580
00:31:50,994 --> 00:31:53,163
Hey, I'm having a little pool party
at the house this weekend.
581
00:31:53,247 --> 00:31:55,165
I'd love to introduce
you to some folks.
582
00:31:55,249 --> 00:31:56,667
What do you say you come on by,
583
00:31:56,750 --> 00:31:58,752
we'll continue this conversation
at the grotto.
584
00:31:58,836 --> 00:32:00,087
Yes, of course!
585
00:32:00,170 --> 00:32:05,050
Mm-hmm. And don't forget to stay demented!
586
00:32:05,133 --> 00:32:06,802
[LAUGHS]
587
00:32:06,885 --> 00:32:07,886
You got it.
588
00:32:12,891 --> 00:32:15,185
[INDISTINCT PARTY CHATTER]
589
00:32:20,816 --> 00:32:25,737
H-H-Hey!
There he is, my newest superstar.
590
00:32:25,821 --> 00:32:28,031
Ah, so glad you could make it.
591
00:32:28,115 --> 00:32:29,992
I've been telling everyone about you,
592
00:32:30,075 --> 00:32:32,870
and, uh, looks like you've
brought your band.
593
00:32:32,953 --> 00:32:34,538
Okay, fine.
594
00:32:34,621 --> 00:32:36,707
Uh, there's some canapés right
over there, gentlemen.
595
00:32:36,790 --> 00:32:39,084
Help yourselves. So,
let me show you around, okay?
596
00:32:39,168 --> 00:32:42,171
Everyone's dying to meet you.
Oh, right this way.
597
00:32:42,254 --> 00:32:44,256
- Uh, Mr. Herman.
- [PEE-WEE] Hello.
598
00:32:44,339 --> 00:32:46,133
I'd like you to meet
"Weird Al" Yankovic.
599
00:32:46,216 --> 00:32:48,552
Ah, a rising star.
600
00:32:48,635 --> 00:32:50,179
Pleased to meet you.
601
00:32:50,262 --> 00:32:53,098
[BOTH LAUGHING]
602
00:32:55,184 --> 00:32:57,686
And this is, of course, Tiny Tim.
603
00:32:57,769 --> 00:33:03,442
Oh, Mr. Yankovic.
Oh, why, you're just the cat's pajamas.
604
00:33:03,525 --> 00:33:05,319
Is that a good thing?
605
00:33:05,402 --> 00:33:06,528
Sure.
606
00:33:06,612 --> 00:33:08,780
Ah, excuse us, gentlemen.
607
00:33:08,864 --> 00:33:10,657
Nice to meet you.
608
00:33:10,741 --> 00:33:12,951
So that's Demento's new protégé.
609
00:33:13,035 --> 00:33:17,039
You know, I hear they don't even hand out
raincoats and tarps at his shows.
610
00:33:17,122 --> 00:33:18,582
Amateur hour.
611
00:33:20,459 --> 00:33:23,045
Amateur hour.
612
00:33:23,128 --> 00:33:26,632
- Well, hello, Dali.
- Andy.
613
00:33:26,715 --> 00:33:31,220
What do you think of
this "Weird Al" Yankovic?
614
00:33:31,303 --> 00:33:36,433
Dali predicts he will change
everything we know about art!
615
00:33:36,517 --> 00:33:39,895
Weird Al will change the world!
616
00:33:39,978 --> 00:33:43,106
Eh, I give him 15 minutes.
617
00:33:43,190 --> 00:33:47,361
Well, well, well, if it isn't Dr. Demento.
618
00:33:47,444 --> 00:33:50,614
Wolf man Jack.
Who let you in here?
619
00:33:50,697 --> 00:33:53,825
The Wolf man goes where
the Wolf man wants, baby.
620
00:33:55,035 --> 00:33:58,247
[HOWLING]
621
00:33:58,330 --> 00:33:59,790
Security!
622
00:33:59,873 --> 00:34:03,961
Relax. I just came by
to lay eyes on this cat
623
00:34:04,044 --> 00:34:06,505
you've been paradin' around.
624
00:34:06,588 --> 00:34:08,966
The one who takes
preexisting musical compositions
625
00:34:09,049 --> 00:34:12,511
and completely changes the lyrics.
626
00:34:12,594 --> 00:34:16,557
He has a name, you know.
And it's "Weird Al" Yankovic.
627
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:20,060
Well then, put 'er there, Weird Al.
628
00:34:20,143 --> 00:34:22,396
Oooh! Too slow.
629
00:34:22,479 --> 00:34:23,897
What is the meaning of this?
630
00:34:23,981 --> 00:34:26,441
This is me telling you
that I know hit talent
631
00:34:26,525 --> 00:34:28,652
when I see it, and this kid ain't it.
632
00:34:28,735 --> 00:34:32,197
He'll never crack the top 40,
he's too niche.
633
00:34:32,281 --> 00:34:37,286
This kid, as you call him,
is the future of music.
634
00:34:37,369 --> 00:34:41,874
Right. Well, if he's so great,
how about he comes up
635
00:34:41,957 --> 00:34:45,460
with a new parody song
right now on the spot?
636
00:34:45,544 --> 00:34:47,296
- [GUESTS] Ooh...
- Whoa.
637
00:34:47,379 --> 00:34:50,632
I mean, come on, man. It's a party.
I don't know that's a good idea.
638
00:34:50,716 --> 00:34:52,718
[JOHN]
Do "Another One Bites the Dust."
639
00:34:52,801 --> 00:34:56,722
[LAUGHS] That seems fitting,
who said that?
640
00:34:56,805 --> 00:35:00,100
I did. I'm John Deacon...
641
00:35:03,604 --> 00:35:04,938
of Queen.
642
00:35:08,150 --> 00:35:09,735
I play the bass in Queen.
643
00:35:09,818 --> 00:35:11,486
[CROWD] Oh...
644
00:35:11,570 --> 00:35:13,989
All right, future boy.
645
00:35:14,072 --> 00:35:17,910
Let's hear what you can do
with "Another One Bites the Dust."
646
00:35:27,294 --> 00:35:28,712
We're waiting.
647
00:35:30,797 --> 00:35:33,342
You don't have to
prove anything to him.
648
00:35:33,425 --> 00:35:36,386
[JACK]
Come on, guy from Queen.
649
00:35:36,470 --> 00:35:41,016
Let's go find a party
with some real talent. [LAUGHS]
650
00:35:45,896 --> 00:35:48,815
Get me my accordion.
651
00:35:48,899 --> 00:35:50,609
[JACK]
Hey, you like deviled eggs?
652
00:35:50,692 --> 00:35:53,529
I love a good deviled egg.
They don't love me, though.
653
00:35:53,612 --> 00:35:56,823
["ANOTHER ONE RIDES THE BUS"]
654
00:36:06,792 --> 00:36:08,877
♪ Ridin' in the bus
down the boulevard ♪
655
00:36:08,961 --> 00:36:10,921
- ♪ And the place was pretty packed ♪
- ♪ Yeah! ♪
656
00:36:11,004 --> 00:36:12,714
♪ I couldn't find a seat
so I had to stand ♪
657
00:36:12,798 --> 00:36:14,925
♪ With the perverts in the back ♪
658
00:36:15,008 --> 00:36:18,011
♪ It was smellin' like a locker room
There was junk all over the floor ♪
659
00:36:18,095 --> 00:36:19,972
♪ We're already packed in
like sardines ♪
660
00:36:20,055 --> 00:36:23,225
♪ But we're stoppin'
to pick up more, look out! ♪
661
00:36:23,308 --> 00:36:26,728
♪ Another one rides the bus ♪
662
00:36:26,812 --> 00:36:28,647
- ♪ Another one rides the bus ♪
- [TRAIN WHISTLE]
663
00:36:28,730 --> 00:36:30,774
♪ And another comes on
And another comes on ♪
664
00:36:30,858 --> 00:36:32,484
♪ Another one rides the bus ♪
665
00:36:32,568 --> 00:36:34,403
♪ Hey, he's gonna sit by you ♪
666
00:36:34,486 --> 00:36:36,947
♪ Another one rides the bus ♪
667
00:36:43,412 --> 00:36:45,038
♪ Another one rides the bus ♪
668
00:36:45,122 --> 00:36:47,249
♪ Another one rides the bus
Ow! ♪
669
00:36:47,332 --> 00:36:49,042
♪ Another one rides the bus
Hey, hey ♪
670
00:36:49,126 --> 00:36:53,172
♪ Another one rides the bus
Hey-ey-ey-ey-ey ♪
671
00:36:57,801 --> 00:36:59,803
♪ The window doesn't open
and the fan is broke ♪
672
00:36:59,887 --> 00:37:01,972
- ♪ And my face is turnin' blue ♪
- ♪ Yeah! ♪
673
00:37:02,055 --> 00:37:04,808
♪ I haven't been in a crowd like this
since I went to see The Who ♪
674
00:37:04,892 --> 00:37:06,935
♪ Well, I should've got off
a couple miles ago ♪
675
00:37:07,019 --> 00:37:08,729
♪ But I couldn't get to the door ♪
676
00:37:08,812 --> 00:37:10,939
♪ There isn't any room
for me to breathe ♪
677
00:37:11,023 --> 00:37:14,067
♪ Now we're gonna pick up more
Yeah! ♪
678
00:37:14,151 --> 00:37:17,362
♪ Another one rides the bus ♪
679
00:37:17,446 --> 00:37:19,656
♪ Another one rides the bus ♪
680
00:37:19,740 --> 00:37:21,617
♪ And another comes on
And another comes on ♪
681
00:37:21,700 --> 00:37:23,702
♪ Another one rides the bus ♪
682
00:37:23,785 --> 00:37:27,414
♪ Hey, he's gonna sit by you
Another one rides the bus! ♪
683
00:37:27,497 --> 00:37:29,875
[GUESTS CHEERING]
684
00:37:44,890 --> 00:37:46,266
I don't know what to say.
685
00:37:47,684 --> 00:37:49,436
That was the...
686
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:52,648
That was the most beautiful thing
I've ever heard in my entire life.
687
00:37:54,358 --> 00:37:57,653
You truly have a rare gift, Weird Al.
688
00:38:05,953 --> 00:38:10,040
Hey mate, we're playing
a little gig next week
689
00:38:10,123 --> 00:38:15,254
called Live Aid,
Wembley Stadium.
690
00:38:15,337 --> 00:38:17,548
I'd be honored if you
would join the band
691
00:38:17,631 --> 00:38:20,759
and play that song on stage with us.
692
00:38:22,845 --> 00:38:24,179
What do you say?
693
00:38:30,894 --> 00:38:32,521
Hard pass!
694
00:38:32,604 --> 00:38:35,774
[LAUGHTER]
695
00:38:40,279 --> 00:38:43,031
- This guy?
- Get him, get him out of here!
696
00:38:47,619 --> 00:38:50,289
[AL] I felt like
I was on top of the world,
697
00:38:50,372 --> 00:38:54,084
but this was just the beginning.
698
00:38:56,170 --> 00:38:59,631
"Weird Al" Yankovic is
one of the most exciting
699
00:38:59,715 --> 00:39:01,967
new artists in pop music today.
700
00:39:02,050 --> 00:39:04,678
His self-titled debut album
701
00:39:04,761 --> 00:39:08,557
was just certified quintuple platinum.
702
00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:09,933
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
703
00:39:10,017 --> 00:39:12,227
Simply by taking well-known pop songs
704
00:39:12,311 --> 00:39:13,729
and changing the lyrics,
705
00:39:13,812 --> 00:39:16,231
Yankovic has taken the world by storm.
706
00:39:16,315 --> 00:39:19,484
I have never seen a collection
of Hawaiian shirts like this.
707
00:39:19,568 --> 00:39:21,153
Oh, well, thank you, Oprah!
708
00:39:21,236 --> 00:39:23,572
[OPRAH] He has the number one album
in 20 countries
709
00:39:23,655 --> 00:39:25,532
and counts among his fans
such luminaries as...
710
00:39:25,616 --> 00:39:27,492
Hey, turn this up.
711
00:39:27,576 --> 00:39:30,204
[OPRAH] ...President Ronald Reagan
and Pope John Paul II.
712
00:39:30,287 --> 00:39:33,332
Even international drug lord
Pablo Escobar
713
00:39:33,415 --> 00:39:36,210
calls Weird Al his favorite musician.
714
00:39:36,293 --> 00:39:38,754
♪ Oh, Ricky, you're so fine
You're so fine, you blow my mind ♪
715
00:39:38,837 --> 00:39:42,382
- ♪ Hey Ricky! Hey Ricky! ♪
- [GUNS FIRING]
716
00:39:42,466 --> 00:39:44,218
And what about this,
this necklace you're wearing?
717
00:39:44,301 --> 00:39:45,761
Oh, these, yeah.
718
00:39:45,844 --> 00:39:47,721
I, uh, I wear one
solid platinum record medallion
719
00:39:47,804 --> 00:39:49,431
for each time my album went platinum.
720
00:39:49,515 --> 00:39:51,850
So that's one, two, three, four, five.
721
00:39:51,934 --> 00:39:53,644
Wow. Those look heavy.
722
00:39:53,727 --> 00:39:55,854
They are super uncomfortable.
723
00:39:55,938 --> 00:39:58,607
[OPRAH] And it's not
just the record company
724
00:39:58,690 --> 00:40:01,151
that's cashing in on Weird Al fever.
725
00:40:01,235 --> 00:40:04,905
The artists he's parodying
are experiencing a phenomenon
726
00:40:04,988 --> 00:40:07,699
that's being called the Yankovic Bump.
727
00:40:07,783 --> 00:40:10,953
The Knack, Joan Jett
and even Queen
728
00:40:11,036 --> 00:40:13,830
have seen their
album sales double
729
00:40:13,914 --> 00:40:17,334
after Weird Al put
his unique spin on their songs.
