All language subtitles for Nowhere Special 2020

Hiya, Michael.

You ok?

- Hello, daddy. - Hello.

You been a good boy? Huh?

Hiya, Deirdre.

He's been very quiet.

As good as gold really, but didn't want to finish his tea.

Why didn't you eat what Deirdre gave you, huh?

I was waiting for you.

Here. Sit down here.

Mmm?

Sure. I'll get that.

I hope I put everything where you like it.

Anyway, you can let me know next time.

Social services said they want me to come again next week.

Cheers. Er... I'm sure it's grand.

Well, that's me.

Bye, Michael. And don't tire your dad.

- Michael? - Bye.

Thank you, Deirdre.

No problem.

Can we play now?

Shall we have some grapes first? Yeah?

Five.

Someone at school is not washing their hair.

Five.

"'Come down, come down, ' his father cried.

"'You'ii be much safer by my side.

Page.

"But then the crowd below cheered loud to see a turtle touch a cloud.

"They'd never seen a boy so brave.

"He gave his dad a little wave."

Page.

"And when he reached the other side

"his father's heart was full of pride.

"'Come look, ' he called to everyone.

"'That tightrope turtle... That's my son.'"

again.

Come on, Michael, it's late. It's bedtime.

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord my soul to keep.

May god guard me through the night and wake me with the morning light.

- Amen. - Amen.

Good night, Michael.

Listen, Sam's mummy will pick you up from school.

You can take his puppy for a walk.

I want a puppy.

Please don't play with the food.

I'll get you some coco pops tomorrow.

And just try and finish the orange juice.

- Thank you so much. - Hello, Owen.

Good morning, miss Rose.

Have fun, Michael, and pay attention to miss Rose.

- Bye, mummy. - Bye now, boys. See you later.

- Bye. - Bye, chicken. See you later.

Where's my mummy?

I've told you, Michael, she had to go away.

Far, far away?

Yes.

Far, far away.

Kiss.

Hi, Michael.

See you in there.

I'm sure she'll love that. Have you put the books in your bag?

Yes, mummy.

Yeah, the commute can be difficult sometimes,

but it's worth it though when you come back to this every night.

Peace and quiet, surrounded by greenery.

Does he like nature?

We're very outdoorsy people.

We like to go for long walks, as you can see.

We were thinking about maybe getting a dog?

I know Michael would love a puppy, to be responsible for.

That's great.

We sort of hope the boy would enjoy the same childhood as ourselves,

not just inside on the computer all day.

And here he's free to run around, not be mollycoddled,

free to climb trees and fall out of trees.

I mean, we will look after him obviously, but you know what I mean.

No, I'm... I'm sure he'll love to climb trees.

He's a... he's a quiet wee boy, but he listens and he's always well-behaved.

He's very popular at school. I'm always being told what a great kid he is.

He's loving... caring.

He... he's a happy wee boy.

I, er... I want...

He deserves a normal family, two parents, a loving family home

and all the opportunities I never had as a child.

Oh!

You bang your head? Are you all right?

- I'm all right. - You sure?

I want him to be able to do all the things I never could.

Never even thought of.

We understand that.

We've painted one of the rooms blue,

but if he didn't like it, we could always change it.

And, of course, we can afford the best education for our son.

I mean, your son.

As you know, Celia's a nursery teacher. We could get him into her school.

And perhaps later on, he could attend my own boarding school.

They're very keen on having children of alumni.

Well, yeah, but, er... He's doing well where he is.

And, er... you know, it's not far. He's got friends, so...

Oh, of course. We... we'd follow your guidance.

And what does he know of your situation?

Nothing. The less he knows the better.

And the birth mother?

There is no birth mother.

Can you see? Can you see the bugs?

Can you see the bugs in there?

What about in the future,

what would you like your son to know about you?

To remember?

What would you like your... The new family to...?

I'm a window cleaner.

One, two, three,

six, seven, twelve, fifteen, fourteen.

Just think, Michael, all those lorries,

taking so many things to so many places.

And all those cars with people going to work,

or to see their friends, far away.

One day, Michael, would you like to live somewhere else,

in a different town, a different home?

I like home.

I don't want him to think about it...

To understand death.

Not now, not yet.

He's... he's just too young.

He'll think it'll happen again,

to his new family, all those around him.

