Original subtitles

...AND I WANT TO KNOW

HOW TO GET MY BOYFRIEND INTERESTED IN ROMANCE.

MY MOM TALKS ABOUT, ALL THE TIME,

HOW--HOW ROMANTIC MY DAD WAS WHEN THEY WERE TEENAGERS,

AND ALL MY BOYFRIEND DOES IS WATCH TV AND GO TO BED--

WHICH TIE?

OH, UH...

HONEY, THE BLUE ONE, OK?

IT'S ON THE THIRD HOOK FROM THE LEFT, ON THE BACK OF THE CLOSET.

AND CALL THE BOYS.

BREAKFAST IS READY IN 5 MINUTES.

BUMS, YOU HAVE 5 MINUTES.

BUMS?

OK.

DUNCAN?

DUNCAN, GET OUT OF BED.

HEY, BRIAN?

GREAT.

BRIAN?

BRIAN?

BRIAN?

HI, NANCY.

OH, HEY, HI. OH.

DON'T FORGET... WATCH IT--WATCH IT.

DON'T LET ANYBODY SEE YOU.

YOU EVER GET THE FEELING LIKE YOU'RE NOT WANTED?

I GOT 2 MINUTES AND 15 SECONDS TO FIND DUNCAN.

DUNCAN!

HI.

HI.

TIME FOR BREAKFAST?

LOOKS TO ME LIKE YOU DIDN'T QUITE FINISH YOUR DINNER.

COME ON. WE GOTTA.

YEAH.

HA, SEE?

JEEZ.

I KNOW IT'S THERE.

BACK OF THE CLOSET. THIRD HOOK FROM THE LEFT.

YEAH, WELL, BLUE IS BAD LUCK.

WHO SAYS?

MY FATHER WAS WEARING BLUE WHEN HE DIED.

WELL, HONEY, HE WAS IN THE NAVY.

IF HE'D BEEN IN THE ARMY, GREEN WOULD BE BAD LUCK.

GOOD MORNING.

DO YOU SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THIS TIE?

A LITTLE GROSS, ISN'T IT?

YOU'VE GOT 14 SECONDS TO CHANGE.

HOUDINI.

BURGUNDY IS A REALLY STRANGE COLOR.

IT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD ON YOU.

DUNCAN WILL BE RIGHT DOWN.

THAT'S BALONEY.

BLUE IS BETTER.

DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH A SUIT ON?

WOULD YOU SHUT THAT THING OFF?

DAD! I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF EAT.

YOU'RE NOT LEAVING THIS HOUSE WITH THAT THING ON.

WHAT'S THE BIG OCCASION?

HOW IS MY DEAR FAMILY THIS MORNING?

YOU'RE EARLY.

TRUST ME.

MOTHER, YOU LOOK RADIANT, AS ALWAYS.

SIT DOWN.

CAN I HAVE SOME EGGS?

I WENT OVER LAST MONTH'S ACCOUNTS, DAD.

THEY WERE A LITTLE BIT DOWN.

WELL, PEOPLE DON'T EAT AS MUCH IN JUNE.

WHO DOESN'T EAT IN JUNE?

I DON'T HAVE ANY OF THE FIGURES WITH ME, BUT THE DROP WAS SIGNIFICANT.

IF YOU DON'T EAT IN JUNE, YOU'LL BE DEAD IN JULY.

MOM.

ANYWAY, I THINK WE SHOULD GO OVER THEM.

KIT, I HATE TO BRING IT UP AT THIS SUMPTUOUS REPAST,

BUT IT LOOKS AS IF YOU'RE DRINKING A GLASS OF PUKE.

YOU WOULD KNOW.

I'M GOING INTO THE CITY TODAY.

I'M LEAVING BRIAN IN CHARGE.

OH, MAN.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING FOR?

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, DAD. WE'LL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING.

OH BOY, WE CAN FUCK AROUND ALL DAY, HUH?

HEY, DON'T USE THAT WORD IN FRONT OF YOUR MOTHER.

WHAT'S THIS TRIP, DAD?

JUST A MEETING.

WHAT MEETING?

NOTHING YOU HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT.

I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT IT, I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE MEETING IS.

JAKE, THE BLUE TIE, HONEY.

DAD, CAN YOU DROP OFF MY ENTRY FORM FOR THE RACE?

UM, DAD, BEFORE YOU GO, DO YOU HAVE $20 I CAN BORROW?

DAD, I REALLY WANNA GO OVER THOSE FIGURES WITH YOU.

IS THAT IT?

ARE THERE ANY MORE REQUESTS?

BLUE BRINGS OUT THE COLOR IN YOUR EYES.

WHO WANTS THE REST OF THE EGGS?

OH, DEAR, SHOULD I?

OK, WELL, MAYBE THIS ONCE.

WHAT'S THIS BIG MEETING, MOM?

OH, IF HE WANTED YOU TO KNOW, HE WOULD'VE TOLD YOU, WOULDN'T HE?

YEAH, SO WHAT'S THE BIG MYSTERY?

OH, THE BIG MYSTERY IS WHERE YOU AND YOUR BROTHER WERE LAST NIGHT.

WELL, THIS IS JUST A GUESS,

BUT I WOULD SAY THAT BRIAN WAS OVER AT NANCY TRAINER'S PLACE,

AND YOU WERE IN FRONT OF THE POLICE STATION,

COVERED IN YOUR OWN VOMIT.

WHAT?

MORE HASH BROWNS, DUNCAN?

NO, THANKS.

GOOD MORNING, LOIS.

¶ SHOO, FLY, DON'T BOTHER ME ¶

¶ 'CAUSE I BELONG TO SOMEBODY ¶

HEY, KIT?

HEY, LOIS.

I SAW YOU RUNNING THIS MORNING.

OH, YEAH? MM-HMM.

I LOVE WATCHING YOU RUN.

YOU KNOW, YOU'VE GOT A GOOD STYLE.

YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, EASY, LIKE, UH...

OH, CRAP, WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS THAT RUN?

A--A GAZELLE.

DO GAZELLES RUN?

I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE I'M THINKING OF SOMETHING ELSE.

LOIS?

LOIS?

¶ DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO DOO-DOO-DOO, HEY! ¶

DOWN, SET, HUT!

HUT!

HUT!

HUT!

WILL THIS BE ENOUGH?

YOU ARE A HUMANITARIAN,

A BENEVOLENT PRESENCE IN THIS AGE OF FRUGALITY.

IF ALL FATHERS WERE SUCH GOOD EXAMPLES

TO THEIR SONS, THIS WORLD WOULD BE--

IT'S ALL IN HERE, HUH?

OH YEAH, YEAH. AND THAT'S A 15-MILE RUN, DAD.

REALLY? YEAH.

I'M DON'T KNOW IF I'M UP TO IT BUT I'M SURE GONNA TRY.

I DON'T THINK I COULD RUN 15 FEET ANYMORE.

YOU KNOW, THERE'S NOTHING REALLY LIKE IT, THOUGH.

DAD, DAD, WAIT.

NO, NOT NOW, BRIAN.

JUST LOOK AT THE DIFFERENCE IN PRICE.

BRIAN, I HAVE ALWAYS BOUGHT FROM OWEN.

HE GIVES GOOD QUALITY, BUT HIS PRICE JUST ISN'T COMPETITIVE.

NO, I BELIEVE IN LOYALTY.

WELL, I BELIEVE IN PROFIT.

DRIVE CAREFULLY.

BRIAN, YOU'VE DONE A GOOD JOB.

DON'T WORRY.

WE'RE GONNA GET THOSE FIGURES UP.

KNOCK OFF EARLY IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT.

HURRY, LOIS. WE ONLY GOT A COUPLE MINUTES.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, LOIS, DON'T PULL THE VIRGIN BIT AGAIN.

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, BABY BOY.

LOIS, I'M HURTING,

I AM BURNING. I HAVE THIS ERECTION.

IT IS SO BIG, IT'S LIKE ONE OF THOSE THANKSGIVING DAY BALLOONS.