730
00:40:17,417 --> 00:40:21,505
Which begs the question,
who will be next?
731
00:40:21,588 --> 00:40:24,716
Who indeed?
732
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:29,179
Al, you really do seem to have
the Midas touch. [CHUCKLES]
733
00:40:29,263 --> 00:40:31,807
I've never seen anything like it
in all my years.
734
00:40:31,890 --> 00:40:34,393
Your parents must be proud.
735
00:40:34,476 --> 00:40:37,187
Yeah. Yeah, my parents...
736
00:40:46,697 --> 00:40:48,073
Is everything okay?
737
00:40:48,156 --> 00:40:50,576
Huh? Yeah. Yes, of course.
738
00:40:50,659 --> 00:40:52,995
Yeah, whose, whose parents
wouldn't be proud?
739
00:40:53,078 --> 00:40:54,454
[OPRAH] Exactly.
740
00:40:56,081 --> 00:40:59,084
- Al? Al?
- [PHONE RINGING]
741
00:41:03,881 --> 00:41:05,007
Hello?
742
00:41:05,090 --> 00:41:08,886
- [AL] Hey, Mom. It's me.
- Alfy?
743
00:41:08,969 --> 00:41:10,929
[AL]
It's been a long time, hasn't it?
744
00:41:13,015 --> 00:41:14,516
We saw you on the TV.
745
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:17,019
It's crazy, right?
746
00:41:17,102 --> 00:41:19,188
Yeah, who would've thought?
747
00:41:19,271 --> 00:41:21,690
I'm actually gearing up
for a residency right now
748
00:41:21,773 --> 00:41:23,775
at Madison Square Garden.
749
00:41:23,859 --> 00:41:26,528
Sold out 25 nights in a row.
750
00:41:26,612 --> 00:41:28,363
They're, uh, they're moving the Knicks
751
00:41:28,447 --> 00:41:30,157
to a hockey rink in Jersey
for a month.
752
00:41:30,240 --> 00:41:31,909
- Huh.
- Yep.
753
00:41:31,992 --> 00:41:33,827
Yep. I'm living the dream.
754
00:41:33,911 --> 00:41:36,163
I mean, to have 20,000 people
every night
755
00:41:36,246 --> 00:41:38,373
singing along to my words
756
00:41:38,457 --> 00:41:40,501
to other people's music.
757
00:41:40,584 --> 00:41:43,420
I feel truly alive
when I'm on that stage.
758
00:41:43,504 --> 00:41:44,880
[MARY] Oh, that's nice.
759
00:41:46,298 --> 00:41:47,591
Are you eating enough bran?
760
00:41:49,176 --> 00:41:51,303
- What?
- Well, it's important.
761
00:41:51,386 --> 00:41:53,764
It keeps you regular
and you know how you get
762
00:41:53,847 --> 00:41:56,225
when you're not having
your regular BMs, Alfy.
763
00:41:56,308 --> 00:41:59,269
I... Yeah, sure.
764
00:41:59,353 --> 00:42:02,773
Good. That's good.
765
00:42:04,149 --> 00:42:09,071
So, um, so how's Dad?
766
00:42:09,154 --> 00:42:12,574
Gosh, your father's a complicated man.
767
00:42:12,658 --> 00:42:14,743
Does he ever talk about me?
768
00:42:14,826 --> 00:42:17,996
Oh, sure, all the time. Yes.
769
00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:20,249
There's so many things
that he wants to tell you,
770
00:42:20,332 --> 00:42:21,708
but it's just difficult for him.
771
00:42:21,792 --> 00:42:23,794
Well, like what?
772
00:42:23,877 --> 00:42:26,171
You know, what does
he want to tell me?
773
00:42:26,255 --> 00:42:30,884
Well, mostly he just
wants to let you know that
774
00:42:30,968 --> 00:42:33,053
he's definitely not proud of you.
775
00:42:34,388 --> 00:42:35,806
What?
776
00:42:35,889 --> 00:42:37,683
Yes. He told me to be crystal clear
about that.
777
00:42:37,766 --> 00:42:40,352
Also, he still thinks that parody songs
are stupid
778
00:42:40,435 --> 00:42:41,687
and I don't have to tell you
779
00:42:41,770 --> 00:42:43,355
how he feels about the accordion, do I?
780
00:42:43,438 --> 00:42:45,107
Okay. Well, Mom,
I actually have to go now.
781
00:42:45,190 --> 00:42:47,109
You know, he just never
really wanted to have kids.
782
00:42:47,192 --> 00:42:48,902
Okay. Well, great talking to you.
783
00:42:48,986 --> 00:42:51,530
Listen, if you do wanna get
that job down at the factory,
784
00:42:51,613 --> 00:42:53,615
I'm sure your father can
pull a few strings for you.
785
00:42:53,699 --> 00:42:55,117
All right. Take care now, bye-bye.
786
00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:56,785
- Love you, Alfy!
- Yep!
787
00:43:04,168 --> 00:43:05,294
- [GRUNTS]
- [PHONE SHATTERS]
788
00:43:08,005 --> 00:43:11,967
Oh, tough call with the folks, huh?
789
00:43:12,050 --> 00:43:14,803
You know, I can fire up the downstairs
hot tub for you if you'd like.
790
00:43:14,887 --> 00:43:17,181
Oh, no, no, this is fine. I don't want to
put you through any trouble.
791
00:43:17,264 --> 00:43:18,724
I... It's really no trouble.
792
00:43:18,807 --> 00:43:20,642
I mean, there are actually
three other Jacuzzis
793
00:43:20,726 --> 00:43:22,686
in the house that are
not here in my bedroom.
794
00:43:22,769 --> 00:43:26,106
Oh, that's so sweet of you,
but really, I'm good.
795
00:43:26,190 --> 00:43:29,526
You, on the other hand,
you don't seem so good.
796
00:43:29,610 --> 00:43:31,528
Do you wanna talk about it?
797
00:43:35,324 --> 00:43:38,785
It's just, my whole life,
798
00:43:38,869 --> 00:43:44,416
all I've wanted is for my
father to accept me for who I am.
799
00:43:44,499 --> 00:43:47,669
And I thought if I became
this huge success,
800
00:43:47,753 --> 00:43:49,838
that that would change things, but...
801
00:43:49,922 --> 00:43:51,131
Mm.
802
00:43:52,799 --> 00:43:55,928
But he still hates everything about me.
803
00:43:59,181 --> 00:44:01,975
You know, maybe he's right.
Maybe parody songs are stupid.
804
00:44:02,059 --> 00:44:05,312
Look, you don't have to
write parody songs
805
00:44:05,395 --> 00:44:06,563
if you don't want to.
806
00:44:06,647 --> 00:44:09,024
What?
807
00:44:09,107 --> 00:44:11,235
You look a little hungry.
Here, have a snack.
808
00:44:13,570 --> 00:44:16,281
You can write your own songs.
809
00:44:17,950 --> 00:44:19,535
You think I took
you under my wing
810
00:44:19,618 --> 00:44:22,079
because you write parody songs?
811
00:44:22,162 --> 00:44:25,666
No, I saw in you a visionary,
812
00:44:25,749 --> 00:44:29,586
an artist who has
something to give to the world.
813
00:44:29,670 --> 00:44:31,463
I saw in you something special,
814
00:44:31,547 --> 00:44:34,758
something your father doesn't see
815
00:44:34,842 --> 00:44:37,135
and that even you don't see...
816
00:44:39,346 --> 00:44:40,430
yet.
817
00:44:40,514 --> 00:44:42,266
This guacamole tastes funny.
818
00:44:42,349 --> 00:44:45,853
[DR. DEMENTO LAUGHS] Of course it does.
It's loaded with LSD.
819
00:44:45,936 --> 00:44:47,104
What?!
820
00:44:47,187 --> 00:44:49,398
- [LAUGHS]
- No!
821
00:44:49,481 --> 00:44:53,068
You need to open your heart
and your mind,
822
00:44:53,151 --> 00:44:56,321
face your fears,
break your chains,
823
00:44:56,405 --> 00:44:58,699
come with me on a spiritual journey.
824
00:44:58,782 --> 00:45:00,868
Find your source of inspiration!
825
00:45:00,951 --> 00:45:03,829
No, that-that is totally not cool, man.
You can't just...
826
00:45:03,912 --> 00:45:06,790
Whoa, no, what is happening
to your head?
827
00:45:06,874 --> 00:45:08,625
That's probably the drugs kicking in.
828
00:45:08,709 --> 00:45:10,711
Just relax and enjoy the ride.
829
00:45:10,794 --> 00:45:13,463
It'll be over in like, 10 to 12 hours.
830
00:45:13,547 --> 00:45:17,009
12 hours?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
831
00:45:17,092 --> 00:45:18,802
[AUDIO DISTORTING]
832
00:45:18,886 --> 00:45:21,430
I'm just gonna close my eyes
and when I open them up again,
833
00:45:21,513 --> 00:45:23,348
everything is gonna
be completely back to...
834
00:45:23,432 --> 00:45:25,434
[GASPS]
835
00:45:30,689 --> 00:45:32,274
[BREATHING RAPIDLY]
836
00:45:32,357 --> 00:45:35,527
What in God's name
are you doing, boy?
837
00:45:35,611 --> 00:45:37,404
Those aren't the right words!
838
00:45:37,487 --> 00:45:41,909
Please, just stop being who you are
and doing the things you love.
839
00:45:41,992 --> 00:45:45,662
You, Al Yankovic,
are the most untalented,
840
00:45:45,746 --> 00:45:50,167
pathetic loser I've ever
met in my entire life!
841
00:45:50,250 --> 00:45:52,920
No, no, no, stop it.
Leave me alone!
842
00:45:56,173 --> 00:46:01,136
Alfred Yankovic, this is your time.
843
00:46:01,220 --> 00:46:05,182
Believe in yourself,
and the song will come to you.
844
00:46:05,265 --> 00:46:06,934
Don't listen to him, boy!
845
00:46:07,017 --> 00:46:09,895
You belong with me, at the factory!
846
00:46:09,978 --> 00:46:13,440
It's your destiny!
847
00:46:13,524 --> 00:46:16,902
[STRUGGLING] Aah! No!
848
00:46:16,985 --> 00:46:19,279
[LAUGHING]
849
00:46:24,409 --> 00:46:26,620
Aah! No!
850
00:46:26,703 --> 00:46:30,499
He's losing his power
over you, keep going!
851
00:46:30,582 --> 00:46:32,459
I can't!
852
00:46:32,543 --> 00:46:35,337
Maybe you should try
a little Cap'n Crunch.
853
00:46:36,672 --> 00:46:38,423
What?
854
00:46:38,507 --> 00:46:40,217
Raisin Bran, perhaps?
855
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:44,346
No, no! I don't want no Cap'n Crunch!
856
00:46:44,429 --> 00:46:46,265
Don't want no Raisin Bran!
857
00:46:46,348 --> 00:46:50,519
Eat it, just eat it.
858
00:46:50,602 --> 00:46:52,813
I don't understand!
859
00:46:52,896 --> 00:46:56,108
[DISTORTED]
Don't you make me repeat it.
860
00:46:56,191 --> 00:46:58,819
[MACHINE CLANKING]
861
00:46:58,902 --> 00:47:01,196
What's happening to me?!
862
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:04,825
Now you must die in order to be reborn.
863
00:47:04,908 --> 00:47:08,120
No, no! No!
864
00:47:12,583 --> 00:47:15,502
[THUNDER CRASHING]
865
00:47:20,257 --> 00:47:23,093
[HEART BEATING]
866
00:47:28,891 --> 00:47:31,268
[PLAYING "EAT IT"]
867
00:47:35,022 --> 00:47:36,356
[SCREAMING]
868
00:47:41,361 --> 00:47:42,487
Put it in.
869
00:47:44,948 --> 00:47:47,659
♪ How come you're always
such a fussy young man ♪
870
00:47:47,743 --> 00:47:50,662
♪ Don't want no Cap'n Crunch
Don't want no Raisin Bran ♪
871
00:47:50,746 --> 00:47:53,999
♪ Well, don't you know that other kids
are starving in Japan ♪
872
00:47:54,082 --> 00:47:56,877
♪ So eat it, just eat it ♪
873
00:47:59,755 --> 00:48:01,131
I've heard enough.
874
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:06,136
It's brilliant.
875
00:48:06,220 --> 00:48:08,847
[BEN] Okay, I'm sorry.
I don't recognize the tune.
876
00:48:08,931 --> 00:48:10,933
What song are you parodying here?
877
00:48:11,016 --> 00:48:12,935
I'm not parodying anything.
878
00:48:13,018 --> 00:48:15,062
This song is completely original.
879
00:48:15,145 --> 00:48:18,190
Wait, you wrote the words
and the music?
880
00:48:18,273 --> 00:48:19,316
That's right.
881
00:48:19,399 --> 00:48:22,444
Okay, just to be perfectly clear,
882
00:48:22,528 --> 00:48:26,573
so you're saying this is not a parody
of an existing song,
883
00:48:26,657 --> 00:48:31,495
but an entirely original composition
that you wrote all by yourself?
884
00:48:31,578 --> 00:48:32,913
Yes.
885
00:48:32,996 --> 00:48:35,666
Not based on anybody else's song
in any way?
886
00:48:35,749 --> 00:48:37,209
Did I stutter?
887
00:48:40,254 --> 00:48:43,715
I'm tired of people thinking
I'm some kind of joke, okay?
888
00:48:43,799 --> 00:48:49,847
I am done writing parody songs. Done.
889
00:48:49,930 --> 00:48:55,936
From now on, I am only gonna do
completely original music.
890
00:48:56,728 --> 00:48:59,106
Oh, Al, you can't smoke in here.
891
00:49:00,816 --> 00:49:02,109
[CIGARETTE SIZZLING]
892
00:49:02,192 --> 00:49:05,988
[GROANING]
893
00:49:08,907 --> 00:49:11,368
[PAINED LAUGHING]
I totally deserved that.
