Original subtitles

Hey, y'all.

Hey. Hey, Pop,

have you, uh, driven by the Pit Stop lately?

No. I got better things to do.

You drove by it yesterday.

"Lately" means "today," Tina.

And I only go that way

because the gas station with the best hot dogs

is right across the street.

Right. Uh... (chuckles)

Pop, you know, it's natural for you to be curious

about what they're doing to the place.

Well, I'm not.

Okay. Well, just so you know,

the sign says it's opening today.

It is?

Yeah.

Well, I wish them luck.

(chuckles)

I wonder how much they changed it.

Why would they change it?

They bought it because it's the best mechanic shop in town.

Yeah, well, I'm just saying, Pop,

if you want to check it out, there is no shame.

I don't want to check it out!

But what I would like to do

is take my lovely wife out for a nice lunch.

Oh. (smacking lips)

You know, I got a taste for one of those hot dogs.

Come on, Tina.

So your idea of a nice lunch is a gas station hot dog?

(chuckles softly) Really?

Just because we came into a little money, Tina,

we can't forget where we came from.

Okay. I'm sorry.

I would love to.

(scoffs) I mean, yeah, who wouldn't want a hot dog

that's been rolling underneath a heat lamp for two days?

But, please, please, can we stop by to see the new Pit Stop?

And I know you don't want to, but I'm not as strong as you.

Fine. Okay.

You see what you did, Malcolm?

Now your mama making me go.

(loud rock music playing)

(indistinct chatter)

What in the world is this?

Are we being punk'd?

Welcome to Calvin's Pit Stop.

This ain't Calvin's Pit Stop.

Yes, it is.

Would you like to see a food menu

or are we just gonna top off your fluids today?

Hold on.

What'd you say to my wife? Uh...

No. No, no, no, no. Cal-Cal-Calvin,

he's talking about beer.

This-this is a brewery now.

Oh, my God.

You're the guy!

Oh, hell nah!

Hey! Everybody!

Calvin's here!

No, he's not!

* Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood *

* Welcome to the hood. *

(indistinct chatter)

I mean, how am I supposed to look at this menu

with this grinning idiot all over it?

It's not so bad.

He's kind of cute.

I don't want to be cute.

I mean, I mean, I am cute,

but I don't want them using my cuteness

to sell "artesianal" squash blossom flatbread.

Why don't they just say "nasty pizza"?

Ooh, and-and look at this one.

"Calvin's Favorite:

"bison truffle sliders with manchego

and watercress." (scoffs)

Who told them that was my favorite?

I don't know what half those things are,

and I hate the other half.

Mm.

Well, how did this happen? I mean,

the developers didn't say anything about this,

did they? No.

When they said they wanted to keep the name,

I just assumed it was gonna stay a repair shop.

Tell you what, my old customers,

they're gonna be pissed.

Ooh!

They have nachos in a hubcap.

How stupid is that?

I'm telling you, there's nothing in this contract that says

the new owners have the right to make me look like a damn fool.

Well, your lawyer reviewed it. What-what did he say?

I don't know, Dave.

If I understood a lawyer,

I wouldn't need a lawyer.

(door opens)

Who wants to take a fun online test?

Ooh!

Not me.

Wha... (scoffs)

Come on! It's really cool. It's this career aptitude test.

I got our school to sign up for it.

It asks the kids a bunch of questions

about their personality type and their interests

and tells them what kind of career they might have.

Okay.

Well, I thought grades did that.

See, that's the kind of thinking

that keeps kids from dreaming big.

Yeah. You know, Grover thinks he's gonna be an NBA star,

but this will give him more...

Skills? Coordination? Height?

More great options.

Oh. Okay, can we stop talking about the test?

I'm fighting for my life here!

Yeah.

Calvin's right. Let's focus.

But, FYI, Grover's got skills.

You should see him take a charge.

He can stand still like nobody's business.

Look, my lawyer said that they were buying the property

and the rights to my name. That's it.

I would've never allowed them to mock me as a cartoon character.

Well, I'm taking my image back.

I'm suing their asses. Ooh,

wait, I don't think you can, baby.

