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1
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:08,800
{\an8}♪
2
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:12,053
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
3
00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:13,888
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
4
00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:15,640
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
5
00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,727
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
6
00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:20,270
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
7
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,105
♪ People spouting,
"howdy, neighbor!" ♪
8
00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:25,275
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
9
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:28,778
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
10
00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:32,741
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
11
00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:40,123
[ Video game beeping ]
12
00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:41,374
See, Stan?
You gotta choose
13
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:43,251
if you wanna be
in Gryffindor or Slytherin.
14
00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:45,211
Yeah, can I do it?
15
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:47,297
Yeah, see, you gotta fight
these fairy guys.
16
00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:48,465
Randy.
17
00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:49,883
[ Beeping continues ]
18
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,134
Randy!
19
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,635
The powder room
toilet is broken.
20
00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:54,053
Again!
21
00:00:54,053 --> 00:00:55,513
Did you jiggle
the handle?
22
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:56,973
Yes, I jiggled the handle.
23
00:00:56,973 --> 00:00:58,767
Will you come
fix this, please?
24
00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:01,144
Okay, okay.
25
00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:02,479
[ Beeping continues ]
26
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,526
Huh, well, let's see.
27
00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:12,238
It's gotta be the little
black floaty thingie.
28
00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:13,490
What'd you do to it?
29
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,158
I didn't do anything.
30
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:16,451
Lemme see if there's
water in the bowl.
31
00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,495
No!
Don't lift the lid.
32
00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:20,205
Why can't I
lift the lid?
33
00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:23,208
Don't, Randy!
Uh-huh.
34
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:25,168
Hey, guys!
Your mom took a shit
35
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,711
and doesn't want me
to see it.
36
00:01:26,711 --> 00:01:28,671
Ew!
Gross, Dad!
37
00:01:28,671 --> 00:01:31,382
Randy!
We need to get a new toilet.
38
00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:33,927
We can't just get rid
of ol' blue, Sharon.
39
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,470
This is embarrassing.
40
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:38,431
It's the powder room toilet,
the one guests use.
41
00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:40,016
You get a new toilet, Randy,
42
00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:43,019
or I'm not helping you
sell weed anymore!
43
00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:45,396
Alright, alright.
Sharon, you win.
44
00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:46,564
As usual.
45
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:49,818
Poor ol' Blue.
46
00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:54,864
[ Indistinct conversations ]
47
00:01:58,034 --> 00:01:59,786
Can I help you
with anything?
48
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:02,580
Oh, yeah, just lookin' for a new
toilet to replace Ol' Blue.
49
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:04,707
Alright, well, all our toilets
here are standard bowl,
50
00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:05,875
come with full warranty.
51
00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:07,168
How much
you looking to spend?
52
00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:08,503
Well I'm not poor.
53
00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:10,547
I happen to have
my own weed business.
54
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,882
So that's pretty much
the nicest one you have, right?
55
00:02:12,882 --> 00:02:14,467
Yeah, that's probably
the top model, you know,
56
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:18,012
before you start getting
into the Japanese toilets.
57
00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:19,347
Japanese toilets?
58
00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:21,057
Yeah, they're the sort of
the super-high-class
59
00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:22,684
luxury models with all
the bells and whistles.
60
00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:25,395
But you probably don't wanna
spend that kind of money.
61
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,105
I'm not poor.
62
00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:29,858
Oh, well,
we can show them to you.
63
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:32,068
The Japanese toilets
are right over there.
64
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,075
Hi, Rick.
This gentleman
65
00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:40,869
would like to see
the Japanese toilets.
66
00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:43,079
Well, of course, sir.
My name is Rick.
67
00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:45,081
Let me know if there's
anything you need.
68
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,460
These toilets are all equipped
with the highest-end features,
69
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:51,254
including an automatic
bidet system,
70
00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:53,756
bluetooth capability,
and seat warmers.
71
00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:56,050
Seat warmers?
72
00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:57,760
And the toilet senses
when you've come into the room,
73
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,971
turns on a small light,
plays welcome music,
74
00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:01,639
and raises the lid
for you.
75
00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:04,350
Can I offer you come
sparkling water or champagne?
76
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:06,603
Oh, sure,
I'll take some champagne.
