All language subtitles for Desperate.Housewives.S07E06.Excited.and.Scared.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H265-SiGMA_track3_[eng]

PREVIOUSLY ON...

BREE'S ROMANCE WARMED UP.

OH, MY.

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO
GIVE GRACE EXPENSIVE GIFTS.

GABY GREW CLOSER
TO HER BIOLOGICAL DAUGHTER.

I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT.
YOU DESERVE BEAUTIFUL THINGS.

LYNETTE FINALLY GOT A NANNY.

TOMMY!

MOM!
BUT THERE WAS A CATCH.

SUSAN ADDED
TO HER TEACHING INCOME--

A SECRET JOB
THAT MADE HER VULNERABLE...

OH! OH!
It would be unfortunate

if anyone were to find out
what I already know.

TO BLACKMAIL.

Imagine what your husband
would think.

(Mary Alice) PAUL YOUNG
WAS A FRUSTRATED MAN.

HE'D BEEN LIVING WITH HIS WIFE
FOR OVER TWO MONTHS,

BUT SHE STILL REFUSED
TO SLEEP WITH HIM.

HE TRIED EVERYTHING
HE COULD THINK OF

TO PUT HER IN THE MOOD--

EXPENSIVE JEWELRY...

SECOND GLASSES OF WINE...

INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEOS.

BUT SADLY,

HIS WIFE'S RESPONSE
WAS NEVER WHAT HE'D HOPED FOR.

SO PAUL DECIDED TO GET HELP

FROM SOMEONE SURE TO SYMPATHIZE
WITH HIS SITUATION...

HI. I'M DR. GABLE.

ANOTHER MAN.

SHOULD WE GET THIS SESSION
STARTED?

SO... WHEN YOU MARRIED PAUL,

IT DIDN'T OCCUR TO YOU HE MIGHT
BE RELEASED FROM PRISON SOMEDAY?

NOT REALLY.

SO YOU WERE CONTENT
TO MARRY A MAN

YOU COULD NEVER TRULY BE WITH?

I JUST WANTED SOMEONE
TO CARE ABOUT ME.

I-I WASN'T REALLY INTERESTED
IN ALL THAT OTHER S-STUFF.

"STUFF"?

MEANING SEX?

DO YOU NOT LIKE SEX?

I'M NOT... SURE EXACTLY.

I'M A VIRGIN.

OH, COME ON!

IT'S TRUE.
YOU'RE 30 YEARS OLD!

I WAS SAVING MYSELF
FOR MARRIAGE.
GOOD NEWS. YOU ARE MARRIED.

TIME TO TAKE THE LID
OFF THE COOKIE JAR.

STOP CALLING IT THAT.
GIVE ME A COOKIE,
AND I WILL!

OKAY, OKAY,
LET'S TAKE A STEP BACK HERE.

THIS IS CLEARLY
AN UNUSUAL SITUATION.

THE TWO OF YOU...
NEVER GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER

IN ANY TRADITIONAL SENSE.

MY SUGGESTION?

START DATING.

YOU WANT ME TO DATE MY WIFE?

YES. COURT HER. TAKE BETH OUT
TO SOME NICE RESTAURANTS.

GIVE HER A CHANCE TO KNOW YOU

SO SHE CAN DEVELOP
NORMAL ROMANTIC FEELINGS.

IN TIME, I'M SURE
SHE'LL WANT NOTHING MORE

THAN TO SHARE YOUR BED.

I WOULDN'T MIND GOING
TO SOME NICE RESTAURANTS.

FINE.

YES, PAUL YOUNG WAS FRUSTRATED.

BUT EVEN FRUSTRATED MEN...

F.Y.I.,
UNTIL I GET SOME ACTION,

IT'LL BE DUTCH TREAT.

HAVE THEIR PRIDE.

IT WAS THAT TIME OF YEAR
WHEN PEOPLE FIND OUT

WHAT THEY'RE AFRAID OF.

FOR SOME, IT'S THE MONSTER
IN THE BUSHES.

FOR OTHERS, IT'S THE SPIDER
IN THEIR HAIR.

***

FOR A FEW, IT'S THE VAMPIRE
IN THE DRIVEWAY.

YES, HALLOWEEN HAD ONCE AGAIN
COME TO WISTERIA LANE.

AND THE ONLY THING
THAT FRIGHTENED ONE WOMAN

WAS THAT SHE MIGHT NOT BE
THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.

I'M HAVING A PARTY,
AND YOU ALL HAVE TO COME.

DID YOU KNOCK?

DOUG AND I HAD HALLOWEEN PARTIES
EVERY YEAR IN NEW YORK,

AND I FIGURED JUST BECAUSE
I'M IN FAIRVIEW NOW,

DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T CARRY ON
THE TRADITION...

EVEN THOUGH
THE FOOD'S NOT AS GOOD

AND THE COMPANY IS... (sighs)
FAR LESS INTERESTING.

WELL, WHO CAN TURN DOWN
AN INVITATION LIKE THAT?

WELL, GRACE IS SLEEPING OVER
THAT NIGHT,

BUT WE CAN SWING BY AFTER
WE'RE DONE TRICK-OR-TREATING

AND SHOW YOU THEIR COSTUMES.

JUANITA'S GOING AS A PUPPY THIS
YEAR. SHE'S GONNA LOOK SO CUTE.

YEAH, SEE THIS?

THE TRICYCLE WITH A LINE
THROUGH IT? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

NO KIDS.

THEY ALWAYS GET UNDERFOOT,
THEY EAT ALL THE CANDY,

AND, UH, YOU CAN'T SWEAR
IN FRONT OF THE LITTLE BASTARDS.

WELL, I'LL COME
IF I CAN BRING KEITH.

GUESS ONE CHILD WILL BE OKAY.

I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT.
LYNETTE?

YEAH?

DID YOU BUY ME
MY CHINA PEARL HAND CREAM?

