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>> HEY. I'M ON MY WAY HOME.

I JUST HAVE TO STOP OFF AND PICK

UP SOME GROCERIES.

UH, GIVE ME A CALL IF YOU HEAR

BACK.

I CAN PICK UP THE DRY CLEANING.

HEY, PAUL, I WAS JUST CALLING

YOU.

[ CHUCKLES ]

NO, NO, I HAD A CLIENT MEETING

OUTSIDE, SO I'M OUT OF THE

OFFICE.

I'M AT, UH...

WHAT?

AGAIN?

NO. NO, NO. NO, NO.

IT'S OKAY.

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S GONNA HAVE

THE HORRIBLE EVENING.

GOD, THAT AUDIT IS GOING ON

FOREVER.

AH. NO, I WON'T WAIT UP FOR YOU.

I'LL PROBABLY JUST FALL ASLEEPU.

IN FRONT OF THE TV.

OKAY. BYE-BYE.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

>> HI. TABLE FOR ONE?

>> OH, NO. [ CHUCKLES ]

NO, I JUST WANT TO TAKE OUT.

UM, DO YOU STILL HAVE THAT

CHOCOLATE CAKE WITH THE CRUSHED

ALMONDS?

>> YES.

>> MY HUSBAND USED TO LOVE THAT.

IF I COULD GET A TAKEOUT FOR

TWO, THAT'D BE GREAT.

>> I'LL CHECK IF WE HAVE ANY

LEFT.

I'M SO SORRY.

WE JUST SOLD OUR LAST...

SLICE.

>> [ EXHALES SHARPLY ]

[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]

>> HELLO?

>> SORRY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT CAME

OVER ME, BUT, UM, I JUST FORGOT

WHAT TIME YOU SAID YOU WOULD BE

HOME.

>> LATE.

>> OH. LATE.

YEAH. RIGHT.

OKAY.

WELL, LET ME LET YOU GET BACK TO

YOUR AUDIT.

OKAY.

>> I'M GONNA GO.

>> [ Spanish accent ] WHAT?

>> [ GASPS ] OH. OH, MY GOD.

[ GASPS ] OH, MY GOD.

[ GASPS ] OH, MY GOD!

>> PAUL.

>> [ GASPS ]

>> PAUL, WAIT!

YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS?!

>> STOP IT, LUCY.

>> YOU'RE -- PAUL, YOU CAN'T GO!

>> STOP IT.

>> [ GASPS ]

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ]

>> LADY, ARE YOU BUYING

SOMETHING?

>> UH, Y-YES. SURE, SURE.

>> WHAT?

>> UH, A NEWSPAPER.

[ BELL CHIMES, DOOR CLOSES ]

>> HI.

>> [ WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY ]

>> HUH?

>> [ SOBS ] A ROPE.

>> WHAT?

>> A rope.

>> HEY, UH, W-WHAT IS SHE

SAYING?

>> MM.

>> [ CRYING ]

>> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?

>> I WANT...

>> HEY, W-WHAT IS SHE SAYING?

>> [ WHIMPERS ]

>> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?

>> [ Sobbing ] I WANT A ROPE!

[ SNIFFLES ]

I WANT A ROPE.

>> UH...A ROPE.

>> A ROPE?

OKEYDOKEY.

ONE ROPE IS COMING UP.

IS IT A GOOD LENGTH?

>> YEAH. [ SNIFFLES ]

AND I'LL TAKE THIS, TOO.

>> OH, NO, NO.

LISTEN, THIS IS NOT FOR SALE.

>> HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT?

>> I'M SAVING IT FOR TONIGHT

BECAUSE --

>> JUST TAKE IT.

WHO CARES?

[ BELL CHIMES ]

>> SHE GAVE YOU OVER $200.

WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT?

>> WHAT CAN I SAY?

PEOPLE LIKE ME.

>> WHAT ON EARTH WOULD SHE WANT

A ROPE FOR?

>> UH, ARE YOU GONNA PAY FOR

THAT?

>> [ SOBBING ]

[ WHIMPERING ]

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

[ CRYING CONTINUES ]

[ KEYS JINGLING ]

[ LATCH RATTLING ]

>> UM, EXCU-- UH, ARE YOU

ALL RIGHT?

>> WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?

[ DOOR SLAMS ]

[ SOBBING ]

>> UH...

[ KNOCKS ON DOOR ]

>> YEAH?

>> I -- UH, W-WE JUST MET IN THE

HALLWAY JUST NOW, AND, UH, I-I

THINK I SAW YOU EARLIER IN THE

STORE, AND I JUST WANT TO MAKE

SURE THAT YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.

>> I'M FINE.

>> OKAY.

BUT YOU -- YOU DON'T SEEM FINE.

>> I'M FINE!

>> SORRY.

>> [ SOBBING ]

>> UM...

OKAY.

UH, LISTEN.

THIS IS GONNA SOUND REALLY

STRANGE, BUT HOW DO I KNOW THAT

YOU'RE NOT STANDING ON A CHAIR

WITH A NOOSE AROUND YOUR NECK?

I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY DON'T

WANT TO GET INVOLVED, BUT...

>> [ SOBBING ]

>> OH!

OH. OH. OH, GOOD GOD.

UH...OKAY.

IT'S -- IT'S ALL RIGHT.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

>> [ Sobbing ] NOTHING IS EVER

GONNA BE ALL RIGHT AGAIN.

EVER.

>> OH, UH, NO.

STOP THAT.

STOP -- Y-YOUNG LADY, STOP.

STOP. STOP DRINKING.

GIVE ME THAT.

I'LL JUST -- I'LL GET YOU SOME

WATER.

UH, ALCOHOL IS A DEPRESSANT.

IT'S THE LAST THING IN THE WORLD

YOU NEED RIGHT NOW.

>> Y-YOU'RE, LIKE, THE NICEST

PERSON I'VE EVER MET.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS FOR A

COMPLETE STRANGER?

>> OH, WELL, ENOUGH ABOUT ME.

UM...OKAY.

UH, SO...

WHAT HAPPENED TO MAKE YOU SO...

SAD?

>> I CAN'T -- I CAN'T TALK ABOUT

IT.

>> OH, WELL, SOMETIMES IT'S GOOD

TO TALK.

>> [ SIGHS ]

>> NO, REALLY OPEN UP -- SPILL

OUT ALL THE GORY DETAILS.

>> I'M ITCHING TO.

>> I'M ABSOLUTELY SURE.

>> THERE'S THIS MAN.

>> AH!

>> I LOVE HIM.

>> UH-HUH.

>> AND I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA

GET MARRIED, HAVE CHILDREN, A

LIFE TOGETHER, BUT...

>> BUT?

>> IF I TELL YOU THIS, YOU'RE

NOT GONNA LIKE ME ANYMORE.

>> OH, WELL, I'M SURE I'LL LIKE

YOU JUST AS MUCH AS I...LIKE YOU

RIGHT NOW.

>> ARE YOU MARRIED?

>> UH, YES.

BUT I'M A BIG GIRL.

>> HE'S MARRIED, TOO.

>> SMALL WORLD.

>> BUT HE DOESN'T LOVE HIS WIFE.

PAUL AND HER GOT MARRIED WHEN

THEY WERE PRACTICALLY CHILDREN,

AND IT HASN'T MEANT ANYTHING IN

YEARS, SO I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA

LEAVE HER.

BUT TONIGHT SHE KEPT PHONING AND

PHONING, AND HE THOUGHT SHE

SOUNDED SUSPICIOUS.

SO HE SAID HE HAD TO GO HOME

BEFORE SHE CHECKED UP ON HIS

ALIBI, AND I SAID, "WELL, WHY

NOT TELL HER THE TRUTH?"

RIGHT?

ISN'T IT MEANER TO LET HER THINK

SHE'S PARANOID AND THEN IN A

MONTH SAY, "GUESS WHAT.

I LOVE SOMEONE ELSE."

RIGHT?

I MEAN, A CLEAN BREAK HURTS

LESS, RIGHT?

W-WHAT DO YOU THINK?

>> UH, WELL, WHAT I THINK HAS

NO...RELEVANCE.

>> BUT YOU MUST HAVE AN OPINION.

>> WHAT DID HE SAY?

>> HE SAID I CAN'T UNDERSTAND

WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE MARRIED.

[ SOBS ]

AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?

HOW COULD HE GO HOME TO HER?

WE SHOULD BE MAKING LOVE ON THIS

COUCH LIKE ALL THOSE OTHER,

WONDERFUL TIMES, AND HE...

DO YOU THINK THIS MEANS HE

DOESN'T REALLY LOVE ME?

>> UM...

WELL, UH, HE...HE SAID THAT

HIS -- HIS MARRIAGE TO, UH...

>> I DON'T KNOW HER NAME.

HE CALLS HER "THE WIFE."

>> AH. THE WIFE.

>> HE DOESN'T LIKE TALKING ABOUT

HER.

IT MAKES HIM UNCOMFORTABLE.

>> OH, I'M SURE IT WOULD.

>> BUT HE DID SAY THEY HAVEN'T

HAD SEX IN TWO YEARS.

[ LAUGHS ]

WHAT KIND OF A WOMAN MUST SHE

BE, RIGHT?

I CAN'T GO TWO DAYS WITHOUT SEX.

WHO CAN? [ CHUCKLES ]

I MEAN, I-I'VE BEEN

MULTIORGASMIC SINCE I WAS 8.

>> HOW NICE FOR YOU.

UM, UH...

ARE YOU SURE THAT HE'S TELLING

YOU THE TRUTH?

I MEAN, I KNOW MARRIAGE.

I KNOW...MARRIAGE, AND I'M SURE

THAT THEY STILL HAVE SEX

SOMETIMES.

MM-HMM.

>> OH, WELL, THAT'S...

YOU -- YOU THINK HE...

HE'S BEEN LYING TO ME?

UH, IF HE'S...

IF HE'S JUST BEEN USING ME, I

DON'T THINK I COULD TAKE IT.

[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

>> OH. UM...

OH, UH...

UH, I-I'M JUST GONNA TAKE IT IN,

UH...

>> [ SOBBING ]

>> UH, HELLO?

UM, NO.

NO, I'M NOT AT HOME.

WELL, UH, WHEN YOU SAID THAT YOU

WERE GONNA WORK LATE, I, UH, I

DECIDED TO, UM, TO GO VISIT MY

MOM.

JOIN ME? NO.

NO, THAT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA.

[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]

OH, WHEN WILL I BE HOME?

SO MANY QUESTIONS.

UM...UH, WELL IT'LL BE A WHILE.

UH, Y-YEAH.

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE, MOM.

[ SIGHS ] I GOT TO GO.

BYE.

OKAY. [ CLEARS THROAT ]

SO, YOU WERE JUST GETTING READY

TO TELL --

[ GASPS ] NO!

OH.

>> JUST LET ME DIE, PLEASE.

>> YOUNG LADY, LISTEN.

LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN, PLEASE.

SUICIDE IS AN IMPULSE ACT.

IF YOU'D JUST WAIT A LITTLE

WHILE, I'M SURE YOU'LL CHANGE

YOUR MIND.

>> SO I-I SHOULD DO IT REALLY

FAST, OKAY?

JUST -- CAN I ASK YOU A FAVOR?

IF I JUST GET BRAIN DAMAGE, DO

YOU PROMISE TO HOLD A PILLOW

OVER MY FACE?

>> OH, MY GOD.

I FEEL DIZZY.

I FEEL...

>> WHAT'S WRONG?

>> I-I HAVEN'T EATEN YET.

>> I'M SO SORRY.

DO YOU WANT SOME GRAPES?

[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]

>> OH. OH. IT'S...

>> [ GASPS ]

>> OH, MY GOD.

OH.

>> IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY.

IT -- IT'S PAUL. WHAT DO I DO?

>> WHAT? OH, YOU'RE ASKING ME?

>> WHAT? YOU'RE SO --

>> DON' ANSWER IT.

>> HI.

I'm sorry.

MM-HMM.

He wants to come over.

>> I guess his wife isn't home

after all.

>> WHAT ABOUT YOUR WIFE?

YEAH.

He says he doesn't care what she

thinks.

>> WELL, THEN WHY DOESN'T HE

JUST ASK HER FOR A DIVORCE

INSTEAD OF COMING OVER HERE...

FOR...

>> YOU'RE SO RIGHT.

[ SCOFFS ]

PAUL, I REFUSE -- I REFUSE TO

SEE YOU AGAIN UNTIL YOU ASK YOUR

WIFE FOR A DIVORCE.

[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]

T-THAT WAS SMART, RIGHT?

>> YEAH. I HOPE SO.

[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> I-I'VE ALWAYS BEEN ATTRACTED

TO OLDER MEN.

>> UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

>> I SLEPT WITH MY ENGLISH

TEACHER WHEN I WAS IN MADRID.

[ CHUCKLES ]

AND WHEN I CAME HERE AS AN

AU PAIR, THE DADS...

WELL, THE AU PAIR THING DIDN'T

WORK OUT.

BUT, UM, JUST BETWEEN YOU AND I,

I'M NOT AS YOUNG AS I SEEM.

>> OH, NO. YOU COULDN'T BE.

>> WHEN PAUL AND I GET MARRIED,

I DON'T WANT ONE OF THOSE DEAD

MARRIAGES.

YOU KNOW, YOU SEE THOSE

COUPLES -- NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT

BUT WHAT CHORES TO DO, WHAT TV

SHOW TO WATCH.

I'M GONNA HAVE SEX THREE TIMES A

DAY UNTIL WE DIE.

>> JESUS. THREE TIMES A DAY --

HOW WOULD YOU EVEN FIND THE

TIME?

UH, W-WHAT DO YOU DO?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

>> HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW WHAT YOU

DO?

>> OH, WELL, REALLY, I'M AN

ACTRESS.

BUT I HAVEN'T HAD A PART IN A

WHILE, SO I DO TEMP WORK IN

OFFICES.

THAT'S HOW I MET PAUL.

I WAS TAKING SOME PAPERS INTO

HIS OFFICE.

THE DOOR WAS CLOSED, SO I

THOUGHT THEY'D GONE OUT FOR

LUNCH.

YOU KNOW, I JUST OPENED THE

DOOR, AND HE WAS JUST THERE AT

HIS DESK, HIS HEAD IN HIS HANDS,

CRYING.

>> H-HE WAS CRYING?

>> YEAH, HE WAS CRYING.

HE TOLD ME LATER THAT HE FELT

LIKE HIS LIFE MEANT NOTHING,

LIKE HE MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD

ALREADY.

>> WELL, WE ALL FEEL LIKE THAT

SOMETIMES.

I MEAN, EVEN I FEEL LIKE THAT

SOMETIMES.

BUT DO I SCREW THE OFFICE TEMP?

NO, I-I WAKE UP EVERY MORNING

AND I-I DO THE LAUNDRY AND I

COOK AND I GO TO WORK AND I

VISIT MY MOTHER, WHO DOESN'T

EVEN REMEMBER WHO I AM.