IF I DON'T DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT SOON, BANG!

I WILL BE LEFT WITHOUT A DICK FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

I'M ONLY 17.

YOU'RE JAILBAIT.

LOIS, HAVE MERCY ON ME, PLEASE.

CROSS MY HEART AND HOPE TO DIE,

I WON'T EVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN.

OHH, GOD, IT FEELS SO GOOD.

PLEASE?

YOU'D POOP YOUR PANTS IF I EVER SAID YES.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.

I HAD BETTER GET BACK TO WORK.

WELL, SHE WAS FANTASTIC.

ONE OF THE BEST I'VE EVER HAD.

OK, WE'RE OPEN.

UH, LOIS?

HOT SAUCE, RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.

$5.95.

ALL RIGHT, MRS. FRAKER, HERE YOU GO,

$5.95. $6, $7, $8, $9,

$10, AND $10 IS $20.

THANKS A LOT, MRS. FRAKER, THERE YOU GO.

THANK YOU.

OK.

OH, AND I HAD A GREAT TIME TUESDAY, MRS. FRAKER.

CALL ME AGAIN NEXT TIME, WHEN MR. FRAKER'S OUT OF TOWN.

I THINK IT'S GONNA BE DELICIOUS.

OK.

THE SEXUAL DEMANDS OF THIS JOB ARE TOO MUCH.

PUT ON YOUR DEODORANT, MAN. SHE'S HERE.

WAIT.

ALL RIGHT, THERE WE GO.

OK, HOW DO I LOOK?

LIKE SHIT. GO GET HER.

HI.

HI.

UM, IS YOUR FATHER HERE? I NEED TO ORDER SOME FOOD FOR A RECEPTION.

NO, HE'S NOT HERE. YOU CAN TALK TO BRIAN, HE'S IN CHARGE TODAY.

OH, NO, NO, THAT'S OK.

NO, I'LL COME BACK WHEN HE'S BACK.

WELL, HE'S HERE RIGHT NOW.

YOUR FATHER?

NO, HE'S NOT HERE.

I THOUGHT YOU JUST SAID HE WAS HERE.

I DID?

WELL, IS HE HERE OR ISN'T HE?

ARE YOU COMING TO MY WEDDING?

UH, I DON'T--I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO WEAR.

THAT'S OK.

YOU MEAN, I DON'T HAVE TO WEAR ANYTHING?

DID YOU SEND IN YOUR ENTRY FOR THE RUN?

WELL, I HAD MY-- YEAH.

IT'S PRETTY SCARY, DON'T YOU THINK?

I'M GONNA COME BACK WHEN YOUR FATHER'S HERE. BYE.

HEY, MISS BARROWS, HOW ARE YOU?

FINE. GOOD TO SEE YOU.

HEY, GEORGE. JIM.

HI, NANCY.

MIND IF I SIT DOWN?

HAVE A SEAT. REST YOUR WEARY BONES.

MY FEET ARE KILLING ME.

JIM, LOOK, MY POSITION IS THIS.

I JUST FEEL WE HAVE TO CONTROL THE DEAL.

THERE'S A LOT OF DEVELOPERS OUT THERE WITH A LOT OF MONEY,

AND I DON'T SEE WHY WE SHOULDN'T HAVE SOME OF IT ON OUR OWN TERMS.

WELL, WE DON'T WANT A LOT OF STRANGERS IN THIS TOWN.

BUT THEY WON'T STAY STRANGERS.

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS, RED SQUARE?

THE DEVELOPERS HAVE LAND, THEY PAY THEIR TAXES...

HI, EXCUSE ME.

HI, MISS TRAINER.

OH, HELLO.

COULD I SEE YOU FOR A MINUTE?

UH, SURE, JUST EXCUSE ME, WOULD YOU?

GO RIGHT AHEAD.

WOULD YOU MIND IF I LEFT THESE HERE?

YOU SURELY MAY. I'LL BE BACK.

SHE'LL BE BACK. THANK YOU.

NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, NANCY.

WHAT?

YOU KNOW, MY DAD WOULD GO THROUGH THE ROOF

IF HE KNEW YOU WERE IN HERE CAMPAIGNING LIKE THIS.

YOUR DAD?

WHAT, DOESN'T HE BELIEVE IN THE RIGHT TO FREE SPEECH?

YEAH.

NO, HE BELIEVES IN THE RIGHT FOR OUR CUSTOMERS

TO EAT THEIR FOOD IN PEACE.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. YOUR FATHER'S A LOT MORE ON THE BALL

THAN YOU GIVE HIM CREDIT FOR.

OH, NOW YOU KNOW MY DAD BETTER THAN I DO?

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

ONE OF THESE DAYS HE'LL TAKE ONE OF THOSE OFFERS

HE'S BEEN GETTING FOR THIS LAND.

WHAT OFFERS? NEVER MIND.

LOOK, JUST--JUST FORGET ABOUT IT.

I'LL JUST LEAVE YOUR CUSTOMERS IN PEACE.

SATISFIED? NO, NOT QUITE.

COME HERE. DON'T DO THAT!

DID YOU KNOW THAT THIS DESK HERE PULLS OUT INTO A BED?

YOUR MIND PULLS OUT INTO A BED.

IS THAT ALL YOU EVER WANT FROM ME, SEX?

YEAH.

WHY, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

YOUR VOTE.

BRIAN.

THE USUAL, HUH.

DUNC.

YEAH?

DID DAD EVER SAY ANYTHING TO YOU ABOUT SELLING?

SELLING WHAT?

ANYTHING. THE LAND, OR THE BUSINESS.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

HE LIVES FOR THIS PLACE. POOR SLOB.

YEAH, WHAT DO YOU LIVE FOR, HUH?

HAPPY HOUR.

HEY, BUCKO.

BRIAN.

HOW YOU DOING?

WILL YOU PLEASE TAKE ME FOR A RIDE?

NO WAY, PUNK.

HERE, TAKE YOURSELF. YOU READY?

YEAH.

HEY, WAIT FOR ME.

WHERE'S YOUR MOM?

HI. LONG TIME NO SEE.

WHO'S THAT? MOMMY.

WHO?

MOMMY.

MOMMY? HI, MOM.

HI.

LOOK WHAT I FOUND OUT IN THE FRONT YARD.

WHAT IS IT?

YOU KNOW, WHEN DUNCAN WAS THIS GUY'S AGE,

HE USED TO FOLLOW ME AROUND EVERYWHERE.

I HATED IT.

I MEAN, LET'S FACE IT, I HAD PLACES TO GO, PEOPLE TO SEE.

I WAS 9.

HERE YOU GO.

THANKS. THANK YOU.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, FELLA?

SEE YOU, PAL.

BYE.

WHERE--WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

BYE.

WHERE YOU GOING, MISTER?

HELLO.

HI.

HI, MA'AM, CAN I HELP YOU?

SO, HOW'S BUSINESS?

MMM, PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING.

UM, DID YOU HEAR FROM DAD TODAY?

IS HE COMING HOME?

DAD IS GOING TO BE LATE.

AND I STOPPED BY FOR A HEAD COUNT FOR SUPPER.

OH, YOU CAN COUNT ME OUT.

WHY? ARE YOU, UH,

ARE YOU PLANNING ON DRINKING YOUR DINNER AGAIN TONIGHT?

I RESENT THAT INSINUATION.

DON'T WORRY, MOM,

WE'LL FIND SOMETHING TO EAT SOMEWHERE.

ALL RIGHT.

BYE. BYE.

SEE YOU.

GOOD-BYE.

BRIAN, YOU'RE BEGINNING TO LOOK LIKE YOUR DAD.

KIT, EVERYBODY ALWAYS SAID YOU LOOK LIKE GRANDPA.

DUNCAN,

I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU LOOK LIKE.

HAVE A GOOD SUPPER. EAT.

BYE. BYE-BYE.

GOOD NIGHT.

BYE, MOM.

OKAY.

LET'S CLOSE THIS PUPPY DOWN.