I DON'T REMEMBER
YOU ASKING ME TO.

BUT I GUESS I COULD GO
AFTER WE'RE DONE EATING.

OH, ALL RIGHT. IT'S JUST
THAT MY HANDS ARE SO DRY.

THEY'RE STARTING TO CRACK
AND BLEED.

UH... OKAY. I'LL GO NOW.
I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER.

JUST MAKE SURE THAT
YOU WAKE UP PAIGE AT 3:00,

'CAUSE IF SHE SLEEPS ANY LONGER,
SHE'LL BE UP ALL NIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, DEAR.
OKAY.

OH!

(singsongy) A PARTY!

(scoffs) NO.

AS WEB SITES GO,
IT'S NOT THAT POPULAR...

JUST IN ASIA
AND PARTS OF EUROPE.

AND YOU CAN SEE
THAT THERE'S NO NUDITY.

I WAS JUST CLEANING...
IN MY UNDERWEAR.

OH, LOOK, MIKE.
I KNOW THAT YOU MUST BE ANGRY.

I-IF YOU WANNA YELL, YELL.
LET ME HAVE IT.

SAY SOMETHING, PLEASE?

I SHOULD'VE TAKEN
THAT JOB IN ALASKA.

WHAT?

IF I DID A BETTER JOB
TAKING CARE OF THIS FAMILY,

YOU WOULDN'T HAVE HAD
TO RESORT TO THIS.

NO, NO! THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
IT WAS MY STUPID MISTAKE.

I THOUGHT I COULD MAKE SOME EASY
MONEY AND NO ONE WOULD KNOW.

I'M SO SORRY.

WHY'D YOU DECIDE TO TELL ME?
DID SOMEBODY SEE YOU?

PAUL YOUNG.

OH, GOD.

AND HE'S...
SORT OF BLACKMAILING ME.

HE SAID THAT IF WE DON'T
SELL HIM OUR HOUSE,

HE WAS GONNA TELL YOU.

BUT I TOLD YOU,
SO IT DOESN'T MATTER.

AND W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

NO, NO, NO! DON'T BE ANGRY.
THIS WAS GOOD.

I'M NOT LYING TO YOU NOW.

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT,
PAUL DID US A FAVOR.

LOOK! NO! NO!

LOOK, LOOK, LOOK!
WE'RE CLOSER THAN EVER.

SUSAN, GET OFF ME.
VIOLENCE ISN'T THE ANSWER.

WE CAN'T LET HIM
GET AWAY WITH THIS.

WE WON'T. I HAVE AN IDEA
HOW TO GET HIM TO BACK OFF.

I'M LISTENING.

I CAN'T WAIT TO GO
TRICK-OR-TREATING WITH YOU.

THIS IS WHAT I'M GONNA USE
TO HOLD ALL MY CANDY.

UH, THAT'S NOT GOING TO CUT IT
IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD.

LAST YEAR, I FILLED UP
TWO PILLOWCASES.

WOW.
(sets down pumpkin)

WHERE'D YOU GET THIS?

WHY?

THIS IS MY MOM'S.

NO, IT'S NOT.

THIS WAS A GIFT...
FROM MY AUNT.

OH.

OKAY.

GIRLS, COME ON.
MRS. SOLIS IS HERE.

HI, SWEETIE.

YOU AND GRACE
HAVE A GOOD TIME?

IT WAS OKAY.

WHAT ARE YOU SMILING ABOUT?

I FOUND OUT SOMETHING
ABOUT GRACE TODAY.

SHE'S A THIEF.

WHAT...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT?

SHE STOLE YOUR NECKLACE,
SO I STOLE IT BACK.

NO! NO! NO!

I...

I MEAN...
THAT'S VERY SWEET OF YOU,

BUT GRACE DIDN'T STEAL THIS.
I GAVE IT TO HER AS A PRESENT.

WHY?

BECAUSE... I FELT SORRY
FOR HER.

YOU KNOW, HER FAMILY IS POOR,
AND WE HAVE SO MUCH.

AUNT ROSIE'S POOR, AND YOU
ALWAYS HIDE YOUR JEWELRY BOX

WHEN SHE COMES OVER.

YEAH, WELL, GRACE ISN'T
A KLEPTO WITH A METH HABIT.

SO DO YOU WANT ME
TO GIVE IT BACK?

(sighs) NO.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

(engine starts)

BUT NOW THAT I KNOW YOU'RE GOOD
AT GETTING THINGS BACK,

NEXT TIME WE'RE AT AUNT ROSIE'S,
I'M MISSING GOLD EARRINGS.

(door opens)

(door closes)
AH! HERE YOU GO.

YOUR CHINA PEARL HAND CREAM.

THANK YOU, DEAR.
I JUST USED MY LAST JAR.

YOU'RE WELCOME.
(keys clatter)

SO HOW DID IT GO
WITH THE BABY?

AND ON A RELATED NOTE,
WHERE IS THE BABY?

UPSTAIRS IN THE CRIB.

OH. WHAT?!

SHE'S STILL ASLEEP?

YES, BLESS HER HEART.

I HAD TIME TO MEND
ALL OF RODNEY'S OLD SWEATERS.

TOM'S SWEATERS,

AND I ASKED YOU, AND YOU SAID
YOU WOULD WAKE HER AT 3:00.

OH, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

I WOULD NEVER AGREE
TO WAKE A SLEEPING BABY.

OH, SHE'S BEEN DOWN
FOR ALMOST FOUR HOURS.

DAMN IT.
SHE'S GONNA BE UP ALL NIGHT.

YOU STOP YELLING AT ME!

I'M NOT YELLING AT YOU. I'M--
YES, YOU ARE!

YOU'RE ANGRY AND YOU'RE SAYING
IT'S MY FAULT, AND IT ISN'T!

YOU'RE A LIAR!