OKAY, SOMETIMES I...WATCH TV.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I TALK ABOUT WHAT GROCERIES I'M

GONNA BUY.

>> BUT YOU'RE NOTHING -- NOTHING

LIKE PAUL'S WIFE.

>> [ SNIFFLES ]

>> YOU'RE SO DIFFERENT.

YOU'RE SO KIND.

YOUR HUSBAND MUST LOVE YOU SO

MUCH.

>> [ SIGHS ]

NO.

[ SNIFFLES ]

HE DOESN'T.

>> ARE YOU SURE?

>> MM-HMM. YEAH.

>> DOES HE HAVE AFFAIRS?

>> YES. AT LEAST ONE.

>> OH, MY GOD. THAT'S TERRIBLE.

IS IT STILL GOING ON?

>> [ SNIFFLES ] YES.

>> OH, SHIT.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

>> YOU MEAN AM I GONNA GO BUY A

BOTTLE OF SCOTCH AND DRINK IT

STRAIGHT FROM THE BOTTLE?

NO.

AM I GONNA PUT A NOOSE AROUND MY

NECK?

NO.

PILLS -- I CAN GET PILLS.

WOMEN CAN ALWAYS GET PILLS.

AND WHO CARES IF ONE DAY YOU

JUST HAPPEN TO TAKE TOO MANY?

NOT YOUR HUSBAND. NO, NO, NO.

THEN HE CAN LIVE HAPPILY EVER

AFTER WITH A BOUNCING BIMBO.

[ SLURPS ]

NO. I CAN'T DIE.

I NEED TO STAY ALIVE SO THAT I

CAN DESTROY HIS FUTURE

HAPPINESS.

[ GASPS ] OH!

I ACTUALLY HAVE A REASON TO

LIVE.

FOR A MINUTE THERE, I THOUGHT I

DIDN'T.

[ SNIFFLES ]

>> OH, MY GOD.

YOU'RE NOT WHO YOU'VE BEEN

PRETENDING TO BE TONIGHT.

>> WHAT?

>> I RECOGNIZE YOU.

>> OH, I'M SORRY.

>> I-I'M SORRY.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE ONE OF THOSE

PEOPLE THAT, ARE, YOU KNOW,

HAPPY WITH A NOTHING LIFE, A

BORING MARRIAGE, AN OFFICE JOB.

BUT YOU'RE NOT.

YOU'RE LIKE ME, AND YOU'RE SO

MUCH LIKE ME!

>> I AM NOTHING LIKE YOU.

WE ARE EXACT OPPOSITES.

GIVE US ANY SITUATION --

SITUATION "X" -- AND YOU WOULD

CHOOSE TO DO "B," WHILE I WOULD

DO "A."

AND EVEN WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I

WOULD NOT HAVE SLEPT WITH A

SOBBING BUSINESSMAN.

I WOULD NOT EVER BE AN ACTRESS.

I WOULD NEVER BE A POET OR AN

ASTROLOGER.

>> ACTRESS AND ASTROLOGER ARE

NOT EQUIVALENT.

>> WELL, THEY'RE CLOSE ENOUGH.

>> IT'S TRUE, THERE WAS A MOMENT

THERE WHERE I WAS A FOOT

REFLEXOLOGIST.

BUT THAT'S SCIENTIFICALLY

PROVEN, SO IT'S...

>> MY POINT IS THAT I WOULD DO

EVERYTHING DIFFERENTLY IF I WERE

YOU AND YOU WOULD DO EVERYTHING

DIFFERENTLY IF YOU WERE ME, TOO.

[ SNIFFLES ]

ALTHOUGH IT'S HARD TO IMAGINE

THAT OUR LIVES COULD BE ANY

WORSE THAN THEY ARE RIGHT NOW.

SO HOW MUCH WORSE WOULD OUR

LIVES BE IF I WOULD DO WHAT YOU

WOULD DO AND YOU WOULD DO WHAT I

WOULD DO?

>> THAT'S SUCH A BRILLIANT IDEA!

>> WHAT IDEA?

I HAVEN'T HAD AN IDEA.

>> NO, BUT YOU'RE RIGHT.

WE'VE BEEN FEELING AND THINKING

AND DECIDING FOR OURSELVES, AND

OUR LIVES ARE A MESS.

WE SHOULD TRY THE OPPOSITE!

>> DECIDE ONE THING AND THEN DO

THE OTHER?

>> I MEAN LIKE -- LIKE I GET TO

THINK WHAT YOU SHOULD DO, AND

YOU GET TO THINK WHAT I SHOULD

DO -- LIKE WHEN YOU TOLD ME TO

STOP DRINKING AND NOT KILL

MYSELF.

I WOULD BE DRUNK AND DEAD IF I'D

MADE UP MY OWN MIND INSTEAD OF

LETTING YOU MAKE UP MY MIND FOR

ME.

>> MAYBE THAT JUST MEANS THAT...

[ SNIFFLES ]

...I MAKE BETTER DECISIONS THAN

YOU DO.

>> NO OFFENSE, MADELYN, BUT

YOUR LIFE SOUNDS CRAPPIER THAN

MINE.

>> MY LIFE SOUNDS CRAPPIER THAN

YOURS?

[ SNIFFLES ]

>> I'M NOT THE ONE MARRIED TO A

MAN WHO'S CHEATING ON ME.

LOOK AT IT THIS WAY -- WE'RE

BOTH SELF-DESTRUCTIVE PEOPLE OR

WE WOULDN'T BE INVOLVED WITH MEN

THAT TREAT US LIKE SHIT.

BUT WE WOULD NOT BE

SELF-DESTRUCTIVE IF WE WERE

MAKING DECISIONS FOR SOMEONE

ELSE, 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO

DESTROY YOUR LIFE AND YOU DON'T

WANT TO DESTROY MY LIFE.

>> NO, OF COURSE NOT.

>> SO THE WAY TO FIX OUR LIVES

IS TO STOP MAKING OUR OWN

DECISIONS AND LET THE OTHER ONE

MAKE THEM INSTEAD.

NOT ON LITTLE THINGS, LIKE

"WHAT COLOR LIPSTICK SHOULD I

WEAR?" -- I'D GO PINKER IF I

WERE YOU -- BUT ON -- ON --

ON -- ON THE BIG STUFF, YOU

KNOW?

WE CALL EACH OTHER BEFORE WE

DECIDE ANYTHING MAJOR.

>> YOU WOULD REALLY DO ANYTHING

I SAID?

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I DIDN'T REALIZE I DIDN'T HAVE

ANY MONEY.

>> NO, NO, IT'S OKAY. I GOT IT.

>> SO, SHOULD YOU STAY WITH YOUR

HUSBAND OR SHOULD YOU LEAVE HIM?

>> I SHOULD...

>> I-I-I GET TO DECIDE.

I'M THE OBJECTIVE ONE.

S-SUBJECTIVE.

I-I ALWAYS GET THOSE TWO MIXED

UP.

>> OBJE-- OBJECTIVE.

>> OBJECTIVE.

OKAY. THINK.

OKAY, IF HE LOVES HER, YOU

SHOULD KICK HIM OUT.

IF HE LOVES HER, YOU'RE GONNA

GET DUMPED SOON ANYWAY.

BUT MAYBE -- MAYBE HE DOESN'T

LOVE HER.

MAYBE SHE'S JUST SOME BIMBO.

YOU KNOW, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN

MARRIED?

>> A LONG TIME.

>> AND WOULD YOU THROW ALL THOSE

YEARS AWAY OVER SOME SILLY

FLING?

>> YES.

>> NO.

>> NO.

>> NO.

YOU'RE SUCH A NICE PERSON.

IF HE STILL LOVES YOU, YOU'LL

FIND A WAY TO MAKE THINGS WORK.

AND IF NOT, ONCE THE BIMBO IS

OUT OF THE PICTURE, YOU DUMP THE

CREEP.

>> [ SIGHS ]

>> SO, FIRST STEP...

YOU HAVE TO FIND OUT WHO HE

LOVES -- YOU OR HIS GIRLFRIEND.

OKAY?

SO YOU GO HOME AND ASK YOUR

HUSBAND -- WHAT'S HIS NAME?

>> FRED.

>> FRED.

YOU SAY, "FRED, DO YOU STILL

LOVE ME?"

AND THEN CALL AND TELL ME WHAT

HE SAID AND I'LL TELL YOU WHAT

TO DO NEXT.

>> OKAY.

>> OKAY.

>> I FEEL A LITTLE BIT LIKE

ALICE IN WONDERLAND.

>> OH, MY GOD!

I SPENT HALF MY LIFE FEELING

LIKE THAT GIRL.

>> OH.

>> ISN'T THAT INCREDIBLE?

>> YES.

>> WOW! WE'RE SO MUCH ALIKE.

>> NO, WE'RE NOTHING ALIKE.

>> THERE YOU GO.

>> UH-HUH.

>> THAT'S YOUR MISSION.

AND WHEN I HEAR FROM PAUL,

YOU'LL GET TO TELL ME WHAT TO

DO.

>> OKAY.

UH, I GO THIS WAY.

I HAVE TO TAKE THE SUBWAY.

>> YOU DON'T LIVE IN MY

BUILDING?

>> UH...NO.

NO.

I...I SAW YOU BUYING THE ROPE,

AND I-I FOLLOWED YOU HOME.

>> OH, MY GOD.

YOU REALLY ARE THE KINDEST

PERSON I'VE EVER MET.

[ SNIFFLES ]

>> OH.

>> HUG?

>> OH.

>> AHH.

>> OKAY.

>> OH...

I'M GONNA WORK SO HARD TO MAKE

YOU HAPPY.

BYE!

>> OKAY. BYE-BYE.

GOOD NIGHT.

DON'T...CALL ME.

[ SIGHS ]

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!

HI, MOM.

>> HENRY?

>> NO. IT'S ME.

[ CHUCKLES, SIGHS ]

I GOT YOU SOMETHING.

DO YOU WANT IT?

I GOT YOU SOME ICE CREAM.

HERE YOU GO.

[ SNIFFLES ]

NOW...

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

IT'S YOUR FAVORITE.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

THANK YOU, HENRY.

MMM.

>> [ SOBBING ]

>> HEY. I'M IN HERE.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

[ KEYS JINGLING ]

>> YOU'VE BEEN WORKING LATE A

LOT OF EVENINGS.

>> YEAH. WORK'S BEEN ROUGH.

>> MM.

ARE YOU...

ARE...

DO YOU STILL LOVE ME?

>> [ SCOFFS ]

OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.

GOD, VISITS TO YOUR MOTHER

ALWAYS GET YOU DOWN.

UH, WHERE'S MY SWEATSHIRT?

>> ON THE CHAIR.

>> I'M JUST GONNA GO CATCH THE

END OF THE GAME.

>> OKAY. I'VE ASKED HIM.

>> AND WHAT DID HE SAY?

>> HE SAID HE LOVED ME, BUT I

DON'T KNOW THAT I BELIEVED HIM.

AND FRANKLY, I DON'T KNOW THAT

I CARE.

SO, NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT WHAT I

WANT YOU TO SAY TO YOUR MARRIED

MAN.

>> [ GASPS ] I'VE GOT IT!

YOU HAVE TO TELL YOUR HUSBAND

YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE

ELSE.

>> WHY ON EARTH WOULD I DO THAT?

>> TO SEE IF HE GETS JEALOUS.

IF HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE,

IT WON'T BE THAT BIG A DEAL,

OTHER THAN THE MALE EGO -- YOU

KNOW, "IS MY PENIS BIGGER THAN

HIS?"

IF PENIS SIZE COMES UP, JUST

TELL HIM THEY'RE BOTH THE SAME.

THAT TAKES THE WHOLE PENIS ISSUE

OFF THE TABLE.

BUT IF HE GETS REALLY ANGRY AND

THE PENIS THING IF OFF THE

TABLE, THAT MEANS HE LOVES YOU.

THEN CALL ME, BUT NOT TILL AFTER

MIDNIGHT SO I CAN TELL YOU WHAT

PAUL SAID ABOUT THE ULTIMATUM.

>> WAIT.

UH, U-UNDER THIS -- THE RULES OF

THIS PACT THINGY, YOU'RE NOT

ALLOWED TO CALL HIM UNTIL I GIVE

MY PERMISSION.

WELL, I'M NOT CALLING HIM.

EVERY NIGHT, WHEN HIS WIFE IS

BRUSHING HER TEETH, HE CALLS ME

TO SAY HE LOVES ME.

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> YOU DIDN'T BRUSH YOUR TEETH.

>> I DON'T FEEL LIKE BRUSHING MY

TEETH.

>> YOU ALWAYS BRUSH YOUR TEETH.

>> WELL, NOT TONIGHT.

>> BUT YOU NEVER MISS.

YOU USE YOUR ELECTRIC

TOOTHBRUSH.

YOU SAID YOUR DAD HAD GUM

DISEASE.

YOU WANT TO BE SAFE.

>> GOOD NIGHT.

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]

>> [ SIGHS ] IT'S 3:00.

>> OH, MY GOD!

THE NURSING HOME -- MY MOTHER!

HELLO?

>> HE DIDN'T CALL ME.

>> UH...I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> IS IT THE NURSING HOME?

>> NO.

IT'S 3:00 IN THE MORNING.

>> HE DIDN'T CALL.

AND YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO CALL ME

AFTER YOU TOLD YOUR HUSBAND YOU

WERE HAVING AN AFFAIR.

>> WELL, I HAVEN'T TOLD HIM YET.

>> WHY NOT?

>> BECAUSE I GOT SLEEPY.

>> HOW CAN YOU SLEEP WHEN YOU

DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE GONNA BE

MARRIED TOMORROW OR NOT?

>> WELL, MAYBE NOW IT WON'T BE

SO EASY.

>> WHY DO YOU THINK HE DIDN'T

CALL?

>> UH, M-MAYBE HIS WIFE FORGOT

TO BRUSH HER TEETH.

>> OH, NO. OH, NO, NO.

SHE ALWAYS BRUSHES HER TEETH.

SHE'S GOT, LIKE, THIS OBSESSIVE

THING ABOUT HER GUMS.

PAUL THINKS IT'S STUPID, BUT

HE'S AFRAID TO TELL HER 'CAUSE

HE THINKS SHE WILL MAKE HIM

LISTEN TO MORE GROSS STORIES

ABOUT HER DAD'S TEETH FALLING

OUT.

[ LAUGHS ]

NO WONDER HE DOESN'T LOVE HER

ANYMORE, RIGHT?

WHO WOULD WANT TO LIVE WITH

SOMEONE LIKE THAT?

HELLO?

HELLO?

MADE-- MADELYN?

>> WHO WAS THAT?

WHO WAS IT?

