Original subtitles

THE CVV, LIFE VALUATION CENTER,

PROVIDES EMOTIONAL SUPPORT AND SUICIDE PREVENTION,

SERVING VOLUNTARILY AND FREE OF CHARGE

TO EVERYONE WHO WANTS AND NEEDS TO TALK ANONYMOUSLY

BY PHONE, EMAIL, AND CHAT 24/7.

SUICIDE IS A SILENT EVIL, COVERED IN TABOOS

THIS FILM IS BASED ON TRUE STORIES AND FACTS

Joyce.

Joyce.

Wake up.

Remember the question you've asked me?

So...

I'm different from you.

People don't see me.

You saw me.

Even though I was like that.

Too quiet.

Too closed.

I don't want my sister to be like me.

Joyce has to be different.

She's the best part of my life.

And now there's you, my first and only friend.

You broke that shell.

But I don't know what to do without it.

Without the shell, it seems like I'm nothing.

This comes from the concept of the state of civilization, of anxiety.

-What are we talking about? -Neurosis.

By the way, raise your hand if you're neurotic.

Just Willy and I? Really?

Guys, you need to head to the psych ward

because if you're not neurotic,

you're perverse, psychotic, sociopathic...

I'm not the one saying that.

It was a dear friend of mine who said it...

Freud.

-Good afternoon. -Good afternoon.

Please, look at the camera.

Thank you.

Good afternoon. ID.

Did they get you to school on time, or were you late?

On time.

And when you came back, who picked you up?

I came back with the big kids.

Did you eat everything? Did you ask for water?

Did you drink water?

I forgot to drink water.

Have you done your homework?

Homework is to read this book.

-Have you finished? -Almost.

Finished.

Okay, give it to me. It's bedtime.

Don't leave the hair for last.

It has to be one of the first things.

The puppet's hair is the most important part.

If you do it wrong, you'll have to start again.

-Are you ready? -Yes.

You'll see that people over there aren't so different from us.

The ideas we have of them will change.

A lot of people change their minds

after this first meeting and experience.

There's schizophrenic people, drug addicts, psychotic people

with mood disorders, personality disorders.

Are we there yet?

Wait... sit down.

Leave your wallets, bags, phones and personal belongings.

Just don't forget the workshop material.

Scissors, brushes, all need to be accounted for.

There are six scissors and eight brushes, right?

I'll go ahead, let me through. Excuse me.

-Come on, people. -What a beautiful place!

It's really pretty here.

It's a anti-asylum, welcoming project.

From here on, we enter the treatment area.

So, from this point on only doctors,

psychologists, psychiatrists, nurses, and now you guys are allowed.

Over there is the toilet. If you have to go, talk to me.

Here is the pool, but we only use it sometimes, we don't use it very often.

-How pretty! -We make it ourselves.

Wow, that's good. Good to know.

So, guys, come here.

-Let's fill in the spaces. -Hey, buddy, how are you?

-Show the material. -I'm fine.

Sit over here.

She's different, right? Pretty.

-Is she a patient? -Must be, she's barefoot.

-Let's make a puppet? -I want to make five.

One for each member of my family.

-I'll get a chair. -I need to create.

When they get here, they have to see I'm creating.

Let's make one.

-We just need the buttons. -I want to make one.

I'll help you.

-Get a sock... -I know. I've done this before.

-You do anything for attention. -Shut up!

Give me the glue.

A red one, for the mouth.

Black hair. Black hair.

-There's only blue. -No. Black or brown.

-I found black hair. -Piss off!

-Give me some. -What a pain!

Come find some black hair with me.

Come on.

Come on. Is there any black hair here?

Black, black.

-There's blonde. -No, not blonde.

Black, black, black. Black hair.

-Does anyone have black hair? -Quick.

-Here, over here. -Great.

There won't be a puppet prettier than mine.

-Let me see the puppets. -Look at my puppet.

Awful.

Just bring it a little over here.

I'm done.

Hi.

Hi.

What's your name?

Jessica.

Jessica.

Hi.

I'm so sad.

Hi, Jessica.

I like you, I do.

Jessica, Jessica.

Do you like it?

It's yours. Take it.

It's yours.

A gift.

