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1
00:01:53,054 --> 00:01:54,387
Standby.
2
00:01:56,679 --> 00:01:59,012
Keep still, number two, standby.
3
00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:02,845
How's he gonna get the time?
4
00:02:02,846 --> 00:02:03,804
Get ready, number three.
5
00:02:03,805 --> 00:02:06,445
We're coming over to you in five seconds.
6
00:02:12,471 --> 00:02:13,887
Excuse me, sir.
7
00:02:37,932 --> 00:02:39,012
Yes, what is it?
8
00:02:39,013 --> 00:02:40,845
The CT wants you in his office, sir.
9
00:02:40,846 --> 00:02:41,678
Oh.
10
00:02:41,679 --> 00:02:42,554
Take over, Bill, will you?
11
00:02:42,555 --> 00:02:43,471
The CT wants me.
12
00:02:43,472 --> 00:02:45,095
Okay.
13
00:02:45,096 --> 00:02:46,845
And now would you show us, in close up,
14
00:02:46,846 --> 00:02:48,470
what you are going to demonstrate.
15
00:02:48,471 --> 00:02:50,053
When the camera's in close up.
16
00:02:50,054 --> 00:02:52,178
This is the tawny, or brown owl.
17
00:02:52,179 --> 00:02:54,511
The kind we get in the London parks,
18
00:02:54,512 --> 00:02:55,595
and a very useful.
19
00:02:55,596 --> 00:02:58,845
Oh, oh, no, no, no, no.
20
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,303
First of all, the wings,
21
00:03:00,304 --> 00:03:01,845
well, just like that.
22
00:03:01,846 --> 00:03:02,928
I hope that comes off.
23
00:03:02,929 --> 00:03:05,136
- The beak and the...
- Excuse me, sir,
24
00:03:05,137 --> 00:03:06,386
the CT wants you.
25
00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:07,636
Right.
26
00:03:07,637 --> 00:03:09,345
The CT wants you in his office.
27
00:03:09,346 --> 00:03:10,346
Oh, dear.
28
00:03:15,418 --> 00:03:16,678
- Hello there.
- Hi.
29
00:03:16,679 --> 00:03:17,512
What's all this in aid of?
30
00:03:17,513 --> 00:03:19,345
Prentice has an idea
for a new programme,
31
00:03:19,346 --> 00:03:21,053
another spelling bee,
I shouldn't surprised.
32
00:03:21,054 --> 00:03:22,095
That takes me out.
33
00:03:22,096 --> 00:03:23,836
I can't spell my own name.
34
00:03:25,887 --> 00:03:27,553
Ah, gentlemen, come in.
35
00:03:27,554 --> 00:03:28,803
Sit down, won't you?
36
00:03:28,804 --> 00:03:30,304
I won't keep you long.
37
00:03:31,356 --> 00:03:33,636
Well, I've called you here together
38
00:03:33,637 --> 00:03:35,428
to discuss a rather interesting proposal
39
00:03:35,429 --> 00:03:37,289
put out by Mr. Prentice here.
40
00:03:37,290 --> 00:03:39,803
You know, those of us
who've been in television
41
00:03:39,804 --> 00:03:42,053
since the beginning realise
that nothing succeeds
42
00:03:42,054 --> 00:03:44,386
like a series or a serial.
43
00:03:44,387 --> 00:03:47,262
I almost said nothing
succeeds like excess.
44
00:03:48,887 --> 00:03:50,553
Rather like advertising.
45
00:03:50,554 --> 00:03:51,803
Repeat a thing often enough
46
00:03:51,804 --> 00:03:52,928
and everybody has to buy it,
47
00:03:52,929 --> 00:03:55,303
whether they really like it or not.
48
00:03:55,304 --> 00:03:58,803
In fact, the DG sometimes
says, jokingly of course,
49
00:03:58,804 --> 00:04:00,970
that if one televised a few pages
50
00:04:00,971 --> 00:04:02,595
of the London telephone directory
51
00:04:02,596 --> 00:04:04,678
regularly for five or six weeks,
52
00:04:04,679 --> 00:04:08,345
one would gain an average
audience of over 10 million,
53
00:04:08,346 --> 00:04:10,386
which brings us to Mr. Prentice.
54
00:04:10,387 --> 00:04:12,678
All right, David, tell us your idea.
55
00:04:12,679 --> 00:04:14,095
Thank you, sir.
56
00:04:14,096 --> 00:04:16,053
Would you mind if I took off my coat, sir?
57
00:04:16,054 --> 00:04:17,720
Why, is it hot in here?
58
00:04:17,721 --> 00:04:19,928
No, but I always think
better with it off.
59
00:04:19,929 --> 00:04:21,470
Remove it, by all means.
60
00:04:21,471 --> 00:04:22,845
Thank you, sir.
61
00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:24,886
Well now, my plan, in a nutshell,
62
00:04:24,887 --> 00:04:28,011
is to put on every evening
at a peak viewing hour
63
00:04:28,012 --> 00:04:31,303
a programme that will, well,
that will mirror the lives
64
00:04:31,304 --> 00:04:34,428
of an ordinary, happily
married husband and wife.
65
00:04:34,429 --> 00:04:36,095
We show their ups and downs,
66
00:04:36,096 --> 00:04:38,720
their, well, the fun they get out of life,
67
00:04:38,721 --> 00:04:41,845
the minor tragedies that
inevitably creep in their lives,
68
00:04:41,846 --> 00:04:44,053
their hobbies, what they're talking about,
69
00:04:44,054 --> 00:04:46,636
thinking, reading, and
so on, so on, and so on.
70
00:04:46,637 --> 00:04:49,178
A sort of "Mrs. Dale's Diary," in fact.
71
00:04:49,179 --> 00:04:50,720
Oh no, no, nothing like that.
72
00:04:50,721 --> 00:04:53,095
We want an actual real-life couple
73
00:04:53,096 --> 00:04:55,678
with genuine glamour and
excitement in their lives.
74
00:04:55,679 --> 00:04:58,220
And whose fundamental interest
is a contented home life.
75
00:04:58,221 --> 00:04:59,054
Exactly.
76
00:04:59,055 --> 00:05:00,511
You'll never find them, old boy.
77
00:05:00,512 --> 00:05:01,678
Why not?
78
00:05:01,679 --> 00:05:03,428
I mean, we can pick a well
known actor and actress
79
00:05:03,429 --> 00:05:04,886
who also happen to be married.
80
00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:06,053
And how do you know they still will be
81
00:05:06,054 --> 00:05:07,970
by the time you get to
the second programme?
82
00:05:07,971 --> 00:05:09,803
That's a sound point, Johnson.
83
00:05:09,804 --> 00:05:10,928
But there are several of them
84
00:05:10,929 --> 00:05:12,720
that have been happily married for years.
85
00:05:12,721 --> 00:05:13,928
Such as?
86
00:05:13,929 --> 00:05:15,511
The Attenboroughs.
87
00:05:15,512 --> 00:05:16,553
The Oliviers.
88
00:05:16,554 --> 00:05:17,720
I think we can do better than that.
89
00:05:17,721 --> 00:05:19,678
What about the Fosters?
90
00:05:19,679 --> 00:05:20,512
Hmm.
91
00:05:20,513 --> 00:05:21,928
They've been married for years.
92
00:05:21,929 --> 00:05:22,887
Both of them have been stars
93
00:05:22,888 --> 00:05:24,095
for as long as I can remember.
94
00:05:24,096 --> 00:05:26,916
And, sir, absolutely
devoted to one another.
95
00:05:28,554 --> 00:05:30,095
Just a minute, Laura!
96
00:05:30,096 --> 00:05:31,096
Laura!
97
00:05:31,804 --> 00:05:32,804
Ooh!
98
00:05:37,096 --> 00:05:38,178
Simon!
99
00:05:38,179 --> 00:05:39,553
Open this door!
100
00:05:39,554 --> 00:05:40,886
Not till you apologise!
101
00:05:40,887 --> 00:05:42,053
I'll break it down first!
102
00:05:42,054 --> 00:05:43,261
Just you try!
103
00:05:43,262 --> 00:05:44,199
Cad!
104
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:45,137
Slut!
105
00:05:45,138 --> 00:05:46,761
- Beast!
- Trollop!
106
00:05:46,762 --> 00:05:47,595
Ooh!
107
00:05:47,596 --> 00:05:48,429
You called, sir?
108
00:05:48,430 --> 00:05:49,470
Simon!
109
00:05:49,471 --> 00:05:51,220
I was addressing my wife.
110
00:05:51,221 --> 00:05:53,303
- I'll make lunch.
- Open this door!
111
00:05:53,304 --> 00:05:54,221
You know
112
00:05:54,222 --> 00:05:55,261
- what happened last time!
- Wilson?
113
00:05:55,262 --> 00:05:56,095
Sir?
114
00:05:56,096 --> 00:05:56,929
- I'll call the police!
- What time is the next
115
00:05:56,930 --> 00:05:58,095
presentable train for Leicester?
116
00:05:58,096 --> 00:05:59,345
Discriminating travellers
117
00:05:59,346 --> 00:06:02,053
speak very highly of the 1:25, sir.
118
00:06:02,054 --> 00:06:02,887
Good.
119
00:06:02,888 --> 00:06:03,970
Now, nip around to Cook's
and get me a ticket.
120
00:06:03,971 --> 00:06:06,178
- One, sir?
- One, single.
121
00:06:06,179 --> 00:06:08,179
Try and get me a corner seat.
122
00:06:09,538 --> 00:06:10,678
What do you want?
123
00:06:10,679 --> 00:06:11,512
Money, sir.
124
00:06:11,513 --> 00:06:12,553
I am temporarily embarrassed.
125
00:06:12,554 --> 00:06:14,595
Well, take it out of
the housekeeping money.
126
00:06:14,596 --> 00:06:16,345
The housekeeping is
also embarrassed, sir.
127
00:06:16,346 --> 00:06:17,179
Well, scrape it up somehow.
128
00:06:17,180 --> 00:06:18,012
Excuse me, sir.
129
00:06:18,013 --> 00:06:20,345
Someone seems to be knocking, sir.
130
00:06:20,346 --> 00:06:23,136
- Open this!
- All right, well answer it.
131
00:06:23,137 --> 00:06:24,303
There's the key.
132
00:06:24,304 --> 00:06:26,136
Thank you very much, sir.
133
00:06:26,137 --> 00:06:28,304
Will you open this door?
134
00:06:29,512 --> 00:06:30,512
Simon!
135
00:06:31,221 --> 00:06:32,804
You nasty old hand!
136
00:06:34,346 --> 00:06:37,636
You!
137
00:06:37,637 --> 00:06:39,428
Thank you, Wilson.
138
00:06:39,429 --> 00:06:40,629
A pleasure, madam.
139
00:06:41,512 --> 00:06:42,512
Hello?
140
00:06:42,513 --> 00:06:45,595
May I speak to Mr. Burton, please?
141
00:06:45,596 --> 00:06:46,429
Don't give me that.
142
00:06:46,430 --> 00:06:48,595
Bertie hasn't made a round
of the studios for 20 years.
143
00:06:48,596 --> 00:06:50,996
Tell him I'll be there in 10 minutes.
144
00:06:54,471 --> 00:06:55,720
Wilson!
145
00:06:55,721 --> 00:06:56,845
Bring me a suitcase.
146
00:06:56,846 --> 00:06:58,136
- I have it here, sir.
- Good.
147
00:06:58,137 --> 00:06:59,877
And your clean shirts, sir.
148
00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:11,220
Are you, um, planning to go somewhere?
149
00:07:11,221 --> 00:07:12,553
Yes, home to Mother.
150
00:07:12,554 --> 00:07:13,470
For long?
151
00:07:13,471 --> 00:07:14,387
For good.
152
00:07:14,388 --> 00:07:15,845
Then you'd better take this scarf.
153
00:07:15,846 --> 00:07:17,345
You'll probably need it.
154
00:07:17,346 --> 00:07:19,595
Your mother's house gets
very damp in the winter.
155
00:07:19,596 --> 00:07:20,720
Where did you get this?
156
00:07:20,721 --> 00:07:22,303
In your golf jacket.
157
00:07:22,304 --> 00:07:24,884
No wonder your handicap's gone up to 20.
158
00:07:24,885 --> 00:07:26,928
Laura, I've asked you
not to go through my things
159
00:07:26,929 --> 00:07:28,178
like a customs official.
160
00:07:28,179 --> 00:07:30,886
Hmm, I can well understand why.
161
00:07:30,887 --> 00:07:33,428
These I found in your golfing trousers.
162
00:07:33,429 --> 00:07:34,262
What are they?
163
00:07:34,263 --> 00:07:37,095
Their two tees, a hair
grip and an earring, sir.
164
00:07:37,096 --> 00:07:40,396
Ladies day at Sunningdale
must be quite an occasion.
165
00:07:40,397 --> 00:07:42,220
Wilson, I asked you to
go and get me a ticket.
166
00:07:42,221 --> 00:07:43,261
Yes, sir, at once, sir.
167
00:07:43,262 --> 00:07:45,178
It's just that I find the rapier thrusts
168
00:07:45,179 --> 00:07:48,928
of madam's conversation highly
stimulating, sir.
169
00:07:48,929 --> 00:07:49,929
Simon.
170
00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:55,095
Before you go, I, I just
want to say one thing.
171
00:07:55,096 --> 00:07:57,886
You left me permanently for
your mother's five times
172
00:07:57,887 --> 00:07:59,678
in the last three years.
173
00:07:59,679 --> 00:08:02,428
The average length of absence
has been about 10 weeks.
174
00:08:02,429 --> 00:08:04,428
Then you've appeared in that doorway
175
00:08:04,429 --> 00:08:06,428
with a nauseating smirk on your face
176
00:08:06,429 --> 00:08:08,678
and two dozen roses in your hand.
177
00:08:08,679 --> 00:08:10,636
And I, heaven forgive me, have said,
178
00:08:10,637 --> 00:08:13,011
"All right, come in."
179
00:08:13,012 --> 00:08:14,845
Well, understand this, Simon.
180
00:08:14,846 --> 00:08:17,095
This time I'm not saying come in.
181
00:08:17,096 --> 00:08:19,636
And this time I'm not
wasting my money on roses.
182
00:08:19,637 --> 00:08:21,011
You didn't the last two times.
183
00:08:21,012 --> 00:08:23,803
The bill came in for the
florist, and I paid it.
184
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:24,824
12, 15, 17, 19.
185
00:08:29,012 --> 00:08:30,303
22, 23.
186
00:08:30,304 --> 00:08:32,095
Hmm, still not enough.
187
00:08:32,096 --> 00:08:34,428
The governor'll never travel third class.
188
00:08:34,429 --> 00:08:36,829
Well, bang goes the bread money again.
189
00:08:36,830 --> 00:08:39,386
You must be philosophical
about it, Jessie.
190
00:08:39,387 --> 00:08:41,667
Well, I only hope the baker will be.
191
00:08:46,846 --> 00:08:48,803
Oh, very pretty.
192
00:08:48,804 --> 00:08:50,386
And where are you off to now?
193
00:08:50,387 --> 00:08:51,262
I'm going to see my agent.
194
00:08:51,263 --> 00:08:53,678
Remind him if he's drawing
up any sort of a settlement
195
00:08:53,679 --> 00:08:55,970
that the furniture's mine and paid for.
196
00:08:55,971 --> 00:08:56,803
And the house is mine.
197
00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:57,762
You mean the mortgage on it is,
198
00:08:57,763 --> 00:09:00,470
and the payments are 18 months in arrears.
199
00:09:00,471 --> 00:09:02,511
Now, what will you do, my darling,
200
00:09:02,512 --> 00:09:03,803
when you get to Leicester?
201
00:09:03,804 --> 00:09:06,136
Is there a repertory
theatre you could join?
202
00:09:06,137 --> 00:09:07,054
Repertory?
203
00:09:07,055 --> 00:09:10,011
They'd probably welcome an
older man with your experience.
204
00:09:10,012 --> 00:09:11,595
Very interesting life, too.
205
00:09:11,596 --> 00:09:13,345
"Streetcar Named Desire" one week,
206
00:09:13,346 --> 00:09:15,470
"Lace on Her Petticoat" the next.
207
00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:17,053
I'm sorry, the idea
doesn't appeal to me.
208
00:09:17,054 --> 00:09:17,887
Oh, pity.
209
00:09:17,888 --> 00:09:19,470
It uh, might get rid of some of those
210
00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:22,345
irritating mannerisms of yours.
211
00:09:22,346 --> 00:09:23,179
Mannerisms.
212
00:09:23,180 --> 00:09:24,803
You can't do double takes
213
00:09:24,804 --> 00:09:27,428
52 weeks in a year even in Leicester.
214
00:09:27,429 --> 00:09:28,720
At the end of the second month,
215
00:09:28,721 --> 00:09:30,970
the people will begin to think
you had a permanent twitch.
216
00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:33,178
Might I remind you that
you were carrying entrees
217
00:09:33,179 --> 00:09:34,595
when I was already a leading man?
218
00:09:34,596 --> 00:09:36,095
Might I remind you
that you haven't worked
219
00:09:36,096 --> 00:09:38,053
for the last 11 months,
220
00:09:38,054 --> 00:09:41,011
and I very much doubt if
you'll work for another 11.
221
00:09:41,012 --> 00:09:43,636
The skids are well and
truly under you, Simon,
222
00:09:43,637 --> 00:09:46,303
only you're too pigheaded to admit it.
223
00:09:46,304 --> 00:09:47,845
Thank you very much.
224
00:09:47,846 --> 00:09:50,366
Your great faith in me is most touching.
225
00:09:59,137 --> 00:10:02,179
Wait here a minute, will you, please?
226
00:10:06,096 --> 00:10:07,096
Morning.
227
00:10:07,097 --> 00:10:08,178
Mr. Burton's expecting me.
228
00:10:08,179 --> 00:10:09,678
- I'm sorry, but...
- Oh, pay off my taxi,
229
00:10:09,679 --> 00:10:10,595
will you, darling?
230
00:10:10,596 --> 00:10:11,512
I haven't any change.
231
00:10:11,513 --> 00:10:13,345
Know more after I've
been in touch with Binkie.
232
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:14,678
- Yours faithfully.
- Good morning, Bertie.
233
00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:15,512
Good morning, Miss Jones.
234
00:10:15,513 --> 00:10:16,636
I don't see anything good about it.
235
00:10:16,637 --> 00:10:17,512
I know, you're busy.
236
00:10:17,513 --> 00:10:18,346
So am I.
237
00:10:18,347 --> 00:10:20,303
I called in for a check, not a chat.
238
00:10:20,304 --> 00:10:21,137
50 pounds will do.
239
00:10:21,138 --> 00:10:23,136
Now, why should I give you 50 pounds?
240
00:10:23,137 --> 00:10:24,136
As an advance.
241
00:10:24,137 --> 00:10:25,054
An advance against what?
242
00:10:25,055 --> 00:10:26,553
Now don't be silly, Bertie,
243
00:10:26,554 --> 00:10:28,928
against my next salary check.
244
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:30,470
And when will that come?
245
00:10:30,471 --> 00:10:32,428
Well, you oughta know,
you're my agent, aren't you?
246
00:10:32,429 --> 00:10:33,887
Unfortunately, yes.
247
00:10:35,054 --> 00:10:37,454
I'd like to ask you something, Simon.
248
00:10:37,676 --> 00:10:40,136
Just what do you think an agent is for?
249
00:10:40,137 --> 00:10:42,053
Ah, that's something we've all wondered
250
00:10:42,054 --> 00:10:43,053
from time to time.
251
00:10:43,054 --> 00:10:43,887
Now, now, now, don't banter.
252
00:10:43,888 --> 00:10:44,721
I'll tell you.
253
00:10:44,722 --> 00:10:46,761
To get you jobs and take
10% of the money you make.
254
00:10:46,762 --> 00:10:47,596
- Exactly.
- Now I'll tell you
255
00:10:47,597 --> 00:10:48,429
what he's not for.
256
00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:50,845
He's not for settling your income tax.
257
00:10:50,846 --> 00:10:52,803
He's not for settling your gambling debts.
258
00:10:52,804 --> 00:10:55,053
Nor for cabling you your
return fair from Monte Carlo
259
00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:56,720
when you're cleaned out at the tables.
260
00:10:56,721 --> 00:10:57,803
Well, you enjoy a flutter yourself.
261
00:10:57,804 --> 00:10:58,886
Certainly I do.
262
00:10:58,887 --> 00:11:00,386
But when I lose, I don't come to you
263
00:11:00,387 --> 00:11:01,595
and ask you to pay my bookmaker.
264
00:11:01,596 --> 00:11:02,428
Neither do I.
265
00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:03,262
No, but it comes to the same thing
266
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:04,096
when you expect me to advance you
267
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:05,845
10% of some other actor's salary
268
00:11:05,846 --> 00:11:08,345
when you've neither of
you worked for a year!
269
00:11:08,346 --> 00:11:09,179
Well, I must admit,
270
00:11:09,180 --> 00:11:10,803
for an agent you've been very generous.
271
00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:11,970
Oh, well, thank you.
272
00:11:11,971 --> 00:11:12,804
That's big of you.
273
00:11:12,805 --> 00:11:14,470
That's very big of you.
274
00:11:14,471 --> 00:11:16,553
On the other hand, if you got me a job,
275
00:11:16,554 --> 00:11:18,761
I wouldn't have been
out of work for a year.
276
00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:21,012
Now, now, let's not be sordid.
277
00:11:21,846 --> 00:11:22,846
Excuse me.
278
00:11:24,762 --> 00:11:25,762
Yes?
279
00:11:25,763 --> 00:11:27,261
Miss Drake's still waiting
to see you, Mr. Burton.
280
00:11:27,262 --> 00:11:28,303
Oh good heavens, don't keep her waiting.
281
00:11:28,304 --> 00:11:29,970
Send her in.
282
00:11:29,971 --> 00:11:31,261
Give him a check, give him the cash box,
283
00:11:31,262 --> 00:11:32,803
give him the keys to the safe.
284
00:11:32,804 --> 00:11:33,637
- Hello!
- Darling,
285
00:11:33,638 --> 00:11:35,053
nobody told me you were here, mwah.
286
00:11:35,054 --> 00:11:36,428
- Do you now Simon Foster?
- How do you do?
287
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:37,928
I'm still not absolutely convinced
288
00:11:37,929 --> 00:11:40,095
that I'm doing the right thing.
289
00:11:40,096 --> 00:11:41,303
I tell you what I will do.
290
00:11:41,304 --> 00:11:43,095
I'll agree to a four-weeks trial.
291
00:11:43,096 --> 00:11:43,929
How's that?
292
00:11:43,930 --> 00:11:45,303
I'm sure you won't regret it, sir.
293
00:11:45,304 --> 00:11:46,470
And I can contact the Fosters?
294
00:11:46,471 --> 00:11:47,595
Yes, if they're agreeable,
295
00:11:47,596 --> 00:11:49,470
you can go ahead with
the preliminary plans.
296
00:11:49,471 --> 00:11:50,886
Oh, and see that the script
297
00:11:50,887 --> 00:11:53,386
stresses the solidarity of the home.
298
00:11:53,387 --> 00:11:55,761
Peaceful, happy atmosphere
of marital bliss.
299
00:11:55,762 --> 00:11:57,261
It's very important.
300
00:11:57,262 --> 00:11:58,761
Who were you thinking of for the writer?
301
00:11:58,762 --> 00:12:02,053
Well, I thought of Janet Honeyman, sir.
302
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:02,887
You mean the girl
303
00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:05,095
who's doing "Insect
Life in British Ponds"?
304
00:12:05,096 --> 00:12:07,053
Oh, but she did do the "Darby
and Joan" programme, too, sir.
305
00:12:07,054 --> 00:12:08,970
All right, I'll leave it to you.
306
00:12:08,971 --> 00:12:10,595
Thank you, sir.
307
00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:13,011
There's one thing
you've forgotten, Mr. Prentice.
308
00:12:13,012 --> 00:12:14,178
Sir?
309
00:12:14,179 --> 00:12:15,970
Your coat.
310
00:12:15,971 --> 00:12:17,220
Oh.
311
00:12:17,221 --> 00:12:18,262
Thank you, sir.
312
00:12:36,581 --> 00:12:37,721
Your ticket, sir.
313
00:12:37,722 --> 00:12:39,162
Oh, thank you, Wilson.
314
00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,220
Here's a couple of pounds.
315
00:12:42,221 --> 00:12:43,054
Keep the change.
316
00:12:43,055 --> 00:12:44,178
Oh, thank you, sir.
317
00:12:44,179 --> 00:12:45,929
Now, before I go, wages.
318
00:12:46,453 --> 00:12:50,053
No, on second thought, I'll
give you and Jessie a check.
319
00:12:50,054 --> 00:12:50,887
I shouldn't bother, sir.
320
00:12:50,888 --> 00:12:52,303
It only causes embarrassment.
321
00:12:52,304 --> 00:12:54,344
No, I'll write you one at once.
322
00:12:58,377 --> 00:12:59,637
What are you doing?
323
00:12:59,638 --> 00:13:02,386
There's no need to add
kleptomania to your other failings.
324
00:13:02,387 --> 00:13:03,470
You put those back at once.
325
00:13:03,471 --> 00:13:04,429
They happen to be mine.
326
00:13:04,430 --> 00:13:05,803
They most certainly are not.
327
00:13:05,804 --> 00:13:06,637
They were presented to me
328
00:13:06,638 --> 00:13:08,220
by the cast on the 300th performance
329
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,511
of "Marriage in Mayfair".
330
00:13:09,512 --> 00:13:11,511
I seem to remember that
on the 300th performance
331
00:13:11,512 --> 00:13:14,554
you were on holiday in
Paris with Sybil Hunter.
332
00:13:15,429 --> 00:13:17,053
Laura, before I leave,
333
00:13:17,054 --> 00:13:18,803
I want you to know,
334
00:13:18,804 --> 00:13:20,928
I forgive you for all your insults,
335
00:13:20,929 --> 00:13:21,762
including that last one.
336
00:13:21,763 --> 00:13:22,762
My insults?
337
00:13:23,554 --> 00:13:25,720
Ooh ha, ha, that's rich.
338
00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:28,595
Who started that sordid
brawl this morning?
339
00:13:28,596 --> 00:13:29,928
The same person who usually does.
340
00:13:29,929 --> 00:13:31,928
The reason was
cigarette ends in teacups.
341
00:13:31,929 --> 00:13:32,845
It was nothing of the sort.
342
00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:33,846
It was a...
If there's one thing
343
00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:36,136
I abominate, it's a filthy wet mess
344
00:13:36,137 --> 00:13:37,345
of loose tobacco swimming
345
00:13:37,346 --> 00:13:38,428
- about amongst the tea things!