>> THAT WAS A MAN -- A MAN I AM

SEEING, A MAN WHO'S SO CRAZY

ABOUT ME, HE CALLS ME IN THE

MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, A MAN WHO

LOVES EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT

ME!

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> HEY!

HEY, I MADE BREAKFAST...

YOUR FAVORITES -- FRENCH TOAST,

COFFEE, ORANGE JUICE.

>> I THINK I'LL JUST GO STRAIGHT

TO THE OFFICE.

>> OH. OKAY.

I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT, THEN,

RIGHT?

HEY, WE SHOULD, UH, GO FOR

DINNER.

WE HAVEN'T DONE THAT IN A WHILE.

[ SIGHS ]

JUST TELL ME WHO HE IS!

[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]

[ CHILDREN SHOUTING IN

DISTANCE ]

>> [ COUGHS ]

>> FRENCH TOAST.

[ Laughing ] OH, MY GOD!

OH, YOU'RE HIS FIRST CHOICE.

I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU.

I REALLY HOPE THIS PLAN WORKS

OUT FOR ME, TOO.

>> I WANTED TO BE HIS ONLY

CHOICE.

>> OH, YEAH.

WELL, I WANT TO BE THE ONLY

CHOICE, TOO, BUT, YOU KNOW,

MAYBE THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN -- THE

WHOLE SOUL-MATE THING.

>> I DON'T NEED A SOUL MATE.

BUT IF THERE'S GOING TO BE A

SECOND, AT LEAST LET IT BE A

DISTANT SECOND -- YOU KNOW,

"DISTANT ENOUGH THAT YOU DON'T

HAVE SEX WITH" SECOND.

OKAY.

MAYBE A...A DRUNKEN KISS AT THE

CHRISTMAS PARTY.

BUT THAT MY LIMIT.

AND NOW I'M SUPPOSED TO STAY

MARRIED TO A MAN WHO HAS A

REALLY CLOSE SECOND AND HAS

SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT HE WANTS

ME BECAUSE HE'S JEALOUS OF

A-AN IMAGINARY SOMEBODY.

IT'S A FAKE FUCK!

IT JUST SEEMS LIKE A REALLY PUNY

LIFE.

>> MM.

WELL, MAYBE HE WAS LONELY OR

BUSY WITH WORK, AND SHE WAS

RIGHT THERE SAYING, "HEY, BIG

BOY.

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU NEED A HUG."

WE'RE ALL HUMAN.

>> BUT TO RISK...EVERYTHING

FOR --

>> A SLUT.

>> MM-HMM.

>> IT'S HARD. I KNOW.

>> [ SIGHS ]

YOU KNOW, WHEN WE RETIRE, WE

WERE GOING TO MOVE TO ASIA...

FOR A LITTLE BIT, FOR A YEAR.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE THAT IS --

ASIA?

WE'VE BEEN SAVING AND SAVING FOR

IT.

[ SIGHS ]

WE EVEN TALKED ABOUT MOVING TO

THE SOUTH OF FRANCE.

DO YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU LIVE,

UM, MORE THAN COMMUTING DISTANCE

TO PARIS, IT DOESN'T COST ANY

MORE THAN LIVING HERE?

>> BUT YOU'RE WAY TOO YOUNG TO

THINK ABOUT RETIREMENT.

>> RETIREMENT IS WHAT PEOPLE

LIKE US LOOK FORWARD TO.

RETIREMENT IS, YOU KNOW, WHEN

YOU FINALLY GET TO DO WHAT MAKES

YOU HAPPY.

OUR GOAL IS TO RETIRE AS SOON AS

HUMANLY POSSIBLE.

AND NOW I WON'T EVEN BE ABLE TO

HAVE MY HOME.

I WILL GROW OLD ALONE.

YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE ACCORDING TO

CERTAIN IDEAS AND EXPECTATIONS.

AND THEN SUDDENLY -- FFT! --

IT'S GONE.

>> BUT WHY NOT FORGIVE HIM?

HE WAS WILLING TO FORGIVE YOUR

AFFAIR.

YOU'D BE EVEN.

>> I DIDN'T HAVE AN AFFAIR.

>> WELL, YEAH, BUT THAT'S SO

EASY TO FIX.

IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S HARD TO FIND

A MAN WHO WANTS TO FUCK.

>> I DON'T WANT TO FUCK ANOTHER

MAN.

>> BUT IT WOULD FIX EVERYTHING.

AND SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO THINK

OUTSIDE THE BOX.

>> OH, UH, I-I'VE GOT TO GET TO

WORK.

>> BUT W-WE HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT

ME YET.

PAUL HASN'T CALLED.

SHOULD I CALL HIM?

>> NO.

DEFINITELY DO NOT CALL HIM.

>> I WAS AFRAID YOU'D SAY THAT.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN HIM AN

ULTIMATUM.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

BEING A SECOND CHOICE IS NOT

THAT BAD, AND GRADUALLY YOU CAN

WORK YOUR WAY UP CLOSER AND

CLOSER TO THE FIRST CHOICE UNTIL

MAYBE, ONE DAY, YOU GET TO BE

HER.

WHAT IF HE'S DEAD?

THAT'S THE WORST THING OF BEING

THE OTHER WOMAN.

WE NEVER KNOW WHEN THEY'RE DEAD.

WHO'S GONNA SEND US AN

INVITATION TO THE FUNERAL?

OH, MY GOD.

DO YOU THINK HE'S DEAD?

>> MEN WHO DON'T CALL ARE NEVER

DEAD.

>> OKAY.

>> AND YOU HAVE TO GET ON WITH

YOUR LIFE.

YOU CAN'T KEEP WAITING FOR HIM

TO CALL.

>> HE IS MY LIFE.

>> WHAT ABOUT YOUR CAREER?

>> WELL, THAT'S A BIG WORD FOR A

TV COMMERCIAL AND A WALK-ON IN A

FRINGE FESTIVAL PLAY.

>> OH, MY GOD. CAREER.

I'M SO LATE!

>> OKAY, BUT WHAT DO I -- WHAT

DO I DO TODAY?

>> I WANT YOU TO, UM, TO

THINK -- RIGHT? THINK? --

ABOUT, MM...

MM! -- HOW TO MAKE YOUR CAREER

SOMETHING THAT IS MORE THAN JUST

IMAGINARY.

>> OKAY! OKAY, I CAN DO -- OKAY.

AND WHAT ELSE?

>> I'LL CALL YOU.

>> WHEN?

>> SOON.

>> SOON. OKAY!

[ BELLS CHIME ]

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

[ BELL CHIMES ]

>> HI.

>> THEY'RE ALL WAITING.

>> Shit.

THIS...THIS --

THIS -- PUT IN MY OFFICE.

>> YES.

[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]

>> HERE SHE IS.

We had to start without you.

You know I hate talking to these

people.

>> HI, HI, HI.

I'M MADELYN REED.

UM, HERE AT JAMESON RESEARCH, WE

CONDUCT RESEARCH ON, UH,

EVERYTHING FROM THE, UH, LATEST

ECONOMIC TRENDS TO MARKETING

STRATEGIES TO -- AND THIS IS

WHERE YOU COME IN -- INDIVIDUAL

PURCHASING DECISIONS.

OKAY.

SO...MY COLLEAGUE KEITH HERE...

>> HI.

>> HELLO.

>> HI.

>> ...IS GOING TO SHOW YOU SOME,

UH, COVERS FOR THE LATEST

COOKBOOK -- "SMART HEART MEALS

FOR THE HAPPY FAMILY."

OKAY, LET'S START OFF WITH SOME

GENERAL QUESTIONS.

UH...MAGGIE, IS THIS THE KIND OF

COOKBOOK YOU WOULD BUY?

>> YES.

I WOULD DEFINITELY BUY IT.

>> I LOVE THEIR KITCHEN.

>> THEIR KITCHEN -- GOOD.

>> KIT-CHEN.

UH, HOW ABOUT YOU, TYLER?

>> I THINK IT COULD BE A GOOD

BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR MY MOM.

MY DAD'S HAD HEART PROBLEMS.

>> AW.

UH, WHAT ABOUT YOU, SAM?

>> I DON'T LIKE THE WIFE.

>> WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE

WIFE, SARAH?

>> I LOVE HER EARRINGS.

>> EARRINGS.

>> I JUST DON'T THINK SHE'S VERY

HOT.

>> WELL, SHE'S MAKING LUNCH FOR

HER HUSBAND, SO HOW HOT WOULD

SHE BE?

UH, ANOTHER OPINION. CARLA.

>> SHE'S SMILING, BUT I DON'T

THINK SHE LOOKS HAPPY.

>> WELL, AGAIN, MAKING LUNCH FOR

THE HUSBAND, OKAY?

SO WHAT DO WE THINK ABOUT THE

HUSBAND?

>> HE'S KIND OF CUTE.

>> YEAH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> CUTE -- WELL, IT'S EASY TO BE

CUTE WHEN YOU'RE THE ONE BEING

WAITED ON HAND AND FOOT.

BUT WHAT DOES SHE HAVE TO DO TO

GET HIM TO MAKE LUNCH FOR HER,

HUH?

SLEEP WITH THE MAILMAN?

>> [ CLEARS THROAT ]

M-MADELYN?

>> CAN WE GET ANOTHER OPINION?

LINDY.

>> I LIKE HIS SMILE.

>> REALLY?

>> MM-HMM.

>> WELL, I THINK THAT HE LOOKS

JUST A LITTLE BIT SMUG.

SEE HERE IN THE SECOND ONE?

RIGHT THERE?

>> I DON'T KNOW --

>> NO. LOOK, LOOK, LOOK. LOOK.

DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT HE

APPRECIATES HER?

HERE SHE'S GONE TO ALL THE

TROUBLE TO MAKE HIM THIS REALLY

LIFESAVING MEAL, AND HE'S

PROBABLY SITTING THERE LIKE SAM

OVER HERE, THINKING, YOU KNOW,

"OH, WAIT.

SHE'S NOT HOT ANYMORE.

AND IF I'M GONNA STAY ALIVE,

WHAT I NEED TO DO IS SHTUP THAT

BIMBO."

>> WHAT BIMBO?

>> I DON'T SEE A BIMBO.

>> THERE'S ALWAYS A BIMBO.

AND EVEN IF YOU GET OVER THE

FIRST BIMBO, THERE'S GONNA BE

ANOTHER BIMBO, BECAUSE, YOU

KNOW, IT'S NOT LIKE PEOPLE FALL

FOR THE BIMBO BECAUSE OF THE

UNIQUENESS OF THE BIMBO.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT THE

BIMBO WILL LAST FOREVER, BECAUSE

THE ILLUSION OF IMMORTALITY IS

NOT THE SAME AS IMMORTALITY

ITSELF!

OKAY?

MR. SMUG FACE OVER THERE CAN

FUCK ALL THE BIMBOS HE CAN GET,

AND AT THE END OF THE DAY, HE

WILL STILL END UP ALONE.

IF YOU THINK THAT ONCE THE

BIMBOS GO TO WHEREVER IT IS THAT

BIMBOS GO, THAT YOU CAN CRAWL

BACK TO THAT WONDERFUL,

WONDERFUL WIFE WHO HAS MADE YOU

ALL THOSE BEAUTIFUL LUNCHES,

THEN YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THING

COMING, YOU BASTARD!

>> UH, MADELYN.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

MADELYN, ARE YOU -- ARE YOU ALL

RIGHT?

WHAT IF WE GO TO MY OFFICE?

>> EXCUSE ME.

I'M JUST GONNA GO GET SOMETHING

I LEFT IN MY COAT POCKET.

>> [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]

NERVOUS TODAY.

UH, MADELYN?

>> I KNOW HOW TO OPEN THE DOOR!

>> THIS IS MOST UNEXPECTED, BUT

DON'T MOVE.

UH, WE'LL BE SERVING COFFEE.

BIMBO.

[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]

UH, JUST A MINUTE.

WHAT'S WRONG?

>> NOTHING.

I JUST -- I GOT THIRSTY.

>> YOU'RE OUR MOST RELIABLE

EMPLOYEE.

>> DON'T CALL ME RELIABLE!

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

RELIABLE IS GOOD!

>> I USED TO THINK SO, BUT I'M

NOT SO SURE ANYMORE.

OKAY, I KNOW I SHOULDN'T DRINK,

BUT LIFE FEELS SO PAINFUL DRUNK

THAT I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT

IT FEELS LIKE SOBER.

>> THESE JUST CAME FOR YOU.

AREN'T YOU LUCKY?

>> PRETTY SECRETARY.

THEY'RE ALWAYS SO PRETTY.

AH.

"TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. PAUL."

>> IS IT YOUR ANNIVERSARY?

>> NOPE.

>> OH, MY GOD.

HE WAS UNFAITHFUL WITH SOME

BIMBO.

>> [ Voice breaking ] YES.

OH, MY GOD. YES.

I'M BEING TRADED IN LIKE AN OLD

CAR.

[ SIGHS ]

OH, IT IS SO GOOD TO FINALLY

HAVE SOMEONE SANE TO TALK ABOUT

THIS WITH.

>> THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY

LIFE.

>> SURELY NOT.

I'VE KNOWN THAT THESE ARE BAD

TIMES, KEITH, BUT I'VE NEVER

THOUGHT OF YOU AS A CRUEL MAN.

>> I HAVE SOMETHING TO CONFESS.

>> WELL, CAN IT WAIT FOR AN EVEN

MORE WONDERFUL DAY?

[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]

OH, SHIT. MY PHONE'S RINGING.

THIS IS NOT SOON!

>> WAS THAT PAUL?

>> NO.

IT'S JUST SOMEONE THAT I-I MADE

A REALLY STRANGE CONTRACT WITH.

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ GULPS ]

IT'S COMPLICATED.

IT'S REALLY COMPLICATED.

>> OH, MADELYN.

[ SIGHS ]

I'VE WANTED TO SAY THIS SINCE

THE FIRST DAY YOU WALKED INTO

THE OFFICE, LOOKING FOR A JOB.

THE MOMENT I SAW YOU ALL DECKED

OUT IN YOUR GRAY SUIT AND BLACK

PUMPS, I KNEW IT!

I LOVE YOU.

>> YOU LOVE ME?

>> WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL.

>> YOU LOVE ME?

[ CHAIR SQUEAKS ]

OOH!

OH.

WELL, I MEAN, I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN

THAT, UH, UH, YOU LIKE CHATTING

WITH ME, BUT I NEVER KNEW THAT

YOU LOVED ME.

[ CHUCKLES ]

THERE'S SO MANY THINGS ABOUT MY

LIFE I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT ELSE DON'T I KNOW?

MAYBE I HAVE SECRET SUPERPOWERS.

>> LET'S SEIZE THE MOMENT!

>> W-WHAT -- WHAT MOMENT

EXACTLY?

THEY GO BY SO QUICKLY.

>> OH, MADELYN, JUST SAY THE

WORD.

>> WHAT WORD WOULD THAT BE?

>> SAY YES!