HOSPITAL VISIT REPORT PATIENT IN CATATONIC STATE

POSSIBLE SCHIZOPHRENIA

A LADY WITH AN EMPTY LOOK IN HER EYES

Hi, Joyce, good morning.

Time for breakfast.

Come on. Hurry up, Joyce.

Hurry up, Joyce.

Why didn't you tell us?

-Happiness is meant to be shared. -I knew you'd find out...

Mom, I'll go back tomorrow.

And Joyce?

Joyce stays.

I have a lot to study.

You're not spending Christmas with me?

No one asked you.

Take this to your father.

Go. Stop making trouble.

Guys, as you can see, there's a lot of interships.

But now, I want to introduce Professor Do Carmo

who does a specific kind of work,

she is the only one working with TF here.

Well, guys, TF, therapeutic follow-up is,

obviously, done outside, outside of college.

We'll get in the life of these people.

It's like a clinic outdoors.

-Hi, guys. -Good morning, Professor Do Carmo.

Good morning.

No, no, no. Sit close to me.

It's not class today, it's supervision, I want everybody close.

Roberto, first patient.

He has obsessive-compulsive disorder.

He has been hospitalized, but today,

he's returning to his activities.

Joel.

Mild schizophrenia.

His family doesn't care, they don't want to help,

they want him hospitalized, but the medical team doesn't.

Don't touch the puppy.

That's why we had the idea on putting him on TF.

Third patient.

Samantha.

She has severe bipolar disorder.

She's a person whose behavior varies a lot.

Sometimes she's doing well, sometimes she breaks down.

She doesn't take medication well.

And now she is in a kind of maniac stage,

she goes to the mall, spends way too much.

I think she is a difficult patient.

-Not authorized again, ma'am. -Do I look like a deadbeat?

Fourth patient, Barbara.

She has borderline personality disorder.

The team even thinks that her disorder is in remission,

the prognosis is good,

but she's a very explosive person.

She can become agressive, manipulative.

She's a very smart woman, but there's a risk of suicide.

You are going to work with people with disorders, syndromes, OK?

So, you need balance

and that's why you have to do your own personal therapy.

Who in here does?

-I do, Professor Do Carmo. -See, on this side nobody does.

You have to do, guys. Otherwise, it'll be like the blind leading the blind.

-Yes. -Right? Isn't it true?

-Professor? -Just a minute. Yes?

I know we have one more week to decide,

but can I work with Barbara?

Why? Did you identify with her, like...

I don't want a patient who speaks in fantasies.

More normal.

It doesn't mean it'll be easy to deal with a patient

because she is not psychotic. Borderline is complicated.

I know myself.

I keep screwing up. Screwing up.

Seems that everything I do is wrong,

I always screw up everything.

Always

I can't handle the way I am.

I can't handle it anymore.

I need to get over this.

I need to learn to get over it.

This word worries me, you know, Barbara.

Because we don't get over who we are.

Getting over is not the word, I know.

I know you do, but listen.

This word has a meaning, which is being over something, concealing it.

This all sucks.

I can't get over, but I have to deal with it.

I can't take it anymore, it's always the same thing.

It's what we do, Barbara.

You don't have to deal with this shit.

I deal with my own shit.

But mine is way worse than yours.

It's way worse.

There's another thing I'd like to ask you.

It's something new.

I don't know if you know,

have you ever heard of therapeutic follow-up?

For psychotics, right?

Not always.

-You want me to do this treatment? -If you want to.

Wait, Marta, I don't get it. This is for psychotics.

-Am I having a breakdown? -No, of course not.

-You think I'm freaking out? -It's nothing like that.

I don't know how an intern

can be part of my life now.

I don't understand.

She can't handle you?

Once you...

get the crazy label...

there's no turning back.

Everyone was staring me, judging me,

checking if I was doing it right,

if I was holding the child properly. I...

I ran away.

I ran away from my son, my family, I ran...

I moved to another city. It's the worst thing I've ever done.

I was the crazy one. Crazy.

The crazy who ran away. The crazy who left her son.

The crazy... and then...

Tiago seized everything,

I lost custody of my son, I lost custody of him, I lost...

I lost everything, because...

he was all I had.