894
00:49:11,451 --> 00:49:16,123
Well, I am blown away.
This is a bold new direction.
895
00:49:16,206 --> 00:49:19,001
I mean, the parody songs were fine,
896
00:49:19,084 --> 00:49:24,256
but you've completely
changed the game here.
897
00:49:24,339 --> 00:49:26,550
This is gonna be your biggest hit yet.
898
00:49:29,845 --> 00:49:30,846
[DOORBELL RINGING]
899
00:49:30,929 --> 00:49:35,309
Okay, okay! Hold your horses!
900
00:49:37,853 --> 00:49:39,229
[DOORBELL CONTINUES RINGING]
901
00:49:47,029 --> 00:49:48,739
"Weird Al" Yankovic.
902
00:49:48,822 --> 00:49:51,992
Um, do I know you?
903
00:49:52,075 --> 00:49:55,746
Madonna. Ring any bells?
904
00:49:55,829 --> 00:49:59,416
[AL]
Oh, right. Madonna.
905
00:49:59,499 --> 00:50:03,629
Yeah, "Lucky Star,"
"Holiday," "Borderline."
906
00:50:03,712 --> 00:50:05,380
Born in Michigan, Catholic schoolgirl,
907
00:50:05,464 --> 00:50:07,299
dropped outta college
and moved to New York City
908
00:50:07,382 --> 00:50:09,134
with nothing but the clothes
on your back
909
00:50:09,218 --> 00:50:10,511
and $35 in your pocket.
910
00:50:10,594 --> 00:50:13,013
Maybe it was to become
the Queen of Pop.
911
00:50:13,096 --> 00:50:15,974
Maybe it was to get back at Dad
for marrying the housekeeper.
912
00:50:17,309 --> 00:50:18,769
Wow.
913
00:50:18,852 --> 00:50:21,146
You know a lot more about me
than you let on.
914
00:50:21,230 --> 00:50:25,400
What can I say?
I'm full of surprises. [GRUNTS]
915
00:50:25,484 --> 00:50:27,861
[DOOR SLAMMING]
916
00:50:27,945 --> 00:50:31,949
So, what brings you here, Madonna?
917
00:50:32,032 --> 00:50:34,034
Oh, I was in the neighborhood.
918
00:50:34,117 --> 00:50:39,581
Wanted to see if my map to
the stars' homes was accurate.
919
00:50:39,665 --> 00:50:42,459
Guess you won't need a refund then.
920
00:50:42,543 --> 00:50:46,463
Is that, uh, all you wanted?
921
00:50:46,547 --> 00:50:51,677
No, I want a lot of things,
922
00:50:51,760 --> 00:50:54,179
but the truth is,
I'm a big fan of yours.
923
00:50:54,263 --> 00:50:56,890
Join the club.
924
00:50:56,974 --> 00:51:01,144
Have you heard my new
single, "Like a Virgin?"
925
00:51:01,228 --> 00:51:02,646
[AL]
Oh, I've heard it.
926
00:51:02,729 --> 00:51:08,110
And I'm curious,
is that song autobiographical?
927
00:51:08,193 --> 00:51:11,530
Yes. I technically am a virgin,
928
00:51:11,613 --> 00:51:14,825
except for the fact
that I've had a lot of sex.
929
00:51:14,908 --> 00:51:17,327
I mean, a lot.
930
00:51:19,037 --> 00:51:20,998
I see.
931
00:51:21,081 --> 00:51:24,126
Anyway, I was wondering
932
00:51:24,209 --> 00:51:26,295
if you were going to
do a parody of my song.
933
00:51:27,963 --> 00:51:29,381
Maybe.
934
00:51:29,464 --> 00:51:32,050
I like that.
935
00:51:32,134 --> 00:51:36,388
So, would you like to see
the rest of the house?
936
00:51:36,471 --> 00:51:38,765
There's only one room
I'm interested in seeing.
937
00:51:38,849 --> 00:51:40,809
Oh, I'm doing some
work on the bathroom,
938
00:51:40,893 --> 00:51:43,061
but there's another one downstairs.
939
00:51:43,145 --> 00:51:45,272
Oh, I'm not talking about the bathroom.
940
00:51:45,355 --> 00:51:48,650
Then let me show you
to the laundry room.
941
00:51:50,402 --> 00:51:54,489
Al Yankovic,
are you playing with me?
942
00:51:56,283 --> 00:51:57,784
Yes?
943
00:51:57,868 --> 00:52:00,329
[MOANING]
944
00:52:12,674 --> 00:52:14,760
[STATUE BREAKING]
945
00:52:14,843 --> 00:52:17,262
[MOANING]
946
00:52:20,933 --> 00:52:23,852
Oh, you're so weird.
947
00:52:41,370 --> 00:52:44,706
So, are we like, boyfriend
and girlfriend now?
948
00:52:46,500 --> 00:52:49,920
Maybe. [GIGGLES]
949
00:52:50,003 --> 00:52:53,590
Well, now that things are official,
950
00:52:53,674 --> 00:52:56,927
I should really be honest with you.
951
00:52:57,010 --> 00:53:01,723
When I said I might parody
one of your songs, I lied.
952
00:53:05,185 --> 00:53:10,732
So, it's true, what they're saying.
You're not doing parodies anymore.
953
00:53:11,275 --> 00:53:15,279
My song "Eat It," which, as you know,
is a hundred percent original,
954
00:53:15,362 --> 00:53:18,824
is the biggest hit by anybody ever.
955
00:53:18,907 --> 00:53:21,368
So, I've decided that's all
I wanna do from now on.
956
00:53:21,451 --> 00:53:23,829
Completely original songs.
957
00:53:27,875 --> 00:53:30,919
See, that's what I love about you.
958
00:53:31,003 --> 00:53:34,089
You know what you want and
you know how to get it.
959
00:53:36,258 --> 00:53:37,467
Just like me.
960
00:53:50,647 --> 00:53:53,525
♪ Just eat it, eat it ♪
961
00:53:53,609 --> 00:53:56,612
♪ Don't you make me repeat it ♪
962
00:53:56,695 --> 00:53:59,865
♪ Have a banana
Have a whole bunch ♪
963
00:53:59,948 --> 00:54:02,993
♪ It doesn't matter
what you had for lunch ♪
964
00:54:03,076 --> 00:54:05,871
♪ Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it ♪
965
00:54:05,954 --> 00:54:07,831
♪ Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it ♪
966
00:54:07,915 --> 00:54:12,544
[LAUGHS] How about that?
And I've got some amazing news.
967
00:54:12,628 --> 00:54:15,422
I've officially gotten the word
that we have broken
968
00:54:15,506 --> 00:54:19,635
the Beatles' record for most singles
in the Billboard Top 10.
969
00:54:20,677 --> 00:54:21,845
Oh.
970
00:54:25,641 --> 00:54:27,226
Yeah, cool.
971
00:54:27,309 --> 00:54:28,936
Uh, okay.
972
00:54:29,019 --> 00:54:33,649
Well, um, we have some very
exciting offers pouring in
973
00:54:33,732 --> 00:54:36,193
that I would love to...
974
00:54:36,276 --> 00:54:38,278
- That...
- Oh, that feels good.
975
00:54:38,362 --> 00:54:39,905
love to discuss with...
976
00:54:39,988 --> 00:54:41,240
Love to discuss with you.
977
00:54:41,323 --> 00:54:43,075
We got some, some great calls.
978
00:54:43,158 --> 00:54:45,202
- [MOANING CONTINUES]
- Uh, very interesting.
979
00:54:45,285 --> 00:54:48,956
Led Zeppelin, uh, is thinking about
getting back together,
980
00:54:49,039 --> 00:54:51,041
but they say the only
way they'll do it
981
00:54:51,124 --> 00:54:53,085
is if they can open
up for you on tour.
982
00:54:53,168 --> 00:54:55,045
I mean, that's sweet, but yeah.
983
00:54:55,128 --> 00:54:57,840
I already offered the gig
to Howie Mandel, so.
984
00:54:59,424 --> 00:55:02,719
Okay, yeah. But this is perhaps...
985
00:55:02,803 --> 00:55:07,808
Look, I am not bumping
Mandel for Zeppelin, okay? Pass.
986
00:55:07,891 --> 00:55:10,394
Okay. Got it.
987
00:55:12,145 --> 00:55:15,607
Uh, well, we have another offer,
a very serious offer.
988
00:55:15,691 --> 00:55:19,653
This is to replace Roger Moore
in the James Bond franchise.
989
00:55:19,736 --> 00:55:21,154
- Now this one...
- No!
990
00:55:21,238 --> 00:55:23,073
No, no, no, I'm not gonna
be the new James Bond.
991
00:55:23,156 --> 00:55:25,075
I'm not gonna be
the new Indiana Jones.
992
00:55:25,158 --> 00:55:28,912
From now on, everything I do
has to be completely original.
993
00:55:28,996 --> 00:55:31,039
How many times have
I gotta say that?
994
00:55:31,123 --> 00:55:34,918
Look, Mr. Pimento,
we have places to be.
995
00:55:35,002 --> 00:55:37,129
How long is this gonna take?
996
00:55:37,212 --> 00:55:39,715
Not much longer.
997
00:55:39,798 --> 00:55:41,341
We got another offer
for you to play
998
00:55:41,425 --> 00:55:43,719
Pablo Escobar's 40th birthday party.
999
00:55:43,802 --> 00:55:45,762
I saw him on the news.
He's a really big deal.
1000
00:55:45,846 --> 00:55:48,515
The drug lord?
Why is he so obsessed with me?
1001
00:55:48,599 --> 00:55:53,478
And he has upped his offer
to three billion pesos.
1002
00:55:53,562 --> 00:55:55,522
I mean, okay, how much is
that in American money?
1003
00:55:55,606 --> 00:55:58,233
You know what, never mind,
I don't feel like doing the math.
1004
00:55:58,317 --> 00:56:00,194
Well, I've done the math
and I can assure you...
1005
00:56:00,277 --> 00:56:05,908
Bup-bup-bup! I can do my own math,
and I said, I don't want to. Pass.
1006
00:56:05,991 --> 00:56:09,036
Alfy, are you chewing my gum?
1007
00:56:09,119 --> 00:56:11,455
I don't know. Maybe.
1008
00:56:11,538 --> 00:56:13,665
You wanna come get it?
1009
00:56:13,749 --> 00:56:16,126
[MOANING]
1010
00:56:22,883 --> 00:56:25,469
[LAUGHING]
1011
00:56:25,552 --> 00:56:27,429
You, you don't think
things are moving
1012
00:56:27,513 --> 00:56:28,889
too fast with us, do you?
1013
00:56:28,972 --> 00:56:32,976
Baby, don't be silly.
We're soulmates.
1014
00:56:33,060 --> 00:56:36,522
This is true love.
When you know, you know.
1015
00:56:36,605 --> 00:56:38,148
You're so right.
1016
00:56:38,232 --> 00:56:42,569
This has been the happiest
six hours of my life.
1017
00:56:42,653 --> 00:56:46,031
Mr. Yankovic, you have a phone call
at the host stand.
1018
00:56:47,199 --> 00:56:48,742
Excuse me, my love.
1019
00:56:56,500 --> 00:56:57,876
This better be good.
1020
00:56:59,461 --> 00:57:00,671
Well...
1021
00:57:02,172 --> 00:57:04,007
What's going on, Tony?
1022
00:57:04,091 --> 00:57:08,554
Okay, um, I-I thought you should
hear it from me first.
1023
00:57:08,637 --> 00:57:13,308
Michael Jackson just released
a new single called "Beat It."
1024
00:57:13,392 --> 00:57:15,394
It's, um...
1025
00:57:15,477 --> 00:57:18,188
Well, it's-it's a parody of "Eat It."
1026
00:57:18,272 --> 00:57:20,858
You mean the kid from the Jackson Five?
1027
00:57:20,941 --> 00:57:23,402
Why is that has-been trying
to ride my coattails?
1028
00:57:23,485 --> 00:57:25,988
He actually has
a pretty successful solo career now.
1029
00:57:26,071 --> 00:57:27,406
Whatever! You're telling me
1030
00:57:27,489 --> 00:57:29,700
Michael Jackson recorded
a parody of my song?
1031
00:57:29,783 --> 00:57:32,870
[TONY] Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Same music, different words.
1032
00:57:32,953 --> 00:57:34,663
What kinda sick freak
changes the words
1033
00:57:34,746 --> 00:57:36,540
to someone else's song?
1034
00:57:37,624 --> 00:57:39,418
"Beat It," huh?
1035
00:57:39,501 --> 00:57:41,336
Wait, so it's about eggs?
1036
00:57:41,420 --> 00:57:42,921
[TONY] No, no, it's, uh, I don't
think it's even about food.
1037
00:57:43,005 --> 00:57:45,132
It's about fighting or...
1038
00:57:45,215 --> 00:57:47,176
trying to avoid a fight?
I'm not exactly sure...
1039
00:57:47,259 --> 00:57:51,305
What gives him the right?!
Can he even do this?
1040
00:57:51,388 --> 00:57:53,557
I think you're overreacting
just a little, okay?
1041
00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:57,060
I mean, this could be great publicity.
Sell a few more albums.
1042
00:57:57,144 --> 00:58:00,397
No, I don't need to
sell more albums, Tony!
1043
00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:04,735
I need people to start taking me seriously
as an artist that creates original music.
1044
00:58:04,818 --> 00:58:06,612
Now some idiots
will probably get confused
1045
00:58:06,695 --> 00:58:09,281
and think "Beat It" came first!
1046
00:58:09,364 --> 00:58:10,949
Nobody's gonna think that.
1047
00:58:11,033 --> 00:58:13,327
This is a disaster,
for the rest of my life now,
1048
00:58:13,410 --> 00:58:15,412
I'm gonna be linked to
this Michael Jackson guy.
