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00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,254
Is there a statue of
a recently deposed dictator
2
00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:07,257
dominating the discourse
of your downtown square?
3
00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:10,052
Got a monument to a wicked white racist
4
00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:12,095
that you want gone by yesterday?
5
00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:14,223
Has an iron and/or marble effigy
6
00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:16,183
to a shameful past
7
00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:17,809
fallen on one of your friends,
8
00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:19,811
smashing them to absolute smithereens?
9
00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:21,980
Oh, no! Ooh!
10
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:24,608
Then you need to call me, Steven Santelmo,
11
00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:28,570
from Steven Santelmo
Statue Removal and Supply.
12
00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:31,823
Me and my adult children
will come to wherever you are
13
00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:35,619
to remove the eyesore that
you saw before you called me.
14
00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:38,121
We've got the toppling tools you need
15
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:39,331
to get a fresh start.
16
00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:40,290
Next card.
17
00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:43,752
Why you're, uhh [muttering] or me.
You're prob--
18
00:00:44,837 --> 00:00:46,880
So come on down to our showroom,
19
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,632
which is near my family's home.
20
00:00:48,632 --> 00:00:51,176
The home that I have been
in a lengthy legal battle
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00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:53,262
with my siblings over for years.
22
00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:56,765
Let's just say there's no statue
of my brother Barry there.
23
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,559
Yeah, right. Barry could even pay
24
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,811
the fucking property taxes where I live.
25
00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:04,314
He's a dud.
His kid's a dud. His wife's a dud
26
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,816
Even his fucking dog's a dud.
[bark]
27
00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:07,359
That's why you gotta call me.
28
00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:10,988
And even though my rat brother
is no longer involved in the company,
29
00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:13,532
this is still a family business. Come on.
30
00:01:13,532 --> 00:01:15,826
Come here.
Give Daddy a hug. There we go.
31
00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:17,703
Hey, can you smile?
32
00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:19,746
Jesus fuckin' Christ.
33
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,206
You're on a commercial with me.
34
00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:23,750
♪ cheery music ♪
35
00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:27,629
♪ epic theme plays ♪
36
00:01:30,966 --> 00:01:33,969
MEL BROOKS:
History of The World, Part II!
37
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:44,271
"The Story of Jesus"
38
00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:45,856
[indistinct chatter]
39
00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:48,942
[Irish accent]: I got about nine of
them here! Anybody need a cable?
40
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,278
MEL: In 33 AD,
41
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:54,740
Jesus and his apostles
were the hottest group in Jerusalem.
42
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:57,034
But, with the Romans
looking to arrest Jesus,
43
00:01:57,034 --> 00:01:58,493
the group got together
44
00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,162
to record what would be
45
00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:02,664
his final sermon. Here we go!
46
00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:06,668
These are "The Last Supper Sessions."
Go, baby!
47
00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:08,670
APOSTLE [Scouse accent]:
Here we go, here we are.
48
00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:10,172
[studio chatter]
Hello, hello, hello.
49
00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:12,758
It's another peace and love.
[guitar tuning]
50
00:02:12,758 --> 00:02:14,176
Another beautiful morning.
51
00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:16,011
Another camera morning.
52
00:02:16,011 --> 00:02:17,888
PETER:
Peace be with you, lads!
53
00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:20,265
MARK:
Ooh, we had a rough one last night.
54
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:21,475
LUKE:
Mm.
55
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:22,768
Little bit too much of the myrrh.
56
00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:24,520
PETER:
You can overdo it on the myrrh.
57
00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:27,147
[Scouse accent]: Hello, lads. Hello.
PETER: Judas! How are you?
58
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,775
You guys remember Harry?
MARK: Hello, Harry.
59
00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:32,486
Luke. Good to see you, mate. Mark.
60
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,988
Did you, uh,
change your hair there, friend?
61
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,366
Oh yeah, I'm just trying this new thing.
What do you think?
62
00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:39,826
Uh, can I get away with it?
63
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:42,579
I don't play that white dread shit,
but, uh, you do you.
64
00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:44,414
JUDAS:
Yeah. Hey, Peter,
65
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:46,792
could you get me
some milk for my cup of tea?
66
00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:49,503
Judas! That's not what I do around here.
67
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,255
I'm a sound engineer!
68
00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:53,882
I will say it is, uh, half past sand.
69
00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:55,551
Someone's late again.
[sighs]
70
00:02:55,551 --> 00:02:57,803
Thinks he's bigger than Jesus Christ.
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00:02:57,803 --> 00:02:59,429
Well, he is Jesus Christ.
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00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:01,890
MARK: Right he is, he is.
JUDAS: Point taken. Point taken, Luke.
73
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:04,810
MARK: Oh, speak of the devil! There he is.
PETER: Jesus!
74
00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:05,894
[sighs] Sorry, we're late, lads.
75
00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:08,063
We had a little problem
with Rolling Stone.
76
00:03:08,063 --> 00:03:10,399
[Valley Girl accent]:
We almost got run over by a boulder.
77
00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:12,067
Almost smushed us like a latke.
78
00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:13,735
Well, now that we got
the whole band here,
79
00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:16,321
just wondering if we thought about
where we were gonna play the concert?
80
00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:18,699
You know, it's a big concert film, so...
81
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:21,285
You know, one thought that I had was Rome.
82
00:03:21,285 --> 00:03:24,997
You know, we could play Rome.
Got a lot of friends in Rome.
83
00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,666
[Jesus whistles]
LUKE: I-I don't-- I don't know, man.
84
00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:31,086
Nobody likes Judas' idea?
MARK: No, it's not that.
85
00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:34,131
It's a tough crowd.
I'd love to do the Apollo Temple.