So, I lost it.

I kidnapped my son.

I didn't kidnap him because he's my son,

I didn't, but I...

I wanted to be with him.

And the rest you already know.

And you, Jessica, any questions?

Place? Time?

Here's what happens.

It's going to be twice a week, three hours each day.

The work starts here at the clinic,

and then Barbara will get ready to leave.

Is that OK?

Do you want to say something, ask us any questions?

Do you know where you're getting into?

I'm prepared, I've been studying for four years,

I have supervision, I have support from the team.

You can relax.

Relax?

Hi, auntie.

Aren't you going to class?

Yes, I'm going.

OK, here we go.

Joyce has to drink water. Tell her, auntie.

Is this thing happening every Saturday?

Yes.

And I have to come here every Saturday?

Yes.

I'm gonna introduce you to someone.

Come here. I think you know her.

Hi, Luzia! Remember Jessica?

Let me introduce her.

You're very much alike. Very much.

You sit here quietly, staring into space,

She sits quietly, staring into space, just taking notes.

Just like you.

Yes, you are.

You'll be great friends.

Come here, Jessica. Sit.

Come meet her.

Luzia.

Take care of Jessica.

Are you staying here all day? Doing nothing?

-The clock is ticking. -You told me to stay here.

You told me to stay, I did.

I'm sorry.

I get anxious when someone doesn't speak.

I'm shy.

I know it doesn't look like, but I am.

I'm not here to chat.

Psychologists don't speak, we listen.

Figure it out.

I'm not much of a talker.

What do you want to talk about?

About you.

Tell me a little about yourself.

You heard me the other day.

My name is Jessica, I'm a psychology student...

I'm the intern taking care of your TF.

Tell me.

Tell me, damn it!

That's it.

I've told you who I am socially, that's it.

Have you read Carl Rogers?

You are not a person yet. You're a project.

I don't really care about it.

If I believe everything I heard in college, I won't even know who I am.

Do you?

I do.

I'm a promise that has not been fulfilled.

I'm extremely selfish and jealous.

I'm scared of being alone.

I'm so scared, that I rather be alone.

I'm some kind of a time bomb.

But I'd rather be the way I am than to be like you.

-Do you want some more? -No.

She can be very friendly,

and, out of the blue, she gets aggressive.

Sometimes it seems she wants to be the psychologist.

She talks about books, quotes authors.

She wants to test you.

Her aggressiveness might increase.

What she wants is to see if you can take her aggressiveness

because usually nobody can.

And that's what you have to do, that's your goal.

You need to create a therapeutic bond with her

because it's what she needs now.

Jessica? Barbara is not leaving the room.

She's critical.

Barbara?

Didn't you say you want to see some apartments today?

I'll be here waiting for you.

I think we're done.

We didn't even go through the vegetables yet.

I don't need anything else, maybe some grape juice.

Grape juice is fine, done.

You'll have to come back another day and buy more stuff, that's not cool.

I didn't know you had an opinion. Companions accompany.

-No, but I'm helping you. -Fine!

I hate supermarkets, and you're bugging me.

-There's no... -Here, take it, I'm leaving.

No salt, there's a lot missing.

Barbara!

Stop judging me.

I'm just here, I'm not doing anything.

You don't have to, your face says it all.

It's because it's so strange.

You are a beautiful, strong, smart woman...

-Who can't shop. -Yeah.

It's easy for you, not for me.

Tell me...

-Do you have a mother? -I do.

And how does she treat you?

What kind of question is that?

This protocol thing, it won't work.

You are not a psychologist yet.

If you don't start talking a little bit about you, it won't work.

-Want to talk about my mother? -Yes.

What my mother's like? I don't know how she is.

We don't talk much, we talk when we need to talk.

She's not my friend, she's my mother, period. The end.

Like you.

I think it's the opposite, I'm like her,

but she is very closed, more than I am.

Where is she?

In Gois, in my hometown.

She sent me here to study when I was young.

She got rid of you.

That's it.

So, let's go back in and see if the cart's still there.

Let's go. Come on.

Let's go.

Hi, Barbara.

Come on in.

Excuse me.

-How are you? -Hi.

Jessica, my friend. Sorry, I forgot.