He'll be left thinking that he will die, too. I mean, you know...

What kind of childhood is that?

John, a memory box is different.

He won't need one now, but he will need it

and his new parents will too.

You know, John, there might come a time when he thinks about you every day

and he'll need something to start with, physical, real,

to connect with and build on.

Build on?

Is that from a manual? Have you just passed the exam?

John, please. Shona's right.

Maybe not now, but later.

And certainly when he's eighteen

and he has the right to find out for himself who his birth parents were.

Why does he have to know he was adopted?

We will find him a family that will be his family, his only family.

He won't even have to remember how useless his parents were.

His mother leaves him and then his father dies.

I mean, that... That would definitely fuck him up.

Oh, Michael, it's early.

Michael, I told you not to draw in the books.

What's mrs Donnelly at the library gonna say?

Here, where do we put it? You choose.

That's good. Let me show you. Give it a big push.

I'm winning!

Don't you just hate them?

They leave their dogs in the garden, loose,

but they still expect their mail, dontthey?

And then they complain if something's late, or god forbid, goes missing.

Them and their bloody dogs.

A menace.

And then, they come at you and they bite you.

It's like you're their bit of fun for the day.

- The small ones are the worst, aren't they? - Mmm.

Look at that, Michael.

Right through my trousers.

Always watch out for dogs, Michael.

You never know what they feel like biting next.

Michael loves dogs.

He knows a very nice puppy.

Er... would you like some more cake, John?

It's great, isn't it? She made it herself.

None of those old preservatives.

Thank you, no. It was delicious.

Er... shona, would you?

Oh, thank you, Pam, I really couldn't.

Michael, would you like a wee bit more of Pam's cake?

Ah, well...

I'd better have a wee bit more myself then, before the rabbit gets to it.

Dad, rabbits don't eat cake.

I'm sure Michael knows I'm onlyjoking, don't you, Michael?

And you've been fostering for three years now, is that right?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, but it's been tough, you know?

It's... hard letting go of the idea of being pregnant.

You know, you want people to make a fuss over you,

you want to get the... The baby room ready, you know?

And it lingers in your mind and you feel this pain

watching other mothers with their babies.

Every month you feel like you... You've failed as a woman.

No.

Sorry, John.

I'm sure you know life doesn't always work out the way you mean it to.

So I thought that maybe I was put on this earth to look after other people's children.

- And when Anne was... six? - Seven.

Seven, we started fostering.

How was it for you, Anne? Did you enjoy?

Oh, she took to it straight away, didn't you? Didn't you, pet?

Like a duck to water.

But sometimes it's sad to see them go, you know?

Now we don't want to say goodbye to any more.

We both made our mistakes, but we found someone special

and we'll be... we'll be together forever, won't we?

They're still holding hands when they're together shopping. It's embarrassing.

That might be somewhat true.

We do nearly everything together.

If I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom,

she comes with me, keeps me company.

- So I go for a piss... - Dad!

Why would you tell them that? What will they think?

- What, he doesn't piss? - Dad!

Don't mind him.

Now... look, your child will be part of a big family.

All good people, real people.

You wanna stick to your own, people that respect you,

not people who talk down to you. You know what I mean, John?

I know what you mean.

Postman, sure.

You know, it's... Nobody writes letters anymore

and I'm sure they're gonna do away with us pretty soon,

replaced by a flying drone or something.

And what will all those dogs bite then, eh, Michael? Eh?

Did you like the rabbit, Michael?

Wouldn't you like a rabbit to look after?

I want a puppy.

Almost done.

Thank you, mrs McDonagh. You really didn't have to go to the trouble.

No trouble. You need your strength.

And what else would I be doing with myself?

Here's your special, just as you like it.

Thank you very much.

Kim.

Here you go. Good girl.

You know, John, these people, they may be a bit know-it-all,

but they are professionals.

Er... you know, if they say that you should...

And what am I meant to tell him?

That I'm... in heaven, sitting next to god?

The same god who did this?

Well... you know, my mother believed in it, an afterlife.

But none of your "dust to dust" stuff for her.

"We are air not earth," she would say.

"And we're always there, after.

"Our spirit, our energy, is in the air."

You know, I used to, er... make fun of her, of her ideas, when I was young.