It says here that any contract disputes

are required to go to mediation.

Ooh. You are in luck,

since you happen to know a trained

and licensed conflict mediator.

I don't care about trained and licensed.

What will it cost?

Oh, Calvin, are you kidding me?

I'd pay you to let me do it.

How much would you pay me?

(playing upbeat melody)

(door closes)

Hey, check it out!

I got a keytar.

Yeah. Uh, Marty, mm,

are you having a post-breakup

"what am I doing with my life?" freak-out?

No, no! This isn't a freak-out keytar.

Although my skills may freak you out.

(riffing)

(holds high note) (chuckles)

Yeah, that's a no.

Come on, man. I always wanted to learn to play,

and now's the perfect time.

How 'bout when I'm not here?

Well, get used to it.

The new Marty's taking initiative,

starting with my job.

You know the Venus explorer we're working on?

No. (chuckles)

Well, you know how Venus has a toxic atmosphere?

No.

Okay.

You know how you can use a balloon

to collect samples above Venus's surface?

Okay, Marty, uh, what was it about my last two answers

that made you think I would know that?

Anyway, I've been waiting for the perfect time

to pitch this idea at JPL.

And then going through this breakup with Necie

has given me a lot of time to think.

And I realized

now's the time to take chances.

And guess what else. What?

I learned the beginning of the Quantum Leap theme song.

No, you didn't. Yeah, I did.

Hold on. Check it out. No.

(muttering) Marty,

you don't need to... W-Wait.

I-I don't... No, look.

(playing wrong notes) No, hold on.

Wait. Wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

(playing wrong notes) No.

Damn it. I lost it.

I just got the results of Grover's career aptitude test.

Oh. They are not good.

Uh-oh. Hold on. Let me see. (grunts)

"Independent. Self-starter.

Focused and methodical."

(sighs) This doesn't sound so bad.

Look at the career they say he's best suited for.

Lighthouse keeper.

Okay.

You know, on the plus side,

we can stop investing in his college fund.

(scoffs)

What's that? Oh.

Your career aptitude test came back.

Ooh! Come on, NBA.

I'm not against playing overseas, but, you know,

it wouldn't be my first choice.

Some great players got their start in Greece,

so let's keep an open mind.

Dave!

The-the test said some really good things. Yeah.

It says that you're an independent self-starter. Mm-hmm.

That sounds like me. Pretty good test.

Huh.

Looks like the fog's rolling in.

He's right! Oh!

Okay, so the inner balloon would be rigid

and filled with pressurized helium

that we could release as needed into the outer balloon,

controlling the buoyancy without thrusters.

So, as the balloon rises,

so does our understanding of Venus's atmosphere.

Wow. Ooh.

Wow!

That is some great outside-the-box thinking.

I'm very impressed.

And so many balloon puns.

Yes, thank you.

I wanted to make sure my presentation really...

popped.

(chuckling)

Oh! Another!

Good, good stuff.

I love seeing that passion.

Mm-hmm.

Anyway, they moved up the deadline

for our progress report,

so we just got to... (stammering)

Can-can we back up a sec?

It seems like you're just moving on.

From what?

From my brilliantly researched idea.

Right! No, it was great work. Mm-hmm.

Um, so innovative. Mm-hmm.

Anyway, uh, we need to get all the data in to me

as soon as possible. Okay.

All right. Uh, okay,

I-I see what you're doing here.

You're blowing me off.

After I went through the trouble of composing

an original keytar score for my presentation.

Marty, I love your idea, and I...

I loved that score.

It was haunting.

Okay? You are... You're-you're a rock star.

But you're not gonna do anything with it.

N-Not at this juncture, no.

O-Okay.

Look around you, Pat.

This room is filled

with some of the greatest minds in the world,

and we're not gonna keep bringing you innovative ideas

if we think it's pointless.

Fortune favors the bold.

And we are bold.

And we cannot-- nay,

nay--

we will not

be taking this anymore.

Who's with me?!

So are you saying we'd, like, quit?

No, no, no, no. Not-not-not quit, per se,

but we won't be working.