- I merely happened
346
00:13:38,429 --> 00:13:39,429
to mention.
347
00:13:39,971 --> 00:13:42,011
As I was saying when you slammed
348
00:13:42,012 --> 00:13:42,846
the door in my face...
349
00:13:42,847 --> 00:13:44,178
There are seven ashtrays placed
350
00:13:44,179 --> 00:13:47,261
in strategic positions
all around the room.
351
00:13:47,262 --> 00:13:48,428
Now, do you ever use one?
352
00:13:48,429 --> 00:13:49,346
Oh, no.
353
00:13:49,347 --> 00:13:50,886
If you can't find a teacup handy,
354
00:13:50,887 --> 00:13:52,470
your beastly cigarettes get stamped
355
00:13:52,471 --> 00:13:54,011
out on my dressing table,
356
00:13:54,012 --> 00:13:56,261
in the rose bowl or down the sink.
357
00:13:56,262 --> 00:13:57,720
I go around cleaning up after you
358
00:13:57,721 --> 00:13:59,178
like an attendant at the zoo.
359
00:13:59,179 --> 00:14:00,054
Have you finished?
360
00:14:00,055 --> 00:14:01,678
For the time being, yes.
361
00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:02,886
One of the most tragic fates
362
00:14:02,887 --> 00:14:05,345
a man can suffer is to
be saddled to a nag.
363
00:14:05,346 --> 00:14:06,179
Saddled to a what?
364
00:14:06,180 --> 00:14:07,261
A nag.
365
00:14:07,262 --> 00:14:08,179
And no matter how much you think
366
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:09,636
my education has been neglected,
367
00:14:09,637 --> 00:14:12,303
the equestrian phraseology
was intentional.
368
00:14:12,304 --> 00:14:14,053
You know, you really shouldn't
369
00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:14,887
try and talk like Wilson.
370
00:14:14,888 --> 00:14:17,386
You just haven't got the
presence to get away with it.
371
00:14:17,387 --> 00:14:19,095
This morning, on
looking through the back
372
00:14:19,096 --> 00:14:20,012
page of the daily paper,
373
00:14:20,013 --> 00:14:21,220
I merely happened to mention
374
00:14:21,221 --> 00:14:22,428
that the lady in the divorce case
375
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:23,511
had remarkably good legs.
376
00:14:23,512 --> 00:14:24,636
- I remember perfectly...
- Seven minutes later,
377
00:14:24,637 --> 00:14:26,428
after you'd twisted that remark,
378
00:14:26,429 --> 00:14:28,345
you'd practically made
me the co-respondent.
379
00:14:28,346 --> 00:14:29,221
Well, what do you expect
380
00:14:29,222 --> 00:14:32,462
if you will be seen going
around with Sybil Hunter.
381
00:14:32,463 --> 00:14:35,345
Sybil Hunter happens to
be a patron of the arts.
382
00:14:35,346 --> 00:14:36,386
Uh, bunk.
383
00:14:36,387 --> 00:14:37,720
She's a patron of one thing
384
00:14:37,721 --> 00:14:39,761
and one thing only, men.
385
00:14:39,762 --> 00:14:40,886
And in her declining years,
386
00:14:40,887 --> 00:14:43,095
she's getting less and
less choosy what men.
387
00:14:43,096 --> 00:14:45,386
Mm, Gerald Baxter to you.
388
00:14:45,387 --> 00:14:46,886
And what is the matter
with Gerald Baxter?
389
00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:48,261
He's made some excellent pictures
390
00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:49,096
in these last two years.
391
00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:51,428
And he's made some
excellent passes at you,
392
00:14:51,429 --> 00:14:53,553
and you've encouraged him.
393
00:14:53,554 --> 00:14:55,220
How dare you!
394
00:14:55,221 --> 00:14:56,428
You take that back at once.
395
00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:57,261
I will not.
396
00:14:57,262 --> 00:14:58,398
I called you a trollop,
397
00:14:58,399 --> 00:14:59,536
and I meant a trollop.
398
00:14:59,887 --> 00:15:00,887
Ooh.
399
00:15:03,554 --> 00:15:04,554
Trollop!
400
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,220
After due consideration, we decided
401
00:15:09,221 --> 00:15:11,636
that the Fosters were the ideal couple.
402
00:15:11,637 --> 00:15:12,717
What do you say?
403
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:14,886
Oh, I beg your pardon.
404
00:15:14,887 --> 00:15:15,804
When do you want to start?
405
00:15:15,805 --> 00:15:16,637
Right away.
406
00:15:16,638 --> 00:15:19,928
Ooh, ooh, I'm afraid that's
extremely dodgy, old boy.
407
00:15:19,929 --> 00:15:21,636
Three different studios
want 'em for a picture.
408
00:15:21,637 --> 00:15:23,303
Simon has an offer to a play,
409
00:15:23,304 --> 00:15:24,803
and Laura's more or less promised
410
00:15:24,804 --> 00:15:26,886
to take a real big part on Broadway.
411
00:15:26,887 --> 00:15:27,845
Oh.
412
00:15:27,846 --> 00:15:28,678
Oh, I see.
413
00:15:28,679 --> 00:15:29,512
It's all those dollars.
414
00:15:29,513 --> 00:15:30,346
You know how it is.
415
00:15:30,347 --> 00:15:31,928
They sound so much more than pounds,
416
00:15:31,929 --> 00:15:33,386
particularly BBC pounds,
417
00:15:33,387 --> 00:15:35,386
if you don't mind my saying so.
418
00:15:35,387 --> 00:15:36,553
Oh, dear.
419
00:15:36,554 --> 00:15:39,428
Oh, well, I suppose I
better try the Oliviers.
420
00:15:39,429 --> 00:15:40,845
No, no, don't do that!
421
00:15:40,846 --> 00:15:42,928
I mean, I just hate to let you down.
422
00:15:42,929 --> 00:15:44,011
I tell you what I'll do,
423
00:15:44,012 --> 00:15:45,386
I'll get them on the phone
424
00:15:45,387 --> 00:15:47,428
and see if I can bring a
little pressure to bear.
425
00:15:47,429 --> 00:15:48,262
Oh.
426
00:15:48,263 --> 00:15:50,220
Oh, well, that'd be
awfully kind of you, sir.
427
00:15:50,221 --> 00:15:51,053
Not at all.
428
00:15:51,054 --> 00:15:51,887
Yes, Mr. Burton.
429
00:15:51,888 --> 00:15:55,428
Miss Jones, put a call through
to the Fosters, will you?
430
00:16:01,721 --> 00:16:03,053
Hello.
431
00:16:03,054 --> 00:16:04,074
Oh, Mr. Burton.
432
00:16:04,887 --> 00:16:07,886
No, I'm afraid Mr. Foster's not at home.
433
00:16:07,887 --> 00:16:09,553
No, sir, madam's resting.
434
00:16:09,554 --> 00:16:10,387
He's just left.
435
00:16:10,388 --> 00:16:12,928
He's catching the 1:25 to Leicester.
436
00:16:12,929 --> 00:16:16,095
I believe...
437
00:16:16,096 --> 00:16:17,637
No manners.
438
00:16:26,096 --> 00:16:27,470
Where to, sir?
439
00:16:27,471 --> 00:16:28,803
Leicester, the 1:25.
440
00:16:28,804 --> 00:16:29,804
Right.
441
00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:39,095
The 1:25 train to Bransford
442
00:16:39,096 --> 00:16:41,928
leaves from platform three.
443
00:16:41,929 --> 00:16:45,179
Calling in Leicester, Trent, Chesterfield,
444
00:16:46,596 --> 00:16:49,096
Sheffield, Leeds and...
Simon!
445
00:16:50,721 --> 00:16:52,095
Simon!
446
00:16:52,096 --> 00:16:53,220
Hello, Bertie.
447
00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:54,054
Come over here.
448
00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:57,970
I want to talk to you!
449
00:16:57,971 --> 00:16:58,804
What's the matter?
450
00:16:58,805 --> 00:16:59,845
Now, what's all this nonsense
451
00:16:59,846 --> 00:17:00,679
about you going to Leicester?
452
00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:01,512
It is not nonsense.
453
00:17:01,513 --> 00:17:02,845
I am going home to Mother.
454
00:17:02,846 --> 00:17:03,846
I've left Laura.
455
00:17:03,847 --> 00:17:04,679
Left Laura?
456
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:05,845
Don't be silly, you can't do that.
457
00:17:05,846 --> 00:17:08,246
Not now, not when I have work for you.
458
00:17:08,804 --> 00:17:10,553
What did you say, dear boy?
459
00:17:10,554 --> 00:17:11,386
Work!
460
00:17:11,387 --> 00:17:12,304
Yes, it is extraordinary, isn't it?
461
00:17:12,305 --> 00:17:13,803
Look, we can't talk here.
462
00:17:13,804 --> 00:17:14,762
Let's go and have a drink.
463
00:17:14,763 --> 00:17:17,011
All right.
464
00:17:17,012 --> 00:17:17,928
Come on.
465
00:17:17,929 --> 00:17:18,846
Now.
466
00:17:24,022 --> 00:17:25,762
Two scotches, miss, please.
467
00:17:25,763 --> 00:17:27,011
Large ones.
468
00:17:27,012 --> 00:17:28,553
Now, Bertie, what's
all this about a job?
469
00:17:28,554 --> 00:17:31,053
Simon, I think I
deserve a pat on the back.
470
00:17:31,054 --> 00:17:32,428
I've landed you something every actor
471
00:17:32,429 --> 00:17:33,387
in this country would
give his eye teeth for.
472
00:17:33,388 --> 00:17:34,928
What, in the theatre?
473
00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:35,762
The theatre?
474
00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:37,845
Oh, don't be silly, old
boy, the theater's had it.
475
00:17:37,846 --> 00:17:38,804
Is something the matter?
476
00:17:38,805 --> 00:17:39,928
No, I'm sorry, no.
477
00:17:39,929 --> 00:17:40,762
Do forgive me.
478
00:17:40,763 --> 00:17:41,595
Don't mind me.
479
00:17:41,596 --> 00:17:42,429
But you know, just for a moment,
480
00:17:42,430 --> 00:17:44,761
I thought you were Simon Foster.
481
00:17:44,762 --> 00:17:47,303
But of course, I see
you're very much older.
482
00:17:47,304 --> 00:17:48,304
Thank you.
483
00:17:48,961 --> 00:17:50,221
What is it, a film?
484
00:17:50,222 --> 00:17:51,054
Films?
485
00:17:51,055 --> 00:17:52,428
By the time they've made up their mind
486
00:17:52,429 --> 00:17:53,595
what size and shape they're gonna be,
487
00:17:53,596 --> 00:17:54,429
they'll be through.
488
00:17:54,430 --> 00:17:56,886
3-D, 4-D, curved screen, cinerama,
489
00:17:56,887 --> 00:17:58,095
who cares if the story's no good.
490
00:17:58,096 --> 00:17:59,511
Don't spoil it.
491
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,595
Bertie, I've already
made it crystal clear,
492
00:18:01,596 --> 00:18:03,178
I cannot skate.
493
00:18:03,179 --> 00:18:04,303
My dear fellow, I wouldn't dream
494
00:18:04,304 --> 00:18:05,595
of putting you on ice.
495
00:18:05,596 --> 00:18:07,179
Well, what is it?
496
00:18:09,804 --> 00:18:11,678
Television.
497
00:18:11,679 --> 00:18:13,095
Television?
498
00:18:13,096 --> 00:18:14,845
And you call that a wonderful job?
499
00:18:14,846 --> 00:18:15,679
But of course.
500
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:16,970
Three weeks rehearsal,
501
00:18:16,971 --> 00:18:18,970
hardly enough money for
your fair to the studio,
502
00:18:18,971 --> 00:18:21,178
a technical breakdown in the
middle of your big scene,
503
00:18:21,179 --> 00:18:22,303
and no repeat performance.
504
00:18:22,304 --> 00:18:23,137
No, thank you.
505
00:18:23,138 --> 00:18:25,220
But, Simon, this is gonna be
something entirely different,
506
00:18:25,221 --> 00:18:26,928
something that may well put you and Laura
507
00:18:26,929 --> 00:18:28,178
right back...
Laura, is she in it?
508
00:18:28,179 --> 00:18:29,220
But of course!
509
00:18:29,221 --> 00:18:30,345
What's one without the other?
510
00:18:30,346 --> 00:18:32,553
Romeo and Juliet, Swan & Edgar,
511
00:18:32,554 --> 00:18:33,886
scotch and soda, Simon and Laura.
512
00:18:33,887 --> 00:18:34,804
Now, just a minute.
513
00:18:34,805 --> 00:18:36,761
In the first place, I have no intention
514
00:18:36,762 --> 00:18:37,637
of appearing on television,
515
00:18:37,638 --> 00:18:39,220
and in the second place,
516
00:18:39,221 --> 00:18:40,781
Laura and I are parting.
517
00:18:41,693 --> 00:18:43,553
I'm going home to Mother's,
518
00:18:43,554 --> 00:18:44,471
and that is final.
519
00:18:44,472 --> 00:18:46,220
Now, Simon, look, be sensible.
520
00:18:46,221 --> 00:18:47,470
Uh, excuse me!
521
00:18:47,471 --> 00:18:49,387
Nine shillings, please.
522
00:18:51,810 --> 00:18:53,970
Bertie, you're wasting your time.
523
00:18:53,971 --> 00:18:56,428
Nothing could persuade me
to work with Laura anymore.
524
00:18:56,429 --> 00:18:58,720
But you know you're
marvellous when you're together.
525
00:18:58,721 --> 00:19:00,470
Mm, if you'd seen what
went on this morning,
526
00:19:00,471 --> 00:19:01,387
you wouldn't be too sure.
527
00:19:01,388 --> 00:19:02,304
Leave it Bertie.
528
00:19:02,305 --> 00:19:03,345
I'll fix all that.
529
00:19:03,346 --> 00:19:05,720
Look, it'd take more than
one piffling TV engagement
530
00:19:05,721 --> 00:19:06,596
to bring us together again.
531
00:19:06,597 --> 00:19:07,970
This isn't one engagement, you clod,
532
00:19:07,971 --> 00:19:09,053
it's for every day!
533
00:19:09,054 --> 00:19:09,887
What do you mean every day?
534
00:19:09,888 --> 00:19:11,261
Five days a week, 52 weeks of the year.
535
00:19:11,262 --> 00:19:13,595
In three months, you'll
be a national figure.
536
00:19:13,596 --> 00:19:15,553
Ah, there's David Prentice now.
537
00:19:15,554 --> 00:19:17,553
Arriving together, that's a good omen.
538
00:19:17,554 --> 00:19:19,054
I'm glad you think so.
539
00:19:30,929 --> 00:19:32,345
David, dear boy.
540
00:19:32,346 --> 00:19:33,886
This is Simon Foster.
541
00:19:33,887 --> 00:19:34,928
How do you do?
542
00:19:34,929 --> 00:19:36,189
How do you do, sir?
543
00:19:37,762 --> 00:19:40,262
Well, come along in.
544
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:44,220
Good afternoon, Wilson.
545
00:19:44,221 --> 00:19:45,054
- Good afternoon.
- Where's your mistress,
546
00:19:45,055 --> 00:19:45,886
Wilson?
547
00:19:45,887 --> 00:19:46,721
Upstairs, sir.
548
00:19:46,722 --> 00:19:47,845
Will you tell her Mr. Burton's here
549
00:19:47,846 --> 00:19:49,261
on business with a producer.
550
00:19:49,262 --> 00:19:50,262
Yes, sir.
551
00:19:55,471 --> 00:19:57,553
Oh, you must forgive my staring.
552
00:19:57,554 --> 00:19:58,803
It's disconcerting, I know,
553
00:19:58,804 --> 00:20:01,220
but nowadays, I see
everything in terms of angles.
554
00:20:01,221 --> 00:20:02,720
That must make it a bit tricky
555
00:20:02,721 --> 00:20:03,928
when you're addressing a golf ball.
556
00:20:03,929 --> 00:20:05,303
Oh, I don't play golf.
557
00:20:05,304 --> 00:20:07,224
No, I didn't think you would.
558
00:20:07,666 --> 00:20:09,886
Yes, yours is a face with problems.
559
00:20:09,887 --> 00:20:12,220
You, to coin a phrase, are telling me.
560
00:20:12,221 --> 00:20:13,553
No, I mean camera problems,
561
00:20:13,554 --> 00:20:15,386
but a lot, of course, can
be done with lighting.
562
00:20:15,387 --> 00:20:17,303
Yes, or you could
put it behind the sofa.
563
00:20:17,304 --> 00:20:18,345
Do come in.
564
00:20:18,346 --> 00:20:19,346
Oh, thank you.
565
00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:22,261
Ah, this is a good room.
566
00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:24,678
Oh, do you think it has
a spiritual atmosphere?
567
00:20:24,679 --> 00:20:26,839
No, I mean from our point of view.
568
00:20:27,591 --> 00:20:29,511
Madam presents her compliments
569
00:20:29,512 --> 00:20:30,928
and asks me to assure you
570
00:20:30,929 --> 00:20:32,220
she'll be with you immediately.
571
00:20:32,221 --> 00:20:34,021
Thank you very much, Wilson.
572
00:20:35,512 --> 00:20:37,136
Was that your manservant?
573
00:20:37,137 --> 00:20:38,054
Oh, Wilson, yes.
574
00:20:38,055 --> 00:20:39,595
He was an actor, and he was my dresser...
575
00:20:39,596 --> 00:20:40,678
Ah, an actor.
576
00:20:40,679 --> 00:20:41,512
Ah yes, I thought so.
577
00:20:41,513 --> 00:20:43,136
He's a natural.
578
00:20:43,137 --> 00:20:44,577
He moves, doesn't he?
579
00:20:45,429 --> 00:20:46,929
From time to time, yes.
580
00:20:49,971 --> 00:20:50,971
Aha!
581
00:20:51,637 --> 00:20:53,553
Laura, darling.
582
00:20:53,554 --> 00:20:54,386
Bertie!
583
00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:55,221
Laura, I want you to meet
584
00:20:55,222 --> 00:20:58,386
a very brilliant young
producer, David Prentice.
585
00:20:58,387 --> 00:20:59,387
Hello!
586
00:21:00,554 --> 00:21:01,845
Uh h-hello.
587
00:21:01,846 --> 00:21:05,221
David, what on earth are you doing here?
588
00:21:05,426 --> 00:21:07,346
Well, if you come and sit down
589
00:21:07,347 --> 00:21:08,886
and relax, he'll probably tell you.
590
00:21:08,887 --> 00:21:10,803
I thought you were on
your way to Leicester.
591
00:21:10,804 --> 00:21:11,637
I'm getting a later train.
592
00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:12,720
Don't miss it, dear.
593
00:21:12,721 --> 00:21:13,553
Don't worry.
594
00:21:13,554 --> 00:21:16,134
If I do, I'll sleep in the waiting room.
595
00:21:16,135 --> 00:21:17,261
Isn't it absurd?
596
00:21:17,262 --> 00:21:19,636
Always pretending to be
fighting, such children.
597
00:21:19,637 --> 00:21:21,595
David, come and sit here by me
598
00:21:21,596 --> 00:21:23,095
and tell me what it's all about.
599
00:21:23,096 --> 00:21:25,053
Oh, um, well, do you mind
600
00:21:25,054 --> 00:21:26,928
if I sort of wonder about a bit?
601
00:21:26,929 --> 00:21:27,762
Oh, please do?
602
00:21:27,763 --> 00:21:29,345
May I slip my jacket off?
603
00:21:29,346 --> 00:21:30,386
Is it hot in here?
604
00:21:30,387 --> 00:21:33,678
Well, no, but I always
think better with it off.
605
00:21:33,679 --> 00:21:36,595
Well, I am here because CT.
606
00:21:36,596 --> 00:21:37,429
CT?
607
00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:39,345
Oh, he's the controller of television
608
00:21:39,346 --> 00:21:43,011
and DTD, he's the director
of television drama,
609
00:21:43,012 --> 00:21:45,053
well, they have given me the go-ahead
610
00:21:45,054 --> 00:21:47,428
on a new programme which
deals with the private life
611
00:21:47,429 --> 00:21:50,849
of a celebrated couple who
are really happily married.
612
00:21:55,054 --> 00:21:56,054
Who was that?
613
00:21:56,055 --> 00:21:57,178
Well, the governor's come back.
614
00:21:57,179 --> 00:21:59,011
I hope he doesn't want his lunch.
615
00:21:59,012 --> 00:21:59,846
Why?
616
00:21:59,847 --> 00:22:01,347
Because I've eaten it.
617
00:22:02,471 --> 00:22:03,471
Pardon.
618
00:22:03,472 --> 00:22:05,678
They're doing the same
thing in America, you know.
619
00:22:05,679 --> 00:22:07,470
Oh yes, and with great success.
620
00:22:07,471 --> 00:22:09,470
You probably read recently, Mrs. Foster,
621
00:22:09,471 --> 00:22:10,429
the nationwide interest over there
622
00:22:10,430 --> 00:22:13,511
when the wife in their
programme had a baby on TV.
623
00:22:13,512 --> 00:22:16,428
I hope you're not suggesting
I should do the same.
624
00:22:16,429 --> 00:22:18,636
Well, it's not absolutely essential.
625
00:22:18,637 --> 00:22:20,803
I'm so glad.
626
00:22:20,804 --> 00:22:22,553
Well, anyway, we feel,
627
00:22:22,554 --> 00:22:24,928
we feel that it is essential
that everything else
628
00:22:24,929 --> 00:22:27,720
should be as authentic as we can make it.
629
00:22:27,721 --> 00:22:30,511
You know, sort of a, well, an EWA.
630
00:22:30,512 --> 00:22:31,678
A sort of what?
631
00:22:31,679 --> 00:22:34,678
Oh, an eyewitness account.
632
00:22:34,679 --> 00:22:36,261
- Oh.
- But that.
633
00:22:36,262 --> 00:22:38,511
- I do beg your pardon, sir.
- I'm terribly sorry.
634
00:22:38,512 --> 00:22:41,220
But that is why our
couple should be not only
635
00:22:41,221 --> 00:22:44,136
well known as actors
but as a genuinely happy
636
00:22:44,137 --> 00:22:45,277
husband and wife.
637
00:22:46,258 --> 00:22:49,678
Frankly, well, it rested
between you and the Oliviers.
638
00:22:49,679 --> 00:22:52,303
But both CT and DT plumped for you.
639
00:22:52,304 --> 00:22:53,179
Oh, why?
640
00:22:53,180 --> 00:22:56,300
Because you've been
married so very much longer.
641
00:22:59,512 --> 00:23:01,804
Well, what do you say?
642
00:23:02,637 --> 00:23:03,637
No.
643
00:23:03,638 --> 00:23:05,053
Sorry, old boy, it's
out of the question.
644
00:23:05,054 --> 00:23:05,887
Simon!
645
00:23:05,888 --> 00:23:06,720
Laura!
646
00:23:06,721 --> 00:23:07,553
Are you mad?
647
00:23:07,554 --> 00:23:08,387
Don't be ridiculous, Bertie.
648
00:23:08,388 --> 00:23:10,303
Mr. Prentice had better know immediately
649
00:23:10,304 --> 00:23:11,720
that Simon and I...
Have arranged.
650
00:23:11,721 --> 00:23:12,803
Ah, Prentice, old man,
651
00:23:12,804 --> 00:23:14,636
would you mind awfully
waiting till this evening
652
00:23:14,637 --> 00:23:15,470
for an answer?
653
00:23:15,471 --> 00:23:16,366
- Oh, not at all.
- Good.
654
00:23:16,367 --> 00:23:17,262
Everything will be all right.
655
00:23:17,263 --> 00:23:18,470
Just leave it to Uncle Bertie.
656
00:23:18,471 --> 00:23:19,636
Don't you worry.
657
00:23:19,637 --> 00:23:21,303
Don't forget your briefcase.
658
00:23:21,304 --> 00:23:23,636
Naturally, a thing like
this needs thinking over.
659
00:23:23,637 --> 00:23:24,845
They have so many offers,
660
00:23:24,846 --> 00:23:26,011
so much to consider.
661
00:23:26,012 --> 00:23:26,846
You know how it is,
662
00:23:26,847 --> 00:23:28,095
inclined to make them a bit.
663
00:23:28,096 --> 00:23:28,929
- Yeah.
- Oh.
664
00:23:28,930 --> 00:23:30,053
Now, I tell you what,
665
00:23:30,054 --> 00:23:32,553
suppose we dine together
this evening at Mario's?
666
00:23:32,554 --> 00:23:33,970
Oh, that would be splendid.
667
00:23:33,971 --> 00:23:34,804
About eight o'clock?
668
00:23:34,805 --> 00:23:36,136
Might I bring my
script writer along too?
669
00:23:36,137 --> 00:23:38,053
Bring your, oh my dear
boy, bring everybody,
670
00:23:38,054 --> 00:23:39,614
CT, DDT, DTs, everybody.
671
00:23:40,909 --> 00:23:41,835
Yes, thank you.
672
00:23:41,836 --> 00:23:42,762
Mr. Prentice!
673
00:23:42,763 --> 00:23:43,596
Sir?
674
00:23:43,597 --> 00:23:45,220
You've forgotten something.
675
00:23:45,221 --> 00:23:46,053
Oh.
676
00:23:46,054 --> 00:23:46,970
Yes, put your coat on.
677
00:23:46,971 --> 00:23:47,887
You'll catch cold.
678
00:23:47,888 --> 00:23:48,970
Oh, thank you so much.
679
00:23:48,971 --> 00:23:49,887
Until eight o'clock then.
680
00:23:49,888 --> 00:23:50,887
Yes.
681
00:23:50,888 --> 00:23:52,803
Well, uh, au revoir.
682
00:23:52,804 --> 00:23:53,636
Au revoir.
683
00:23:53,637 --> 00:23:54,471
Auf wiedersehen.
684
00:23:54,472 --> 00:23:55,929
Take care of yourself.
685
00:23:57,765 --> 00:24:00,345
What on earth is the matter with you two?
686
00:24:00,346 --> 00:24:01,346
Have you taken leave of your senses?
687
00:24:01,347 --> 00:24:03,053
I've taken leave of Laura, that's all.
688
00:24:03,054 --> 00:24:05,136
And not a moment too soon.
689
00:24:05,137 --> 00:24:05,971
I'm sorry, Bertie.
690
00:24:05,972 --> 00:24:07,303
Better luck next time.
691
00:24:07,304 --> 00:24:09,220
There isn't going to be a next time.