-How are you, Jessica? -I'm fine.

Where did you two meet?

At the hospital?

Which hospital?

No.

No, never mind. Come on in.

Sit down, be my guest,

I'll go get Caio, he's getting ready.

All right? Be right back. Be my guest.

-Hello, Barbara, how are you? -I'm fine.

-Nice to meet you, who is she? -Sorry, this is Jessica, my friend.

-Nice to meet you, Jessica. -You too.

Would you like some water, juice, coffee?

No, thanks. Nothing. Caio?

He's coming. In a minute.

May I go?

-Go ahead. -Baby!

Look at me, let me see you.

You look so handsome.

You've grown, baby.

Hi.

-Mommy missed you so much. -Me too.

Me too.

Everybody, I made a snack and it's served, come on.

Come on. Come on, son.

Baby.

Let's go.

Come on, Barbara, let's go.

Caio looks great, doesn't he?

-Yes. -I'm good at math.

-Really? Still good at math? -Yes.

Let me see.

-100 divided by 2? -50.

Oh my God!

Aren't you going to kiss mommy?

Can I have some juice, mom?

-Mommy missed you. -Me too.

Jessica, where do you know Barbara from?

Jessica is my friend, Tiago.

-Where did you two meet? -None of your business.

What do you think of us going on a walk? Just us.

There is that swing that you liked so much, remember?

-Can I, dad? -Better not, Barbara,

we didn't agree on anything, and he has English class.

I'll take him, no problem.

I'll take him. Mommy will take you.

-Can she? -She can.

Some other day, dad will think about it, OK?

Then we can arrange everything.

-OK. -So, here's the thing,

we'll go another day. We're staying here today.

-Weren't you fighting something? -Karate.

-What are you going to show me? -I'll show you the third kata.

Really? I want to see the kata, now!

I want to see it.

My goodness! So beautiful!

Good, Caio, that's enough. That's enough. Come eat.

Meal time is not the time to play. Come on, dear.

Yes. Now it's time to eat.

Die! Bastard!

Asshole! Son of a bitch!

It's my son, it's my son, it's my son.

I've always been alone in my life.

I've never had anyone to set boundaries.

I did so many wrong things.

So much, so much shit.

And that's what's happened.

It was just life telling me...

No.

No... no...

I can't take it anymore, you know. I can't live anymore.

It's too hard for me.

Too hard.

I think there was...

an adult missing to put limits in this little head.

It didn't work.

The only adult in the house was me.

Go on.

I can't believe you got your notebook.

Don't I have to write things down?

I'm telling you my life story.

But I'm analyzing you. I'm helping you.

Can you just think of me for a bit and stop thinking about you?

And even greater than the difference in his life,

in the change in Joel himself,

I've seen a lot of difference in the people around him.

Little by little,

people aren't thinking that he's this crazy old guy

and are becoming aware of the situation,

and his suffering.

Even his mother, who had given up on him,

is getting it.

I know it's too early to tell, but I'm excited about this.

That's great, this excitement, the enthusiasm...

Look at the camera.

Joyce.

I got you.

I'm up here.

Joyce...

did you play today?

Yeah, I did.

The limits of the window of tolerance are,

on the one hand, rigidity and depression, on the other, chaos.

In borderline personality disorder

there is a narrowing of the window of tolerance.

What is a window of tolerance?

It is common for a seemingly normal situation

to cause anxiety and strong emotions

in borderline patients,

preventing them from responding in a natural, level-headed manner

to the situations they face on a daily basis.

I thought about what you've asked me.

-What? -A while ago.

You asked who I was, and I kinda answered.

And?

I'm not much more than what I said.

I'm the daughter of Raimundo and Alaide,

I study psychology,

I have an eight-year-old sister, Joyce.

-Eight years old? Same as Caio. -Yeah, same age.

I don't know how to talk about myself like you do.

What about psychology? How did that happen?

I wanted to go to med school, but it's too expensive, it's hard to get in.

At first, I thought they were similar, but it's totally different.

At the beginning, some classes were the same.

Do you like it?

I don't get a lot of things. Philosophy, psychoanalysis,

a lot of crazy stuff.

I love, love psychoanalysis.

Tell me more. I want to know.

