Original subtitles

- Can I watch Star Wars tonight? - Yes, we can watch Star Wars.

I need to choose a charity for my mitzvah project.

Oh, yeah. Right, right, right. Maybe something with animals?

- That's a good idea. - Yeah.

Dogs, rescue...

- Yeah. - I could do rescue.

It's a good idea. We'll look it up.

Speaking of projects, how are you coming with your STEM projects?

In the days that followed,

Toby found his thoughts returning to the museum,

but not to Vantablack.

To his favorite permanent exhibit, the Hall of Human Origins.

Once, we had no language.

Just the raw materials of heartbeat, some body hair and a couple of thumbs.

And then, we walked. And then, we cooked.

And then, we sent our children to camp.

And then, we had iPhones and schools and hospitals and toenail clippers.

Humans were built for survival. He'd forgotten that this summer.

But now, he remembered.

To survive is to evolve. To evolve is to move forward.

And to move forward, is to recover.

His recovery was slow at first.

I got the kids an appointment to see a therapist.

They need to speak to someone. They're too worried about me

and I feel like they can't really be honest

- with how they feel, you know? - Yeah.

I'm not a "go to therapy guy," but I think you should go to therapy.

- These shades are melded to the wall. - No, I know. It's insane.

Honestly, I don't even know what talking would do anymore.

I believe in therapy, don't get me wrong.

I saw someone right after we got separated.

But, I don't know, I wanna move into the future

and I can't do that if I keep talking about the past.

Shit.

Toby, for real. Man, I can't remove these.

They're welded into the skeleton of the building.

The building will not let them go.

- I'm nothing without you, blinds. - Not without my blinds.

- You want my blinds? - You can't handle my blinds!

- Hey. - Yeah?

- So, I've been meaning to tell you... - Yeah?

I'm gonna pop the question.

- I'm sorry. Wait, what? - Yes. I've been thinking about it a lot.

The day Vanessa and I watched Bubbles, I got this text from a headhunter,

and she saw it, and so, I told her everything.

And it was all fine.

She understood, she wasn't angry, and I thought, like,

'What kind of person doesn't want that?" Like, I get it now.

Sorry. I'm just so surprised.

I don't know, I just got here. We were gonna have so much fun together.

Yeah, it was that night, but my life is empty

and I'm getting more and more desperate.

You are not desperate. You are the king of the city.

The king of the night.

I'm just a guy who's getting older and hasn't settled.

And I would like a place. I would like to belong to people.

Really? I don't. I did and I don't.

Marriage is no guarantee of anything.

You still have a family, you know?

I kept looking at you that night

and thinking how lucky you were to have a family,

and wondering what my life might look like to you.

Uh... Amazing? It looked amazing. It was amazing.

Yeah, I guess.

I don't know that I wanna be the guy you save

for a night out when you need it.

- That's not what I was saying. - I know.

But those guys are 10 years younger than me. More even.

And Brian's gonna marry the next person he dates, that's how it is.

I'm just gonna be this guy that you can't really pin down. I'm suspect.

Look at me. I'm divorced. This is...

Yeah, but you still made it through. You passed some sort of vetting process.

At some point in time, you were part of the establishment and you still are.

I'm just here, still worried about getting invited to Thanksgiving dinner.

I'll invite you to Thanksgiving dinner.

No, I have plenty of invitations,

but they do require me being a wantable, you know?

I'm saying that that is not the same thing

as belonging somewhere.

I have no unconditional invitations in my life.

You could be happy for me. I was happy for you.

I'm sorry, man.

I don't know what to say. I can't do this.

I know, I tried all day.

It actually brought me great shame to even call you for help.

Do you think if we were gentiles, we could pull this off?

Maybe Bubbles could do it. Bubbles, you're not Jewish, are you?

I won't be shamed by you, Bubbles. We should be able to do this.

I know. I think we should be able to do, this too.

You know who could do it? Jesus. Jesus was a carpenter.

- People often forget that he was Jewish. - I don't.

I don't ever forget it.

He was starting to get some kind of equilibrium.

- Hey, how was it? - Hi.

- I hate the Y camp. - Yeah?