692
00:24:09,221 --> 00:24:10,386
May I remind you
693
00:24:10,387 --> 00:24:15,011
that between you you owe me
1,647 pounds, 18 shillings.
694
00:24:15,012 --> 00:24:16,595
You're lucky.
695
00:24:16,596 --> 00:24:18,303
You should see what I owe my bookmaker.
696
00:24:18,304 --> 00:24:19,137
Now, I'm warning you, both of you,
697
00:24:19,138 --> 00:24:21,011
that if you turn this down,
698
00:24:21,012 --> 00:24:22,761
I cannot afford to go on taking 10 percent
699
00:24:22,762 --> 00:24:23,595
of your earnings.
700
00:24:23,596 --> 00:24:24,429
It's too expensive.
701
00:24:24,430 --> 00:24:26,386
Cheers.
702
00:24:26,387 --> 00:24:28,678
I suppose it would be
quite an opportunity.
703
00:24:28,679 --> 00:24:30,720
It could lead anywhere, Laura, anywhere.
704
00:24:30,721 --> 00:24:32,511
Is the, uh, money good?
705
00:24:32,512 --> 00:24:34,678
All money's good when you
haven't been making any.
706
00:24:34,679 --> 00:24:37,929
And this will be coming
in regularly every Friday.
707
00:24:37,930 --> 00:24:41,011
Do you suppose we could
come to some arrangement?
708
00:24:41,012 --> 00:24:42,511
Not with you in Leicester.
709
00:24:42,512 --> 00:24:44,612
What if I don't go to Leicester?
710
00:24:44,929 --> 00:24:46,845
I suppose we could,
711
00:24:46,846 --> 00:24:50,011
but it would have to be
purely a business arrangement.
712
00:24:50,012 --> 00:24:51,636
Everything I said this morning stands.
713
00:24:51,637 --> 00:24:52,637
Naturally.
714
00:24:54,762 --> 00:24:56,220
All right.
715
00:24:56,221 --> 00:24:57,553
Ring for Wilson, and tell him to put
716
00:24:57,554 --> 00:24:58,803
your things in the spare room.
717
00:24:58,804 --> 00:25:00,178
That's my Laura.
718
00:25:00,179 --> 00:25:01,428
By the way, Laura, where did you meet
719
00:25:01,429 --> 00:25:03,470
that ghastly young man?
720
00:25:03,471 --> 00:25:05,261
At the Baxter's.
721
00:25:05,262 --> 00:25:06,970
And he's not ghastly.
722
00:25:06,971 --> 00:25:08,053
He's sweet.
723
00:25:08,054 --> 00:25:08,929
At the Baxter's.
724
00:25:08,930 --> 00:25:10,095
- Yes.
- Now, now, you two.
725
00:25:10,096 --> 00:25:10,949
- The night...
- May I suggest
726
00:25:10,950 --> 00:25:11,804
that you take a little rest,
727
00:25:11,805 --> 00:25:13,011
just relax, while I go and talk
728
00:25:13,012 --> 00:25:14,720
to the BBC contract's department.
729
00:25:14,721 --> 00:25:15,970
Don't let them do you down, Bertie.
730
00:25:15,971 --> 00:25:17,220
Ha ha, do me down?
731
00:25:17,221 --> 00:25:19,053
Darling, don't be absurd.
732
00:25:19,054 --> 00:25:21,011
Christopher Marley, head of BBC contracts
733
00:25:21,012 --> 00:25:22,720
used to be my fag at Eton.
734
00:25:22,721 --> 00:25:23,887
Till tonight.
735
00:25:25,742 --> 00:25:26,762
Not be worried.
736
00:25:26,763 --> 00:25:29,011
Nobody is to worry about a thing.
737
00:25:29,012 --> 00:25:29,845
Here's to it.
738
00:25:29,846 --> 00:25:30,721
- Here's to it.
- Here's to it.
739
00:25:30,722 --> 00:25:31,803
Indeed.
740
00:25:31,804 --> 00:25:34,928
I can't tell you how
glad I am that you agreed.
741
00:25:34,929 --> 00:25:36,928
You know, I've been a
fan of yours for years.
742
00:25:36,929 --> 00:25:37,887
Why don't you tell her how you played
743
00:25:37,888 --> 00:25:40,948
truant from school to
catch one of her matinees?
744
00:25:41,296 --> 00:25:43,636
It's very funny you should say that,
745
00:25:43,637 --> 00:25:44,471
because as a matter of fact,
746
00:25:44,472 --> 00:25:45,761
I did play truant once.
747
00:25:45,762 --> 00:25:47,136
But that was to see you.
748
00:25:47,137 --> 00:25:49,511
From prep school, I take it.
749
00:25:49,512 --> 00:25:52,761
You know, I simply adore
750
00:25:52,762 --> 00:25:54,095
the delightful air of banter
751
00:25:54,096 --> 00:25:55,553
that exists between you two.
752
00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:56,511
Banter?
753
00:25:56,512 --> 00:25:57,346
Yes, there's a sort of,
754
00:25:57,347 --> 00:26:00,053
well, a brittle superficial
thrust and parry.
755
00:26:00,054 --> 00:26:03,178
And yet, beneath it, once
can sense a true bond.
756
00:26:03,179 --> 00:26:04,054
- Can one?
- Can one?
757
00:26:04,055 --> 00:26:05,595
Of course one can.
758
00:26:05,596 --> 00:26:07,303
And it's exactly what
we want to emphasise
759
00:26:07,304 --> 00:26:08,553
in this programme.
760
00:26:08,554 --> 00:26:09,886
Ooh, that reminds me.
761
00:26:09,887 --> 00:26:11,553
If I may, I'd like to
bring my art director
762
00:26:11,554 --> 00:26:12,636
round to your house.
763
00:26:12,637 --> 00:26:14,261
We're going to make an exact copy of it
764
00:26:14,262 --> 00:26:15,845
in the studio so that you'll feel
765
00:26:15,846 --> 00:26:17,803
perfectly at ease and be able to behave
766
00:26:17,804 --> 00:26:19,220
exactly as if you were at home.
767
00:26:19,221 --> 00:26:21,803
Oh, that'll be fun.
768
00:26:21,804 --> 00:26:24,304
Ah, here's our scriptwriter.
769
00:26:25,762 --> 00:26:26,762
Janet.
770
00:26:27,596 --> 00:26:28,595
Simon!
771
00:26:28,596 --> 00:26:29,596
Janet.
772
00:26:29,597 --> 00:26:30,803
Janet Honeyman.
773
00:26:30,804 --> 00:26:32,178
By all that's wonderful.
774
00:26:32,179 --> 00:26:33,636
- Hello, darling, how are you?
- Simon, dear.
775
00:26:33,637 --> 00:26:34,928
I'm fine.
776
00:26:34,929 --> 00:26:37,136
I take it you two have met before?
777
00:26:37,137 --> 00:26:39,178
Yes, at one of Sybil Hunter's parties.
778
00:26:39,179 --> 00:26:40,179
Really?
779
00:26:40,180 --> 00:26:42,553
How do you do, Miss Honeyman?
780
00:26:42,554 --> 00:26:44,220
I, um, think I ought to tell you
781
00:26:44,221 --> 00:26:47,970
that in this programme, I play the wife.
782
00:26:47,971 --> 00:26:49,053
Hello.
783
00:26:49,054 --> 00:26:50,012
I'm so sorry.
784
00:26:50,013 --> 00:26:51,386
I didn't see you sitting there.
785
00:26:51,387 --> 00:26:53,178
Ah, well, let's hope the viewers
786
00:26:53,179 --> 00:26:54,636
will be more fortunate.
787
00:26:54,637 --> 00:26:56,678
Shall we go in?
788
00:26:56,679 --> 00:26:57,929
Yes, shall we?
789
00:27:04,226 --> 00:27:06,386
I suppose it never occurred to you
790
00:27:06,387 --> 00:27:08,678
that I might be using that newspaper.
791
00:27:08,679 --> 00:27:09,512
Gilbert.
792
00:27:09,513 --> 00:27:11,095
You're the very man I wanted to see.
793
00:27:11,096 --> 00:27:13,345
Oh, Simon, my dear boy, Simon.
794
00:27:13,346 --> 00:27:15,303
Arthur, Arthur, bring Mr. Foster
795
00:27:15,304 --> 00:27:16,553
a whiskey a water.
796
00:27:16,554 --> 00:27:17,428
Thanks.
797
00:27:17,429 --> 00:27:18,387
I need your help, Gilbert.
798
00:27:18,388 --> 00:27:20,053
I'm on the brink of a television series.
799
00:27:20,054 --> 00:27:22,053
Oh, better make that
a large whiskey, Arthur.
800
00:27:22,054 --> 00:27:23,345
Done.
801
00:27:23,346 --> 00:27:24,179
A weekly series?
802
00:27:24,180 --> 00:27:25,012
No, daily.
803
00:27:25,013 --> 00:27:26,136
Oh, no, no.
804
00:27:26,137 --> 00:27:27,178
You better bring the whole bottle.
805
00:27:27,179 --> 00:27:28,470
Yes, sir.
806
00:27:28,471 --> 00:27:31,428
My poor friend, my poor Simon.
807
00:27:31,429 --> 00:27:32,262
Do you know what happens to you
808
00:27:32,263 --> 00:27:34,386
when you allow yourself to be regularly
809
00:27:34,387 --> 00:27:37,345
exhibited in that glass rectangle?
810
00:27:37,346 --> 00:27:39,303
- No, not really, I, I...
- Well, I'll tell you.
811
00:27:39,304 --> 00:27:41,044
You become public property.
812
00:27:41,846 --> 00:27:44,636
Your face, electronically distorted,
813
00:27:44,637 --> 00:27:47,595
is huddled round and
gawped at by three quarters
814
00:27:47,596 --> 00:27:49,553
of the population of the United Kingdom.
815
00:27:49,554 --> 00:27:52,595
And within a month, every wrinkle,
816
00:27:52,596 --> 00:27:56,053
every wart and pustule has become part
817
00:27:56,054 --> 00:27:57,794
of our British way of life.
818
00:27:57,795 --> 00:28:00,011
- Well, I hardly think...
- Start speaking your mind,
819
00:28:00,012 --> 00:28:02,386
and they'll say you're rude and offensive.
820
00:28:02,387 --> 00:28:03,803
Stop speaking your mind,
821
00:28:03,804 --> 00:28:06,678
well, you're namby-pamby,
and you're slipping.
822
00:28:06,679 --> 00:28:08,220
- Yes, but they tell me that...
- Mind you, mind you,
823
00:28:08,221 --> 00:28:09,553
I'm not saying the British public
824
00:28:09,554 --> 00:28:11,553
isn't warm-hearted and generous.
825
00:28:11,554 --> 00:28:12,636
They are.
826
00:28:12,637 --> 00:28:14,303
Terrifyingly so.
827
00:28:14,304 --> 00:28:16,386
You have but to clear your throat,
828
00:28:16,387 --> 00:28:18,303
And the following day you'll be inundated
829
00:28:18,304 --> 00:28:22,553
with lintesses and
pastilles, pills and potions
830
00:28:22,554 --> 00:28:24,834
and fryers and every kind of balsam.
831
00:28:26,346 --> 00:28:28,178
Thank you, Gilbert.
832
00:28:28,179 --> 00:28:29,928
I say your tips have
been very encouraging.
833
00:28:29,929 --> 00:28:32,095
Oh, with pleasure.
834
00:28:32,096 --> 00:28:33,511
Are you finished with
these, Lady Barnett?
835
00:28:33,512 --> 00:28:35,386
Yes, thank you so much.
836
00:28:35,387 --> 00:28:36,511
Isabelle.
837
00:28:36,512 --> 00:28:37,886
Laura, my dear, how nice to see you.
838
00:28:37,887 --> 00:28:39,303
I'm so glad I've run into you.
839
00:28:39,304 --> 00:28:41,720
Listen, they want me to
do a television series.
840
00:28:41,721 --> 00:28:42,553
Good for you.
841
00:28:42,554 --> 00:28:43,387
Well, that's just it.
842
00:28:43,388 --> 00:28:44,221
I mean, is it?
843
00:28:44,222 --> 00:28:46,011
You see, it's a daily series.
844
00:28:46,012 --> 00:28:46,846
- Daily?
- Hmm.
845
00:28:46,847 --> 00:28:49,011
There aren't that number
of earrings in the world.
846
00:28:49,012 --> 00:28:50,386
Earrings?
847
00:28:50,387 --> 00:28:51,678
My dear, for a woman on television,
848
00:28:51,679 --> 00:28:53,470
only three things really matter,
849
00:28:53,471 --> 00:28:55,761
hair, jewellery, clothes.
850
00:28:55,762 --> 00:28:57,178
Ah, now what about clothes?
851
00:28:57,179 --> 00:28:59,928
Does one plunge or does
one come up to here?
852
00:28:59,929 --> 00:29:03,261
Um, sort of happy medium,
you know, about there.
853
00:29:03,262 --> 00:29:06,386
Actually, there is a
regulation BBC plimsoll line.
854
00:29:06,387 --> 00:29:07,346
If you sink below it,
855
00:29:07,347 --> 00:29:10,053
they come along and pin
a bit of sacking across.
856
00:29:10,054 --> 00:29:10,887
Ooh, dear.
857
00:29:10,888 --> 00:29:12,136
Well, in that case, Raymond,
858
00:29:12,137 --> 00:29:14,053
I think I better have
my regular appointments
859
00:29:14,054 --> 00:29:15,970
for Mondays and Wednesdays.
860
00:29:15,971 --> 00:29:18,053
Wednesday's out of
the question, Duchess.
861
00:29:18,054 --> 00:29:20,220
I'm sorry, Mrs. Foster.
862
00:29:20,221 --> 00:29:22,762
That's the day when I'm on TV.
863
00:29:29,133 --> 00:29:31,053
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
864
00:29:31,054 --> 00:29:32,428
Mr. and Mrs. Foster are expecting us.
865
00:29:32,429 --> 00:29:33,303
Oh, come in.
866
00:29:33,304 --> 00:29:34,179
Thank you.
867
00:29:34,180 --> 00:29:35,636
Are you from the BBC?
868
00:29:35,637 --> 00:29:36,553
That's right.
869
00:29:36,554 --> 00:29:37,471
Oh, in there.
870
00:29:38,054 --> 00:29:39,032
Thank you.
871
00:29:39,033 --> 00:29:40,012
David!
872
00:29:40,013 --> 00:29:41,678
W... wait a minute.
873
00:29:41,679 --> 00:29:43,136
What's your name?
874
00:29:43,137 --> 00:29:43,970
Jessie.
875
00:29:43,971 --> 00:29:44,804
Why?
876
00:29:44,805 --> 00:29:46,845
David, we simply must use her.
877
00:29:46,846 --> 00:29:48,346
She's absolute heaven.
878
00:29:48,523 --> 00:29:50,803
But I've never seen a face like it.
879
00:29:50,804 --> 00:29:51,721
Here, that's enough of that.
880
00:29:51,722 --> 00:29:52,553
It's all right.
881
00:29:52,554 --> 00:29:53,387
He's only suggesting that you should
882
00:29:53,388 --> 00:29:54,304
appear in the television show
883
00:29:54,305 --> 00:29:55,470
with Mr. and Mrs. Foster.
884
00:29:55,471 --> 00:29:58,553
She'd be sensational.
885
00:29:58,554 --> 00:29:59,554
What do you say?
886
00:29:59,555 --> 00:30:01,511
Well, I'd have to ask the master first.
887
00:30:01,512 --> 00:30:02,678
We'll ask him now.
888
00:30:02,679 --> 00:30:03,679
Yes.
889
00:30:04,637 --> 00:30:07,220
Good morning.
890
00:30:07,221 --> 00:30:08,096
Um, this is Adrian Lee,
891
00:30:08,097 --> 00:30:09,345
who's going to design our sets,
892
00:30:09,346 --> 00:30:10,179
Mr. and Mrs. Foster.
893
00:30:10,180 --> 00:30:11,428
- How do you do?
- Hello.
894
00:30:11,429 --> 00:30:14,095
My dears, what a divine room.
895
00:30:14,096 --> 00:30:15,220
It's absolutely you.
896
00:30:15,221 --> 00:30:17,553
Your personalities are
simply stamped all over it.
897
00:30:17,554 --> 00:30:20,553
You know, nobody could possibly
invent anything like this.
898
00:30:20,554 --> 00:30:22,511
Do you think I might browse around a bit?
899
00:30:22,512 --> 00:30:23,512
Oh, please do.
900
00:30:24,637 --> 00:30:25,837
All right, Jessie.
901
00:30:26,887 --> 00:30:27,887
Oh, um.
902
00:30:27,888 --> 00:30:29,261
I was going to ask you.
903
00:30:29,262 --> 00:30:30,221
I think it would be rather fun
904
00:30:30,222 --> 00:30:32,011
if Jessie and Wilson
appeared in the series,
905
00:30:32,012 --> 00:30:33,470
as themselves, you know.
906
00:30:33,471 --> 00:30:34,304
Do you mind?
907
00:30:34,305 --> 00:30:35,511
Not if you don't.
908
00:30:35,512 --> 00:30:37,553
Well, I think it would be
more true to life, don't you?
909
00:30:37,554 --> 00:30:40,095
Fancy me an actress.
910
00:30:40,096 --> 00:30:41,012
I should be like that maid
911
00:30:41,013 --> 00:30:42,803
with "Life with the Lyons," shan't I?
912
00:30:42,804 --> 00:30:43,637
In a way.
913
00:30:43,638 --> 00:30:45,798
Only I don't talk with an accent.
914
00:30:46,304 --> 00:30:47,324
All right then.
915
00:30:48,304 --> 00:30:52,137
Ooh, as long as you don't
expect me to be funny.
916
00:30:52,988 --> 00:30:55,928
You know it's funny
she should have mentioned
917
00:30:55,929 --> 00:30:57,220
"Life with the Lyons"
918
00:30:57,221 --> 00:31:00,053
because that's the one thing
that DTD had against you two.
919
00:31:00,054 --> 00:31:00,887
- Oh?
- What was?
920
00:31:00,888 --> 00:31:02,345
Well, the fact that you've no children,
921
00:31:02,346 --> 00:31:04,303
you know, to complete
the popular conception
922
00:31:04,304 --> 00:31:06,178
of real domestic bliss.
923
00:31:06,179 --> 00:31:07,845
Still, you never know, do you,
924
00:31:07,846 --> 00:31:10,845
if we are a success
and we run long enough.
925
00:31:10,846 --> 00:31:11,762
Well now.
926
00:31:11,763 --> 00:31:13,595
First of all, we've got to have a title.
927
00:31:13,596 --> 00:31:14,512
That's equally important.
928
00:31:14,513 --> 00:31:17,261
We want something, well,
short, simple and effective.
929
00:31:17,262 --> 00:31:19,428
Oh, and if possible,
bringing in your name.
930
00:31:19,429 --> 00:31:20,761
"The Foster Family."
931
00:31:20,762 --> 00:31:23,386
Oh no, no, no, too
ordinary, too hackneyed.
932
00:31:23,387 --> 00:31:24,221
Anyway, as I've just said,
933
00:31:24,222 --> 00:31:26,428
it's not factually
accurate, is it, not yet.
934
00:31:26,429 --> 00:31:27,429
I understood we were being engaged
935
00:31:27,430 --> 00:31:30,428
for a television series,
not to boost the birthrate.
936
00:31:30,429 --> 00:31:33,053
How about "Foster Frolics?"
937
00:31:33,054 --> 00:31:34,636
It sounds like the falderals.
938
00:31:34,637 --> 00:31:36,220
"Fade in the Fosters," do you think?
939
00:31:36,221 --> 00:31:38,303
Hmm hmm, I can imagine what the critics
940
00:31:38,304 --> 00:31:39,684
would do to that one.
941
00:31:40,226 --> 00:31:42,386
"Foster Parents" wouldn't be bad,
942
00:31:42,387 --> 00:31:44,553
if only, uh...
943
00:31:44,554 --> 00:31:46,303
Oh, I'm so sorry.
944
00:31:46,304 --> 00:31:47,636
"Follow the Fosters."
945
00:31:47,637 --> 00:31:49,011
Where to?
946
00:31:49,012 --> 00:31:50,761
I'm only throwing out ideas.
947
00:31:50,762 --> 00:31:52,803
Well, you better throw that
one right out, hadn't you?
948
00:31:52,804 --> 00:31:54,636
"The Foster Formula."
949
00:31:54,637 --> 00:31:55,928
Oh, there's no need to make it sound
950
00:31:55,929 --> 00:31:57,803
like a patent medicine, is there?
951
00:31:57,804 --> 00:31:59,845
How about "Fostering Goodwill?"
952
00:31:59,846 --> 00:32:01,303
Why?
953
00:32:01,304 --> 00:32:06,136
Well, it's a play on words,
Foster, fostering goodwill.
954
00:32:06,137 --> 00:32:08,777
Oddly enough, even
I had understood that.
955
00:32:08,778 --> 00:32:11,636
Why not call it "Festering
Sores" and be done with it.
956
00:32:11,637 --> 00:32:12,470
Simon!
957
00:32:12,471 --> 00:32:13,303
Laura!
958
00:32:13,304 --> 00:32:14,137
That's it!
959
00:32:14,138 --> 00:32:14,970
That's it.
960
00:32:14,971 --> 00:32:15,803
"Simon and Laura."
961
00:32:15,804 --> 00:32:16,762
Absolutely straightforward,
962
00:32:16,763 --> 00:32:17,596
absolutely simple.
963
00:32:17,597 --> 00:32:19,053
It's just what we want.
964
00:32:19,054 --> 00:32:21,136
Oh, as long as CT approves.
965
00:32:21,137 --> 00:32:22,303
Of course.
966
00:32:22,304 --> 00:32:24,011
Miss Honeyman.
967
00:32:24,012 --> 00:32:24,846
- Ah, good morning, Janet.
- Morning.
968
00:32:24,847 --> 00:32:25,679
Good morning.
969
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:26,720
Come in, darling.
970
00:32:26,721 --> 00:32:27,596
Hello.
971
00:32:27,597 --> 00:32:28,636
The first instalment.
972
00:32:28,637 --> 00:32:30,761
- Oh, good.
- Oh, splendid.
973
00:32:30,762 --> 00:32:31,721
- For you.
- Thank you.
974
00:32:31,722 --> 00:32:33,636
What on earth do you think you're doing?
975
00:32:33,637 --> 00:32:35,803
Just you think, all
those millions of people
976
00:32:35,804 --> 00:32:37,636
when they switch on their tellies,
977
00:32:37,637 --> 00:32:38,928
and what are they going to see?
978
00:32:38,929 --> 00:32:39,762
Hmm.
979
00:32:39,763 --> 00:32:41,178
Me.
980
00:32:41,179 --> 00:32:42,137
Makes your stomach turn over
981
00:32:42,138 --> 00:32:43,303
when you think of it, doesn't it?
982
00:32:43,304 --> 00:32:44,137
Yes, it does rather.
983
00:32:44,138 --> 00:32:47,470
But never mind, the makeup
department can do wonders.
984
00:32:47,471 --> 00:32:48,387
Oh, well, it's all right for you.
985
00:32:48,388 --> 00:32:49,470
You've been on the stage before.
986
00:32:49,471 --> 00:32:50,678
That was different.
987
00:32:50,679 --> 00:32:52,303
I was legitimate.
988
00:32:52,304 --> 00:32:53,595
Now, that's enough of that.
989
00:32:53,596 --> 00:32:54,928
My parents were married before I was born,
990
00:32:54,929 --> 00:32:57,553
and I've got the lines to prove it.
991
00:32:57,554 --> 00:32:58,595
The only lines that need worry you
992
00:32:58,596 --> 00:33:00,053
are the ones in the script.
993
00:33:00,054 --> 00:33:00,887
Yes, I know.
994
00:33:00,888 --> 00:33:02,261
I don't know how I'm going
to remember all those words.
995
00:33:02,262 --> 00:33:04,636
You know, you could give me a few tips.
996
00:33:04,637 --> 00:33:06,595
You've been in the entertainment business.
997
00:33:06,596 --> 00:33:07,596
This isn't entertainment.
998
00:33:07,597 --> 00:33:08,856
This is television.
999
00:33:09,618 --> 00:33:12,678
Well, let's read straight
through it, shall we,
1000
00:33:12,679 --> 00:33:14,539
and we'll see how it sounds.
1001
00:33:15,137 --> 00:33:16,345
Allow me.
1002
00:33:16,346 --> 00:33:17,346
Oh.
1003
00:33:18,679 --> 00:33:21,845
Now then, um, the scene is this lounge.
1004
00:33:21,846 --> 00:33:24,261
Your off upstairs, Laura.
1005
00:33:24,262 --> 00:33:28,136
Simon, we pick you up in the hall.
1006
00:33:28,137 --> 00:33:30,761
Hang up your hat, come in,
1007
00:33:30,762 --> 00:33:33,261
and cross to about here.
1008
00:33:33,262 --> 00:33:34,345
Right.
1009
00:33:34,346 --> 00:33:36,146
All right, up you go, Laura.
1010
00:33:37,498 --> 00:33:39,178
When you're ready, Simon.
1011
00:33:39,179 --> 00:33:40,179
Hat.
1012
00:33:43,304 --> 00:33:44,304
Darling.
1013
00:33:44,305 --> 00:33:46,803
Now, you come down eagerly.
1014
00:33:46,804 --> 00:33:49,136
Thank heavens I'm
supposed to be an actress.
1015
00:33:49,137 --> 00:33:50,074
Simon.
1016
00:33:50,075 --> 00:33:51,012
Laura.
1017
00:33:52,446 --> 00:33:53,886
How did rehearsals go?
1018
00:33:53,887 --> 00:33:55,678
Well enough, but I missed you.
1019
00:33:55,679 --> 00:33:58,136
I can't be in every
scene you're in, darling.
1020
00:33:58,137 --> 00:33:59,428
Why not?
1021
00:33:59,429 --> 00:34:00,387
Part of the play is supposed
1022
00:34:00,388 --> 00:34:01,970
to take place in a monastery.
1023
00:34:01,971 --> 00:34:03,761
That comes out in episode three.
1024
00:34:03,762 --> 00:34:04,596
- Oh.
- Oh.
1025
00:34:04,597 --> 00:34:06,762
Right, over to the sofa.
1026
00:34:07,804 --> 00:34:10,845
It's so late, and you look so tired.
1027
00:34:10,846 --> 00:34:13,678
Well, I had to wait a
long time for the bus.
1028
00:34:13,679 --> 00:34:17,386
Imagine Simon using a bus.
1029
00:34:17,387 --> 00:34:20,220
We have to avoid any snob element.
1030
00:34:20,221 --> 00:34:21,929
Poor sweet, sit down.