77
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,563
All the toilet's functions
are operated
78
00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:10,565
by a touch-button remote
which you mount
79
00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:12,775
where the toilet-paper roll
used to go.
80
00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:14,861
So then where do you keep
the toilet paper?
81
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:18,197
With a Japanese toilet,
you don't need toilet paper.
82
00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:20,700
The toilet washes you
completely clean.
83
00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:24,203
You're mad.
84
00:03:24,203 --> 00:03:25,997
No, it's true.
85
00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:27,749
It has warm water
and a dryer
86
00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:30,585
and cleans you eight times
better than toilet paper can.
87
00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,964
Would you like to take one
for a test drive?
88
00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:36,174
Oh, uh, sure.
89
00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:38,217
I did have kind of
a big breakfast.
90
00:03:38,217 --> 00:03:39,802
Right over here.
91
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,770
[ New Age music plays ]
92
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:55,443
{\an8}♪
93
00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:56,945
{\an8} Oh, yeah ♪
94
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,113
{\an8}♪
95
00:03:59,113 --> 00:04:01,366
I, I, I ♪
96
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,992
Oh.
97
00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:05,578
Oh, yeah ♪
98
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,205
[ Water running ]
99
00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:09,499
Ooh.
Oh, oh! Oh.
100
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:10,917
Ahhh!
101
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,044
Oh, oh!
[ Chuckles ]
102
00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:16,172
[ Farts ]
103
00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:18,466
[ Farts ]
104
00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:20,343
[ Button beeps,
water running ]
105
00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:22,470
Ohh! Oh.
106
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:25,765
[ Button beeps,
toilet flushes ]
107
00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:30,979
Okay, how much?
108
00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:34,399
Guys, I wanted to talk to you
because I want you all
109
00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:36,859
to think about how
we're viewed as a family.
110
00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:41,197
You know, as a prominent
weed dealer, we are successful,
111
00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:43,825
and we're sort of looked up to
in this town
112
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:47,829
because we have nice things
that most families can't afford.
113
00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:49,914
I mean, Stan, you're playing
"Hogwarts Legacy"
114
00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:51,541
on PS5, right?
115
00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:53,626
You're playing
"Hogwarts Legacy" on a PS5.
116
00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:56,087
Yeah, my-- my point is
that most people in town
117
00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:57,672
don't even have a PS5.
118
00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,215
They still have PS4s,
119
00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:02,635
and so we're basically
the Kennedys of South Park.
120
00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:07,056
And the plain fact is
that well-off families
121
00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:08,474
have nice things,
122
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,560
and we shouldn't be
ashamed of that.
123
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,812
[ Doorbell rings ]
124
00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:18,276
Hajimemashite.
Japanese Torei des!
125
00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,403
Uh, yes, thank you.
Bring it on in.
126
00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:23,489
Delivery men:
Kyo fun yori! Kro fun yori!
127
00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:28,494
Kyo fun yori!
Kro fun yori! Kro fun yori!
128
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:31,289
That's the new toilet?
How much did it cost?
129
00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,958
Oh, Sharon. Tennish.
130
00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:36,502
What's tennish?
131
00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:38,713
Thousandish.
Ten thousandish.
132
00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:41,924
You spent $10,000
on a toilet?!
133
00:05:41,924 --> 00:05:44,177
We don't have
that kind of money, Randy!
134
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,470
Yeah, we do.
135
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,388
Shitsurei Shimasu!
Owarimashita.
136
00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:49,265
Okay, yeah, right here?
Okay.
137
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:51,851
[ Boots clomping ]
138
00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:54,771
Doomo!
Aringanto gozaimashita!
139
00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,606
Together:
Aringato gozaimashita!
140
00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,066
K, thanks.
141
00:06:03,362 --> 00:06:05,782
You are taking that back
to the store.
142
00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:07,116
Try it, Sharon.
143
00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:08,576
I don't need to, Randy.
I want--
144
00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:10,203
Try it, Sharon!
145
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,789
[ New Age music plays ]
146
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:17,668
{\an8}♪
147
00:06:17,668 --> 00:06:19,212
[ Button beeps ]
148
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,297
Oh, yeah ♪
149
00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:23,132
Oh. Oh.
150
00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:24,509
I, I, I ♪
151
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:26,886
Oh! Ohh!
152
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,387
Ah-ha-ha!