>> BUT TO WHAT, EXACTLY?

>> TO ME.

>> BUT --

>> NO, NO, NO, NO. NO BUTS.

>> BUT -- BUT -- BUT YOU'RE

MARRIED!

>> MADELYN, ONE WORD FROM YOU

AND LYDIA'S GONE -- HISTORY.

>> OH, LOOK. MY BOTTLE'S EMPTY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I'M JUST GONNA TAKE A-A...

A MENTAL-HEALTH DAY.

YOU KNOW, SELDOM MORE DESERVED,

BUT UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES, A

HIGHLY UNACHIEVABLE GOAL.

>> YOU...

YOU WILL AT LEAST THINK ABOUT

IT, WILL YOU?

>> HONESTLY, I'LL DO MY VERY

BEST NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT, BUT

I'LL P-P-PROBABLY FAIL.

SO THIS IS THE BEST THAT I CAN

DO.

[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]

>> YES!

>> IF THIS MAN YOU'RE SEEING --

>> PAUL.

I LOVE TO SAY HIS NAME.

PAUL.

>> YES, IF THIS PAUL AND HIS

WIFE DECIDED THAT STARTING A

WHOLE NEW LIFE WITH WHOLE NEW

PEOPLE WAS JUST TOO EXHAUSTING,

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

>> I'D KILL MYSELF.

>> BUT WOULDN'T YOU THINK, "WOW!

A WHOLE NEW START"?

>> UH, NO, I'D KILL MYSELF.

>> OKAY.

HOW DID THAT THINKING ON YOUR

CAREER GO?

>> WELL, I LOOKED AT THE LIST

FOR THIS WEEK'S AUDITIONS, EVEN

FOR PARTS THAT DON'T PAY, AND

THERE'S NOTHING.

>> OH. OKAY.

WELL, UH, LET ME LOOK AT IT.

HERE.

>> YOU'RE SO NICE.

I THOUGHT YOU'D FORGOTTEN ALL

ABOUT MY PROBLEMS, A-AND YOU'VE

BEEN THINKING SO MUCH ABOUT ME.

THANK YOU.

>> UM, OKAY.

LET ME SEE HERE.

GET OUT THE OLD, UH...

[ CHUCKLES ]

OKAY. YOU DON'T NEED THESE.

OKAY.

AHA.

GANG MEMBER...

CARJACKER, HIT MAN, HOOKER...

AHA! SHAKESPEARE.

HA! WHAT COULD BE BETTER?

>> A TV COMMERCIAL?

>> AH, BUT A PLAY!

>> IT'S LONG!

AND -- AND COMMERCIALS YOU DON'T

HAVE TO LEARN SO MANY LINES, AND

I CAN USE MY SPECIALITY.

>> YOUR SPECIALITY?

>> WANT TO SEE?

>> OH, YEAH.

>> [ CLEARS THROAT ]

SEE, I TURN AWAY AND THEN LOOK

BACK AND GIVE A LITTLE SMILE.

IT USED TO HAVE A WINK IN IT,

TOO, BUT THIS DIRECTOR TOLD ME

IT WAS TOO MUCH.

J-JUST TELL ME WHICH ONE YOU

PREFER.

I'LL SHOW YOU.

NO WINK.

WINK.

>> BUT YOU CAN DO MORE THAN

THAT.

>> NOT THAT MUCH, NO.

I FLUNKED DANCE CLASSES, AND...

>> YOU FLUNKED DANCE CLASSES.

OKAY. OKAY.

WELL, UM, UH, YOU JUST HAVE TO

KEEP TRYING.

[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]

WE CAN ALL DO MORE.

NO, THAT'S WHAT WE DO.

WE -- WE WORK HARD, WE GET

BETTER, THEN WE ANALYZE OUR

MISTAKES, WE WORK HARD AGAIN,

AND WE GET EVEN BETTER.

THAT'S LIFE!

AND THEN SOMEBODY PULLS THE RUG

OUT FROM UNDER US AND WE WISH WE

WERE DEAD, BUT LET'S NOT THINK

ABOUT THAT.

OKAY.

THE RELEVANT POINT IS THAT IF

YOU WERE IN A PLAY RIGHT NOW,

YOU WOULD NOT BE PINING OVER --

>> PAUL.

>> OH, LOOK.

AUDITIONS AT 7:00 TONIGHT.

MAYBE YOU'LL BE DISCOVERED.

MAYBE YOU'LL MOVE TO CALIFORNIA.

>> THEY'LL LAUGH AT ME.

>> YOU'RE JUST NERVOUS.

>> I HATE AUDITIONS.

JUST SITTING THERE ALL ALONE,

WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO CALL YOUR

NAME, AND THEN THEY JUST SAY,

"STOP! STOP!"

AND WHAT IF PAUL COMES AND I'M

NOT HOME?

>> YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT I SAY.

REMEMBER, I DID WHAT YOU SAID.

I ASKED MY HUSBAND IF HE LOVED

ME, AND THEN I TOLD HIM I WAS

SLEEPING WITH AN IMAGINARY MAN.

GOING TO AN AUDITION IS A LOT

LESS THAN THAT.

>> I'LL GO IF YOU COME WITH ME.

>> NOPE. NOPE.

THAT IS NOT PART OF --

[ GASPS ] WAIT A MINUTE.

THAT IS ACTUALLY A GREAT IDEA,

BECAUSE IF I GO AND I SEE THAT

THEY DO LAUGH AT YOU...

>> YEAH.

>> ...WE CAN START LOOKING AT

ALTERNATE CAREER OPTIONS.

BECAUSE YOU DO NOT NEED TO SPEND

THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WAITING

FOR A MAN TO CALL.

[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]

OH, EXCUSE ME.

>> IS THAT FRED?

>> NO. KEITH.

HE'S A CO-WORKER WHO JUST TOLD

ME THAT HE'S IN LOVE WITH ME.

>> [ Laughing ] OH, MY GOD.

SEE? I TOLD YOU.

IT'S SO EASY TO FIND SOMEONE TO

FUCK, AND HE LOVES YOU, SO IT'S

GREAT!

YOU JUST -- YOU JUST FUCK THIS,

UH, KEITH, AND THEN YOU AND YOUR

HUSBAND WILL BE EVEN FOR REAL.

>> [ Voice breaking ] YOU CAN'T

MAKE ME FUCK HIM!

THAT'S JUST TOO MUCH OF A PACT.

>> OH, PLEASE DON'T BE SAD.

WE'LL FIND SOMEONE FOR YOU TO

FUCK THAT YOU LIKE.

MAYBE WE'LL MEET SOMEONE SPECIAL

AT THE AUDITION.

>> "DOWN FROM THE WAIST, THEY

ARE CENTAURS, THOUGH WOMAN ALL

ABOVE."

>> DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.

>> "BUT TO THE GIRDLE DO THE

GODS INHERIT, BENEATH ALL ARE

FIENDS' -- THERE'S HELL, THERE'S

SULFUROUS, THERE'S THE PIT

BURNING, SCALDING, STENCH,

CONSUMPTION!

FIE! FIE!"

[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]

>> PHONES OFF!

JUST PICK IT UP ANYWHERE.

ANYWHERE AT ALL.

>> SORRY.

[ SIGHS ]

KEITH, CAN'T TALK.

>> "SAY 'AYE' AND 'NO' TO

EVERY THING I SAID!"

>> WHY DO WE NEED A BREAKFAST

MEETING?

WE CAN COVER THAT CAMPAIGN AT

THE OFFICE.

NO, WE DON'T NEED ALONE TIME,

KEITH.

>> "WHEN THE RAIN CAME..."

>> COULD WE HAVE SILENCE,

PLEASE?

>> Sorry.

Goodbye. Don't call back.

>> "...THE WIND TO MAKE ME

CHATTER...

[ CLICKING TEETH ]

[ CELLPHONE CLATTERS ]

>> ...AND THE THUNDER WOULD NOT

PEACE AT MY BIDDING.

THERE..."

>> I'M JUST GONNA PUT IT ON

VIBRATE, OKAY?

>> YEAH.

>> "THERE, I SMELT THEM OUT.

[ SNIFFING ]

>> NEXT!

>> "WHAT SHALL CORDELIA DO?

LOVE AND BE SILENT.

OOP!

THEN POOR CORDELIA!

AND YET NOT SO, SINCE I AM SURE

THAT MY LOVE IS MORE RICHER THAN

MY MOUTH.

NOTHING."

>> [ SLURPS ]

>> "NOTHING?"

[ FOOTSTEPS ]

"NOTHING, MY LORD."

[ FOOTSTEPS ]

"NOTHING SHALL COME OF

NOTHING -- SPEAK AGAIN!"

>> THEY ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN

ME.

>> "UNHAPPY THAT I AM, I CANNOT

HEAVE MY HEART INTO MY MOUTH."

>> YOU CAN'T BE AS BAD AS THAT.

>> YOU REALLY THINK SO?

SURE.

SOME PEOPLE ARE BORN WITH

MORE, YOU KNOW, TALENT, BUT IT'S

NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.

IT'S JUST PRETENDING.

YOU'RE PRETTY.

AND YOU'RE...

PRETTY.

UH...ANY NO-TALENT IDIOT THAT

WORKS HARD IS BOUND TO BE BETTER

THAN THAT.

>> WOW.

IF MY FAMILY HAD GIVEN ME THAT

KIND OF ENCOURAGEMENT, MY WHOLE

LIFE WOULD BE DIFFERENT.

>> "THOSE DUTIES BACK AS I -- AS

ARE FIT, OBEY YOU, LOVE YOU..."

>> I'D BE THE ONE SLEEPING NEXT

TO BRAD PITT RIGHT NOW.

>> "WHY HAVE MY SISTERS

HUSBANDS, IF THEY SAY THEY LOVE

YOU ALL?"

UM, "HAPLY, WHEN I SHALL WED...

[ CELLPHONE VIBRATING ]

...THAT LORD WHOSE HAND..."

>> WHAT?

KEITH, WHAT? WHAT?

NO. NO.

IT'S NOT GREAT NEWS THAT MY

HUSBAND IS IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER

WOMAN.

NO, I DON'T THINK THAT'S HOW GOD

ANSWERS PRAYERS.

>> I MUST HAVE SILENCE!

>> I'm sorry.

>> "SO YOUNG."

>> [ Sighing ] Oh, my God.

>> "SO YOUNG AND SO UNTENDER?"

>> THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

THAT WILL BE ALL. THANKS.

>> "SO YOUNG, MY LORD --"

>> STOP. STOP!

NEXT.

[ DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE ]

>> "WHERE AM I?

FAIR DAYLIGHT?

I AM MIGHTILY ABUSED."

>> WHAT'S THIS PLAY ABOUT

ANYWAY?

>> "I SHOULD EVEN DIE WITH PITY,

TO SEE ANOTHER THUS.

[ CELLPHONE VIBRATING ]

I WILL NOT SWEAR THESE ON MY

HANDS."

>> OH, IT'S MY HUSBAND.

>> LET ME TALK TO HIM.

>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

>> LET ME TALK TO HIM.

>> WHY?

>> I'LL TELL HIM WHAT A

BASTARD HE IS FOR CHEATING ON A

SAINT LIKE YOU.

GIVE ME THE PHONE.

>> NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

HEY, I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW.

UH, NO.

NO, NOT BECAUSE I'M IN BED WITH

SOMEONE.

>> NOT YET.

>> I KNOW I'M NOT AT HOME.

SO WHAT?

YOU GO OUT ALL THE TIME.

WHY CAN'T I GO OUT SOMETIMES?

>> "NOT AN HOUR MORE..."

>> UH, NO.

I DID NOT AGREE TO HAVE DINNER

WITH YOU.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

YOU SAID, "LET'S HAVE DINNER."

AND I SAID, UH -- I DON'T KNOW

WHAT I SAID, BUT IT WASN'T

"YES."

I AM NOT WITH MY LOVER.

NO, I'M DEFINITELY NOT NAKED!

YOU CANNOT TELL BY MY VOICE THAT

I'M NAKED.

OKAY. WHY SHOULD I?

YOU DON'T TELL ME EVERYWHERE

YOU GO.

WHY SHOULD I TELL YOU WHERE I

GO?

NO, PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT YOU

LOVE ME!

BECAUSE!

[ DOOR SLAMS ]

[ Voice breaking ] I DON'T

BELIEVE YOU ANYMORE, AND I AM SO

SICK OF YOUR LIES!

No. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

I like your lies.

Bring on the lies.

WHAT?

BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW THAT LIFE

WAS THIS SHITTY LITTLE NASTY

THING, AND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!

SO JUST SPOON ME FULL OF ICE

CREAM AND TELL ME...THAT LOVE

LASTS FOREVER...

[ SNIFFLES ]

...AND THAT ALL DREAMS COME

TRUE.

OH, YEAH. SURE.

JUST LIKE MY MOM. UH-HUH.

HELLO, DEMENTIA.

I'M OVER HERE.

WHAT?

NO. NO.

DON'T...

SHUT UP!

JUST SHUT UP!

I AM NOT THE LOVE OF ANYONE'S

LIFE, AND THIS IS NOT ABOUT WHO

I'M FUCKING!

>> YOU'RE HIRED!

THE AUDACITY OF IT!

JUST BURSTING INTO CHARACTER!

I HADN'T EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT A

WOMAN PLAYING LEAR.

>> I'M SORRY, BUT I --

>> SHE WANTS TOP BILLING.

>> AND THE WHOLE BUSINESSPERSON

LOOK -- I LIKE IT.

>> SHE GETS TO KEEP THE

WARDROBE.

THAT'S A DEAL-BREAKER.

>> THE CORPORATE EMPIRE IS

COLLAPSING.

LEAR IS REDUCED TO BEGGING ON

WALL STREET.

THE MADNESS OF CAPITALISM!

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> YOU DON'T UNDERS--

>> SHE LOVES YOUR IDEAS!

YOU HAVE TO SUCK UP TO THE

DIRECTOR.

>> YOU'RE YOUNG FOR THE PART,

BUT THAT'S BEEN DONE BEFORE.

LAURENCE OLIVIER PLAYED IT AT

39, GIELGUD AT 26, AND PEOPLE

HAD THEIR CHILDREN MUCH YOUNGER

IN SHAKESPEARE'S DAY.

SO, SO, SO, SO...SHOULD THEY

STILL BE DAUGHTERS OR SONS?

AND WHO SHOULD PLAY THE FOOL?

>> Speciality.

>> THANK YOU! YES!

[ Laughing ] YES.

AND, OF COURSE, I WANT TO THANK

GOD.

THANK YOU.

[ Laughing ] I HAVE A PART IN A

PLAY!

[ GASPS ]

SHAKESPEARE!

[ GASPS ]

THE FOOL HAS LOTS OF LINES?

>> YOU'RE GONNA BE NICE AND

BUSY.

>> I WANT TO PLAY WITH MY NEW

BEST FRIEND.