1031
00:34:23,304 --> 00:34:24,304
There.
1032
00:34:25,881 --> 00:34:28,761
Besides, I stopped
somewhere on the way home.
1033
00:34:28,762 --> 00:34:30,428
That's the first ring of
truth in the script too.
1034
00:34:30,429 --> 00:34:33,970
To buy you a little
something for our anniversary.
1035
00:34:33,971 --> 00:34:35,553
So you didn't forget?
1036
00:34:35,554 --> 00:34:38,734
Something you've had your
eye on for a long time.
1037
00:34:44,346 --> 00:34:45,761
The necklace!
1038
00:34:45,762 --> 00:34:47,595
Oh, Simon, put it on for me.
1039
00:34:47,596 --> 00:34:48,616
Round the back.
1040
00:34:49,721 --> 00:34:50,721
All right.
1041
00:34:52,679 --> 00:34:55,019
Is this table gonna be here, old boy?
1042
00:35:09,081 --> 00:35:10,761
Simon, they're beautiful.
1043
00:35:10,762 --> 00:35:13,042
Lucky pearls to be around your neck.
1044
00:35:13,043 --> 00:35:15,428
Let's dine somewhere very special tonight
1045
00:35:15,429 --> 00:35:16,761
as a celebration, right?
1046
00:35:16,762 --> 00:35:17,721
Darling, don't you think a quiet
1047
00:35:17,722 --> 00:35:20,136
little dinner at home would be much nicer,
1048
00:35:20,137 --> 00:35:21,470
just the two of us?
1049
00:35:21,471 --> 00:35:23,136
When's the boxing coming on?
1050
00:35:23,137 --> 00:35:24,970
Not till after this muck.
1051
00:35:24,971 --> 00:35:26,178
Well, when's the panel game?
1052
00:35:26,179 --> 00:35:27,970
Oh, it's been on, Gran.
1053
00:35:27,971 --> 00:35:30,136
- Why didn't you nudge me?
- We did.
1054
00:35:30,137 --> 00:35:32,957
Well, nudge me when
the boxing's coming on.
1055
00:35:34,054 --> 00:35:35,386
Ah, look at that.
1056
00:35:35,387 --> 00:35:37,511
That's the Thompson's blasted car again.
1057
00:35:37,512 --> 00:35:38,346
Is it the boxing?
1058
00:35:38,347 --> 00:35:39,720
No.
1059
00:35:39,721 --> 00:35:40,721
Oh.
1060
00:35:43,512 --> 00:35:45,511
There you are.
1061
00:35:45,512 --> 00:35:47,220
My darling, a toast.
1062
00:35:47,221 --> 00:35:48,221
To us.
1063
00:35:50,805 --> 00:35:54,345
Excuse me, sir, there's a
police constable in the hall.
1064
00:35:54,346 --> 00:35:55,845
A police constable?
1065
00:35:55,846 --> 00:35:57,845
A very tough customer, sir.
1066
00:35:57,846 --> 00:35:59,136
Oh, well, show him in.
1067
00:35:59,137 --> 00:36:00,012
Yes, sir.
1068
00:36:00,013 --> 00:36:02,261
Oh, darling, what can he want?
1069
00:36:02,262 --> 00:36:04,678
Did you remember to
take out the TV last night?
1070
00:36:04,679 --> 00:36:06,178
But, Simon
darling, I thought that you...
1071
00:36:06,179 --> 00:36:07,303
But, angel, I thought that you.
1072
00:36:07,304 --> 00:36:09,637
Will you come this way, please?
1073
00:36:11,637 --> 00:36:14,845
The police tonight of all nights!
1074
00:36:14,846 --> 00:36:17,726
Perhaps he's only
selling tickets for the...
1075
00:36:20,304 --> 00:36:21,553
Mr. Foster?
1076
00:36:21,554 --> 00:36:22,387
Yes.
1077
00:36:22,388 --> 00:36:24,761
Don't you remember me, sir?
1078
00:36:24,762 --> 00:36:26,220
Coka!
1079
00:36:26,221 --> 00:36:28,095
Dear old Coka.
1080
00:36:28,096 --> 00:36:29,636
We were together in the war, darling.
1081
00:36:29,637 --> 00:36:30,470
I know.
1082
00:36:30,471 --> 00:36:31,303
Elsie, look.
1083
00:36:31,304 --> 00:36:32,137
Who does he remind you of?
1084
00:36:32,138 --> 00:36:33,511
Nobody I care to remember.
1085
00:36:33,512 --> 00:36:35,261
Well, he's the spittin'
image of old Dusty Miller.
1086
00:36:35,262 --> 00:36:36,303
Served with me in Italy.
1087
00:36:36,304 --> 00:36:37,886
Well, you needn't think
you're gonna bring him home.
1088
00:36:37,887 --> 00:36:41,007
We don't know your army
friends here, thank you.
1089
00:36:41,762 --> 00:36:45,095
# They say there's a troop
ship just leaving Bombay #
1090
00:36:45,096 --> 00:36:48,386
# Bound for old blighty shore #
1091
00:36:48,387 --> 00:36:51,845
# Heavily laden with time-expired men #
1092
00:36:51,846 --> 00:36:54,761
# Bound for the land they adore #
1093
00:36:54,762 --> 00:36:58,053
# There's many an airman
just finishing his time #
1094
00:36:58,054 --> 00:37:01,261
# There's many a twerp signing on #
1095
00:37:01,262 --> 00:37:04,428
# You'll get no promotion
this side of the ocean #
1096
00:37:04,429 --> 00:37:08,053
# So cheer up my lads, bless 'em all #
1097
00:37:08,054 --> 00:37:11,636
# Bless 'em all, bless 'em all #
1098
00:37:11,637 --> 00:37:14,928
# The long and the short and the tall #
1099
00:37:14,929 --> 00:37:17,970
# Bless all the #
1100
00:37:17,971 --> 00:37:19,845
Elsie, I've gone deaf.
1101
00:37:19,846 --> 00:37:20,679
Oh, it's all right, Gran.
1102
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:21,845
The sound's packed up.
1103
00:37:21,846 --> 00:37:22,679
I'll do it!
1104
00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:24,780
You keep your hands off that set.
1105
00:37:26,165 --> 00:37:27,845
Cost me 90 quid, that did.
1106
00:37:27,846 --> 00:37:28,679
It's not a toy.
1107
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:30,303
It's a very delicate instrument.
1108
00:37:30,304 --> 00:37:31,553
# The war #
1109
00:37:31,554 --> 00:37:35,011
# You'll get no promotion
this side of the ocean #
1110
00:37:35,012 --> 00:37:39,429
# So cheer up my lads, bless 'em all #
1111
00:37:56,406 --> 00:37:57,846
- Darling.
- Oh, David,
1112
00:37:57,847 --> 00:37:58,636
were we all right?
1113
00:37:58,637 --> 00:37:59,637
Oh, honey, you were wonderful.
1114
00:37:59,638 --> 00:38:03,511
- Oh, you were both so good!
- We loved every minute of it.
1115
00:38:03,512 --> 00:38:05,679
Let's hope the press liked it.
1116
00:38:47,105 --> 00:38:48,845
Not a hope, my dear fellow.
1117
00:38:48,846 --> 00:38:50,886
Simon and Laura aren't free.
1118
00:38:50,887 --> 00:38:53,136
No, not for months, years perhaps.
1119
00:38:53,137 --> 00:38:55,220
They're working, working.
1120
00:38:55,221 --> 00:38:56,511
Working.
1121
00:38:56,512 --> 00:38:57,866
Mom!
1122
00:38:57,867 --> 00:38:59,220
Elsie!
1123
00:38:59,221 --> 00:39:00,054
Come on, you two!
1124
00:39:00,055 --> 00:39:01,721
They're just starting.
1125
00:39:04,429 --> 00:39:07,636
Oh, Simon, just look at this hole.
1126
00:39:07,637 --> 00:39:09,636
How on earth do you manage to do it?
1127
00:39:09,637 --> 00:39:11,557
Well, it's quite easy really.
1128
00:39:14,096 --> 00:39:15,428
Ah, tea.
1129
00:39:15,429 --> 00:39:17,345
Jessie, what a lovely cake.
1130
00:39:17,346 --> 00:39:18,387
Madam made it.
1131
00:39:24,382 --> 00:39:25,488
It's well-produced.
1132
00:39:25,489 --> 00:39:26,596
It's well-acted.
1133
00:39:26,597 --> 00:39:27,970
It's good up to a point.
1134
00:39:27,971 --> 00:39:29,595
But it just misses.
1135
00:39:29,596 --> 00:39:31,553
Oh, well, do you really think so, sir?
1136
00:39:31,554 --> 00:39:32,428
I do.
1137
00:39:32,429 --> 00:39:33,304
And shall I tell you why?
1138
00:39:33,305 --> 00:39:36,928
Because family life is not
family life without children.
1139
00:39:36,929 --> 00:39:38,720
But surely, sir, Simon
and Laura are different.
1140
00:39:38,721 --> 00:39:39,554
They are.
1141
00:39:39,555 --> 00:39:40,678
They haven't got any children.
1142
00:39:40,679 --> 00:39:42,553
If you'd followed my
idea in the first place...
1143
00:39:42,554 --> 00:39:45,303
I did try, sir, but, well,
they just wouldn't hear of it.
1144
00:39:45,304 --> 00:39:46,137
They're under contract, aren't they?
1145
00:39:46,138 --> 00:39:47,511
Well, of course, sir.
1146
00:39:47,512 --> 00:39:48,761
Well then, what are you waiting for?
1147
00:39:48,762 --> 00:39:50,928
Tell Mrs. Honeyman to get
busy on a new instalment
1148
00:39:50,929 --> 00:39:52,249
using my suggestion.
1149
00:39:53,554 --> 00:39:54,574
All right, sir.
1150
00:39:57,054 --> 00:39:59,886
Laura, have you read episode 68?
1151
00:39:59,887 --> 00:40:01,011
No, why?
1152
00:40:01,012 --> 00:40:03,678
Well, they've introduced a blasted kid.
1153
00:40:03,679 --> 00:40:04,512
Well, they can't.
1154
00:40:04,513 --> 00:40:05,678
Everybody knows we haven't got one.
1155
00:40:05,679 --> 00:40:07,428
Well, it's a cousin
or a nephew or something
1156
00:40:07,429 --> 00:40:08,261
come on a visit.
1157
00:40:08,262 --> 00:40:09,096
Oh, that's not so bad.
1158
00:40:09,097 --> 00:40:09,929
Not so bad?
1159
00:40:09,930 --> 00:40:12,595
He's got all the best
lines and the fade out.
1160
00:40:12,596 --> 00:40:13,449
Good grief.
1161
00:40:13,450 --> 00:40:14,303
Now what?
1162
00:40:14,304 --> 00:40:15,137
It's quite a visit.
1163
00:40:15,138 --> 00:40:16,878
He's in 69 and 70 as well.
1164
00:40:18,578 --> 00:40:20,678
Camera three by the fire shooting
1165
00:40:20,679 --> 00:40:25,553
onto the settee, and camera
four out in the hall.
1166
00:40:25,554 --> 00:40:26,886
Where do you want that?
1167
00:40:26,887 --> 00:40:28,053
Um, well look, I'll show you.
1168
00:40:28,054 --> 00:40:28,887
Morning.
1169
00:40:28,888 --> 00:40:30,636
- Just about here, all right?
- Hello, boys and girls.
1170
00:40:30,637 --> 00:40:31,720
All right, quiet every one!
1171
00:40:31,721 --> 00:40:33,761
Now, let's run through
episode 68, shall we?
1172
00:40:33,762 --> 00:40:34,721
- Good morning, darling.
- Morning.
1173
00:40:34,722 --> 00:40:35,554
- How are you?
- Fine.
1174
00:40:35,555 --> 00:40:36,636
Good.
1175
00:40:36,637 --> 00:40:37,637
Timothy?
1176
00:40:38,762 --> 00:40:40,178
Now where's Timothy?
1177
00:40:40,179 --> 00:40:41,179
Here I am.
1178
00:40:41,180 --> 00:40:42,553
Ah.
1179
00:40:42,554 --> 00:40:45,220
Simon, Laura, I want you to meet Timothy.
1180
00:40:45,221 --> 00:40:46,136
Hello.
1181
00:40:46,137 --> 00:40:47,137
How do you do, sir?
1182
00:40:47,138 --> 00:40:47,970
How do you do?
1183
00:40:47,971 --> 00:40:48,887
- Ah!
- Ha ha, caught you.
1184
00:40:48,888 --> 00:40:49,804
It's electronic.
1185
00:40:49,805 --> 00:40:50,637
Charming.
1186
00:40:50,638 --> 00:40:52,386
All right, Timothy, now that's enough
1187
00:40:52,387 --> 00:40:53,221
fun and games for one day.
1188
00:40:53,222 --> 00:40:54,542
You go and sit down.
1189
00:40:55,541 --> 00:40:57,761
Well now, Simon, you're discovered
1190
00:40:57,762 --> 00:41:00,178
sitting on the sofa talking to Timothy.
1191
00:41:00,179 --> 00:41:01,470
To Timothy.
1192
00:41:01,471 --> 00:41:02,971
Darling.
1193
00:41:06,887 --> 00:41:08,053
Here you go.
1194
00:41:08,054 --> 00:41:09,136
Right.
1195
00:41:09,137 --> 00:41:11,053
That's right.
1196
00:41:11,054 --> 00:41:13,303
Now, Timothy, what have
you and Auntie Laura
1197
00:41:13,304 --> 00:41:14,304
been doing all day?
1198
00:41:14,305 --> 00:41:15,761
Don't tell me, let me guess.
1199
00:41:15,762 --> 00:41:16,595
Excuse me.
1200
00:41:16,596 --> 00:41:17,428
Shh, shh, shh.
1201
00:41:17,429 --> 00:41:18,262
Excuse me.
1202
00:41:18,263 --> 00:41:19,511
Well, what is it?
1203
00:41:19,512 --> 00:41:20,636
You're sitting on my choc ice.
1204
00:41:20,637 --> 00:41:21,637
Timothy!
1205
00:41:24,073 --> 00:41:27,553
Ooh, Miss Honeyman, can I
have a word with you, please?
1206
00:41:27,554 --> 00:41:29,095
Well, yes, Jessie, of course.
1207
00:41:29,096 --> 00:41:29,929
What is it?
1208
00:41:29,930 --> 00:41:31,470
Well, it's about the series.
1209
00:41:31,471 --> 00:41:34,845
I don't feel that my character
is sufficiently established.
1210
00:41:34,846 --> 00:41:35,721
Oh, you don't?
1211
00:41:35,722 --> 00:41:37,053
No, I mean, all the programme,
1212
00:41:37,054 --> 00:41:38,803
all I've done is to open and shut doors
1213
00:41:38,804 --> 00:41:40,386
and carry trays on and off.
1214
00:41:40,387 --> 00:41:42,553
I've had quite a lot of
letters from viewers about it.
1215
00:41:42,554 --> 00:41:44,553
Oh, how is your fan mail these days?
1216
00:41:44,554 --> 00:41:47,178
42 letters last week and
a proposal of marriage.
1217
00:41:47,179 --> 00:41:48,345
Oh, who from?
1218
00:41:48,346 --> 00:41:50,011
Well, it was written
on prison notepaper,
1219
00:41:50,012 --> 00:41:51,261
but you could tell it was a gentleman.
1220
00:41:51,262 --> 00:41:52,720
Oh, I'm sure.
1221
00:41:52,721 --> 00:41:54,053
Well, what do you want me to do about it?
1222
00:41:54,054 --> 00:41:57,595
Well, I thought, couldn't
I have a few love scenes?
1223
00:41:57,596 --> 00:41:58,886
Who with, Wilson?
1224
00:41:58,887 --> 00:41:59,721
Oh, no.
1225
00:41:59,722 --> 00:42:00,845
I haven't got down to that.
1226
00:42:00,846 --> 00:42:03,845
No, couldn't I have a bit
of a crush on the master?
1227
00:42:03,846 --> 00:42:05,095
On Simon?
1228
00:42:05,096 --> 00:42:06,261
On Mr. Foster?
1229
00:42:06,262 --> 00:42:07,845
Oh, a hopeless one, of course.
1230
00:42:07,846 --> 00:42:10,595
You know, like Pagliacci.
1231
00:42:10,596 --> 00:42:11,429
Uh, yes.
1232
00:42:11,430 --> 00:42:14,010
Well, I'll, I'll think it over, Jessie.
1233
00:42:14,512 --> 00:42:16,511
Yes, I think you better had.
1234
00:42:16,512 --> 00:42:17,345
You're late.
1235
00:42:17,346 --> 00:42:18,179
Now, where have you been?
1236
00:42:18,180 --> 00:42:20,053
To a lecture on electro-chemistry.
1237
00:42:20,054 --> 00:42:21,136
That was this morning.
1238
00:42:21,137 --> 00:42:23,220
Then I had an interview
with a film producer.
1239
00:42:23,221 --> 00:42:24,054
When?
1240
00:42:24,055 --> 00:42:25,428
Immediately after lunch.
1241
00:42:25,429 --> 00:42:27,595
It is now 5:30.
1242
00:42:27,596 --> 00:42:30,386
Immediately after his lunch not mine.
1243
00:42:30,387 --> 00:42:32,678
Ooh, by the way, am I to be a permanent
1244
00:42:32,679 --> 00:42:33,803
character in this thing?
1245
00:42:33,804 --> 00:42:34,886
Maybe.
1246
00:42:34,887 --> 00:42:37,053
I'm only signed up
for six more programmes,
1247
00:42:37,054 --> 00:42:38,012
and if I do the film,
1248
00:42:38,013 --> 00:42:39,386
I have to have my hair dyed.
1249
00:42:39,387 --> 00:42:40,511
Well, it all depends on how
1250
00:42:40,512 --> 00:42:42,261
good Mr. Prentice thinks you are.
1251
00:42:42,262 --> 00:42:43,303
You can hardly win an Oscar
1252
00:42:43,304 --> 00:42:45,761
with the kind of gaff you give me to say.
1253
00:42:45,762 --> 00:42:46,762
Thank you, dear.
1254
00:42:46,763 --> 00:42:49,763
Ask the makeup girl to
do both your heads, hmm?
1255
00:42:55,721 --> 00:42:58,001
Hello, Uncle, know your lines today?
1256
00:43:20,429 --> 00:43:21,928
Hello.
1257
00:43:21,929 --> 00:43:23,011
For you, Miss Honeyman.
1258
00:43:23,012 --> 00:43:24,179
Oh, thank you.
1259
00:43:26,096 --> 00:43:27,303
Yes?
1260
00:43:27,304 --> 00:43:28,984
Oh, Laura, hello, darling.
1261
00:43:29,804 --> 00:43:30,804
Is it urgent?
1262
00:43:32,346 --> 00:43:35,226
Oh, in that case, I'll
come over right away.
1263
00:43:36,804 --> 00:43:37,803
Trouble.
1264
00:43:37,804 --> 00:43:38,721
They've just ready 108.
1265
00:43:38,722 --> 00:43:40,720
Now, don't let them change a thing.
1266
00:43:40,721 --> 00:43:41,861
I'll do my best.
1267
00:43:44,012 --> 00:43:45,012
Come in.
1268
00:43:46,543 --> 00:43:49,303
Could I have a word
with you, Mr. Prentice?
1269
00:43:49,304 --> 00:43:50,761
Oh hello, Wilson.
1270
00:43:50,762 --> 00:43:51,886
Don't tell me you want a love interest
1271
00:43:51,887 --> 00:43:53,136
written in for you and Mrs. Foster.
1272
00:43:53,137 --> 00:43:54,636
Oh, no, no.
1273
00:43:54,637 --> 00:43:56,011
What's the trouble?
1274
00:43:56,012 --> 00:43:57,886
It's my nose.
1275
00:43:57,887 --> 00:43:58,721
Your nose?
1276
00:43:58,722 --> 00:44:00,053
Mm, apparently the makeup girl
1277
00:44:00,054 --> 00:44:02,595
doesn't bring out its finer points.
1278
00:44:02,596 --> 00:44:03,428
Oh.
1279
00:44:03,429 --> 00:44:04,262
My sister-in-law phoned to tell me
1280
00:44:04,263 --> 00:44:06,011
that during the past week it's looked
1281
00:44:06,012 --> 00:44:07,845
nothing more or less than a blob.
1282
00:44:07,846 --> 00:44:09,220
Well, it's probably her set.
1283
00:44:09,221 --> 00:44:11,761
No, no, a brand new 17 incher.
1284
00:44:11,762 --> 00:44:14,303
And she's not the only
one who's noticed it.
1285
00:44:14,304 --> 00:44:16,428
There was a letter from
a lady in Lancastershire.
1286
00:44:16,429 --> 00:44:17,928
Look, Wilson, what with Jessie
1287
00:44:17,929 --> 00:44:19,178
wanting her part sexed up,
1288
00:44:19,179 --> 00:44:20,636
Timothy wanting to dye his hair,
1289
00:44:20,637 --> 00:44:21,970
and the censor cutting every other word,
1290
00:44:21,971 --> 00:44:23,470
I have no time to do anything now.
1291
00:44:23,471 --> 00:44:26,178
But I promise you, I will look
at it very carefully tonight.
1292
00:44:26,179 --> 00:44:27,386
Yes.
1293
00:44:27,387 --> 00:44:29,261
- Now, Laura, please.
- Oh, are you suggesting
1294
00:44:29,262 --> 00:44:30,720
that we put up with that little rat
1295
00:44:30,721 --> 00:44:32,511
for the rest of our television lives?
1296
00:44:32,512 --> 00:44:33,761
Well, we can settle that later.
1297
00:44:33,762 --> 00:44:34,596
- Ha, ha, ha.
- But look what I have
1298
00:44:34,597 --> 00:44:36,928
to say, with a knowing smile, mark you.
1299
00:44:36,929 --> 00:44:39,386
Timothy goes back to
Shropshire on Saturday.
1300
00:44:39,387 --> 00:44:40,262
Well, that's a hell of a line.
1301
00:44:40,263 --> 00:44:41,096
You can't even say it.
1302
00:44:41,097 --> 00:44:44,303
And then what would you say,
Laura, if he didn't go back?
1303
00:44:44,304 --> 00:44:46,970
If he stayed here with us for always?
1304
00:44:46,971 --> 00:44:48,928
Note that little word always.
1305
00:44:48,929 --> 00:44:51,303
And then there is a
moment of absolute silence.
1306
00:44:51,304 --> 00:44:53,261
We see Laura's face in close up,
1307
00:44:53,262 --> 00:44:54,678
radiant with happiness.
1308
00:44:54,679 --> 00:44:55,512
Uh.
1309
00:44:55,513 --> 00:44:56,803
Now listen, Janet, I have acted
1310
00:44:56,804 --> 00:44:59,011
with octogenarians, dipsomaniacs,
1311
00:44:59,012 --> 00:45:02,220
dope fiends, amnesiacs, and veteran cars,
1312
00:45:02,221 --> 00:45:04,011
but I have no intention of trying to keep
1313
00:45:04,012 --> 00:45:06,636
my end up with a child actor
with a face like Timothy's!
1314
00:45:06,637 --> 00:45:07,637
The next thing you'll introduce
1315
00:45:07,638 --> 00:45:08,678
to keep us happy is a spaniel.
1316
00:45:08,679 --> 00:45:11,178
I know every two artists
should welcome competition,
1317
00:45:11,179 --> 00:45:12,012
but this little...
yes, but acting
1318
00:45:12,013 --> 00:45:14,303
with dogs and children is
not competition, it's murder.
1319
00:45:14,304 --> 00:45:15,136
And we won't do it.
1320
00:45:15,137 --> 00:45:16,053
- No, we won't.
- We won't, we won't,
1321
00:45:16,054 --> 00:45:16,971
- we won't.
- We won't, we won't,
1322
00:45:16,972 --> 00:45:17,804
we won't!
1323
00:45:17,805 --> 00:45:20,386
Timothy, darling, can
you give me Miss Bones,
1324
00:45:20,387 --> 00:45:21,970
the butcher's daughter?
1325
00:45:21,971 --> 00:45:23,470
No, Auntie.
1326
00:45:23,471 --> 00:45:25,970
But could you give me Mr. Bones
1327
00:45:25,971 --> 00:45:27,761
and Master Bun the baker's son?
1328
00:45:27,762 --> 00:45:28,762
Ooh.
1329
00:45:31,554 --> 00:45:33,714
And Mrs. Pots the painter's wife?
1330
00:45:36,054 --> 00:45:40,595
Now, Uncle, I'd like Miss Bones.
1331
00:45:40,596 --> 00:45:42,429
And Mr. and Mrs. Mug.
1332
00:45:43,304 --> 00:45:48,011
Oh, Timothy's so good at
making happy families, isn't he?
1333
00:45:48,012 --> 00:45:49,179
Happy families.
1334
00:45:49,818 --> 00:45:51,678
Shall we tell him now, Laura?
1335
00:45:51,679 --> 00:45:52,970
Yes, darling.
1336
00:45:52,971 --> 00:45:56,053
Timothy, we've had a letter from a lawyer.
1337
00:45:56,054 --> 00:45:57,886
And from now on, you can call us
1338
00:45:57,887 --> 00:46:00,887
- Mummy and Daddy.
- Mummy and Daddy.
1339
00:46:04,054 --> 00:46:05,928
Okay, cut.
1340
00:46:05,929 --> 00:46:07,849
I think I'm going to be sick.
1341
00:46:13,179 --> 00:46:16,053
Oh, I'm so sorry, darling.
1342
00:46:16,054 --> 00:46:17,636
CT's just sent for me.
1343
00:46:17,637 --> 00:46:19,220
He's on the warpath about something.
1344
00:46:19,221 --> 00:46:20,054
Oh, don't worry about these.
1345
00:46:20,055 --> 00:46:20,929
I can manage them.
1346
00:46:20,930 --> 00:46:21,803
Oh, all right.
1347
00:46:21,804 --> 00:46:22,762
You better not keep him waiting.
1348
00:46:22,763 --> 00:46:25,220
Uh, I've got two seats for
the midnight premier tonight.
1349
00:46:25,221 --> 00:46:26,137
Want to come?
1350
00:46:26,138 --> 00:46:27,553
Oh, David, I'd love to.
1351
00:46:27,554 --> 00:46:28,387
Pick you up after the show?
1352
00:46:28,388 --> 00:46:29,470
Gorgeous!
1353
00:46:29,471 --> 00:46:30,678
That'll give us time to eat first.
1354
00:46:30,679 --> 00:46:31,511
Mm hmm.
1355
00:46:31,512 --> 00:46:32,346
Listen, I must dash.