1049
00:58:15,495 --> 00:58:17,206
And why would that be so bad?
1050
00:58:17,289 --> 00:58:19,499
You know, maybe it's a good thing.
I-I think it's an honor.
1051
00:58:19,583 --> 00:58:21,001
Michael's one of the biggest stars
in the world.
1052
00:58:21,084 --> 00:58:26,381
- [AL SCREAMING]
- [PHONE SLAMMING REPEATEDLY]
1053
00:58:29,343 --> 00:58:30,969
Everything okay?
1054
00:58:31,053 --> 00:58:33,639
Everything's pretty freaking not okay.
1055
00:58:33,722 --> 00:58:35,474
I finally created something of my own
1056
00:58:35,557 --> 00:58:38,852
and now people are just gonna think
I'm ripping off Michael Jackson.
1057
00:58:38,936 --> 00:58:40,854
Your fillet?
1058
00:58:40,938 --> 00:58:43,357
- [GROWLS]
- [DISHES CLATTERING]
1059
00:58:43,440 --> 00:58:45,651
I think I lost my appetite.
1060
00:58:45,734 --> 00:58:48,779
Babe, you seem stressed.
You should have a drink.
1061
00:58:48,862 --> 00:58:50,906
I don't really drink.
1062
00:58:50,989 --> 00:58:53,033
If there's one thing I've learned in life,
the only thing that can clear your head
1063
00:58:53,116 --> 00:58:57,079
and make you feel better is
hard alcohol, and lots of it.
1064
00:58:57,162 --> 00:59:01,583
Well, you know me better than anyone.
1065
00:59:03,210 --> 00:59:04,211
I trust you.
1066
00:59:05,754 --> 00:59:07,172
He'll have a whiskey, neat.
1067
00:59:07,256 --> 00:59:09,591
[AL SOBBING]
1068
00:59:11,760 --> 00:59:14,638
You know what? Maybe you should bring
the whole bottle.
1069
00:59:26,525 --> 00:59:29,069
- [AL LAUGHS] I know, right?
- [MADONNA LAUGHING]
1070
00:59:29,152 --> 00:59:33,907
Hey, hey. The king is here!
Let's get this party started.
1071
00:59:33,991 --> 00:59:37,286
Dude, soundcheck was supposed to start
like three hours ago.
1072
00:59:37,369 --> 00:59:41,957
Well, I wasn't here three hours ago,
so we're starting now.
1073
00:59:42,040 --> 00:59:43,750
Al, are you drunk?
1074
00:59:43,834 --> 00:59:46,837
- [AL] I'm not drunk, you're all drunk.
- No, this is pointless.
1075
00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:49,339
Hey, man, why don't you
just get out of here?
1076
00:59:49,423 --> 00:59:51,717
I need to get out of here?
You need to get out of here!
1077
00:59:51,800 --> 00:59:53,343
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Guys, guys!
1078
00:59:53,427 --> 00:59:55,971
Al, look, it's the first show
of the tour tonight.
1079
00:59:56,054 --> 00:59:57,723
It's kind of a big deal.
1080
00:59:57,806 --> 00:59:59,308
Do you think you could maybe
not screw this up for everybody?
1081
00:59:59,391 --> 01:00:02,436
Oh, what-what-what are you gonna do,
fire me?
1082
01:00:02,519 --> 01:00:05,814
You guys are nothing without me.
1083
01:00:05,898 --> 01:00:08,775
Yeah, I could replace
you with a drum machine
1084
01:00:08,859 --> 01:00:12,613
and you with a guitar machine
1085
01:00:12,696 --> 01:00:17,159
and you with a, I don't know,
with some other machine.
1086
01:00:17,242 --> 01:00:19,620
You're all just a bunch of normals, okay,
1087
01:00:19,703 --> 01:00:23,457
I'm the weird one!
I am the weird one!
1088
01:00:29,379 --> 01:00:32,382
Okay. That's it.
1089
01:00:40,140 --> 01:00:41,683
You've changed, man.
1090
01:00:43,268 --> 01:00:46,230
- Fame's really gotten to you.
- [MOCKING MUMBLING]
1091
01:00:46,313 --> 01:00:47,898
Wow.
1092
01:00:51,235 --> 01:00:54,488
Look, just get yourself cleaned up
for the show tonight, all right?
1093
01:00:58,200 --> 01:00:59,826
- You're a mess.
- Yeah.
1094
01:01:05,791 --> 01:01:07,543
They seem nice.
1095
01:01:07,626 --> 01:01:08,627
Yeah, they're great.
1096
01:01:10,879 --> 01:01:13,924
- Al?
- Oh, what do you want?
1097
01:01:14,007 --> 01:01:15,759
Can I talk to you for a minute?
1098
01:01:18,512 --> 01:01:20,389
Privately?
1099
01:01:20,472 --> 01:01:23,392
Look, anything you wanna say to me,
you can say in front of my girlfriend.
1100
01:01:25,018 --> 01:01:27,938
[SIGHS] Okay, fine.
1101
01:01:28,021 --> 01:01:30,649
- I think Madonna's a bad influence on you.
- [SCOFFS]
1102
01:01:30,732 --> 01:01:32,776
I think she's an evil, conniving succubus
1103
01:01:32,860 --> 01:01:35,696
and she's only using you
for her pathetic and selfish needs.
1104
01:01:35,779 --> 01:01:37,447
- What?
- No offense.
1105
01:01:37,531 --> 01:01:41,535
She only wants you for that
sweet, sweet Yankovic Bump.
1106
01:01:41,618 --> 01:01:42,911
She knows her record sales
1107
01:01:42,995 --> 01:01:45,330
will go through the roof
if you parody her.
1108
01:01:45,414 --> 01:01:47,124
How dare you.
1109
01:01:47,207 --> 01:01:51,879
This woman is the greatest thing
that has ever happened to me.
1110
01:01:51,962 --> 01:01:55,674
And besides, I already told her
I'm not doing any more, um...
1111
01:01:55,757 --> 01:01:58,510
Any more...
The thing you said.
1112
01:01:58,594 --> 01:02:00,262
- Song parodies.
- Song parodies!
1113
01:02:00,345 --> 01:02:01,930
You're so drunk right now,
1114
01:02:02,014 --> 01:02:04,141
I bet you couldn't even
give her that Yankovic Bump.
1115
01:02:04,224 --> 01:02:05,934
That's not true!
1116
01:02:06,018 --> 01:02:08,103
That's not true, I'll come up with
that song parody right now.
1117
01:02:08,187 --> 01:02:11,481
Instead of "Like a Virgin,"
it'll be "Like a..."
1118
01:02:11,565 --> 01:02:12,733
Like a...
1119
01:02:14,776 --> 01:02:16,320
Like a...
1120
01:02:16,403 --> 01:02:18,280
Shut up, it's impossible!
Nothing rhymes with virgin.
1121
01:02:18,363 --> 01:02:19,781
Al, listen.
1122
01:02:20,741 --> 01:02:22,201
You gotta take care of yourself.
1123
01:02:22,284 --> 01:02:24,244
When she's done with you,
she's gonna drop you
1124
01:02:24,328 --> 01:02:25,996
like a sack of spoiled cabbage.
1125
01:02:26,079 --> 01:02:28,582
No, no, shut up, shut up!
You're not my dad.
1126
01:02:28,665 --> 01:02:31,877
You think you're my dad,
but you are not my dad.
1127
01:02:35,339 --> 01:02:37,633
Baby? Baby, where are you going?
1128
01:02:37,716 --> 01:02:39,927
I'm goin' for a drive to clear my mind,
on my own.
1129
01:02:40,010 --> 01:02:43,597
No, no, no, no, no. You cannot go.
1130
01:02:45,849 --> 01:02:47,476
Without your car keys.
1131
01:02:47,559 --> 01:02:50,854
[EXHALES] Thank you so much.
1132
01:03:05,786 --> 01:03:07,663
[RADIO DJ]
Well, we can't wait.
1133
01:03:07,746 --> 01:03:09,915
Weird Al hits the stage
at Joe Robbie Stadium
1134
01:03:09,998 --> 01:03:13,669
tonight at eight o'clock,
and it's gonna be off the chain.
1135
01:03:13,752 --> 01:03:15,045
One for the history...
1136
01:03:15,128 --> 01:03:17,548
- ♪ Just eat it, eat it ♪
- [GRUNTS]
1137
01:03:17,631 --> 01:03:20,634
♪ Another one rides the bus ♪
1138
01:03:20,717 --> 01:03:23,720
♪ M-M-M-My bologna ♪
1139
01:03:23,804 --> 01:03:25,055
[GROANING]
1140
01:03:25,138 --> 01:03:26,723
♪ Have another triple scoop with me ♪
1141
01:03:26,807 --> 01:03:29,226
[RADIO DJ] Well, that was
multi-platinum recording artist
1142
01:03:29,309 --> 01:03:31,854
"Weird Al" Yankovic with
"I Love Rocky Road," and my god,
1143
01:03:31,937 --> 01:03:34,773
have you ever seen
a more durable pop artist?
1144
01:03:34,857 --> 01:03:36,191
Anything you throw at this guy,
1145
01:03:36,275 --> 01:03:38,694
he just seems capable of surviving it.
1146
01:03:38,777 --> 01:03:41,488
I'll bet he could land a plane
into a volcano
1147
01:03:41,572 --> 01:03:44,157
- and still come out...
- [HORN BLARING]
1148
01:03:44,241 --> 01:03:48,161
[CAR CRASHING]
1149
01:03:48,245 --> 01:03:51,039
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
1150
01:03:54,418 --> 01:03:57,754
[MONITOR FLAT LINING]
1151
01:04:01,008 --> 01:04:02,384
Dammit.
1152
01:04:04,595 --> 01:04:06,763
All right, nurse, let's call it.
1153
01:04:08,640 --> 01:04:10,684
TIME OF DEATH: 7:30...
1154
01:04:10,767 --> 01:04:13,604
[SCREAMING]
1155
01:04:13,687 --> 01:04:15,063
[PANTING]
1156
01:04:15,147 --> 01:04:16,523
Quick!
1157
01:04:16,607 --> 01:04:18,692
I need some paper and
a number two pencil.
1158
01:04:18,775 --> 01:04:20,402
Here you go, baby.
1159
01:04:20,485 --> 01:04:22,446
Excuse me, miss, he's
in no condition to be doing...
1160
01:04:22,529 --> 01:04:26,158
Look, there's no time, okay?
He's got a show in 30 minutes.
1161
01:04:26,241 --> 01:04:28,827
- All right.
- ["LIKE A SURGEON" PLAYS]
1162
01:04:28,911 --> 01:04:30,996
Better give me all your gauze, nurse.
1163
01:04:34,041 --> 01:04:35,334
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
1164
01:04:35,417 --> 01:04:38,045
♪ I finally made it through med school ♪
1165
01:04:38,128 --> 01:04:42,799
♪ Somehow I made it through ♪
1166
01:04:42,883 --> 01:04:44,176
♪ I'm just an intern ♪
1167
01:04:44,259 --> 01:04:48,388
♪ I still make a mistake or two ♪
1168
01:04:49,806 --> 01:04:53,602
♪ I was last in my class ♪
1169
01:04:53,685 --> 01:04:57,272
♪ Barely passed at the institute ♪
1170
01:04:57,356 --> 01:05:01,276
♪ Now I'm trying to avoid ♪
1171
01:05:01,360 --> 01:05:04,530
♪ Yeah, I'm trying to avoid ♪
1172
01:05:04,613 --> 01:05:06,990
♪ A malpractice suit ♪
1173
01:05:08,909 --> 01:05:12,204
♪ Like a surgeon, hey! ♪
1174
01:05:12,287 --> 01:05:15,249
♪ Cuttin' for the very first time ♪
1175
01:05:15,332 --> 01:05:16,375
Yes!
1176
01:05:16,458 --> 01:05:20,128
♪ Like a surgeon ♪
1177
01:05:20,212 --> 01:05:24,758
♪ Here's a waiver for you to sign ♪
1178
01:05:24,842 --> 01:05:28,637
[MONITOR BEEPING]
1179
01:05:31,098 --> 01:05:35,602
This is all for you, babe.
I love you so much.
1180
01:05:35,686 --> 01:05:38,105
I think I should have stuck around
for that blood transfusion though,
1181
01:05:38,188 --> 01:05:40,983
- I think I'm gonna pass out.
- No, babe, you're killing it.
1182
01:05:41,066 --> 01:05:43,026
- Now get back out there.
- Okay.
1183
01:05:46,947 --> 01:05:49,241
♪ Like a surgeon ♪
1184
01:05:49,324 --> 01:05:53,287
♪ Ooh-hoo, like a surgeon ♪
1185
01:05:53,370 --> 01:05:56,790
♪ When I reach inside ♪
1186
01:05:56,874 --> 01:06:02,504
♪ With my scalpel
and my forceps and retractors ♪
1187
01:06:02,588 --> 01:06:05,299
♪ Oh-ho-oh-oh-oh ♪
1188
01:06:05,382 --> 01:06:10,554
- ♪ Oh-oh-oh-ho-oh-ho-oh-ho ♪
- [MONITOR BEEPING]
1189
01:06:13,098 --> 01:06:17,060
♪ Ooh, baby, yeah ♪
1190
01:06:17,144 --> 01:06:19,354
♪ I can hear your heart beat ♪
1191
01:06:21,231 --> 01:06:23,400
♪ For the very last time ♪
1192
01:06:23,483 --> 01:06:27,196
- [MONITOR FLAT LINING]
- [AUDIENCE CHEERING]
1193
01:06:32,910 --> 01:06:36,455
Okay, babe, you have a costume change,
one more song
1194
01:06:36,538 --> 01:06:38,290
and then we can go home
and sleep it off.
1195
01:06:38,373 --> 01:06:39,458
Okay.
1196
01:06:44,004 --> 01:06:47,090
No, no, no, no. What-what is that?