86
00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:36,049
MARK: Oh, Apollo.
PETER: Apollo's very nice.
87
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:39,178
Oh, acoustics are good there. Sure.
88
00:03:39,178 --> 00:03:42,097
You know, we could always
go to the top of Masada, you know?
89
00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:43,891
The kids up there are, uh,
90
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:46,059
they're a little too horny, maybe.
91
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,978
Kids from Long Island...
MARK: Kids from Long Island.
92
00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:49,229
Feeling each other up.
93
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:52,232
[chuckles] Hate to be cliché,
but what would Jesus do?
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00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:55,360
What would He do? What would you do?
[Luke chuckles]
95
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,529
JUDAS:
Certain people want to know.
96
00:03:57,529 --> 00:04:00,407
Lads, I would just focus on the music.
97
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:01,533
[Jesus laughs]
MARK: Oh.
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00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:04,119
JESUS:
Just write the psalms, you know?
99
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,954
Our message will bring people in.
100
00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:08,290
Well, it's easy to say
when you control all the publishing.
101
00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,709
Some of us only make
money off the live gigs.
102
00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,753
That's so materialistic.
103
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,588
We should just play in our souls.
104
00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:17,508
JESUS: We should...
MARY: Don't you think?
105
00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:19,510
[both giggling]
LUKE: Okay! [laughs]
106
00:04:19,510 --> 00:04:21,512
JUDAS:
Alright. Can somebody, uh, just tell me,
107
00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:24,181
when exactly did Mary join the band?
108
00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:25,349
[Luke groans]
109
00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:27,434
JUDAS:
I mean, I thought we were the "Fab 12,"
110
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,937
but I guess, it turns out
we're the "Fab 13."
111
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,438
That's an unlucky number, isn't it?
112
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:33,398
I mean, she's one of us,
isn't she, mate?
113
00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:35,442
I wrote the chorus for Let It Baah.
114
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,236
JUDAS:
Hm, don't remember that psalm.
115
00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:38,612
- [falsetto]: Let it...
- Baah!
116
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:39,947
- Let it...
- Baah!
117
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,406
- [higher]: Let it...
- Baah!
118
00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:42,699
- [lower]: Let it...
- Baah!
119
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,701
Hey, lovely Peter milky maid,
120
00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,620
you wanna get me that
cup of tea and toast?
121
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,914
JESUS: Ooh.
MARY: Unleavened, please.
122
00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:52,793
Thank you, Peter.
Now, it's time to make some hit psalms!
123
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,379
JUDAS:
And figure out where we're gonna perform!
124
00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:59,591
MEL:
Previously, on "The Civil War"...
125
00:04:59,591 --> 00:05:00,634
♪
126
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:04,179
Ulysses Grant
and Honest Abe Lincoln's son.
127
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:06,056
Any last words?
128
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:09,518
We are three Union soldiers
on a rescue mission.
129
00:05:09,518 --> 00:05:10,853
Hang 'em!
DIXON: Shit.
130
00:05:10,853 --> 00:05:12,646
- Nervous about dying?
- Nope. Need a drink.
131
00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:13,981
[gunshot]
[crowd gasps]
132
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:16,149
RT: What's going on?
GRANT: We're escaping, that's what!
133
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,902
Thought they was gonna
save Grant without my help.
134
00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:20,445
[scoffs] Dumbasses.
135
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:21,196
[bird screeches]
136
00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:22,698
♪
137
00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:24,408
[loud yawn]
138
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:29,204
General Lee, I, again, apologize.
General Grant should be here...
139
00:05:30,205 --> 00:05:31,832
momentarily.
140
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,042
It's just here in the South,
141
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,795
we afford people common courtesy. [laughs]
142
00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:38,255
Not all people.
143
00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:39,715
Mm.
144
00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:41,216
[imitates]:
Mm.
145
00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:43,468
Robert E. Lee is not gonna surrender
146
00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:46,471
- to a man in his goddamn skivvies!
- I think you look great, sir.
147
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:47,973
Todd, I put on
20 pounds since Gettysburg.
148
00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,350
I need a uniform.
149
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,935
You, Private!
150
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:53,187
Strip down!
151
00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:55,147
Okay, Daddy!
152
00:05:55,147 --> 00:05:57,858
I need to end this war,
so I can get a drink.
153
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,568
[aroused panting]
Come on, come on!
154
00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:02,571
Why would you let me
take that guy's uniform?
155
00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:04,281
You said to never correct
you ever again, sir.
156
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:06,658
Correction! Not all the time!
157
00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:09,995
Have you been watching
anything good recently?
158
00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:13,498
Oh, I've been, uh, binging campfires.
159
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:14,833
- Mm.
- You?
160
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,628
I tried watching rivers,
but I just couldn't get into 'em.
161
00:06:17,628 --> 00:06:20,088
Ooh, stay with it. [laughs]
162
00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:21,715
GRANT: Ah!
[door bangs open]
163
00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:23,342
[grunts]
164
00:06:24,343 --> 00:06:27,346
Sorry I'm late,
but I'm here now, in my uniform.
165
00:06:27,346 --> 00:06:30,057
Why don't we sign this treaty
and end this war?
166
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,059
[laughs] Alright? Here we go.
167
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,310
Right here.
168
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:34,561
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
[tap]
169
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:35,938
Bobby, you're up.
170
00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:40,442
This is truly the most difficult thing
I have ever been called on to do.
171
00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:42,361
Uh, yeah.
Just go ahead and sign it.
172
00:06:42,361 --> 00:06:45,739
- I pray that this never happens again.
- Right next to where I put mine.
173
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,533
As a boy, my father taught me...
174
00:06:47,533 --> 00:06:49,243
Oh, what'd he tell you?