YOU CAN'T QUIT.

AND YOU HAVE TO DO WHATEVER I

SAY.

>> I THOUGHT THAT...

MAINLY IT WAS GONNA BE ME

TELLING YOU WHAT TO DO.

I'M OLDER. I'M WISER.

I'M...BETTER EQUIPPED TO HAVE

INFORMATION, AND, UH, IN THIS

CASE, I'M A BIG BITCHER -- PIG

BICTURE.

BIG...KIND OF PERSON.

>> BUT YOU WERE SO RIGHT.

I HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT PAUL...

FOR THE LAST 20 MINUTES.

I HAVEN'T GONE 20 MINUTES

WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT HIM SINCE

THE FIRST TIME HE KISSED ME.

DO YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT OUR

FIRST KISS?

IT WAS LIKE THE BEST FIRST KISS

EVER.

>> MAYBE ANOTHER TIME.

>> OKAY.

UM...I REALLY, REALLY WANT TO

KISS HIM RIGHT NOW.

DO YOU REALLY THINK I SHOULD NOT

CALL HIM?

>> I'M SURE.

ABSOLUTELY.

START THINKING ABOUT THE PLAY,

LEARNING ALL THE LINES.

>> WELL, MAYBE TONIGHT WHEN THE

WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST IS

BRUSHING HER YUCKY TEETH, HE

WILL CALL ME.

>> IT JUST SEEMS SO STRANGE.

YOU'VE ALWAYS BRUSHED YOUR TEETH

BEFORE BED.

>> CAN'T WE JUST GO TO SLEEP?

>> IS...

HIS PENIS BIGGER THAN MINE?

>> NO, NO.

IT'S AN AMAZING COINCIDENCE.

THEY'RE EXACTLY THE SAME SIZE.

>> YOU'VE MEASURED THEM?

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]

WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU

WERE DOING LAST NIGHT?

>> YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE ME IF I

TOLD YOU.

OH, I'LL BE HOME LATE, AGAIN,

TONIGHT.

>> [ SIGHS ]

WHO IS HE?!

[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]

[ SIGHS ]

IT'S THE OFFICE.

I BETTER TAKE IT.

WELL, YOU'RE HEADING OUT.

WE'LL TALK LATER.

>> OH, NO.

I'LL WAIT FOR YOU TO FINISH YOUR

CALL.

>> YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT.

>> I DON'T MIND.

GO AHEAD -- TAKE IT.

[ RINGING CONTINUES ]

>> WHERE'D I LEAVE THE NOTES ON

THAT AUDIT?

I THINK THEY'RE UPSTAIRS.

[ SIGHS ]

THIS IS PAUL.

[ FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING ]

[ FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING ]

>> UH, DAMN IT.

I GOT TO WORK LATE TONIGHT.

[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]

>> YEAH?

I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

>> WHO WAS THAT?

>> WE NEED TO TALK.

>> [ SIGHS ] NO.

[ GROANS ]

I'M NOT HAVING THE TALK, OKAY?

YOU'RE NOT TELLING ME YOU'RE

LEAVING ME FOR ANOTHER MAN.

>> SIT -- SIT DOWN.

>> [ SIGHS ]

>> I CAN'T KEEP THIS UP.

SO...THERE IS NO OTHER MAN.

>> RIGHT.

WELL, THEN WHO KEEPS CALLING

YOU, THEN?

>> [ STAMMERS ]

JUST A...FRIEND.

>> JUST A FRIEND. OKAY.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? HUH?

THAT YOU'VE SEEN HIM BUT YOU

HAVEN'T HAD SEX YET?

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> MADELYN.

HOW FAR HAVE YOU GONE?

AND WHERE DID YOU DO IT? HUH?

HERE?

UPSTAI-- IN OUR HOME?

IN OUR BED?

>> WHY DOES THE THOUGHT OF

SOMEONE ELSE WANTING ME SUDDENLY

MAKE ME IRRESISTIBLE?

I SHOULD GO.

>> WELL, WHAT'S YOUR HURRY? HUH?

IS HE SOMEBODY YOU WORK WITH?

>> I WOULD LIKE TO THINK THAT IF

I WERE HAVING AN AFFAIR, IT

WOULD BE WITH SOMEONE MORE

INTERESTING THAN THE MEN WITH

WHOM I WORK.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

>> SO HELP ME GOD, IF THAT'S

HIM, I'LL KILL HIM.

>> IT CAN'T BE HIM.

HE DOESN'T EXIST!

[ DOOR OPENS ]

>> OH, FUCK!

I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE SPENT MORE

ON THE FLOWERS.

>> IT WAS SO UNEXPECTED.

[ CHUCKLES ]

THE PHONE JUST RANG, AND IT WAS

PAUL.

I WOULD HAVE CALLED YOU TO SEE

IF I SHOULD SEE HIM OR NOT, BUT

HE WAS IN SUCH A HURRY, AND

REALLY, I MEAN, I HAVE TO SEE

HIM AGAIN SOMEDAY, RIGHT?

IT'S NOT LIKE OUR PATHS WILL

NEVER CROSS AGAIN AND WE COULD

BE REALLY OLD AND, "OH, MY GOD.

YOU WERE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE."

SO, HE'S COMING OVER HERE

TONIGHT.

IS IT OKAY IF I HAVE SEX WITH

HIM?

>> [ CLICKS TONGUE ]

IF HE CALLED YOU, SURE.

>> YEAH. OKAY.

>> BUT IF YOU CALLED HIM -- I

KNOW YOU DIDN'T, BUT IF YOU HAD,

UM, THAT WOULD BE DIFFERENT.

>> IT WOULD?

>> MM-HMM. MM-HMM.

MM-HMM.

MM-HMM.

YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO BE A

HOME WRECKER, WOULD YOU, LUCY?

OKAY, SEE YOU AT REHEARSAL

TONIGHT -- IF YOU'RE NOT TOO

BUSY.

[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

>> IS THIS...

I'M CONFUSED.

OH, MY GOD.

YELLOW ROSES?

HIS FAVORITE?

MY GOD.

I KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP.

THIS MORNING HE WAS SINGING.

HE ONLY SINGS WHEN HE'S HAPPY.

I WENT ONLINE TO CHECK THE

CREDIT CARD -- A FLORIST -- BUT

I HAD NO IDEA.

MY HUSBAND IS GAY?!

OH.

IN MY HEART, I KNEW IT.

I KNEW IT THE FIRST TIME WE HAD

SEX.

>> WAIT.

YOUR HUSBAND IS THE ONE WHO

SENT MY WIFE FLOWERS?

>> YOU HAVE A WIFE?

HE ISN'T GAY?

OH.

WELL, WHO IS SHE?

MADELYN REED.

>> RINGS A BELL, BUT JUST A

TINKLE.

DO YOU HAVE A PHOTO?

>> YEAH.

>> THA MADELYN?!

MY HUSBAND IS KEITH HALBERTSON.

>> I KNEW IT WAS A CO-WORKER.

>> DON'T TELL HER YOU KNOW.

SHE'LL JUST DENY IT.

AND WE NEED PROOF SO THAT WE CAN

SOAK THEM IN THE DIVORCE.

WAIT.

WELL...WHAT DO WE KNOW?

DO YOU THINK THEY'VE SLEPT

TOGETHER YET, OR...DID WE CATCH

THEM IN TIME?

>> HE...HE CALLS HER IN THE

MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

>> OH, SHIT!

JUST SHIT, SHIT, SHIT.

>> I DON'T MEAN TO BE RUDE, BUT

I WAS JUST HEADING OUT.

>> HOW CAN THEY DO THIS TO US?

DON'T THEY KNOW HOW MUCH THEY'RE

HURTING US?

HAVE THEY NO MORALS?

TO PERFORM SUCH AN ACT OF

CRUELTY, OF...SELFISHNESS, OF

LUST -- A SIN AGAINST GOOD

PEOPLE WHO PROMISED "FOR BETTER

OF WORSE, TILL DEATH DO YOU

PART," WHO'D LOOK AFTER THEM IF

THEY HAD CANCER OR THEY WENT

BLIND OR -- OR WHO WOULD GIVE

THEM A KIDNEY.

WHAT KIND OF SCUM WOULD DO

THAT -- SNEAK AROUND, LIE, HAVE

SEX FOR KICKS JUST 'CAUSE THEY

WERE BORED?

[ SIGHS ] MY GOD.

THERE IS NOTHING MORE DISGUSTING

THAN INFIDELITY.

DON'T YOU AGREE?

>> I MUST LOVE YOU...

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> ...AND SUE TO KNOW YOU

BETTER.

>> SIR, I SHALL STUDY...

DESERVING.

>> HE HATH BEEN OUT NINE YEARS,

AND AWAY HE SHALL AGAIN.

AH, THE KING IS COMING.

THE KING IS COMING.

>> [ CLEARS THROAT ]

YOUR LINE.

>> OH, UH...CAN YOU CARRY ON

WITHOUT ME?

>> [ LAUGHS ]

YOU'RE LEAR.

>> OH, I KNOW.

Can I speak to you in private?

>> WE HAVE NO SECRETS HERE.

WE ARE A TEAM.

ONE FOR ALL AND ALL FOR ONE.

>> TEAM!

>> HURRAH!

>> OKAY.

WELL, I KNOW YOU'RE DEPENDING

ON -- ON ME TO PLAY LEAR,

BECAUSE, WELL, I MEAN, ALL THE

OTHER LEARS SUCKED.

AND I'M USUALLY VERY RELIABLE,

AND I'M USUALLY SOBER, BUT,

UH...

I CAN'T DO THIS.

>> YES, YOU CAN.

WE BELIEVE IN YOU.

>> ALL: WE BELIEVE IN YOU.

>> WE DO. WE DO.

>> UH...

[ INHALES SHARPLY, SOBS ]

OKAY.

WHAT I MEAN IS THAT I'M GOING

THROUGH SOMETHING RIGHT NOW WITH

SOMEONE YOU KNOW, AND IF YOU

ONLY KNEW WHAT IT WAS, YOU WOULD

UNDERSTAND, OKAY?

AND EVERYTHING THAT I HAD --

EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING IS

SUDDENLY JUST GONE!

YOU KNOW, KAPUT! POW!

AND IT'S ALL BEEN REPLACED BY

MADNESS.

>> HOLD THAT FEELING.

>> WHY WOULD I HOLD IT?

IT HURTS.

>> YOU'RE SO LUCKY.

YOU'RE ALREADY THERE.

[ FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING ]

>> Shh! She's coming.

Okay, don't say anything that I

said.

Did I say anything?

Okay, just act natural.

Act natural.

You're actors.

You know how to do that.

>> [ YAWNS ]

>> HI.

I'M SORRY I'M LATE.

[ CHAIR SLIDING ]

>> WHAT HAPPENED?

>> HE DIDN'T COME.

I GUESS HE LOVES HIS WIFE MORE.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I'D GET THROUGH

THIS WITHOUT YOU.

>> I ADORE SUBTEXT.

>> SHE NEEDS A SCRIPT.

>> THANK YOU.

[ DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE ]

[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]

>> AREN'T YOU GONNA ANSWER THAT?

>> NO.

>> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

>> IT MEANS I'M ASLEEP.

>> DID YOU SPLIT UP WITH HIM?

>> HE DOESN'T EXIST.

>> I KNOW MORE THAN YOU THINK I

KNOW.

I'LL ANSWER IT.

I'LL TELL THE BASTARD WHAT I

THINK OF HIM FUCKING MY WIFE.

>> HOLD IT.

WHAT?!

>> HEY.

>> HEY.

>> CALLED THE PASTOR FOR YOU.

HE'S ON HIS WAY.

>> OH.

I DON'T REALLY WANT TO...

SPEAK TO A COMPLETE STRANGER.

>> I'M SURE HE'LL MAKE YOU FEEL

BETTER.

HE'S A LOT OF FUN.

HE DID CARD TRICKS AT THE

CHRISTMAS PARTY.

>> OOH. [ LAUGHS ]

[ SNIFFLES ]

WELL, IN THAT CASE, I THINK I'LL

JUST HEAD DOWN THE HALL AND GET

SOME COFFEE AND MAKE SOME PHONE

CALLS.

IF HE DOES SHOW UP, TELL HIM NOT

TO WAIT AROUND ON MY ACCOUNT.

THANKS FOR TAKING CARE OF HER.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY.

I HAVEN'T TURNED THIS THING OFF,

DAY OR NIGHT, FOR THE PAST TWO

YEARS, JUST IN CASE I GOT THE

CALL.

I GOT THE CALL.

>> ME TOO.

MOTHER OR FATHER?

>> MOTHER.

YOU?

>> FATHER.

>> LAST ONE?

>> YEAH.

>> IT'S...

IT'S SCARY.

WHY?

WE'VE BEEN THE ADULTS FOR A LONG

TIME.

>> HMM.

MAYBE BECAUSE WE'RE NEXT.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

DO I FEEL MORE MORTAL?

YES, BUT LITTLE, LITTLE, LITTLE,

LITTLE, TOO, YOU KNOW?

>> HUH.

>> LIKE A KID WHO CAN'T GO HOME

WHEN SHE SCREWS UP BECAUSE HOME

JUST DIED IN HER SLEEP.

>> "DAD, I NEED MONEY."

>> "MOM, I QUIT SCHOOL."

>> "DAD, COULD YOU EXPLAIN WOMEN

TO ME?"

>> "MOM, HE BROKE MY HEART."

[ INHALES SHARPLY ]

>> THOSE...WERE THE DAYS.

>> YOU?

>> OH, YES, PLEASE.

FAVORITE MEMORIES?

>> WHEN I WAS, UH, 30, I'D HAD A

REALLY BAD MISCARRIAGE.

I HAD REALLY WANTED KIDS.

AND EVERYBODY WAS SAYING THE

RIGHT THINGS -- "YOU'LL HAVE

OTHER CHANCES," "CHEER UP."

MY HUSBAND SAID -- HE WAS TRYING

TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER -- HE

SAID, UH, "MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST

SAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR A

DOWN PAYMENT FIRST."

[ LAUGHS ]

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> AND I THOUGHT I HAD TO SAY

ALL THAT SAME KIND OF CRAP.

SO THEN MY MOTHER CAME TO VISIT

ME IN THE HOSPITAL, AND, UH, I

SAID, "I'LL BE FINE."

AND SHE JUST CLIMBED UP ONTO MY

HOSPITAL BED AND HELD ME AND

JUST LET ME CRY AND CRY.

THAT'S MY MOM.

>> WOW.

>> YOU?

>> WELL, I DECIDED ON MY 16th

BIRTHDAY THAT I WAS GONNA QUIT

HIGH SCHOOL AND JUST HITCHHIKE

ALL OVER SOUTH AMERICA AND

NOBODY WAS GONNA STOP ME.

NOW, SUDDENLY, I'M THE COOLEST

GUY IN THE SCHOOL, WHERE I WAS

NOT POPULAR AT ALL.