- Hey, Bubbles. - Hi, Bubbles. Hey, Bubbles. Hi, Bubbles.

Can we study for my haftarah?

Yes, please. Go get it.

Okay. Come on, Bubbles, let's go study.

"'We hold these truths to be self-evident,' she shouted,

"'that all men are created equal,

"'that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights.

"'But that's exactly what we have on Camazotz. Complete equality.

"'Everybody exactly alike.'

"For a moment, her brain reeled with confusion,

"then came a moment of blazing truth.

"'No,' she cried triumphantly.

"'Like and equal are not the same thing at all.'"

Do you think everyone is equal?

Um...

Yeah, of course I do.

But you don't like Mom's friends.

No, Mom's friends are the ones that don't think everyone is equal.

That's why I don't like them.

You still think they're bad.

Okay. Do you think, maybe it's time to go to sleep?

Is the speck getting bigger, Dad?

He'd been finding his old equanimity poking through again.

It kinda looks like Saturn, doesn't it?

Right, but is it okay for it to be getting bigger?

Yeah, it's fine.

He was starting to return to his resting pulse again.

"A picture flashed into her mind

"of winter evenings spent sitting before the open fire

"and studying with her father."

He had been figuring out what he wanted.

- Well, hello, hello. - Hi.

- No, no, no. I'm taking you out, okay? - Toby.

It doesn't have to be to eat.

It can be a walk to the water or a run to the bodega.

It is really nice outside. Don't you wanna get out of here?

Are you crazy? It is not nice. It is 300 degrees.

- I was gonna order sushi. - No, let's go out.

We can eat sushi in public. Okay?

Let's throw caution to the wind

and be two consenting adults eating dinner.

Toby, I can't.

Sorry, I don't think you know

how badly I need something to be normal right now, okay?

I do, but my husband...

He's not your husband anymore.

- Toby... - He doesn't get to be your husband

after you split up.

- Can we just talk inside? - No, sorry. I don't know.

This is like so strange, Naheed.

Sorry. A relationship that starts in bed...

Usually, it's hard to get a woman in bed,

not to get her to go out to dinner.

I don't think this is working out.

Okay.

Yeah, it's like, I want something real, you know?

No. I deserve something real.

I know. I'm sorry.

You're very nice. It is just too complicated.

Yeah.

Toby, I like you.

Yeah, I like you, too.

Maybe one day?

I'm hoping for more immediate relief than that.

Mmm-mmm.

He was learning to set boundaries.

And then...

Dr. Bartuck would like to see you first thing in his office.

Are we gonna get a lot of money?

- I don't know. - Will you get a bigger office?

Hey, come on, what's wrong with my office? Okay.

- You know what? - What?

I'm proud of you.

- You are? - Yeah.

Thank you so much.

- Okay. - All right.

Go get the promotion. Let's go, come on.

Yes, it was all okay. The body heals.

The liver regenerates. The spirit heals.

It heals and heals and heals until you're dead.

- Hello. - Come in. Come in.

- Thank you for coming to see me. - Of course. I'm very happy to be here.

Is it hot enough for you?

- Where? Oh, yeah. Yeah. - Yeah?

Uh, I'm gonna say it 'cause there's no easy way to do it.

It's about your position.

Someone job-for-hire'd else with it.

Sorry, what?

Someone job-for-hire'd else with that.

You wanted it to go differently. So did I.

Wait, what? Who?

Outside hired... someone from here...

They wanted new blood...

You're hiring someone from outside to be my boss?

Yeah, be the... Yeah, the subdivision head.

Look, nobody doubts your skill,

but they felt like you were unwilling to give the time.

You've taken how many personal days in the last three weeks?

I've worked here for 15 years, I had a bad couple of weeks.

Well, you're an excellent doctor. Everyone agrees...

The rest didn't really matter.

Janice had some serious objections to Toby's appointment.

But look, I didn't say never.

If you start putting the face time, you never know what could happen.

Um...

Who got it, if you don't mind me asking?

Oh, sure. His name is Aaron Schwartz.

He was up for subdivision head at Sinai, we got him here. He's a bright guy.

Very dedicated. You'll get along.

No, I know him. I went to medical school with him.