What'd he tell you?
175
00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:52,079
[muttering] ...sign to end the war!
176
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:54,998
Huzzah! Who wants a drink?
177
00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:56,875
I do. You want a drink? You want a drink?
178
00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:58,210
I'm buying. I'm buying--
179
00:06:58,210 --> 00:06:59,837
My God!
180
00:06:59,837 --> 00:07:02,214
This place was impossible to find!
181
00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:03,674
I had to parallel park my own horse.
182
00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:06,802
- Who are you?
- Who am I?
183
00:07:06,802 --> 00:07:09,429
[wild laughter] Who am I?!
184
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:12,015
[chuckling]
185
00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:13,267
Who am I...
186
00:07:13,684 --> 00:07:15,894
Ah, yes! I...
187
00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:18,397
am Maurice Cheeks. Notary Public.
188
00:07:18,397 --> 00:07:21,692
I am the official that makes anything
you wanna make official
189
00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:23,485
officially officialized.
GRANT: Oh!
190
00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:25,571
I also perform the occasional bris.
191
00:07:25,571 --> 00:07:27,823
Sir, we've already signed the treaty.
192
00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:28,657
♪ dramatic sting ♪
193
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,033
You what?!
194
00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:31,994
You signed the treaty?!
195
00:07:31,994 --> 00:07:34,079
Who told you you can sign?!
196
00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:38,041
You can't sign without
the notary public present!
197
00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:39,793
Tell you what, you signed nothing!
198
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:42,337
This treaty is useless!
It's garbage, I tell you!
199
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:43,922
- No!
- Garbage!
200
00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:46,925
The civil war is still on! Ah!
[Grant groans]
201
00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:51,013
Jesus Christ, why didn't somebody
tell me my ass was this big?
202
00:07:51,013 --> 00:07:53,807
Sir, this is important.
What if I said...
203
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:54,933
"pretty please"?
204
00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,727
With sugar on top?
205
00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:58,103
[begging voice]:
Please?
206
00:07:58,103 --> 00:08:00,522
- Well, I do have a sweet tooth.
- Alright.
207
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:03,066
Alright, but next time,
you two follow directions, get it?
208
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,860
- Yes, sir.
- Alright.
209
00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:06,069
- We need a new treaty.
- New treaty!
210
00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:07,237
- New treaty.
211
00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:08,363
- New treaty!
- New treaty!
212
00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:09,615
On the table, alright.
213
00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:12,743
Now, you, in the oversized uniform,
you sign right there.
214
00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:14,828
Yes, sir. Right there. [sighs]
215
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:18,081
Nicely done, and you, hot Santa,
right over there you sign.
216
00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:21,084
♪
217
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,378
[soldiers groan]
LEE: Sorry, boys.
218
00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:25,923
Alright, let's make this official.
219
00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:29,635
Goddammit! I brought my mohel bag!
220
00:08:30,469 --> 00:08:32,429
Useless, unless anybody wants
221
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:33,847
- to take a little off the top.
- No, thanks.
222
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:36,391
Alright. We'll improvise.
[throws bag]
223
00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:37,601
Improvising! [spits]
224
00:08:37,601 --> 00:08:39,937
There it is! Official!
225
00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:41,647
The Civil War is over!
226
00:08:41,647 --> 00:08:44,525
And now, we triple kiss!
227
00:08:44,525 --> 00:08:45,526
ALL:
Mwah!
228
00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:50,781
- [light music]
- Who am I?
229
00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:54,284
I just wanna know
why am I the way I am?
230
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:56,161
Why do I like the things that I like?
231
00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:59,456
I have a hard time eating dairy,
and I always wondered why that is.
232
00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:00,791
I love riding horses.
233
00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:02,084
What is that about?
234
00:09:02,084 --> 00:09:03,377
I'll tell you what it's about.
235
00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:04,670
I'm Kublai Khan,
236
00:09:04,670 --> 00:09:07,464
and I had sex with all
these people's ancestors.
237
00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:10,217
And you can find out if
you are my progeny as well
238
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:13,470
by signing up for khancestry.com.
239
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:15,931
When I first heard of khancestry.com,
240
00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:18,350
I thought $600 is a lot of money,
241
00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:19,852
but I've learned so much about myself.
242
00:09:19,852 --> 00:09:23,647
I knew my mom's second cousin
was Flip Wilson's wife,
243
00:09:23,647 --> 00:09:25,190
but this is way cooler.
244
00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:28,193
I've always had this overwhelming urge
245
00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:30,988
to conquer and unify Eurasia.
246
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:32,698
So, you might be asking yourself,
247
00:09:32,698 --> 00:09:33,949
what's all this shit about?
248
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:36,910
Genghis Khan, AKA my grandpa Gengie,
249
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:40,247
started the biggest empire
the world's ever seen.
250
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:43,458
And I took that shit to the next level
251
00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:46,795
by creating trade routes to the west,
establishing currency,
252
00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:48,589
and balling my brains out.
253
00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:51,550
[arrows popping]
My empire even extended into Russia!
254
00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:54,761
That makes sense though
because, see, my ma is Russian.
255
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:56,805
My dad's Italian, though. Hey, yo.
256
00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:59,308
Alright, so a few years ago,
I started growing out my ponytail,
257
00:09:59,308 --> 00:10:00,976
and my coworkers started making fun of me.
258
00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:02,895
They asked me if
I worked at Guitar Center,
259
00:10:02,895 --> 00:10:05,522
and then I realized that
I was related to Kublai Khan,
260
00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:08,483
who also had a ponytail,
so fuck you, Corey!
261
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:12,070
I cheated on my wife for years,
but I never knew why.