But you know, she was right.

And now she comes back to me in all sorts of ways.

She sits on my bed at night and we talk.

And she's very peaceful.

I mean, she-she doesn't talk with her mouth or anything.

But we... but we talk.

- Hi, John. Come on in. - Hi, Judy. Hello, grace.

Grace, say hello to Michael's daddy.

Sorry. Come on in.

Good girl.

Er... I am sorry. It hasn't been the best of playdates.

Michael, your daddy's here.

What are you doing under the table, Michael?

We didn't feel like playing today.

And we weren't very nice.

We didn't say nice things to grace, did we?

Michael?

You're late.

I'm sorry.

Can we go now?

And can you say sorry to grace and to Judy for not being nice?

Sorry.

It's ok, Michael.

Don't worry about it. It must be... difficult.

Cheers, Judy.

And thank you, grace.

Thank you, grace.

You are welcome, Michael. And you come again anytime you want, ok?

- Come on. See you. - See you at school.

Are we gonna see any more new friends?

Not today.

Put your belt on.

Daddy.

What is it?

- What did you find? - It doesn't go.

It's a beetle, Michael.

It's dead.

It can't walk anymore.

Make it go.

I can't. It's dead.

When a beetle dies, its body doesn't work anymore.

It stops moving. And eating. And playing.

Why?

Because...

Because like all the animals and the plants,

all the living things,

it was born and lived a happy life

and... then it got old and it died.

And when it died, it left its body behind,

its wee legs, its head, its tummy, all empty.

But the beetle really isn't there anymore, it's...

It's just its body.

Is it sad?

No, Michael, it's not sad, it's...

It's... it's just not there.

- Ice cream! - Ice cream!

Oi!

I'm not paying you to sleep up there.

You missed that corner.

Sir, I haven't started on this one yet.

Don't know what there was to recommend.

First and last time. Won't have you around again, mate.

No risk of that. And I'm not your mate.

Right, just an uppity window cleaner who can't clean fucking windows.

Hi, lu.

See you later.

Sure, you're old enough to do this yourself.

And without cutting your fingers.

Sometimes the children fight, hide in their rooms.

Yeah, but then the same child will skip through the door from school,

you know, clutching a prize that they've just won for maths

and you know you've done something right.

I'm so proud of them and grateful for the privilege

of sharing our lives with such incredible young people.

Really, dad, even Tom?

Yes. Even Thomas. In fact, especially Thomas.

Dad is right. Do you remember what he was like?

Mum, can we go now? I'm gonna be late.

Freddy, can you get your stuff together, please, and put it in the car?

Make sure you don't forget your boots this time. I'll be there in a minute.

Who put the empty carton back in the fridge?

Freddy!

Mum, Freddy's taken my boots.

- Mum, I'm late. - Coming.

I mean, what can I tell you, John?

To me there's no difference in the way I feel about them.

The birth children and the adopted ones.

My children are me own so I love them as me own.

And he'll... he'll be our last one.

Oh, yeah, but if it's god's wish,

then he will be the last one to join our wee family, so to speak.

And he'll be loved...

By all of us.

Right, Billy?

Mum!

That's on me.

Cheers.

Come back and do them tomorrow if you can, or Friday.

Tomorrow. It should've settled by then.

Another wasted day. I should've stayed in bed.

I hoped a baby would've made everything ok,

but, er... six months after he was born,

she bought a ticket back to Russia and she left.

She just left.

Didn't even give us a fonnarding address.

Wherever she is, she has no idea of what she's missed out on

and the lovely wee man he's grown into.

Well, it wasn't her fault. She...

Here I just couldn't give her what she wanted.

She missed her country too much.

The truth is, I wasn't what she wanted.

But, er... when I was told about, you know...

I thought maybe she could, you know...

Maybe one day...

As mrs parkes explained, it really is too late, John.

Even if we were able to trace her,

the council would have no way of assessing the situation

and we couldn't risk Michael's wellbeing.

John...

One day at a time, yeah?

We'll get there.

Good morning, John.

I'm sorry for keeping you waiting.

How are you, John?

You tell me.

John, we realise you want the best for your son.

We all do. Believe me.

And your circumstances are exceptional.

Which is why we're treating this in an exceptional way.

But there's a limit to the number of families we can consider before taking a decision.