153
00:06:28,387 --> 00:06:29,430
I wanna try it.
154
00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:30,640
Shhh!
155
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,016
Ah-ho-ho!
156
00:06:32,016 --> 00:06:34,310
Ohh!
157
00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:36,312
[ Bell rings ]
158
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,275
Oh, look,
there he goes.
159
00:06:41,275 --> 00:06:42,985
It's Mr. Big Shot.
160
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,572
Hey, Richie Rich.
You eating caviar
161
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,199
for lunch today,
Richie Rich?
162
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:55,164
Stan, just so you know,
nobody gives a shit.
163
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,417
About what?
164
00:06:58,417 --> 00:06:59,752
Come on, guys!
165
00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:04,966
Did you know some people
can't even afford to eat?
166
00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:07,885
How about caring for something
that matters, you bitch?
167
00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:10,763
What the fuck?
168
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:13,474
Hey, Stan, you really
have to be careful.
169
00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:15,059
Of what?
170
00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:17,103
Look, it's great that you come
from a wealthy family,
171
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,230
but people don't like getting
their noses rubbed in it.
172
00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,941
Dude, I haven't
even said anything!
173
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,818
Well, your dad called
everyone last night
174
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:26,070
and told them you have
a $10,000 toilet.
175
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:27,321
What?!
176
00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:31,492
Well, thanks for having us
over for brunch, Randy.
177
00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:33,953
Yeah, what's
the special occasion?
178
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:37,165
Oh, you know, just good times
with dear friends.
179
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:39,417
Does anyone need
to go to the bathroom?
180
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,043
Uh, no, I'm--
I'm good.
181
00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:42,962
Oh, maybe some
more coffee, then.
182
00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:45,339
Can you guys believe
all the snow we've gotten?
183
00:07:45,339 --> 00:07:47,466
Yeah, maybe it will actually
help with the drought.
184
00:07:47,466 --> 00:07:48,551
Let's hope so.
185
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:52,054
Does anyone need
a bathroom break?
186
00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:54,390
Well, actually, I-I think
I could use the restroom.
187
00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:55,892
That was kind of
a big breakfast.
188
00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:57,727
Oh! Oh, yeah, sure!
It's, uh--
189
00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:58,728
It's right across
the hallway.
190
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,938
Right there.
191
00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:06,861
[ New Age music plays ]
192
00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:08,696
Butters' Dad:
Oh.
193
00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:10,364
What was that?
194
00:08:10,364 --> 00:08:12,909
Oh, that's the welcome music
for my Japanese toilet.
195
00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:15,286
I've heard of those.
Aren't they expensive?
196
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,746
Yeah, a bit.
197
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,664
But for those of us
who can afford it,
198
00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:20,166
it's well worth it.
199
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:22,084
Oh! Ohhh!
200
00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:24,295
Ohhhh!
201
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:26,005
He's now turned on
the rear jet,
202
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,257
which cleans your bottom
with warm water.
203
00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:29,634
Oh. Ohhh!
204
00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,928
Ah!
That's the front washer
205
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:34,430
that washes your balls,
or vagina.
206
00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:36,849
[ Farts ]
207
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:39,393
If you think about it,
a dry piece of toilet paper
208
00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:42,021
can't clean you half as well
as pressurized water.
209
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:43,689
I feel bad that most people
have to walk around
210
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:45,399
with fecal matter
on their anus,
211
00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:46,859
but I'm just lucky
212
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,819
I've sold enough weed
to be able not to.
213
00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:51,489
But was it really luck?
Or was it hard work?
214
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:53,074
Heck, I don't know,
but you know--
215
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,700
Dad, can I
talk to you?!
216
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,702
Stan? You're back
from school already?
217
00:08:56,702 --> 00:08:59,372
I need to talk to you
right now!
218
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,581
The fuck are you doing?!
219
00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:02,041
Fuck are you doing?
220
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:04,126
You need to stop
gloating to everybody!
221
00:09:04,126 --> 00:09:05,795
I am not gloating.
222
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:06,963
Yes, you are,
and now kids at school
223
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:09,215
are calling me
Richie Rich!
224
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,758
They are?
225
00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:12,260
Nobody cares about
your stupid toilet
226
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,053
and you're acting
like a jerk.
227
00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:18,099
I'm acting like a jerk because
I'm trying to help people?!