1356
00:46:32,347 --> 00:46:33,470
- David?
- Yes?
1357
00:46:33,471 --> 00:46:34,470
Good luck.
1358
00:46:34,471 --> 00:46:35,471
Thank you.
1359
00:46:36,596 --> 00:46:38,220
- Oh.
- Oh.
1360
00:46:38,221 --> 00:46:39,429
- David?
- Yes?
1361
00:46:45,096 --> 00:46:46,096
Come in.
1362
00:46:46,836 --> 00:46:48,096
You wanted me, sir?
1363
00:46:48,097 --> 00:46:48,929
Yes.
1364
00:46:48,930 --> 00:46:51,030
You'd better take off your coat.
1365
00:46:51,031 --> 00:46:53,136
Prentice, your program's going bad on us.
1366
00:46:53,137 --> 00:46:54,636
Listen to this.
1367
00:46:54,637 --> 00:46:57,428
Divinely happy and divinely dull.
1368
00:46:57,429 --> 00:46:59,136
Simon and Laura have shown viewers
1369
00:46:59,137 --> 00:47:00,553
how sublime their marriage is.
1370
00:47:00,554 --> 00:47:01,387
They've done it well.
1371
00:47:01,388 --> 00:47:02,221
We believe them.
1372
00:47:02,222 --> 00:47:04,178
But where do we go from here?
1373
00:47:04,179 --> 00:47:05,859
I, for one, to the cinema.
1374
00:47:06,637 --> 00:47:08,011
Oh, dear.
1375
00:47:08,012 --> 00:47:11,012
And listen to this, from
a woman correspondent.
1376
00:47:11,300 --> 00:47:13,220
Too often is the screen filled
1377
00:47:13,221 --> 00:47:15,386
by the handsome profile of Simon Foster
1378
00:47:15,387 --> 00:47:18,261
murmuring sugary sentiments to his wife.
1379
00:47:18,262 --> 00:47:19,970
Thank heavens we're not
all so happily married
1380
00:47:19,971 --> 00:47:21,511
as Simon and Laura.
1381
00:47:21,512 --> 00:47:23,095
Sometimes, surely, it's the faults
1382
00:47:23,096 --> 00:47:24,656
in our men that we love.
1383
00:47:25,171 --> 00:47:27,511
But Simon's fundamentally nice, sir.
1384
00:47:27,512 --> 00:47:29,136
We can't play him against type.
1385
00:47:29,137 --> 00:47:30,553
Then play him down.
1386
00:47:30,554 --> 00:47:31,886
Cut out his profile.
1387
00:47:31,887 --> 00:47:33,428
Cut him out all together.
1388
00:47:33,429 --> 00:47:35,553
Some new blood in the
programme might help.
1389
00:47:35,554 --> 00:47:38,095
And that script needs pepping up too.
1390
00:47:38,096 --> 00:47:40,886
Tell Miss Honeyman to
read "Forever Amber."
1391
00:47:40,887 --> 00:47:41,887
Sir!
1392
00:47:46,179 --> 00:47:47,720
Yes?
1393
00:47:47,721 --> 00:47:48,721
Hello, David.
1394
00:47:49,405 --> 00:47:50,845
You sound very het up.
1395
00:47:50,846 --> 00:47:51,679
I am het up.
1396
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:52,970
So would you be.
1397
00:47:52,971 --> 00:47:54,220
Look, Laura, are you alone?
1398
00:47:54,221 --> 00:47:56,803
Well, yes, quite alone.
1399
00:47:56,804 --> 00:47:59,178
What is it, something to
do with the programme?
1400
00:47:59,179 --> 00:48:01,678
Oh, don't tell me a spaniel has turned up.
1401
00:48:01,679 --> 00:48:03,053
Oh no, it's nothing like that.
1402
00:48:03,054 --> 00:48:03,929
But it's something I've got
1403
00:48:03,930 --> 00:48:06,090
to discuss with you, Laura, alone.
1404
00:48:06,512 --> 00:48:08,136
No.
1405
00:48:08,137 --> 00:48:10,595
Now look, above all, Simon mustn't know.
1406
00:48:10,596 --> 00:48:13,345
Can you have dinner with
me tonight after the show?
1407
00:48:13,346 --> 00:48:15,428
Oh, Lord, well, can't you get out of it?
1408
00:48:15,429 --> 00:48:17,769
I'm gonna have to cut a date myself.
1409
00:48:18,846 --> 00:48:20,261
That's my Laura.
1410
00:48:20,262 --> 00:48:21,553
Look, darling, we'll
go somewhere very quiet
1411
00:48:21,554 --> 00:48:24,220
where we're not likely to
run into anybody we know.
1412
00:48:24,221 --> 00:48:26,803
Yes, we don't want the tom toms to start.
1413
00:48:26,804 --> 00:48:29,636
All right, and remember,
not a word to Simon.
1414
00:48:29,637 --> 00:48:30,928
Of course not.
1415
00:48:30,929 --> 00:48:31,949
Goodbye, David.
1416
00:48:39,012 --> 00:48:40,761
Ah, there you are.
1417
00:48:40,762 --> 00:48:42,386
I've been looking for you everywhere.
1418
00:48:42,387 --> 00:48:43,428
Really?
1419
00:48:43,429 --> 00:48:45,595
Found some cheerful
music for our next episode?
1420
00:48:45,596 --> 00:48:48,345
Yes, "March to the Scaffold."
1421
00:48:48,346 --> 00:48:49,595
Oh.
1422
00:48:49,596 --> 00:48:53,053
Um, Janet, about our date tonight.
1423
00:48:53,054 --> 00:48:53,929
Yes?
1424
00:48:53,930 --> 00:48:55,928
I'm terribly afraid I
shan't be able to make it.
1425
00:48:55,929 --> 00:48:56,762
Why not?
1426
00:48:56,763 --> 00:48:58,470
Well, I'm working on
something for the CT.
1427
00:48:58,471 --> 00:49:00,720
Beastly nuisance, but he insisted.
1428
00:49:00,721 --> 00:49:03,011
But the premier isn't
till midnight, is it?
1429
00:49:03,012 --> 00:49:05,053
Uh, uh, no, but,
1430
00:49:05,054 --> 00:49:07,178
well, it'll probably take me all night.
1431
00:49:07,179 --> 00:49:08,928
Hmm, that's what I thought.
1432
00:49:08,929 --> 00:49:10,678
Yes, well, I shall just have to snatch
1433
00:49:10,679 --> 00:49:11,512
a sandwich and carry on.
1434
00:49:11,513 --> 00:49:14,095
But you could pull up
the stars, I take it.
1435
00:49:14,096 --> 00:49:14,929
I beg your pardon?
1436
00:49:14,930 --> 00:49:16,678
You must think I'm a clot.
1437
00:49:16,679 --> 00:49:18,720
I run your errands, I write your script,
1438
00:49:18,721 --> 00:49:20,511
I even darn your socks for you!
1439
00:49:20,512 --> 00:49:21,886
And then you stand me up for a...
1440
00:49:21,887 --> 00:49:23,261
Now, look, darling, don't get me wrong.
1441
00:49:23,262 --> 00:49:24,096
Wrong?
1442
00:49:24,097 --> 00:49:25,803
Do you think I don't know what's going on?
1443
00:49:25,804 --> 00:49:27,511
I wasn't born yesterday, you know.
1444
00:49:27,512 --> 00:49:28,636
Oh.
1445
00:49:28,637 --> 00:49:30,428
Then it must've been the day before!
1446
00:49:30,429 --> 00:49:31,429
Oh!
1447
00:49:37,762 --> 00:49:38,762
All right.
1448
00:49:39,942 --> 00:49:41,262
Have you seen Laura?
1449
00:49:41,263 --> 00:49:42,095
She's changing.
1450
00:49:42,096 --> 00:49:43,012
She won't be a minute.
1451
00:49:43,013 --> 00:49:43,929
Oh.
1452
00:49:43,930 --> 00:49:45,761
I wanted a quick word with her.
1453
00:49:45,762 --> 00:49:47,636
The CT wants her to do
an "In Town Tonight"
1454
00:49:47,637 --> 00:49:48,470
a Saturday week.
1455
00:49:48,471 --> 00:49:49,387
Oh, Lord, do we have to?
1456
00:49:49,388 --> 00:49:51,887
Oh, well, not both of you, just Laura.
1457
00:49:52,887 --> 00:49:54,011
Why just Laura?
1458
00:49:54,012 --> 00:49:56,345
Because the winner of the
best Christmas pudding recipe
1459
00:49:56,346 --> 00:49:58,595
happens to be Laura Foster
of Newcastle-under-Lyme,
1460
00:49:58,596 --> 00:50:00,636
and the prize was a visit to the studio
1461
00:50:00,637 --> 00:50:01,761
and a meeting with a star.
1462
00:50:01,762 --> 00:50:02,596
Uh huh.
1463
00:50:02,597 --> 00:50:04,937
So naturally, she chose her namesake.
1464
00:50:04,938 --> 00:50:07,095
If Laura wants to muck up her weekend,
1465
00:50:07,096 --> 00:50:08,511
she's perfectly welcome.
1466
00:50:08,512 --> 00:50:09,346
Exactly.
1467
00:50:09,347 --> 00:50:10,886
And you can enjoy watching her
1468
00:50:10,887 --> 00:50:11,928
from your own far side.
1469
00:50:11,929 --> 00:50:13,553
We haven't got a set.
1470
00:50:13,554 --> 00:50:16,136
Good Lord, why ever not?
1471
00:50:16,137 --> 00:50:17,054
What would we do with one?
1472
00:50:17,055 --> 00:50:19,275
We can't watch our own programmes.
1473
00:50:20,804 --> 00:50:22,303
- Darling.
- Uh huh?
1474
00:50:22,304 --> 00:50:23,928
Um, I've got a splitting headache.
1475
00:50:23,929 --> 00:50:26,303
I really couldn't face going out tonight.
1476
00:50:26,304 --> 00:50:27,304
You haven't had any dinner.
1477
00:50:27,305 --> 00:50:28,970
Well, I couldn't eat a thing.
1478
00:50:28,971 --> 00:50:29,929
But you must.
1479
00:50:29,930 --> 00:50:31,053
Oh.
1480
00:50:31,054 --> 00:50:32,136
Well, if you've really got a headache.
1481
00:50:32,137 --> 00:50:33,678
Well, I can easily take
1482
00:50:33,679 --> 00:50:34,679
- a taxi home.
- No, no, no, look,
1483
00:50:34,680 --> 00:50:36,220
I'll, well, I'll drop you off.
1484
00:50:36,221 --> 00:50:37,053
I'm going that way.
1485
00:50:37,054 --> 00:50:37,887
- Would you really?
- Mm.
1486
00:50:37,888 --> 00:50:39,553
That's awfully good of you, old boy.
1487
00:50:39,554 --> 00:50:40,678
I'll have a bite at the club.
1488
00:50:40,679 --> 00:50:41,679
Fine.
1489
00:50:42,044 --> 00:50:43,303
Goodnight, my love.
1490
00:50:43,304 --> 00:50:44,137
Hope your head's better in the morning.
1491
00:50:44,138 --> 00:50:45,345
Oh, so do I,
1492
00:50:45,346 --> 00:50:47,595
but at the moment, it's
throbbing like a dynamo.
1493
00:50:47,596 --> 00:50:49,303
Lovely performance, darling.
1494
00:50:49,304 --> 00:50:50,304
Thank you.
1495
00:50:54,887 --> 00:50:57,011
Have you got a moment, Simon?
1496
00:50:57,012 --> 00:50:57,846
Ah.
1497
00:50:57,847 --> 00:51:00,607
I always have a moment
for a charming lady.
1498
00:51:01,054 --> 00:51:02,054
What's wrong?
1499
00:51:02,055 --> 00:51:03,178
Oh, there's nothing wrong.
1500
00:51:03,179 --> 00:51:05,636
I really wanted to talk
to you about your part.
1501
00:51:05,637 --> 00:51:06,471
Oh, what about it?
1502
00:51:06,472 --> 00:51:09,720
Well, I seem to have run out of ideas.
1503
00:51:09,721 --> 00:51:12,595
I wondered if you could
give me a new line to go on.
1504
00:51:12,596 --> 00:51:15,428
You know, tell me about yourself.
1505
00:51:15,429 --> 00:51:17,136
The other side of you, so to speak.
1506
00:51:17,137 --> 00:51:17,971
I'd be delighted.
1507
00:51:17,972 --> 00:51:18,804
When?
1508
00:51:18,805 --> 00:51:20,386
Well, I thought as soon as possible.
1509
00:51:20,387 --> 00:51:22,970
You see, I'm stuck already.
1510
00:51:22,971 --> 00:51:24,428
Well, what are you
doing for dinner tonight?
1511
00:51:24,429 --> 00:51:25,346
Well, I did have a date,
1512
00:51:25,347 --> 00:51:27,178
but, if you're free,
I'll break if, of course.
1513
00:51:27,179 --> 00:51:28,012
Oh no, I don't want you to do that.
1514
00:51:28,013 --> 00:51:28,846
Oh, but I must.
1515
00:51:28,847 --> 00:51:29,886
This is important.
1516
00:51:29,887 --> 00:51:33,007
I'll meet you at the main
door in three minutes.
1517
00:51:41,471 --> 00:51:42,803
Now, come on, David.
1518
00:51:42,804 --> 00:51:45,220
What did you want to talk to me about?
1519
00:51:45,221 --> 00:51:46,221
Oh.
1520
00:51:47,096 --> 00:51:48,096
Well, um.
1521
00:51:48,280 --> 00:51:51,220
It's a little difficult
to know how to begin.
1522
00:51:51,221 --> 00:51:54,970
You see, Laura, you're
such a splendid person,
1523
00:51:54,971 --> 00:51:58,720
so very loyal and very kind.
1524
00:51:58,721 --> 00:52:00,470
What I'm about to suggest,
1525
00:52:00,471 --> 00:52:03,178
I'm a little afraid is going
to make you very cross.
1526
00:52:03,179 --> 00:52:05,345
It's something to do
with Simon, isn't it?
1527
00:52:05,346 --> 00:52:06,179
How did you guess?
1528
00:52:06,180 --> 00:52:08,678
I have an intuition about these things.
1529
00:52:08,679 --> 00:52:10,345
What about him?
1530
00:52:10,346 --> 00:52:14,845
Well, dear Laura, what would you say
1531
00:52:14,846 --> 00:52:16,761
if something were to happen to him?
1532
00:52:16,762 --> 00:52:19,261
Well, you know, like having an accident
1533
00:52:19,262 --> 00:52:20,928
or something like that?
1534
00:52:20,929 --> 00:52:24,169
I mean, just suppose that
he wasn't there anymore.
1535
00:52:24,596 --> 00:52:27,428
Well, would you, would you mind awfully?
1536
00:52:27,429 --> 00:52:29,053
Mind?
1537
00:52:29,054 --> 00:52:31,261
Oh, David, of course I'd mind.
1538
00:52:31,262 --> 00:52:33,122
Then I heard the croupier say
1539
00:52:33,123 --> 00:52:34,096
I had to turn away.
1540
00:52:34,097 --> 00:52:35,178
I couldn't watch.
1541
00:52:35,179 --> 00:52:36,762
And suddenly he said...
1542
00:52:37,508 --> 00:52:39,428
And I gathered in my winnings.
1543
00:52:39,429 --> 00:52:40,928
My hands were trembling,
1544
00:52:40,929 --> 00:52:42,053
but I knew what I had to do,
1545
00:52:42,054 --> 00:52:43,220
and I did it.
1546
00:52:43,221 --> 00:52:46,053
I put it all on 17,
1547
00:52:46,054 --> 00:52:49,095
and then I waited, absolutely petrified.
1548
00:52:49,096 --> 00:52:50,179
17 came up.
1549
00:52:51,054 --> 00:52:52,636
Now came the problem.
1550
00:52:52,637 --> 00:52:54,803
According to the system,
I should put it all
1551
00:52:54,804 --> 00:52:56,220
on number seven.
1552
00:52:56,221 --> 00:52:57,636
If I lost, I'd already won enough
1553
00:52:57,637 --> 00:52:59,303
to pay my bill and get back to England.
1554
00:52:59,304 --> 00:53:01,011
But if seven came up,
1555
00:53:01,012 --> 00:53:02,636
I stood to win a fortune.
1556
00:53:02,637 --> 00:53:03,471
So what did you do?
1557
00:53:03,472 --> 00:53:06,179
I put it all on number seven.
1558
00:53:06,867 --> 00:53:07,887
And it came up?
1559
00:53:07,888 --> 00:53:08,720
No.
1560
00:53:08,721 --> 00:53:09,801
I lost the lost.
1561
00:53:10,554 --> 00:53:13,734
Now look, David, I'm very
fond of you, very fond.
1562
00:53:13,735 --> 00:53:16,053
Simon, that's something very different.
1563
00:53:16,054 --> 00:53:17,303
Yes, but, look, isn't
there just a chance
1564
00:53:17,304 --> 00:53:19,886
that if I handled it very delicately...
1565
00:53:19,887 --> 00:53:21,970
I think you'd better take me home.
1566
00:53:21,971 --> 00:53:25,136
But I haven't nearly finished
what I was going to say.
1567
00:53:25,137 --> 00:53:26,096
Oh.
1568
00:53:26,097 --> 00:53:27,720
Oh, I'm terribly.
1569
00:53:27,721 --> 00:53:29,845
Look, Laura, we can't possibly talk here.
1570
00:53:29,846 --> 00:53:31,886
Why not come back to my
flat and have a nightcap.
1571
00:53:31,887 --> 00:53:33,636
It's only in Hellum Street.
1572
00:53:33,637 --> 00:53:36,095
All right, but you've got
to promise you'll be good.
1573
00:53:36,096 --> 00:53:39,261
Well, I'll be as good as I can.
1574
00:53:39,262 --> 00:53:40,970
But how on earth did
you get back to England?
1575
00:53:40,971 --> 00:53:44,220
Well, I was forced to borrow
some money from a friend.
1576
00:53:44,221 --> 00:53:45,053
Oh, I'm sorry.
1577
00:53:45,054 --> 00:53:45,887
That's enough about me.
1578
00:53:45,888 --> 00:53:47,136
If you knew how I hated
talking about myself.
1579
00:53:47,137 --> 00:53:49,386
Oh, but it's been so exciting.
1580
00:53:49,387 --> 00:53:52,553
You've given me, oh, 100 ideas.
1581
00:53:52,554 --> 00:53:54,720
Well, you're a wonderful listener.
1582
00:53:54,721 --> 00:53:57,841
In fact, you're a wonderful
person all together.
1583
00:53:57,961 --> 00:54:01,261
Wouldn't it be marvellous
to be in Monte Carlo now?
1584
00:54:01,262 --> 00:54:02,428
Marvellous.
1585
00:54:02,429 --> 00:54:04,470
Of course, these days,
you can fly there and back
1586
00:54:04,471 --> 00:54:06,178
in no time at all.
1587
00:54:06,179 --> 00:54:09,803
I've got loads of friends who
go over just for the weekend.
1588
00:54:09,804 --> 00:54:11,220
Janet, what a wonderful idea!
1589
00:54:11,221 --> 00:54:13,386
Why don't you and I pop over next weekend.
1590
00:54:13,387 --> 00:54:15,095
Oh, Simon.
1591
00:54:15,096 --> 00:54:15,929
Oh, but Laura.
1592
00:54:15,930 --> 00:54:18,470
Well, she's tied up
with "In Town Tonight."
1593
00:54:18,471 --> 00:54:19,886
Wouldn't she mind?
1594
00:54:19,887 --> 00:54:20,887
Need she know?
1595
00:54:22,471 --> 00:54:25,136
Well, I'd have to think about it.
1596
00:54:25,137 --> 00:54:25,971
Say yes.
1597
00:54:25,972 --> 00:54:28,262
Then we can try out my new system.
1598
00:54:35,411 --> 00:54:37,511
Another of the interesting people
1599
00:54:37,512 --> 00:54:41,053
who is in town tonight
is Mr. Peter Harbottle.
1600
00:54:41,054 --> 00:54:42,261
Good evening, Mr. Harbottle.
1601
00:54:42,262 --> 00:54:43,221
Good evening.
1602
00:54:43,222 --> 00:54:45,678
I understand that you
came to be the first man
1603
00:54:45,679 --> 00:54:47,428
to cross the English Channel in a barrel.
1604
00:54:47,429 --> 00:54:48,262
Is that right?
1605
00:54:48,263 --> 00:54:49,428
That is correct.
1606
00:54:49,429 --> 00:54:51,511
Well, it must have been most exciting.
1607
00:54:51,512 --> 00:54:54,053
Oh, no, it was very tedious.
1608
00:54:54,054 --> 00:54:55,428
Really?
1609
00:54:55,429 --> 00:54:56,429
Oh, yes.
1610
00:54:57,137 --> 00:54:58,553
Water.
1611
00:54:58,554 --> 00:54:59,928
Water everywhere.
1612
00:54:59,929 --> 00:55:02,428
Oh, but surely it was pretty dangerous.
1613
00:55:02,429 --> 00:55:03,749
Oh, yes, definitely.
1614
00:55:03,995 --> 00:55:06,095
When did you first get this idea?
1615
00:55:06,096 --> 00:55:08,470
Well, it wasn't my idea.
1616
00:55:08,471 --> 00:55:09,886
It was the wife's idea.
1617
00:55:09,887 --> 00:55:11,136
Oh, well, that explains every.
1618
00:55:11,137 --> 00:55:12,761
Thank you very much,
indeed, Mr. Harbottle.
1619
00:55:12,762 --> 00:55:14,178
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
1620
00:55:14,179 --> 00:55:15,199
Oh, I'm sorry.
1621
00:55:15,200 --> 00:55:16,929
We're very glad to welcome
1622
00:55:16,930 --> 00:55:18,386
our final guest tonight,
1623
00:55:18,387 --> 00:55:19,720
who is none other than the famous
1624
00:55:19,721 --> 00:55:22,928
stage, screen and television
star, Laura Foster.
1625
00:55:22,929 --> 00:55:24,595
Hello, Laura, nice to see you.
1626
00:55:24,596 --> 00:55:25,803
Hello, John.
1627
00:55:25,804 --> 00:55:27,095
And we'd also like to welcome
1628
00:55:27,096 --> 00:55:28,636
the other Miss Laura Foster,
1629
00:55:28,637 --> 00:55:31,178
who's come all the way
from Newcastle-under-Lyme
1630
00:55:31,179 --> 00:55:33,553
to shake her famous namesake by the hand.
1631
00:55:33,554 --> 00:55:35,261
Hello, and how do you do.
1632
00:55:35,262 --> 00:55:37,242
Pleased to meet you, I'm sure.
1633
00:55:37,570 --> 00:55:39,970
Laura, doesn't it feel rather strange
1634
00:55:39,971 --> 00:55:41,886
to be working without your famous husband?
1635
00:55:41,887 --> 00:55:43,970
Well, yes, it does, John, really.
1636
00:55:43,971 --> 00:55:46,428
But you see, Simon's away
having a change of air.
1637
00:55:46,429 --> 00:55:48,303
May I ask where he's gone?
1638
00:55:48,304 --> 00:55:50,595
Between ourselves, to
his mother's in Leicester.
1639
00:55:50,596 --> 00:55:51,720
Oh.
1640
00:55:51,721 --> 00:55:52,803
Haven't you something rather interesting
1641
00:55:52,804 --> 00:55:54,136
to tell us about the Christmas edition
1642
00:55:54,137 --> 00:55:55,220
of "Simon and Laura?"
1643
00:55:55,221 --> 00:55:57,720
Yes, you see, they've
decided to televise
1644
00:55:57,721 --> 00:56:00,220
it from our own home
instead of the studio.
1645
00:56:00,221 --> 00:56:01,970
There's going to be a party afterwards.
1646
00:56:01,971 --> 00:56:03,386
Oh, so the viewers
will have an opportunity
1647
00:56:03,387 --> 00:56:05,386
of meeting a lot of other famous stars.
1648
00:56:05,387 --> 00:56:06,220
That's right.
1649
00:56:06,221 --> 00:56:07,221
Laura, how do you feel about having
1650
00:56:07,222 --> 00:56:10,761
your house invaded by a
lot of TV technicians?
1651
00:56:10,762 --> 00:56:12,622
I think it'll be rather fun.
1652
00:56:14,973 --> 00:56:17,553
George, come
back as soon as you've got
1653
00:56:17,554 --> 00:56:18,387
the cable hooked up!
1654
00:56:18,388 --> 00:56:20,308
Then we'll check the link up.
1655
00:56:21,637 --> 00:56:22,761
Timothy!
1656
00:56:22,762 --> 00:56:24,261
Leave that alone!
1657
00:56:24,262 --> 00:56:25,095
Why?
1658
00:56:25,096 --> 00:56:25,929
It's jolly interesting.
1659
00:56:25,930 --> 00:56:28,220
You'd be better occupied
learning your script.
1660
00:56:28,221 --> 00:56:30,178
Yesterday, you fluffed twice.
1661
00:56:30,179 --> 00:56:32,595
Only because Daddy
gave me the wrong cues.
1662
00:56:32,596 --> 00:56:33,429
Oh, that remind me.
1663
00:56:33,430 --> 00:56:35,553
There's a change for
tonight that affects you.
1664
00:56:35,554 --> 00:56:37,011
Laura isn't allowed to say you're having
1665
00:56:37,012 --> 00:56:38,595
a lovely romp with Angela.
1666
00:56:38,596 --> 00:56:39,596
Why not?
1667
00:56:39,597 --> 00:56:41,577
Well, you see, romp can mean...
1668
00:56:41,578 --> 00:56:43,636
Oh, I'll explain when you're a bit older.
1669
00:56:43,637 --> 00:56:44,637
Come on.
1670
00:56:48,409 --> 00:56:49,429
Hello, darling.
1671
00:56:49,430 --> 00:56:50,678
I'm having such a time.
1672
00:56:50,679 --> 00:56:51,637
Jolly good.
1673
00:56:51,638 --> 00:56:52,928
Oh, Jessie, would you ask Mrs. Foster
1674
00:56:52,929 --> 00:56:54,095
if I can come up for a moment?
1675
00:56:54,096 --> 00:56:55,136
I want to go over some cuts with her.
1676
00:56:55,137 --> 00:56:56,886
And oughtn't you to be getting ready?
1677
00:56:56,887 --> 00:56:58,303
I'm not in tonight's instalment.
1678
00:56:58,304 --> 00:56:59,720
Oh no, of course not.
1679
00:56:59,721 --> 00:57:03,201
I suppose I'm too useful
makin' tea for the engineers.
1680
00:57:05,498 --> 00:57:07,178
Laura isn't here, is she?