I'm not wearing that.
1197
01:06:47,174 --> 01:06:49,635
- It's your "Eat It" jacket, babe.
- No, not anymore, it's not.
1198
01:06:49,718 --> 01:06:52,179
That is a Michael Jackson jacket now.
I don't wanna see it.
1199
01:06:52,262 --> 01:06:53,680
Get that outta my face.
1200
01:06:53,764 --> 01:06:55,057
You don't have to wear it
if you don't want to.
1201
01:06:55,140 --> 01:06:58,477
Now just drink up.
Yeah, that's good, yeah.
1202
01:06:58,560 --> 01:07:01,939
Little more, little more.
That's the medicine.
1203
01:07:02,022 --> 01:07:03,524
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
1204
01:07:03,607 --> 01:07:05,692
["EAT IT" PLAYING]
1205
01:07:27,923 --> 01:07:29,716
[MUSIC FADES OUT]
1206
01:07:29,800 --> 01:07:32,094
[AUDIENCE BOOING]
1207
01:07:35,514 --> 01:07:39,852
Boo, boo, boo, boo!
1208
01:07:39,935 --> 01:07:43,021
Yeah, that's what you sound like.
Boo!
1209
01:07:45,274 --> 01:07:47,985
Oh, what? You want,
do you wanna hear "Eat It?"
1210
01:07:48,068 --> 01:07:49,862
- [AUDIENCE CHEERING]
- Do you?
1211
01:07:49,945 --> 01:07:52,906
Okay, here goes.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
1212
01:07:52,990 --> 01:07:55,909
[AUDIENCE BOOING]
1213
01:07:58,453 --> 01:08:00,998
You're all a bunch of slaves!
1214
01:08:01,081 --> 01:08:02,708
- You're morons.
- [AUDIENCE BOOING]
1215
01:08:02,791 --> 01:08:05,294
Idiots!
1216
01:08:05,377 --> 01:08:08,630
Oh, what, what, you paid good money
to see a show?
1217
01:08:08,714 --> 01:08:12,634
You worked your little butts off
at some dangerous factory?
1218
01:08:12,718 --> 01:08:16,763
God only knows what they make there!
1219
01:08:16,847 --> 01:08:18,724
No one will tell you that.
1220
01:08:21,226 --> 01:08:23,353
[GUITAR STRUMMING GENTLY]
1221
01:08:23,437 --> 01:08:26,607
What do they make in the factory?
1222
01:08:26,690 --> 01:08:28,442
What do they make?!
1223
01:08:30,694 --> 01:08:34,364
Do you like getting pushed around?
1224
01:08:34,448 --> 01:08:37,034
You like letting everybody
push you around?
1225
01:08:37,117 --> 01:08:41,663
Yeah, I think you do.
I think you like it.
1226
01:08:41,747 --> 01:08:45,000
You like letting your dad
push you around?
1227
01:08:45,083 --> 01:08:46,418
[AUDIENCE] No!
1228
01:08:46,502 --> 01:08:49,421
You like letting Michael Jackson
push you around?
1229
01:08:49,505 --> 01:08:53,217
- [AUDIENCE] No!
- [PSYCHEDELIC ROCK MUSIC]
1230
01:08:53,300 --> 01:08:56,762
Well, what are you gonna do about it?
1231
01:08:56,845 --> 01:08:59,348
What are you gonna do about it?!
1232
01:08:59,431 --> 01:09:03,143
- [AUDIENCE CHEERING]
- What are you gonna do?!
1233
01:09:06,563 --> 01:09:10,150
So... you wanna see it?
1234
01:09:10,234 --> 01:09:13,820
- [AUDIENCE CHEERING]
- [CHUCKLES]
1235
01:09:13,904 --> 01:09:16,031
Do you want me to show it to you?
1236
01:09:16,114 --> 01:09:18,742
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
1237
01:09:18,825 --> 01:09:20,827
I'm gonna whip it out!
1238
01:09:20,911 --> 01:09:23,330
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
1239
01:09:23,413 --> 01:09:25,457
You don't think I'll do it, do you?
1240
01:09:25,541 --> 01:09:28,752
I haven't whipped it out yet
but I'm gonna do it for you,
1241
01:09:28,836 --> 01:09:32,130
but only if you really want me to.
1242
01:09:32,214 --> 01:09:34,758
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
1243
01:09:34,842 --> 01:09:37,219
Okay, here goes!
1244
01:09:39,012 --> 01:09:40,681
Yeah!
1245
01:09:40,764 --> 01:09:42,349
[CROWD CHEERING]
1246
01:09:42,432 --> 01:09:45,394
- [PSYCHEDELIC ROCK MUSIC]
- [AL] Get off me! Get off me!
1247
01:09:50,190 --> 01:09:51,817
[REPORTER] We're sorry to interrupt
1248
01:09:51,900 --> 01:09:53,986
the President's address,
but we have breaking news.
1249
01:09:54,069 --> 01:09:58,198
Parody songsmith "Weird Al" Yankovic
was arrested earlier tonight
1250
01:09:58,282 --> 01:10:01,618
in Miami-Dade County
for lewd behavior.
1251
01:10:01,702 --> 01:10:04,288
[CROWD YELLING]
1252
01:10:09,793 --> 01:10:11,795
[MADONNA] Okay. Here's my thought.
1253
01:10:11,879 --> 01:10:14,131
I think this is a really great idea,
I hope you like it.
1254
01:10:14,214 --> 01:10:15,841
We team up, right?
1255
01:10:15,924 --> 01:10:18,343
I'll write all the, you know,
good songs, the real ones,
1256
01:10:18,427 --> 01:10:22,806
and then you parody them every time.
Bam, bam. It's perfect.
1257
01:10:24,683 --> 01:10:26,226
Sounds great.
1258
01:10:26,310 --> 01:10:28,061
It's foolproof, we'll be unstoppable.
1259
01:10:28,145 --> 01:10:30,898
We'll be the hottest power couple
in the entire music industry.
1260
01:10:30,981 --> 01:10:32,900
What would our power couple name be?
1261
01:10:32,983 --> 01:10:37,154
I'm thinking Madankovic
or Madonnavic
1262
01:10:37,237 --> 01:10:41,491
or maybe just Madonna.
1263
01:10:41,575 --> 01:10:43,952
There'll be plenty of time
to figure all of that out.
1264
01:10:44,036 --> 01:10:45,954
But can you imagine the world tour?
1265
01:10:46,038 --> 01:10:49,374
Madonna... with Weird Al.
1266
01:10:50,709 --> 01:10:53,962
All that money?
I just got the tingles.
1267
01:10:56,882 --> 01:10:59,426
But I mean, you're okay
with all of this, right?
1268
01:11:00,511 --> 01:11:01,887
Look, babe, I'm...
1269
01:11:03,680 --> 01:11:07,184
I'm seriously okay
with anything you wanna do.
1270
01:11:08,560 --> 01:11:12,397
I mean, look at me. I'm a train wreck.
1271
01:11:12,481 --> 01:11:15,359
I'm barely holding it together.
1272
01:11:15,442 --> 01:11:18,111
My parents wrote me off.
1273
01:11:18,195 --> 01:11:22,324
I pushed away my band, Dr. Demento,
1274
01:11:22,407 --> 01:11:24,701
everyone who was important to me.
1275
01:11:27,246 --> 01:11:29,456
You're all I got.
1276
01:11:29,540 --> 01:11:32,835
You are literally the only thing
I have left in the world,
1277
01:11:32,918 --> 01:11:37,464
and if anything happened to you,
I don't know what I would do.
1278
01:11:37,548 --> 01:11:39,508
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
1279
01:11:39,591 --> 01:11:42,427
No, no! No!
1280
01:11:42,511 --> 01:11:44,888
Relax, Mr. Yankovic.
1281
01:11:44,972 --> 01:11:46,640
We only wanna borrow your girlfriend.
1282
01:11:46,723 --> 01:11:49,601
Just stay calm and
nothing will happen to you.
1283
01:11:49,685 --> 01:11:52,521
Please, sir, please.
Whatever you do...
1284
01:11:52,604 --> 01:11:54,481
[GUN FIRING]
1285
01:11:54,565 --> 01:11:56,233
[THUG SCREAMING]
1286
01:11:56,316 --> 01:11:57,776
Don't hurt me.
1287
01:11:58,861 --> 01:12:00,195
[GRUNTS]
1288
01:12:00,279 --> 01:12:02,406
- Help me!
- Madonna!
1289
01:12:02,489 --> 01:12:06,034
[THUGS SCREAMING]
1290
01:12:06,118 --> 01:12:08,620
- [AL] Hiya!
- [TABLE BREAKS]
1291
01:12:08,704 --> 01:12:10,789
[GRUNTING]
1292
01:12:17,588 --> 01:12:19,756
[ELECTRICITY SPARKING]
1293
01:12:19,840 --> 01:12:21,466
[THUG GROWLING]
1294
01:12:21,550 --> 01:12:24,303
[DISH BREAKING]
1295
01:12:24,386 --> 01:12:27,723
[YELLING]
1296
01:12:27,806 --> 01:12:30,392
[TOWEL SNAPPING]
1297
01:12:30,475 --> 01:12:32,561
[GRUNTING]
1298
01:12:42,487 --> 01:12:44,948
[PAN CLANGING]
1299
01:12:52,414 --> 01:12:55,459
- [SIZZLING]
- Die, die!
1300
01:12:57,794 --> 01:13:00,005
- [BELL DINGING]
- Order up.
1301
01:13:02,216 --> 01:13:05,010
Pablo Escobar sends his regards!
1302
01:13:05,093 --> 01:13:08,388
[TIRES SCREECHING]
1303
01:13:12,142 --> 01:13:16,313
Pablo Escobar, you just made
the biggest mistake of your life.
1304
01:13:16,396 --> 01:13:18,982
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
1305
01:13:25,822 --> 01:13:27,699
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
1306
01:13:38,085 --> 01:13:42,548
- [HIGH-PITCHED WHISTLING]
- [SPEAKING SPANISH]
1307
01:13:57,771 --> 01:14:00,941
- [TWIG SNAPPING]
- [GUNS FIRING]
1308
01:14:04,319 --> 01:14:05,571
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
1309
01:14:14,371 --> 01:14:15,414
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
1310
01:14:23,797 --> 01:14:25,507
- [GUARD GRUNTING]
- [GUN FIRING]
1311
01:14:25,591 --> 01:14:26,967
[NECK SNAPPING]
1312
01:14:29,636 --> 01:14:32,639
[GUN COCKING]
1313
01:14:32,723 --> 01:14:34,683
This'll do.
1314
01:14:34,766 --> 01:14:37,436
[MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYING]
1315
01:14:49,573 --> 01:14:51,909
So, then I'm stomping on him and
stomping him with my boots,
1316
01:14:51,992 --> 01:14:53,577
and he's calling for
his mom and I'm like,
1317
01:14:53,660 --> 01:14:55,787
"Stop being so extra."
You know, it's like...
1318
01:14:55,871 --> 01:14:59,875
[GASPING] Oh, my goodness! Ha ha!
That better not be vanilla.
1319
01:14:59,958 --> 01:15:01,293
Who was it?
1320
01:15:01,376 --> 01:15:03,712
- No, who was it?
- [AL] Escobar!
1321
01:15:03,795 --> 01:15:07,007
Oh, Mr. Yankovic.
1322
01:15:07,090 --> 01:15:10,219
We've been expecting you.
Welcome, welcome.
1323
01:15:10,302 --> 01:15:14,723
As you know, I am a huge,
huge fan of your music.
1324
01:15:14,806 --> 01:15:17,976
I got all of your albums
through the Columbia House Record Club.
1325
01:15:18,060 --> 01:15:21,438
Twelve for one penny, you guys.
Really great deal.
1326
01:15:21,522 --> 01:15:23,023
Really great deal.
1327
01:15:23,106 --> 01:15:26,860
Anyway, I... Oops.
I hope you will forgive me
1328
01:15:26,944 --> 01:15:28,904
for kidnapping your lovely girlfriend.
1329
01:15:28,987 --> 01:15:31,657
It just seemed like
that was the only way
1330
01:15:31,740 --> 01:15:34,743
to guarantee that you would
come to my birthday party.
1331
01:15:34,826 --> 01:15:38,497
Your agent, oy, a real nightmare
to deal with, if I'm gonna be honest.
1332
01:15:38,580 --> 01:15:40,123
Real vicious guy.
1333
01:15:40,207 --> 01:15:42,417
You know, I'm sorry.
Let me turn down the music please.
1334
01:15:42,501 --> 01:15:43,919
Just a little annoying, yeah.
1335
01:15:44,002 --> 01:15:45,420
[GUN FIRING]
1336
01:15:45,504 --> 01:15:47,714
[MARIACHI BAND SHOUTING]
1337
01:15:50,092 --> 01:15:52,678
[LAUGHS] I can hear myself think now.
1338
01:15:52,761 --> 01:15:54,847
It's so noisy up in there.
Aah, the voices. [CHUCKLES]
1339
01:15:54,930 --> 01:15:57,349
Oh. Oh, where are my manners?
1340
01:15:57,432 --> 01:16:00,686
We were just about to cut the cake.
May I offer you a slice?
1341
01:16:00,769 --> 01:16:02,145
Let's get him a slice, please.
1342
01:16:02,229 --> 01:16:04,106
No. No cake.
1343
01:16:04,189 --> 01:16:06,692
Okay, Mr. Diet.
[LAUGHING]
1344
01:16:06,775 --> 01:16:08,026
More for us, am I right?
1345
01:16:08,110 --> 01:16:10,988
I just want my woman, then I'll go.
1346
01:16:12,531 --> 01:16:16,410
Ah, you want your woman. Okay.
1347
01:16:16,493 --> 01:16:21,039
[SNIFFS] I'm afraid that's
not how it works, Mr. Yankovic.