SUSAN.

HELLO. UM... WHAT'S THIS?

A PEACE OFFERING.

A WHAT?

PAUL, WE NEED TO MOVE PAST...
THE PAST.

AND YOU HAVE BEEN
A REALLY GOOD TENANT,

AND I APPRECIATE THAT.

YOU NEVER COMPLAIN. YOU'RE NEVER
LATE WITH THE RENT CHECK.

IN FACT, YOU'RE USUALLY EARLY.
AND WHO DOES THAT?

I'M JUST SO LUCKY THAT--
OH, DEAR.

WHAT?

IS--IS THAT A THUMBTACK
ON THE WALL?

WELL, I TRIED WILLING
THE CALENDAR TO STAY UP,

BUT IT JUST WOULDN'T
COOPERATE.

OH, BUT, PAUL,

THAT'S A CLEAR VIOLATION
OF YOUR LEASE AGREEMENT,

WHICH I HAPPEN TO HAVE...
(chuckles)

RIGHT HERE. OH.

SEE? PAGE 2.

STRICTLY NO ALTERATIONS.

SO...

IT APPEARS THAT YOU HAVE 60 DAYS
TO VACATE THE PREMISES.

BUT GOOD NEWS.

I THINK YOU'LL BE GETTING
MOST OF YOUR DEPOSIT BACK.

I'LL JUST NEED TO DEDUCT

THE COST OF REPAIRING
THE THUMBTACK HOLE.

VERY CLEVER, SUSAN,
BUT DO YOU REALLY THINK

YOU'RE IN A POSITION
TO BE MAKING SUCH DEMANDS?

WHY DON'T WE JUST AGREE

TO OVERLOOK
THIS SLIGHT LEASE INFRACTION

BEFORE I CALL YOUR HUSBAND
AND LET HIM KNOW

ABOUT HIS WIFE'S
LITTLE CLEANING FETISH?

HE KNOWS, PAUL.

I TOLD HIM EVERYTHING,

INCLUDING THE PART WHERE
YOU TRIED TO BLACKMAIL ME.

HE WASN'T HAPPY.

SEE THIS?

THIS IS WHAT I HAD
TO PRY OUT OF HIS HAND

SO YOU WOULDN'T NEED A PARAMEDIC
TO PRY IT OUT OF YOUR SKULL.

ALLOW ME TO DEMONSTRATE.

THIS...

IS YOU.

THIS IS YOU IF YOU TELL ANYONE
AND MIKE FINDS OUT.

I UNDERSTAND.

DON'T FORGET. 60 DAYS.

OH! AND ENJOY
THOSE RAISIN MUFFINS.

AT LEAST,
I HOPE THEY'RE ALL RAISINS.

MY APARTMENT HAS RATS.

(door closes)

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE FINALLY
GONNA SEE MY APARTMENT.

ME NEITHER, BUT AS YOU SAID,

WE NEED TO GET TO KNOW
EACH OTHER BETTER.

SO... (sighs)

HERE GOES.

OH, MY GOD.

WHAT'S WRONG?
WELL, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND.

I HAD
THIS WHOLE FROZEN SMILE READY.

I WAS EXPECTING A BACHELOR PAD--

YOU KNOW, PIZZA BOXES,
DIRTY UNDERWEAR,

NEON BEER CLOCK.
BUT LOOK AT THIS PLACE.

IT'S TASTEFULLY DECORATED

AND SMELLS...
(inhales deeply)

OH, MY. IS THAT POTPOURRI?

I JUST SWITCHED
TO THE... AUTUMN BLEND.

TAKE ME... RIGHT NOW...
ON THE TABLE.

SHOULD I USE A PLACE MAT?

(chuckles)

MMM. MMM.

HELLO.

THAT IS MIMI, MY ROOMMATE.

SEE YA.

(chuckles)

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE

THAT FROZEN SMILE
CAME IN HANDY AFTER ALL.

(wolf howls)

I HAVE TO SAY,
YOU DO KEEP ME ON MY TOES.

THIS IS AN UNEXPECTED SPOT
FOR A FIRST DATE.

WELL,
I KNOW IT SOUNDS CORNY.

BUT YOU TAKE A GIRL
TO A HAUNTED HOUSE,

AND SHE'LL PROBABLY WANNA
GRAB ONTO YOU.

HEY, THAT PUMPKIN BREAD
LOOKS PRETTY GOOD.

WHY DON'T YOU GET US
A COUPLE OF SLICES?

SURE.

(children shouting playfully)

SO... ARE YOU
AN OAKRIDGE PARENT?

OH, YES. WE LOVE THE SCHOOL.

ARE YOU THINKING
OF SENDING YOUR CHILD THERE?

I DON'T THINK SO.

MY FAMILY VALUES
ARE QUITE TRADITIONAL.

I HAPPENED TO HEAR
SOME INFORMATION ABOUT

THE AFTER-SCHOOL ACTIVITIES
OF ONE OF THE TEACHERS.

AND LET'S JUST SAY...
IT WAS TROUBLING.

WHAT KIND OF INFORMATION?

ARE YOU FAMILIAR
WITH A, UM, MRS. DELFINO?

(Paige crying)
OHH.

(tune of Brahms' "Lullaby")
* GO TO SLEEP, GO TO SLEEP

* THIS IS ALL GRANDMA'S FAULT

* GO TO SLEEP, GO TO SLEEP

(crying continues)

* WHY CAN'T SHE PUT
HER THINGS AWAY? *

(humming Brahms' "Lullaby")

(stops humming)

(sets jar down)

(click)

YOU OKAY?

WHAT TIME IS IT?

4:12.

I'M SORRY TO WAKE YOU UP,
BUT I AM WORRIED ABOUT YOUR MOM.

I DON'T THINK
SHE'S ALL THERE.

YOU WOKE ME UP AT 4:00 A.M.
TO BITCH ABOUT MY MOM?