1681
00:57:07,179 --> 00:57:08,137
No.
1682
00:57:08,138 --> 00:57:09,220
Good.
1683
00:57:09,221 --> 00:57:10,636
Why good?
1684
00:57:10,637 --> 00:57:11,803
She doesn't like me.
1685
00:57:11,804 --> 00:57:14,303
Nonsense, we're both devoted to you.
1686
00:57:14,304 --> 00:57:15,304
Well, I heard her say I was
1687
00:57:15,305 --> 00:57:18,261
the last straw that
broke the camel's back.
1688
00:57:18,262 --> 00:57:20,182
Funny how they can't take it.
1689
00:57:20,887 --> 00:57:22,220
Who, camels?
1690
00:57:22,221 --> 00:57:23,261
No, women.
1691
00:57:23,262 --> 00:57:24,470
Take what?
1692
00:57:24,471 --> 00:57:26,553
Us, child actors.
1693
00:57:26,554 --> 00:57:27,636
Men are different.
1694
00:57:27,637 --> 00:57:29,677
Men don't seem to mind so much.
1695
00:57:29,678 --> 00:57:32,303
I suppose it's 'cause they don't realise
1696
00:57:32,304 --> 00:57:34,803
we're pinching all their scenes from them.
1697
00:57:34,804 --> 00:57:36,845
They're not a bit intuitive.
1698
00:57:36,846 --> 00:57:38,053
What do you mean?
1699
00:57:38,054 --> 00:57:40,345
Well, take you.
1700
00:57:40,346 --> 00:57:41,678
You haven't noticed that the camera's
1701
00:57:41,679 --> 00:57:44,511
on Laura the whole time now.
1702
00:57:44,512 --> 00:57:46,303
Last night, you only got one close up
1703
00:57:46,304 --> 00:57:47,595
in the whole of the show.
1704
00:57:47,596 --> 00:57:48,678
Really?
1705
00:57:48,679 --> 00:57:50,386
And that was the back of your head.
1706
00:57:50,387 --> 00:57:52,803
My mother said she
could see your bald spot
1707
00:57:52,804 --> 00:57:53,970
as plain as anything.
1708
00:57:53,971 --> 00:57:56,595
I can't wait to meet your mother.
1709
00:57:56,596 --> 00:57:59,136
She's coming to the party
tonight after the show.
1710
00:57:59,137 --> 00:58:00,303
Good.
1711
00:58:00,304 --> 00:58:03,011
And another thing, why do you think
1712
00:58:03,012 --> 00:58:05,470
they've changed that opening shot?
1713
00:58:05,471 --> 00:58:07,261
In the embrace, it always used to be you
1714
00:58:07,262 --> 00:58:09,136
who were facing the camera.
1715
00:58:09,137 --> 00:58:10,262
Now it's Laura.
1716
00:58:11,304 --> 00:58:14,844
I can only assume it's
because she hasn't a bald spot.
1717
00:58:17,971 --> 00:58:20,345
Oh, Laura, it's beautiful.
1718
00:58:20,346 --> 00:58:21,803
It is nice, isn't it?
1719
00:58:21,804 --> 00:58:23,511
Tomorrow morning, alas, it goes back
1720
00:58:23,512 --> 00:58:24,346
from whence it came.
1721
00:58:24,347 --> 00:58:25,346
Oh.
1722
00:58:25,347 --> 00:58:27,386
I've come to tell you
the censors made a cut.
1723
00:58:27,387 --> 00:58:28,886
You can't use the word romp.
1724
00:58:28,887 --> 00:58:29,887
Really?
1725
00:58:30,929 --> 00:58:33,053
Ooh, that's a filthy lie.
1726
00:58:33,054 --> 00:58:34,012
What is?
1727
00:58:34,013 --> 00:58:37,804
Simon Foster gave Laura a
Parker '51 for her birthday.
1728
00:58:39,429 --> 00:58:41,553
How's then, how's Monte?
1729
00:58:41,554 --> 00:58:42,678
Monte who?
1730
00:58:42,679 --> 00:58:44,511
Monte Carlo?
1731
00:58:44,512 --> 00:58:45,595
I beg your pardon?
1732
00:58:45,596 --> 00:58:48,928
Monte Carlo, it's a seaside
resort in Southern France.
1733
00:58:48,929 --> 00:58:51,261
It has the casinos and
very accommodating hotels.
1734
00:58:51,262 --> 00:58:53,470
You flew there on Friday
after the show with Simon.
1735
00:58:53,471 --> 00:58:54,471
How was it?
1736
00:58:55,429 --> 00:58:56,429
It rained.
1737
00:58:56,430 --> 00:58:58,636
Oh, I'm so sorry.
1738
00:58:58,637 --> 00:59:01,678
And how did you find
that out, Scotland Yard?
1739
00:59:01,679 --> 00:59:02,761
The French Surety?
1740
00:59:02,762 --> 00:59:04,761
Or your own private sense of smell?
1741
00:59:04,762 --> 00:59:06,928
No, a friend of Sybil Hunter's saw you.
1742
00:59:06,929 --> 00:59:09,178
And with the loyalty
peculiar to cast offs,
1743
00:59:09,179 --> 00:59:11,339
she was on the blower like a shot.
1744
00:59:11,340 --> 00:59:13,428
Then there's no point in denying it.
1745
00:59:13,429 --> 00:59:15,011
None at all.
1746
00:59:15,012 --> 00:59:16,803
Did you know that before this programme
1747
00:59:16,804 --> 00:59:19,744
of ours started, Simon
and I were breaking up?
1748
00:59:20,262 --> 00:59:21,886
Vaguely.
1749
00:59:21,887 --> 00:59:23,553
Well, we were.
1750
00:59:23,554 --> 00:59:24,636
And because we needed the money,
1751
00:59:24,637 --> 00:59:28,345
we decided to stay put,
purely for business reasons.
1752
00:59:28,346 --> 00:59:29,179
But it worked.
1753
00:59:29,180 --> 00:59:31,303
It worked surprisingly well.
1754
00:59:31,304 --> 00:59:33,178
You don't think the scripts
1755
00:59:33,179 --> 00:59:34,116
might have had something to do with it?
1756
00:59:34,117 --> 00:59:35,054
I don't mean the damn scripts, silly,
1757
00:59:35,055 --> 00:59:37,303
I meant us, Simon and me.
1758
00:59:37,304 --> 00:59:38,137
Oh.
1759
00:59:38,138 --> 00:59:39,345
So you can imagine
that when those bright,
1760
00:59:39,346 --> 00:59:41,136
beady little eyes of yours focused
1761
00:59:41,137 --> 00:59:42,761
not on Simon but on David,
1762
00:59:42,762 --> 00:59:45,803
oh, I was very, very relieved.
1763
00:59:45,804 --> 00:59:48,720
Bright blue beady little
eyes, if you don't mind.
1764
00:59:48,721 --> 00:59:53,345
Then round about instalment
170 something happened.
1765
00:59:53,346 --> 00:59:54,886
I don't know whether you found David
1766
00:59:54,887 --> 00:59:56,678
a little dull, or you realised he was
1767
00:59:56,679 --> 00:59:58,678
really married to the BBC,
1768
00:59:58,679 --> 01:00:01,636
but those bright blue
beady little eyes of yours
1769
01:00:01,637 --> 01:00:03,428
wandered off him and onto Simon.
1770
01:00:03,429 --> 01:00:05,136
Because they realised
that David was madly
1771
01:00:05,137 --> 01:00:07,053
interested in you, and you were using
1772
01:00:07,054 --> 01:00:08,595
every trick of the trade to get him.
1773
01:00:08,596 --> 01:00:10,011
How dare you!
1774
01:00:10,012 --> 01:00:11,886
You are paid to start acting at 8:15
1775
01:00:11,887 --> 01:00:13,720
when the programme goes on the air.
1776
01:00:13,721 --> 01:00:15,428
There's no need to begin at 7:45,
1777
01:00:15,429 --> 01:00:16,689
especially with me.
1778
01:00:17,304 --> 01:00:18,720
Have another drink?
1779
01:00:18,721 --> 01:00:19,928
No, thank you.
1780
01:00:19,929 --> 01:00:20,846
Very wise.
1781
01:00:20,847 --> 01:00:22,971
One's enough before the show.
1782
01:00:24,637 --> 01:00:25,637
May I come in?
1783
01:00:25,638 --> 01:00:26,636
Yes.
1784
01:00:26,637 --> 01:00:27,637
- Hello, Janet.
- Hello.
1785
01:00:27,638 --> 01:00:29,386
Oh, darling, I forgot to ask you,
1786
01:00:29,387 --> 01:00:32,220
how was your mother's
arthritis last weekend?
1787
01:00:32,221 --> 01:00:33,054
All right, thank you.
1788
01:00:33,055 --> 01:00:35,345
Was she able to get up
from the tables all right?
1789
01:00:35,346 --> 01:00:36,179
Tables?
1790
01:00:36,180 --> 01:00:39,180
Mm hmm, the gambling
tables, dear, Monte Carlo.
1791
01:00:39,583 --> 01:00:41,803
You've had your little say, Laura.
1792
01:00:41,804 --> 01:00:43,511
Now I'll have mine.
1793
01:00:43,512 --> 01:00:45,636
In fact, I'll trade you Monte Carlo
1794
01:00:45,637 --> 01:00:47,511
- for 43A Hellum Street.
- For what?
1795
01:00:47,512 --> 01:00:51,428
43A Hellum Street,
David's flat, last Thursday,
1796
01:00:51,429 --> 01:00:52,636
headache night.
1797
01:00:52,637 --> 01:00:54,136
Remember?
1798
01:00:54,137 --> 01:00:55,012
David's flat?
1799
01:00:55,013 --> 01:00:57,845
Mm, round about the
witching hour of midnight.
1800
01:00:57,846 --> 01:00:59,220
And witching or no witching,
1801
01:00:59,221 --> 01:01:00,595
it didn't need Sybil Hunter's broomstick
1802
01:01:00,596 --> 01:01:01,554
to find that out.
1803
01:01:01,555 --> 01:01:03,179
I live at 43B.
1804
01:01:04,054 --> 01:01:05,374
Is this true, Laura?
1805
01:01:05,883 --> 01:01:07,803
We were discussing the script.
1806
01:01:07,804 --> 01:01:08,804
Huh.
1807
01:01:09,766 --> 01:01:10,846
Could I come in?
1808
01:01:10,847 --> 01:01:12,845
Why not, let 'em all come.
1809
01:01:12,846 --> 01:01:14,011
Hello, Simon.
1810
01:01:14,012 --> 01:01:14,887
Hello, Janet.
1811
01:01:14,888 --> 01:01:16,470
Hello.
1812
01:01:16,471 --> 01:01:17,553
Laura.
1813
01:01:17,554 --> 01:01:19,762
Darling, you look wonderful.
1814
01:01:23,346 --> 01:01:24,426
Happy Christmas.
1815
01:01:26,637 --> 01:01:28,095
Ah.
1816
01:01:28,096 --> 01:01:31,095
Well, it's quite an occasion, isn't it?
1817
01:01:31,096 --> 01:01:33,386
Do, um, you know who's coming out
1818
01:01:33,387 --> 01:01:34,387
to have a drink with us after the show
1819
01:01:34,388 --> 01:01:35,886
if he can get away?
1820
01:01:35,887 --> 01:01:39,678
CT.
1821
01:01:39,679 --> 01:01:41,428
Well, what's the matter?
1822
01:01:41,429 --> 01:01:42,970
Has one of the camera's gone again?
1823
01:01:42,971 --> 01:01:45,803
Prentice, did my wife
spend Thursday night
1824
01:01:45,804 --> 01:01:46,804
in your flat?
1825
01:01:48,429 --> 01:01:49,970
Part of it, yes.
1826
01:01:49,971 --> 01:01:50,971
Thank you.
1827
01:01:51,721 --> 01:01:53,304
I just wanted to know.
1828
01:01:55,596 --> 01:01:57,720
Oh, well really, Simon.
1829
01:01:57,721 --> 01:01:59,136
Well, you don't think.
1830
01:01:59,137 --> 01:02:01,386
Well, I admire you two more than any
1831
01:02:01,387 --> 01:02:02,262
other couple I know.
1832
01:02:02,263 --> 01:02:03,095
Couple?
1833
01:02:03,096 --> 01:02:03,929
I don't remember being included
1834
01:02:03,930 --> 01:02:05,095
in the invitation to Hellum Street!
1835
01:02:05,096 --> 01:02:05,929
But it's because you're so sincere
1836
01:02:05,930 --> 01:02:07,303
with each other and happy that...
1837
01:02:07,304 --> 01:02:09,011
Oh, David, for heaven's sake,
1838
01:02:09,012 --> 01:02:10,095
don't start that!
1839
01:02:10,096 --> 01:02:10,929
Hear, hear.
1840
01:02:10,930 --> 01:02:12,261
Don't start what?
1841
01:02:12,262 --> 01:02:13,470
Pretending that Simon and I are happy.
1842
01:02:13,471 --> 01:02:14,553
We're not happy!
1843
01:02:14,554 --> 01:02:15,387
We never have been happy!
1844
01:02:15,388 --> 01:02:16,428
We get on each other's nerves.
1845
01:02:16,429 --> 01:02:18,178
We scream at each other like fish wives.
1846
01:02:18,179 --> 01:02:20,136
We're a couple of actors who took on a job
1847
01:02:20,137 --> 01:02:21,595
because we needed the money!
1848
01:02:21,596 --> 01:02:23,470
And we are apparently good
enough to fool the public,
1849
01:02:23,471 --> 01:02:24,304
but please don't confuse us
1850
01:02:24,305 --> 01:02:26,345
with the Simon and Laura in the programme.
1851
01:02:26,346 --> 01:02:27,470
Unless of course you're thinking
1852
01:02:27,471 --> 01:02:29,261
of an instalment where my husband
1853
01:02:29,262 --> 01:02:32,442
goes off for a gay weekend
with your scriptwriter.
1854
01:02:32,846 --> 01:02:33,846
With Janet?
1855
01:02:35,040 --> 01:02:38,220
They're waiting for you
downstairs, Mr. Prentice.
1856
01:02:38,221 --> 01:02:39,511
And you, sir and madam.
1857
01:02:39,512 --> 01:02:41,252
You're on in five minutes.
1858
01:02:44,304 --> 01:02:46,678
Testing, 1, 2, 3, 4,
1859
01:02:46,679 --> 01:02:49,636
5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
1860
01:02:49,637 --> 01:02:50,886
Okay for sound.
1861
01:02:50,887 --> 01:02:52,886
- All right, tip that 39 up.
- Testing again.
1862
01:02:52,887 --> 01:02:54,053
Eeny meeny miny moe
1863
01:02:54,054 --> 01:02:55,803
catch a monkey by his toe.
1864
01:02:55,804 --> 01:02:57,971
Okay.
1865
01:03:02,182 --> 01:03:03,262
Happy Christmas.
1866
01:03:03,263 --> 01:03:05,886
- Merry Christmas, Laura.
- Jolly good luck.
1867
01:03:05,887 --> 01:03:09,067
With the compliments of
the backroom boys, Mrs. F.
1868
01:03:12,096 --> 01:03:13,762
Barney, how sweet of you.
1869
01:03:15,721 --> 01:03:19,637
Simon and Laura, peace
and goodwill, and, and...
1870
01:03:22,429 --> 01:03:24,678
Oh, blast, my makeup.
1871
01:03:24,679 --> 01:03:26,679
Here, you take, take it.
1872
01:03:29,262 --> 01:03:30,720
Anything the matter?
1873
01:03:30,721 --> 01:03:34,081
No, no, she's just touched
by this gesture of yours.
1874
01:03:34,554 --> 01:03:35,754
Thank you, Barney.
1875
01:03:36,471 --> 01:03:37,471
Thanks.
1876
01:03:40,929 --> 01:03:42,928
Give us your cue line, Harry.
1877
01:03:42,929 --> 01:03:44,886
Okay, now the other one.
1878
01:03:44,887 --> 01:03:46,761
- Fine, thanks.
- Put 79 on again, lads.
1879
01:03:46,762 --> 01:03:48,886
Any changes in the
script, Miss Honeyman?
1880
01:03:48,887 --> 01:03:50,886
Dozens, I'll give them to you.
1881
01:03:50,887 --> 01:03:52,220
If you're thinking of making any changes
1882
01:03:52,221 --> 01:03:55,041
in the scriptwriter,
I'll quite understand.
1883
01:03:56,679 --> 01:03:58,886
Give us your lights please, Harry.
1884
01:03:58,887 --> 01:04:00,053
Hold that position there, David.
1885
01:04:00,054 --> 01:04:01,678
I just want to check.
1886
01:04:01,679 --> 01:04:02,511
Okay.
1887
01:04:02,512 --> 01:04:03,346
Why didn't you tell us when we offered
1888
01:04:03,347 --> 01:04:06,845
you the job that you
weren't happily married?
1889
01:04:06,846 --> 01:04:08,095
Oh, hell.
1890
01:04:08,096 --> 01:04:09,553
Okay, Harry, save 'em.
1891
01:04:09,554 --> 01:04:10,803
Give us all your number twos.
1892
01:04:10,804 --> 01:04:12,220
I'm not at all sure that the corporation
1893
01:04:12,221 --> 01:04:13,511
hasn't got a case against you two.
1894
01:04:13,512 --> 01:04:15,053
Would you mind turning
around and smiling
1895
01:04:15,054 --> 01:04:16,674
for a second, Mr. Foster?
1896
01:04:17,804 --> 01:04:18,928
Okay, swell.
1897
01:04:18,929 --> 01:04:20,678
I don't know what to do now.
1898
01:04:20,679 --> 01:04:22,428
We can't go on in this situation.
1899
01:04:22,429 --> 01:04:23,886
Insincerity's the one thing you can't
1900
01:04:23,887 --> 01:04:25,178
get away with on TV.
1901
01:04:25,179 --> 01:04:27,761
We seemed to have managed
pretty well up till now.
1902
01:04:27,762 --> 01:04:28,721
Mr. Prentice?
1903
01:04:28,722 --> 01:04:29,554
Yes?
1904
01:04:29,555 --> 01:04:30,761
Would you mind standing
in for Mrs. Foster,
1905
01:04:30,762 --> 01:04:33,882
just for the opening shot,
you know, the embrace?
1906
01:04:34,846 --> 01:04:35,970
Oh, all right.
1907
01:04:35,971 --> 01:04:37,678
Would you mind, Mr. Foster?
1908
01:04:37,679 --> 01:04:38,721
Not at all.
1909
01:04:40,804 --> 01:04:41,762
Hello, Simon.
1910
01:04:41,763 --> 01:04:42,721
Hello, Laura.
1911
01:04:42,722 --> 01:04:44,678
You know, darling, you look
very attractive in tails.
1912
01:04:44,679 --> 01:04:47,095
You know, darling, you look
very attractive in anything.
1913
01:04:47,096 --> 01:04:47,929
Okay, that's fine.
1914
01:04:47,930 --> 01:04:48,762
Thanks a lot.
1915
01:04:48,763 --> 01:04:50,136
I need a drink.
1916
01:04:50,137 --> 01:04:51,470
Simon.
1917
01:04:51,471 --> 01:04:52,429
Save your lights, Harry.
1918
01:04:52,430 --> 01:04:53,929
On the diving board.
1919
01:04:56,151 --> 01:04:58,011
Ought you to before the show?
1920
01:04:58,012 --> 01:04:59,012
Yes.
1921
01:04:59,236 --> 01:05:01,636
Little ironical that tonight's script
1922
01:05:01,637 --> 01:05:02,970
is the first one in which you and Laura
1923
01:05:02,971 --> 01:05:05,095
are supposed to have a quarrel.
1924
01:05:05,096 --> 01:05:06,220
You won't let anything that's happened
1925
01:05:06,221 --> 01:05:07,054
affect things, will you?
1926
01:05:07,055 --> 01:05:08,553
Don't worry, we won't throw crockery
1927
01:05:08,554 --> 01:05:10,011
and four-letter words at each other
1928
01:05:10,012 --> 01:05:10,846
in front of the camera.
1929
01:05:10,847 --> 01:05:11,762
Oh.
1930
01:05:11,763 --> 01:05:14,512
I don't know whether to tell DTD or not.
1931
01:05:15,078 --> 01:05:18,678
You know what the corporation
is over anything like this.
1932
01:05:18,679 --> 01:05:20,136
He's a JP too.
1933
01:05:20,137 --> 01:05:21,303
Who is?
1934
01:05:21,304 --> 01:05:22,761
DTD.
1935
01:05:22,762 --> 01:05:24,136
Oh, is he?
1936
01:05:24,137 --> 01:05:26,636
Laura will be all right
for the show, won't she?
1937
01:05:26,637 --> 01:05:27,471
Don't worry.
1938
01:05:27,472 --> 01:05:29,136
She once played Cleopatra
with a broken ankle,
1939
01:05:29,137 --> 01:05:30,636
laryngitis, and the hiccups.
1940
01:05:30,637 --> 01:05:31,470
She'll be all right.
1941
01:05:31,471 --> 01:05:32,304
She's a very old trooper.
1942
01:05:32,305 --> 01:05:33,304
Oh, good.
1943
01:05:38,392 --> 01:05:40,012
Four minutes to go, boss.
1944
01:05:40,013 --> 01:05:41,178
Everything's
okay, Mr. Prentice.
1945
01:05:41,179 --> 01:05:42,012
There won't be any trouble tonight.
1946
01:05:42,013 --> 01:05:43,393
I hope you're right.
1947
01:05:49,137 --> 01:05:50,553
Timothy!
1948
01:05:50,554 --> 01:05:53,595
I told you before to leave that alone.
1949
01:05:53,596 --> 01:05:54,803
Now, go and see to your makeup.
1950
01:05:54,804 --> 01:05:56,178
It's terrible.
1951
01:05:56,179 --> 01:05:57,179
Go on, hop it.
1952
01:06:00,713 --> 01:06:03,053
I say, aren't you gonna get made up?
1953
01:06:03,054 --> 01:06:04,470
I am made up.
1954
01:06:04,471 --> 01:06:07,095
What are you and Laura
going to say instead of romp?
1955
01:06:07,096 --> 01:06:07,929
I don't know.
1956
01:06:07,930 --> 01:06:09,345
I expect something will occur to us.
1957
01:06:09,346 --> 01:06:12,886
Laura was at the Cafe de
Paris we him on Saturday night.
1958
01:06:13,637 --> 01:06:14,928
Him?
1959
01:06:14,929 --> 01:06:15,929
David!
1960
01:06:16,840 --> 01:06:18,220
How do you know that?
1961
01:06:18,221 --> 01:06:20,886
My mother took me to meet
an American film director.
1962
01:06:20,887 --> 01:06:22,507
They were in the balcony.
1963
01:06:23,304 --> 01:06:24,304
Is that so?
1964
01:06:24,305 --> 01:06:27,845
When the cabaret's on,
it's darker in the balcony.
1965
01:06:27,846 --> 01:06:28,721
I am perfectly well aware
1966
01:06:28,722 --> 01:06:30,636
of the lighting arrangements
at the Cafe de Paris.
1967
01:06:30,637 --> 01:06:32,011
Thank you.
1968
01:06:32,012 --> 01:06:34,511
Well, I think you should
do something about it.
1969
01:06:34,512 --> 01:06:36,192
Kick up a stink, you know.
1970
01:06:37,250 --> 01:06:39,470
Thank you, Timothy, for the benefit
1971
01:06:39,471 --> 01:06:41,970
of your experience in these matters.
1972
01:06:41,971 --> 01:06:42,803
Mr. Foster, please.
1973
01:06:42,804 --> 01:06:43,804
You're on in one minute.
1974
01:06:43,805 --> 01:06:44,804
Right.
1975
01:06:46,081 --> 01:06:47,129
Well, well, well.
1976
01:06:47,130 --> 01:06:48,179
Hello, David.
1977
01:06:48,180 --> 01:06:49,261
Many congratulations.
1978
01:06:49,262 --> 01:06:50,428
Oh, thank you, Bertie.
1979
01:06:50,429 --> 01:06:51,553
Mind if we stick around
and watch the show?
1980
01:06:51,554 --> 01:06:52,429
No, of course not,
as long as you keep out
1981
01:06:52,430 --> 01:06:54,095
of the way and stay quiet.
1982
01:06:54,096 --> 01:06:55,096
Oh, we'll be quiet as mice.
1983
01:06:55,097 --> 01:06:56,296
Won't we darling?
1984
01:07:00,156 --> 01:07:01,596
You all right, Wilson?
1985
01:07:01,597 --> 01:07:02,761
Yeah.
1986
01:07:02,762 --> 01:07:04,886
Simon, my dear fellow,
all the very best.
1987
01:07:04,887 --> 01:07:06,178
You know Miss Dowrimple?
1988
01:07:06,179 --> 01:07:07,179
Madam.
1989
01:07:08,221 --> 01:07:09,720
How many have you had?
1990
01:07:09,721 --> 01:07:10,761
48 doubles.
1991
01:07:10,762 --> 01:07:11,762
Do you mind?
1992
01:07:14,804 --> 01:07:16,428
Laura, what a vision.
1993
01:07:16,429 --> 01:07:18,178
Now, what's that you're drinking?
1994
01:07:18,179 --> 01:07:19,428
Gargle.
1995
01:07:19,429 --> 01:07:20,845
Oh, Mabel.
1996
01:07:20,846 --> 01:07:22,970
Here, take these away for heaven's sake.
1997
01:07:22,971 --> 01:07:24,470
All right, quiet everyone.
1998
01:07:24,471 --> 01:07:26,261
- Okay.
- Right, thank you, Barney.
1999
01:07:26,262 --> 01:07:29,095
Now, don't overdo the quarrel scene.
2000
01:07:29,096 --> 01:07:30,970
Just play it naturally.
2001
01:07:30,971 --> 01:07:32,886
All right, places, please,
for the opening shot.
2002
01:07:32,887 --> 01:07:33,928
Now, go and sit down.
2003
01:07:33,929 --> 01:07:35,489
Please sit down, Bertie.
2004
01:07:36,099 --> 01:07:37,179
Other way round.
2005
01:07:37,180 --> 01:07:38,220
- Why?
- Well, because David
2006
01:07:38,221 --> 01:07:39,054
wants it that way.
2007
01:07:39,055 --> 01:07:42,304
For 194 performances,
it's been this way around.
2008
01:07:43,170 --> 01:07:46,470
Why did he suddenly change
it one day last week, eh?
2009
01:07:46,471 --> 01:07:47,304
Friday, it was.
2010
01:07:47,305 --> 01:07:48,595
Friday morning rehearsal.