This is our responsibility, you understand? And these are all good families...

I know. I do understand. But you can't ask me to...

I thought I would, you know, know when I first saw them.

I thought it would be simple. No, yes.

Not these. That's them.

But what if I'm wrong? You know, what if I...

- I need to be sure. - Of course.

Can't we just put an ad in the paper? In a frigging shop window?

Because they'd still need to go through the approval process

and we're running out of time.

She should be fine.

You might want to think about getting a new set of wheels on her.

But she's, er... she's as good as new.

That's... just for the discs.

Labour's on me.

Thank you.

- Do you like cars, Michael? - Lorries.

Lorries? We fix lorries, too.

Maybe you come around some day and give us a hand, eh?

Would you like to, Michael?

Help George fix some lorries?

- Cheers, George. - Good luck.

Come on. We're gonna be late for tea.

Chocolate, chocolate.

Chocolate.

Chocolate.

- Can you see it? - Chocolate.

- Where is the chocolate powder? - Chocolate.

Oh, there it is.

Brown or red?

Mmm... red.

Red chocolate.

- Where's the baking powder? - Baking powder.

- Baking powder? - Baking powder.

Ah, there it is.

Michael, maybe we can ask this lady which is the best baking powder?

- You need baking powder? - I do.

Is your mummy making you a cake?

No, my daddy.

Lucky boy.

There.

- This one? - Perfect.

- Great. Cheers. - Bye.

Michael, you want to put that in?

Good man.

Yeah. Good man.

Grapes.

Aye. Grapes for Michael.

In they go.

Have we got everything?

That's the question. Let me check the list.

- Michael, eggs. - Eggs.

Eggs. We forgot the eggs.

Where are the eggs? Shall we go find the eggs?

- Eggs! - Eggs.

Eggs!

Right!

This is the last packet of candles.

Which colour next?

- Red. - Red.

Ok. Red it is.

Mmm... we are ready to go.

Thirty-three candles.

- Three. - Three.

Mmm... nearly there. Which candle next?

- Red. - Red. Red? Are you sure?

- Red. - Red. Ok.

What a surprise. Red it is.

Ready.

Thirty-four candles on daddy's cake.

- Four. - Four.

Thirty-four candles for thirty-four years.

That's it. We're finished.

What do you think? It looks good, huh?

You're old.

I'm old?

I'm not that old.

But yes, Michael, daddy's not so young anymore.

And one day...

Is this for me?

Thank you.

I am so sorry. I completely forgot yous were coming.

I've said that already, haven't I?

I mean, I'm not the tidiest of people, but the place isn't usually this messy.

I do my washing and ironing once a week.

I hate doing those half loads, don't you?

Well, with Michael's things, it feels like all I do is half-loads.

Oh, really? You know, since daddy's gone,

I... I just kind of let it build up and then I'm left with this.

Thank you, shona.

All right, shall I put the kettle on and get us a cup of tea?

Aye. Grand.

- Yeah? - Thank you.

Michael, do you want a cup of tea?

Would you... like some juice? No? Would he like some juice?

So, John, I don't know how much you know about my situation.

Well, I'd just turned sixteen

and it was with one of the lads I worked with back home.

I mean, it was my first time and, you know, there it was.

Typical. And I loved him. You know, that sixteen-year-old love for your...

Just a dope.

And then when my ones found out, well, Jesus, there was uproar.

Daddy was horrified.

He just... he said that there was a doctor in the next town

and... like, I said, "no way."

And then for me, that...

When it just came time to, you know, signing those forms...

It just... I think that I was just so angry.

I was just so angry with everyone around me

cos I just really wanted to keep my son.

And I really thought that I could do it

and I really, really wanted to do it, like, even back then.

Do you believe me, John?

And I couldn't choose.

I mean, I didn't even meet the parents that were set to take the baby.

So then all those years later,

the doctor said that I probably wouldn't be able to carry a baby again.

Like, adoption was the obvious choice for me

and that was fine cos I would've just thought that I would love our child

just the way I would have loved the child I had to give up.

But my husband, he didn't feel the same.

He just thought that he couldn't love a baby that wasn't his, you know?

Like, actually his. So...

That was the end of that. Right, come here, you.

Come here.

Let's see how many rocks you can fit into the truck.