YOU COULDN'T DO THAT
DURING BUSINESS HOURS?

NO. LISTEN. SHE SENT ME OUT
TO BUY HAND CREAM

WHEN SHE ALREADY HAD
TEN JARS.

SHE FORGOT
TO WAKE UP THE BABY.
SHE'S OLDER.
SHE FORGETS SOME THINGS.

NO! SHE ALSO HAS THESE...

(exhales deeply)

INTENSE MOOD SWINGS.

I MEAN, TODAY, SHE ALMOST
TOOK MY HEAD OFF FOR NO REASON.

WELL, SHE'S--
AND THEN--

AND THEN SHE LOOKED LIKE
SHE WAS GONNA BURST INTO TEARS.

SHE'S AWAY FROM HOME. SHE ISN'T
USED TO ALL THIS CHAOS.

OKAY. I GET IT.

SHE'S YOUR MOM,
AND YOU LOVE HER,

AND YOU CAN LOOK FOR AN EXCUSE
FOR EVERY ONE OF THESE THINGS.

BUT I THINK THERE'S MORE
GOING ON HERE

THAN JUST HER BEING
A LITTLE FORGETFUL.

UGH.

(sighs)

YOUR LIGHT'S ON.

HEY, MOM.

MMM.
MWAH.

HOW YOU DOING?

YOU OKAY?

YES.

WHY DO YOU ASK?
IS SOMETHING WRONG?

YOU JUST SEEM A LITTLE...

A LITTLE SCATTERED LATELY.

H-HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT?

THERE'S MY LITTLE WORRYWART.

REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE
AT CAMP KICKAPOO?

YOU WERE SURE HURRICANE BELLE
HAD KILLED US ALL

EVEN THOUGH IT WAS
OFF THE COAST OF GEORGIA.

A-AND THAT--THAT MEAN COUNSELOR
BOB WOULDN'T LET ME CALL YOU.

HIS NAME WAS ANDY.

MY GOD, YOU'RE RIGHT.
AND YOU DID CALL.

YOU EVEN MADE ME
PUT THE DOG ON THE PHONE.

WHICH YOU DID. (laughs)

(laughs) NO. I JUST BARKED
A COUPLE OF TIMES.

RUFF RUFF! (laughs)

SPARKY WAS ASLEEP.

OH, I BETTER
GO GET DRESSED.

I TOLD PENNY I'D HELP HER
WITH HER COSTUME.

OKAY.

DID YOU SEE THAT?

SHE'S REMEMBERING THINGS
THAT I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER.

YEAH, BUT IT'S 9:00
IN THE MORNING, AND...

AND WHAT?

I'VE BEEN DOING
A LITTLE RESEARCH,

AND THERE IS THIS THING
CALLED SUNDOWNING.

A LOT OF PEOPLE WITH DEMENTIA
DON'T SHOW SIGNS IN THE DAY.

IT'S ONLY AT NIGHT
THAT THEY GET CONFUSED.

DID YOU NOT JUST HEAR HER?
MY MOTHER IS NOT SENILE.

LET'S BE HONEST.

YOU'VE BEEN TRYING
TO GET HER OUT OF THIS HOUSE

EVER SINCE SHE WALKED IN.
YOU THINK THIS IS A TACTIC?

THE OTHER DAY, SHE MADE TEA THEN
LEFT THE STOVE ON FOR AN HOUR.

(sighs)
THERE HAS BEEN
A LOT OF STUFF LIKE THAT,

AND I'M STARTING
TO GET WORRIED.

MAYBE WE SHOULD TAKE HER
TO THE DOCTOR.

NO!

TOM--
NO!

UNTIL WE KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON,

I DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE
WITH HER WATCHING THE BABY.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG
WITH MY MOTHER, OKAY?

SO JUST DROP IT!

(dishes clattering)

MORNING. DO YOU WANT
SOMETHING TO EAT OR SOME TEA?

OH. TEA WOULD BE LOVELY.

HOW DO YOU TAKE IT?

WITH AN EXPLANATION.

I'M SORRY. KEITH DIDN'T TELL ME
THAT HE HAD A FEMALE ROOMMATE.

AND, YES, HE SAID THAT YOU TWO
NEVER SLEPT TOGETHER--

WELL, EXCEPT FOR
THOSE TWO TIMES.

WHAT?! WE NEVER HAD SEX!

(chuckles) THAT'S REALLY
WHAT HE SAID.

I JUST NEEDED
TO SEE YOUR REACTION

TO KNOW THAT IT WAS TRUE.
NICELY DONE.

THANK YOU.

BY THE WAY, YOU DON'T NEED
TO WORRY ABOUT OTHER WOMEN.

THE GUY NEVER STOPS
TALKING ABOUT YOU.

OH, THAT'S GOOD TO HEAR.

WELL, I'M GONNA
GRAB A SHOWER.

HERE'S YOUR TEA.
WATER WILL BE READY IN A MINUTE.

OH, AND, UH,
WHEN KEITH WAKES UP,

COULD YOU JUST
GIVE HIM HIS MAIL?
SURE.

I KNOW YOU DIDN'T COME TO
DELIVER YOUR R.S.V.P. IN PERSON.

WHAT'S UP?

WELL, I NEED
TO ASK YOU SOMETHING.

IN THE TIME THAT YOU AND KEITH
SPENT TOGETHER,

DID YOU EVER HAVE THE SENSE
THAT HE MIGHT BE--

INTO BONY OLD WHITE LADIES?

DEFINITELY.

NO,
WHAT I WAS WONDERING IS,

HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN A VIBE THAT
HE MIGHT BE A LITTLE... CRAZY?

OH. WELL, LET ME THINK.

OUR FIRST DATE WAS CUT SHORT

WHEN YOU SABOTAGED
YOUR OWN SPRINKLER SYSTEM.