What do you like, what don't you like?

There's no liking or not liking with me.

I do what I have to do. Period.

That's my great big life.

I see...

What about friends?

-You have friends, right? -My sister, she's all I have.

-I mean your age, in college... -They...

I'm going to say something uncool, but it's how I see things.

They don't care about me. And I don't care about them.

I was never into cliques...

just talking and laughing.

You're very strict.

Very interesting.

Very interesting...

Yeah...

Something like that.

Wow, your cooking smells great.

I'm an excellent cook. I'm really great.

It's the one thing I'm good at.

Risotto, my specialty. Want to taste it?

-I'll wait until it's ready. -Taste it.

-No. -Do it.

-No, it's hot. -Taste it. Don't burn your tongue.

Careful.

Too spicy?

-Salty? -No, it's good.

So, it seems we established a bond.

I'm not sure, but I can see some progress with Barbara.

Yes, Jessica, but you have to be very careful about this

because this is going to be the most difficult time.

When it starts to work, everything goes wrong.

It's a heavy load, a lot of pressure.

What I said to Jessica,

is the whole point of borderline personality disorder.

It's a heavy load, no containment, no borders,

everything comes in and everything comes out.

So any change in this delicate balance,

can trigger a crisis.

Can I help you, miss?

I want the golden one.

-I hate it... -Stop, I need you to breathe.

Stop this!

Look, I studied that, called a "window of tolerance."

-Do you know? -Mine doesn't exist.

But you can increase it.

That thing you do with the tennis racket...

Do you want me to beat people up?

I want you to control yourself...

-I didn't bring it. -No. You have to breathe.

-You studied... -There's a thing.

What you're doing, this whole scene,

you're activating your sympathetic nervous system,

You don't need this.

Look, you can't even breathe. Just stop for a second.

Look at me, yes, come on.

You're in the supermarket, you don't need all of this.

Breathe.

Yes!

Yes!

There's a huge list, but there's nothing here for you.

Lots of lousy jobs.

Why can't I have a lousy job, may I ask?

Because.

-Because you're smart, you're... -What?

Sophisticated, you have experience.

You traveled a lot, speak many languages.

You even owned a company. Wow!

You're a language major, right?

You should try public service.

Now that I'm thinking about this, you must have some contacts.

There's Tiago.

Yeah, Tiago can help.

He must know a lot of people.

It'll be great.

Barbara, can you hear me?

Barbara?

Barbara, are you OK?

Barbara, I'm going...

I bought you a gift.

I think you'll like it.

It's no big deal, but...

I hope you like it.

I thought of you.

-Go ahead. -For me?

Cool.

Barbara?

Barbara, it's Jessica.

Open up.

You've already missed two sessions.

It sucks to be right, Jessica. I warned you.

But I think I did something wrong, I don't know, I gave her a gift.

Because you said that... Anyway, things could get worse.

-I thought I'd do something. -But that was a bad idea.

Pay attention to one thing.

For some people, the bond is unbearable because they were betrayed

by the people they depended on at an early age.

There is something else too,

we are not their friends or relatives to buy them gifts.

-Exactly. -Good, so I won't spend my money.

There is no reason to give them gifts because there's no friendship bond.

There is a therapeutic bond, with an end date.

Well, our intention here today

is to try to reestablish a bond between you two.

In fact, we will evaluate

whether the TF will continue or will be interrupted,

or another proposal would be to change the partners.

I just wanted to hear from you two.

Barbara?

Sorry, sorry, but that girl can't do this job.

If you want me to get better,

give me someone in my league, smarter, at least.

She doesn't even know why she's taking psychology.

She wanted to be a doctor. I'm sorry, but...

Actually, I'm not the one to apologize.

You should be apologizing to me.

My assessment is that what we are going through

was expected, and is a sign that the FT will work.

By the way, it's already working. Isn't this the kind of conflict you live?

This situation often happens in your life,

but you're having the chance to discuss it.

-No, here what's happening... -Here you can...

Here you can live your conflicts. You can understand them.

What's happening here, is a mistake.

She can't do this job, she can't.

She can't be a psychologist, no way, no chance.

Jessica, do you want to say something?

You can speak.

She doesn't want to talk.

