Original subtitles

Let's fucking get it on right now. Let's go.

Come on! Come on! Come on!

Come on!

Here! Here!

Now, I want to go over a few rules with y'all tonight.

It ain't that hard. Don't worry about it. Rule number one.

This is the what-can-you-touch- and-not-touch rules.

Can you touch this?

Can you touch this?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Second touch.

Can you touch this?

Can you touch this?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

And finally...

Last one, ladies. Can you touch this?

Can you ever touch this?

Well, that's who the law says that you cannot touch.

But I think I see a lot of lawbreakers in this house.

And I don't see a cop in sight.

Alright?

I gotta go commando today because someone ripped off

my favourite pair of panties last night.

- Hey, it's not funny. - Oh, sorry.

-They were my grandma's. -They were not your grandma's.

They could've been.

Can you throw, uh, throw me that shirt right there?

Hey. What are we gonna do about her?

I don't... What was her name again?

What? I don't...

What's... I'm sorry. What's her name?

-Uh... -You don't even know. -I do.

-You have to remember her name. -I know her name.

-What's her name, then? -It's, uh...

Penelope!

Ah, shit.

Well, whatever her name was, she was fun.

Hey, that's a cool table. Where'd you get it?

That's just some old shit that blew up

on the beach after the last hurricane.

-Oh, you made that? -Mm-hm.

You should sell these things.

Thank you. That's actually the idea.

Mike's Custom Furniture Concepts.

But the market hasn't really hit the sweet spot yet,

and I don't know, I'm waiting for the bank to make

the competitive loans that I'm looking for,

and then I'll swoop in.

Cool.

Alright, I'm gonna get out of here.

You guys are good, right?

-What? You're just gonna leave us? -Yeah.

What, are you gonna steal a bunch of my shit or something?

Probably. That's what strangers do.

Don't do that, maybe?

OK.

-OK. -OK.

-So, I'm gonna see you again? -Uh, probably. I don't know.

I'll just, uh... I'll call you.

'Bye.

Where's George and the rest of the guys?

Fucked me and took another gig, last minute.

- So I got these guys. - Where'd you get them?

Uh, you know, industry referrals.

My dick. You got them off Craigslist, didn't you?

Nah. No, Mike, I can't have fucking union guys

around here barking about benefits and shit.

-Give me a fucking break. -So what am I supposed to do?

-Hey, uh, good morning. -Hey.

-You Saul? -Sal. Sal. -Adam. -Adam, hey.

Adam, this is Mike. You guys are gonna be working together.

-What? -Yeah.

Just give me a minute, alright?

I want to straighten something out there. Hop up there.

-You gotta be kidding me. -What?

He's wearing fucking tennis shoes. He doesn't know...

Do me a favour - go up there, do it for $14 an hour.

I'm gonna do it for 20 bucks an hour.

I'll give you 18.

Don't fuck with me. You're like my son, alright?

The son which you're gonna pay $20 an hour for.

What's up?

You ever, uh, tiled a roof before?

-No. -Fuck.

How'd you get this job, anyways?

Craigslist.

And you put on your post that you'd tiled houses before.

-Yeah. -Right.

So, what do you got in your bag?

-Why don't you open it up? -Got nothing in the bag.

Why don't you open the fucking bag

before I open your fucking head up, how's that?

I got a nice ham/cheese sandwich...

You know how to read?

Huh? One Pepsi a day. Read the cooler.

I'm gonna do my inventory.

If I come up short, I'm coming right to you.

-Is it dead? -What's that?

I can try to jump you off if you want, but it's not the battery.

I think you're probably fucked.

Just tell... No.

Tell them if they want to get into this, to be up there.

Alright, I'll see you at the Amp.

Alright. Later.

What are you do... Stop! What the fuck you doing, man?

-You're fucking... -Sorry.

It's new.

It's gonna stay new if you don't rip off all the damn plastic.

-Why do you have that? -Because it protects it.

I'm gonna rip it off when I'm ready to sell it,

and it'll be like brand-new.

Where are you from?

Citrus Springs.

Did you play ball?

Uh, yeah. Strong safety.

You don't look like a strong safety.

I gave that, uh, college thing the college try.

Didn't quite work out.

Couldn't resist the lure of the roofing business?

Yeah, that and the lure of my sister's couch.

Can you do me a favour and drop me off at my car tonight?

No, I'm sorry, I'm going to dinner.

I can take you tomorrow morning, though.

What time do you have to be at work?

I need to talk to you about that.

-What? -The foreman, uh...

Yeah, he accused me of stealing.

So I fucking quit.

-What? -Yeah, but, you know, I have...

Well, I had that interview at T-Mobile.

So, uh, yeah.

They asked me to wear a fucking tie, but...

And you know how I feel about wearing a fucking tie.

Why don't you just wear a tie?

Sorry. You know what my rules are.

Oh, God, brother.

What? I also could do, uh...

What? -What?

-What'd you say? -What'd you hear?

-You're doing that thing. You're doing that game. -What game?

You do the same thing all the time. It's not working anymore.

Or, talking about games, I could be a gamer.

And I could sell it to people and...

You're gonna make so much money.

I could be the voice of the game.

-You could make even more money. -I have a very good voice.

-I do great impressions. -You do do good impressions.

What was the one you did last night?

-I'm not gonna do it now. -Do it again! Do it again.

-No. -Come on.

"Listen to me.

"These are my tortillas. Get in the chopper.

"John Connor, come with me."

OK. Alright.

Just in case that doesn't work out,

why don't you come to dinner with me and Paul tonight?

Ask if any of his friends in marketing have any job openings.

But sometimes people want to, you know,

they think that they're owed a lot more than they deserve,

and so, too bad - bummer.

Uh, but, uh, you know, whatever. Sucks.

I just don't want to have to be the guy that tells them

that they're not gonna be able to rebuild their houses.

Um, anyway.

Uh, let's talk about something else.

-You know. Yeah. -You're right.

I'm sick of talking about Medicaid

and processing insurance forms as well.

-I get it. I get it. -Right. Right.

It's slightly different when you're doing Medicaid claims

and when you're doing, like,

huge property damage claims and stuff like that,

but it's...I guess it's a similar kind of thing.

-Wait, wait, wait. Hey. - Hmm?

Remember what I said? Yeah. It's cool.

-I'm so sorry. -I can't drive tonight.

-I've been driving all weekend. -I'm sorry.

-No worries. No worries. -Yeah, I just forgot.

Someone will finish it, I think. There you go.

-I will. -There's a taker.

Mmm.

Good?

Where you going?

Uh, hey, do you know who's spinning tonight?

Uh, no. Sorry.

Alright.

Hey, Mike!

Mike!

Hey, sorry, bro.

-Hey, Mike! Hey, man. -Yo.

-What's going on? -What's going on, bro?

-Are you going in? -Yeah, yeah, we're going.

Can I come with you?

Uh...

Dude, I don't... They're never gonna let you in like that.

-Come on, I'd do anything. -It's not my fault!

I mean, I'm just saying they're not gonna do it.

I would let you. I would do it, but...

I don't think they're gonna do it, bro.

Alright.

Alright?

Fuck. OK, dude. Hey.

-Um...you're gonna owe me. -I promise, man, I...

I mean, owe me. You're gonna... No questions asked, owe me.