God.

Toby tried to pull it together, but this time, it was hard.

Aaron Schwartz?

Karen Cooper, 911.

Subarachnoid hemorrhage, evidence of herniation.

Karen Cooper had suffered a rare, but not unheard of result of surgery

that left her with a kind of injury that destroys a person's ability to think

and breathe and function in a body.

In other words, Karen Cooper was brain dead.

I thought the liver made her better.

- You said that she was getting better. - Yeah, I'm so sorry, David.

So, what do we do now? What's the next step?

It's a massive bleed. There's evidence of herniation.

It's an injury that's very hard to recover from.

What does that mean?

It's hard to recover from this. I'm sorry.

People just don't recover from this.

This isn't supposed to happen to her. To us. This is not fair.

I know. It shouldn't happen to anyone.

- I know. - This is just unacceptable.

Yeah. It's a tough blow. I'm really...

Who else can I talk to about this?

You've spoken to Dr. Lintz.

No. I mean, who is the person in charge? Who is your boss?

Sorry. It's an unfortunate situation.

I need to speak to someone about this. Someone who is actually in charge.

It's just, it's not fair.

- Fair? - Yeah, that's right.

This is not what I was promised. It is not fair.

But Toby knew the truth.

There's a social worker you can speak to.

- You haven't answered me. - Death is not unfair.

There is a social worker on duty.

I will send the social worker up for you.

It's life that's unfair.

Sorry, I have other patients.

As if the David Coopers of the world

really wanted to be a part of a system that's fair.

It didn't matter 'cause none of this was fair.

Toby was denied advancement because he took care of his children.

Toby's own son had discovered porn

and his daughter was absent a maternal figure

who could've maybe prevented her from getting publicly humiliated

all because she was out on some wonder fuck fest

with Sam Rothberg.

Piece of shit Sam Rothberg.

Who wore nylon Adidas pants with stripes on the sides on Sundays

and put endless bets on endless brackets for March Madness.

- This was fair? - Dr. Fleishman.

- Yeah. Sorry. Just... Fuck. - Is everything okay?

Yeah. I just... Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you.

But once David Cooper put

the notion of fairness into Toby's brain,

Toby found it would not leave.

There are questions a person shouldn't ask

because they're unanswerable.

- Hello, Phillip. - Hey, Toby.

I'm glad I caught you. I was wondering...

Yeah.

I'm applying for the Plotkin fellowship.

In Nephrology?

Yeah. And I wanted to see if you would write me a recommendation.

But you're in hepatology.

Yeah, I want to be able to run a gastro unit

and then a post in admin.

Dr. Bartuck says that's the fastest path to the top.

Yeah. Is that why you do this, to get to the top?

I do this because I'm a healer. I hold life in my...

Hey. Hey. No, come on. I'm curious.

A man's worth is no greater than his ambitions.

That's beautiful. Is that Whitman?

You know what? Whatever. Sure.

Write it yourself and I'll sign it. I wouldn't really know what to say.

- Thanks, Toby... - It's "Dr. Fleishman."

Okay, Phillip? You call me "Dr. Fleishman."

Hi, Toby.

Hi. Yeah, sorry. I was just...

Hey, I heard about the new subdivision head.

- Yeah? - You were a candidate, right?

- Yeah. - I'm so sorry.

It just doesn't make sense.

Oh, thanks. No, it's fine. We talked about it, but ultimately,

the thing I care most about, is patient interface, so...

Yeah. You always have to be on guard for the ways that

people wanna advance you out of the thing you got into medicine for.

Of course. But, God, losing sucks.

Yeah, it sucks.

Toby, I've learned more from you

than any other teacher that they have in this place.

Really?

Sorry, that was such a nice thing to say.

It's true, so...

That is so nice. And I'm sorry, I... You were right.

Losing sucks, actually.

I know.

I'm actually so upset about it.

Yeah, it's funny, 'cause all these years, um,

Rachel, my ex-wife,

she was always telling me I wasn't ambitious enough

and I would just say "I'm not an ambition monster."

- Right. - It's different.

And also, there's this concept of enough, you know?

And it's weird. I always thought it was crazy,

but honestly, this feels pretty bad.