2011
01:07:48,596 --> 01:07:49,429
Sit down and don't butt in.
2012
01:07:49,430 --> 01:07:51,386
I think it more effective with Laura
2013
01:07:51,387 --> 01:07:52,636
facing the camera, Simon.
2014
01:07:52,637 --> 01:07:54,595
- Oh, you do, do you?
- Yes.
2015
01:07:54,596 --> 01:07:56,053
There's nothing personal about it.
2016
01:07:56,054 --> 01:07:58,928
It just, well, it makes a
better picture, that's all.
2017
01:07:58,929 --> 01:08:00,136
I see.
2018
01:08:00,137 --> 01:08:01,845
Announcement and
opening music coming up.
2019
01:08:01,846 --> 01:08:03,136
All right, quiet everyone.
2020
01:08:03,137 --> 01:08:05,597
Now, take a cue from me, Laura darling.
2021
01:08:06,804 --> 01:08:07,804
Good luck.
2022
01:08:13,461 --> 01:08:16,761
Tonight, we present the
special Christmas instalment
2023
01:08:16,762 --> 01:08:19,929
of our nightly serial, "Simon and Laura."
2024
01:08:22,221 --> 01:08:24,553
Hello, Simon.
2025
01:08:24,554 --> 01:08:25,721
Hello, Laura.
2026
01:08:26,812 --> 01:08:28,012
You know, darling,
2027
01:08:28,013 --> 01:08:30,053
you look very attractive in tails.
2028
01:08:30,054 --> 01:08:30,887
You know, darling,
2029
01:08:30,888 --> 01:08:32,678
you look very attractive in anything.
2030
01:08:32,679 --> 01:08:33,679
Flatterer.
2031
01:08:34,554 --> 01:08:38,636
Oh, I do hope Timothy's going
to like his Christmas tree.
2032
01:08:38,637 --> 01:08:40,720
How well I remember the first one I had
2033
01:08:40,721 --> 01:08:42,928
when I was a little girl.
2034
01:08:42,929 --> 01:08:45,511
I thought it was a magic tree.
2035
01:08:45,512 --> 01:08:49,970
How glorious is the innocent
imagination of childhood?
2036
01:08:49,971 --> 01:08:52,303
Every star seemed real,
2037
01:08:52,304 --> 01:08:54,178
the tinsel was snow,
2038
01:08:54,179 --> 01:08:57,970
the jewels were baubles
from Aladdin's cave.
2039
01:08:57,971 --> 01:08:59,345
You know, Laura
darling, sometimes I think
2040
01:08:59,346 --> 01:09:00,726
you remained a child.
2041
01:09:03,560 --> 01:09:05,720
That was a damn silly thing to do.
2042
01:09:05,721 --> 01:09:06,721
Shut up.
2043
01:09:07,554 --> 01:09:10,220
# Good King Wenceslas looked out #
2044
01:09:10,221 --> 01:09:13,553
# On the feast of Stephen #
2045
01:09:13,554 --> 01:09:14,387
Listen.
2046
01:09:14,388 --> 01:09:15,761
# When the snow lay round about #
2047
01:09:15,762 --> 01:09:17,303
How charming it is.
2048
01:09:17,304 --> 01:09:20,053
# Deep and crisp and even #
2049
01:09:20,054 --> 01:09:25,511
# And even #
2050
01:09:25,512 --> 01:09:26,346
I love the way they keep repeating
2051
01:09:26,347 --> 01:09:28,470
that little twiddly bit.
2052
01:09:28,471 --> 01:09:30,386
Darling, we must give them something.
2053
01:09:30,387 --> 01:09:33,261
# Brightly shown the moon that night #
2054
01:09:33,262 --> 01:09:36,511
# Though the frost was cruel #
2055
01:09:36,512 --> 01:09:39,970
# When the poor man came in sight #
2056
01:09:39,971 --> 01:09:42,221
# Gathering winter fuel #
2057
01:09:44,804 --> 01:09:47,928
# Hither, page, and stand by me #
2058
01:09:47,929 --> 01:09:48,762
# If thou know it telling #
2059
01:09:48,763 --> 01:09:49,596
Wilson?
2060
01:09:49,597 --> 01:09:50,845
Yes, Master Tim?
2061
01:09:50,846 --> 01:09:54,678
Are all married people as
happy as Mummy and Daddy?
2062
01:09:54,679 --> 01:09:56,303
I doubt it, Master Tim.
2063
01:09:56,304 --> 01:09:58,053
I very much doubt it.
2064
01:09:58,054 --> 01:10:01,470
I've never heard a
harsh word between them.
2065
01:10:01,471 --> 01:10:02,471
I beg pardon, madam.
2066
01:10:02,472 --> 01:10:04,212
I didn't hear you come in.
2067
01:10:04,304 --> 01:10:05,804
What have you and Daddy
2068
01:10:05,805 --> 01:10:07,303
been doing in the lounge, Mummy?
2069
01:10:07,304 --> 01:10:09,387
Ah, that would be telling.
2070
01:10:10,554 --> 01:10:12,220
Why can't I go in there?
2071
01:10:12,221 --> 01:10:14,387
A surprise, darling.
2072
01:10:14,751 --> 01:10:17,511
I wish it wasn't only
going to be grownups
2073
01:10:17,512 --> 01:10:18,553
at the party tonight.
2074
01:10:18,554 --> 01:10:19,636
Never mind.
2075
01:10:19,637 --> 01:10:21,720
Tomorrow, little Angela's coming for tea,
2076
01:10:21,721 --> 01:10:23,553
and you'll be able to
have a lovely r-romp...
2077
01:10:23,554 --> 01:10:25,470
- Game.
- Party.
2078
01:10:25,471 --> 01:10:27,387
Frolic with her.
2079
01:10:34,221 --> 01:10:35,601
The Foster residence.
2080
01:10:36,721 --> 01:10:38,386
Hold on, please, miss.
2081
01:10:38,387 --> 01:10:40,970
A Miss Mortimer to speak to you, sir.
2082
01:10:40,971 --> 01:10:41,804
Oh, thank you, Wilson.
2083
01:10:41,805 --> 01:10:43,665
I'll take it in the library.
2084
01:10:44,048 --> 01:10:45,428
Do you mind, darling?
2085
01:10:45,429 --> 01:10:46,886
Not at all.
2086
01:10:46,887 --> 01:10:47,887
It's a personal matter.
2087
01:10:47,888 --> 01:10:49,328
Hold on, please, miss.
2088
01:10:49,871 --> 01:10:52,511
Why didn't Daddy
take it in here, Mummy?
2089
01:10:52,512 --> 01:10:54,511
I don't know, dear.
2090
01:10:54,512 --> 01:10:56,720
Was it something
he didn't want you to hear?
2091
01:10:56,721 --> 01:10:58,928
I suppose it must've been, darling.
2092
01:10:58,929 --> 01:11:00,303
A secret?
2093
01:11:00,304 --> 01:11:01,928
Perhaps.
2094
01:11:01,929 --> 01:11:02,929
But I thought married people
2095
01:11:02,930 --> 01:11:04,845
never had secrets from one another.
2096
01:11:04,846 --> 01:11:06,137
Not real ones.
2097
01:11:07,173 --> 01:11:08,553
Why don't you listen
2098
01:11:08,554 --> 01:11:11,095
and find out what Daddy's secret is?
2099
01:11:11,096 --> 01:11:13,136
Because that would be deceitful, Tim,
2100
01:11:13,137 --> 01:11:15,303
and Mummy trusts Daddy.
2101
01:11:15,304 --> 01:11:16,137
Do you?
2102
01:11:16,138 --> 01:11:17,303
Implicitly.
2103
01:11:17,304 --> 01:11:20,387
Now, you run along with
Wilson like a good boy.
2104
01:11:27,679 --> 01:11:30,012
And Laura need never know.
2105
01:11:30,887 --> 01:11:32,987
All right, same time, same place.
2106
01:11:33,496 --> 01:11:34,636
Tuesday, my dear.
2107
01:11:34,637 --> 01:11:37,037
Goodbye, and bless you for everything.
2108
01:11:40,762 --> 01:11:41,761
Simon?
2109
01:11:41,762 --> 01:11:42,720
Now you're for it.
2110
01:11:42,721 --> 01:11:43,554
Right here's the missus.
2111
01:11:43,555 --> 01:11:44,429
Shh, shut up, Bert.
2112
01:11:44,430 --> 01:11:46,053
Who is Miss Mortimer?
2113
01:11:46,054 --> 01:11:47,261
No one, darling.
2114
01:11:47,262 --> 01:11:48,678
She must be someone, darling.
2115
01:11:48,679 --> 01:11:51,386
Well, nobody who need concern you.
2116
01:11:51,387 --> 01:11:53,261
This is so unlike you, Simon.
2117
01:11:53,262 --> 01:11:55,636
You're usually so frank and open.
2118
01:11:55,637 --> 01:11:57,803
You have a guilty look, darling.
2119
01:11:57,804 --> 01:11:59,220
Who is she?
2120
01:11:59,221 --> 01:12:00,720
I'm sorry, I can't tell you.
2121
01:12:00,721 --> 01:12:01,554
Why not?
2122
01:12:01,555 --> 01:12:03,345
'Cause it's something
I don't want you to know.
2123
01:12:03,346 --> 01:12:04,726
Oh, like Monte Carlo.
2124
01:12:05,592 --> 01:12:06,989
Good grief, Timothy was right.
2125
01:12:06,990 --> 01:12:08,387
What are you talking about?
2126
01:12:08,388 --> 01:12:09,678
You, nag, nag, nag.
2127
01:12:09,679 --> 01:12:10,596
Pick, pick, pick.
2128
01:12:10,597 --> 01:12:12,470
Question, question, question.
2129
01:12:12,471 --> 01:12:13,886
Worrying every possible piece of scandal
2130
01:12:13,887 --> 01:12:15,636
like a she-dog with a bone.
2131
01:12:15,637 --> 01:12:16,637
Are you calling me a...
2132
01:12:16,638 --> 01:12:18,845
Well, this time,
you won't get away with it.
2133
01:12:18,846 --> 01:12:19,761
Get away with what?
2134
01:12:19,762 --> 01:12:20,679
Acting as if you've got a halo,
2135
01:12:20,680 --> 01:12:22,678
then sneaking around to
Hellum Street behind my back.
2136
01:12:22,679 --> 01:12:23,512
Simon.
2137
01:12:23,513 --> 01:12:24,346
Shut up!
2138
01:12:24,347 --> 01:12:25,470
Monte Carlo to you!
2139
01:12:25,471 --> 01:12:27,428
And you can't ram that
down my throat, either.
2140
01:12:27,429 --> 01:12:28,928
Kneesy kneesy to you.
2141
01:12:28,929 --> 01:12:30,136
Kneesy kneesy?
2142
01:12:30,137 --> 01:12:32,970
Yes, under the table
at the Cafe de Paris.
2143
01:12:32,971 --> 01:12:34,636
Who told you that?
2144
01:12:34,637 --> 01:12:36,386
A little bird, I suppose.
2145
01:12:36,387 --> 01:12:38,303
No, a little rat!
2146
01:12:38,304 --> 01:12:39,137
You're drunk.
2147
01:12:39,138 --> 01:12:40,636
And I suppose you're not?
2148
01:12:40,637 --> 01:12:42,053
Are you suggesting that I...
2149
01:12:42,054 --> 01:12:43,803
Are sozzled, yes.
2150
01:12:43,804 --> 01:12:44,970
And squinting like mad.
2151
01:12:44,971 --> 01:12:47,011
You always squint when you're sozzled.
2152
01:12:47,012 --> 01:12:48,262
How dare you.
2153
01:12:49,221 --> 01:12:51,595
Cut it, cut it!
2154
01:12:51,596 --> 01:12:53,511
I'll show you how sober I am.
2155
01:12:53,512 --> 01:12:55,262
Aye, aye.
2156
01:12:59,429 --> 01:13:00,553
Simon, please.
2157
01:13:00,554 --> 01:13:02,261
Teach you to hit me, you...
2158
01:13:02,262 --> 01:13:03,345
Simon!
2159
01:13:03,346 --> 01:13:04,179
Go on hit him, champ!
2160
01:13:04,180 --> 01:13:05,011
Surely, man.
2161
01:13:05,012 --> 01:13:05,971
That's right, side with the man
2162
01:13:05,972 --> 01:13:06,928
which strikes his wife.
2163
01:13:06,929 --> 01:13:07,846
That's the only way to treat 'em.
2164
01:13:07,847 --> 01:13:08,846
I'd like to see you try it.
2165
01:13:08,847 --> 01:13:10,053
I will if you don't shut up!
2166
01:13:10,054 --> 01:13:11,178
For this, Simon.
2167
01:13:11,179 --> 01:13:12,928
And now you're going to get yours.
2168
01:13:12,929 --> 01:13:13,929
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
2169
01:13:22,971 --> 01:13:25,887
Don't you dare hit Simon!
2170
01:13:29,929 --> 01:13:30,929
Simon!
2171
01:13:32,262 --> 01:13:34,303
Ooh, he's drawn blood.
2172
01:13:34,304 --> 01:13:35,304
Use your left!
2173
01:13:35,305 --> 01:13:37,470
Short arm jabs, short arm jabs.
2174
01:13:37,471 --> 01:13:38,304
That's right, Gran.
2175
01:13:38,305 --> 01:13:39,553
Short arm jabs, short arm jabs.
2176
01:13:39,554 --> 01:13:40,387
You shut up, Bert.
2177
01:13:40,388 --> 01:13:41,803
Don't you come that
stuff with me, my girl,
2178
01:13:41,804 --> 01:13:42,637
or I'll one on you.
2179
01:13:42,638 --> 01:13:43,471
You try it.
2180
01:13:43,472 --> 01:13:44,511
Go on, just try it, you right lout.
2181
01:13:44,512 --> 01:13:45,886
All right, I will.
2182
01:13:45,887 --> 01:13:48,887
And you shut up too!
2183
01:13:50,721 --> 01:13:51,637
Ooh!
2184
01:13:51,638 --> 01:13:52,554
Simon!
2185
01:13:52,555 --> 01:13:54,678
# Good King Wenceslas looked out #
2186
01:13:54,679 --> 01:13:58,136
Simon
# On the feast of Stephen #
2187
01:13:58,137 --> 01:14:01,345
# When the snow lay round about #
2188
01:14:01,346 --> 01:14:04,386
# Deep and crisp and even #
2189
01:14:04,387 --> 01:14:05,387
How dare you.
2190
01:14:06,512 --> 01:14:12,303
# And even #
2191
01:14:12,304 --> 01:14:13,136
Stop!
2192
01:14:13,137 --> 01:14:20,220
# And even #
2193
01:14:20,221 --> 01:14:21,345
# And #
2194
01:14:21,346 --> 01:14:22,553
Will you two.
2195
01:14:22,554 --> 01:14:23,721
Do you mind?
2196
01:14:30,221 --> 01:14:31,221
David.
2197
01:14:32,478 --> 01:14:35,178
David, we've been on the air all the time!
2198
01:14:35,179 --> 01:14:36,063
What?
2199
01:14:36,064 --> 01:14:37,804
I'm terribly sorry, David.
2200
01:14:37,805 --> 01:14:39,886
I could have sworn we switched off.
2201
01:14:39,887 --> 01:14:42,053
Oh, forget it, Barney.
2202
01:14:42,054 --> 01:14:44,094
We're all in this together now.
2203
01:14:53,096 --> 01:14:54,096
Hello, yes.
2204
01:14:55,262 --> 01:14:56,262
Oh, yes, sir.
2205
01:14:57,346 --> 01:14:58,636
Yes, sir, one sec.
2206
01:14:58,637 --> 01:15:00,720
David, it's, it's the CT, for you.
2207
01:15:00,721 --> 01:15:02,262
Oh, my hat.
2208
01:15:05,054 --> 01:15:06,345
H... hello, sir.
2209
01:15:06,346 --> 01:15:07,970
Congratulations, my boy.
2210
01:15:07,971 --> 01:15:09,595
Wonderful stuff.
2211
01:15:09,596 --> 01:15:10,761
You see, I was right.
2212
01:15:10,762 --> 01:15:11,762
The moment you took my advice,
2213
01:15:11,763 --> 01:15:13,678
the whole thing comes to life.
2214
01:15:13,679 --> 01:15:16,220
Oh, oh, thank you very much, sir.
2215
01:15:16,221 --> 01:15:17,595
Oh, of course not, sir.
2216
01:15:17,596 --> 01:15:19,886
We think tomorrow's is better still.
2217
01:15:19,887 --> 01:15:21,595
By the way, who played that handsome,
2218
01:15:21,596 --> 01:15:24,220
rugged type who came in
and gave Simon the KO?
2219
01:15:24,221 --> 01:15:26,381
Don't remember seeing him before.
2220
01:15:27,221 --> 01:15:29,136
Oh, a new chap, sir.
2221
01:15:29,137 --> 01:15:32,511
I got him from a rep at short notice.
2222
01:15:32,512 --> 01:15:34,970
No, I'm afraid not, sir.
2223
01:15:34,971 --> 01:15:38,151
Off to the States in the
morning, films, you know.
2224
01:15:39,137 --> 01:15:40,157
Of course, sir.
2225
01:15:41,054 --> 01:15:42,554
Thank you so much, sir.
2226
01:15:43,304 --> 01:15:44,678
Goodbye, sir.
2227
01:15:44,679 --> 01:15:46,303
Are we all fired?
2228
01:15:46,304 --> 01:15:47,553
Fired?
2229
01:15:47,554 --> 01:15:48,634
He's delighted.
2230
01:15:49,554 --> 01:15:51,774
He said it was the best script yet.
2231
01:15:51,795 --> 01:15:53,595
Keep it up to that standard.
2232
01:15:53,596 --> 01:15:56,386
He wants another one
just like it tomorrow.
2233
01:15:56,387 --> 01:15:58,178
Another just like that?
2234
01:15:58,179 --> 01:15:59,636
Oh!
2235
01:15:59,637 --> 01:16:00,637
Oh.
2236
01:16:01,846 --> 01:16:02,846
Oh.
2237
01:16:11,512 --> 01:16:15,303
TV's best ever, and I wasn't in it.
2238
01:16:15,304 --> 01:16:16,886
Any sign of Mr. and Mrs. Foster yet?
2239
01:16:16,887 --> 01:16:17,721
No.
2240
01:16:17,722 --> 01:16:19,178
You've no idea where they can be?
2241
01:16:19,179 --> 01:16:20,012
None at all.
2242
01:16:20,013 --> 01:16:21,220
Madam left the house last night.
2243
01:16:21,221 --> 01:16:23,053
The master went out
first thing this morning.
2244
01:16:23,054 --> 01:16:24,303
Bet you don't turn up.
2245
01:16:24,304 --> 01:16:25,595
Am I in it today?
2246
01:16:25,596 --> 01:16:26,886
Yes, Jessie.
2247
01:16:26,887 --> 01:16:29,553
Only just.
2248
01:16:29,554 --> 01:16:33,095
Not quite as
full-blooded as last night.
2249
01:16:33,096 --> 01:16:33,929
Well, it's up to you
2250
01:16:33,930 --> 01:16:36,210
to put the blood in it again, David.
2251
01:16:36,211 --> 01:16:37,194
Any sign of them?
2252
01:16:37,195 --> 01:16:38,179
I'm afraid not.
2253
01:16:38,180 --> 01:16:39,345
Oh, this is terrible.
2254
01:16:39,346 --> 01:16:40,386
What are we going to do?
2255
01:16:40,387 --> 01:16:42,136
Hanged if I know.
2256
01:16:42,137 --> 01:16:43,886
Look, go back and tell
the rest of the cast
2257
01:16:43,887 --> 01:16:45,428
we start rehearsals in half an hour,
2258
01:16:45,429 --> 01:16:46,970
and don't let them get worried.
2259
01:16:46,971 --> 01:16:47,803
Oh, sorry.
2260
01:16:47,804 --> 01:16:48,636
Simon!
2261
01:16:48,637 --> 01:16:49,470
Where's Laura?
2262
01:16:49,471 --> 01:16:50,303
Well, isn't she with you?
2263
01:16:50,304 --> 01:16:51,136
Does it look like it?
2264
01:16:51,137 --> 01:16:51,971
We've been looking for you both.
2265
01:16:51,972 --> 01:16:53,011
Changes in the script.
2266
01:16:53,012 --> 01:16:53,971
Hang the script!
2267
01:16:53,972 --> 01:16:55,011
Laura's gone, she's vanished.
2268
01:16:55,012 --> 01:16:56,345
- What?
- I've rung the Baxter's.
2269
01:16:56,346 --> 01:16:57,178
I've rung the Hunter's.
2270
01:16:57,179 --> 01:16:58,011
I've rung everybody.
2271
01:16:58,012 --> 01:16:58,929
Well, she must be somewhere.
2272
01:16:58,930 --> 01:16:59,762
Think, man.
2273
01:16:59,763 --> 01:17:00,595
I am thinking.
2274
01:17:00,596 --> 01:17:01,429
What about tonight's show?
2275
01:17:01,430 --> 01:17:02,761
Do you think I'm going to go in front
2276
01:17:02,762 --> 01:17:04,595
of a camera with this?
2277
01:17:04,596 --> 01:17:05,429
Oh.
2278
01:17:05,430 --> 01:17:06,845
Oh, my hat.
2279
01:17:06,846 --> 01:17:08,178
Janet, write it into the script.
2280
01:17:08,179 --> 01:17:09,259
Oh well, really!
2281
01:17:10,929 --> 01:17:12,303
Hello?
2282
01:17:12,304 --> 01:17:13,595
Bertie!
2283
01:17:13,596 --> 01:17:16,595
Well, don't just stand
there, man, find Laura.
2284
01:17:16,596 --> 01:17:17,596
I'll ring my mother.
2285
01:17:17,597 --> 01:17:18,970
There's a good chance she may be there.
2286
01:17:18,971 --> 01:17:20,178
Hello, Bertie.
2287
01:17:20,179 --> 01:17:21,720
Look, Simon's just
turned up but not Laura.
2288
01:17:21,721 --> 01:17:22,554
Any news of her?
2289
01:17:22,555 --> 01:17:24,178
No, not a thing.
2290
01:17:24,179 --> 01:17:25,428
Offers have been pouring in.
2291
01:17:25,429 --> 01:17:27,553
What a show, what a performance!
2292
01:17:27,554 --> 01:17:29,137
But can I find her, no!
2293
01:17:30,096 --> 01:17:31,261
Yes.
2294
01:17:31,262 --> 01:17:33,511
David, David, you must tell me one thing.
2295
01:17:33,512 --> 01:17:34,952
Who was Miss Mortimer?
2296
01:17:35,263 --> 01:17:37,303
Look, see tonight's instalment,
2297
01:17:37,304 --> 01:17:38,137
and you'll find out.
2298
01:17:38,138 --> 01:17:38,971
Goodbye, Bertie.
2299
01:17:38,972 --> 01:17:40,595
I'm busy.
2300
01:17:40,596 --> 01:17:42,470
I'd better run through
the script with Simon.
2301
01:17:42,471 --> 01:17:44,053
Okay?
2302
01:17:44,054 --> 01:17:45,054
Yes, okay.
2303
01:17:46,798 --> 01:17:49,678
Listen, all you've
said at regular intervals
2304
01:17:49,679 --> 01:17:52,470
for the last five minutes is hold on.
2305
01:17:52,471 --> 01:17:53,970
In times of national crisis,
2306
01:17:53,971 --> 01:17:55,053
that is a remark I will take
2307
01:17:55,054 --> 01:17:57,095
From Mr. Churchill and Mr. Churchill only.
2308
01:17:57,096 --> 01:18:00,554
Now, please, get me Leicester 2874.
2309
01:18:00,555 --> 01:18:03,511
What make you think Laura's
gone to your mother's?
2310
01:18:03,512 --> 01:18:04,636
Because it's the sort of damn fool thing
2311
01:18:04,637 --> 01:18:05,532
she would do.
2312
01:18:05,533 --> 01:18:06,429
They get on well?
2313
01:18:06,430 --> 01:18:07,261
Get on well?
2314
01:18:07,262 --> 01:18:08,137
They're having the time of their lives
2315
01:18:08,138 --> 01:18:09,178
sitting halfway up the chimney
2316
01:18:09,179 --> 01:18:11,511
swilling tea and listing my misdemeanours.
2317
01:18:11,512 --> 01:18:12,346
How's the eye?
2318
01:18:12,347 --> 01:18:14,345
It's throbbing nicely, thank you.
2319
01:18:14,346 --> 01:18:16,511
I was amazed at David.
2320
01:18:16,512 --> 01:18:18,345
I was a little taken aback myself.
2321
01:18:18,346 --> 01:18:20,386
He's usually so calm.
2322
01:18:20,387 --> 01:18:22,721
And then suddenly, wham!
2323
01:18:23,762 --> 01:18:24,762
Bless him.
2324
01:18:24,763 --> 01:18:26,095
What do you mean bless him?
2325
01:18:26,096 --> 01:18:27,720
Hello?
2326
01:18:27,721 --> 01:18:29,220
Hello, Mother.
2327
01:18:29,221 --> 01:18:30,346
How are you?
2328
01:18:31,221 --> 01:18:32,471
How's your back?
2329
01:18:33,762 --> 01:18:35,471
How is your back, dear?
2330
01:18:37,354 --> 01:18:38,554
Are you all right?
2331
01:18:38,555 --> 01:18:40,175
You sound a bit peculiar.
2332
01:18:42,012 --> 01:18:43,387
Simon, dear.
2333
01:18:44,304 --> 01:18:45,304
What?
2334
01:18:45,946 --> 01:18:47,386
Oh, I beg your pardon.
2335
01:18:47,387 --> 01:18:48,803
Good day.
2336
01:18:48,804 --> 01:18:51,095
That was Chester 2874, Mrs. Grant.
2337
01:18:51,096 --> 01:18:52,553
How is her back?
2338
01:18:52,554 --> 01:18:53,928
She seemed fairly satisfied.
2339
01:18:53,929 --> 01:18:54,929
T-R-U
2340
01:18:57,721 --> 01:18:59,803
Have you got designs on David?
2341
01:18:59,804 --> 01:19:00,637
Of course.
2342
01:19:00,638 --> 01:19:03,261
There's a man from "Woman's
Own" to see you, sir.
2343
01:19:03,262 --> 01:19:04,678
Tell him I can't see anybody.
2344
01:19:04,679 --> 01:19:06,511
That's practically true.
2345
01:19:06,512 --> 01:19:08,303
Jessie suggests raw liver.
2346
01:19:08,304 --> 01:19:09,179
What, for lunch?