228
00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:20,059
How are you trying
to help people, Dad?
229
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:23,479
Because the people don't know
that these toilets are awesome,
230
00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:25,690
and I'm just, like,
the well-respected guy
231
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:28,484
who's trying to open
people's eyes like JFK.
232
00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:31,570
You are not like JFK!
233
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:33,030
You're just showing off!
234
00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:36,867
Nu-uh, I'm like JFK 'cause
I am trying to change things!
235
00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:39,328
You're part of a very
respected family, Stan.
236
00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:41,539
You should start
acting like it.
237
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:43,541
Okay, who's next?
238
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,337
[ New Age music plays ]
239
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:49,672
{\an8}♪
240
00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:53,718
{\an8} Oh, yeah ♪
241
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,177
{\an8} I, I, I ♪
242
00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:57,888
{\an8}♪
243
00:09:57,888 --> 00:10:02,768
Atashi wa Heia des-u ♪
244
00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:06,355
Randy singing along:
Toire ni iru kara ♪
245
00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:07,273
Randy?
246
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,774
♪ Kimochi i i ♪
247
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,609
Randy!
What?!
248
00:10:10,609 --> 00:10:14,155
Your proctologist
is here to see you.
249
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,032
My proctologist?
250
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:17,408
Atashi ♪
251
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:19,952
Oh, hey there, Doc.
252
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:22,246
Well, Randy Marsh,
how are ya?
253
00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:24,123
I'm doing great.
How are you?
254
00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:26,167
Wonderful!
Just been super busy.
255
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:29,170
I'm actually takin' the wife
to Tuscany day after tomorrow.
256
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,047
Tuscany?
Wow. Awesome.
257
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,299
Yeah, well, Randy
you haven't been in my office
258
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,009
for a few days,
so I thought I'd come
259
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:37,345
do a house call to help you
with your hemorrhoids.
260
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,347
Oh! No, Doctor.
261
00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:41,682
I haven't needed
to come to your office.
262
00:10:41,682 --> 00:10:44,268
In fact, I don't think I'll be
needing your services anymore
263
00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:46,854
since I've gotten
a Japanese toilet.
264
00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:48,230
Oh-- Oh, really?
265
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:50,232
It's completely
changed my life.
266
00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:52,234
I'm healthier,
I'm less stressed,
267
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:55,071
and I don't get hemorrhoids
'cause I'm not smearing shit
268
00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,906
all over my ass
with toilet paper.
269
00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:58,407
Huh.
270
00:10:58,407 --> 00:10:59,700
Here, here.
You wanna come see it?!
271
00:11:00,659 --> 00:11:02,328
Go on, check it out.
272
00:11:08,042 --> 00:11:10,002
[ Beep, chime ]
273
00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:12,755
[ Whirring ]
274
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:15,424
[ Doctor shouting,
banging on toilet ]
275
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:17,385
D-Dr. Sheltair?
276
00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:19,387
[ Shouting and banging
continues ]
277
00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,722
Dr. Sheltair?!
278
00:11:21,722 --> 00:11:23,766
You stupid!
279
00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:26,352
You ruined Tuscany!
Gah!
280
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:27,978
Stop it!
I hate you!
281
00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:30,314
I hate you! I hate you!
282
00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:32,483
Go on!
Get out of here!
283
00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:33,943
How am I supposed to tell
my wife
284
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:36,654
we can't afford
to go to Tuscany now?!
285
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,990
I never realized you made
so much money off my ass.
286
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,034
Go on. Get.
287
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,661
Get!
288
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:49,125
[ Bell rings ]
289
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:50,876
[ Murmuring ]
290
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:55,047
Hey, Stan!
Stan hold up!
291
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:56,715
What?
292
00:11:56,715 --> 00:11:58,843
Well, um, you're just
a really good friend, Stan,
293
00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:00,970
and-- and I was gonna
ask if maybe
294
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,680
I could borrow
your plungercost?
295
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:05,141
What's a plungercost?
296
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,893
when your toilet's nice
as yours, Richie Rich!
297
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:09,645
[ Laughter ]
298
00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:12,314
I did it!
I called Stan Richie Rich, too!
299
00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:14,900
That was fun!
300
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,364
Stan, you've got to stop
bragging about your toilet.
301
00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:22,199
I'm not bragging
about my toilet!