-Anything. -Take your hood off. Try to look a little more...

I don't know, tuck your fucking shirt in.

You gotta not wear tennis shoes, bro.

George, dude, I got one.

I'm sorry. I know, I know.

Alright, thanks, bro. I owe you.

Sorry, man. These are the only shoes I got.

Hey, baby. Mwah! Can we borrow one of these?

Thank you. Grab one.

Is it free?

Don't worry, man, you're gonna earn your keep.

So, I got us a new recruit.

Ladies, meet the Kid. Portia, Ruby.

-Hey. -Hey.

Hey.

What are we thinking? Yes, no, maybe?

Oh, yeah. The cougars will eat him up.

Yeah? That's a quality endorsement, my friend.

What do you guys do?

-What? -Come here. Come here.

Anytime a girl tells you her name starts with a flower

or a car or a stone, don't bother asking what she does.

You know what I'm saying? Bro, I ain't got that much time.

-So I'm calling in my favour, alright? -OK.

You see the girls with the tiara thing and the sash?

-Yeah? -Go talk to them.

What do you want me to say?

I don't care what you say. You never talked to a girl before?

Just go talk to her! Be creative.

She does not look like she wants to be bothered.

Look at what she's wearing!

She came here tonight to be bothered.

Now, go bother her. You want to be inside or outside?

-I want to be inside. -I'll save you in a minute.

Get out of here, let's go.

We are getting wasted tonight if we could get a drink.

I know.

She's, like, ignoring the whole side of this bar.

-It's obnoxious. -Hey... -Hey, Carla.

-Oh. Jeez. -Yo, man.

-Watch out, you're gonna knock my girlfriend. -Oh, yeah?

Yeah, what the fuck are you gonna do?

-Uh, hi. -Hi.

-Do I know you? -Uh, no, I'm, uh...

I didn't know that I had a boyfriend, but thanks for that.

All the guys here are fucking obnoxious.

Thanks for that.

Who do we have to fuck to get a fucking drink?!

-Uh, me, please? -You'd like that, wouldn't you?

-Uh, yes, I would. -Yeah?

We have been standing around here for a while, and I'm 21.

-It's true. -And I can't get drunk.

-You're 21? -Yes.

-Happy 21st. -Thank you.

I'd buy you guys a shot if I could...

Oh, no, don't worry about it, um...?

Oh, uh, Adam.

-Hi. -Hi. -I'm Liz. -Hi, Liz.

-Hi. -What you say there, baby boy?

You want one? I can't find anybody to take these.

-Y'all want them? -Yeah!

Perfect. We can't drink them all ourselves.

Uh, here's to, um... our children.

May they have rich fucking parents.

- Yes. - OK.

-Where do you guys go, to USF? -Yeah. -Yeah.

-So it's summer break, correct? -That's right! -Yes. Whoo!

And if I'm not mistaken, that says "21," right?

-I am 21, yes! -Then why the fuck isn't she throwing up?

We can't get drinks!

What do you mean you can't get drinks? That's no excuse.

-That's a bad friend you got. -I'm not a bad friend!

-It's her 21st birthday. -You are a bad friend.

-I'm trying! -You are a bad friend.

See? You heard it from her. I'm just saying.

What are you guys planning on doing tonight?

Wouldn't you like to know!

Actually, I would, to be totally honest.

If you guys like to get a wee bit crazy,

why don't you come down and see the show?

Are you serious?

-Wow. -As a heart attack, yes.

We have a lot of friends here, though. Can they come too?

-How many? -Eight or nine.

That's perfect, actually. Here, hand them these.

They get in free at the door with one of those.

-OK. Maybe we'll come. -No. That's not a commitment.

Maybe we'll come. IF your little friend here comes too.

-Me? -Oh, little friend.

That's an easy if, because he will be there.

-He absolutely will be there. -I will?

-Well, then we'll be there too. -Show starts in 45 minutes.

-OK. -You can make it in 45 minutes?

Yeah.

-You swear? -We promise.

Dude, you're a fucking stripper?

I swear I thought you were gonna shit the bed,

but you actually did it.

Oh, man, I feel like I owe it to you.

I can throw you a hundred bucks,

maybe tip you out at the end of the night.

-If you really want to host. -Host what?

Yeah. No, for sure.

Hope you're ready for this shit.

- Mike! - Hey, ladies.

What y'all doing? Y'all ready?

Who's your friend, Mike?

I'm ready!

-The owner. Jesus. -Whoo!

Fucking Valhalla shit, man.

You see that shit, Mike? -Yeah.

Chicks are gonna go fucking crazy over this, man.

I'm thinking about giving this routine

to Tarzan unless you want it. -What do you think? -Mm, no.

It's not my style, but somebody should do it. It's cool.

Oh, it's fucking really cool, isn't it? Who's this?

This is the Kid. He wrangled, like, 9 sorority girls for us.

So I figured we'd help him out, throw him some cash.

He could help out tonight.

-How old are you? -Uh, 19.

What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?

-Oh, come on. He don't look 19. -Well, I can't have him host.

Can't have a 19-year-old on the fucking street.

-Then he can do props, can't he? -I can do anything.

We're setting up our own shit as it is.

Alright. Props.

-Yeah? Alright. -You're on props tonight.

Do whatever Mikey tells you or any of the guys tell you.

Clean the fucking toilets, whatever it is, alright?

Tonight. And listen up.

This is not a fucking joke.

Alright? It's not a hobby.

This is a serious business I'm running here.

So the last thing I need is a teenage liability

fucking my future up, capisce?

Yeah.

One thing about Waffle House pussy

is you gotta worry about the teeth.

Waffle House pussy?

Yo, everybody, this is the Kid.

Y'all can thank me later. He's gonna help us out tonight.

This is Big Dick Richie, Ken, Tito, Tarzan, Beast of Tampa.

What's up, what's up?

Alright, just tell him what props you need.

I'll have him set them up later. And, uh, yeah, have fun.

-Hey, Kid. -Make yourself at home, Kid.

-There you go, brother. -Uh, no, thanks, man.

-No? -Nah, I'm good.

Suit yourself.

OK. You handed it to me like the Hindenburg there.

How long you been on the force?

-What? -The police.

How long you been a cop?

I'm not a cop, man.

Just fucking with you. Sit down.

Come on, buddy, sit down.

Oh.

So, how you know Mike?

Uh...

We, uh, we worked together on construction.

-I told you, man. -Love it.

All organic, all natural.

-What kind of cash you make? -You alright, man?

A little more expensive, but, man, worth it.

What kind of cash you make?

Like, ten bucks an hour.

-Under the table? -Yeah.

Hmm! Not bad.

You're changing my life one step at a time.

So, you're here to help us out?

Yes, I am.

Alright, so I got your first little piece of business. Bam!

That look ashy to you?

-What's that, man? -That look ashy?

Heads up.

Just give it a little...spray on that calf there.

-Come on. -Come on.

Dude, I don't want to spray your leg.

-Just do it! -We all had to do it, man.

It's like the initiation. Lord of the Flies. Come on. Roll.

Come on, kid, help out. It's alright.

We're gonna tip you out good at the end of the night.

You'll be a happy man.

Make sure you massage it in good.

-You serious? -Yeah.

He fucking did it too!

You're alright, man. You're alright.

Take this front-row table right here, ladies.