1348
01:16:21,123 --> 01:16:24,042
You see, you can't leave until you
perform for me.
1349
01:16:24,126 --> 01:16:26,086
- Do you understand me?
- No dice.
1350
01:16:26,170 --> 01:16:28,589
Not gonna happen.
I'm not your monkey.
1351
01:16:28,672 --> 01:16:32,509
- I can do "Borderline."
- No, I don't want that. I want him.
1352
01:16:32,593 --> 01:16:35,888
Mr. Yankovic, why-why all the drama?
1353
01:16:35,971 --> 01:16:37,723
I mean, you're already here.
1354
01:16:37,806 --> 01:16:41,476
Just perform one measly song for us
and then you guys can leave.
1355
01:16:41,560 --> 01:16:44,813
Come on, just one song, no?
1356
01:16:44,897 --> 01:16:47,482
How about that wonderful
1357
01:16:47,566 --> 01:16:50,068
Michael Jackson parody
that you did, huh?
1358
01:16:51,403 --> 01:16:54,573
That's not a parody!
1359
01:16:54,656 --> 01:16:59,870
- [INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
- [SCREAMS]
1360
01:16:59,953 --> 01:17:02,581
[GUNS FIRING]
1361
01:17:20,891 --> 01:17:24,728
Stop! Stop! It's my birthday.
Stop it! Stop it!
1362
01:17:27,272 --> 01:17:31,276
Well, first off, rude. Okay?
And second of all,
1363
01:17:31,360 --> 01:17:34,488
if you really, really don't wanna
entertain us, then fine.
1364
01:17:34,571 --> 01:17:36,031
You can just leave.
1365
01:17:38,075 --> 01:17:40,244
Wait, so, so we can just go?
1366
01:17:41,662 --> 01:17:44,373
Yeah, you can go whenever you want.
1367
01:17:45,290 --> 01:17:47,042
Psych!
1368
01:17:47,125 --> 01:17:48,836
No!
1369
01:17:49,837 --> 01:17:52,297
[MADONNA CRYING]
1370
01:17:53,590 --> 01:17:55,175
Very unfortunate.
1371
01:17:55,259 --> 01:17:59,429
He was like a god among men,
and now just worm food.
1372
01:17:59,513 --> 01:18:04,309
Tsk, tsk, tsk. Anyway, back to the party.
Should we cut the cake or...?
1373
01:18:04,393 --> 01:18:10,065
[GRUNTS] Hey, Pablo, you forgot one thing.
1374
01:18:12,109 --> 01:18:13,652
I'm certified platinum.
1375
01:18:16,864 --> 01:18:18,156
Hey, Escobar.
1376
01:18:19,241 --> 01:18:20,701
Eat it.
1377
01:18:20,784 --> 01:18:22,786
[GROANING]
1378
01:18:28,917 --> 01:18:31,587
Okay, let's get outta here.
1379
01:18:31,670 --> 01:18:34,798
[GROANING]
1380
01:18:34,882 --> 01:18:37,384
I just gotta get this medallion.
1381
01:18:37,467 --> 01:18:42,347
Okay. [GRUNTS]
Oh, it's in there. Ah.
1382
01:18:42,431 --> 01:18:45,684
Oh, gross, gross, gross,
gross, gross!
1383
01:18:50,230 --> 01:18:51,648
You just killed Pablo Escobar!
1384
01:18:51,732 --> 01:18:54,818
I know! I've killed so many people
this week.
1385
01:18:54,902 --> 01:18:58,530
Before last Thursday,
I never really killed anyone.
1386
01:18:58,614 --> 01:19:02,534
The things we do for love, huh?
Okay, come on. We gotta go.
1387
01:19:02,618 --> 01:19:06,538
Well, now, wait, wait, wait,
hear me out here.
1388
01:19:06,622 --> 01:19:10,417
With Escobar out of the picture, maybe...
1389
01:19:10,501 --> 01:19:12,211
maybe we can run the drug cartel.
1390
01:19:12,294 --> 01:19:13,795
Wait, what?
1391
01:19:13,879 --> 01:19:15,881
Supply and demand, baby.
1392
01:19:15,964 --> 01:19:20,511
Look, someone's gotta run the cartel.
May as well be me. Us.
1393
01:19:20,594 --> 01:19:23,347
You can't be serious.
What about all our plans?
1394
01:19:23,430 --> 01:19:25,766
Writing songs together, touring together.
1395
01:19:25,849 --> 01:19:28,685
Why rule the music industry
when you can rule the world?
1396
01:19:28,769 --> 01:19:31,730
All the money and power is right here.
1397
01:19:31,813 --> 01:19:34,024
Madonna, that's...
1398
01:19:34,107 --> 01:19:36,109
No. No way.
1399
01:19:36,193 --> 01:19:40,364
My life is in America, and my
family would never forgive me
1400
01:19:40,447 --> 01:19:42,533
if I became involved in a drug cartel.
1401
01:19:42,616 --> 01:19:45,327
Well, your family's
already disowned you, Al.
1402
01:19:45,410 --> 01:19:47,829
I'm all you've got, remember?
1403
01:19:49,289 --> 01:19:54,002
And we'll still be together.
I'll be the head of the cartel...
1404
01:19:54,086 --> 01:19:55,671
and you can be my number two.
1405
01:19:57,589 --> 01:19:58,715
Your number two.
1406
01:20:01,468 --> 01:20:05,597
I can't believe this.
Dr. Demento was right.
1407
01:20:05,681 --> 01:20:09,226
You were just using me to further
your own career, weren't you?
1408
01:20:11,478 --> 01:20:14,815
Well... yeah.
1409
01:20:16,149 --> 01:20:18,402
My relationship with you
was a business decision...
1410
01:20:18,485 --> 01:20:23,574
and so is this.
It's all just business.
1411
01:20:26,702 --> 01:20:27,703
Wow.
1412
01:20:30,122 --> 01:20:33,041
Well, okay then.
1413
01:20:35,002 --> 01:20:37,462
I guess... I guess that's it.
1414
01:20:43,177 --> 01:20:44,595
Have a nice life.
1415
01:20:53,187 --> 01:20:54,188
Whoa!
1416
01:20:56,064 --> 01:20:59,735
I can't let you leave, Al.
You know too much.
1417
01:20:59,818 --> 01:21:01,236
What are you talking about?
1418
01:21:02,779 --> 01:21:05,073
Stop that!
1419
01:21:05,157 --> 01:21:08,160
We could have made
such a beautiful team,
1420
01:21:08,243 --> 01:21:09,870
and you know what?
1421
01:21:09,953 --> 01:21:12,122
I decided I do like Weirdonna
better than Madonnavic.
1422
01:21:13,874 --> 01:21:16,335
But that's all over now.
1423
01:21:16,418 --> 01:21:19,713
Our partnership is officially dissolved.
1424
01:21:22,841 --> 01:21:24,259
Goodbye, Madonna.
1425
01:21:30,474 --> 01:21:33,560
[CRYING]
1426
01:21:43,278 --> 01:21:46,782
[AL] Yeah. I had
a lot of soul searching to do.
1427
01:21:46,865 --> 01:21:50,369
Was I a parody singer?
An original artist?
1428
01:21:50,452 --> 01:21:53,080
The most dangerous
assassin in the world?
1429
01:21:53,163 --> 01:21:55,374
Maybe I had lost my way.
1430
01:21:55,457 --> 01:21:57,084
Don't get me wrong,
there were things
1431
01:21:57,167 --> 01:21:59,169
I loved about being Weird Al.
1432
01:21:59,253 --> 01:22:01,338
The fame, the money,
1433
01:22:01,421 --> 01:22:04,091
the fancy dinners,
joining the Illuminati,
1434
01:22:04,174 --> 01:22:06,677
going to the Illuminati
holiday party,
1435
01:22:06,760 --> 01:22:10,264
learning the truth about
the moon landing and JFK.
1436
01:22:10,347 --> 01:22:14,017
But without my family,
none of that mattered.
1437
01:22:14,101 --> 01:22:16,103
I knew what I had to do.
1438
01:22:26,822 --> 01:22:27,948
[CLOCK RINGS]
1439
01:22:32,911 --> 01:22:34,830
There it is, pretty simple.
1440
01:22:36,915 --> 01:22:41,128
When the light turns green,
you turn this crank to the left.
1441
01:22:41,211 --> 01:22:45,507
When it turns red, you stop
and pull this lever down.
1442
01:22:45,591 --> 01:22:48,635
When it turns green again,
you push this lever up
1443
01:22:48,719 --> 01:22:52,347
and turn this crank back to the right.
1444
01:22:52,431 --> 01:22:55,767
Yep, that's about it. Lunch is at 12:30.
1445
01:22:57,519 --> 01:22:59,062
Hey, can I ask you a question?
1446
01:23:00,105 --> 01:23:01,356
Sure.
1447
01:23:02,941 --> 01:23:05,944
What do we make here?
1448
01:23:06,028 --> 01:23:10,532
[LAUGHS] Your old man
said you was funny.
1449
01:23:10,616 --> 01:23:13,785
That's a good one.
"What do we make here?"
1450
01:23:13,869 --> 01:23:15,537
[LAUGHS]
1451
01:23:21,627 --> 01:23:22,794
[DINGS]
1452
01:23:23,879 --> 01:23:26,548
[CRANK SQUEAKING]
1453
01:23:26,632 --> 01:23:30,302
[WORKERS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
1454
01:23:31,512 --> 01:23:32,554
[DINGS]
1455
01:23:43,732 --> 01:23:46,860
[WORKER SCREAMING]
Somebody help! My leg!
1456
01:23:46,944 --> 01:23:48,362
Oh, uh...
1457
01:23:48,445 --> 01:23:52,407
[WORKER]
It's burning me! Oh, my leg!
1458
01:23:52,491 --> 01:23:55,702
Ahh! Ahh! It burns!
1459
01:23:58,205 --> 01:23:59,748
Hey.
1460
01:23:59,831 --> 01:24:02,000
[WOMAN OVER PA]
Cleanup crew to the control room.
1461
01:24:02,084 --> 01:24:03,877
You got a minute?
1462
01:24:03,961 --> 01:24:06,296
Well, what?
1463
01:24:08,549 --> 01:24:10,759
You want to take a swing, old man?
1464
01:24:14,221 --> 01:24:15,389
No.
1465
01:24:17,766 --> 01:24:21,436
Just... what are you doing here?
1466
01:24:22,604 --> 01:24:25,649
What am I doing here? Really?!
1467
01:24:27,568 --> 01:24:30,362
All my life, all I wanted to do
is please you,
1468
01:24:30,445 --> 01:24:32,197
but I was never enough.
1469
01:24:32,281 --> 01:24:35,242
You were always disappointed
in your weird son.
1470
01:24:35,325 --> 01:24:38,745
So yeah, I gave up
the most successful career
1471
01:24:38,829 --> 01:24:41,748
in music history to come work
at this miserable factory
1472
01:24:41,832 --> 01:24:43,542
because it's what
you've always wanted
1473
01:24:43,625 --> 01:24:45,836
and what, it is still
not enough for you?
1474
01:24:45,919 --> 01:24:47,462
I appreciate what you're doing.
1475
01:24:48,922 --> 01:24:51,341
This isn't the life for you.
1476
01:24:51,425 --> 01:24:53,969
Oh, what? So I'm not even
good at turning cranks now.
1477
01:24:54,052 --> 01:24:55,512
No, Alfred, that's
not what I'm saying.
1478
01:24:55,596 --> 01:24:57,222
What are you saying, then?
1479
01:25:03,020 --> 01:25:04,938
I was wrong to stand in your way.
1480
01:25:07,983 --> 01:25:10,110
This isn't what you were meant for.
1481
01:25:11,945 --> 01:25:13,238
You're special.
1482
01:25:14,656 --> 01:25:18,660
You're Weird Al, and you're my son.
1483
01:25:21,580 --> 01:25:22,831
And I'm, uh...
1484
01:25:24,291 --> 01:25:25,584
I'm proud of you.
1485
01:25:33,175 --> 01:25:34,593
What are you doing?
1486
01:25:36,678 --> 01:25:38,555
[NICK CHUCKLING]
1487
01:25:40,057 --> 01:25:41,058
Dad!
1488
01:25:41,141 --> 01:25:43,477
[LAUGHING]
1489
01:25:47,814 --> 01:25:51,276
♪ Jingle bells, Batman smells
Robin laid an egg ♪
1490
01:25:51,360 --> 01:25:55,405
♪ The Batmobile lost a wheel
and the Joker ran away, hey! ♪
1491
01:25:55,489 --> 01:25:58,242
- [LAUGHING]
- Yeah, that's an absolute classic.
1492
01:25:58,325 --> 01:26:01,119
[LAUGHS] Whew.
1493
01:26:01,203 --> 01:26:03,664
Well, so Mom tells me you're
dating that singer Madonna.
1494
01:26:03,747 --> 01:26:07,292
Oh, um, no, we-we broke up.
1495
01:26:07,376 --> 01:26:10,295
Oh, I'm sorry, honey. What happened?
1496
01:26:10,379 --> 01:26:12,756
Yeah. It's-it's complicated.
1497
01:26:12,840 --> 01:26:15,676
Well, don't worry.
There's plenty of other fish in the sea.
1498
01:26:15,759 --> 01:26:19,429
So, so, what is it like?
What's it like being you?
1499
01:26:19,513 --> 01:26:22,975
You know, world famous superstar and all?
1500
01:26:23,058 --> 01:26:29,106
Well, um, it's-it's fun,
but it's also a lot of pressure.
1501
01:26:30,274 --> 01:26:33,652
The hardest part for me
is just coming up with new songs.
1502
01:26:33,735 --> 01:26:37,197
I-I never know where my
next idea's gonna come from.
1503
01:26:37,281 --> 01:26:40,450
And yeah, I-I honestly, I don't know
if I have it in me anymore.