302
00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:24,160
And why is it
such a big deal anyway?
303
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:27,997
It's a big deal, Stan.
You just don't understand why.
304
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:34,420
Have you ever asked yourself
why we use toilet paper?
305
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,756
We're told to wash our hands...
wear masks in crowds...
306
00:12:37,756 --> 00:12:39,800
but for some reason,
when it comes to wiping our ass,
307
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,803
we're told to do it
with this little piece of paper.
308
00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:45,347
We are all-- all of us--
walking around right now
309
00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:48,225
with a little bit of shit
smeared on our buttholes.
310
00:12:48,225 --> 00:12:50,102
Did you know that 70%
of people in the world
311
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:53,022
don't even use it at all?
312
00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:54,982
70% of the world
doesn't use toilet paper?
313
00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:56,942
Look it up.
314
00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:59,570
Most people in the world still
use good ol' soap and water.
315
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,448
The average American
uses 140 rolls
316
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,366
of toilet paper per year.
317
00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:06,952
Can you even begin to imagine
how many trees that is?
318
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:08,787
To supply the United States
its toilet paper,
319
00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:13,626
it takes 31.1 million
trees per year.
320
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,461
A million acres per year
of precious
321
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:16,837
Canadian Boreal
forest alone,
322
00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:19,632
releasing upwards
of 25 metric tons of CO2
323
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,009
and leveling 90%
of the land barren.
324
00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:24,637
So, then, why do Americans
use it so much?
325
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,597
Well, that's the big question,
isn't it?
326
00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:29,266
None of it makes any sense.
327
00:13:29,266 --> 00:13:31,393
Just tell your dad to stop.
328
00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:33,145
Americans don't want
to change their toilets
329
00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:35,606
and they never will.
330
00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:38,651
Ladies and gentlemen, we have
a public service announcement.
331
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:41,529
One of our citizens
has asked to speak with you.
332
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:44,448
Please welcome
Mr. Randy S. Marsh.
333
00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:48,827
{\an8}♪
334
00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:51,789
Thank you, Mayor.
Thank you, everyone.
335
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:54,208
You know, the Marshes are
a family that try to always
336
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,918
lead by example.
337
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:59,797
And we know that
all of you appreciate that.
338
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:04,677
Everyone deserves to be clean,
and the truth is, you can be.
339
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:06,345
You might not be the Marshes,
340
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:09,682
but you can afford
a Japanese toilet.
341
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:12,518
Just not a really nice one
like what we have.
342
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,144
If you take into account
the money
343
00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:17,439
we all spend on toilet paper,
doctors, and hemorrhoid cream,
344
00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:21,819
a Japanese toilet pays
for itself in just a few years.
345
00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:25,364
There are actually Japanese
toilets made for commoners.
346
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,908
Walmart and Amazon
all carry the lower
347
00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:31,453
cost of shitty Japanese toilets
that anyone can afford.
348
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:33,289
There's even these like
attachment thingies
349
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:34,623
for your existing toilet
350
00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:37,167
which will make you feel
like a Marsh yourself.
351
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:39,587
They may not be
Nihon No style-ru,
352
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:42,256
but they are
good enough for you guys.
353
00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:47,845
The point is-- even commoners
don't need toilet paper anymore!
354
00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:50,472
And, so, I am suggesting that
this town puts all--
355
00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:52,600
[ Gunshot ]
356
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,894
Man: Holy shit!
357
00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:57,813
Randy?! Wah!
358
00:14:57,813 --> 00:15:00,941
[ Screaming ]
359
00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:07,656
I'm sorry,
but he's in critical condition.
360
00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:09,450
Who shot him?
361
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,285
Nobody knows.
362
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:13,203
Is he gonna be okay?
363
00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:14,705
He's in a coma.
364
00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:18,250
He's unconscious
and just blabbering nonsense.
365
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,793
[ Monitor beeping ]
366
00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:24,548
Bikkuri... Bikkurishita...
Taiehn deshou...
367
00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:27,801
Mr. Marsh, your whole
family is here.
368
00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:30,721
Your wife, your daughter,
and your son.
369
00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:33,349
T-Toire Wa?
370
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,601
No, your toilet
is back at the farm.
371
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:38,771
Taihen ja naaaa....
372
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:41,398
Dad, I'm sorry I yelled
at you before.