YEAH.

HEY, HOTEL BUICK.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

BRIAN, MAN, HE'LL DO ANYTHING.

I MEAN, HE HAS GOT THE NERVE.

THAT'S MY BROTHER.

¶ AND YOU'RE LOOKIN' FOR A PLACE TO SLEEP ¶

I DON'T BELIEVE IT. HE'LL DO ANYTHING.

HE'S GOT BALLS. OUR BROTHER HAS BALLS.

WOW. MY GOODNESS.

HE'S GETTING INTO IT.

¶ SPENDING NIGHT DOWN AT THE HOTEL BUICK ¶

¶ THE FINEST FLOP IN TOWN ¶

OH, YEAH, BRIAN.

¶ IF THE BEDS ARE FULL YOU CAN ALWAYS ¶

¶ HOTEL BUICK ¶

I'LL BET YOU SOMETHING.

NO. UH-UH. NO BETS.

¶ HOTEL BUICK ¶

I'LL BET YOU THAT BY THE TIME WE DIE

THEY'D CHANGE THE NAME OF THIS TOWN.

CHANGE THE NAME?

OF THE WHOLE TOWN.

FROM NOW ON IT'LL BE KNOWN AS MCDERMOTTVILLE!

WELL, NOW YOU'VE CHALLENGED MY FAMILY PRIDE.

I WOULD PUT MONEY ON THAT.

THEY'LL PUT A STATUE OF MOM AND DAD UP IN THE PARK.

MCDERMOTT PARK.

YEAH, OUR CHICKENS WILL BE FAMOUS ALL OVER THE WORLD.

MAN, FROM A SMALL FAMILY RESTAURANT

TO AN INTERNATIONAL CORPORATION.

THIS IS THE GREAT AMERICAN SUCCESS STORY.

WE DON'T JUST HAVE TO SELL CHICKENS, EITHER.

WE CAN SELL OTHER STUFF. LIKE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT.

RUBBERS? RUNNING SHOES.

CHICKEN, RUBBERS AND RUNNING SHOES.

A CONGLOMERATE. UH--UH--UH!

YEAH, RIGHT.

I LIKE IT.

HEY, CAR. STOP!

STOP IN THE NAME OF THE LAW.

NO, DON'T.

THIS IS OUR TOWN, ISN'T IT?

WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO INSPECT.

LICENSE, PLEASE?

IT'S BEVERLY.

WHAT'S WRONG?

WE'RE TESTING EVERYONE FOR DRUNK DRIVING.

WOULD YOU MIND STEPPING OUT OF THE CAR?

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S DRUNK.

THAT'S WHY THEY PUT ME IN CHARGE, SEE.

BECAUSE I'M THE EXPERT.

GET OUT OF THE WAY.

I'LL TAKE THE TEST.

THAT'S THE SPIRIT.

BEVERLY, GET BACK IN THE CAR.

KEVIN, THEY'RE DOING A PUBLIC SERVICE.

THAT KEVIN.

HI.

HI.

WALK THIS LINE AND SAY THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE.

WHEN WILL YOU GROW UP, MCDERMOTT?

I'M NOT IN ANY HURRY.

"I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG"--

BACKWARDS.

"I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG"--

NO. UM.

WHAT?

WALK FORWARDS AND SAY IT BACKWARDS.

YOU ACT STUPIDER THAN DUNCAN, AND HE ACTS LIKE HE'S 5.

ACT YOUNG, STAY YOUNG. THAT'S MY PHILOSOPHY.

YEAH, WELL, IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING FOR YOU.

LET ME THINK.

BEVERLY!

ALL. ALL...

ALL...

UH-UH, NO COACHING.

FOR...

OK, A LITTLE COACHING.

JUSTICE.

JUSTICE.

AND?

BEVERLY.

SHE'S PASSING.

AND LIBERTY--

SHE'S DOING GREAT.

OK, WAIT, NOW THE BREATHALYZER TEST.

BEVERLY!

GOD DAMN YOU.

MMM.

SOBER AS A JUDGE.

HEY, MAN. IF YOU DON'T--

HEY, YOU DON'T TOUCH MY BROTHER.

IT'S OK, BRIAN.

DON'T TOUCH-- BEVERLY, GET IN THE CAR.

YEAH, WELL, JUST REMEMBER ONE THING. DON'T COME TO ME FOR A JOB.

I WOULDN'T COME TO YOU FOR A BLOWJOB.

BYE.

BYE, BEVERLY.

YOU KNOW THE GREAT THING ABOUT THIS TOWN?

WHAT?

THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING TO DO.

I'M GOING HOME.

MCDERMOTTVILLE!

YEAH. I LIKE IT.

IT WORKS FOR ME.

WHAT DO YOU SAY, HOTHEAD?

HUH?

DRINKING, TAKING DOPE, HARASSING INNOCENT PEOPLE?

I AM SHOCKED AT YOUR BEHAVIOR.

AND TO THINK YOU WANTED ME, AN IMPRESSIONABLE YOUTH--

SHUT UP.

THANK HEAVENS I CURLED UP WITH A GOOD BOOK INSTEAD.

DON'T YOU EVER SHUT UP?

JUST SAY THE WORD.

I CAN'T GET IN A WORD TO SAY THE WORD.

GOSH, POP, I DIDN'T MEAN NO HARM.

I GOTTA GET TO WORK.

UH, HOLD IT.

I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.

HAS ANY OF YOU EVER SEEN ME EAT AN EGG?

WELL, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN YOUR MOTHER

SERVE ME AN EGG FOR BREAKFAST?

I'LL ANSWER FOR YOU. NO.

NEVER.

AND DO YOU KNOW WHY?

HAS ANYBODY EVER ASKED YOURSELF

WHY YOUR OLD MAN DOESN'T EAT EGGS?

BECAUSE THEY COME FROM CHICKENS.

AND IF THERE'S ONE THING I HATE MORE THAN EGGS, IT IS CHICKENS.

FOR 25 YEARS, I'VE SOLD CHICKENS.

MY WHOLE LIFE, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, HAS BEEN ABOUT CHICKENS.

AND I HATE 'EM!

THEY'RE FILTHY. THEY'RE STUPID.

THEY'RE RATS WITH A GOOD REPUTATION.

WELL, I'M DONE.

NOW HERE'S ANOTHER QUESTION YOU MIGHT ASK YOURSELF:

"WHY WOULD YOUR OLD MAN SPEND HIS LIFE SELLING SOMETHING HE HATED?"

BECAUSE I HAD TO!

I HAD TO MAKE A LIVING.

I HAD A FAMILY TO SUPPORT.

YOU BOYS ARE GROWN.

THE LAST ONE'S OUT OF SCHOOL.

AND I AM THROUGH WITH CHICKENS.

I'VE HAD IT.

ALL THIS IS IN THE WAY OF SAYING THAT, UH,

I'VE SOLD THE BUSINESS.

WE'RE CLOSED.

THAT'S IT.

IT'S OVER.

I GOT AN OFFER ON THE LAND.

THERE'S LOTS OF INTEREST IN THIS TOWN NOW, UH,

WITH THE, UH, LAKE AND MOUNTAINS AND SO FORTH.

IT'S GROWING.

AND THOSE NEW WHAT-DO-YOU-CALL-THEMS

ARE GOING UP OUT THERE ON LAKE SHORE DRIVE. WHAT DO YOU CALL THEM?

CONDOS?

THE TIME WAS RIPE. I GOT A GOOD PRICE.

I DON'T REGRET IT.

JUST LIKE THAT?

YEAH, JUST LIKE THAT.

NO WARNINGS? NO DISCUSSIONS? NOTHING?

I DISCUSSED IT WITH YOUR MOTHER.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT US?

I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO.

DON'T WE COUNT?

WE PUT OUR WHOLE LIVES INTO THAT BUSINESS, TOO, YOU KNOW.

AND TODAY IT'S:

"HEY, KIDS, BY THE WAY, FUCK YOU, WE'RE CLOSED."