2347
01:19:09,180 --> 01:19:10,553
No, your eye, sir.
2348
01:19:10,554 --> 01:19:12,678
That would fascinate
the viewers, wouldn't it?
2349
01:19:12,679 --> 01:19:15,428
Come on, come on, come on.
2350
01:19:15,429 --> 01:19:16,511
I suppose the only reason you came
2351
01:19:16,512 --> 01:19:19,511
to Monte Carlo with me
was to make David jealous.
2352
01:19:19,512 --> 01:19:21,553
No, to try and make Laura lay off.
2353
01:19:21,554 --> 01:19:22,595
Well, you've succeeded.
2354
01:19:22,596 --> 01:19:23,845
She's laying off the lot of us.
2355
01:19:23,846 --> 01:19:26,970
Woman, I asked you for Leicester 2874.
2356
01:19:26,971 --> 01:19:28,636
I don't care if you are a different woman.
2357
01:19:28,637 --> 01:19:30,345
Prove your superiority over the other one
2358
01:19:30,346 --> 01:19:32,679
by getting me Leicester 2874.
2359
01:19:34,012 --> 01:19:35,053
Thank you.
2360
01:19:35,054 --> 01:19:35,949
What did she say?
2361
01:19:35,950 --> 01:19:36,846
Hold on again.
2362
01:19:36,847 --> 01:19:37,679
Any news?
2363
01:19:37,680 --> 01:19:38,512
- No.
- No.
2364
01:19:38,513 --> 01:19:39,636
Had a look at the new stuff yet?
2365
01:19:39,637 --> 01:19:40,471
I have not.
2366
01:19:40,472 --> 01:19:41,845
I am holding on, with difficulty.
2367
01:19:41,846 --> 01:19:43,553
You really ought to
get down to it, you know.
2368
01:19:43,554 --> 01:19:44,387
Why?
2369
01:19:44,388 --> 01:19:45,553
You've only shot the back of my head
2370
01:19:45,554 --> 01:19:46,512
for the past few weeks,
2371
01:19:46,513 --> 01:19:48,345
and I could read my lines.
2372
01:19:48,346 --> 01:19:49,470
Foster!
2373
01:19:49,471 --> 01:19:51,720
I am in no mood for another argument.
2374
01:19:51,721 --> 01:19:53,428
I've already hit you once.
2375
01:19:53,429 --> 01:19:55,886
I regret having done so,
because I'm a pacifist,
2376
01:19:55,887 --> 01:19:58,220
but if you don't stop
behaving like a tetchy
2377
01:19:58,221 --> 01:19:59,845
two year old, I shall do so again.
2378
01:19:59,846 --> 01:20:00,679
Bless you.
2379
01:20:00,680 --> 01:20:03,011
And I have few words to
say to you in a moment.
2380
01:20:03,012 --> 01:20:07,095
I am sick and tired of
star actors and actresses.
2381
01:20:07,096 --> 01:20:08,261
I can think of only one
2382
01:20:08,262 --> 01:20:09,886
in the last 30 years
with whom I'd be willing
2383
01:20:09,887 --> 01:20:11,053
to spend the rest of my days,
2384
01:20:11,054 --> 01:20:12,470
and, unfortunately, he's dead.
2385
01:20:12,471 --> 01:20:13,553
Who's that?
2386
01:20:13,554 --> 01:20:14,803
Rin-Tin-Tin.
2387
01:20:14,804 --> 01:20:15,971
Ha ha ha.
2388
01:20:17,041 --> 01:20:19,261
Oh, Mr. Prentice, can I have a word
2389
01:20:19,262 --> 01:20:20,553
with you about the script?
2390
01:20:20,554 --> 01:20:22,053
In my office in 10 minutes.
2391
01:20:22,054 --> 01:20:22,971
How's your eye, Dad?
2392
01:20:22,972 --> 01:20:24,761
I brought chorizo to put on it.
2393
01:20:24,762 --> 01:20:25,762
Get out!
2394
01:20:27,360 --> 01:20:29,220
I believed in this programme.
2395
01:20:29,221 --> 01:20:31,011
I thought we had two people in it
2396
01:20:31,012 --> 01:20:32,511
who were examples of what a decent,
2397
01:20:32,512 --> 01:20:34,011
ordinary married couple should be,
2398
01:20:34,012 --> 01:20:36,178
even if they were on the stage.
2399
01:20:36,179 --> 01:20:38,095
Yes, well, I should have checked up.
2400
01:20:38,096 --> 01:20:40,053
Unfortunately, on a BBC salary,
2401
01:20:40,054 --> 01:20:41,261
you don't eat in the restaurants
2402
01:20:41,262 --> 01:20:42,470
where you can check up
on those sort of things.
2403
01:20:42,471 --> 01:20:43,304
Yes, it's quite all right, thank you.
2404
01:20:43,305 --> 01:20:45,428
I'm listening to a talk on the BBC.
2405
01:20:45,429 --> 01:20:46,761
But I could not
believe that you could be
2406
01:20:46,762 --> 01:20:48,095
so blatantly deceitful yourself.
2407
01:20:48,096 --> 01:20:49,470
Well, now you're just being a bore!
2408
01:20:49,471 --> 01:20:50,595
There was a time when you seemed
2409
01:20:50,596 --> 01:20:52,178
willing to share my
particular brand of boredom.
2410
01:20:52,179 --> 01:20:53,761
A cracking, pompous bore!
2411
01:20:53,762 --> 01:20:55,136
Hello, Mother?
2412
01:20:55,137 --> 01:20:56,345
- How are you, dear?
- Well, at least I have
2413
01:20:56,346 --> 01:20:57,595
a few moral qualms about spending
2414
01:20:57,596 --> 01:20:59,553
an illicit weekend with a married man.
2415
01:20:59,554 --> 01:21:00,970
- I should hope so.
- How's your back?
2416
01:21:00,971 --> 01:21:02,345
- How is your back, dear?
- You condemn me
2417
01:21:02,346 --> 01:21:04,136
for having a mild flirtation with Simon.
2418
01:21:04,137 --> 01:21:06,095
- Is Laura with you?
- And yet you've been
2419
01:21:06,096 --> 01:21:06,929
doing exactly the same thing with Laura.
2420
01:21:06,930 --> 01:21:08,303
- She's not?
- Laura was in need
2421
01:21:08,304 --> 01:21:09,470
of a bit of comfort and companionship!
2422
01:21:09,471 --> 01:21:10,304
Hooey!
2423
01:21:10,305 --> 01:21:11,803
There's only one thing
Laura was in need of!
2424
01:21:11,804 --> 01:21:12,804
- Quiet!
- Oh.
2425
01:21:13,360 --> 01:21:16,720
It's all right, darling,
just some people jabbering.
2426
01:21:16,721 --> 01:21:17,554
What?
2427
01:21:17,555 --> 01:21:19,011
You didn't enjoy last night's instalment?
2428
01:21:19,012 --> 01:21:20,761
Neither did we much.
2429
01:21:20,762 --> 01:21:23,642
Look, if Laura turns
up, get her to phone me.
2430
01:21:24,387 --> 01:21:26,428
Yes, she's walked out on me.
2431
01:21:26,429 --> 01:21:27,970
Well, I.
2432
01:21:27,971 --> 01:21:29,261
Yes, dear, but.
2433
01:21:29,262 --> 01:21:31,053
Well, I know it may be my fault,
2434
01:21:31,054 --> 01:21:35,221
but I love her very, very
much, and I want her back.
2435
01:21:35,222 --> 01:21:37,054
Oh, those were three of the quickest pips
2436
01:21:37,055 --> 01:21:38,136
in the history of the Post Office.
2437
01:21:38,137 --> 01:21:39,511
No, darling, it's this exchange.
2438
01:21:39,512 --> 01:21:41,803
They've got something against me.
2439
01:21:41,804 --> 01:21:43,220
Goodbye, darling.
2440
01:21:43,221 --> 01:21:44,886
Take care of yourself.
2441
01:21:44,887 --> 01:21:46,261
Take care of your!
2442
01:21:46,262 --> 01:21:47,554
Oh, never mind.
2443
01:21:50,262 --> 01:21:51,262
Laura!
2444
01:21:53,485 --> 01:21:55,345
Where on earth have you been?
2445
01:21:55,346 --> 01:21:56,678
David, I'm sorry I'm late, but I...
2446
01:21:56,679 --> 01:21:58,720
We've been looking everywhere for you.
2447
01:21:58,721 --> 01:22:00,470
The CT wanted a lot of alterations made
2448
01:22:00,471 --> 01:22:02,053
to tonight's script.
2449
01:22:02,054 --> 01:22:04,514
I'll get Janet to bring you one along.
2450
01:22:05,378 --> 01:22:08,678
Get me Mr. Foster's dressing
room, will you please?
2451
01:22:08,679 --> 01:22:10,419
She's not at my mother's.
2452
01:22:10,971 --> 01:22:11,971
Laura!
2453
01:22:12,743 --> 01:22:14,303
Now where have you been?
2454
01:22:14,304 --> 01:22:16,386
To a solicitor and a
commissioner for oaths.
2455
01:22:16,387 --> 01:22:17,720
- Oh.
- It was the soliciting
2456
01:22:17,721 --> 01:22:20,386
side of the business I was interested in.
2457
01:22:20,387 --> 01:22:22,553
I don't think you need much
help in the matter of oaths.
2458
01:22:22,554 --> 01:22:23,387
Laura!
2459
01:22:23,388 --> 01:22:26,136
And who, might I ask, have
you been soliciting now?
2460
01:22:26,137 --> 01:22:27,637
I'm getting a divorce.
2461
01:22:27,638 --> 01:22:29,803
You ought to put something on that eye,
2462
01:22:29,804 --> 01:22:31,303
some meat of some kind.
2463
01:22:31,304 --> 01:22:33,220
But, Laura darling, you can't.
2464
01:22:33,221 --> 01:22:34,053
Can't what?
2465
01:22:34,054 --> 01:22:34,887
Get a divorce.
2466
01:22:34,888 --> 01:22:36,970
If you think there was
a shortage of evidence,
2467
01:22:36,971 --> 01:22:38,886
I can assure you that Sybil Hunter's charm
2468
01:22:38,887 --> 01:22:40,803
was both thorough and
efficient last weekend
2469
01:22:40,804 --> 01:22:41,970
at Monte Carlo.
2470
01:22:41,971 --> 01:22:44,428
But, but think of the programme.
2471
01:22:44,429 --> 01:22:45,720
The viewers would never stand for it.
2472
01:22:45,721 --> 01:22:47,387
Oh, damn the viewers!
2473
01:22:49,596 --> 01:22:51,721
What a terrible thing to say.
2474
01:22:53,429 --> 01:22:54,429
Come in.
2475
01:22:56,596 --> 01:22:57,637
Oh, it's you.
2476
01:22:59,304 --> 01:23:00,678
Yes.
2477
01:23:00,679 --> 01:23:01,761
And I've got something to say to you.
2478
01:23:01,762 --> 01:23:04,053
Janet, I, I really don't
think I want to hear it.
2479
01:23:04,054 --> 01:23:05,720
It's just that if you
think you can get a divorce
2480
01:23:05,721 --> 01:23:07,678
because of what happened in Monte Carlo,
2481
01:23:07,679 --> 01:23:09,136
you're very much mistaken.
2482
01:23:09,137 --> 01:23:11,470
My information was that you and Simon
2483
01:23:11,471 --> 01:23:13,761
had rooms 100 and 101.
2484
01:23:13,762 --> 01:23:14,679
That's right.
2485
01:23:14,680 --> 01:23:16,136
That was very convenient, wasn't it?
2486
01:23:16,137 --> 01:23:17,137
Not really.
2487
01:23:17,138 --> 01:23:19,386
Well, at least it was
adjacent, wasn't it?
2488
01:23:19,387 --> 01:23:20,387
Not even that.
2489
01:23:20,588 --> 01:23:22,928
Your informant should have checked up
2490
01:23:22,929 --> 01:23:25,511
on the layout as well as the register.
2491
01:23:25,512 --> 01:23:28,220
There are 100 rooms on each floor.
2492
01:23:28,221 --> 01:23:30,345
Room 100 is on the first floor front,
2493
01:23:30,346 --> 01:23:31,511
facing the sea.
2494
01:23:31,512 --> 01:23:34,220
Room 101 is on the second floor back,
2495
01:23:34,221 --> 01:23:36,511
facing the gasometer,
the marshalling yards,
2496
01:23:36,512 --> 01:23:40,220
and a church with jangliest
bells in Southern France.
2497
01:23:40,221 --> 01:23:42,178
I was in 101.
2498
01:23:42,179 --> 01:23:43,303
But not alone?
2499
01:23:43,304 --> 01:23:44,845
Quite alone.
2500
01:23:44,846 --> 01:23:47,053
Approximately 15 seconds after unpacking
2501
01:23:47,054 --> 01:23:49,886
his sponge bag, Simon left for the casino.
2502
01:23:49,887 --> 01:23:51,720
He came back at two in the morning.
2503
01:23:51,721 --> 01:23:55,011
He was seen heading straight
for the marshalling yards.
2504
01:23:55,012 --> 01:23:57,261
Yes, to borrow money.
2505
01:23:57,262 --> 01:23:58,761
If Sybil Hunter's private eye
2506
01:23:58,762 --> 01:24:00,178
had hovered just two minutes longer
2507
01:24:00,179 --> 01:24:01,761
in that corridor, she'd have seen him
2508
01:24:01,762 --> 01:24:03,553
streaking back to the casino at a speed
2509
01:24:03,554 --> 01:24:06,553
faster than sound with my francs.
2510
01:24:06,554 --> 01:24:08,954
He stayed there until after breakfast.
2511
01:24:08,955 --> 01:24:11,261
If you think I'm gonna believe all this
2512
01:24:11,262 --> 01:24:14,011
and say all right, let's
forget the whole thing,
2513
01:24:14,012 --> 01:24:15,720
you're very much mistaken.
2514
01:24:15,721 --> 01:24:17,636
I'm going ahead with my divorce.
2515
01:24:17,637 --> 01:24:19,095
But, Laura, think of the show.
2516
01:24:19,096 --> 01:24:19,971
I am thinking of it,
2517
01:24:19,972 --> 01:24:21,428
and if you'll leave me alone,
2518
01:24:21,429 --> 01:24:24,178
I'll get on with learning this
revolting script of yours.
2519
01:24:24,179 --> 01:24:25,511
But.
2520
01:24:25,512 --> 01:24:27,096
Oh, what's the use?
2521
01:24:31,721 --> 01:24:32,721
Tea, madam.
2522
01:24:32,722 --> 01:24:35,511
Shall I call Master
Timothy and Miss Angela?
2523
01:24:35,512 --> 01:24:36,712
Thank you, Wilson.
2524
01:24:38,554 --> 01:24:39,970
No lines again today.
2525
01:24:39,971 --> 01:24:41,428
So you see, Miss Mortimer was merely
2526
01:24:41,429 --> 01:24:42,262
an elderly masseuse.
2527
01:24:42,263 --> 01:24:44,761
A masseuse, why didn't you tell me?
2528
01:24:44,762 --> 01:24:46,678
Because I didn't want
to worry you with me.
2529
01:24:46,679 --> 01:24:48,359
Just a touch of arthritis.
2530
01:24:49,137 --> 01:24:50,470
And Monte Carlo?
2531
01:24:50,471 --> 01:24:52,553
A semi-detached villa in Kensington.
2532
01:24:52,554 --> 01:24:53,554
Darling.
2533
01:24:55,721 --> 01:24:57,845
Hello, dears, having a nice time?
2534
01:24:57,846 --> 01:24:58,804
Yes, Mummy.
2535
01:24:58,805 --> 01:24:59,886
We just had a lovely romp.
2536
01:24:59,887 --> 01:25:01,511
Er, frolic.
2537
01:25:01,512 --> 01:25:03,178
All right, half and
hour's break for tea,
2538
01:25:03,179 --> 01:25:05,279
then we'll run through it again.
2539
01:25:10,663 --> 01:25:13,303
Will you have it
here, sir or with madam?
2540
01:25:13,304 --> 01:25:14,595
Here.
2541
01:25:14,596 --> 01:25:15,796
Thank you, Wilson.
2542
01:25:18,976 --> 01:25:21,136
I suppose you could do with a cup?
2543
01:25:21,137 --> 01:25:23,554
I certainly could.
2544
01:25:26,721 --> 01:25:28,595
Shall I be mom?
2545
01:25:28,596 --> 01:25:29,916
Please do, no sugar.
2546
01:25:31,620 --> 01:25:33,720
Timothy, leave that camera alone.
2547
01:25:33,721 --> 01:25:34,928
I was only trying to...
2548
01:25:34,929 --> 01:25:36,595
Well, buzz off.
2549
01:25:36,596 --> 01:25:38,346
Come on, get going.
2550
01:25:41,179 --> 01:25:42,178
Sandwich?
2551
01:25:42,179 --> 01:25:43,011
No, thank you.
2552
01:25:43,012 --> 01:25:43,846
They're meat paste.
2553
01:25:43,847 --> 01:25:45,678
I suppose you'd like
me to put one on my eye.
2554
01:25:45,679 --> 01:25:46,845
Look, can't you forget that?
2555
01:25:46,846 --> 01:25:47,804
No, nor can I forget what happened
2556
01:25:47,805 --> 01:25:49,665
at Hellum Street on Thursday.
2557
01:25:52,054 --> 01:25:53,345
Crumpet?
2558
01:25:53,346 --> 01:25:54,966
Thanks, I'll have a bit.
2559
01:25:56,304 --> 01:25:58,678
David, what did happen at your flat?
2560
01:25:58,679 --> 01:26:00,470
Well, we had a couple of drinks.
2561
01:26:00,471 --> 01:26:01,471
And then?
2562
01:26:01,918 --> 01:26:04,678
Well then I made the
suggestion to Laura...
2563
01:26:04,679 --> 01:26:05,512
What suggestion?
2564
01:26:05,513 --> 01:26:06,636
Oh, this is awful.
2565
01:26:06,637 --> 01:26:07,596
Look, I'm terribly sorry, Simon...
2566
01:26:07,597 --> 01:26:08,429
It's too late to be sorry!
2567
01:26:08,430 --> 01:26:09,720
What suggestion?
2568
01:26:09,721 --> 01:26:13,137
That you should be taken
out of the programme.
2569
01:26:14,387 --> 01:26:15,387
What?
2570
01:26:15,388 --> 01:26:17,970
Well, there have been a
good many complaints, Simon.
2571
01:26:17,971 --> 01:26:20,511
You know, about, well, about
some of your mannerisms.
2572
01:26:20,512 --> 01:26:21,345
Mannerisms?
2573
01:26:21,346 --> 01:26:22,178
I haven't any mannerisms.
2574
01:26:22,179 --> 01:26:23,012
What was to happen to me?
2575
01:26:23,013 --> 01:26:24,761
You were to meet with an accident.
2576
01:26:24,762 --> 01:26:26,386
An accident?
2577
01:26:26,387 --> 01:26:28,428
You were to be run over.
2578
01:26:28,429 --> 01:26:29,970
Run over?
2579
01:26:29,971 --> 01:26:31,303
The idea was that you were to be
2580
01:26:31,304 --> 01:26:32,511
dangerously ill in a nursing home
2581
01:26:32,512 --> 01:26:35,971
for 12 instalments and then die.
2582
01:26:36,629 --> 01:26:38,429
We were a little bit worried
2583
01:26:38,430 --> 01:26:39,886
about your funeral because it clashed
2584
01:26:39,887 --> 01:26:41,267
with "Radio Olympia."
2585
01:26:42,596 --> 01:26:44,761
And Laura agreed to all this?
2586
01:26:44,762 --> 01:26:48,928
She didn't like the idea of
wearing black in the programme.
2587
01:26:48,929 --> 01:26:51,970
I promised her it would
only be for six weeks.
2588
01:26:51,971 --> 01:26:54,431
And then she was to meet Alec Guinness.
2589
01:26:55,392 --> 01:26:57,012
Are you all right, Simon?
2590
01:26:57,013 --> 01:27:00,387
Yes, I'm just trying to
visualise my funeral on TV.
2591
01:27:00,388 --> 01:27:02,595
It would be in
perfect taste, of course,
2592
01:27:02,596 --> 01:27:03,970
a real tear-jerker.
2593
01:27:03,971 --> 01:27:05,886
A procession of
broken-hearted celebrities.
2594
01:27:05,887 --> 01:27:08,678
Angel voices off, the Welsh Girl's Choir.
2595
01:27:08,679 --> 01:27:09,596
Any flowers?
2596
01:27:09,597 --> 01:27:10,678
Masses of them.
2597
01:27:10,679 --> 01:27:12,053
That's one thing you could
never complain about,
2598
01:27:12,054 --> 01:27:13,886
a sensational exit at the very peak
2599
01:27:13,887 --> 01:27:14,721
of your popularity.
2600
01:27:14,722 --> 01:27:16,136
I mean, what more could you want?
2601
01:27:16,137 --> 01:27:18,537
I'll have another cup of tea, please.
2602
01:27:26,262 --> 01:27:27,262
Hello.
2603
01:27:27,263 --> 01:27:28,429
Mrs. Foster?
2604
01:27:29,512 --> 01:27:32,178
You're wanted in room 23.
2605
01:27:32,179 --> 01:27:34,511
23 right away, please.
2606
01:27:34,512 --> 01:27:35,512
All right.
2607
01:27:41,636 --> 01:27:43,136
Miss Honeyman speaking.
2608
01:27:43,137 --> 01:27:45,970
You're wanted
in room 23, urgent, miss.
2609
01:27:45,971 --> 01:27:46,971
Okay.
2610
01:28:06,306 --> 01:28:08,886
The one thing
I simply can't understand
2611
01:28:08,887 --> 01:28:11,303
is you and Janet going off like that.
2612
01:28:11,304 --> 01:28:12,845
I've already told you, old boy.
2613
01:28:12,846 --> 01:28:13,679
It was nothing at all.
2614
01:28:13,680 --> 01:28:16,500
It was just a bit of
a flutter, that's all.
2615
01:28:23,012 --> 01:28:24,932
Yes, I've made love to Laura.
2616
01:28:25,986 --> 01:28:28,386
Oh, if you can call an occasional kiss
2617
01:28:28,387 --> 01:28:29,595
and a rather clumsy attempt to show
2618
01:28:29,596 --> 01:28:30,886
a little sympathy making love.
2619
01:28:30,887 --> 01:28:32,678
Yes, I've done that.
2620
01:28:32,679 --> 01:28:34,845
I never wanted to come between you.
2621
01:28:34,846 --> 01:28:36,303
Why, splitting up you two would be
2622
01:28:36,304 --> 01:28:38,511
like splitting up Abbott and Costello.
2623
01:28:38,512 --> 01:28:40,011
No similarity whatsoever.
2624
01:28:40,012 --> 01:28:42,220
- Did you send for me?
- Shh!
2625
01:28:42,221 --> 01:28:43,961
Are you in love with Janet?
2626
01:28:45,471 --> 01:28:46,491
I suppose I am.
2627
01:28:47,429 --> 01:28:49,829
She certainly excites me a great deal.
2628
01:28:50,423 --> 01:28:53,303
I never felt that way
about any woman before.
2629
01:28:53,304 --> 01:28:54,137
What way?
2630
01:28:54,138 --> 01:28:55,928
Well, every time I'm alone with her,
2631
01:28:55,929 --> 01:28:58,137
I feel, well, unsure of myself.
2632
01:28:59,096 --> 01:29:00,536
It's very disturbing.
2633
01:29:01,665 --> 01:29:03,345
I suppose it's glandular.
2634
01:29:03,346 --> 01:29:04,970
Well, there's no
need to go into details.
2635
01:29:04,971 --> 01:29:05,804
Glandular!
2636
01:29:05,805 --> 01:29:08,053
She's a very wonderful person.
2637
01:29:08,054 --> 01:29:09,803
Oh, but I know it would never work out.
2638
01:29:09,804 --> 01:29:10,636
Why not?
2639
01:29:10,637 --> 01:29:11,554
I'll have another cup of tea.
2640
01:29:11,555 --> 01:29:13,428
Well, obviously, she doesn't love me.
2641
01:29:13,429 --> 01:29:15,428
Oh, I know we'd never make a go of it.
2642
01:29:15,429 --> 01:29:16,928
Well, judging by the
shouting match this morning,
2643
01:29:16,929 --> 01:29:18,720
I'd say there's every chance.
2644
01:29:18,721 --> 01:29:19,721
No sugar.
2645
01:29:20,429 --> 01:29:21,928
I'm sorry.
2646
01:29:21,929 --> 01:29:24,089
I'll have another bit of crumpet.
2647
01:29:24,493 --> 01:29:27,553
You know, this has been
a bit of a facer for me.
2648
01:29:27,554 --> 01:29:29,511
It's the first time Laura's
ever walked out on me,
2649
01:29:29,512 --> 01:29:30,678
and I don't like it.
2650
01:29:30,679 --> 01:29:32,011
I wouldn't tell her this for the world,
2651
01:29:32,012 --> 01:29:33,970
but every time we've
been separated before,
2652
01:29:33,971 --> 01:29:35,636
life has been quite unbearable.
2653
01:29:35,637 --> 01:29:37,095
You really are in
love with her, old boy.
2654
01:29:37,096 --> 01:29:38,054
Of course I am!
2655
01:29:38,055 --> 01:29:41,470
She's down-to-earth and
honest and practical.
2656
01:29:41,471 --> 01:29:42,720
She's good fun.
2657
01:29:42,721 --> 01:29:44,178
She's highly decorative.
2658
01:29:44,179 --> 01:29:45,303
She's good to have around the house.
2659
01:29:45,304 --> 01:29:46,304
She's...
2660
01:29:47,221 --> 01:29:48,601
Well, she's my sort.
2661
01:29:49,086 --> 01:29:52,386
There's just one thing I
forgot to tell you, Simon.
2662
01:29:52,387 --> 01:29:54,886
She phoned me up on Friday morning
2663
01:29:54,887 --> 01:29:57,947
to say she didn't agree
to your being run over.
2664
01:30:06,679 --> 01:30:08,345
No hard feelings, eh?
2665
01:30:08,346 --> 01:30:09,929
No hard feelings.
2666
01:30:12,346 --> 01:30:13,845
David!
2667
01:30:13,846 --> 01:30:14,846
Oh!
2668
01:30:15,971 --> 01:30:16,971
Simon!
2669
01:30:19,054 --> 01:30:20,261
Simon!
2670
01:30:20,262 --> 01:30:21,636
Laura!
2671
01:30:21,637 --> 01:30:22,804
Oh, darling.
2672
01:30:27,221 --> 01:30:28,221
Okay, cut.
182182
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