OUR SECOND WAS DERAILED

WHEN YOU TERRORIZED ME
WITH A LITTLE PERSON.

NO, I THINK THE VIBE I PICKED UP
IS YOU'RE CRAZY.

RENEE, YOU'RE NOT BEING
VERY HELPFUL.

FINE. YOU WANNA TELL ME
WHAT THIS IS ABOUT?

I'M TRYING TO FIND OUT
IF HE'S DANGEROUS.

I RECENTLY DISCOVERED THAT HE IS
ON PROBATION FOR ASSAULT.

OH. THAT?

YOU KNOW ABOUT IT?

YEAH. IT HAPPENED AT THE BAR
WHERE I MET HIM.

ABOUT A YEAR AGO, HE BROUGHT
HIS GIRLFRIEND THERE.

SOME GUY STARTED HITTING ON HER,
SO KEITH FLATTENED HIM.

KEITH TOLD YOU THAT?

NO, THE BARTENDER DID.

I ALWAYS CHECK OUT THE GUYS
BEFORE I BRING 'EM HOME.

DON'T WANNA END UP HANDCUFFED
TO MY BED FOR THREE DAYS...

AGAIN.

SO... KEITH WAS DEFENDING
HIS GIRLFRIEND.

WELL, IT'S NICE TO KNOW
THAT CHIVALRY ISN'T DEAD.

BUT THERE IS ANOTHER WAY
TO FIND OUT IF HE'S VIOLENT.

HOW?

WELL, START A FIGHT WITH HIM.
IF HE SLUGS YOU, HE'S VIOLENT.

WHOEVER LEFT YOU HANDCUFFED
TO THE BED FOR THREE DAYS...

HE HAS MY RESPECT.

(puckers lips)

NOW, GRACE, THIS IS THE FIRST
TIME I'VE MADE A COSTUME,

SO IF YOU HATE IT,
JUST TELL ME.

(Grace) I LOVE IT.

I'VE NEVER HAD SUCH
A PRETTY COSTUME BEFORE.

THANK YOU!
YOU'RE THE COOLEST MOM EVER!

LOOK, MOMMY! WOOF! WOOF!

YOU'RE ADORABLE!

(laughs)

(gasps)

OH, GRACE.

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

LIKE A REAL PRINCESS.

I FEEL LIKE ONE.

OHH.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT
EVERY PRINCESS NEEDS?

LOOK,
I CAN ALSO WAG MY TAIL.

OKAY, HANG ON, SWEETIE.

NOW ONCE I PUT THIS ON, I'M
GONNA STYLE YOUR HAIR AROUND IT.
OKAY.

CAN YOU STYLE MY HAIR?

BUT, SWEETIE,
IT DOESN'T EVEN SHOW.

BUT I AM GONNA GO OVER YOU
WITH A LINT ROLLER.

I WANNA BE A PRINCESS.

WHAT? ALL YOU'VE TALKED ABOUT
FOR THE LAST FOUR MONTHS

IS HOW MUCH YOU WANTED
TO GO AS A DOG.

I CHANGED MY MIND.

WELL, I'M SORRY.

YOU'RE EITHER GOING AS A DOG
OR A LITTLE MEXICAN GIRL.

AND IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD,

WE BOTH KNOW WHICH ONE'S
GETTING MORE CANDY.

LET'S GO TO THE MIRROR,
SWEETIE. OKAY.
OKAY.

SO YOUR PUMPKIN CAN HAVE
A HAPPY FACE OR A SCARY FACE.

MS. DELFINO?

PRINCIPAL HOBSON
WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU.

HE SEEMS UPSET
ABOUT SOMETHING.

(banging)

(door opens)

THERE YOU ARE.

YOUR SON'S BEEN WAITING
FOUR MILLION YEARS

TO GO TRICK-OR-TREATING.

ME WANT CANDY. UGH!

OHH. OKAY, SWEETIE.

WHY DON'T YOU GO GET YOUR
TENNIS SHOES ON AND WE'LL GO?

WHAT'S WITH THE BOX?
(sighs)

YOU OKAY?

I GOT FIRED.

WHAT?

THEY FOUND OUT
ABOUT THE WEB SITE.

(groans)

PAUL!

THIS TIME, I'M GONNA KILL HIM,
AND YOU'RE NOT STOPPING ME.

MIKE, NO. IT--IT WASN'T HIM.

ONE OF THE MOMS
CALLED THE SCHOOL,

PROBABLY CAUGHT HER HUSBAND
WATCHING IT OR SOMETHING.

(sighs)

SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

WE CAN'T MAKE IT
ON WHAT I'M BRINGING IN.

I'LL FIND ANOTHER JOB.

I'LL...

YOU'LL WHAT?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M CALLING TOMMY GLENN
IN ALASKA.

HE SAID WHENEVER
I WAS READY--
NO ALASKA.

YOU'LL BE GONE THREE MONTHS.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO M.J.

DO WHAT?
MAKE AN HONEST LIVING?

HOW MUCH THOUGHT
DID YOU GIVE M.J.

WHEN YOU WERE DANCING AROUND
IN YOUR UNDERWEAR?

PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT.

AND NOW ONE OF THE MOMS
AT THE SCHOOL KNOWS,

SO THERE'S A PRETTY GOOD CHANCE
HE'S GONNA HEAR ABOUT IT.

NO, SUSAN, YOU DON'T GET
TO MAKE THE DECISIONS

ABOUT WHAT'S BEST
FOR THIS FAMILY ANYMORE. I DO.

TAKE M.J. TRICK-OR-TREATING.
I'M GONNA MAKE THIS PHONE CALL.

I HAD A LOVELY TIME
AT DINNER TONIGHT.

IT WAS NICE TO HEAR ALL THOSE
STORIES ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD.

IT WAS NICE TELLING THEM.
THOSE WERE HAPPY DAYS.