373
00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:44,234
I didn't know you were
really trying to help.
374
00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:47,821
Kon-nichi waaa...
375
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:53,452
- Stan, where are you going?
- I let dad down once.
376
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:55,621
Somebody has to pick up
where he left off.
377
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,545
Harris: I promise
we're doing all we can.
378
00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:04,922
I'm sorry for what happened,
379
00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:06,882
but you need to leave it
to the professionals.
380
00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:08,884
There's something
more going on here.
381
00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:11,220
I think my dad was on
to something and I
382
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,305
didn't listen to him,
and now he's in a hospital.
383
00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:14,723
We've already got a few leads
384
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,475
and we're following up
on all of them.
385
00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:19,603
I assure you we take this
all very seriously.
386
00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,522
This isn't a joke to us.
387
00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:23,524
- Chief, hey, Chief!
- Yeah?
388
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:24,900
An angry proctologist
walked in
389
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:26,860
to the toilet section
of Home Depot.
390
00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,737
[ Chuckles ] Y-Yeah?
391
00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:30,656
Proctologist says
to the toilet manager,
392
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,574
"I ain't taking the fall,"
and pulls a gun
393
00:16:32,574 --> 00:16:34,243
on six Japanese delivery men.
394
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:35,869
[ Chuckling ] Okay.
395
00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:37,663
So, then, the six Japanese
delivery men show up,
396
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,540
and the proctologist
has everyone held hostage
397
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,041
and says he's not
taking the fall
398
00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:43,335
for the Randy Marsh shooting.
399
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:44,962
Oh, shit, this is
actually happening?!
400
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:46,880
Come on people let's go!
401
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,675
[ Radio chatter, siren chirps ]
402
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,468
I ain't going down for this!
403
00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:55,013
You got that, coppers?!
I didn't shoot anybody!
404
00:16:55,013 --> 00:16:56,265
But if I'm going down,
405
00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,767
I'll take these careless
bastards out with me!
406
00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:00,561
Would you like some
sparkling water or cham--
407
00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:02,688
[ Gasps ]
408
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,189
Come on out.
409
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:07,151
There's no other way,
we have you surrounded.
410
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:09,945
I didn't shoot
Randy Marsh!
411
00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:12,740
- Taihen!
- Nobody's saying you did!
412
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:16,034
No, but they're gonna
use me as their scapegoat!
413
00:17:16,034 --> 00:17:18,203
They'll fix things
like they always do!
414
00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:20,330
- Who will?
- They'll use their lawyers
415
00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:22,750
and their power
to make it all go away!
416
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,960
Just like they did back
when that 2nd grade kid
417
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,920
wrote a story in the school
paper about toilets
418
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,213
two years ago!
419
00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:29,798
They'll take me out, too!
420
00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:31,300
[ Cocks gun ]
There's no stopping them!
421
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,926
Don't do it!
422
00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:34,678
[ Gunshot ]
423
00:17:34,678 --> 00:17:36,638
Sabishiiiii!
424
00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:38,348
Aww! Alright move in!
425
00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:40,267
Secure the area.
426
00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:43,520
2nd grade kid
two years ago...
427
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,981
Wrote about toilets
in the school news paper.
428
00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:53,655
You weren't warning me
about people getting upset.
429
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:55,365
You know more about this.
430
00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:59,453
Hey!
431
00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:01,163
You wrote a story
in the school paper
432
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,581
and someone came after you!
433
00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:04,792
Yeah I wrote a story,
big deal!
434
00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,086
Jimmy, I want to know
who shot my dad!
435
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,087
They took everything
from me, Stan.
436
00:18:09,087 --> 00:18:11,840
My bike... my cat...
437
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,425
They were gonna
sue my parents
438
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,385
for what I wrote
in the school paper.
439
00:18:15,385 --> 00:18:18,972
You're talking about
the toilet paper companies.
440
00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:21,850
Who has the most to lose?
It's all toilet paper, Stan!
441
00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:25,604
Follow the money!
140 rolls per American per year.
442
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:27,439
Factories pushing out
roll after roll
443
00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:29,191
while razing
Earth's resources.
444
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,026
All of this for
an unsanitary product
445
00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:33,320
that has been proven
to contribute to anal fissures.
446
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,030
Don't you get it, man?