Thanks. Whoo-hoo!

You got your ID on you? You got your ID?

You're not drinking a Shirley Temple tonight, are you?

No, no, no, no. No. We've already had a few drinks, so...

Alright. No Roy Rogers, no Shirley Temples.

-Y'all have a great time, OK? -Thank you.

See, we do a group act first,

then we do our solos, and then we do hot seats.

If everything goes really well, we get these girls jacked up,

we jack up the price of the hot seats, so don't fuck up.

Dude, it's easy.

All you gotta do is just hand us our props

before we go out on stage.

Alright? That's it. That's all you got to do.

- You bring out whatever... - Hey, primo!

There he is.

-This is Tobias, resident DJ. -Hey, man.

The Kid, Tobias. Tobias, the Kid.

He's gonna be the one giving you the cue before each act.

Pre-game. That's what I'm talking about.

-It's the love potion, man. -What is this, strawberry?

-What is this flavour? -It's a little mixture.

In Miami, we call it Hey Juice.

-Hey Juice? -Hey Juice.

Yes, because if you drink the whole bottle, hey!

You gonna like it, man. Give him a sample.

You can't drink, so you want, like, a half a cap?

But I...I don't know what the fuck it is.

It's just G.

It's basically like getting drunk without all the calories.

-Alright. -You sure?

Alright, alright, alright, alright!

Whoo!

Yeah. How we feeling tonight, ladies?

Come on, let me hear it one more time.

Come on. Come on.

It's gonna rain, rain gonna come down

and cleanse our soul and wash away the ash.

So get out your purses and get ready

to spend some motherfucking cash.

Will you welcome to the stage the one, the only,

the Cock-rocking Kings of Tampa!

Hoo-ah!

Tarzan!

Tarzan!

-Where is he? -I don't give a shit! I'm not picking him up!

Motherfucker. What the fuck, man?

Tarzan, Tarzan. Fuck, man.

Fucker! How many fucking times, huh?

Ken, S and M routine. You up on that? Can you do that?

I told you, I'm not putting that out there, man.

-It's too much negative energy. -Negative fucking energy.

-And it comes back. -You're fucking kidding me.

Richie, the, uh, fire-breathing gig.

Huh? You up for that?

Nah, I got the fire-phobia issue.

Tito...anything, man. South of the border fucking shit...

I just gave you two dances, Dallas.

-Nothing? -I'm working on something.

-It's not ready yet. -Fuck!

-It's not ready. -Alright. Alright.

Alright, we gotta do something. Mikey, what do you got?

I just came offstage. I can't do it.

-An idea, man. An idea. -You go out, then.

I'm not hitting the fucking floor. Come on.

You want me to come up with something?

Fuck, yeah, man.

I hope you can dance. You still owe me.

Come on!

-Whoo! -Ow!

You just start taking your clothes off.

Walk out there. What are you looking at Dallas for?

Don't. Look at them. Look out.

Just start, bro.

Yeah, perfect, perfect. Go, go, go, go.

There you go.

Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright.

Alright, let's give it up for the Kid, huh?

Popped his cherry onstage tonight.

And you know what time it is. It's time for the hot seat.

You know what that means. The orgy's over, ladies.

Time for some one-on-one time with the man of your dreams.

$5 a pop. Keep them handy. Get up here.

Welcome to the crazy club, Kid.

Come on. Come on, baby.

Everybody. Alright, line up, line up, line up.

Yeah, man. Whose big dick did that? Whoo!

We did good, swear to God.

I love it!

Kid! Kid! Kiiiid!

Look at this saggy underwearing,

motherfucking all-star right here!

Buy yourself some fresh drawers!

He put that kiss on her, and...

Pouring money out of their hands!

Ah...

Never kiss the girls, kid. That's Performer 101!

Hey. You gotta watch out for herpes. Think about it.

That too. But tonight, you took a chance and it paid off.

I like that. Fuckin' worked.

-I got you your money, man. -That ain't my money, big boy.

-That's your money. -Really?

Every man keeps every dollar he makes on that stage.

Plus the $50 that I owe you. Alright?

Look, get ready to work, big boy.

It ain't going to be that easy every time, hear me?

-Yes, sir. -Fucking worked. Whoo!

Ho!

- Ken, nice fucking robot. - Good shit!

Those girls said they'd meet us at the Amp afterwards.

Big Dick, they are still devastated by your cock.

It was like 25% dancing, 50% marketing.

Hey, Mike sold it up real nice.

Yeah, how about you forgetting 25% more genius?

Genius, Kid. Genius.

How we do tonight, Mikey?

Uh...it's a little under $2,500.

-That's $400 better than last week. -That'll work.

-And my, uh...my cut of the door. -Yes, sir.

That was dangerous shit you pulled tonight,

throwing that kid out on the plank like that.

It worked, though, didn't it?

Shit. I didn't know if it was gonna till he hit the floor.

-He pulled it out. -Yeah. What's his story?

I don't know. I mean, I met him at the site today.

Ran into him at Ybor.

Those two little pretty ones over there were...

..just all hot and bothered,

so I just figured I'd bring him along.

Well, it was a good move.

He may have something, brother. He's young, good-looking...

He can't dance for shit.

Cannot dance for shit, but that is teachable.

We could use some more youth on the team.

Why don't you bring him to practice tomorrow,

and I'm gonna see what he's got.

So, what the fuck is going on in Miami?

Miami is looking good.

I got a couple loopholes I gotta get through

with the real estate attorneys down there,

but after that, it's gonna be all green lights, brother.

What you need from me? What's my side?

You just gotta keep doing what you're doing, man.

-Yeah? -I love where your head's at.

You're focused. You're like a big brother to this team.

You keep that up, you could be making

a lot more than this door money, I guarantee you that.

-Both ways this time, right? -Two-way street, baby.

I want to hear you say the word. Equity.

-E-Q-U-I-T-Y. -Say it. Say it.

Come on, I'm telling the story, man.

-Hey, Mike. -Huh?

I think, uh...

I think we should be best friends.

OK.

Let's go.

Fuck!

Fucking cover for me.

So, how pregnant did you get that girl's mouth?

Uh, wet.

This is fucking great.

-Good morning. -Hi, sis.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Brooke, this is Mike. - Oh, nice one.

-Mike, this is Brooke. -Absolute pleasure.

-Hello. -Hi.

You...you a nurse?

I'm a medical assistant.

I process nurses' paperwork.

-Way cooler. -Sure. Sure.

Oh, nice, dude!

Is this one of those retro, like...Wakefield,

or is this a Russel Wright?

Oh, it's a knock-off. That's cool, though.

Where'd you get this thing?

Uh, apparently, the knock-off place.

Right.

So, how do you know my brother?

Uh, he's on my roofing crew.

But I'm an entrepreneur, though. I, uh, manage a few businesses.

Sure.

Sure. Cool. Cool.

So, the Kid said something about breakfast.

Uh, well, he must be fucking drunk

'cause I don't cook no fucking breakfast.

I wasn't talking about you cooking it.

He just said you like breakfast food.

And we were going to swing by IHOP on the way...

OK, uh, good talk.

I'll be outside with the rest

of the breakfast lovers of the world.

Alright, Kid.

Virgin dance the other night.

Chunk it. You only have your cherry popped one time.

Look, you walked out onstage, you looked like shit, alright?