What time is it?

10:30 a.m.

10:30? Why didn't you wake me up sooner?

I didn't wake up either.

There's no point in going to college anymore.

Joyce, why won't you go play with the other kids?

But I am playing. I'm playing in the sand.

Tiago...

we have to talk about Caio.

My life doesn't make sense without him.

You want to talk about Caio?

What about him?

What do you mean?

Are you saying you won't give back my son?

No.

I won't.

If it's up to me, Barbara,

Caio will never be a part of your life.

You have no idea how much he suffered.

Waiter, check please.

I wanted to thank you for having me.

-Thanks. -No need to thank us.

I do, actually.

I was awful, I shouldn't have said that.

I'm really sorry. Really. It was horrible, it was...

I don't know what I was thinking.

Barbara, don't be like that. It happens, right, Do Carmo?

It's true, it happens.

The important thing is you can see that.

-It's really good, Barbara. -That's the hard part.

And do you think I can go back to the TF?

I was doing so well, so well.

Well, I'm going to have to talk to Jessica first.

Do you want to continue with her or change partners?

No, I want to continue with Jessica.

She missed supervision last Thursday...

Are you sure you want to continue?

If you don't, I can find you someone else.

No, you don't have to.

Think hard about it.

I know last time was pretty heavy.

But you need to promise me you'll do therapy too.

-Are you doing it? -No.

Why not?

I don't have time.

I work part time, I have a younger sister to take care of, I can't.

I understand, I do, but if you don't do it, you can't come back.

Let's try this. I'll refer you to a very qualified person, you'll like her.

Here.

Call her.

OK.

Hi.

I'm sorry.

Nothing to be sorry for. I'm here for you, that's it.

I shouldn't have said that, I'm so sorry.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

I don't know why I did that.

I thought you weren't coming back.

You coming back...

means a lot to me.

You told the truth.

You said what everyone thinks, but won't say.

-Even I think it too... -No, you've been good for me.

You've been really good for me.

I freaked out, I lost it, I don't know what happened.

I mean...

I felt pressured, that was it.

I can't feel pressured, not everybody has good expectations of me.

I don't have a degree, OK, I don't.

You said you studied Languages.

Two years of Languages, one year of Business

and one year of Media, but never finished.

-I'm sorry. -No, I'm sorry.

I misunderstood.

I need a job, anything, I need to work.

I need to get my son back.

Later on I'll find something I like.

-Now I can't... -All right, all right.

I have a lousy job,

you can have one too.

So, I wrote down the address for a place that seems...

it seems to be a good idea for now.

Don't you ever forget that mommy loves you very much.

But mommy, if you love me, why did you leave me?

I've never left you, baby. I've never left you.

Look at me. I used to fight with your dad, a lot.

Your dad thought everything I did was wrong...

that I wasn't raising you right, that all I did was wrong, baby.

And mommy started to believe that.

I thought I was harming you.

That's why I left.

But I've never...

ever left you, and I'll never leave again, baby, never.

-What's up? -What's up?

Colored popcorn.

So...

I'm not taking him back.

That bitch Nair put too much in his head,

she shouldn't have. You know what it's called, right?

-Parental alienation. -It's a crime.

I studied that. We can talk to your lawyer.

Lawyer? Lawyer? I'm taking my son today.

He's my son. He's my son.

Caio, we've played enough for today, right?

You're heavy, boy. So, did you enjoy today?

-Yes, a lot. -Come on, let's go.

Let's go home.

Caio, Caio, listen.

I've never stopped loving you. Not for a second.

If anyone says otherwise, don't believe them.

It's a lie. OK?

-Mommy loves you very much. -Me too.

-Come on, Caio. -Bye, mom.

I want you to stay calm.

You'll say you got a job,

you rented an apartment, you're taking your medication.

You have therapeutic follow-up. Just tell the truth.

The rest is up to me. Let's go.

No...

I think I better not...

I think I better not, I can't do this.

I will... I'll lose control.

I will... I can't go in, I won't.

-You can represent me. -I don't agree,

the odds are not good if you don't come in.

It's just a conciliation hearing.

You don't know Tiago. You don't know him.

You don't know what he can do.

-You have no idea. -This is silly.