447
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:38,534
Paper doesn't clean bacteria.
It can't stop viruses.
448
00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:40,035
With all that information,
449
00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:41,495
you'd think
the world health organization
450
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:43,622
would do studies
to find alternatives.
451
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,207
So why don't they?
452
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,334
Because toilet paper
is an industry worth
453
00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:50,671
billions and b-billions
of dollars.
454
00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:54,925
Kimberly-Clark, Georgia-Pacific,
Procter & Gamble.
455
00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:57,511
They don't want Japanese
toilets in America
456
00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:59,847
and they have the power
to stop them,
457
00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:03,058
and to stop you.
458
00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:05,269
I can't believe
they shot my dad...
459
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,813
because he wanted
to change things.
460
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:11,441
These people have deeper pockets
than you can possibly imagine.
461
00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:14,778
They can destroy
everything you love, Stan.
462
00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:16,363
Take my advice...
463
00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:20,450
Don't. Squeeze.
The Charmin.
464
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:24,288
You might be too scared Jimmy,
but I'm a Marsh.
465
00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:28,792
{\an8}♪
466
00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:30,502
My fellow Americans...
467
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:32,462
we have been coerced
and brain washed.
468
00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:34,006
While the rest of the world
walks around
469
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,425
with cleaner buttholes,
we are obsessed with dry paper
470
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:39,344
sold to us by billion-dollar
corporations.
471
00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:42,598
- Yeah.
- Hey, yeah, he's right!
472
00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:44,933
My father wanted everyone to see
that there were alternatives.
473
00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:46,977
But they don't want him talking
about alternatives!
474
00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:48,604
Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah! Yea!
475
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:51,648
And we can't be blindly
buying their products anymore.
476
00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:54,151
And as a town,
we will find alternatives,
477
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,444
and we will not
be afraid to--
478
00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:57,905
Stop! Stop!
We're not doing this!
479
00:19:57,905 --> 00:20:00,282
Dad!
Everyone just stop, we're not doing this.
480
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:02,492
Thank you. South Park, uh,
we-we're cutting this short.
481
00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:04,786
I was totally wrong
and I want to apologize.
482
00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:06,496
No, dad, it's the toilet
paper companies
483
00:20:06,496 --> 00:20:08,123
that are behind all the--
484
00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:10,334
Yeah, so, uh, w-we have
nothing against toilet paper.
485
00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:11,919
It's a great product
and, uh,
486
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:13,545
it was childish of me
to make fun of it.
487
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,172
Thanks, though.
We'll see ya later.
488
00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:16,632
Dad,
we can't just back down.
489
00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:19,009
Bro!
I got fucking shot!
490
00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,596
Japanese toilets are
totally unnecessary,
491
00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:24,306
and, uh, in case anyone
else is listening,
492
00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:27,476
I think all of South Park
would like to apologize.
493
00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:30,020
We retract what we said about
toilet paper companies.
494
00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:33,482
They-- They have done nothing
but help us, and we are sorry.
495
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:36,818
South Park-- everyone--
say you're sorry.
496
00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:39,154
All: We're sorry.
497
00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:41,323
Okay, great.
Come on, guys, let's go home.
498
00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:43,492
What about helping people
and leading by example?
499
00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:45,661
We're not the Goddamn
Kennedys, Stan.
500
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,287
Stop being an idiot.
501
00:20:47,287 --> 00:21:12,312
{\an8}♪
502
00:21:12,312 --> 00:21:16,024
Nice to have you back,
Ol' Blue.
503
00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:18,777
You know, guys,
I'm actually not that sad.
504
00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:21,363
Having a Japanese toilet
was great, but...
505
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:23,198
I've come to realize that,
506
00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:25,784
when you have some big,
nice luxury thing,
507
00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:27,703
it eventually
just becomes normal.
508
00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:29,746
But you start comparing it to
all the other things
509
00:21:29,746 --> 00:21:33,083
in your life which suddenly feel
you have to upgrade, too.
510
00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:35,544
So, it's really best to just
511
00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:38,880
stick with the beat-up,
crappy old things we have.
512
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,632
Love you forever, Honey.
513
00:21:40,632 --> 00:21:47,014
{\an8}♪
514
00:21:49,725 --> 00:22:18,837
{\an8}♪
515
00:22:18,887 --> 00:22:23,437
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