Where I saw something is when you got offstage

and pulled a one-on-one with that chick.

Alright? I'll show you what you're gonna do next,

but for now, let's go to the basics.

-Take your clothes off. -Right now?

Right fucking now. Take them off.

Every fucking one of them. Let's go.

Let's go. Take them off.

-Hang on, hang on. No, no, no. -What the fuck you doing, man?

What are you, a 12-year-old in the locker room?

-No. -What the fuck you doing? -I'm taking off my clothes.

Taking off your clothes like a 12-year-old in the locker room.

You're not a 12-year-old in the locker room.

You are the man. On the stage.

Thousands of women. Eyes on you.

You are their vision. So, what do you do?

You don't just fucking throw your clothes off, do you?

You fucking make it count, baby.

You walk out. You own it.

You look around.

You tease.

You seduce.

Clock eyes, but don't lock in on any of them.

You gotta believe that you are inside every single one of them.

And when the time's right, and you'll know it,

foom!

Stick it.

That right there is like hitting the G-spot every single time.

Alright, now, get up there. Move around.

You see, baby, you're not just stripping. Alright?

You are fulfilling every woman's wildest fantasies. Alright?

You are the husband that they never had.

You are that dreamboat guy that never came along.

You are the one-night stand, that free fling of a fuck

that they get to have tonight with you onstage

and still go home to their hubby

and not get in trouble, because you, baby...

you made it legal.

You are the liberation. Own it.

Who's got the cock? You do. They don't.

Get right here. Move slow.

Around, around. Fucking concentrate.

Round, round, round. Make this shit count.

Ain't time for a fucking fag joke in here, boy.

I'm talking about money. Move around, round, round.

Get the movements, breathe. Alright.

Easy, rattlesnake.

Now, on three, you're going to stick it.

One, two, three.

Stick!

That's the hook, baby. That's the fucking hook.

That's what I'm talking about. Alright?

You can do this, 'cause I know you can.

-I can do it. -Now, take a breath.

Fuck that mirror like you mean it.

Alright, alright, alright.

We got the Kid coming up on the main stage.

-Hi, Beatrice. Alright, you ready? -What?

Dallas gave me the go-ahead on getting you suited up, son.

-You ready? -Yeah.

Why do you look scared for?

You already lost your virginity, man.

All you gotta do now is get good at it.

We gotta get you an American flag,

'Star-Spangled Banner' for Fourth of July summertime.

Dude, this has no back.

Yeah. That's the point. It's a thong.

What the fuck is this?

Stay away from the elephant socks, bro. That's Dallas shit.

You don't want to look like him on the first night out, do you?

What's Dallas's deal, man? Is he... Is he a good guy?

Yeah. Dallas is... Uh, Dallas is Dallas.

I mean, it's pretty cool that he let me in.

Yeah. It's cool that he let you in.

Look, we think you got something.

Not exactly sure what that is just yet,

but, uh, all we know is you got a lot of work to do.

So don't quit your day job just yet.

Adam!

Adam, get out here. I need to talk to you.

What do you want?

I want to talk to you, man. Get the fuck out. Get out, Adam!

I'll be out in a minute, please! One sec.

Adam, I need to fucking talk to you.

What about?

Um, about this box.

I need to talk to you about this box...

Oh, fuck me.

..of boots and thongs and sailor hats and tube socks,

and I don't even fucking... I don't even know.

Uh, it's for work.

It's for work? Adam, don't fucking lie to me, man.

Come on, I'm your sister. I love you. I don't judge you.

You're my brother. Just come out here so I can talk to you.

You know I don't care what your preferences are, man.

-Preferences? -I want to talk to you about... -Whoa, hey!

It is not what it looks like.

Is that my razor?

Yeah.

Are you shaving your fucking legs?

Yeah, I'm shaving my legs.

Why are you shaving your legs?

It's for work, OK?

What do you mean, "It's for work"?

How could it possibly be for work?

Ma'am, excuse me, you're gonna have to move it down,

'cause, uh, this is the breakfast lovers' section.

-Here we go. -Hi, Mike.

-Hi. -Hi.

Entrepreneur/stripper? Stripper/entrepreneur?

Either one. It's fine.

You really just came down to see little brother?

No, I was hoping this was all a joke.

It is pretty funny.

You better take care of him, Mike.

OK, Mom.

I'll take care of him.

You should stick around, though.

Alright, alright.

Hey, let's give it up for the Kid, huh?

Bang! A six-shooter for you.

There we go.

This next performer who's coming out,

he's one of a kind, ladies.

I saw this young man walking down the street six years ago

and I knew when I saw him, I knew I had to bring him in.

Bring him in, have his talents be shown to the universe.

And tonight, he's gonna be right here on this stage,

so you can see with your very own eyes.

Our feature presentation, the one and only,

the star of the show, Mr Magic Mike.

-You see your sister tonight? -See my sister?

-Yeah. -What do you mean?

Your sister was there.

No, she wasn't.

Yeah, she was there during your act.

You talked to my sister?

As you were dry-humping a girl up and down the stage, yes.

My sister saw me dance?

Yeah, we were actually laughing.

I had a pretty good laugh about it.

Oh, wow! Fuck!

She did not look happy. Did you tell her to come?

I told her. I didn't think she'd fucking come. Jeez.

-Well, she did. -Wow.

I don't know how long she stayed for, but it was, uh...

She looked pissed.

Fu... Whoo!

How much money did you make tonight?

-How much money? -Yeah.

-Uh, like 230. -230? That's good, man.

Oh, by the way, I got this for you, uh,

just for gas and shit.

Get the... Are you kidding me, dude?

-Keep your money. It's fine. -You always drive me around.

I can pay for my own gas. It's fine. Thank you, though.

It was a really sweet gesture. I appreciate it.

Thank you.

That's a beautiful necklace.

-Is that vintage? -Oh, I, um...

No, it's... No, it's my sister.

My sister got it for me from Target, I think.

Um, uh, SBA, yes.

Uh...name and Social.

Absolutely. Michael Lane.

038-00-7128.

And I, uh...brought the funds for my down payment.

Uh, yes.

Yeah.

OK.

Um...

Alright.

OK, we seem to have a credit issue, Mr Lane.

-Your score, see, it's four... -Right.

No, I, uh, actually, I talked to Mr Rodriguez last week.

And as I was explaining to him,

the businesses that I manage, they deal exclusively in cash.

And he said that he would forego the credit check

if I brought in a healthy down payment.

I mean, it should be noted there.

He said he was gonna put it in.

Absolutely.

Um, you are currently the manager

of an automotive accessories business?

-Mm-hm. Absolutely. -OK.

And an event management company, a roofing firm.

Honestly, the list goes on.

Wow. You're a busy guy.

Yeah. Lucky to be.

So, what kind of rates am I looking at?

There are ways to clear

these credit issues up over time, but...

Oh, my God, I haven't even told you what I'm here for.

I really apologise.

This is...this is what I do. Right here.

Michael Lane Custom Furniture Concepts.

It's competitive pricing, low overhead.

I mean, really, who wants to buy that crap

when it falls apart in a year,

when you can get handcrafted furniture for a bargain?

You know what I mean?

Yeah, it's...

Unfortunately, Mr Lane, my hands are tied.

The company has a policy that we cannot issue loans

to clients who score below our credit threshold.