So it's been, what, three years now since I've been...

- Two. - Two.

It's been three years now since I've been approved and in the system.

You know, sometimes they say that they're just looking for couples, which is fine,

but that's the first thing I do when I go on those profiles.

I see if it's ok that I'm single.

I mean, I don't blame them cos...

I think that if I was looking for a family for my baby, that's what I'd want, you know?

Two people, doesn't matter the colour or the shape or any of that craic.

Just two people that loved each other.

I think that's important, don't you?

Yeah, yeah. I suppose.

It's hard, you know?

I mean, for me, it's like... it's like the light at the end of the tunnel

is a child coming into this house.

I would be like... it would be like winning the cup.

Only it would be way better.

How many did you get in?

Mmm...

I mean, I just... I just want a child to love, you know?

To give my love to.

What was he like as a baby?

Er... he kept us, er... Well, me really, up all night.

His mother couldn't give him milk and teething was difficult.

And what were you like when you were his age?

I don't know.

Er... they told me my dad brought me up for my first four years.

He was a lorry driver.

Kept the cot in the back of the cab.

And then after that, it was foster homes.

Can I ask you something?

What do you like to do with your dad?

Mmm...

Well, we don't do so much physical stuff these days, do we?

So we... we read and watch TV, go to the park.

And sometimes we wash windows, don't we, Michael?

Do you love washing windows? Do you love getting wet?

When are you gonna die?

Er...

Jesus.

Well, I don't know, Michael.

I don't think anyone knows.

I hope it's not for ages.

You know, I used to be so jealous.

I was so envious of all those who lived on,

all those old people,

and my husband was going to die and he was still young.

I'd lie awake at night next to him and... I just got so angry.

But he wasn't like that at all.

He said he enjoyed even more every minute we spent together,

that everything around him seemed to be more special, wonderful.

The sun was brighter...

The colours of the flowers were richer.

Even the grass was greener.

I'm not sure I know what he was on about.

Maybe he said it just to make me feel better.

All I see is death, always there. Everywhere.

Like some bloke hanging around who wants something.

Never show weakness is how I grew up.

You showed weakness in one of those places, you were screwed.

That's how I lived my whole life.

But sometimes...

When I drop him off at school,

there's all those mums there with their kids...

The tears well up.

And there's nothing I can do,

just turn around, walk away and hope that nobody sees,

nobody... nobody comes over and tries to help.

That's not weakness, angel, that's love.

Yeah, but how can I do this to him?

I've given him a family and now I'm taking it away.

You are doing something very brave.

You should be dead proud of what you're doing for him.

I'm sorry, I mean...

It's funny how you can rot inside and not even know it.

I know.

Do you still miss him?

Yes. No.

I talk to him every day.

We had fifty wonderful years together.

Our only sadness was that we never had children.

I wish I wasn't so old I could do this for you.

I finally threw out his toothbrush last Christmas.

Come here.

We don't have to adopt.

I'm... I'm sure my husband and I are perfectly capable

of bringing a lovely baby into the world,

but it's just not our choice.

The idea of waddling around happily expectant

and then bringing a little tiny newborn home from the hospital

and closing the door and... living in a little cocoon,

all away from the world...

It's just not really me.

It's just not us, is it, Trevor?

We-we both feel that...

We like to confront life.

We like to face things head on.

And for us this would be... A new journey.

A whole new adventure.

And we have room in our hearts

and we certainly have plenty of room in our home, so why would we not?

And if someone needs parents, then we can be those parents.

That's good.

I'm, er... glad for you.

Er... do you like him, Michael?

His name's Jimmy.

Say thank you to Trevor.

Thank you.

He doesn't really look like his photo, does he?

I mean, or you. Does he look like the mother?

Aye, he has his mother's eyes.

I mean, how any mother can leave a child?

I mean, leaving the father I can completely understand,

but leaving a child?

A child needs a mother.

Wouldn't you like a mummy, Michael?

This will have to go.

Wejumped the gun a bit.

Lorraine...

We were hoping for a baby, but...

But please... please believe me, we will love him,

we will, er... we will bring him up with love.

Not just for him, but-but for us.

That will be good.

A life well spent, something to be proud of.

I mean, after all, what could be better than helping a child grow up...

Ready to face life...

Like your parents did for you?