Yeah, this has me asking a lot of hard questions of myself.

Of course. But you know that none of that is your fault, right?

No. Oh, my God. It's the fact that this world is stupid.

It values the wrong things.

But I've watched you keep

all your values the same despite all these,

you know, chaotic pressures that are put on you

and I really admire that.

I really wanna be like that.

- When I... So, when I first... - This was what he wanted.

Someone who cared,

someone who could listen, someone who would root for him.

You can understand how,

given his recent months, his recent years,

his recent hour, just how much this kindness meant to him.

Would you maybe wanna talk about this more after work?

You know, I don't know, maybe I could take you to dinner.

Oh, uh...

You know I... We...

I have that Hoffman sonogram that you told me to check up on.

So, I'm gonna go do that right now.

Oh, fuck.

- Thank you, Dr. Fleishman. - Yeah.

Oh, fuck. Wow!

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

How was it? Dad, why are you walking so fast?

- We're going out to dinner. - You got your promotion?

- Is your office bigger? - I told them I didn't want it.

I didn't want to deal with office stuff and be anybody's boss.

Being a boss is terrible and then everybody hates you. Come on.

Where are we eating?

- Dad. - Yeah?

- Dad are you okay? - I'm fine. I'm fine. Just eat.

And then, his entire body,

paralyzed by his first carb intake in nearly 30 years

became very quiet again.

The thing is, he hadn't even asked for a promotion.

He hadn't asked for this particular rejection

and what was fast becoming the worst summer of his life.

His rejection wouldn't matter when he was fired

for being a sexual harasser, anyway.

Jessica. Hi.

Dad, Aunt Cherry's here. Hey, Dad.

- Cherry. - Hey.

What are you doing here? Hi, Jessica.

- Hi. - It's Saturday. You asked me to come.

- What's wrong with you? - Saturday?

You said you had a party to go to?

We talked about how nice it would be just me and Jessica and the kids?

Oh, God. Sorry, there's no party. I'm sorry, I totally spaced.

It's been kind of a bad week.

- He didn't get his promotion. - He didn't want his promotion.

- Sure, doofus. - Hey, show me your room?

- Okay. - It's my room, too.

We got a dog. Really?

Yeah!

I'm sorry it's such a mess. It all just kinda accumulated.

I dealt with Rachel being gone.

I did. I handled that. But then, I don't know,

I took my eye off the ball,

and suddenly, everything else fell apart.

God. Please don't listen to me. This is how I sound now.

Sorry every time I'm almost back to normal,

something happens and I just like...

I'm really sorry you took the trip in...

You lost a promotion. You're divorced. Welcome to middle age.

The alternative was dying young.

Now, tell me about this party you're definitely going to.

It's a friend from my year in Israel, Shana.

She and her husband, Mort, have this like annual reunion.

I stopped going after Rachel and I got married.

Then go.

I can't. Sorry. I'm so embarrassed.

I don't know how to present myself to the world anymore.

You're divorced. Most people are divorced.

Go take a shower.

- Really? - Go.

Okay. Okay. I'm going.

So, Toby headed to the annual get-together from our year abroad.

The one I went to every year,

and the one Toby hadn't been to in 15 years.

Here you go. Thanks.

In the intervening years, the only get-togethers he'd been to

were terrible ones with Rachel's friends.

When he walked into the Israel reunion,

he hadn't remembered that the purpose of people gathering was to be fun.

- Hi. We're here. - Toby Fleishman.

- Toby Fleishman? - Oh, my God!

- What a place. - Toby Fleishman!

Oh!

Look at this. Can you even?

- Oh, my God. - Yes.

- The table works. - Rachel, this is amazing.

Who did you use?

Yeah, actually, we got the guys who created Levittown to consult, so...

- I don't know them. - Okay. No, it's a joke.

- I'm just kidding. - Marissa McMass.

- Oh. - She's Miriam's person.

Yes, yes, yes. I love her.

- Yeah. - Did she make you do the quiz?

She did.

Wait. Don't tell me. Was it mid-cent?

It's mid-century.

I knew it. Rachel Fleishman, mid-century. I knew it.

So, Fleish, how are things at the hospital?