I can absolutely understand where you're coming from.

You know, you hit buttons and you think

that you know something about me.

And I get it. It's OK. It's OK.

All I'm asking for is a good deal.

Please, can you help me with that?

I mean, we do offer relief programs

for our qualified distressed clients, so that...

How... I'm sorry, what?

It's a relief program, so that you can...

For distressed? I'm distressed?

No, no! No, no, no, not, not like that.

Sweetheart, listen. It's OK. It's fine.

Does this look distressed? I don't think so, one.

Two, I read the papers, OK?

The only thing that's distressed is y'all.

Can you get the door?

Adam, it's for you.

Happy birthday.

Come on! Let's go! Sandbar party!

4 July, nuts-on-your-head wake-up call, let's go!

Come on! No, no, no, no, no!

You are coming too. Don't even try.

Um, I'm gonna go to bed. It's 7:00 in the morning.

"Oh, it's 7:00 in the morning, I hate fun!"

Jesus Christ, you better have some epic plans

if you are gonna turn your back on a sandbar party!

There you are. What did I tell you?

- Paradise. - Yeah. Paradise.

Marooned on an island with all the strippers in Tampa.

How did I get so lucky? Yeah, best Fourth of July ever.

I literally was just thinking that in my head, like, just now.

- Hey, gorgeous. - Get out of my head.

-Oh, shit. Yo! -Hey.

What are you doing here?

You know me. Always making new friends.

-Good to see you. -Good to see you. How are you?

-I'm good. This is, um, Brooke. -Hi. -Oh, hey.

-Brooke, Joanna. Joanna, Brooke. -Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too. I like your bikini.

-Thank you. You too. -Is that a tattoo?

-Yeah. -What does that say?

Oh, it just says I was 17 and...

Yeah.

-Nice. -Yeah. It's crazy.

Yeah, uh, so I know Joanna from the club.

She studied psychology and she came up to do, uh...

-What's the thing that you came up to do? -Behaviour analysis.

Right. She was 'analysizing' our behaviour, apparently.

Right. Yeah. That must have been, uh, really enlightening.

It actually was.

I go a few times a week, if you wanna come with us.

She is actually the Kid's brother.

- Sister. Sister. -I mean, sister. Right. -

-Is that a tattoo over there? -Yeah! You know...

She has tattoos. Want a drink? -Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Alright, I'll get you a drink.

-It was nice to meet you. -It was nice to meet you too.

She's cute. What?

I don't normally like blondes, but she's really cute.

She's not really, you know, our type, you know what I'm saying?

-Oh, what, you're not into her? -That's not what I'm saying.

I'm saying she's, like, she's a little uptight.

OK, well, we're fucking her, not taking her to dinner.

That's not gonna happen.

She's a dinner type, is what I'm trying to say. You get me?

Oh. Oh, OK. Well, if you decide you want to share...

I... That's not what...

..and change your mind and put some effort into it,

you know my number.

Besides, you know how much I love to eat.

Yes. I will.

Obviously you don't like head.

I started cheating in the seventh grade

just to entertain myself.

Finished high school, but if I could do it all over again,

I wouldn't even have gone to high school, no fucking way.

Does that mean you don't believe in school at all?

I think fuck school altogether.

When I have a kid, I'm gonna set him in front of the TV

and make him watch 'Mad Money' all day long.

I'm gonna teach him about the stock market.

Get him into some Ameritrade and shit like that.

I guarantee you, by the time he's 18,

that little fucker's gonna be flush in cash.

Boo-yah! -I don't know why more people don't do that.

You know? Just from an investment standpoint.

Well, that's the state of the country, man.

America. People. Stupid.

-I hope I get to meet your kids some day. -Oh, no problem.

Come visit anytime in one of our three cool houses, dear.

Hey, look, if you want,

I could probably get Dallas's number for you.

I mean, he's starting this new life-coaching business

that I really do think that you might benefit from personally.

I mean, I saw the connection between the two of you.

What... I'm sorry.

Right? So you felt it too? What? Just, what?

What would his kids even look like?

They'd be running around in rattlesnake diapers and shit.

Oh, no, oh, no.

Look, don't... Uh, they just say stupid shit sometimes.

Don't let 'em bother you.

Oh, no, it didn't bother me.

No, I'm just trying to wrap my mind around

Adam in this whole mix - I don't...

I get it. I don't know how I fit into this whole mix either.

No, you... When you're on stage, it all makes sense.

The way you dance and the way the women respond to you and...

Wait a minute. So that means someone might have stuck around.

That's good to know.

Yeah. That feeling...

That must be a crazy feeling to be on stage like that.

I see why you've been doing it for so long, I get it.

But Adam's different. He's...

Why is that?

Well, he had a football scholarship.

I mean, a year ago, he basically ruined it

by getting in a fistfight with his coach

in the first hour of the first day.

Yeah. I think he said something about that.

Yeah.

So I don't know,

I'm just trying to figure out why he's stripping.

Why is easy.

What do you mean, it's easy?

- You want some stripper wisdom? - OK.

-You ready? -Yeah.

He's 19 years old.

It's women, money and a good time.

I guess. I guess.

I got him.

OK?

OK.

-You coming to the show tonight? -No.

-You're gonna come to the show. -No.

You just said over there that you liked the show.

-That doesn't mean I'm gonna go again. -But you just said...

I'm not going. I've seen it. I've seen too much.

The deadliest weapon in the world

is a Marine and his rifle.

Oh, don't do that. Don't do that.

I didn't...

-He did that himself. -Hey, Mike.

I just... I'm bringing him home.

Hey, brother bear. Yeah, thank you.

-He's stoned out of his mind. -Yeah.

-Um, um... -Oh.

Hi. What's up, dude? Yeah, we... My bad.

Alright, Kid. I'll see you later. What's up, dude?

Is that Paul?

Yeah. That's P... Yeah.

Come on. What are you...

It's good. Go!

Hey, uh, thanks. Thanks for bringing him back.

I told you I was gonna take care of him, didn't I?

Yeah. Watch yourself.

Sorry.

So, uh, I don't know, how's school or whatever?

Um...it's good. It's good.

I'm sorry, what the fuck do you study again?

Social studies or sociology or...

Wait, did you say social studies? -Social science?

What am I, in middle school or something?

-No. No. -No?

Psychology.

So, how much longer you got in, uh, psychology?

Uh, I have, six weeks until I'm...

For real? Six weeks?

Then I'm a certified shrink. Six weeks. That's right.

-Wow. -I know.

People have to pay me now.

-That's huge. -It is, yeah.

I'm not paying you. Not for these little visits at least.

I'd feel bad taking money from you.

I'm too fucked up anyway, so...

Oh, you're not so bad.

So, what, are you gonna open up your own, like...

You ask a lot of questions, don't you?

Little Chatty Cathy tonight, huh?

-Chatty Cathy. -Chatty Cathy.

Questions are off-limits, I guess?

-They're always off-limits. -Really?

You don't need to talk. Just look pretty.

What was your name again? I can't remember...

What was it? What was it?

Look, I'm gonna go, OK?

Um, but I'll give you a call?

-Mm-hm. -Mm-hm. OK.

Mm-hm. Mwah.

Get out of here.

That's what I'm saying.

I'm looking at longevity. I mean, this is fun for now,

but I'm not gonna be this young and beautiful forever.