NOW, WE HAVE RULES ABOUT THAT WORD.

WE DON'T HAVE RULES. YOU JUST FUCKED ALL THE RULES.

I EXPECT YOU TO BE SURPRISED.

WHAT ARE WE, HUH?

COME ON, YOU'RE LOOKING AT US.

DO WE MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU? ARE WE YOUR SONS?

NOW, LET'S JUST DISCUSS THIS CALMLY, ALL RIGHT?

DISCUSS IT?

NOW YOU WANT TO DISCUSS IT.

YOU'RE--YOU'RE UNBELIEVABLE.

I HAD MY REASONS.

NO.

WHICH I'LL BE HAPPY TO TELL YOU.

IF YOU WILL LISTEN. NO. NO!

NOW LISTEN TO ME. NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME.

I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR REASONS. YOUR REASONS ARE CRAP.

YOU DIDN'T TELL US.

YOU TOLD OTHER PEOPLE, THOUGH, DIDN'T YOU?

FOR ALL I KNOW, THIS WHOLE FUCKING TOWN KNOWS ABOUT IT.

BUT NOT US.

NO, NOT US.

WHAT ARE WE, HUH?

DO WE MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?

NO, WE'RE JUST KIDS, RIGHT?

KIDS CAN'T BE TRUSTED.

AND IF YOUR OWN FATHER CAN'T TRUST YOU, THEN WHO THE HELL CAN?

SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN FOR 2 MINUTES.

WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO NOW, HUH?

I HOPE YOU GOT A PLAN, DAD, BECAUSE I SURE AS HELL DON'T.

I'M DEPENDING ON YOU FOR THOSE ANSWERS,

BECAUSE I'M JUST A KID, DAD.

AND THAT'S WHAT DADDIES ARE FOR,

TO PROVIDE!

DON'T MOVE. LET ME CLEAN IT UP.

WAIT A SECOND.

I THINK HE TOOK THAT WELL.

DON'T BOTHER.

YOU REALLY DON'T WANT--

PLEASE. GO CHANGE. GO ON.

PLEASE, HONEY.

YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD

AND FOOD TO EAT.

I PROMISE YOU THAT. I WILL PROVIDE.

IS IT...

IS IT JUST 'CAUSE THE FIGURES ARE A LITTLE DOWN?

I JUST DON'T WANT TO DIE SELLING CHICKENS.

WHO'S DYING?

NOBODY'S DYING.

NO, IT'S JUST A BAD JOKE, SON.

I WANNA BE FISHING WHEN I DIE.

OR CLIMBING A MOUNTAIN SOMEWHERE, OR EXPLORING SOMETHING.

AND IF YOU BOYS

CAN'T UNDERSTAND THAT,

THEN I'M SORRY.

NO, I'M NOT SORRY.

IT WAS MY DECISION,

AND I MADE IT.

NEVER MIND.

HEY, ASK HIM TO CHECK THE PLANS.

BRING OVER THE PLANS.

HUH?

WHO DO I TALK TO ABOUT A JOB?

SEE THE BOSS.

RALPH.

JUST A SEC.

FUCK.

GIVE ME 30 SECONDS, GUYS. I'LL BE RIGHT OUT.

WOW.

WE PUT IN A BID FOR THE RESTAURANT

THEY'RE GONNA BUILD ON YOUR LAND.

WE CAME IN TOO HIGH.

THEY'RE PUTTING IN A PIECE OF JUNK.

WHEN I HIRE SOMEONE, MR. MCDERMOTT,

I NEED TO KNOW THEY'RE GONNA BE EASY TO WORK WITH.

THEY DON'T NEED TO BE COMICS.

IT DOESN'T GET THE JOB DONE ANY FASTER.

THEY NEED TO SHOW UP FOR WORK ON TIME, STRAIGHT, AND SOBER.

IF THEY RESPECT ME, I RESPECT THEM.

NOW, WE DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER VERY WELL.

WE'RE ACQUAINTED.

WE'VE MET ON SOCIAL OCCASIONS.

BUT MY IMPRESSION IS THAT YOU ARE A SMART-ASS,

A TROUBLEMAKER, AND A POTHEAD.

YOU THINK YOU'RE REAL TOUGH.

YOU LIKE TO INTIMIDATE PEOPLE. YOU HAVE AN ATTITUDE.

YOU DON'T RESPECT ME.

IN FACT, I DON'T THINK YOU RESPECT YOURSELF.

IN SHORT, MR. MCDERMOTT,

I THINK YOU'RE A SELF-CENTERED, JUVENILE PRICK.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

SO, WHEN DO I START?

OH, SHIT.

THAT WAS GREAT. THAT WAS GREAT.

ALL RIGHT.

WHAT IS GOING ON?

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS.

THIS WAS GREAT. IT WENT DOWN THE STAIRS, AND HE JUMPED OVER IT.

DID YOU SEE WHAT HE DID? HE JUMPED OVER IT.

I HEARD.

BRIAN, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT.

BRIAN'S LEAVING. WOULD YOU GO TALK TO HIM?

GO TALK TO HIM.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

BRIAN.

BRIAN.

LOOK, IF YOU HAVE TO LEAVE HOME,

LET'S DO IT ON GOOD TERMS.

YOUR MOTHER IS UPSET.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST SET SOME OF THIS STUFF DOWN,

AND WE'LL GO IN THE TV ROOM,

AND WE'LL CLOSE THE DOOR, AND WE'LL HAVE IT OUT?

YOU LIVE IN YOUR OWN WORLD, DAD.

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO WASTE.

MOST OF THE EASTERN BOUNDARY OF THIS STATE

IS FORMED BY THE SAVANNAH RIVER.

PAM?

WHAT IS "GEORGIA"?

THAT'S RIGHT.

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US YOU WERE SELLING, DAD?

WE LOOKED STUPID.

IT JUST WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SO BAD IF YOU'D TOLD US.

THAT'S ALL.

YOU WOULD HAVE TALKED ME OUT OF IT.

NOT YOU, BUT BRIAN.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE WOULD HAVE SAID.

"JUST RETIRE, AND WE'LL RUN THE BUSINESS."

WELL, I COULDN'T DO THAT.

IT WAS THE ONLY WAY.

YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO TAKE MY WORD FOR IT THAT I DID THE RIGHT THING.

SHALL WE VIEW THE BODY?

GUESS NOT.

DID YOU KNOW DENNY STOCKTON IS LOOKING

FOR SOMEBODY TO HELP HIM AT THE STORE?

YEAH?

HMM, IF EITHER OF YOU IS INTERESTED.

REALLY?

MAYBE I'LL CHECK IT OUT.

YOU'RE LATE, BUSTER, BIG-TIME.

BURLEY'S PRETTY TICKED OFF RIGHT NOW.

I KNOW.

MCDERMOTT, YOU'RE LATE.

YEAH, I KNOW, I GOT HUNG UP--

I DON'T TOLERATE LATENESS. YOU'RE FIRED.

OK, WELL, I'M JUST GONNA FINISH OUT TODAY THEN.

DON'T BOTHER. PETE'S MAKING OUT YOUR PAYCHECK.

YOU GOT A MAN ON VACATION. I'LL JUST WORK FOR HIM.

MCDERMOTT, DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ENGLISH?

YOU'RE FIRED!

HERE'S YOUR CHANGE.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. SEE YOU SOON.

HI.

HI.

HOW YOU DOING?

GOOD.

IT'S EMBARRASSING, BUT I--I NEED THEM.

YEAH.

$45.15.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

UM, YOU WANNA GO RUNNING LATER, MAYBE?

YEAH, WHAT TIME?

I THINK I GET OFF AT 6:00, RIGHT? 6:00?

YEAH. IF YOU'RE FREE.

OK. I'LL MEET YOU ON THE TRAIL.

GREAT.

YOU LOOK GOOD IN A UNIFORM.

THANKS.

MCDERMOTT?

GOOD NIGHT.

SEE YOU, PAL.

THANKS FOR YOUR HELP.