Look, you're my legal counselor and I've done everything.

I memorized my lines,

put these clothes on, but...

but I can't.

I'll lose control. I have no voice.

-Calm down. -I can't speak there.

-You're just talking. -I can't talk.

Barbara, you didn't get custody of your son, but you can still visit him.

I said I want to be quiet. Be quiet...

If you go on like this, it'll be worse.

Caio needs you.

No one will miss me.

I shouldn't be alive.

I couldn't even be a mother.

I want to die.

I want to die, oh God! I couldn't even be a mother.

I want to die. Go away, leave me alone!

I can't go if you keep saying you want to die.

It hurts!

It hurts so bad!

It hurts in here!

-It hurts. -I don't get it.

How can you want to die and get Caio back?

-You can't see him if you're dead. -I don't know anything.

Barbara.

Please, let me die.

Barbara, stop! Breathe! Come on, I'm here. Stop that.

I'll get your tea, you haven't drunk it yet.

I'll get it, you'll drink it and feel better. Come on.

You think tea is going to help me?

I don't give a damn about the tea!

Get out!

Tell your teacher...

that I'm hopeless, OK?

Go away!

Wait!

Don't go.

Stay.

Stay with me.

Don't go.

Please.

I'm sorry, Joyce. How are you?

I'm hungry.

I have some cookies in my bag until we get home, OK?

Yeah.

-Shall we? -Let's.

Let me say something. Don't try to get her out of this state.

Actually, you need to go through this crisis with her.

Do you know why? Because in her life,

no one ever could, no one could handle it.

But she said she wants to die.

It's dangerous.

But good.

Look, guys, feeling like, wanting something

is good, you know, it's a positive symptom,

even if it's dying. It's a development.

When a person doesn't want anything

is because they are, in some way, already dead.

Are you sure you don't want to eat anything?

Do you still want to die or has that gone?

I don't know.

I just wanted everything to stop.

I don't want to die, die.

So, let's talk about death.

What is it like? Why die?

I don't know.

I've never died.

I think that...

it's where it all ends.

It all stops.

But why die?

Why not?

Life is just life.

Come, baby.

It's not that important.

It's just a journey.

Just that, I don't know.

Come here, come to mommy.

People take everything so seriously.

Work, status, dating, marriage, everything.

What... What do they want from me?

What do they think about me?

It all ends, life is just...

just a ride.

But, what if it's a bad ride?

Quiet!

What if it's a bad ride?

Life ends for everybody the same way.

It's just a matter of time.

But you're alive, so why?

I've already said I don't want to kill myself.

I just want to know I can, just that.

The worst...

The worst part, is that I can't anymore,

not after my son was born.

I can't even kill myself, anymore.

I can't even kill myself. That makes me so angry.

I get so mad.

A mother doesn't have the right to die.

Mothers should be forbidden to die.

No-one else can take you out of this place.

All I can do is stay here and reach out a hand when you're ready.

Where did this come from?

A book?

Polly.

-Lou. -Yay!

Willy.

Your partial report was really good.

-Thank you. -Congratulations.

Jessica. You did good too.

Well, guys, after the holidays,

I'll explain to you about the final report, all right?

The final report is hard,

but have a good holiday, enjoy it and bless you.

-Which floor? -14th floor.

-There you go. -Thank you.

You're welcome.

-What's up? -Hi.

-Are you ready? -For this?

Never.

-Good afternoon. -Good afternoon, Your Honor.

Good afternoon.

-Hi, Caio. -Hi.

Are you OK? Are you?

Your mom will be right back. Give me your hand.

That's my boy!

You're not Barbara's friend, are you?

No.

What, then?

Therapist.

Therapist.

-Psychologist? -Yes.

And this therapy is out on the streets?

Yes.

I see.

Come on, Caio, come with grandma.

Is there any chance of an agreement between the parties?

We proposed a deal at the conciliation hearing,

but it was refused.

Your Honor, the counselor proposed what my client already has.

Occasional meetings, scheduled by the father.

If the father decides she shouldn't see him,

she has to agree.

If you don't reach an agreement,

I'll give my judgement today.

And this decision might not be ideal

for both the child and the parents.