I WENT HOME, AND I'M PACKING UP

EVERYTHING IN MY BACKPACK IN MY

ROOM.

MY OLD MAN WALKS IN.

HE SAYS, "YOU KNOW, YOU CAN TELL

THEM I WOULDN'T LET YOU."

AND I THOUGHT, "HOW DID HE

KNOW?"

I MEAN, I WAS PETRIFIED.

AND I SAID, "DAD, THEY'RE JUST

GONNA SAY, 'YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE

ANYWAY.'"

HE SAID, "THEN YOU TELL THEM

I'LL BREAK EVERY BONE IN YOUR

BODY IF YOU GO."

THIS MAN HAD NEVER EVEN LAID A

FINGER ON ME.

SO I WENT BACK TO SCHOOL THE

NEXT DAY, AND I SAID, "MY DAD

STORMED INTO MY ROOM WITH HIS

BELT OUT, THREATENING TO BEAT ME

TO A PULP IF I DARED..."

[ CHUCKLES ]

HE SAVED MY HONOR.

WHAT DO YOU THINK IS HAPPENING

TO THEM?

>> YOU MEAN, LIKE, WHERE ARE

THEY?

RIGHT NOW?

>> RIGHT NOW.

>> OR IS THIS IT?

IT'S OVER -- THE ONLY CHANCE YOU

GET.

>> WHAT DO YOU LIKE BEST ABOUT

BEING ALIVE?

>> LESS AND LESS.

[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

NO, REALLY, I MEAN, MAYBE THIS

IS HOW IT WORKS.

IF YOU'RE LUCKY AND YOU DIE OLD,

THAT YOUR LIFE HAS JUST BECOME

SO DISAPPOINTING AND SO LONELY,

SO LOVELESS, SO EMPTY, SO

ACHY-BREAKY PAINFUL, THAT WHEN

DEATH FINALLY DOES COME ALONG,

YOU SAY...

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"

>> OH, COME ON.

YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT TO CHEER

ME UP.

[ LAUGHS ]

BUT COME ON.

GIVE UP SPIKED WHISKEY COFFEE

AND NURSING-HOME WAITING ROOMS?

>> ICE CREAM.

I LIKE ICE CREAM.

>> WIND.

I LIKE -- I LOVE WINDY DAYS.

>> WELL, KISSES.

NOT, YOU KNOW, KISS-KISS, "SEE

YOU LATER" KISS, BUT KISSES

LIKE...

LIKE...

LIKE THE FIRST TIME YOU EVER

KISS SOMEBODY.

YOU KNOW? KISSES.

WHEN WAS OUR LAST FIRST KISS?

AND DID WE EVEN KNOW IT WAS OUR

LAST?

>> THEN OUR FIRST KISSES WERE

GONE FOREVER.

>> I JUST HAD DRUNK SEX WITH A

STRANGER IN A NURSING-HOME

WAITING ROOM.

WHAT DO YOU DO AFTER SEX WITH A

STRANGER IN A NURSING-HOME

WAITING ROOM?

>> I KNOW. IT'S KIND OF...

AWKWARD.

WELL, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO...HAVE

TO SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN --

BREAKFAST OR SOMETHING,

OTHERWISE IT'LL BE THE MOST

SURREALIST EXPERIENCE OF OUR

LIVES.

>> WELL, IT WOULD HAVE SOME

COMPETITION FOR ME.

NOW, I'VE GOT A-A BUSY DAY.

I'VE GOT A FUNERAL TO PLAN.

>> OH, SHIT. SO DO I.

DO YOU HAVE ANY RECOMMENDATIONS

ON PEOPLE...

>> I THINK, UH, I'M GONNA

USE...AMBERSON'S.

THAT'S WHERE I BURIED MY DAD.

>> AMBERSON'S?

>> MM-HMM.

>> AMBERSON'S ON HUNTER?

>> YES. YEAH.

>> MAYBE I'LL SEE YOU THERE.

THAT IS POTENT STUFF.

I MEAN, I'M ACTUALLY GONNA, UH,

GRAB A CAB, LEAVE MY CAR HERE.

DO -- DO YOU WANT TO SHARE A

CAB?

>> NO. NO, THANKS.

UM, I JUST -- I HAVE PHONE CALLS

TO MAKE AND...

I'LL JUST...STAY.

>> OKAY.

WELL, UM...

>> THANKS. BYE.

>> THANKS.

>> DON'T SAY "THANKS."

>> NO, NO.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

>> I TOLD YOU IT'D BE EASY.

>> I DIDN'T EVEN ASK HIS NAME.

A-A COMPLETE STRANGER.

>> I LOVE SEX LIKE THAT.

"YOU HAD ME AT 'HELLO.'"

OH, AND NOW YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND

CAN STAY MARRIED, 'CAUSE YOU'LL

BE EVEN.

>> I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M

DOING THE THINGS I'M DOING.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I JUST TOLD YOU

THAT, BUT WHO ELSE WOULD I ADMIT

IT TO?

>> WELL, YOU TOLD ME 'CAUSE

THAT -- THAT'S WHAT BEST FRIENDS

DO, RIGHT?

>> UH, YEAH.

>> AND I HAVE SOMETHING TO

CONFESS.

PAUL DIDN'T CALL ME YESTERDAY

MORNING.

I-I CALLED HIM.

YOU COULD TELL, RIGHT?

WOW. YOU KNOW ME SO WELL.

THAT'S WHY I'VE ALWAYS WANTED A

BEST FRIEND.

BUT HE DID CALL ME TODAY.

>> HE...CALLED YOU TODAY?

>> HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW DIED, SO

NOW THE "WIFE" REALLY NEEDS HIM.

>> THE WIFE.

>> HOW LONG DO YOU THINK HE HAS

TO WAIT UNTIL HE TELLS HER HE'S

LEAVING HER?

TWO WEEKS?

>> WELL, I DON'T KNOW THAT

THERE'S A SET TIME FOR THAT KIND

OF THING.

>> MAYBE I CAN GOOGLE IT.

BUT WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT IF HE

CAME TO THE OPENING NIGHT?

AND MY DREAM IS COMING TRUE --

I'M -- I'M AN ACTRESS!

>> "GOOGLE IT"?

>> "WE THAT ARE YOUNG SHALL

NEVER SEE SO MUCH NOR LIVE.

SO LONG."

>> WE MADE IT ALL THE WAY TO THE

END OF THE PLAY!

I CAN'T BELIEVE I ONLY FELL OFF

THE STAGE ONCE.

>> OH, IT WAS TWICE.

>> THAT WAS...

THAT WAS...

THAT WAS...

SO HORRIBLE.

SO, SO HORRIBLE!

EXCEPT FOR MY STAR.

BLESS YOU.

ALL OF YOU WERE BAD!

BUT THEN THERE WAS YOU. YEAH.

WHAT WAS THAT THING YOU DID WHEN

LEAR SAYS, "OH, HO! 'TIS FOUL"?

YOU HAVE NO TALENT WHATSOEVER.

NOT A SINGLE DROP.

YOU ARE A TALENTLESS VOID!

AN EMPTY PIT OF INEPTITUDE!

>> WELL, MADELYN SAYS LIFE IS

NOT ABOUT TALENT.

LIFE IS ABOUT WORKING HARD AND

GETTING BETTER BIT BY BIT.

SO I JUST HAVE TO KEEP TRYING.

AND -- AND TRYING.

AND TRYING.

>> [ CLEARS THROAT ]

>> YOU WERE GREAT.

DO YOU WANT TO HANG OUT AT MY

PLACE?

>> UH...

I GOT TO GO HOME TO FRED.

>> YOU CAN SAY IT.

I SHOULD GIVE UP ACTING.

>> MAYBE...

WE SHOUL GO HANG OUT.

>> "COURT HOLY WATER INDOORS IS

SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS

RAINWATER OUT OF DOORS.

GOOD NUNCLE, ASK THY DAUGHTERS'

FORGIVENESS, FOR HERE'S A..."

SOMETHING PITIES...

SOMETHING.

>> "NIGHT."

>> I COULDN'T EVEN DO EASY

ACTING.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I ONLY GOT THE COMMERCIAL 'CAUSE

I HAVE NICE BREASTS.

SEE?

>> LUCY, COME ON, NOW.

TAKE IT FROM THE TOP.

AND THIS TIME REMEMBER -- IT'S

NIGHT.

SHE'S COLD.

>> I'M NEVER GONNA GET IT RIGHT.

>> JUST KEEP AT IT.

>> HOW LONG IS IT GONNA TAKE?

YEARS!

IT'S TOO HARD.

>> LUCY, YOU WERE SO HAPPY WHEN

YOU THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE GOING

TO BE A REAL ACTRESS.

>> I'M NOT HAPPY NOW, SO I GIVE

UP.

>> NO.

I DECIDE, AND YOU'RE NOT GIVING

UP.

NOW, COME ON.

TAKE IT FROM THE TOP.

THINK ABOUT THE WORDS.

[ SNORING ]

[ BRAKES SQUEALING ]

[ BEEPING IN DISTANCE ]

FUCK!

>> SO YOU STAYED OUT ALL NIGHT.

THAT'S GREAT.

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.

>> I'M SO SORRY.

>> I'M NOT AS STUPID AS YOU

THINK I AM, OKAY?

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.

>> SHE WILL BE MISSED.

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.

>> I KNOW WHO HE IS, MADELYN.

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.

>> IT WAS HER TIME.

>> WE HAVE A TIME?

>> OH, YES.

I BELIEVE THAT.

>> THAT'S NICE FOR YOU.

>> I FUCKING KNOW WHO HE IS.

>> THIS IS A BLESSING.

>> REALLY?

>> SHE'S OUT OF HER MISERY NOW.

>> BUT...NO MORE ICE CREAM.

>> THANK -- OH, KEITH AND, UH,

YOUR WIFE.

I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU.

>> OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T, BUT I

WOULDN'T HAVE MISSED THIS FOR

THE WORLD.

>> REALLY?

>> MM-HMM.

>> OH, MADELYN, MADELYN.

>> OH, MY GOODNESS.

OKAY.

>> IF YOU NEED ANYTHING --

ANYTHING -- YOU HAVE MY NUMBER.

CALL ME DAY OR NIGHT.

>> WE.. WILL DO ANYTHING WE

CAN.

BUT I'M SURE WHAT YOU MOST NEED

RIGHT NOW IS TIME WITH YOUR

HUSBAND.

>> FOR THIS TO HAPPEN TO YOU

NOW, OF ALL TIMES.

BUT JUST REMEMBER, GOD DOESN'T

GIVE US ANY MORE THAN WE CAN

CARRY.

>> OH, GOD HAS SOME FORMULA

WHERE HE CAN CALCULATE EXACTLY

HOW MUCH PAIN TO INFLICT ON EACH

INDIVIDUAL?

[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]

ISN'T IT INTERESTING THAT THINGS

THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO BE

MINDLESSLY COMFORTING ARE

REALLY, REALLY HORRIBLE -- YOU

KNOW, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT?

>> THAT'S MY MADELYN -- NO

BULLSHIT.

[ CHUCKLES ] I LOVE IT.

COME ON. COME ON.

GIVE ME ANOTHER HUG.

COME ON.

>> OH.

>> OH, TAKE AS MUCH TIME OFF AS

YOU NEED.

THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE DON'T MISS

YOU AT THE OFFICE.

WE MISS YOU SO MUCH.

>> WELL...

[ CHUCKLES ]

SPEAKING OF "NO BULLSHIT," YOU

KNOW, EVERYBODY'S MOTHER DIES.

WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL HERE?

>> LYDIA!

SHOW SOME RESPECT, FOR CHRIST'S

SAKE.

THE OLD LADY'S LYING DEAD IN

THAT BOX OVER THERE.

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.

>> AS IT WAS IN THE BEGINNING,

IS NOW, AND EVER SHALL BE, WORLD

WITHOUT END.

NOW, I'M SURE MARGARET'S

DAUGHTER WOULD LIKE TO SHARE

SOME MEMORIES OF HER BELOVED

MOTHER.

MADELYN?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY A FEW

WORDS?

>> OH. UH...

I GUESS. I...

I DIDN'T REALLY HAVE ANYTHING

PREPARED.

I KEEP EXPECTING HER TO WALK

THROUGH THE DOOR AND SAY, "HI."

>> OH.

HI.

>> HI.

UM, WHAT -- WHAT CAN I SAY?

SHE'S IN A BETTER PLACE.

HER TIME HAS COME.

SHE LIVED A GOOD LIFE.

"HOWL...HOWL...

[ Voice breaking ] HOWL...

OH, YE ARE MEN OF STONES.

HAD I YOUR EYES AND TONGUES, I'D

USE THEM TO CRACK...

HEAVEN'S VAULTS.

SHE'S GONE FOREVER.

I KNOW WHEN ONE IS DEAD AND WHEN

ONE LIVES.

SHE'S DEAD...

AS EARTH."

>> KEITH ALWAYS SAID YOU WERE

VERY GOOD AT YOUR JOB, BUT I

DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WERE SUCH A

TALKER.

>> EXCUSE ME.

>> I AM SO SORRY.

HOW ARE YOU?

ARE YOU OKAY?

IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO?

>> Yes.

Do you have the time to go

someplace with me?

>> Yeah.

>> Okay.

>> Want to duck in the coatroom

and have a quick go?

>> [ LAUGHS ] Shh.

>> Death, be not proud.

>> No. I have another idea.

You better come over.

>> [ CLEARS THROAT ]

>> HELLO.

>> I'M JUST GONNA POP OUT AND,

UH, GET SOME ICE CREAM WITH...

I DON'T KNOW YOUR NAME.

>> DEREK.

>> DEREK.

>> DEREK.

>> UH, DEREK, THIS IS MY

HUSBAND, PAUL.

>> HUSBAND. PAUL.

>> DEREK.

>> AND YOU'RE...

>> MADELYN.

>> MADELYN.

MADELYN.

>> I'M KEITH.

>> KEITH.

>> I'M LYDIA.

>> LYDIA.

I HOPE I DON'T HAVE TO REMEMBER

ALL THESE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

NICE TO MEET YOU ALL.

>> HERE. SEE YOU LATER.

>> IS THAT THE UNDERTAKER?

>> I DON'T THINK SO.

>> MMM.

THIS IS REALLY GOOD.

GOOD ICE CREAM.

>> IT IS. IT IS.

OH, MY GOD. I GOT TO GO.

UM, I'M GONNA BE LATE FOR

REHEARSAL.

I'M IN A PLAY.

>> WAIT, WAIT. WHAT?

YOU'RE AN ACTRESS?

>> [ Laughing ] NO.

NO, NO, NO.

UM, I'M JUST -- THIS IS JUST

SOMETHING THAT MY HUSBAND'S

GIRLFRIEND WANTED ME TO DO.