SEE YOU TOMORROW, HUH?

WELL--

BUT--

WILL YOU PLEASE LET ME...

STAN, NOW LISTEN, TIMES HAVE CHANGED,

AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

YEAH, WELL, WHAT?

WELL, NO.

UH, NO, I--I--I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO QUARREL WITH THAT.

NO, NOTHING, NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST.

MY FEELING IS WE SHOULD JUST OPEN OUR MINDS

TO LET PEOPLE INTO THIS TOWN WHO COULD HELP US.

STAN, YOU'RE NOT HEARING ME.

NOW, I LOVE THIS TOWN.

AND I JUST WANT TO SEE IT GROW AND EXPAND. SLOWLY, YES.

NO, I...

I'M NOT FOR RUSHING ANYTHING.

I'M PREPARED TO TAKE EVERYTHING TOTALLY SLOWLY.

YOU KNOW MY POSITION ON THAT.

I'M PREPARED TO TAKE A HARD LINE AGAINST ANYBODY GROWING DRUGS IN THIS TOWN.

YEAH. RIGHT.

UH-HUH.

OH, YES. OH, YES.

STAN, COULD I CALL YOU BACK?

I'VE JUST GOT SOMETHING ON THE STOVE.

UH, ALL RIGHT, I'LL JUST TAKE IT OFF.

I'LL SHOW YOU MINE, IF YOU SHOW ME YOURS.

WHAT?

HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT?

YUP, YUP.

YUP. \

I'M ALREADY DRUNK.

NOT QUITE DRUNK ENOUGH, SWEETHEART.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT GETTING MARRIED?

...MUCH COLDER AIR WILL BE ENTERING

THE ANACONDA AREA TODAY...

WITH A FAMILY, WITH KIDS, A FARM.

...READING AS MUCH AS 20 DEGREES ABOVE NORMAL...

SUNDAY DINNERS.

CAN I PLOW IN HEELS?

NO.

SHE DID IT.

ON THE HOUSE, YOUR HONOR.

WHAT?

YEAH.

THE TOWN OF RIDGEWAY VOTED OUT THE OLD AND VOTED IN THE NEW.

NANCY TRAINER, A LOCAL REALTOR, WON AN UPSET VICTORY

OVER INCUMBENT MAYOR, FORMAN FLEMING...

WHO HAD HELD OFFICE FOR THE PAST 12 YEARS.

CHARLIE, YOU GOT ANYTHING REAL TO DRINK?

I GOT SOME MILLER.

I THINK I'D LIKE TO GO.

HELLO? TOO LATE.

BRIAN, WOULD YOU MIND IF I SENT YOU HOME TONIGHT?

I MEAN, THIS DAY HAS BEEN, WELL, YOU CAN IMAGINE.

I AM JUST EXHAUSTED.

THAT FAST, HUH?

MY BRAIN IS FRIED.

NOW YOU'RE GONNA STRING ME ALONG AND LET ME DOWN EASY, HUH?

IT'S JUST FOR TONIGHT.

BRIAN, PLEASE. I'M EXHAUSTED.

THAT'S BULLSHIT.

DUMP ME, BUT DON'T BULLSHIT ME.

I DIDN'T KNOW I COULD ACTUALLY WIN.

I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A DRY RUN.

OR YOU WOULD'VE DUMPED ME LONG AGO?

IT WOULDN'T LOOK GOOD FOR THE MAYOR

TO BE SEEN OUT ROBBING THE CRADLE.

LOOK, WE'RE BOTH TIRED. I'M NOT.

WE'RE NOT THINKING STRAIGHT.

I AM.

WE BOTH KNEW THIS WOULDN'T LAST.

I DIDN'T.

HEY, KITRICK?

YEAH?

BRING YOUR MOM OVER TO THE BUFFALO.

LET HER SIT IN WITH US.

I JUST DON'T THINK SHE'D GO, BOSS.

KIDNAP HER.

¶ IT'S 2 O'CLOCK AND IT'S SHUTDOWN TIME ¶

¶ EVERYBODY'S MOVIN' OUT THE DOOR ¶

¶ MY BABY ASKED ME, EASY, YOUR PLACE OR MINE ¶

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOUR MOTHER AND I CAN'T JUST WAIT IN THE CAR.

ALONE? THE TWO OF YOU IN A CAR?

NO. COME ON, LET'S GO. SIT DOWN.

I HATE THIS MUSIC.

IT WILL TAKE 2 SECONDS, DAD. 2 SECONDS.

I SWEAR ON DUNCAN'S LIFE.

PREPARE TO DIE.

SO CAN WE GET A COUPLE OF DRINKS IN HERE?

YOU WANT THEM WHILE WE'RE WAITING?

¶ A REAL BIG LOVE ¶

WHAT'S GOING ON?

¶ IN A SMALL TOWN ¶

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

WE'RE GLAD YOU ARE ALL HAVING A GOOD TIME TONIGHT

BECAUSE WE HAVE A SPECIAL TREAT FOR YOU.

A YOUNG LADY'S HERE THAT USED TO SING WITH US

BACK IN OUR HIGH-SCHOOL BAND.

The Hi-Lows.

MAYBE WE CAN PERSUADE HER TO GET UP AND SING A SONG WITH US.

HOW ABOUT IT, EILEEN?

WHAT'S THAT?

ONE SONG, DAD. DAD, ONE SONG.

HONEY, I CAN'T.

COME ON, MOM, YOU GOT TO.

COME ON, EILEEN.

COME ON.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, EILEEN MCDERMOTT.

GO, MOM.

¶ SONGS WERE MADE TO SING ¶

¶ WHILE WE'RE YOUNG ¶

¶ EVERY DAY IS SPRING ¶

¶ WHILE WE'RE YOUNG ¶

¶ NONE CAN REFUSE ¶

¶ TIME FLIES SO FAST ¶

¶ TOO DEAR TO LOSE ¶

¶ AND TOO SWEET ¶

¶ TO LAST ¶

¶ THOUGH IT MAY BE JUST ¶

¶ FOR TODAY ¶

¶ SHARE OUR LOVE ¶

¶ WE MUST ¶

¶ WHILE WE MAY ¶

¶ SO BLUE SKIES ¶

¶ A SWEET SURPRISE ¶

¶ SHINES BEFORE OUR EYES ¶

¶ WHILE WE'RE YOUNG ¶

¶ SO BLUE SKIES ¶

¶ SHINE BEFORE OUR EYES ¶

¶ WHILE WE'RE YOUNG ¶

LISTEN. LISTEN, PAY ATTENTION. PAY ATTENTION.

OK. I'VE WRITTEN OUT 2 WEEKS OF MENUS FOR YOU

AND, UM, I'VE MARKED IT WHEN YOU HAVE TO TAKE SOMETHING OUT OF THE FREEZER.

LIKE, UH, WEDNESDAY, THE 5TH

DEFROST RUMP ROAST, OK?

SEE, AND, UH, THERE'S YOUR RUMP ROAST.

IT'S--IT'S IN THE SILVER FOIL.

AND OVER HERE, DOWN HERE IN THIS COLUMN,

I'VE WRITTEN THE PAGE NUMBER, IN THE COOKBOOK,

OF THE RECIPE OF THE RUMP ROAST.

RIGHT? OK.

AND, UH, THIS IS YOUR COOKBOOK.

AND, UH, THAT'S IT.

GUYS, TAKE CARE. WE'LL CALL YOU.

BE GOOD, OK? GOOD-BYE.

THANKS.

HAVE A GOOD TRIP. ALL RIGHT.

OK. DRIVE SAFELY.

OK. BYE.

BYE.

I FIRED YOU. I INSULTED YOU.

I GAVE YOU THE WORST JOBS THAT I HAD.

I TOLD YOU I NEVER WANNA SEE YOUR UGLY FACE AROUND HERE AGAIN.

AND YOU'RE STILL HERE.

YOU ARE THE SLOWEST GUY AT TAKING A HINT

THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN.

YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE.