Strip malls... I think I got a good idea here.

I watch all these people, this Carleton Sheets and guys on TV.

And I read this other book called 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad'.

That's a great book. I actually went to the convention.

-Robert Kawasaki. -Kiyosaki.

Yeah, yeah. That's the guy. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey-ah!

Alright, alright, alright, hey-ah!

Alright, everybody can quiet down a second here.

Quiet down a sec?

Hey! Everybody! Shut the fuck up!

Richie, that's fucking microsuede, man.

Aw, shit. Sorry, bro.

That's alright. Thanks.

Alright, now I got an announcement to make.

Now, that means you too, Tarzan.

Come on, big boy, out of the shadows, into the light.

Come on, baby.

I've been telling y'all this is gonna be a special night

for a long time, and now I'm gonna tell you why.

Despite the hurricane that has soiled

our rather bountiful Saturday afternoon,

the good Lord has blessed the Kings of Tampa this summer.

Can I get an amen on that?

Amen!

Mmm.

We've been talking a lot about the markets.

Waiting for the sweet spot.

Waiting for our time to make our move,

take our show global.

Well, as of September 1,

we will no longer be the Cock-rocking Kings of Tampa.

No, sir, no, ma'am.

We will be the Cock-rocking Kings

of 4,000 square feet

of Miami prime-time beachfront real estate,

motherfuckers!

-Yeah! -Fuck yeah!

Huh? Huh?

Come on, come on.

Ah, Big Dick, keep it fucking hanging low.

Tito, call them Cubano cousins, huh?

Kid, you ready for the big-time, huh?

You ready for the big time?

Alright, Tobias, you ready

to take your beats to South Beach, big boy? -I'm ready.

Ken, housewives gonna love you down there, huh?

-I feel blessed. -They gonna love you now.

Huh, Tarzan. Did you know they made trees tall enough

to swing from Tampa to motherfucking Miami, huh?!

Huh?! Yeah! My main man.

The moon is just a chip shot away, brother!

Chip shot away. Fuck, yeah.

Just got to let it sink in, man. We're really doing this?

Oh, fuck, yeah, we're doing this, man. This is our time.

Alright. Alright.

Listen, man, I couldn't even have dreamed

all this shit up without you.

We're gonna do it together, and just like we always said.

7.5 across the board. We are gonna motherfucking kill.

You meant to say 10, didn't you?

Congrats, Kid.

Thanks, man.

Hey, you know, if you want to go in

on a pack with me, Mike's not interested,

but, you know, we can go halfsies.

I could make it worth your while.

Yeah, sure.

Bueno! Alright.

Talk to you later about it, OK?

Who is that?

Nora.

I don't think you need that in your life, bro.

Hey, baby girl, what are you doing?

Huh?

No, I'm at a... I don't know, I'm at this party.

It's getting lame, I want to get out of here.

How 'bout I, uh... I don't know, come scoop you up?

I can bring you a present.

What? What thing?

I got a thing.

Come on, you ain't...

Alright.

OK. Alright, I'll call you later.

This is Herman.

Hi, Herman.

He likes you.

-Hey, y'all. -Hey, sorry.

Hey, man.

We'd like to order.

Alright.

That pig is so fucking cute.

Angels or demons?

-Angels. -Angels. OK.

If you chew it, it'll hit you quicker.

You're gonna fucking love this one.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Fucking Miami, man. Fucking Miami!

How you kids doing tonight?

That storm is crazy, huh?

Beautiful.

My wife's tits are awesome, right?

What?

I said my wife's tits are awesome.

Yeah.

Check them out, man.

-You fucking joking, man? -I'm not fucking joking.

You check them out.

Feel them, man. They're so fucking amazing.

Come on.

It's OK. Go ahead, man.

-They're real, I swear. -Yeah, I bet they are.

See?

This is OK?

It's OK with me, man.

She loves it.

-I fucking love you. -No, man, I love you.

-No, you don't understand. -I fucking love you.

I fucking... I fucking love you, man.

I love you, man. You're such a fucking special soul.

I love you.

I love you too.

Brooke!

Hi. Hi.

-What do you think? -Is it yours?

Is it mine? Fuck, yeah, it's mine.

-It's very you. -Come on. Let's go.

We're gonna celebrate. Come on.

-Come on. -Come on.

Come on. Come on!

Come here. Come!

-Are you calling me like a dog? -What? Huh?

Are you calling me like a dog?

Who did that? You want me to say something to him?

I'll say something to him.

-OK, I've seen the stripping. -Yep.

Tell me about being an entrepreneur.

-It's 'entrepreneur', actually. -Oh, of course.

Yeah, it's French, it's French. You know about the roofing.

I got a mobile detailing thing on the side,

but the whole, you know, end game is

the custom furniture business that I'm trying to start.

-Custom furniture? -Yeah.

So you must be really good with your hands.

I did not say that,

but I'm really glad that you made that point.

Good one on me.

-That's a lot of stuff. -Yes. It is.

So if you could wake up and do the one thing

that'd make you the happiest every morning...

-The happiest? -Yeah, money aside, you know.

Money aside, I would wake up on the beach somewhere,

just making stuff every single day.

-Really? -Yeah. I would. -Really? -Mm-hm.

Tables and chairs, that kind of thing?

Yeah, anything, everything. But custom, one-of-a-kind stuff.

You know, not the knock-off stuff that you see

in people's kitchens from time to time.

Hey. Hey. I don't have a custom furniture maker man.

- Well, now you do. - OK.

So are you in business? Why aren't you in...

I will be, as soon as the banks

start making the competitive rates and loans, I will.

Look, I've been saving for six years.

Why do you think I'm doing all these stupid businesses

with...and stripping, it's just... I don't know.

I've saved 13...about 13 grand. It's gonna happen eventually.

Wow, 13? That's a lot of ones.

There are some fives in there.

Oh, OK. No 20s?

You don't wanna know what I have to do for 20s.

You know what? I don't. Yeah.

Let's drink these and I'll show you what I do for 20s.

No, that's OK.

So, Miami, huh?

Mm-hm.

-Don't be mad. No. Stop. -I'm not mad.

Well, I'm not trying to tell him what to do.

I just don't like it.

Did you just... I just want to clear something up.

Did you just take my advice?

By what? By not telling him what to do?

-Yeah. -No, I don't have a choice.

I'm just saying that's something I might have said to you.

- What, do you want some credit? - Are we fighting? -

Is this our first fight? Come on. Let's make up.

-I don't like being mad at you. -Oh, no, look at that face.

I really don't like being mad at you.

You guys are gonna have fun in Miami.

Just try not to forget about the normal people, you know?

Like the people who exist in the daylight.

-The non-vampires. -Right. Right.

-Oh, so you're not a vampire? -No, I'm not.

This is not gonna work out at all between you and I.

-Thing for vampires? -Yeah. Got a bit of a thing.

You want to get something to eat sometime?

I don't know, just like get some food?

What do you mean, like a date?

No, that's not...

If you don't want to call it that, no.

Oh, I don't know.

Why? 'Cause of what's-his-name that moved to Orlando?

-Paul? -Paul.

Yeah. Paul and I are figuring things out.

Mm-hmm. How's that going?

Are you gonna weigh in on that too?

No.

Plus, I don't exactly sport-fuck

my brother's stripper friends, so, you know.