I LIKED REMEMBERING THEM.

CAN I GIVE YOU
AN ODD COMPLIMENT?

WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT THE PAST,
IT CHANGES HOW YOU LOOK.

YOU'RE NOT SO...

INTIMIDATING.

WELL, THAT IS
AN ODD COMPLIMENT.

BUT I... APPRECIATE IT.

W-W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I WAS RESPONDING TO WHAT
I THOUGHT WAS A SIGNAL FROM YOU.

I WASN'T SIGNALING FOR YOU

TO TRY TO JAM YOUR TONGUE
DOWN MY THROAT.

BETH, I'M NOT
SOME KIND OF ANIMAL

TRYING TO SATISFY ITS URGES.
IF I WAS,

I COULD'VE GONE TO A BAR
OR ANY STREET CORNER WEEKS AGO.
THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I WANNA CONNECT WITH YOU,
TO HAVE A REAL MARRIAGE.

AND, YES, SEX IS PART OF THAT.
BUT THERE'S MORE.

WITH WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH,

I NEED A PARTNER BY MY SIDE,
SOMEONE THAT I CAN TRUST.

I THINK
YOU CAN BE THAT PERSON.

THE QUESTION IS...

DO YOU?

(gasps)
(slap)

(gasps)

I WANT YOU GONE
BY THE END OF THE WEEK.

TRICK OR TREAT!
TRICK OR TREAT!

TRICK OR TREAT!
COME ON!

(children shouting playfully)

(singsongy) TRICK OR TREAT!

(laughs)

(singsongy) OH, HERE YOU GO!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

***

(doorbell rings)

(indistinct conversations)

(breathy voice) WELCOME!
WELCOME! (giggles)

RENEE, I LOVE YOUR COSTUME.

WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
AH.

* HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

* HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

* HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
MR. PRESIDENT *

MICHELLE OBAMA. COOL.

(chuckles)

(normal voice) CLEARLY, HE'S
COME AS ONE OF HELL'S IDIOTS.

OH, IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GONNA
RUN OUT OF CANDY.

I THINK I'D BETTER
HEAD TO THE STORE.

NO, WE ARE VETERANS
AT THE CANDY GAME, MOM.

WE GOT LOADS OF BACKUP
IN THE CUPBOARD. MMM. (kisses)

(chuckles)
(lowers voice) PLUS I ALWAYS
KEEP A STASH IN MY GOLF BAG.

OH, YOU AND YOUR SWEET TOOTH.
(laughs)
(laughs)

(doorbell rings)

(gasps) OH! OH!
(singsongy) MORE CUSTOMERS!

DON'T FORGET TO SAY "THANK YOU."

AND, CELIA, STOP MOOING.
YOU'RE A CAT, REMEMBER?

(girls, singsongy)
TRICK OR TREAT!

OH! HOW PRECIOUS! (laughs)

YOU'RE TOM'S MOTHER, RIGHT?
I'M GABY. WE MET THE OTHER DAY.

OF COURSE. UH, THIS MUST BE
YOUR BEAUTIFUL LITTLE PRINCESS.

YOU'RE AS PRETTY AS YOUR MOMMY,
AREN'T YOU?

NO. NO. MY DAUGHTER'S A DOG.
THE DOG. THAT DOG.

OH.

IT'S CHEAPER THAN THERAPY.

(door closes)

OH, DEAR.
WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF CANDY.

I SHOULD TAKE A LITTLE WALK
TO THE STORE.

I THINK WE HAVE MORE
SOMEWHERE.

DON'T YOU WORRY.
GRANDMA'S GONNA TAKE CARE OF IT.

(door closes)

***

(breathy voice)
* HAPPY BIRTH--

(normal voice)
SON OF A BITCH.

***

HEY...

THANKS FOR CHEERING FOR ME
AT THE BIG GAME TODAY, HUH?

MY PLEASURE. GO TEAM.

AND, UH, SINCE I SCORED
THE WINNING TOUCHDOWN,

DON'T I GET A KISS
OR SOMETHING?

OH, I'M AFRAID NOT.

I'M ALREADY GOING TO THE PROM
WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

OH. (chuckles) SO?
HE DOESN'T HAVE TO KNOW.

COME ON. ONE KISS.
(puckers lips)

ALL RIGHT,
OUR LITTLE SKIT IS OVER.

HEY, YOU'RE NOT GETTING RID
OF ME THAT EASY.

REALLY. KEITH!

COULD YOU COME HERE
FOR A SECOND?

HEY, YOU GUYS LOOK GREAT
TOGETHER.

WELL, I WAS ACTUALLY
JUST ASKING THIS GENTLEMAN

TO LEAVE ME ALONE, BUT HE
DOESN'T SEEM TO BE GETTING IT.

UH...

THAT TRUE? YOU BOTHERING HER?

NO. (scoffs)
IT'S THE COSTUME THING.

WE WERE JUST FOOLING AROUND.

THANK YOU.
THAT WAS VERY GALLANT,

NOT TO MENTION SEXY.

HMM.

YOU KNOW, NO ONE HAS EVER
DEFENDED ME LIKE THAT BEFORE.

ORSON ONCE THREW
HALF A DIET SODA AT A MAN,

BUT WE WERE IN A MOVING VEHICLE,
SO I DON'T...

KEITH?

(whispers) OH, DEAR.

LOOK, LIKE I SAID,
I WAS JUST HAVING SOME FUN.

BY BEING A JACKASS?

YOU NEED TO APOLOGIZE
TO MY GIRLFRIEND.

FINE. SORRY.

APOLOGY ACCEPTED. LET'S GO.

HOLD ON A SECOND.

TRY THAT AGAIN,
AND THIS TIME, MEAN IT.

(chuckles) OR YOU'LL DO WHAT?

(gasps)

KEITH, PLEASE, STOP, STOP.
HEY! HEY!

(stomps foot)
KEITH!