PAT: Uh... (clears throat)

You-you can't stop working.

(quietly): I know. Okay.

Okay, we will be working, but...

we just-- we just won't be taking this.

I'm kind of losing the sense of what "this" is.

* *

Hi. I'm Ingrid Katay. I'll be representing Thaxton Capital,

the owners of the Pit Stop.

It's so nice to meet you. I'm Dave John...

Uh, Dave,

what are you doing?

That's the enemy.

Calvin, this is a mediation.

The whole point is there are no enemies.

And you must be Mr. Butler.

How are you today, sir? (Calvin chuckles)

Wouldn't you like to know?

Good afternoon!

I'm Judge Fred Lampin, retired,

and I'll be presiding over this mediation.

It's nice to meet you, Your Honor. I'm Dave Johnson.

This is Calvin Butler.

Good afternoon, Your Honor.

And I must say, you look very judgmental today.

You know, I watch all the judge shows,

and, I got to say,

I can't believe you don't have one.

Those shows make a mockery of the judicial system.

That's why I tell my wife to turn them shows off.

Hey, Emelia.

Thanks for getting the gang together.

It was a rough day.

No.

Come sit next to me.

Oh. Ah...

You don't want to sit next to Derek. I get it.

I get it.

I don't know about you,

but I really needed a drink. Mmm.

I applied the Tsiolkovsky equation

so many times today,

my cortex was about to melt.

(laughs) Yeah, I've been there.

Listen,

I was really taken

with what you said earlier.

Thank you. Thank you.

You know, I put so much thought into that presentation.

The thing that I find most interesting about Venus is...

I don't care about Venus.

That's just an insane thing to say.

The way you spoke to Pat,

it was so... bold.

Hmm.

I've never seen anyone at work

be so passionate.

They're all just really uncomfortable and awkward.

(both laugh)

I can't even remember the last time

I made eye contact with someone at work.

Ain't nobody else coming.

You inspired me, Marty.

To be bold, to take chances.

And now we're here.

Yeah.

Do you want to take a chance, too?

Well, I...

Oh, all right. Whoa, whoa.

That's not a good idea.

That's not what your lips said.

My lips weren't saying anything because

your teeth were on them.

Your Honor, you've read the contract.

It is right there in black and white.

Clearly, the large sum of money we paid Mr. Butler

has given him plenty of free time,

which he's now using to waste ours.

You see?

I told you not to be friendly with her.

It's frivolous.

You're frivolous. DAVE: Okay.

I-I think we need

to lower the temperature here.

Your Honor, with all due respect,

the sum my client was paid

is not the issue here.

He feels like they are

using his image in bad faith.

INGRID: Okay, if I may

draw Your Honor's attention to page 18 of the agreement.

Mr. Butler relinquished

all rights to the name and likeness

associated with Calvin's Pitstop.

Is this your signature, Mr. Butler?

Yes, it is, Your Honor,

but you have to understand,

it was next to a very large check at the time.

So your legal argument is you got distracted?

More like seduced, Your Honor.

Calvin, please, I'm the professional here.

Let me do my job.

But you're not doing anything.

Well, you're not letting me talk.

Your Honor, what are we doing here?

Judge, can I see you in chambers?

I don't have chambers. We're in an office building.

There's a dentist across the hall.

Okay, Your Honor,

then I'll say this in front of this rude lady.

This caricature of me is defamatory.

It looks nothing like me.

I agree. Thank you.

And if it looks nothing like him,

by definition, it can't be defamatory.

CALVIN: Wait... Wait...

Wait a minute. That's not what I meant.

I'm inclined to agree.

And combined with the wording in the contract,

it's an easy decision to allow the current owners

of Calvin's Pitstop to continue use of the name

and image.

I think we're done here.

Wait... No,

I appeal!

I'm taking this to the top.

You mean the Planet Fitness on the third floor?

I don't like her. I know.

You know, sometimes I wonder what

I'm even still doing at JPL.

Nobody cared about my idea.

Except Emelia.

But then, that gave her other ideas.

You know what would drive her away?