It's good, actually. Yeah, we're getting into crypto, so...

Wait. What is that? Is that another joke?

That was a joke too, yeah.

Haven't seen you in years!

Hey.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Toby Fleishman. I can't believe it. - Hi.

It's Toby Fleishman.

- Hello. Hello. - I haven't seen you in years.

Thank you so much. I really... Thank you so much.

I wish I can go back there with you. Here you go. Thanks a lot.

Actually, you know what, I liked our old place. It was sweet.

We had mismatched furniture. It was like paradise for me.

Toby. This place, though, you can get lost in here.

Like the ceilings alone.

It'll make you look shorter.

- Rich... - They make all of us...

All of us look shorter. The royal you.

The old place didn't have air conditioning.

It did. We had units.

- Ugh. That's what I meant. - Thank you. Toby hates change.

Actually, I'm fine with change.

These chairs are lovely.

How are you? Libby said you've been having a tough time.

I'm okay. I got divorced.

I got married and then divorced. I hear this happens, though.

You doing okay?

- Yeah. - You're on the apps?

Um...

Yes. You know, sometimes.

What's it like? It's crazy, right?

Yeah. Honestly, it is insane. It's gross.

Oh, my God. It's Seth.

- Hi. - Hey.

- You showed. - I did and I might never leave.

Hey, buddy, good to see you. You, too.

- You brought your appetite. - Looking fit.

- Good to see you. - Place looks good.

Can you believe this?

Thank you. This is magic.

- It's fantastic. - Hey.

You guys ever go skiing in Gstaad?

I just heard it's great. We should all go.

I'm getting sick of Vail, right?

- He says this every time. - Better check with the boss.

- Wild. - Boss, please.

Boss check.

I likey. Let's do it.

- Yes. - All in favor of Gstaad?

- Yeah, sure. Why not? - Yes.

Hey, Toby, I've been meaning to ask you.

Do you have a good concierge guy?

Your work in pharma. You know all the good people.

Yet, you only seem to know the bad ones.

That was a joke. I'm jok... That was a joke.

That's so stupid, Toby.

- Okay. - Are you leaving?

Then he looks up at the doctor an he goes to the doctor, "Are you Jewish?"

And the doctor says, "No, no." He goes, "Oh, shit."

Oh, my God.

It's true.

And then he died under anesthesia.

Are you gonna put Max in robotics?

Yes. STEM all the way.

He made this little character out of LEGOs.

- It can walk. It's amazing. - Really?

Solly made one where the LEGO guy can bowl.

It's insane. Imagine if they taught us this stuff at that age?

- Speaking of which... - Yeah.

- ...what would you do differently? - Oh!

No, I'm not saying I would do anything different. It's just...

- Yeah. -"What a world" kind of thing.

Yeah.

Yeah, I can totally see you as a tech guy.

Sorry, I don't know if I have enough hoodies for that.

It was a joke, Toby.

You're exactly who you were always gonna be.

So, how's the liver business, my man?

You asked me that?

You always fucking ask me that.

Excuse me. I gotta go.

Sorry. Excuse me.

Are they supposed to bowl?

She is an anthropologist and a veterinarian.

She is trying to save some species of bird.

Really? That's... Okay. That's admirable.

I don't know if I'm like ready to be set up.

I had this weird, quasi relationship with this woman

who literally did not leave her house.

It is weird... Yes, I'm serious.

It is weird out there. It filled me trepidation.

It's just a divorce, man.

No, I know, but it...

I don't know. It felt like more than that.

It felt like a referendum on my life and my choices, you know?

What if it's just bad luck?

What if it's just sometimes, life isn't fair?

Hmm.

Yeah, fair... Yeah.

Maybe you're right.

Yeah, sometimes, things just aren't fair.

I think I don't like to think in those terms.

That's what those terms are there for.

You know what I think about all the time?

When we took that hike and got lost and it got dark...

It had been so long since he felt accepted.

Like he didn't have to justify his existence.

That people just took him on his own terms.

Maybe this was the key,

to spend time with people who knew when you were all potential.

Maybe, in some way, you remained all potential to them.

Your mistakes were anomalies to them.