262
00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:15,616
It's literally in my DNA to spread my seed
263
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,451
as far and as wide as possible.
264
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:20,037
So, I told this to my wife,
Gloria, and she said,
265
00:10:20,037 --> 00:10:21,288
"Nah, that's bullshit."
266
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,373
You know, I'm related to Kublai, too,
267
00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,626
but, uh, I didn't fuck the babysitter!
268
00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:29,505
First of all, it's not like a teenage
babysitter. This woman is 48.
269
00:10:29,505 --> 00:10:32,174
And second of all, she's a nice lady.
She's going through a rough time.
270
00:10:32,174 --> 00:10:33,926
I'm just trying to help her
get on her feet.
271
00:10:33,926 --> 00:10:36,428
Yeah 'cause she's spending
a lot of time on her back,
272
00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:39,515
with you on top of her,
like a big ol' fucking manatee.
273
00:10:39,515 --> 00:10:41,725
After I got my khancestry.com results,
274
00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:43,435
I took dairy out of my diet,
275
00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:45,479
and the rash on my back
cleared up within weeks.
276
00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:48,815
Oh yeah, I can't do dairy. Also cashews.
277
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,317
So that means no almond milk?
278
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,277
No, no tree nuts of any kind!
279
00:10:52,277 --> 00:10:54,446
Let me tell you something
about little Miss Perfect over here.
280
00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:57,741
She tells everyone that
she was in the Rockettes.
281
00:10:57,741 --> 00:11:00,536
She was not in the Rockettes!
282
00:11:00,536 --> 00:11:01,787
You don't listen, Barry.
283
00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:04,248
The Rockettes are
a group of my girlfriends
284
00:11:04,248 --> 00:11:07,417
who are fans of the Rocky movies.
That's all.
285
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:09,253
I walk around the street, and I'm like,
286
00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:11,463
"Are you the spawn of Khan?
Are you the spawn of Khan?
287
00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:12,673
I'm the spawn of Khan!"
288
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,341
[laughs] Everyone thinks I'm insane!
289
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:17,803
With the right leader,
we could unify the tribes.
290
00:11:17,803 --> 00:11:19,972
The Golden Horde is coming for you.
291
00:11:19,972 --> 00:11:21,890
- Khan!
- Khan!
292
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:23,642
[deep, echoing]:
Khan!
293
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:26,562
Go to khancestry.com
and get a testing kit today.
294
00:11:26,562 --> 00:11:30,274
Find out who you are,
so you can be the best you, you can be.
295
00:11:30,274 --> 00:11:31,191
Which is me.
296
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:35,195
- Which is me.
- Which is me!
297
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,196
Which is me.
298
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:39,449
♪
299
00:11:40,826 --> 00:11:44,454
MEL: And now, back to
"The Last Supper Sessions."
300
00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:46,498
[instruments tuning]
PETER: Oh...
301
00:11:46,498 --> 00:11:47,958
[quiet chatter]
302
00:11:47,958 --> 00:11:50,460
Come on down to the carnival.
303
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:51,795
It's the carnival!
304
00:11:52,296 --> 00:11:54,548
You know, last night Yoko, was, um--
305
00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:55,799
I'm sorry, who?
306
00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:57,259
Mary. I said Mary.
307
00:11:57,259 --> 00:11:58,802
MARK:
You said Yoko, mate.
308
00:11:58,802 --> 00:12:00,387
JUDAS:
She's so clearly Yoko.
309
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,931
It's not one-to-one,
but she's clearly Yoko.
310
00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:05,017
R-right, but it's not--
just not one-to-one.
311
00:12:05,017 --> 00:12:07,644
So, d-don't try to make
direct comparisons. We're not--
312
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:10,272
Lads, you're distracted from the point,
mate. Like, last night,
313
00:12:10,272 --> 00:12:13,108
she was doing her body art on me...
MARK: Mm.
314
00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:14,902
...and shrieking in my ear,
315
00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:18,697
I-I just had this divine inspiration, right?
316
00:12:18,697 --> 00:12:19,948
And it was a lyric.
317
00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:21,783
"Lovely Lucy, lovely."
318
00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:24,244
[singing]: Lovely Lucy!
[playing guitar]
319
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:27,873
♪ Lovely Lucy was a pharaoh's daughter ♪
320
00:12:28,832 --> 00:12:32,586
♪ Pushing camels through a needle's eye ♪
321
00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:34,755
[shutter snaps]
MAR: Ooh. What if Lovely Lucy
322
00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:37,341
was a little bird, and she flies down,
323
00:12:37,341 --> 00:12:40,427
and she's wearing little wellies
'cause it's raining out,
324
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,346
and she's splashing in little puddles?
325
00:12:42,346 --> 00:12:44,181
And it's-- it kind of, like,
326
00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:46,225
rainbows start kind of--
JUDAS: Yeah.
327
00:12:46,225 --> 00:12:48,477
You see little rainbows
in their eyes, you know.
328
00:12:48,477 --> 00:12:50,395
I think keep going, mate.
JUDAS: Anything for the chorus?
329
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:53,607
Do you have a-anything for the chorus?
JESUS: What if we, uh, what if we try...
330
00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:55,150
[playing rock guitar]
331
00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:58,654
♪ Give back, give back ♪
332
00:12:58,654 --> 00:13:00,822
♪ Can't just take it with ya ♪
333
00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:02,324
♪ Gotta give back ♪
334
00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:04,785
LUKE: Woo! You're beatin'
around the bush too much.
335
00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:07,704
You're talkin' about giving back.
You gotta say cash.
336
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:09,081
You change the verse.
337
00:13:09,081 --> 00:13:12,584
♪ Give cash, give cash ♪
338
00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:16,088
♪ Or you can go to Hell
and burn the fuck up ♪
339
00:13:16,088 --> 00:13:17,089
See what I'm sayin'?