KEITH!

(sighs)

KEITH!
WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE?

AN IDIOT PUSHED MY BUTTONS,
AND I WENT OFF!

WASN'T IT OBVIOUS?!

WELL, WHY ARE YOU
YELLING AT ME?

BECAUSE IT'S WHO I AM!

I'VE BEEN ARRESTED FOR THIS
BEFORE!

YOU KNOW, I KEPT TRYING
TO CONVINCE MYSELF

THAT IT WASN'T A PROBLEM
UNTIL THE SECOND TIME

THAT I GOT ARRESTED,
THEN I REALIZED IT WAS.

SO FEEL FREE
TO BREAK UP WITH ME

'CAUSE YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.

I DON'T WANT TO BREAK UP
WITH YOU.

COME ON. YOU CAN'T BE
WITH A GUY LIKE ME,

NOT THE WAY THAT YOU ARE
WITH YOUR CONTROLLED SMILE

AND YOUR PERFECT HOUSE
AND YOUR PERFECT LAWN.

YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT
MY PERFECT LAWN?

NINE YEARS AGO, MY SON FOUND ME
FACEDOWN DRUNK ON IT.

IT'S TRUE!

HE HAD TURN THE SPRINKLERS ON
TO WAKE ME UP.

DID YOU NOT KNOW YOU WERE DATING
THE BIGGEST LUSH IN FAIRVIEW?

NO, I DIDN'T.

WE ALL HAVE BAGGAGE,

AND YOU AND I HAVE
REACHED THAT POINT

WHERE WE GET TO SEE
WHAT THE OTHER'S

BEEN CARRYING AROUND
ALL THESE YEARS.

ANYTHING ELSE
YOU'VE BEEN HIDING?

NO. YOU'VE PRETTY MUCH
SEEN ME AT MY WORST.

WELL, I DON'T THINK I'VE SEEN
ANYTHING THAT I CAN'T HANDLE.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

YOU THINK YOU CAN DEAL

WITH A CONTROL FREAK
WITH A DRINKING PROBLEM?

(screaming)

OOH!
AND THERE GOES THE THUMB.

YEAH, SO MUCH
FOR HITCHHIKING.

(doorbell rings)

(mutes TV)
OH. HEY, MOM, YOU GOT THAT?

GRANDMA'S NOT BACK YET.
BACK FROM WHERE?

SHE WALKED TO THE STORE
TO GET MORE CANDY.

WHAT?

HEY, GUYS, WILL YOU, UH,
LISTEN FOR THE BABY?

I WILL, UH, BE BACK
AS SOON AS I CAN.

IS GRANDMA OKAY?

SHE'S, UH...

YEAH, IT'S JUST A LITTLE LATE
FOR HER TO BE OUT BY HERSELF.

I'LL BE--I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(children shouting playfully)

WOW! I CAN'T BELIEVE
I GOT SO MUCH CANDY!

YOU DESERVE EVERY PIECE, GRACE.

YOU WORKED THAT SIDEWALK
LIKE A MILAN RUNWAY. (chuckles)

HOW DID YOU GET SO MUCH
OF THIS IN YOUR FUR?

(sighs) THIS IS WHY CATS
DO NOT CHEW GUM.

HERE, YOU SAID
YOU LIKED PEPPERMINT.

AW. THAT IS SO THOUGHTFUL.
THANK YOU.

OHH! OKAY.

I'VE GOTTA GIVE CELIA A BATH.
YOU TWO GO EASY ON THE CANDY.

OH, GOSH.
I CAN'T GET THIS OUT OF MY HAIR.

MRS. SOLIS?

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
WE DON'T NEED HER.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

OKAY, LET'S TRY THIS
ONE MORE TIME.

WHAT DOES A CAT SAY?

OINK?

BOY, I REALLY HOPE
YOU MARRY WELL.

(Grace screams)

(gasps)

SHE WAS HAVING A PROBLEM.
I FIXED IT.

(gasps)

REALLY? YOU'RE NOT JUST
SAYING THAT?

NO, LEE, YOU ARE A MUCH PRETTIER
MARILYN THAN SHE IS.

J.F.K. WOULD BE
ALL OVER THAT.

(cell phone rings)
HMM.

OH, HANG ON.
(beep)

OH, HEY, CARLOS.
WHAT'S UP?

OH, I... O-OKAY. I WILL BE--
I WILL BE RIGHT THERE.

(beep)
(whispers) SHOOT.

(gasps)

IT'S ME.

LYNETTE?

YEAH.

OH! THANK GOD.

OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

I WAS WALKING. I-I-I MUST
HAVE GOT TURNED AROUND.

I MADE IT UP--UP TO
CLAIRE GRAHAM'S PLACE,

BUT... (voice breaking)
THE LIGHTS WERE OUT.

THERE IS NO CLAIRE GRAHAM
ON THIS STREET.

OH, THERE MOST CERTAINLY IS.
SHE... LIVES...

OH. LET'S JUST...
LET'S GO HOME.

YOU LET GO OF ME!
YOU'RE DOING THIS TO ME.

YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL CRAZY.
OH, ALLISON--

I SAID LET GO!
(slap)

OHH!

I'M SO SORRY, DEAR.
UH...

I DON'T KNOW
WHERE MY HEAD IS.

I'VE NEVER DONE THAT...
BEFORE.

TELL HER, TOMMY.

IT'S OKAY, MOM.

I'M HERE.

MAMA, THAT IS WHAT HE SAID.

"I WANT YOU GONE."

THOSE WERE HIS EXACT WORDS.

I AM. I-I AM TRYING
TO MAKE IT WORK, I SWEAR.

I DO EVERYTHING HE ASKS OF ME.

MAYBE I SHOULD COME HOME.

BUT, YES, I KNOW I MADE
A COMMITMENT,

BUT I AM SO UNHAPPY.