I'm sorry, who said anything about that?

I was just talking about talking and being friends or something.

Well, if you want to talk, my door is always open, Mike.

You trying to hit on my sister?

No. And if I was, what the hell you gonna do about it?

Whoa, brother. Whoa, brother.

Not me. Her.

-Huh. -Oh, my God.

Come on, let's do one more. One more, come on. -No, dude.

I would love to, but we can't. You get Dallas's text?

We got a sorority tonight in, like, a half hour.

A sorority?

500 bones to rub our nuts on some girl's chest.

I see what's happening here.

I ate a Kappa just like this. I ate a Kappa. I ate a Kappa.

-You guys... -Don't be mad.

You guys are really... Have a great time.

Come on, we gotta stop fighting like this.

-We gotta stop fighting. -Just find your own way back.

-I got the keys, right? -You do not have the keys.

-Oh, shit, you do have the keys. -I have the keys.

She's got the keys. We gotta go.

Good evening. You live here?

-Yeah. -Yeah?

-What's your name? -Kim.

Kim, can you move back for me, please?

We keep getting complaints of noise and underage drinking.

Gentlemen?

Everybody's 21 here?

Yeah, I might need to check some ID's, unfortunately.

Can you accompany me in here, please?

Ladies, everybody's 21 here?

-Mm-hmm. -Yeah. -Yes?

She is definitely not 21, I'm sorry. What's your birthday?

Uh, May 20, 19...

Yeah, that's what I thought. Put your hands on the wall.

Everybody sit down. We're gonna be here for a while.

And can you spread your legs for me, ma'am?

You don't have anything sharp on you

that I could stick myself with, do you?

-No. -Good.

'Cause I do.

Hey, no shit, man.

Hey!

-You give some ecstasy to my girl? -No.

I said, you give some ecstasy to my chick?

-Hey, fuck off. -OK. Cool.

Hey!

Hey, back the fuck up! We got to go! Let's go!

Adam, let's go! Back the fuck up!

Let's go! Let's go!

What the fuck are you doing, man?!

Why the fuck are you giving pills to girls you don't know?

You're lucky that we got out of there, bro.

Dude, my fucking backpack. We have to go back.

-We're not going back there. -It has my fucking pills in!

Fuck your pills. You're just gonna have to eat it.

Tobias fronted me pills to sell them on for some extra cash.

What the fuck are you doing taking a front from Tobias?

Why is he giving you pills? How many?

I don't know, man. Fucking, like, a hundred?

'Like a hundred' or 'a hundred'? That's a grand.

You're gonna have to pay every single one of those back.

Fuck, dude. Fuck that. Guess what.

-What do you mean, fuck that? -I got that equity, baby.

Dallas gave me that cut in Miami! Whoo!

I don't even...could fucking care about a fucking grand.

Who cares? Fuck.

Damn, that was crazy shit!

Fuck.

-You bailing on me? -Nope, not at all.

Oh, my God.

-What are you doing here? -Hi. -I thought you...

I thought you, like, were out of town, like, forever.

Yeah, I decided to stay in town.

-Great. What's up, man? Mike. -Ryan.

-Nice to meet you, sir. -Nice to meet you.

Uh, Ryan, um, is my fiance.

What?

Are you fucking with me right now?

-I'm going to go hit the bathroom. -Oh...

No, you guys sound like you got a lot to talk about.

It's really time for me to go stare in the mirror anyway.

-Nice meeting you. -Yes, sir.

-See you, babe. -OK.

Hmm. OK.

Uh, alright, I'm not exactly...

OK. Alright.

It was good to see you.

Well, looky here what the cat dragged in.

Cono, what happened?

Uh, it was... It was nothing. It was fucked up.

Sorry.

"It was fucked up. Sorry."

That's all you got to say?

I don't know. You really want to discuss it?

Take it you didn't collect.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I forgot to ask, you know, for the money

as they were throwing beer bottles at our heads.

You know, it's the last fucking thing I need for my reputation

before we make the big move, Mike.

I'm sorry. Are we fucking your reputation up?

Mmm.

'Cause the last time I checked,

I think it's the Kid and I's reputation

that's "making the big move" for you, isn't it?

What the fuck did you say, buddy?

I think you were standing six feet away. I think you heard me.

Hey, you might want to check yourself, old friend.

Nobody walks on water on my team.

Except for you, right?

Old friend.

Ah...

What you thinking about?

Biting the hand that feeds you, big dog?

Hmm?

You don't fucking feed me, Dallas.

I can walk right out that door right now

and do a fuck of a lot better than 7.5%.

I'm sorry, that used to be 10.

But you don't.

You didn't.

-And you won't. -Oh.

Because you can't.

I can't? OK.

So you got to deal with what you got.

Hey, what's going on?

-That pack you gave me? -Mmm.

-Look, it's gone. -That's great.

No. It's gone, gone.

-You lost it? -Sorry, man.

Fuck sorry. You gotta take care of this.

We'll figure it out. It's fine, man.

No, no, you need to figure it out.

Get the fuck off me.

Seniority don't mean shit around here, man.

You are worth the cash you pry out of their fucking purses.

And you know that better than anybody.

You want a bigger piece?

Come up with some fresher shit, man.

You're not getting any younger.

What the fuck are you doing?

I need you doing the sailor routine tonight, man.

I got four tables of Navy wives stage-side.

Get changed.

Oh, no. I'm taking your advice.

Bringing you some fresher shit.

Seeing as I'm getting equity and all.

Perfect date time.

Give me the astronaut thing.

No, I met this guy, and he...

Got 'em going out there, Mike.

-Yeah. -Good job, man.

Here we go!

This next performer coming up, his name is Tito.

He hails from the pais by the name of Puerto Rico.

We're gonna need a little bit of your help

to get him out here, alright?

So, the first man in outer space...

Russian, Yuri Gagarin.

He's the second one.

The first one died on re-entry.

Yeah, we're gonna get fucked up tonight, right?

Open up!

- Mike! - Alright! Hold on!

-Hi. -Hi.

-You have fun last night? -What?

Did you have fun last night?

-Yeah. Uh, what's up? -Is Adam here?

He left me a couple weird-sounding voice messages,

and sounded all fucked up, and now I can't reach him.

-Yeah, he's in here. -OK. Cool.

Where is he?

Uh, he should be upstairs.

He's with somebody, though, so, you know, I'd...call out.

Kid?

Adam? Adam. Adam.

-Fuck! Yo, hey, hey, come here. -Adam. Adam, wake up.

-Adam, come on. -He's fine. He's breathing.

Oh, my God, Adam. What the fuck did he take?

I don't know, dude. Probably just some G. Open your eyes.

What the fuck did you do to my brother?

He's breathing. He's fine.

Get the fuck off me, Mike! Get the fuck off me!

I'll fucking kill you! I will fucking kill you!

-He's gonna be fine. -He's not OK!

-Just calm down. -No, shut up. Shut up!

Shut up! I see you, Mike. I fucking see you.

You think you have your shit all figured out,

everyone all figured out, but I fucking see you.

You just need to relax. You're acting fucking crazy.

No, Mike. You are a bullshit, 30-year-old male stripper.

OK. How about just get the fuck out?

Oh, no problem. Done. Adam, come on.

Adam, wake the fuck up. Adam, please.