It isn't. It is!

They lost our luggage and the traffic was crazy.

Hey, I remember you from a colleague.

Yeah. Yeah.

Hi. Did I miss everything?

You know why I eat these?

'Cause they're awful. That's right.

- Here you go. Hey. Hey. - Thank you. Thank you.

- I'm gonna get some diet ice for you. - Diet ice. Never not funny. Yeah.

So, who are you writing about these days?

She's not at the magazine anymore.

- Yeah. I'm not anywhere anymore. - You're not fucking kidding.

- Come on. - I'll take it.

- It smells like... - Lemonade?

...something a teenager would make.

This is really fun. We never go to parties, ever.

We go to parties all the time.

We don't go to fun parties.

This is my very favorite night of the whole year.

Wow.

What? Is that bad?

Nope. No problem.

Thank you very much.

Hey, hey, hey. How was ...

- I loved it. - Cheers.

People greet you. They call your kids by name.

Honestly, I say this with no irony. It's clean. It's safe.

- Yeah. - Libby found it soul-crushing.

- Why? -'Cause she hates joy.

He really gets you. That's beautiful.

Gosh. No, it's hotter than the surface of the Sun, number one.

Also, all the characters, all the rides,

and the canned happiness, for what?

- I would love a can of happiness. - No.

We've these passes for the rides, right? They came with the club level thing.

So, you got on every ride in six minutes.

Yeah.

But you have to go in this empty line past this other line

where all these people have been waiting and you realize,

"I'm not subverting any line here. I'm cutting a line."

I'm subverting the system for the people...

- Yes. Yeah. - ...aren't on the club level.

- That's how it works. - But that's not fair.

- But it's not fair in your direction. - Exactly.

The thing about my wife is she can be unhappy both on a line and cutting one.

She's pretty amazing, isn't she?

- I can't wait to take my kids. - Really?

You'd probably get a senior discount

- by the time you have kids. - Oh!

It's terrible. You would go and you would think about how,

like how same shaped all the women are, how stupid all the people are.

All the women there, they wear yoga pants instead of regular pants.

They're yelling at their children.

And then you look down and you're like, "Oh, God, I'm wearing yoga pants.

"I'm yelling at my children."

The common denominator is you.

Why can't you wear regular pants?

Why are you so upset?

My man, asking that will not yield a satisfactory answer.

Just please trust me on this.

- Okay. - Just, you know, save yourself.

We told Yvonne we'd back by 1:00. It's 12:30.

- It's my favorite night of the year. - I wish you would stop saying that.

You're not taking our Libby away.

Please. Just a little longer. I never, ever see these people ever.

I'm reliving the glory of my youth.

- She had a glorious youth. - I did. I did.

It is time to go.

I'll take a car.

- I'll see you guys. - I'll see you later.

- He's leaving? - No, he has an early morning.

Oh, awesome. Vanessa is gonna come. Will we be here in an hour?

- She's coming here? No. - Yeah. Yeah.

This night is for people who are going gently into midlife.

If I can send my husband home,

you can have one night without your young girlfriend.

Maybe I like my girlfriend more than you appear to like your husband?

- Ooh. - What's that?

I said maybe.

- No, I heard. - Fine.

I don't know, I feel like I wish I still lived in the city.

Like even in Israel, my whole life was ahead of me.

It was at the beginning of something.

We all were at the beginning of something.

But now?

Now, we're at the end of something.

No, we're not. We're just ongoing.

We so are. And you wanna know how I know?

Because we keep revisiting the beginning.

You have a nice life, okay? I was there.

You have like a very nice life there.

- That's not really my point, but... - Really? So what's your point?

My point is I have cigarettes. I just remembered. I have cigarettes.

- Cool. Very cool. - Who wants to smoke cigarettes with me?

I'll go.

I'll stand there.

"I'll stand there?"

- You're such a cool person. - What a dweeb. "I'll stand there."

What are the cigarettes called that we used to smoke in Israel?

Time.

Time. Right.

Stands for "This Is My Enjoyment."

You shouldn't ash on the ground of somebody else's house.

Toby. This is my enjoyment.

This is your emphysema.

I'm gonna go back inside, okay?