OF COURSE I WANT YOU
TO BE PROUD OF ME.

OKAY. UH...

I-I-I-I WILL.

I'LL TRY.

BYE, MAMA.

(beep)

SUSAN! HANG ON.
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

OW, OW, OW. STILETTO HEELS,
WHY DO YOU HATE ME?

WHAT'S UP?

PAUL YOUNG WANTED ME TO ASK
AGAIN IF YOU HAD ANY INTEREST

IN SELLING YOUR PLACE.

NO. HE KNOWS THAT.

IN FACT, HE'S VACATING
OUR HOUSE IN 60 DAYS.

WELL, HE INSISTED
I CHECK AGAIN.

HE SAID YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES
HAD RECENTLY CHANGED, AND...

WAIT. WHEN DID HE SAY THAT,
EXACTLY?

THIS MORNING.

(sighs) CAN YOU TAKE M.J.

TO MRS. McCLUSKEY'S FOR ME?
SURE.

SWEETIE, MOMMY'S GONNA HOLD THAT
FOR YOU.

(doorbell rings)

SUSAN.

YOU BASTARD!

(glass shatters)

SUSAN,
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

WHEN YOU MOVED HERE,

I TRIED TO GIVE YOU
THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT!

BUT YOU'RE EVIL!

WELL, GUESS WHAT?
BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT IS OVER!

(doorbell rings)

(children, singsongy)
TRICK OR TREAT!

HE'S OUT OF CANDY!
(panting)

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GLAD I DIDN'T LET
MIKE DO THIS.

'CAUSE I'M REALLY
ENJOYING IT!

(Beth) GET AWAY FROM HIM.

BETH, YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT HE'S DONE.

I DON'T CARE.

HE'S MY HUSBAND.

(click)

NOW GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE.

(thud, clatter)

ARE YOU OKAY?

YEAH.

THANK YOU.

WELL, I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.
MRS. SANCHEZ WAS FURIOUS

WHEN SHE SAW WHAT YOU DID
TO GRACE'S HAIR.

FORTUNATELY,
THAT SWEET LITTLE GIRL

SAW I WAS IN A JAM
AND SAID IT WAS HER IDEA.
OF COURSE SHE DID.

WELL, THANK GOD.

OTHERWISE, SHE WOULDN'T BE ABLE
TO COME HERE AND PLAY ANYMORE.

WHO CARES?

HONEY, GRACE IS YOUR FRIEND.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HER
TILL A MONTH AGO.

BUT YOU LOVE
SPENDING TIME WITH HER.

NO, YOU DO.

YOU'RE ALWAYS TALKING TO HER,
KISSING HER,

STARING AT HER.

YOU LIKE HER BETTER THAN ME.

OH, THAT'S RIDICULOUS!

THEN WHY DID YOU GIVE HER
THAT NECKLACE?

YOU DON'T EVEN LET ME
TOUCH YOUR JEWELRY.

WHAT'S SO SPECIAL
ABOUT GRACE?

WHATEVER.

THIS IS BAD.

SHE KNOWS SOMETHING IS UP.
I THINK WE SHOULD PULL BACK,

STAY AWAY FROM GRACE
FOR A WHILE.

NO! NO WAY. NO, NO, NO.
I'LL JUST BE MORE CAREFUL.

IT'LL BE FINE.

GABY, WE HAVE TO PROTECT
OUR DAUGHTER.

THEY'RE BOTH OUR DAUGHTERS.

I REALLY DON'T WANT YOU
TO GO.

I DON'T WANNA GO EITHER,

BUT THIS WILL MAKE US
ENOUGH MONEY

TO GET PAUL OUT OF OUR HOUSE
AND GIVE US OUR LIVES BACK.

PLUS IF I STAY,

I'M AFRAID I'LL KILL HIM.

OKAY. CAR'S LOADED.

IT'S TIME TO GO.

TO THE NURSING HOME.

MOM, AGAIN,
IT ISN'T A NURSING HOME.

IT'S ASSISTED LIVING.
IT'S--

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL FACILITY
WITH--WITH FLOWER BEDS

AND ACTIVITIES AND LOTS
OF OTHER PEOPLE. IT'S...

JUST TELL ME THIS, TOMMY.

AFTER I GO THERE,
WHEN DO I GET TO LEAVE?

WHEN DO I GET TO GO HOME?

WE'LL HAVE TO SEE
WHAT THE DOCTORS SAY.

NEVER, THAT'S WHEN.

I'VE SEEN MY FRIENDS
GO INTO THESE PLACES,

AND THEY DON'T COME BACK.

MOM...

I TALKED TO PETER AND THERESA,
AND WE ALL AGREE.

YOU CAN'T LIVE BY YOURSELF
ANYMORE.

IF SOMETHING BAD
WERE TO HAPPEN TO YOU,

WE WOULD NEVER... (kisses)

FORGIVE OURSELVES.

THE ONLY THING BAD
HAPPENING HERE

IS WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO ME.

MOM... I DON'T KNOW
WHAT ELSE TO DO.

WHEN YOU CALLED ME
AT THAT CAMP

AND YOU WERE SCARED,
YOU KEPT SAYING,

"I WANT TO COME HOME, MOM."

AND I SAID,
"TOMMY, IF YOU MEAN THAT,

I'LL COME GET YOU."

THAT'S WHAT YOU DO.

(sighs)

THE TIME COMES
WHEN WE ALL MUST FIND OUT

WHAT WE'RE AFRAID OF.

SOME OF US FEAR...

"SHE MAY NEVER FORGIVE ME."

OTHERS WORRY...

"SHE MIGHT LEARN THE TRUTH."

A FEW WONDER...

"COULD HE SEND ME AWAY?"

YES.
THE WORLD IS A SCARY PLACE.

IT'S EVEN MORE TERRIFYING...

IF WE HAVE TO FACE IT...

ALONE.