1504
01:26:40,534 --> 01:26:43,579
Oh, nonsense.
I'm sure that next big idea
1505
01:26:43,662 --> 01:26:45,831
is just right there in front of you.
1506
01:26:49,751 --> 01:26:52,379
Well, you may have noticed
I've put on a little weight.
1507
01:26:52,462 --> 01:26:54,131
Don't be silly, Ma. You look great.
1508
01:26:54,214 --> 01:26:57,009
You do, dear. I think you look wonderful
with a few extra pounds.
1509
01:26:57,092 --> 01:26:58,635
I think you're pleasingly plump.
1510
01:26:58,719 --> 01:27:01,722
Oh, Nick. You know I'm fat.
1511
01:27:01,805 --> 01:27:03,682
I'm fat, you know it.
1512
01:27:08,270 --> 01:27:09,605
What?
1513
01:27:09,688 --> 01:27:10,647
Wow.
1514
01:27:10,731 --> 01:27:12,816
Dad, can I ask you something?
1515
01:27:14,902 --> 01:27:18,655
Mom told me growing up,
you always had your reasons
1516
01:27:18,739 --> 01:27:20,574
for being so hard on me.
1517
01:27:24,494 --> 01:27:26,246
I think it's time, dear.
1518
01:27:29,458 --> 01:27:30,792
All right.
1519
01:27:44,473 --> 01:27:47,267
Oh, whoa.
1520
01:27:48,894 --> 01:27:53,148
I wrote it all down.
This should explain everything.
1521
01:27:53,232 --> 01:27:56,693
Okay, do you have maybe
a-a photo album
1522
01:27:56,777 --> 01:27:58,987
or we can just go through
the bullet points together?
1523
01:27:59,071 --> 01:28:02,115
I don't have a photo album,
but I have a sketchbook.
1524
01:28:02,199 --> 01:28:03,659
A sketchbook?
1525
01:28:06,078 --> 01:28:09,665
You see, we didn't have any cameras
1526
01:28:09,748 --> 01:28:13,168
when I was growing up because...
1527
01:28:16,004 --> 01:28:17,506
I was raised Amish.
1528
01:28:19,216 --> 01:28:20,801
What, really?
1529
01:28:20,884 --> 01:28:24,054
[NICK] Yep. I grew up Amish.
1530
01:28:24,930 --> 01:28:27,683
Lived in the community for
the first 16 years of my life.
1531
01:28:27,766 --> 01:28:31,061
And frankly, I don't think I
ever really fit in
1532
01:28:31,144 --> 01:28:33,689
because, well, if I'm being honest,
1533
01:28:33,772 --> 01:28:37,818
I was just as weird as you
when I was a kid.
1534
01:28:38,777 --> 01:28:40,779
Yeah, I even made up new words
to the hymns
1535
01:28:40,863 --> 01:28:42,865
that we sang during church service.
1536
01:28:42,948 --> 01:28:45,284
- That didn't go over too well.
- [GASPS]
1537
01:28:45,367 --> 01:28:47,202
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
1538
01:28:47,286 --> 01:28:49,955
[MAN]
That boy will never learn.
1539
01:28:50,038 --> 01:28:51,748
And then when I was
a few years older,
1540
01:28:51,832 --> 01:28:53,834
I was able to go on rumspringa.
1541
01:28:53,917 --> 01:28:56,628
I finally had a chance to go out
into the great big world
1542
01:28:56,712 --> 01:29:00,424
and see what it had to offer.
1543
01:29:00,507 --> 01:29:03,093
And that's when I saw
the love of my life,
1544
01:29:03,177 --> 01:29:06,346
a 1933 Excelsior,
1545
01:29:06,430 --> 01:29:10,225
the finest accordion there ever was.
1546
01:29:10,309 --> 01:29:14,730
Cost me every penny I had
in the world, but it was worth it.
1547
01:29:14,813 --> 01:29:17,191
So wait-wait-wait,
you had an accordion?
1548
01:29:17,274 --> 01:29:20,736
I did, I did, I did,
I was pretty good at it too.
1549
01:29:20,819 --> 01:29:23,322
I was not bad. I was not bad at all.
1550
01:29:23,405 --> 01:29:25,073
I thought I was the love of your life.
1551
01:29:25,157 --> 01:29:27,117
Oh, honey, you come later, please.
Anyway...
1552
01:29:27,201 --> 01:29:28,911
So, I tried for months to make it
1553
01:29:28,994 --> 01:29:30,829
as a professional musician,
1554
01:29:30,913 --> 01:29:32,456
but it just wasn't in God's plan.
1555
01:29:32,539 --> 01:29:33,999
[WOMAN] Get outta here!
1556
01:29:34,082 --> 01:29:36,752
Failure mocked me
at every waking moment.
1557
01:29:36,835 --> 01:29:38,587
[MAN]
Hey, there, squeeze box.
1558
01:29:38,670 --> 01:29:41,089
[NICK] I knew that I had to
give up my dream
1559
01:29:41,173 --> 01:29:44,259
and go back to the only life
that I'd ever known.
1560
01:29:44,343 --> 01:29:46,887
But when I tried to come back
to the Amish community,
1561
01:29:46,970 --> 01:29:49,556
well, the second they
saw that squeeze box,
1562
01:29:49,640 --> 01:29:54,478
I was immediately ex-communicated,
banished forever.
1563
01:29:54,561 --> 01:29:56,772
My whole world
was torn away from me.
1564
01:29:56,855 --> 01:29:58,941
All I knew was
I never wanted to see
1565
01:29:59,024 --> 01:30:02,778
another accordion again,
for as long as I lived.
1566
01:30:02,861 --> 01:30:05,239
So I got a job at the factory,
1567
01:30:05,322 --> 01:30:08,784
a place where I knew you could
get an honest day's wages
1568
01:30:08,867 --> 01:30:10,994
for an honest day's work.
1569
01:30:11,078 --> 01:30:12,704
And that's when I met...
1570
01:30:13,914 --> 01:30:15,541
the true love of my life.
1571
01:30:16,959 --> 01:30:18,544
Your mother.
1572
01:30:18,627 --> 01:30:20,254
Wow.
1573
01:30:20,337 --> 01:30:22,965
Dad, I... I never knew.
1574
01:30:25,259 --> 01:30:27,886
Of course you didn't.
How could you, I just told you.
1575
01:30:27,970 --> 01:30:30,222
I just, the whole story was about...
1576
01:30:31,181 --> 01:30:32,975
Anyway, look,
1577
01:30:34,184 --> 01:30:37,312
son, I hope that you can forgive me
and I hope you understand.
1578
01:30:39,398 --> 01:30:41,942
I lost everything
and I didn't want you
1579
01:30:42,025 --> 01:30:44,278
to suffer the same sad fate.
1580
01:30:46,780 --> 01:30:48,907
I didn't want you
to get your dreams crushed,
1581
01:30:48,991 --> 01:30:52,411
so I thought I should
crush your ideas
1582
01:30:52,494 --> 01:30:54,413
before they could turn into dreams.
1583
01:30:57,708 --> 01:31:00,669
Yeah, that makes sense.
1584
01:31:02,588 --> 01:31:03,630
Oh.
1585
01:31:04,965 --> 01:31:08,135
Oh, that's nothing. You can just
throw that thing out, that's...
1586
01:31:08,218 --> 01:31:10,679
- "Amish Paradise?"
- Nope, just tear that up in little pieces
1587
01:31:10,762 --> 01:31:12,848
- and get rid of that.
- Dad.
1588
01:31:12,931 --> 01:31:14,433
Are these song lyrics?
1589
01:31:14,516 --> 01:31:16,143
That's just something stupid
I wrote a while ago.
1590
01:31:16,226 --> 01:31:17,686
It doesn't matter. You can just...
1591
01:31:17,769 --> 01:31:20,105
No, no, no, Dad, these lyrics...
1592
01:31:21,690 --> 01:31:23,942
they're like a window into your soul.
1593
01:31:25,110 --> 01:31:26,820
I don't think I've ever felt
more connected to you than this
1594
01:31:26,904 --> 01:31:28,530
in my entire life.
1595
01:31:31,867 --> 01:31:34,036
Well, I never had the chance
to perform it myself
1596
01:31:34,119 --> 01:31:36,705
because the dream had already died.
1597
01:31:36,788 --> 01:31:40,542
I thought maybe someday,
but no, never mind.
1598
01:31:40,626 --> 01:31:44,671
Never mind. I guess no one
will ever hear this song.
1599
01:31:48,383 --> 01:31:51,845
That's it! That's it!
1600
01:31:51,929 --> 01:31:53,514
Mom!
1601
01:31:53,597 --> 01:31:55,265
What did you say like
a minute ago, about being fat?
1602
01:31:55,349 --> 01:31:56,934
We're onto something else now.
1603
01:31:57,017 --> 01:31:59,228
We were kind of having
a moment here, son.
1604
01:31:59,311 --> 01:32:00,896
[MARY] Read the room.
1605
01:32:00,979 --> 01:32:03,732
Yeah, I mean, I wrote the book
and did the whole thing.
1606
01:32:03,815 --> 01:32:04,900
- Alfy!
- The drawing.
1607
01:32:04,983 --> 01:32:06,360
[MARY]
Listen to your father when he's talking!
1608
01:32:06,443 --> 01:32:08,278
[NICK]
Does anything register with you?
1609
01:32:08,362 --> 01:32:11,532
Can you see my lips moving?
Nothing gets through to you.
1610
01:32:11,615 --> 01:32:13,992
♪ We been spendin' most our lives ♪
1611
01:32:14,076 --> 01:32:17,162
♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪
1612
01:32:17,246 --> 01:32:19,623
♪ I've churned butter once or twice ♪
1613
01:32:19,706 --> 01:32:22,876
♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪
1614
01:32:22,960 --> 01:32:25,295
♪ It's hard work and sacrifice ♪
1615
01:32:25,379 --> 01:32:28,966
♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪
1616
01:32:29,049 --> 01:32:31,134
♪ We sell quilts at discount price ♪
1617
01:32:31,218 --> 01:32:34,513
♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪
1618
01:32:34,596 --> 01:32:37,516
♪ Hitchin' up the buggy
Churnin' lots of butter ♪
1619
01:32:37,599 --> 01:32:40,310
♪ Raised a barn on Monday
Soon I'll raise an utter ♪
1620
01:32:40,394 --> 01:32:43,230
♪ Think you're really righteous?
Think you're pure in heart? ♪
1621
01:32:43,313 --> 01:32:46,316
♪ Well, I know I'm a million times
as humble as thou art ♪
1622
01:32:46,400 --> 01:32:49,111
♪ I'm the pious guy
the little Amlettes wanna be like ♪
1623
01:32:49,194 --> 01:32:52,322
♪ On my knees day and night
scorin' points for the afterlife ♪
1624
01:32:52,406 --> 01:32:54,533
♪ So don't be vain
and don't be whiny ♪
1625
01:32:54,616 --> 01:32:56,285
♪ Or else, my brother ♪
1626
01:32:56,368 --> 01:32:58,203
♪ I might have to get
medieval on your heinie ♪
1627
01:32:58,287 --> 01:33:00,831
♪ We been spendin' most our lives ♪
1628
01:33:00,914 --> 01:33:04,042
♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪
1629
01:33:04,126 --> 01:33:06,253
♪ We're all crazy Mennonites ♪
1630
01:33:06,336 --> 01:33:07,838
♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪
1631
01:33:07,921 --> 01:33:09,840
Man, I should a kept
the publishing rights.
1632
01:33:09,923 --> 01:33:12,134
♪ There's no cops or traffic lights ♪
1633
01:33:12,217 --> 01:33:15,470
♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪
1634
01:33:15,554 --> 01:33:18,182
♪ But you'd probably think it bites ♪
1635
01:33:18,265 --> 01:33:21,351
♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪
1636
01:33:21,435 --> 01:33:25,647
[CHORAL SINGING]
1637
01:33:25,731 --> 01:33:26,732
Yecch!
1638
01:33:26,815 --> 01:33:29,860
[CHEERING]
1639
01:33:38,076 --> 01:33:39,661
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
1640
01:33:42,080 --> 01:33:44,458
It is so good to
have you back, man.
1641
01:33:44,541 --> 01:33:46,418
Yeah, I was starting
to miss the weird one.
1642
01:33:46,502 --> 01:33:49,004
Oh god, I cannot believe
I ever said that to you guys.
1643
01:33:49,087 --> 01:33:50,672
I am so, so sorry.
1644
01:33:50,756 --> 01:33:52,299
[BERMUDA]
Hey, you're an artist.
1645
01:33:52,382 --> 01:33:54,551
Being an abusive jerk
is all part of the process.
1646
01:33:54,635 --> 01:33:56,345
Yeah, name me one creative genius
1647
01:33:56,428 --> 01:33:58,138
that doesn't have a checkered past
1648
01:33:58,222 --> 01:34:00,807
involving drugs, alcohol
and a murderous rampage
1649
01:34:00,891 --> 01:34:02,518
through the heart of the jungle.
1650
01:34:02,601 --> 01:34:05,020
Yeah, I guess you're right.
1651
01:34:05,103 --> 01:34:06,730
I love you guys so much!
1652
01:34:08,440 --> 01:34:10,234
Yeah, yeah. See you out there.
1653
01:34:11,318 --> 01:34:13,320
[SLOW CLAPPING]
1654
01:34:13,403 --> 01:34:15,531
Dr. D, you came!
1655
01:34:15,614 --> 01:34:18,075
Of course I came. I wouldn't
have missed it for the world.
1656
01:34:18,158 --> 01:34:20,452
And well, needless to say,
you were amazing.
1657
01:34:20,536 --> 01:34:25,499
Thank you. And I-I also,
I really wanna say the way I treated you...
1658
01:34:25,582 --> 01:34:27,626
Stop. I'm gonna stop you
right there, okay?