>> YOUR HUSBAND'S GIRLFRIEND

WANTED YOU TO...

>> IT'S NOT AS BONKERS AS THAT

SOUNDS.

YES, IT IS.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

>> WHAT'S THE PLAY?

>> UH, "KING LEAR."

I PLAY LEAR.

I'VE -- I'VE GOT TO GO.

I'M SORRY.

>> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU CAN'T JUST...

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

YOU CAN'T JUST WALK OFF LIKE

THAT.

YOU'RE STARRING IN "KING LEAR."

YOU'RE -- YOU'RE ONE IN A

BILLION.

>> IF YOU ONLY KNEW.

>> LISTEN, IF YOU'RE FREE,

TOMORROW NIGHT'S MY DAD'S

FUNERAL.

IT SHOULD BE A ROCKIN' GOOD

TIME.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

IT SHOULD BE.

WILL YOU -- WILL YOU JOIN ME?

>> I DON'T THINK THAT I CAN.

I JUST DON'T.

I'M SORRY.

>> THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

I'VE BEEN TURNED DOWN BY LESSER

WOMEN.

I KNOW WHAT I WANT IT TO SAY ON

MY GRAVE!

"HE SLEPT WITH KING LEAR."

>> "SO FAREWELL TO YOU BOTH."

>> "PRESCRIBE NOT US OUR

DUTIES."

[ LAUGHS ]

>> "LET YOUR STUDY BE TO CONTENT

YOUR LORD WHO HATH RECEIVED YOU

AT FORTUNE'S ALMS.

YOU HAVE --"

>> HI.

SORRY I'M LATE.

>> NO, NO, NO, NO.

I'M SICK OF PEOPLE WALTZING IN

HERE WHENEVER THEY FEEL LIKE IT.

YOU BETTER HAVE ONE HELL OF A

GOOD REASON FOR BEING LATE.

WELL, WHAT IS IT?

YOU'RE WEARING BLACK.

LET'S HOPE SOMEBODY DIED.

>> IT'S A TRAGEDY -- EVERYBODY

DIES.

>> THAT -- THAT'S WHY I PREFER

COMEDIES -- HAPPY ENDINGS.

KISSES.

[ HORN HONKING ]

>> WE'RE WAITING, LUCY.

>> "OH, NUNCLE, COURT HOLY WATER

INDOORS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN

THIS RAINWATER OUT OF DOORS.

GOOD NUNCLE, IN -- ASK THY

DAUGHTERS' FORGIVENESS.

HERE'S A NIGHT PITIES NEITHER

WISE MEN NOR FOOL."

>> THAT'S...

THAT IS A REMARKABLE

IMPROVEMENT.

DAMN, I'M SUCH A GOOD DIRECTOR.

>> WE SHOULD CELEBRATE -- GO OUT

TO DINNER.

>> TODAY I RAN INTO THE STRANGER

THAT I HAD DRUNK SEX WITH.

>> OKAY.

MY JOB IS NOT YET DONE.

I OFFICIALLY FORBID YOU FROM

SEEING A GUY YOU HAD SEX WITH

WHEN YOU DIDN'T KNOW EACH

OTHER'S NAMES.

ONE DAY IT'S THE HOTTEST SEX YOU

EVER HAD, AND THE NEXT DAY IT'S,

"YOU PLAY THE ACCORDION!"

REALLY, IT DOESN'T WORK.

>> THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

>> THAT'S WHAT YOU -- WE'RE

STARTING TO THINK ALIKE?

ISN'T THAT GREAT?

LET ME TRY IT.

OKAY, SO WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF I

TOLD YOU I REALLY FELT LIKE

CALLING PAUL AND ASKING HIM,

"HEY, HOW WAS YOUR

MOTHER-IN-LAW'S FUNERAL?"

YOU'D SAY --

>> YES.

>> WHAT?

>> CALL HIM.

>> CALL HIM?

>> YES. CALL HIM.

FUNERALS -- THAT'S THE TIME WHEN

WE START THINKING ABOUT OUR OWN

LIVES, TIME SLIPPING AWAY -- "IF

ONLY, IF ONLY..."

WOULDN'T IT BE NICE TO FINALLY

KNOW WHAT'S IN HIS HEART?

>> YEAH, BUT I DON'T KNOW.

TO ME, IT JUST SEEMS...A LITTLE

BIT RUDE.

WON'T THEY BE SHARING SNACKS AND

MEMORIES ABOUT THE DEAD LADY?

>> YOU'LL KNOW THE TRUTH.

DON'T YOU WANT TO FINALLY KNOW

THE TRUTH?

>> YEAH.

>> DO IT.

>> OKAY.

OKAY.

UM...

[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]

He's not picking up.

HI.

What do I say?

>> What do you want to say to

him?

>> YEAH. YEAH, I'M HERE.

SORRY.

UM, I'M JUST CALLING YOU...

I-I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I

LOVE YOU.

>> WHAT HAPPENED?

>> HE SAID, "JESUS CHRIST.

LEAVE ME ALONE.

I'M A MARRIED MAN."

[ Voice breaking ] HE LOVES HIS

WIFE.

>> ARE YOU GOING TO BE ALL

RIGHT?

>> I'LL BE OKAY.

ALL RIGHT!

WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH

TOGETHER, I FORGOT HOW WE MET.

I'M NOT GONNA KILL MYSELF WHEN I

JUST LANDED A JUICY ROLE.

SHAKESPEARE.

AND I THINK I CAN DO A REALLY

GOOD JOB AT IT.

AND I'LL BECOME A STAR.

AND HE'LL SPEND THE REST OF HIS

LIFE MISSING ME.

I'm okay.

>> SO, WHO WAS THE MAN AT THE

FUNERAL, AND WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN

DOING WITH HIM FOR SIX HOURS?

>> THERE, THERE.

YOU'RE NOT QUITE YOURSELF, ARE

YOU?

>> THAT'S TRUE.

I DON'T KNOW THAT I OWE ANYBODY

AN EXPLANATION, BUT, FOR THE

RECORD, UH, THAT MAN'S DAD DIED

THE SAME NIGHT AS MY MOTHER, AND

WE GOT TO -- TO...TALKING.

AND TODAY I FELT LIKE HE WAS THE

ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTOOD WHAT I

WAS FEELING.

>> OH, AND HOW LONG HAS THIS

BEEN GOING ON?

>> YES. YOU'VE BEEN A BUSY GIRL.

>> I SWEAR I MET HIM FOR THE

FIRST TIME THE NIGHT MY MOM

DIED.

>> I SAID THAT MADELYN WOULDN'T

HAVE SEX WITH A MAN WHOSE NAME

SHE DIDN'T KNOW.

SHE'S NO CHEAP SLUT, FOR

CHRIST'S SAKE.

>> WAIT, WAIT.

SO LYDIA WAS RIGHT.

HE'S NOT THE ONE YOU'VE BEEN

SLEEPING WITH?

>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

>> YOU BET I'M RIGHT.

>> WHY ARE THEY EVEN HERE?

>> Hard to get rid of.

>> YOU MIGHT THINK YOU'RE SO

SMART, BUT WE KNOW EVERYTHING.

>> OH, SURELY NOT.

>> YES. WE DO.

>> THE PHONE CALLS, THE LATE

NIGHTS -- THAT ALL STARTED

BEFORE YOUR MOTHER DIED.

>> WE SAID WE'D KEEP IT SECRET

TILL WE HAD PROOF, BUT I'VE HAD

ENOUGH.

WE KNOW YOU TWO ARE HAVING AN

AFFAIR!

>> NO, WE'RE NOT!

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SHE WANTED AN

AFFAIR.

>> I...

>> YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME.

THOUGH I KNOW WHAT YOU WERE UP

TO.

>> OH, NO.

WAIT. LISTEN, PLEASE.

CAN WE JUST NOT GET INTO ALL

THAT?

I BURIED MY MOTHER TODAY.

>> YELLOW ROSES!

ON OU CREDIT CARD.

>> YES, I SENT HER FLOWERS

BECAUSE HER MOTHER WAS DEAD --

WELL, WAS DYING.

RIGHT?

>> YES. SURE. RIGHT.

I TOLD KEITH THAT MY MOTHER WAS

DYING.

>> YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT.

>> BECAUSE YOU WERE BUSY BEING

AUDITED.

SO...THE MAN AT THE FUNERAL'S

DAD DIED, AND KEITH SENT ME

FLOWERS BECAUSE MY MOTHER WAS

DYING.

QUESTIONS ALL ANSWERED?

HMM?

GREAT.

GOOD NIGHT.

>> WAIT.

WAIT. I HAVE A QUESTION.

>> I AM SO TIRED, PAUL.

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME

ALONE?

>> BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, AND I

WANT TO KNOW IF OUR MARRIAGE CAN

BE SAVED.

>> ASK YOUR QUESTION.

>> [ SIGHS ]

IF IT'S NOT KEITH AND IT'S NOT

THE MAN AT THE FUNERAL, WHO IS

IT THAT CALLS YOU IN THE MIDDLE

OF THE NIGHT?

>> DO YOU REALLY WANT TO SAVE

THIS MARRIAGE?

>> MORE THAN ANYTHING.

>> THEN LET'S TALK IN THE

MORNING.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

>> LUCY!

[ KNOCKING CONTINUES ]

LUCY!

>> [ GRUNTS ]

OH, PAUL, I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!

>> STOP IT.

GET OFF.

GET OFF.

HOW DID YOU GET HER NUMBER? HUH?

I WAS SO CAREFUL.

I DIDN'T EVEN TELL YOU HER NAME.

>> WHAT?

>> DID YOU LOOK AT MY PHONE WHEN

I WAS SLEEPING?

HOW DARE YOU DO THAT!

>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

>> I KNOW WHAT YOU'VE BEEN

DOING, LUCY.

>> YOU KNOW ABOUT THE PLAY?

>> OH, STOP PLAYING GAMES.

I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN CALLING MY

WIFE.

>> YOUR WIFE?

>> OH, COME ON!

YOU MIGHT BE AN IDIOT, BUT I'M

NOT.

I CHECKED HER CELL TO SEE WHO'S

BEEN CALLING HER.

WHAT DID I FIND, LUCY?

HUH?

YOUR NUMBER!

>> I'VE -- I'VE NEVER CALLED

YOUR WIFE.

>> AGAIN AND AGAIN.

WHEN SHE'S AT WORK, IN THE

MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT...

>> IN THE MIDDLE OF THE...

WHAT'S YOUR WIFE'S NAME?

>> YOU KNOW MY WIFE IS

MADELYN REED.

WHY ELSE WOULD YOU BE CALLING

HER?

>> BUT YOUR LAST NAME IS

JEFFERSON.

>> SHE USES HER OWN NAME.

LOOK -- AND WILL YOU STOP TRYING

TO COME UP WITH SOME EXCUSE?

WHAT?

LIKE, OH, YOU'RE JUST RANDOMLY

CALLING SOME WOMAN WHO HAPPENS

TO BE MY WIFE.

JESUS!

WHY ELSE WOULD YOU BE CALLING

HER COUNTLESS FUCKING TIMES?

>> WE'RE FRIENDS.

>> OH! [ LAUGHS ]

FRI-- COME ON!

REALLY.

>> BUT I'M TELLING YOU THE

TRUTH!

>> OH, SURE. ABSOLUTELY.

YOU JUST HAPPENED BY SHEER

CHANCE TO BECOME BEST BUDDIES

WITH MY WIFE.

>> SHE -- SHE MUST HAVE SEEN US

THE DAY WE HAD THE FIGHT.

SHE SAID SHE FOLLOWED ME HOME,

BUT SHE NEVER, NEVER TOLD ME SHE

WAS YOUR WIFE.

WE MADE A PACT.

SHE HAD TO DO WHATEVER I TOLD

HER, AND I'VE BEEN DOING...

>> JESUS.

OKAY, YOU HAVE LOST YOUR MIND.

THIS IS LIKE SOME FUCKING

"FATAL ATTRACTION" HERE.

NEVER CALL MY WIFE AGAIN!

YOU UNDERSTAND?

AND NEVER CALL ME OR I'LL PHONE

THE POLICE.

I'M GONNA GO HOME AND JUST PRAY

TO GOD MY WIFE FORGIVES ME.

>> I'M SURE SHE WILL.

I MEAN, AFTER ALL, SHE CHEATED

ON YOU, TOO...

WITH THAT GUY SHE MET A COUPLE

OF NIGHTS AGO.

SHE SAW HIM AGAIN YESTERDAY.

UM...WHAT'S HIS NAME?

OH, RIGHT.

SHE DOESN'T KNOW HIS NAME.

>> YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM?

>> SHE TELLS ME EVERYTHING.

>> SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T HAVE SEX

WITH HIM.

>> OH.

AND WHAT DID SHE TELL YOU ABOUT

HER CO-WORKER KEITH?

>> KEITH?

SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T HAVE SEX

WITH HIM EITHER.

>> REALLY?

[ CAR DOOR CLOSES ]

[ BIRD CAWING ]

>> I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT.

>> LOVELY HOME.

YOU'RE GONNA MISS IT.

>> YOU DO NOT PLAY ME LIKE A

GAME.

YEAH, I CHEATED ON YOU, MADELYN,

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

NOW I REALIZE WHY I TOOK UP WITH

LUCY -- BECAUSE DEEP DOWN I

SENSED YOU WERE ALREADY CHEATING

ON ME.

>> WHAT?!

>> DON'T GIVE ME ANY MORE OF

YOUR LIES!

LUCY TOLD ME EVERYTHING.

>> OH, EVERYTHING?

>> OH, YEAH.

AND I'M NOT JUST TALKING ABOUT

THE STRANGER YOU HAD SEX WITH,

MADELYN.

MY GOD, YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HIS

NAME!

I KNOW ALL ABOUT KEITH, TOO.

>> KEITH?

>> I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING

WITH HIM FOR OVER A YEAR.

YEAH.

JUST HOPING I'D HAVE AN AFFAIR

SO THAT YOU CAN GET A BETTER

DIVORCE SETTLEMENT.

WELL, IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN,

MADELYN!

OKAY?

I'M FIGHTING YOU FOR EVERYTHING!

>> OKAY.

ABSOLUTELY OUT OF YOUR MIND.

HERE.

THERE YOU GO.

I'LL PACK THAT.

TAKE THESE.

YOU CAN HAVE SOMEONE TO CLEAN UP

AFTER YOURSELF, PACK YOUR

PILLOW, SO YOU CAN SNORE ALL YOU

WANT WITH LUCY!

[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]

>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MADELYN'S

NOT COMING?

>> WELL, I'M NOT CERTAIN, BUT --

BUT I'D BE VERY SURPRISED IF --

IF SHE SHOWED UP.

>> IS SHE ILL?

>> NO.

>> COULD YOU CALL HER?

>> NO. I'M NOT CALLING HER.

>> BUT WE NEED OUR LEAR.