And to leave this world knowing that you contributed to something real,

that your passage on this earth had a purpose...

And a meaning.

Sorry. You have to excuse me. Sometimes I go on.

And, er... this... this is my room.

Well, it's the train's room, really.

Lorraine doesn't understand why I spend so much time in here.

But there's always something to do, something to improve, something to fix.

You just have to take the time to look at it,

carefully, like a child would.

Do you think Michael would like it?

He likes lorries...

And trains.

- Maybe you could show it to him. - Yeah, yeah.

When he's older. It's... it's all a little delicate.

Hello, daddy.

Ok, huh?

Well, thank you so much for coming.

Michael, it was lovely to meet you. And you too, John. Real pleasure.

Yes. Thank you.

Trevor.

Michael, Jimmy lives here.

But maybe you could come and play with him another time?

Er... Michael, I want you to say goodbye to Jimmy.

And thank Trevor for letting you play with him, ok?

Thank you for letting me play with him. Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Good. Come on, let's go.

What's adopt, daddy?

Adopt is...

When a child cannot be looked after by his mummy and daddy...

And so he can go and live with two nice new parents...

Who can give him a new loving family home.

I don't want to adopt.

Don't fall, Michael.

Be careful.

John, these things are done in a certain way.

There are all sorts of procedures we're supposed to follow.

They're not written for a case like yours.

Where did you find those people? What fucking procedures did you use?

I'm sorry, John.

But it does happen.

A lot of matches just don't work out.

I think they were just hoping for someone younger.

I wouldn't have given them a dog to look after. Not even a fucking rabbit.

This is the biggest decision of my life.

Don't they understand? Don't you?

It's not about me wanting to be right. It's...

I do understand. That's why I'm here.

I'm breaking loads of rules I know about and I'm sure a few more that I don't.

If mrs parkes finds out,

I'll be asking you for a job before I finish my training.

It's not even about them, figuring them out.

It's Michael.

I always thought that I knew him.

I mean, I do. I do.

You know, he's... he's mine. He's my son.

But do I know him? Really know him, you know?

Enough? For this?

Oh, god. Fuck.

Where's a drink when you need it?

Why did you bring me to this place?

You know what? I don't know.

For some cake?

Ok, fine. We'll go to a pub next time.

Have two big vodkas. And then we'll sort it all out.

Well... if you're allowed.

Allowed?

It's definitely not gonna kill me.

Do you think you've cleaned that lorry enough, Michael?

It looks very clean to me.

No. It's dirty.

Ok, come on, lean your head back. I don't wanna get soap in your eyes.

That's it.

No more.

We can tell miss Rose they're all gone.

All dead.

No, don't use my spoon.

I told you it's rude.

More.

I'll get you more. Just please don't eat mine. Ok?

The tiger ones are dirty. You can't wear them.

We'll wash them tomorrow. Now it's late.

Michael, put these on, please.

Michael!

Michael, put the new pyjamas on now.

And don't come out of here until you're ready to say sorry.

What are you putting in that lorry there?

Rocks.

Yeah, so I've crossed out all the bad ones.

- Mm-hmm. - Put a star next to the good ones

and a question Mark next to the ones who, you know, do pay

but just need a bit of reminding from time to time.

Here.

So, if you have any more questions, you got my number.

- I should be on it for a little wee while. - Thanks. That's great.

Are you going abroad?

Oh, here are the keys.

If you look after her, she shouldn't let you down.

Brilliant. I will. I'll let you know how it goes.

Oh, sorry, I almost forgot.

This is for you. But don't cash it until next Monday, ok?

- Cheers. - Wish me luck!

Keep her lit.

Like the beetle... left its body,

but is now flying around the forest...

One day soon...

Your daddy will leave his body...

But will always be around you

in the air.

Like the balloon in the sky?

Yes.

You won't see me,

but you can talk to me... And I'll listen.

And you won't hear me like you hear me now... but...

You'll hear me inside you.

- Inside? - Mm-hmm.

Cos I will always be with you...

In the air around you...

And in the sunshine that warms you.

And the rain?

Aye... and the rain that gets you wet.

And the grapes?

Yes.

I'll be there too.

Not in the grape,

but in the taste of it.

Mmm?

Hi, John.

Hi, Michael. It's so lovely to see you again.