What is with you?

- Nothing's with me. - Really?

You seem extra annoyed tonight, so...

I'm not. I'm great. I'm gonna go back inside.

I'm having a great night.

- Good. Me, too. - You should have been nicer to Adam.

Adam's fine.

- You were a bitch to him. - What?

Yeah. You can't treat a person that way, okay?

You can't treat your husband that way.

Okay, what, I'm sorry. You're interested in me suddenly?

- You wanna talk about me? - I don't know what that means.

Usually you're only interested in talking about yourself.

- No, that's not true. - It's kind of true.

You now, too? Okay. Sorry. I didn't realize I was so negligent.

I didn't say that. I said it was true. You only talk about yourself.

I lost my job. You haven't asked me how I'm doing.

Yeah, you would tell me, man.

God, that is really not a great philosophy for friendship, pal.

- Let's just chill out. Toby... - Yeah.

...you drank too much.

- You're a bitch, but we love you anyway. - Oh, my God.

Do I actually deserve this right now?

Honestly, like after listening to your problems nonstop for two months?

Nobody asked you to do that.

- You asked me to do that. - No, I didn't.

Sure you did. And you don't know anything about my life.

Nothing. And you, you don't know anything about anything.

I know you're married to a pretty nice guy.

What do you know about marriage?

Honestly, what do you know about life?

Like you have punted every decision that a person can make.

Why do you get to do that? 'Cause you're handsome? You're rich?

- Okay. - Get to live forever?

Don't believe him, but believe me.

If I was Adam, I would be like done with you.

You're gonna give me marriage advice?

You are? Really? And how about you?

You're gonna tell me how to have a good relationship

even though you haven't even told

your toddler girlfriend that you lost your job?

You don't know anything and you really don't know anything.

Okay.

I'm tired of you treating me like I'm not a real person

because I'm not married, I don't have kids.

By the way, Vanessa does know. I told her.

Congrats. That is so big of you.

May you have a long future together and never get caught in your lies.

What the fuck is with you two?

Who said you live your life the best?

Who said you're admirable or I'd wanna be like you?

Really? Jesus Chr...

I just remembered why I stopped hanging out with you two.

What are you even talking about?

You were dismissive, you were needy, and I was always a joke, honestly.

- Seth, I found you. - Hey. Hi.

Oh, my God. Yeah, no.

- Hey, Toby. - Hi.

- How are you? - Fine.

Let me go make you a drink.

- I'm gonna go home. - Okay. It's probably for the best.

What are you doing?

Getting a car to the city. What are you doing?

I'm taking the train. Just drop me off.

Fine.

All right. Yeah, thanks. This is me.

And she's going to Penn Station. Thanks.

Okay.

Actually, I'm gonna get out here, too.

Thanks.

- Libby, what are you doing? - I have to pee.

Can I please pee?

Just be quiet, okay? The kids are sleeping.

Hi. Hey.

Hi.

Hi. How was it?

It was good. It was good. Yeah. How are the kids?

We had so much fun.

- Really? - Oh, you have a friend.

Libby Slater?

Yeah. It's me. Hi, Cherry.

- Hey. - Hey.

I didn't know you were divorced.

I'm not.

She's coming to pee.

Yeah, thanks.

Toby?

Shh. You can let yourself out.

Can you order a car, or something? It's late.

Do you remember that guy, David, that I went out with that year?

Yeah. Yeah. The one with the harmonica.

Yeah, the harmonica.

Sometimes, I used to wonder what happened to that guy,

right, 'cause I never knew.

Okay.

And then tonight, Tracy told me that he is an accountant

and he's married to an English teacher and they live in Scarsdale.

You could've figured this all out on Facebook.

No, I never looked him up 'cause I didn't wanna know.

You know, I wanted to think of him alone out there,

same as the day that we broke up.

This unknown legend.

We don't have any overlapping friends, so it was possible.

What are you doing? No, you can't smoke in here.

Toby, just one. Come on.

- Blow it out the window. - Yeah.

Do you remember when Facebook first came out

and you looked up every single person that you ever knew,

only to find out that they all became the same basic adults as their parents?