I DON'T LIKE IT, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.

YOU'RE PROMOTED.

YEAH?

YEAH. NOW GET OUT OF HERE.

WAY TO GO.

YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

THIS COULD BE THE CURE FOR CANCER.

OH, MAN.

OH, HI.

YOU'RE BACK.

HI, MY FOOT.

WHAT'VE YOU--WHAT'VE YOU DONE TO MY KITCHEN?

I LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR 2 SECONDS AND YOU MAKE A MESS OF EVERYTHING.

IT'S GONNA TAKE ME

ALL DAY LONG TO CLEAN THIS UP.

YEAH. BUT WE WERE GONNA--

OH, YOU MAKE ME SICK!

I DON'T WANNA... GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!

YOU DISGUST ME, BOTH OF YOU.

GET BACK IN HERE AND CLEAN THIS UP!

BUT THE BOTTOM OF THE 4TH WAS A NIGHTMARE

AND AT THE HALF-INNING, A COMEBACK WE'LL NEVER FORGET.

CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE, DAD?

MM-HMM.

I'M REALLY GLAD YOU SOLD THE CHICKEN BUSINESS.

IT'S FORCED ME TO TAKE STOCK OF MY LIFE

AND--AND MAKE SOME PLANS FOR MY FUTURE.

DAD?

I HAVE DECIDED WHAT I'M GONNA DO.

I'D LIKE TO SHARE IT WITH YOU.

MM-HMM.

I'M GONNA BE A BUM.

SLEEP IN DOORWAYS, BUY HALF-PINTS,

DRINK FROM A PAPER BAG,

BEG FROM PEOPLE ON THE STREET.

DAD?

HMM.

DON'T WORRY, DAD.

I'LL MAKE YOU PROUD.

GOOD.

HEY, BUCKO.

HEY.

I LIKE WHAT THEY'VE DONE.

IT'S SIMPLE, SPARE, IT'S IN GOOD TASTE.

WHAT'S UP AT HOME?

OH, IT'S ACTION-PACKED.

HOW'S DAD DOING?

FOR A CORPSE?

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

BRIAN,

IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON AT HOME,

STOP OVER SOMETIME.

MOM'S GOT A CANDLE IN THE WINDOW FOR YOU.

"THE BOY WHO WOULDN'T SPEAK TO HIS FATHER" IS A GOOD BIT.

YOU DO IT REALLY WELL.

BUT THE PRODIGAL SON IS GOOD, TOO.

CHECK IT OUT.

I CAN'T SPEAK FOR THE OTHERS,

BUT I WOULDN'T MIND SEEING YOUR STUPID FACE ONCE IN A WHILE.

ONE MINUTE UNTIL RACE TIME.

WILL THE PEOPLE THAT ARE STANDING RIGHT DIRECTLY

IN FRONT OF THE STARTING LINE PLEASE MOVE OUT OF THE AREA?

ALL RIGHT, JUDGE GERHARDT WILL FIRE THE GUN

IN 20 SECONDS.

RUNNERS, TAKE YOUR MARKS.

MY FEET HAVE WINGS.

READY?

I'M NOT GONNA RUN, I'M GONNA FLY.

SET.

GO!

I DON'T SEE HIM.

GO.

ALL RIGHT, COME ON!

GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!

¶ SOMETIMES THE TIMES GO BY IN A BLAZE ¶

¶ AND SO MANY THINGS I STILL WANNA TRY ¶

WANT SOME WATER?

¶ FEEL LIKE I'M LOSING MY DIRECTION ¶

GET GOING! GET GOING!

¶ I JUST CAN'T CRY ¶

¶ THE MORE THINGS CHANGE ¶

¶ THE MORE THEY STAY THE SAME ¶

¶ LIFE GOES ON ¶

¶ THE NAMES WILL ALL REMAIN ¶

¶ YOU MAKE ME ¶

¶ YOU MAKE ME ¶

WITH ONE KILOMETER LEFT IN THE RACE,

ED GASTON OUT IN THE LEAD, WITH VETERANS KARL FAIRMONT

WHO ARE, RIGHT NOW, AHEAD OF THE COMPETITION, KIT MCDERMOTT.

AND MCDERMOTT, IN A SUDDEN BURST OF SPEED,

HAS PUSHED AHEAD OF A BEWILDERED FAIRMONT.

GO!

IT'S GEORGE TAYLOR IN FIRST PLACE,

CLOSE BEHIND IS ED GASTON IN SECOND,

AND THE UPSET WINNER OF THE DAY,

KIT MCDERMOTT, TAKES THIRD PLACE.

CONGRATULATIONS, SON.

YEAH!

I DON'T BELIEVE IT. THAT'S OUR KIT.

WHERE YOU GOING?

YOU'LL SEE.

WHAT?

COME ON.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU'RE A BUM, YOUNG.

I'M A WHAT?

A BUM.

YOU'RE NOTHING BUT TROUBLE.

DON'T BARK AT HER LIKE THAT.

I WASN'T BARKING AT HER.

HI, MOM. YEAH.

YEAH. HOW ABOUT THAT? HEY--HEY, DID DAD SEE IT?

HE DID? GOOD, GOOD. HEY, THE REASON I'M CALLING

IS THAT DUNCAN'S CAR BROKE DOWN

AND IT LOOKS LIKE WE'LL BE STUCK HERE.

THEY CAN'T GET TO IT TILL TOMORROW.

SO I'M-- SO WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO FIND PLACE TO STAY TONIGHT.

AND, UM, WE--WE'LL BE OK. IT'S JUST--

NO, I DON'T WANNA BUG AUNT MARIE AND UNCLE BILL.

TELL THEM TO CALL MY PARENTS.

OH, YEAH. DO ME A FAVOR. CALL THE YOUNGS

AND LET THEM KNOW THAT BEVERLY'S OK AND, UM,

WE'LL GET HOME AS SOON AS WE CAN.

OH, OK. OK, OK, I LOVE YOU, TOO.

UM, BYE, MOM.

GREAT. YOU DID GREAT. LET'S GO.

OOH, OH, MY.

HALF THE BOTTLE'S ON THE FLOOR.

A TOAST.

A TOAST, UM,

TO WHAT?

LET ME THINK. TO, UM...

WE HAVE ALL NIGHT.

TO THAT, THEN.

BEVERLY?

YOU ASLEEP?

I'M STILL MARRYING KEVIN.

I KNOW.

I ALREADY PUT A DEPOSIT DOWN ON THE CATERER.

UH-HUH.

I ALREADY GOT THE FLOWERS.

MOTHER BOUGHT HER DRESS ALREADY.

I'M SURE SHE DID.

MY BROTHER GOT HIS HAIR CUT.

UH-HUH.

MY AUNT ANN'S COMING IN FROM WICHITA.

BEVERLY. UH-HUH?

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER, MAYBE?

YEAH.

OK. OK.

I WANT YOU THERE.

THE MODERN WOMAN ALWAYS HAS HER LOVERS AT HER WEDDING.

BRIAN?

WHAT?

YOU GOT A VISITOR, PAL. SOME WOMAN.

OH...

HELLO.

HI.

BRIAN, I WANT YOU TO COME HOME AND SEE YOUR FATHER.

YOU'VE MADE YOUR POINT.

YOU'VE HURT HIS FEELINGS.

I HURT HIS? THAT'S TYPICAL.

BUT YOU CAN'T IGNORE HIM THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

WHY NOT?

HE'S YOUR FATHER.

DINNER IS AT 5:00 ON SUNDAY.

I CAN'T. I'M BUSY.

GET UN-BUSY.

MOM, WHY DIDN'T HE COME?

WHAT?

WHY DIDN'T DAD COME?

HE DOESN'T GO OUT MUCH.

DUNCAN, KIT, DINNER IN 5 MINUTES.

HEY, LOOK. DAD'S FINALLY GETTING RID OF ALL THAT JUNK.

HEY, DAD!

DAD.

DUNCAN, YOU BETTER...

DUNCAN, CALL AN AMBULANCE. D-D-DUNCAN!