Hmm? Bust out your keytar.

Man, Prince played keytar.

Did he turn women off? You are not Prince.

Please, please, please! Finish the test.

Gemma, is it really necessary

that everyone take this test?

Uh, yes, because you took it,

and it said that you should have a career

in music and teaching.

It nailed you.

So I'm going to keep making people take it

until I can prove that it's stupid.

And I'm done.

Okay, come on, be wrong, be wrong, be wrong, be wrong.

Aerospace engineer.

Damn it!

I mean, technically, my degree is in...

Oh, spare me, Marty. Malcolm?

Huh? Uh, well, I got, uh... (chuckles)

...mushroom farmer.

You did? Yeah.

No, you didn't.

No, uh...

Yeah, you're right. I got sports management.

Oh, crap.

Gemma, you can't take this so seriously.

Worst case scenario,

Grover's a lighthouse keeper.

That's a terrible scenario.

He'd be alone in a tower

flipping a light switch.

Well, what happened to all that stuff about

letting kids be whatever they want to be?

Oh, please, that's for other people's kids.

I-I don't want to be here.

Calvin, come on.

You wouldn't let me mediate,

so at least let me help you

work through your feelings.

Now,

this is called exposure therapy, so...

let's expose ourselves.

Say what?

Calvin, what is it about this place

that's so upsetting?

Everything.

All right, can you be a little more specific?

I used to walk into this room,

and I was the most important person here.

Everybody needed me. Now look at me.

(laughs mockingly)

Welcome to Calvin's.

Can I offer you an IPA?

Calvin, they are not mocking you.

They're celebrating you.

This place is called Calvin's because

it is a name that the community

trusts and loves.

And now you'll be remembered.

I mean, maybe not in the way

that you would have chosen,

but isn't it amazing

just to be remembered at all?

I'm not dead, Dave.

That's it. I'm leaving.

Okay, no, wait, just...

As a therapist, I've never said this to a client before, but...

I think you should have a beer.

Hey, buddy. What are you watching?

SpongeBob.

Of course.

Can we talk for a sec?

Yeah, sure.

I don't want you to ever feel like

I'm going to be disappointed

if you follow your own path in life.

No matter what you become, when you grow up,

the only thing that matters is that you're happy.

Is this about that career test?

Yeah.

And even if you end up doing something

from the olden days that you didn't even know

was, like, still a thing,

uh...

Your dad and I will support you.

Mom, I have to confess something.

I just filled in random answers on that test.

You did? Why?

Well, you made us take a test

at lunch. It was cutting into my kickball time.

Oh, thank God you're not a lighthouse keeper.

No, Mom, I told you,

I'm going to the NBA.

Ooh, nothing but net.

Oh, I love that sweet, delusional child.

See, this place isn't so bad, right?

Yeah, it's okay.

And I guess a beer is a beer,

no matter how stupid the name is.

Here you go, Calvin.

Two Sticky Piston pilsners.

On the house.

Why?

Come on, man. You're a legend.

You used to fix my dad's car. '78 Jag?

Oh, yeah.

Cheetah seat covers, with a million miles on it.

You got it.

I made a grip off his dad.

Still runs great. You hungry?

How about a Calvin's Favorite?

Okay, you know what?

Here's the thing about the Calvin's Favorite.

It's not Calvin's favorite.

If you're going to make a dish with my name on it,

it should be something I'd actually eat.

Like a gas station hot dog.

Ah.

Let me talk to the chef.

Maybe he could put a spin on it.

Okay, that's what I'm talking about.

You know, Dave's Faves

would be scallops, but...

Nobody's talking about Dave's Fave.

Uh, Calvin?

Yeah?

We just want to say we love your place.

Well, you know,

it's not my place, per se, but,

uh...

You know, it wouldn't be here if it weren't for me,

so, I guess you can argue it's mine.

Hey, everybody,

a toast to the original Calvin.

(crowd cheers)

I think my work here is done.

Uh, can I get a selfie?

Sure.

You know... (sighs)

...I don't normally do this,

but, uh, hey, everybody,

get out your phones.

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