>> CAN'T YOU FIND SOMEONE ELSE?

>> NO, YOU CAN'T JUST HAVE

ANYBODY PLAY LEAR.

>> [ SCOFFS ]

>> [ SCOFFS ]

>> WE'LL HAVE TO CANCEL THE

PLAY.

SHE SEEMED SO RELIABLE!

WHAT HAPPENED?

>> WELL, SHE'S NOT EVEN AN

ACTRESS.

I'M THE ACTRESS.

I'M THE ONE THAT HAS THE RIGHT

TO BE HERE.

AND FRANKLY, SHE WAS HERE JUST

FOR ONE REASON -- SHE HAD THIS

SCHEME TO DISTRACT ME SO I'D

FORGET ABOUT THE MAN I LOVE.

>> WOULD THAT BE HER HUSBAND?

>> YEAH.

>> I THOUGHT SO.

PERHAPS WE COULD CALL HER

HUSBAND.

PRESUMABLY, YOU HAVE HIS NUMBER.

HE COULD TELL US WHERE SHE IS.

>> NO, HE COULD NOT.

HE'S LIVING WITH ME NOW.

>> AH.

NOW I UNDERSTAND.

ARE YOU SURE THAT MADELYN IS

ALL RIGHT?

IF HER HUSBAND LEFT HER TODAY,

FOR YOU, PRESUMABLY SHE'D BE

UPSET.

WE'VE ALL READ THE TRAGEDIES.

>> OH, NO! SHE WOULDN'T.

I DON'T THINK SO.

>> YOU DON'T THINK.

[ KNOCKING ]

>> KNOCK HARDER.

>> DO IT AGAIN.

>> IS SHE HURT?

[ POUNDING ]

>> I THINK WE SHOULD CALL THE

POLICE.

>> SERIOUSLY?

>> OH! THANK GOD.

>> OH!

>> OH.

>> COME ON.

THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE.

>> HI.

>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE WOULD

HAVE DONE IF YOU HADN'T BEEN

HOME.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

>> OF COURSE. I'M FINE.

>> WELL, WHEN WE HEARD WHAT

HAPPENED, WE...

>> OH.

IT'S JUST LIFE.

50% OF MARRIAGES END UP IN

DIVORCE.

AND EVERYBODY'S MOTHER DIES.

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I'LL BE

GLAD TO GET RID OF THIS HOUSE.

I SWEAR I'VE SPENT THE LAST 10

YEARS DOING HOUSEWORK.

I JUST...

NEED A DAY TO DEAL WITH IT.

>> THEN -- THEN YOU'LL BE AT

REHEARSAL TOMORROW?

>> NO.

I'M NOT DOING THE PLAY.

>> [ GASPS ]

>> YOU CAN'T QUIT!

>> IF YOU QUIT, THEY HAVE TO

CANCEL.

>> I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH SHE'S

TOLD YOU.

>> EVERYTHING.

>> OH, WELL, THEN YOU KNOW WE

CAN'T BE ON THE STAGE TOGETHER.

>> I CAN IF SHE CAN.

I'LL GET SOME COFFEE.

YOU SHOULDN'T BE DRINKING

ALCOHOL -- IT'S A DEPRESSANT.

>> WELL, AND IF WE HAVE TO

CHOOSE, WE'D RATHER GET RID OF

LUCY THAN YOU.

>> DEFINITELY.

>> LOOK, I KNOW -- I KNOW THIS

ISN'T THE BEST TIME, BUT I

WOULDN'T ASK YOU TO DO THIS IF I

DIDN'T BELIEVE IT WAS THE BEST

THING FOR YOU AND ALSO...

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ]

>> I DON'T WANT TO DISAPPOINT

EVERYBODY, BUT...

I'M EXHAUSTED.

I MEAN, MAYBE IF I WAS THEIR

AGE, YOU KNOW...

>> NO, NO.

IF YOU WERE THEIR AGE, YOU

WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND THE PART.

GIELGUD WAS A HORRIBLE LEAR AT

26.

THAT'S THE BEST THING ABOUT

BEING OLD.

LOOK, YOU HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH

MORE ABOUT LIFE -- LOVE NEVER

WORKS OUT, WE'RE ALL GOING TO...

DIE.

SO YOU CAN FINALLY PLAY THE

JUICY ROLES.

WELL, MEN CAN.

>> PLEASE DON'T MAKE US CANCEL

IT.

>> I MEMORIZED ALL MY LINES!

>> MY GRANDMOTHER'S ALREADY PAID

FOR HER PLANE TICKET.

>> IT'S ONLY THREE WEEKS TILL

OPENING NIGHT.

>> YEAH, AND THE PLAY WILL

PROBABLY CLOSE AFTER THE FIRST

NIGHT.

>> YES.

WE'VE ONLY SOLD 17 TICKETS.

>> LOOK, I KNOW THIS MIGHT MEAN

NOTHING TO YOU, BUT IT'S THE

BEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED

TO ME.

>> THREE WEEKS.

[ CHEERING ]

>> WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL,

WONDERFUL.

YOU -- YOU TAKE TODAY TO DO

WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU NEED TO

DO, AND WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

I PROMISE THIS IS JUST WHAT YOU

NEED.

OH, I'M SO HAPPY.

YOU GET SOME SLEEP.

ARE YOU EATING?

YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF

YOURSELF.

A-AND IF YOU NEED ANYTHING,

ANYTHING AT ALL, YOU JUST LET US

KNOW, ALL RIGHT?

>> WE DID IT!

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

>> IT'S SO WONDERFUL!

>> YOU REMEMBER THE DAY WE MET,

YOU TOLD ME, "IF YOU GIVE

YOURSELF A LITTLE TIME, AN

IMPULSE WILL GO AWAY"?

>> YES.

NOW GO AWAY.

[ DOOR OPENS ]

>> OH.

I'M SORRY.

I-I WAS...JUST, UH...WAITING FOR

SOMEONE I THOUGHT MIGHT...SHOW

UP.

>> TAXI DROPPED THIS OFF FOR

YOU, SIR.

>> OH.

THANK YOU.

[ MOANING ]

[ HUMMING ]

>> MM-HMM.

OTHER WAY.

UH-HUH.

UH-HUH.

LION FACE.

MOUSE FACE.

LION FACE.

RELEASE THE JAW.

[ MOANING ]

AND SHAKE IT OUT. SHAKE IT OUT.

NO, NO, NO.

SHE'S A C.E.O.'S DAUGHTER, NOT A

HOOKER.

ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

IT'S FIVE MINUTES TO PLACES.

LET'S GO OUT THERE AND MAKE

MAGIC TONIGHT.

[ CHEERING ]

MAGIC!

YES, JUST A LITTLE CLOSER.

NO, JUST A LITTLE CLOSER.

>> THAT'S MY MOTIVATION.

>> THEY LOOK GOOD.

>> YOU'RE MAKING ME REALLY

UNCOMFORTABLE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

>> All: [ Chanting ] LEAR, LEAR,

LEAR, LEAR, LEAR, LEAR, LEAR,

LEAR, LEAR, LEAR, LEAR, LEAR!

LEAR, LEAR, LEAR, LEAR!

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> GO, SHAKESPEARE!

[ LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE ]

>> IT'S TIME.

ARE YOU STILL WORRIED ABOUT YOUR

ACTING ABILITIES?

I THINK YOU'VE PROVED THAT

THEY'RE PRETTY GOOD.

LET'S JUST GET ON WITH IT, OKAY?

>> DO YOU STILL LOVE HIM?

>> FUCK OFF.

>> DO YOU MISS HIM?

>> FUCK OFF!

WE WERE MARRIED FOR A LONG TIME,

LUCY.

WE SHARED EACH OTHER'S LIVES.

MY MOTHER'S GONE, I'M ABOUT TO

LOSE MY HOME, AND THE ONLY THING

THAT'S GOTTEN ME THROUGH THESE

LAST FEW WEEKS IS THIS PLAY, AND

WE'RE JUST ABOUT TO BE LAUGHED

OFF THE STAGE.

SO DON'T EXPECT ME TO MAKE YOU

FEEL BETTER, OKAY?

>> IT'S ALL "MADELYN THIS" AND

"MADELYN THAT."

>> WHAT?

>> I KNEW HE DIDN'T LOVE ME.

I JUST WANTED TO GET BACK AT YOU

FOR TRICKING ME.

SO LET'S HOPE YOU WERE RIGHT

WHEN YOU SAID I COULD DO BETTER.

TONIGHT I'LL TELL HIM THE TRUTH.

I'LL -- I'LL TELL HIM YOU NEVER

SLEPT WITH THAT GUY YOU WORK

WITH, AND I'LL TELL HIM YOU

DIDN'T SLEEP WITH THE OTHER ONE,

TOO.

I MEAN, ONLY MARRIED PEOPLE

THINK ONE FUCK MATTERS ANYWAY.

>> WE'RE STARTING!

>> I GET...WHY YOU WOULD HATE

THE WOMAN WHO'S TRYING TO STEAL

YOUR HUSBAND.

I GET IT.

BUT THEN WHY...WHY DID YOU HELP

ME?

>> BECAUSE I STARTED TO LIKE

YOU.

>> HE HATH BEEN OUT NINE YEARS

AND...

>> JUST REMEMBER -- THIS ENTIRE

PLAY IS RESTING ON YOUR

SHOULDERS.

NOW RELAX.

>> THE QUEEN IS COMING.

>> Go.

>> UH...

UH, ATTEND THE LORDS OF -- OF...

FRANCE, BURGUNDY, GLOUCESTER.

>> I SHALL, MY LIEGE.

>> UM, MEANTIME...

MEANTIME, WE SHALL EXPRESS OUR

DARKER PURPOSE.

GIVE ME THE MAP THERE.

KNOW THAT WE HAVE DIVIDED IN

THREE OUR KINGDOM, AND 'TIS OUR

FAST INTENT TO SHAKE ALL CARES

AND BUSINESS FROM OUR AGE,

CONFERRING THEM ON YOUNGER

STRENGTHS WHILE WE, UNBURDENED,

CRAWL TOWARD DEATH.

I DID HER WRONG.

>> CANST YOU TELL ME HOW AN

OYSTER MAKE HIS SHELL?

>> NO.

>> NOR I NEITHER, BUT I CAN TELL

YOU WHY A SNAIL HAS A HOUSE.

>> WHY?

>> WHY, TO PUT HER HEAD IN IT,

NOT TO GIVE IT AWAY TO HER

DAUGHTERS AND LEAVE HER HORNS

WITHOUT A CASE.

>> I SHALL FORGET MY NATURE --

SO KIND A MOTHER.

BE MY CARS READY?

>> THY ASSES ARE GONE ABOUT

THEM.

>> TO TAKE IT AGAIN, PERFORCE!

MONSTER INGRATITUDE!

>> IF THOU WERE MY FOOL, I'D

HAVE THEE BEATEN...

FOR BEING OLD BEFORE THY TIME.

>> HOW IS THAT?

>> THOU SHOULDST NOT HAVE BEEN

OLD TILL THOU HADST BEEN WISE.

>> YOU SEE ME HERE, YOU GODS,

AN OLD WOMAN, FULL OF GRIEF AS

AGE -- WRETCHED IN BOTH.

IF IT BE YOU THAT STIR THESE

DAUGHTERS' HEARTS AGAINST THEIR

MOTHER, FOOL ME NOT TO BEAR IT

TAMELY.

TOUCH ME WITH NOBLE ANGER, AND

LET NOT WOMEN'S WEAPONS, WATER

DROPS, STAIN MY CHEEKS.

NO, YOU UNNATURAL HAGS, I WILL

HAVE SUCH REVENGES ON YOU BOTH

THAT ALL THE WORLD SHALL -- I

WILL DO SUCH THINGS -- YET I

KNOW NOT WHAT I WILL DO, BUT

THEY SHALL BE THE TERRORS OF THE

EARTH.

YOU THINK I'LL WEEP?

NO. I'LL NOT WEEP.

I HAVE FULL CAUSE OF WEEPING.

BUT THIS HEART SHALL BREAK INTO

A HUNDRED THOUSAND PIECES OR ERE

I'LL WEEP.

SINGE MY HEAD!

>> AUNTIE, COURT HOLY WATER

INDOORS IS MUCH BETTER THAN

THIS RAINWATER OUT OF DOORS.

>> AND THAT ALL-SHAKING THUNDER,

STRIKE.

>> HERE'S A NIGHT PITIES NEITHER

WISE MAN NOR FOOL.

WITH A HEIGH-HO, THE WIND AND

THE RAIN MUST MAKE CONTENT WITH

HIS FORTUNES FIT, FOR THE RAIN,

IT RAINETH EVERY DAY.

>> NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER,

NEVER...

DO YOU SEE THIS?

LOOK UPON HER.

LOOK -- HER LIPS.

LOOK THERE.

LOOK THERE.

THERE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ UP-TEMPO INTRODUCTION PLAYS ]

>> * HERE I GO AGAIN

* MY HEART'S ON THE LINE

>> BRAVO!

BRAVO!

BRAVO!

BRAVO!

BRAVO!

>> * WHEN I REACH THE END,

WILL YOU *

>> * WILL YOU

>> * WILL YOU BE MINE?

* THIS TIME I KNOW YOU'RE NOT

THE ANSWER TO MY PRAYERS *

* AND I HAVE GROWN

WITH EACH DISAPPOINTMENT

THROUGH THE YEARS *

>> LET'S DO ANOTHER ONE.

>> * AND AS BAD AS I AM

* AND AS BAD AS I AM,

I'M STILL HERE *

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

I'VE PAID A FINE

* WHERE NOW IS THE FRIEND

I LEAVE *

>> * I LEAVE

>> * I LEAVE BEHIND?

* I'M GOING AROUND THE BEND

* ONE MORE CLIMB

* BUT WHEN I REACH THE END,

WILL YOU *

>> * WILL YOU

>> * WILL YOU BE MINE? *

>> * IT ALL WORKS OUT

* IN THE END

* AND IF I TRY

* WE'LL MAKE IT

* 'CAUSE MAYBE I'M A BITCH

* BUT I'M THE BEST

* SOMEHOW THIS ALL MAKES SENSE

* DON'T EXPLAIN

WHAT'S COMING NEXT *

* WE'VE FOUND

WE'RE A PERFECT MATCH *

* TOO LATE TO CHANGE THE FACTS

* OF STORIES WITH NO ENDING

AT ALL *

* IT ALL WORKS OUT

* IN THE END

* AND IF I TRY

* WE'LL MAKE IT

* 'CAUSE MAYBE I'M A BITCH

* BUT I'M THE BEST

* SOMEHOW THIS ALL MAKES SENSE

* AND YES

* IT ALL WORKS OUT

* IN THE END

* AND IF I TRY

* WE'LL MAKE IT

* 'CAUSE MAYBE I'M A BITCH

* BUT I'M THE BEST

* OUR STORY HAS NO END