DAD! MA!

DAD? DAD?

DAD?

NOT ME, DAD!

HELP!

LAB 313 TO EMERGENCY. LAB 313 TO EMERGENCY.

SIR?

SIR, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED IN THERE.

SIR?

BRIAN?

BRIAN?

Dr. Glass, call...

NO, NO. YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED IN THERE.

YOU ARE NOT PERMITTED IN THIS AREA.

AAH!

DR. CLAIRWELL, PRE-NATAL UNIT.

DR. CLAIRWELL, PRE-NATAL UNIT.

I MEAN, SHE JUST CAME OUT OF NOWHERE.

AW, BRIAN, MAN, YOU SHOULD SEE THIS PLACE.

THEY JUST...

COME ON, MOM. LET'S GO HOME.

DR. BLAIR, DR. BLAIR.

DR. JAAY HAMILTON, DR. JAY HAMILTON.

DR. ALLGOOD, PLEASE REPORT TO EMERGENCY.

COME ON, MOM.

GIVE ME THE TIE.

MOM, GIVE ME THAT.

MOM, GIVE ME THAT.

MOM, COME ON.

CAN I LOOK NOW?

NOT YET.

PLEASE?

NO.

BRIAN, THAT'S TOO MUCH.

BIRTHDAYS ARE ALWAYS A BIG DEAL IN MY FAMILY.

OK.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SQUIRT.

HEY, HEY, NOT IN THE HOUSE.

¶ ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT ¶

¶ GENTLY DOWN THE STREAM ¶

¶ MERRILY, MERRILY, MERRILY, MERRILY ¶

¶ LIFE IS BUT A DREAM ¶

¶ ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT ¶

¶ GENTLY DOWN THE STREAM ¶

¶ MERRILY, MERRILY, MERRILY, MERRILY ¶

¶ LIFE IS BUT A DREAM ¶

IT'S THE ONLY ONE I KNOW.

$13,150?

MM-HMM.

MOM, I THINK YOU SHOULD START, UH, SINGING AT THE BUFFALO.

REALLY? I DON'T--

REALLY. EVERYONE LIKED YOU.

YOU WERE GREAT. NO.

YOU WERE, UH, SEXY.

DON'T EVER TELL ANYONE I SAID THAT.

SWEAR ON YOUR LIFE THAT YOU'RE NOT GONNA TELL

ANYONE THAT I SAID THAT.

YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SWEARING ANYTHING.

YOU...

HEY, KIT.

WHAT?

COME HERE.

GOOD MORNING, GENTLEMEN.

ENCLOSED, YOU'LL FIND A COMPLETE ACCOUNT

OF EVERY PENNY YOU'VE LENT ME OVER THE YEARS.

YOU WILL ALSO FIND LEGAL TENDER IN PAYMENT OF THE AFORESAID DEBTS

AND INTEREST AT CURRENT BANK RATES.

BRIAN,

YOUR GENEROSITY HAS ONLY BEEN EXCEEDED BY YOUR PATIENCE.

KIT, MY MAIN MAN,

I HOPE I DIDN'T CAUSE YOU ANY UNDUE FINANCIAL HARDSHIP.

GENTLEMEN, GOOD DAY.

WHAT DID YOU DO? ROB A BANK?

YOU ARE LOOKING

AT A NEW MAN.

OR AN ASSHOLE IN THE MAKING.

HEY, KIT? YEAH.

CAN I TALK TO YOU?

SURE.

I WANT YOU TO BE HONEST.

YEAH.

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR BROTHERS WOULD SAY

IF THEY KNEW I TOOK YOUR MOM OUT?

OUT?

WELL, NOT ON A DATE, BUT OUT TO DINNER.

WELL, THAT'S A DATE, ISN'T IT?

YOU COULD CALL IT THAT.

WHY DON'T YOU ASK THEM?

THAT'S WHY I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU.

I HEAR BRIAN'S GOT A REAL TEMPER.

YEAH.

SEE, HERE'S THE DEAL, KIT.

YOUR MOM AND I GO BACK A LONG WAY.

ALL THE WAY TO HIGH SCHOOL.

AND YOU KNOW YOUR DAD I WERE FRIENDS.

I'VE GOT ALL THE RESPECT IN THE WORLD.

BUT LOOKING DOWN THE ROAD A LITTLE,

IF THINGS COULD TURN OUT LIKE YOU WOULD HOPE,

OR LIKE I WOULD HOPE,

IT MIGHT BE NICE TO BE A PART OF THE FAMILY.

YEAH.

"HUMAN SEXUALITY," THAT'S HEALTHY.

"DRUGS, ALCOHOL AND TOBACCO ABUSE," THAT'S 3 CREDITS.

THAT'S ONE YOU'D PASS. I THINK SO.

HERE, HONEY.

BETH'S GONNA COOK ME DINNER.

ONE FOR THE ROAD?

THANKS.

ALL RIGHT, THIS IS WHAT I CAME UP WITH:

"INTERESTS: EATING, SLEEPING, AND SEX.

"GOALS: TO BE TALLER."

BABY BROTHER HERE IS APPLYING FOR COLLEGE.

YEAH, WELL, SOMEBODY BETTER AMOUNT

TO SOMETHING IN THIS FAMILY.

I MEAN, MY GOD. YOU PUSH A BROOM,

YOU SLING CEMENT, OUR DEAR MOTHER WORKS IN A SALOON.

SOMEBODY HAS GOT TO LIFT THE MCDERMOTT NAME OUT OF THE MUD.

AND YOU'RE JUST THE GUY TO DO IT?

MM-HMM.

CONGRATULATIONS.

WHO ARE YOU CONGRATULATING?

YOU.

TO WHAT DO I OWE THIS HONOR?

AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO CONGRATULATE THE BRIDE?

I, UH, I FORGET THE RULES ON THIS ONE.

YOU SEE, SHE'S GETTING MARRIED TO MY BOSS.

SEE, I'LL BE WORKING FOR MY NEW DAD

JUST LIKE I WORKED FOR MY OLD DAD.

KIT. WERE YOU GONNA TELL US?

WAIT A MINUTE. HE JUST TOOK ME OUT TO DINNER.

WHAT DID YOU TELL US? I ASKED HIM FOR A JOB.

BUT WE HAVE TO FIND THAT OUT THE HARD WAY

JUST LIKE WE FIND OUT EVERYTHING ELSE AROUND HERE.

THERE'S NOTHING TO FIND OUT.

ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH HIM?

KIT.

I GUESS THAT'S A STUPID QUESTION.

WHAT I REALLY WANNA KNOW... W-WHAT WE REALLY WANNA KNOW

IS HOW LONG YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING WITH HIM.

I BET YOU WERE SLEEPING WITH HIM BEFORE DAD DIED, TOO.

I GOTTA HAND IT TO YOU, MOM.

I'VE GOTTA HAND IT TO YOU.

YOU PULLED A FAST ONE THIS TIME.

THAT'S THE LAST FOOD I WILL EVER MAKE YOU.

SO EAT IT!

WHAT?

WHAT?

KIT?

THOSE ARE FUNNY CLOTHES TO RUN IN.

I'M GOING TO TELL HIM.

TELL?

KEVIN.

I'M GOING OVER THERE RIGHT NOW.

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW.

OH.

WHY?

YOU DON'T THINK I SHOULD?

NO, I DON'T.

IT MAY SHOCK YOU, BUT I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD TELL HIM.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.

I'M GOING CRAZY.

YOU CAN'T-- YOU CAN'T GO THROUGH WITH THIS, BEVERLY. I GOTTA STOP THIS.

I AM MARRYING KEVIN.

I NEVER PRETENDED I WASN'T.

THEN WHAT WAS THAT?

WAS THAT JUST WARMING UP FOR THE WEDDING NIGHT?

WAS THAT REHEARSAL? WAS THAT PRACTICE?

NO.

THEN WHAT WAS IT?

THAT WAS LOVE.