340
00:13:17,089 --> 00:13:18,924
JESUS:
You're the best marketer I've ever met,
341
00:13:18,924 --> 00:13:20,050
but I just wanna bring people in, innit?
342
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:22,302
- MARK: It's about peace and love.
- Peace and love, mate.
343
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,930
- JUDAS: Peace and love.
- Yeah, I get ya.
344
00:13:24,930 --> 00:13:28,100
♪ Get Back -style riff ♪
345
00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:31,979
♪ Lovely Lucy was a pharaoh's daughter ♪
346
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:35,816
♪ Pushing camels through a needle's eye ♪
347
00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:39,736
♪ She said, give back, give back ♪
348
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:45,033
♪ If you wanna get to Heaven,
gotta give back ♪
349
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,869
♪ Ooh ♪
350
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,245
♪ Woo! ♪
351
00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:49,371
[cymbals ring]
352
00:13:49,371 --> 00:13:51,999
- MARK: That was a nice one there.
- Yes!
353
00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:54,293
PETER:
Oh, lads! Lads, I'm sorry.
354
00:13:54,293 --> 00:13:56,336
[sighs] I recorded nothing.
355
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,673
The shells, they were
all turned the wrong way.
356
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:01,133
JUDAS: Nothing?
PETER: I'm sorry!
357
00:14:01,133 --> 00:14:03,677
- JUDAS: Are you fucking kidding me, Peter?
- Oh God.
358
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:06,722
Peter, this is the third time
you've gobbed up the shells, mate.
359
00:14:06,722 --> 00:14:10,642
I'm sorry, Jesus!
I didn't mean to betray you!
360
00:14:12,436 --> 00:14:13,812
[sighs]
361
00:14:16,315 --> 00:14:19,484
[struggling shofar blowing]
362
00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:24,531
Oh, the fucking shofar is broken, Peter!
363
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,786
Statues, statues, statues.
364
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,121
Steven Santelmo,
365
00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:33,916
from Steven Santelmo
Statue Removal and Supply.
366
00:14:33,916 --> 00:14:35,876
Maybe you love statues.
367
00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:38,378
Well, we are the number-one
reseller of statues
368
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:39,588
in the tri-state area.
369
00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:42,925
We have thousands and thousands
and thousands of used statues.
370
00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:45,636
When we take 'em down,
everybody dances around,
371
00:14:45,636 --> 00:14:48,639
then they go home and w--
these statues just sitting around, like,
372
00:14:48,639 --> 00:14:50,307
I'ma take these statues, you know?
373
00:14:50,307 --> 00:14:51,642
We got Vladimir Lenin.
374
00:14:51,642 --> 00:14:52,935
We got Robert E. Lee.
375
00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:54,645
We got Nicolae Ceausescu.
376
00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:56,104
We got a wax Putin.
377
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:59,107
And we got the mother of all
deposed dictators.
378
00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:00,817
♪ intense music ♪
That's right, ladies and gentlemen,
379
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:03,070
we got him, Saddam Hussein.
380
00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:05,656
They couldn't find weapons
of mass destruction,
381
00:15:05,656 --> 00:15:08,951
but I found his fucking statues,
not my brother Barry,
382
00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:11,578
who couldn't find his own thumb
if it was wedged up his ass,
383
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:12,621
which it is half the time.
384
00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:14,414
Hey, Barry, you're not
allowed in the commercials.
385
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,500
I don't care what Dad said before he died.
386
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,627
We got more horses...
[horse neighing]
387
00:15:18,627 --> 00:15:21,421
I can't even tell you
how many horses statues.
388
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,882
And, you know,
fun fact about horse statues,
389
00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:26,718
if one leg is up,
I don't know what it means.
390
00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:29,346
It's-- Someone told me once,
and I could never remember.
391
00:15:29,346 --> 00:15:31,139
Anyways, come on down to
392
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:34,560
Steven Santelmo's
Statue Removal and Supply
393
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:36,728
for the deal o-of your dreams.
394
00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:39,731
♪ upbeat music ♪
395
00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:45,028
♪
396
00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:47,030
MEL:
"Amelia Earhart."
397
00:15:49,533 --> 00:15:51,118
Untouched beauty.
398
00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,578
Private beaches.
399
00:15:52,578 --> 00:15:54,246
AMELIA EARHART: Wild birds.
[splashing, laughing]
400
00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:56,331
The Bermuda Triangle.
401
00:15:57,291 --> 00:15:59,334
Join me, Amelia Earhart,
402
00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:01,670
in this goddamn paradise,
403
00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:04,298
where we are fully open...
404
00:16:04,298 --> 00:16:06,008
Bar. Open bar.
405
00:16:06,008 --> 00:16:09,136
[laughter]
The Triangle is a gift to women like me.
406
00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:10,679
Just ask my roommate,
407
00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:12,264
Bessie Coleman.
408
00:16:12,264 --> 00:16:14,391
It's a pilot's paradise.
409
00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:17,227
Bessie, when did you
know that you were a pilot?
410
00:16:17,227 --> 00:16:20,814
I felt my first longing for the air
411
00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:22,441
when I was in sixth grade,
412
00:16:22,441 --> 00:16:25,944
but I didn't realize I was a pilot
413
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:27,070
until high school.
414
00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:29,948
And now, you're a gold-star pilot.
415
00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:31,533
[ding]
BESSIE COLEMAN: That's right.
416
00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:34,494
And this place is swarming
with other pilots.
417
00:16:34,912 --> 00:16:36,747
Traveling here is a breeze.
