Original subtitles

-Hello. No, no, no. -Please, please, please.

How is this fair? I got up early. I switched on the geyser, I made coffee.

-I even woke you up. You remember? -I know,

but I have a weekly meeting at 9:00. Manoj Sir will kill me if I'm late,

and you can go at 1:00.

I have to leave on time as well. What's this?

You need to be more disciplined, Kavya.

Okay, Daddy. Next time.

I really wish I was. If you were my daughter--

-If I were your daughter? -Yes, if you were--

-Really? -Yeah.

Isn't it weird for you to say that considering the things we did at 3 a.m.--

Yeah, okay. Fine. I know where you're going.

It sounded fine in my head. But when I said it--

Why am I explaining myself? Like, seriously, I'm getting late.

Fun fact! Fun fact, fun fact.

"Daddy" is the most searched keyword on Pornhub.

You know what it is in India? Quick, quick.

Guess, guess, guess.

I don't know. Boob?

-Dhruv! -"Bhabhi"!

-What? -"Bhabhi" is the most searched keyword.

Thanks for telling me that. Now come out fast. I need to go.

And will you eat scrambled eggs?

Can you make French toast, please?

No, they take a lot of time,

-and I need to iron my clothes. -I'll iron your clothes.

Please make it, it'll take two extra minutes.

-It's Monday morning. I need some boost. -Yeah, fine.

Glutton.

Stop singing that song!

It's stuck in my head also, dude! I need to get it out.

These are really, really nice, dude.

What is this, Dhruv?

-What happened? -This. Can't you see? Are you blind?

How did this happen, man?

You should have checked the iron before using it.

Now I have to wear this crumpled shirt and go.

And how many times have I told you not to leave these here?

Wear something else, Kavya.

I don't have anything else to wear. Nothing else is ironed.

And I am running super late, anyway. So selfish, Dhruv.

Just finish your stupid toasts. Have a nice day!

The doors are about to close. Please come in.

Seventh floor.

I think that's a good idea.

Kavya, you're late again.

Have a seat.

Like I was saying, let's have the clients to sign off the order size first.

Otherwise, we'll start processing, and they'll have some last-minute changes.

You know how the clients are. Sana, you can make a note of it.

How many times should I send identification?

I've already sent it thrice.

No, dude. The permanent address is in Delhi!

I've already told you this.

Look, sort it out quickly. It shouldn't take so much time to renew a passport.

Thank you.

What's up?

What's wrong? Why are you making that face? Did Uber have surge pricing on?

Don't start with me, man.

Fine.

Anyway, my RAM isn't working. Okay?

I'm very busy.

It's just been a shitty morning.

First, I had a fight with Kavya over something stupid,

and then this passport renewal mess.

That's the thing about girls, right?

Saloni is also very weird in the morning.

Will you stop comparing your one-night stands

to my two-year-long relationship?

I have something for you.

Where is it? Yeah.

Here. Isn't this yours?

Funny, dude. Very mature.

Very mature.

Listen.

Hey, Aakash, listen, man.

What is it?

-Did you get any e-mail from Stockholm? -Not yet. And you?

No, man.

Kavya! Did you find out

why the Eternity Mall guys haven't replied to us on the pricing?

I'm just following up on that, sir!

Why can't I find the stupid e-mail, man? I swear I sent it.

When did you send it?

Sometime last week. I cc'd you on it, no?

Kavya.

Why are you wearing just one earring? Did you drop the other one somewhere?

Shit, shit, shit. I can't lose these.

These are the ones Dhruv gifted me on my birthday.

These are the VelvetCase ones?

-Yeah. -Oh, shit.

-Hey, the Stockholm e-mail is here! -What are you saying?

Yes!

White chicks, white chicks What you gonna do?

What you gonna do when I come for you?

What's up?

-I didn't get through, dude. -Yeah, right. Don't bullshit me.

"I regret to inform you that your paper, 'The Injectivity of Isometric Numbers'

has not been accepted for presentation at 27th Nordic Congress--"

Enough, dude.

My paper's not getting accepted, dude.

Dude, I'm sure

we'll figure something out.

If my papers are not getting cleared, how will I get a degree?

That doesn't matter. How could you send them our internal costing?

You were supposed to send the quotes. No wonder they haven't replied.

They'll come back with some shitty pricing now that they know our costs.

I know, sir.

I must have forwarded them the wrong attachment.

This is some seriously shoddy work, Kavya. Seriously.

This is the second time this month that such a thing has happened.

It's such a huge order for the company. Why couldn't you be more careful?

What's happened to you?

I'm sorry, sir.

I mean, Dhruv, there are many options, man.

Illinois, Ohio, Toronto. There are so many other options.

Those are all the difficult ones, man. This was an easy backup.

Let me get you something.

-Aakash, don't joke now. -Wait.

Please don't do it, man.

What the fuck?