DON'T GET ALL CRAZY ON ME.

THAT WAS LOVE. I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

WHAT DO YOU WANT? I'LL DO IT.

DO YOU WANT ME TO PROPOSE? DO YOU WANT ME ON MY KNEES?

KIT!

I NEED SOMEONE THAT I CAN...

THAT I CAN LEAN ON. THAT'S JUST THE WAY I AM.

HE CAN DO THAT FOR ME.

I CAN, TOO.

YOU'RE JUST A BOY.

YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

THIS ISN'T SAD. IT WON'T BE SAD.

I JUST...

I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I DON'T KNOW

WHAT TO DO ANYMORE.

HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING?

WARD, I'M A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT THE BEAVER.

THERE HE IS. SLOW DOWN. PULL UP NEXT TO HIM.

KIT!

HEY, LOBOTOMY-BRAIN, YOU GOT A MINUTE?

HEY, WHAT'S UP?

WHAT'S YOUR AILMENT, BOY?

HEY!

HEY!

MAN, WHAT IS HE DOING?

DUNCAN, DON'T RUN HIM OVER.

KIT!

HOLD ON.

DUNCAN, WHAT ARE YOU... WHERE ARE YOU...

HEY! HEY, KIT!

DUNCAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

SEE THE TREES, DUNCAN?

DUNCAN, YOU...

HOLY SHIT.

WATCH THE TREES, DUNC.

HOLY SHIT!

STOP! STOP!

KIT!

GO AWAY!

JESUS.

HEY, HOLD IT.

NO!

OH, FUCK!

DUNCAN!

DUNCAN!

OH, THAT WAS GREAT.

OH, THAT WAS COOL. LET'S DO THAT AGAIN, HUH?

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU STUPID SHIT.

WHAT?

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, KILL US?

WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU STOP?

WHY THE HELL DIDN'T HE STOP?

HE KNEW THE CLIFF WAS THERE, TOO.

I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D BE STUPID ENOUGH TO DRIVE OVER IT, DICK.

WHY DON'T YOU GROW UP?

HEY, MAN...

WHO YOU TALKING TO? FUCK YOU.

LOOK, NOBODY GOT HURT, RIGHT?

YOU EVER TALK TO MY MOTHER THAT WAY AGAIN, I'LL BEAT YOUR ASS.

MELLOW OUT.

AT LEAST I TALKED TO HER. YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO DAD.

FUCK YOU. HE LOVED HER. FUCK YOU FROM YOU.

STOP IT, SOMEBODY'S GONNA GET--

DUNCAN, GET UP.

HE'S OUT COLD.

HE'S DEAD.

WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

I DON'T KNOW.

DROWN HIM?

NO.

BURY HIM?

NO. NAH.

TICKLE HIM. TICKLE HIM.

NO!

PINK BELLY.

NO! NO! NO! NO!

WE ARE ASSHOLES!

WE'RE ASSHOLES!

WE'RE ASSHOLES!

WE'RE ASSHOLES!

WE'RE ASSHOLES!

KEVIN?

I JUST WANTED TO SAY CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU'RE A VERY LUCKY MAN.

WELL, THANKS.

YOU BET.

HEY, CAN I BORROW YOUR WIFE FOR A MOMENT?

TAKE HER.

THANK YOU, I ALREADY DID.

KIT.

OH, OH, I FORGOT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

WHAT?

IT'S THE BIG ONE. NEW YORK CITY MARATHON.

I DON'T KNOW IF I'M UP TO IT, BUT I'M GONNA TRY.

YOU ARE. YOU'LL PROBABLY WIN.

NAH, I'M NOT GONNA WIN, BUT I WILL SEE NEW YORK, RIGHT?

CONGRATULATIONS.

THANK YOU.

HEY, PAL.

HI.

YOU WANNA DANCE?

I DON'T KNOW HOW.

YEAH, THERE YOU GO.

¶ OH, BABY, YOU'RE THE ONE FOR ME ¶

¶ WITH A LOVE THAT'S ALWAYS TRUE ¶

HI.

HI.

DID YOU FIND MY PARTNER?

¶ A GIRL LIKE YOU IS HARD TO FIND ¶

¶ I'LL SEARCH MY WHOLE LIFE THROUGH ¶

¶ LOVIN' YOU IS A PIECE OF CAKE ¶

¶ AND I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO YOU ¶

¶ OH, EVERY SINGLE THING I DO ¶

LUCILLE, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN A LONG TIME.

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THAT ERECTION OF YOURS.

ARE YOU, UM, DOING ANYTHING WITH IT, SAY AROUND 11:00 TONIGHT?

YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE?

BRING IT BY.

WHAT'S UP, BUCKO?

I'M GONNA BE A MAN.

PRETTY EMOTIONAL FAMILY.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

NOTHING.

¶ FOR IT WON'T BE LONG ¶

¶ 'TIL I'M GONNA NEED ¶

¶ SOMEBODY TO LEAN ON ¶

¶ JUST CALL ON ME, BROTHER, WHEN YOU NEED A FRIEND ¶

¶ WE ALL NEED SOMEBODY TO LEAN ON ¶

¶ I JUST MIGHT HAVE A PROBLEM THAT YOU'LL UNDERSTAND ¶

¶ WE ALL NEED SOMEBODY TO LEAN ON ¶

¶ LEAN ON ME ¶

¶ WHEN YOU'RE NOT STRONG ¶

¶ AND I'LL BE YOUR FRIEND ¶

¶ I'LL HELP YOU CARRY ON ¶

¶ FOR IT WON'T BE LONG ¶

¶ 'TIL I'M GONNA NEED ¶

I'M SORRY, MOM.

I KNOW.

WHOO!

YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY, BABY.

I THINK YOU SHOULD MARRY BETH.

GOD HELP ME, IF THE DAY EVER COMES

WHEN I HAVE TO TAKE YOUR ADVICE.

THAT KID NEEDS A FATHER.

NO, THAT KID NEEDS UNCLES.

WELL, ONE THING'S FOR SURE. YOU CAN'T LIVE TOGETHER.

I MEAN, THIS IS A SMALL TOWN.

NOT FOR LONG.

THERE ARE NO SMALL TOWNS, JUST SMALL PEOPLE.

AND WE ARE NOT SMALL PEOPLE. DUNCAN IS.

FUCK YOU.

WE'RE GIANTS.

LEGENDS IN OUR OWN MINDS.

YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT...

UH-OH. DUNCAN'S THINKING.

..."FUCK YOU" ISN'T SUCH A BAD THING TO SAY TO SOMEBODY.

I MEAN, IT'S KIND OF SWEET.

IT'S LIKE SAYING "I LOVE YOU," ONLY IT'S MORE HIP.

DON'T YOU EVER SHUT UP?

NO, THIS IS IMPORTANT. THIS IS SERIOUS.

I MEAN, HALF OF THE WORLD IS GOING AROUND

SAYING SOMETHING TO THE OTHER HALF,

AND THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW IT'S A COMPLIMENT.

I MEAN, MY GOD,

THIS IS A LINGUISTIC BREAKTHROUGH.

DANGER. PHILOSOPHER CROSSING OVER HERE.

WHAT A NIGHT.

THEY'LL TALK ABOUT THIS FOR YEARS TO COME.

IT'LL CHANGE THE WAY THE WORLD THINKS.

LIKE THE THEORY OF RELATIVITY OR THE DISCOVERY OF GRAVITY.

FUCK YOU

IS GOOD.

BRIAN, FUCK YOU.

KIT, FUCK YOU, TOO.

YEAH. ELOQUENTLY PUT ANYWAY, RIGHT?

YES, INDEED.

I'LL DRINK TO THAT.

I THINK I WILL AS WELL.

YOU WALK AROUND IN A FOG MOST OF THE TIME

AND THEN SUDDENLY ONE NIGHT, IT'S ALL CLEAR.

LIFE HAS MEANING, AFTER ALL.

AND THE NIGHT IS YOUNG.

McDERMOTTVILLE.

YEAH.