418
00:16:36,747 --> 00:16:39,166
All you gotta do is get
your father's permission
419
00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:40,542
to go to aviation school.
420
00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:42,878
EARHART: Take a three-day exam
to get your license.
421
00:16:42,878 --> 00:16:45,464
COLEMAN:
Overcome your crippling fear of heights.
422
00:16:45,464 --> 00:16:46,882
Get your hands on a bargain barrel plane
423
00:16:46,882 --> 00:16:49,134
that your friends and family
will beg you not to fly.
424
00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:50,511
COLEMAN:
Then, fly it anyway.
425
00:16:50,511 --> 00:16:52,971
EARHART: Crash land it
at the scariest part of the ocean,
426
00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:54,640
thereby faking your own death.
427
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,850
So no one will find you!
428
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:58,852
Including your husbands.
429
00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:01,271
Not an easy journey, but worth it.
430
00:17:01,939 --> 00:17:03,649
EARHART:
The Bermuda Triangle,
431
00:17:03,649 --> 00:17:06,151
where no man dares to go.
432
00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:07,986
And if one makes it here, we kill him.
433
00:17:07,986 --> 00:17:09,655
[bangs bar]
I love the Triangle!
434
00:17:10,322 --> 00:17:11,406
[groans]
435
00:17:11,406 --> 00:17:14,034
You hit some turbulence there, Cap?
436
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:16,787
Nope. I am a pilot in the '30s,
437
00:17:16,787 --> 00:17:19,373
- and I wanna dance.
- Let's cut a rug.
438
00:17:19,373 --> 00:17:20,958
[women whooping]
Wow.
439
00:17:20,958 --> 00:17:22,376
- Yeah! You see this?
- Uh-huh.
440
00:17:22,376 --> 00:17:24,169
All the girls in New York City
are doing this.
441
00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:25,170
It's like an illusion.
442
00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:28,924
It's just a short flight to Wonderland.
[zooming, explosion]
443
00:17:28,924 --> 00:17:30,592
Now boarding!
444
00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:38,600
MEL: And now, back to
"The Last Supper Sessions."
445
00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:40,686
INTERVIEWER:
You and your friends
446
00:17:40,686 --> 00:17:42,855
are here at the studio every day.
May I ask why?
447
00:17:43,647 --> 00:17:45,357
Um, I like to hang around here
448
00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:48,277
and just to see if I can
catch any of the apostles.
449
00:17:48,277 --> 00:17:50,153
Um, I'm totally a Judas girl.
450
00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:53,115
He's just, like, a bad boy,
and I like that.
451
00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:55,242
[quiet guitar]
MARK: We'll go under water
452
00:17:55,242 --> 00:17:57,703
and have fun with my magic seahorse.
453
00:17:57,703 --> 00:17:59,997
♪ We'll go underwater ♪
454
00:17:59,997 --> 00:18:03,709
♪ And have fun
with my magic seahorse ♪
455
00:18:03,709 --> 00:18:05,419
She dropped it right
in the fucking toast.
456
00:18:05,419 --> 00:18:06,587
JESUS:
Mate, I-I don't think
457
00:18:06,587 --> 00:18:09,006
the "under the sea" theme
is working, mate.
458
00:18:09,006 --> 00:18:11,717
- Judas, what do you got?
- Okay, I've got an idea. Okay,
459
00:18:11,717 --> 00:18:14,094
how about this?
It goes, um, I've got a feeling...
460
00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:16,471
♪ I've got a feeling ♪
461
00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:18,557
That white guys can have dreads.
462
00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:20,225
[strums]
463
00:18:20,225 --> 00:18:22,561
♪ I don't agree with that ♪
464
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:24,605
You know,
465
00:18:24,605 --> 00:18:27,191
it's not that much of a big deal,
466
00:18:27,191 --> 00:18:29,234
but if my ideas aren't
going to be listened to,
467
00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:32,112
then I think I'm just gonna leave. Hm?
468
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:34,531
- Judas...
- I'm leaving the band now.
469
00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:35,741
MARK:
It's just like that.
470
00:18:35,741 --> 00:18:36,992
Just walked out.
471
00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:39,578
Mate, who did his hair, mate?
472
00:18:39,578 --> 00:18:42,456
- It's a mess.
- And just to be crystal clear,
473
00:18:42,456 --> 00:18:44,583
I'm leaving this band.
474
00:18:44,583 --> 00:18:45,876
Okay?
475
00:18:45,876 --> 00:18:48,253
Leaves me a lot more time
with all my side projects.
476
00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:49,963
LUKE:
Mm.
477
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:53,133
[exhales]
478
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:57,137
But I still wanna know
where the show's gonna be.
479
00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:05,103
Sorry, I forgot my keys.
Does anyone know where my keys are?
480
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,647
[guitar riff]
481
00:19:07,898 --> 00:19:11,485
Steven Santelmo
Statue Removal and Supply
482
00:19:11,485 --> 00:19:14,821
is going out of business,
and I'm selling everything.
483
00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,406
People that got canceled.
484
00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:18,575
Hillary "Pizzagate" Clinton, I got her.
485
00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:19,535
Christopher Columbus.
486
00:19:19,535 --> 00:19:21,578
Nobody's touching one of those statues.
487
00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:23,830
This guy founded America,
and I'll never forget.
488
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,958
[echoing]:
Everything must go.
489
00:19:25,958 --> 00:19:29,002
Now, you might be wondering
why a profitable business
490
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:30,754
would be going out of business.
491
00:19:30,754 --> 00:19:33,799
And the answer is simple.
Because of this fuckin' turd.
492
00:19:33,799 --> 00:19:37,052
Him, his wicked wife, and his dud daughter
493
00:19:37,052 --> 00:19:39,555
sued me for libel and defamation
494
00:19:39,555 --> 00:19:41,390
because of my previous commercials?