So, I'd like to try for an agreement in my presence,

hearing Barbara first.

Before you attack me, Tiago,

I just want to say...

I love you.

I've never stopped loving you.

Never.

Do you think it's easy for me?

Do you think it's easy? I'm responsible for this.

I'm crazy, impulsive.

I'm all wrong, I know.

But I've never stopped loving my son.

I can't take care of him by myself. I know that.

I can't.

I've never said otherwise.

And I don't want to.

But can you?

Can you, Tiago?

Answer me. Can you?

Because if you don't let me have my son,

this will burst.

This won't hold water.

Is that a threat?

No, honestly, no.

I'm just asking a question, and I deserve an honest answer.

Can a child be raised without a mother?

Do you think it's fair?

-I think... -Look at me.

Do you think a child can be raised without a mother?

Because...

Because my father couldn't...

My father couldn't raise a child without a mother.

I'm the result.

Here's to you, to me,

and to Caio. We did it.

I know, I'm so happy. But I can't stay.

-I don't even drink. -No?

-No. -No alcohol?

No, nothing. And...

I'm afraid I'll ruin your dress.

It's yours.

I swear. I'm giving it to you.

It's yours, a gift. You look beautiful.

I don't drink either, not anymore. I've drunk a lot in my life.

I promise I won't drink too much, just for today.

Drink up. It's Gin 'n' tonic fruit.

It's not just that, Barbara. I can't hang out with you.

I'm not your friend, I'm not your relative, I...

-you know. -I do.

I mean, I know nothing today.

Let's forget about our lives, just today, all right?

Here's the deal,

let's pretend it's our farewell party.

-We only have two months. -Not even that.

We'll probably not even know who we are anymore,

we won't see each other anymore.

Don't worry, you'll get a new sucker to torture.

Of course, I'll know who you are.

You look like a goddess. A goddess.

Cheers! Shall we dance?

Guys, the intership is over, but the semester is not.

There's one more test.

And you still have to hand in a complimentary activities report.

Joyce.

Wake up.

Mom, I want to talk to you...

about Joyce.

It's no good for her to live in Brasilia.

She spends too much time alone.

I think she should move back here.

What are you talking about?

The girl stays where she has to stay.

Aren't you studying? Don't you want her to study?

To be someone in life?

There are other things in life besides education.

Mom!

Look at me!

Look, mom, I'm here.

Look, mom!

Mommie! Mommie!

Mom!

Mom!

Mommie!

ARE YOU OK? WHERE ARE YOU?

INTERNSHIP IS OVER... AND YOU WON'T BE HERE

TO ROCK THINGS UP...

CHEERS, BARBARA!

Hey, babe... are you alone?

Let's have a beer.

-Leave! -You think you're so cool...

Stupid!

You are nothing to anyone.

Why won't you cry?

Cry!

Stupid girl! Nothing!

-Do Carmo, have you seen Jessica? -She disappeared.

She didn't even hand in her complimentary activities report.

You know what I think? You should call her.

Listen, I referred her to Paula Bandeira.

-The psychoanalyst. -Yeah.

Give her a call to see if she...

-Where to? -Santo Antonio das Posses.

-At 3 p.m.? -Yes.

What's different in the ingredients?

There was a white powder.

White powder can be poison.

Arsenic, rat poison, something like that.

It's nothing like that.

No, nothing like that. You're overreacting. I tasted it.

I have something for you.

This is money.

I sold my graduation's package. There's six grand.

Why did you sell it?

I want mom to open a savings account for you.

There's a message inside for her.

I wanted to go to the party.

You said I would.

You'll make so much more with this money, trust me.

I'll leave tomorrow, and I won't see you for a while,

but I love you very, very much.

Give me a hug.

I just got a message from Paula.

"No one with that name showed up.

I even looked through my texts to see

if I'd missed it, but there's no Jessica."

So, she didn't go to therapy.

Our Father, Who art in heaven Hallowed be Thy Name

Thy kingdom come Thy will be done

On earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily bread

And forgive us our trespasses,

As we forgive those Who trespass against us

And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil

IN THE WORLD, EVERY 40 SECONDS A PERSON TAKES THEIR OWN LIFE

WHY WON'T YOU CRY?