1659
01:34:27,709 --> 01:34:29,211
No apologies necessary.
1660
01:34:29,294 --> 01:34:31,755
I have been thinking
a lot about what you said,
1661
01:34:31,839 --> 01:34:34,424
and I realized, Al, that...
1662
01:34:37,261 --> 01:34:40,931
you are like a son to me and, uh...
1663
01:34:41,014 --> 01:34:44,184
Well, I never really had any children
of my own, so, uh...
1664
01:34:50,649 --> 01:34:51,984
I want to adopt you.
1665
01:34:57,155 --> 01:34:58,615
Will you be my son?
1666
01:35:00,325 --> 01:35:02,202
Wow.
1667
01:35:02,286 --> 01:35:07,124
Um, you... I... I just made up with my dad.
1668
01:35:09,251 --> 01:35:10,377
You d... You did?
1669
01:35:10,460 --> 01:35:12,129
- Yeah.
- That's, wow. Okay.
1670
01:35:12,212 --> 01:35:13,505
Yeah. So yeah, we-we talked.
1671
01:35:13,589 --> 01:35:15,799
- Wow.
- We're-we're all good now.
1672
01:35:15,883 --> 01:35:17,092
Cool, the coolest. that's great.
1673
01:35:17,176 --> 01:35:18,969
- That's great.
- It is great.
1674
01:35:19,052 --> 01:35:20,554
Oh, good!
1675
01:35:20,637 --> 01:35:21,555
- Yeah.
- Cool.
1676
01:35:21,638 --> 01:35:23,140
Wow, that's so cool.
1677
01:35:23,223 --> 01:35:25,184
That's really cool. That's so cool.
1678
01:35:25,267 --> 01:35:27,519
My, my category
is coming up really soon,
1679
01:35:27,603 --> 01:35:29,313
I think, so I should probably go change?
1680
01:35:29,396 --> 01:35:30,314
You should...
oh, you should go. Yeah, definitely.
1681
01:35:30,397 --> 01:35:32,441
It's so good to see you.
1682
01:35:32,524 --> 01:35:34,318
- Thank you so much for coming.
- Okay.
1683
01:35:34,401 --> 01:35:37,446
- So good. Take care.
- All right.
1684
01:35:37,529 --> 01:35:41,283
[HORN SQUEAKING SADLY]
1685
01:35:41,366 --> 01:35:44,203
[POLITE APPLAUSE]
1686
01:35:44,286 --> 01:35:47,539
[ANNOUNCER] Please welcome to the stage
Grammy Award winner Diana Ross,
1687
01:35:47,623 --> 01:35:51,251
and Intercontinental
WWF Champion Hulk Hogan.
1688
01:35:52,544 --> 01:35:56,840
As artists, we learn to express ourselves
through our instruments.
1689
01:35:56,924 --> 01:36:01,720
Louis Armstrong had his trumpet
and Jimi Hendrix had his guitar.
1690
01:36:01,803 --> 01:36:04,765
And well, my instrument is my voice.
1691
01:36:04,848 --> 01:36:08,268
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
1692
01:36:08,352 --> 01:36:09,770
That's right, Diana.
1693
01:36:09,853 --> 01:36:13,023
And my instruments
are these 24-inch pythons.
1694
01:36:13,106 --> 01:36:16,568
- Whoo!
- [POLITE APPLAUSE]
1695
01:36:16,652 --> 01:36:20,489
No, no, Mary.
That's an oily man.
1696
01:36:22,991 --> 01:36:26,828
And now, the award
you've all been waiting for.
1697
01:36:26,912 --> 01:36:30,415
In the category of "Perhaps
Not Technically the Best
1698
01:36:30,499 --> 01:36:33,669
But Arguably the Most
Famous Accordion Player
1699
01:36:33,752 --> 01:36:37,464
in an Extremely
Specific Genre of Music."
1700
01:36:37,548 --> 01:36:39,466
And the award goes to...
1701
01:36:39,550 --> 01:36:42,719
[DRUMROLL]
1702
01:36:48,350 --> 01:36:50,269
[BOTH] "Weird Al" Yankovic!
1703
01:36:50,352 --> 01:36:53,939
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
1704
01:36:54,022 --> 01:36:56,441
[CLAPPING]
1705
01:37:17,462 --> 01:37:20,048
Oh, thank you.
1706
01:37:20,132 --> 01:37:23,719
Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, this is incredible.
1707
01:37:23,802 --> 01:37:25,804
This award means so much to me,
1708
01:37:25,888 --> 01:37:28,640
and in front of all
the billions of people watching
1709
01:37:28,724 --> 01:37:33,103
around the world right now,
all I want to say is...
1710
01:37:33,187 --> 01:37:35,439
see, Dad? I told you!
1711
01:37:35,522 --> 01:37:37,941
Yeah! In your face, old man!
1712
01:37:38,025 --> 01:37:41,403
- [LAUGHING]
- Huh?
1713
01:37:41,486 --> 01:37:45,908
There are so many people here tonight
that I need to thank.
1714
01:37:45,991 --> 01:37:49,494
People who mean the world to me
and who made me
1715
01:37:49,578 --> 01:37:51,622
everything that I am today.
1716
01:37:51,705 --> 01:37:55,042
But they know who they are, and I'm gonna
thank them all later privately.
1717
01:37:56,960 --> 01:38:00,506
Okay, I'm just gonna wrap things up.
I don't have much time left.
1718
01:38:00,589 --> 01:38:04,927
I... Y'know, I'm gonna be around
for a good long time.
1719
01:38:05,010 --> 01:38:06,887
You don't have to worry about that.
1720
01:38:06,970 --> 01:38:09,389
You're not gonna get rid of me
that easy.
1721
01:38:13,519 --> 01:38:16,647
- Waiting on your signal.
- [MADONNA] Stand by.
1722
01:38:16,730 --> 01:38:20,442
But in my remaining few seconds,
I just wanna say...
1723
01:38:22,653 --> 01:38:24,988
live the life you wanna live.
1724
01:38:25,072 --> 01:38:27,991
You know, be as weird as you wanna be.
1725
01:38:28,075 --> 01:38:30,827
Believe me, you will never
find true happiness
1726
01:38:30,911 --> 01:38:33,872
until you can truly accept who you are.
1727
01:38:35,207 --> 01:38:38,919
And standing before all of you,
right here, right now,
1728
01:38:39,002 --> 01:38:43,423
I can honestly say I have
never been more happy
1729
01:38:43,507 --> 01:38:46,927
or more proud in my entire life.
1730
01:38:48,637 --> 01:38:49,930
Thank you.
1731
01:38:50,013 --> 01:38:52,099
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
1732
01:39:04,653 --> 01:39:06,989
Thank you! Thank you!
1733
01:39:13,579 --> 01:39:14,997
Take the shot.
1734
01:39:21,378 --> 01:39:23,547
Nooo!
1735
01:42:10,506 --> 01:42:13,175
[SCREAMS]
1736
01:42:27,773 --> 01:42:32,486
♪ You thought you knew me?
Well, you better guess again ♪
1737
01:42:32,569 --> 01:42:38,075
♪ Now you know the whole story
Now you've heard it all, my friend ♪
1738
01:42:38,158 --> 01:42:43,747
♪ You know all my dirty secrets
'Cause we spilled all the tea ♪
1739
01:42:43,830 --> 01:42:49,837
♪ There's nothin' left to hide, baby
How you like the real me? ♪
1740
01:42:50,379 --> 01:42:55,509
♪ Yeah, the truth came out
We finally removed all doubt ♪
1741
01:42:55,592 --> 01:42:59,763
♪ If it's in a movie, it's gotta be true ♪
1742
01:42:59,847 --> 01:43:01,223
♪ Aw, yeah ♪
1743
01:43:01,306 --> 01:43:03,725
♪ If you never knew it before ♪
1744
01:43:03,809 --> 01:43:05,811
♪ You don't have to wonder anymore ♪
1745
01:43:05,894 --> 01:43:10,190
♪ Now you know
Now you know ♪
1746
01:43:12,276 --> 01:43:14,361
♪ Thought I ought a tell ya so ♪
1747
01:43:14,444 --> 01:43:16,321
♪ I should a done it long ago ♪
1748
01:43:16,405 --> 01:43:21,243
♪ But now you know
Now, now you know ♪
1749
01:43:22,411 --> 01:43:28,125
♪ Yeah, that's how it all went down, bro
We've proof-checked every fact ♪
1750
01:43:28,208 --> 01:43:33,630
♪ If you still don't believe it
Well, no skin off my back ♪
1751
01:43:33,714 --> 01:43:39,011
♪ Just don't call me a liar
'Cause shut up, you weren't there ♪
1752
01:43:39,094 --> 01:43:45,100
♪ This movie is now canon
Every word is true, I swear ♪
1753
01:43:45,934 --> 01:43:51,356
♪ We only changed one thing
I really did play Live Aid with Queen ♪
1754
01:43:51,440 --> 01:43:56,695
♪ And I blew 'em off the freakin' stage
That's right ♪
1755
01:43:56,778 --> 01:43:59,406
♪ If you never knew it before ♪
1756
01:43:59,489 --> 01:44:01,033
♪ You don't have to wonder anymore ♪
1757
01:44:01,116 --> 01:44:05,621
♪ 'Cause now you know
Now you know ♪
1758
01:44:07,831 --> 01:44:09,917
♪ Thought I ought a tell ya so ♪
1759
01:44:10,000 --> 01:44:11,835
♪ I should a done it long ago ♪
1760
01:44:11,919 --> 01:44:16,798
♪ But now you know
Now, now you know ♪
1761
01:44:17,674 --> 01:44:20,135
[SAX SOLO]
1762
01:44:30,479 --> 01:44:32,731
♪ Aw, what a wild ride ♪
1763
01:44:32,814 --> 01:44:35,859
♪ How about that part where I died? ♪
1764
01:44:35,943 --> 01:44:38,737
♪ I was not expecting that! ♪
1765
01:44:40,656 --> 01:44:42,783
♪ But I'm back, baby ♪
1766
01:44:44,451 --> 01:44:49,039
♪ Here to wreak my zombie apocalypse
upon you all ♪
1767
01:44:49,122 --> 01:44:54,127
♪ Now you know
Now you know ♪
1768
01:44:54,211 --> 01:44:56,171
♪ Now, now you know ♪
1769
01:44:56,255 --> 01:44:57,923
♪ You know it ♪
1770
01:44:58,006 --> 01:45:00,050
♪ And the union-scale
background singers sing ♪
1771
01:45:00,133 --> 01:45:05,222
♪ Now you know
Now you know ♪
1772
01:45:05,305 --> 01:45:07,391
♪ Now, now you know ♪
1773
01:45:07,474 --> 01:45:10,060
♪ No fabrications, no exaggerations ♪
1774
01:45:10,143 --> 01:45:11,562
♪ It's the gospel truth ♪
1775
01:45:11,645 --> 01:45:16,108
♪ Now you know
Now you know ♪
1776
01:45:16,191 --> 01:45:19,194
♪ Now, now you know ♪
1777
01:45:19,278 --> 01:45:22,447
♪ Startin' to feel like this song
is slightly repetitive ♪
1778
01:45:22,531 --> 01:45:27,286
♪ Now you know
Now you know ♪
1779
01:45:27,369 --> 01:45:30,372
♪ Now, now you know ♪
1780
01:45:39,882 --> 01:45:41,550
[AL]
Wow, fake-out ending!
1781
01:45:41,633 --> 01:45:46,471
♪ Now you know
Now you know ♪
1782
01:45:46,555 --> 01:45:48,724
♪ Now, now you know ♪
1783
01:45:48,807 --> 01:45:51,143
♪ Look at all these people
in the credits ♪
1784
01:45:51,226 --> 01:45:53,061
♪ We had to pay 'em all ♪
1785
01:45:53,145 --> 01:45:57,107
♪ Now you know
Now you know ♪
1786
01:45:57,191 --> 01:45:59,109
♪ Now, now you know ♪
1787
01:45:59,193 --> 01:46:01,195
♪ Oh hey, I remember him ♪
1788
01:46:01,278 --> 01:46:03,780
♪ Met him on the set,
seemed like a really nice guy ♪
1789
01:46:03,864 --> 01:46:08,243
♪ Now you know
Now you know ♪
1790
01:46:08,327 --> 01:46:10,120
♪ Now, now you know ♪
1791
01:46:10,204 --> 01:46:12,915
♪ All these songs were in the movie
you just watched ♪
1792
01:46:12,998 --> 01:46:14,416
♪ Including this one ♪
1793
01:46:14,499 --> 01:46:19,004
♪ Now you know
Now you know ♪
1794
01:46:33,143 --> 01:46:36,897
[AL]
Awwwwww, double fake-out!
1795
01:46:36,980 --> 01:46:41,610
♪ Now you know
Now you know ♪
1796
01:46:41,693 --> 01:46:43,320
♪ Now, now you know ♪
1797
01:46:43,403 --> 01:46:47,491
♪ This song just keeps goin'
on and on and on and on and on ♪
1798
01:46:47,574 --> 01:46:52,162
♪ Now you know
Now you know ♪
1799
01:46:52,246 --> 01:46:54,998
♪ Now, now you know ♪
1800
01:46:55,082 --> 01:46:58,252
♪ Seriously, how many more credits
can there be? ♪
1801
01:46:58,335 --> 01:47:02,673
♪ Now you know
Now you know ♪
1802
01:47:02,756 --> 01:47:04,800
♪ Now, now you know ♪
1803
01:47:04,883 --> 01:47:08,679
♪ This song is technically eligible
for Oscar consideration ♪
1804
01:47:08,762 --> 01:47:13,267
♪ Now you know
Now you know ♪
1805
01:47:13,350 --> 01:47:15,227
♪ Now you know ♪
1806
01:47:33,328 --> 01:47:34,496
[GUITAR STRING TWANGS]
137582
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