495
00:19:41,390 --> 00:19:43,433
Look at him.
I couldn't believe I was related
496
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:45,352
to this piece of human shawarma.
497
00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:47,354
So then, I pissed into a Snapple bottle
498
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:49,439
and sent it to khancestry.com.
499
00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:53,026
When I got my results,
I realized that I, too,
500
00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:55,404
was related to Kublai Khan.
501
00:19:55,404 --> 00:19:57,781
Just like Barry Santelmo.
502
00:19:57,781 --> 00:20:01,618
Which means that we
were actually brothers.
503
00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:03,871
And nothing is...
504
00:20:03,871 --> 00:20:06,331
[voice breaking]:
is more important than family.
Come on, guys.
505
00:20:06,331 --> 00:20:08,625
- Come on out.
- Hey, bro, how you doing?
506
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:10,460
[Steven mutters]
507
00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:13,255
Finding out that we are
both related to Kublai Khan
508
00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:15,215
has brought us closer
together as brothers.
509
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:18,385
And the good news for you
is that we are teaming up
510
00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:22,556
to offer you the best
Mongolian statues in the... So--
511
00:20:22,556 --> 00:20:24,850
- And the good news for-- Okay.
- Stop. Take your time, take your time.
512
00:20:24,850 --> 00:20:26,310
- Don't tell me how to do this.
- No, no, no.
513
00:20:26,310 --> 00:20:28,312
I been doing these commercials
for years, alright?
514
00:20:28,312 --> 00:20:31,481
We are teaming up as a family
to offer you
515
00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:34,651
the best Mongolian statues we can find.
516
00:20:34,651 --> 00:20:35,944
We got 'em all!
517
00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:38,488
- Genghis Khan.
- Kublai Khan.
518
00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:40,574
- Scott Caan.
- Madeline Kahn?
519
00:20:40,574 --> 00:20:44,369
We also have a statue of
Sylvester Stallone. Not for sale.
520
00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:46,914
That's my sister-in-law.
She's supposed to be doing the books,
521
00:20:46,914 --> 00:20:48,373
but now, she's on camera? I...
522
00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:50,292
I told you I was gonna
be on camera. I told you.
523
00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:52,169
I was with her when
she told you, Uncle Steven.
524
00:20:52,169 --> 00:20:54,838
Oh, thanks, "Raven."
Please, her Christian name's Samantha.
525
00:20:54,838 --> 00:20:56,423
I don't know when she changed her name...
526
00:20:56,423 --> 00:20:58,008
At least, uh, our daughter
527
00:20:58,008 --> 00:21:00,677
didn't get busted at junior prom
for selling ketamine.
528
00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:02,304
- Hello! Your daughter.
- Okay.
529
00:21:02,304 --> 00:21:04,223
It was in the paper.
It was in The Ledger, Steven.
530
00:21:04,223 --> 00:21:06,225
Okay, first of all, excuse me.
It was molly.
531
00:21:06,225 --> 00:21:08,018
Second of all, it was senior prom,
532
00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:09,728
so get your fucking facts straight.
BARRY: Oh! Oh, okay.
533
00:21:09,728 --> 00:21:12,481
F-first of all, uh, d-d-don't talk
to my wife that way.
534
00:21:12,481 --> 00:21:14,733
- [texting]
- W-what? W-who are you texting, Barry?
535
00:21:14,733 --> 00:21:16,527
No, it was, uh, it was a spam caller.
536
00:21:16,527 --> 00:21:19,446
Oh, oh, what? Is that your new
girlfriend's name now? Spam?
537
00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:21,365
- Huh?
- Oh! Hey! It's in my DNA!
538
00:21:21,365 --> 00:21:23,700
Ah, yeah, your DNA is in
every whore in town, Barry!
539
00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:24,952
- Oh!
- Okay.
540
00:21:24,952 --> 00:21:26,787
You say that in front of
our little girl! Where were you?
541
00:21:26,787 --> 00:21:30,207
Bottom line is
Santelmo's Statue Removal and Supplies
542
00:21:30,207 --> 00:21:33,418
is now Santelmo Mongolian Statue Depot.
543
00:21:33,418 --> 00:21:36,505
We got the best deal for you
because you're family,
544
00:21:36,505 --> 00:21:39,758
'cause you're likely related
to Kublai Khan as well.
545
00:21:39,758 --> 00:21:41,510
We never would Kub-lie to you.
546
00:21:41,510 --> 00:21:44,179
ALL: Our prices "Khant" be beat.
547
00:21:44,179 --> 00:21:47,432
Let me just do the last line myself.
Leave me something.
548
00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:50,477
♪ upbeat music ♪
549
00:21:52,271 --> 00:21:56,108
MEL: And now,
the grand finale of "The Civil War."
550
00:21:57,317 --> 00:21:59,903
[horse whinnies]
LEE: In conclusion,
551
00:21:59,903 --> 00:22:03,073
I pray that I will still be
remembered as a man
552
00:22:03,073 --> 00:22:05,826
of great honor and dignity.
553
00:22:05,826 --> 00:22:07,411
Alright, wrap it up
and get on your horse.
554
00:22:07,411 --> 00:22:08,579
[grunting]
555
00:22:08,579 --> 00:22:10,080
- You're almost there.
- Ye--
556
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:12,583
[loud fart]
[horse neighs]
557
00:22:12,583 --> 00:22:14,793
[laughing]
558
00:22:14,793 --> 00:22:16,378
GRANT:
Don't come back now!
559
00:22:16,378 --> 00:22:18,255
[farting]
560
00:22:18,255 --> 00:22:21,300
If I may be so bold.