Exactly. Look at this beauty.

This is Rao Sir's

special stash.

I refill it from time to time with Coke and water.

Come, let's have a few drinks. We'll fix your mood.

Let's have biryani.

Will you have some?

Yeah.

-Keema or Afghani? Tell me. -Anything. You're paying, either way.

Fine, it's my treat.

Let me just check.

Little App has 30 percent off on Keema.

-Keema it is. -Wait, wait.

We aren't going out to eat, are we?

-I need to work on these applications. -No. It's not a dine-in offer.

It's a delivery.

Listen... make it three, man.

-Three biryanis? -Yeah, make it three.

Sure?

Yeah.

Okay.

Madam,

there's a parcel from Dhruv.

I know I don't deserve a gold medal in ironing.

But I have a decent track record in gluttony.

Sending you some of me, packed in a box.

Ate too much, right?

Drank a lot too, man.

That's fine.

Whiskey, biryani, kebab. Perfect afternoon.

I know.

Just needed some Jagjit Singh, right?

And babes.

Once upon a time, there was a boy called Dhruv who was very nervous

because he was racing the fastest boy in town.

The winner of the race would win 100 Twix bars, 50 shawarmas,

40 French toasts and 50 momos.

Given that these were all of his favorite things,

Dhruv was in no mood to lose.

But how do you defeat the fastest boy in town?

The race started, and at the halfway mark, Dhruv started to feel very tired.

He couldn't run any longer.

But then Dhruv suddenly heard somebody cheering his name loudly

from the sidelines. "Dhruv! Dhruv! Dhruv!"

Amidst the huge crowd, his eyes locked in on his best friend,

the Biryani Monster, who with all her might

was cheering for him.

Something happened to Dhruv and he started to believe in himself

and he ran and ran like he'd never run before.

Before he knew it, he had defeated the fastest boy in town

and was celebrating his victory with his best friend, the Biryani Monster.

As the two of them hugged, his best friend whispered into his ear,

"You will never walk alone."

-What the hell are you doing? -What the fuck! You scared me!

Biryani Monster! Come here.

-Are you wearing my jewelry? -I'm Bappi Da, bro.

Shit, is that my earring?

Yeah, you left it here this morning.

Shit, I thought I'd lost it.

Stop talking so much.

Dance, bro. And this is how you get a song out of your head.

Your shirt is looking really good.

I'm sorry, dude.

But how did this happen?

-Don't laugh. You know I didn't-- -It's funny.

You have no idea how boring it gets at work.

And anyway, I was distracted.

I told myself that I'll not be on Facebook more than 15 minutes

-then I saw this really cool-- -Of course.

Shut up. I saw this really cool article about 10 places to visit under 5000 bucks.

And I started reading the article and planning a holiday.

And then I got distracted.

My concentration said, "Bye-bye, Kavya. I'll see you later."

But you can't be on Facebook when you're working.

-It's as simple as that. Wait. -Thanks.

Even I'm always on Facebook. You know what?

Download this app called SelfControl.

Aakash uses it all the time.

You just have to feed in your work hours, and it just blocks Facebook.

Even if you delete the app you still can't access it.

Jugaad.

That'll make my day a million times more boring.

But then you won't screw up like this.

That's true. Thanks... Daddy.

You know, that thing really turns me on, dude.

-It really, really, really turns me on. -Shut up.

-You know what I did after lunch today? -What?

I gifted my boss Fifty Shades of Grey as an anonymous person.

What? Are you mad or what? Like, seriously?

As you know, madness is like gravity. All you need is a little push.

-Batman. -What Batman? Say Dark Knight.

Yeah, same thing.

By the way, your boss can figure out it's you.

You know, he just has to register one complaint

and he'll know. Ms. Kavya Kulkarni, you are so screwed.

-Are you serious? -Yes.

So, do something.

Put your PhD to some use.

Overrule the command.

-What? -Cancel the order.

Oh, yeah! That was easy, man.

Shit.

For a moment I was shit scared.

But don't worry! Your maths program...

Ganit, ganit, ganit.

Yeah. In your ganit program keep using jugaad.

-Cartoon, it's not jugaad! -Of course it is jugaad.

Not jugaad. There's a word for it. Wait, I'll tell you.

-What is it? -What is it?

Say.

I don't know.

So, what's for dinner?

-I'm not that hungry. -Don't say that.

I'll just reheat the French toast and eat it.

Those are... gone.

Where?

Dhruv.

They were tasty. I was really hungry, so I was like, "Fuck it,

I'll eat it."

-What do I eat now? -Oh, do you want pasta?

-Are you making it? -Yeah, I'll make it.

-You want? -Okay, cool. Fine.

I'll come and chop the vegetables.

Actually, no. No. I'm not gonna do that.

Thought so.

You go. You do everything. I'll just talk to you and distract you.

-Of course. Sorted. -Sorted.