- Adam, let's go. - Come on, Adam.

Adam, God. Oh, wake up!

-Adam, we gotta go. -Stop. Just let me...

No, Mike, this is my brother!

Brooke, let me please carry him out.

-Are you sure he's fine? -Stop.

I can't do this anymore, Adam.

You hear me?

Come on, let's go!

You guys need to stop already.

Motherfucker!

Hey! Get off of him! Hey! Hey!

Hey.

-Fuck off. -I'm sorry, primo. -Sorry? Fuck you, man.

What the fuck are you doing, breaking into my house, Tobias?

I tried calling your cell, man.

My cell? Fuck my cell. What are you fucking doing, man?

Listen, I told them not to break shit, man,

but they don't work for me.

-That did a good job, didn't it? -I'm sorry.

We're looking for the Kid. OK? We're looking for the Kid.

So you brought 'em here? What you looking for him for?

He's late on his front. And, as you can see, he was due today.

It was 100 pills... 100 pills. That's 1,000 bucks.

I think he's good for that, don't you?

No, no, no, no. Is that what he told you, 100?

We went in on a whole pack, hombre. A whole pack.

OK, fuck. Well, what's his half?

Ten grand.

-What?! -Ten grand.

-How the...? -Listen, I don't know if he lost it

or if he's just being a fucking kid.

Either way, it doesn't matter anymore, OK?

Look, you got to...

What am I...?

I don't know, I can maybe sign over the van

until he can figure something out.

-Fuck. I don't know, man. -Come on, primo.

The guys I'm rolling with,

they ain't about fucking paperwork, man.

Tu sabes?

You know, primo, if you want, I can talk to my guys

and we can try to get him another day.

And what the fuck would that do? He doesn't have it.

Hey, look. I just hate to see you doing this.

Just don't give him any more shit to sell.

No, that's fine, it's just that, you know,

he's starting to act like a real punk.

I think one of us should talk to him.

Well, you've done enough, haven't you? I'll talk to him.

Hey.

Um...

Look, I'm looking for Adam. He's not picking up his phone.

-Is he alright? -Yeah, he's OK.

I mean, he doesn't live here anymore.

Where is he?

I'm not sure. I think he's with Nora.

OK, cool.

Just, uh, let him know that I'm looking for him if you see him.

God, this is... This is so much bullshit.

You know that, right? This is really how we're gonna end this?

Are you fucking serious?

Yeah, I said everything I needed to say.

You had a lot to say yesterday.

You don't have anything else to say you want to add onto that?

You damn sure didn't let me talk, so let me talk now.

I'm sorry! I'm sorry that I fucked it up.

I didn't mean to do that. Alright?

I didn't want to fuck it up.

I promised you I would take care of him,

and I didn't, and I'm sorry about that.

You're the last person that I...

Yeah, I believe you and I know you're basically a good person.

Adam was...

..gonna do whatever Adam wanted to do.

I just can't be around your lifestyle and...

You can't be around my... I'm not my lifestyle.

That's who you think of the... That isn't fucking...

I'm not... Am I Magic...

Am I Magic Mike right now talking to you?

I'm not my goddamn job!

Alright? That's not who... That's not what I...

That's not what I do.

I mean, it is what I do, but it's not who I am.

I'm not just...

That's why I want to go to Miami,

because I don't want to fucking be some 40-year-old stripper!

I want to own something. I want to actually...

I've been trying to fucking, this whole time, trying to...

So you don't believe anything that I've said to you?

Right now, nothing? I'm just... You don't believe any of it.

Mike, I think the question is do you believe it?

I just think that Miami is gonna be

a bigger, badder version of this.

But good luck to you.

If you believe it, good luck to you.

And Adam too.

But I'm gonna be here.

-Hey. -Hey.

I, uh, I want to say thank you about the money.

I know how much that shit meant to you.

Especially 'cause of that furniture crap

you wanted to do.

Yeah.

I, uh...

I'm gonna pay you back every last cent.

I want you to know that, you know.

Alright.

Look, man, we're gonna look back in 20 years.

You're gonna be dead, probably, but I can look back in 20 years

and look at the shit that we've done together, man.

Fuck!

Look where I was three months ago.

Three months ago.

Look at where I am now.

I can't thank you enough.

Fuck, man. I was nowhere.

I have money.

I can fuck who I want to fuck.

I have freedom, thanks to you.

And I'm having a fucking ball.

And we're gonna have a fucking ball in Miami, man.

So can you smile?

Can you look at me?

I only have one thing to say.

And that is to my best friend.

A guy who has given me more in this lifetime

than I could ever ask for.

And to bright futures.

-I could be a friend to you. -What about romance, man?

Yeah, hit them with the long arm of love, baby.

My good friend Andy.

I'm just saying, you always put up a fight.

Whoo, motherfucker! Dallas be riding again!

Whoo! It's a fucking revival! Hah!

Hot damn. Feels good to be back on that fucking horse again.

That was the old stuff.

-Oh, shi-yat! -Still got it.

Alright, y'all ready to rock a little, fucking rein them in?

-Start this baby up. -Yeah. Where's Mike?

-He's gone. -Mikey?

He went back there to take a piss.

Should be back any second.

Mikey's gone.

What do you mean he's gone?

Thought he was gonna go take a piss, went out the back door.

Hey, Mike, yo!

Let's go, we're up!

He's coming back, man.

Alright, come here.

You ready to be the man?

-I've been waiting for... -Are you ready to be the man?

Yes, I'm ready.

I been waiting for this for a long time.

It's all yours. Come here.

Starting right fucking now. Let's make it fucking count.

All the way. Let's go!

Kid's in, Mike's out.

Let's bring this motherfucker down all the way to Miami.

Let's go! Hey!

Alright, ladies. So, we know we made fire!

We know we got fire, now we got to make it rain.

Can you make it rain, ladies? Can you make it rain?

Let's give it up for the last time on this stage!

The one, the only, your very own...

the Cock-rocking Kings of Tampa.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

Um...

Aren't you supposed to be at the show?

Can I, uh, um...

I just need to talk.

Yeah, OK. Come on in.

Um...

Look, I just came by to get...

Look, Mike, before you say anything,

I just need you to know that when you came by this morning,

Adam hadn't told me what you did for him.

And that was really a lot of money.

-You did not have to do that. -Look, I didn't do it for him.

Look, that's not even why I came by. I just...

Um, look, I'm not going to Miami.

Really?

Yeah. I think you're right.

I'm done.

Wow.

What are you gonna do?

I don't know.

I guess I need a new plan.

Do you want to get some food and talk about it?

What, like a date?

Well...

What would Tall Paul say, huh?

Tall Paul can't say anything anymore.

I broke up with him.

He didn't like breakfast food?

Not as much as I do.

Uh, this is a good thing.

In that case, I would love to get some breakfast.

OK.

Let's go get something to eat.

The thing is... I only go to one place.

It's my favourite place.

They have the best omelettes. They know my order.

I walk in, food's basically on the table.

I know they'd help you out too.

Get some waffles for you, pancakes, whatever you want.

I love waffles. Let's go there.

Well, the problem is it doesn't open till 6:00am.

That's, like, seven hours from now.

Mm-hm. Yeah.

What could we do with seven hours?

Please welcome to the stage the Cock-rocking Kings of Miami.