I know the war is over,
561
00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:23,385
but I would love to
continue working with you.
562
00:22:23,385 --> 00:22:26,096
- [laughs] Is that so, young man?
- Yes, sir. Uh--
563
00:22:26,096 --> 00:22:29,558
If I could just assist you
in any way, I'll do it.
564
00:22:29,558 --> 00:22:32,144
Well, if you really wanna help me,
there's one thing you could do right now.
565
00:22:32,144 --> 00:22:33,854
- Yes, sir.
- Get on the floor,
566
00:22:33,854 --> 00:22:35,981
- and fuckin' dance!
- Yes, sir.
567
00:22:35,981 --> 00:22:36,773
♪
568
00:22:36,773 --> 00:22:38,567
♪ One more time ♪
569
00:22:38,567 --> 00:22:41,111
♪ electronic music ♪
570
00:22:41,111 --> 00:22:44,448
[soldiers cheering]
571
00:22:44,448 --> 00:22:45,449
Oh, whoa!
572
00:22:46,325 --> 00:22:48,827
Oh, gimme, gimme. Ooh, thank you.
573
00:22:50,913 --> 00:22:51,914
Woo!
574
00:22:52,915 --> 00:22:54,416
Woo!
575
00:22:54,416 --> 00:22:57,628
♪ One more time, we're gonna celebrate ♪
576
00:22:57,628 --> 00:22:59,588
♪ Oh yeah, alright ♪
577
00:22:59,588 --> 00:23:02,090
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
578
00:23:02,090 --> 00:23:03,091
Whoa!
579
00:23:03,091 --> 00:23:05,260
[cheering]
580
00:23:05,260 --> 00:23:07,554
RT: Yeah!
581
00:23:07,554 --> 00:23:09,515
Fucking love you, dawg!
582
00:23:09,515 --> 00:23:11,475
HONEYBEARD:
Wow. This party's fantastic.
583
00:23:11,475 --> 00:23:14,186
Well, the war is over, fellas.
We can get back to our lives.
584
00:23:14,186 --> 00:23:15,812
Yeah.
[party fades out]
585
00:23:15,812 --> 00:23:17,231
♪ poignant music ♪
586
00:23:17,231 --> 00:23:19,900
I gotta say,
the last 12 hours with you guys
587
00:23:19,900 --> 00:23:21,485
have been the most fun I've ever had.
588
00:23:21,485 --> 00:23:24,446
And I'm sorry, our show was hot fire.
589
00:23:24,446 --> 00:23:26,615
Yeah, we really pulled it together
in, like, three minutes.
590
00:23:26,615 --> 00:23:29,201
I mean, we cut so many bits,
we have enough for a season two.
591
00:23:29,201 --> 00:23:32,204
Well, we'll always have those memories.
592
00:23:32,204 --> 00:23:34,873
What if... we kept doing it?
593
00:23:34,873 --> 00:23:36,917
Have memories? Yeah, okay.
594
00:23:36,917 --> 00:23:39,586
No! Performing, singing, comedy.
595
00:23:39,586 --> 00:23:41,922
Oh, my God, I am so in!
596
00:23:41,922 --> 00:23:44,216
- Let's leave right now!
- But where do we go?
597
00:23:44,216 --> 00:23:46,635
I've been reading about
this place called, uh,
598
00:23:46,635 --> 00:23:48,053
uh, California?
599
00:23:48,053 --> 00:23:49,721
I think it would be perfect
for some guys like us.
600
00:23:49,721 --> 00:23:51,014
Oh, I like this.
601
00:23:51,014 --> 00:23:53,559
A career in showbiz would be healthy
for an introvert like me.
602
00:23:53,559 --> 00:23:55,769
I only have one question.
603
00:23:55,769 --> 00:23:57,688
Which way to California?
604
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,524
Left until we hit the ocean.
605
00:24:00,524 --> 00:24:01,525
[horse whinnies]
606
00:24:01,525 --> 00:24:04,528
♪ triumphant Western music ♪
607
00:24:09,867 --> 00:24:10,993
[cars honking]
608
00:24:10,993 --> 00:24:13,245
This is insane.
It's 2:00 PM on a Tuesday.
609
00:24:13,245 --> 00:24:15,372
DIXON:
Does anyone here have a job?
610
00:24:15,372 --> 00:24:16,790
MINGOES:
Fuck, I'm gonna miss my audition.
611
00:24:16,790 --> 00:24:17,875
[honking continues]
612
00:24:17,875 --> 00:24:19,918
- What's it for?
- Some Mel Brooks show.
613
00:24:19,918 --> 00:24:20,919
- Oh.
- Oh.
614
00:24:20,919 --> 00:24:23,922
♪
615
00:25:33,992 --> 00:25:35,911
- I never knew my father.
- Neither did I.
616
00:25:35,911 --> 00:25:38,121
- Because you're a virgin, right, Mommy?
- Oh, yeah.
617
00:25:38,121 --> 00:25:39,665
Totally a virgin, yeah.
618
00:25:39,665 --> 00:25:40,999
Never... had sex.
619
00:25:41,750 --> 00:25:44,711
NARRATOR: Tomorrow night,
the landmark event continues.
620
00:25:45,170 --> 00:25:47,464
Lieutenament Silverman,
give us a status update.
621
00:25:47,464 --> 00:25:49,007
I'm single, but looking.
622
00:25:49,007 --> 00:25:50,801
We wanna jump right into it.
623
00:25:51,510 --> 00:25:52,970
[all laughing]
624
00:25:52,970 --> 00:25:54,930
The stars are certainly out tonight.
625
00:25:55,389 --> 00:25:58,433
- Oh!
- I mean, we got ourselves
a franchise here.
45525
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