Like they all had these inevitable conclusions,

to the point that the only people who were interesting,

were the ones who were smart enough not to diminish their own legends

by going on fucking Facebook in the first place.

How did we all get this way?

How do we all get put on this trajectory

where we all ended up with the same boring life, you know?

I miss longing.

I miss desire.

And it's not Adam. Adam is great, okay?

Like Adam is the best-case scenario in a very flawed system.

But the way that it works, the way desire works

and longing works, is you cannot get the thing,

-'cause then if you get the thing... - All right.

When you get the thing, you don't get to feel those feelings anymore.

Am I the only one that enjoyed feeling those feelings?

I'm just worried that the only way that I can feel anything,

is when things are very bad

and I just don't know where that leads, you know?

I just think that there's something wrong with me, Tobe.

I wasn't always like this, was I?

God, forget it.

Honestly, forget it. Let's not even talk about it.

Talking about it doesn't make it any better, so...

Dad?

Dad!

- Dad! - Shit.

Solly?

- Hey. Hey. What happened? - I went in the bed.

- Hey, it's okay. It's fine. It happens. - I'm so sorry.

- Are you kidding? Don't apologize. - Oh, my God. What is going on?

Nothing, nothing. Just wait here. I'll be right back. Okay.

- Can I do anything? - What? No. Libby, get out of here.

Hey. Solly? Miles wet the bed.

No one needs your help right now. Please leave. Thank you very much.

Go. Go, go. Hey.

There's no use in going home like this.

I made a mess. The cleanup already felt impossible.

Left to my own devices,

I always return to the museum of my youth.

Trying to find the last place I'd seen myself.

Hey. Hi. How's it going?

One for The Virgin Suicides.

When do you have to go back?

Listen, I have dinner with Scott, so I have till about midnight.

Maybe we can figure out a time for you to stay home.

I'd met Glenn at the magazine.

He was nothing special.

None of the guys I worked with were.

- He murdered it. - He crushed it.

He was a general with his foot on the neck at the village he conquered.

He's a barbarian.

They use war language to describe writing.

I'll tell you, if the American man ever saw who was in charge

of defining masculinity for him,

he would seriously reconsider his subscription.

But this moment in my life was not about Glenn.

It was about me.

I didn't so much love him, as want to be part of him,

to eat him, to become him.

And you gotta be rigorous.

You have to understand, I was never wild.

I didn't have affairs.

I didn't have good judgment because I didn't have any experience.

But I wanted what he had.

I wanted to really participate in life.

I wanted to eat the world the way he and every other guy at the magazine did.

I went about it the wrong way.

Sorry, I gotta go.

I used to blow smoke on him, so his wife would know where he'd been.

I didn't realize that the real power I had was that I had no obligations.

I could do whatever the hell I wanted.

How was I supposed to know that one day,

in seeking the safety of a grown up life,

I would lose that power?

I am 41 now.

I can't believe how briefly I held that power.

I can't believe how briefly I held it and how quickly I gave it away.

I've been smoking pot a lot recently.

I hadn't done that in years.

I thought about that thing Seth said about how people have affairs,

not because they're betraying their spouses,

but because they're trying to remember who they were in the first place.

I thought about that a lot lately.

- Hi. - Hey. How was your day?

It was fun. I don't remember.

So, just like yesterday, huh?

Hey, there.

Yeah, I know we need to figure it out. I just got home.

Let me get my memo out.

He perjured himself. I owe you a cup of soup.

Okay. All right.

That's probably why Glenn was doing what he had been doing.

It was certainly why I was doing what I was doing now.

Goldstein at 1, did you say?

Only there's no affair.

No clandestine meetings in the stairwell.

There's just a cigarette in the city where I lived when I was young.

How poorly I wear this life.

How the adjustment to it is taking so long, that I've started to feel like

it isn't coming soon, it isn't coming ever.

It was never coming.

This is what I was saying about questions that can't be answered.

Is life fair? How did I get here?

Trust me,

you shouldn't ask them.

It's not

What you thought

When you first

Began it

You got

What you want

Now you can hardly stand it, though

By now you know

It's not going to stop

It's not going to stop

It's not going to stop

Till you wise up

You're sure...